Transcript of Amin's Celebratory Weekend Observations | Hour 3

December 19 is when we're going to do it. We've got a number of things here to do over the last hour of this show. We've got a top five with Tony, we've got Amin's Weekend Observations. Coming up right after the postgame, we've got a new episode of Football America. It is live, Football America, with Dave Damishack.

That's weird, right?

I'm going to go back for a second here and give you the Beau Nix stat again so you understand how rare it is, because it might not sound uncommon to you to hear that Beau Nix, when trailing by 11 or more points in the fourth quarter, has a record of 3-3. All of the rest of football is 11-215-1 in that spot. No other team has done it more than once. Beau Nix has now done it three times. Also want to remind you of something important here: civic duty and whatnot.

And if you have any questions about your polling place, any information, what you need, what have you, vote.gov.

Another thing that is really uncommon, and get Tony situated and ready, we're going to go to his top five in a second. When I mentioned, Mike, that the University of Miami, and you said the odds have changed slightly here, so that Jeremiah Smith, who I believe lost his chance at the Heisman the moment that Seyan went down, you say that he is between Amenza and Malachi Tony.

Malachi.

Between them in terms of Heisman favorite. If you're not aware of how unusual that is, you want to guess the last time it's happened where a team has two candidates that are considered the favorite for the Heisman trophy?

Favorites. I know the last time that there were two finalists, they were in Alabama during the COVID season.

That's right.

But I don't think Mac Jones was runner-up there. I don't know.

It was 1945. It was Army.

There were odds back then?

It was Army. It was.

People used to gamble?

It was Doc Blanchard and Glenn Davis. There were no forward passes. It was like the Tampa-Atlantic game.

They were taking futures on the Heisman in the '40s?

They finished 1-2 that year.

They finished 1-2 that year, and look at that photo.

They could not have odds.

Oh, I bet they were good players.

They could not have odds.

I doubt it.

I'm going to go ahead and say there's no way there were odds on the Heisman in the '40s.

I was faster than number 41.

They ran numbers back then.

I mean, come on. You're messing with me.

You're messing with me with this guy.

I look better in a football uniform.

Why are you in a football uniform for two straight weeks? It seems like you might regret that, and it seems like it's uncomfortable.

This is the worst. This is the worst. Mike, I'm genuinely uncomfortable. This helmet's so much worse than the UCF helmet that I got to wear on Friday. While under the duress of sexual harassment, I agreed to a deal with Mike Ryan via handshake that if UCF lost to Baylor, I would wear this uniform for two straight weeks. There was no other side of the bet. What an idiot.

Oh, you fell to one of those. One of Mike Ryan's patented moves.

Yeah, just like.

You're going to do this if this happens. And I was like, okay, I'm just trying to finish my toast. If UCF wins, you get nothing.

Yeah. I would have had pride, but I don't have that either.

We'll get to Amin in a second. What an enormously flat-ass that is.

That's not true. I got several DMs, including from a listener of the show who said, "My wife told me to tell you you don't have a flat-ass."

We have a high standard for male ass or anything.

Yeah, well.

I've got a good ass. I would compliment him, but I don't want to fall into his HR trap.

Guys, sorry. My butt is not controllable these days.

Amin will be here in a second, but let's do Tony's top five, please, because he's got to update all of his football things. Go ahead, Tony.

Hey, Dan. Tony's top five, presented by Jeremy's Incredibly Flat Ass. We'll start off with the quick hitter. Somehow, Michael Penix was the worst quarterback in a game where the opponent didn't complete a pass. Michael Penix might have had the worst all-time performance for a quarterback. Here are the numbers: 19 PFF grade, lowest by a QB that played the full game all time. 18.9 passing grade, zero big-time throws, six turnover-worthy plays, negative 0.56 EPA per play, negative 17 total EPA, and negative 31.3 completion percentage over expectation.

That's a good opening here. Number four.

If I go on to the flag plant, Gardner Minshoo might be the best backup to come in midgame and lead the team to a win in NFL history, but not good enough to be able to start the following game. You follow me there? So he's good enough to come in, in relief, and win the game, but then the next game it's like, "Oh, no, we can't start Gardner."

Yeah, when the defensive coordinator has time to prepare for Minshoo, usually Minshoo magic evaporates on the spot.

Yeah, it's a slight of handshake that doesn't usually connect. Since 2000, the Cardinals were 1-147-1 when trailing by 14 in the fourth quarter, and the Cowboys were 69-0 at home when leading by 14 points in the fourth quarter.

Good numbers.

Just so you can see what happened yesterday was completely insane. All right, the empanada, the deep dive. I don't think you guys understand just how bad the Chargers' offense truly is. The Chargers have gone 27 straight drives without a touchdown, the longest streak in the NFL since 2024. By the way, that was the Dolphins, who had 30 straight, both coached by Mike McDaniel. Through seven games, they're 0-7, and their offense ranks in the bottom three of the NFL in all of the following: points, touchdowns, turnovers, efficiency, yards per play, red zone drives, fumbles, interceptions, sacks, pass-block win rate, pressure percentage, total QBR.

Woof.

Stopped by Cam Kintran's. I didn't have PTSD over that. I have a bold prediction. Mike McDaniel will be coaching in a Super Bowl this season. He's going to get fired by the Chargers, and he's going to end up as a special assistant with the Niners.

Let's play the sound of Jim Harbaugh answering these questions about Mike McDaniel, because that stat is crazy you just gave on no touchdowns. Both of the stats involve Mike McDaniel. It's with the Chargers, and it's with the Dolphins.

Is Mike going to continue to call plays, Jim?

Yes. I'm not going to address anything. I'm focused on this game, and that's my focus.

What from the past seven games tells you that this can be fixed? I mean, you keep him, the team's 0-7, the offense has played an outsized role in the struggles. Why are you keeping him? What is the rationale?

Yeah, part of the motivation is dedication to getting it changed, to getting it fixed.

So you don't want to answer the question?

I said I'm focused on this game. I will go watch this tape, and I believe in our guys. I believe in our players, our coaches, and yeah, it's us. We're the ones that the challenge is with, and we're the ones that we're the only ones that can fix it.

There was actually more here with Harbaugh. And listen for this. To me, it sounds like this journalist is Nathan Fielder asking Elizabeth Holmes questions.

Jim, do you understand why I'm asking you about Mike and his role in all of this, and why you feel that he should stay as offense coordinator? Does that make sense why I'm asking you this?

You've asked it, and I think I've answered the question, so.

If I've asked you about him and you haven't talked about him, you've just said vague.

Talk about us. It's a team. It's a team, the team, the team. It's us.

Some balls on that journalist. Number two, Tony.

La Croqueta, the hot take, now at the halfway point of the NFL season, and the fog is clearing. Dan, you know what I see? A pair of lion eyes looking back. Lions are not only one of the best teams in the NFC, but maybe the entire league. And what they were able to do versus the Packers defensively holding them to less than 20 points, and now what they did to the Vikings offensively. Look at all the different formations they had. They had a CFL play where there was a screen where Amon-Ra St. Brown was 15 yards back. He caught it, got a first down. And the most important thing, which I had said on Football America coming up next after the Dan Le Batard Show, was be careful for Jameer Gibbs.

What are you shaking your head about, Zaz? What's the problem?

He ain't up and down every game. Bill's a 6-1. What are you talking about?

Statistically, he's up and down. Did he have a great game yesterday? They poured it on a bad team.

It's 6-1.

Okay, Tony, thank you. Excellent. A lot of good numbers in there.

Dan Le Batard.

I like options. I don't like Cheeto trying to corner the market by saying we're everything.

Dave Demicheck.

Where were the puffy ones? I believe you're picking up what I'm laying down.

This is the Dan Le Batard Show.

Amin has been waiting patiently for his weekend observations, so let's segue. Let's move this one act out, and it's music, and bring in the new music for Amin Al-Hassan, who's looking clean, clean, and lean over there.

It is time for Amin to share his game notes. No one in the media will tell you what happened better than my boys Amin.

We tried to send Dan to Milwaukee for the parade to put him in a dunk tank, but the Discovery World Aquarium told us they weren't going to be open.

Because he's fat.

Yeah, right. RIP to Mike Norvelles for the state tender.

Whale, right? It's not a manatee. It's a whale. It's a whale.

The inevitable happened as the Seminoles finally cut ties with him after a miserable three-year stretch during which they went 10 and 22. Don't moan too hard, though. The reported buyout is $50 million. Dan, do you know what the P in RIP Mike Norvelles stands for?

Payout.

Paid, or paper, either/or. RIP to the forward pass. Tampa Bay became only the second team in the Super Bowl era to win a game without completing a single pass, beating Atlanta 16-0. Baker Mayfield went 0-3 and almost had as many downfield blocks as he did passing attempts. Only way you could be worse is by being the Falcons. Is Michael Penix good?

So weird.

Because a couple of weeks ago, he went into Green Bay and was amazing, and it was like, "Oh, wow. This guy's good." And then yesterday, he lost to a guy who went 0-3. RIP to being humble. The Pulitzer Prize ceremony was last Thursday, and now I have photographic evidence, folks. There we are on stage.

I've never seen you this happy. I've seen other photos of you. I've never seen you this publicly happy.

There was free wine. RIP Jean-Luc Picard. You beamed up to that great starship in the sky. I'm going to miss you. RIP defense in Iowa State versus Oklahoma State. Both teams combined for more than 1,100 yards. I've seen more resistance from Pat McAfee interviewing a guest he's already agreed with him. That wasn't fair to Pat.

That's crazy.

RIP the elementary education system. That is the most bizarre three and a half minutes of video I've ever seen. Do you guys know this about I was talking to Himbo, and he says, "Percent." I said, "What does that mean for an average person?" I'm like, "What average person? They don't know percentages? They don't get a credit card? They don't have a car loan? They haven't had to take a test? How does he avoid percentages his whole life?" I was watching NFL Live the day after, and they were talking about the hurry percentage or something, like someone's sack percentage.

I guess. I don't know. I don't play it. Whatever.

You don't know about that call of duty then. Since I don't know about that call of duty.

But I've heard of it.

Set in North Korea this time.

I'm sorry. Let me.

Zaz, you contributed no help there to what Amin was.

He's been terrible.

Should I fake it?

Should I have faked that I know call of duty? Oh, yeah. Amazing game. Love it. Play it all the time. There you go. Now I'm a big help.

Dan, I must apologize. I'm moving too fast.

I miss your success.

Yeah. I need to break it down for Dan Orlosky. That 58% completion means if he threw 100 passes, 58 of them would be completions. Hope I'm not going too fast. RIP Luca Doncic's ankles.

That was crazy.

We were murdered.

That was crazy.

In full view of 18,000 witnesses. Police are searching for this man, Wardell Stephen Curry II, in connection with the sling. There he is. Wow. It's like the Old West. Wood paneling.

Old West, like the Western Conference back when he was winning championships?

Ouch. Slow blow. The Warriors. Y'all know about that Yaksel? You don't know about that Yaksel.

Should have been the number one overall pick.

Playing like it. RIP to JSN Stranglehold on the title of name most likely to make a broadcaster skittish. You guys seen this third-string quarterback, man?

Oh, yeah. Yep. I was made skittish yesterday.

I didn't even know how to write it down. True story. In the notes, I said, "Picture of Joe." I was like, "I didn't write that." I would say RIP to Cowboys fans' dignity, but I don't think they've got any left. You feel like once you're in the middle of an overtime game against the Cardinals, you made your peace with God already. You know the deal. RIP to having any sort of creativity on Halloween. I dressed as Kenny Powers yesterday and had multiple people guess that I was, quote, "Rick James."

You don't look anything like Rick James.

Cocaine's a hell of a drug. I replied, "Yes, I was Rick James during his very famous stint of really being into minor league baseball."

Zaz said in my ear, "You look like Jay Uso." You do, kind of.

I just don't understand. I'm really stuck on this. Someone said, "Ah, you're making a big deal out of it." I'm like, "No. I don't understand. I'm wearing a baseball jersey. I have a goatee." I'm not saying you got to know who Kenny Powers is. But Rick James is the based on what?

Well, I'm going to.

Based on black.

Yeah. That's it. That one.

Yep.

That one.

That's it.

Yeah. I think that's it.

Yep. That's what happened.

I'm not saying it's racist, but I'm saying it's race playing a factor.

In the words of the late Orenthal James Simpson.

Please say.

"White people." It's an actual quote. RIP Deputy Director Avery Bullock of the CIA. You gone on to conduct that last covert operation in the sky. Oh, look. It's Hailey Stevens. Cinephobe episode 330, The Skulls. Starring Josh Jackson, Paul Walker, Leslie Bibb, Hill Harper, Craig T. Nelson, AKA Coach, and Shooter McGavin himself, Chris McDonald.

Well, why would you watch why would you rewatch Grease 2? Under what set of circumstances did your life get filled with such undulating sadness that you stopped it to watch Grease 2?

So Thursday after the Pulitzer ceremony, I came back to my hotel room, and to go to sleep, I put on Grease.

That's a great sentence.

Oh, yeah.

That's a great sentence.

And so then I woke up on Friday, and I said, "Oh, I got to watch Grease 2," and I didn't have time. Saturday, though, cleared out my schedule. I watched Grease 2. Shooter McGavin. I saw him. I was like, "Is that Shooter McGavin?" Had to look it up. Is there any in-game entertainment feature more annoying than the drumline? RIP my eardrums. I hate them so much, man. You know what? I feel like only parents can really relate to this.

Nice seeing you, Amin. Thank you for stopping by. Always appreciate the weekend observations. Amin, is Darius Acuff a superstar?

Yeah. If a superstar means you just shoot it every time you touch it.

I like it.

I mean, it's cool. It's not really working for them. It's working for him. But yeah, I mean, sure. He's averaging a lot of points because he shoots a lot. And again, I like Acuff in the draft. I'm kind of surprised he's turned into this shoot first, shoot second, shoot third kind of guy. I thought he was really good at game management in college. At Summer League, he played like this as well, but I just figured, yeah, you're playing with Summer League people. Once you get with regular NBA players, real NBA talent, you'll revert back to playing the game the right way.

Put it on the poll, please. Have you seen Grease 2 at Le Batard Show? Go ahead and put that up because I don't believe that most people have. Thank you, Amin. Appreciate all of the time and all of the information.

What information?

Dan Le Batard.

Let's throw it to my boy Jeremy Tasche, who's sidelined right now. Tasche, money. What you got for me?

Jeremy Tasche.

Thanks, Jax.

This is the Dan Le Batard Show. The USC Trojans beating Ohio State. Ohio State's season is done. It has gone into the toilet. It went into the toilet the moment that they lost their starting quarterback. And then the way that USC charged the field had an assortment of different people tear knee ligaments in a way that surprised me.

It's horrifying.

This is not that large of a wall, the USC wall. I don't know the last time USC charged the field, but you've got Halloween and Halloween costumes contributing to a whole bunch of people.

People are jumping like this is a 20-foot fence. This is just a standard fence, right?

There are a lot of people getting hurt.

Oh, that guy's messed up.

There are a lot of people getting injured as they're jumping these six feet to run on the field. This is a very poor California.

One guy just laid down.

Yeah. He hurt his knee.

Mid-bat shape.

He clearly hurt his knee.

Worst friend.

There's got to be a USC fan being like, "Guys, head back." It was Luke Fehe. Like, "We don't need to do this." I hated how Lincoln Riley pretended like that was actually the number two team in America. Also, I'm not with you on Ohio State. I do think they have another loss in the year.

Oh, like a jumping out of a plane.

Ohio State doesn't play a ranked opponent the rest of the season. I think they'll have a tough game. I like the way that Northwestern plays, but they have Oregon this week. They have Northwestern after that. I guess that's cheating.

Looks like I died.

Do you think that Matt Rule can finally win a ranked game? Matt Rule, he just lost to Washington.

Mike, I think all teams you mentioned, Northwestern and.

Oregon?

Oregon and Nebraska, are all better than USC, the one they just lost to.

But even if they lose one more, with the promise of saying potentially coming back for the CFP, that makes them a three-loss Big Ten team. That could mean that Ryan Dane needs to have a Michigan game.

I think Ohio State's season is done, and I think Jeremiah Smith is going to get cost the Heisman Trophy by the fact that his starting quarterback is gone. His greatest hope would be that Miami divides the vote. But this is what I wanted to talk to you guys about from the weekend. I believe that last week, one of you mocked me for saying that I would be wildly unsurprised if Minnesota beat Indiana.

Put the town on alert.

Minnesota was a three-touchdown underdog in that game, and I thought had won the game with whatever it was, 13 seconds left. This right here was the closest that I have seen to the way that that Kansas City-Buffalo game ended in the playoffs years ago when all that was left on the clock was 13 seconds for Kansas City against Josh Allen. It looked like the Bills were going to get past Kansas City. And then in two plays, Kansas City gets down the field. Indiana has perfected that back shoulder throw.

He's not the regular kicker either, right? He's a specialist.

I would assume not if he made three attempts.

Three attempts, and the longest one that he had made was 21 yards. And then he makes a 60-yarder to tie the game. And then Indiana, which only has offense in overtime, they can't produce offense at any other time during their last month of football. They can only do it in overtime. Then Indiana wins in overtime.

I was stunned that Minnesota went for the field goal in the first place. You never see 60-yarders in college. If he misses, there was 19 seconds remaining, okay? Once he made it, I think it was 24 at the snap. If he misses that kick, you're giving Indiana the ball at midfield. You got time for two maybe three forces.

But you don't fear their kicker. You give the ball to them in midfield because you have no fear whatsoever of their kicking game.

Well, yeah, their kicking game has been atrocious these last few weeks. They shouldn't be in these situations, but they're missing key kicks. I couldn't believe the finish. And even for someone like myself, who hates what's happened to the NFL and you have these 60-some-odd yard kicks that decide games, I enjoyed the end of that Minnesota-Indiana game because you never see that in college.

Two 60-yarders?

College kicker. I have to imagine, Dan, it has to be the first time ever in college, right, that you had two 60-yard field goals made in the final 30 seconds of a game?

I feel so confident that that's right.

It has to be.

I'm not looking it up. I refuse to. To look it up gives that power. It has to have never happened before.

So Zazlo hates football. I'm trying to write down the things that Zazlo hates. Long kicks, punchouts. What else, Zaz? What do you hate about football?

I hate the pass interference being a spot foul. College has it right, where it's a 15-yard penalty.

Okay. What else?

I hate how loud that doink was in the Dolphins game yesterday.

Dolphins, okay.

I thought a building was collapsing.

I'm writing that down.

I don't like that.

Did you have other doinks? Because I thought that we had an escalating doink situation because there were plenty of other doinks from yesterday. Just we came out of the box with what is clearly the worst of them.

It's not from yesterday. This is one in the past that rivals that last doink.

So Matt Gay, who's already banged in 1 for 51, and this was another doink. No good. Does not rival the one that we played. That's the worst and most grating doink that I've ever heard, the one that we played from yesterday.

Oh, I thought you were saying the one we played second was just the worst doink you've ever heard.

That was too loud.

Yeah, it is too loud, but it doesn't have the electrocution under the first doink.

Following the first doink.

The other one, we came out of the box so strong, any subsequent doink, or as Zaz likes to call it, its successor.

Zaz has a theory that it's just gotten worse this year because the previous one from last year, I mean, you can barely hear it, but now this one sounds like an electrocution.

Predecessor? I embarrass myself with Ernie.

Have you shaken that off yet that you were talking to the legend Ernie Johnson, and you meant to go successor, but you asked about his predecessor?

And if I could be honest, I had great questions to Ernie, but it kind of gets canceled out.

What was the question?

That one?

Yeah.

Man, I don't remember. I'm too focused on the word I got wrong.

Great question.

Predecessor.

You once said about seven games ago that Jim Harbaugh was the greatest coach of all time.

You could be wrong. You could be wrong sometimes. Predecessor. Nobody gets everything right. Predecessor.

But it was seven games ago that you were willing to make Jim Harbaugh.

I know.

The greatest coach that has ever existed ahead of all other coaches. Do you guys realize how close Bill Belichick was? Because his team's improved. It's clearly gotten better from last year. He's clearly gotten his own players in there. And for all of the calamities that have befallen that program, what you just saw on Saturday was North Carolina being this close to all the things it thought it was getting when it hired Bill Belichick that wasn't a 20-year-old girlfriend, that wasn't your son is an embarrassment who's being run off.

Ex-girlfriend, reportedly.

Really?

Yeah.

You didn't see that?

No.

That happened over the weekend?

You didn't see it?

Yeah. Which is starting to make sense why they're turning the corner a little bit. They've been really competitive this year. You parse their results. They've been in a lot of games. They probably should have only had one loss.

They're clearly better, Mike. They're clearly a good deal better. And what I just saw yesterday or Saturday was a really well-coached football team. That is exactly the game that you have to play if you're wildly overmatched and you need to protect the football and just keep getting in second and two because you know how to get eight yards because Bobby Petrino is your offensive coordinator and you're the defensive coach. That was an obvious improvement where North Carolina was very close to having a signature football moment that it has never had, that the program has never had.

Such a good play.

Nobody has talked about that at all today. That play, if that first down doesn't get made, we are talking about a completely different game.

Yep. You're right in terms of if you did not see what the Miami tight end did in terms of both hurtling a defender and then breaking the couple of tackles that he had to break to get them a first down. That's the reason Bill Belichick and North Carolina do not get to celebrate today as if they've done something that the program has never done before, which is beat a number one team.

And that Elijah Lofton that's starting to get healthy finally. The last few seasons, he's been dealing with injuries that have made his fitness levels not exactly what they were. I'm telling you, two spring footballs ago, that was our best player in spring practice. He was our best running back in spring. That kind of athleticism is what he's typically capable of if he's healthy. And he made an amazing individual effort.

I don't want to get lost in the football information that there have been three other victims that have come forward on the Josh Jacobs beats up women stuff. The Packers have a problem there at their running back position because we are not getting full information on what happened with Josh Jacobs. Some of that information has been privatized, has been hidden. I don't know whether it's the NFL or him or the Packers or all of them combined who don't want you to get the details and the photographs that involve Josh Jacobs.

I mean, Gator's got their kicked in by Georgia. Georgia, despite having a loss, they bounced back, obviously, in a very big way. I still feel like Georgia is as good as anybody in the country.

Utah looks really good, but I'm super confused by the Big 12. BYU was in another tight game. Makes me look at that Notre Dame result a little bit differently. But Utah seems to be the cream of the crop in that conference. And Texas is the top 10.

Just say Texas managers are still hanging around. Just hanging around Texas. And they have opportunities, I believe, to they're at Missouri this weekend, and they're also at LSU the week after. They're two wins away from being firmly in playoff contention.

Also, Venables might be fired at the end of the season.

Again, South Carolina appears to be good. And what happens?

This conference is so that OU team beat Texas. And no one thought OU was good when they beat Texas.

Yeah, but you can't do that with the OU-Texas games just because they're always close no matter what anybody's record is in those games.

John, John.

I do think, though, the thing that Zaz just brought up about Georgia is something worth noting because Miami needs to be happy that it simply beat North Carolina because Georgia was at home and lost to Auburn. And Auburn's not particularly good and didn't just it got kind of dragged by Auburn. It wasn't just that Georgia lost to Auburn. It's that their quarterback had a bunch of uncharacteristic turnovers against Auburn, and Auburn ended up wiping the floor with Georgia at Georgia.

Yeah, but if you watched that game between Georgia and Florida, I came away not super impressed with Georgia either. Gunnar Stockton looked really bad, barely over 100 yards. That was a straight-up goofy interception, one of the worst you'll ever see in that game. I don't think Filos is going to be starting much longer.

Have you seen what next weekend looks like in college football? You can make the case like the best weekend ever. Number 1 at number 4, Miami-Notre Dame. Number 7 at number 3, BYU-Utah. Number 10, Texas at number 19, Missouri. Number 9, Alabama at number 15, LSU. Number 8, Kentucky at number 16, Tennessee. Number 2, Georgia at number 12, Ole Miss. It's like an all-time great slate.

I refuse to believe that BYU is a top 5 team because it has never been in my lifetime. Not since Lavelle Edwards? No, no. BYU, get out of here. You're always going to lose that UCF game. BYU, all of you, get on up and get out of here. Take Lavelle Edwards with you.