This episode of The Dan Le Batard Show features Jonathan Zaslow and Dave Dammichek trading jokes about ranking holidays, then turns to a Miami sports rundown covering UNC's long history over Miami football, the Dolphins' rebuild debate, and a winless Cyclones team. They also discuss news of actor Patrick Stewart's death, a reported change to a cheap fried chicken deal at Joe's Stone Crab, and whether a Metallica show at the Sphere is worth the trip for someone who gets vertigo.
Listeners get a loose mix of local Miami sports talk, pop culture, and banter, with the hosts disagreeing on several points along the way.
In this episode Dave Dammichek, Jonathan Zaslow
This episode's transcript, covering Patrick Stewart's death and Joe's Stone Crab's fried chicken, was made with the technology HappyScribe uses for automatic meeting notes.
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Synced: the text now follows the audio.
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Alright, we did it, everyone. We made it to Friday. How about that? How's everyone doing today? Give it up for Friday, everybody. Come on now.
He says, "I've never worked with this guy." Yeah. Yeah. This is the first time working with him.
Oh, alright. So I don't know if this crew's ever worked together then. We got Roy here, and Tony, and Mike, and Chris, and you got like a spaceman in a football.
Go Nuts, baby.
Uniform. Alright. Weird thing to say.
Go Nuts. Go what?
Citronauts.
Go what?
The Citronauts.
Do what now?
The UCF Citronauts. It's space you day, baby.
The Citronauts.
Yeah, the Citronauts. That's the original logo at UCF. Where does that come? Oh, okay. I see. Where does it come from? That was their original logo. Yes, a citrus astronaut before the sports program even existed.
Oh, that doesn't make any sense.
Because it's space you.
Vibes are high. Coming off an upset of the number 2 team in the nation.
That's right.
We're looking at a pick-em game against DJ Lagway.
That's right.
Dave Dammichek here with us as well. Hello, Dave Dammichek.
Oh, gang. I'm so excited. Another football weekend is upon us, and when we emerge into the next week, it is officially the holiday season. Halloween will come and go, and then it'll be November, and then the leaves will start falling, and then we're into we're getting very close to Shekker season, which is the Wednesday night before. It's Thanksgiving Eve, because that indicates for the next 6 weeks, a lot of boozing, a lot of taking work off early, maybe not showing up at all.
Same goes for school. A lot of gifts being given, a lot of booze being ingested, very little work being done, and lots and lots of football. Oh, Shekker season. I'm so excited for your arrival.
Not to be a scrooge on all Hallow's Eve, but is Halloween not the worst of the tier 1 holidays?
Well, what are the tier 1 holidays?
Christmas, Thanksgiving, 4th of July, New Year's Eve, Halloween.
4th of July is a tier 1 holiday.
Absolutely.
For me, that's my favorite holiday.
Are you an American or not?
I'm just asking.
Are you an American or not?
Of the big 5.
I didn't even give it a penny.
I'm an Indian. Yeah. You hate us?
Of the big 5, it's the worst holiday of the big 5.
200 years old.
I mean, it just feels like 4th of July is like, you know, if we're talking the big 4 WWF pay-per-views, it's kind of along the lines of Survivor Series. That's all I'm saying. You know, it's like, alright, fine. You're still.
That's disrespectful.
You're still one of the big ones.
I love 4th of July.
Yeah. Do you like the Great American Bash?
I do.
You know about Sting beating Ric Flair for the NWA World Cup?
I do. I do. Alright. So.
I think that's performative crap from Mike Ryan. I know that that's what his political party is into, is performative patriotism.
I like this guy, dude.
That's what he's doing.
I love the 4th of July. You don't know me, Dave.
Why?
Because it's summer, and you go out on the boat, and you're drinking Miller Lite, and you're slamming dogs.
Playlist.
And you're wearing Pat McAfee formal wear, which is just a tank top. Or no shirt at all. Who pushes back on what I say, though? I mean, Zaz is on 4th of July, but.
Oh, I guess you're saying that Halloween you think is the weakest of the.
Of the big dogs.
Are you drinking Miller Lite?
I got into this argument the other day, and someone's like, "Columbus." I'm like, dude, I'm talking about the big dogs.
I don't know.
Thinks Columbus. No, they were saying that that's worse, and I'm saying, but that's not in this conversation.
That's what I'm saying. Who thinks Columbus Day is a top tier holiday?
They got lost.
In this house, Christopher Columbus is a hero.
Yes.
Now we're doing Indigenous Peoples Day. Alright, different story.
Here we go.
Maybe not today.
We're going to bring on the chat Hoochie. It gets hotter than Hoochie Coochie.
We got a lot of football to talk about, but I'm down for tiering holidays at some point.
Valentine's Day is clearly I don't know if it counts as a major. Maybe it's sort of like the Gator Bowl if we were to compare it to Bowl season.
It's a tax layer.
I don't think it's properly a sugar. But right, but either way, it's not the Rose Bowl. It's not in that level of.
Second tier.
Orange Bowl. But Valentine's Day is definitely a prominent bowl game slash holiday, and it's the worst.
That's the worst of the second tier, Dave.
Well, isn't Valentine's Day symbol something?
Well, I mean, it's the man decide. Yeah, we need to do that. You're right, Mike Ryan.
There's two things that we need to do. We need to acknowledge that we need to merge Valentine's Day and the Super Bowl, and it'll be very romantic for many. And Troy Aikman and Jay-Z need to take a picture together.
Super Bowl Sunday actually could make an argument for a tier 1 holiday.
Troy Aikman's final act is going to be calling a Super Bowl that Jay-Z is doing the halftime show at.
Do you think that's why Jay-Z chose himself?
They need to go face to face.
Alright, so let's start this here. It feels like we have the first tier. The first tier. Go ahead, Chris. Give me them. Thanksgiving, Christmas, Halloween, New Year's Eve, 4th of July.
I notice he didn't mention Hanukkah. It's okay. We'll let it slide.
And Hanukkah.
So those are the tier.
No, no, no, no, no, no. Hold on. No, no, no. Those are not the yes. You can't leave it at that. I know New Year's Day, coincidentally, used to have the five major bowl games all at once, but you also have to do because that's weighted all to the end of the calendar year outside of July 4th. Those aren't all the majors. You got to mention Memorial Day, right? And Labor Day.
What about the Friday, the first Friday of March Madness?
Oof. I mean, what about that Thursday, though?
Okay, well, that alright, so hold on. So that's.
Let's just merge them.
Alright, that's what we're doing here. So Chris named the top tier. Are we willing to add any other days to the top tier?
No. Chris has the top tier locked in. All of those other ones are fighting in second tier.
Okay, so now we're on the second tier then. What is on the second tier of holidays? We could start there. Super Bowl Sunday, right? Does that make the second tier of holidays?
I'd say Valentine's Day.
Jeremy, you did your job?
St. Paddy's.
Are we making the list?
Sure. I'll make the list.
So, alright, second tier. Valentine's Day makes second tier?
Memorial Day.
Oh, yes.
You're just skipping right over President's Day.
Not skipping anything.
Every day is President's Day.
Alright. I didn't hear it shouted out. Now, Valentine's Day stinks. It's the man prescribing romance and for just one of the two genders. And it also says, "Hey, go buy these cards." That's where it starts, you understand? It's like Hallmark comes up with this, and now you have to go and buy a card because the man tells you to, and some chocolates. But where's my chocolates? I have to give her chocolates and give her flowers. Where are my flowers? It's a terrible holiday. But anyway, yes, then comes St. Patrick's Day and proceed.
Thought the king's birthday and Juneteenth.
You know what I've noticed? People that love.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Lay out. And you also forgot Tight Ends Day. We just celebrated that this past Sunday, by the way.
I know.
Lowellie Cox. People who like Halloween are super sensitive about people that don't like. Like, I just got a look from someone out there that just because I brought up the idea of Halloween not being the best day of the year. The best thing about Halloween is what Dave said to start the show. It means the holidays are here. We've reached the best time of year. It's really the only good part of Halloween that just we're at this part of the year.
It means the games are important.
Yes.
That's what that means. And we got a big one in Chapel Hill tomorrow night.
International Women's Day?
What about 4/20 Day?
Whoa.
Now you're talking.
International Women's Day only exists for me to see the LeBron James video.
So, April Fools.
April Fools.
Made a fourth tier.
Oh, April Fools bottom tier. Bottom tier holiday.
Cinco de Mayo?
Every day is April Fools on social media.
Okay, now you're talking.
Cinco de Mayo, three tier, I think.
Third or second. Yeah, probably second. Probably upper third, I'd say, actually.
The worst flag day.
That's lower fourth.
Yep. Yep. You're like walking right up against that line, Dave Dammichek. I don't like it one bit.
Arbor Day. I'm finding it very difficult to categorize all of these holidays.
I've got nothing.
Yeah, we may have to table this. So there's a lot happening here. You got Miami UNC. Dolphins. I mean, can they win back-to-back games?
No.
You got the Heat tonight. You got the Panthers tonight. It's a very big, very big sports weekend.
Citronauts.
You got the Astro Citronauts.
Big, big, big, big day.
Florida, Georgia, world's largest outdoor cocktail party. Oh no, I said it. Oh no, and I love to say it.
Well, it's indoor, and I believe it's the Invesco QQQQ kickoff classic or something.
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A season of chasing. One Sunday to become a champion. This Sunday, the NASCAR Cup Series Championship returns to homestead Miami Speedway, where Kyle Larson, Christopher Bell, and their fellow contenders look to finish the season on top. The pressure, the rivalries, the trophy they all want. It all comes down to South Florida for a finale you won't want to miss. After a season of battles, the sport's best have one final chance to leave their mark. Who will rise to the moment, and who will leave Miami with a trophy?
Want to add to the action? Check out DraftKings for race winner bets, head-to-head matchups, and more. Get your crew together and settle in for the season finale. Watch the NASCAR Cup Series Championship at homestead Miami this Sunday at 3:00 p.m. Eastern on NBC. One race to go, everything to race for.
Dan Le Batard.
Analytics have slash are ruining the game. We're playing AI hoops.
That's his team. His team's in the forefront of all that.
Man, Zaz, don't steal my time.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Sorry.
Jonathan Zaslow.
I get carried away.
This is the Dan Le Batard Show.
So we are going to start, though, with just shocking news locally, which I mean, literally broke, or at least I saw it break right before the show started. Just shocking news. So Dave Dammichek, if you were to ask me, what is my favorite Miami restaurant? Go, ask me.
What is your favorite Miami restaurant, Zaz?
Without question, Joe's Stone Crab. Alright, that is my favorite. I was there recently, like a month ago. Joe's Stone Crab, that is my favorite restaurant. It's been my favorite for a while. I feel like a big moher every time I go there. I grease up the Maitre d'. They sit me immediately. Hello, Mr. Zaslow. Good to see you again. I skip past everybody in line. They got the best food there. I love Stone Crabs. And Stone Crabs are very expensive, alright, but it's worth it, especially because now it's Stone Crab season.
I think opening night was last week, actually, at Joe's Stone Crab. So it is my favorite. And Joe's Stone Crab, though, some people may think, "Whoa, you know, that's too expensive for me. I can't afford Joe's Stone Crab." Well, one of the beauties of Joe's Stone Crab is they have always had an affordable dish at their dining room, alright? And that dish is the little known. It's on the menu, but it's a hidden gem. And that is Dave, by the way, have you ever been to Joe's Stone Crab?
Never.
Okay.
And I would have thought, as an outsider, that that was a tourist trap. So I'm happy to hear that it's actually a great place.
No, it's the best. And the hidden gem there, especially if you want affordable, is the fried chicken. That's right. Joe's Stone Crab.
So good.
Has a fried chicken dish. Not only is it incredible, and it's a really healthy portion. It's a big portion. For years now, it has been $8.95. Incredible. It's the best deal. It's the best value. It's maybe the best value in all Miami at a restaurant. You know what?
Whoa, take it. Whoa, slow down. Lunch special, flan again. You got a burger. You got a soda or a beer for $5.99. Now $6.99, but that's never here in the list.
Alright, so up for debate at the very least. And shocking news I saw this morning. The $8.95 fried chicken at Joe's Stone Crab is no more. It's no more. It's stunning how affordable and great and large the portion is at $8.95.
Look how crispy and flaky.
It's so good. And based on rising costs in the restaurant industry, they're not getting rid of the fried chicken, Roy. Don't worry, alright? Tony, don't get worried. They're not getting rid of the fried chicken.
I was a little worried. When you brought this up, I was worried.
I realized how that sounded when I went to Roy first there. That's why I made sure to include Tony. That was not good.
Thought the king's birthday and Juneteenth. And Quantum.
I'm looking right at Roy, so he was the first person I said. That's why I included Tony.
That's a play on for me. Go ahead.
Brother.
Is it?
Yeah, I'm trying to help my guy out.
Okay.
Let the man drown? Come on.
Don't could have said anyone else's name.
That's true. And that's why I immediately followed up with Tony.
Chris is right there.
Chris, you too. Don't worry, Chris. They're not giving up the fried chicken.
Oh my God.
That's insane. That is an error. That's bad.
Let's not harp on it.
I don't think anyone noticed.
Whoa. Alright, I'll change the subject. Dave, ask me what my favorite dish is.
No, no, no. I don't want to spend some more time on that.
I got to finish the story.
What led to Jonathan Zaslow? What choices did he make previously that got him to this place right here, right now? Roy, your thoughts.
My favorite dish is revenge, and it's best served cold. The Miami Hurricanes have lost five straight in Champions League.
I have to end the story that raised the price to $14.95. You may continue.
No, no, no. Thanks, Zaz. Thank you.
You didn't end the story. You might have ended your career. So let's go back roughly like 23 years ago, and the North Carolina Tar Heels pretty much ended Miami's run. The Connor Barth field goal through the uprights, Halloween weekend, spooky Saturday night. Miami was never the same. And since then, North Carolina, time and time again, has ended Miami's hopes of being back or getting to a major bowl game or having a really positive season.
Names like Hakeem Nix, names like Eric Ebron, names like Givante Williams, names like Michael Carter.
Brandon Tate.
Brandon Tate. Incredible names. Lore, this is the team that started the upside down you.
Ryan Switzer.
North Carolina has dominated this matchup since Miami has joined the ACC. And now Miami rolls in with the number one team in the country, ABC, primetime game, all the makings, Halloween night, against the greatest coach of all time. I'm spooked. A little spooked. And it can be understood because of what that team has represented in the 21st century.
I remember. I don't remember when it started, okay? But to me, the big Miami UNC moment, I think Butch was still the coach at UNC. And UNC came here and beat the Canes, and that was like the beginning of the upside down you.
Don't you dare do that.
I'm just giving an example.
Everyone knows what it is. You don't need to.
That's more offensive to Mike than what you said before.
Yes, it is.
But that, to me, was the start of, "Oh, UNC, we hate their guts." That was the beginning for me.
I hate these guys. I've been to Chapel Hill before. Mean fans.
Oh, it's a great-looking campus.
Oh, it's great. Absolutely great.
Why are you saying it like that?
What?
Who are you doing?
Great.
That's me?
That's great.
You need to work on that.
That's great. What do you think about that impression, Roy?
Great.
That's insane, dog. I can't believe you did that.
I apologize. I apologize.
I wouldn't have tried.
Roy, I apologize.
Don't worry, alright?
I apologized in your ear, didn't I, Roy?
Yes, you did. And I laughed.
I felt bad.
You were heard a sincere voice too.
That's right.
They're not getting rid of the fried chicken, Roy. Don't worry, alright?
Why do we have to keep playing it?
Don't worry, alright?
Oh my God.
Oh my God. Alright, you could get away with it.
I was looking right at his. I'm talking to him.
Yeah. No, this is bad.
They're not getting rid of the fried chicken, Roy.
Oh my God. Why do we have to keep playing it?
You're suspended. You're suspended. We need you today.
Starting Monday.
But Monday, take the rest of the day off.
They're not getting rid of the fried chicken, Roy. Don't worry, alright? Roy, say something mean to me.
No.
Roy.
Let's try to move on.
Roy heard my sincere voice. He did.
Alright. He heard it. You were like Professor X.
I hear that, my grind. What does it sound like, my grind? The Zaslow sincere voice.
Roy. Roy. I'm very deeply sorry. I've offended you. That was not awesome. Bad news for my career. Bad news. Oh, man. Patrick Stewart died.
I think everybody knows about me.
Patrick Stewart died. What's your favorite Patrick Stewart role that isn't Star Trek or X-Men? Go.
I don't have a favorite Patrick Stewart role that's not Star Trek. I mean, I didn't like Star Trek. I wasn't a Star Trek kid.
Oh, man. He was awesome.
Okay. I didn't say anything about him. I'm not a Star Trek guy. Although I do like the J.J. Abrams Star Trek movies. But I wasn't a Star Trek guy. Professor X. And what else would you tie Patrick Stewart to, if not those two roles?
Masterminds. It was kind of like Home Alone, but for teenagers.
I don't even know what that is.
Yeah. Masterminds was great.
I also think of him completely and rightfully so humiliating James Corden.
That's right.
I remember him for that. Yeah. Because, I mean, who likes James Corden?
This is a shock, though. No one saw this coming. He's featured. He plays Professor X once more in Avengers: Doomsday.
Well, that's the part that's shocking. He was 86 years old, I think, and apparently he was suffering from dementia and Lewy body. I forget what that is, though.
Very short. I don't know what that is. Very short battles with this and obviously super private.
It's not a restaurant in Fort Lauderdale, Jeremy. That's Lewy Bossy.
Oh.
He was in Robin Hood. He was the king.
Good restaurant, though.
King Richard.
Yeah, King Richard.
But if he was suffering from this, I mean, they filmed Avengers: Doomsday. It's not even out yet. So is he doing Avengers: Doomsday with dementia?
I guess. Maybe not. Man, you want to talk about getting instant heat for Doctor Doom? It's going to be shocking. It's going to be shocking. You remember what Scarlet Witch did to him?
Yep.
That was shocking too.
Snapped his neck.
No, she didn't snap his neck. That's a misnomer. She grabbed him by the jaw. She tore his face in half.
Oh, wow.
Yeah. Rewatch it.
Didn't know that.
Yes. And that concludes our Patrick Stewart tribute.
Alright. Maybe we'll get back to it.
About Patrick Stewart, on one hand, it's like, "Wow, he was 86. I didn't realize he was that old." But on the other hand, it's hard to imagine Patrick Stewart as anything other than a middle-aged man. He obviously, at some point, I assume, when he was a teenager there, had to have hair. I just can't imagine what that must have looked like. Patrick Stewart, a young man, or born at age 38. You decide.
I mean, maybe similar to me. I mean, I had a great head of hair. Are you kidding me?
2 or 3, January 6th.
I had a great how dare you. I had a great head of hair.
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Dan Le Batard.
I don't know if it's strange for me, but like.
Mike Ryan.
Oh, boy.
This is the Dan Le Batard Show.
We're going to get back to Patrick Stewart. Let's talk about something that everybody is very excited about tonight. It's always exciting when your favorite team wins their first game. The Heat did it a few nights ago. Alright, the Heat are back in action tonight. When are the Cyclones going to win their first game?
Alright, so this is really embarrassing for us. We are winless on the year. And we are past the midway point of the season. Now, everyone knows, I don't have to explain it to you.
Everyone knows Pelota here.
That the worst thing you can do in highlight is be runner-up. And.
I thought you were going to say go winless. I'm like, it's pretty.
No. No one's ever done that. No one's ever done that. But we're turning the season around tonight. But we lost the championship, as you all know, via double fault. And we had our Waterloo game about three weeks ago against the same team. Same exact scenario. Match point, we come back from 5-3 down. We force a match point in the third set. Iñaki's up there. Faults on the first serve. And a chill goes down everybody's spine because this is the exact way we lost the title.
You could hear the whispers throughout the whole fronton.
Yeah. One of the players says something out loud. One of the players that's not playing in the game. He's just in the grandstands. Ben, that son of a gun. He goes. What did he say exactly? He's like, "Don't, don't, double fault."
Oh, why would he say that?
Like it was quiet at there.
Yeah. He's like, "Don't double fault." And Iñaki double faults. We lose that game, our Waterloo game, the same exact way to the same exact team with the same exact double fault. And our season hasn't recovered. We've gone winless since. We had two draws on the season. So Cyclone Nation, I'm calling a players-only meeting.
That's how that works.
Can someone who's not a player call a players-only meeting?
I'm calling it. I'm like, "You guys figure it out."
Yeah. We gather everyone and then walk out of the room.
That's leadership.
You guys figure it out. We cannot be a punchline. And you know what? We had, as you know, when you lose a championship, you don't get four keepers. You only get three. And we made the right call. Undis out of his mind right now. Undis playing the best highlight that I've ever seen on the fronton. He's unconscious out there.
He's possessed out there.
We had a let go of Hiro. It was a tough call. But we made the right call. We need our best players.
You got rid of a player?
We had to.
You don't have to.
No, you have to. You have to.
You don't have to.
You only get three keepers when you're not the champion. If we had four keepers, we would have kept Hiro, and we'd probably be in the playoffs right now, not being an embarrassment. We need to turn the season around, and it starts tonight. Who are we playing?
I don't know.
Me neither.
Locked in the two?
Players-only meeting, though.
Dialed in.
Figure it out.
Alright.
Zaz, okay, so the highlight team hasn't won, but the Dolphins has, which goes against exactly what the plan was, which was for them to lose all the games. And everybody's talking nationally in football circles about how Jeffrey Simmons swings the NFC, and specifically the NFC North and the Chicago Bears. And nobody's really paying attention to the other side of things, which is the Tennessee Titans are now officially the worst team in football and have now jumped your Miami Dolphins as the front runner to get the top pick in the draft, right?
You keep saying how the Dolphins' MO this year has been to tank. And I'm going to tell you again, I don't agree. I don't agree that that's their MO. The Dolphins aren't tanking. They're rebuilding. Those are two different things. They're not trying to lose on purpose. But if you're going to rebuild, you're going to lose a lot of games because you're not going to have a ton of good players because you're essentially starting from scratch. I'm going to give okay, so let me play this for you. Caleb Douglas this past weekend had two touchdowns. He made his return for the Dolphins.
He had two touchdowns. The Dolphins won their first game of the season. Are you guys talking about me over there on the other side?
Yeah, we're so unshaken. We're not talking about you. We're like, "Roy, you're so kind."
It's crazy.
It's insane.
I don't like what happened.
You're like, "At least we were good teammates."
I don't like what happened either. Okay? I realized how I sounded when I went to Roy first there. That's why I made sure to include Tony. That was not good.
Brother, I can't even look at you.
You did this, man.
I can't.
We're going to have to apologize.
Damn.
I already did apologize.
We're going to have to apologize for you. This is something that's going to follow your career.
Very sorry.
Very sorry. Dave mentioned some Miami Dolphins, and they did win, but it still begs the question. The number one team is going to Chapel Hill. Is this still the biggest gulf between pro team and college team?
I don't know why this is a thing for you. It's a great observation I made once about five weeks ago, and now you use it as a cudgel against me. It was a keen note from your pal Dave, and somehow that's an evil in me.
As a what? You use it as a what?
A cudgel.
A cudgel?
You know our HR guy is black, right?
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Damn.
Yeah. I'm looking forward to that talk. Yeah.
Yeah. You would have had an advantage if you were white, but now you're playing a road game.
Yeah.
Yeah. Caught a static gesture. Road game, prime time, under the lights, spooky, conference.
Boy, say something mean to me. Do you know what a cudgel is? Put it on the pole, Jeremy. Do you know what a cudgel is?
Got it.
So I want to get back to the Dolphins here real quick.
You don't have to do anything he says anymore. He's out of here. I think the gulf has shrunk.
Yeah.
Did you also say the Dolphins is, or the Dolphins has? The Dolphins has? Because we're confused before the show. Is it the Heat are or the Heat is?
The Heat is on.
The Heat is playing tonight, or the Heat are playing tonight?
I'll never know.
Aw.
What is it?
I've always been told that the way it sounds worse is the right way.
Yeah.
And I just don't live by that. I'm going to say it, what sounds better, and you can bleep off.
That's right.
Thank you.
The Heat are a collective group of people.
No, the Heat is a collective group of people.
Alright, let's do that also then, Jeremy. Is it the Heat is or the Heat are?
Okay.
Oh, come on.
Is that the pole?
Obviously are.
Heat are on.
There's a couple of them out there.
Yeah. Chris is right. The Heat are on? Nobody said the Heat are on. Nobody says that.
Heat is on, baby. That's the actual Heat. That's an is.
You don't know that for sure.
In the draft.
Actually, whatever you say is right.
Thank you. Thank you. Yeah.
Yeah, go.
Yeah. You back up.
Whatever you say.
But when you're at the Zaslow Mansion in your uncomfortable couch, and you look at your beautiful family, and you do the hand crank to get your seat back, you're like, "The Heat is on TV," or, "The Heat are on TV."
So Dave, that's another thing, right? I'm finally getting that new couch this weekend, alright, that Mike brings up there. I have a very that's the sound of me.
I need fried chicken on that couch.
No.
What are we doing here?
No, no. Play on.
I suggest you save your money.
I'm finally getting a new couch this weekend. I'm finally getting a new couch this weekend. And here's the problem that I run into, right? Because they're going to come and deliver the couch. I'm going to buy the couch this weekend. They're going to come and deliver it whenever they deliver it.
Oh, they're delivering it?
How else is it going to happen?
I thought you were going to take it home.
Like in.
Yeah, like on top of the car.
In a U-Haul?
No.
No.
Clark Griswold.
You're vague.
No. The guys. The guys who work there. They're going to come deliver it to my house. But here's my problem that I run into.
The movers? The moving people?
The furniture people. Alright. But here's the thing.
You shook.
I am shook.
I'm very rattled. Very, very rattled.
Why are you talking like that?
I'm super rattled. I'm here for support. I'm here to help. Lock in. Get to what you wanted to say.
Here's my problem, Dave.
When you fall, we pick you up.
Clearly.
I'm here for you.
The movers, the guys.
I've known Jonathan Zaslow to be a good man over the course of his 20 years.
I don't need any of that.
I don't need any of that. I'm preparing my statement. I already wrote it in the plug.
I just need Roy to say it. You get one.
Roy's the only one I need to say it. Yes, you are a good man. You are. You're my boy, and I'm letting you slide this time.
Roy's in charge.
But next time, you get one.
You get one.
You get one. And just one.
Alright, go ahead. Couch. Come on. What do I do with the couch I already have? They're not going to take it.
No, you put it in front of your house.
Bulk pickup.
Someone takes it.
First Monday? What is it? First Monday of the month?
I don't know. That stuff always figures it out. Christmas tree. I just put it in the front. Someone takes it. I don't know how.
Oh, you put it in the front?
Yeah, you put it out there now. I put it out in the front, and someone just takes it. And it's usually some dude in a pickup truck that just wants to light it on fire. But sometimes the garbage people do that too.
That's the thing. Well, the garbage people are supposed to do it, but what I like to do is I like to take the needles off and cut it up, and then use it for the first day it gets cold, put it in a bonfire so you got the smell of the Christmas tree.
Have you ever thrown.
Dave, I know you like that kind of thing.
Have you ever started a bonfire and thrown a full Christmas tree in it?
Oh, my God.
It's too crackly, though.
No, that thing lights up the night sky.
Yeah, for like three minutes. How did the Christmas tree have the couch become the Christmas tree? I missed that training.
Because you put it in the front and someone takes it. You never put old furniture in the front and someone's like, "I can do something with that."
Isn't there one time a month, though, to do that?
Yes, yes.
You shouldn't be just doing that any day of the month.
Well, that's bulk pickup, but I don't think that's what Mike's talking about.
No, someone just takes it. You put it in the front of your house. Someone just takes it.
Or you call a buddy with a pickup truck, and then you kick it off the back of the pickup truck somewhere random, and then it lives there for like a month, and then somebody takes it there.
I guarantee you, you put that couch in front of your house, someone's going to take it.
Yeah.
It's been raining lately, too. I don't know.
No, someone will be like, "I can reupholster that bad boy. I can take that."
Yeah.
Yeah. Someone will take it.
You have a porch, Zaslow? Maybe put it on the porch if it's got a little cover on it. It gives it six months, a year extra life for you.
Nah, my porch is for joy.
Nah, this is a big couch. This is a sectional. It's not going to fit in my porch.
Put it in front of your house.
He's not even talking like he usually does. That's his real voice. It's like Dusty Rhodes. It's like home voice.
I don't know who are you? You're not even doing your character anymore.
Hard times, daddy.
Recalibrate.
Bobcat Goldwing gets real.
I had a really good local hour planned for everybody.
Yeah? What was on your topic list? Come on. Let's go through it. Panthers play tonight.
Well.
Highlight. We already burned through it.
We were starting out with Joe's. I didn't get to finish that story because something happened.
Yeah, what happened there?
Yeah, something happened.
Derailed there.
And then the Cyclones. Alright, we got to that.
Yeah, we talked through UNC.
And then I was going to talk Miami UNC. Did a little bit of that.
You worried about this game?
And Miami UNC?
Yeah.
No.
Not at all?
No.
Not even a little bit?
No.
Okay.
And then I was going to talk a little bit about the Dolphins, but that kind of got sidetracked.
Who do they play? I don't even know.
Patriots.
Patriots? Oh, they're playing better.
Yeah. The Dolphins or the Patriots?
Both.
Okay. And then I was going to talk about Metallica at the Sphere.
Ooh, you were going to talk about Metallica?
Yeah.
That's local.
Yeah, that's a local topic.
Well, it's about me, and I'm local.
Alright. What you're going to get?
And then I was going to talk a little bit about Thursday Night Football last night.
You're going to get vertigo?
Well, I don't know if I'm going to get vertigo.
At the Sphere?
Are we going to talk about it now?
Let's talk about it.
You close your eyes the whole time. That's what I should do.
You've never been to the Sphere?
No. I've never been to okay.
At a Sphere?
So to back up, I've never been to the Sphere, and I don't know if I can go to Sphere because I suffer from vertigo. Alright. For instance, I was in Vegas earlier this year, and we were there for Valentine's weekend, and my wife wanted to go to Sphere because they do Wizard of Oz every day. There's always Wizard of Oz playing at Sphere. And so my wife wanted to go. I'm like, "I can't go because I'm going to get sick." She knows that. So I dropped her off. She went to Sphere by herself and saw Wizard of Oz. I went to the casino, and we met up afterward.
But I want to go see Metallica. Mike, you're going to see Metallica at Sphere.
Yeah. This will be the first band that I actually am a fan of. I've been in the Sphere twice before.
It's cool.
Yeah. I got vertigo from the elevation during U2's performance.
So I suffer regularly from.
Sure, that wasn't the mushrooms? No, it was a U2 joke that nobody got.
So I suffer regularly from vertigo.
Oh, they sure.
Yeah.
So my problem here, Dave, is I think I'll get vertigo. I think it'll be triggered from going to the Sphere, but I don't know for sure. I want to see Metallica. It looks like a great show. Am I going to spend all that money, plane, tickets, hotel? Maybe I'll enjoy the show, or maybe 10 minutes in, I'm puking everywhere, and I got to leave. So I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I hear your concerns, and it would be a spendy visit to the Sphere.
By the way, so you're going without the article in front of it. You just go Sphere, not the Sphere.
I noticed that too.
It's Sphere.
Yeah, it's called Sphere.
Sphere.
No.
Okay. I don't know. I don't know either way.
I'm pretty sure it's the Sphere. Say the way that Payman said it.
Sphere.
I was going to say, in the spirit of that entire town, roll the dice and make the trip out there, but literally, if 10 minutes in you get vertigo, go literally roll the dice, and that'll be a decent fallback, right?
Zaslow, I have great news for you, and you really needed a win. It is just called Sphere.
I noticed.
Now, it's theSphere.com, so maybe they just couldn't get the domain. But it does say theWizardofOz@Sphere.
Yeah.
Wait, the website's theSphere.com? Yep.
Alright, I win.
Well, it also said theWizardofOz, and I thought it was just Wizard of Oz.
Kraken is way worse than Heat for me.
What happened to your Dan Le Batard voice? Yeah, you did the Dan thing where something got stuck in your throat.
Well, I did. Wow, man.
Well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, wow.
That you could pick that up from 3,000 miles away. But yes, Kraken.
Certainly the worst moment.
There's only one. It's a mythical beast in the sea. There's only one of them, as far as I know, and yet the hockey team has 20 of them. You expect me to go singular on Kraken, but I should go singular because, as I say, it's a singular mythical beast. But then there are 20 hockey players. It's very confusing.
Do you say the Kraken are or the Kraken is?
Well, what it should be is the Krakens, right?
Yeah, multiple. You can have more than one Kraken. You can't have more than one Heat.
But the Heat are. Not very good so far.
I think we woke up today and decided.
Yeah.
We're not going to be good teammates today.
Yeah, we're not here to help you. You make a mistake. If you slip up, we're like the Indiana Hoosiers of last year. We're an execution team back here. You cannot make a mistake around us. We will capitalize.
Keep it clean.
Cool. Talking about college football, I do want to take a second with this UCF uniform on to shout out Space You because this is a big day, okay? UCF is 8-1 in their Space uniforms over the course of time. And for those who are trying to claim any other university is Space You, absolutely not. It's the University of Central Florida because it was founded as Florida Technological University back in 1963. The entire mission of the university.
ITU.
Was to provide personnel to support the growing US space program at NASA's Kennedy Center. Now, they've been doing that for 60-plus years. There's 35 or more now space-related degrees at UCF, including aerospace medicine. How about 30% of Kennedy Space Center employees are UCF alumni? It's the number one provider of aerospace and defense talent in the nation. 50-yard line lined up exactly with the launch complex.
You're still talking about 39A.
Just toast my man.
This is NASA's most historic launch pad. It's right there. You could see the space launches from the and look, all the details on the uniform. I mean, this looks.
I went through exactly.
Guys, this is looking like exactly.
In like 30 seconds.
Exactly. All of these different space helmets. You got the Apollo space visor here with the gold. You got the different details. You got red and blue on the sleeves. Red and blue on the sleeves because that's how you cuff in the gloves on a space outfit. There's a million different details here. I'm not going to go through all of them. I'm not going to go through all of them.
Remember what I did earlier on the show?
UCF.
Land the spaceship.
UCF.
You're wearing pants.
And Space You.
You're wearing the sports pants.
Space.
Show your pants off.
Universe.
Let me see that ass. Ooh.
Space.
Not great.
Oh, it's just all right.
Did you shit yourself?
Could be worse. Could be worse. Alright, that's an angle I wish I didn't have. UCF, Space You, outer space in general deserves a toast. And folks, worth a toast is presented by Quervo. Keep it fun.
Keep it Quervo.
Lost it.
You guys are bad teammates.
I know what I'm doing.
You know what? Just nobody speak. This back row is on demon time. We do need to get you into the gym and get some glutes going.
No, man, my glutes are fine.
No, the ass is fine. It's good to see you. It's got a flat ass.
That's not true.
Flat?
My ass is fine. Trust me. Did you call it a flass?
Yeah, that's right. Now you're getting it. Pile on. It's fun, isn't it? Jeremy, say something racist.
Good.
Good hour. There's a lot of foods on the table.
Memorable hour. Memorable local today. Yeah.
Probably your last one. I've been told my ass looks good.
Someone lied.
Several people.
They lied to you.
Boom.
Mostly my wife.
But several people.
She has to. They're not getting rid of the fried chicken, Roy. Don't worry, alright?
Don't worry, alright. Don't worry, alright.
Why would anyone be worried?
No, Roy specifically. Don't you worry. Don't you panic.
I shouldn't be laughing.
Yeah, you shouldn't be. Mission accomplished. Yeah.
Talk about ass. Your ass is done.
Your ass is grass, pal. Grady's outside the window right now. Your toast.
Worth a toast. I realized how that sounded when I went to Roy first there. That's why I made sure to include Tony. That was not good.
"How 'bout that, Ueck? How 'bout that?"
Jessica is here to talk WNBA Finals, beautiful Brewer fan celebrations, a new cameo on SVU, and UM vs. Notre Dame next week. Plus, we all agree: smoking cigarettes looks cool, right?
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