Transcript of Dan is Concerned About the End of the World | Local Hour

Hawk, you've been coming in here now for a while. Have you been able to develop any kind of fluency when it comes to the difference between Roy's regular face and Roy's extremely sour morning face?

They're not the same person, is what you're telling me.

Well, I'm just wondering whether you look at Roy right now and you can tell that whatever happened to him last night—I don't know what happened to him last night, but something happened to him either last night or this morning because he's got the incredibly sour face where he doesn't take any inventory whatsoever about whether there are human beings here being affected by his gloom.

Yeah, not thinking about any of you. Yeah. Not at all.

Mm.

Okay. So is that like a different level if he's not thinking about you at all?

I mean, he looks pretty sour today, but I don't know what happened to him. Do you—would you like to talk it out, Roy, so that Hawk can have a better understanding so he develops more fluency for when to, like, sort of stay away from you?

Well, you don't have to stay away from me, but I can tell you that, uh, it rained really badly. It was a monsoon last night, and my car kind of got stuck in a flood.

Yeah, rain, rain, go away. Am I right?

Mm. You're right there. I think the—I think that's warranted. If your car gets messed up in a flood, you don't think that that's enough for him to, you know, maybe not be his normal? Now, I wouldn't have noticed. I'm not going to lie to you.

Well, but I don't notice a change in your disposition. You had a flat tire today, so I assume that it would be similar, but it doesn't seem to be.

You know what? And there was a pothole that I think might have been caused by the water yesterday. I don't know. I feel like that would be the case. Hit it, boom. I'm like, all right, I'll be fine. Just hit a pothole. But on my car, it'll tell you exactly the PSI went whoa, immediately a 5.4.

3.

And I'm like, damn. But then the reason why I'm a little more chipper is because now you're—now you're on house money on the day, right? Because then I was going to phone it in. I text Jeff. I'm like, hey, I got a flat. And I left it at that. I didn't say whether I was coming in still. I'm coming from way north. Nobody would have judged me to say, hey, I'm not going to make it in.

Put it on him.

I got to figure this out. Life happened. But then I'm like, you know what? I'm not supposed to be here. I'm going to come anyway. And that's typically when you have your best shows. So that's why the up in spirit for the flat tire, which has not been fixed and is sitting in an Italian restaurant parking lot called Capriccio's up there in Hollywood.

Good spot.

Thank you. Yeah, for sure. I mean, it's not my restaurant, but I thought it was a good place to park it.

I've been there. I have a number of different questions for both of you.

Okay.

My first question for you on the flat tire front is.

Is our floods racist.

Can you fix your own flat tire?

That's me and Roy.

Can you fix your own flat tire?

Can I fix my—like, could I figure it out if I tried?

No. I mean, is it in a parking lot right now? Because you just looked at it. You looked at the jack in the back of your car or the spare and you're like, I'm not doing this.

I mean, why are we paying for AAA if I got to sit out there in the rain while I have a—I have a radio show to do today?

Well, but those hands look pretty manicured. It's been a while since those hands fought for something.

What? I fight all the time. Wrestled my son the other day. That's not—no.

Those hands are—those are pedicured hands.

What?

Manicured.

They can't be pedicured because pedicures feed hands.

Manicured.

Maybe he's got feet for hands.

Yeah. I've been told that as well.

Did you see—did you see his last season with the Patriots?

So, Roy, how did this work yesterday? Were you in the Panthers Arena not knowing that it was flooding outside, and then you come outside and you see that your car is underwater? You discover this once you leave the Panthers Arena after a loss that had to have you in a pretty miserable mood when the Red Wings are scoring five times on you.

Yeah, that's exactly right. I actually parked in a different spot in the production lot next to the loading dock, which is a ramp, and obviously the water's going to come up. It's going to be a big-time flood.

Oof.

I moved the car from that spot to a different spot, and I guess, you know, the sun shines on a dog's ass every now and then.

Ooh, look at that car.

Because I was able to maneuver the car out of the parking lot, you know, without flooding the engine or whatever. Except this morning.

It was damn close.

This morning I found a puddle in the back seat, the floor of the back seat. So it wasn't a great morning. I had to vacuum that out with a shop vac and everything. So that's why I'm late.

This picture kind of gives my—gives me a headache. What am I looking at here?

Well, what is this?

Well put, and at least.

But could you see the confusing nature of this picture, Dan?

Yeah, this is an optical illusion, Dan. So you can see here.

Are we in the trunk of his car? I don't feel like that's useful as video, and I don't feel like that was wise choosing to put any of that up when it doesn't help. The story was told well enough. The telestrator does not help with what's happening there. Nothing helps there.

Is that the mirror?

Let me explain, because that is the reflection off the top of the puddle that's on the floor of the back seat this morning.

Of course.

Yeah, bad idea, all of it. So you come out of the arena.

You can see right here, Dan. That's the phone.

Yeah, I got it. I take that off my screen, please.

Should have zoomed out.

Like, just—just get it off my screen. Just bad decision-making all around to have that be a part of our flood coverage. We've got plenty of good flood coverage. We don't need to go to the bad flood coverage.

I mean, that tells the story, Dan.

Is there good flood coverage? Should we put that on the poll?

That's a good question for Roy. Do you have flood coverage on your insurance? Because maybe that's why you're upset.

Act of God situation? Probably not.

So I know that we'll talk about sports in a second. I know you guys are tired of hearing me talk about climate changes that we're all helpless about, so it doesn't do any good to talk about it. But you do realize that right now is the best of it, right? Like, this is going to keep getting worse. This isn't even the bad parts of winter that El Niño is going to bring here, where the flooding all over the earth is going to be a great deal worse than this is.

Wait, this is El Niño?

This is just—no, this is the start. When winter—when winter gets here, what's going to happen? The reason we haven't had any hurricanes this year is because of everything that's happening with Saharan dust and El Niño. It's the reason we haven't had any hurricane threats. But the trade is the entire winter is going to have all of this stuff in it. And in a lot of cases, and I don't know if you've seen this happening in Miami, in a lot of cases, it'll be on sunny days because the flooding's not happening from above. It's happening in Miami from underneath. Our—what we're built on makes it so that the ocean just comes up.

Poor Jordan McPherson's car was—went above his rear fender. The water did.

One person, Roy?

Yeah.

Poor JM.

Yeah. And I was actually to the left of him at the beginning, and then I moved my car.

What does that mean? And the Panthers lost. God.

And so did the heat. If any of you were watching, the Lakers shooting 67% in the first half and scoring 79 points in the first half. Luka Doncic is a player without precedent. I can't believe how good he is, and I can't explain it. Like, I legitimately cannot explain how someone that slow-moving, that someone has that sort of body control. And people will talk about the 40-plus points. That's not the impressive part to me. The impressive part to me is he had 13 assists and two turnovers while Giannis is turning the ball over seven times.

You know, when you have a guy like Luka, obviously he's one of the best scorers throughout this game, if not the best.

Right now.

Not right now. Not right now. Like, of all time. You know, I feel like some people are scared to say that, but it's got to be up there.

Can you explain what you're watching there, Hawk? I know in sports.

It's accent. It's like, it's always interesting to me.

It's very disarming, right?

It's very disarming, and it's like it hasn't gotten any better. You know, and not better in the sense that it's like it hasn't—it hasn't assimilated voice-wise yet.

I agree better.

And I think that's what I'm watching.

That's not what I was asking you. I was asking if you can explain Luka and a guy who, when you're watching him, you're not seeing someone who's faster than everyone else. You're not seeing someone who's moving in a way that makes it look like he would be the best player on the court if you were just standing. I'm not just doing whiteness here. I'm not.

I feel like you're describing whiteness a little bit, Dan. Keep going.

I'm not talking about just the whiteness.

All right. Keep describing it.

I'm talking about he doesn't move particularly fast.

Doesn't move particularly. So sneaky fast. Keep going.

No, not sneaky fast. Slow.

Okay.

Not—not—not—not—

Right on the nose there.

Not sneaky fast. Slow moving. It's all body control. He knows how to get fouls. Tony, go ahead and take that down so you don't keep knocking over your advertisement for your subs.

Why would I take that down?

Well, because you keep knocking it over and it seems to be getting in the way of your performance. Luka yesterday, he's the best first-quarter scorer in the league. I don't know. It used to be Jalen Brunson. But when you look at Luka, he had 16 first-quarter points. And he does it all the time. Like, he's always in double digits in the first quarter because he's not a stoppable human being.

I almost want to say it makes sense. Now, look, he's in great shape right now. Maybe the best shape we've seen him in years, but it's the start of the season, and he's going to be as fresh as he's going to be at the beginning of games. We've seen him kind of slow down and wear out late in games when he hasn't been in great shape. I'm not saying that's necessarily the case now because he looks in good shape, but it almost makes sense. Okay, I'm going to do all my scoring right now. Like, I'm ready to go. I feel good.

16 points in the first quarter and 67% shooting for the half is absurd. The Miami Heat scoring 72 points in the first half and being down seven. You say that Luka is now fit and healthy at the start of a season. You saw the Pacers dressed six last night, right? Six players last night. We're a couple of weeks into the season, and the Pacers have six players available.

Dan, I don't want to—like, I don't want to be totally negative about this the first few weeks of the NBA season, but the Pacers, like you said last night, they had only six guys available. Massive injury report. Legitimate injuries. Six guys available, Hawk, except for one player who was on the report who didn't dress yesterday, and that was Paschal Siakam. Paschal Siakam's reason for not being available last night? Rest. Hawk.

Yeah.

They have six players available. He makes like $50 million a year. He's resting? Put on a uniform. He had six guys available.

He needed his rest, Zaz. I mean, that's a—you know, the $50 million, that's just the going rate for basketball players, man. You can't throw that in there. Yeah, if he was me, Roy.

Why can't you throw—why can't you throw that in there? Why? You should—with great power comes great responsibility.

Rest also is a part of the job description, right? In basketball. That's what they do.

Is it a part of the job description when you become an NBA player? You're like, all right, I got to be, you know, grabbing rebounds, playing defense, I got to rest.

I got to rest.

I got to rest.

Six guys playing Atlanta. Yeah, I can rest.

No, I wish he would have played too, Zaz. That's the first I've heard from him.

It's insulting, no?

No, I mean, between that and the El Niño, I'm learning a lot today.

Zaz, you see what's happening there, right? He's not going to hate on another athlete by checking his pockets. That's all he's doing there.

Not my pockets.

Okay, then I shouldn't have mentioned the money then. But let's take the money aside though. Your team needs you. Your two and four going into the game yesterday. You got all these injured bodies. You got to rest.

How many more games do they have left?

75.

Okay. So, all right. Let's just check back in on it.

I believe that what Hawk is doing there is he's not going to go after a player for making a lot of money. But I am confused by the fact that he would need rest this early in the season.

Look, it's not my style. I showed up today. I play hurt.

Well, I want to ask you about this because I have some more questions about your flat tire.

Okay.

When you guys get a flat tire and then call some place and say, hey, I can't make it. I've got a flat tire. Do you assume that the people you're calling think you're lying? Because it's such a built-in excuse that even when you get a flat tire, it seems like you might be lying?

I think it's like, you know, have I lied about having a flat tire? Absolutely. Those fines in the NFL are ridiculous. So you got to—you can't lie about it as much as you got to really give yourself a flat tire.

Is there an excuse when there's a fine? Like, if you have a flat tire, will your coach accept that as an excuse?

Oh, absolutely. For sure. For sure. If you have a flat tire, you get in a car accident, somebody else is in a car accident.

Do they ever ask for proof?

They have their ways of getting proof. They have their ways. We'll just leave it at that. We don't really know who the boogeyman is, but they.

Yeah, you do. It's in-house security.

They have their ways.

You know who it is? You know who it is?

Of making sure.

It's the fixer who makes your problems go away too. He's the same guy who knows.

He's on the up and up. But there was a little piece that was like, you know, this could be looked at as lying. But see, the fact that it's about the timing. If it was like 9:58 and I sent the flat tire text, then it's like, whatever. If you send it at a time where there's clearly, like, why would you be lying about a flat tire with two hours to go until show unless it actually happened?

If you're doing the flat tire text, you got to get that photo of it.

You got to.

That's where you—that's where the truth is on you.

It was definitely accompanied by a photo.

See, look. Here it is.

You know, I even went like video computer screen to show you the PSI of my front left tire.

The real monsters are the people that like Google, what's a photo of a flat tire look like?

Oh, that's wrong, man.

Let's send this bad boy.

That's.

I wonder if I could find one on the internet that would pass.

I'm sure you could.

AI one.

I'm sure you could.

Dan Le Batard. Jonathan Sassalo.

Thank you.

This is the Dan Le Batard Show.

Roy, can you help us understand how many people, for those who do not know where the Panthers' arena is, it's in the Everglades. It's in a marshland in South Florida that is literally sinking the stadium into the marsh because it is way out west. Can you tell me the number, roughly, the number of people who leave that arena and have their cars disabled by the amount of flooding and now have to find another way home and then have today ruined by the fact that they have to go back and get their waterlogged cars?

It had to be dozens because I saw another Mustang that was stuck out in the exit with his flashers on, not moving. And then I saw another car not moving as well. So it had to have been dozens. Like, it was knee-high water for most places in that parking lot.

And the Panthers lost. God. Roy, do you go shoes off? Like, pull your pants up?

Pull the pants up, but you don't know what's on the ground. So I kept the shoes on.

Ooh. Yeah. That's a choice.

That's a smart choice though.

I don't know whether there were fish there, but I have seen video all over the internet.

There's no fish there.

It's not there. Perhaps not there, but there are in South Florida, in places that are flooding, there are indeed fish in some of those places.

How often does this flooding happen here? I'm like three years in. It's happened to me once.

No, this is new. This is—it's escalating and it's getting worse and it's getting obviously worse. I put this on the poll at Le Batard Show. Do you know what King Tide is? Because I did not know what it was until a few years ago. And King Tide will—if you're driving anywhere on the beach, you will see that the water is so close to the highway that you're like, that's the ocean. And very soon, no one's going to be able to cross this highway because the ocean's just going to engulf the highway.

So we've got a couple of different windows here for King Tide, and it's November 5th through the 11th, which is kind of where we're in right now. November 22nd to 29th, December 22nd to 27th. So we have those three windows where King Tide really makes an appearance. Other than that, across the year, it's not really that much flooding from King Tide.

I was in a flood at Aventura Mall last year, and it was really bad. It was about this knee-high, and me and my family freaked out. I didn't know what the hell was happening. It was like, we were in an SUV, luckily, and we just parked at the JW Marriott over there and just spent the night because I was like, I'm not dealing with this.

Well, one of the things that is happening here, and it's concerning on a day like today, when you should get out there and vote today because there's a lot of stuff happening with government that is unpleasant, and you can take your chances today in voting and getting out there. This is the reminder to get out there and vote today. But in disarming some of our weather funding and continuing to give the oil companies more and more freedom to destroy the earth, what you have happening here is something that I'm going to keep telling you is only going to get worse from here.

I think people are more worried about, like, making ends meet, paying grocery bills. Like, people aren't really focused on this kind of stuff. So when the news is like, hey, yeah, we want to talk about this or affordability, we'd rather listen to that than, oh yeah, there's a thing here happening and there's a flood.

Yeah, Tony.

I got to go to work.

Yeah, agreed. Affordability is what's going to be the chief issue that people vote on today, but they're covering the flooding. They're not covering the causes of the flooding. It's not like there's not plenty of good visuals everywhere of how your entire city is sinking into the sea. Like, they are covering it. They're just not covering it well. They're covering it the easiest possible way.

Sort of like the Heat covering Luka Doncic.

Well, let's get back to that for a second because I don't have a precedent for this player. The last time he played the Heat was when he scored the 40 here, right?

60 here.

Right.

That was when LeBron had the triple double and he had 60.

Yeah.

Zaz and I are talking this out back here. I think we just need better drainage.

Better get that Drano.

Like, when I shave, sometimes hair gets in my sink and all of a sudden it doesn't.

But you pour the Drano in and it clears it up.

I think we just need some Drano. Put that Drano in the street. Make the water go down.

How much time do we have, Dan?

We've got three hours. You mean at life? How much time do we have?

Three hours until the city sinks into the sea?

Oh, you mean life. Okay.

This should be on the news.

I thought you were asking me how much time do we have here today. You're asking how much time do we have before the entire city sinks. I think you've got video of it happening, but.

Are we in the midst of?

This is the interesting thing about what happens with the apocalypse. I think people think the world ends just one day with the earth exploding. No, it happens bits by bits like this.

Really?

Yeah, all over the place. And the first people that get it.

There's no slow apocalypse, Dan. I'm sorry.

No.

Apocalypse means it happens like in an instant.

You know how long those movies would be about the apocalypse? It'd be like.

Like six months, sorry.

Months, nine.

Here we go.

Holy heck.

What do you imagine it looks like? Because I think what it looks like is when you see a whole bunch of people dying in floods in poor regions that aren't America because it's getting here a little bit later than it's getting to the places that can't afford it and then just have their entire infrastructure taken out by, you know, the rivers coming down the mountains and flooding, you know, Nepal or whatever.

Are you asking me how the apocalypse works or what I see of the apocalypse? Like.

Whatever you guys think the end of the world looks like, you're getting glimpses of it now. You're getting these snapshots of it right now.

That I agree with.

Roy, can we see that picture again of your backseat? I think that.

Let's really get to the bottom of this.

That does the best. Yeah.

Yeah, so.

There you go. There was the puddle in the floor of my backseat.

I can tell us straight again.

Tell us straight again.

What's the green stuff?

That's the reflection of outside. That is a tree. That's all that's left of the earth.

Do you know how hard it is to have the skies crying and you are all wet and also there's fire everywhere? Like, those are difficult things.

Not in the same place.

No, not in the same place yet.

Not in the same place.

Not in the same place.

Because if the skies are crying, then it's actually taking out the fires, which is a good thing, right? Because there can't be flooding, but also fire because then the fire takes care of the flood.

The water takes care of the fire.

Zaz, why are you feuding with Bill Simmons?

Oh, I mean, Dan, you tell me. If someone stole from you, would you feud with them?

What did he steal from you?

Oh, well, okay. I'm not sure if you're aware, but for the past couple of years, I have been at the forefront of a new rule that the NFL is going to adopt. I'm going to be the founder. Matter of fact, they might end up calling it the Zazlo rule. And that's going to be not getting rid of the peanut punch, but a punitive measure if you miss and actually punch a player. All right?

You've been saying it not only for weeks, you've been saying it for years now.

For years. For years. Again, I'm good with the peanut punch. All right? There's nothing wrong with the peanut punch.

Successful. You're good with successful peanut punches.

Of course. Why not?

You think that unsuccessful peanut punches should be penalized.

You can't just punch a player in the head like Dre Greenlaw did last week and be like, all right, I tried to hit the ball, but instead I punched him in the face. And that's okay. It's not okay. You can't punch players. All right? There should be a penalty. All right? It should be a personal foul. Like, if I try and snatch the ball out of someone's hands, but I miss and instead I snatch his face mask, that's a penalty. All right? So Bill Simmons, on his show yesterday, and the only reason I know this, Dan, is because everybody knows I'm the founding father of this rule that the NFL is going to adopt.

Like, you either hit somebody in the shoulder, maybe you hit him in the helmet. It doesn't matter. Because it's like, oh, I get to hide behind the peanut punch. So is the peanut punch, can I just walk on the street and be like, try to peanut punch somebody's iced coffee, but I accidentally hit them in the chest? Like.

It sounds like a.

It's just out of control.

It sounds like a Jimmy Kimmel Live hidden camera bit we would do in 2005 or something.

This is the year.

What's the year of the peanut punch?

To peanut punch pedestrians. And here's how that.

And then Bill got actually punched.

But this is the year of the peanut punch.

He straight up stole my idea, which this needs to be penalized. He straight up stole it yesterday. But you know what? He's not fooling anyone. Everyone was onto it, and they sent me yesterday. They let me know. And now you know.

That's deserved because that wasn't even a good version of the take. Like, why would you be peanut punching somebody's coffee out of their head? Like, what does success look like?

Both of those.

It is a funny visual.

Both of those are assault though. Like, he doesn't have it right that one's okay and one's not.

Yeah, yeah.

You do either one of those, you're going to get in trouble. In the NFL, you successfully cause a fumble. Fumbles are way up. They're not a little bit up. It's up like 30-something percent up because people have gotten so good at this peanut punch. I think you should start saying that it should be peanutlized. Like, I think that you should.

Peanutlized.

Peanutlized.

You should just start saying that there needs to be a penalty.

Peanutlized.

A peanutlized. Peanut-tell-man once told me the story, Hawk. I wonder if you have one like it. Peanut-tell-man, obviously a famously tough person.

FBI agent.

One time, he's a soldier field, and it is so rock hard on the field because it's so cold, he is saying, at halftime, I wanted to quit football. I didn't want to go out for the second half. It was late in the season. We weren't playing for anything, and I simply did not want to play football anymore. Have you had something like that happen to you where the circumstances were so unpleasant that you're like, I don't want to do this for a living anymore?

I'm laughing because yes, once. I've never had that happen once. I've had that happen probably dozens of times, hundreds of times even. There have been multiple times through the course of an NFL game where I look around and I'm like, I don't want to be here right now in this moment. And you got to be able to ride the wave of feelings. You don't operate off of feelings. That's what professionals don't do. So it's normal. But especially when it's the elements. We played in Pittsburgh one day. I believe it was 2013. It was a nighttime prime time game.

So when you say hundreds of times, is that the time that it most resonates for you? Like, is that the one time above all others where you're like, I want to be here less than I've ever wanted to be anywhere?

Yes, absolutely. When you have nothing to play, when there's no upside to anything, right? That's like life. It's like there's no upside here. We're not winning. It doesn't matter if we win or not. It doesn't matter what kind of stats I get in this moment. It's not going to up my money. It's not going to up my motivation. It's not going to. It's almost more advantageous to even lose in some situations. Those are tough situations to be in when there's zero stakes and it's freezing damn cold.

Dan Le Batard.

The Packers winner, the Bears lose.

Jonathan Zazlo.

Shit, do you want to know what were the kids doing?

This is the Dan Le Batard Show.

Zaz was mad at Bill Simmons for stealing something. Did the entire media steal from you, Lamar Jackson, to Miami?

I think so. So what happened was.

You said that first?

I don't think the entire media because I think it's like one of those things where I won't say this with the peanut punch, peanutlized take, but it's like one of those things where anybody could come to. He's from Miami. It makes sense. They don't have a quarterback, haven't had a good quarterback in a long time. You know, everyone's going to make those takes. But I mean specifically with my man, Michael Irvin, who I love. He's an uncle to me. We were talking like last week and I'm like, man, Lamar to Miami? Just didn't come. And he's like, wow.

It's a good take.

I like that. And then I turn on first take and he's punching it home with Stephen A on ESPN. I'm like, wait a minute.

He stole it from you.

I feel like I won't say he stole it.

You're accusing Michael Irvin of theft.

I sparked it. I could see a spark. I'm going to take credit for the spark. I'm not going to call him a thief, but in the conversation we had, it seemed to be the first time he thought about it. I'll say that.

I just looked up your stats from 14 degrees below zero night. Do you remember your stats? There is a stat that stands out from that night. There is one stat that stands out. Unfortunately for you, it's zero catches for zero yards, but one tackle.

There you go. Put me down.

And he dolphined through a pick or what?

I think it must have either been an interception or I might have been playing gunner. And it must have been early in the game because I think Antonio Brown took one back for a touchdown like right by me. Like, I'm like, whoo, he's fast. Holy. Did you guys see that guy?

You remember what AJ Green did that night or no?

No. I don't think any of us did anything.

Nine for 93, he had. Wow.

I mean, in context of AJ though.

That's nothing.

That's the same as me being zero for zero.

So his nine for 93 is your zero for zero.

He was 98% of our offense. So essentially, we probably had 93 total yards that game.

20 career tackles for you.

Yeah, I get it. I mix it up, Bubby. You don't got to worry about that. Your boy, I'm trying to hold myself down looking at Jeremy right now and not go teary-tate off his linebacker through this damn Plexiglas.

Please don't. This helmet is not very secure.

I won't. I'm good.

You just see someone in a uniform.

And I just want to go, Dan.

You've said before you miss all the contact.

I do.

You ever lace someone out or is it all like you wrap a guy up?

Why don't you put those shoulder pads on, Zaz, so I can show you a little bit of how I get down. No peanut punch.

Oh, oh, oh.

I'm going to that brother to get that ball out.

20 career tackles. That's a lot for a wide receiver.

A lot of special teams.

Well, no, it's a lot of interceptions. I don't think that's a lot of special teams.

A lot of picks. If you think it is.

This guy, by the way.

I'm an effort guy.

This guy hiding after saying that's a lot of special teams. Embarrassing. Looks like special teams is an insult.

He's right.

He's red down there.

Come on, man. I've made a lot.

Guys make a living on special teams.

On special teams. You got to start for special teams to get to the offense. That's how it works, Chris. All right?

I had a question yesterday, and I'm curious how you would answer the question. We've got some sound here from Bill Belichick to play for you guys. But Malachy Tony.

Malachy.

Had in the game against North Carolina, he had seven catches for 75 yards and two touchdowns. And my question to you is ridiculous though it may seem. If I told Bill Belichick before the game that that's the stat line that Malachy Tony was going to have, you made me think of it with the AJ Green comment on that was an average game for AJ Green. Do you think Bill Belichick accepts that stat line before the game and like insurance in blackjack says, I'll take that.

Yeah, I'll take that.

I'll take seven catches for 75 yards and two touchdowns.

I would say no. No because of the two TDs. If it was just 75 yards, he'd be like, oh, yeah, like sign me up. But he knows that the impact of the two TDs, not just from a scoring perspective, it means that like we weren't able to get off the field. Even though we knew he was getting the ball, that meant we still could do nothing about it.

Well, let's hear some Belichick sound here because he said something that has Miami Hurricane fans pretty mad and mad at Corey Heatherman.

They didn't mix it up. They did what they did the whole game. They ran what they ran the whole game, which is honestly what they've been running the whole year.

So the last three games, Miami has given up more than 400 yards to teams that aren't as good as Notre Dame, that don't have the passing offense, top 10 passing offense that Notre Dame has. Miami is headed into its most formidable task on defense against an offense better than all except perhaps Wake Forest, but statistically, they're better scoring offense than even Wake Forest. When Belichick says, because most of us watching this aren't watching adjustments made or not made in the analysis.

That's football. You just described defensive football. So just catch me up here. We're mad because it hasn't looked great the last two weeks, right?

Well, but and also, North Carolina is a bad offense that did whatever they wanted. Bobby Petrino and his offense did whatever they wanted, even though they're one of the worst offenses in the conference and one of the worst offenses in the nation. North Carolina hasn't looked that good on offense in two years under Bill Belichick.

Yeah. Who did they play before the Tar Heels? Pittsburgh.

Yeah, it was Pittsburgh. They ran up and down the field on Pittsburgh, and then before that, it was FSU.

Okay. So I mean, yeah, I think you have cause for concern, but I wouldn't read too much into it because I think especially for young players, like those aren't down games for the number one team in the country. But this isn't the NFL, and it happens in the league as well, where guys have the ability just to continue to play up to their caliber. I think the Miami Hurricanes and their defense, you're going to get the best test, not only because Notre Dame is much better, but psychologically, you're going to be able to get the best out of every player.

Hawk, can you not chalk it up to scheme and just Bobby Petrino called a great game A, B.

Great coach.

It was Halloween night, big game, prime time, everybody was juiced. It was going to be the Super Bowl for.

Chapel Hill is scary on Halloween.

For this Tar Heel team. And it's like, all right, when you are the number one team, when you are a team that was in the National Championship last year, you're going to have a bullseye on your back every single week. You're going to get the best out of everybody every single week. And they just had a perfect call.

I love teams that can win ugly, even against teams that they're supposed to beat. Because if you get out of that with a win, it means something about your team. And Bobby Petrino, I mean, he would be in that conversation with the best college coaches in the country if he wasn't, you know, if he didn't have his, if he didn't like a company party a little bit too much, if you get what I'm saying, Dan. The guy likes to mix it up a little bit. But he's a damn good offensive mind, and you can't argue that.

I can't argue that.

You bet not.

Can you guys put up the photo of Bobby Petrino that will be whatever I see whenever I hear the name Bobby Petrino because he is indeed a genius who helped their offense be in second and two all game. But the part that I'm concerned about, when you say everybody has a bullseye targeted on Miami, that usually doesn't make bad quarterbacks play well. The quarterback they're about to face is a good deal better than Edwards.

Anomalies happen. I only had zero catches against the Pittsburgh Steelers in 14-degree weather. That never happens. You know, sometimes players do things that aren't typical, Dan.

Can I just take this opportunity to let you guys know I might be.

You got three minutes, bro.

I might be late tomorrow because I had a flat tire. And it's clearly mine because it's a silver Acura. And that's definitely the car I have. If you want to put it on the front end, that's what you got to do. You find a good photo. You can make sure your car.

I thought you got in front of that.

I love that.

Same kind of car, same car color. Tony knows what color my car is.

Yeah, I love that.

That's it. That's his car.

That's my car.

I'm late tomorrow.

I do wish I would have used the I'm going to vote excuse like in hindsight because then I would have put you in a predicament. Like do you care about democracy or not type of situation. But.

Dude, it's flooding though.

I'll get you next year.

Instead, you just left your car with a flat tire in the parking lot of an Italian restaurant.

Good spot.

Precios. I want a four-star rated.

I want a ruling from Hawk here because he says that the only things we ever talk about when he's here are race, footballs, violence, and ESPN. I want to get a ruling from you on something that Zaz did on Friday and how it is that you might have handled any of this.

This is such old news.

If you had been here, I want you do you like Joe Stone Crabs?

Joe Stone Crabs? That's the first time I've heard the collection of those syllables in one text.

Really? You've never heard of that?

It's incredible. It's an super upscale restaurant.

You're not a Stone Crab guy. It's one of the more famous restaurants in Miami. How long has it been?

Like 100 years.

It's like 100 years old.

It's not like a crab shack, by the way. It's not like Joe's crab shack where it's like, all right, we got 500 Joe's crab shacks.

But they also they have one of the great values or they had. They've now discontinued it, but they had a wonderful piece of fried chicken that was $8.95.

It's an expensive restaurant.

I don't like that fact. I might be being pulled into this conversation right now.

Well, you're going to like it less. You're going exactly where you think it's going.

So here's Zaz on Friday.

All right.

The $8.95 fried chicken at Joe's Stone Crab is no more. It's no more. It's stunning how affordable and great and large the portion is at $8.95. Look how crispy and flaky. It's so good. And based on rising costs in the restaurant industry, they're not getting rid of the fried chicken, Roy. Don't worry, all right? Tony, don't get worried. They're not getting rid of the fried chicken.

When you brought this up, I was worried.

I realized how that sounded when I went to Roy first there. That's why I made sure to include Tony. That was not good.

Not the king's birthday and June 10th. And Quantum.

I'm looking right at Roy, so he was the first person I said. I don't know how Dan included Tony.

That's a play on for me. Go ahead.

Brother.

Is it?

Yeah, I've been trying to help my guy out.

Okay.

Let the man drown? Come on.

Don't.

You could have said anyone else's name. That's true. And that's why I immediately followed up with Tony.

Chris is right there.

Chris, you too. Don't worry, Chris. They're not giving up the fried chicken.

Oh my God.

That's insane. That is an error.

That's bad.

Let's not harp on it.

I don't think anyone noticed.

Chris Cody. That is such a good teammate, Chris Cody. You just shouting trying to save Zaz by saying, I'm fat. You could have come to me. Hawk wandered around the room, is clearly disgusted, wasn't near a microphone. Do you have any thoughts for us on this?

I'm so ashamed.

Tony called it a play on.

I was trying to help Zaz, man. Trying to help Zaz. Talk for 14 seconds after he said that. I was like, all right, we got to get something going here. Yeah.

Who else was in the room? Worthy Roy.

Mike was in the room.

No, no, no, no, no, Roy.

Oh, no.

No, I was just me. It's just me. You and me having a discussion. I now see why you had the disposition you had this morning.