Transcript of Malachi Toney's Injury Might Kill Mike Ryan | Local Hour

Whereas Greg Cody was born on September 10, 1954, in Lawrence, Massachusetts, and whereas Greg has been a resident of Broward County for nearly 70 years, that's not quite true, and has made his home in Flint Station—

Slow down. Slow down, buddy. You're going to run out of breath if you don't.

Since 1989.

I know it's a long proclamation, but slow down and just read it. Let's luxuriate in the fact that proud plantation citizen Greg Cody, in these difficult political times, was celebrated by a, I'm sure, corrupt government, but one that honors him and is slightly less corrupt by doing so.

Whereas Greg has been married to his wife Arlene for 46 years, and they share two sons, Michael and Chris, and one grandchild with another on the way, and whereas Greg's first foray into journalism began at age 10 when he began writing a family newsletter, the Cody News, and whereas Greg credits his MacArthur High School English journalism teacher, Cheryl O'Connor, plays for nurturing his writing talent and encouraging him to join the school newspaper, where he became sports editor of the MacArthur High Times, and whereas Mrs.

Have you guys ever used the word "whereas"? Any of you?

I use so much.

It's a lot of "whereas."

It's like 10 too many.

Have you ever used the word "whereas"?

No. That's a lawyer word. That's a lawyer government word. Won a first place green eyeshade award in sports commentary in 2025 and has finished in the top 10 in column writing by the Associated Press sports editors on multiple occasions, and whereas it has been said by many that Greg Cody was an excellent sports writer and even better columnist understanding the—

Eight whereas here. It's crazy.

—sports scene better than most. Greg has also authored and co-authored four books, and whereas Greg's 54-year career with the Miami Herald ended unceremoniously on his birthday, no less.

Taking a political stand.

It said no less.

—too cost-cutting measures by its parent company, leaving a community to grieve the loss of more than five decades of insightful and often humorous reporting on its beloved and oft-maligned sports teams, and whereas Greg continues to write on Substack.

Chris, what are you shaking your head about? Did you write this, Greg? We're honoring your father.

Because I heard this last night, and it honestly was slower in person. I'm telling you.

On the Dan Le Batard Show and hosts his own The Greg Cody Show podcast, ensuring South Florida sports fans that his witty and insightful sports takes can be counted on each week, and now—

Greg, they gave you three plugs in the proclamation.

—and now, therefore, I, Nick Sortal, mayor, and the City Council of Plantation, Florida, do hereby proclaim November 4, 2026, as Greg Cody Day.

Knew I voted for the right guy.

We're here at City Hall in Plantation, Florida, for the honor of a lifetime. It's a proclamation. I don't know what they're proclaiming, but it's a proclamation.

Oh, yes.

Oh, you're not on the list.

You didn't get elected.

You didn't get elected.

And now, therefore, Nick Sortal, mayor, and the City Council of Plantation, Florida, do hereby proclaim November 4, 2026, as Greg Cody Day in the City of Plantation.

I would like to congratulate Mayor Sortal on his reelection and Commissioner-elect Bright. You guys have been busy in one-armed paper hangers, and hopefully now you can exhale and enjoy this moment. Well deserved for both of you, and thank you for what you've done and what you plan to do. You know, I'm the kind of guy that doesn't get a lot of proclamations. When you do, it doesn't make it right, but when you do what I've done for a living, mostly the proclamations you get are angry readers proclaiming what an idiot you are for writing something they didn't agree with.

This was an honor.

What a cool thing that just happened.

They called it Greg Cody Day and everything, which I didn't expect. I expected a proclamation, but Greg Cody Day? My second career Greg Cody Day after the Fort Myers Minor League Baseball. But this was great. It was a real honor. My family was here. You were here. My granddaughter was here. The wife was here. My daughter-in-law. I mean, it was a great crowd, and I'm just really—

Look.

—I'm just.

Is it over?

Who are you thinking?

Is it over?

Yeah. I think you're going to show up for this.

That's late, that's more or less.

What the hell's going on with him?

What an honor.

What the—

It would have been very good.

And he showed up on time.

The video itself is jaundiced.

Oh, shut up. I try my best.

No, the whole thing is the color of unbrushed teeth.

Oh, I thought you were talking about my kid.

No, the whole thing is—

The whole thing is yellow.

I mean, you tried your best, but you didn't wipe down the camera.

Wipe off your camera, man.

That's trying your best. The video has gangrene. Like, it's turning yellow. My dad's 83 years old. I found something yellow on his arm the other day. That whole city commission color was—that should be a new Crayola color. City commission yellow.

Unbrushed teeth.

There was so much good stuff in that video. It almost makes me feel better about how Mike Ryan decided, in I believe the most of ways, to deliver to me the Malachi Toney news, which is just with an emoji and the emoji's throwing up. And I'm like, what? You could have just told me Malachi—he knew before other people knew, and he could have just told me, "Hey, Malachi Toney's sick," but he had to speak in code because people can't know things, because he's got to keep secrets from me, because he works for the program more than for me.

That's what I got yesterday too. I asked him, "Do we know anything yet?" I waited a while. I waited a few hours. I asked him, "Do we know anything yet?" And he just writes back to me, he goes, "I want to die."

He withheld information.

He wouldn't tell me.

From us. All I got was a damn throw-up emoji because I don't have a UM source. I only have a UM source that tells me he knows things and then doesn't tell me what they are. That's what he did. That's a way to deliver that news to your boss.

Mario Crisbal is my boss.

You make it clear all the time. I imagine you say it in bed. You have made that clear. You come in, you know what he comes in today with? Because he doesn't want to talk. He doesn't want to talk about—this is heartbreaking, that injury is—

It's really bad.

I know Barkoff obviously felt bad, but I don't know why it is that this seems like it feels worse. Just, I don't know whether it's college football. I don't know whether it's this rivalry. I don't know whether it's about waiting 20 years for Miami to actually be back and to be a consensus number one, and then Malachi Toney goes down and everyone here in Miami.

Malachi.

Received that news the same way.

I think it feels a little worse only because he's 19 years old and he was going to New York, and he was the Heisman leader at the time of the injury, and it's a huge bummer, hugely impactful for him, hugely impactful for the team, and we can get into all the ways that this—

You don't want to. You want to do a wheel of UM issues that aren't Malachi Toney.

No, Malachi Toney's on there, but I also—like, if I had my druthers, I would do this for three hours. I would just mope around with you guys because I'm devastated. This could have been a very special season. Now it still can be, but what was a foregone conclusion, it seemed like, and according to the FBI, Miami was like 98% to make the CFP. Now we're going to sweat this one.

I don't know if you guys expected it to be easy. These things rarely are. I also think that this is a really sweet position for the University of Miami to tell a championship story that it's never told before, because this would have been among the most hopeful, obviously, and it would have been wrecked in a way that seems unfair, and there is no other story in Miami championship football except '83 for Miami being an underdog because you know their best player was hurt.

Malachi.

Heartbroken is a beginning, but Miami has a chance to tell a story unlike ever told in program history because everyone knew how good this team was when he got hurt. That's the number one team in the country by consensus. Committee just told you that was easy. That's the easiest decision we made. Miami is back. 25 years waiting. They're back, and they've got two of the best players in the country. You may have some player in Ohio State that's better, but there is no huddle in the country that has two better players in it, and now Mensah goes into the story of the Heisman campaign without his best guy.

Well, and this is.

Do it with the receiver you had at Duke because you were damn good there. Now here's the stage, because this season risks dying at the feet of Duke because of how important this player is to this team. Unprecedented player in program history.

You mentioned the Heisman, that this is the opportunity for Darian Mensah to go out and win the Heisman. It's also the opportunity for Darian Mensah to go out and be the top quarterback drafted in next year's NFL Draft, right?

Yes.

Such a cool story that Miami could tell as unbelievably the consensus number one and more than a touchdown dog on the road against a program that never wins big games.

I thought they were going to win on Saturday. I thought the added juice of the CFP basically telling you, "Hey, if Notre Dame loses this game, they won't be able to survive it. They won't be—they'll be saying no to the Pop-Tart Bull again, and it's going to be really, really hard." Malachi's been dealing with an ankle all year long, and every time he goes out, Miami's just not bad offensively. Miami's like three and out bad, and there have been plenty—the reason why Mensah is in this Heisman campaign is he's been excellent, but every time there's a got to have it down, he's looking at number one, and number one makes the play.

Yeah, but you guys are doing devastating injury, and I'm doing opportunity. Like, go win your Heisman, Mensah.

Yeah. Well, I think CJ Carter's going to do the exact same thing. Everything that you're laying out for Mensah is there for the opposing quarterback.

Not only that, you spent money on Cooper Barkay because he was one of the best receivers in the ACC. All right, buddy, time to prove it, right?

Look, I—

Get the Spiderman ready.

I just don't—never mind championships. You don't win them easily. Heisman's neither. Like, this is how you win them. You can separate yourself from the guy who's going to take your votes in that huddle if you won this game because he won it for you. Now go. Go. Best quarterback in UM history is here for you because you can do it. You've got 25 touchdown passes. You never turn the ball over. As a quarterback, you have been, statistically, somebody who has elevated himself to number one pick in the land. You're going on the road to Notre Dame with a consensus number one, and you're a touchdown dog because the money doesn't believe you can do it.

Which is a drastic change in 24 hours. I haven't seen anything quite like this. Miami was very public yesterday as a dog. On DraftKings Sportsbook, you can track the action. They had over 70% of the action.

Can't be now.

24 hours. No, the line has ballooned up two points. That's because the money is pouring in, and a lot of people, once the news started trickling in, and whenever it comes in like, "Hey, something doesn't add up here," you know there's something more to it.

The reporting was awful yesterday.

Well, so let's talk—I want to talk about this in a different way.

College is very different.

Awful. Look, man, we are professionalizing this stuff so much, and things are moving very fast. So what happened yesterday was it started as internet rumor, and then it was denied by people, credible people, who got out in front of the sourcing and said he was going to play. Some of this stuff is dangerous too, with the information business being what it is. Like, where this stuff gets corroded is unpleasant, but for a couple of hours there yesterday, you've got something that's internet rumor, but you've got credible people saying he's fine, and in the darkness, you've got these dark agents texting people throw-up emojis.

Well, I'm disappointed that this terrible injury to Malachi Toney happened on Greg Cody Show Day. I am going behind the scenes talking to the appropriate authorities that tried to rescind this injury in my honor.

That's a memorable feeling to come from the historic jaundiced city commission. On the day that Greg Cody was proclaimed Greg Cody Day, we suffered the worst injury in the University of Miami's history.

Yeah, I'm embarrassed by that coincidence.

Worse since Melvin Bratton. Understand what you're doing.

Roy, what are you doing to me? What are you doing?

I mean, that's what happens.

It's all you, buddy.

Dan Le Batard.

This is the quickest it goes. Hey, this is the quickest it goes.

Greg Cody.

Everybody, this is the quickest it goes.

Yeah.

This is the Dan Le Batard Show.

Here's the thing. I'm looking for a silver lining here. Mensah can win the Heisman trophy now. I don't think he previously, I thought Mensah and Toney would take each other's votes.

He can win it Saturday.

He can win it Saturday. That's right.

Mensah can win the Heisman trophy on Saturday.

Yeah, and here's the other thing. Barkay is a WR1 caliber receiver. He's not Toney, but he's a.

He was great at Duke. Miami bought Duke's program. Duke's program won the ACC. Duke's program can beat you this year without Malachi Toney.

Right.

Duke has Duke's made more improvements, I would say, in the last 10 years than Miami has. Going from a team that had a track around its field to winning the ACC in a way that Miami has not.

You know, you guys can joke all you want, but I continue to come up with ways to improve the game. Who's laughing now when I say that you should be able to trade in college football?

He's right about that.

You're telling me right now the Hurricanes, who have national championship aspirations, they wouldn't be better served being able to make a trade? You're telling me Miami calls up Ohio State, says, "Hey, we're interested in Jeremiah Smith." Whoa.

What are you giving up?

Everything.

Guys, the video of him saying that, seriously, who's laughing now, wild dressed like that? It made Greg Cody laugh. Like, Greg Cody staring at Zaz and looking at him saying, "How can you be expected to be taken seriously looking that way?"

Yeah. Full disclosure, I did not take that into account. There are a ton of flawed teams in the nation. We always hear like the take that drives me crazy is, "Nah, nobody's good. Everybody can get got. Nobody's great." And largely, there is a lot of parity, and I don't think that there is a perfect team. There are some teams that are more complete than others, but there isn't a totally complete team. And I have a theory as to why that is. What's your theory as to why that is? Is this just NIL from the get-go?

I only have to have one theory. I'm not allowed to have multiple theories? Like, you're saying what's the primary reason for that?

I think the reason why you're seeing more flawed teams right now is this was the first year without a spring transfer portal window where teams get their guys, and they realize, "All right, we have holes." I know for a fact that if Miami saw their team and was able to go out and get help along the defensive line, along the secondary, along the offensive line, Miami would have hit the portal in the spring hard in ways that they had previously. Nobody was afforded that. So everyone's got to work with these flaws.

Maybe this is kind of the same thing, but I just think it's that teams don't have depth anymore because of NIL, because of transfer portal.

This points to that.

Yeah. Like those old Hurricanes teams where your backfield is Willis McCahey and Frank Gore and Clinton Portis.

Bad example. The running back room does have depth this year.

No, no, but the point being, like, those days are essentially long gone because you wouldn't be a backup when you could be a starter somewhere else and make money.

You know what? Miami can still win this game Saturday because Fletcher and Mallory could both have 100 yards rushing against this depleted defense. I don't give up on the idea that the Hurricanes can upset the Irish in South Bend. What interests me, and I wonder, Mike, if you know the answer to this, if it's a high ankle sprain, why is he having surgery? You very rarely hear surgery when it comes to a sprain.

It's a newer thing. And I'm sure a bunch of us were searching out this injury, and Toney knows quite a bit about it.

Yeah, it's called the tightrope surgery, and Tua actually had it a couple of years ago when he had a high ankle sprain. You're going to see probably Jeremiah Love this season have one. It basically takes your bone. They put a metal wire through and tighten because what happens with the high ankle sprain, the two bones kind of separate, so they want to put them back together and heal it by trimming some of the ligaments and then putting it back in.

We're listening to Toney about medicine now?

Dr. Toney is a great new segment. Like, unbelievable.

Tightening.

No, I'm here for Toney as injury expert.

Yes, I love him.

I'm here for us developing a segment that we've never had in our history, Dr. Toney, where he there's value here. There are plenty of people doing this, and Toney, for some reason.

I'll find the teleshooter.

For some reason, all of us decided to make Dr. Toney a surgeon here. I want to go surgically into the hows and whys of where it is this staff and this quarterback and this offensive line and this running back room can change this game. You can, Mario Cristibal, if you insist on running through the A gap all the time. You can spend this game changing some of what it is that your offense has been doing this season, given what I'm about to put in front of you.

So the numbers, Mallory's been dealing with injuries all season long, so there's been a lot of data that's representative so you can see his impact. They actually just put the graphic up on SportsCenter. Jeremy and I were slack jawed looking at it. Yards per attempt cut in half. QBR cut in half with Malachi Toney on the field without. Like, all of Mensah's big-time plays, BTTs pretty much, come because of Malachi Toney.

I don't think that people listening to this that are considering the possibility that the way that Miami has to win this football game is running it right at Notre Dame's side.

Murder ball. Murder ball. So there's all right, we have two schools of thought. Number one, you want sunshine and rainbows? Shannon Dawson had the best offense in the nation with Jacoby George and Xavier Restrepo and Damian Martinez. So we've done this before at a high level without Malachi Toney before. But also, we made it to a national title game playing murder ball, and Miami's been very effective running the ball, effective going up against the number one rush defense in the nation.

Mass kicks ass.

Miami, even though it frustrates me because we play into other teams dictating tempo as we saw in Chapel Hill, Miami is more than comfortable doing the I-go-you-go game. And we'll see who we'll keep this one score.

It's how they beat Notre Dame here.

Yes, it's how they had all their signature wins. And it's also how they got got by SMU, even though that was a weird game. Jojo basically made that a game by turning a touchdown into an interception. But yes, it's why I get frustrated because you could lose to UNC that way, but it's also how you beat a team that has a talent advantage. Now, I'm not saying Notre Dame has a talent advantage. They got plenty of injuries in their own right. But I think this is a path, and Miami's more than comfortable playing that way.

You give me all the times in history, please, Jeremy, that a consensus number one has been a seven-and-a-half-point dog. I'd like to know what the history is on this.

I know five-and-a-half I saw this stat. It's like five-and-a-half and over. It's happened six times. Ironically enough, the number one team in the nation that has been like that big of a dog, and it's always been contextualized by injuries or something. They're five and one against a spread, I think, is the number that I saw on the lower third.

I said last year when Miami was playing Indiana, I didn't think that they should be that big of an underdog against anybody. I don't believe that Miami is a seven-and-a-half-point underdog against anybody in the country. But amazing to me that now everyone's expecting Notre Dame to win this game. Okay, that's interesting. Given that I've seen them win precious few of these over the last couple of years, I've been saying, and Mike corrects me every time, Miami hasn't I'm sorry, Notre Dame has not won against the top 15 teams since 2023. And he says correctly, regular season.

Yep.

In a regular season game for their season.

This is kind of a playoff game for Notre Dame.

In a regular season game for their season, while Notre Dame is injured, they are expected by more than one touchdown to beat the consensus number one. And I'm like, okay, you've seen that game won by Notre Dame how many times? Because I said it's recency bias. I said Notre Dame never wins these games. No, they did in the '50s. They did in the '60s. They did with, you know, back when those Army winners, those Army Heisman candidates were 1-2 in the Heisman room.

Does that count as recency bias from 1970 on? Is that recency bias?

I mean, we could play that game the other way.

I can't say Notre Dame never wins big games because they did in the '50s. They won all of them.

I know. And again, the CFP run where they were plenty hurt and still made a march. You could also do that game with Miami also never wins this game in South Bend. I don't think I was alive the last time they did.

There is an incredible opportunity to add to the history, the lore of this rivalry. Incredible opportunity. It was already a great opportunity to end Notre Dame's season, essentially. But now the opportunity the history can show.

It's still that opportunity.

Now the opportunity is the history can show that minus Malachi Toney, with everyone doubting the number one team in the country who is now a touchdown dog, they still.

It's a sweet spot.

Go into South Bend and ruin Notre Dame's season.

It's a sweet spot.

My undercover Malachi called this a sweet spot.

It is.

No, it's not.

It is.

The best player in the country is no longer on the roster, and we may not see him again this season.

Mike, if you win this game, it's all the sweeter. You're the underdog.

Yeah, no doubt. It'll be sweet if we win the game. But if we lose the game, you are sweating the next three home games.

You have a mic. Nothing makes you feel more alive than what? When they're taking the chips away from you. Right? This is the most juice game of the entire season, Dan. We've been looking at this season like, all right, we just got to continue to win. This one, it's like, oh no, now we have to win because there is no looking back. If you lose two of the next four games, it's over.

No. But you guys are doing something funny here. They can lose this game and have it not matter at all by simply beating Duke and Virginia Tech, but because of how they looked in the second half against Wake Forest and because of who this player is. I don't know that I've ever talked this way about a game that a local team has. Like, Barkov had some of this, but the idea that Miami is going into a game as the consensus number one, as a giant underdog, losing their most electric player, disappointing Miami and everyone who wanted this to feel like a more meaningful game.

In 1984, the BYU Cougars played Jim Harbaugh and the Michigan Wolverines in the Holiday Bowl. They were seven-point underdogs. They won that game, finished the season undefeated with that win, and won the national championship by winning the Holiday.

This is where emotion gets in Mike's way. I get why you're disappointed, Mike. I'm telling you this is an opportunity because we're using judges now. You don't think the committee's not going to know why Miami lost the game? You think they're going to be confused by why Miami lost?

I don't disagree with your general sentiment headed into Notre Dame.

Glass-half-filled situations?

Truthfully, boys, that's not what I'm worried about.

The rest of the season.

I have canceled a hotel in Charlotte like seven times in my life, and I thought this was the year that I didn't have to kill off a grandparent.

It's not this game you're worried about. It's the rest of the season.

I think Miami is in the an enviable position in a way, considering the loss. This is the number one ranked team that also gets to play the underdog card, the nobody believes in us card.

It's unbelievable. It's unbelievable.

Mario Cristibal, we all know Mario. He's already salivating over what his pre-game speech is going to be.

The linemen in the running back room. Hey, guys, we got to win this one for baby Jesus. You know how we're going to do it? Right in their face.

Mass kicks ass.

Dan Le Batard.

Yeah, very much.

Imagine if someone told you you couldn't have a Corvette.

I'm a grown-ass man who's not filthy rich. I can't afford a Lamborghini.

Greg Coty.

Well, I probably can, but that's beside.

Hey.

Whoa, wow.

Hey, Greg.

This is the Dan Le Batard Show.

There's only one thing in one person that can make me maybe feel a little bit more optimistic, and that's Dr. Tony.

Oh, boy.

Dr. Tony, tell me why Malachi Toney's coming back.

All right, lads. So we're going to take a look here at the foot, the human anatomy, right?

Talk to me.

Incredible. So what you see right here, this is where the drilled holes are going to be. Because these two bones, as you can see right there, those two bones are about just a little slanted out when you have some sort of high ankle sprain, right? So what you do is you got to drill basically into these holes right here, right? And then you take a wire, and then you wrap the wire around, and then you tighten it. So they'll have like a couple of things here that'll tighten, boom, tighten, tighten, tighten, which brings the bones back together, right?

Seems like a lot for a teenager.

I believe that we need to get a lab coat or something for Dr. Tony's injury report. I think that that bit has some legs because there is value in this. We don't do this. Metalark Media doesn't do this. Doctors are popping up all over the place on YouTube. Let me explain this real quick to you because everybody cares. What does this mean? How long is Malachi Toney? Dr. Tony giving us injury updates on Malachi Tony. Let's find a lab coat. Let's find something that builds out this character. Doctor, highly a Dr. Tony.

Yeah, like I'm good.

With a cigarette. Yes.

Oh, my cigarette.

It needs some props. It can't just be a Tellustrator and a dick joke. Dr. Tony needs some props.

Yeah, stethoscope for sure.

Can you guys please tell me from that jaundiced video, I was delighted, delighted to hear Greg Coty use four of his catchphrases in the time that he was given. That was a huge effort by Greg Coty on Greg Coty Day, remembered forever for the day that Miami's number one season collapsed on Malachi Toney's foot.

I had to cut down my dad's speech. It got borderline where I'm looking around like, does he think this is like a the whole room, like there's like they go through like seven things there. It's kind of just like, come on, get in, get out, take your photo. And my dad did like a three-minute speech about like, oh, we're plantation people. He said that like five times, which isn't a great look.

It was over with the crowd. I'm playing to the crowd.

I thought you were told to keep it to one or two minutes. Chris, he went too long?

I was just I'm sitting there recording it, and I'm looking around the room, and it just felt like he was the Oscar music was about to start playing. That's the way it felt.

We're plantation people. That's your slogan, huh?

The room was eaten out of my hand. Come on.

Wait a minute. You actually looked at it in these times.

Multiple times he said it.

In these times, you looked a whole lot of old white people in a room.

We're plantation people.

We're plantation people? You decided to say.

It's the name of the city.

To play on.

In these times.

Yes.

In these times.

Even more now than ever.

It actually said.

Actually, no.

They decided yesterday that that's not the case.

Was more now than ever.

We're a plantation people.

Let's change the name of the city. How about that?

Greg, you and I, let's do it. I live there too. Let's start a petition.

Let's do catchphrases. Let's do a T-shirt. We're plantation people. See how that sells.

It had to be said.

We're plantation you looked at a room full of old white people in a jaundiced room in a sad city hall from the 1940s where Zaz arrived late.

He didn't actually look at the people because if you look at the video, he's talking to the commission, and the people are behind him, which I thought it was odd. There was so much good stuff. My dad tried to walk behind. You know, like it's like there's the city council people, and then there's like the crowd. He tried to walk behind the desk where the people were sitting, and they're like, sir, you have to go to the podium. And then he started addressing the crowd. He was literally like standing to the side of the podium facing the crowd, and the lady's like, sir, you're supposed to.

Chris, that is your father at the very epicenter of his historic narcissism. Like everyone cares about me on Greg Coty Day. I wish every day was Greg Coty Day, and I could walk through the jaundiced halls of city hall surrounded by the applause of old white people.

I'm going to start a petition on change.org, and it's going to be to change plantation to Cotyville. How do we feel about that, Greg?

You know what? I was going to be against you just for the sake of changing the name, but Cotyville, I'm going to take that.

Got a ring to it. All right. I'm on it.

Okay. I'll sign that petition.

By the way, Dad, do you want to announce the announcement they made late in this ceremony? I don't think we've told this audience.

Okay. I will announce that. I've known about it for a couple of weeks, but they told me I couldn't announce it until it was announced by the city.

Wait a minute. You didn't scoop yourself on your big story? So you betrayed my wife, but when it came to the city of plantation, because you're a plantation person, you respected all the old white people.

Correct. Actually, the commissioner, Ashton Bright, is a black gentleman. They just elected him by a major majority of 65.7%. And congratulations to him. The announcement that was made last night that I can now confirm is that in addition to it having been Greg Coty Day in the city, I will also be the grand marshal of the plantation holiday parade.

Oh, boy.

Thank you very much.

That is a true statement.

I'm already working on my wave from the float or whatever the hell they have me on. Thank you.

Also start the website We're Plantation People. See what that takes you.

No, thank you. I don't want to end up on a list.

Take some chances, Jeremy.

That's quite an honor. That's exciting.

It is exciting. I'm going to have my granddaughter on the float with me.

I'll get Yeti on it.

Happy for you.

Thank you.

The room is jaundiced, correct? We're in agreement. It delighted me to hear there were fans there, that they're.

Multiple. Two.

Three minutes plus.

You didn't have to say the exact number. Could have just left it at multiple.

And a little elderly woman who came up with me, so that's three fans.

Chris is so right. He's so used to Jerry ringing his father's numbers because his father is excited whenever he gets 412 people, and Chris is like embarrassed by his father bragging. Chris has gotten good at the quick math of hide what the numbers actually are. Don't say two of our fans showed up. Say the place was filled with multiples. Greg, you were supposed to go a minute. You went three, and your big war chant was, "We're plantation people."

I went about three minutes, yeah. I live in the city called plantation, and so you'll forgive me if I refer to myself as a plantation guy. When I've been there 30 years, I raised my family there. I didn't name the city.

He went down. Slaves were raised on that land.

He went into what schools Michael and I went to. Like I'm telling you, he was yammering.

You know, I'm playing to my crowd, man.

Self-involved. Your crowd is you.

No, my crowd was.

Your crowd is me maximum. Plantation people.

A bunch of other plantation people in the crowd. Damn right.

Zazlo, you really arrived late. That wasn't a bit.

I honest to God, I arrived when I arrived. My dad did say 6:30, and they started at 6:00. So my dad was kind of done by 6:15. It's kind of my dad's fault for telling Zaz it started at 6:30.

We didn't want to miss bowling, so I hurried the city up a little.

He had them they like readjusted everything.

My totally missed it.

Me maximum.

Thank you.

There was a whole announcement. They're like, can we move this up? The Women's Club of Plantation, we're going to give them second because he needs to get out of here.

For your bowling?

We didn't tell them the reason, but.

We did miss the first game.

What a diva. He's unbelievable. For your bowling.

He made the Plantation Women's Club. Wait.

The Women's Club. I didn't even know there were Women's Clubs anymore.

They made like a $26,000 donation to like the police department.

Not on his plantation. There's not going to be any women's habit clubs. Not golf clubs, not any kind of clubs.

Let me go last here.

No club. Not on his plantation. Not when it's Greg Coty Day on his plantation.

Me? I don't know what to say about this plantation thing. It's the name of the effing city.

Effing?

Effing.

That was unnecessary. You brought in your proclamation, gotten in your jaundiced room, we came here, and we celebrated it.

A lot of this is unnecessary.

Did you get a key?

No.

No key to the city? A parade, but no key?

No key.

What would you rather have?

You got to go parade.

Oh, yeah. I'd rather have a parade. The key is going to be one of these big fake keys.

Parade's a higher honor.

He was complaining at the thing. He's like, you gave me my day at 6:00 PM. I only get six hours left.

It's ridiculous.