Transcript of Whoopi Was Robbed: Tuesday, May 12th, 2026 New

Good morning, girlies. It's the toast. It's Jackson, Claude, and we're your hosts. It's your favorite show, the fast 5 things you need to know.

We'll start your day off swirly. It's the toast.

I sound amazing.

Welcome back to the toast. Happy Tuesday. Actually, It feels more like Tuesday because it's kind of the breaking news that Sports Illustrated has finally chosen someone.

Chosen 4, of course.

Some few. Yeah.

The covers came out this morning. Of course, we'll get into it in the stories. I just—

our predictions could not have been more wrong.

Whoopi Goldberg is on the COVID of Sports Illustrated.

Whoopi Goldberg is your 2026 Sports Illustrated Rookie of the Year. Rookie of the Year.

I know that they were scrambling and I know they're gonna work it out for next year. But I'm excited to discuss the covers, which we will do in the first story, which we will do in the first story.

Uh, hey Jax, how you doing?

Beyond the covers, how are we doing? I'm doing good, you know, great, great Tuesday, starting off on a good foot. What did I do yesterday? I had a fun day. Oh, I was cooking for them kids. We had all the kids over, made some meatballs.

Meatballs. I haven't had a meatball in a minute.

Yeah, no, and I, um, I, I took a break and now I'm making them like once a week again. So good. Such an easy weeknight dinner.

The thing with meatballs is like once you have them, you kind of get into like a toxic cycle where you have them like a couple of times like a week and then you hate them, so you stop eating them. And then like a month goes by and you're like, wait, why don't I make meatballs anymore? And just thus continues the vicious cycle.

But what I like about the meatballs that we make is they could really be like dressed up or down for any occasion. You could go Italian, You could go like Thai, you know, Thai. You could go a little like Asian fusion.

Um, just personally, like, I like my meatballs Italian. Like, that's—

but you love Melinda's.

I do love Melinda's Thai chili seasoning. Not in my meatballs, in my lettuce wraps. In my Thai chicken lettuce wraps, yes.

But a lettuce wrap is just a deconstructed meatball.

Well, so that's also a part of growing up is realizing like 8 different meals are just made the exact same way but like in different forms.

So like, you're using ground meat, you're cutting your garlic. In different countries, like the quesadilla is the grilled cheese of the South.

I guess it is, except that like grilled cheese— I'm sorry, anybody who puts even a tomato in their grilled cheese is fucking crazy. Like a grilled cheese with $8 worth of Jarlsberg is perfect, right?

So it's like, are we gonna have—

quesadilla is like better when you add veggies, meat. Like it's not just cheese, but I hear what you're saying.

Are we gonna have cheese and dough this way or that way today? Yeah.

Are we gonna have ground meat and onions this way or that way? Like meatballs, bolognese. Like you could literally do chicken lettuce wraps, like tacos, meat. Like it's all the same ingredients, but like different seasonings.

Yeah. But it's also, it's, it's very like, you know, worldly experience. Where are we going to dine this evening around the world?

Last evening I dined at Zabar's.

What, you had Zabar's for dinner?

Yeah, you know, I picked up— so I was being so— I've actually been like so chill lately, very grab-a-slice energy. Okay. Like when we were in our trip, uh, which I have to update you guys on in a minute, when we were on our trip we were playing billiards and Ben was like, this is so grab-a-slice. It was like so— like just spending the afternoon playing billiards Um, and then last night we just like went to the park and it was like 4 or 5 o'clock, so we're like, oh, should we pick up— we picked up some like pre-made stuff from Zabar's, like some, you know, stuff. And it was, it was so chill. It was very grab-a-slice.

Oh, that's nice. I've been chill as well. Like, I feel like last week I was a little too chill. Like, I think we forgot to eat. No, we ordered in like probably like 3. I usually like to order like once, maybe twice, and by order in like either pick something up, but like now on Tuesdays like we order pizza with like the—

that's so chill.

I'm like, we'll go to the park or something, like, with, like, the Shapiro kids. And it, like, it just was sort of born of necessity, but it's very chill and it's very fun.

There's something so special about pizza when you're a kid, I guess, because it really marks, like, a celebration. You're not— you're eating pizza at, like, a birthday party or, like, a gathering. Like, pizza— and you know what, as an adult, I want to say it's just as special.

Like, the box of pizza—

when I see, like, a stack of boxes, it's like, you know, I know shit's about to go the fuck down.

You know, it's on popping.

Like, what is it about pizza that's like so joyous, celebratory? Yeah, so joyous.

Yes.

I don't know if it's the shape, like it's just beautiful.

Yeah, so I think that we're going to have a pizza night tonight.

I need a pizza afternoon. I need a slice pizza. When I was pregnant, I was always treating myself to a slice of pizza. I don't know why I stopped doing that.

Do it, treat yourself, Turtle. Yeah, grab a slice.

I did want to update everyone about my Jewel saga from yesterday because I now feel confident that I was very much underreacting and I, there were things that could have gone wrong with this jewel that I didn't even think of until I told the story. And then people in the comments were like, yeah, and jewels are known for just like randomly exploding. Facts. I didn't even think of the fact that like Ruby could have found it and like started chewing on it. Like I, I wasn't thinking of that.

She could have like broken off a piece of it. It's a choking hazard. It was so, it was so much worse. Thank God it was under the mattress.

Thank God. I of course heard from the facility. Now it's wrong that I only heard from them because I have a podcast, you know what I mean? What about the mothers with Jules in their cribs who don't have a podcast? Like, it's wrong, but you're doing it for them. Yes. And full transparency, I did get my entire trip comped, which is not even what I wanted. I really thought that they had made it right maybe comping like one night or like a free massage at the spa. Now they ended up spending more money and getting their name dragged through the mud because they couldn't have just been generous or just like done the right thing. So just full transparency, I did get a full refund. And let this be your sign to all the mamas out there, like, you're not underreacting and you should make it a bigger deal. But then you hate to be like, oh, you're only giving me a $250 credit, cuz it's like, well, that's not why I'm mad. Like, you know what I mean? Like, it makes it seem like you're only getting mad so you get a credit.

No, no, no, I, I just, I don't feel like that feels that way. I don't.

Yeah, somebody said like, if you've ever set up a pack and play too, you would know that you need a vape. Like, I have a teenager. A teenager who has no idea how to set up a pack and play. Like obviously he was stressed, puffing on that Juul.

Okay. And they can like do a little less and just drop the pack and play at your room and the parents know how to set it up.

And I actually think that that should be like a hotel policy in general.

Yeah. Like I don't—

you should have set up, set up your pack and play.

Like hands touching.

Yeah. I was actually shocked when it arrived fully assembled. I was quite thrilled. I'm not gonna lie.

Yeah. I don't know. I guess if it didn't arrive assembled, we'd be like, oh my gosh. Or sometimes they extend a crib and it's like, Who's going to put this crib together?

This crib for me?

It's not going to be me. Plus, they know how their things work. Every pack and play has its own quirk. So they made it right.

They made it right. We're all good. We're, we're, we're fine.

And you did say other, like, nice things about the hotel. Yeah, in general, I— that's not, like, a thing that we subscribe to, like, putting, like, a business on blast or whatever. But you were also just talking about the hotel in general and the spa and the divot for the breast. And so, like, we just wanted to know what hotel you were at.

The divot for the breasts.

You didn't like say it to be like, and you, Natura Carta, Mohegan Sun.

Don't bring Mohegan Sun into this, they would never.

Wait, what? I thought you said it's the Mohegan.

What?

The name.

Now you're disparaging more businesses. No, Mohegan Sun is in Connecticut.

I was in New Jersey. The collection of hotels.

I don't want to say it again because, you know, they made it right and it's on. That is like the parent company. Yes.

Oh, I thought it was Mohegan Sun.

Um, I haven't ever actually been to Mohegan Sun as like a born and bred New Englander. By the way, am I in New England? No.

No.

Okay, I said New England over the weekend. I was like, I don't think I'm actually like in New England. So Northeast. As a born and bred Northeasterner, I've never been to Mohegan Sun, and it's sort of like a rite of passage. I think we should go.

Yeah, I feel like our time passed. We thought we like There was a time where we should have gone for sure. Yeah, yeah, you know, when we used to go to like Foxtrots, Foxwoods, Atlantic City.

Yeah, yeah, we should have done a Mohegan Sun weekend, but they're always having fire concerts.

Yeah, you know, so if you're out there and you want to go, you should go. It's never too late. Actually, it is too late to go to Mohegan Sun for some people.

For us, yeah.

But like, there's no time like the present is what I meant to say. Beautiful.

There's no time like the present. It is Tuesday, which means we have Dear Toasters. And I, I took some of the feedback from the DTQ, you know, the ever-present DTQ. Um, it was getting dark just to like scale back a little bit on the darkness. I found them interesting, but I agree, like, that's not what this podcast is about.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for like all the pedophilia and like sex crimes. A thousand percent. So we've got some lighthearted, like, you know, P-Jam, like P-Jam boyfriend. Yeah, the PNP job, actually, common misconception, does not stand for pedophile. Like, sorry guys, I forgot to tell you that.

Um, I'm glad to hear that because it was getting heavy, too heavy a load.

I see you, I hear you. As always, the DTQ, I am your vessel and I am your messenger, and I will, I will make it right.

Good. We actually have so many stories today. I have to sort of like organize them because it's definitely more than 5, and, and the Leftovers from yesterday didn't make the cut for sure.

Um, what was it? What was leftover? Oh, you know, people really did want to hear your take about that.

I know. Oh, mine?

Yeah.

Why me specifically?

Because you're like a smart, fun, interesting person with a podcast. Like, is that okay?

Yeah, yeah, sure. Happy, happy to oblige. Um, my take is like, he, he wants to get backlash. Like, no person in their right mind, right, goes on a rant like that That is like textbook what influ— what you can say, polarizing. Yeah, like he wants all of this. This is like— maybe things were a little quiet on the James Charles front. Do I have to have him on namesake? James Charles.

James.

Oh, Charles.

I guess like last names don't count.

I guess like I could have him on namesake if I wanted to.

You know who we have to have on namesake?

Who? Charles from Younger?

No, David Usher. You guys, when we were in high school, there was, you know, in every Yellow Cab there was a taxi TV and they would play like the same 4 clips. And one of the guys, he's like a local news correspondent who obviously got demoted to the taxi TV segment. His name is David Usher. U-S-H-E-R. H-E-R-Y. And he was always like, hey, yeah, in the backseat of the taxi, I'm David Usher. And it was like, is that my brother? Like, it was insane.

We will definitely have—

what is up to—

what?

Yeah, I wonder what he's up to.

He's the local reporter. He's definitely crushing it.

I actually think he's risen the ranks quite a bit, and he's like a big local NBC correspondent.

We're always rooting for him.

I'm always rooting for David Usher and Sade Baderinwa and Sandy Kenyon.

Why? Sandy Canyon's like a toaster.

Yeah, no, actually I take it back. I love Sandy Canyon.

Um, but back to James Charles.

Sandy Canyon with the Eyewitness News movie minute.

James Charles like wants this to be happening, so all of it to me seems completely like fake because—

so for anyone who's unfamiliar, he went on a rant on TikTok over the weekend just basically like talking about this message he got, somebody being like, can you donate to my GoFundMe? And it was like a person who didn't follow him, someone who got like laid off from Spirit Airlines abruptly when they went Muhalla, and he just like did this insane fucking rant on like how like why it's influencers' responsibilities to donate to GoFundMes and like you don't even follow me and it's like Spirit Airlines, get your shit together and go get a job. Like it was the type of thing you think but you don't ever say, like ever.

No, and he has been an influencer for over a decade, he knows that that is like a one-way ticket to backlash cancellationville. And I think he wanted a trip there because it is exciting and fun to get on the ride sometimes and it does like sort of We're all trying to navigate success.

I wouldn't say it's exciting and fun, but it is an indicator of success. Like, yeah, people who have real followings get backlash. It's like a signal that you are, you know, have an impact, that you have influence. If you're shouting into a void, there's no backlash cuz no one's listening. So it is sort of like a rite of passage.

I think he was just doing like a gut check. Are people still listening to me?

Great. Right.

Great. I, I like, I actually am not gonna like opine on what he meant and whether there was merit because he's baiting all of you and not me. What did you think about it?

I agree 1,000%. You like, what? Why on earth would you say that? I just want to say I do think there's one thing that he said that had merit. Just one. If you are going to send your GoFundMe, which you absolutely should, to influencers, like it's a huge opportunity. Like you should just follow them, like, right? Just as a courtesy, you know.

It's just— and also it helps your chances.

Absolutely.

Getting that donation and getting the donation.

It's not even the donation so much as like the platform.

Well, it helps your chances of like the visibility within the platform, but also like your influencer might want to do you a solid, like if they think that you're a fan of theirs, that would help.

I just want to say there is a lot of— and I don't want to like, you know, I don't want to get canceled for James Charles's crimes, but there is a fair amount of scamming that goes on on GoFundMe. So when you are a person with a platform, you do have to be really careful about which ones you post. Yeah, it happens a lot. Yeah, I would say the majority of GoFundMes are like good, honest things, but you just got to be careful.

Yeah, yeah, there's a lot of things, you know, the internet's a crazy place.

You don't know this, you're telling me, you know, this account—

did this account make yesterday? Like, you just don't know. So yeah, just sort of, I don't know, I think just do your best. I think he knew what he was doing, so like, oh yeah, James Charles is far too seasoned.

This is a rookie, rookie rant.

Yeah, rookie.

Rookie of the Year rant.

Speaking of rookies, are you ready for our Fast Five stories?

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Why do people want to hear me talk about James Charles? Because they thought I was going to agree with him.

Oh, I don't know, I just like— I thought people wanted to hear you talk about it.

That's funny. No, I did.

I thought like—

I saw that people wanted us to talk about, but now I'm like, why? They thought I was going to go hard.

I'm cracking up. No, maybe they thought you were going to agree with him. For sure, for sure.

Um, okay, first up, Sports Illustrated 2026 cover models have been announced. We have 4 covers: Hilary Duff, Alex Earle, Nicole Williams English, and Tiffany Haddish.

So I have so many thoughts. Like, obviously, as Alex Earle's, like, literally number one fan, and as of most recently, like, her inspiration, um, I love this. I do want to say and this is zero, zero, like, slight against Alex Earle— is it such an obvious choice? And I remember like a year or two ago when they first like had her on the digital cover and like, they should have been brave and like taken a chance on a young influencer then, because now it's like, well, yeah, obviously, you know?

Yeah.

And I feel like for always, I mean, I have to just forget this idea of Sports Illustrated that I have in my head because at one point, like, it was the maker and breaker of things and now they're just like up with trends, like what's cool now when like, you know, the plus-size movement was—

Hillary Duff is on a tour, so we'll put her on the COVID even though last year she would never have been considered because she's like not doing press. Like, yeah, it's just so PR.

I remember when both Xandra and Alex Earle had gotten plucked, I think 2 years ago. It was such a big deal and it would have been such a risk and like a, like a statement if they had chosen Alex. And I actually remember saying like she should be on the COVID And then like a few months later they put her on the digital cover. So it's like they had to work up to it. And I just feel like they're not taking chances. Like, I like— they're not making bold moves.

Like Whoopi Goldberg would have been a bold move.

Correct. I have zero, literally zero issue with any of these choices. I'm just like not inspired. And I actually think some of the pictures are not good. Like, I think they kind of did Hilary Duff dirty. She's like, her neck looks broken.

Yeah. And it's— yeah, there's a difference between like what looks like, like, high editorial, um, when you look at the covers, versus like, oh, I'm on vacation and I, and I took a picture. And we've had that issue in the past.

Yes. By the way, what you just said is brilliant.

Oh, thank you.

It's good because these days with the G7X, like, I could take these pictures.

Yeah, like, I'm on—

all these influencers.

Yeah, I want to say covers-wise, I think Alex Earle's cover is unreal.

Let me look at them all together. I do want to say I didn't know that, um, Tiffany Haddish was rocking a body like that, do you know what I mean? That's why I like—

it's always good to, like, learn of a new body, beautiful body. Yeah, like when they did Salma Hayek. Yeah, uh, I guess she's the Salma of this year.

Why are you saying it like that? Like, I was gonna let it slide the first time, I really was.

Salma.

Salma. Like, why you— Salma.

I said Salma.

Salma Hayek.

Salma Hayek.

You're putting so much L into it.

It's like a light L. I like saying it. It's a light L. I like it. Why? Uh, because I like it. Are you looking at the covers? Yes.

Yeah, I just want to say, if you're writing about Sports Illustrated, like, who the models are, and you're not putting the covers in your articles, todayshow.com, like, seriously, they must not have the rights or something.

You have to go to— I, I only found it on swimsuit.si.com.

Okay. Yeah, Tiffany Haddish's body's insane. Like, I had no idea. Nicole Williams English is giving, like, you know, Sports Illustrated.

Yeah, to me, I love Nicole Williams English. She's from WAG. She's Like one of them. I don't know her. She's like Kourtney's best friend. I think she's going to be on The Girls. She's like Olivia and Natalie and Nicole, and she's been in Sports Illustrated. She announced her pregnancy on the runway of SI Swim. And she's another one for me that feels belated, you know, like now she's just like a classic Sports Illustrated girl and like, give— you should have given her the COVID pregnant 5 years ago. Like, that would have been interesting.

It's so funny when I think about trends because I feel like for so many years, like boobs were everything. Boobs are in, boobs out, boobs out. And now I feel like boobs are not— boobs are out and like vaginas in, you know?

Oh, I mean, but what about butt? Remember the butt?

Well, yeah, but like super high-waisted bikinis where you can like see like the— I actually feel like vagina.

I feel like boobs are coming back.

I hope so.

Boobs were like—

these covers are not very booby.

Boobs are very like early 2000s and then they went away and then the butt was here for a while. But now I feel like, you know, C cups are coming back.

I don't know why, like, Hillary's picture is so weird. Don't you find, like, her position— she looks so, like, in pain.

I feel like that's how she likes to be, you know.

I just want to say, like, these are good.

I love Alex's cover, and if this was the one, it would be. If I had to pick one, I think hers is the best, and I think that it should have been one. And, like, you're never gonna catch me loving a 4 cover.

Announcement back. And this is—

I would say it every year, so at this—

but I mean this in the world, like, bring back just choosing one.

Yeah, no, but at this point, like, we have said this, we say this every single year. I feel like work on record, every single year it's 4 covers. I don't think we're ever gonna get 1 cover ever again. I'm never gonna give up hope, but I'm telling you, I'll never give a damn about what you're doing if there's 4 of them.

And if we're never gonna get 4 covers again, fine, we're never gonna get an iconic cover ever again. Nothing can be iconic when you're a part of a group. I'm sorry, we have not had an iconic When I think of the last, like, really iconic— I don't know.

But also, I also like a couple girls on one cover. That's fine with me.

I could have 50 people on one cover. I just want one cover.

They did that.

I'm sorry, none of them were wearing bathing suits. They were all wearing gowns. That was awful.

That was awful.

No, they're syncing it up big time. This is so fine. It's, it's completely fine.

Yeah, it's not like exciting or innovative. Um, I will say it's not the big deal that it once was.

So okay, let's just move Yvonne, if I was like wanting to, you know, look deeper into this and be annoying, like body positive influence, I think these covers really do also reflect that, like, the body positivity movement, like, is over. Like, fat is out according to these covers. Not me, I would never say that, but like, it's giving, you know, it's much like other things, you know. Yeah, trends come and go. I'm just saying, like, if I, if I wanted to make a statement, I would, but I don't want to. Yeah, I mean, like, I can't remember the last time they didn't include, you know, a little something in there.

Yeah, but I guess like they're covering different categories here.

Yeah, old, young, mothers. True.

Singers, comedians.

Yeah, yeah, it's fine. I feel fine about this. Like, obviously I love my girl Alex Earle.

I love Tiffany Haddish. I love Nicole Williams' English.

Hillary Duff, although she and I have a complicated relationship.

But you've moved past it.

Absolutely.

Yeah, but it just, it's just not what it once was. Like, I almost, I almost miss when we were just getting to speculate over who the COVID was. That was almost more fun than the—

of course, because it's never going to be as good as our guesses.

But I just want to say, like, I do think Alex Earle's cover is really— I mean, it's a real— it's a cover that feels like a real cover.

Yeah, not just like a Canon G7X on like, uh, the beach in the Bahamas.

Yeah. And if it was given, you know, more of a pride of place treatment, like, it could have been iconic, but now it'll just be forgotten with the rest of these.

Well, this is just like a huge slay for Alex. Of all the covers, she's probably like the most up-and-coming technically, even though she's like— she's come, you know.

Yeah. She's here. No, honestly, it's a safer— the other girls like to be amongst her ranks.

Mhm.

Well, that was fun. Yeah. Are you ready for our next story? Mhm. Major upfronts, like, all happened yesterday.

I saw that the upfronts were happening.

NBCUniversal, Fox, and Amazon all hosted upfronts yesterday, and we got a lot of new show, canceled show information.

So upfronts are like B2B events where the networks like host these huge events for like their advertisers and their partners, announcing what shows are coming, what shows are leaving. It's like a big programming update, and they often make it like a big spectacle. They have a lot of celebrities in attendance, you know, partners.

Yeah, to get everyone excited and drum up interest in the coming programming slate. Um, so here's what we have from NBCU. First of all, they played a clip from the Summer House reunion.

They did?

Yeah, where they were talking about Wes's like exclusive relationship. It was like a sidebar conversation like with Sierra and Kyle and someone, uh, maybe like— I don't even know, they— it wasn't part of like the actual reunion. It was like hot mic talking about like Wes's relationship just to like titillate the viewers.

Oh, that's exciting.

Yes. Um, then we had Jimmy Fallon and Bozey's show canceled.

I was very upset about that, even though I didn't watch it. Like, I can't—

when you didn't watch one episode.

I know, because I just want, like, good things for my girl Bose. That's why I'm upset. I don't care about Jimmy Fallon. Like, he'll be fine. But, like, I wanted that for Bose.

Yeah. Another show like that was announced that we were excited about, and that has been subsequently canceled. I forget what it was, but I was like, how can I be mad about this? I did not watch it.

I know. And, like, that's on me for sure. And, like, I should have, like, been using my platform to get everyone to watch it. But, but I didn't, so—

but, but we didn't. Um, then, you know, Vin Diesel was there, Tina Fey.

Bravo announced a new show, Secrets, Lies, Texas Wives.

It's giving like reality version of Hunting Wives.

Yeah, it's also clearly like a play on the Secret Lives of Mormon Wives.

Yeah, but I feel like they're trying to like capitalize on the Hunting Wives phenomenon.

Yeah, I found it shocking just because, like, I feel like we were talking about this with the Hulu Get Real event, um, where Hulu has kind of taken over for Bravo as like the leading unscripted, like, destination for unscripted TV shows. So the fact that, like, they have a show coming out that is— I don't know what it's really about, but it seems like a play on Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. It's kind of a big deal. Like, Bravo's always been, like, setting the trends. Now they're sort of following them.

Yeah. Also, I saw on Peacock Madison LeCroy is getting a show a vertical series about like, like, you know, a confessional style show with people in her chair as she like does their hair.

That's cute.

Yeah, that is cute. There was another one that was like that. Hold on, I saved it, but I'll have to find it. Um, yeah, like a lot of little shows announced. The Real Housewives upcoming 20th anniversary special.

Rhode Island Housewives got, uh, picked up for season 2, which I don't think shocks anyone.

No, everyone's talking about that. Oh, where's my Madison? Oh, I didn't save it. Um, then there was also the Fox upfronts. Baywatch ladies were out, Brooks and the girls.

I saw Brooks, Livvy, and Shay Mitchell. Is Shay Mitchell in it?

Yeah.

Okay.

And Hassie Harrison.

She could go on Namesake.

She could go on Namesake. And then also Amazon upfronts.

Um, I didn't really see much about that.

Yeah, there's a new show called Reality Retreat which is coming on Amazon Prime Video, and it's about like 13, uh, reality TV alumni women who are going on like a wellness retreat designed to challenge their identities, relationships, and personal growth. The cast includes Kenya Moore, Margaret Josephs, Kim Zolciak, Christine Quinn, Brittany Cartwright, Tamar Braxton, Caitlyn Bristowe, Jen Tran, Savannah Chrisley, Ilaria Oh wow.

Yeah, yeah, this is just giving like another one of those shows. It doesn't sound that good.

It sounds really bad. Like, there's really no— there's no hook. What, we're gonna go watch them do a wellness retreat therapy?

I'm all set. I also think that for a while there was this genre of shows where they were like collecting random reality stars, like making them do challenges, and they were never very good. House of Villains, MTV's The Challenge, and Ex on the Beach. And then like Traders really sort of leveled up that genre of show where it's like, we can't just watch garbage like that anymore. We need more compelling content. So that's why that mafia show that Hulu announced does sound like it'll be good. There's like, now this genre, I, I, we can't— it's like, no more garbage.

Yeah, yeah, this sounds like garbage.

It's, it does.

Amazon, it's like their their take on trying to get in the reality game.

Like, it's so random.

Jeff, sit down. Seriously. Um, and then there's— oh, apparently I think Netflix uploads are today and they're announcing the name of the Earle family show.

Is it not Earle Girls?

Is it— would it be like Real Earles? Real Earles? What if my name is—

I thought it was Earl of Sandwich.

What did you think it was?

I thought it was like already decided, Earl Girls.

I didn't know we were like waiting for it.

I'm pretty sure it's the Earl Girls, even though it's kind of hard to say now that I keep saying it.

I think it should be Real Earls.

I think it should be Getting Activist with the Reales. What do you think?

Yeah, I think that's good. Or it could be like Get Something Get Real with Me. I don't freaking know. Earl Girls. But it's also like about her family and her parents.

It's all girls except her dad.

I think he's a mean character, but he's like the Earl Girls manager. I am like really looking forward to that show. We would have already known that. I think it's going to be something different.

But what I'm saying is that like I didn't know that, do you know what I mean?

Like, yeah, no, but that's from like years ago.

So yeah, when she first popped off, there was like a false start where she was trying to get her sister and her stepmom and like all this, you know, different ancillary characters, trying to get them off the ground. And they were shopping a show around, um, that I believe was called Earl Girls, and it didn't really— it wasn't the right time. So I think she put on the back burner, and then it kind of happened organically where people were like really into Ashton and then the stepmom. And so now I think it's the right time.

Actually, I don't know if Earl Girls is the right name though.

We'll see.

It should be Love Thy Earl.

Hmm, no, I think it should be Earl Thy Nader.

I think it should be Keeping Up with the Earls.

Oh, I like that. Living Earl.

Yeah. Uh, so that's a bunch of new programming. There's a bunch of more stuff, but you know, check it out.

Cool.

Should check it out. Next story is one that I'm really excited to share with you because, um, Kylie Kelsey won the Webby Award for Podcast of the Year. And she gave— oh wow, she gave a very inspiring 5-word speech after winning.

So the thing about the Webbys that I only recently learned is that when you win an award, you're only allowed to make a speech that's 5 words.

Oh, I didn't know that.

I thought everybody prepares the 5 words, cuz I remember Jake Shane won one. Remember Kim did nude selfies till I die like a million years ago?

Oh, funny.

Um, so people like— I don't know if you know you're gonna win, but every nominee has like an idea of what they're gonna say.

That's a really cute concept. I didn't know. I'm glad for that backstory because I was about to be like, why, why, what was the speech? So here were Kylie Kelsey's 5 words for winning Podcast of the Year: not me, us, go Birds. Women, women supporting women, go Birds.

Why women supporting women?

Like, for real, why not? Why not? That's crazy.

That's— who else was nominated? I also think it's crazy that she won because like she didn't have the podcast of the year. Like maybe the year before, like she had a big launch, but I think she just has like regular podcasts like everyone else now, you know?

Yeah, okay, so here were the nominees for Good Hang for Podcast of the Year. How am I ever gonna find this?

Okay, whatever. Like, I was just curious, like, was Amy Poehler not nominated?

I'm sure she was. Okay, anyways, Women Supporting Women, Go Birds, inspiring.

What would your 5-word speech be? I got mine.

Okay.

Thank you, grab a spoon.

Mine would be, the place looks great, period.

Okay, well, well, I don't— it always does.

Mine would be, well, the place looks great.

Perfect.

Perfect.

I mean, I could go on.

Fun exercise.

Yeah, I could go on forever is what I was gonna say. I could also do, there is no 5K.

Bloom where you are planted.

I got it. Look at us. Lead an ordinary life, Flaubert.

Be violent in your work.

That's really good.

If we won together, maybe we could get like two sets of five and then we could complete the Flaubert quote.

Actually, I really have the best one. This is for the swirlies.

This is for the swirl.

That's 5.

Yeah, yeah.

I've got that swirl.

I was just doing that one. We've got that swirl.

That's Swirlitude!

Exclamation point.

No, Swirlitude is a hyphenated. It's 2.

That's really fun. Anyways, women supporting women. Go Birds! Okay, I thought you would love that.

I just feel like there are seriously 2 different types of podcasts out there for women. The first is 'Women supporting women, go birds,' and the other is, 'We've got that swirl, dude.' Like, that's just the opposite. Like, I would never— and the funny thing is, like, what I've come to learn is, like, I'm actually a woman who supports other women. Like, a lot of people just talk the talk when I actually walk the walk. Like, taking all the hate I've taken for Blake Lively, um, so it's, like, funny as, like, an actual woman who supports other women, you know?

Yeah, you would just think, like, Kylie would clown on stuff like that.

Absolutely. I don't really like— I don't listen to her podcast, so I don't fully understand like her ethos, you know, like what her brand— because she's like raw and real, and then she says— and sometimes that means like you're not supporting women if you're raw and real.

Yeah, yeah.

So I'm not sure.

Well, are you ready for our next story, which I guess is our fourth story?

Wait, how?

How? Because we did Sports Illustrated, Upfronts, and Five Word Kylie Kelsey.

Forgot about Sports Illustrated. I'm ready.

So our fourth story is that Benedict Cumberbatch had a heated—

I saw this—

10-minute road rage fight with a cyclist.

Yeah, I saw this video. I forgot about Benedict Cumberbatch.

Well, I didn't forget about him, I just don't know him because I don't— I'm not familiar with his work. Like, he's someone who has really missed me, which is funny because you would think that like he would be one of my genres, but he's really not.

I just saw that movie about— it's not about, but like the place where The Rose Code took place.

Oh, Bridge of Spies?

No, no, that's Tom Hanks.

The, um, The Rose Code one where they're cracking like the Nazi machine. Imitation Game.

So he's in that, right?

Yes. I did not see that, but I read Rose Code, right?

I think that was my first time sort of interfacing with Benedict. And he— let me tell you, I know this is not a surprise, but he's a very good actor.

Yeah, no, and he's in a lot of stuff like Sherlock, Doctor Strange, and yeah, he's like a major— The Hobbit. And it's just like all things that I happen to not watch, right? You would think that I would.

However, one work of his I've watched backwards and forwards is his video with the cyclist.

No, is The Grinch. He plays— I'm sorry.

I thought you were making a joke, like a piece of art that he's— that you've seen him in is the video of him and the cyclist.

To be honest, I didn't really watch the video because like, to me, Benedict Cumberbatch, like, he's not one of my famous people, you know? He's not my celebrity.

Yeah, this like didn't move anything for me, but I just love to see celebrities like acting out of turn. Although I do feel like the headline was misleading, like the guy was following him, like, get away.

Yeah, it would be like, I guess, for other people the way it would feel for me if like Matthew from Downton Abbey was like fighting in the street and having a road rage incident.

Well, now that you tell it like that, I actually think that would be insane, right?

So like, that's what it's like for the Cumberbatchers. Yeah.

And also, he doesn't go out a lot. Like, he's not a celebrity who's like always getting spotted.

And he's just like a very like erudite actor, so whose like roles are not Congress with road rage.

Yeah, he plays like often like a nobleman.

Yeah, like not Congress with like fighting in the streets.

Yeah, um, it wasn't like really fighting. It was like a lot of like, you know, stern finger pointing. But I think the guy was following him. Celebrities love to ride bikes like in major cities. You know, one time I saw Alan coming on a bike.

Yeah, before Traders. Yeah, yeah, he, he was fighting, I guess. I don't really— I don't know, but like, so I don't have an opinion. I don't know if he was right or wrong. Like, is this an Alec Baldwin situation?

Oh, oh, oh no, I don't think that like the veil has been lifted and Benedict Cumberbatch is actually like an evil guy. I think like he was driven to this point.

I understand.

Road rage will do that to you. And that's the thing, they say death is the great equalizer. No, it's road rage, because even your faves experience rage on the road.

Really? I try and keep an even keel. I do. I know, like you and Ben actually have like a serious case of road rage.

Jackie, I think like that's universal.

No, no, I, I think I would agree with you. Like, there's frustrations out on the road.

Yeah, frustrations for sure.

But you and Ben suffer, and both of you at a very high level, from road rage.

I don't think that that's true, actually.

When I drive with you and like someone's just like— and like the road is—

but you're like Driving Miss Daisy with your like tiny little 3 miles an hour. Like, no, no, no.

And by the way, I do speed a little, but You—

I speed a little.

You get— you have road rage.

I find me and Benedict Cumberbatch and Ben Soffer—

I think you guys sort of like bring that out in each other.

I feel as though when— I can't believe we've been discussing Benedict Cumberbatch the entire time. It's crazy that his name is Benedict.

It's— yeah, no, it's, it's a big name.

And don't you find that Mr. Arnold like ruined that name? Because now like Benedict is sort of a verb for traitor, but it's a beautiful name if you really go by Ben or anything.

If you take it down to the studs, it's historic. No, and it's— you could go by Ben, you could go by Dad.

But don't you— you could— don't you feel like Benedict Arnold very much did for the name Benedict, but like Hitler did for the name Adolf? Like, nobody named their kid Adolf after that.

Well, Well, first of all, Benedict Cumberbatch— not Cumberbatch, sorry, Benedict Arnold— while a traitor to Americans is probably a hero to the British.

Oh, that's true, because, you know, uh, history is written by the victors.

Yeah, so like he was fighting for the British. That's probably— that's their guy. Like, oh, he was in there like a Trojan horse.

Right, right, right.

They probably—

on the line—

probably associate him with one of the greatest spies. He's their Eli Cohen.

It's actually so true. I mean, looking at this from such an American perspective.

Yeah, zoom out. But I feel like Adolf, like, even to the Germans, like, Adolf ruined Germany too, right?

Right. You know, even like his loyal subjects, he— as we're not down.

No, no. Like, so it's not the same.

And it's not like it's such a beautiful name. Like, I feel like the country probably had like an easy time parting with it, um, because it's kind of ugh.

No, I think it's a nice name. Think about it.

Adolf?

Oh no, no, no, Benedict.

You know, that's what I'm saying. Like, Benedict, they maybe like had a hard time parting with because it's a beautiful name. Adolf, yuck. Well, yeah, the Adolf looks beautiful. I feel like it always does.

I feel like there are names similar to Adolf that like could scratch that itch if you really wanted to, to, to go Adolf, you know, like, like Rudolph.

Sure, okay.

There's also another one. Wait, hold on, I need to, um, see these children. I just need to, um, like Henrik. No, it's Rudolph.

Rudolph. Yeah, it's a good thing like Stalin went by his last name because Joseph would have been like a tough name to lose.

We couldn't part with Joseph.

Yeah, not him having a biblical name. Yeah, Heinrich. I feel like that one's—

but I do think Adolf was a little bit of a trendy name, you know, because like Joseph, 1930s energy, because Joseph, like, it, it's timeless. Yeah, it precedes Stalin. There's so much history to them, right?

Adolf was just sort of very much like aged himself.

Yeah, yeah, it's very trendy.

That's beautiful.

Are you ready for our fifth and final story?

Rudolph.

Rudolph, he was the prince of Austria.

He was also the red-nosed reindeer.

Classic stuff.

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Thank you, Turtmaine.

You're welcome.

Our fifth and final story, a little book to movie news. Did you ever read The Midnight Library?

No, but I also heard Beach Read is going to theaters.

Beetroot is going to theaters, and The Midnight Library will be a film adaptation starring Florence Pugh. So Midnight Library, which was a Redheads book, was the number one New York Times bestselling 2020 novel. It was the biggest book of the year. Yeah, um, it was—

I started it, I didn't like it. It's like the only person—

it's a very good book. Maybe it was just like not what the vibe you were feeling at the time, but it's, um, maybe I should get back into it. I just don't think it's your vibe. It's like, it's kind of dark, you know? It's not like super fun, but it's insightful. And was she dead? I forget. Yes. Yes. Okay, she was on the brink and she got to like— well, this isn't like a spoiler, but it's like a magical— she finds herself in a magical library that allows her to explore all the alternate universes of her life that she could have lived, all the different choices that she could have made.

Right, right. I didn't care.

And no, it, it It's a great book. Florence Pugh will be playing Nora Seed, the protagonist, which I think that works for me. Like, she's very bookish.

She's been quiet. She's been quiet.

No, yeah, and she's a good act. Like, she— like, when she's tied to the project, it'll be a legit—

yeah, I do feel like when they adapt movies, they are always like pulling from the same pool of people. She's new.

Uh, I actually don't think—

Edgar Jones, Anne Hathaway.

She was in Little Women, which was also a book. I feel like she's part of the book crew, and I— maybe there's just like a group of women in Hollywood who read, and when they hear that these books are becoming movies, they want to be involved because they know it's a really good story.

Yeah, maybe.

Yeah, the readers. Emma Roberts.

Yeah, classic stuff.

Yeah, so it's a good way to get good roles is to read.

Yeah, it is. And that's a good, uh, she's good. I like her.

Yeah, she's another one. I actually am not familiar with a lot of her work, like just has missed me, um, but I, I will watch this.

So she was actually, um, in Oppenheimer. I saw her, I saw her boobs.

Didn't see it.

I saw her boobs.

I didn't see it. I didn't see Don't Worry Darling. I didn't see Little Women.

But don't you think it's crazy that there were boobs in Oppenheimer? Like, so unnecessary.

Of course there were boobs in Oppenheimer. Of course.

Why?

Of course Oppenheimer be without boobs? How could you make a movie about the atomic bomb without some Boobies. How could you do it? You—

so if you haven't seen Oppenheimer yet, like, maybe now you will because I told you there are boobies in it.

And that's precisely why now I'll watch it, because why the war was won.

It's why the war was won.

Well, maybe it was a reason.

Well, fighting the bomb looks great. It always does. Let's dive into Dear Toasters, our weekly advice segment. Every Tuesday, Jackie and I pick 3 submissions from our community. People write into us at deartoasters@gmail.com. Or head over to our website, thetoastpodcast.com, so you can, you know, hear from us if you're going through any sort of issue at work, at home. Are you ready?

Mhm.

Dear Toasters, light edition.

Thank you.

Hey, Jackson Turdy, it's my first Mother's Day. Oh no, sorry, like, not me actually reading a sentence. I wasn't there. Happy first— nope, let's try this again. Dear Jackson Turdy, First, happy Mother's Day to my two favorite podcasters. I gave birth to my son a week ago and we named him after my husband. We are in the newborn haze, sitting around talking about what to do for my first Mother's Day when the doorbell rings and flowers arrive. I open the card and it says, happy Mother's Day from your favorite, XO Jenny. Jenny is my sister. Right away I'm confused because the flowers look half dead and the note does not sound like her at all. We had also just been joking about how people keep bringing flowers for newborn gifts and it's literally the least helpful thing you can bring. So I text her asking if she sent them and she says no. Then she texts my parents to ask if maybe they sent flowers on her behalf and they did not. Later we look again at the delivery slip to figure out who actually sent the mystery flowers and it turns out they came from my husband's company.

The problem is that my husband has no idea who Jenny is. For context, my husband is loyal and present and truly the last person on earth who would be— have the energy for a double life. He works himself for— he works for himself running a distributor for medical supplies with one employee. He's technically associated with a larger corporate company but he doesn't have any coworkers in the normal sense. There's no office full of people where some random Jenny could be lurking. We also follow each other on Find My iPhone, so there's literally no room for secrets or anything. Now I am one week postpartum holding a newborn and staring at these wilted flowers from someone named Jenny, and I cannot tell if this is a mistake. I cannot tell if this is a simple mistake, a weird mix-up in the corporate system, or something else entirely. So what do you think?

Okay, so it's very weird and it's giving spooky and like, oh gosh, we need to, you know, go on an investigation. We need to do an investigation into your husband. But I'm gonna operate like what you're saying is true. And I do think there's at a certain point, like if you have your husband on like Find My iPhone and like he's always home saying he works from, like, you know where he is at every minute of the day. Like actually, how could he be conducting an affair? Mm-hmm.

Right.

And I also wanna say like, you are one week postpartum and I want us to like pocket this information. Remember that it was weird and forget it. Like you can't make yourself crazy and sick. I think we just need to just give your husband the benefit of the doubt. Assume that it was a mistake. Maybe the florist sent it to the wrong, I mean, even though it was happy first Mother's Day. It's very weird. Um, but I, I think the weirder part is that the flowers are dead.

That's where it's like, it's like very like spooky and ominous. Yeah, yeah, because a florist would never deliver dead flowers.

Like, yeah, call the florist shop.

Yeah, if you want to investigate, my first stop would of course be the floral shop as well.

You should call the floral shop and also like you should let them know they delivered half dead. Like, how could they bring that to your door. But I also like, you don't need to make yourself crazy about this. Like, if your husband is a lying, cheating scoundrel and he's having an affair, you know what, you'll find out soon enough. Put it off a couple months. You just had a baby. We'll deal with that in a couple months. And I, and I don't think that he is, so why, why make ourselves crazy for nothing? You know, sometimes like if things do just get confused and like, do you even wanna know that this week? Like, talk to me in 3 months.

Yeah.

Yeah.

For now, Jackie's right. Like pocket the information, but like definitely spooky.

Like definitely spooky for sure. Um, and I don't think he's lying, cheating, scoundrel. I don't. Me neither. But this wouldn't be the time. This isn't the time for that information, honestly. Like, very inconvenient truth.

Agreed. Al Gore said it best. Hey girlies, you both are smart, beautiful, and skinny as hell. Literally can't even see you. I'm cracking up. Anyways, that's how you get your submission read, by the way. Just call us skinny. My husband got me a diamond band for my wedding set for Mother's Day. Exactly what I asked for. Good job. Except I saw that he purchased the ring on Amazon. Now, this would not be a problem if he hadn't— if he had presented it as such, but he literally put my ring in a box from the jeweler that did my engagement ring and my wedding band. So he was clearly trying to pass it off as higher quality, but it's from Amazon. Should I confront him? Should I let it be? It matches my real band from the jeweler, but it kind of makes me sad that he's lying about it from being from Amazon.

Is it diamonds from Amazon?

I don't think you can buy diamonds on Amazon.

You can buy everything. Is it lab-grown diamonds on Amazon? Or is it seriously a $20 ring?

I think it's a $20 ring that he's trying to pass off as like a $2,000 ring.

He tried. Wow. I just like— wow, I wonder what sort of place he has to be in, and that like you guys are in, where he couldn't just like be honest with you. Like, I don't like deception. So like, if it's like, why are you the sort of person who's like pretending that these are diamonds when they're not diamonds? Were you supposed— are you supposed to be able to afford diamonds? Are you at that level? And where are the diamonds then if you're earning that much? Like, or it's known that you wouldn't be able to afford that, so why are you pretending like you can?

Not to theorize, of course, but like maybe, you know, he spent the job or something, or he spent the money on his girlfriend, or on his boyfriend. Yeah, right, right. It sounds like he has a secret boyfriend. And he got the real diamond ring and you got the fake one from Amazon. See, things could be so much worse. Yeah, yeah.

I don't like deception, you know, especially in a— she said married.

Yeah, yeah, you got to bring it up because of the deception. And like, I, I'm afraid— obviously I hate to make a mountain out of a molehill. Like, maybe this is just iceberg and he's having financial problems, like something. So unfortunately, like, you have to bring it up. Sorry.

Yeah, I just, I just don't think— feel like there should be secrets. There shouldn't be deception in a marriage. Like, if you can't afford a diamond ring, don't Don't pretend like you can. It's okay. Like, we don't need a diamond ring. Sounds like you have a band and an engagement ring.

Sounds like you got quite a few.

You sound like you're a little spoiled. You're stacked up. Like, so there's worse things than not being able to afford that diamond ring, but just be honest. I need honesty. I need to, I need to know the playing field.

I agree. And maybe, you know, this deception is indicative of a larger issue, infertility, a queerness, something like that.

Yeah, gambling. He spent— he gambled away your diamond ring money, right?

Or, or he spent it on, you know, gowns because he's a crossdresser. Like, there's a million things. Or dear toasters, like, you seriously never fucking know.

Let me— how about these mental gymnastics? What if he bought a ring that he liked the design of on Amazon to see if he liked the design, and then he took that to the jeweler and the jeweler made a real version? And so Oh, you saw that he bought a ring like that on Amazon, but it was in the jeweler's box because he bought it for real.

Yeah, and then you bring it up and you're just like the asshole.

Like, he went so far out of his way to like get a sample, right?

Bring it up.

Yeah.

Third and final. Hey Jax and Claude, sorry Claude, this might be a little triggering considering the recent events that happened to you over Mother's Day, but I need advice. When my husband and I got married, we both agreed to quit vaping for our health. I got pregnant right away, so it was very easy for me to stop. And he said that he did too, but I've suspected that he has not. Back in February, I saw him outside clearly vaping, and he denied it. This past weekend, we went out of town for a wedding, and I found a vape with a half-empty pod in it and a package full of pods. I didn't bring it up then because I did not want to ruin our weekend, but now I'm not sure how to approach it. I'm pissed about the vaping, but even more pissed about the lying. I also care about his health, and I want him to be the healthiest that he can be for our son. How do I talk to him about this without turning it into a fight or feeling like I'm nagging?

That's really annoying.

It is. Like, as somebody who successfully quit vaping, and not because I was pregnant— like, yeah, it's a little easy to quit vaping. Like, you have like literally no choice. When you're doing it like to support your wife, like, you kind of have a choice, right? But your initial reasoning together for stopping was like to be healthy and for your future children and now your current children. So once again, it all leads back to deception. Yeah, but maybe he has like such an oral fixation on the vape because he sucks a lot.

Maybe he's like also stopped like being— yeah, so this is sort of a placeholder. I just like, I, I'm feeling very unsympathetic towards this man. Like, I don't think— I think like, yeah, quitting vaping would be a challenge, but it's really not that hard, you know?

Have you tried being pregnant?

Like, go to war, you know?

Yeah, right, right. Get a job.

Quitting vaping?

Figure it out. I totally agree.

Yeah.

And also, what's worse than like you literally having proof of somebody— like, I saw you smoking. He's like, no, I wasn't.

Like, and then—

but I see the proof.

But that also goes back to lies. I don't like lies.

I know. So it's, it's always— it's never the crime, it's literally always like—

if you said I saw you smoking and then he was like, I know, babe, I'm having such a hard time, like, it's like I'm gaining weight, and you know.

Yeah, right.

And then I could be sympathetic towards that. I could, of course. A liar? What, I'm stupid?

You think I'm stupid? Blind? When will people learn that it's never the crime, it's always the cover-up? Like, both.

It's all— it is also the crime.

People are human. Like, okay, you have an addiction and you fell back into your addiction. Like, how can I be mad? Like, I get it. The lying—

when I'm literally watching you, I am watching you smoke, and then I know you're telling me that you're not, and then I know you're lying, and that's a problem for me. Yep, that's a problem for me because then I can't trust a damn thing you say.

Absolutely.

That's so bad, is to be a known liar.

It's, it's actually very true.

Your word means nothing. Don't do it, you guys. Your word is everything. It's all you have.

If you don't have your word, like, you have nothing. Yeah, my word is important to me, and I think that's what makes you like quite a nobleman.

Thank you so much. Like Benedict Cumberbatch.

Correct. Thank you to everybody who wrote in and was vulnerable. I'm sorry to tell you that, like, all your husbands are gay, but like, listen, it's better that you know now.

Yeah. And just want to say, that was such a better Dear Toaster. It's like, I can—

oh, you feel better?

Oh my God, I can go enjoy my day. Okay. I am having—

maybe, maybe if there is a dark one, like, I'll always limit it to just one out of the three, and I'll make it the first one.

Or like, we could do like a special edition dark version, dark version, where like I can get into the headset, but like, here we are swirling around, we got that swirlitude.

And then let's do Dear Toasters After Dark on Patreon. I like that.

Dear Toasters Special Victims Unit.

DTU.

Yeah.

In the criminal justice system, sexually based submissions are considered especially heinous. In New York City and South Florida, the dedicated swirlies who investigate these vicious submissions are members of an elite squad known as the Swirlies Dear Toasters Unit. Unit, these are their submissions. Cling cling.

Now that's chilling. That I could do.

Okay, Patreon. Thank you guys so much for listening to The Toast of the Monday Morning Show, where we deliver the fast stories you need to know every Monday through Friday on YouTube. So if you're watching this on YouTube, please feel free to subscribe and give this video a thumbs up. We're also available as a podcast anywhere podcasts can be found, so that's Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and YouTube. Wherever you listen to podcasts, find us at Toast. Leave a 5-star review about our beautiful setting and Wickedly talented we are.

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