Transcript of Club Cooke: Wednesday, May 13th, 2026 New

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Good morning, girlies. It's the toast. It's Jackson, Claud, and we're your hosts. It's your favorite show, the Fast Five Things You Need to Know.

We'll start your day off swirly. It's the toast.

I sound amazing.

Welcome back to The Toast and happy Wednesday! It is hump day, so don't forget to hump someone you love. And speaking of somebody that I love, welcome to the show, Jackie Ashray. Little old me, just little Miss Foley.

Who's afraid of little old me?

I definitely am.

Everyone, everyone I see, you all should be.

You bitches better be.

Um, yes, thank you. Welcome to the show, Turtle Foley.

Thank you, Jurtle Fole.

Sister of Jurtle.

An honor of a lifetime having been the sister of Jurtle Fole.

I don't play Wordle, I play Turtle.

Oh my God, I have to tell you the funniest thing. So yesterday I was in the park, and you know me, a major celebrity. I ran into so many toasters taking pictures. Then I'm walking home and I see this girl on the street, and she got so flustered. She meant to say, oh my God, I'm a toaster, and she was like, oh my we got him a turd. And I was like, same.

That's good. That, like, just like the good guys have the morons, we have the turds. We have the turds. That will never not shock me when I see, like, Ben, like, talking to morons. I'm like, that's rude. Like, it always takes me a minute to be like, oh, that's, that's their fan base.

The first time it happened, we were like at Corner Store and we leave and this guy's like The girl, actually, she's like, oh my God, I'm a moron. And I said, okay, like, that's—

don't be so hard on yourself.

Yeah, lift, lift yourself up.

Love thyself, love thy nator.

And Ben was like, no way. And I was like, what is going on here? It was very jarring, a manipulation of language. But yes, they do call their fans the morons, which I think is so funny and kind of perfect.

I'm kidding.

Agreed.

No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

Hit the nail on the head with that one.

I'm kidding. We're collaborating with them this weekend, so we have to keep things like super cordial.

Yeah, we do have like lots of things coming up with the good guys. Yikes.

Yeah, on Saturday, Dear Media by Night. I'd say get your tickets, but it's sold out.

Sorry. Oh yeah, we're doing a live show. I need to find an outfit and I need to stop eating. Like, I'm gonna be on stage, I can't. Yeah, no, it's gonna be fun if you're there and like you're taking pictures from the stage. Like, just lift your cameras.

I think that we tilt them down. No, I think it should be like a comedy show where we like confiscate people's phones so they can't take unflattering photos of us.

I love that.

I think that's That feels right.

I'll talk to Tier Media about it.

Yeah, and it just like creates mystique. Meanwhile, we're just insecure.

Yeah, it's like you had to— yeah, you had to buy tickets to be there.

We're so cool. No, we're just insecure.

It's a little bit of both.

Yeah, we are definitely cool though. Definitely. Number 2 on the Apple charts yesterday. Oh my gosh, thanks Wes Wilson.

I'm glad that people are like finally seeing the beauty of this show. Like, I feel—

you don't feel like they've seen— they had known— they've They—

well, I know our listeners have, but we've obviously gone mass market recently, um, and the beauty and the range of what we do here is finally being spotlighted in a mainstream capacity, and it, it feels great. Obviously I miss when we were just like a little Instagram show and like— but it was time, you know, it was time for everyone to really see what goes on here in a meaningful way. True beauty. Yeah, obviously I feel vindicated, I feel seen, and it's great.

I didn't know, I didn't know that was happening.

If you say it, it will be. So I'm obviously my house, I'm just the same girl, you know, that I was. And I promise, like, I won't forget about you guys.

So at number 2 on the Apple charts, you're the same girl that you were at number 3 on the Apple charts?

I'm definitely a little bit more insufferable, but overall, like, we are the same. Yes.

Okay, that's good. That's good to know you haven't changed. Never change.

It's hard. Some people let fame change them, but for me, no.

Yeah, you were always like this.

Did you watch Summer House?

I did, and I watched last week's too, so my recap will sort of span both episodes as I don't know which episode is which.

I saw the funniest video on TikTok today that like I have not stopped thinking about.

Okay.

'Cause you know, Jesse Solomon's on tour, which I gotta catch a show, singing my favorite song, Guess I'll Start. And actually somebody posted a video that the girl in front of them actually fainted at the— sorry, it's not funny— at the Jesse Solomon live show. And you know artists who are like so performative, like, wait, there's a girl in the front row who needs water, and like they have to stop their show just so they don't get like Travis Scottified. Well, Jesse Solomon's taking a page actually out of Travis Scott's book, and he didn't give a fuck. Like, I don't even think he saw, and he's like singing with the crowd. He's like, you sing.

No, and I feel like the video tried to make him like look bad. Like, someone fainted at the Jesse Solomon show and like he didn't even stop the show. And that's just not how I like saw the video, you know, because first of all, I would love to know how you saw the video. First of all, I don't think Jesse Solomon knew what was going on, honestly. There's just like a group of girls like standing around being dramatic at his show. Like that probably happens every night. And I'm sure actually he was like, turn that racket down, I'm trying to sing up here. Like, why are you guys— during his big hit, like, why are you having a powwow in the middle of my concert? Why would he know that someone fainted? Because because a Jesse Solomon show at the Troubadour isn't really where one would think it would be a destination for fainting, you know?

I don't know, I could see myself being so overcome.

It's like Elvis Presley.

At the Jesse Solomon Troubadour show, I actually could see myself sort of getting weak at the knees.

Yes, perhaps, because he is a modern-day Elvis Presley. But I just wonder what the circumstances were, because like sometimes people faint at concerts, you know, they're on drugs or it's very hot.

I didn't think that this person was on drugs.

No, no, no. So those like Jesse Solomon concerts, they don't go so hard. So obviously the person who was suffering had their own low blood sugar.

She had low blood sugar, obviously.

So it's just, you know, it's not what you would think is happening at the Jesse Solomon show at the Troubadour.

Absolutely. Um, you don't think she's rolling for the Jesse Solomon show? Maybe the molly hit her sideways. Guess I'll start falling, period. Yeah, seriously funny stuff. I also feel we'll get into in the recap, but I do think that part of the fight last night was like largely Jesse Solomon's fault and nobody was pointing the finger at him.

Why would he do—

like, literally he's gassing up. They kept doing flashbacks like the wedge between Carl and Kyle all summer. And every time someone was telling Kyle like something Carl's upset about, it was Jesse. Like, Jesse was really upset you didn't invest. Jesse was really upset you didn't say anything about his brother. Jesse wrote out a whole email— not Jesse, I'm sorry, yeah, I'm like, what? Carl. Carl was upset about that you didn't say invest in Lover Bar. Carl was upset that you didn't say anything about his brother. Carl wrote a whole email because he was so upset. But then he did— he literally was like starting stuff between the two of them the whole season. I just want to say, I blame Jesse Solomon for last night.

Oh no, I fully blame Lindsay Hubbard, period. Trying to hold a marriage counseling session in front of the whole house after a day of day drinking.

Uh, just a little bit about me, I would never blame Lindsay.

It doesn't change how I feel about Lindsay Hubbard. Like, she's creating television, she's doing her job. But like, if I'm just evaluating the situation, like, why was she pushing that conversation so hard and having a very hard time understanding the term management? Does not mean residency.

Yeah, yeah, the residency. Maybe the residency is the friends we made along the way.

Well, like, he signed with management. No, I actually really appreciated Ben because he was the only one who could like have a cohesive thought. But he was just saying like, because I'm with the management, I'm going to be playing bigger, better shows. I actually will have to travel less. I have one big show in Vegas. Everyone's like, he's doing a residency in Vegas and he didn't tell his wife. Like, What part of that was residency?

So I assume our fifth and final story will be a summer house recap where we get into—

we have like 5 little stories and then a separate summer house recap.

I'm okay with that. So we will save all of our thoughts and feelings for—

lot of thoughts. Lot. Oh my God, last night I was actually wheezing in bed because I found the funniest Twitter account called Justice for Kyle Cook.

And it's quite literally authored by Kyle Cook.

No, it's like literally like the Club Chalamet version of the Kyle Cook fandom where it's like deranged takes from Kyle Cook's number one fan.

And talking about the alleged rumor that I've never heard, that Kyle Cook is hung like a horse.

I was like, I've never seen you laugh so hard.

I couldn't even speak.

And it was so stupid. Like, the girl obviously hates Amanda. She actually has accused her of like trying to Gone Girl Kyle a year long, a years-long Gone Girl process that she almost got away with if she had like just gotten divorced and not fucked it all up, because she would have been like Kyle's victim. And of course, she—

Club Chalamet loves a victim.

Club Chalamet thinks that that would be so like not the truth.

Club Cook.

Club Cook keeps calling her Amanda Buttula, like, I think she called her Amanda Buttcheeks.

It was so stupid. That's funny.

Who is this strange individual? I was crying laughing.

Oh, who's the strange individual? Her name is Kyle Cook.

Kyle— Kylie Cook.

Kylie. Oh, Kylie on Therapuss.

Kylie on Therapuss, set your alarms noon today. Might have to move my Mahjong game.

Literally, I just want to say, like, I love Kylie.

I'm sorry, I mean Kylie on Platypus.

Platypus as David Bourne. Lovingly calls him. That's such a fucking slay.

No, I can't wait. And he gets amazing guests, and like every guest he has, I'm like, oh, that's going to be a great episode. But I'm, I'm never like pulled. It takes a lot for me to listen to someone's podcast considering we podcast all day. Like, I'm a mother of 3. It just— I've cleared my schedule for this.

And you know, she like doesn't do podcasts, she— but she's like dabbling. She just did that Kid Cudi one.

Yeah, yeah.

And so whatever podcast she goes on, like, is going to get listened to. She doesn't need the platform, she brings the platform.

So she's just choosing shows she wants to go on and like conversations she wants to have. Because like the Kid Cudi one, I saw some clips and stuff, but like it, it's not super swirly. Like no, the Jake Shane is gonna have a, a swirly conversation, which is the, you know, it's like when Kim goes on those random podcasts to talk about like women's health or something. Like that's, that's not what I'm clicking into. Or like criminal justice. But if she went on, I guess she did go on Call Her Daddy and I don't think I listened, but you know what I'm saying?

It should. Yeah.

Yeah, well, maybe I'm just— she's not Kylie right now.

Such a flattering choice for— I'm sure Jake Shane was just like flattered because like she chose. She's not promoting anything.

He's the chosen one.

It's a really big deal. I wonder if— no, you know what, like I just love that. I can't wait to watch.

Also, speaking of like not promoting anything but going on podcasts, like I actually am starting to like believe the rumors about you that like you're promoting something because I I organically saw you on a podcast. I didn't even know you were like, I knew you did two podcasts cuz like Amanda Hirsch is your friend and Susie Weiss launched a podcast. So like, okay, it was like, you know, when it rains it pours, you just happened. It was a coincidence, but then I just saw you on a third podcast.

Yeah. And I feel like I really haven't made a big deal of the fact that I am one of the new faces of Dulcolax and their new daily gut support gummies. This is not sponsored. I mean, I am sponsored, but this episode is not. Um, and I just feel like, yeah, being the face of a major, major brand, I have to do press.

I'm sorry.

Yeah, I'm sorry. Like, I'm genuinely sorry, but that's what happens when you're like a major mover and shaker.

It's like Alex Earls to Sports Illustrated, what you are to Dulcolax. Like, going on a press tour.

It's a good analogy, except that obviously like my cultural impact is much larger. But yeah, if you wanted to— I'm one of one.

Actually, I'm a Dulcolax face as well.

Yeah, but your campaign like hasn't started yet, so like right now I'm the face.

Oh my God, I wonder if I'm going on podcasts.

You probably are. And I just wanna say like, get ready. The life of being like a brand spokesperson, it's not easy. Obviously I make it look easy.

People look at me and they say, oh my God, when I was watching those clips, I was like, wow, she's having an easy time.

And it's what, you know, I was sweating so much in that clip. Like I, it, I make it look easy and that's what I feel like is my responsibility as like one of the world's hardest jobs. Like I'm a podcaster and content creator.

You try doing it for a day.

I literally just got off of work and it's 5:19. Try being an influencer for a day. Try it.

Like when you go on other podcasts, like what do you like to talk about? What do you like when you, when do you feel like, when do you feel like you're in your flow state?

I'm at, well obviously Turd South.

Like, but like what, what facet of your life do you like when people talk about pop culture with you?

Hate. Yeah. And that goes through my personal life as well. If I see you in person, don't try to ask me about last night's episode of Summer House.

Oh my God. If I see you in person, don't be like, wait, tell me what's going on with Wes and Amanda. Oh. Oh.

If I see you in person and you ask me for an explanation, I'm like, well, I'm off the clock. I charge like $3,000 an hour, so I hate when people ask me about pop culture. And what sucks is like my friend group, like the reason why they are my friends is like they love pop culture and they love Bravo. So whenever we get together, like that's what we do. And it's not my favorite topic of conversation, but I'm not gonna bring like my baggage to the table. I'll just partake in the conversation and shut up. Oh, I didn't even tell you what I did yesterday. I played in a charity mahjong tournament. It wasn't a tournament, it was just like just an event.

So how did it work? I saw that you did that, but like, was it a round robin? Was there a—

no, no, no. So you, you had to sign up as a table, like a foursome. So it was just like a fun social way to like—

friendless losers need not apply, correct?

So you wouldn't have been invited. I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

You can't call me friendless. You can't stick me with that.

I'm kidding, I'm absolutely kidding.

I have a lot of friends. I feel like I'm a zinger.

You have about 60, right?

I have a lot of great girlfriends.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I heard they're all buying you a Gucci purse for your birthday.

They, they like that.

They would, cuz they love you so much. Yeah. Um, so it was really fun.

I wouldn't want it. I wouldn't want it.

I take mahjong like so seriously, and like I play competitively, and this was very much like a social affair. Well, it was nice to see everyone. I just wanted the games to like move quicker, and everyone was like stopping for lunch and like chatting with friends, and it was like, can you bitches just stop eating and play? Um, so then I did get a game together last night after bedtime because I hadn't gotten my fix, and, and I did get my fix.

Oh good, I'm playing today.

So am I.

And tomorrow.

Like, the way I've neglected my job, my children, my dog, my husband since I became like a full-blown mahjong addict. Mm-hmm. Um, I, I don't even think it's necessarily a bad thing cuz I'm just like stimulating my mind and, you know, building friendships that'll last a lifetime.

Yeah.

But I definitely do feel like the business is suffering. Uh, my family is suffering. Like when I get off my phone, like there's seriously like so much going on, like emails, nanit, like it's insane. But like, I don't care.

Well, on the days that I don't play, so I probably play like in a 2-hour window when it's like relatively quiet around here. So I try and think of like what I'm doing that I, that I'm not doing. So I would say the things that suffer on the days that I mosh, like probably home cooked dinner because whatever I didn't do in those 2 hours, I'm doing in the following 2 hours, you know?

Yeah. And to be clear, I'm 100% kidding. I actually slay. I go 2 and a half hours during nap time and it's like actually perfect.

And like, I'm probably behind on some ads. You know, probably got some content to shoot.

My house like isn't as clean as I would like it to be, but yeah, that's okay.

Like I've missed out on probably 30 minutes of puttering around and putting away laundry.

I love puttering though.

I'm fucking always puttering, walking back and forth and back and forth and like moving things and then like, oh, I had to bring that one.

I like scooping, scooping things. Like everything that needs to go to the kitchen, come with me.

Like little pile here and then distributing the pile to the various rooms. So some of that time is lost and you know what? I'm happy to lose it.

Absolutely.

Yeah. Well, let's get into the stories because we haven't even yet, and we have a Summer House recap, and we have Demi. So of course, without further ado, here are the Fast Five stories that you do need to know.

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Thank you, 25% T. You're welcome, dirt. Our first story, get out the whiteboard, we're talking about it. First period, we're talking about in a formal capacity. Alex Earle dodges a question about Alex Cooper feud live on the Today Show. So Alex Earle is on a press tour right now for her one of four Sports Illustrated covers, and on the Today Show yesterday, Craig Melvin was feeling brave And I just want to say, Craig, thank you. Um, no, that was wild from Craig because you could— let me tell you about the exchange— but you could tell that she did not know that he was going to ask this and she was not happy.

So I also feel like he didn't really know what he was talking about. He was just like— he knew he had to ask this question.

He wouldn't have asked the question because like he would know that it's like, you know, she doesn't want to talk about it today. So they probably just told him to do it and he didn't know it was a big deal.

He couldn't even say— and I actually found it quite misogynistic— like, Craig who? Like, he couldn't even say Alex Cooper's name.

Like, they definitely had like an agreement for her to go on that you could not ask about Alex Cooper. So then like the producers probably wrote him this question in a roundabout way. That's what I don't think it was, out of disrespect. I think it was like—

it was giving misogyny. It's like—

it was giving Alex Cooper is a no-go.

Got it. Then the words—

so this is what Craig said: There's been this back and forth between you and another internet personality, a podcaster as well, and there seems to be a bit of online beef there. What's actually happening? What's really going on?

So boomer, like so boomer. Of all the places, Craig, we're all waiting for her. We're like, is it gonna be TikTok? Is it gonna be Get Real? Is it gonna be Netflix? It ain't gonna be the Today Show, first of all. So I, while I respect Craig's delusional hustle, I didn't expect much from her.

I actually don't even think, I think they set Craig up, the producers, cuz nobody who knew and nobody who knew, who knows anything about the situation would've asked the question on, on her big day. And this was her response. You could tell she was pissed. She said, you know, well, I'm trying to keep things pretty positive today. We don't actually have that much time here, honestly. And also it's like, why ruin such a good day with something not so great? Let's keep the positive vibes going.

And then Craig could not be deterred. He kept going.

He hit her with a follow-up. He asked if there was legitimate contentiousness and if, or if the beef had been exaggerated. And then she like sarcastically said, no, it's exaggerated. I love everyone. And then Craig said he wasn't buying it. He's, he's a smart cookie.

Oh my God. Craig is like so crazy.

Yeah, I actually don't think that he like knew that much about the situation because if he did, he would never—

he looks so silly. He kind of looks like crazy.

I know, but how do you have Alex Earle on right now and not ask about it? But I am sure that her team said you cannot talk about it. So this is— was their solution, The Today Show. And I'm sure she's pissed about it.

Yeah, it's just funny that like The Today Show is like always running out of time. They're cutting people off, they're cutting to commercial, but meanwhile they had time for this, two follow-ups. Yes.

Yeah, I understand all parties here, but I like, I don't know how she could expect to not be asked about it like 2 weeks after the biggest news in the country. Um, but I'm sure her PR team was like, we're not coming on if you're gonna ask about it. So they said we won't ask about it, and then they crossed her.

I actually don't feel like she had a choice as to whether or not she could go on the show because like all the 4 Today, uh, cover stars went on the Today Show, and like it's just a prerequisite that you have to do the press associated. So I'm sure they said like, you know, friendly publicist, like, hey, let's not go here. And I honestly wouldn't have expected that they would have like But they did.

Yeah. Also, did you see Dave's latest Tea by the Sea talking about, um, how he isn't thrilled with how Alex has handled this so far? Sort of like, yep, I did, skirting around the issue. That's when he brought Platypus into it.

Yep.

Um, what are your thoughts?

My thoughts are that, like, once again, I'm deeply biased, so like, I just ride for Alex Earl and like, she wins, she's my queen. But if I were to like take my biased hat off, which I don't want to, but I'm just gonna temporarily set it down and then put it back on, like, and I think that the internet is also having the same thing as me. Like, we just like Alex Earle, and so we like, we're rooting for her. Yeah, but like, can you just say it? It's like getting annoying.

Yeah, I think that, and Dave said this, he was like, I'm not like, in my world, like, if you start a fight with someone, like, you better come correct. You better say with your whole chest, like, me, me in the parking lot. And so her, like, you know, just like throwing these like darts and like running going away is not like the school that he comes from. And, and not for me either. Like, and, and I've said that, like, the way that she's handling it is so, I guess, Gen Z. Like, it's just every move is just not what I would expect, but I do think it's working for her. And I don't know if it's because the moves are good or just she has so much goodwill that it doesn't matter what she does.

That's what it is.

But, um, it is, it is working. It's not my style of feuding, you know.

Yeah.

And I guess it's not Alex Cooper's either because she was sort of like a let's let's confront one another.

Yeah, and I think that Alex Cooper, no one will give her the credit because we're just like, the internet's in an I hate Alex Cooper mode. But she did sort of like shut the whole thing down. She like posted this sort of aggressive video wanting a response and she didn't get one. And like if you were to look at it more, and I'm not looking at it more unbiased, but if you were, it does look like Alex early sort of ran scared. Now I know everyone's saying like she's gonna put it on her show and it's okay, maybe she will, but like for now, Please tell us.

Also, like, before— as long as she doesn't say what happened, like, you know, Alex Cooper remains unchallenged.

Yeah.

And, you know, for a minute there it felt like there was a sinking ship over there, but I don't know. She's with Alex Cooper, with Alex Cooper, but like, she's still doing her podcast. Like, the more time goes by, the more people like move on from it. I feel like she's sort of like dip, dock, dodge, dive, absolutely, from this. And she's like— and she's staying afloat, and this is not going to take her down. And so, no, and now whatever comes out on Netflix, and this big mysterious Vanity Fair article which like hasn't come out yet, right? Which— so until those things happen, like, she's afloat. And I do think the more that time goes on, the less power those things have. That's what I think.

I agree. And I think now, with like the perspective of hindsight, even people who were like eating it up at the time— like, she did eat the fuck out of Briana Chicken Fry. Like, I'm sorry, she literally ate her up, chewed her up, and spit her the fuck out. Yeah. So at the time everybody was like, it's weird that she's sending the messages. But now, like, now let's all take a look back. Like, no, like, Briana Chicken Fry inserted herself right in the middle of it. Alex Cooper is like, what are you talking about? We have this actually quite long history of me being lovely and gracious to you. Um, what is good? What is this?

And if I'm Chicken Fry, I'm mad at my friend Earl for leaving me out to dry.

Absolutely.

Because she looks stupid.

Yeah, but she shouldn't have put herself in the middle of it anyway. I think she probably did that without Alex Earl's permission. So now it's like, I don't have to come rescue you, you put yourself here.

Yeah, yeah, um, yeah. What else was Dave saying? I forget, but he also said that he wanted to go on Platypus to promote his book, but Jake Shane wouldn't have him on. Like, he said he declined. That was at the end. That's when he started— I don't think he has like beef necessarily with Jake Shane, but he was saying like, Jake Shane's so brand safe. I don't know how Jake Shane got involved in this. And then, and also, I don't think Jake Shane is brand safe. Like, Claudia He is.

Yeah, but brand safe implies like boring and like bad takes.

No, like you can be brand safe and be cool. Like some people can do it.

It's very hard because I feel like brand safe quickly becomes like not entertaining.

Yeah, but they're like brand safe can also just be like great, hasn't had controversy yet. Everybody loves them, popular and also talented. It could be talented. It doesn't necessarily mean untalented.

But like Jake Shane does have— I mean, sorry, I'm just— let me acknowledge my bias too. Like I'll defend Jake Shane till I die. But he does have like controversy.

The little things.

It's something.

They have not bubbled up to the surface in any meaningful way.

No, not real. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I guess, yeah, Dave wanted to go on, like, or his team was putting out podcasts for when his book comes out and he was like, what ones that he'll go on? And he, I guess, was interested in Jake Shane and then Jake Shane didn't like want to do it.

Well, I'm— I don't know if Jake Shane's refusal of Dave Portnoy has anything to do with Dave being too, like, radioactive, or Alex Earl.

But Dave Portnoy and Alex are fine, and he has not—

yeah, according to Dave, no, but he has not taken a position.

And in some breaths he's critical of Earl, and in some breaths he's critical of Cooper. I feel like he's really played the fence and played it well while still being a very interesting commentator.

Yes, but he is Alex Cooper's, like, friend, mentor, confidant, whatever. So like, yeah, he's not gonna go on, on— he's not gonna go on Jake's podcast. Like, yeah, no, I understand. I could see Jake declining it, like, in defense of Alex Earl, even though, yeah, he hasn't done anything. I don't think Alex Earl loves Dave Portnoy, to be honest.

I think they're fine. I don't think he said anything that he wouldn't be able to look her in the eye. No, for sure.

But like, when you're coming up with that conclusion, like, based on what Dave says, like, he was like, we're great. Yeah, she comes to Barcelona again.

No, but even in when he's talking about the situation I've not heard anything like unkind. And he keeps saying like she's the girls' girl and everybody loves— like positive things about her. I don't know, I don't think it's become negative.

No, but I think Alex Earle hates Tate Portnoy, and I also think like Alex Earle's dad probably hates Tate Portnoy.

Really?

Yeah, just a feeling, just a feeling.

Interesting. Well, I wonder what podcasts he will go on for his book.

I want to read his book, Cancel Me.

Uh, Cancel Me If You Can. It's the story of Barstool, and it's a great title.

It's a great title, but I don't know if I'm gonna read it.

I think I will.

I can barely pick up Stranger's Bell Burden.

I know. I think, I think it'll be funny.

Yeah, no, I'm sure it'll be interesting, but like, I just don't know if I'm personally gonna read it.

I think I'm gonna give it a shot. There was something else coming out that I want to read. Are you gonna read Lena Dunham's book?

You know what, I really want to.

I know, she's really doing the most. I'm really like—

I'm struggling.

All this like propaganda, it's working on me.

Forget it's working on me. I was talking about that on Not Skinny But Not Fat, that like I think that if I were be able— like if I were to be able to take off my I hate Lena Dunham goggles, I'd probably be her number one fan. And like I would be defending her like I defend Blake Lively, like for real. Because the thing is like so much of the Lena Dunham force hate is forced. It's because she's fat, like sorry, like people hate fat people. So like, they— it's like she gets more hate for the things that people hate her for. It's like outsized. I believe it's largely rooted in fatphobia, not to be like so woke, but it's true. Um, I personally don't care that she's fat.

I loved her for a really long time.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, they did. But like, you know, you can only tolerate— society only tolerates fatty for so long.

Inspired.

Absolutely. Okay, now my hate of her obviously has nothing to do with her weight because I would never It's more so just to do with like her insides.

Mhm.

But I, I, I do sort of want to read the book. She's so— I feel I'm very comp— she's very complicated. It's like complicated feelings. Yeah.

Like Ben Platt like release an amazing song, like, uh, I guess I have to listen to it, you know? Yeah, of course.

So I'm just like afraid that like a book is so personal. Like Ben Platt can release a song and I'll listen to it and I'll still hate Ben Platt, but I'll love the song. If you read someone's book, that's like their insides. Like you have, if you love the book, you love the person.

Yeah.

Yeah, and I'm afraid to start loving. I really am loving Lena. I don't know if I can do it.

I feel like you could. I'm fine with that. You know, sometimes you have your guilty pleasure.

Yeah, like, I think she might be my guilty pleasure, honestly.

That's fine. Don't like— but I don't deny yourself.

I don't know if she's my guilty pleasure because I don't even let myself be curious. Like, I don't even let myself go there.

Don't deny yourself, you know, because who are you hurting? She doesn't care. You're hurting yourself.

Postpartum, like, one of the shows we started was Girls. Ben had never seen it, and like, I obviously watched it once when it was out, and people talk about it prolifically, like it's the Sex and the City, and like, it kind of is to a point. Of course, it's like, it's Brooklyn.

Maybe like, no, maybe to like the end of the second season, but then it got really bad, and it's like indie, and it's not like, it's not fabulous at all.

Like, the apartments are dirty and the clothes are ugly. Like, it's not like Sex and the City, like that bratty shirt. With holes in it, like 100%.

And it's like, it's television, you know? And it's like, I sure wear a t-shirt with holes in it to sleep. I don't care what you wear to sleep, but like, I'm watching television.

Even Jessa, who is like the quintessential like fabulous character, like she's the one with, you know, worldly wisdom and travel and clothes, like it's all just like gray.

Like, yeah, no. And it's like, if Jessa is the fabulous character, that explains why I don't like the show. Yeah, cuz that's like not my idea of fabulous.

I just want to warn everyone that I'm definitely like dangerously close to entering the—

I'm going to— I give you my support.

Okay, you know what, that actually really helps, cuz I do feel like fear of judgment from you like has stopped me from even picking up the book, you know what I mean?

Be curious. It's also good to like, like just engage with things, even if you wind up not liking it. It's just good to like engage with things. Not everything has to be like so you know, an echo chamber.

You're right, you're right. Okay, so now I have two books to read.

Oh great. I don't think you're gonna read Stranger Is Beloved.

I am.

Okay.

I am.

Okay. It's okay if you don't. There's just like a lot going on. I gave my recap to The Redhead, so like I have closed that chapter.

I want to, like I have a desire, and it's just been like a lot going on with pop culture that like when I get into bed at night, like I have to watch stuff so I can talk about it on the toast.

I know.

Also, my nights are not mine anymore.

Have you heard about this tradwife book, Yesteryear?

Sounds familiar.

Yeah, Rebecca chose it for next month for the Redheads, which is like good because it's buzzy and everyone's talking about it, but I know I'm going to hate it. We talked about it because it's like the tradwife life is not the life you think it is, and it's like making fun of influencers and like tradwives and like ballerina— it's like definitely anti-ballerina from— basically it's like a tradwife influencer like wakes up in 1885 and actually has to live the life. Oh God, yeah, obviously she's like glamorized, like, what she's cosplaying. Like, I could throw up. Yeah, and like from the reviews I've read, like, it's very like, you know, anti and, uh, like makes a mockery. So check us out on the Redheads. But also, already Anne Hathaway, it's being turned into a movie, and Anne Hathaway is playing the tradwife.

Oh my God, she is the new Daisy Edgar Jones. Like, oh, there's a book, let's call Anne. Daisy's sort of been left in the dust.

Well, these are like older characters, and like, they're the two of them. One of them could play the younger version.

Younger version.

I love that there's space for both.

Yeah.

Um, okay, let's get into our next story, because again, like, it's only story number 2.

I don't know, like, wow, that's really crazy.

Olivia Jade launches her own beauty brand. So Olivia Jade has launched her brand called Opikola.

Opikola.

Opikola. Thank you. Um, Salma, I only watch the videos without sound, so Oh, Piccola. On May 12th, she debuted her hero product, the, the Bronze and Glow Balm, which she has been teasing on social media for the past few days. Um, she spoke to People magazine exclusively saying, I'm just so nervous to put something out for the first time, and I really want it to be perfect. She said that this product was roughly 5 years in the making. 5 years ago, she started the process of building a brand in, uh, with a manufacturer, I think in California, and it was just like not going well, and she she like scrapped the whole project. And then after years of back and forth, she found a manufacturer in South Korea that she was able to work with. Um, and she has like her dream products of a dual-ended— it's like a little contour stick, like a bronzing stick and a highlighting stick, but it's dual-ended. Each one has two sides and there's three different shades.

So one thing about me is I'm an OG Olivia Jade fan. I used to watch her YouTube videos. I never turned on her in the college admissions scandal. Like, I, I've always been ride or fucking die.

Like, she just wanted to get in education.

I'm like, just sorry, I don't give a fuck. Honestly, I just don't. Yeah. And I will ride for her probably till the day like she and I both die. Um, but actually I have nothing in common with her. She's 1 pound, so young, and has perfect skin. And so when I see her do her makeup tutorials, I'm like, oh, that's fun to watch. I'm not picking anything up because I need layers and layers and layers of foundation and concealer caked on. So I actually feel like this product is not for me because she's such like a sheer natural glam girly, which is like what the young kids love and it's like, yeah, it's easy to love that when you're young. Yeah, sorry, I need more. I need, you know, old lady makeup.

I need drag queen makeup. Well, she did say her mother tried it and she loves the product.

Once again, uh, Lori Loughlin, like a perfect angel among us. No offense, like you and I, I have more needs than Lori Loughlin. Like she has a perfect face, like she went to jail and she still looks better than me. Like, sorry. So yeah, while these are people I deeply love and admire, when it comes to actually following trends, I am watching the tutorials of like beat down ugly old ladies with wrinkly skin and like facial hair. Not the Loughlin-Jade family, unfortunately. But I love them and I'll purchase it because I'm a supporter.

Yeah, I, I— it's a cute little product. She said, you know, throw it in your bag, just give a little spritz. By the way, does anyone ever do that? Like, or maybe I just— maybe my lifestyle right now, I'm not like touching up in the bathroom.

Oh, I am.

What do you mean? I leave the house and I come back.

Oh no, my purse has a bronzer, a blush, and a brush.

And when do you redo it.

So I do my makeup in the mornings, and then I have like 2 hours before I actually leave the house where I'm like doing breakfast and like, you know, doing lots of stuff. Then I get here, I touch up, but that's because I'm on camera. And then if I'm out for the day, my purse, like in the bathroom, I do touch up bronzer and blush always. It like doesn't stay on my face.

Powder?

Both. Creamy powder? Powder blush, bronzer, Rhode, like creamy blush.

I guess I could add a little more blush throughout the day.

Bringing one of those Rhode— it's called a Pocket Blush because it's supposed to stay in your pocket— for lip and cheek touch-up is kind of parché.

I don't know, it doesn't appeal to me right now, like, to put on more makeup. I just sort of put it on in the morning and, you know, it—

like, that's crazy to me that you put it on in the morning and that's it.

But like, what I need at 4 o'clock when I'm just like running around—

oh no, no, I don't need that for— I'm saying if I have stuff to do, like, out, if I have front-facing events From a pile of stuff. Correct.

Well, this is cute. Oh Piccolo, did she say why she called it that?

Yes, such a fucking slay. You know what it means in like Italian or some shit? And like, this is why my brand, I need to find like— it could never be called this, ready? It's called Petite. Oh, that Petite, it's giving like— no, oh Piccolo means petite in like some language. It just means like You're fat and I'm skinny. Like, that's basically what she said.

And, and the O dot—

is there a dot?

Yeah, it's O. Piccola.

Is that just the Instagram username?

Because they mean like everywhere on this article. Oh, Piccola.

I saw a video of her talking about that.

It means petite, and it's like a little petite little makeup thing.

Founder O. Piccola. O. Piccola. Yeah, it's like very, um, yeah, I saw, um, Acquired Style and Paige Lorenz like wearing it. It's like, yeah, exactly, exactly, like perfect.

But Acquired and Paige need makeup too, Claudia.

Not in the way that I do.

Yeah, but also what's interesting is that she funded this herself. It's not like a, a big venture firm, Sephora. Yeah, um, so it's, it's an interesting move for her considering I felt like she was retired, you know.

She like, I know, and And who— yeah, who would want to get back? Because like the beauty space already, the comments, it's overpriced, cheap packaging, looks like Pixi. Like, who the fuck would voluntarily like put themselves in this world? Like, she doesn't have to.

Yeah, she doesn't.

I think she genuinely loves makeup. Like, this is a true labor of love, and so like that's admirable. But like, I can't imagine somebody wanting to get back into this game. Yeah, yeah, she made it out with her life.

It sort of is a surprising move, like, because she doesn't need to work this hard, especially she's not being funded by like one of these real activist firms that does brands for people.

Venture capital.

Like, why are you putting all your money into this?

No clue.

Well, are you ready for our next story?

I am.

A Dancing with the Stars cast member has been revealed. So as reported, we have Maura, Rob, Sierra Miller, and now Savannah Bananas Jackson Olsen.

It's actually such a good casting.

Yeah, so the Savannah Bananas are a minor league baseball team that go viral all the time. For videos and dances that they do. They've like incorporated like a bunch of like dancing and choreography.

I don't know if they ever play baseball.

They do, they do, but they're literally a traveling performer. But they're also like an— yeah, the, the founders of the team, they mix standard baseball with additional entertainment incorporating choreography, dance moves, sing-alongs, and even they have the most insane— taking the field in stills. Yeah, and they have amazing like content that goes viral, and Jackson is like their number one dancer.

But is he the one who did the backflip on TV and like broke his neck? Do you remember that?

Oh, I, I remember that. I don't think— I don't—

I actually think it was him. Can we get a fact check on whether or not that was Jackson? Yeah, because remember when we were talking about that? Like, that story pained me deeply.

That was really hard. But in general, I don't follow the Savannah Bananas, but sometimes they come up for me. Like, I love what they do. I think it's like so joyful, family friendly. It's joyful.

People fucking love them. I actually saw the founder on a podcast. It was like an entrepreneur's podcast because this company is like worth close to $1 billion. Like, they crush. And they were like asking all these entrepreneur questions. He was like, who gives a fuck? Like, I just— he's like, he doesn't really raise the price of his tickets. It's always going to remain like this family-friendly, affordable— he doesn't care if they go, you know, get a billion-dollar exit. He was like, I'm just having the time of my life. He was like this crazy guy wearing like a yellow blazer and a yellow hat. Like, it's really sweet. And I actually think it's an amazing casting for Dancing with the Stars. I think it brings that family-friendly energy. They're dancers.

Also, I think he will be a really good dancer. I think people will like him and his personality. Not that I know him, but like, it just is a really good energy. And I think he'll go far, and I'm excited. I want more people to know about Savannah Bananas, and also I want to know more about myself. I only like passively see them sometimes.

I can't believe you like have never been. Like, that's something you would go to with your kids.

But they're in Savannah.

But they travel, right? Like, they do shows. So they're like literally at stadiums.

So they play like the minor— I need to find like the minor Florida team.

I love that the minor leagues are getting their moment.

They deserve it. They deserve it.

Um, also they have a really large fan base, and I think that'll be good for, um, like votes and stuff.

Yeah, no, I think it's great. Very cool.

Me too.

Out of the box thinking.

Agreed.

Are you ready for our fourth story?

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Our fourth story: Katy Perry mourns Josh Groban romance after he announces his engagement. So Katy Perry, just, I don't know, speaking to me directly, posted a video of herself, um, like drinking alongside the news of Josh Groban and his fiancée getting engaged, with the song The One Who Got Away playing.

So I'm not sure if I knew on a conscious level that The One That Got Away was about Josh Groban. I'm not even sure if I knew that these two dated.

I knew that they dated. I did not.

That devastates me that I've been walking this earth without this information.

No, I know, but it's like once you know it, then it just hurts so bad that they didn't wind up together.

Obviously, think of the music.

It really, really hurts. And like the fact that he's the one that got away and like she's like bummed that he's engaged, like it's not too late for them.

I do want to say I think the video is insanely inappropriate and beyond crazy thing to post when you yourself are in a long, like, serious relationship with a former prime minister, uh, and Josh Groban, whom literally you haven't been with in 20 years, is now engaged. Like, beyond inappropriate.

I just want to say, like, you only post a video like this when you seriously don't give a fuck about the guy.

Oh yeah. Oh no, this just confirms, like, these two are never getting back together.

Does not care what he thinks of her, how embarrassing this is, because, like, if you actually held a candle for someone, like, you would not behave this way. Like, this is what you do when you actually don't give any books.

Absolutely, positively.

This, like, this trope of her, him, and the one that got away, like, does remind me of Taylor, Taylor Lautner and Back to December, where, like, that's her one that got away. But it's like, I'm sorry, I just don't like you, you know?

Yeah, it's a great analogy too, because both Back to December and The One That Got Away are respectively each of those artists' like most devastating songs. Like, it's funny that we're being so light about one of the saddest songs ever. The One That Got Away like a true heart-wrencher.

No, but it is. But it's like, you're an amazing person. In another life, I would be your girl. I just don't like you ugly, you know? I, I can't— yeah, I can't love you. Like, you are the one that got away. I let you get away because I don't like your ass. But back to December—

like, no, back to December was like, I kind of like gave you no time of day, and now when I look back on that, like, that was wrong for sure. But like, if I could do it again, I would do it the same way because I don't know, like No, but she's saying in back to December, like she wants to go back to December so she can redo it because I think she actually realized, like, never mind, I actually do like—

you know, so she could dump him again. She wants to go away.

Do you think the Lautners are going to be at Taylor and Travis's wedding?

Oh yeah.

One of my favorite games to play.

He did the backflip.

One of my favorite games to play, like, who will be at Taylor and Travis's wedding? Because also when she was on the Graham Norton Show, she very much was like, it's a free-for-all, everyone's invited. But I don't think that's true. And I think just because you were invited to the Eras Tour, Literally everyone was invited to the Eras Tour. I don't think—

no, but on stage at the Eras Tour. Yeah, yeah, everyone's at the tent, but if you were on stage doing a backflip and you like literally almost broke your back for the Eras Tour and you're in the music video, like, I think you're invited and you're back to December.

Well, that would mean that there, uh, that would mean Florence Welch, which I do feel like she would be there. Do you think Marcus Mumford? Sure. You know what, I wonder if this is on— probably predictions. Hold on, I wonder if it's on Polly Market. Like, um, Gracie Abrams, definitely.

Oh, maybe she'll bring—

oh, okay, wait, here, look. Who will attend Taylor and Travis's wedding? Jack Antonoff, 94%. I feel like, yeah, Patrick and Brittany Mahomes are also up there. Selena Gomez, Sabrina Carpenter, all like 80%. Max Martin. Are people okay? Of course.

And Shel Bach.

No way, they did this. A coworker?

You invite your coworkers to your wedding?

Lana Del Rey, Alana Haim. That's mean. Blake Lively. I love that you can predict this stuff on Polly Market. Like, seriously, finally putting my, my skills to good use. Polly Market. And also you can use code Toast, download the new app, T-O-A-S-T, skip the waitlist.

Oh, I love that. Okay, listen to this.

Okay, I'm listening.

I'm so glad you made time to see me.

Oh, sorry, I didn't realize I was still reading this. I didn't realize we were doing a performance.

How's life? Okay, tell me, how's your family? Okay, let's get to the chorus.

I haven't seen you in a while.

Okay, see, this is it, this is it. So this is me swallowing my pride, standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night. And I go back to December all the time. It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you, wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine. I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right. I'd go back to December all the time. Then at the end of the song she says, I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right. I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind.

Yeah, right. But because in December she said I don't like you, but she wants to go back to December, change her own mind to say actually no, I do like you.

No, I think it's like— I think that's classic, like when you end things with someone then you like look back and you're like, actually it was good, like I wish I could have just like liked it, you know.

You know, the streets— by the streets, of course, I mean the TikTok comment section. I've gotten some, um, some personal information, and then I've seen it reflected in like other rumors that Taylor and Travis are actually getting married in Big Sky, Montana.

I've seen that as well.

And she was also just out and about recently, like today and yesterday, wearing white, and people are like, the wedding is imminent. It's like, why? People just think that because she like wore a white dress.

Now I've seen Montana, now New York City, now the Hamptons, of course Rhode Island. I think they're— I think they're also putting out a lot of fake news, and I think that they should. South of France, you know, the girl who's getting married June 13th, and they moved already. Like, it's been going on for so long.

I think they're putting out a lot at Arrowhead Stadium.

Yeah, they— I don't think— maybe they won't even get married at any of these places, right?

And it'll be like a living room wedding with just Scott, Andrea, and Donna, and Jason, and Kylie. Go Birds! Women supporting women.

Are you ready for our fifth and final story? A little more love news. Yeah, because Sydney Sweeney has posted a loved-up video of her and Scooter Braun on vacation. A montage. She made a little video montage of their week in Australia. Lots of kissing, dancing, beach-going, hand-holding.

Oh, I didn't realize it was like a week recap of their trip. I just thought it was like a vlog.

I thought it was like— at first I was like, oh, it's a vlog of like a lot of moments in their time together, But, uh, no, it's from their most recent trip to Australia. So this is just like one week of their life.

Their romance is very much giving like one of my novels where it's like really handsome billionaire who's obsessed with this girl and she's just like a bombshell, but she's like just a normal girl with a heart of gold. Yeah, no, it's giving like Megan Quinn.

If you know, you know, who wants love. Love and has found it.

Yeah, no, it's like, it's kind of crazy.

Like, it's really become like the cutest romance.

They're gonna get married.

The cutest ship out in the sea right now.

They're gonna get married. And I feel like she has a lot of business ventures that I feel are benefiting from her relationship too, you know what I mean? Because I feel like a lot of her, um, career is like being a brand ambassador, launching all these companies, the bathwater thing, like I feel like actually up until recently her career was kind of messy.

Like, she needs someone to come and sort out her—

she needs a manager.

Yeah, she needs a business manager. I think he is available. Yeah.

And then she was like launching Siren, and it just felt like kind of all over the place, very disjointed.

She needs someone to manage her affairs.

And now it does feel like she's sort of getting her affairs in order.

Yeah.

Um, Siren appears to be like a much more legitimate venture. I loved their pop-up at Stagecoach. Like, I feel like that has to be his influence and involvement.

Yeah, and I do think this season of Sephoria— Euphoria— Sephoria that was filmed like probably almost a year ago at this point, um, is sort of like getting in the way because her character— I, I'm seeing so many clips of her character. She's really wilding out.

She really is like the main character of this. The entire show is like about her.

Well, from my perspective, it's— the show should be called Cassie.

Kasoria.

Kasoria, because it's just her. She grew into a monster. Did you see that? She was like Godzilla taking over the city. She swatted a helicopter with her hair, and then she like showed her boobs to the people in the window. Did you see that part?

No, I didn't. I must have missed that reel.

Yeah, no, last episode looked really crazy. There's been a lot of talk about it. But anyways, yes, um, so I think she'll be like—

glad she booked LA Nights.

Oh, she was on the podcast with Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

She booked LA Nights.

What's that?

Oh, you didn't see those clips? I think it's like a role she really wanted. She got it. I have no idea what's going on in the show. I'm happy, but I think she like also stepped on Maude Apatow's like toes. Like, Maude Apatow I think is a writer for like this low-level TV show, and Cassie is like staying with her, couch surfing. I don't know, I, I really kind of like want to watch the show now. It looks really good.

Yeah, I want—

I haven't seen Zendaya.

Oh, I saw Zendaya at the wedding. Oh no. Oh, like Zendaya was like buried. Did you see that clip?

Wait, what?

It was really disturbing. I think Zendaya might be dead. I think they might have killed her.

Or like, you know, they're always doing like dreams.

Yeah, like how did she grow so big, Cassie?

Yeah, and what does that have to do with the show?

I don't know.

Like, I need to watch. I need to watch.

But also the outfit she was wearing was the same night that she did drugs. So maybe it was like a hallucination.

Yeah, that's what I mean. They do, and there's a lot of drugs in the show. So like, I don't know if Ru is sober, but like when she was actively in drug addiction, she was always having these like dream sequence-like hallucinations.

I think maybe, um, I think Ru is maybe dead, or she like overdosed in her dreams or something. Yeah, but it was a really crazy scene that I saw. It's so funny, I see the clips. Literally, the show comes out Sunday night, right?

Yeah, and then Monday morning.

Monday morning.

I love it.

Yeah, no, I'm really enjoying the season of Euphoria.

As am I.

And enjoying the season of Scooter and Sydney. I hope they get married and live happily ever after.

Totally.

Do you think they'll be invited to the wedding?

Yeah, I do.

Let's get into Summer House.

Okay, so the big driveway fight, um, I just have— I have one word word to say when it comes to the driveway fight. 3 letters.

Loser on loser crime.

One word, 3 letters.

Ick.

Like, seriously, Carl. Like, and I love Bailey because like she's a sweet girl and I actually really like her. And her saying like, yeah, Carl getting his veins popping out, it was so hot, he was being so angry, so sexy. There are a million words to describe what I felt when I was watching Carl like call Kyle a loser, but not one of them was like hot or sexy. It was giving so like cringe.

Like, no, but I actually love Bailey so much, and she's so sweet. The way she described Carl—

Carl doesn't deserve her.

Carl does not deserve her. But you know what, like, if she really meant that, like, there really is a lid for every pot. Like, maybe she did think that was sexy. Like, I, I want them to be together. She's so cute.

I believe that they are not together, and it's because Carl doesn't like her. That's just what I feel like. Based on what she said on Watch What Happens Live, they're not together. They did not get any further.

But I hope— I don't know what happens after the summer, but like, or maybe it's not too late. Maybe they're just like both sort of awkward and it's going to take a while to get them off the ground. But, um, he doesn't deserve her and he, he shouldn't— he should strike.

So the fight about Amanda and Kyle ended up becoming Carl and Kyle. It was so stupid. Like, I seriously— and I do blame Jesse Solomon. Like, he was largely responsible for what happened in that driveway. It was cringe. They made up, and like, I don't know where we got left with Amanda and Kyle. Like, it was like no, no resolution. But of course there were a couple of nuggets worth discussing when it comes to West's involvement in— now I am firmly right now believing that they have not started their affair yet, but I do see the trappings. It's damsel in distress, it's hero, you know, victim up in the tower, like She— when she was like, when you moved your chair, and she was like on like the verge of tears talking to Wes, like, when you moved your chair, and then they had that really long hug, and she's like, she's been holding it together the whole time, and then the second she's in Wes's arms, she starts to cry. Like, no, no, like, they literally fell in love. It's kind of romantic.

Like, well, it's really hard not to like watch the whole fight like through the lens of like Amanda's a villainous, traitorous, disloyal liar because is if all of this West Mandeville stuff hadn't happened, we would watch a fight and been like, wow, Kyle is awful, she is, you know, mistreated, and this is terrible. But then when you watch the fight with a little bit of a shrewd eye towards Amanda, she's— she is sitting there snickering when everybody starts to pile at, you know, what the— she like is living for it, the moment where everyone starts to like descend on Kyle. And then she sits back and lets it happen. And of course she doesn't need to defend him because what they're saying are how she feels and things that she's voiced to the girls, and now they're taking up for But when he said like, I feel so deserted, like who would ever sit there at a table while someone piles on your husband? That's your husband. That's your family.

No, even if I agree with everything they're saying, like you'll ride or die.

If I can't defend you and I don't want to defend you in any situation ever, like that's, that's not love. Like that's not support, that's not partnership. And so like, I understand why she has issues with him. I do. If my husband at 40+ years old, like wanted to be a DJ traveling the country, like I, I would not like it. I wouldn't. Um, but there are ways to like deal with things. And it's just so weird how they go the whole week in their apartment, I guess, together, and they probably don't speak at all. When Mia was like, I can't imagine what he does at home when no one's here, I think it's nothing. I think these things only reach this level when they're with other people and they have to talk about their issues. I don't think they talk about anything when it's just the two of them. And it's like, is it that he's always— she's like mad that he's always leaving, right, to go and do his shows, but then also she wants time separate from him. Sierra's like, they're on top of each other, they're together all the time. But then she also says he's never home, so I don't know which one it is.

And so watching the fight, like, just for, you know, giving Kyle a little bit of like the benefit of the doubt— he is spiraling. He is so emotional, he's so hurt. The idea of separating is like so painful for him because like he actually like loves his wife.

Yeah, she has a weird way of showing it, but he does have love for her.

She hates him. And what's that like to be with someone day in and day out who hates you, who hates you, who's always on the other side of things, who doesn't have your back. And then when the rest of the house is sort of piling onto him about other stuff, and he also is literally on the hook for almost $5 million, like, and his company is going, and he can't DJ fast enough to pay his bills, and then he's getting yelled at for DJing, and they're like, why aren't you home having babies with her? And he's like, she doesn't even want babies, like, and she says one thing and then does another. And it's like that— I, I am very frustrated for him. Now, he should not say fuck you to his wife, and certainly not at a table in front of people. And the way he goes about everything is wrong, and he cannot manage his emotions. And like, you— I, I don't have time for people who can't like control their emotions.

No, the only time he opens up is in an angry way. Yeah, like, that's bad.

No, and like, that he could not calm down, like, excuse me, sir, like, you're in your 40s, regulate, please. Like, let's— but yeah, also drinking doesn't help. They said he was like on the verge of blacking out, so like, stop drinking so much if you're like in such an emotional fragile state. But I did have like— I felt bad, I felt sorry for him because he, he's so distraught.

Yeah. And I do want to say, like, it's just so obvious. Like, obviously he's bad, he's wrong, he's yelling, he's DJing. But to a certain point— and I certainly don't want to victim blame— but like, in a marriage like that, like, people— like, Kyle gets away with all this stuff because there's a precedent here, right? It's 6 or 7 years of her, like, really not demanding anything from her husband. Like, not that it's a woman's job, but like, men are just sort of aimless. And I feel like when they get into a marriage, like like they really become men and they get their lives together, so to speak, and they know how to act. And it's like, this is a 7-year-long or 10-year-long relationship where it's like there's been really no accountability on Kyle for any of his actions. He has not been like demanded to be a good partner or a good husband. So obviously he keeps doing shit like this. Like, seriously, what do we expect?

Yeah, also like, I think last season they had that conversation where she like said for the first time on camera that she didn't know if she wanted kids. And I imagine for him, like, that was a major betrayal— not betrayal, like a big turning point for him. Like, where it's like, because if they had had started to have kids like last summer, then they would have— all of these issues, while they would still be there, they would have been on to the next. You know, they might have like moved out of the city and started a family and been focused on those things. And, and he, you know, he's not gonna actually DJ multiple nights a week when you have a child. That would like insane, insane. Um, and so if we're not doing that, then why can't I go and DJ all the time and try and make money and work on my career? Like, seriously, why do I need to sit at home and look at—

what else are we doing? Yeah.

And it's not like there's other things that she wants me— it's not like you have to have a kid or you have to go be a DJ, but it's like, what do I need to stay home for? Why can't I go out and work?

But like, to have that conversation for the first time, like that revelation on TV, that's what I meant when I said betrayal. Like, that's insane.

Oh, to have that on TV, but also like, I think think if anyone not on TV or in general, like, if you marry someone and it always is like, we're gonna— I'm marrying someone who wants to have kids because I want to have kids. And whether it's the man or the woman who at some point says like, I don't know if I want to have kids, like, that must just be so destabilizing, devastating.

Yeah. So I, I just think that now, although all that to say, I don't think Kyle Cook is like itching, you know, to get pregnant right now.

No, no. But if that— once that was sort of taken off the map and that's not your North Star, well then sure, let's go left, right, down, back, forwards, right? No, but seriously, like, what does she need? She doesn't like him, so why do you want him home every night? You don't. You don't actually. You don't want him home every night, so you just like want to complain that he's out DJing, like trying to like piece together a living.

Yeah.

So I also said— what?

What else?

It's also to say, like, I actually— when he was like seriously like frantic in the closet, like breaking down the closet, putting on the ugliest outfit I ever saw in my life go and apologize to her. He couldn't even put together an outfit. Just want to say, like, I actually felt sorry for this person whose life is falling apart on every front. And I'm sure Amanda handles her emotions differently, but I also now have to look at her through the lens of— I don't even know, a crazy person. You literally— I just saw the scene where she said she, out of nowhere, like nobody, nobody— Amanda, I would die for Sierra. If she told me to kill Wes, I would kill him on sight.

Yeah, but she actually— what she actually said was that I would never talk to him again if she asked me not to. And was like, okay, but you had sex with him.

I think she said she would kill him if—

no, no, she said she would cut him off.

Oh, I thought, I thought she said—

oh, maybe she meant like cut his head off.

Oh yeah, I thought she said like, Sierra looked at me, like gave me the sign, I would kill him.

Like, oh, I thought if Sierra gave me the sign to cut him off, like I would stop talking to him and never like speak to him again.

Oh, whichever one, they're both very extreme. It's like nobody even asked her to say something like that. To like— so literally to go from that to like 6 months later that you're falling in love with him is just really crazy. So when she's in bed with like Mia and, um, Sierra, Sierra, and it's hard not to like, you know, look deeper into the way she's reacting, you know, whereas before West Manivelle, I would have just been like, wow, she is just so numb. Yeah, she, she must have been through this so many times. Your husband says fuck you at the table and I didn't even see a tear, you know?

Yeah, she was just sort of like, yeah.

Oh, but it did also— Justice for Kyle Cook says was that it was part of her big, you know, Gone Girl.

That's right, that's Justice for Kyle Cook, the Twitter.

Starts these little fires. She knows Kyle's gonna explode and give her the exact reaction that she wants on camera, and then she walks away like that woman coming home drenched in blood after staging her own kidnapping.

I respect Justice for Kyle Cook's, like, creativity, although I think they're giving Amanda Bhatula, like, far too much credit because Justice for Kyle Cook.

Oh, she also calls Kyle Cook America's dandy.

What?

Like that he's America's dandy.

What does that mean, dandy?

Like, like, I don't know, like he's like our, like, handsome boy.

And when she says our, who is she referring to? Because that's not me.

The country. He's like America's sweetheart, she thinks.

Okay, okay, Justice.

This, um, yeah, which— so she, Justice, thinks it's like a years-long grift that Amanda's been playing, long play, this game to walk away from her marriage to Kyle Cook with him looking like the villain and her looking like the victim, just like in Gone Girl. Just like in Gone Girl, like leaving these breadcrumbs.

That's beautiful.

What else happened? Jesse Solomon made me sad, like he needs a girlfriend and he had one and he lost her, so why would anyone like give him the time of day.

Yeah, I like— I love— I simultaneously love him and can't stand him.

You know what, I'm back to loving him. I will always be Alexi Truther after the video of the girl falling.

Like, I love—

he needs our support, you know.

I will always be Alexi Truther, and I would love to—

we should have him on, on Namesake because we can, um, and I was—

our aunt.

Yeah, because of our aunt. So we're no longer having guests on the Toast. Like, if we're ever having a conversation with someone, they will come on Namesake. It will be like a—

wait, so Namesake won't be released monthly or weekly. It will be released as when it has to be.

It will be released as needed. Yes, some episodes could be as short as 5 minutes. It's like, I have a couple questions for Jesse Solomon, you know? And one of them like would be like, do you regret— like, do you have any apologies for Lexi? Do you have any? I would just like—

like, I don't think that he does.

I would like an awareness that he like ruined that girl's life, and then we can move forward in harmony.

That's beautiful.

So I just would like to know that. So let's get Namesake up and running.

Done! Oh well, the place looks great. It genuinely always does. Thank you guys so much for listening to The Toast of Monday Morning Show. We do it fast on Instagram every Friday and YouTube if you're watching us on YouTube. Please feel free to subscribe because video thumbs up also available podcasting— we found Spotify, TuneIn, Stitcher, public radio broadcast box all over the place. Hope you guys have an amazing day and we'll see you tomorrow.

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