Transcript of Auntie Body For Auntie Anne's: Wednesday, March 18th, 2026

Good morning, girlies! It's The Toast.

It's Jackson, Claude, and we're your hosts. It's your favorite show, the fast 5 things you need to know.

We'll start your day off swirly. It's The Toast.

I sound amazing.

Welcome back to The Toast and happy Hump Day! Feels like a hump day because I'm sitting next to a girl who I know personally, from my personal experience, she absolutely loves to hump and be humped.

It's gonna be disgusting.

This is a nice family-friendly show and people listen in the car with their kids. It's so true, this is a nice family, but I'm just like, like, I, I have to be me, you know?

And that's you. You can't help but let your freak flag fly.

Q-rect.

Well, welcome to the Toast. Happy Wednesday, everybody.

It's feeling like an OG Wednesday. We used to do Dear Toasters every Wednesday. It was like Hump Day Dear Toasters and then some Things got moved around, TV recap, so we ended up sticking it on Tuesdays. But of course I had a migraine yesterday. Thank you to everyone who stood with me during that extremely difficult migraine that lasted all fucking day long but didn't stop me from winning mahjong 3 times. Maybe I should have a migraine every time I play mahjong.

Having—

sorry, I got derailed. No, no migraine today. Dear Toasters will happen. No sunglasses, even though these lights do feel very bright.

Yeah, that's just the lights. I know, it is what it is. So glad you're feeling better.

Me too.

Glad you're feeling better, and Gruber is feeling better thanks to his auntie's bodies.

Q-req.

Antibodies from his antibody.

From his auntie's body. Which might I say, it's looking fantastic.

I've got the antibodies. I am antibody.

I've got the magic in me. Ben Platt wrote that song.

No, he made that song.

No, his version is so good.

And it's so amazing. It's even better than how awful he is.

Yet again, the plight of being being Ben Platt's number one haters and having to acknowledge his enormous, like, undeniable talent.

Yeah.

Every time I touch that track, it turns into gold. I know, it's funny. Like, didn't his dad make that movie?

No, I feel like that's one he didn't make.

Oh, okay.

He just like got that role on his own merit, and that was really his first role.

I was actually cracking up when we were talking about Ben Platt and somebody else wrote in the comments like the reason why they hate Ben Platt It's actually so valid. Ben Platt insisted, like literally insisted beyond, on playing Evan Hansen in the movie adaptation of the Broadway show, even though he was 28 at the time, having to play like a 15-year-old. And honestly, he was wearing like prosthetic face and hair. He looked so stupid. Like, he did ruin the movie. I actually saw that movie and I had to leave in the middle of the theater. I didn't like it. I was so bored.

That movie did nothing. And it's crazy because the show was a cultural reset.

Did you see the Broadway play? Of course.

That's how you know, because I don't take myself to Broadway.

It was insane, the Broadway show. Like insane.

I had to see it. It was amazing.

It was the best thing I'd ever seen.

Yeah. And the movie was so bad. It did nothing, went nowhere. And yeah, I would think, I would say that that's Ben Platt's legacy.

I like can't stop talking about Ben Platt.

No, I'm obsessed.

We talk about him every day.

But I just wanna say like, speaking of I've Got the Magic in Me, two things. One, like imagine how much more we would like it. Like if it was sung by someone.

Of course. Of course.

That wasn't Ben Platt.

But of course.

So that's how like amazing it is.

Mm-hmm.

Because still, I sometimes actually listen to that in my car. 2, speaking of magic, you know who else got the magic in him?

Connor Leavitt.

Connor Leavitt. I just watched that part of Slamu and I just wanna say like Connor Leavitt is my businessman of the week. I love that.

Connor Leavitt also.

And now businessman like extends to just like people, like good people.

Yeah, of course.

And like, yes, he's not, not a businessman, but I feel like we're always talking about magical abilities, how like people specifically men of this generation like need hobbies that aren't like gambling on their phones.

Magic.

What if you just did magic?

Sleight of hand, like, duh. And honestly, Zac Affleck's like reception to that— did you add up to that part?

Yeah. Oh, you're pretty far.

We're like almost caught up together now.

Yeah, he— they were in like that cute, cute gym. Gym.

Like when—

gotta go there.

I just feel like Zac didn't receive the information in a manner that I needed him to.

There's no perfect way to receive the news that your friend is magically in magic, and I feel like he recovered very quickly. He did.

He did.

I think he thought it was like a little bit of— it's not what he was expecting. At first he chuckled and then he handled it like a supportive good friend and, and made it like a thing, like O'Connor and his magic. And so yeah, I would love to see you if someone came to you in earnest and said, I've decided to do magic.

Let's role play. Come tell me you've done magic.

No, now you're prepared.

No, no. I'm, I'm gonna unprepare myself.

Go. Could have said anything on earth and it would've been less surprising than I'm doing magic.

Yeah. Only because it's not like a popular hobby.

No.

It's sort of niche.

Yeah. So then Zach was like, I want something like magic.

Like, he totally thought I'm saying your husband, like, oh no, my husband loving magic.

I know, like, he just like hasn't discovered that it's an option yet. The magic of magic.

Correct.

Even though we did see a magic show a few weeks ago. That was fun.

I mean, it was like for toddlers.

It was, but it was pretty magic.

It was impressive.

There were some things I'm like, how did he do that?

Sleight of hand. Actually, at the birthday party we went to over the weekend, did you get in contact with a magician?

But I did not get in contact.

Oh, um, he like—

love a table set. He met his match when he came over to me and Ben's table.

Like, I was into it, but like to a certain point. Ben was like, another one, another one. The guy did like all of his tricks on us. Like he had none left.

You love a tableside magician.

I do. It is a fun, like cool thing to throw at a party or a dinner party. I think it's nice. And it like, it's good old family, good old-fashioned fun.

It's not really for me. It just goes into the bucket of like games and like things that are not for me. Unless you're Connor Lee of it. Mm-hmm. Then I will book you for every party.

And you know, there's also like a sect— it's not really magic, it's like mentalism.

Yes, like that famous guy.

Yeah, he was just on The Good Guys. Ben was shook.

Did he guess Ben's PIN?

He guessed something like really deep.

You ever see the clip of him on Joe Rogan where he guessed Joe Rogan's ATM PIN?

Yes, that's like his shtick, and it's like written in his wallet, you know. Um, should we have him on?

Sure.

Yeah, my PIN is 1234, so What did he guess of Ben?

I don't remember.

Ben was telling me, like, Ben never does what I need him to do. Ready?

Did they have Oz on, or like just a random mentalist?

Oz?

Oh, the one.

Pellman, the Jew.

Yeah, yeah. I wanted to have a mentalist come for something. Oh, he should go on Traders.

A mentalist? Yeah, that's a great idea.

Yeah, free idea.

Oz.

Like, though, I think he would win. Like, he would know in 2 seconds, right? That would be child's play for him, right?

Like reading eyes and like, yeah, lips.

In 2 minutes he would know.

Totally.

Unless he was a traitor himself, right?

But then I feel like everybody would automatically accuse him. Yeah, because he's a mentalist. Yeah, same way it's like you're a housewife or whatever.

Yeah, but just like, I think that would be cool.

Um, so yes, we— I'm sure we have some Secret Lives of Mormon Wives stories, right? So we'll talk about the progress we've made in the show. Um, we also have Dear Toasters. I wanted to ask you something. Okay, I had a conversation with my husband last night, and like, okay, so he did something like kind of crazy and it gave me the ick. Oh, so, and he's been doing it a lot recently, and I keep meaning— but it happens in the middle of the night, and I keep meaning to like talk to him about it. And last night before bed, I finally remembered. I'm like, so I guess I'm a bit of a cover hog. Like, okay, sue me, I'm just a girl. Like, and I don't— like, I don't do it with bad intention. I don't think like I want Ben to be cold. I just think like I need more blanket. And recently he's been like tugging it back like really hard, and I just thought that was really like icky and weird. Like, don't you feel like the blanket is for the girls? Like, yeah, like find other arrangements. You're taking blankets now away from me, the mother of your child?

No, and like being cold is so not manly.

Men used to go to war, and now they're stealing blankets from women? I just, I thought it was insane, and I meant to tell him. And he steals it very aggressively. And something that I do that I guess I just don't realize in my sleep is like when I take the covers, you then, you like bundle yourself, I take them with me.

Yeah.

So when he pulls them back, I'm like wrapped up in it, and I do like a full 360. He unwraps me. It's a very jarring way to wake up. And I just— I don't know, I feel like he could find other arrangements, like put on socks.

If a man and a woman both need covers and there's only enough cover for one, like, it would go to the woman.

Yeah, I don't know, it's like him boarding a lifeboat first. Covers are for girls.

Yeah, I agree.

Okay, I'm glad.

Two things though. I feel like one, I don't know when it happens in life, but like you stop fighting over covers. You know, hasn't happened to me yet. But two, I actually saw something recently. Did you know that— oh, I guess I don't know what you would do for a king bed, but like if you're in a queen bed, like you should get a king duvet.

Yeah, of course.

But what do you do in a king bed?

California king, or you get two queen duvets.

Two queen duvets.

But how do you make the bed?

Yeah, no, I, I— in a king bed, maybe you get an Alaskan king, because also California is just taller.

Yeah, right, longer.

But let me tell you, I'm eyeing an Alaskan king.

A thousand percent.

And I saw one, I think I sent it to Zach, maybe to you. It's called a Florida king. There's like a company down here that makes huge beds. Cuz a lot of people like co-sleeping. It's the new frontier. And it's not even co-sleeping.

Like seriously, the bed is not big enough for the two of us.

No, the bed is not big enough for the family.

Well, or just the two of us.

Always all of us in bed plus Bruno.

Do it.

Like we need a huge bed.

I need the bed that Khloe Kardashian has, like that insanely large bed. What's Alaskan? I've never heard of that.

Alaskan is what you think California King is.

Yeah.

California King is actually not much bigger. It's just longer. Mm-hmm. Um, Alaskan is wider.

And they sell them at what sorts of facilities?

Like online, you could order one.

Yeah, but I guess you can't be particular about like the mattress type because there aren't like a lot.

No, the headboard.

Yeah, what do you do? You have to have a custom made?

You could do custom. People get custom headboards anyway, even if they're a king bed.

It seems like a big project. Like maybe one day when I find my forever home feature in your life. Yeah, but like I bop around, you know, I'm a renter, 2 years here, 2 years there. Like I can be bringing around my Alaskan king bed. I don't think roadway has enough room.

Actually, no, they do. Like if they're breaking down a king bed, it's literally no different than my Alaskan king.

Yeah. I don't know if it'll fit in the service elevator.

It will. Like it will.

Definitely like dream, like mood board for the next 5 or 10 years of my life. Like whenever I find, wherever I'm gonna live, I don't know where the hell, like when I settle down and I have my forever apartment, home, whatever, first purchase.

Alaskan.

Alaska.

The only thing is like when it's just Zach and I sleeping in the bed, like we'll never see each other. I don't know.

That's what I'm saying. Like me and Ben have always had a king bed and maybe because we've always had it, we're like, take it for granted.

It's tiny. It's tiny because we only got Romeo bed when we moved to Florida. Romeo, like for the first 3 years of our marriage and our whole relationship, we were rocking the queen.

And I have to say, you and Zach having a queen bed together, like, okay, to each their own. You wanna be crazy, go for it. Was so beneficial for me. Cause every family trip, when we would go on a family trip and we would like rent these houses, some rooms were king beds, some rooms were queen beds. Obviously the king bedrooms always were just better rooms cuz they were more like primary suites. Um, Ben and I couldn't sleep in a queen bed. Like, we live in a king bed. So Jackie and Zach were like, well, we sleep in a queen bed. I guess we could take the queen room, the lesser room. Um, so that was fun. I appreciated that. Now it's over. I took time off and now it's game time, bitches. She remembered the viral TikTok sound.

Who says it?

Nicki Minaj. Wait, no.

Sometime.

Yes, yes, yes.

Nicki Minaj.

And now it's game time, bitches.

Now it's—

that's a good one.

Game tunes.

Bitches.

Rebrand.

I love that.

Let's get into the stories. We have a lot to discuss, a lot of news that will segue into other stories and such.

Oh, I did something crazy last night.

Crack?

Actually crazier. A little bit crazier than that. I just remembered that I have free will, and so like I took Ruby out of his crib when he was sleeping and put him in my bed.

Like, don't you do that every night?

No, I like rock him to sleep. It's like a whole process. I tried to do it last night and he was like not having it. He was like, put me in my crib. So I put him in his crib, and then like an hour later I was like, you know what, You need some Gruber? Yeah.

Yummy.

I know that's like, goes against, you know, sleep training 101, but like, whatever.

She's in her co-sleeping era. Get her that Alaskan King.

Correct. I need a bed with like a bassinet built in.

I thought you were gonna say that you took Romeo out of his crate.

No, why would I do that?

No, honey, what kind of mother do you think I am?

Romeo's actually been like kind of sweet recently. Ben went to New York, um, for the Spritzkiels launch. And I had to— he took the 6 AM flight and a 6 PM flight, so like he was just gone during the day, like during the 4 walks. And I had to do them, like all of them. It was kind of insane. I can't believe I used to do that all the time with Romeo. Like, okay, like it was just like, like, why am I standing outside at night? It was so weird.

Like, yeah, that's rough.

I know, I was thinking it, and I was really like, how long can I stretch? Like like, can I cut? He does 4 walks. Can I do 3?

Bruto do stretches. He's a stretcher.

Yeah, but Bruno has a backyard. You just like open up your back door.

You'd be surprised.

Yeah, right. It's just like, it should be easier.

Yeah, like the other night Zach was like, Bruno needs to go out. He was like shouting to me, so I was like, okay. But the amount of things that came in my way before I could get— I never did it.

This is how you take Bruno out.

No, but like I was walking to the door to take him out. So you fell? Charlie needed this and I needed that. He started the bath and then like I totally forgot. An hour later I was like, you need to take Bruno out. Like, I never made it to the door.

Well, you do have a big house.

Things happen. Yeah, things happen on the way to the door.

Now I feel like—

yeah, I feel like— oh, you know what I made last night? A tomato soup.

You know what's a fun fact about me? You actually really like tomato soup, but only when it's like a topping for my grilled cheese.

Yeah, and I made sourdough grilled cheese.

That's delicious.

It was very delicious.

Oh, I gotta tell Ben to make that for me. If you guys ever find yourself in need, the Loews Regency Hotel where Tom was spotted kissing another woman who wasn't his wife Luanne, they have the best grilled cheese and tomato soup. Like, it is fat, fat, fat. It's butter, cheese, cream. Like, it's fucking delicious.

I'll have to try it, but honestly, I don't know if it could be better than like a homemade sourdough grilled cheese.

Next time you're in New York, tomato soup from scratch. We'll do a Patreon taste test.

Okay. You know, sometimes now dining out, it's like lost its luster.

And maybe fried rice last night, better than the restaurant. Okay, so Ben went golfing, and because it gets so dark— it gets late.

It's okay.

What am I trying to say?

It gets late. It gets dark so late.

He did like a 3 o'clock tea time cuz it was raining and then like whatever, he was golfing with his actual new best friend Jared Fried. Did I tell you that Ben's best friend? I always look over Ben's texting Jared Fried. They're like, oh no, I knew that they were, and we knew that they would love each other.

I knew that they were friends, but I didn't know they were best friends yet.

Best friends. So they golfed yesterday and so Ben like got home like super late, so he knew he would have to like make arrangements for his family. So he made us, um, chicken rocks and I, yeah, I just asked for chicken rocks and rice, you know? And of course Ben goes above and beyond. He's like, he calls me, he's like, I just left, the food is in the fridge. I made you chicken rocks and fried rice. I fucking love fried rice, but you know, I'm on a bit of a health journey, so we made it like a, like clean, like, you know, not a ton of butter. Because if you ever see them make it at Benihana, oh my God, it's insane. When I tell you it was so disgusting, like, I'm sorry, fried rice just has to be fattening.

Oh no.

I'm like, what is this missing? Oh yeah, the good stuff. Like, was there egg? Yeah, of course. Egg is not fattening.

No, no, but I'm like, he went, he made egg. He made egg.

Yeah, yeah. Like, he went all out. And I felt bad. He was like, how was it? And look, when somebody tells you that some— like, it was so thoughtful, right?

Was there anything wrong with it, or it just wasn't mighty tasty?

It was bad. Like, I didn't— like, here, I didn't eat it.

I saw, um, but like, as long as it wasn't rancid— I saw like a reel that came across my, my desk from one of those like toxic skinny talk people.

Not Liv Schmidt, but like someone who wants to be like, here's how I stay in my calorie deficit by drinking boiling hot water.

Oh yeah, but it was like hot take, like, food doesn't have to taste good. Like, it doesn't have to be like so— and everything you eat needs to be like so delicious. Like, just eat something like healthy.

Oh, I don't agree with you.

No, like, that was her hot— like, I'm not saying I know, but it's like not everything needs to be like the most delicious, creamy— like, well, there wasn't anything wrong with the rice and it was healthy.

Good.

It was bad.

Good. These were the two philosophies, like, people who treat food as— who like eat to live and live to eat.

I'm like, I, I don't agree with that person, and I wouldn't say like everything needs to be like so creamy delicious, but I understand what she was saying. It's like not everything needs to be like so tasty all the time. Like, it's fuel, you know?

It's a good thing.

But I'm also like, I'm like, it also— I like it to be tasty.

It's a good thing that you are not like an active user on TikTok, because let me tell you, like, some of your takes, like, they would fucking hate. Like, wait, what do you mean? Like, SkinnyTok is the devil, right? It's like the most worst thing, and you see it, you're She got a point. Oh yeah.

But like, I feel like that's fair. Like even some people who are really extreme, like you could probably find, like even a broken clock is right twice a day. Like I can find some truth in what she's saying. Like not every meal needs to be like cinnamon toast.

Right, right. Like savory indulgence and gluttony. Yeah.

Like sometimes it should just be like an oatmeal. It's not gonna taste amazing, but it's gonna be good for you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Fuel you.

Well, that's why I had scrambled eggs this morning, like gagging in between. But don't I look stronger?

Yeah.

Starting your morning off with eggs, which has become like a thing Ben's been doing until like the last 2 days. Only when there's bread. I can't have eggs without bread. Do you feel that?

Like, oh yes, I need a continental breakfast. Yeah, yeah.

So we got wild— we finally— we have had a wild grain in the freezer for like 3 years, and we finally put it in the oven.

It's so fucking good.

So I saw the loaf and I was like, sure, I'll have some eggs. Um, and that was yesterday and today, and I do feel like, like jacked.

Yeah. I also like a little potato when I'm— when I'm going egg.

Of course. But Jackie, not everything needs to be like so creamy and delicious.

It's Like, I'm sorry, so why are you having potatoes, Patty? No, I'm not. I said I like it, but I— what, what potato am I having? You know what, actually, potatoes take forever to cook. Let's—

oh, last night I watched Joanna Gaines' Magnolia Table. Magnolia Table. Ben was looking for a cooking show. He was like nonstop—

I love—

I hate when Ben has the clicker. Like, it's just painful. We finally landed on Joanna. He was just like choosing an episode. We watched braised short ribs and gnocchi. She was like, this is her like modern take on just like meat and potatoes, pot roast and mashed potatoes. Like, she did—

oh, that's so fancy. Yeah, that's like—

that's surprising. She took forever to make these gnocchi. Like, everyone hand-rolled, and like, to be honest, she kind of burned them and they didn't look great. Um, her short ribs looked amazing. Um, her show was so random.

What did Ben think about it? I could see them not vibing.

He thought that her kitchen was so beautiful. Like, every pot, pan, like every utensil is really like chosen with a meticulous eye. It's very beautiful. He was like, I love that kitchen. Like, that oven, you know, she has like that weird old-timey oven. Yeah, insane. Um, And he said, I just have a feeling this food doesn't taste good.

Oh, I've made her recipes from her cookbook and every single one is great.

So Ben will be making her hazelnut bread pudding that she made for dessert with this thing last night.

Okay.

Yeah.

Oh, and you know, I originally got this tomato soup grilled cheese idea because I got my panini press when I was watching a lot of Ina when I was pregnant, because she— it's actually her. Yeah, she inspired me to make a— get a panini press. And honestly it's been a better, one of my better purchases.

If you do eat sandwiches like somewhat frequently and making them in a panini press, like seriously, no matter the type of sandwich, it's such an elite experience. Like those crispy lines. What's your favorite type of sandwich to put in a press?

I've really only done the grilled cheese. A grilled cheese is like up there, but I should do like a tomato mozzarella.

I love like a chicken panini, like a chicken sandwich in a panini press. Like make that, make, no. Purchase. Yeah.

Oh, oh, but it's different to make it.

No, of course, but like I'm just saying, like panini— weren't we talking about paninis?

Panini. Yeah, yeah, I guess it is a panini press. You're just saying your favorite panini but not to make it.

I asked you your favorite— like, what's confusing?

I thought you meant my favorite panini, like, to make at home.

No, just like you leave your panini press and you can make them or buy them. I don't discriminate personally, but it sounds like you do.

Yeah, I do. Okay, there's definitely something that only a restaurant could do that I— that a mortal could not.

You know what actually only a restaurant can do? Because you were just talking about like potatoes that go with eggs. I feel like sides of potatoes, like with breakfast, is so personal. At all. Like the stringy— hate. I only like the little square ones. They kind of— I think they serve them in the Delta Sky Lounge. Is that what they're called? I think hash browns are the ones that look like stringy potatoes. What are the ones that are just like square potatoes?

And they have—

and they have home fries. Okay, wait, home fries is what they serve at a diner, the stringy potatoes. Okay, what was it?

Hash browns? No, not like a latke.

Yeah, hash brown is a latke. What are the square potatoes that have like little chunks of like red pepper?

Home, homestyle, homestyle potatoes.

Meat home potatoes.

Not—

what the hell are they called? You know what, you know who's going to know what I'm talking about?

Yeah, ask chat. Chat will know.

Breakfast. Oh, it might just be breakfast potatoes. Okay, but you know my new favorite thing to do with chat is, is not text but like voice memo, you know? Do you ever do that?

No, I don't.

Oh, you don't?

I do talk to text.

No, this Okay, so look, I'll let you go.

Be nice, or you're gonna—

Hi. Okay, so I just can't remember what like the name of this thing is. It's the potatoes that come with eggs, but it's not like the classic home fries that look like they are stringy. Like, it's those square potatoes that are like baked, and then they have little chunks of red peppers in them. Do you know what I'm talking about? I've got you.

Yours is a girl.

Skillet potatoes. They're often cubed, roasted, or pan-fried, and those red pepper chunks add a bit of color and sweetness. They're a super popular starter. Thanks. Can you show me a picture? I can't show you an exact picture on the spot, but if you picture golden crispy— She's having me use my imagination. She said, actually, the other day I asked her, like, I'm not loving your voice, can we switch it up, like, to a man? And she said yes and then didn't change.

I was shocked that that's a woman. I know my chat is a man, I just know it. Should I talk to it?

Yeah, it—

but not— so should I say like, what, like how?

No, be like, hey, how are you? And then we'll see what type of voice it has. Uh, mine's a woman because I support women.

I will be so surprised. Hold on, I'm just— I'm having a rough one. Okay.

It's a boy.

Yeah, well, I just had to select one. Oh, oh, then that was Ember.

Maybe I selected a boy.

Okay, should I do it still?

It sounds like you just did it. Hello? Hello? Right here. What's on your mind?

Oh, I don't know, I was just wondering what your voice sounded like. I miss you. You sound like you're flirting.

I'm glad you asked. I'm here to chat with you however you need, whether it's just curiosity or something specific. 'You sound so sexy.' Don't, don't.

I X'd out. Oh my God, it was a video chat.

Was he like— what? That's— I've never done that. Oh, you're— you're like— so you're saying— oh my God, you're cam girl. Like, we're in love. You kind of are.

I gave him the wrong impression.

We have dillied so much.

We have. Let's get into the stories. Okay.

Yeah.

Without further ado, it's time for the Fast Five stories that you do need to know.

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That's www.smartmouth.com/toast. Go grab yours and experience 24-hour fresh breath for yourself, your mouth, and the person lying next to you in bed will thank you. Today's episode is also brought to you by Cozy Earth. We've been talking a lot about bed. Jackie and I spend a lot of time in bed. We're somewhat like experts on the matter. And Cozy Earth— if you're a cozy person, you need cozy things for your bed, for your body— highly recommend checking out Cozy Earth.

Cozy Earth is my bedding of choice. It is so comfortable. The colors are so cute. I have a pink set and I have a cream set, and so I switch back and forth. Also, my bed is so comfortable that now like the boys won't go in their own beds cuz they're like, your bed is so cozy. So then I got them Cozy Earth comforters for their bed.

They have like twin-sized When I love it was pregnant, I was at Jackie's house, obviously. I feel like I spent my whole pregnancy there and I was just like not doing well. And Jackie was like, let me make you a nap. Like, she was like, she put like the special eye mask on. I got in her bed. When I tell you I took— and I wasn't a good napper in pregnancy— I took one of the best naps ever that I actually went home and bought like a shit ton of Cozy Earth. It's just really great. They make great pajamas, great bedding. Discover how care in every detail transforms simple routines into moments of true comfort and ease. Head to cozyearth.com. Use our code Toast for up to 20% off. And if you get a post-purchase survey, be sure to mention that you heard about Cozy Earth right here on The Toast. Um, so the comforters, and also check out their socks. I love, like, I feel like socks, that's what I was saying to Ben, like in order to be warm, you just need a good pair of socks. And I think that the ones from Cozy Earth, I should get Ben a pair so I can start sleeping with the Cozy Earth blanket.

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Thank you, Cozy Turt.

You're welcome.

Not Cozy Chert.

Just, you're welcome.

Could I be Cozy Chert? You're welcome. Wow. Okay, I didn't realize you were mad at me.

Yes, I am. I'm waiting for you to bring it up.

Our first story: Taylor Frankie Paul is breaking her silence after domestic violence investigation news. So TFP attended a press preview for her upcoming season of The Bachelorette— yikes— which—

yikes.

Next week, and she spoke about the ongoing investigation and the drama. This is what she said. She said, honestly, just like, my heart hurts to see it, to go through it, especially at this time. Just the timing is hard, and it's a big deal. I feel like every premiere that I've experienced, I've never enjoyed fully. So this is another one. It's extremely hard, and it took everything to get me here today. It's just heavy. It's a heavy time, and it's unfortunate. I'm struggling for sure, but also at the same time, I feel like if I don't show up, then I'm just giving these opportunities away and not enjoying what we've worked on in something super exciting that's coming. I just feel like it was the right thing to do, show up even though it's hard.

So I've had a bit of a change of heart, and it was largely due to, like, seriously, two TikToks that I saw discussing this matter. There was another statement she gave, I think, to Entertainment Weekly, where she, like, flat out said, like, I've never put a hand on my children, which I kind of, like, needed to hear her say.

Yeah, because this doesn't say that.

And this was the statement that came out first, and I was like, do you want to address, like, this sort of hate allegation being made against you? Now, I've listened to a couple of things that I don't know So there's— to me, there's two possibilities of what's going on here, and I just like really don't know which is the truth. Um, somebody left a comment yesterday that I actually really appreciated, that in situations like this, the person who like makes the reports to like DCFS and calls the police is more often than not the aggressor, and like it's like a means of manipulating and like another form of abuse. And, um, Dakota is the one. And then I was reading all these TMZ articles that like said Dakota— it's like very much like from his POV.

And a lot—

the situation that they're talking about, like there was an incident in the car and another incident One of those incidents was over a year ago and the other one was like 3 months ago. Why they're coming out like the week of her premiere is giving me a little bit of suspicion. And then somebody posted this clip of Macy and Leila on The Vile Files, like maybe last season. Like Taylor was supposed to be there and she didn't come. And Macy and Leila are just very open with Nick being like, no, no, like when we have premieres or like there are exciting things coming out, like Dakota like sabotages them. So like when we have good news or whatever, like we don't tell Dakota because he like is obsessed with with sabotaging it in the moment that it's supposed to come. So like when they were supposed to go on BioFiles today, which they were really excited about, like Dakota found out and like did something, and then Taylor couldn't go on the interview or whatever. So I've just been like watching all these TikToks that I think are designed to like make me believe Taylor, and now I'm feeling like, like I, like, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.

So here's the thing, I'm prepared to believe Taylor or, you know, champion her if I have anything to go on.

I know, I know, it's just feelings.

Sucks.

Yeah.

I didn't see the one that you're saying, but if she said, 'I never laid a hand on my child,' like, I will pray and hope that that's true. It's really hard because I feel like then what we want to play for you—

I saw on Liz Wood's story, like, just of her saying it. Yeah, okay, it was like an audio.

And for the viewers, we all need to hear that. We need all of the, all of the pieces of information in this puzzle.

Give me a second, just got a lot of stories.

Yeah, yeah, no prob.

Okay, show me.

I've just been misunderstood for like years now, and it just would be so freeing to like tell the whole story of it, you know? And I feel like I've just done a lot of protecting for my child and my family to really not get into that. And, um, you know, I've never touched my children. And so for me, it's been— to see those headlines has been heartbreaking. And my family obviously is all affected. Like, they all know who I am. I know who I am. So for everyone in the public eye to like just allude and believe it is really hard. But yeah, it's just sorry, it just sucks to bring it to Bachelor.

What do we have in store?

She tried to talk about that like a season, but I would say this is a dramatic one. But I think just because things were done a little differently this time.

Did you go into this with an open heart?

I did. I think I was very nervous to do it. Obviously.

Now, part of the reason why I think people are having a hard time believing Taylor Frankie Paul is we're watching this play out while also watching the season, and it's one of her worst seasons. Like, she's just— and it doesn't even really have so much to do with Dakota, but it's also— she's like, you're— it's— she's difficult to champion because you see, like, he's nice to her for 3 seconds at the pickleball thing, and she's like lit from within. And then she's like so awful to her mom. She's just in like a really bad spot. So it's difficult for people to see her in a positive light and like champion and believe her.

No. And so when I hear that, of course, like, my heart breaks for her because if this isn't true, then her life is literally going to be ruined by this. Like, brands already dropping her. Nobody wants to be associated with this. It's the worst thing that really you could say about a person. Um, and so now she's— it sounds like she's saying like there's more like drama and toxicity with Dakota than we even know, more than just what we've seen, which is like the lying and the cheating. And she doesn't share to protect her son. Um, So what— I don't know what I'm watching. And if that's true, then like, how are you in any way endeared to Dakota?

I know, I know.

At these events, like, if he is more awful than what we've seen, which is pretty bad, and it's like, run, we're all saying run even based on what we've seen, but there's even more. So it's like, why are you engaged with him at all? And I understand they have a child together, but she has said, and it seems like though nothing is what it seems, that he's a decent dad.

Yeah.

Um, so can it just be like co-parenting and like move forward? The fact that she's like stuck in the past and loses her mind over the smallest things. It's like, yeah, he's terrible and he can be terrible, but like, you can only control your reaction and you're failing on that part.

Well, so this— what we're watching is what, like, October?

Like, when, uh, this is October, Dancing with the Stars.

So like a significant amount of time has passed. And then I also read an interview, she said, like, like I said, these incidents were actually a long time ago, and since then they have no communication. They do co-parenting through a third party.

Like, why did she call him 150 times in 9— 90 minutes a couple months ago? Why even 3 months ago is she throwing a drink on him in the car?

I don't know. I don't know.

I'm— and I would be more like, if he has a story to share and so does she, like, I am feel like more inclined to believe her. He is a proven liar.

Yeah, yeah, he's a bad trafficker.

He lies like he breathes. Yeah, he can't not lie.

Yeah. And I guess like, of all the things people do say about Taylor Frankie Paul, like, not being a truth teller is not one of the things.

She's too much of a truth teller, right?

She blew up the swinging scandal.

Like, she can't— like, she can't help but be honest.

But you also, like, don't really know what goes on behind closed doors. Like, it is entirely possible that, like, I don't know, I don't know.

But the information that he does, like, blow up every premiere is germane here.

And that's what she's saying in that statement, which kind of made no sense until you know that. She's like, I've never been able to enjoy a premiere.

Yeah, there's always something that— on the show, even I think at the last premiere that was on the show. It was when she found out about the mom's friend thing, correct?

Do you know who these two, um, remind me of?

Who?

Johnny Depp and Amber Heard, where it's like they're both probably aggressors and abusive. I think it's like worse from them coming from the man always, but like no one— we're never gonna get a true 360 view of it. And like you could argue both sides that they're both abusing one another physically, mentally, emotionally, physically, whatever, you know? Yeah, it just reminds me of that. —because I'm seeing extremely compelling arguments on both sides. Like, no, no, you're right. Oh no, no, wait, like, you're right too. I really don't know. Like, I don't know what the truth is.

Yeah. And if anybody like made up the fact that she abused her child, like, I'm automatically gonna be on the other side.

Yeah. And so I guess like that is a, like, a pattern of abusers is to like, um, like file reports. I don't know. That's just what somebody said and I thought it was actually a good call.

Okay, so TBD, because otherwise I'm watching the show, she's a mess. Of course, maybe I think it must get worse because what I'm seeing right now is just like like not the most entertaining, but it's not, um, no.

When they go to Colorado, like her and her mom, it's— it is seriously like two crazy people being crazy. Oh wow. And it's also so boring. I don't like storylines when you're gonna hire a genealogist. To me, that's like Melissa Gorga's worst season.

But she does have siblings out there. Okay.

And not to spoil it, because I know you're not there yet, so she goes to Colorado.

I don't care about spoilers. Go ahead.

Her father has passed away, so he's not alive. Um, the people that are there don't want to be on camera, so she goes and talks to like one of her dad's old wayward friends in a diner. And then they like take a trip to this other diner that's out of business where her dad used to work, and they stand outside in the parking lot and have an argument. Like, it's literally like— I don't know why they went all the way there. I, I don't know if off camera she meets her siblings. They don't say anything about it. They just end the trip. Like, it was weird as hell.

I feel like they're doing this— take out all the stuff that's happening in real time.

What they're doing is making a parallel between— because we learn about her dad, that Taylor's in a very similar situation with Dakota that her mom was in with her biological dad. He was like a bad guy the mom loved him so much, abusive, got pregnant, he disappeared, um, and she just chose to like do this on her own. And she ended up meeting like this amazing guy, Jeremy, who adopted Taylor when she was like 4 or whatever. And so it's really like the only parent she's ever known. Um, but they're drawing parallels because like before we— now in real time, like, know what's happening, we— I think they're aiming to like heal Taylor on Secret Lives so she can go straight into The Bachelor. So in order to heal that, in order to move forward, you have to look— take a look at the past. So they're drawing these parallels and they— so that her and her mom understand each other. It's going very poorly.

That's exactly what they're trying to do is like poise her to be the Bachelorette. I think that the timeline they're working with is extremely tight. One, on the show it's a matter of weeks, like 3 to 4 weeks until she's a Bachelorette, and like she's still sleeping with Dakota. So we have a lot of healing to do in a short period of time. And now as viewers, we're watching this, and in 5 days we're gonna watch her be the Bachelorette. That's really crunchy for us to like go on this journey. Yeah, of like, this girl needs a major healing and self-discovery and self- love, and I don't know if it can be accomplished in the 3 weeks for her and the 5 days for us.

I just want to know, like, seriously, what highway Taylor found Dakota, like, sitting on? Who is he? He's, like, so random. Like, he's not even cute.

And, like, how is he, like, the— the guy? And it's not even her ex-husband. It's not like she's loved him since she's a teenager. Like, she was also already, like, famous when she met him, and he was, like, a rando What a hold does he have on her?

I have no idea, but it's a strong one.

I think also for her, the idea of keeping her family together, of ever having, you know, parents together will always be attractive to her. Yes.

And I did like, even though her sleeping with Dakota was so moronic, when she said, and she like started crying, like, I saw him walking by and he was walking like ever, like, like I get it. I do.

No. And like, even if he is like not, so you have two guys and like one of them is worse than the other one, but with the worser one, your family is together. Yeah, that is more attractive than like another person. Like, and so I understand, but like, he just can't be the person that she needs. But it's also confusing because as a viewer who doesn't like know a lot of the other bad things that have happened, like, Dakota seems to be— aside from the lying and the cheating— he seems to be set on Taylor. And he's like, if you would have me, I would be yours.

But Taylor's saying, you say that, and then like, I get back with you when you're cheating on me? It's like, the woman you love so much, like, why?

But do they ever really get back together completely with complete forgiveness and a complete tabula rasa, right? Or is she always sort of like have him at arm's length? She's always mad at him because she's not forgiven him, and so he feels like shit and he goes— and that's like justifying it at all, but he doesn't like feel like he has Taylor completely, so he goes around. I'm not like saying he wouldn't be piece of shit, even if she loved him even more. But like, they've never had a just a clean slate.

Yeah, um, it's sort of like annoying. And I also saw people, um, and I guess this is a good call, like, why is Dakota a main character?

Why is— why is Dad Talk a main character? The Dad Talk concept is so awful. It's very demeaning to the women. I agree. I think the worst thing that you can do in general is just like, like a cheater brand, like copy someone. It's a bit of mockery. It is trying to ride their coattails. Every dollar that Dad Talk makes takes away from the dollars that Mom Talk makes. Even Dad Talk as a concept gives these men a reason to think that they have something going on to take away from like the support of their wives. And it's a thing that's like sort of mocking their wives.

And it keeps like, if this is Taylor's like abuser, right? I mean, he's now a full-time cast member. They work together technically. They have to go to all these stupid pickleball tournaments together, and they have to film together for weeks on end.

Like, I don't even think Dad Talk is the most destructive for Taylor and— it's not good for Jordan. I think, Jesse, it's worse for Jordan and Jesse. It's Macy and Jacob. It's bad for everyone. And I think it's really demeaning to the women. I agree. Really, really bothers me. And I think at first it was like a funny joke. I thought they made like a couple TikToks and did hashtag.

Yeah, like anytime they get together they call themselves Dad Talk.

That would be funny. Yeah. The fact that they really think that Dad Talk—

Jordan's wearing the hat.

He's got the merch. Dad Talk is an entity just like Mom Talk is an entity. I find it to be really insulting. It's taking away from the show. And if I were one of the wives, I would really, really hate it. And now that they treat Dad Talk like it's something—

no, and seriously, Jordan walking around in a tank top and 3 different Dad Talk merch hats that he made himself at customink.com. Like the, like I actually couldn't hate Jordan anymore and then he made his own merch, you know? Yeah.

No. And like, The women are better wives than I could ever be. Because if someone was like going around trying to be taken seriously, but in a way that's like totally riffing off of what they've built it, and like they don't even respect them. It's true.

Like they torture them at home. You're not home enough. You're not a good enough wife. We're not having sex enough. You're not home with the kids. Like, fuck off. I can't do all those things because I'm being momtucking. You're so desperate copying my thing.

And I also have to lift up dad talk, right?

Whatever that is.

Mom talk isn't enough in these friendships and these gigs and these deals. Now we also have to throw you guys a bone. So true. Well, for all the brands that go to dad talk, it could easily just be mom talk. It's true. It really frustrates me. I also saw the conversation between Zach and Jen, and I just love Zach. No, no, I'm not taking his side. No, because again, I'm with the women, but I think that Zach is a good guy.

I think he is too, which is so surprising.

I know, given I know.

I think he's a good guy. I think he's a good husband. I just wish he could like shut the fuck up a little bit. Like when he— I have no doubt the marriage, I'm like, I have no doubt that this time is extremely difficult on him, on his marriage, on his, on all elements, but not just understanding that it's a brief window of time. It will end. Mm-hmm. And like, we're not gonna fix it right now cuz it'll be fixed when we leave Dancing with the Stars. Like him wanting to have this sort of like difficult conversation about him, his future, the future of his family. Family. Like, while she's in this difficult time, just acknowledge that, like, this is a window of our marriage. It's going to be really hard. It's worthwhile. She's fulfilling a dream. And when it's over, we will get back together.

I completely agree, except for the fact that she's talking about staying in LA, and they did stay. Remember, she said, like, we're not as her neighbors now. Yeah. And when he said, like, Hollywood is not good for marriages, this town is, like, not good for families, he's completely right. So it's not like what you're saying is irrelevant, because she's not saying, give me 3 months and then I'm yours again. That's true. She wants to stay. And so he has to, like, wave flag and be like, this is not good for us. I also think a lot of the women are suffering. And I say, the more episodes I watch, the more I'm just like, this show is breaking them. I know. And yeah, there's money and glitz and glam and fame, but like, they're not happy. They're all breaking down. And I think they've all sort of lost their religion a little bit. And I think that's also not good for them. Like, especially women who like came from religion. Like, if you never really like was— were religious— part of your life, like, then not being like like close to God in a moment, like, wouldn't really matter.

But like, to go from it being the bedrock and the foundation of your whole life, of your entire life, to then really like nothing tying you to it— it's very untethering to like lose that foundation in such a short period of time. Every single marriage—

well, we know that Mason and Leila are broken up. Michaela and Jace are separated. I'm sorry, Jesse and Jordan are 3 minutes away from divorce. Jacob and Macy are like the best marriage, but they're starting to show cracks, like serious issues. Yeah, because he's hanging out with just like bad influences.

He's trying to like influence her business. He's like, why don't you respect my ideas creatively? And it's like, shut up. No, that— like, she doesn't want to work with her husband. She's being like very patient, and he's a good guy, so he is. I'm not even seeing it as nefarious. I think he really just wants to help, but like, that will not end well.

Yeah, it's kind of a train wreck.

Like, it's a train wreck. Yeah, but I think like Jen and Zach like were really, um, religious in the beginning of the show, and then to go from the matter like 2 years living in Hollywood not following—

She just made a TikTok, get ready with me to go to church for the first time in 2 years. So it was an ad for an AI calorie tracking app. Oh, they—

that app loves— Cal AI.

Cal AI loves— somebody else did—

I saw Dakota. I actually was looking at Dakota. Dakota! I was looking at Dakota's page yesterday. He said, let's make breakfast for me and Ever. And then he's like, nah, we're going to order in. And he like starts Cal-apping. It was actually— I didn't realize I was about to talk to that Right, same with Jen. Yeah, yeah, they, they integrated it well.

Yeah, um, that's funny. So I believe—

and Jesse, I follow Jesse.

Jesse does Cal App a lot, so I don't know if she's just going to church for the content or like actually going back to church.

The fact that she said come with me to church for the first time in 2 years, like, that's incredibly destabilizing for the church to be a huge part of your life, your entire life, and the 2 years where you are astronomically huge, like, you don't have that connection. I think that's not really like great for them either to just have such a like a change of faith. No, I agree. Especially like in your marriage, for your marriage is also centered on that. Like, I feel like for me, I couldn't even conceive it. Yeah. So things are not good for the Slamos.

No, I think they need a break.

And I think that this— I don't know if I would have said this had this not happened, but this season has to be— seems to be heading towards disaster. Yeah. And this is the disaster. All of it. The Taylor. Yeah, yeah. And the domestic violence. Even if Dakota is sabotaging Taylor, like, this is an—

like, Cinnabon has dropped her. Oh, not Cinnabon. That's a huge loss. I'm available.

But not everything has to be tasty, Claudia.

Correct. Your cinnamon buns have to be. And that's why I love Cinnabon. Use code TURNIE for 20% off an in-store or online purchase. Not a real advertisement, not paid for by Cinnabon. Don't use code TURNIE, you'll be wasting your time. Actually, we should do a Cinnabon collab. I just wanna say, what's swirlier than a Cinnabon? It's cinnamon swirled in. Or you know who likes us?

I think, actually, we need to do Auntie Anne's. Auntie Anne's, 'cause we're aunties.

I'm open, by the way, they're owned by the same company. 'Cause they're always doing like the dual.

We're swirly aunties.

Sure, I'm open to both. I actually really, much like Britney Spears, I actually like really do like Cinnabon and Auntie Anne's.

Antibody for anti-ants. A breast milk pretzel. No, Frida. Frida. Okay, are you ready for our next story? I am. Miley Cyrus sings Best of Both Worlds on the climb as Hannah Montana has an emotional reunion with her parents in the 20th anniversary special trailer. So the trailer dropped for the 20th anniversary special, the Hannah Montana 20th.

Since we last discussed, there have been like a couple of videos, a couple couple of still images, restoring my faith immensely. While I'm still not thrilled about like going behind the scenes on how the set was built, it does look like there's a concert.

I just wanna say I watched the trailer and it gave me all the feels. I like, I can't wait. I almost like reposted to my story with it. I forgot, like just being like, this is it. Yeah. I'm so excited. First of all, she's singing. She's singing The Climb. She's singing Best of Both Worlds. You know what? I do wanna see her closet from 20 years ago that can barely— Sure, whatever. I wanna see Hannah all tatted up. Yeah. I can't freaking wait. It looks amazing. And it's like, really, when I see that HM, I'm sad. Like, literally, I'm 12 years old again. I can't wait.

Yeah, I agree. The content coming out is very promising. All I really cared about was singing, and we're getting singing, so I'm thrilled. Everything else, yeah, I'm a big fan of the show, so like, I'm interested in, sure, all the other parts, but not without a singing element. Of course.

And you got your fucking singing, and I'm thrilled. Like 360, this looks amazing. And March 24th, I can't freaking wait. That's how I felt.

You can't freaking wait. I have to put it in my calendar.

It's so crazy how Miley, like, she has lived 1,000 lives since being Hannah Montana. Bangers, Dirty Pets, like everything. And when she puts that wig on, she's Hannah. She's that girl. No, she— and when she's talking and she's— she's the same person. Which Hannah wig do you like personally resonate with? Well, of course, like the Nobody's Perfect long one, but then she did get a haircut. Yeah, she had like a blob-ish mid, and that was cute for season 3.

It was very mature too, like when they moved to the house in Malibu and she was just like more grown-up Hannah. And I guess she didn't have bangs in that second wig, right? But I do—

was so— no, she did. She always had bangs. Okay, okay. But I do associate like the long blonde, like nobody's perfect one.

Agreed. And then the— I just saw, I guess they talk about it in the specials because it made news— in the very first episode of Hannah Montana, she does have a different wig.

She has a different wig.

She has like seriously the most fuck cocked wig ever. It's like Sarah Denise Farrah Fawcett ill-fitting. It doesn't look even remotely like her hair. And the person who designed that wig was actually fired after the first episode 'cause she did such a bad job at her job, which was putting a wig on. And she's in the special, which will be exciting.

No, but like even this still of Miley from the special, like that looks like it could have been taken 20 years ago. She's ageless.

With the wig on, she is Ramona Singer.

And the sunglasses, like, and the outfit, it's as if no time has passed at all.

Yeah. It's the climb.

And the climb, like then and now, has just meant everything to me in my life. Life. Yeah. And so seeing her perform it is— I, I don't know if I'll be able to handle it, honestly.

I know. Keep on moving, keep climbing, keep the faith, baby. It's all about, it's all about the climb. Keep the faith, keep your faith.

Whoa, that was really good. I thought so. It sounded nice. So I can't freaking wait is the headline. Can't freaking wait. Are you ready for our next story? Alex Earle is posing for Sports Illustrated in a pearl-covered bikini. So a picture of— maybe you have more context, but I have no— so I didn't know, sometimes Sports Illustrated releases and it's like, oh, it's the Sports Illustrated, but then it's like, is it just sneak up on us with like a bunch of pictures that by the time the COVID comes out I'm like, didn't we see the COVID Is this the COVID No. Okay, like, it says—

or is it just a cover or a picture?

It only says Sports Illustrated on the bottom right. Like, it's just a water—

it's just a spread.

It's not a title. Yeah, so she is in a bikini for the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue, which, um, okay, so here, the magazine revealed their first slate of models Tuesday, which saw Alex Earle joined by, um, Camille Kostic and 3 other models. So they just like dropped some pictures from the issue.

Like, what does that mean though?

Including like 5 people that are in the issue. So Sports Illustrated Swimsuit, and then like, this is a really bad rollout. They do this every year, and then I'm like, wait, are there just like 12 issues of Sports Illustrated? Like, or is this the time? I usually— winter is the time for Sports Illustrated cover, so it's coming any day now. Who do you think will be on the COVID So they went to Botswana of course.

And that's where they did Libby Dunn.

Oh, Libby Dunn is one of the five.

Camille Kostic.

Meredith Mickelson. Penny Lane. Is that what you're seeing? Is Meredith Mickelson Phil Mickelson?

The— no, no, she's just like an, uh, like a pretty model. Um, Penny Lane. And who's that? A go-to. Who's Penny Lane? She's just a model with $400K. Okay, yeah. And then Aching, a good— okay, so where's— oh, and then Alex Earle. Okay, so not Libby Dunn. Sorry, my bad, my bad. I saw her in another one.

Oh, okay, it's confusing. Yeah, no.

Okay, so they released the first, but these are not the COVID models.

No, these are just like 5 pictures of people from the magazine that's forthcoming, question mark.

Got it. Okay, so who do we think is going to be on the COVID Do they think we're going to do like 8 covers again?

Like, of course. So do you have your top 8? 8. And I feel like it's not going to be Alex Earl because if it were going to be—

no, they already released her spread.

No, but they could have another picture of her for one of their 8 covers. I'm just like, no, no, no, no, no.

I think like when they release the COVID cover, it'll be a new person.

So it's not from— it's not Penny, correct? Camille's already done it.

These people are like rookies or whatever, like they're just the models.

Who do you think it will be?

I mean, it should have been Alex Earl. I thought that should have been Alex Earl a year ago, 2 years ago. I don't know. Like, who's the young hot thing?

It's not going to be the young hot thing, right?

So I don't know, because they're always doing like— they're always looking to check a box, being like, Martha Stewart was the oldest one, this is the first Asian American queer. Like, they like to do like, yeah, someone who's like not been done technically. So I, I don't know.

I think they're gonna do I think they're going to do like Amy Poehler.

Soleil would love that. I think that's what it's going to be. That's a good guess. You think it's just one? Oh, another person? Like, I think they're going to do like— what, maybe they'll do like a comedy theme? They're— they won't do a—

no. Okay, okay, okay. Um, who else would be on it? I don't know.

What about The Secret Lives? No, they won't.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have to think not obvious.

Yeah, so I don't know, cuz I'm an obvious person.

No, and it's just like big celebrities. I'm actually excited. Like, I didn't realize we were waiting for this. I'm excited to see like what it is.

Yeah, 'cause it's always so random.

I don't think it's gonna be like what we think it should be.

No, no, I miss the days where like they would decide on one person and that person was like the biggest model that year. Like they were discovering people.

They made people. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then like the year following was like kind of like Miss America. You were like on a year's long tour as the swimsuit girl. Kate Upton, Hannah Jeter, Nina Agdal. No, now it's just like— Randos and celebrities and like business people. They're gonna have Barbara Corcoran on the COVID Like, yeah, honestly, I'm down.

Or like Joy Behar.

Oh, please no.

That's what it's going to be. I don't think Joy would do it.

Like, that's the only reason why I don't think it is.

Whoopi Goldberg.

I think she actually would do it.

It's literally going to be Whoopi Goldberg.

All right, that's Jackie's official guess.

Do you have one?

Okay, if we're going like, like Nancy Grace, you know— no, I was going to say something insensitive.

Sorry. Um, I don't think Nancy Grace would do it.

Oh, I do, actually. I don't know, she's like a God-loving woman. Maybe not. Let me think, let me think. Think? Who was just like— oh, maybe like the Olympics. Oh, like Eileen. What's the girl with the— Eileen with the hair that everyone loves? Alyssa Liu. Yeah. Or Eileen. Yeah, one of the Olympian.

Okay, you're saying Olympian of this cycle? Of— I mean, it would be a really quick turnaround, but that's what you're gonna say. But yeah. Okay. And I'm saying Whoopi Goldberg. Okay, are you ready? Oh, also, Alex Earle related. She just launched an Instagram account, What the Fuck is Alex Doing About— and it's— the bio is something big is coming, and it's a photo of her like obviously modeling for a skincare line. Oh, you think it's skincare? Here, she's not wearing makeup, like wearing like a nude-like bra, so like not clothes.

And that's what she's so viral for, like she had hormonal acne, she like— Medicube is like her whole thing, like her dermatologist. So she's very much like a— she does makeup, she's a really influential person in Skin.

Okay, so it's what the fuck is Alex doing, and we're just gonna like watch the space.

Yeah, she like launched the Instagram account, she got like 100,000 followers, and she's just waiting for the launch. Got it.

Yep. Are you ready for our next story? White Lotus season 4 casting news. Oh, I didn't even see this. I know they're France, right?

Yeah, they are going to be— oh, actually I did see this. AJ Michalka, right?

That she might have been in the past. Yeah, but the new people, and it's very exciting for us because it's someone that we'll be able to have on Namesake. Okay, Max Greenfield, New Girl. Sally, uh, who's his mom? Sally Greenfield? No, wait, doesn't he have a famous mom? Does he? I don't know him because I don't watch New Girl, so he's like a blind spot for me.

I don't watch it either.

He's a Max, so I'll, I'll start to pay attention.

His— I don't know.

Then we have—

I wonder why I thought his mom was Sally Field.

Kumail Nanjiani.

Okay, Chloe Bennet from, uh, Logan Paul's ex-girlfriend.

She's from Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. and Interior Chinatown. I think she's more famously known—

let me just make sure I'm right— from that mermaid show. Continue.

Charlie Hall. Oh my God, two people for namesake, you guys! And you know who Charlie Hall is? I don't. Julia Louis-Dreyfus's son.

Oh Oh, I like him. He was in Secret Lives of Sex Girls, College Girls.

Yeah, he was in Sex Lives. Yeah, he's cute.

And Gerard Paul. Okay, we've got ourselves a cast.

Then previously announced cast members are Sandra Bernhardt, Helena Bonham Carter, Vincent Cassel, Steve Coogan, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. They never go obvious. E.J. Michalka.

They never go obvious.

It's a mix though, like working actors who you can recognize and some new folk.

Right, but it's never like the most famous working actors. It's like people you know whose faces you recognize. It's like a star maker machine. Seen, um, either of like brand new faces. Oh, I guess like Megan Fahey was like— I mean, I knew her, but she was like—

sounds like Chloe Bennet, like Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Like, we— if you've seen her show, she's worked before, to have like a big moment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. AJ Michalka, like if you saw Secretariat, like you've been on notice.

No, but like AJ Michalka is a fixture in like millennial— the entire generation's like childhood.

No, but like she's way— you right, was that wrong? She has waned, and now we're gonna start seeing her on every red carpet. Like, I'm excited for and I hope they ask questions about what it was like to be a part of Secretariat, such a major movie, motion picture.

Maybe if she does press, um, we can get her and ask her that. Yeah. Caught in a moment. I hope they use some Ally and AJ. They should.

I wonder if she'll be playing a singer. She's always playing a singer.

Okay, she sung in Secretariat.

There will be singing, and this one is taking place in Paris in multiple locations along the French Riviera. Very cool. Very cool. Our fifth and final story shouldn't have been— oh wait, sorry, I just got disorganized.

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Thank you, turd positive. You're welcome for letting us know about O Positive.

You're welcome, jerk positive. Oh, she's freaking—

I'm back. Uh, Fifth and Final Story.

What are you looking at me for?

It shouldn't have been Fifth and Final, but it's just the way she thinks. Okay, now today's in day as addressing the Tom and marriage rumors, shares a spoof wedding video to clear the confusion. So Zendaya went on Jimmy Kimmel and discussed these like rumors and AI photos that she got married, plus like Law Roach sort of like opened a can of worms when he said that she did get married and she's like joking about it, um, and people seem to really care about that. Or notably, she was not asked any questions about Euphoria season 3, which is about to come out, which is making people like question her involvement in the promotion of Euphoria season 3.

Well, that is weird. Although, like, she's on a press tour right now for a movie, and like, maybe they want to just promote that movie. I'm not going to like look into that so nefariously, although everything with Euphoria is nefarious.

Everything. Everyone hates each other. Everything is drama. Everything is toxic.

I don't really care whether or not Zendaya is married or not because she's in like a long-term partnership. If they're married, great. If not, they will be. Like, I don't care. What I want to talk about is this movie that she's in with Robert Pattinson, which just like looks really good. I'm like obsessed with the pair. Wearing. Um, they— he looked so hot at the Oscars. And then last night was the premiere, and she wore, uh, okay, so she rewore a dress. She wore this white Versace gown that was gorgeous, and apparently she had worn it like in the 20— 2015 to the Oscars. And it's just so interesting to see the side by side, how she's like really grown up. Like, she like just looks so more like feminine and womanly. But what's interesting, and I remember when I first saw the picture, somebody was like, oh my God, she wore this dress to the 2015 Oscars. She's wearing her hair in dreads. And I'm like, oh, I wonder if that was the time that Giuliana Rancic said that she smelled like patchouli oil and like literally got fired and ended one of the greatest shows.

And like, that literally is what ended Fashion Police. Yes. And so then Law Roach tweeted, remember the last time she wore this dress? And like, they literally like were referencing that. Yeah. I can't believe that Law and Zendaya like know about that and talk about it and like are joking about it because it was literally like at the time the craziest, like, biggest deal ever. And I have— like, everyone's like moved on, the show is over.

But like, no, they moved on in the sense that it was canceled. Like, it, it wasn't a no small thing. It's very much like known as—

but it's clearly like something they haven't forgotten, you know, Lon and Zendaya.

Yeah, of course not.

She looked so beautiful in the dress. It's actually insane how like different the dress looked, cuz she was just like a kid, you know, wearing this gown in 2015. And now she really looked like a beautiful, you know, woman.

That's really funny.

I kind of want to see this movie.

It's called The Drama.

Everything is the drama. I know.

Um, well, so like, are they married? Are they not? Again, I'm with you. I— it makes no difference to me. They're like Goldie Hawn, you know?

Like, they're, they're married. Like, who— like, seriously, who cares?

Yeah, like whether they had a wedding that you, like, you wouldn't saw, invited you anyway. Correct, correct. Not having anything to do with any of us.

Let's dive into Dear Toasters, our weekly advice segment where we, where we try to give back to the community, try to help out the girls in need. If you ever need advice from us, you can email us deartoasters@gmail.com or simply head over to our website thetoastpodcast.com, scroll down, there's a little Dear Toaster submission box, totally anonymous both ways, and you have just as good of a chance getting on the show no matter how you submit. Okay. Hey Swirlies, my husband who's 30 has told me multiple times that people at work are asking him if he has something going on with his coworker who's about 50. I know they're friends, that they have lunch together sometimes. She did call him once when she got into a car crash, which I thought was weird. I genuinely don't think he's cheating on me, but do you think he's acting inappropriately at work and that's what is making people think this? What should I do? Well, I agree that your husband's not cheating on you because he wouldn't have told you like, everyone thinks I'm dating. I think he was saying it's funny because like she's 50 and he's 30.

Um, but why are people thinking that? Like, I feel like there's something you're not sharing. And her calling your husband when she got into a car wreck Like, I guess she's 50. Like, I mean, I don't work in like a traditional office setting. Like, you are my, like, one of my only coworkers. So, so like maybe I can't relate, but like, what, how are you two behaving?

Like, I know everyone with their work wives, like, so toxic, it's so wrong. And I feel like now people are turning on the concept. Like, for a while I was like, this is my work wife. And now everyone's like, mm, that's not a thing and that's not normal and that needs to stop and that's not appropriate. This doesn't sound appropriate. If the genders were reversed, it would certainly not be appropriate. And I don't know that anything nefarious is going on, but like, you don't— you just don't need this.

Like, no, your husband's not so innocent in all of this. Like, he's obviously—

he is the younger subordinate. He's the man, and he's 30.

Like, he's 30, she's 50.

Imagine if it was a 50-year-old man and a 30-year-old woman.

Imagine if your father married someone your age and then like your boss is like calling you on the side of the road and like, no, that's weird unless she's like a frail old woman, but like obviously not cuz people really think that they're dating. Yeah.

And like she seems to be like his emergency contact.

Your husband needs what the kids are calling boundaries. You know, your work people should not be calling you in the middle of the night from the side of the road. And if you're in a place where like you've become someone's number one person to call when their car breaks down, like you've given too much of yourself in the workplace.

Correct. It's just a job. Yeah.

Tell your husband it's just a job. Yeah. Hey, swirlies! Oh no, sorry, I just read that one. Dear Jackson 30, I actually feel very conflicted about this one. My mother-in-law watches my daughter while I work from home upstairs. Sometimes my father-in-law comes over unannounced to either hang out or go on walks with them. I've asked my mother-in-law previously to just send me a quick text to let me know so that I'm aware what's going on in the house. She has repeatedly not let me know— is not let me know as this continues. Am I crazy to be annoyed by this? He's not my favorite person, so I don't exactly love the surprise visits. It doesn't happen too often, but it still annoys me. Why isn't he your favorite person? Yeah, I'm gonna need more context on that because before that, it's like, well, if your mother-in-law and father— I know there are people who are like very, um, strict about letting adult males near their children. Um, I see it on TikTok a lot. Like, I actually just fell into this thing. These family members? Not family members, but, you know, actually I'd like to get your take on this.

I watched this woman, she like did like a whole takedown of her local daycare because she went in and her kid goes there all the time and it's all good. But she noticed that they hired—

it was her child, did she say?

It was still in diapers. And so she had two kids. The older one's been going there, maybe 3 years old, so he's been going there for a while. So she just had a baby. Her 6-month-old is now going to the facility as well. So she was dropping both the kids off and she noticed that there was a new caretaker, a man. So she had asked, um, oh, who's this new person? And they were like, oh, this is Jimmy or whatever. She said, oh great, um, I would just request that he doesn't change the diapers for my baby. I'm only I'm comfortable with a female. And they were like so offended, called her, threatened to throw her kids out. And she was like, I'm just not comfortable with an adult male changing the diaper of her daughter. The baby was a daughter, but I think regardless she would have said it. And everyone in the comments was like, oh yeah, I don't let like adult males near my baby. I guess like everyone's very on high alert for pedophilia, which is more prevalent in the male species. Um, so there are people who are like— that's why a lot of people don't let their parents don't let their kids have sleepovers because you don't know what adult male is in the house.

Um, I think Khloe Kardashian has said that many times. She does not let her kids have any sleepovers.

There's a lot of— it's not even just that, but yeah, it's a big one.

So, um, I don't know why, like— and so if she— if this girl writing in is one of those people, like, I respect her boundaries, but it sounds like she just doesn't like her father-in-law. She doesn't want him in her house.

Like, so regarding the TikToker, yeah, what do you make of that? I'm with her.

Yeah, of course. Okay, 1,000%. And the daycare was like being really shady, and I think she ended up— I don't know what she ended up doing, I never got like a follow-up video.

Uh, leave. Mhm. Um, regarding this, well, first of all, there's a difference between like random adult males being near your babies and your family. And this person doesn't have like a track record of engaging in harmful behavior with children. It sounds like you just don't like him, you want to know when he's in your house. Sure, she should give you a heads up. You want to know what's happening in your house. I would feel the same way with if you're upstairs and he's down— they're downstairs. But she probably like isn't on her phone all the time. You don't want her to be on her phone all the time. They're just going for a walk and they're hanging out. I need to really know why he's not your favorite person. Is it— is it like nefarious behavior? He seems like an inappropriate, unsafe individual? Or like he's insulted, you know, he's not the kindest and whatever? But if they're just going on walks and she's doing you a favor, like, I don't think it's the biggest deal.

But I don't have all the information to make this I do have a solution for you because it sounds like you just want to know when he's in the house. You don't want him not coming anymore. And I think a nanny would solve your problem, or any sort of like baby monitor. You're upstairs, put a camera like in the corner of your living room so you could see the whole living room, or wherever they hang out, the playroom. Problem solved.

Well, they go on walks, but what's happening on walk— if you trust the mother-in-law, she's not gonna let anything happen under her watch.

Yeah, and it's like, I— well, I understand that your father-in-law is not your favorite person. It is such a privilege to have childcare that's your family. Like, it's just like I think it's something people would dream of. So even though you don't like him, like, is he a good grandpa?

No. And like, if, if your concerns are— have to do with like safety or appropriateness, like, then you should be concerned about the mother too. Because if he's like a known— correct—

predator— and she didn't say that, but like, why else wouldn't you want this person?

Because if it's just like, you know, he doesn't say— he's rude. Yeah. Oh, grumpy.

It's like, still the kid's grandpa.

Like, it's fine, it's whatever. But if it is more insidious is, then you need to be looking at her too because she's married to him.

I don't think that's what it is. I just want to say, I don't know why I brought that up, but I feel that the thing is, if it's not, then I'm like, what's your problem? Problem? Correct.

Like, two people want to look after your kid.

No, and it's nice. Like, two adults is better than one, and they're family. Like, to have like your village raise your child when you have to work is like such a dream. Yeah.

And so she doesn't tell you every single time he comes over, but like, it's family. So assuming like nothing is wrong here, there's no like bad man and like, it's family, they come through the door. You need a text message?

Like, what? Agreed, agreed, agreed. And it's not like you have other childcare and then like your in-laws just randomly show up. Like, the in-laws are the childcare.

It's nice. It is nice.

Why is your perspective wrong? Unless he's a predator. Correct. Then call police. Now, uh, I like how we've become just like a destination for people who think that their partners are gay. Like, that is just sort of my life's work. And so here is— I have a new— our final submission.

I have a new take now after Slamu. It just informs, like— yeah, continue.

Hey guys, a little backstory. My best friend was a late bloomer. She didn't have her first kiss until college. She never really dated. And then fast forward to our late 20s, she's met a guy through a dating app. She is so happy to finally be dating that she's not picking up on some things that I think are quite odd, like mostly that he goes on a cruise nearly every month. He either goes alone or with another guy friend. While he's on these cruises, he does not communicate with her, and he says he goes on them because he likes to gamble. Is he gay? How do I get her to realize that this is not normal?

Well, you should definitely let her know that it's not normal. Just be like, do you know what he's doing? Because I don't have like an issue so much if he's gay. Is, is he cheating on you?

Well, if he's gay, I do have an issue because you're a girl.

No, but like he wants, like, just if you love him, like, and he loves you.

No, you guys, don't listen to Jackie. Here's the thing, I think you guys are gonna be shocked by what I have to say. There's nothing inherently gay about cruises. Like, there is really— yeah, there are of course gay cruises, there are Disney cruises.

Like, go on a cruise with your male friend.

So here's the thing, I believe greatly that your friend's boyfriend is hiding something major. Is that major thing his sexuality? I actually don't think so. Let me tell why. Again, cruises—

no, it's not about cruises. It was a vacation. It's not about—

she's not even like— she would have also said, and he, you know, was on Grindr, like the cruises with his male friends.

The only— and he disappeared.

She said sometimes he goes alone and sometimes he brings a friend.

Well, maybe he's cruising on the cruise. I don't know.

I, I don't know. When I think of cruises, like, maybe he's a really—

maybe he should go on a cruise.

Maybe it's a Weight Watchers cruise, like once a month. Maybe it's a New Kids on the Block cruise. Do you know?

Once a month.

Do you know how many themed cruises there are for things other than being gay?

Nobody needs to go on a cruise once a month unless you're cruising.

And cruises are kind of like Disney.

Like, it's a cult. People— so you're saying he's—

I'm saying people are obsessed with cruises the way they are obsessed with parks, like Disney parks.

Like, I'm sorry, once a month? Don't you have a job?

Well, of course there are other, like, lifestyle things that I have questions here about, but if you're just asking me if he's gay, as truly the gay whisperer, I don't think so. I don't think so.

But you're saying it could be a lot of things.

I think if this girl wrote in and was like, and he's really, you to surmise about someone's sexuality. More often than not, unless you're a true professional, like, there are a lot of signs in how you walk and how you talk, in your interests, the TV shows that you watch. Stereotyping.

Oh, is that bad? Oh, I know you just always like to make me feel bad.

What did I say? Um, but there are other things, like she would have written, and you know, yeah, I heard you wear skirts. Like, I don't know. No, actually, I feel like gay guys actually don't even wear skirts. Like, straight men are always wearing—

yeah, right. No, I understand, like, you're mind, like, went towards gay because you watch this show too much.

And I'm sorry, and by the way, for that I will apologize.

But what we're saying is there's so many other things that could be wrong here, and you need to look at those. Okay, like, yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like, the gayness—

if it's gay, like, we almost held a toast cruise.

No, but I— it's not about the cruise, Claudia. You're focusing too much on cruise.

How about that. Okay, maybe he writes for the Points Guy. Well, does he?

I don't know. Yeah, like, unless he works in—

here are the themed cruises coming up on Royal Caribbean.

But why do I give a shit? You don't go to a cruise once a month. I don't care if it's Hannah Montana.

Oh, you think the frequency is what makes it gay?

Yes, or insidious. You can go on a cruise, cruise your heart out.

I don't think so.

He's just a wanderlust.

Maybe nobody fucking understands him except for Hey, you go on 12 cruises a year?

That's not normal. Where do they live?

Maybe they live in like Fort Lauderdale where there's like a pier where all the cruise ships leave from.

It doesn't matter. I know plenty of people live in Florida who don't go on cruise a month.

Tell this man to call me. He's obviously looking for somebody who understands him, and your friend is not worthy of his love, and neither are you.

Ask your friend like, what is he doing on these cruises? This is weird. Why does he have— I mean, maybe—

oh yeah, ask them about their sex life. There are a lot of sides. Like, people who are closeted are not getting like ditched down.

Listen, I would start with just like simple questions before you start making leaps. Like, what's this cruise? Who is he with? What does he do? Why can't he answer the—

he goes on a lot of cruises.

Yeah, like just get some context clues first. She might have a perfectly good answer and she might be fine. Just because she never kissed a boy till college doesn't mean she doesn't have a brain. Yeah, like she's not that naive.

Like, you did make her sound like uber down, like someone who like can't handle herself in this world, right? Just because she wasn't like a slut in college, like I like how we're now turning on the person who wrote it because like she's just—

I feel like she's telling us literally only the worst, very specific. Yeah, yeah, she's making her friend look like a dumb dumb.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's really funny. I'm crying.

It's giving like, my friend got a boyfriend, I'm jealous. Oh, oh, that— I love that. Well, I just want to say, given the fact that you gave us no information and just like these breadcrumbs that you thought we would just be like, oh, he's gay, like, yeah, you tried to leave us here and now we've turned on you.

That's what I'm saying. Like, when you make it so obvious, I don't know. I don't even think it's so obvious.

Like, but definitely weird behavior. Let's get some more questions. Like, maybe—

I just think also, like, it's important to know, like, while I think it's weird, and if anybody I knew went on a cruise once a month, I'd be like, are you okay? Like, some people just have different interests than me and, like, different ways to live their life.

But nobody goes on a vacation once a month.

Brian Kelly does.

That's his job. Brian Kelly does. So unless that's his job, maybe he wants to be an influencer and he's doing, like, cruise reviews.

Check his TikTok. TikTok.

So tell us that. Maybe this friend hasn't cared enough to check his TikTok.

I believe this, man.

I just can't know how to walk down the street without the dumb dumb who never gets kissed in college.

Yeah, right, right. Give your son— your friend was never kissed, but she could handle herself in this world, and she would have known a queer man if he punched her in the face. Like, one thing about Josie, she was extremely discerning. Yeah.

And so I just feel like you've stereotyped everyone here. Yeah, including us thinking that we would just think he's gay. Him for cruising.

Maybe you need to look inward. Maybe it's you.

You tried to pit us all against each other.

It's true, and we found you out.

How you like them apples?

Thank you guys so much for listening to the Toast of the Millennium Morning Show, where we deliver the past 5 stories that you need to know every Monday through Friday on YouTube. So if you're watching us on YouTube, please feel free to subscribe and give this video a thumbs up. We're also available as a podcast, and we're podcasting. We found on Spotify, Stitcher, Public Radio, iHeartRadio, CastBox, all the places where we listen to podcasts. Vanessa, Chelsea, and me, at our beautiful setting and wickedly talented we are.

I had one more thought about the Taylor Frankie Paul thing that I think— okay, that episode's not over— that's germane information to this, because I really want to do take her side, because if what's happening to her is untrue, it's awful, the cruelest thing in the world. Why did all the girls stop filming with her? Yeah, that's all I'll leave you with. But there are also— they are sheep, so they are.

There's so much groupthink in Mom Talk. I have to go to the bathroom so bad.

We have to wrap cheap. Consider that they stopped filming with her. We'll leave you with that. Love you, bye. Aber was ich noch erzählen wollte: Meine Nichte kämpft sich ja ganz schön durchs Studium. Semesterbeitrag, Laptop, Bücher, Software, Handy, Internet. Ey, so ein Master ist echt teuer. Ach, sag ihr, sie kann sich das zurückholen.

Ja, du meinst von der Steuer absetzen, ne?

Aber sie verdient ja nicht. Egal, Zauberwort Verlustvortrag. Macht sie ganz einfach mit WISO Steuer und wenn sie dann arbeitet, heißt es: Katsching! Das geht? Safe! Wieso Steuer? Hol dir dein Geld zurück! Jetzt kostenlos ausprobieren!