Transcript of Baby Mama Trauma: Tuesday, March 17th, 2026

Good morning, girlies.

It's The Toast. It's Jax and Claude, and we're your hosts.

It's your favorite show, the fast 5 things you need to know. We'll start your day off swirly. It's The Toast.

I sound amazing.

Welcome back to The Toast and happy Great question. Tuesday. Tuesday.

Tuesday-ry.

Tuesday-ry.

Actually, it's a Tuesday-ry.

'Cause you're lactating?

And I'm—

Wearing Dairy Boy? No. Wait, why is it a Tuesday?

You're drinking—

Dairy. Dairy, like milk?

Yeah.

Are you, oh, you brought me breast milk this morning?

Because I brought you breast milk this morning.

In a lunchbox.

In a breast milk exchange, a back alley breast milk exchange.

It was extremely chade what went on in the back alley here. Ben drove up in like a, unmarked vehicle, Jackie pulled out a Ciete branded lunchbox full of breast milk because there's a, like a little virus running through our family and Jackie's producing antibodies. So the dairy farm, yes, today's Thursday is Tuesday.

It is Tuesday. In that breast milk are the latest antibodies that I've produced. Mm-hmm. Pumped fresh last night for Groove.

We're looking forward to the antibodies joining us in our home. Yeah.

Breast milk is really amazing. I feel like I never, As I get older and like have more babies, I appreciate more like the science behind it. It's not even science, it's magic.

It's magic.

It's God.

Yeah.

But God is science if you believe like I do, if you're a believer.

Um, okay, Sheldon.

And I've always like known it's amazing, you know, but like I just learn more and more about it like every single day. Mm-hmm. And it's like, as long as I confront the germ before Max does, mm-hmm, that he doesn't confront the germ with, to a person that I'm not confronting, which wouldn't happen.

Um, you're al— you are always confronting germs, always confronting the germ.

Uh, then I will produce the antibodies and protect him before he has to confront that germ. Like, that's amazing. Mm-hmm. It's des—

I mean, don't get me started on the architect, but I actually, I will not get you started on the architect.

She should write a song about breast milk.

Well, she has to go on that journey first.

She does.

There are a lot of artists who I need to know who I need to breastfeed.

No, absolutely.

And I don't need to breastfeed them. Sorry. I need them to start breastfeeding so that they can write music about the magic of it.

Oh, the magic of breastfeeding. Like, where's Gabby Barrett? Honestly, it's on her.

She's, Yeah, she's sort of like carrying—

she's holding up women and mothers in music.

Now I'd just like to address some of like the obvious speculation about what's going on here today, that you're hungover. People think I'm hungover, I'm sure, or ready to deliver some harsh truths. Now I am of course ready to deliver harsh truths, but that's not why I'm wearing my Three Blind Mice sunglasses today. Actually, these are Jackie's.

What brand are they? I think they're Bottega.

Okay, Bottega.

Yeah, Bottega. Just a casual slay on a Tuesday.

I have a migraine, like an actual— not a headache. Not a headache, a migraine. And under these bright lights, big city has big stars. I just, I needed to protect myself and my family.

Yeah, I've been there. I know that.

I don't know if I've ever actually done the toast with like a full-blown migraine.

Oh.

It has really just been creeping up on me all morning since I woke up.

Yeah, it's the worst. I'm sorry. That's why like sometimes we're in our home studios, like I've asked if I could like do the show without like my bright lights on.

Yeah, right.

And like you said no.

Well, you could have just worn sunglasses. Look at me, I'm doing it.

Yeah, I guess I could have worn it.

I said, I, I, I, it's actually like I have to do it with the lights on because I don't let you, you know?

No, but like if we were here, I don't know what it would look like without our lights on, but like if we were in our home studios, like I would turn your lights off. It's a huge light sitting right on top of us. It's, that can't be good.

I don't know.

We need workers' comp.

We're, we're talking about the light and it's like making it worse, you know? Okay.

Why don't you close your eyes for a couple minutes while you talk?

You just— okay. I feel like that's actually hard.

It is. I watched you. It feels like a game.

A lot of Secret Lives of Mormon Wives last night. And then there were also like a bunch of news We are going to talk about it today.

Um, lead story is Slammu news and recap.

And I guess I am— so I'm up to, I want to say, the middle of episode 7. Um, if you haven't watched yet, there aren't going to be a lot of spoilers. We were just saying before, this is like a show you can't really spoil because it's all happened publicly already.

So we just get to see the when and the why and who, what, when, where, why, how. Yeah, yeah. But there's not really spoilers in terms of events or things that happen, just conversations. Lots of conversations. We're always conversing. Oh, you know who was on the episode I just watched?

Your boyfriend Harry Jowsey?

Not my boyfriend, my son.

Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Your brother Alex Warren?

My son Harry Jowsey was on Slamu.

He should make a family tree. Hold on, like all the surrogate children, like Harry Jowsey, Alex Warren, who else?

Charlie Puth. Hey, look at him. Charlie.

Somebody— I'd like to thank the person who commented this reminding me. We obviously have been talking a lot about our future project called Namesake, which is a podcast where we only only interview people whose names we share. And then we decided to, like, as of yesterday, expand a little bit, um, and like we could interview people like named Ben or people named Trout, you know. Unfortunately, that means we might have to interview Ben Platt one day, so we can't— we have to go back to the original plot where it was just people named Reuben, Harry, Max, Charlie, Claudia, Jackie. Okay, Ben Zach— no, no, not Ben Zach, not Ben Zach, because I'm Ben Platt.

No, but this doesn't mean we have to have on Ben Platt. Like, we can be discerning. We don't have to have on every Ben who walks through the door. It's still up to us.

Besides for Ben Soffer, like, who's your favorite Ben? You weren't expecting such a tough question from a girl whose eyes are closed, are you?

I was.

My eyes are still closed.

The only person who comes to mind right now would be Benson Boone.

Not the same. I said Ben. Just Ben. Benjamin. Ben Affleck. Ben Higgins.

Oh, Ben Affleck. No, Ben Higgins. I'll go Ben Higgins.

He's cute.

I'll go Ben Higgins. Besides your husband, who's your favorite Ben?

We're talking about famous people?

It's— the question is open to interpretation.

I'm going to go— I'm going to go celeb.

There's not a lot. Benjamin Button. That's my favorite movie that I never saw.

You know who I love?

That's my favorite movie to quote that I never saw.

Benjamin Moore.

Ooh, that's a good one.

Makes really good paints.

That is a good one.

Yeah.

I've got my eye on a shade of paint called mayonnaise. Has anyone used that?

My husband, if he decorated his house, it would be all mayonnaise.

I'm painting something. I'm looking for like a nice creamy color. And they're all, you know, White Dove, Chantilly Lace. And the one I have my heart set on—

You know, decorators love White Dove, Benjamin Moore.

I know, but the one I have my heart set on is mayonnaise.

Mayonnaise?

Has anybody used mayonnaise by Benjamin Moore? I meant to post it to my stories, but I thought it would be too random. But because it just came up organically in this conversation, let me know.

I don't know if you can paint your house mayonnaise or whatever you're painting. It is so disgusting. Like, and if you run the risk of someone coming over being like, I love this color, what color is it? And you have to say mayonnaise.

I can't decide if it being called mayonnaise is like drawing me to it because it's like I want to like do something crazy, or if it's like I like it so much despite the fact that it's called mayonnaise, I must love it then.

Well, I do often think about, more so with nail colors, the person whose job it is like keep coming up with names for these colors. So I have a little bit of sympathy that like they maybe ran out of names for all these different variations of white. And Mayonnaise, like it's quite, it's very direct.

Like, but if you think about like the creamy color that I want, Mayo feels like a little bit of like a yellow base actually. Yeah. I like a little yellow. There's always gonna be a base of something, so I prefer it to be yellower than gray or blue. Like a creamy, I guess if you took the shade all the way up, you would hit the yellow sphere.

Don't you find that like colors and like color theory is so crazy?

You wanna hear the craziest thing I ever heard about colors?

I know what you're gonna say. I heard it too, and I actually like wish I didn't.

What are you going to say? I'll say what I was going to say.

Yeah, yeah.

Like, if I showed you a color—

yeah, I'm going to— yeah, mine's the same.

If I showed you a color, how would you describe what you're seeing?

Like, so how do we know what we're seeing is the same? That's what I'm—

oh, that's not what I was going to say.

So we both agree that this is pink, right?

Yeah.

How am I to be sure that like what I'm seeing is what you're seeing? You could be seeing like yellow As far as I know, that is true.

Now what I was saying, it's like if I showed you a brand new color, like how, how do you describe a color without using other colors?

Right. Or you can like reference it to the sky, I guess, to the sky. No, but what if what you think is blue is what I think is gray? You know?

Yeah. We are saying two different things. We are.

But that's what I mean.

Color, it's just, color is just kind of, we're actually, we're doing a color analysis soon.

We are. Spoiler for Patreon.

We are doing like a full in studio color analysis. She said that we shouldn't wear makeup. And I know you don't wanna do that, but like, I'm going full Monty. I'm gonna take my makeup off.

Oh my God. Okay. I'll, I won't wear makeup. I thought for sure, like, we're always like without makeup on vlogs and stuff. I guess.

It'll be weird to be like in the lights without makeup.

Like you really see, you, she was like, if you must wear makeup, like a little chapstick and mascara. I'm like, excuse me, I think you mean like a full beat. That's me wearing a little bit of makeup.

I'm cracking up. No, but I'm like, we're doing this. We've wanted to do it for so long. We have the specialist coming. Like, I want my true, I want my true colors are beautiful. Whoa, whoa.

Like a rainbow. I actually saw a video, speaking of, of somebody doing a color analysis on all the Secret Lives of Mormon Wives in their ugly blue dresses from the finale, which I mean from the intro theme song, which you sufficiently have ruined for me. Um, and somebody, you were like saying how the dresses like turn from beige to blue and they're all wearing, and you're right, the dresses are terrible.

It's like two separate intros slapped together.

I saw somebody do a color analysis on what shade of blue each of them should be wearing instead. Like, you know, Macy should have gone whatever, and it was quite interesting, and I really do see the difference.

Yeah, I'm very excited because there are colors that I like think are my color just because I enjoy wearing them. Like, of course, pink comes to mind, but I do think I look amazing in pink. And there are colors that I know that she's going to tell me, like jewel tones. Yeah, I don't want to wear jewel tones. I don't want to wear jewel tones. I don't want to be wearing emerald all the time. I prefer a mint green.

So, but no, mint green is like probably really not your color, right?

I wonder what she's going to say. But I love pastels. If she tells me pastels aren't my color, like, I'm seriously going to give her the boot.

I don't know, like today maybe it's because I'm wearing glasses.

I feel like jewel tones are everyone's color.

I don't know, you're looking kind of— I like—

and a creamy— what does she think about creamy mayonnaise?

You're definitely like a difficult person to analyze color-wise because you have like red hair.

But I do know that red and orange are not my colors. Watch.

Of course.

Actually, when I was like in my Cheryl Blossom era, I really enjoyed red. That was short-lived and it was just a moment in time. It's not my color. I'm so curious what she's gonna say. I'm excited about that. That's on Friday.

That's on Friday. We're also getting our birth charts read. We've decided be really excited about it. Um, I don't like really believe fully in the whole birth chart thing, but I'm excited.

I'm open. I'm, I'm definitely open, especially as like we have children. Like it's like, oh, does— do I need to be thinking about that?

A Saturn rising?

Yeah.

Like you're such a Saturn rising Leo moon.

You think so? Mm-hmm.

What kind of vibe do you get for me?

Water sign.

Facts.

Do you think she'll say you're a water sign? If she doesn't, I mean, if she's good at her job. Yeah. If she doesn't, like we'll all know.

Yeah. That like it's fraud. It's like, give it to me. Um, little program announcement. Um, due to the migraine, um, and my inability to like really read fine print off the iPad, Dear Toasters has been moved till tomorrow.

But I think it's fine because there's a lot of stories today. I have to whittle them down during the ad break and Slammu recap, Slammu story. Like, there's just a lot going on today.

Yeah, I do love like the eras. I feel like it happens twice a year because ever since Secret Lives came out and they're just churning out lots of seasons, like when we're in the Secret Lives like week, do you know what I mean?

Yes.

Like when the, when the episodes come out, and I love that they always release them all like in batches Everybody's watching it for a week and then there's stories coming out and people going on podcasts. It's such like a fun time to be a Toast podcast host.

It is. And I just remembered that that was my postpartum show, which doesn't even feel like that long ago. Like that's how quickly they're working. But I guess it's been like 4 months. Maxi's in his 4th month.

It was my postpartum show too, the previous season. And that's why I love it so much.

9 months and then 4 months.

I'm, I feel like very endeared to it for that reason.

It's been 9 months in, 4 months out.

9 and a half actually.

9 and a half. And Maxi's like 4. What day is it?

When, when my nipples were like seriously bleeding, cracking, screaming, crying, throwing up, and like you just needed to distract yourself so that the baby could eat. Secret Lives of Mormon Wives were there for me in such a deep and meaningful way.

Yeah, yeah, I love them. Those are my girls.

Who's your favorite?

Oh, that's a great question. So I am very impartial to Jesse because I met her and she came on the toast and she was incredible, and she's just like a lifelong toaster supporter, buys our merch. But usually, like, I have to really just judge the art. Like, a lot of people I've heard watch the— not from Secret Lives, but just in general— and really doesn't inform how I see them on the show. Like, I'm just But like she gave an amazing performance on the toast. She was so sweet. Everything about her, like I was just dazzled, dazzled. And I thought she was an amazing woman. And, and I like her on the show too. I think she has like pretty good judgment. Mm-hmm. So I am impartial to Jesse. Then it used to be Taylor Frankie. Of course this is not her season and just, um, it's just a roller coaster. You know, in the beginning I wasn't like a huge TFP fan cuz I was just like not my, my type of person. Mm-hmm. Like someone who just operates in chaos all the time. Like that's, literally the opposite of me.

I agree.

But then like I started to just feel really like badly and like soft towards her. Um, and that grace period has ended.

Yeah.

Uh, but we'll, we'll get into the stories and it's not even just because of last night, but you can only like really do that for so long.

Yeah. Especially when like you're a woman with agency, you have children, like it's on you to be mature and better and like want more for your life and your family.

I am loving Whitney.

Me too. Me too.

And it's—

that's what's so funny about the show and why it's so good is that it's so dynamic.

It's always changing. I don't have a clear favorite at all.

Even in some season, I like really hate people, and then the next season I really like— with Whitney, we all hated Whitney so much, and now she's like literally America's sweetheart.

Even with Michaela, like, watching like the second season or whatever it was, like, she was hardcore the villain, like being so nasty to Whitney for really like give it up for no reason. Like, just like loving, hating her. Even when they flash back to that scene of Demi being like, if Whitney doesn't walk into the event right now, all I'm following her, and they're all losers.

Like, yeah, that scene was so embarrassing. I remember that.

And so like, Michaela's had some really low moments for me. And then last night I was watching her and there were so many things I could relate to her. When she started crying, feeling bad that she wasn't there for Whitney when she just had her baby, and because she was like with her baby and just realizing she—

that was a very human moment.

It was. And like, I felt it to my core.

Yeah.

And I'm like, you know what? And also like, Michaela grudges hard, and sometimes necessarily, like with Chase and stuff, and like We need that. So she went too hard with Whitney, didn't agree. I am agreeing today. Yeah, how she's operating this season. So yeah, I think that's what makes the show really strong. It's not like it all hinges on one person. There are aspects of— to me that I really like, right?

And that she was my favorite for the first— I think a lot of people— that's— you either die the hero or live long enough to become the villain.

I think that's what made her a really quick turnaround.

Yeah, I mean, these girls are so young, they got so famous so quickly, like It makes sense. No one knows how to handle that.

No. And I think like, net-net, it's just been— it's really hard. I think they're all like— we were touching on it yesterday and we'll get into it with this next story, but like, it's not all it's cracked up to be.

We have Huda from Love Island's story. Okay, that is also like the craziest thing.

Yeah.

And it feels good to know, like, I hated Huda from like the very beginning and I never gave her a second chance cuz I knew there was something like deeply sinister about her. And like the show sort of rewrote her story and like I just never bought it. And it feels good to have been right, you know? It's It doesn't happen to me all the time.

Yeah. Okay, let's get into the stories because we're like getting into the stories. So without further ado, here are the Fast Five stories that we're gonna get into.

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Heck yeah, turdy Rosie!

I'm so Rosie.

Oh, okay, sorry, I did the wrong one.

No, no, that's wrong. Like, guys, who am I?

She's just saying stuff now.

We need like a bandana.

Slay mama, slay mama!

Rosie ate down with that, bestie.

Our first story, crazy news update from yesterday. Secret Lives of Mormon Taylor and Dakota are undergoing a psych eval after domestic incident. So yesterday we reported that pausing filming had been paused because there was an incident between Taylor and Dakota. Honestly, I don't know why I didn't take it like more seriously to realize that like if filming was paused, like it was big, it was really big. Um, but production has been put on ice after allegations of child and spousal abuse, and we've learned it's gotten so crazy that Taylor and Dakota have been ordered to get psych evaluations.

So this is an article clarifying that actually just Taylor's required to get the psycho out.

There's a lot of like things flying. So there is flying. Sources with direct knowledge tell TMZ Dakota has called the Utah Division of Child and Family Services more than a few times alleging Taylor has been physically abusive to their son Ever, who turns 2 this week. Sources say Taylor denies the allegation and Dakota has become frustrated that no action has been taken. Things came to a head last month when Taylor and Dakota were driving in his car and got in a heated argument. Incident. We're told a drink was spilled on the seat and on Dakota, and he became enraged. Sources connected to Taylor say he got physical with her. TMZ is told Dakota called the police and said Taylor was the one who got physical. Uh, Taylor sources say that Dakota went MIA for nearly 3 weeks after the incident, and that's why production stopped. He has an important part in the show, and producers wanted to wait until he resurfaced. Sources connected to the show tell a different story— that cast members refused to continue filming despite producers wanting to keep filming because of the child and spouse. Yeah, obviously, separate from the car incident, since DCFS has received numerous calls from Dakota alleging abuse, there is currently an open investigation.

And TMZ has learned that both Taylor and Dakota were ordered by DCFS to undergo a psych evaluation. The psych eval has not been performed. Sources say production is about to resume. It's unclear what role Dakota will have moving forward. There were also allegations that she was physical with Dakota, choking him with a necklace, choked him with a necklace, and that then he then called the police and she convinced him to change his story and say that he was fine. And then a few days later, she like scratched his face and a friend saw like the damage, and then police were called again.

There's so many elements of this to discuss. Like, one, how did all of this happen without anyone knowing? And then literally he was in LA with her at the Oscars, because she was at the Oscars, and then the next morning we're reporting that something happened.

So I don't think this has anything to do with the Oscars. I think this has been ongoing for a month and we're just finding out about it. Some of this sounds like it's what happened, and there's a lot of conflicting stories. So I think that, um, either they stopped filming because no one would film with them until this was settled. Maybe the whole cast knew this was going on for the last month and they've been trying to sort it out, and they've been filming, and now production has been paused indefinitely, maybe because of the investigation. But the allegations are that there was physical abuse in the house between Taylor and Dakota, maybe both ways, maybe one way, and that abuse of ever.

Yeah, so I just want to say, like, personally, I'm out now. Like, this is not funny. I think these people are, like, disgusting trash, and I don't, like, think it's funny or entertaining. And I think they should, like, seriously both be fired from the show. And if you're, like, watching the season, I don't think either one of them is the villain. I think that they're both abusive. I think, like, two things can be true. And if you're watching the show now, she's, like, so on a spiral. Like, she has this disagreement with her mom. No, no, so she sleeps with Dakota, and then she kind of has the one at—

in LA. In LA.

And she comes back and, like, has to tell her mom. And it is, like, the craziest. Her mom is, like, awful. It is the craziest conversation. Just Taylor's like so nuts. She's like screaming, so disrespectful at her mom. Um, and it's just like, I feel like emblematic of the fact that like she's clearly, um, unwell at this point. And that's why I'm like more inclined to think that like, especially because this is not their first domestic violence like police call, there was one like 2 seasons ago and that was Taylor also being the physical one. So like I think that he's really toxic in a lot of ways ways. I never thought or felt like he was physically abusive, just like really narcissistic, toxic loser, like, loser, cheater, can't stop talking to girls. And like, her thing was the physical abuse. And like, I don't know, now that like there are allegations being made of the kid, like, I personally like will not be getting involved in this sort of thing. I don't know how this makes any— like, what does this mean for The Bachelor? Because the crazy thing is that like she came and filmed The Bachelor, and now we know she's hanging out with Dakota.

So it's like, you slept with him before, and you're so— this is not a— this is not a person.

A screenshot from Reality Steve that Dakota's roommate shared with him, 150, where Taylor called Dakota 150 times in 90 minutes. And she's supposed— and this is post-Bachelor, she's supposed to have another man. She obviously probably does not have another man at the moment. Maybe that's why she's going back to Dakota. But yeah, this makes the whole season of The Bachelorette null and void, not only because she's like back with null and void, but because like she's now being accused of abuse of her partner and child abuse. And I just want to say, like, I honestly am in disbelief. Like, I actually cannot imagine that that's what happened. And these are all rumors, and I pray that that part's not true, and I pray that that's just like someone slinging mud at her, because if that's true, that's the most disgusting thing you can do. Um, so I think I'll wait like like, till there's more information. But I think there was child abuse allegations, but also the fact that, like, the choking happened with Ever in the room. Like, when, right, she was abused— her and Dakota were violent and she's abusive— that it was— the child was in the room.

And by the way, this is all alleged, so we don't know what's what, but this is what's being reported.

And I will say, from watching the show— and I was texting you this last night— there's so many times where Taylor walks into her parents' house and Ever is there. Like, I don't know if she, like, spent the night there, he spent the night there. Um, and I remember thinking, like, how odd that was. But honestly, like, thank God. Yeah, because I don't like her parents. I think they're so mean.

Um, mean in general? I mean, to her. To her.

And there's just been like a lot of instances where like her stepdad like says crazy things, and then her mom's like the worst. Um, but it's better than what's going on at her house. Yeah, I'm so like over this. And so when I was watching the episodes last night, I watched like episode 5, 6, and 7. And they were very Taylor heavy. And like, she's just so manic. She's going with her genealogist to go find her half-siblings, opening the wound of like her birth father who she met once. And it's a lot of like random plot lines for Taylor that like I personally don't care about. And second of all, she's acting so fucking crazy. And then I also had seen the news and I was just like, I have actually like written her off. So it's so Taylor heavy when actually there's so many other interesting things happening in the show where I feel like mom talk is kind of becoming like like this, it's almost like a burden for some of the women. Um, and I, I get what they're saying. Like the beauty of MomTok and like one of the benefits of being in MomTok is like you get a book deal or you get a brand deal, you know that all the women are gonna show up for you making it a bigger deal.

And, and you have to go to other people's so that they come to yours. Macy has this book event and it's actually really interesting. Macy has this book event and she asked Jessie to like moderate the conversation.

Mm-hmm.

Jessie said yes. They ended up having to move the, um, book event one day. And it was—

is that because of the sales thing? I saw the conversation with her.

Yes, yes. They moved it to a different place, a different place, and they pushed it back one day.

Okay.

And Jesse was like, well, I can't do that. I agreed to do, um, an Unwell event. And all the girls are like, that's really lame of you, like, to choose this Unwell event over our book event. Like, you know, Mom Talk, you have to be here for Mom Talk, Mom Talk, Mom Talk. And Jesse was like, you know what, I would never want to hurt your feelings. I'll say no to the event. And like, you're right. So she goes, and it was like, okay, They strong-armed Jesse into going, even though like all the girls are always taking opportunities to further their own careers. They all support that too.

I imagine the Unwell event was paid.

Yeah.

And the Macy event was not paid.

So then for the Macy event, Jen and Whitney were gonna fly in for it, and Whitney has been flying back and forth. She had to go to Utah for an event. Yeah, she's sobbing with Connor like a couple days before. She just feels so overwhelmed. She feels like she's really not being present with Billy and the kids, and, um, this is just her dream. And like she's just feeling so torn. And Jen had a similar conversation with Zach about about, you know, he was complaining about how she's not being a good wife. It's like, not the time. Like, seriously, not the time. Shut up. And so she's like, I know that if I go to this event, like, I have to fly back to Utah, come back for rehearsals, like, it's just gonna break me, but I don't know how to prioritize myself. And Connor really encourages her to be like, you don't have to go. Like, you don't have to go. You don't have to go. So she doesn't go. And then Jen gets sick, and Jen also doesn't go. So it's like all the girls who aren't being tapped for Dancing with the Stars sitting at Macy's book event just sort of being like, you have to be here for mom talk.

Like, if mom talk doesn't—

and then mom talk doesn't—

and it's like, well, Yes, but they're on Dancing with the Stars. Like, I feel like that's a valid excuse.

I agree.

When you're all in Utah, like, bitch, you gotta go, you know?

There's literally—

so Layla's sitting there being like, you know, like, I would love to go on Call Her Daddy one day, but like, you know what, I would still go to Macy's. And it's like, girl, no, you wouldn't. Like, it's easy for you to say that because the idea of you being on Call Her Daddy is like actually never gonna happen. Jesse was saying like, I'm really hoping to line up an interview on Call Her Daddy in the fall when the show premieres. Like, she's just being very honest about her— I actually respected and Leila was like, you know, maybe like if, if I got invited on Call Her Daddy, like I would still, like my time would come, it would come again. Like, you know, and it's like, it's very easy for you to say because there's no invitation coming.

Yeah. Oh, there might be, but still like you gotta make moves. And I understand that that's really tough.

Also, it's becoming like this ball and chain thing where it's like all the girls are kind of, it's, they haven't been bitter this entire time, but then Leila's like, you know, I post every week for Jen and Whitney's voting and, and they're not here. Like Leila was really taking up, and Mikayla too. And I just thought it was really losery. They just looked bitter. And no, it's very like unsympathetic.

Like, you know, they also have little babies.

Yep.

And they're— so it's a flight for them. It's not a flight for you. There's a difference between having, you know, a baby and first of all, for Jen, a newborn baby. For Whitney, her baby's probably 1 year old. Mm-hmm. Like there's a difference between leaving a baby at a versus like a toddler and flying and for them not to like have any sort of grace is actually surprising.

I know. I, I, I think the whole, like, you have to show up for MomTalk. That's actually a very good philosophy. I think that's why MomTalk is so successful and they all get these deals. But of course, everybody living in LA having to compete on this like highly competitive, very time-consuming show, you do get a pass.

No, I would think.

And they're like, well, Whitney— oh, Whitney's scarred because she'd go to Baby Mama, right? And they keep bringing it up. It's like— and she was like literally shaking. She was like, but Baby Mama, you know?

And it's like, this is not Baby.

It's— you don't have to go.

She should have gone to Baby Mama to support her best friend's event down the street, and she only didn't because she was like beefing with other girls and she was being a coward. This is not hot.

No, but she has baby mama trauma, and they just keep bringing it up, and the girls are bringing it up, and Connor's like— Connor is the voice of reason. I was so bored on the episodes last night. I am tuning in for one thing and one thing only. I have got to know what the fuck happened between Jen and Whitney on Dancing with the Stars. They keep teasing they're both doing glam, having this explosive fight where Whitney's like, I haven't seen it yet. Whitney's like, you don't get to co-opt having a dream. Like, you're not the only one who wants this and storms out. I need to see it. Like, I'm literally only tuning in for that because 5, 6, and 7— the genealogist, taking a trip to go meet your half-siblings— like, bored to tears.

Yeah, I guess Taylor has to sort of resolve her daddy issues before she starts the Bachelor.

But now knowing what we know— no, now knowing—

I know, you know, it's all moot. But I guess like she slept with Dakota, the next day they run into Jesse Palmer. I think all the girls were like, that was hilarious, not understanding. Like, she's acting like it's not a big deal that she slept with Dakota, but it is a big deal.

Yeah, I think she also like looks at the Bachelorette thing as like a gig, not a journey to find yourself. Yeah, like she's a reality star, a professional influencer, and like this is just her next job.

Yeah.

And so like the fake dating with the dating coaches on the show, like please spare me.

Yeah, no, it comes from within. And I am seeing more of like what you were saying about how Miranda would have been a good Taffy, just wouldn't have been as buzzy.

I don't know if anyone would have watched. But do you think that overwhelmingly this like Taylor-Dakota drama will end up being good for The Bachelor or bad? Because it's like everyone is talking about the lead and her show starts next week.

This is really bad.

Yeah, I agree.

I think that they are in crisis mode right now. And yeah, maybe it, um, maybe it would be good for like the first episode numbers, but when you hit like child abuse allegations, like there's nothing good, there's not— it's not buzzy, it's not really interesting. Like that's a hard line that people draw and we're all waiting to hear more. But like if any of that is true, like I'm not watching. I was so excited.

I know, I know.

And she's still like with Toxic Dakota. Like, I'm gonna give it a couple days to hear more just because none of this is verified. But, and if you're Taylor and like maybe you didn't do those things and now the worst is being said about you, like, and if it's not true, that would be really awful. Um, but if it is true or if there's even like a, a sliver, a sliver sniff, yeah, of truth to it, um, no, I'm out.

Agreed.

Yeah, so I don't think that— I don't think that's good.

I don't think that's good either.

Oh, also, more Slamu news, because Whitney's hinting at leaving Secret Lives in Mormon. Yeah, so she admitted that it feels like it's time to leave the show after 4 seasons. She told The Hollywood Reporter, I wouldn't be where I am without Slamu, but it feels like time to change, challenge myself in other ways and fulfill these dreams and passions that I've been trying to get even before the Well, I'm figuring it out in real time, she said, adding that her and her husband are figuring it out together. Well, the thing about— that's like the trajectory of where it's going.

Of course. The thing about Secret Lives that I actually really like is like people kind of come and go. Like they quit and then they come back in the same season. So it feels a little bit like transient. And then it's always like a storyline, like are we letting you back into mom talk? Um, so I do feel like she actually could take a season off, fulfill more of her dreams. I don't know, like in terms of like dancing and performing, like, beyond Broadway? What else is there? Like, she did Dancing with the Stars, she's on Broadway, so what else? I think she did say she wants to be in the movies.

That's how I feel. Like, maybe I should be dreaming bigger. Like, maybe I can't see the vision that she sees, but it's like, what else can you do with, like, this amazing razzmatazz dance being that you are? Is she gonna get other Broadway roles?

Perhaps.

Does she sing enough to get other Broadway She sings like—

she sings good. She does.

She—

okay, there actually have been lip-syncing allegations, so—

oh, that's how good it is.

Yeah, but she sings like very—

I guess you could also lip-sync, and if you're selling tickets, like, people will want to have you on Broadway.

Okay, so I guess like a career in Broadway, but like, that's not gonna pay the bills. Yeah, I don't know that that's like better for a family of 5 in New York City.

Reality TV star. And so my opinion, and I might be wrong because I just can't see the bigger picture or see what she's dreaming of, and she might have dreams and that she will achieve. But my opinion is that she should stay on the show. It is like the bedrock of the success of her career, and come in and out and do whatever she wants, say no to nothing, but always try to give back to the show. And, and that does not mean running to Macy's Book Event in Utah. And the women will have to be understanding. But if she's looking out for number one, like, I think being a part of the show is a good thing, and I wouldn't detach so quickly from it because I don't know what's next. It's a big wide world. It's so scary out there, and I don't, I don't see the vision, but maybe I just don't have vision.

But also the thing with like the nature of this industry is like you're so hot and then you're not, and it like ebbs and flows. So like I, I don't know if I would be mad if she took like a one-season break, like to finish. In this episode that I just watched, her Christmas movie gets greenlit and she's like hysterically crying, like this is her dream. So I do think she has dreams beyond maybe just dancing and performing to being like an actress. Um, I, I think honestly like doing some like random Christmas movies

like—

I guess it's easier for the singers, cuz like Alex Warren is another one of like influencer. You're talking about movies. No, no, no, I'm, I'm saying it's easier for the singers.

Yes, yes, because like having internet—

she wants to become a pop star.

Having internet background as a singer gives you credibility in the music industry. Like, oh, you have followers who will buy tickets. Having influencer roots in like movie stardom is just considered— it's like frowned upon. It's like looked down on.

So I think it will be a really hard hard trail for her to blaze. Not saying that it can't be done. And I think ultimately being on the most popular reality show would like— and I also compare her a little bit to like Ariana Maddix just because of the—

yes, yes, yes, yes.

And like now Ariana has the Love Island hosting, which I think is— things have simmered, but things have simmered. And I think if Vanderpump Rules was in its heyday, like it would be a good thing for her to be on it.

Yeah, like she left the show, but then the show also ended.

Like, no, I didn't—

it was a bad show.

No, it literally ended. Ended when she walked out and they followed her out of the party and talked shit about her, and that was like the last of the show. Uh, so I think— I don't know, but maybe I'm just thinking too small.

Yeah, maybe. She must not be taking this question, like, this, uh, decision lightly. It's a big decision. I think she should stay. If she leaves, I think it's okay to leave for a season, have all the girls talk about you, um, and then come back, and then it's like, you know, we're back.

Yeah, but I feel like the girls should understand if she leaves for a season, she should still support the women as much as she can to leave the door open to her coming back, because if she like leaves and doesn't like forget the thing— yeah, forgets like the thing that made her what she was, which it doesn't sound like she's talking that way.

She has been stepping out with like Demi a lot. They were paparazzi together. That's like also a weird element. Yeah. Also, I think something that we don't think about with other shows, because like they're all fake friendships, I think there are a lot of real friendships here, like her and Mikaela like being best, best friends. Like, so I think that there's also like an emotional element to it.

Yeah. Yeah, we'll see. Our next story: Huda Mustafa from Love Island allegedly threatened her boyfriend's young son.

So her son's mother, her boyfriend's baby mama, has now put out an order of protection, restraining order, against herself and her son against Huda because apparently a night in February, like, the craziest thing happened. She thought that her man wasn't answering the phone, that he was out cheating. She was sending him like rage texts. I'm showing up your baby mama's house. I know you're a baby woman's house. Literally goes to this woman's house where her son lives, is sending pictures of the stairwell to the boyfriend being like, look, I'm here, come out, I know you're cheating. Like really fucking crazy behavior. And literally goes to this woman's house.

Yeah.

Now if you watch a season of Love Island, it's really not that surprising. But again, because that was her being, you know, behaving—

there's a difference between like being toxic with your fellow toxic partner and just like living in a state of toxicity and yes, you know, whatever. And then there's children.

And then it's like other people who aren't a part of it.

Oh yeah, but like children.

Yeah.

So if she was just, you know, at her ex's house like banging down the door, that's like classic Huda, and that's just toxic people doing toxic things. But like when you are endangering a child, yeah, the buck ends there.

And so she actually sent a text message that was like, you know, very classic manipulator being like, I'm gonna kill myself if you don't call me back, I'm gonna kill myself. And then she goes, I swear on my daughter's life, I'm gonna kill myself.

Forgot she has a child.

Yeah. And I just feel like maybe now is a time, like a safe space where I can say, like, I think it was weird that she went on Love Island when she had a kid at home as like a single parent.

1000%.

Now I feel like I can say that. Like, I just feel like there were better ways to spend your summer.

I agree. Especially if you are looking for a partner, there are even better shows where you could find a real— you're not finding— it's not a love of your life on Love Island unless you're Molly Mae.

Um, when people leave their children to go on like Love Is Blind, I'm like, you know what?

You could be serious, find an amazing connection on Love Is Blind.

So do the heart rate challenge in your underwear.

Um, you're not serious.

You're not seriously looking for a partner. Like, that's insane.

Yeah. And I just feel like that's something that, that we're gonna like just judge you on out of the gate.

Yeah.

Love Island with a child.

Plus she's a crazy person. There was so much crazy behavior on that show, and you know, she was she knew she was on camera. So like, this was her version of the brain dead. Yeah, a crazy, crazy bitch. Like, this is not surprising. I like don't stan, I don't follow. Like, this is not for me.

But she's had a lot of drama since the season. This is like the biggest news, but there's always, you know, the crazy posts and things that she's—

and the show just kept her on.

Like, they were doing all these different votes and challenges just to make sure she never went home, rehabilitate her with like her happy ending with Chris at the end. And even if he couldn't—

I forgot about that ending.

He didn't hold it together.

Yeah, because he, he obviously— I would love Like, yeah.

And they really thought they were like doing something. And who was Chris originally into? Shelly, remember? And then like he chose Hood over Shelly and they were like, and, and Shelly was, I know.

And Hood was like, I'm bringing him back to the villa for you.

Yeah. And then they had like literally 2 episodes where things were quiet before she was like starting yelling at him in the night for not having sex with her in the 3-hour window they got to sleep.

That was really crazy.

Yeah.

She's so crazy.

She is. She's really scary.

She's scary. Yeah. Yeah, it's like that funny.

In the documents obtained by TMZ, the ex— her boyfriend's ex, Louis's ex, her name is Nicole— claims that Huda swore on her daughter's life that she was going to kill herself and then made a bunch of terrifying, quote unquote, extremely mentally unstable threats against herself, her daughter, and Nicole's son before showing up to Nicole's home and breaking into the building.

Oh my God. Like, and the thing is, um, I think a lot of people would be like, oh well, this baby mama is just like trying to get clout. She is the most private person. Like, you can't even find a picture of her. Like, she wants no part of this.

Yeah, what a nightmare. Like, to have your life ex and your baby daddy like start dating like the most toxic, crazy woman on the planet, and then you have to let your kid go hang out with them like crazy. Nightmare.

Nightmare fuel.

Yeah, nightmare fuel. Is that what the kids say?

Oh yeah, you don't know that one?

No.

Is that great?

Like, I guess so.

Sometimes the kids eat like—

some people, they used to say this stuff of nightmares. Yeah, now it's nightmare fuel. Now it's nightmare fuel.

Okay, bestie, say less.

Um, are you ready for our next story?

I'm not actually. Is it our next story that's brought to you by Squarespace?

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Our next story, an update in one of the biggest stories of the year: Donna Kelce's windows have been installed.

You think she got free windows? Like for all?

I don't know. I feel like no. I feel like no one is really optimizing. And I also feel like she doesn't really— she just wanted to replace her windows. Like, I think she needed impact windows, right? There was flooding, old windows, and so she just needed something sturdier. Um, but TMZ is on the scene.

I saw of the workers install—

installing her new windows, installing some chocolate. So it's New South Window Solutions. Um, they believe they found a solution to Donna's old semi-sealed windows. They showed up with bright, shiny 4-panel windows.

We're told they're not How did TMZ know to have a photographer like that, that today was the day?

I feel like they've been staking out the place.

You think? Like for, for days?

For days. Yeah. It's the biggest story in the world. It's the biggest thing that they've done in a while. They are treating this story like— first they reported it just cuz it must have been a slow news day and they had the docs that she filed a permit. So they were like, okay, it's Donna Kelce. It became the biggest story, the fact that they reported the story, and now they are treating it like the serious story that it is. The serious news that it is. Is. They said, as we—

lipstick back.

They said, as we reported, Donna will replace 9 windows total. We don't know the status of the 6 doors she plans on replacing.

They said maybe that's a project for later.

They said story developing.

Okay, I like that they're like getting in on the joke.

1,000%.

Cuz they inadvertently— that's what's so funny about like online news. It used to be like all the news that's fit to print. Like obviously this would never make news because it was like limited space on the newspaper. But thanks to the digital age, like you can just report endlessly. And so we just found ourselves in a very funny pickle. This is honestly, this is something that would have ended up on SGN?

Some Good News? No, SMN. Some Mindless News.

We should start that, hosted by Kelly Ripa.

And I love that. I love mindlessness. It's crazy that they're like taking pictures of her house and posting them.

Um, yeah, I'm like waiting. Oh my God, forgot to brush my teeth this morning.

That's really weird.

Yeah, no, it was like—

how does that happen?

It was like a crazy morning. I had to like rush up. I was making soup for Rue. Rue's sick.

What kind of Soup, chicken. I made soup yesterday, and you want to know something that happened in my soup that was an accidental act of beauty? So I put egg noodles in my soup. They're supposed to cook for 7 minutes, then they would be ready to enjoy with your soup. But I got busy and the soup burned on the pot. They disintegrated into the soup, making it so creamy. It was so, so good. No, no, why yucky?

I don't know, like, it's crazy that something can disintegrate.

And instead of having just like clear broth with like chunks of vegetables and it was like— you had a stew. I had— and I had a creamy chicken soup, which I usually can't have because I wouldn't put butter in it or a Parmesan rind like they say to do.

I forgot to brush my teeth.

So it was a non-dairy way of having a creamy chicken soup.

I don't know that this has ever happened to me. I'm like obsessed with taking care of my teeth. Like, I'm always like—

oh right, you didn't explain. So you made a soup so you can brush your teeth?

So like, no, no, there was just like a lot going on. Like, when Ruby woke up, he—

I—

he usually wakes me up, but I was able to like get a few things done before he woke up.

Same thing.

Yeah, like, so I got the soup, I put it in a bottle because sick. And then I also— he's on Flomodidine, so I got to get his meds. Like, I was just like being a mom.

Yeah, it's my dream.

Oh, and then like he took a really long time to take the soup, so I was like laying in bed for 20 minutes with him.

And by the time I was ready to get up, it was already the second portion of the morning.

And normally I would have already brushed my teeth by then.

I understand.

Oh man, that's so crazy.

It's one of my dreams as a mother to wake up before my children, you know? I feel like that's how you really optimize your day.

Yeah.

Um, like how much time do you need? I need seriously 5 minutes to get yourself ready.

Ready?

Oh, no, no, no.

Oh, you would like to have 5 minutes before they get up just to like scroll on my phone, make the coffee, brush my teeth, and like get his stuff ready so that he's not like waking up crying me like, where's my bottle, bitch?

Like, oh yeah, yeah. No, I would like to like do my makeup and I know that there are mothers who wake up and work out. Oh, that I've tried waking up with like doing early morning workouts even before I had kids and I'm just too tired and it's not a good workout.

It's not effective.

It's a, it's a waste of time. But I saw Kris Jenner was talking about how she, like her key to success is getting up at 4:30. She feels like she has more hours in the day than other people. And I do feel like I don't have enough hours in the day. And if I wanna like unlock some hours, I could wake up earlier.

Another thing going viral is Kris Jenner, um, at the Vanity Fair subreddit talking to Jake Shane, being like, how'd you get this gig?

Yeah.

And like, she didn't mean it condescending. I'm like, it's like, it's like, what are you doing here? Yeah.

No, it was just like my daughter's friend. Yeah.

And she know, like, it's cool that she knew him. Yeah. I thought it was good.

Oh, I thought it was hysterical. But then I was starting to, and people are like saying Jake Shane is miserable.

Like he, no, I love it.

But he recovered quickly.

But like, he's, you know, his, he slipped a a little bit.

Why would Jake Shane want to do that? You know, I feel like he should be being interviewed. Jake Shane doesn't have to say yes to everything. I feel like he thinks, oh, Vanity Fair wanted me on the red carpet, how do I say no, right? You could say no. Like, I feel like net-net, it wasn't like the most amazing thing for him if people are gonna pick apart everything.

Well, of course. And also, like, people on his level were actually at the party. He was like interviewing Alex Earl. He should be on the other side.

People should be interviewing him. I agree.

Maybe this scared him.

I feel like, yes, sometimes you need to like say yes to too many things to be like, you know what, I'm gonna start saying no. Because I feel like he does everything, he gets every opportunity, and he says yes. Because how How can you say no to such big things? But like, you can say no and you should say no because not everything like needs to be your thing.

Did you see actually also like at the after party, Alex Earle left with— in a car with Jake Shane.

That's our next story.

Okay, good, good.

Well, what a segue. Joe Burrow was spotted leaving an Oscars party with Alex Earle, Stassi Baby, and Tate McRae.

And Jake Shane.

Jake Shane, but he's been left out of the headline.

Well, also because he's not in the picture. Like he's in the car, but it's like a kind of a tough angle.

Angle. So he's probably like behind the driver's seat, and I guess he's not germane to the story, which is like Joe Burrow and like these 3 girls who's gonna be with him. Unless, you know, Joe Burrow has the hots for Jake Shane, then we're missing a key part of the story.

I don't, I don't feel like that's what's happening, but I appreciate your, you know, looking at it from multiple angles.

Otherwise, it's just about him and his trio of hotties: Alex Earle, Stassie Baby, and Tate McRae. And for me, like, okay, Joe Burrow, like, what happened to the girl who was in your house when you got robbed.

But they were actually— like, they were together for a long time. They did recently break up.

What I like more about this story is Alex Earl, Stassi Baby, and Tate McCray being friends.

Yeah, so I think that like when you're at these fabulous parties, like you go from one place to the other and like you all just share a car. Because this is such a random crew, I don't think that like any of these people— this means anything. Like, I don't know.

I'm sorry, who you share a car with, who you're with for the night, who you're vibing with. And you don't just like share a car with the hottest quarterback without one of like having—

there's no like connection, like a friend who knows.

I think these girls are like friendly enough to get in a car together, but like at least one of them is the reason why it's Joe Burrow in the car.

In the car, yeah.

Now which one?

Alex.

Alex. Tate is with Jack Hughes and she breaks his heart, like seriously, I'm going to just— yeah, be so mad at her.

And I just— I, I don't know, I don't think it's Stass. Like, and also his previous girlfriend looks like Alex Earl, like tall, thin, blonde.

Who's his girlfriend, Livvy Dunn?

No. Olivia Pontoon, Ponton.

Another Olivia. So just give me grace. Um, Stassi baby can really handle herself.

Meaning?

Like, she runs in a fabulous circle of people, and I feel like she'd be a great girlfriend to a very elite person. High profile. You know what I mean? Like, she knows how to handle herself.

Yeah, she's been running in fabulous circles. Circles for a very long time.

Yeah, she's like privy to some of probably the biggest secrets of the biggest celebrities.

She was dating Jaden Hossler, the TikToker, for a while.

Uh, not for me. She's dated a lot of TikTokers. She dates like weird people. Okay, anytime— she's always dating like some teeny bopper. Yeah, yeah, right?

Yeah, she's bad.

Qualified.

Agreed.

Remember when she did Tyler Cameron? Now that was something. It was literally like week.

I don't remember that.

It was like— I don't think they even dated, they just like were spotted, hooked up. Yeah, yeah, like my favorite ship.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh wait, he has a, a lady love. We don't ship. Who's lovely. We don't ship.

No, we don't ship.

We don't. Um, so yeah, I'm good with Alex or Stassi.

But you know, Tom Brady was spotted, alleged, whatever, with another woman, and I like that she like gave him a big knife in the back with just another football player, because you know that just one of many. And you know, at one point, like, when Tom Brady was actively in the NFL, this like hot young thing, Joe Burrow, you know, like Tom Brady was worried about him. Like, you know, is he gonna be like—

yeah, I don't think it was Alex Earle. I think it's too cliché. Okay, I think it's Ms. Baby.

Miss Baby.

But then where was Kylie? Like, with her best friend? Like, why wasn't she with her best friend?

Well, Kylie was with like her man who's like— she's like married to—

I know, but Stassie's like her sister.

I don't think that— I think there are some of Kylie's boyfriends who like entertain her sister-like friends, you know, like the whole Jordyn Woods living in her house thing. I could see Timothy being like, we're grown and your friends have to live at their own houses.

Yeah, your friends have to go home.

Yeah, like, your Stassi doesn't live with us and Stormi.

But Tyga was just happy to be there too, obviously. He was like, I know.

And even, um, Travis, I feel like he didn't want to like hang out a lot. So the fact that Kylie had like people to occupy her time, like, I think he was grateful for.

I agree. Timothy wants all of Kylie. Yeah, as he should.

Like a true partnership.

Are you ready for our fifth and final story? I feel obligated to talk about this, but if I'm being honest, I don't really care. The HR executive at the center of the Coldplay kiss.

I don't care. I do not care.

I'm just gonna say this headline and then let's move on to a story I almost chose.

Okay, why don't you? Okay, fine.

The headline is just that the lady from the Coldplay kiss cam went on Oprah to talk about her very close relationship with the CEO. And she's trying to explain that they're like bonded in work and it was more so a bonding experience than an affair.

The most interesting thing about the clip that I saw was I didn't realize Oprah filmed her podcast in front of a live studio audience. Audience, which is actually a very cool concept.

It is. So do we.

Should we? Yeah, right.

There are 3 people in this room of our audience. Should we remember Fan Fridays?

You think Oprah was inspired by us for sure, right?

Not by her years-long show where she did it in front of an audience and probably doesn't know how to do it without an audience. It's like true central to the way that she interviews.

I like that she does that. She's like taking the format and flipping it on its head.

I love updates to the format.

Correct.

Fan Fridays coming back.

So what's the other story?

Lizzo's writing a children's book.

Oh, another thing I don't care about.

It's called Lil Lizzo Meets Sasha B. Flute.

Okay, that's funny.

Yeah, she said, I want to teach every young person out there that your passion can give you purpose, belonging, and lead you on a journey to fulfill your wildest dreams.

Okay, that's actually a good message. Like, like, bring back playing the flute, you know? I love like OG hobbies, and that isn't like Roblox, you know? So if Lizzo's inspiring a young generation to pick up a classical instrument—

yeah, she said, when I was young, I struggled to fit in, but playing the flute helped me find my voice.

Stop, that's actually cute.

I want this book to teach every young person out there that your passion can give you purpose, belonging, and lead you on a journey to fulfill your wildest dreams. There's a sample page in this article, and first of all, it rhymes.

Okay, well, I'm sold.

And here's how it goes, just on one page.

Okay.

Lil Lizzo and Sasha were fluting so loud, before they knew it they'd attracted a crowd. The whole school was there, and they started to jam. The fingers went snap and the drummers went ham.

The drummers went bam.

And do you mean ham as in hard as a motherfucker?

No, like, I guess that is what you mean, but But like, drums go bam.

When someone goes ham, like that only means hard as a motherfucker.

Yes, it is an acronym that turned into a word.

It's not like a real word. Okay, drummers going ham, I don't like love that.

Especially because drummers' sound is bam, so you could've just put bam.

Yeah, but you know what?

I love the rhyme, I'm never gonna clown on a rhyming book.

I'm not gonna make perfect the enemy of the good. I like a rhyming book, so that's good.

I love that.

Oh, speaking of children's content, do you know what I started yesterday? I finally got— we did turn on the TV as, as turned into a number of days. Uh, David.

Oh, you know, it's so funny. Ben was like hawking me about watching that the other day. Jackie put on the soundtrack. That music sounded very good.

Yeah. Follow the Light. My kids saw David with Olivia and her kids and my husband in theaters, but Max and I didn't go and they loved it so much. Zach said it was amazing. He said it was like if Greatest Showman and the Bible had a baby. So when we were—

I feel like it's this generation's version of the Prince of Egypt.

Oh, for sure. So we put it on yesterday. It's so powerful.

I know, I need to see it.

It's amazing. If you guys are looking for like good kids content, it's about King David.

You will win, you believe.

There's a song called Shalom. It's like, shalom, shalom, peace be with you wherever you go. It's beautiful. It's really beautiful. Yeah.

It's kind of crazy in hindsight to think of like, The Prince of Egypt was like such a big deal when that movie came out that like Whitney and Mariah did a collab song for it.

Mm-hmm.

That movie's so good.

Well, I was listening to, um, Follow the Light. It came on my integrated Spotify this morning. And then the next, Phil Wickham is on the song. I don't know who that is, but then the next song was that song that everybody always sings. I think it's part of Shannon's comedy special, Our God.

—isn't awesome, God, he reigns. And that's Phil Wickham.

That's funny. So I guess he's like a big name in the music community. In the Christian pop scene. But no, Follow the Light. And it doesn't matter because this year was the year of K-pop demon hunters. But like, if we lived in a proper world, like David should have been nominated for an Oscar. And Follow the Light should have been nominated for a song. But Golden still should have won. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it doesn't really matter.

Oh my God. I can't believe I kind of slayed this episode with a migraine. Don't you feel? Do you feel like you had to talk more?

More like, you know, I did feel at times like I was being allowed to finish my sentence and I didn't know how.

I just didn't have the energy to interrupt you today. And I was like, hmm, and so we got the glasses. How shall we wrap this up? Like, made me— it's kind of a burden to be the one who talks, right?

Sort of. No, no, I'm just so used to not never finishing my sentences that I don't know how to conclude them, and I find conclusions to sentences to be sort of redundant.

So what you're saying is that you need me? No, like, interrupting sometimes.

I need you to just give me like 3 more seconds But then come on in. Okay, jump in. The water's warm.

That's our show, you guys. And Jackie's going to wrap up because I'm not feeling much.

That is our show. I'm going to wrap up in the only earnest way I know how. Thank you so much for listening to The Toast. We love you dearly and we will see you tomorrow.

Aber was ich noch erzählen wollte. Meine Nichte kämpft sich ja ganz schön durchs Studium. Semesterbeitrag, Laptop, Bücher, Software, Handy, Internet. So ein Master ist echt teuer. Ach, sagt ihr? Sie kann sich das zurückholen. Ja, du meinst von der Steuer absetzen, ne? Aber sie verdient ja nicht.

Egal! Zauberwort: Verlustvortrag. Macht sie ganz einfach mit Wieso Steuer. Und wenn sie dann arbeitet, heißt es Katsching!

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