Transcript of The Suey Awards: Best Dismissal | Hour 2

Wo gibt's eigentlich die weißen Rosen aus Athen? Und wo regnet's für mich nochmal rote Rosen?

Natürlich im Europa-Rosarium Sangerhausen mit der größten Rosensammlung der Welt. Viele tausend Rosenarten warten auf Sie mit prachtvollen Blüten und herrlichem Duft. www.rosarium.de.

You are listening to the Dan Le Batard Show in partnership with the DraftKings Sports App. Now live in all 50 states.

Football is back, Jack, which means the takes, arguments are all completely reasonable, and overreactions are back too. DraftKings GameDay is coming September 2nd with free gas in select cities nationwide and GameDay deals all day long. Download the DraftKings Sports app and use code DAN when you sign up. Live in all 50 states, that means yours. And in partnership with DraftKings, the crown is yours. Dan, we're gonna be doing something very cool for DraftKings GameDay. That is September 2nd.

Oh, yeah.

We'll be live Broadcasting live from a gas station in Miami. Whereabouts TBD. We are still formulating all that stuff.

Oh no, we're not.

We know it. We just can't say it.

We can't say it.

We can't say it. Zaz, we're gonna have a Show Olympics. Me, you, Matthew, Coca, all of us are gonna be competing.

Don't tell me. I know.

Tell everyone else. No, I'm telling you.

I'm in it, man.

I know you're in it, but you're gonna lose.

What are you telling me for?

At a gas station, you're gonna have a Show Olympics?

It's gotta be like show representation. Zaz will represent us. Tony will be representing Mystery Crate, Coker representing Nothing Personal. They'll all be at gas stations. They will be competing in the tire toss, the perfect pump, and the windshield wash relay.

Know about that perfect pump?

So we'll be doing all that on Wednesday throughout the show. There's also a free-to-play contest on the DraftKings Sports app. Compete, see who's gonna win. Who you got, Dan? Who do you think's gonna win the tire toss? I'm going Coker.

Also gonna be a really fun host, y'all.

The perfect pump, uh, Kirk Herbstreit alleges that he's got that, that he knows how to make babies that are Male and knows how, uh, he—

I mean—

Please.

Not compared to Zaslav.

Amateur hour in the Herbstreit household.

I thought of you, Zaz. Now, ironically, uh, Kirk Herbstreit was on with Bussin' with the Boys talking about making babies, and he— him and his wife have claimed to have the strategy. This is how you have a boy. I want to hear Zaz's rebuttal to this.

My wife, if I— to be specific, my wife was a gymnast. So when we would get— oh, when we would get done with— when we were done, yeah, she read something or something. She would— no, she would do a handstand. She heard that the male sperm were faster. Yeah, she would do a hands— heads— hands— headstand or handstand. She would go up on the bed and we're 4 for 4.

Nonsense. That's not— that is amateur hour in the Hershey household, it really is. You don't need to go through all those gymnastics, if you will. My wife and I know the secret. We've known the secret, and the secret's been passed down from generation to generation of Zaslavs. That's why we've gone over, over 100 years without producing a female. We know how to get it done.

Just marry a Zaslav?

No, doggy style.

We're 4 for 4.

That's how.

I don't believe that that is universal. I don't believe that that's scientific.

Didn't work for me.

I don't think that that's accurate. I don't— I think that you've got the science of this a little bit wrong.

Do we trust Kirk's? I mean, he's 4 for 4.

Yeah.

Okay, or you look at my family lineage and it's never-ending.

So you know how all your family's—

I didn't like that question.

I mean, you're claiming now to know that all of your, you know—

I know—

Grandpas and dads.

I know how we did it, okay? I know how we ensured we were only having boys. Maybe I knew because it was planted in me by past family members. I don't know. I know how we know, and the proof's in the pudding.

Yeah, but you're 2 for 2, he's 4 for 4. You got small sample size, he's got a bigger sample size, double sample size.

No, he's got the entire lineage of Zazzles.

Yeah, but that's, that's other guys doing work, but we don't know if they're all doing it from behind.

If they want to have all boys, they are.

Put it on the poll at @LebatardShow. Is Kirk Herbstreit right that the way to have boys is to have your wife do a handstand or headstand, handstand, headstand, whatever it is that he said?

Nonsense.

Put it on the poll, please, @LebatardShow. I should say, by the way, that the Suis, you can vote for them at lebatardaf.com. And we've got another category today. We've got 2 categories today, Worst Talker and Best Dismisser. missile is going to be later this hour, but you can do all of your voting at lebitardaf.com. The Titans have waived Will Levis, and there are only 2 things right now that I will remember about Will Levis's career. That is exactly where the Dolphins went to die. Everything related to the Dolphins— they were 9-2 on Monday night at home, and then they lost to Will Levis's Titans when they were awful. And also this mayonnaise commercial.

Mayotivations with Will Levis. May your team make haste and your dip bring out the best taste.

Nom nom.

May your delicious dip be served hot while your quarterback plays it cool.

Impressive.

May your dip be creamy and your quarterback dreamy. Oh, hey, may your game face be as vicious as your buffalo chicken dip is delicious.

Roy, you don't have to wait until the guy blowing the leaf blower in the face of Will Levis puts it down before speaking if you want to I just wanted to make sure, but he, he just go, num num.

It's a good commercial. He threw the jar of mayo and then he caught it himself. Mr. Perfect did that one time.

His career, uh, is now a backup, correct?

Yeah, and that's the type of backup you want to have, not Tua. This guy's big in stature, you know he's not going to get hurt.

He looks like a quarterback.

And he said, mayo dip be creamy. And your quarterback dreamy. But Dan, of all the things, you remember those 2 things and not Tony saying that if you squinted, he looks like Dan Marino?

Whoa.

Tony does fall in love with quarterbacks.

I stand by that take.

No, but you're the guy. You are the guy who falls in love in the strip club when it comes to a quarterback just coming out and playing A-down. You're, you're that person.

Yeah.

I mean, there's so many of them.

You could—

you can name 100 of them, Tony. Every time a guy plays and goes 11 for 16, Tony falls in love with the quarterback.

Stetson Bennett, I believe.

No, man, I just said it.

That throw by Stetson Bennett, Dan, you know what I'm talking about.

I bet you loved Ty Simpson last weekend.

I thought he had some good— he flashed. I thought he had some good plays.

Wo gibt's eigentlich die weißen Rosen aus Athen? Und wo regnet's für mich nochmal rote Rosen?

Natürlich im Europa-Rosarium Sangerhausen mit der größten Rosensammlung der Welt. Viele tausend Rosenarten warten auf Sie mit prachtvollen Blüten und herrlichem Duft.

www.rosarium.de Dan Levitar.

My algorithm on Instagram, it's— Dan, it's all boobs.

Jonathan Sassolo.

It's a good algorithm.

This is the Dan Levitar Show.

We're going to get to some sound here involving Michael Wilbon. We have enjoyed a new segment, and we've got competing bits of imaging for this new segment involving, uh, Mike Wilbon. So let's hear the original imaging that we had for this Mike Wilbon, uh, segment.

Time to play a new game. It's sweeping the nation. It's called Guess What Michael Wilbon's Response Will Be to This.

What'd he say?

Shocking opinions.

Unexpected answer.

You know about those answers.

Shocking revelation.

You know about those revelations.

I can't believe he said that.

What'd he say?

Uh, the joke of course is that it's often very predictable and exactly what you thought he would say, but let's hear the competing bit of imaging here before we get to the question at hand.

No way!

I can't believe it!

He zigs when you You zag.

What, what, what, what, what, what, what?

No one would have guessed.

Oh boy.

You're shitting me.

Shitting it.

I never saw it coming.

Word to your mother.

Flabbergasting.

Michael Wilbon said what?

Basically he's saying, oh, we need better players. Well, then be one of them, dude.

Yeah, then be better.

Unbelievable.

No, I would call him in. I'd call him and his agent and I'd say, you know, we love you. We signed you to this deal. You want to trade?

Go to hell.

Well, but wait a minute. We just played the sound. It wasn't just the imaging. I was going to set up what it is that he was talking about.

No, you're not.

Set up, set up.

We'll go back.

We just played the sound. The sound cannot be a surprise now. It's about Winnipeg goalie Connor Hellebuyck requesting a trade when he's got 5 years left on his contract. You weren't also supposed to play the sound.

Still works.

Yeah, but I got to tell people what— we got to be able to guess. What the sound is that he's going to say. We've got to set it up. Now we know what it is that he said.

No, no, I think, I think you hear that and you're like, whoa, whoa, what was the context? And then you set it up.

I like that better as a guessing game of who is—

who could he be talking about?

You know what they say about a bit. The third time's really where you hit your stride.

Yeah, we'll do it well next time.

So yeah, Connor Hellebuyck requested a trade with 5 years left on his contract, and, and Michael Wilbon told him to go to hell. Is it because his name is Hellebuyck? Is that why he just told him to go to hell? It's not very often that you hear Michael Wilbon tell someone to go to hell. That, that's— I don't know if that's shocking, but it's at least a bit of a surprise. Like, A, it's a surprise that Wilbon's talking about hockey. It's the first time PTI has done that in 24 years. They don't talk about hockey under any circumstances. And the one time they talk about it, it's Wilbon telling Winnipeg's goalie to go to hell.

The irony is, if someone told Wilbon just to visit Winnipeg, he would tell them to go to hell.

Put it on the poll at Le Batard Show.

Is it redundant to send someone from Winnipeg to hell?

Where the hell is Winnipeg?

That's a good question.

It's in Alberta.

Where the hell is that?

Also known as Manitoba.

None of those things help.

That is not information that in any way is helpful.

Manitoba?

You're not, you're not helping.

First I thought it was in Alberta, but then I remembered that it's actually Manitoba.

In the middle of the country.

Tony, you were made sad by college football.

Bill Belichick tried to ruin it this weekend. He tried to win football by ruining it.

And they won in the most Belichick way possible. TCU now exists after making the championship game a couple of years ago just to announce the return of coaches. Deion Sanders did it in the opposite football game where they went up and down the field on TCU right after they had played for the championship. And now Belichick. I guess people are going to assume that that team is going to be improved this year. How could it not be? It would have been hard. Like, they really did reduce the expectations. If you're going to do this sort of thing as a 3- and 4-year project, when people do not have patience, this would be the way to do it, Zazz. Make an unholy mess the first year so that you immediately climb over a very low bar the second year. They were a big dog and they win 15-10 against TCU.

It was a horrendous game. I mean, just a super sloppy game.

Every time I checked in, I was like, woof.

Terrible, terrible football. And UNC wins a game. They, they clinch the game. I mean, how about the image of this? Like, 6-time Super Bowl champion Bill Belichick and the big exaggerated fist pump when they draw the player offside with 38 seconds left to clinch the game 15-10.

Not only that, Dan, you're looking at the scores and you're like, all right, Virginia beats NC State 34-18, and then you're like, oof, the San Jose State-USC game. Did you see some of the pictures that came out of the Rose Bowl? There's like nobody there.

It was bad.

Really bad.

645 people went to the game.

And they came out, they came out and they're like, it's hot! That's why people aren't there, it's hot!

And then they gaslit you by telling you the attendance was 51,000.

Yeah, no, please no. Like, look at these pictures, Dan. Like, this is, this is not even— a high school championship game has half of the bowl filled, and this was nothing. There was nobody there.

Really bad.

On top of the CW, on top of other games like UNLV-Memphis. I was up late watching that game. For reasons unexplained. And I was like, oh, that's where Will Muschamp is. He's a UNLV Runnin' Rebels coach. Interesting.

They lost.

That was a sad game too.

Uh, well, didn't Muschamp come out with Elvis?

Didn't, uh— Dan Mullins.

Dan Mullins, my bad.

Oh, that's what you were talking about, Muschamp.

I thought—

I was like, I was—

Dan Mullins.

Mullin.

That's not a play on for me.

No, it's a— I'm Cuban.

Tony, I'm sorry, you can't get that wrong both ways. You can't— like, you can't do that.

It's also not the Rose Bowl.

The Coliseum.

Finally, a 2-minute sport came out of your mouth.

Woof.

You can't get that, that wrong and, and just trample the idea.

Like, you, you trampled the idea that a coach came out of a tunnel with Elvis.

Must champ at the Rose Bowl.

Because you just, you got so many things wrong in everything. A lot of games wrong today.

That's why I was trying to scan a lot of games. The Boes lost to Stanford, by the way. Canes have Stanford.

You forget how this goes? Get out of here, man.

Yeah, you have to leave.

I'm trying to like filibuster long enough for Dan to catch something else.

I don't need any more.

If that's what— if that's what your help looks like, you can take it to another room.

Eastern Michigan, Sacramento, another room, and you can sit alone with your shame.

We will see Will Muschamp though, because he is the defensive coordinator at UT Austin.

Oh, another sad place.

He'll be in some big games.

Get out.

Why are you still here?

I mean, you got nothing wrong.

Do you know how hard it is to ruin The fact that Elvis came out of the tunnel with a college football coach, and you did it by getting 3 different things wrong in about 7 seconds.

You just, you kept making it worse somehow.

Mullens.

Wait, I'm—

look, I'm no one to make fun of anybody for getting names wrong, and I'm especially no one to make fun of anybody for adding S's or taking away S's, because that's the exclusive domain of aging where You put S's where they don't belong and you take them off when you shouldn't.

He got the stadium wrong though.

He got everything wrong. There wasn't anything right there. And again, got so many distracting things wrong that he distracted us from the fact that a college football coach ran onto the field with Elvis.

Wo gibt's eigentlich die weißen Rosen aus Athen? Und wo regnet's für mich nochmal rote Rosen?

Natürlich im Europa-Rosarium Sangerhausen mit der größten Rosensammlung der Welt. Viele tausend Rosenarten warten Wir blicken auf Sie mit prachtvollen Blüten und herrlichem Duft. www.rosarium.de.

Dan Lebatar, the first Jeremy-Touché-Y&Z.

Uh-oh.

This is the Dan Lebatar Show.

There's also some sound that we have from that Memphis game. Okay, can you guys get me the video of just Memphis being disoriented and dizzy with this victory? Because this felt like the testosterone of football is back. Wherever it is that you might have been sad, Zaz, because the games weren't very good this weekend, there wasn't a whole lot that was interesting, but the emotion of football is back because Here's Memphis, and here's how it feels to win your first game.

Yeah! Hey! We started the day!

How we finish!

As a motherfucking team! One time!

Tiger Jack team ready!

Hey! Tiger Jack's my team ready!

Hey!

Tigers! How'd you say it? T-I-G-E-R!

Tigers!

Others receiving votes. How was that for a dismissal? How is that for setting up, uh, this year's Sui Award for Best Dismissal?

And now the Sui nominees for Best Dismissal. Zaslow and Mike Ryan dismiss Kyle Lowry.

Horrible.

Worst Miami Heat player of all time. I hope his retirement ceremony is him Kicking literal rocks.

Wow.

I couldn't— I couldn't wait for him to not play on my television anymore. Having to watch that guy for the 2 and a half years, having to root for him. Give me a break.

Boston College head coach Bill O'Brien dismisses a reporter.

I wonder, do you have a message to the fans? I've heard from a lot of fans.

They're just really—

Yeah, I'm really glad you— you know, I'm glad you're down. I'm not down. Nobody's down. We're fighting. We're competing. You know, it's the second year of this program, Mike. You always come in here with these down questions. Like, you show up like once a month or something like that. You come in here with these down questions. I'm not down. I don't know what year you graduated from BC, but this is a program that we're building.

Okay.

Nobody here is down. We're positive. We're going to show up and play our asses off against SMU. You can, you can go out there in your dark, clouded world or whatever it is and do what you want to do.

We're not down.

The sun is up and we're We're fighting. That's my message to the fans.

What's up, Trevor?

Zaslav dismisses Carmelo Anthony's outfit while he's dressed like a painter.

Carmelo, can you put on a shirt and tie?

Oh, what are you doing?

Carmelo.

Enough with you.

This isn't a podcast.

Look at your outfit.

It's NBA on NBC.

You have a backwards flex fit.

You know what?

I'm glad—

This is the second consecutive day you're wearing a runner-up Heat championship shirt.

Okay, first of all, I have a lot of positive feelings about the Miami Heat's 2020 run to the NBA Finals. I know they didn't win.

Back-to-back days of the second-place shirt and a backwards flex fit.

Number 2.

It's not a podcast.

Sid Sexero dismisses American hockey fans in South Florida.

Did you go to the Elbow Room where 5 people didn't notice gold medals walk in last night? Did that happen in Miami too? No, it's great. I love where hockey lives in Miami and in the Miami area. God bless all of you. This is the worst thing ever. This is like if Latvia beat you guys in Olympic basketball and you guys got your feet up just enjoying this for like 8 seconds. You move on and talk about the kid from Kansas who hates basketball and doesn't want to play.

Dave Dameshek dismisses the Foo Fighters.

I have yet to hear anybody make a good case that every Foo Fighters song doesn't sound exactly like every other Foo Fighters song. The only distinction between them is when they're plugged in or acoustic. That's how they differentiate their music.

Dave.

Grohl unplugs and he, and he goes acoustic. Otherwise, the songs are indistinguishable.

Zaslav dismisses Craig Boruby.

I know he's lying.

Well, you said it, not me.

I'm not going to call him a liar.

Whatever I just did, who cares? What's Craig Boruby going to do?

WrestleMania 9.

What's he gonna do?

What's Craig—

hey, Craig Berube, I think you're lying. What are you gonna do about it? Do nothing, sucker. Craig Berube.

Amin Elhassan dismisses bike riders on the sidewalk.

I'm on the sidewalk!

There's a bike lane!

We got rid of cars for you, asshole! And you're gonna tell me get the fuck out the way? No, you get the fuck off my sidewalk!

Zaslav dismisses the movie Tenet.

That movie sucks.

It was terrible.

Don't, don't tell me that you like that movie.

No, no one likes that movie.

Anyone who likes that movie, you're just lying to my face.

A great take.

No one understands what that movie is about. You're not smarter than everybody because, ooh, I like Tenet. No one believes that you understood it. It doesn't make you smarter. It makes you a dope.

Zaslav dismisses the NFL Pro Bowl.

Pro Bowl? Get the hell out of my face. When we're replacing Drake Maye in whatever cockamamie game you got going on with Shedeur Sanders, who is statistically one of the worst starting quarterbacks in the NFL this year. Pro Bowl? Get the hell out of my face.

Hank Azaria dismisses Taylor Swift at Knicks games.

I tell you, the one that bothered me was Taylor Swift.

Why?

Come on, she just got here.

She's the hugest thing in the world, but we had to sit with her all through the NFL, and now she's at the Garden. Come on.

Mike Ryan dismisses the airline industry.

The airline industry, we should have never bailed them out. They should have been left to die, and we should all raise up and say this is not good enough. This is bogus. And how do you not have enough space in the overhead cabins? Did you not expect people to bring bags? Am I supposed to travel to the West Coast without a bag?

Tim Kirkchin dismisses Dave Damashek.

I'm sorry, fellas, who is Dave Damashek? Am I supposed to know?

Oh, this is a career highlight! Tim Kirkchin doesn't know who the hell is Dave Damashek.

I'm over the moon, Tim Kirkchin.

That's okay.

Mike Ryan dismisses UM haters.

All right, shut up. Losing to SMU is not a bad loss. You know how many losses SMU has in the ACC since they entered?

3?

1.

Well, that's in the ACC.

They were 11-1 last year. They were a CFP team. That's not a bad loss.

Shut the fuck up.

Wait, wait, I thought you said last year doesn't count.

Louisville is presently ranked number 2.

Number 2.

Louisville is presently ranked. It's not a bad loss.

Shut up.

The, the reason— the reason— the reason—

almighty—

the reason it is a bad loss, Mike, the only reason—

Because Miami did it. It's because Miami lost. You know, it's because Miami lost. It's a bad loss.

I'm glad we're still being reasonable 2 weeks later.

Texas losing to Florida, not a bad loss. They lost as a double-digit favorite. Teams lose as a double-digit favorite all the time.

Is it just—

Well, Notre Dame has not. Notre Dame has—

They lost! They played a game!

Notre Dame was favored!

They lost!

Double digit?

It's a double-digit favorite.

Oh my God.

They were an underdog in both the games.

Like, what would happen if Notre Dame played Miami?

I don't know.

If I— if only I had recent history to go off of.

Dave Damashek dismisses the movie Cast Away.

He's deserted on this island, and then he has what he has to get by how he does, like, like like people do in prison. He has to get by with the volleyball, and he does what he does, and that's that. But he survives. He somehow impossibly escapes this island, and he makes his way back to civilization. And then he goes to visit the woman to whom he was engaged, and within 90 seconds she's like, you missed the Titans, they almost won the Super Bowl.

Hey lady, I almost died on an island. What are you talking about? I don't care about the Titans.

That movie sucks.

What?

Dave Damashek dismisses the Blue Man Group.

I went to see the Blue Man back in the '90s, and I was resentful that they would start going around like, hey, we're going to pull you up onto the stage.

I didn't sign up to be a part of your show. I thought I bought a ticket to watch you do a show.

Don't bring me into it.

Nick Wright dismisses Jeremy Taché.

Taché is like, that was my first time betting on sports. You didn't bet on sports yesterday.

I know, but we kept telling you.

You were on a free roll. I'm sorry!

Shut up!

It cost you nothing. You were on just a maybe I'll be able to pick up a few extra dollars.

Mike Ryan dismisses Lone Depot Park.

All in all, just a bad experience, one that I always have over there, which is I never have a good experience in that building. Everything from the seat color to the, the lights, it's just a garish looking place. I don't like it. The ops are terrible. I can't say a good thing about it.

bulldoze it. Tony Collodiud dismisses Victor Wembanyama.

Anything he does, I'm done. I'm done with Wemby.

What?

Like, oh, I'm so good, I could dunk from here, I could do a spin move and a crossover here. Oh, I talk about societal issues.

Oh, I'm a mom, so cultured.

Oh, there it is.

I'm done with this guy.

He talks like he's Bill Russell.

Wemby thinks he's better than us.

He actually does.

He is better than us.

He's French! In every way! Exactly right! Hate them too!

What? Ooh, they're OLI.

Say you're done with Wemby, because I am.

Dave Damashek dismisses Dave Matthews Band.

Who is this creep, this vain, this narcissist Dave Matthews who says the whole band is named after me? And why doesn't anyone else push back in the band? They've all been in the band for however long, a quarter century. That's not enough. That's not enough time under your rule, Dave Matthews, you creep. You evil man dictating to me that I'm in your band. We're all in a band together, friend.

Mike Ryan dismisses Billy Corbin.

Billy Corbin is here. He's a rock on tour.

Saboteur.

That guy sucks.

Type shit.

Hey, what's up? Go fuck yourself, Billy.

All right, there it is.

Suck it from the back, dog.

Whoa.

Hey, come on. They had that at PlayStation 2.

Come on, out of here!

Amin Elhassan dismisses the movie The Departed.

The Departed was hack, color-by-numbers, with a hack ending. Hey, I'm the leader of the mob, I'm gonna do all of these murders myself, and then when I get shot and I die, I'm gonna die like this.

Spoiler alert.

Oh, come on, man.

Mike Ryan dismisses Christian Pulisic.

It's over, you tone-deaf fool. To have that quote after the match. Buddy, we're done. Enjoy the Home Depot ribbon-cutting ceremony. Enjoy being featured in the commercials 4 years from now. Enjoy being on the Fox broadcast. You are now yesterday's news. You are no longer the face of this organization. We are moving past you.

Zaslow dismisses one shining moment during the NCAA tournament.

It's the most overrated thing in all of sports. One shining moment. I never watch it. I don't have time for it. It is mad cheesy. I hate One Shining Moment. What's so special about it? It's a corny-ass song played to highlights from the tournament.

Nah, man.

Whatever, man.

Lute Vandross, man, when he gets to singing that song.

Roy, that song is corny as hell.

Greg Cody dismisses Michael Biamani?

Yeah, Dos Minutos, you know, I get it.

I mean—

Wow, that is dismissive of a legendary voice in this market. You just were really indifferent about it.

I am saying I don't think Heat fans appreciate him and will miss him as much as 35 years of service warrants. I may be wrong.

You're doing that.

Okay.

Can we put that on the poll? Dos minutos. Yeah, I get it.

Dave Damashek dismisses Alvin and the Chipmunks.

The greatest violator of this of all is Alvin with the 2 other chipmunks.

2 Chipmunks?

Well, I mean, but you have to have low self-esteem to be one of the other 2 chipmunks. Alvin's gonna front the band. Like, yeah, he gets name-checked. We're just the 2 chipmunks.

You're magical chipmunks too! You can sing in human words! Why are you not honoring yourself, demanding that Alvin give you equal time?

No, no, it's gonna be Alvin and my 2 friends who also happen to be less magical chipmunks than I am, but they're in the band too. I think it's a disgrace on Alvin's part, but also the other 2— what are their names? Theo Theodore.

This is what happened. Theodore.

Well, I'm glad you guys could do it. You know, they, they dishonored themselves and their families by not requiring it.

No, Alvin's got a big head.

Just let him, let him do it. Let him do it, Theodore. Shame on all, shame on all of them.

Saints QB Tyler Shook dismisses Dan Le Batard.

Super Bowl squares, buying squares. Shook yes or shook no? Shook no.

Uh, N/A.

I don't know if I can even answer that, but, uh, if I was not playing—

This guy is good.

Shuck N/A.

Pointed out the mic there, Dan.

Better quarterback.

Good job, Dan.

Come on, have some better questions.

What are you doing?

Better quarterback, Sam Darnold or Drake Maye? Shuck yes or shuck no? Shuck you, Dan.

Zaslow dismisses Gargamel.

No one was afraid of Gargamel. Gargamel's nemesis are little 2-inch blue people and he has a hard time defeating them? Gargamel was a poser.

Zaslow's wife Tamara dismisses Zaslow.

Unfortunately, between the snoring and the bright lights—

Whoa.

It's just time to establish some boundaries.

She says the TV emits too much heat.

Yes, it's just excessive, especially it's wrestling, so I can't stand it. So wrestling—

So you were okay with the heat, you were okay with the Panthers. It's these guys all lathered up up in oils running around in tights that remind you that you're married to a toddler.

Basically, it's nonsense.

The breaking point is wrestling, Zads. It's that wrestling is— it's not that it's sports, it's specifically wrestling is the problem.

And the snoring.

The Greg Cody Show with Greg Cody dismisses Dan Le Batard.

What are you celebrating?

Did you celebrate 100 and 200? You're just looking for reasons to celebrate yourself.

Yes, this is number 300, which is big. It's been maybe our best episode ever, but the reason I wanted to talk to you, Dan, is that we're celebrating the number 300, and you weigh £300, right? Is that true?

Because—

because— did he hang up?

Fuck you, Greg.

Okay. I love you.

Zaslav dismisses Adam Silver.

He's a nothing, this guy. He has no answers for anything. All options are on the table.

I don't—

I'm not gonna tell you any of them, but they're all on the table. He's a nothing, this Adam Silver. Vote of no confidence. This guy is clueless. This guy isn't in control of anything. Look at everything that's happened under his watch. Players don't try under his watch. Teams lose on purpose on his watch. You have the Kawhi Leonard aspiration situation, which by the way, when he was asked about over the weekend, he doesn't have a clue what the hell's going on. Someone else answered, I don't know what's happening. He's a nothing, this guy.

Dave Damashek dismisses soap and shampoo.

Shampoo is soap and soap is shampoo, and the shampoo maker said, look, all the dupes of society are buying this liquid soap. and rub it in their hair. Maybe we can double down on it and create another thing for them to rub into their hair, and we'll call it conditioner. And now we have conditioner. And everybody caught on after a decade or 3 that conditioner is unnecessary. And then all the conditioner makers said, we have warehouses overflowing with this crap. What are we gonna do with it? We can't pawn it off on the dupes anymore. Oh, I know what we'll do. will make shampoo and conditioner combo in, in the same container. So you have no choice in the matter. And now everybody just keeps rubbing the shampoo and conditioner into their hair, never even considering that this is all the man having his way with you once again.

The big dog, Joe Rose, dismisses his producer.

I'm not benching him. You want to bench him because you sound like a bitch. You're talking about bending the guy. You want to bench him because he said something stupid yesterday.

Okay, Omar.

You don't want to hear it, dumbass. You just— here, you listen to what you want to listen to, Woody. No wonder your wife wants to punch you in the face half the time. Hey, right now I want to talk to you about air conditioning and plumbing.

Wow.

Oh my God. Damashek. Damashek.

Great year for Damashek.

I mean, he was a big star there.

Yeah.

Football America is going to have some new times coming in right after football. We'll give you more information here as it approaches. But let's put these things on the poll at Le Batard Show. After all these years, should the Dave Matthews Band be called the Dave Matthews Band with Carter Beaufort? After all of these years. Also put on the poll, did Damaschek imply that Tom Hanks had sex with Wilson the volleyball? Zaslav said Pro Bowl, get the hell out of my face. And now it did indeed get the hell out of your face.

A thought leader.

It got canceled. And Kyle Lowry, where the dismissals began, got his number retired by the Toronto Raptors, even even though you hate him as a Heat player. And I saw that Jaylen Brown— did you guys see this today? Jaylen Brown has gotten the key to the state of Massachusetts. I did not know that states gave keys. I thought it was only cities. I did not think it was states. And Brad Stevens said they're going to retire his number in Boston, which surprised me because of how historic that franchise is. Are you surprised at all that Brad Stevens is saying that they're retiring the number of Jaylen Brown?

I'm not surprised that they're going to retire the number of Jaylen Brown. I mean, you look, Garnett had his number retired, you know, uh, Paul Pierce number retired. Like, they were on a team that won one championship also, uh, although the way that they speak about it from 18 years ago, you would think they won 6 or 7 in a row. But I'm not surprised that they're retiring Jaylen Brown's number. Uh, I am surprised though that he said it while the guy still has a lot of career left and he's playing for another team. It's It's kind of cheesy.

Makes you emotional.

No, no, not really.

Did you know that keys were given by states?

I just— so what does it even mean? You have a key to the state?

It means that you're being honored by the state of Massachusetts in a way that's historically recorded, and they give you a symbol that suggests that this is your home. You have a key to the—

So you just do whatever you want?

No, that's not what it doesn't mean. You can do whatever you want. Go on a crime spree with immunity.

Well, I don't understand what it means then.

It's the Purge now. It's symbolic.

What do you mean? He shows up, he's like, yo, I got a key to the city, I do whatever I want.

Yes, that's right.

It's not a key to the city, it's a key to the state. Did you guys know that there was a key to the state?

I was not aware that you could get a key to the state.

Like, I put it on the poll as well at Le Batard Show.

Were you aware that there was such a thing as getting a key to a state?

Does he show up to a coffee shop with the key and says, I get stuff for free now? What happens? What do you do? Seems pointless.

Well, Zaz, you've seen how big the key is, right?

It's a huge key.

Yeah.

Doesn't open anything, right?

I don't think so. I don't know what you do with it.

Why don't you understand that this is symbolic?

Why can't you tell me what it does? Why are you still here?

Wo gibt's eigentlich die weißen Rosen aus Athen? Und wo regnet's für mich nochmal rote Rosen?

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