Transcript of Michael Irvin Reminisces + The Suey Nominees For Back In My Day | Hour 2

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I honestly cannot believe what I'm about to say, which is for damn near 40 years, I am made happy when this person makes an appearance because of the enthusiasm that he brings to just about every exchange. It's been almost 40 years since Michael Irvin was at the University of Miami. And I'm going to start with a difficult question for you, Michael, right off the bat. And it's wonderful to see you.

Who do you care about more?

You have to answer it. The Dallas Cowboys or the University of Miami Hurricanes?

Hey. Hey, D, how you doing, my brother? How you gonna ask me something like that, D, man? Hey, 'cause one may assess and say, wow, he's showing he has the 3 things sitting right back. But the reality is, D, it's all steps. That never happens if that never happened. You see what I'm saying? So, and since the base is what matters most, really is the base is what matters most. If Jimmy had sent me home the first day I got in a fight at the U, I wouldn't be here. If he had sent me home after I broke the line, I don't want to say his name because he's my great friend. After I broke the guy's jaw with a never guiding ear. So you know what I mean? I just got to look at it like that. They tried to get me with that at the game, some media. Well, which city do you care about the most? Which team do you like the most? I said the team and the city I want a championship in.

Take that one.

I have a number of different questions to ask you about the University of Miami. So give me some historical precedent. Has the University of Miami ever had a player like Malachi Tony? I'm not just talking about the Electricity. I'm talking about Miami-born.

You're about the closest thing from Broward.

Dan, no, no. And I'm talking shoulders down, shoulders up. I'm talking outside, inside, everything. I even said, man, I wish— and I don't know now— the maturity that this kid shows— I can't call him a kid— this young man shows is insane. It's incredible. how focused he is, how smart he is, how talented he is, how diverse he is. And honestly, Dan, I've said this, he's the right person for this. I'm joking with people, but I'm not joking when I say, that's the next Michael Irvin. But he's ripe to handle it much better than the actual Michael Irvin, if you know what I mean.

He's mature.

He's just, he just, he's perfect. And I mean, I mean, for a young man, Mark Fletcher's like that too. I mean, we got great, great young men. And I was, I mean, damn, we, we do them dirty. Our old history do these young men dirty because our history has a lot of dirty in it. But these young men, they deserve the best, man. And they got the great moms around them. So Yeah, we're blessed right now. This is a different Miami and a better Miami. It really is. This is when we say the new you. This is a different brand.

How did it come to be, Michael? And did you expect it to come to be that you would be on your hands and knees on the sideline of every University of Miami game and really rivaling the Ibis? And I offer you no insult when I say this. No other college program has a Hall of Famer as a mascot.

And then only you could say that. Only you could say that because, because of our history. And before I came on, man, I was talking about, you know, how long it's been since, since I, I've been on with you. Think about it, Dan. We go back to when I'm— when I was giving speeches to the team growing up in Florida State. You know, I get people now on the sideline talking about this stuff too. Michael, man, why you act like that? Like, dude, You don't know, you'll see a Saturday afternoon, but they don't know the whole history and the connectivity and all that Miami has brought to all of us. And all, look, we lived our lives with this, Dan. You and I both, we know each other. We're great friends because we lived our lives with this right here. And at my age, I'll get emotional talking about it, man. It means everything to me. It just, it just means everything to me. I'll leave it at that.

Michael, this past season obviously didn't—

And to have Coach Cristobal, wait, and to have Coach Cristobal, you know, be the guy that does it. You know, I, I, when we brought him in, man, this is, this is, if ever, if I'm, if I'm on my, if, if, if I'm coming into some landing one day, this is the kind of landing I want to come into. You know what I mean? Miami playing like this, Miami producing the young men that they are producing. right now. Miami being coached by that coach, that guy that I remember selling, you got to come to Miami as a kid coming out of high school. So yeah, yeah, I get caught up in that. I'm an old man and, and yeah, yeah, I'm going to be on that sideline acting like that.

Try again, Jason.

I'm sorry I interrupted you, Michael.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you didn't interrupt, buddy. I just, I just, I felt some more. But go ahead on, Jay. You good, buddy.

So last year didn't end the way the Canes, Canes fans wanted. But the journey getting there, winning the playoff games, the way all of that felt like sometimes the journey is incredibly fulfilling. So what was that journey like for you watching the team?

And that's why even now more so, I'm so excited about what we have right now. And we all should be able to just, just receive it all. Let me tell you the importance of that journey. Every step of the way, it was us against the world. Every step of the way. Nobody thought we were going in to win any game. Everybody thought, oh, oh, remember what the poll is about to show you? And what does that do when you got all of this outside noise talking about you and not talking for you? It brought us right where they needed to bring us, all together. And that's why you saw that run. You know what I mean? Because we thought we were living. In different forms for different reasons, the same thing we had to come through. You put a bunch of men together like that, a bunch of men together like we have, and you tell them, no, they can't, they're not this. And the whole world is saying, no, they can't, they're not this. And you see what kind of brotherhood comes out of that. That's what happened years and years ago. That's what I see happen just last— that last run.

And that's why I thank the world for helping us make it this way. Look at how we feel going into this season. Look at what these recruits and how it's being recruited now. Every time I look up, they flipping to Miami. I told somebody, we flipping more mugs than IHOP. You know what I mean? We flipping more pancakes than the Waffle House. Are you joking? This is what I'm saying. So, so yeah, it's right now. It's right, dude. We dropped the show Fetching Fletcher. Fletcher's about his mom driving across the country. We dropped that show Monday at noon. We got 75% watching rate on TV. You know what's going on right now? Think about this. Mama Toni. I was just at her birthday party. Dorian, miss you, Mom. Oh my God, dude. This young man came to the house. I mean, when we were at Legend Camp, came upstairs and met all of us, shook our hands, made sure we knew what kind of young man he is. So we got a hell of a group. Mama Fletcher driving across the country. You guys got to tune in and watch this with all we got going on in this country.

Between mothers and children. And I'll leave it at that because we talking sports. But with all we got going on in this country between mothers and children, here is us showing our mother, Mother Fletcher, Mark Fletcher's mom, and the beauty of her. And I love her statement, mom's going, she said, a long mile for their kid. Look how Darlene set this thing up. We had all of this deportation stuff going on last year. People saying to me, oh man, Michael, don't get crazy. People saying to me as we were deporting people, my people saying, this was not our fight. It's not our fight. It's not our fight. I was like, what are you talking about? Martin Luther King, our fight was one thing. It was to be judged by the content of our character, not the color of our skin, and not any other reasons. When you watch this deportation stuff goes on, you got people that have been here 40, 50 years that never broke the law, never did anything wrong, and you're going to come and scoop them up and just take them out and kick them out. And then I had my people.

Some of my people said, oh, there's not a fight. Like, are you joking? You've been here this long, put your kids through school. You have showed me the content of your character.

That matters.

I don't need to see a piece of paper. And for God to so bless us with Mario Cristobal, a Cuban American coming out of all of that to take Miami to where they took them. I know you said, Michael, but this is the reality of it. You gotta see what God does right in front of you. Look at what we're going through now in this country with all of this stuff back and forth, tariffs and all that. I was so glad that God gave us the World Cup to let the rest of the world come over here and see for themselves what we are, who we are, and make judgments for yourself, not from the politics. And every time I looked at these matches, they were incredible. I mean, everybody was coming together. It was incredible. It was insane. It was beautiful. It was beautiful. So it all works out, you know? And now Miami gets a chance. And, well, let me get this one. And now we're seeing what's going on. I'm going to say the name with Clancy and moms and their kids. And here comes a story. Boom. God gives us where you're seeing a mom go the long mile like Miss Fletcher for her kid.

Ain't God good? Did I just give a sermon on your show, buddy? I'm sorry.

You usually do. That's why we like having you around. Mama Fletcher will be on Caine's Insight Takeover at 1:00 today on YouTube. Michael Irvin is gonna be a part of— yes, sir.

And there was a lot that went over, Dan, because I hadn't talked to you in a while. But, you know, and I know your dad and everything, and I know how you guys were affected with all of that, man. I love you, and I, you know, I just wanted to say that.

Uh, thank you, buddy. I appreciate it.

Dan Le Batard!

Ahoy, it's Captain Sloppy!

Jonathan Sasslow!

Is this Chum Bucket?

This is the Dan Le Batard Show!

He's going to be a part of the first-ever regular season game in Australia on Netflix, the Melbourne game. We'll talk to him. about Rams and 49ers in a second. But when, uh, I ask you about how you felt, the details of how you reacted to losing to Indiana in the championship game and where that ranks among the times that you have suffered a loss, take me through all of what it is the end of last season was for you emotionally.

Well, okay, I'm, I'm Yeah. All right, we passed it because I really wanted to get that victory, you know, and but I really did. And I thought that was incredible and such an incredible journey even getting there. You want that story told. I wanted that story told. We all did. We wanted that story told. Just like I told you, I look at it from a macro, not just a micro of the game, but, you know, the Cuban American leading his team to a championship. The only thing that gave me peace is what that he got beat by a Cuban-American quarterback. You see what I'm saying? But I was like, okay, we good. Okay, God gave me something on that. But I was looking at it from that standpoint. But as disappointed as I was that Miami did not win, we have to understand that that journey was such a huge victory. The way it went about that journey was such a huge victory because it brought us back to the family. We kept bringing teams in here, but since football Football is more than just a skill set. Football is a combination of your skill plus your will.

So every time you get together, you gotta have things that make you deepen your collective will. And that's what that journey did.

So I can't—

it deepened everybody that puts on that U on the side of his helmet. It deepens their collective will. Everybody, they got a chance to see people didn't like them by trying to keep them out of the poll. You know what I'm saying? So they got a chance to really see and feel, oh, it's really us against the world. Reuben Bain ain't got a chance to see it because ESPN is putting it across his arm. This man just got drafted. What are we talking about his armlets? So you know what I mean? It's a family. Look how tight we are. We're back together. Yes, I was disappointed with the outcome, but I'm so That's it. With what we should call the cocoon that has turned us into this beautiful butterfly.

That's very positive.

That's more positive because I would have assumed, as emotional as you are, that you would have been a special kind of crushed.

I was crushed then, bro. I was crushed then. But that crush now is crushed by the excitement of going into this season, Dad. We're about to end this one. With a championship in Vegas. Are you joking? Miami would have been— it was going to be great. I got mine in Miami. I wanted my boys to have it. We lit up the city. We brought it to life. But man, this next journey is all you got to focus on right now. I can't even go back to the pain of yesterday because I'm too excited about, seriously, about what we're going to start here. In a few days in San Jose.

Uh, where are we in the NFL? Okay, the Rams are +500 to win the Super Bowl. Over the last 30 years, 20 teams have been +500 or better and none have won the Super Bowl. Your thoughts on what's gonna happen with the Rams this year?

And they—

the one thing I will say to this, 'cause every time, and you guys saw it in Miami when LeBron and, and Bosh and all those guys came with D-Wade, when you get that much great talent, Together, it takes time to make it come together. They got to try to discern and decipher who's going to be what and when and why. Now, this kind of great talent that they have with the Rams shouldn't have that issue because Aaron Donald is not something new. Miles Garrett was the new— Aaron Donald is something returning. So the closeness And there's no argument about who's what there. Aaron Donald's coming out of retirement. Myles Garrett broke the record last year. He's the alpha. And now your number 2 is Aaron Donald. Get single coverage. That's going to be scary. You know what it reminds me of, man? And you can appreciate this. We talked about it at the Hall of Fame. It reminds me of Jerome Brown and Reggie White. It's as close as you can get to what we are about to see. And I was on that team when they sacked Troy 11 times in a game. So yeah, it's going to be hard.

It's going to be tough for anybody to mess with him.

He's going to be—

But I'm willing. I will announce that somewhere down the road, George Pickens just gave the Cowboys something that they needed. You know what I mean? By signing and taking that franchise tag. And you got a Tyler Smith that says, and this is football talk, and I mean pro football talk, Tyler, the best guard, one of the best guards in the NFL, if not the best guard in the NFL. I one-on-one him with Aaron Donald, and then I turn the rest of the focus. to Myles Garrett. I think the Cowboys can give him some run.

I don't know how he turned a Rams question into the Cowboys answer featuring the Rams.

He also turned it into a Canes answer.

The game in Melbourne is the Rams and the 49ers. It's Thursday, September 10th. He's gonna be in Melbourne.

Uh, Michael, it's always great seeing you. Don't be a stranger. Thank you, sir.

That, that, that, that— why don't I get to see you more, Dan? I don't see anything. When I see you, when, when, when my secretary sends me stuff, it says, Oh, I get to talk to Dan today. I was like, oh my God, man, why don't, why don't I get to talk to you more, buddy?

I'm gonna reach out to you more this season. It's always nice seeing you.

40 years, buddy.

It's a crazy amount of time. Thank you for, uh, thank you for what it is that you do for the show, what you do, uh, for Miami.

I appreciate you, buddy. I love you, man. I appreciate you guys.

Likewise. Uh, see you later.

Uh, Mike, the easiest answer is you're a Miami Hurricanes pariah.

Kane's Insight has the studio for 6 hours today.

Thank you for that.

Where's D-Money?

D-Money's around waiting for you to say his name. Look at him, he's already smiling.

I would love for Dan to take the baton though and become what Michael Irvin is on, on Kane's sidelines. Like, you know, all fours.

You got Dan going on the sidelines.

All fours.

No, he's not welcome.

You have to get a crew.

No one cares more about the Miami Hurricanes than Michael Irvin, right?

Maybe D-Money.

What about Mike Ryan? Mike Ryan wants the studio for 12 hours today. I've given it to him for 5. Canes Insight is going to be on YouTube.

What is D-Money doing? How— why did he have to get here 4 hours early? He's not preparing. What's he— what's he doing? He knows everything about the Canes already. What is he doing right now?

He has for the last 2 and a half hours, just stared completely straight into that camera waiting for ISO shots.

Can you guys get a little sparkle to put on his teeth there so that when we turn the camera to him, we can get the, the sparkle on his teeth extra laminated?

Can we relive and play this video here of Michael Irvin getting the siren going before a Canes game? It's one of my favorite.

He's so proud of himself.

We miss him today.

Comedy.

Uh, he is sleeping, uh, crisscross applesauce style on, again, a cruise and a drink package that's going from here to Key West, here to Bimini. It is the shortest possible cruise that there is on this size of a boat that exists. The Cody family loves them some cruises. Uh, they cannot get enough of cruises wherever it is that they go. They cannot get enough of drink packages.

So we already had the video of him taking a nap. He took a nap on the cruise because he wanted to make— he wanted to get ready before it was time to go swimming. And here he is, he's about to jump in the pool.

Then he went to the pool afterwards.

This is unfair, what you guys are doing to him. He hates that photo. He claims it's not him, but it is clearly him.

It is so obviously him.

It is. It's strange that he would be wearing LSU thong and an LSU Tiger hat, given that he's a, you know, he's a Miami guy.

Uh, but yes, uh—

He's trying to hide in plain sight.

Uh, Greg Cody will return next week in order to, uh, finish his, uh, catchphrase countdown.

We will have Back in My Day this hour, though.

Die Karre ist weg. Natürlich ist die Karre weg, du hast auf dem Behindertenparkplatz geparkt. Nach einem Juwelenraub— Was ist jetzt der Plan? —verstecken sich Alex und sein Vater bei einer Gruppe junger Erwachsener mit Beeinträchtigung, die gerade in den Urlaub aufbrechen. Wer will in den Urlaub?

Ich! Was geht ab?

Dort finden sie mehr als nur ein Versteck. Und erleben den Sommer ihres Lebens. Bist ein geiler Typ, du!

Du bist auch ein geiler Typ.

Das gewisse Etwas, die Feelgood-Komödie des Jahres. Ab dem 3. September nur im Kino.

Down Lebatar!

Is there Back in My Day? There is actually.

What?

Were you not gonna tell anyone?

What?

Wait a minute.

You guys, guys, it's a Tuesday.

Greg Cody, here's your guy. Greg Cody with Back in My Day.

Shit, I hope I have it. Okay, here it is.

Sorry.

Adultery!

That's the one!

Yeah! Wait a minute.

We've been waiting for this one. This is the Dan Le Batard Show.

We do have another sui to get to in this hour, but before we do this, since we're talking about the Rams, you guys heard the stat I just gave you. Okay, they're +500 to win the Super Bowl. 20 times a team has been +500. None of them have won the Super Bowl because football doesn't technically work that way.

Yeah, no football team should ever be that low in terms of a market price. There's just too many variables.

I was surprised, though, that there had been 20 in the history of all wagering that ended up with +500 as a number. But as a couple of Rams-related things I wanted to get to, they trolled the Miami Heat the other day.

Oh, come on.

Right before signing I do enjoy when the social media teams are more clever than their coaches and more clever than their quarterbacks. I do enjoy this change from some of the people in— the Chargers are the best at this. Are we acknowledging that in the— who is the greatest of the social media teams in football or in sports of obviously having young people run the accounts? And you see what the Rams did here with their tweet where they're saying of Aaron Donald and the announcement, Anybody know how to set up a YouTube livestream without it going public? Need to test for something because they were teasing the Miami Heat about the fact that they made the mistake of making it seem like LeBron was going to end up here. But when I tell you that Aaron Donald is now a Ram, I don't know what people expect from him after 2 years off, but I wanted to sort of commiserate here with Mike. I don't think this is a story that Zaslow knows, but for me, the name Aaron Donald has sort of a PTSD D, because at ESPN, right at the start, I'm going to say, of ESPN trying to figure out what these NFL teams have figured out on how to do social media, they sent a group of people to Miami on a budget, Zaslav, to help me use our Twitter account correctly.

A person came down here. Mike, please help me with some of the details because I don't remember them.

With my name. They sent this out as an example of how to send a tweet when I wanted to be able to fool around with Twitter and do things in my voice. And the tweet they sent out was a young and skinny Aaron Donald here with a picture. Aaron Donald is a beast. They showed me this as an example of how to use social media.

Edgy.

Mike, am I, am I misrepresenting this story in any way?

No, that's about it.

Are there any details that the audience would need to understand how it is that ESPN sent somebody down with a travel budget, multiple people, right? It wasn't just one person to show me how to tweet correctly.

That's among the things that they— that party was there to do. Yeah, it was a party. It was a party that wasn't all social media people or, you know, luminaries from fishing shops and potential sponsors that you didn't give the time of day.

Aaron Donald is a beast was the tweet.

We're not making that up, says—

we're not trying to be funny.

I think Chris Cody did split his shorts.

I think it was that meeting.

Really?

Remember that?

Good times. I was walking to a meeting with high-ups from ESPN and I fell and ripped my shorts.

Fell in front of them?

Well, I like tripped, but they didn't notice that my Shorts just completely ripped in the crotchal region.

Like, you fell? You tripped?

So then I stumbled. Yeah, more of a stumble, but it was a bad stumble, and I had to sit at a lunch for about an hour with ripped shorts, just not fearful that anyone would notice.

Yeah, you gotta hand it to them though. They nailed it. Aaron Donald is a beast.

Tweet holds up.

I don't know how they had $20 million. This team. How? How? It was 2 roster moves ago that we're like, how do they have the money for this? And then they added Myles Garrett.

I don't know how they got the corners!

And then they added Myles Garrett, and then they found another $20 million. Now, I have asked people in the NFL, how does this happen? And the response that I got, it's, it's very easy to play with the money when it's a short-term deal. But it seems unfair.

Yeah, I just feel like if we looked up a few days ago, you know, teams that are under the salary cap right now, the Rams were probably not -20.

The Niners also have plenty of space. They're just teams that know how to manipulate this thing, and nobody in the general public can explain it.

We have some breaking local news, and it's tied to Tua Tagovailoa. So Tua just posted a photo on Instagram. You could see it here. It says, for the A. So obviously you see the Dolphins in the background. It's got the emoji of the salute, but then you can see A comment from himself. We're so proud of you. You got this.

Oh no.

With a heart, which either means Tua's, you know, struggling himself.

He's being a self-talk.

And it's just sort of in positive self-talk, or, um, and this is the more likely scenario, he forgot to switch to the burner account and he commented on his own post and just got caught red-handed. Those are my own personal screenshots of the post. So that is 100% happening. We are not getting ballsacked. He really commented that on his own post.

Another solution could be maybe someone in his family has admin credentials.

Ooh, okay.

Runs a social and they forgot to switch.

They forgot. God, I hope so. I hope that's the case.

I like Jeremy's version better.

The Dolphins are paying Tua $55 million this season. Is that more than Mahomes? Is that more than Mahomes is making for the Chiefs this season? I think it might be more than Mahomes.

Man, that is such insight into like what he just once. He's like, I just want someone to comment and be like, hey, you got this. Like, that makes me sad that that's the kind— like, you know, you would think it would be like, hell yeah, you're my favorite quarterback, like a classic fan thing. But no, it's like emotional support with like a heart on it. Like, hey, it's okay, you got this. He's writing that to himself. Holy shit, this is dark.

Yeah. So there is at no point in Patrick Mahomes's, uh, huge record-breaking contract that he makes $55 million. Um, but his Cap hit does balloon up to crazy astronomical amounts, but he's going to restructure every year because the NFL salary cap is a lie. For example, right now his base salary, Patrick Mahomes, for this season is $1.3 million, but he's on the books for a $34 million cap hit. But next year that cap hit balloons up to $90 million. That will not be the case. It will also be restructured.

If he's putting that out there, that original post for the A, he must have just been told he's gonna be the starter, right? Wouldn't you assume that's what that means?

It seems like it.

I don't know. I'm not getting in that guy's head. I don't want to get in there. I just think it's, you know, for a— for the A. He made the team yesterday, which you were surprised by on Zaslow Show 2.0.

I was so ready to like just laugh at this, and it, it makes me sad that that's what he's commenting on himself.

Well, the whole thing with Tua is sad, and everything that was built around him as the foundation leaves them in a position, as I mentioned yesterday, where their top 5 highest-paid people— because this is a janitorial job that Halfley has taken— their top 5 highest-paid people aren't playing for the team next year. That can't be so. Like, my guess is if you go through the entirety of the league, like, when you talk about what is a breach on a failure of engineering, of architecture, my guess is that if you go throughout the league, you will not find that the 2 highest-paid players on any team are players who are no longer playing for that team, never mind 5. Like, it's just a catastrophic breach on how you built something during, uh, during the salary cap age across the decades. It's crazy. It's something that doesn't, uh, have a whole lot of precedent, I've got to imagine. My guess is, if I had to guess without looking it up, my guess is it's never happened before in the history of the league where your top 5 guys aren't playing for you.

Your highest-paid 5. Like, you can't win like that. There's no circumstance in which that can be overcome.

Might be— I might have a comp. The New Orleans Saints, they were in cap hell.

They were terrible. They were terrible last year.

They— no, I think they're still dealing with it because of all the restructures and all that money caught up with them.

That was Loomis, right?

I saw some chart of like all the teams this season and dead money they're dealing with. The Saints, I believe, are second, but it's like half of what the Dolphins are.

Saints might still be playing Brees, Michael Thomas, and Jimmy Graham.

We have another—

we have another Sui Award to get to here. Chris, what is the category? Because you've got 3 of them to get to.

This is Back in My Day, and there are 3 nominees here. You'd think that I'm like just taking the best of the best. Nope, I took all of them.

We shouldn't have played— we shouldn't play any of these, but go ahead. We only got 3 Back in My Days from Greg Cody this year.

And now the Sui nominees Bowling!

Bowling! I'm in a weekly bowling league. Why? Because I'm an everyman, a lunch pail guy, the face of blue collar, and I love it. But all bowlers nowadays except me have this in common: everybody thinks they're a pro. They waltz into the bowling alley with rolling luggage full of 4, 5, 6 different bowling balls. I'm the only one in my entire league, no lie, With a single handheld bag containing one ball. The others have a ball for oily lane conditions, another ball for dry lanes, a ball for particular spare combos, please. The ball racks get filled up, and there's so many bags and rollers of surplus balls, the poor waitress trying to bring me another bucket of Miller Lite has to weave through a slalom of luggage. Ridiculum. Also, fella wearing his name in script on the back of your bowling shirt, Nobody knows who you are or cares. You're bowling a 138. Get in your lane, and I don't mean lane 11. Also, Don Carter, quit dancing into my lane with your body English after the ball leaves your hands. Make bowling bowling again. 3 fingers, a 2-ball limit, and no name on your shirt because you're in a handicap league for a reason, Jack.

Also, bring back Chris Schenkel even though he's dead. I'm Greg Cody, and that's how it was back in my day. Yeah! Reviews. Reviews. Everybody wants a review. Places where I do business, listen up. Unless you hear otherwise from me directly, assume my transaction was stultifyingly mundane yet unremarkably satisfactory in its way. If it was top-tier great, I'mma tell you before I leave. If it was abysmal and left me angry, You'll hear from my lawyers, McGillicuddy, Pettifogger, and Scheister. Retailers, it's very simple. You had something I wanted, I bought it, you got paid. It's called commerce. End of transaction. Quit hectoring me for a review. I'm Greg Cody, and that's how it was back in my day.

CliffsNotes.

CliffsNotes! Things were so innocent when I was in school growing up that CliffsNotes felt like cheating. CliffsNotes was the academic equivalent of Rosie Ruiz running a marathon. Only these shortcuts and cut corners were perfectly legal. Accepted, even. The iconic yellow and black guidebooks became such a part of society that they inspired Wiz Khalifa to write his song Black and Yellow. Okay, totally made that up. Now back to the truth. CliffsNotes was the start of us having it easy. Too easy. Time was, you wanted directions somewhere, you had to consult an atlas, ask someone who'd been there, or get a triptych from AAA. You needed a paper on World War II? You hit the encyclopedia or ask Grandpappy. No Alexa or Siri or whatever she's called now. No Google to ask. And certainly no artificial intelligence to do everything for you but wipe your ass. Cliff's Notes was a delightful shortcut. Something different. Now everything's a shortcut. The very need for formal education is getting closer and closer to becoming extinct. There is no real need to know that pi equals 3.141592653589793.

What?

Or that Australia is wider than the moon. But if there were, your laptop can tell you faster than your teacher. Now, so can CliffsNotes, which sadly has adapted to the times and become more of an online entity that wants to do even more of your work for you. Ban everything that gives you free information fast. Make learning laborious again. Bring back dictionaries, atlases, roadmaps, sets of encyclopedias, and a reliance on the fading memories of elders. I'm Greg Cody, and that's how it was.

Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back. Let's go. See you, Jeremy.

That's embarrassing. Like, it looked— it's just an embarrassing collection of work.

He's breathing in that second one. Made me nervous.

All right, uh, put it on the poll please, Juju, @LeBatardShow. Can you be someone's great friend when you have broken their jaw on purpose?