Transcript of Tony Chokes the Tire Toss + Suey Nominees for Most Uncomfortable Moment | Hour 1

You are listening to the Dan Le Batard Show in partnership with the DraftKings Sports app, now live in all 50 states. This episode of the Dan Le Batard Show is presented by DraftKings Sports. DraftKings, the crown is yours. I've never been so nervous since I was just there to do that. Thank goodness my reflection in the monitor shows a terrific head of hair. That boosted my confidence in the nick of time.

You just got done saying that the makeup that they applied to you made you feel like you were in a movie where they were trying to do late-stage Damashek before he died.

No, no, no, don't put that on any of the makeup people. That's the man upstairs who did this to me.

I asked you the question, I asked you the question, what are you talking about? Are you talking about after you're embalmed in the coffin? And you're like, no, just before that.

Not dead yet, no, but yeah, it's not any, uh, not— it's not by the hand of any makeup artist, no. Like I say, it's, uh, the, the sad passage of time and what it's done to me. I, I, I— look at that, Dan. You know, for— by the way, this reflects poorly on you because for 20 years, whether or not you're aware of it, my social media has been populated by, man, you and Le Batard look exactly alike. Do you see that, Dan?

You reflect I don't—

I, I, I mean, I'm trying to share in the misery a little bit, and now you have to put it right back.

Wow, I never noticed it before.

Now that you say it, I kind of see it.

I do see it.

I don't see shit. Does Cam Ward suck?

Well, here are some of the numbers, okay? Because the numbers are pretty damning this preseason. 25 dropbacks, uh, this preseason, 0 completions more than 7 yards. He's thrown 6 passes more than 7 yards, hasn't completed any of them. Out of the 67 quarterbacks who have thrown at least 1 10-plus-yard pass downfield this preseason. 65 have thrown at least one 10-plus-yard pass. The 2 who didn't are Cam Ward and Tyrod Taylor. And then this from PFF: Cam Ward— and Jared just gave you the stat— Cam Ward is currently 102nd of 104 QBs who have played in the preseason with a passing grade of 29.6. Only Brett Rypien and Kyron Drones have lower passing grades.

Oh, Drones. That guy terrifies me.

the second week of the preseason.

Spooky Friday at Hard Rock Stadium where drones almost got that dome hit.

They can ruin him.

It'd be really easy to ruin him.

It's also Cam Ward's cousin.

Yes, and I was pretty fair. Look, I'm in the tank for Cam Ward. He's one of my favorite Canes ever, but I thought he held on to the ball too much and fell in love with some good protection in Miami and developed some bad habits as a result from that and he needed to play better. He did not have passing touchdowns. His passing touchdown numbers were atrocious, but later in the season, I do feel like there were signs and the arm talent. Like, there's a couple of times a game where the guy just dazzles you with a play. But there were a couple of plays to the young draft pick that they made to help him out that would have completely changed the narrative that that receiver totally screwed up. I'm talking about Carnell Tate, who was terrible against Miami in the Cotton Bowl, by the way.

Mm-hmm.

Got big fat numbers playing opposite of Jeremiah Smith. But after I saw that guy in the Cotton Bowl, I'm like, man, is this funny money? And in the preseason, we talk about Cam Ward stats. De'Jon Love had as many catches as Carnell Tate did in the preseason. He was targeted 6 times, 1 drop, 0 catches, 0 receiving yards. That is your top 10 draft pick that you brought in to help Cam Ward. And how else did they try to help Cam Ward? They brought in Bob Saleh and they brought in Brian Daboll. I think the questions about this organization and that spot for Cam Ward are fair. I do think Cam Ward's going to have a good career. But I don't know if it's going to be in Tennessee.

What do you think, Dameshek? Because I think I'd assemble the argument that there was no team, not even the Saints, that had a worse combination of skill guys and offensive line problems. And you cannot have both with a young quarterback. You can't have both with a veteran quarterback.

First of all, yeah, I think that I'm with ultimately what Mike is saying. You think that Cam Ward is going to have a good career. And I think that you here in Dolphins country see the product of the difference that the NFL environment can make. Malik Willis is where he is because of the time he had up in Green Bay. I do not think he would have necessarily turned into the appealing, to the enticing option that he was this offseason were it not for his time up there in Green Bay. I think about it also as you Miami Hurricanes fans have now seen this string of guys go. Cam Ward, and Carson Beck was good. And I think Mensah really has a great shot at the Heisman. At the end of that, if that's true in November, do we then render a verdict without knowing anything about how Cam Ward and the Titans are doing in 2026, that it was the product of the Kane system that worked? It's sort of like if you can hearken all the way back to the University of Houston when they had Andre Ware and he lit the world afire and he had to have the Heisman.

because of the Gotti stats, and then he gets drafted high in the NFL, and then David Klingler comes in underneath him and lights the world up all over again, and you realize too late if you drafted Andre Ware, oh, it was the system, it wasn't the guy.

No, this, this is not what's happening in Miami. Cam Ward's receivers weren't that good. I mean, he had Restrepo, obviously the career leader, but those receivers— that receiver room is the weakest one that Cristobal will have because, uh, those receivers weren't good enough. They didn't have anything in the way of defense. One of the things that I think is interesting about Miami and how it is that they're doing it differently in terms of where it is that Cristobal learned what not to do from Nick Saban. I will remind you guys that most of those Alabama teams before it became Tua and Hurts didn't have great quarterbacks. It was all the players around the quarterback who made the quarterback great. And then Saban figured out, oh, and I can get good quarterbacks as well. But before that, he was not winning with great quarterbacks.

John Parker Wilson, Greg McElroy, McCarron.

The 3 quarterbacks that Miami has had are legitimate, on the cusp of being professional quarterbacks at the NFL level, and that is not something Miami has done a lot of. They've had Bernie Kosar, they've had Jim Kelly, they've had Vinny Testaverde, but they have not had a lot of, uh, you know, in the last 25 years, they have not made professional quarterbacks very often.

Dan Le Batard. DJ Laz is playing Kool-Aid in the background of my pit bull. Here's Dave Damaschek, and he's like, hey guys, Pittsburgh, uh, Alright, everybody's like, who the fuck is this guy? Dave Demachek. He goes, what TV's the Penguins game on? Who the hell is this guy? This is the Dan Le Batard Show.

Let's go out again to the DraftKings Sports gas station where I'm hoping this game goes better than the last one and the rules are easy to understand. The gas station. And we're 5 minutes away from free gas for 4 hours in Miami. So listen to that, Miami. I know you like free stuff. Everybody likes free stuff. Put it on the poll at The Libertarian Show. Does everyone like free stuff? 15290 Northwest 7th Avenue has been made a DraftKings Sports gas station. The zip code is 33169. And now we go out again, uh, to Jeremy, who is still wearing that stupid cowboy hat.

It's hot as balls, y'all. Uh, it's really hot out here. We're kind of dying. Um, but guess what's not? The enthusiasm around this place that's going to be kicking up in just mere moments as they give away free gas here at this gas station from 10 AM to 2 PM local time. You can check it out Atlanta, Dallas, Detroit, Los Angeles, and here in Miami. DraftKings Sports is live in all 50 states in partnership with DraftKings. The crown is yours. So we're gonna be doing the tire toss, Dan. First up, is going to be Zaslow over there in his cuck chair. And this one is pretty simple, Dan. 5 throws, whoever makes the most through the tire wins. Now you can go to our free-to-play game on DraftKings Sports, and you can see all of the different situations that people can check out there. So to set you up while we get Zas set up in his spot here over on his mark, if you want to get Zas set up, Tony, he's not listening. He's in the cuck chair. Who will win the tire toss challenge? Zaslow, Tony, Coca, or will Will there be a tie or no winner?

How many of the 5 throws will the tire toss challenge winner make through the tire? 0 to 1, 2 to 3, or 4 to 5? And then of course, finally, how many total tire toss makes will the 3 participants record across their 15 throws with several different options? So we're going to have Zaslow goes first. I'm going to get out of the way and let you guys know how this one goes. So Zaslow with his first throw. Go for it, Zaz.

It's a big moment. This is a very big moment to see everybody's throwing motion.

0 for 1 and 0 for 2. Not great from Zaz in terms of throwing motion.

Not a great start.

I just walked right in front. Oh, there goes Zaz! 1 for 3. Let's get that football over to Zaz. And 1 for 4. But hey, he's got one through and that's all that matters thus far. Here goes Zazlowe. Who promised me he'd go 5 for 5. He finishes up 1 for 5. Zaslow is done. He looks like a mechanic trying to throw a football. That does not count. He is 1 for 5. That was his 6th throw. Here comes Matthew Coca, and he will be competing for nothing personal with David Sampson. So here goes Coca, headed over to the spot, and the first— oh, the sun seems to be in his eyes. He can borrow the cowboy hat if he'd like. Y'all, there's throw number 1. Also not a great throwing motion. Matthew Coca doesn't seem happy with the heckling.

Coca, you can tell, is a good athlete, but he's not a thrower of football.

I think the mechanics overall are affecting both of them.

The 3rd throw. Ooh, just short off the bottom of the tire. So 1 for 3. Here comes the 4th.

Oh, it's sitting inside the tunnel. That, that has to be extra.

Judges, that counts.

Oh no, the ruling is no from Tony.

Wait, Tony doesn't make the rules.

That's a half.

That's a half. I'm going to say 1.5. No, we're gonna— okay, good idea, Chris. That's really smart.

No, Dan, shut up. That counts.

I hate you people. That counts. Matthew Coca is 3 for 5. 3 for 5. The second one that went in counts, that went through the tire. Here comes Tony in all of his glory.

If Tony gets a proper 3, he wins.

Hold on a second, just real quick before Tony goes, still with an unlit cigarette in his mouth, uh, seems unsafe around the gas station. We now get to test whether or not Tony's FIU tryout, which did not have a football, will indeed reveal to us that he is a good quarterback. But I do want to ask the poll question: in a tire, in Football tire toss.

Please don't, please don't.

Don't put this up, Sal.

Why?

You can't help yourself.

In a football tire toss, does the ball need to go through the tire or can it get stuck in the tire? Go ahead, Tony.

I genuinely hate Dan Le Batard. It's a Black Mild, by the way.

That's a fun one.

0 for 1.

0 for 1 on Tony. Is he gonna choke here?

0 for 2.

Oh, you loser, Tony.

Danny needs to go 3 for 3.

Oh my God, he's gonna choke.

Oh, no. Loser.

We're rooting for Zaz here.

1 for 4. Once the pressure was off, he stepped up. And 2, 4, 5, 6.

Ah, Tony, he loses it.

He needed more touch.

So the winner is Matthew Coca, who even if he was at 2.5 would have been the victor. Good job, Coca! So Matthew Coca wins. Congratulations to Matthew Coca. The total number was 6. Zaslow had 1, Matthew Coca had 3, Tony had 2. He finishes with 3 as the winner. And congratulations to Nothing Personal with David Sampson. With one competition to go, we have Mystery Crate, 1. Nothing Personal with David Sampson, 1. And the Dan Levitard Show, 0.

Did our camera person fall down on their back and have a seizure? Like, what the hell just happened?

It's called a gimbal.

Danny B classic.

It's called a faulty gimbal.

Okay, thank you very much.

Blame the gimbal.

Yeah, you're making this—

you're making this a lot of fun, Dan.

All right, get out of here. All right. Listen to me.

Richard Gimbel.

Listen to me. Really? A Fugitive reference?

Play on.

This is what I want to say. I was not expecting this controversy. I was not expecting a controversy. I just want, okay, to laugh at a couple of things. One is I thought that the worst that we could do athletically as a show is that in our last several kicking competitions, all the participants have gotten injured. I thought that that's the worst we could do. But I have a new nominee that I was not expecting. Not only did all of the participants actually make half of their— less than half of their throws, the winner is a ball that got stuck in the tire. The reason for the winning is a controversial throw that ends in a place that I did not think it could end, which is a thrown football not going through the tire, but just ending up inside of the tire because it got stuck. If you could have bet on that in our free game, you would have made nothing. But, but—

But it would have been a cool thing to say. You guessed correctly, by the way. Free gas live.

Yes, 10 AM, baby.

The number is 1— the address is 15290 Northwest 7th Avenue, and it's for the next 4 hours. The gas is free. Look at that, zeros across the board. You never see that. Not that since that straight of her moose got all locked up and then all of a sudden the gas prices went up.

No, this is great for our partners.

It says $0 there. It's free. The gas is, is free for the next 4 hours, courtesy of our great partners at DraftKings.

You're the big winner if you go get the free gas. The big loser is Tony. Even though he had the best throwing motion, he should be ashamed of himself. He should be especially ashamed of himself because he looked like a regular person throwing a ball versus his 2 foes. Who he waged war with. He lost to a guy who looks like he may or may not have ever thrown a ball before today. And he confidently put himself last. He's like, you know, you let the kids go first and then I'll come in. Loser.

He was smoking 2 unlit cigarettes.

Black Mild.

It's a different thing.

That's how Zazz throws a ball?

Put it on the poll. Is a Black Mild a cigarette? Yes or no? Because I thought a Black Mild was a cigarette. I thought— I'd say closer to a cigar.

Yeah, it's a cigarillo. Yeah, it's closer to a cigarillo. There are differences.

Cigarillo.

No.

What do you mean no?

I mean no. No one calls it a cigarillo.

No.

If you're gonna put—

No, it's a cigarillo.

If you're gonna put the double L's on it and you're gonna make it a Hispanic mechanic—

You are on one today, dude.

If you're gonna make it a Hispanic mechanic in a high-end dealership— Go back.

Fight us on everything.

You go back. You go back.

You gonna play a different Sui award here? Can we play the one we want?

Please show yourself out.

Dan Levitar.

What is the worst part of the life?

Jonathan Sasslow. The worst part of the life of what? This is the Dan Levitar Show.

Which is the one that you have?

Uncomfortable moment.

Ooh, is Damashek in here? Does Damashek have any nominees in here?

By paying tribute to someone that passed away during a Damashek show.

Okay, uh, let's— this is always a great category every single year. This is the, uh, I'm surprised we're playing it this early. This tends to be the best of the categories. You could vote at lebitardaf.com.

I know the Damashek thing that's in this. It's a good one.

Well, I mean, they're all good.

It was a Friday special.

It was a good one.

How, how many of these? How long is this? Longest category?

18 minutes.

Other than musical performance, it's our longest category.

Okay, let's see what we've got here.

And now the Sui nominees for Most Uncomfortable Moment. Dan Le Batard is asked who his best friend is.

Put it on the poll at Le Batard Show. Do you have a best friend? Because I think it's unusual not to have a best friend while—

Not saying my wife.

Don't—

we would just stop that right there. Your spouse is not your best friend.

What a loser would say that.

Who's your best friend?

Oh boy.

Dan.

Dan, you know what he's gonna say.

It was my brother.

Oh.

Not your wife.

Somehow more awkward. Not what I thought he was gonna say.

That's not the question that he asked. He asked, who's your best friend right now?

Yeah.

That was gratuitous.

Living.

In fact, penalty box. Outta here. Not fair to do that to a guy.

I don't feel good about this.

What?

That's not fair to do that. What? He asked him a question. Who's your best friend? Not who it was. I mean, like, come on.

What's the penalty?

Uh, making us feel like shit.

Dan Le Batard calls Jessica Smetana the twerk queen.

I'm with you, Dan.

He's twerking.

Your attempt—

your attempt to twerk. Not well, but he's twerking.

He's not twerking well. Thank you for that clarification.

I don't know. It's up for me to decide.

All right.

So then decide it, twerk queen.

I—

well, whoa.

Boricua.

Matthew Berry's daughter is calling him during his interview. He's averaging 18 fantasy points per game during that stretch. Since Week 7, DeVonta Smith—

Are you giving yourself Around the Horn points?

I'm sorry?

Are you giving yourself Around the Horn points? We're hearing something that— yeah, something is getting points Are you giving yourself points?

I've given him points. No, I'm embarrassed about this, but my phone is blowing up. It's my phone, my daughter's braces, a wire on it broke. And so I was late getting here to the studio. And so I basically barely rushed in and made it. And so that's my daughter blowing up my phone right now. And I don't understand why my wife is not handling this. So to be perfectly honest.

Anyway, that's okay. We like—

'Cause I'm like, I have Dan's show. I have to do the Dan show, honey.

Can you deal with our—

I dropped her off at the dentist. I did my part. Dan Le Batard's mother calls him and Poppy fake Cubans.

Mario Cristobal is more Cuban than Fernando Mendoza. We dispute this.

It's the same.

No, Mommy.

Mario played football with Fernando's father at Columbus High School. No one that went to Columbus High School is no Cuban. You're no Cuban either.

You're fake.

Whoa, you married a fake Cuban.

We just saw it on the game show. I marry a fake human.

Dan Levitard's terrible transition with Kumail Nanjiani on South Beach Sessions. But it's still challenging because writing is such a personal thing, and it can be— if she's like, hey, I don't like this.

Vulnerable, intimate, super intimate.

Feelings get hurt.

Your feelings being hurt. Like, I can't imagine what happened to you post-9/11 where you're doing stand-up and you're getting heckled and it—

What a segue, by the way.

Well, it just— I can't imagine because you're sensitive. That seems like a terrible position to be in. Thank you for being so gentle about that segue, uh, straight from your wife.

Oh no, no, no, please don't be—

Insist heckling.

Are you being hard on yourself for it?

I'm being sensitive more than hard on myself.

Okay, don't be sensitive. I truly, truly—

That was a terrible segue.

No, no, do not. See, let me take this from you. This is mine. This is not on you.

You're gonna take it back?

I'm sorry I said that.

I did not mean it.

It was accurate. It was totally accurate.

Yeah, it was, but—

You shouldn't take it back.

But it was—

It's truth. It was a hard truth I had to see.

Podcast better. Dan Le Batard tells Greg Cody his opinion is late.

I was late today. I was not late on my opinion. You can't tell me when I'm late on my effing opinion.

Got him.

Listen, you guys are not a columnist for the Miami Herald, okay? Your opinions are spewed into microphones.

I'm still a Miami Herald columnist.

Are you? I mean, he's been late to work for the last 10 years. What year was your last column?

I'm gonna say 3 or 4 years ago.

I think it was longer than that. You remind me, Harold, of columnists like Luther Evans and Edwin Pope.

I mean, RIP.

They've been dead for many years.

I know they have.

So he's a columnist like dead people?

Yes, because he doesn't write.

Chris Cody plays the wrong song with David Sampson.

You're showing your ass introducing David that way and not realizing what you were doing.

I think he knows what he's doing.

Oh, I know what I'm doing.

David requested this song.

It's all right.

Yeah, we voted for this.

Nagila, ha, ba, nagila, oish mecha.

All right, nope, we just conducted an investigation. Chris Cody had no idea. He had no idea.

I can't believe that you did that by mistake because of your bad timing, and it wasn't even bad judgment. I mean, it was also bad judgment, but it was—

I have 4 songs here.

You think I just randomly picked the third one? To be fair, it's titled New Ballpark Music, so he doesn't know.

Okay, but, but I have 4 options. Who do you think put these here, guys? Guys, I selected these. Yeah, but you think the internet just has 4 things?

Roy, Roy, I need to go for confirmation on this. Roy howled laughing off mic and it sounded because he saw that you were exposed and that you didn't actually know what you were doing. That— Roy, I need truth telling from the other room right now. The mofo had no idea.

Miami Heat owner Mickey Arison doesn't know who Zaslav is.

Do you know who Jonathan Zaslav is?

No.

See, that's not right. That's such bullshit. I'm not saying that to you. You're calling him a liar? You're calling Mr. Arison a liar?

I'm saying Mike Ryan is—

Mike Ryan's bullshit.

That's bullshit. Ask Mickey Arison your question. Ask him.

Mickey, have you seen the new Superman?

No. Zaslav accuses Greg Cody of stealing his catchphrase.

Number 17, hey, that's what I'm talking about.

I say, that's what I'm talking about. I regret asking. What are you doing? You just stole one of my phrases.

I've been saying it longer than you have.

And you made it sing-songy.

It is sing-songy.

That's my gimmick. That's what I'm talking about. That's my phrase.

How long have you been saying that?

My hole in the crib.

Oh, you're stealing my crib line now.

Uh-oh. We got a crib-off.

No.

You know what just happened? You just got cucked.

Bullshit.

You just sat there and watched.

Hey, that's what I'm talking about.

So you just take someone's phrase and put a hey in front of it, and all of a sudden it's yours?

I had no idea you said that.

Dan Le Batard insults Greg Cody about his book with Ron McGill.

I think the world of Ron McGill. Don't accuse me of a turd sandwich on his behalf. It's ridiculous. It's an insult.

To be fair, the reason that I called it a turd sandwich is simply because of the amount of time he spent about how little money he made on these books.

Only because you introduced it by saying I've gotten rich off Ron McGill. And it's not true. And everybody knows it. Are you insane?

You're right on that line.

Andy Reid wants to tickle the other team's tonsils.

If you're coming to me on this, Matt, I'm telling you, we're going to go after you every game. You know, that's how we roll. We're going to try to tickle your tonsils on every, every play, every game.

He thinks the way to play football is to stick your hand in the other player's mouth.

You know, that's how we roll. We're gonna try to tickle your tonsils on every, every play.

All right. Okay.

Andy heard this at practice and I don't think he understood.

Well, neither does Zazz, clearly.

There's gonna be—

it's not a mandible claw situation. All right.

Gonna be a tickling of the tonsils when the Chiefs play you.

Oh, you got it now, buddy?

I got it now, Dan.

I got it. Yeah. Nasty.

You got it too?

Yeah.

Tony Collodiud brings us in a different direction. Have you guys seen this FIU story, by the way?

Before I go.

Yeah. The pit bull one or something else?

No.

The Netanyahu one.

Yeah, the pit, the, what?

Oh boy.

Oh.

There's one, a girl from FIU got arrested for saying Netanyahu blow up the school. I thought that's what you guys were talking about. I'd like to hear about the pit bull one. Nobody's heard of the pit bull one?

Nobody's heard of that story? No.

Alright, you guys aren't watching, man.

I was definitely talking about the pit bull one.

Oh, that's old news.

Dan? Dan, you watch local news.

I'm just laughing at the fact that that just happened.

Shaquille O'Neal hates Dan Le Batard.

Our boss Dan Le Batard thinks that you hate him. How right is he?

I do hate him. However, I will never disrespect him. If I seen him with his family, I'm gonna be like, hello, Mr. Dan. If we're in the place where we can go at it, we can go at it. When Shaq says, I'm going to kill you, can we put on the screen at some point the frozen reaction of Chris and Jeremy totally betraying me and roaring with laughter at something that's decidedly not funny? The size of that betrayal is staggering to me. I know how happy you guys were made. He was not joking, and that's not deadpan. If I'm with my father, he will be nice. And if he sees me alone, he's not happy with me. He will choke me. He will be— you know what he'll do to me? He will do to me what the Mountain did to Pablo Pascal in Game of Thrones.

David Sampson has a fly in his studio on Nothing Personal with David Sampson. It's really not— there is a major animal in this apartment. Animal.

They all—

I don't know what I'm gonna do here. Hold on.

I can't do a show like this, Coco.

There's something that is going to hit Holy cow. Hey, we're live. I don't like— can you imagine doing a show like on a safari? Oh, sorry. Got him right there. Zaslav better do exactly what Dan says.

I'm going to have Jonathan Zaslav read to you what is on the piece of paper that has been handed to me by producers who give me information to keep me maximum informed. Zaslav, Do not read the words, okay, on here that are the only sports words. How many of the words are sports-related?

None.

I don't think it's none, Zaslav. Look at that sheet closely. There are words— well, there are words on that sheet, Zaslav, that are sports-related that you're not seeing.

You told me not to read the sports.

I know. How many words are there on sheet that are sports-related?

2.

Thank you, Zaslav.

There we go.

How many words are— let's try this again, Zaslav, for the last time. How many words are on the sheet that I've been handed by the producers?

A couple hundred.

How many of the words are sports-related?

2.

I'll get Damashek in here. What is on that piece of paper, Zaslav?

Bullshit words.

Give me the piece of paper back, Stanislav. Oh, he's gone.

Greg Cody gets confused multiple times.

Diana, uh, Dad says Shador Sanders is ready to start. What are you hearing about the Cleveland situation?

Wait, Dad's— you think Shador Sanders—

No, Dad.

Dad. For some reason he called Deion Dad.

Well, Dad Sanders.

It's his dad. Oh, Dad Sanders. His father's Deion Sanders.

Chris called Dan Dad in the break.

That's right. Yeah, he did. I thought everybody knew that.

He did. I asked who was on the show. He said Greg Cody, Dad. And I was like, I meant Dan. I thought I said Dad. Dad, you did.

You did.

Now you're confused.

Stop confusing the old man, guys.

Mom, can you answer the question?

I'm always so confused that there was a second there where I was like, wait, you're telling me this entire time I thought Greg Cody was Chris Cody's dad and Dan Levitard was the dad?

I'm Chris Le Batard.

He would not get the show at all.

Dan would look very good for his age if, uh, if he was my dad.

Oh my God, Dad, keep up, dude.

What?

Is that for Dan or Greg?

I'm just really lost right now.

Greg Cody gets all choked up. Go.

No, you root for the best story.

Montreal.

You root for the underdog.

That's right.

You root for the Canadian team.

Oh my.

You root for the Canadian team to win their first Stanley Cup since 1993. That's what you root for.

I'm gonna choke up. Mike Ryan is waiting.

Mario Cristobal teams always get up for the big games. What are you talking about?

What is the big game?

No, no, no, Dan.

Reputationally, don't talk to me about something that's made up.

What are the big games that Mario— I am mad now.

What are the big—

name 'em.

Name 'em.

What are the big games that a Mario crystal ball team has not shown up for? I am waiting.

Okay, now, uh, I am waiting. Okay, all right, Mike, quit.

I am waiting.

Quit being—

I am waiting. No, no, no, no, quit being— are you calling me an asshole because I'm calling you out on your bull—

answer the question. Spot the goddamn ball. Name, name a game. Name a big game that a Mario crystal ball team has not shown up for.

You're murdering the show with your bare hands in a dismemberment kit in cold blood.

You can just lie on the microphone? He's had 2 months of big games and the team has shown up, and you're talking to me about a reputation? Guess who's making the reputation up? Dan Le Batard! Count me the big game that a Mario Cristobal-coached team has not shown up for since he's been at Miami. I double-dog dare you.

Leave.

Outta there.

Leave, because I'm not going to be interrupted again, so just leave.

Childish.

Dave Damashek pays his respects to Chuck Norris.

Wow.

This is heartbreaking to report to you and our audience. Chuck Norris has passed away.

Wow.

TV star, movie star. He was 86, I believe, and pop culture sensation. Everyone got swept away with Chuck Norris facts. He has passed away. I'm sorry.

AJ Dewey You're a Dolphins legend. 3 career interceptions in the regular season, 3 interceptions in the AFC title game off the right arm of Dick Todd and the New York Jets to advance David Woodley and company to the Super Bowl, where they lost ultimately to John Riggins and that Washington team.

Touching words. A really poignant tribute, Dave. A really poignant tribute.

You know how to eulogize a guy.

You really nailed it.

Come on, what do you want? All right, wait, wait, go ahead, please. The floor is yours, right? You're giving AJ Dewey stats. The man's dead. Say something nice about Chuck Norris. What type of AJ Dewey?

I would have gone Delta Force personally, but Dick Todd, fine.

Greg Cody gives love advice as the Love Doctor.

Hey Greg, Joe from Illinois. Uh, what's the clitoris and how do I find it?

Oh no.

Ah yes. Okay, where's my clit clit? Okay, the first thing you do— okay, this is very— this is a very important question. We're talking about the hypersensitive neurovascular organ with more than 8,000 nerve endings. Okay, it's important to find it. Now, a friend of mine once, an Australian man, told me that to fully live life and live love, you have to head south and go down under. And that's what I recommend for you, baby.

Spice Adams has to wrap, Tony.

Get out of here, Spice.

I don't believe you.

And when I say get out of here, I don't mean it sort of figuratively.

I'm telling you, we have to wrap.

You have to go.

We have to wrap, Tony.

Go, get out of here. Everyone, you, that lady, that, that—

Tony, we gotta go.

Get out of here. Who is that person talking to me yelling?

Who?

We gotta go.

We gotta go, Tony.

It's a hard out, Tony.

Tony, Tony, Tony. All right, all right. Your real name is Tony. Take a bite of the pizza.

did to me? Spice just—

he doesn't— Bring the whole thing down. That pizza does look spicy.

We gotta wrap. We heard you the first 3 times.

The first 3 times. We gotta wrap.

We gotta wrap.

There's an urgency here. And Zoom. And Zoom.

Get outta here.

And Zoom.

And the Zoom. Spice has to go. Get Tony outta here. Everybody outta here.

Roy Bellamy loses the UM National Championship game.

I don't think any of us will ever forget Roy saying that there was gonna be an interception by Carson Beck on this drive. You haven't You haven't said that much during this livestream. What an odd thing for you to choose to say.

I forgot already.

15 seconds on the play clock.

14.

Oh, oh no.

Oh my God.

See, the Indiana Hoosiers are the national champions of college football.

Of all the things to say, of all the things to say, you say that. You say that, you say that, you say that.

Hey, look at Roy gone. Dr. Fred Johnson doesn't want his daughter dating Juju Gotti.

Well, they've come to me twice. They came to me right before they won the Super Bowl, and they came to me again after they won the Super Bowl.

Can you tell, um, I mean, I don't want to put you on the spot, brother. Can you tell, like, my character, or is it like you have to be around me more, or can you read me from here?

Well, yeah, I wouldn't want my daughter dating you.

Oh, hello!

You guys said you can give it out. I told you I can give it back.

Yes, sir.

Do me next.

Pause.

Big time pause. Dr. Johnson.

Uh, Doctor, thank you for being on with us. He's the leadership coach and the founder of Initiative One. We appreciate the time.

Thank you.

Whoo!

LebitardAF.com is where you vote. I'm assuming that that sound you're making is because of Damashek.

Like, so many good options.

Go from Chuck Norris to immediately a 1977 Dolphins linebacker and a 1977 Jets quarterback that for some reason he calls Dick Todd, even though no one called Richard Todd Dick Todd. Todd. That's the kind of stuff you get on Football America.

Which first names—

which this year— yeah, it'd also be 2 first names if it was Richard Todd. It's Dick Todd, Richard Todd. Both of them are 2 first names. What is Football America doing differently this year? Because you're going to be on at a different time, correct?

Oh, very excited for that news. Are we ready to make the big announcement?

I don't know if we are or not, but we're here now. So let's go ahead and make the big announcement, whether we're ready to make the big announcement or not.

I don't know if I'm in a position to make this. Classic Dan today. What the hell are we doing?

Tell him to do it.

I don't have that stat. You know what I would like to ask before we do that? No, just say it. Just say it. Football America, we're in the midst of seeing which teams will survive the regular season and ascend Mount Lombardy and into the postseason. We have one— we have 2 divisions left to go, the AFC and the NFC West. My question for you is, Dan, instead of the tire throws and everything else at the gas stations, the thing that Shaq floated out there that he would get you and beat you up if you weren't with your family, If that were a competition, how long do you suppose you could elude the grasp of Shaquille O'Neal?

This has actually happened, and he didn't do it physically. He didn't quite get there, but he was alone with me one time, and he was unhappy with both me, and I think he was mad at Bomani about something too. I'm not totally sure, and it's threatening. I would not last very long. That's not a person that you want mad at you. I would like to go back, though, to how it is that Jeremy and Chris Cody visually reacted to Shaq saying that.

I mean, that's the money shot. That's why we're going out there, Dan.

Yeah, right. When you say money shot though, what that ignores is if you kill me, there goes your money.

That's fair.

Yeah.

I'm sure there's some sort of insurance policy.

Yeah, there is actually.

Tashay looks like the host of a regional morning show and Cody looks like a movie burglar. Why are you dressed so different?

It was like wintertime down here. It was probably like 10 degrees out.

Okay, well then how do you explain the difference in your outfit versus This is Tashay. I don't show my vision in beige.

Just look at the two of them.

His autobiography, by the way.

Look at the two of them, Dan Ashkahn. Look at the two, how delighted they are.

Ashkahn is like, did you get that?

We're like looking back.

You guys, you guys are going to kill you, Dan.

That is actually that the way that Chris Cody is looking at the camera is absolutely with the smile hiding. Did you guys get that? And you can't be sure because there's the chance that Danny B had a seizure and was somehow doing the camera angle that just had some Some trees up above.

Boy, the canes make me crazy. Yeah, I was right though.

That was game. I was— I'm waiting.

I was right.

That was a great game from AJ Dewey. We have to wrap, Tony.