Transcript of Welcome Back, Dan Le Batard! | Local Hour

I am delighted to see how much fun you guys had over the last 3 weeks in my absence. And there were a couple of things that made their way through me trying to actively sort of disentangle from any attachment to this show for 3 weeks. One of those things truly enraged me, and one of those things delighted me more than any of the others. And I have questions about the one that delighted me because I want to know how it happened. So, my question is...

Is the wrestler who is used using Greg Cody catchphrases, is that an actual AEW wrestler? Like, is that a— is that— is that wrestler a real person who is a real legitimate wrestler that is fighting and acting and playing at the, you know, close to the top of the food chain?

Okay, well, hold on. Like, are you— are you imagining that quite possibly the entire thing is a bit and he's not even a real wrestler?

No, no, I—

no, I'm not. What I want to know is— this is the part that delights me, okay? It's I'm delighted enough by the fact that there might be a wrestler out there just sneaking Greg Cody phrases into promos and to his character.

That's delightful enough.

But the most delightful part about it to me is that he denies knowing Greg Cody, and this legitimately enrages Greg Cody. That Greg Cody, even though the phrase isn't the catchphrase— I came home early from vacation just so that I can get the last 3 catchphrases. I was going to stay away longer, but I want to make sure that I get the rest of the catchphrases.

So where Where were you? Because you could get the podcast over there, right?

Yeah, but I was avoiding it.

You couldn't get it here, so you had to wrestle with it.

No, but I was avoiding it. Thank you, Tony.

I appreciate the commentary that would think that I can't get our podcast, but it's not that I couldn't get it, it's that I was actively avoiding it.

Are you not aware though that, like you're saying you came home so you can get the last 3, he's only giving one at a time now that we're in the top 5.

Today, like—

He's spreading it out for another 5 weeks.

The episode that just dropped this morning has number 4 and number 4 only.

No, I did not know that. I thought I was— One slowed down a little bit.

We thought this bit was moving a little too quickly.

Okay, but I have questions about the wrestler. The wrestler's a real wrestler?

Yeah.

The wrestler is really using catchphrases like, thank you, Billy, and, we're rolling now?

There's a lot more than that.

I don't think he said thank you, Billy, yet, but that's coming, I hope.

Yeah, he's, he's doing, once you learn. He did, who won?

And then in his interview with us, he's like, nice chatting with you.

That's how he ended the interview?

Yes.

A totally normal thing to say, to be fair.

Do you guys know this person? Like, do you know them? This person?

No.

Okay, so this isn't— I thought you guys— I thought it was a bit. We all don't know. I thought it was a bit. I didn't think it was an actual professional wrestler. There's an actual professional wrestler. Do you know his name? Does anyone here know?

Cole Connors.

And is he good?

He's a midcard guy. Yeah, he's on TV every week.

And he's using these phrases during the promos?

Apparently, yeah.

It's got to be so confusing to the people who are watching. It doesn't make any sense to the people who are watching. Is he a fan of the show? Is his kid a fan of the show? Like, how does it come to be?

He claimed that he has never heard of the show.

No, I know, I know what he's claiming. That's the part that's the best about it, that Greg Cody's furious. He'd be flattered, except the guy denies that he's ripping off his phrases, even though he's obviously ripping off his phrases.

He was stomping a guy out backstage and he just kept yelling at him, what'd you learn?

Woo! It's time to put on a suit and roll out the carpet. Crank up the tube and gather near. It's the best time of the year, so keep your dial right here. It's me, It's me and you and me again at the Suez. The greatest of life's mistakes and best revelations. And so much more. Brought to you by the greatest beer. It's the best time of the year, so keep your dial right here. It's me and you and me again at the Suez. And every day you're gonna go to a website.

Website.com.

To vote on the sounds that brought you cheer. 'Cause it's the best time of the year, so keep your dial right here. It's me and you. It's me and you.

I am actively scared of the SUIEs this year, and specifically the category that we're unveiling today, Worst Talking. I feel like I'm gonna win way too many categories because I've had a rough year.

And—

but the Suis, I stopped being scared of them when I saw the trophy and when I saw Zaz as the trophy.

What'd you see?

Well, too much, honestly, because it's way too tight. And I noticed that strategically we're showing only shots that aren't anywhere near your lower body.

Well, originally I was positioned on a So, you know how trophies normally come where the trophy guy is on like a platform, you know? You don't just hand the guy, you know? And so I was on like a platform there, but the shot was— it was, uh, it was right in the—

Grotesque, I would say. The shot was grotesque. There was a bundled jumble of slop in the nether regions.

Good for you, Zazz, though, honestly. It was impressive.

And it's not something that we can unleash upon the American people.

You're not ready for that.

Or internationally. It was too much. The trophy needs to be like the Ken doll. It has no genitalia. Like, just absent anything. That's not how I roll. It's genderless. It's apolitical. I want to talk about something here to open the show because I legitimately can't believe it.

And I just don't want to get numb to sort of the historic excellence that sometimes now is making an appearance in sports where we have some of the best ever all over the place with a mastery of the game that seems unfathomable to me. Lionel Messi scoring 4 goals in a game at his age. I just, I want to examine for a moment how ridiculous that is, okay? Because even if you call that an inferior league, and I don't even say that pejoratively, it just is matter-of-factly an inferior league.

It's not an inferior league where anyone scores 4 goals a game. Like, he's been playing in it a while and doesn't score 4 goals a game.

Right, he's the one doing it.

And the fact, okay, That while it may be an inferior league, right now is the best that league's ever been. And ostensibly, this should be the worst Lionel Messi has ever been, just given his age. Like, to, to do it at this age against Montreal, coming off of that World Cup and coming off of, you know, just losing the final that way. This person playing this sport is different from all the others who are doing it at a very advanced age because says this one I can't accuse of going through the pharmacy. I could do it with all the others. Like, I may be wrong, but I can do it plausibly with all of the others who are doing it at 38, 39, 40, 41, 42. But this is the guy who walks by the weight room while Zlatan is in there with a cup of coffee and isn't going in the weight room. Pelé was never this good at an advanced age in our inferior league. Zlatan was not this good at this age in an inferior league. It's an insanity. Like, this experiment The experiment could not have worked any better. I suppose they could have won the championship the first year, but the experiment of bringing him here and making ownership here wealthy beyond any reason, building a stadium— like, you tell me in the hypothetical how this experiment could have gone better in South Florida for the defending champions when they still have somehow the best player in the world, the best player ever, at the height of his powers.

And he scored, by the way, He scores every game. Now, this game, he just so happened to do it 4 times, but he scores every game. You know, it would be, it would be like if at his current age, if LeBron every game was scoring 35 points and then he threw in a 70-burger, because that's what Messi just did this weekend.

It should be noted, Montreal, really bad. But Messi did do this on a no-shave day. He's just like, you know, no big deal. He looked really scruffy. You know, I know if I show up to work on a scruffy day, it's just like, I'm mailing it in today, and he's just like scruffy, 4 goals.

You say really bad. I mean, aren't they just like a game under .500 with a bunch of draws? Like—

They're at the bottom of the table.

No, no, no, they're— okay, see, I'll excuse Dan here because it's really weird the way they do the table in soccer. Montreal's record is 5, 6, and 11. With hockey, the 11 would be like the overtime or the ties. The 11 is the losses there. The middle number is the draw. It's always confusing to me, Dan.

I don't know what—

Do it like hockey soccer.

Yeah, 5, 6, and 11. I don't know what that means.

Yeah, I thought they were 13th or 14th in the conference, but I did not know how to read the standings correctly, evidently. Yes, that's what happened.

They're like 13th of 14 in the conference, basically.

Yeah.

Do you know how infrequently I look at the MLS standings?

Oh, you went to the table though. I appreciate it.

The idea that this is happening locally, the idea that this person is still doing this, it defies all— it defies all reason to be doing it as he's approaching 40 years old.

He had the one goal where literally it looked like the ball was attached to his leg. He was weaving in the box in and out of 3 or 4 defenders without losing possession, And he clears them and then obviously he scores. It was like the ball was attached to his foot.

The idea that he, uh, would be cheating, no one thinks that, right?

It's little.

I mean, but we do this, we do this with our eyes, correct? We do this with our eyes and when people do unprecedented things for the human body.

No one says it about Messi, you're right.

Well, here's the thing, right? Like, he took them early in his career because he was smaller, right? As a kid, he took HGH and took things to boost him up a little bit. So do we— And, and, you know, do we bring that in or do we leave that out?

How do we—

No, we gotta, we gotta leave that out if you're using it as a child to simply grow because you're going to be— I mean, if this is him grown, like, they didn't help him. They didn't help. He wasn't using the good stuff as a child. His parents didn't know where it is to get the good stuff. If this is him, uh, as big as he could possibly be with all of science at his back.

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Die Karre ist weg.

Natürlich ist die Karre weg.

Du hast auf dem Behindertenparkplatz geparkt.

Nach einem Juwelenraub— Was ist jetzt der Plan? —verstecken sich Alex und sein Vater bei einer Gruppe junger Erwachsener. mit Beeinträchtigung, die gerade in den Urlaub aufbrechen.

Wer will in den Urlaub?

Ich!

Was geht? Dort finden sie mehr als nur ein Versteck und erleben den Sommer ihres Lebens.

Bist ein geiler Typ, du!

Du bist auch ein geiler Typ. Das gewisse Etwas. Die Feelgood-Komödie des Jahres. Ab dem 3. September nur im Kino. Dan Levitar.

What is the worst part of the life? Jenna Dancicillo.

The worst part of the life of what?

This is the Dan Levitan Show.

Moving on to the football stories here that the Americans tend to prefer. What did you make? And you're gonna have to walk me through some of this stuff because I was disconnected and I did something on an airplane that would have been unfathomable to me at any other point in my life. The Giants and the Dolphins preseason game was on my television and I didn't— I avoided it. Like, I'm like, I do not want to watch this. I will not watch this.

Coach or first class?

It was first class.

What kind of question was that?

I'm watching— I'm watching movies instead because I am really scared about this Dolphins season. They don't have a backup quarterback. If Malik Willis gets hurt and Achane's going to get hurt, like, I can't believe that Haftley is saying we're going to get him 40 touches a game. I don't— why would you play football that way? Like, that's, that's what made Ricky Williams retire. Like, why, why would you play football in a way where you're saying your running back is going to touch the ball 40 times a game and expect him to be healthy over the course of this season?

Well, we know it's not gonna be 40, but I think what he means there is they're also going to pass the ball to him. Yes, of course. Like, there's a major difference between getting tackled after a reception as opposed to ramming into the offensive line.

I mean, you can get injured all the ways. Uh, if you're, if you're touching the ball 40 times a game, I'm going to predict that you will be injured that season. And, uh, the, the coach saying that— I understand he's their best player. He's virtually one of the few that, you know, like, if he's the only guy you're going to take in fantasy from, from that team.

But, uh, when you look at what he said there, you guys just shrugged your shoulders and said that's how they're going to play football this year? They're gonna, they're gonna give him the ball 40 times a game? They're gonna make sure that he touches the ball 40 times a game?

I don't think that he's joking, says.

I think That's the goal.

The goal is to get the hand—

I understand trying to get the ball into the hands of your best player, but you have to have better players. You have to have more good players.

I'll be honest with you, I don't know if they're gonna have the ball enough to get him the ball 40 times. This defense— like, I think the Dolphins offense might wind up being okay if they ever have the ball. The defense, I feel, is going to be historically bad. The defense is going to be on the field all the time.

I said last year's Dolphins defense was going to be historically bad. You think this one's going to be even worse than— because they, they, they opened—

I remind you that they opened last season with the Colts scoring on every drive and no football team had ever done that.

Like, they don't have starting caliber players in the secondary. Like, they don't. They're, they're going to be so bad defensively.

So you guys had no reaction to Halfley saying Achane's going to just—

that it's just going to be an all-Achane offense? There was—

I just have a hard time having enthusiasm for the way they're going to try to play football this year?

I think it's because we've seen Christian McCaffrey before, and I think that's kind of what Halfley is looking at De'Von Achane as, is we saw him catch so many passes last year, and they're just looking at him as he can do everything, and we don't have anyone even close in terms of playmaking. When he first got to the team, there was also Hill and Waddle. Now it's him and him alone, so they're going to try to run it through him like they did with the Panthers.

It's going to take a while, but I like Chris Bell. I think he's a dynamic player. I think Douglas is good too. Like, they've got little pieces. It's just going to take 3 or 4 years to figure it out. But this might be what Dominique Foxworth called— what? Egregiously criminal? What was—

Unethical. But he denies all of that now.

This year's team will be.

He says we misrepresented him on all of that stuff. He continues to claim otherwise, but that it was unethical to field the team that they fielded for Brian Flores. I just can't believe we're doing this again. And even all of that said, Zazz, I have never had less enthusiasm for a Dolphins season than this one. This is— this, this is the least excited— I've never turned off a preseason game where I'm on a plane.

I'm stuck. I'm in prison.

Captured audience.

I'm begging for sports when I fly. I'm begging for something on my television that is sports when I fly. On this one, I was in solitary confinement, though first class, in solitary confinement. And I'm like, no, I don't— I can't watch this.

I cannot watch Dolphins-Giants.

What did I miss? What'd I miss?

I mean, I'll tell you, this is the worst Dolphins preseason I've ever witnessed, and I don't think I'm using hyperbole. Like, the Dolphins scored a total of 22 points this preseason, only 1 touchdown, and it came on the very first drive of the very first preseason game where the Dolphins and Malik Willis marched down the field and looked pretty awesome, actually. And that was the last time that we saw Malik Willis. The entire preseason. The rest of the preseason, brutal watch, Dan. Very bad.

What'd you order on the plane, the mushroom ravioli or the chicken?

No, I can't eat any of that stuff. All that stuff requires—

A wooden fork?

Yeah.

We bring an assortment of snacks on the plane.

We don't— we cannot eat the ingredients of the mashed potatoes, whatever milk that was from 6 months ago.

So when I sat— I sat first class a few times last year when I was traveling, Dan, all right, for ESPN Radio college football camps, which I start again this weekend. I'm going to Baton Rouge. And sometimes, you know, because of my status, I'll get the first-class airplane ticket. And last year I hadn't flown first class in a while, and so I'm sitting first class and it's before we took off, and the— they don't call them stewardesses anymore. What are they called?

Flight attendants?

She comes up to me, right? But don't shake your head. I was asking. I wanted to be politically correct. I asked. Thank you. I said, what do they call that?

No, thank you for your effort.

Yeah, don't shake your head at me. So she comes to me, and I order obviously a whiskey. And so she brings it over to me. It doesn't matter what time of day it is.

5 o'clock in the morning.

It doesn't matter. Whatever, man. You know there's no time zone in airports.

He's right.

You know that.

We're in the Lord's time zone.

There's no time zone in airports.

No, that's true. That's true.

And so I get a whiskey, you know, and I'm drinking. I only took a few sips, and we're about to take off. So she comes back to me. She's like, sir, I need to take your drink. We're about to take off. I was like, damn it. Like, I just, I don't get, like, that's it for my drink? But then after we got in the air, she came back and she brought me another one! I didn't know that you get unlimited drinks there in first class. Amazing, right?

Yes, you didn't know that. I didn't know that they took them from you.

I think you're allowed to drink while the plane is taking off.

Rookie move, giving it to her. Just down the hatch.

I didn't, I've not heard of that.

Put it on the poll at The Le Batard Show.

Do you get your drink taken away when you're taking off on an airplane? Yes or no? I've got a different question for you guys. Guys, I learned this just yesterday. Now that you mentioned flight attendants, I believe this is going to shock everyone in this room. Put it on the poll, Juju, this question.

Did you know that— did you know that the pilots and flight attendants are cleaning their underwear in the hotel coffee machine?

Whoa, I did not think that's what I was supposed to hear.

I want you to give me a source on that.

Go ahead and look at up. I need 2 sources.

I didn't believe it either. Go ahead and look it up because the hot water, the hot water allows you to clean the underwear.

And if you're an experienced traveler and you do not have clean underwear and you're flying a lot and you don't want to go and send it out because room service and room— the laundry at the hotel is too expensive and there's a— you don't want to go to a nearby laundromat, go ahead and look this up because I didn't believe it either.

I— because I was talking to some people who are like, no, I cannot use the coffee machine.

I'm like, why can't you use the coffee machine in a hotel? And they're like, because this— because pilots and flight attendants and veteran travelers know that you can clean your underwear in the hotel coffee machine.

So all of you, all of you were stunned by this. Uh, that I, I did not, uh, overpromise.

You could have given me so many guesses on where you were going with that sentence of they clean their underwear blank.

I was shocked by it as well, and I was eager—

I appreciate Zaslav stumbling through stortus and flight attendant because it reminded me of a story I was not going to remember to tell because I found it every bit as shocking as you guys find it, and I will never again be able to obviously use a hotel coffee machine.

To be fair, like, you throw an extra pair of underwear in the suitcase. We always do that, right? You always get, all right, I'm going for 5 days, I'm taking 9 underwear.

Yeah.

Why? Because if I shit myself 4 times, I've got extra underwear.

Usually go 2 a day. Gotta go 2 per day.

You go 2 per day? You got— you're— my pilot is flying with 1 pair of underwear.

I don't think I've ever used all my underwear when I travel.

Exactly.

Because I'm always panic packing some more.

Can you imagine if you get to the final pair of underwear what that day is like? It's like, holy shit, be careful.

You don't want to do the smell test.

Man, I'm happy I drink tea.

Yeah. I did think, Dan, though, of, of one of the most uninteresting preseasons in Dolphins history. The most interesting thing was them cutting linebacker Tyrell Dobson. He had 120 tackles last year, 5 sacks. They must love that 2nd-round linebacker Jacob Rodriguez. And that concludes the least interesting preseason recap in Dolphins history.

Well, the opposite of the Dolphins— and Tony, I don't think it's necessarily that pilots and flight attendants are flying with one pair of underwear.

I think they're doing so much flying and going so many places that perhaps they didn't pack 14 underwear for a 7-day trip.

But put it on the poll @Le BatardShow. Do you pack 2 additional I'll pack more than one per day, but I think you guys are going way too much when you're going— when you're doubling up per day.

Uh, do you pack 2 pairs of underwear for each day that you're traveling?

Yes or no?

Well, Dan, your vacation was how long? How long were you away from home?

Uh, I was away for 3 weeks.

Okay, so 3 weeks.

42 pair of underwear.

How many underwear did you take? Did you wash your underwear there? Did you do the coffee pot method? Is that why you were asking a stewardess or a plane attendant or whatever? Whatever. Be like, hey, how do I clean these shitty underwear?

They're not plane attendants, they're pilots. I don't know.

Plane attendant, you know what I mean. Um, it's the suies.

Uh, no, I washed while it is that I was away. I did laundry while it is that I was away. But the opposite of the Dolphins right now would be the Rams, and I wanted to ask you guys this based on Aaron Donald, uh, coming back to the Rams.

When has the super team worked in football?

Like, we don't really do this in football. I can't even think of many examples of a super team in football. Like, of course, the Patriots just keep stacking on top of each other and signing a guy here or there. But just where you're going out and you're getting a new secondary and you're getting Myles Garrett, you're getting Aaron Donald.

The time that I remember is the Eagles got Nnamdi Asomugha and they were already like totally loaded, but they didn't do anything that season. I remember the Dolphins when they got Keith Jackson, some people were thinking that that was—

They signed the tight end. No, I think the year you're thinking is the year that they signed the tight end from Pittsburgh.

Not Eric Green. I wasn't thinking of Eric Green. I was thinking of Keith Jackson because they got Keith Jackson as a free agent. They already had Marino. And so that was supposed to be—

They were good. They went to the AFC title game.

Yeah, but that was supposed to be an offense with Marino that would win the Super Bowl. I'm asking you what the Rams are doing with Matt Stafford is as all-in as I've ever seen a football team do it because of his age. And if he gets hurt, it all collapses. Like, Ty Simpson's not going to be able to do with that team much of anything that Matt Stafford would do with it.

Stetson Bennett looked good too. But the other point is you asked what, what was the last time a super team— it feels like the last time the Rams did this, it kind of paid off for them, right? were, all right, this team is really good defensively. They have the weapons on offense, but they need a quarterback. And all of a sudden, all right, we're gonna go just trade for Matt Stafford, who's dead in Detroit. Let's bring him over here. We'll send Jared Goff away. And like, they won.

Oh, no.

But you say the last time they did this— they haven't done this. Nobody's done this. This has not been done before where you have a defense that the only issues with that defense last year, because all they did was lose one-score games and there were some secondary issues and they didn't get enough pass rush. And they've added Myles Garrett and Aaron Donald. I want to show you guys some workout video here of Myles Garrett, because this seems physically and fundamentally impossible. The athleticism of Myles Garrett here, where he's doing some of these box jumpers— jumps where you've seen—

This is insane.

Where you've seen in the gym, he just makes this look so ridiculously easy that it doesn't— it doesn't even make sense to me how effortless Myles Garrett jumps up. Like, how high are those boxes, Tony?

Like, those mats are above his waist. And he's just making that look way too easy. Like, he could do, he could do almost twice that high.

I mean, figure, Miles Garrett is what, 6'5? The boxes are halfway to his body, so it's like 3 feet, almost 4 feet tall, and he's jumping and then clearing them by like 6 or 7 inches.

Is it going to work, Saz?

Yeah, well, when you say so, it's all or nothing here.

It's not getting— they were close to getting to the game last year. They went, they went from 1st seed to 5th seed. Otherwise, they might have gotten to the game. They were just as as good as the team that won the Super Bowl.

Okay, so yes, it's going to work, but is your definition of working like if they lose in the Super Bowl, are you then saying it didn't work?

The only way it works is if they win.

No, if you go to the Super Bowl and you lose, it still worked. I mean, you were there. It can work and you don't win the whole thing. That doesn't mean it didn't work.

I understand what you're saying, and that's normally my perspective, but that's not the way the Rams are doing this. They are trading away pieces of future in order to do it this year. The goal is not to finish in second place. They will not think it worked If they finished in second place. They will—

if they are last year's Patriots, they will not call that season a success if they lose in the Super Bowl. It's all built like—

it's all built to win this season.

Aaron Donald's not coming back to win next season. He's coming back— it's a 1-year deal. It's a 1-year deal because it's all about— you think Aaron Donald is going to be satisfied and think the season was successful if they get to the Super Bowl but lose?

No.

No, of course not. But, but when we're grading whether or not this plan, you know, this, this way of building your team, uh, the moves that they made going into this season, I, I don't think it's black and white. It can work, but you still ended up falling short. Like, like, it worked means are they good enough to win the Super Bowl? And yeah, like, if, if they wind up going deep in the playoffs, then it worked. They're good enough to win the Super Bowl.

There is no example you guys can remember, right?

One of the things that the Steelers did, the reason Bradshaw had all of of those titles is because before free agency, the Steelers always had the same starters.

Like, legitimately, the 22 same starters kept coming back season after season.

They didn't lose anybody to free agency, so they just sort of remained the best team. Once the salary cap comes in and everything changes, you can't just remain the best team. But what the Rams have just done is— I'm telling you as we sit here, there are botched They're a botched punt reception from having the seeding that would have made them the number 1 seed and could have made them the Super Bowl champions. And they've addressed their weaknesses by trading for 2 corners, Myles Garrett, and coaxing Aaron Donald out of retirement. That's lunacy, Zazz.

That's sheer lunacy. I've never seen an NFL team be able to do something like that in the salary cap age? I'm not used to the idea of a super team in the NFL.

They also didn't get Myles Garrett for nothing. You know, like, they, they traded away a Pro Bowl pass rusher in Jared Verse, and they traded, you know, draft picks as well. So it's not like, you know, the Kevin Durant situation where you added Durant, you gave up nothing, you signed him in free agency. Ramsey. Like, they, they gave up a lot to get him.

And this has been the ethos of the Rams. Tony was mentioning it. They traded away over the course of a couple of seasons their 2020, 2021, 2022, and 2023 first-round picks in a combination for Jalen Ramsey first in 2019 and then Matthew Stafford, which they also traded Jared Goff, who had been a first-round pick. So to be able to make all of those moves and take those swings, then it led to one Super Bowl, and now they're essentially trying to recreate the It's a cheat code, OK, to have stability at quarterback.

And McVay will not look the way McVay looks. He'll look more like Belichick has looked since losing Tom Brady. He will not look that way when Stafford is gone, even if he replaces him with somebody who is decent, because that kind of stability at quarterback can be rare. You're looking at the Dolphins since Dan Marino. They haven't had a quarterback. Dan Levitar.

Ahoy, it's Captain Slappy.

Jonathan Sasslow.

Is this Chum Bucket?

This is the Dan Levitar Show.

Since Dan Marino, the Miami Dolphins haven't had a real quarterback.

That's It's impossible to say. It's really sad.

I mean, it's just, it's a crazy thing to say. So, uh, what did you think, Zazz? I heard you were, uh, telling people to boo Tua. There weren't enough, uh, fans at the recent Falcons-Dolphins game to boo, uh, Tua. What were your thoughts on Tua's return here to Miami?

Well, I wasn't, I wasn't telling people to boo him up, but I was saying it's perfectly appropriate if you would like to boo him. I wouldn't have booed. I don't boo unless I'm at wrestling, Dan, but otherwise I wouldn't have booed. I think it's totally fine if you boo. You're right, there were not enough people there for it to be actual audible booing for you to hear if you were catching on television. But I, I thought like I was— there was a part of me that was surprised yesterday that Tua made the 53-man roster for Atlanta because you could look at Tua's final numbers there in the game against the Dolphins. He was 7 of 8 for, I think it was 95 yards. Throwing like 2 yards a He averaged 3 yards per pass. Like, every— he's the same quarterback we saw all of last season where every single pass is a little dink or dunk over the middle because he has to throw to the first read. His decision-making is not there anymore, so he has to throw to the first read. And also, if he doesn't throw the first read, it's panic time because then he might get tackled, he might get hit.

The 37-yard pass that he threw to Kyle Pitts, which set up the touchdown, touchdown was 2 yards behind the line of scrimmage. It was a screen pass. This is not an NFL quarterback anymore. So I was surprised that he made the team. You cannot, you cannot play with him.

Surprised that he made the team?

Yep. Can you win football games with a quarterback who passes 2 yards in front of the line of scrimmage all game long?

He's a backup at this point though. Making the roster, it's pretty obvious that he was gonna make the roster. He'll be a backup for the next 10 years in this league.

The Dolphins would take him back right now as a backup.

Dan, I asked, I asked the Shipping Container last week, the remainder of Tua's career, what would you set the line at number of games started the rest of his career?

And those are good skill guys in Atlanta, though. Those are—

I mean, that's not using them if you're throwing 2 yards in front of the line of scrimmage and you're getting the ball out in half a second. You're not using Drake London if you're doing that.

We're being disrespectful. He will be an upper-tier backup in this league for a handful.

No chance.

He's like the perfect backup. You don't— you have him come in.

The guy who always gets hurt. He doesn't want to do too much.

Nice easy short passes, hit the tight end for 9 catches. That's the perfect backup.

I, I, I say 3.5. He won't start more than 3.5 games the rest of his career.

Aren't you allowing for how often, uh, the quarterback gets hurt in that sport? Like, you're— if he's on the Atlanta— he— if he's on the Atlanta roster, he's going to start. He's— I'm going to go over this season. If, if he's on the Atlanta roster, if he stays there, they're not going to teach someone else the offense. Like, they've had him in there in order to have him ready, uh, in In the event that Penix can't play.

Keep an eye on Jack Strand, 4th, uh, 4th-string QB for Cooper Rush.

Again, I think Atlanta's gonna trade for Dylan Gabriel. Like, 2 of them may still not make the team.

All these bad backups.

The 3rd lefty!

We could put all these backups in a bucket and gladly take them.

Stefanski left to get away from Dylan Gabriel. He doesn't want to bring him back.

He left to get away from Shedeur and Deshaun Watson. He liked drafting Gabriel. Oh, you think he liked it? He had the sourpuss when they drafted Shedeur.

You think he liked it when they drafted Gabriel?

I do.

I can't believe that's the name you went with. Like, what, what did Dylan Gabriel show you last year that would suggest—

Stefanski drafted him, he clearly likes him!

But that would suggest that Stefanski signed Tua, he clearly likes him! Like, like, uh—

Oh, he may have liked him, and now you've had an entire training camp and preseason and this guy is horrible! Another fumbled snap and turnover for him. Tua on Friday. That's why he's not the perfect backup, Chris.

Like, when you say he's the perfect—

you have to be able to catch the snap.

It's— well, it's not just that, it's the turnovers in general.

Like, there, there are a lot of them. There are too many of them. But let's talk for a second here about college football, because I don't know, have you guys seen this Amir Sears kid from Columbus? He's a player.

Uh, wow. Well, he, he played against, uh, Bishop Gorman. Uh, thank you.

Bishop Gorman.

He'd be the Dolphins' best player No.

17.

He cramped up in the 3rd quarter, okay?

So this, this was his national coming-out party on, I'm the best player in the country. He's a Miami commit. He goes to Columbus. Columbus ridiculously is running a professional program here locally, and Bishop Gorman is obviously well regarded, even though I had trouble with finding their name. And they, they are a team against which he had 3 interceptions, and 2 touchdowns. Oh, and he plays both ways. Like, so obviously, he is— he's a bit Travis Hunter-y, and he's expected to play next year for Miami, both— on both sides of the football. And it just— to come out in that game against that team and go 2 touchdowns and 3 interceptions is just announcing to all of the people who cover this stuff that this is the best player playing high school football.

Playing both sides of the football? football is ridiculous. Like you just said, Amir Sears might do it for the Hurricanes. We saw Travis Hunter do it very, very well at Colorado. Do you think we'll ever get a player, Dan, who plays both sides of the football, but on the offensive side he's the quarterback?

Whoa.

So he plays quarter and corner.

Quarterback and then he plays defense. Whoa. Can you imagine?

You surprised yourself there. You're like saying, whoa, surprised by—

you're as surprised by what's coming out of your mouth as I'm surprised when I say flight attendants and pilots wash their underwear in the coffee maker. I've shocked some people this morning that I have. What did you find, Jeremy, in your research on— because people don't believe me and all of you are so shocked that you don't believe me.

But it's so—

So there were a couple of different viral Reddit posts over the last few years. But then there was an influencer back in February of this year who confirmed as a travel hack that she had learned from several flight attendant friends, that this is something you can do. And that post went super mega crazy viral. Another hack that I saw, uh, doesn't make so much sense, is if you want to go to sleep, you put your feet up and kind of ball yourself up on your chair and then put the seatbelt around your legs. But I don't see how that's more comfortable than just sitting there with the seatbelt around your waist. I don't really get that one.

That's size bias, guys.

Yeah, size bias.

Guys like you and I, man, I I can barely put my knees— I can barely put my knees up. I couldn't do it just now.

Wait, can we just slow down on this washing your underwear in the cup? I'm not a coffee guy. I've never made coffee from a coffee at home. Like, I don't drink coffee. If I'm ever gonna drink it, I'll order it from somewhere. Is this like unsanitary? Like, is this like— should this be illegal? Are you put—

like, if, if somebody like the day before cleaned their underwear, am I like literally making my coffee No, the argument would be that the hot water would, you know, it would be something that would make it more antiseptic. Look, I'm trying to understand the science of this.

I mean, you could say hot water antiseptic all you want. Dan, if you were about to drink coffee out of that coffee machine in your hotel room, and I told you someone cleaned their doodie underwear in that yesterday, are you doing it?

No, I already said that I will not use a hotel coffee machine ever again because of it, but I am assuming assuming that because it is boiling water, there's a bit of a disinfectant involved with the boiling water, that I, I would not, as Tony likes to say, say play on to that one.

I have—

Is that a play on for you, Tony?

No, it's a stop. I have forever— I have forever been altered. I will no longer look at the coffee machine in my hotel the same way. My hotel might as well be haunted because I now have this information. It's haunted by the underwear I think have been in the coffee machine. Even if this is just like an urban myth, even if this is just something that's gone viral and an influencer made it popular and it's in no way true, I still have forever been, pardon the pun, soiled by this knowledge.

So the, the—

if we're drawing this out in this haunted hotel room, you have the pilot with soiled underwear just kind of haunting you, just walking behind you. He's like, where do I—

No, it's the— it's just— it's not the pilot, it's just his underwear, and it's just the coffee machine.

It's not the plane attendant.

I just want to know what happened on Flight, then he shits himself.

Tony, Tony's saying he brings underwear on a trip extra in case he shits himself 4 times. It's somebody— all of us think that's somebody with Crohn's disease. No, it's not.

You never know when you're gonna have a sweaty day.

Exactly right. No, yeah, but 4 of them—

4 extra. So I got 7, but I'm gonna bring 11.

You said shit yourself 4 times on a trip.

Just in case. Just in case. What happens if I eat something a little, a little Algo raro, and then it hits my stomach, and then I'm like, oh my God.

That's one pair of underwear.

But then what happens 3 days?

What's helado mean?

You, you want to try and pronounce that again?

Helado.

You just said ice cream, helado. He said something rare, algo raro.

Algo raro.

It's strange.

Yeah, I eat something weird, all of a sudden it's like, whoa, and then 3 days later I'm still feeling that, but I got— I know I got underwear to pack me up, so I'm good.

Uh, we have the sui.

The first sui is available, uh, next hour, and it's gonna be worse talking, and I'm scared of this. You've heard me a couple of times stumble my way through this hour because the 3 weeks off has done me no favors in terms of talking.

But worst talking is not a category we have had before. And what, Tony?

I know I've had some doozies this year.

Yeah, Tony's in there.

Chris, so am I. But having gone through— well, I heard you last week, dude.

I was hoping when you said this, when you started the show, I was like, please, we should bring that back.

I'm gonna tell you right now, I'm gonna tell you now what it is that horrified me and I was angry about while I was on vacation that got back to me from our show. I saw a headline, one headline about our show. Awful Announcing likes to write about our show, good and bad. I'm grateful for it just because anybody writing about our show, even if they've—

The Nike theory.

Well, they've jerry-rigged the numbers. They know that our audience will give them clicks.

It has to be very confusing to the Awful Announcing fans who aren't fans of our show to see how often they write about us because it's not something that they're following. But the headline that got to me was, 3 weeks I'm off, Jonathan Zaslav offers terrible idea for fantasy football punishment on The Dan Le Batard Show. Why are you talking about fantasy football? Why are you giving terrible ideas? What have you done to our program?

Mama, I made it! Awful announcing.