Transcript of The Suey Awards: Worst Mistake | Hour 1

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We have a brand new SUI announcer. We have a brand new SUI trophy, and we have the first category of this, our SUI week. Uh, this hour, worst talking is the first award that we're giving. Why do you guys look— and are you all dressed like a company softball team that is 4-12? Why is it that all of you look exactly alike today?

I mean, we had 3 weeks with Zaslow and it's just—

Yeah!

You know about that red shirt, Dan? He's changed me.

Makes us look great.

All right.

We're having Thai food.

I look good in red, don't I?

For lunch.

Dan thought Montreal had a lot of ties in the conference standings of MLS. Jeremy, why are you wearing a cowboy hat?

Oh, well, as you know, Dan, it's been my lifelong dream since last Wednesday to become a country music star. And y'all know how much I care about this. And it's been, it's been a dream of mine. So I decided to work on this passion project. Really? No, there's no qualms about it. There's no, there's no facade here. I have wanted to do this. You regret—

really? You regret regret the word qualms there, right?

Yeah, I didn't like that. And when it came out, I was like, ooh.

I really have— I, I've long worked at this dream. I've been writing down lyrics in my Notes app for about 10 years now of, you know, the, the lack of trials and tribulations that I faced. You know, I really haven't faced much strife in my life, and so I wanted to authentically, you know, come to all of you in the audience and, and let you know how that felt. So My new single, The Diary of a Personable Fella, will be dropping on Friday. I'm really excited to share this authentic and personal experience with all of y'all. Is there—

I see the parental advisory label. Is there actually explicit content?

Oh yeah. Oh yeah. No, this is from the heart, which means there's going to be some real emotion, y'all.

Okay. The key to your impersonation is going to be the y'all. How do you think Jonathan Taylor in Indiana feels about the fact that he's being paid for the next 2 years $44 million and Indiana's former punter Pat McAfee is being paid $60 million. How do you feel? How do you think Jonathan Taylor feels about that one? Play the stat of the day, the stat of the day music, Roy. Start of the day, start of the day. It is the start of the day. Start of the day, start of the day. It is the start of the day. Start of the day, start of the day. It is the start of the day. Start of the day. Start of the day. It is the start of the day. The 5 highest paid Dolphins this season. Tua, $55 million.

Oh no.

Tyreek Hill, $28 million. Jalen Ramsey, $20 million.

Come on.

Minkah Fitzpatrick, $13 million.

Get Seeler in there somewhere.

Bradley Chubb, $11 million. That cap is dead. None will be playing for the Miami Dolphins this season.

They have 2 players that are 30 years old. Zach Seeler, who's 30, and their punter that they just signed.

I wanted to ask you, Zaslav, about something that is happening in college football that I know you guys have talked about. I'm watching the televisions here and Lane Kiffin says they will absolutely abide by whatever the SEC's eligibility rules are. But there is some doubt on what those eligibility rules are going to be because, of course, Lane Kiffin has tried to test, uh, the boundaries and the limits of the rules by taking a player who had been waived by the Browns and taking him at LSU. And now you have a fight here where college conferences are trying to ban the ability of players, uh, going to the pros back to college. And I don't know what you guys have said about this, and I also don't know what people are saying about this, but I know how I feel about it. And I think that both fans and these conferences are being awfully precious about the sis-boom-bah of what they want college football to be, when I just think we should call it minor league football and let guys have 10 years of eligibility if they want. Like, let's stop making this about education.

So no classes?

Stop the stupidity! It's not about them being students. Like, what are we doing? We're still hanging on. We're just slowly changing it because they want it to feel like some sort of amateurism when that ship has sailed. It's minor league football. It's a giant professional sport. Chris Wenkne won a Heisman at 29 years old. Just make it minor league football. Like, just stop with the nonsense. Like, if, if you want people to keep going to class, fine. But eventually this is all going to break if your governing body has no power. If judges are telling you, their conferences. You can't do that. You gotta— you can't do this with antitrust rules. Look at what we have right now, okay? This is— I mean, football, professional football, NFL football is the most lucrative league in the history of Earth. It's $20 billion a year annually. Nothing like that has ever existed. They've got a free minor league system. Basketball doesn't. Baseball sure doesn't. Of course they want to protect their free minor league system. So just let the players go back and forth and, and just make it minor league football. It already is. We're just pretending it's not.

We're sitting here watching this and pretending that this is about class and it's about education and it's about young people. It's not about any of those things. And you know it's not about any of those things. Like, it's not— I, I don't even— we're being so pre— these conferences are being so precious about we've got to protect this thing, and the whole thing is stupid. Like, it's just clear to me that the whole thing has already collapsed and we're just pretending abiding by previous rules because the new rules are going to be made up as we go along.

Yeah, I think it's mostly about, like you're saying, you know, we're, we're precious about the old rules. I think, I think we're behaving as fans. I think we're behaving as normal fans who have always liked the way college football has operated and don't see any reason to change the way college football has operated.

Which just feels very sequential, right? You have 4 years in college. If you're really good, you got 3. And Dan's point, like, that's really interesting. Let's get 10 years. The guy starts at 18, he's out at 28. There should be a cap of how old you can be because at some point it's like you're playing with kids if you're a grown-ass man. Like, that is a little odd, but that's an interesting point. Like, let's just let him play.

I do not want to limit earning potential and workplace potential for employees. You say fans like the way that it's been, but that kept the players broke for a long-ass time. We've changed it. And once you allow the money in, you've got to start changing all of the rules. You got to start With, with, I mean, of course the Lane Kiffins of the world are going to try to do stuff like that. And, uh, I, and, and a judge is telling you they can't, they can't, they cannot ban the ability to go work. Like, there, if you want to work as a professional football player, you have some options in Europe, but they don't pay very well. The paying options are NFL and college football here. And if we're already at the point, says, like, this changed quickly. If we're already at the point where you're paying the quarterback $5 million, why are we still pretending that this is amateur in any way? Like, once you get to the point that you're making the quarterback a millionaire as an 18-year-old, I don't know why you'd be precious about the rules unless it was just in protection of a bygone age that can't exist when you throw this kind of money at it.

Once the money opens up these floodgates, you have to allow employees to be able to find work in this country. You can't— you cannot sit here and protect your thing that makes it so very precious that you're the only one who gets to hold on to the money anymore. Like, you have to— you're not going to pay kids with food from the commissary anymore.

Do you think fans have more of a problem with the player playing in a preseason NFL game and then going back to school for a 5th year of eligibility, or them, you know, signing the NIL deal and then leaving the very next year so the contracts mean nothing. So I think the latter fans have more problems with.

I think football is so popular, Zaz, that it does not matter what it is that we do here as long as your team has a chance to be the best team. That if your team— look, man, Indiana was as stunning a sports story as we've ever seen because the whole thing has collapsed because your conferences don't matter, your traditional powers don't matter. Nothing that used to be is still so except for the uniforms and how some people who are unwilling to change And I get it, people don't like that kind of change, but it's too late. Like, it's already changed so much. What difference does it truly make? Uh, there are all sorts of guys in college football right now. Uh, didn't the Hurricanes have a tight end who's been there, McCormick, for 9 years? Like, there are a handful of players—

Poor school.

There are a handful of players in college who have been there for 7, 8 years. And yes, there are injuries and, and redshirt years and medical redshirt years, but I'm asking you guys sincerely, like, I get what it is that this does, okay? Because it limits opportunities for future young people if a guy can play for more than 4 or 5 years. If a guy can play for 10 years, then it makes it what? More competitive.

Okay.

All right.

Make it more competitive.

I saw Virginia, they beat NC State over the weekend. Their offensive starting line graphic popped up. Their right tackle, 5th year. Their left guard and their right guard, 6th year. Their center and right tackle, 7th year.

Fans and alum— like, part of what makes college sports, college football so special to most fans and most alum is they like feeling this connection. And if the players, you know, are— were pros and then are coming back and not even taking classes, you're not even really part of the school. And that's the part that fans and alum love the most. They love the school part.

I feel like you only like that part when you're like at the school. Like, I haven't thought about a UM player going to class in a decade.

All right, but what school did you go to?

FAU.

Okay, well then—

I don't—

I haven't thought about an FAU player going to— like, it's just like if they're playing on the field, then they're eligible.

No, but the fan likes most winning. Like, that's what the fan likes most. And I would say, under what it is that I'm saying to you, though you might, uh, absorb it Ridiculous. You develop more of an allegiance to a player who's there 10 years because you're watching him all the time. Like, it's— my larger point is simply it's already professional football, and you can't stop it by trying to return it to still being college football by handing a guy a couple of books and telling him to please go to geometry class.

Well, some of it is professional football. A lot of it isn't, right? Like, there was games this weekend where I found myself looking, I was like, this is a sad game, right? First and foremost, the FSU game being on the CW. Dan, did you watch it?

While St. Thomas, a local high school down here, is on ESPN2. That was fantastic.

CW, it was New Mexico State versus Florida State in a half-empty Doak Campbell Stadium. It was the saddest thing I've ever seen. They went down to a guy on the sideline, I was like, who the hell is this guy?

Look up for me, please, uh, what New Mexico State's record is each of the last 10 years, because people People are saying that because FSU won by 17, there's some reason for hope there. And I just think of New Mexico State as something that exists at the very bottom of college football at all times.

Well, you saw what the line was on the game?

It was like 28.5.

31.5, I think it closed at. They only won by 17.

New Mexico State, just give me some, some season logs on what their records have been the last few years, because I simply think of New Mexico State as something that exists to get to travel and then get beaten by others.

So they won 4 games They won 4 games in 2025. They won 3 games in 2024. They won— actually, pretty decent year in 2023, good recruiting class. They actually only lost 5 games.

Keep going though. I want, I want like the last 15 years of New Mexico State football.

'22, they were kind of 6-6, not a great year.

Why is it kind of?

Because there's a lot more L's than W's, but I'm trying to do the math in my head.

If we're being honest here, Tony's looking at their full schedule. So while looking at it, he's trying to assess what—

2021, they won 2 games.

It's a guess is what we're doing.

No, I'm doing—

I'm doing—

you want to come do this?

No, I don't.

Okay, good. Then shut up.

I just want it done right.

Okay, 2 wins in 2021. In 2020, a shortened season, they actually went .500.

You sure?

They won 1 game and lost 1 game.

That's easy for you to count.

Just 1. Okay, they lost to Tarleton. They lost to Tarleton 43-17. Tarleton FC school.

Uh, Jeremy, uh, can you do this quicker, more efficiently?

Since the turn of the century, they've been over .500 4 times.

That's not as fun. That's not as fun. I have qualms with that. Uh, 2019—

No, no qualms.

No, I have a qualm with that.

No, there's no qualms.

No, I have a qualm. 2019, they won 2 games.

Uh, well, he just covered it.

'18, they won 3 games.

He's scanning like years and years and years.

Put it, put it on the poll. Yes, he's the, he's the android.

They lost to Utah State 60-13 once.

Click to the next season.

Put it on the poll. Do you know what a qualm is? At Levitar.

I used it correctly.

Okay.

I used qualm correctly. It might not have been the best word, but I used it correctly.

You used it correctly, but it just wasn't the place for it. It really wasn't. The word was used correctly, but we're not good.

Diary of a Personable Fellow out Friday everywhere.

Down Levitar. There's sunglasses in boxes today, but in my bed in the hospital and Jeremy Tatché. It's the final nightgown. This is the Dan Levitar Show. We're not good talkers, and here is the evidence as we debut the SUIs this week. Uh, worst talking.

Welcome to the 2026 SUI Awards. I'm Michael Biamani, the longtime, now retired voice of your Miami Heat.

Many of you know me as the 2 minutes. Dos minutos, guy.

While others know me as Luol Deng. All right, let's get this party started. And now, for the first time ever, he Here are the SUI nominees for worst talking. Dan Le Batard matriculates through a sentence.

Why does he go into full coach speak when after listening to this Texas A&M pod where he's like, well, we got to matriculate the ball down the field.

You're right.

I'm asking for us and the audience.

Well, we got to matriculate the ball down the field.

Tony Collodiude's attempt at wartime consigliere.

That's a Sean Penn movie. Is it a— okay, yeah, fair enough. It is a Sean Kelly.

He also wasn't a wartime consigliere. I hated the way I said that.

Can you say it again? There he goes.

Let's cut that up. He's leaving.

Bye.

He's leaving.

He also wasn't a wartime consigliere. Chris Cody did nada complete his sentence.

On Sunday, Jameis Winston against the Lions had 5 completed passes over 20 air yards. 5 of them he had on Sunday. The Steelers did nada complete Oh, you're not a complete.

You're gonna love his Italian guy impression. He's a legend. He's a legend.

Like we're losing the punchline of this stat now. I made this about me. The Steelers did not complete a single one in the month of November.

The Steelers, not a one. Did not complete a one.

Mama mia.

Don't do this. Did not complete.

Mike Ryan gets phlegmy.

You do the same thing with the coach that you do with the quarterback because FSU was undefeated, but because—

They are so tied.

Whoa.

You alright, Dan?

Wow.

That was emotional.

TCU hornfrogging it.

They are, they are so tied.

Sorry.

College joke.

Wow, that was weird.

Rough week.

They are so tied. Tony Collodiude gets lost in his sentence. Dan, that would be the most unprecedented thing ever, right, in sports, where a gambling scandal where the team was not let under the— under the— they didn't know what was going on. Okay.

Spit it out, Tone.

Look how— look how—

They didn't even need me there.

Look at him. He's— he lost all confidence.

Yeah, that was unfortunate. A gambling scandal where the team was not let under the— under the— they didn't know what was going on. Jeremy Taché skips the pass.

How did we skip the pass that his name is Stryker? Yeah, how did we skip the pass? I don't even know what my brain did there. How do we— how did we skip past the fact that his name is Stryker?

Yeah, I didn't ask you what you were saying.

I don't know, man. How did we skip the pass?

Dan Le Batard can't say innings.

A game in which Schuble strikes out 7 in a row and they lose anyways because it goes 15 innings.

15 innings.

You got that.

National Indigenous Peoples Day holidays.

Coming out loud.

Yeah, because it goes 15 Indian, 15 in, 15 innings.

Zaslow takes the Bucks whole.

Can we just say the very obvious? And that is that in the year 2023, Jimmy Butler and the Heat took the Bucks whole.

They did what?

They took the Bucks soul.

Okay.

The soul. Yeah, I heard Bucks whole.

You think I said they took the Bucks whole?

You said they take that out for every article.

Yeah, you're the, you're the inventor of around here of taking that ass.

And why would anyone say—

I thought that's what you said too.

The guy that says take that ass would say— I saw that.

Jimmy Butler and the Heat took the Bucks hole.

Chris Russo calls Bad Bunny Bugs Bunny. And that game was the—

again, unless you bet all sorts of props, read Chris Russo, I don't know how you stuck with it.

And I am not talking about Bugs Bunny at the half either, as I could care less, whatever his name is. Pat Riley screws up Wembanyama. Wembanya?

That's tough.

He did go right by us.

Wembanya?

What did the Eastern Conference due to Pat Riley.

Mambaia.

You're better than that.

Damn, he said it, not us.

Mambaia.

You got to get that name right.

Mambaia. That's why you go Wemby.

Excuse me?

Mambaia. Chris Russo botches Cam Schlittler. Let me start here and then we'll get into Schlittler, who obviously was—

was Schlittler. So he kind of botched it and he's like, I need to re-say this. Let me start here and then we'll get into Schlittler, who obviously was— Shit, they're, uh—

Rob Gronkowski screws up Emeka Egbuka.

Rookie sensation wide receiver out of Ohio State, Emeka Egbegbu, going for over 100 yards. Emeka Egbuka. I'm getting confused. Emeka Egbegbu.

That kid's good.

Emeka Egbegbu.

Chris Cody loses his breath.

That's at the Kendall Drive and Southwest 127th Avenue Flanagan's, Thursday, October 30th. $1,500 costume contest. Dave, what are you joining— dressing up as?

Jesus, Chris, Chris, you okay? Chris, what happened there?

Thursday, October 30th, $1,500 costume contest.

Dan Le Batard messes up Jude Bellingham.

How about Jude Bellington returning to the form of the pitch from 2 years ago?

And Jude Bellingham has been pretty good too. Yeah, that's a point.

Oh, what did I call him?

Bellington.

Oh, shit.

It's fine.

Man, goddamn it.

It was a funny joke though. You were so close.

Oh man, that hurts.

People get names wrong sometimes.

No, but I've been doing it more and more and it's just debilitating.

Okay.

How about Jude Bellington?

Zaslav gets emotional.

Like, I was pulled over a few weeks ago and—

Oh, fight through.

I choked up.

Oh, get it? It's emotional.

No, take your time.

I get choked up sometimes when I talk about, you know, getting pulled over by the police.

Zaslav gets emotional again.

Do you expect Matthew Do you expect Matthew Tkachuk to be skating with a hangover tonight? I got emotional. I get very emotional. Yeah, cut that one. I get very emotional. Do you expect Matthew Tkachuk to be skating with a hangover tonight?

Tony Colatiude tells us who he'd wather have. 100%, because then you look at what they have in JJ McCarthy and it's like, who would you wather have?

Who would you wather have?

Who would you wather have?

Who would you wather have? Who would you wather have? Dave Damashek can't talk. The person who insists that, that when they make a list of the great— first, well, the first one is when they say of all time. Zaslav screws up Bobby Portis.

You know what? That's just more time you're going to be standing around and waiting because you're going to be standing next to Bobby Portis.

Greg Cody botches Malachi Tony.

This year, not just Fletcher. Marty Brown has been great. Malachi has been great. Malachi. Malachi.

Sorry.

But in this case, I can't praise Miami enough. I think they're an airtight—

Are we sure it's not Malaki?

Malachi is a biblical name. It is Malachi.

It should be Malaki. Yeah, I apologize for misspeaking. Malaki.

Dan Le Batard has the sink shipping.

I think he's mentally broken because this is a really hard job and he was kind of alone in doing it as the sink started, as the ship started to sink. It's so interesting to me to see The sink is shipping and Greer's the first one out. It's gonna—

It's the second time. It's the ship is sinking.

What'd I say? What'd I say?

The sink is shipping.

Which, by the way, I'm not mad at that. I want to see a sink be shipped away like that. That means it's over.

I'm glad you mentioned that because the first time he said it, I'm like, I've never heard that.

He caught it the first time, but then he just let it loose there.

The sink is shipping.

Zaslow asks if the Packers win or if the Bears lose.

Diana, did the Packers win or did the Bears lose?

Yeah, it was really bad. Brutal. That was so bad, Zaz. Zaz, we're writing it down.

We're gonna cover that one in the post-show.

I'll tell you that right now. We're gonna cover it as soon as she's off the—

no, yeah.

Bears lose. A mid-segment meeting. Bears lose. Gonna hear that replay several times.

That was bad.

The Packers win or the bear lose— Bears lose.

Oh my God, what a dork. That'll never go away either.

The Packers win or the bear lose— Bears lose.

Wow.

I thought bears was plural. Yeah! Dan Le Batard messes up Boricua.

There are an assortment of Pittsburgh broadcasters who were trying to pronounce the word Boricue, and, uh—

Boricua.

Boricua. I'm sorry. Thank you.

That's a bet, Dan.

Abort, abort, abort.

Woof. It's draft week. Transition. Ty Simpson. That's gonna be like Spo with the Pistons calling the timeout when he didn't have one. You're gonna wake up in the middle of the night like, Boricua?

On my deathbed.

On your deathbed, I'm gonna be next to you and Roy's gonna be there and be like, I'll never forgive you!

Morikwe.

Morene.

Morikwe.

Tony Colatiude, 3-time champ, belt champion. Talk about danger in the heavyweight division. Alex Pereira moving up for a, a uncut— just completely crazy 3-time champ, belt champion in 3 different weight classes.

What did you just say? What did you just say?

Tap out.

Alex Pereira moving up for a uncut— just completely crazy 3-time champ, Belt champion. Zaslow gets excited about weapons.

Weapons! What a movie, David.

I never would have watched it without Mike suggesting that I watch it.

Didn't you want to know how that— what were the kids doing? How'd they go missing?

That's exactly right. That's exactly— well put.

Didn't you want to know how that— what were the kids doing? What did I call David in the beginning?

I don't know, dude.

What's next?

One more time.

One more time.

Shitty, you wanna know how that— what were the kids doing?

It sounds like me doing fake him.

Shitty, you wanna know how that— what were the kids doing?

Dan Le Batard messes up cross-country about as much as you possibly can.

Are you an expert, Jessica, in, uh, the cross— uh, cross-country?

See ya, Dan! See ya, buddy!

Hey now, get out of here!

We're almost to California.

Cut it up.

Yeah, that's how he's an expert in that.

Cross. It's a good start. This is gonna be a bad year for me.

I didn't like that one.

This is gonna be a bad year for me. I think I'm gonna run away with all of the categories.

Oh, Tony came for your stuff a little bit.

That one is hotly contested.

We needed more Jeremy. Jeremy messed up a lot this year.

Dan Levitar.

The Packers win or the Bears lose.

Jonathan Sasslow.

Shit, do you want to know how that— what were the kids doing?

This is the Dan Levitar Show. Uh, speaking of wartime consiglieres, uh, are you guys aware that the LAPD is investigating that Nicholas Cage movie, a World War II spy movie, has just disappeared. The name of the movie is Fortitude. It's supposed to be Ocean's Eleven meets Inglourious Basterds, and it's just disappeared. Nobody, nobody can find it. And the LAPD is investigating where the hell the— where the hell the movie is. That Netflix is making so many movies that they could just take a Nicolas Cage movie. Netflix is making so many movies and Nicolas Cage is making so many movies that one of them could just vanish and it needs to be investigated.

So is this movie just gonna like show up on YouTube at some point?

I don't even understand what you're saying here. It's not physical. This is a digital copy. You're saying someone stole what, the computer? Every hard drive it was on? They weren't saving it in more than one place?

There is a movie that Nicolas Cage made that has vanished. And so I want you to look up for me what the LAPD is investigating. What are you shaking your finger at?

Oldest trick in the book. That's a scam for insurance, Dan. That's a highly insured scam if I've ever heard one. Where's the movie? I don't know, it's gone. I have no idea. What was the insurance on it? $5 million. Oh, okay, I guess I'll take the insurance on it.

It does sound like an insurance scam. I, I want to ask you guys to, uh, tell me how I should feel about a Larry David moment that I had in, uh, California where I, I go into a place to get a massage and, um, I— it's, it's $81 for an hour.

Okay, not bad.

I know, it's, it's very affordable. I was surprised at how cheap it was.

Feels shopping center cheap.

Uh, I, I was stunned by how cheap it was. And I give them $100 off of the top, and I forget that they gave me change because that's how I would tip on the massage. If $81 massage, I'd give $100 and then we'd be done with the transaction. But they gave me change, and so at the end of the massage, I walk out of the place and I am in the street and the masseuse chases me into the street and is yelling, no tip!

Oh!

No tip! And it's simply because I forgot. And then of course I give her the $20, but I'm saying to myself after I walk away, wait a minute though, a tip is— it's not guaranteed. A tip is extra. I shouldn't be chased into the street and embarrassed even though she was right. Like, I meant to tip her correctly or more correctly, but I failed.

I think there are some industries where it is just fully expected.

Yeah.

I think restaurants is the most.

Well, and especially because the servers, they don't get paid well. I would imagine the masseuse gets paid a normal wage, right?

I think that they probably need their tips. I don't— and especially if it's like—

But they're not making $2 an hour like a waiter.

No, but if it's a place though that's giving you a massage as cheaply as $81 for an hour, because that is pretty cheap by massage standards. If it's $81 an hour, that place probably isn't paying very well. I don't know if it was because it was a daytime rate or something else, but, or a weekday rate, but that place can't be paying the masseuses that well. So I have no objection to thinking that you deserve the tip. I have no objection to, in that case, the tip being mandatory, even though I've told you guys that if a restaurant restaurant puts my tip into the bill—

Oh, that's all you're getting.

Automatically, it is all you're getting when you would have gotten more from me if you had not done that. But in this particular case, how am I to feel about the fact that in the street someone is yelling at me, no tip?

I'm a coward. I would like over-tip. She'd come back out, I'd be like, sorry, here's $40.

Oh, I was embarrassed. It was an innocent mistake, but I was embarrassed. I was embarrassed not because she was calling me out on it, I was embarrassed because I had legitimately forgotten and she thought I wasn't a tipper. But once I, once I left and walked away a few minutes, I was like, wait a minute, like, it, it's not, it's not guaranteed. And the way this just ended was with the shame and embarrassment of me in the street just handing you $20 because I was indeed embarrassed. And she, by embarrassing me, she got an extra dollar.

Right.

Because she was only going to get $19 a second ago and now she got $20.

It— that some people just have no shame about asking. I feel similarly when I'm ending an Uber or a rideshare. The per— the driver that says, uh, if you appreciate my service, please— like, you ever have that where they like kind of ask you for a tip on the way out? I'm less likely to tip then. I don't know what they're doing there. It's like the, hey, if you appreciate everything, please give a good tip. And I hear that and I make a weird face.

The idea was always Uber, I don't have to tip. And then they reverse course and they're like, no, you gotta tip because we don't pay them anything. It's like, well, that's your problem, not mine.

Right. That was the beauty of Uber at the start. You don't even have to tip. We don't want you to tip.

But I thought though that the tip in all instances was optional. They don't— in fact, I'm pretty sure this is— is this just an America thing? Because I don't think it's something that they do very— like, Europeans are notoriously not tippers when they come to America.

baked in.

When I went to London and Paris last year, I was so confused when we were at restaurants, like, what's the deal with tipping? And then I learned, like, no, you don't do that here.

They just pay them enough.

Yeah, I like that better, right?

I just don't know how I'm— I was legitimately confused as I left because my instantaneous reaction was shame and agreeing with her genuine embarrassment. Of course you'd come out here. It's a mistake. I meant to do this. It felt like an assault on my character afterward. It did not feel like that in the moment because I did agree with her. Like, it was, it was an—

What kind of place were you at? Can we start there? What kind of massage place did you go to where it was only $81, which is really cheap for a massage, and the masseuse is running into the parking lot chasing you for money?

No, it wasn't the parking lot. It was Santa Monica Boulevard.

Was there like, uh, the chimes when you open the door? the door?

There were no chimes when I opened the door. Where were you? Just the— it was just Massage Near Me. It's what it— it's what I did. It's just the Google search.

That's what it's called?

It's Massage Near Me. That is— you know what, that's a good name.

Massage Near Me.

That is actually—

Don't say anymore.

That's a free one, guys.

You gotta open a franchise.

I give business away like nothing.

That is a good name.

Insurance scam here, business there.

That is a great way to sort of, uh, jerry-rig the algorithm so that you can, uh— Massage Near Me is absolutely a good name. But that's all that was, is I just want— I didn't check any. I don't know whether you guys would. Would you guys check the comments and reviews? Because I didn't even do that.

Like, I just make sure there's no sting operation.

100%.

Yes.

Yeah, I didn't do any of that.

What are the code words to, you know, have the fun thing?

I would have texted Sedano and said, where do you get your massages around here?

So Simon Afram is the producer of Fortitude, and he's suing Netflix because apparently what it was is they were, you know, in a discussion discussion, Netflix wanted a screening, they brought this unencrypted digital cinema package to Netflix for them to be able to watch and have a screening, and then after that happened on June 16th, on June 25th, he was informed by Netflix, hey, someone stole the footage. So he's now suing them not only for $165 million for the rights of the movie, but now he's suing them for defamation because of the way that they responded to that initial lawsuit. But I can completely understand it, Because this is a story of British intelligence operatives using unprecedented strategic operations that fool Nazi leadership, and in it, Nic Cage is playing Dusko Popov, a Serbian playboy who was a real-life double agent.

I see the way that you guys all looked at me, I saw it in your eyes, and you've got me being—

We're still thinking it.

Bob Kraft and Dirty Jed York. You guys have me being Dirty Jed York is what you guys have. real dirty.

$81, you're like, what a steal.

I mean, Kraft ruined it for everyone. You can't say I got a massage without people thinking that's just where you go.

I get massages all the time. @LebatardShow is where, uh, you vote on the polls. Are we still making Jeds is the name of the question. @LebatardShow. I think that prostitution scam thing is more embarrassing because his name is 2 syllables. Your name is Jed York, and I think it's made more embarrassing by, uh, by the name Jed Those details are— how much did you guys laugh at the details of an NFL owner, somebody who is wildly rich, going to the equivalent of a trailer park?

Yeah.

Trying to fish out some sort of sexual favor for $140 from somebody who washes their underwear in a coffee machine.

I laughed.

The NFL is investigating this, correct? I just can't imagine how embarrassed you are if you are Jed York and this is what you have around the 49ers franchise.

This is one of my puzzle pieces in this NFL conspiracy that I'm cooking up that I want to get off the ground, and I feel like I have all the pieces in place if you want to hear it, Dan.

Let's hear it.

The NFL, the San Francisco 49ers, they— obviously the situation came out with Jed York where they're like, $140, trailer park, this is bad news.

What do we do?

We bring in DeJohn Love, 49ers fake wide receiver. All of a sudden now the entire news stream, the entire media is flooded with DeJohn Love, who's a fake wide receiver for who? The 49ers. It could have been any team, but specifically the 49ers. Jed York and the San Francisco 49ers brass have been cooked by the Substation, and now they're employing DeJohn Love to go out and do their bidding to completely clear Jed York of any timeline-related on Twitter, on anything. Now all we see of the 49ers is this person doing sand routes very slowly with the helmet on.

All right, let's, uh, for a second here move away from the Jed York story and watch this video and talk about, uh, how poorly this guy impersonated an NFL receiver while bilking women out of like $1.2 million, right? Because 26 women, he was faking being a wide receiver for the 49ers by doing routes on the sand wearing a 49ers helmet and not looking very athletic in terms of body type. Also not looking very fast in terms of sand routes. I have seen videos of wide receivers and professional athletes working out in the sand. None of them look that slow as molasses as our guy DeJuan Love. He really called himself Love?

Like, that might be his real name for all we know.

So the guy who's faking his, uh, his credentials to, uh, trick 26 women out of $1.2 million— you're a rich wide receiver, his last name is Love.

There is a genius in him wearing number 7 on the jersey though, because you know that no one is going near Kaepernick's number right now on the 49ers.

You're not gonna wear that. Well, there's some great stuff too of him explaining on his Instagram why Jake Moody was able to get number 4 even though he has jewelry He said that when the 49ers sign him in the offseason, that he's gonna buy the number from Jake Moody.

The key to a good lie.

That he can call him Jake Moody all season.

Details.

More details.

More details than needed.

Let's just watch some video of Stefon Diggs working out in sand here on a volleyball court so that you guys can see what, what real professional athletes look like when they're moving. They do not look like that guy who is wearing a 49ers helmet and looked like me out there.