Transcript of One of the Great Triumphs in Jewish History | Hour 2

You are listening to the Dan Levitan Show in partnership with the DraftKings Sports app, now live in all 50 states.

So a couple of weeks ago, Always Sunny came back. It's one of my favorite TV comedies. Uh, I mean, have you watched episode 3 yet?

I have.

All right, we'll, we'll discuss that in just a minute.

Should I watch?

Oh yeah, like they're, they're fully in their bag. Like, they're—

I love the show, but I don't like, I don't watch it. I don't watch regularly.

It's great. Like, to me, you could watch every single episode of that show and every single one of them will give you a laugh. But there's actually a new show, um, that's coming back for just season 2. That's on season 18.

Is it Lioness? Because I'm trying to watch it.

I'm having an issue. It's not Lioness. Uh, it's called Adults. I took your guys' note, uh, from last week's toast where I toasted a child, and so I went the complete opposite direction. Adults.

Good job.

Um, Adults the TV show to me is one of the best new comedies that I have seen in at least a decade on television. It is laugh-out-loud funny. The first season, it was 8 episodes. Uh, only because we started it at 11 PM the night we started it did I not watch the entire thing in one sitting. I watched the first 2 episodes of season 2 last night. It is back and as good, if not better, than season 1. I'm gonna go home right after this and watch the next 6 episodes and finish out this season because It's an ensemble cast. Um, the, the humor in this show is outlandish. Not quite like Always Sunny, but in a similar way of you were watching these like Gen Z kids that are all just the worst despite their intention being great. And so it's kind of flipping the concept on its head of Always Sunny in that obviously being Gen Z, there's all of these jokes about them sort of being like young progressive people, but at the same time, like, they're just all selfish jerks who are all friends with each other and just trying to get by.

So think of Friends if Friends was like not a laugh track and actually like modern-day funny, um, but also the sensibilities of Broad City. They take from all the best comedies and find a way to incorporate them into the, the modern time, and it's one of the best feelings to have one of your favorite shows come back. And so for me, Adults, worth a toast. Oh, worth a toast is presented by Cuervo. So keep it fun, keep it Cuervo, watch Adults.

All right, so this Monday we have a really special day. Oh my God, you heard the mistakes, you witnessed the chaos, and now it's time to pick the winners. Vote in the 2026 SUI Awards. Beginning on Monday at leotardaf.com. All right, Amin, before we get— what are you laughing at? Before we get to some fun stuff here, you are, you are still all over this, this good, good, uh, commercial controversy with the golf, right? What's— is there— have we advanced the story? Is there something new?

Yeah, you guys missed a very crucial element to all this. I listened to the conversation you guys had last weekend, uh, earlier this weekend. You Yeah, obviously you can't have a commercial selling a product where it's like the guy is physically assaulting a woman. That's ridiculous. But the thing that you guys missed about this was it was an Obsession reference.

How?

Because basically the longer version of the commercial shows everyone touching the club and then becoming instantly obsessed with it. So that's the backdrop. But that's not the part that I'm talking about as far as what you guys missed. What you missed was that this commercial— you say, why would you do this commercial? Who would write a commercial like this? I'll tell you who—

AI.

It was so clearly written by AI. The AI prompt was, let's give me a basis for a driver commercial that references Obsession. And AI's dumbass, because it doesn't know about like domestic violence and stuff like that. Oh, you should have so-and-so. And these dumbasses don't have any creativity of their own.

Is this your theory, dog?

I'm telling you, you watch it.

Wow.

It's instant.

I like this.

It's, it's instant. Like, how is this such a poor connection? What a poor analogy to the movie Obsession. And the reason why is that's what AI does, ladies and gentlemen. It is not good. at making analogies. It is not good at making strong creative content. It is good at doing lazy shit. And that's what these people did. They— I guarantee you they fed into AI, it spat back that script. They're like, sounds great, because this capitalizes on trends. We got to be trendy. We're the young people. What's trending right now? Obsession. Okay. All right. AI, tell us what to do. Like, uh, you should just do this. Good idea.

And then they go out and do it.

Having said that, even as I am vehemently anti-AI for any of these things because it's just lazy and not good, I can tell by the copy most of the time that this was written by AI. Not by a person, not by a team of people, just AI. See, like that, that little cadence, that's AI. Having said all that, it's still Callaway's fault because you dumbasses watched it and said, green light. That's where— because creatives are gonna be creatives. Even bad creatives, even hack creatives are gonna be creatives. Their job is to think up of shit. And it's the brand's job to—

But they're not thinking up of shit. To your point, if your hypothesis is correct, the creatives have deferred to AI.

Yes.

So it's even worse.

But even that, even that, Dave, involves some level of thinking of shit, which the shit they thought of was, hey, what if we did an obsession-based ad? And then that's the end of their thought process, and that's where they fed it to AI. But the reality is it's on the brand, it's on the people, the checks and balances. In the same way that I could be Martin Scorsese and I could write a terrible script for a terrible movie— excuse me, uh, actually a better Coppola, a terrible script for a terrible movie, and literally everyone says, I don't want to make that movie. So then what you got to do is like, well, I'll make the movie, and it's called Metropolis, and it's awful, and it loses a ton of your own money because the checks and balances said no. But the problem is, this is what's happening. We are shaming people, right? We're shaming particularly people older, my age and older, like, oh, you just don't get it. Like, you give me that thing, that script, that commercial that they shot, and it's like, I don't want to look like I don't get it. I'm cool, I'm hip, I get it.

Yeah, no, I get it. No, you just don't get it. Oh no, I get it, I get it. You know what? I get it so much. Green light. Thumbs up.

So you don't like AI, to sum up? Just to make sure I'm all saying things.

I think it has a— there's a place for it, right? Like, it's just— it's like a toaster. Like, I trust a toaster to toast my bread. 'Cause I don't want to sit there in an oven and flipping it and all that stuff. What I don't trust my toaster to do is make dinner, which is what people are doing.

So we've lost Chris. It looks like we may have lost Chris for the rest of the show today. He is outside the Elster. I think he just— I think he just used his— I think he's got his thumb out. I think he's trying to leave. He's done for the day. No more talking. He's been bad at talking today, and he has moved to the street. He's trying to go home. All right.

I respect it, you know? Take the L.

All right, so—

We don't have that in Miami. That's in Chicago. Huh.

All right, so we're gonna play— oh, you know, so if you don't know why Chris is out there trying to thumb it home, Look at him, he's got the thumb out. Can you imagine hitchhiking?

So exhilarating, right?

I, I mean, that seems crazy.

Modern day, it feels insane.

Which would be crazier, hitchhiking or picking up a hitchhiker?

Picking up.

Picking up, it's equal.

No, it's not equal.

It's equal because the person that's gonna stop for a hitchhiker is equally as insane as the hitchhiker themselves.

Jeremy, put it on the poll. Which is crazier, hitchhiking or picking up the hitchhiker?

I think there's a higher likelihood that the person picking up the hitchhiker is just a naive person.

No.

hiker, you know you're crazy. You know you're crazy.

Like, this, this was a thing that people used to do.

Oh, I did it.

What?

Oh, when I was like a teenager hitchhiking everywhere.

You had your thumb out?

Yeah.

And waited for someone to come pick you up?

Usually a pickup truck.

Wow.

Dude sitting in the back bed.

I'm gonna— and Zaslow and Tashay, let's, uh, let's have a group talk here. No Jew in history has ever hitchhiked. True?

That's right, for sure, 100%. I actually have a top 5 list of things Jews don't do.

Yeah, this is a coincidence that Dave said that. Jeremy does have a top 5 list. Right before we get to that though, can we, can we relive what has sent Chris out of the building today?

When I'm running late, that's when there's no, uh—

All right, good job. I mean, continue. Yeah.

It's Friday, Chris.

Wow.

All right.

You can't even hear the F-bomb that he said. He said it right on mic. I heard it, but you can't even hear it in the audio clip. That's how devastated.

That's when I'm running away.

That's when there's no, uh—

All right, good job. I mean, continue.

Yeah.

You heard that?

It's Friday, Chris.

Wow.

All right.

I so badly want someone to stop. Oh, now he's holding up his arm. He's getting tired. I so badly want someone to stop and pick him up. Jeremy, top 5 list of things you don't do because you're Jewish?

Yeah, I mean, so yesterday I felt like quite a man because I fixed the toilets in my house.

Oh, I would never do that.

Toilet running issues. And something Jews don't do is fix their toilets. Really anything. So number 5, installing a new light fixture.

What's that?

Jews don't do that?

No, no.

Like it's like we hire—

Like a light bulb?

Put up like a fan? No, we're talking about like a chandelier.

Oh, yeah.

Or like a new light. Like if you, if you move into a house and there's like an old kind of lighting fixture and any sort of electrical anything. We're not doing this. No shot.

No shot.

But people can.

Some people can fix things in their homes.

Not me.

Uh, it's why I put it at number 5. Uh, number 4, mowing the lawn.

Uh, never done that in my life.

I've never done it in my life either.

There are some similarities here.

Yeah, you might be joining me.

Number 3, fixing the car.

Uh, same. AAA, that's what it's for.

Yeah, exactly. You call.

I mean, can you jump start a car?

I think so, yes.

What about changing a tire?

I, I've done it. I'm never doing it again.

See, those are all encompassed under the same thing. They're fixing the car. Correct. And I don't know the lingo properly, so that's why I said—

But like, even little things like changing the, the filter in the cabin.

Literally, what words did you just say to me?

Where is that?

I don't even know.

What are you talking about?

Who do you think you're talking to?

Yeah, seriously.

It would be great. I would love to do like a, uh, like a, um, An operation style thing where you just have a cutout of the car. Could you identify where the spark plugs are? Where the oil— like, people like, in the charger's back, I would have, I would have no idea where to even find the thing that's under the car that would allow me to try to change the oil.

Yeah, it's the Hubba What's-It.

Zero clue.

Yeah, you change the oil from under the car.

Yeah, news to me.

Yeah, you gotta crank it up so the oil, the old oil can leak out.

Crank what up?

Put them—

but If you're under—

you have to lift it up.

But if you're under the car, won't it fall on you?

Mom strength.

There's a lift.

Well, I mean the oil.

You have a jack. Oh no, there's an oil pan. Yeah, oil pan. Drain into the oil pan.

Huh. Number 2, fixing the air conditioner.

Uh, how do you fix an air conditioner?

I saw someone pour bleach in it once.

Yeah, bleach.

I don't even understand what that means.

Yeah, every time my AC guy comes over, he always leaves by telling me, you know, make sure you know, every couple weeks you put bleach in. I'm like, yeah, okay, like, I don't know.

I struggle enough to change the, the filter once a month.

Yeah.

Even that, I'm like— Kills the mold.

Bleach kills the mold that lives inside of that.

I mean, I know he's saying that, but I don't know how to do that.

I don't know how to do that. Uh, number one.

Can I just pour bleach like on the unit and some of it will get where it needs to go?

No, that doesn't sound safe.

And the number one thing that Jews don't do is fix a toilet. Uh, we don't do it. We don't do any sort of—

So how did you fix it? Like, what was the issue and how did you fix it?

Oh my God, it was awesome. So the, uh, uh, So what happened was at 3 AM the night before, uh, I woke up to my wife being sort of frantic because we've had this issue with sound coming from the toilet when we flush it, where it does like the thing where like go and then go like it'll flush kind of several times and then it makes like a little bit of a squeaking noise. And I was like, ah, it's fine, we'll deal with it later, it's an old toilet. Um, turns out, uh, at 3 AM it makes a squeaking noise. that just lasted, just sounding like this, for about 4 minutes.

Whoa.

It was bad. I got woken up after about a minute, like, hey, wake up, this is happening. And it just kept going. So, you know, like the man I am—

Did you turn off the water?

Wasn't the first thing I did. Uh, so I went and I, you know, lifted the little lid off the toilet. I'm looking at it, I'm like, yeah, I know what to do here. And so I like, you know, wiggled the little chain That doesn't do anything.

Do you put your hand and make sure you put your hand and make sure everything's like tight? Because sometimes it's loose and then it leaks, and which is where you have the running of the water.

Yeah, so this is what I was trying to figure out. Um, didn't know any of that, so I went on YouTube and from about 3 AM to 4 AM I'm watching YouTube tutorials going like, all right, maybe if I do this and I fix that, and couldn't do any of it. So what I learned was it was the, uh, something called the fill valve. Yeah, and those Right. And then the water fills and then it stops.

And then that—

and so, you know, basically what I, what I thought I learned, what I made up or hoped I learned was that the fill valves needed to be replaced.

Ah, the old fill valves. Yeah.

And you went to Home Depot?

I ordered on Amazon. Oh, and I went universal Toto toilet fill valve replacer.

Right.

Yeah.

Those are— that's what was there. What was there before I moved in.

Oh, he's got a Toto.

Yeah, no, it's pretty, pretty great. I also have a bidet.

Ooh.

Bought a bidet.

Man, I wish I had a bidet.

We bought, we bought one of the— yeah, it's not that expensive. You should get— no, it's really not.

It's—

you can just get—

you got the attached one.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, it's good.

No, I want one that like it's its own deal.

Like, that's a whole other— yeah, no, I'm not—

you got them.

I'm not rolling in that type of money.

Yeah, um, I got lots of money.

No, despite what I've just articulated before of hiring people to do a lot of things, Uh, but yeah, I got the fill valve. And so then I learned like, okay, let me look at the instructions here. So I, you know, turn off the water.

This is at 4 o'clock in the morning?

No, this is the next— this is yesterday. So this is 4 o'clock in the morning going into Wednesday.

Next time, next time I'll tell you this as advice. Next time when at 3 o'clock in the morning your wife wakes you up, you have a very simple thing. Just walk over, turn off the water. The noise stops.

I go back to sleep. I learned that later on. I didn't process that like, oh, the water being on just turning it off will end this until about an hour later when I was like, well, wait a minute, what if I just tried turning off the water before this process starts? So that's what I then did. But it, it had stopped doing the thing. So I was like, if we just don't flush it, it'll be fine. Like, it stopped making the noise. Nonetheless, yesterday I go home. All right. From Amazon. Those things are here. I've now walked in and I'm like, all right, let's do this. And so I did the whole thing. I replaced the fill valve, I went, I flushed the toilet, I went, all right, that's done. I went down to the other one that's been having sort of the same issue, I replaced it. Yeah, water may have sprayed all over the bathroom because I didn't quite screw in the, the—

You didn't close the valve.

The little thing, right? Yeah, the, you know, the valve, that, sure. Um, and I didn't finish twisting it on the right way, so the first time I went and turned the water back on, it went everywhere. And so that's on me, literally and metaphorically. But eventually I figured it out. I replaced both of them, cleaned up the bathrooms, walked up to my wife and I said, honey, come over here. Flush the toilet. No sound after. Did you worry that sound—

did you worry that when you did flush it, since she was there, her mere presence was going to force the sound to come out of the toilet?

100%.

And I walked in so cocky to the other room of like, hey, come look at this. And I flushed it, everything went right, and I went, just like David Amashek does, let's make some sweet passionate love, because I've never felt more like a man. Jesus Christ, man.

Would Jeremy be more of a man if he were Jerry? I think he would be. I'd like to add a couple of things to things that Jews never do. One is ride your motorcycle down the freeway through, um, other cars and then give the peace sign when they move over a little.

Correct, that guy goes— that guy passes your car, you're like, Yeah. My point, not Jewish.

Might have a motorcycle, but chilling in the right lane if you got that.

I was just going to say I was going to shorten it. As a matter of fact, ride motorcycles. That's something Jews don't do.

Well, no, I don't agree with that. My father, my father rode a motorcycle for a long time, so I don't know.

But he bought it at 50, right? I like one of them sidecars. I wouldn't want to be the motorcyclist. I would just like to ride passively on the, on the hip there. 2, MMA. Jews don't do MMA. And 3, we don't give credit for a victory to Jesus Christ, our Savior.

Well, yeah, I mean, that's top tier.

Oh, we also don't eat pork.

Well, Jeremy, congratulations on one of the great triumphs in Jewish history.

I have truly never felt like more of a man.

You co-sign all these guys?

Yeah, for the most part, yeah.

It's bigger than Sandy Koufax.

Yeah, it's a good shout.

It feels that way. Thank you. One of the great triumphs in Jewish history. I appreciate you phrasing it that way.

Just fixing 2 toilets.

One of the great triumphs in Jewish history. When I'm running late, that's when there's no, uh—

All right, good job. I mean, continue.

By the way, so much louder.

All right. Down levitar!

Jessica thinks you're pathetic.

I saw the look on her face. It can never be the lane to victory, Matt.

No, I think Jeremy's pathetic. Jeremy just—

You should hear him back here. He's so sad.

Delivered the most absurd theater kid basketball analysis line that I've Ever heard from him. Jeremy Tatché.

My dad was talking about the adjustments that Spoh made and criticizing him last night, and Jeremy just back here, his adjustments were spectacular.

It's just like they lost, they're down 0-2. This is the Dan Le Batard Show. Dave, let's have some fun here. Let's do an NFL version. We'll bring back a game that we have not played here on the Dan Le Batard Show in a long time. Let's do an NFL version of Who that is. Okay, Dave, explain the rules here. Take the reins, go ahead.

Well, for the last month, anybody who's been paying attention, it's not just important for the players to get right in time for the NFL regular season, it's important that the fans are on the ball too. So we've been running our own little fan training camp with a number of drills here today. Like you say, we're gonna see how familiar Self-identifying football fans, um, how strong they are at identifying some of the football figures that we're about to watch every Sunday and Thursday and Monday and beyond. Let's get going here. And the first one is to Tony, who is a regular now on Football America, weighing in there and making the show better. Let's see how much he actually knows though. The first face for him to identify. Let's go. Who is that?

Ooh, that's a good one. Wow.

Uh, but he's got a beard. It's a graying beard.

Salt and pepper beard.

Very thin.

Man. Um, wearing a hat. Jeez. Got the light in my eyes.

I don't like that the booth is throwing us a curveball, Zaz.

Yeah.

You have the list and this is an out of order list here.

I saw, I also saw another face in the preview that I knew. And now this one.

Bitten by our own snakes, Az, if we fail here.

Um, is that, is that new head coach for the Baltimore Ravens, Jesse Minter?

Wow.

Wow.

Good job.

Very nice.

Excellent, excellent work.

Amin, you're up next.

No, no, I mean, I mean—

Amin did a Costanza and left on a high note after his joke. So Chris left on a low note and then Amin left on a high note. So he Costanza'd, he's out.

And the last, by the way, that we saw of Chris, Chris is now lying down on the grass outside baseline.

A lot of dog shit. out there, so he should be worried.

Yeah, maybe dead, maybe dead.

Uh, maybe he got hit by a car. He, he died of shame, actually. Let's, uh, let's throw another face up there and see if the shipping container— who can come up with it? Come on, what do we got? Who else we got? All right.

Okay, this looks like the Combine.

Yep, but he's got a, uh, he's got a tight shirt on, like he's very ma— he's very muscular. He's got, uh, he's got dreads which go down to, uh, you know, the end of his neck.

Not shoulder length.

Yeah.

Any guesses?

What do you think? I'm pretty sure I know who it is.

It's not Mekhi Lemon, right?

Is that your final answer?

Yes.

No. It's not Chad Pennington. Certainly.

How do you know?

I feel Flacco.

Tony, you have a guess?

I don't want to— I, I got, I got my guys. This is on you guys now.

Okay.

Definitely not Rodgers-Dobbins.

I truly have no idea. I mean, feels like this guy's built like a running back, maybe.

Mm-hmm. Not Christian McCaffrey.

It's definitely not.

It's not Toby Gerhardt.

It's not Jewish McCaffrey either.

This is, I believe, Omari Hampton. Am I right, Dave?

Oh, well done, Zach. Wow, well done.

That is Chargers.

I think that's the first time I've ever seen him.

I've, I've provided a couple of, uh, of historical figures just to see if everybody is tapped into not just the here and now but to the—

okay, history. All right, let's see if we can get one of the historical Football faces up next for Tony. There you go, Tony. Who is that? Describe him to the audience.

Okay, so this is a—

That handsome man.

A balding mid-century Dolphins player wearing the number 1, has the face only a mother could love with mutton chops, but has the horseshoe mutton chop combo, which is a rare find out in the wild. Because usually when you got the horseshoe, you let it ride and then you grow either the full beard that connects the whole thing, but this one stops just at about the jawline. Um, you could give me—

Good description. If none of you guys know this, I'm gonna be legit mad.

This will be embarrassing if you don't get it.

And I get snobby about, uh, about your right to watch football. I may have to take away— you're not allowed to watch football until the month of September.

Is this Earl Bull?

No!

That's horrible. Do you want to steal, Jeremy?

No.

Oh, that's a disgraceful steal.

World's number 1 bald-headed man who looks like he's 63 years old in the picture.

It's Garry Aprymian.

Yes, of course it's Garry Aprymian.

Oh, Garry Aprymian.

Yeah, for sure.

When did he die?

Oh man.

That, that is horrible that you can't identify Garry Aprymian. It's a very— it's an all-time famous player. G-A-R-O-Y-E-P-R-E-M-I-E-N, I think. So maybe Gary.

No, it's Garo.

There are people in the room who are admitting into a microphone on a sports show coming out of Miami, Florida that they don't even know who the name— they don't even know the name Garo Yepremian.

That was a bad moment.

When did he die?

He died in 2015.

Doesn't matter.

He, he, he was a kicker.

He's at the center of one of the most famous blunders in Super Bowl history.

They still won though.

You never seen the play?

Uh, '72. You've never— they won the game 14-7, obviously, against Washington. You've never seen it?

He would have had a shutout.

Yeah, it led to the, the Redskins' only touchdown.

What year were you born?

'81.

Okay, so this is sort of like me remembering the details from What, the 2015 Super Bowl? The year he died?

What the hell is wrong with you, Tashay? Your generation with this crap of like, well, it happened before I walked the planet Earth, so what does it matter kind of attitude. I hate to be a curmudgeon, but that does not exist in any other generation other than this current one of like, well, I mean, how could it possibly have any import if it happened before I was born?

I care a lot about sports. sports history. We literally are talking about guys on the pitch clock every single week that are from the '80s and the '90s, from the early '90s before I was born, okay? But I couldn't— how am I supposed to remember in such great detail?

You don't know the play where the kicker, he bobbles the snap and he then tries to throw the football but he throws it backwards? Instead of forwards, it slips out of his— you've never seen that play?

And then tries to catch it. It falls out of the back of his left hand because he's a southpaw, and then he tries to retrieve the ball just as after it flies out of his mitt, and he bonks it higher up into the air, and it is grabbed by Washington Redskins, uh, Mike Bass, who runs it into the end zone. And all the defensive players for the Dolphins were pissed, and I imagine some of them still are pissed. at Gary O'Ya Premium because they would have had the Super Bowl's only shutout.

Well, no, I, uh, started watching the sport when the guys were good at it.

All right, let's see if these guys can redeem themselves. Another former, uh, you know, an old— older NFL player.

I know that one.

Uh, who, who is this, uh, this gentleman on our screen right now?

That's Jay Fiedler.

I know him.

Hey, Jay.

Why'd you know him?

Boy, his name's on the shirt. Dolphin legend.

That's a Dolphin legend if I've ever seen one.

It's Anthony Mason's brother.

That's such a great fun fact.

It's true.

I know that too.

It's true.

Now you're in my wheelhouse.

All right, let's do one more for these guys. Throw up one more face. NFL.

Gary Tashay would have known that.

Who that is. This is a tough one.

That's easy. It is. I'm gonna leave it to you guys. This one's easy. Just answer the question. No, I'm not gonna answer the question. Roy, you haven't said a GD thing. I said, girl, you're pretty. All right.

Well, Jerry Cashay has to know this one. He has to know this one because he doesn't care about what happened before he was born, but now he's a modern football fan. So obviously he would know this, you know, this guy's terribly wrong. This guy's great.

He's a great player.

I'll give you another hint here.

I've got the honorifics to prove it.

I'll give you a hint here. He's on a new team this year.

That helps a lot.

It does.

He was, he was the MVP of the Super Bowl.

Oh, come on.

Oh, I know him. Kenneth Walker.

There you go.

I mean, didn't he have hair before? Just tell him that, dude.

He had hair for sure.

He was probably— he probably had hair when he was on the Bears.

He had hair.

He had hair. At some point, yeah.

He's got a, he's got a Michael Jordan level shaved bald head right now and, and I feel like if we looked up a picture of him with the Seahawks, he had hair at the time celebrating that Super Bowl MVP. Like a dog with a bone on this one.

I'm gonna look for it.

That is just an incredible addition of NFL Who That Is. Excellent job there, Dave Damashek.

I—

could we— I, I don't want to gild the lily. Can we get the first one on the list? Because that's what inspired me to, to suggest this.

Oh, you just want one more? Okay.

All right, I'm gonna own this one.

This one—

hold on.

Before we go to this, I gotta own. He was totally bald with the Seahawks as well. Been bald for a long time.

Who's the first one we saw?

Who is this face?

I know this one, so I'm gonna leave it to Jeremy again.

All right, say it then.

You want me to say it? Keep going. He's on the hot seat if they don't perform this year, I tell you that much.

Jeff Affley. Oh God. Uh, oh, um, uh, is this— is, uh, Zach Robinson? Is that the name?

Yep, Zach Robinson. Didn't think you would get it. It is. It's Zach Robinson.

That's not it.

Damn.

Close.

You got part of the name right. I won't tell you which one.

Zach, right?

Yep.

Known in NFL circles just as Zach.

I'm sure he is by his players, right? Zach?

To be fair to Tashay, I really do think— I was talking to somebody about this earlier— that people love the, oh, I know everything about football. I bet you that he could walk down the streets of Cincinnati and go largely unrecognized.

Oh, Cincinnati, right. Still think it's Robinson though.

Taylor.

Oh, Zachary Taylor. Was Zachary Taylor not a president?

Dan Levitar.

John Zaslav, how you love that catchphrase. Bad news for opposing teams in the Triple-A. Jonathan Zaslav. He's all smiles till the bronze I clutch again. Clutch again! Clutch again! Clutch again! This is the Dan Levitan Show. Tony, what is this story with the— there is a San Francisco 49ers—

He was the 12th U.S. president.

There is a San Francisco 49ers fan who is pulling a scam on women?

I don't know if he's a fan as much as he is a faux player. So this guy, uh, DeJohn Love, has bilked 26 women. I believe the count is up to for one—

Did you say bilked?

Yeah, bilked 26 women out of $1.3 million, claiming that he was a 49ers player trying to make the roster. Undrafted. He would put up stuff on his Instagram trying to look the part and apparently has just taken almost $1.3 million, uh, of people's money. So you have him on his IG having a video of working out on the beach. Um, Dave, you've been around the game for a long time. Have you ever seen a player for a team wear his helmet on the beach to run routes? Take his helmet home. Tell me if this is an NFL route right here, Dave. Let's watch it. He's on the beach getting ready. His boy is there as quarterback. All right, here we go.

Oh!

We're off and running, here we go. Cut, skinny post, over the top. Almost dropped it on the beach. But if you look through his Instagram, it is just plentiful of a ton of pictures with him with his helmet and with 49ers gear that obviously no player would wear outside of the practice facility or any sort of game. So it's a lot of weird stuff that he was trying to portray.

And so how's he getting the money?

So I guess he would tell the women, hey, like, I'm a player, I'm trying to, you know, make the team, I'm trying to do X, Y, and Z, can you help me? Can you do this? I'll pay you back when I get my contract. Like some sort of scam. I don't know exactly what it was because they haven't released it. He was apprehended at the airport because the scheme had got, I guess, a little bit too big. Once you get $1.3 million worth, you know, people start asking some questions. But this is the biggest thing on the internet right now. De'Jounte Love. who is at this point may get a call from the 49ers, Dave, depending on how their wide receiver corps looks. We may have some issues with the substation. So look out for Dijon Love not only stealing your money but catching footballs in the fall.

There was a guy who went around Pittsburgh, I don't know, a decade or 15 years ago claiming to be Brian St. Pierre to pick up women in Pittsburgh, the backup QB, which is kind of a clever play because your first thought is, Well, I'm going to be Levian Bell. It's like, well, obviously you're not Levian Bell. We know what he looks like. Nobody knows what Brian St. Pierre looks like. You can make that claim and I bet it works half the time.

I don't—

I think it worked to some degree until somebody caught him and then it didn't work and then he got himself into trouble. About wearing the helmet on the field, I've advocated, yeah, that's a weird move. But what I also think is weird is guys who get into the Hall of Fame, they get that gold jacket and then they put it into a closet or they put it under glass or whatever. I advocate, and only— I've only talked to John Randall, is the only guy I've ever talked to who's in the Hall of Fame who actually, who says, yeah, I wear it out periodically.

Hell yeah.

I remind people, which would be my move. I would wear it every— I would wear it once a week.

Oh, this old thing?

Oh yeah, did I not mention I'm in the Pro Football Hall of Fame?

Yeah.

I mean, it's like I, I used to wear my Miami Heat championship rings often enough.

Often enough. What would be the occasion?

Uh, if we're going out to a nice restaurant, or certainly if we're going to a wedding. If we are, uh, if— yeah, a lot of times, like, my wife and I—

I love that move!

Yeah, my wife and I, if we're going out somewhere, if we're going on date night, I would almost always wear one of my rings. Yeah, I love, I love wearing it.

All right, 2 things, 2 things here. One, Tony, I need you to make me a promise. If I'm ever a part of an organization and I get a championship ring and I wear it out even one time, not just on this show as a bit, I want you to beat me up. I want you to punch me in the face.

I will beat the shit out of you.

Beat the ever-living hell out of me. All right, thank you.

That's violent.

Also, Chris, uh, used to pretend he was a Marlins scout to impress women. So he would, he would be out and he would be wearing like a Marlins hat.

Nothing impresses women more than the long-range scout.

Yes, and he would say that he was a Marlins scout.

Why would any woman give a shit about that?

Exactly. But it was, hey, I'm close to the organization, Major League Baseball, huh? I'm like kind of sort of near professional athletes because, you know, I think Chris was trying to give an honest sell of something that was possible. I would have gone backup catcher.

Well, remember, Stugatz used to work for the Marlins and Sales department.

He pretended like he was backup catcher John Weyner. Oh, wait, what? That, that's where I got that in my head, is because Stewie used to do that.

He's got a ring.

He's got the '97 ring. Stew does?

Yes.

Wow.

Yeah, I wonder if he wears it to steakhouses.

Okay, it's not the same though. I, I was on the broadcast.

Oh, I'm well aware of the importance of the broadcaster.

Not the same.

You didn't shoot the ball though.

What if I said I did?

You didn't.

So why would you ask?

Because people are gonna be like, why do you have one?

Because I was on the broadcast.

They're gonna ask like, why do you get one?

You're on the broadcast.

Yeah, that's right, because broadcasters get—

So you go to weddings and like little kids come up to you and they're like, wow, can I see it? And then you stand there and like take a picture like, yeah, look at me.

Sometimes.

Really?

Yeah, I'm very proud of those rings.

You should be.

Yeah, but I'm a 2-time champion broadcaster.

If I wear it out to dinner, just Smack me around a little bit.

I'm gonna find you and I'm gonna elbow you in the back of the head.

Thank you.

I mean, I— you are, you are not gonna shame me. I love it. Eric Spoelstra told me I'm part of the team. That's why I have a ring. He said that to me.

When did he say that?

After I got my first ring! The first of 2, by the way.

Eric Spoelstra told me—

How did you receive it? Were you called out, out to midcourt in a celebration? Did it come in the mail? What happened?

Uh, I mean, I don't know if it came in the mail. I mean, maybe that is how it got to the arena, but yeah, I got it like team, you know, one of the days that I was at the arena here. And it comes in a box, have a nice red box, and there's the ring. I have 2 of them now.

I don't understand what Tashay's angle is in trying to shame you.

I don't either.

Yeah, I don't know.

I'm not trying to shame you. I just don't think that many people are wearing their championship rings as like accentuated jewelry.

I don't, I don't know.

Am I wrong?

Am I crazy?

I don't need to follow anybody else out there. I like wearing it.

I'm glad you do! This isn't— I'm not trying to shame you. I'm just saying that if I did that, if I was a part— say the Marlins win the World Series this year, who knows? If I were to get a championship ring, a World Series ring, and I were to wear it around these parts on a consistent basis, or even worse, not wear it on a consistent—

Everyone would make fun of you.

Right.

But that's the difference between you and me.

That is true. He's right. He's right about that.

All right, redshirt.

I would also say this. The ring, okay, so the 2 rings that I got, 2012, 2013, so we're talking 13 and 14 years ago. They're, they're kind of big, the rings, but since then, like every year when a sports team wins a championship and, and they make their rings, it's really become a thing where not only are they super gaudy, super big, but like There's all kinds of bells and whistles on it, and it would probably look a little bit ridiculous to wear it out in public. The rings that I have from the Miami Heat from 2012 and '13, yeah, they're big, but they're not ridiculous. Like, like you could totally wear it. It's big, but it's not like the rings nowadays where they flip open.

I think that's what's fair.

And this pops out.

I think that's fair.

If it— it probably seems more just like a nice wearable jewelry.

It's a nice big ring.

Fair enough.

It's not ridiculous. Some of these rings nowadays, you can't even wear.

I'm in the middle. Zaslow should be proud about the achievement of being associated with a champion, and he should be allowed to wear baubles out and about to tell some tales about that. On the other hand, I'm conflicted about Tashay saying it's not an issue for Zaslow to do it, but beat the shit out of him if he ever does it, which is a passive-aggressive shot at Zaslow. I mean, that's the only— that's the only conclusion I can come to. Oh no, it's okay for you to do it, just beat the shit out of me if I ever do that. Ergo, you think Zazzle is dorky for doing it.

Yeah, no, you got it right.

Just remember that. Okay. Hopefully Jeremy gets one one day, because it would mean that one of my favorite teams won another championship.

It would be really awesome.

And then make sure you beat the shit out of him. It's a weird thing to ask.

No, only if I wear it out to dinner at a steakhouse.

There's a picture of me. There I am in the Zazzle Mansion Network Studios, and, uh, for whatever reason, I'm showing off both of my rings there.

You should put them on your middle fingers and then show them to Jeremy.

Um, yeah.

Yeah.

Although they're not fitted for my middle finger, they're fitted for my ring finger.

Put them a little halfway, you know what I mean?

I would really like one of those one day.

I, I hope you get one.

Me too.

Tache thinks he's cooler than Zazla.

I am.

That's, that's the take-home.

Well, he fixed a toilet.

Yeah, dude, I could do it.

I could do anything.

A non-Jew activity.

Come on. I fixed a toilet yesterday. I'm walking around With a hubris unknown to mankind.

We got American male right there, red-blooded.

Great moments in Jewish history. Fix the toilet.

I'm gonna walk around spitting tobacco. It's gonna be great.

He's gonna fix the toilet in the, uh, in the Elsa right now.

I'm gonna wear a cowboy hat on Monday. Who knows what's coming next?