Transcript of Introducing "The Gas Station" a.k.a. The Fart Corner | Hour 3

You are listening to the Dan Levatar Show in partnership with the DraftKings Sports app, now live in all 50 states.

I gotta be honest, my, uh, my Instagram algorithm right now is pretty dominant.

Yeah?

Not gonna lie.

What you got?

It's a lot of good— I mean, I had a good algorithm already, but it's—

I'm on the Demi Lovato, Kwanzaa Jones algo right now.

That's—

I got a little Demi Lovato going too. Yep.

I have a question. Do you guys think like girls can be too skinny? I've heard men recently in the 2023 to 2026 say this person's too skinny. Want a little— 'cause Demi looks a little thick girl right there, but that's in right now.

Um, let me look up this Demi Lovato.

Yeah, let me see this picture.

Yeah, there's a picture that's viral right now. Demi Lovato, she's on like a water ski or something.

Demi Lovato water skiing. Is it to play on?

I'm gonna go out on a limb and say no, a woman can't be too skinny. Women are perfect the way they are.

Every woman is perfect.

Nah, everyone's not perfect.

Demi Lovato soaks up the sun in skimpy bikini during lavish vacation photos.

Who took that photo? I'll kill him.

Oh, wow.

It's pretty good.

I was not aware of your work, Demi Lovato. I, I knew her as the girl that was cutting herself.

Or her.

Like, well, that's, that's how I knew her.

Someone said cake by the ocean.

I'm telling you, those algorithms today rules.

Oh, my gosh. This is on Instagram, is it?

Mike, you got an update for us here?

What's up?

All right, get it together.

Yeah, yeah, focus. Gearhead time.

All right, yeah, no, yeah, you do that. I'm, I'm looking at this Demi Lovato.

I have, uh, great news to share with you guys.

What's up?

I'm not gonna be here tomorrow.

Why not?

Driving up to Daytona.

Oh wow.

Now I've been to the, the world center of motorsports Uh, before, but for a music festival. I have never been there for a NASCAR race. Now, while this is not the Daytona 500, it is the Coke Zero 400, and it is the last race of the regular season. We get straight into the chase, and there are 3 spots up for grabs. SVG, are you gonna make it? Cyndric, you gonna make it? Bubba Wallace, are you gonna make it?

Stan Van Gundy's racing?

Stan Van Gundy is not racing.

I'll bet he's a good racer.

Yeah, so I'll be out there. Cuervo's sending me out there, and I'm gonna— I'm— but I'm not alone. Who's gonna be there?

Who's there?

Tell me. I'm going with a couple of friends.

Anyone I've heard of?

Can't imagine who.

You know College Mike. Yeah, I'm going with Better Call Burn.

Okay.

Yeah, and I'm going with the Cigar Man. That's right. Not the Watermelon Man, couldn't make it.

What?

The Cigar Man?

The Cigar Man is gonna be making a trip out there.

Now, the, the—

What's his deal? What does he do? What's his gimmick?

Cigars!

Yeah, so it's me, College Mike, Better Call Byrne, and then Stick Grrrrrrrman! And we're gonna be out there rooting my picks for this race. That's right, DraftKings sent me out there too. I put together a combo, a 3-legger for you. I hope you like it.

3-legger.

That's right, Chase Briscoe, who has been my boy all season long with the top 10s. Now this is a superspeedway, folks. You know the big one's gonna happen at some point. So use that as caution, but I'm going with some big dogs here. I trust Chase Briscoe, top 5 finish. Christopher Bell, he's been the bride— uh, the bridesmaid all season long, but that means he's always in the mix. So I feel pretty confident that if he can make it through this race, he'll finish top 10. And Billy Byron, we all know he's won at Daytona before. So Billy Byron, top 10. That's Briscoe, top 5. Bell, top 10.

Yeah.

Byron, top 5— uh, top 10. That pays— $10 pays $79. That's plus $6.92, folks. That's a nice little payday.

Yeah.

By the way, Gearhead is presented by NASCAR. The final spots in the Chase are on the line under the lights at Daytona, a Daytona night race. Gonna do some karaoke, gonna be going from RV to RV. Don't miss the NASCAR Cup Series battle it out at Daytona this Saturday, 7:30 PM Eastern on NBC.

Only time I've ever been to Daytona during Black Spring Break. So imagine my surprise when I learned what, they have a NASCAR race here?

I went to Daytona. I, I went to a festival. I went to Rockville a few years ago.

That's right. That's— yeah, I've been there several years.

And it's cool because Rockville, like, it's, it's right there next to the track. So you're walking on the track when you're going to the concert. It's pretty neat.

We did not explore that deep past the strip of the ocean.

I did a Wall of Death right in the infield during a Knock Loose set.

What does that mean, Wall of Death?

You're not familiar with the Wall of Death?

Nah.

So Knock Loose does this Wall of Death. And Knock Loose—

Now Knock Loose is a band?

It's a band, and it, it can be grating if you're not into that kind of stuff, but live sounds exactly like the track. They're actually touring with Denzel Curry. They have a great track with Denzel Curry, local hip-hop star down here. gonna be playing here in October. FSU week, everybody. Uh, but they do a wall of death where they ask the— for you to part down the middle. And this was a huge festival set. It was one of the best sets I've ever seen. And these people parted and they were in the infield. So the Daytona 500 logo was right in the middle. It was pretty cool. And then there was this dude that dressed like Jesus that walked down the middle and then he screams like, all right, go! And then everybody just runs full speed at one another.

Seems horrible.

It was awesome. The energy was unmatched.

He wasn't dressed like Moses?

No, he was dressed like Jesus.

Jesus.

Which made more sense than Moses.

This video went like super viral because like Jesus— I know parting of the Red Sea, but you got a guy dressed as Jesus Christ.

Know about that parting?

Moses had Nike. Jesus was wearing Adidas.

You gotta hear this track with Denzel, Juju. Like, it's crazy.

I wanna hear it. Did Jesus have dreads?

Did not.

Damn, shake 'em.

Shake 'em.

Also, Ariana Grande, too skinny. She looks, she looks unhealthy.

It's interesting you're the one who said that.

No, I mean, I'm just worried about it.

I would never do that.

No, I'm genuinely concerned about it.

I would never worry about a woman.

Never do that.

Talking about—

oh boy, it's like that. Oh boy, flip your laptop over here.

I mean, I think there's some trickery with these Demi Lovato pictures, by the way.

I don't care, I'm into it.

Yeah, well, you mean her poking her hip out?

There's a picture of hers on her Instagram account from a week ago, and it's like completely different body dynamics.

You know, people— in what way?

Not like that way in the, in the jet ski picture.

Oh boy.

I don't like this one, man.

I'm just saying it's different.

She look different. You know what, kindly don't speak about her anymore.

Why not?

I don't like your tone.

Oh boy.

What's my tone?

Nonetheless, you wish you had this algorithm.

Dan Levitar.

My algorithm on Instagram, it's Dan, it's all boobs.

Jonathan Sasslow.

It's a good algorithm.

This is the Dan Levitar Show.

So I wanna, I wanna talk a little bit of NBA here, Amin.

Okay.

Couple things. Number 1, I want you to explain to me, because this is, this is when I just saw the headline. I didn't see, I didn't see the content, but I'm gonna ask you because the video featured you, and apparently you were talking about how the Toronto Raptors might wind up getting Kawhi Leonard, who we still don't know what team— well, I guess we do know what team he plays for. He plays for the Clippers.

Mm-hmm.

But at some point he might play for the Raptors, but I guess if the NBA decides to do something— they likely won't because Adam Silver's on nothing— but if they do decide to do something, what team is Kawhi Leonard going to play on? And you're making the case that the Raptors could wind up getting him for nothing?

Yeah, so the, the idea was I did this— I did The Big Number with Tom Habestro on Yahoo. Go check out the episode. And during the episode, which was a lot of it was about Kawhi and, and the aspiration investigation, and he said he went through some myths myth-busting. And one of the myths is that the Toronto Raptors are praying for a slap on the hand, right? They want, hey league, don't go too crazy on the Clippers. Let's just do something cool so that we can still do it.

So the trade can still happen.

Yeah. And my assertion is no, no, quite the opposite. They're praying for fire and brimstone. Because not to say a slap on the hand is bad. It's a slap on the hand, they get the trade through, that's fine. Fire and brimstone though is the voiding of Kawhi Leonard's contract. If his contract gets voided, he becomes a free agent. You cannot suspend a player for a cap circumvention. I looked up and down Article 13 of the collective bargaining agreement on this. The most you can do is void his contract, fine him $350 grand, and that's it. So, if his contract gets voided, guess what he becomes? He becomes an unrestricted free agent.

Mmhmm.

Who can sign anywhere, I believe, other than the Clippers. He cannot return to the Clippers, not with this first deal.

But no teams have any money available.

Exactly! So it's like, where do you want to get your minimum from? Well, he had already made the decision when he asked for a trade, or when they were exploring the trade, is that, hey, Toronto is the place I want to go to because I feel comfortable, because of, you know, there's enough people from the front office who are still there. The medical staff— was the last time he probably felt this good— are still there. And so for him, Toronto was a desired destination. Well, why would that change now that you don't have a contract? It still would be the same. So Toronto would be able to get him and not have to trade Brandon Ingram and not have to trade Grady Dick and not have to trade the picks that went along through there. One of my favorite comments under the post on Instagram where we had this was some guy said, this guy doesn't understand how the salary cap works. I'm like, buddy, if you just listen to it. I explain it in the video. I felt like David Duchovny in Zoolander. Yes, but why male models? Are you kidding? I just got done explaining this.

Why do you think they didn't believe you understood the salary cap?

Because they did not watch. They just saw, Amin thinks the Raptors could get him for free. Like, this guy doesn't understand how the salary cap works. You gotta make salaries match, my man, is probably what his dumbass was thinking.

I can think of another team that has an open roster spot that could probably use a guy like Kawhi. Yeah, like shot creator down the stretch.

Sure. I mean, I think the only other place that would be in the running, which is why probably Toronto would be like, no, just give us the trade because that way we know we have him as opposed to opening it up. The only place is San Antonio, but I don't know if San Antonio would—

No, San Antonio makes a lot of sense, but I don't know.

You think after everything—

It's not what I would say, but it does make sense.

That's what he's— well, that was the kind of like the other place that he would consider when they were talking about a trade. So down here, probably not.

No, it wouldn't happen. I just want it to.

The other thing—

putting it out there the same way I put the LeBron thing out there, and then all of a sudden that almost happened. I just started saying it and then it almost happened.

You just want almost happening.

Hey, I'll take it.

Almost happened, meaning Chris Cody.

Chris ruined it.

So if it wasn't for Chris, it would have happened?

I mean, you don't— you can't say for certain. that whatever timeline exists where Chris doesn't tweet what he tweeted, that LeBron doesn't end up here. We don't know. There's an alternate parallel universe to this one where Chris doesn't tweet that, and maybe someday we can explore it. But if he doesn't tweet it, maybe LeBron is on the Miami Heat.

What does that say, Amin, in terms of teams and their appetite when you see Kawhi, who was brought there really on a rental, and it was like, okay, you basically bought a championship by making this trade, and For him to have such a good experience that he goes back there, what does that mean for teams moving forward in terms of making these types of trades to say, hey, come into the building, see our facilities, and I know that maybe we're not a palatable place and it's not a great market, but we can show you so much that maybe if there's another place or if you have the opportunity to come back, you will?

Yeah, I mean, I think that's why you don't burn bridges, right? That's why you don't people out of the door, right? For one, it's because you never know if that relationship may ever be mended again. And for two, it also demonstrates kind of who you are to the rest of the league, right? There's a, a, there was a very strong theory. I don't know if you could ever prove it, but the reason the Bulls broke up the dynasty in '98, because they wanted cap space for 2000 to go after Kevin Garnett, to go after Grant Hill, Tim Duncan, Tracy McGrady. It was like this huge free agent class. And what ended up happening was— well, Kevin Garnett signed an extension, so he was off the board, but all those other guys were free agents. And what ended up happening is nobody wanted to sign in Chicago. And the reason why was, well, I saw how you treated the best player to ever play the game. Why would I think I'm gonna be any different?

Right.

So it's like, even though Chicago thought they were doing the smart thing getting ahead of it, and like, oh, we're gonna have all this money, and who wouldn't wanna play here? It's Chicago, right? Well, the reality was their reputation harmed them in free agency, where they started with Grant Hill and Tim Duncan, and they ended up signing Ron Mercer. So that's a lot. That's— they reached a point where Eddie Jones said no, right? And like, that's crazy to think of. Imagine, like, what's, what's one of the great, uh, champion teams of recent memory? Imagine the Boston Celtics had done this Jaylen Brown deal to clear up a bunch of cap space.

No.

And everyone was like, nah. Like, it just was insane, this idea, this franchise that had been so well run and won so many championships, within 2 years could not sign anyone. So I think you do it because it's the right thing to do, but also you do it because it's your reputation out there. Having said that, typically players sign because of money and because of opportunity to win where they are the reason for the winning. And I think those are always gonna be 1A and 1B, and then there's a gap, and then all that other stuff may come in when you try to split hairs.

Piggybacking off Jeremy, uh, people saying things, uh, debate. I've been hearing a couple whispers here and there about the Heat possibly, potentially, maybe being in the Kyrie Irving talk. Is there any validity to that?

I saw that.

It's a Fake-ass rumor from a fake-ass Twitter account.

Yeah, it's not real.

We need to stop, ladies and gentlemen. If you don't recognize— and then ain't that many names.

Hold on, I want— before you keep going, I didn't hear it from a tweet. I heard it from Jeff Teague saying it.

Jeff Teague heard it from the tweet.

Okay, that's—

ladies and gentlemen, I'm gonna give you the, the definitive list, right? Shams Charania, Mark Spears, Chris Haynes, Marc Stein, Jake Fisher, Ramona Shelburne, right? Like, uh, Sam Amick. Uh, who else am I missing? Any local beat writer for a newspaper or for The Athletic.

Mike Ryan?

Not quite.

You told us Messi's coming.

Not for this conversation.

When I report on the NBA, I'm always accurate, but it's not my beat.

I saw that also the Heat don't have any tradable first-round picks anymore.

It's just, it's not even about that. It's just about we need to stop believing anything that is worded or has an infographic or— you just need to stop and say, where is this from? And if it says it's from someone, burn the extra calorie. Alright, let me make sure Shams actually tweeted this, right? And so I'm not even blaming you, Juju, because you went to a reputable source, NBA player, podcaster extraordinaire, Jeff Teague.

Jeff Teague is not a reputable source.

He has a great show. They put on a great show. They put on a great show. I really enjoy their show. Don't listen to it regularly, but when I do listen to it, I do enjoy it. But Jeff Teague's not a source. I'm not— I'm not gonna listen to Jeff because I know it's the same— like, the same way I'm not gonna listen to Perk on these kind of matters because I know Perk is just on the internet like me and you. This isn't like working the phones and all that. This is just, oh snap, you see this? Let's talk about it right now. That'll make a good topic for the show.

But you can listen to me, because if I say it, it might almost happen.

Them goons, well coached by Erik Spoelstra.

Where do you think Kyrie ends up, Amin? Because there's not that many places that can afford him in terms of picks, assets, salary cap match, and he's got to get up out of Dallas.

Does he?

I don't think he's going anywhere. Yeah, I, I, I think they like him, and I think he likes it there too.

I, I, he did before. I don't know after all the changes, if he feels the same. But they like him. He's a good vet. He's a, like, a good guy that they have around.

New head coach. We'll see how it goes.

Yeah. So, no, there's been changes for sure.

But, but if you want to win, which he assumingly does, you're not winning in Dallas. And they continue to move pieces. Probably PJ is going to get moved next. You've moved on from Klay. Like, this team is going absolutely nowhere.

Yeah, it's— I mean, it's, it's a— it's beginning its journey, right? It's, it's a team that's starting from ground zero, beginning its journey. It's got some nice young pieces to start with. Like, for me, I, like, I, I don't— I can't purport to know how Kyrie Irving feels. I don't think he's ever come out and said, I need to win right now, what are you doing with my career? If he had done that, it'd be easier to make that leap. But he might actually be cool with it for now, with the understanding that, hey, if a better opportunity comes up you can move me.

I want another question for you. I mean, sorry, Zazz. Have you ever heard— there— have you ever heard this precedent set? A team releasing a veteran so that they can go ring chase? Your Phoenix Mercury released DeJuanna Bronner.

Yeah.

And she's in Atlanta now. Salute to the Dream for signing her. Have you ever heard of that? Like, it sounds ridiculous to me.

It—

yeah, I mean, it has happened. I mean, for, for example, we still don't know how much Klay Thompson gave up in his buyout.

Oh, I thought we do know.

Do we have that number?

Yeah, I thought he gave up $9.8 million.

He gave up $9.8 million, okay, all right. But, you know, like, there are examples of guys who get released and they go sign somewhere else. Juju, you would know better than I, and Trista as well, you would definitely know better than I. There's some friction that was happening between DeJuana Bonner and the Mercury, correct?

Well, wasn't this a couple years in a row where there's friction where DeJuana Bonner is?

I mean, she had friction in Indiana, but she went to play with her wife, you know what I mean? Phoenix. So I'm not sure. They say it's no friction, but they say a lot of things.

Yeah. See, I like that. That's the, that's the part I don't know about. But I was under the impression that it wasn't all cool.

But like, okay, the FIBA break starts Sunday. You're out of the playoffs. Why are we just letting you go on the road to a playoff push post-trade deadline? Like, has that ever happened in the NBA? post-trade deadline, we're just gonna let you go. You could be a valuable piece for a contender.

Yeah, it happens every year.

No, but I mean in terms of, like, we're talking about maybe 10 games left in the season.

Oh, well, not in the NBA because you're passing the deadline of latching onto a team and being playoff eligible. That's rare.

That's why, right? It's not because—

I guess they don't have that rule in the WNBA.

Right, exactly.

So I mean, like, but then there's an argument that the WNBA season is so short To have a date like that would be kind of artificial anyway and, and, and make things even more difficult. To me, it's like, yeah, it's— your team is 12 games under .500.

Mike, your thoughts on DeJuana Bonner being released from Phoenix?

I don't watch the league, and I have the courage to admit that. Thank you very much for the opportunity.

Would you say you would like it?

I think you would like the W.

I love women's basketball and the college game. I only got so much bandwidth to give.

Yeah, that's what it is. It's a bandwidth issue.

Bandwidth, for sure.

I also think that you would like Serie A, but I'm not shoving it down your throat.

I'm gonna get into the Prem this year. I'm getting into the Prem this year.

Okay, well, there's about 17 other leagues that I'd like for you to sample. Perhaps we should take a day block to discuss all these things.

Uh, before we move on—

Oh, Jeremy threw up an airball. I didn't even hear.

Oh, it was so good. I did.

I said, would you say you do wanna?

No, when you throw up an airball, I don't want you to throw up the airball again.

It was good. No, it was good. That's a good one. I'm mad that you didn't give me the laugh on it.

Roy's right though.

Stay in the ocean.

Roy's right though. Before we move on, I can't believe this clip I saw. So I think this is from actually 2 nights ago, from a Washington Mystics game, and they were playing on USA Network. And give this a listen, Amin. The, the color analyst on the game, I'm not sure her name, but she, she lets us know what the Washington Mystics— they have like a nickname for themselves, and here it is.

Have the 2 top youngest teams in the W.

And how about those young hoes from Washington, as they like to be called?

Yes, that is what they like to be called.

Thank you to Lauren Betts on that one. I'm not making it up.

How about those young hoes from Washington?

Well, you can't say it.

Yes, sir.

I mean, you can't say it.

What?

You can't say it.

What?

I thought it was pronounced young way.

Trista, they're called young hoes?

Yeah, so—

That's a crazy thing to call them.

You can't say it!

You can't say young— you can say young ways.

She just said it on USA Network during a WNBA broadcast.

She said it.

That's crazy.

Equality.

You can't say it. That's not our word to use in that context.

Young hoes?

They can say it.

No, so—

They use it all the time.

This started early on in the year. Lauren Betts, a rookie, uh, they are the youngest team in the league by a lot. A bunch of the best college players all coming in and playing at once on the same squad, plus Sonia Citron, who came from Notre Dame. I mean, this team is stacked with young talent and they are this young, fun, vibrant team. And Lauren Betts early on in the season is like, yeah, we're the Young Hoes, based around a TikTok trend where there was this young lady saying, hey, what is a young hoe? A young hoe ain't got time. to cook on low heat. We only cook on high heat. Young Hoes, we're trying to get this money, so we don't separate our darks and our light. We just put them together, and then we end up in the dryer. And I was like thinking about it, and it caught on, caught fire. Even ESPN asked Sonya Sytchon, hey, you guys are the Young Hoes.

They said that on air?

On air, on ESPN, on Women's Sports Network.

Who asked?

I want to know who asked.

Let me see. Hold on. Let me say this right now.

Say her name.

Unprofessional.

Is it?

Young hoes.

I mean, unprofessional. Like, like, regardless of who can and can't say it on air as part of a broadcast.

Pretty crazy.

If they want to say— if the players want to say it, they can say it. The broadcaster should not be saying it.

He's right.

Any more than Juju— if let's say the Knicks said, hey, we the young bawkers, I could say it. Juju could say it, but is it appro— Roy could say it. Is it appropriate for us to say it on air, on national TV? Inappropriate, especially during a game broadcast where there are kids watching. Like, that's not appropriate. That's not an appropriate word to be used.

I'm sorry, I'm more concerned—

It's a crazy thing to say.

About the cameras that they've put inside of the Anacostia Arena than I am with the broadcasters calling them, hey, they have self-called themselves—

Tell me about the cameras.

The—

oh my God, have you not seen these cameras?

I haven't seen these cameras.

Oh my God, they're, they're up high in the stands. Juju, back me up here. Literally, you can't even see them. They have one camera in the arena. If you're gonna be a WNBA team, we need to standardize these damn camera angles.

Right, and they got shadows on the court, bro.

Shadows on the court.

It's like huddle. It's like huddle tape, but for the national TV broadcast.

But I'm gonna tell you what's wild, Tristen, and even though it does— it should not, it should not apply to them, is that the W teams are not all created equally. Like, there's the difference in wealth between one franchise and another is so massive. It's the reason why a few years ago we were like, chartering is hard, and Joe Simon was like, what's the big deal? I'll charter. And I'm like, yeah, you can, but like— I'm not chartering. For the people who own, for example, the Seattle Storm, it was like, yo, that's— that might be our entire budget for the year.

Sheila Johnson is rich as fuck. BET owner.

Everyone knows about her. $3 billion.

Everybody knows she's rich.

Everybody knows.

Everyone knows about her.

You know who on the rise right now? Finally, the Atlanta Dream. We finally getting enough cash in motion to be able to do a lot of this stuff. So it's a Great time to be a Dream fan, man.

But I was thinking about it and I was like, okay, that, that umbrella of what makes a young hoe, like, that's Zaslav. I bet Zaslav is essentially a young hoe. You probably don't separate your laundry. You probably cook on high heat. Like, you're a young hoe as well.

Okay.

Young hoes from Washington.

Saying it on a national broadcast, even a local one, by the way, but saying it on a national broadcast is crazy.

Like, at the end of the day, you're selling a product.

Like, does it— like, it doesn't become, okay, we could say it because they're calling that. So if they call themselves something, it's okay no matter what the word is?

Yep.

All right.

Also, we got something— we called something earlier, maybe the 2nd or 3rd week of the WNBA. Me and Trista got on the Alley Oop and said Olivia Miles is the MVP. I had never heard nobody say that before us. Have you heard somebody say that before?

No.

Oh, if you did it week 2, You would definitely know. Maybe Olivia Myles' parents, maybe they'd be interested.

All the better reasons to tune in to the next season of The Alley Oop, coming up basketball time.

Dan Levitar.

I ain't never met nobody in the world that's done hate on Blue's Clues.

Great nomination.

Like, who don't like Blue's Clues, bro? If you don't like Blue's Clues, you're a loser.

Juju Gotti.

Look, you get one paw print, that's the first clue. You put it in a notebook, Now what do you do?

Woo!

Blue's Clues, Blue's Clues.

Sit on the chair and think about it.

This is the Dan Levitan Show.

Do you guys know there is a— there's a new gas station in Atlanta. Have you heard about this brand new gas station in Atlanta?

Mobil?

No, it's actually in an elementary school. That's right, there's a gas station in a 2nd grade classroom in elementary school, and this gas station is for kids in the class who, if they're, uh, how do I put this, if they want to fart, they someone just said young hoes on national television.

Feel free to say fart.

If these kids wanna fart instead of having to hold it in, maybe it'll hurt their stomach, make them uncomfortable, or, you know, you're next to another kid and all of a sudden, you know, you fart on them. Like, no one wants to— no one wants a fart to be around them. And so this teacher, let me get her name, Candy Sidney Browning.

Her name is Candy?

Yeah. Candy Sydney Browning.

Why?

She's a 2nd grade teacher.

That's not the name of a 2nd grade teacher.

It is. Candy?

That's really young, 2nd grade. Of course it could be.

Her name is Candace.

But they don't call her Candy. I'm sure she's Miss Sydney Browning. All right.

Of course.

Well, let her explain on her TikTok here how she has created the gas station.

So y'all have been asking me about the gas station in my classroom. So they get up off the rug. Walk over here and they come right here to the gusty winds area. And of course we have everything they need over here. They have sprays. Now, do I require them to spray? I don't. I just put it there in case they just want to go ahead and use it because I spray my classroom every day anyway. So yeah, that's, that's it. That's the station.

There is a corner of that room where mid-class, mid-lesson, kids can just get up from their seat. They don't have to leave the lesson, they don't have to miss anything, and they just get to go stand in the corner and fart.

What if there's an accident?

Uh-oh.

Like a shart?

Yeah.

Like if you're about to have a gamble fart, right?

Yeah.

You know about that gamble fart, right?

No.

Yeah. Gamble fart is when like you gotta let one out, but you don't know if it's gonna just be a fart. That's a gamble fart. It's a gamble. You know? 'Cause if you do it, it might be a fart. A gamble fart.

Put it on the poll, Juju. Do you know about that gamble fart?

Yeah, put that on the poll. So you're telling me—

I love this. I think this is an awesome idea.

Okay, but hold on a second. I know when I was a kid— now, I think I've said this recently— I never fart in public. Never. Never ever. If somebody— if it happens, you don't even have to look at me and say, yo, Zaslow, was that you? I never fart in public. But I certainly know when I was a kid, it would be an embarrassment if someone heard you fart. That's very embarrassing.

What?

Very embarrassing.

Oh my God.

No, it was funny.

Yeah, exactly. There was— you didn't have the kid in the class who's like, hey, hey, hey, I have a question. Like, yes, Billy? And everyone laughed.

No, it's very embarrassing.

You don't know about Billy the fart kid? Dog, I— the first thing I thought about is there's gonna be one Asshole kid who every 2 seconds like, excuse me, but it's gotta go to the gas station again. And then he's gonna do it with like some pizzazz. Everyone's gonna laugh and stuff, man.

That wouldn't be me, man. I'm not about to announce to the whole class— that's what you're doing, you're announcing the whole class that, yo, I'm about to fart, and then I'm gonna go there and everyone's watching me fart.

She said that it's been working great. Like, she continued in the video and said that the kids have been respectful about it and that the, the best thing for her as a teacher is that she doesn't deal with the constant like, miss, I have to go to the bathroom. Like, so now—

Oh, these kids are going to the bathroom to fart?

If they're like Zaslow.

Nah, man.

If they're like Zaslow, so she's dealing with less interruptions of her lessons because the kids know if they gotta get up and walk over there. I will say, this does sort of remind me of like almost like a smoke break. Like, I feel like if I was a kid, I would just take advantage of like, it's been like a good 45 minutes since someone's walked over there. I know it doesn't smell like farts anymore. I just need a break from this lesson. I'm gonna get up and walk over there and just stand for about 30 seconds.

They were moving desks every 5 minutes.

All right.

You wouldn't have been embarrassed?

Whether I had to fart or not.

People fart, Zach.

Whether you have to fart or not, so you're just gonna go and stand in the fart corner?

Yeah, play around with the stuff that they got, sprays and stuff.

Febreze.

Oh my God, dude, you don't understand.

I'm almost gagging thinking about it. I really am.

A child with ADHD, that's a gold mine. I get to get up in the middle of class.

To go stand in the fart corner?

Oh my God, yeah.

In the fart pit?

Get up and walk somewhere. It's a fart pit, Zach.

Yes! I get to get up, walk around, go mess with some shit over here, pretend to be doing something, sit on that, get the attention of my buddy. Juju, Juju, watch this, watch this. Like, I would— like, that's the whole time with no farts at all, just mess around. Now, if it's working for her, God bless her. If it works for your classroom, awesome. But I guess I've seen the dark side of children. That's why I wanna bludgeon young Hitler with a baseball bat, because I've got so much pent-up anger from children that I'm like, nah, man, there's no way they're gonna take this and not take advantage of it.

I think we're burying the lede here, guys. How many farts per hour is hitting you in the face for you to have to come up with a damn fart corner? Like, what is happening at lunch?

It's a fart pit. Right.

They're having beans at lunch every day.

I like the idea that the fart, everybody apparently feels the fart only stays in the fart pit.

Yeah, like it doesn't follow you when you walk back.

Right.

Like a trail, like a Looney Tunes trail.

Just stays there.

Green finger going, mm. By the way, can I be old again now? I wanna be old again, 'cause there's something else about that video that upsets me. I don't like the teachers doing content from the classroom.

There was no kids in there.

There's a lot of it. There's a lot of content from the classroom.

It looked like it was after school.

No, I don't care. these stories from your house, that's cool.

Why do you care?

Because it's the sanctity of the space, man. Like, I don't want the classroom, the environment at all, to be used as a content factory. You're supposed to be a teacher. Stop trying to get likes on TikTok, man.

I think it's helpful to other teachers.

Candace Brown, you can call me Candy if you nasty.

What about that one, uh, teacher here, uh, the Dolphins fan lady who who always goes viral for teaching her class.

Right, I've seen that.

The week, the dolphin schedule and stuff like that. Is she bad too, Amin?

I, I, without seeing her content, does her content in the classroom with the kids in it?

Yes, she uses dolphins as like math.

I don't care. Yeah, do it, do it, your lesson, do it. Why am I talking in the Schwarzenegger? Do it, yeah, yeah, teach them, use dolphins, yeah. But don't put the kids, don't put the classroom in there This isn't Abbott Elementary. This is people's real lives, man, that I don't believe— I know if that happened to my kids, I'd be like, I didn't sign off on any of this for you to just use my kids as props.

Kids aren't in the, in the video.

He just said they are.

Well, in, in the one with the woman doing the math.

Yeah.

I will say the ones that I really enjoy are when teachers will like ask kids about songs and they'll have them like write down what they thought about it. So they'll play out like American Idiot by Green Day or Fall Out Boy or whatever. And it's like, oh, my dad loved this song.

Or—

and there is some funny elements to some of the teacher content, but I think most of it, most of it, not all of it. There are definitely some people who are just going for likes. But I think a lot of it, something like that, for example, if I'm, I'm a teacher now, I have a helpful tool to be able to bring to my classroom. I think there's a lot of this that's like a nice exchange of ideas.

I got to be honest with you. All right. If I'm in that 2nd grade class and there's another— there's a little girl in that class, I got a crush on her and she gets up to go to the fart pit, I'm sorry, that like—

no, no way.

No way.

Don't let her name be like Martha. We call her Farta now.

No more, no more crush.

Is that something that we know about you?

Just— yeah, that is something, you know. 2 things, 2 things everybody knows about me. Number one, I'll never be a cuck. And number two, if you, if you go to the fart pit, I don't have a crush on you anymore.

Does your wife fart around you, Zazz?

No, no, very rarely.

Never, huh?

Very rarely.

Rarely? Give me an example when it did happen.

Sleep.

Wow, she's gonna— she's gonna love this conversation.

She doesn't listen to the show, it's all good.

Yeah, but there's snitches at her school always telling her shit. And you know what happens to snitches, right? Right?

They get hurt.

They get hurt. There's constant snitching going on at that school. Oh, your husband said this. Uh, how many times has she farted?

Not how many times. Give me an example of one where it happened. You said it—

She's never done it on purpose, right?

No, no.

Let's say she laughed and laughed too hard and then farted.

Yeah, probably.

Yeah, like the clumps.

Or in her sleep, like she rolled over and just like—

No, I don't think so.

I don't know.

Roll over in bed and—

No, I don't think so.

I don't know about y'all, man, but me, early in the morning, oh man, I gotta let that Okay, that's you. Oh boy, sounding like downtown, downtown Fallujah. Just clap.

Fallujah is a hell of a pool. I haven't thought about Fallujah in a while. Thank you for that.

Thank you.

Oh man, that's a no for me, dog. You guys want to hear Vin Diesel?

Wait, so how many times?

Oh, I don't know. It never happens.

Where's the last time? Don't tell me how many times. Tell me the last time.

You know.

I know. The last time you heard it.

I don't know.

You have to know.

Before?

No, it's so rare. No, I got it. I got it.

If it's so rare, then it would be memorable.

I'm being honest. I have no recollection. It definitely has happened. I have no recollection.

What about the boys?

Oh, yeah. They do it all the time. I live with 2 high school teenagers. Like, they're disgusting.

Let me tell you something. That's the kids, man. That's why this, this corner thing, don't believe in it. Because I know kids!

These kids are young enough. They're young enough that they're, they're still sweet. They're not trying to be assholes.

Sweet to me.

No, there is no way that causes fewer disruptions than without it. There's just no way.

I trust her, and I think we should pay her more.

That part of the room must be so stank. I'm sorry. So stank.

No, that's what the Febreze is for.

Yeah, like no kid's gonna abuse that. Come on, man. Double guns, like a John Woo movie. Yeah, absolutely. Jumping to the side. Fallujah.