Transcript of Giggling about the garden, grandpas, and energy healers

Sup, Gigglers? Gary, fix the Wi-Fi. Manifest that shit. We can't be managed. I mean, the day just got away from me.

What's up, my Madison Square? I didn't even say Garden. It's MS Gigglers, baby. We're like— I'm a little— I'm still processing. I'm like in shock mode still. Yeah, I'm,

I'm very much like

We just had an elevator ride and we just looked at each other and we were like, how's your day? No, like, you guys, what the fuck is going on?

I have to unbutton my pants literally 4 seconds into it.

Let it go, baby.

What was I trying to do, be a hero?

Everyone unzip your pants right now, actually. Everyone unzip right now.

Do you ever wear jeans and it's— and you sit down every time and then it's in your vagina?

Yeah, every time.

Like, it's—

no. Yeah.

And you have to Yeah, pull the inseam.

By the way, we had like 20 minutes where she was just sitting here totally fine.

Well, because then it started to burn.

Yeah. Wait, is this the reason you have UTIs? Because you have— because your pencil jeans? Um, I thought that we did this podcast— I knew your mom listened. Yeah, I knew my mom listened. I knew my dad, he listens sometimes but not always.

Yeah,

my Nana listens. Bobby Flay listens.

I didn't think there was 8 million of you. I'm getting text messages about tickets from people that I'm like, I haven't spoken to you in 20 years.

Nana's getting DMs. But I do have to say, we, we planned the tour like we underestimated it. Mhm. And Madison Square Garden, that was our like, if we could do Madison Square Garden.

You know what, I tried to keep the tour low-key. I was like, you know what, we'll just like do a couple shows, it won't be as big as last time. Then Hannah's like, okay, but what if— and hear me out. And I said, you know what, I love it. One night, how special, how spectacular. I'm gonna do a custom Daphne outfit. And then every 30 minutes the past 3 days, she's like, hear me out.

This is how Giggly Squad works. Someone calls me and they go, how do you feel about this? And I'm like, okay. And then they go, how do we tell Paige? And I say, I got you.

How do we take it to Paige?

I want you guys to know, after the first Madison Square Garden—

It's just me on the phone with my mom.

After it sold out, I FaceTime you. I look at you and I said, Paige, I know you said you don't want to do any other shows. We have to add more. Like, we have to. And you roll your eyes and you go, fine. Call you again, Paige. And you're like, now the outfit is gonna be a problem.

Well, after 2 shows, Hannah knows exactly what she does to me. She said something that it would break a record. of like men. And I said, book it.

You were so angry, you were like, do it, and then hang up.

I felt like a man in finance. I said like, yes, and then I just shut the phone.

You were like, sell the stock down. Um, so we're working on creating the show right now, and now we're realizing like we got to make it Madison Square Garden level. So we're figuring out maybe a chandelier, I don't know.

Well, actually, I didn't even run this by you, but I said something to someone who's working on it with us, and I said, what if we made it actually— Grace? No, I was talking about Andrew, but I hate to say that we have a straight man on our team. But I said, what if we made it actually look like a garden?

This is Taylor Swift.

And he goes, okay, now we're getting— I go, but it would just feel more homey.

You go, what did Taylor Swift do with her wedding stuff?

Like, could you connect me with—

Is it in a back closet? Could they just bring it back out?

Well, because the vibes of MSG are very industrial. It's very like—

But we've played casinos before,

right? It's, it's like, it's cool tones to me.

I also think it's so funny that Paige, she barely made it through 3 shows of the first tour, and now she's sold 4 Madison Square Gardens.

I'm gonna nap until then.

We're definitely on voice rest. The only time we talk is doing Giggly Squad or MSG.

Once it hits December 1st, don't contact me until April.

Yeah.

Yeah, because I'm hibernating. I'm— I have to get ready. The amount of face masks I need. My microneedlist texted me. She goes, you really need to come in.

Yeah, she's disappointed in you. You're like, I'm dealing with a lot right now.

I have a tour coming up.

My friend has got me by the balls.

No, she keeps making me work.

I also think it just so happens that every hot girl in the tri-state area

is coming.

I'm still in shock. Yeah, like I'm processing still. Like next episode I'll be able to like speak freely on it. I did do something really stupid though last night. I got scammed.

You did?

I didn't tell Des. I haven't told anyone. Don't tell Des. I won't.

Please don't tell Des.

I won't tell Des. I think I was able to fix it, but, um, look, lately I've been a little loosey-goosey.

Yeah.

With like donations.

Yes.

If I see a cause, I'ma just throw a couple dollars at it.

Sometimes people Venmo me and I'm like Okay, but maybe they really do have a cousin who is—

And we get sob stories. We don't know what's real or not.

Yeah.

When there's a kitten involved—

Oh my God.

Let's just say there's a lot of cat shelters that have been getting money over the last month. So last night I'm doing my scroll.

Yeah.

And this like old man comes up like saying something and then these kittens and he like has his own kitten shelter.

TikTok or Instagram? What forum?

Instagram.

Okay.

So I first repost it and then he's like, please help us keep our shelter like afloat. Done. I don't need to read it. Done. Done. I now own this shelter.

Like, put my name on it. I support you.

I like— it was just like a payment form. Like, it wasn't a GoFundMe. It was just like

a link.

A link. And I was like—

In his bio?

Yeah. Okay. I was just like, yeah, totally, this man money. So I give it. I feel good about myself. I saved a shelter. And I continue on my night, and then I get a DM from a gigler because I had reposted it, and someone goes, babe, this is AI. Someone was just putting old— an old man talking and then kittens. And I said, I need to see it. My 2 favorite things in the world, an old man and a kitten.

That video was specifically targeted to you.

No, they're getting good, you guys. They're good. And look, did I do my due diligence? Absolutely not. But like There's a lot of cat shelters. I'm like, they showed the kittens, I'm in.

Speaking of old men,

yeah,

I did an energy healer. I do my energy healer once a year for my birthday because I just feel like it— I really believe in her. She's like amazing.

It feels like once a month though.

No, I do it once a year, right before my birthday. I used to do it once a month because I had a lot going on. I go, clearly my energy is fucked.

Was she like, hey, I don't need to keep telling you That you have anxiety.

Yeah.

Yeah.

She was— she's like, you know what to do with— for your anxiety. So anyway, she's like, the first 30 minutes is her like talking to you, and then the last 30 minutes is like you close your eyes and she does like energy work on you. And I'm not kidding. Over Zoom? Yes. You really feel it in your body.

See, my husband would be like, you're getting scammed again.

Okay, listen to this. So while she's doing it, I literally feel something on my shoulder. I thought Kitty had like jumped up on the couch and like hit my shoulder to the point where I turned my head my head and looked. When you wake up, she asks you like if you feel anything. And of course, you know me, I tell her some things but I don't tell her everything because I want to see if she says it to me. So I did feel something else in my kidneys. I said that to her and she was like, yeah, you have like a lot of energy in your kidneys. You have to— I had to like clear it out. She goes, and then something else weird happened. She was like, I felt a man over you and touch your shoulder and say, tell her congratulations. I'm on the phone with Hannah this morning, I'm telling her this story. The first words out of her mouth, she goes, oh my God, my grandpa. She goes, my grandpa came to you?

I go, it was my grandpa. And she goes, not everything is about your fucking grandpa.

I go, actually, as someone who has 2 dead grandpas—

Who never brings it up.

Who nada, just holds it in like it's the '80s. Don't say a single word about those men. I'm like, maybe actually someone related to me was like, not everything is about Grandpa Jerry.

I don't— we just sold at MSG. Grandpa loves basketball. It's my grandpa congratulating us for sure. But I know you don't need to pay a psychic to tell you that.

Do your grandpas even like basketball?

I'm like, sorry, my grandpa's about teams and he knows you're important for an essential for the team. And he was giving you— he's a coach. Of course he's patting you on the back. Like, actually, the more I talk about it, I'm like, I'm sure it was Grandpa Jerry. I'm sure.

Well, I will book another appointment and find out. But

also what freaked me out is how do you know where your kidneys are? That's a weird skill. I mean, you're like, oh, my kidney right here.

I'm a UTI veteran. I know exactly where my kidneys are.

Okay, I don't mean to like embarrass myself, but like kidneys are for flushing blood. Is that like every organ?

No, that's your— like your liver is for A lot of stuff.

Never heard of her.

Kidneys are— your kidneys are—

You have 2.

You do. And you can give a kidney.

Yes! You can give a kidney.

You can't give a liver.

You can't give a liver, but you can eat animal liver if that's your religion.

Who?

The Jews.

They eat animal livers?

They go, what am I, a Piece of liver?

No, I think you're thinking of something totally different, like chopped liver.

Yeah, what am I, chopped liver?

But that's not them eating it.

It's chopped so they can eat it.

I don't know, I'm asking the internet. The phrase— hold on, the phrase— is that about eating it? The phrase chopped liver.

We sell it at MSG and we spent 30 minutes trying to figure out what chopped liver is.

Wait. comes from mid-20th century Jewish American culture because chopped liver was served as an inexpensive side dish or appetizer. I'm in shock.

Every now and then a blind squirrel finds a nut. I mean, you guys just witnessed—

Shock.

Well, 'cause

I thought chopped liver meant like chop it up, discard it, we don't care. I didn't know it was like chop it up, put it in your mouth.

But I think it's also like Oh, look at us learning things. Des would be so proud of us. He loves weird sayings because we— when you have a chicken, no one wants the liver part, so they were like, is it cheap? They started eating it. So it's like, what am I, like a fucking throwaway? Are your kidneys okay?

Like, my kidneys are okay. She said I just had a lot of energy in them, and she told me when I wake up in the morning, I should go like this for 10 seconds and then put it on my kidneys.

And for anyone who's listening and they're like, this sounds fucking crazy, That's how she sold MSG. She's been doing that every single night.

She's been believing in myself.

Jules, hold on one second.

You truly never know what's going on in someone's home. Yeah, you know. Like, no one expects me to wake up in the morning and be like, hold on, I have to do my stuff.

Yeah, you have a lot of stuff.

I also started doing something else in the morning. I saw it on TikTok and now I can't remember. It's like part of Japanese culture. They do like different things in the morning to wake themselves up. One of them is I squeeze my ears for 10 seconds and it like, you really start swallowing, like it helps your lymphatic.

Oh wow. And

it like wakes you up.

I haven't, I've forgotten lemons every day this week. I forgot my lemons. I'm so upset.

It's hard to implement a totally new

routine. Yeah. Especially when you don't have one.

Right, right. Do you do anything routine?

Check my email.

Yeah.

Text you.

Right now I have 100 emails.

And you're stressed.

And 78 text messages.

And 60 of them are me.

And I'm really stressed. That's so not me, but I just, for some reason, I can't do it.

My favorite thing that you do over text is when you call someone freaks for no reason.

You love when I call people freaks.

But I love when it's literally no reason. Like, I'll be like, Oh, like, it's too busy to like go to this place right now. And you'd be like, freaks.

I'd be like, who's in there, a bunch of freaks?

Freaks.

No, because actually freak is a really good describing word for someone who's not—

Being okay.

Yeah, like they're not okay, but it's not like to a level where you have to call the police. It's psychopathic. Yeah, it's like they're just freaks. Like, okay, you're a freak.

Or if someone like says something mean about me, you're like, don't worry, they're freaks.

Yeah.

And immediately I'm like, you're so right, that just solved everything.

everything. Yeah.

You guys, whenever anything negative happens to you, just label it people being freaks.

Okay, sorry that you're a freak. I like— there's nothing I can do about it.

It's also giving middle school bully. Like, if a middle school bully called you a freak, you'd have to like leave the school. So that's why it's really powerful.

Just trying to think of like if I could identify my middle school bully. And it was, I think, a boy.

My middle school bully, of course, was like someone directly in my close friend group, right? Like, there was one girl in like the 4 girls that like I was like, did she love me? Did she hate me? Like, she would definitely do things to like kick me out of the group and stuff, but then it was like fun.

Yeah.

One thing about us is we were not bullies. I do think people—

I didn't talk, so it literally— it couldn't have happened.

Yeah. I'm too busy to bully. I was like dealing with like getting punished by my dad.

Yeah, I was only a freak at home. Like, I was very reserved in the public.

No, Mean Girls came. That was when people started to be mean, once Mean Girls aired, which is the greatest movie of all time, but We did have to have a full gym sit-down.

You did? Yeah,

they got all the girls in the gym and they were like, stop making cliques with weird names and starting civil wars.

Oh my God, you had like a real— was it all-girls school or they just left the guys out?

Well, I went to a school for like 2 years for tennis and I got there in 8th grade and I knew some of the girls from my neighborhood. I sound so—

Yeah, you sound— My neighborhood. Your accent today is like, it's MSG. You're like leaning in. I'm from New York, baby.

Yeah, you're really leaning in. Go New York, go!

I wish you would consult me more on the songs.

Okay, well, you're right. No, because I give you—

I give you 100% creative freedom.

Well, actually, I used the angel emoji.

Yeah, and that was perfect.

When we announced the second one and the Kylie Jenner angel song hit, I got hives.

No, I got emotional.

I was like shaking. I threw up.

We talked a lot about the Victoria's Secret fashion show. before it aired, and then when it aired, I loved it. I loved every second of it.

Oh yeah, Paige and I texted the entire time with all a trillion opinions, and at the end we were like, that was fun.

No, I'm like, gorgeous. Everyone did great.

All the performances were great. I have a hot take. Yeah. If we're gonna empower women, if we're gonna empower women, put their fucking Instagram handle. Oh, smart. Right? Like when the girl comes up and it's a new girl and they're like, we want her to be the face of I would love to promote her. What's her fucking handle?

So true.

How are you even supposed to find that? So true. And then there's girls who like are huge in Europe, but we don't know about them. And like, I want to follow them.

Yeah.

So like, tag a bitch.

Tate McRae, I think, is like, how does she move like that? The flexibility. I'm like, I—

And strength.

Yeah. The stamina alone. I actually said to Hannah, I need to build up my stamina. Madison Square Garden.

Okay, do you remember the last tour Paige got mad because I said let's not order fast food at midnight and then have me eat it all and you fall asleep?

This tour I'm different.

She texted me, she said, I'm working out this tour, I need to get my cardio up, and I was like— No,

I said I have no stamina. As a person who's tired by 5 o'clock, how the fuck am I gonna do all these shows?

Also, because you don't even know I'm about to plan you having to do dance routines and stuff on stage.

You know, I said no to a brand today because they said, how would you feel about singing? And I said, get the fuck out of my emails.

That was my bad. They saw my music video and they go, where's Paige?

I knew this was gonna happen. I go, guys, I have to draw the line somewhere and this is where I'm drawing it.

Speaking of brands, Butter got her first campaign offer.

Yeah, she did.

And

Butter got a call from Hollywood.

Butter got a call from Hollywood and Hollywood is not prepared.

Yeah,

they were so excited and positive and they were like, we are gonna get a studio, book it out all day. They go, Hannah doesn't even need to be there. Yeah, because we have all these shots we want to get of Butter.

An 8-hour shoot day.

When I tell you my agent was like, we did it, Butter's a star! And I said, I got her from a dumpster in the Bronx. She's a full feral cat. I would never leave Butter alone, ever.

Anyone.

With anyone. Like, imagine

you're scared for that person, not Butter.

Also, all your photos are not going to be like Like, Daphne just like— Daphne gives angles. She's like a little more chin, a little less chin.

Daphne was plucked from a cloud and then just put into my hands. She doesn't know struggle. She doesn't know the streets.

So I was pushing back on my agent. I was like, I don't know if that's possible. And she was like, why? And I was like, Butter's not an actor. She's a full— she's like a squirrel. If you let a wild squirrel in a room and try to do a photo shoot, that's what would happen. And like, I don't wanna drug her. Because that's insane. And I'm like, unless if it's me taking selfies holding Butter in my own home.

Yeah.

I don't know if she's gonna be able to work.

Have you ever drugged her?

No, she's actually good at travel.

Yeah,

but

no, I feel like a mom every time someone brings up drugging Daphne. I'm like, no, she's going nowhere. I'm not just like throwing a pill at her for any little thing that goes wrong. We're gonna

work it out. Use a little weed or something. Yeah, Butter— Chill her out.

Does she ever catnip it up?

She does love a catnip, but, but that gets them going. Like, she's rolling around like— But then they like zonk out. Yeah, then they zonk out. So I don't think I want to put her in that situation. Like, I want her to live a regular cat life. She's not meant for that life. And I literally had to tell my agent, I was like, Butter's not Daphne.

Yeah.

And that's okay.

And that's okay.

And

Daphne is a working cat.

She's from like a line of like performance cats, right? Like, they're like show cats.

No.

No, she's related to the King of France's whatever. There's just like— there's aristocracy.

She's had dinner with Karl Lagerfeld's cat, you know? Like, that's the vibe she gives. She like goes and stays with— in London and like at that fancy hotel where a cat lives. Like, that's her vibe.

Meanwhile, like, Butter would be—

Butter's doing stand-up on the Lower East Side. In a basement.

When I brought her on a flight, they were like, ma'am, you have to take out your cat. And I was like, first of all, don't call me ma'am.

Yeah.

Second of all, I was like, if, if I take this cat, she's— we're gonna— I'm never gonna see her again. And they're like, so what do you want to do? I'm like, figure it out. We're not taking the cat out of the bag.

I'm surprised actually there's not more animals that get loose in airports. Like, I've never seen someone running after their dog. Like, I want

I'm surprised there aren't cats everywhere, all over there.

And I'm never seeing like someone with like a weird emotional support animal. Like one time I want to be sitting behind someone who has a bird.

Yeah, I was gonna say like a rooster.

Yeah, just to like see what it's like.

There are good TikToks of like a cat that gets free on the plane and everyone's like petting it.

I would love that.

It's just I have a very shy cat, and then once she's comfortable with you, she's the best cat in the world. Like Butter is the cuddliest, sweetest baby, but she doesn't like men, she doesn't like strangers, she doesn't like— she also doesn't care about follower counts.

Honestly, she's you. She's really you.

No, I love a little dopamine hit.

When I talked to the pet psychic, Daphne's like, um, I'd love a bath. Uh, I don't know if you could tell my fur was getting matted, but what are we doing here?

She's got a photo shoot in 3 weeks and no one's even preparing.

Oh my God, sorry. I was like, does she know she's on a diet? Yeah. I know, no, I know. Oh, can I talk about my outfit from the MSG video?

Yes.

Because I just like loved that outfit so much. Okay, my jacket was vintage from The RealReal, Comme des Garçons. I got it like 2 years ago maybe, or maybe like a year ago. I'd only worn it once. That was my second time wearing it. Paired it with jeans, then my chartreuse shoes that Lois loves.

Is chartreuse a color or— Yeah.

And then my mom said, I was like, I need like another thing to the outfit. Something was missing. Like something's missing. Like, what am I doing? Like, should I do like a turtleneck or like, should I do whatever? And she was like, I think we add a leather glove. And so I added a leather glove.

And you just have leather gloves lying around just in case?

Well, yes. Oh my

God, because those aren't like for like the cold, that's just pure style. I'm

scared of you. Actually, those specific leather gloves took me so long to track down because I wanted them to go up to here. I know. And they do, and I love them. Yeah, I have all types of gloves lying around.

Can you use them to like wash dishes? No. What's your goal? I haven't washed a dish

since 2008.

Just like since '08?

Yeah, since '08. Which is a lie, I'm actually a neat freak.

Also, by the way—

Why didn't I ever— why didn't I have the wherewithal or the— actually, the confidence to just say that? Like, yeah, I don't give a fuck about this house. You know, like, when they really came down on you for the trash, why didn't you say, then you get in the bag, let me take you out?

I did.

Wait, what were we just talking about?

Wait, can I just say, comedy-wise— you're talking about the gloves? Comedy-wise, um, there's certain words that just work for comedy, and I feel bad for Gen Zs because our joke— it's, it's fun to say like, I haven't done that since '86. Yeah. Or I haven't had a whatever since— I haven't gave a blowjob since '92.

My dad says I haven't had a hot meal.

Yeah, but like, you can't say like since 2012. It doesn't hit the same. Yeah, I know.

Like, well, maybe just not for us.

Oh, maybe. But like saying like since '94 is so funny.

I'm sure kids who are in their early 20s say like, and I haven't been happy since '90— since 2000, because that's when they were born.

Yeah.

They couldn't even say '90s, they weren't alive.

We're in the Roaring '20s right now. That's why we're all partying at MSG.

It is roaring.

I do feel really happy though about MSG because One of my first big stand-up shows in New York, I made all the girls go to Times Square and everyone was like, we love you, we support you, but like, this is—

Who had the best time at that show though?

My dad.

Yep, tell them why.

You guys, my— it was the Palladium and it was my first big stand-up show in New York. My dad shows up and I'm like, this is it, he's gonna be— he's finally proud of me. Like, anything that I wasn't sure about, this is for— she's like, this daughter was worth it. And I put my—

This daughter was worth it is the craziest. It took him 27 years to be like, I'm actually fine with the gender. Actually paid off. I'm fine. It's fine.

So put my heart and soul on the stage. It couldn't have gone better. I remember walking off stage being like, you did it, you did it. And my mom's hugging me, kissing me. And I go up to my dad And the opener is Tracy Carnazzo, who he was hanging out with after the show. And I look at them and he goes, do you know Tracy Carnazzo found a spot, a parking spot on 42nd Street? Do you know how fucking incredible that is? And I was like, what?

Wait, also, I just need to let you know that Hannah's dad retells this story with the same awe. He actually told this story to my dad.

He was like, have you Have you ever found at 7 PM a parking spot around the corner in Times Square?

My dad was like, I wouldn't even try. I wouldn't have even tried.

He was like, this is a once-in-a-lifetime situation we witnessed.

No, that is so dad.

Our dads are very proud of us. Yeah, they are. I'm just gonna spill the tea on my dad. Yeah. Their friends are really cute. They're like all like starting to retire, so they start doing like hobbies. Like my mom is already in deep. Mm-hmm. One of my parents' friends was like, let's do like an open mic night and we all do like random things. Like one guy's playing the guitar, another one's like reading a poem.

They're doing a variety show.

Full variety show.

Where are they doing it? Someone's house?

At a restaurant. 'Cause it's like a small— they're just like, can we use it for 3 o'clock?

Yeah.

My dad did 5 minutes of standup.

Stop, Hannah. I need a video. Did your mom video it?

Yes.

Stop.

I go to the newsletter. No, but you got— my dad is the funniest person I know.

Yeah. He really is.

And his silliness and everything is just— but he's like, why would I do stand-up comedy? I'm just like, why would I do that? And I'm like, Dad, do it.

Yeah.

And then in my head, I'm like, if he gets 10 minutes together, I'll bring him on the road.

Stop. Imagine if your dad was just opening for us at Madison Square Garden.

Imagine after his 10 minutes, he comes like, can I talk to you for a second? I'm really disappointed. You didn't—

you're like, what the fuck was that? Yeah, you knew.

Why were you training so hard to do that out there? Embarrass the family.

Oh, how the tables have turned.

How the tables have turned. Oh, well, Gary and Dan are— should we let them sit together at MSG?

Oh, they're gonna have to. My dad's gonna cry the whole time. My dad just texted me, are you busy? No, Dad, I have all the time in the world.

Someone messaged me asking about what our microwave etiquette is. I actually moved to a new apartment and I thought I was crazy. No microwave.

That seems illegal in a rented apartment. They're like, oh, so we don't do appliances in 2022?

I was like, how am I supposed to make hot chocolate?

Wait, are you sure,

Paige? I thought— so I thought I was crazy. I didn't call Des yet. I was like—

We're gonna get back to you making hot chocolate in the microwave because that's like a separate situation.

Let's do a walk around. Yeah. And I was 'Cause, you know, there's a lot of— I'm like, maybe it's tucked away.

I need to come over. Yeah, because I feel like there's no way.

The like guy comes over to be like, hey, how's everything in the house so far? And I was like, crazy question, we can't find the microwave. Is it like stored away or like— Yeah. And the guy was like, oh, we don't do microwaves. They're like yoga people. And then he like looked at me like—

Oh, not the whole building, just the people that like— Just this one unit.

Like the people who And he looked at me like I was—

The radiation?

He looked at me like I had 8 hot dogs shoved down my throat. He was like, you sick fuck, no, we're not killing each other with microwaves.

As someone who made a quesadilla this morning, no plate, use the microwave plate, because why would you need a plate when they give you one?

Paige, Paige. So then he was like, we— you could get like a microwave oven that's like a lot healthier. He's like, I'm like, uh, I want to put water in a cup.

Yeah.

Put it in for a minute and a half, make it too hot, burn my tongue.

Squeeze your lemon in.

Squeeze my lemon.

And go on with your day.

I can't put— when we do boil water, what am I, a tradwife?

How often are you having hot chocolate?

Well, I got this like protein chocolate thing that you can like— it's like tastes like hot chocolate. So at night sometimes if I need something a little sweet, I get a little naughty.

You're doing it with water though.

Water, and then I throw some oat milk in it.

Yeah, okay. Why not? I hate—

Sounds fucking freaky.

Hot chocolate with water. I think it's disgusting.

If you're gonna have chocolate, you need to have some cream.

No, you literally need to do it with like heavy cream or whole milk.

Have you ever went to Europe though and they give you hot chocolate and it's like dark chocolate and you're like—

Like in France?

Yes, in France. They're like, you know, it's like decadent, but you're like, do you have any milk chocolate with like— Me

and Josephine like woke up really early just to go get like specific hot chocolate last time we were there. And my mom made us go to church. It was a whole thing. Like,

also, look, I like the fake little marshmallows. I do. Sorry, I said it.

I like it too, but I'm a fluff person. Okay, with her microwave etiquette—

You're obsessed with it.

No, I'm obsessed with it because I actually do think there is microwave etiquette. Because if you're in the kitchen and you're putting something in the microwave and there's people around, and you're not busy and you don't stop it before it beeps, I find that rude.

I agree.

And like, if— or, or, and I'm usually in this situation, everyone's sleeping, I'm up doing God knows what, I'm stopping it before it beeps. I'm not insane.

But then Des gets annoyed with me because he says I never let it go to zero. And I was like, because it gives me anxiety. Yeah. You let the alarm go off?

Like when it's going down, I feel like it's a bomb. The bomb is coming. I'm like, oh my God. The whole street is gonna know.

Also, it's like, I don't like getting yelled at, and it literally feels like it's like—

I'm in my own home. Get ready! It's kind of the same with like when your refrigerator blinks. You're like, okay, actually hold on a second because that was 45 seconds. It's not like all the food is gone.

No, no. So I always— I never let it go down to zero. I have a huge phobia of it and And I'll also only add 30 seconds. Like, that's how I do stuff. I'm just like, everything's a 30-second increment.

Well, you know what I don't like? These new microwaves where it's like you press the button and it comes out, like the door opens. Like, uh, it's not like a push open like a regular door. It's like a— it like comes out. Yeah, it's like usually in the counter. I hate that because you have to press the button, then you have to wait for it to slowly open. I'm like, Also, no, you're not in charge.

And I'm like, it's been done the right way for a long time. Let's not reinvent the wheel.

That's why, like, when they say, like, we're gonna have robots in our house— no, because I will fight you. Like, I feel like when appliances are, like, making too much noise, I'm like, what company gave you the audacity to be that loud in my home?

Also, part of me imagined they're, like, renting out the apartment to me and they're, like, talking to each other, like, She's gonna look for a microwave. What if we just hid the microwave from her? What if we gave her a beautiful apartment?

I can't believe you explained it that they don't have a microwave because they do yoga. Like, that was your explanation? You were like, well, they don't have it because they're doing yoga.

But the way I said—

People do really think that it's like really bad radiation.

For sure. And I'm not saying everyone should buy microwaves I'm not like standing for the big microwave community. I'm just saying in that moment I really needed a microwave and it wasn't there. Yeah. And when I said it to the guy, he literally was like, we are not trying to kill ourselves, you suicidal freak.

I had Cheetos yesterday. I'm like, I'm not in this race with them.

I know. He was like, you should learn how to love yourself. And I'm like, I just want a microwave.

The only thing I've ever really heard is like, don't stare into the microwave. But even then I'm like, why?

We've all looked at the clips accidentally before.

Yeah, like, I mean, come on.

But microwaves also— I'm like, look, I'm a woman who works. Yeah, I am.

I do think that's why they were invented.

I can't Nara Smith this. Like, I have shit to do. I'm running around, I'm throwing stuff in. It's very convenient. And if that's how I go, that's how I go.

Speaking of Nara Smith, I changed my, like, my, like, crouton order. Le Creuset. Sorry, I got a lot of DMs that I was a trashy, uncultured fuck when I said Le Creuset. They were like, pronounce the T.

They're like, I know Hannah was impressed, but we weren't. I was like, this is the most beautiful thing I've ever heard.

I'm going with pink. Just because I'm gonna do an adult thing in this pan doesn't mean I have to actually be an adult. And like, I feel like a lot of people— like, I feel like I used to put in my head when I Like, got my first apartment, like, okay, I'm not gonna be able to like decorate really girly for the rest of my life. And then I got to a point where I was like, yeah, if I want to, I actually will. Well,

I'm also gonna challenge you on that. I think girliness does not mean it's not adult.

Thank you. And that was my own internal misogyny. So all my pots and pans are pink.

It's not like kid-like to be girly. It's—

You're so right.

And you're an adult woman who likes Yeah. And that's why there needs to be more pink cars.

There needs to be more pink cars. I actually know one girl who does have it, who has her car wrapped pink.

I feel like there'd be less accidents on the road, fewer accidents.

No, there'd be more because I would stare at it. Like, remember when like everyone was putting eyelashes on their car? I was like, Dad, please, please. That and a personalized license plate. My mom said, you're not getting a personalized license plate.

You wanted to bedazzle it.

I wanted a personalized license plate my whole life. I didn't even— I didn't even know because they made me so upset that I couldn't get it. My mom was like, no, someone's gonna stalk you, someone's gonna find you.

It would be limited to girl.

I just wanted it to be like, I don't know, something cool.

What if we both had a car and mine said girl 1 and yours said girl 2?

Well, yours would say Giggly and mine would say Squad.

True. Are we at the point after MSG where like we have to get tattoos?

No. No.

I feel like that's what millennials do, like when something happens, they're like—

I've never subscribed to that because as you know, I have 2 holes. I'm like, I've done my stuff.

You're so emo.

I'm like, no, my rebellion phase was piercing my ears.

That's so 25-year-old of me to be like, in the East Village. Like, I had so much fun with you today. Should we get matching tattoos?

It's funny that that's never crossed my mind to like get a tattoo.

Mine either. Like, when a friend would say that, I'd be like, I'm never speaking to you again because I can't hang.

Yeah, I— one, I don't have a high pain tolerance. Two, I get so sick of everything. There's— I'd have to— I'd have to put it somewhere on my body that I actually didn't

Yes.

You know, because I'd be like, oh, this thing again?

Yeah. That's why my friend Becca got something on her butt, and it like, after you sit on it enough times, it just kind of fades.

Same with like when people get it inside their mouth. But I'm always like, I'm really turning into my mother because I'm like, no, it's gonna go in your blood. That has to go in your bloodstream, and that can't be good. And I do enough bad things that I feel like I don't need to add

Have you ever been with a guy who's like tatted?

Have you like tatted? Like what, like full sleeves? Yeah, full sleeves and then like random ones. I've never been with someone that's like full chest, like all that. Yeah, no, I haven't done that. I actually love tattoos, but I like them better on men.

Okay, misogyny yet again.

Oh my God, MSG is gonna be like, actually, she's bad for our brand. No, you have to be, I feel like, a specific look. Same with men though, it has to be a specific look. I

just think that men who are like, I want to put this design on me—

Yeah. Oh, you're getting an uncomfortable text later. I'm telling Joe. I'm literally running home and telling him.

I feel like because he's Italian, it like doesn't count. I just know that I've had guy friends who were getting like Hawaiian tattoos and they're not Hawaiian,

right?

And like no one in their life is telling them not to.

And Joe has one that says, welcome to Hoboken.

He's from Hoboken and he's Italian. What do you want him to do? What do you want him to do? Does he regret any?

No, I really don't think so. My thing with men that have tattoos is it's nice to know that they actually can sit still for a long period of time. Like, think about how much dedication and patience you have to have.

That's a real commitment.

And they're They're men in the arts. Yes. Like, they appreciate—

A good design. A

good design. A

little doodle.

Yes. And so to that, I'm like, I like that.

I do feel like men without tattoos treat me like girls who love cocaine at parties.

Yeah.

Where they're like, totally respect you, like, love whatever you're doing, not for me.

Yeah.

Like, no tatted man is like approaching me.

Interesting.

A guy who has like a big like earring and like—

Like a gauge? Like a gauge. Well, that's a different—

Like, yeah, I can handle like a football, like, oh, I got tatted a little, whatever. Yeah, but like a real tatted guy doesn't.

Yeah, like I wouldn't even constitute Joe as like a real tatted guy.

No, he, he just—

He's a guy who has tattoos.

On the low has tattoos.

Yeah, and they like stop at his wrist. Actually, he said like, what if he got one on his hand? And I was like, No,

you're like, you need to be corporate America.

That's where I really draw the line.

You need to go to work.

No, I think that getting it on your hands is— that's for girls.

See, you know what I would ask him? Why?

Yeah, I didn't think of that.

When I do crowd work, all I do is I'm like, why do you have a fucking phoenix on your calf?

Probably because he's bored.

We did have like 10 minutes in our last live show making fun of men with tattoos on their calves. Yeah,

well, because that is a different

I love landing in a certain city and you just look around and it's like some cities are full of calf-tatted men. And yet for some reason they're the biggest calves you've ever seen in your life. Like, it is a wide canvas. Yeah, and it's very religious.

And it's also, it's also shorts all year round. Yes. They're the kind of people where they're like—

Cargo shorts.

Yeah, they're like the cold has nothing to do with my calves.

They love a New Balance. They love a New Balance. But they don't— they're not runners. They would never run.

No, no, no, no, no. They're not even working out. How they have those calves, we don't know.

Well, they're carrying a lot of torso. They're sturdy. And they always have a hat and they put sunglasses on top of that.

Yeah. And underneath the hat there is a buzz cut, but it's patchy because they are balding a little. But it's like they have a buzz cut, so you don't really know. You don't really talk about it.

Yeah, but it's not balding in like a— a way that makes sense.

Speaking of balding, actually, because I'm on my reality TV game, I just started Real Housewives of Potomac. There's a new housewife and she gets confronted by another housewife, and the housewife says, hey, I just want to let you know, I think your husband's on dating apps. And everyone's like, there's no way, they've been married for 20 years. This new housewife goes home and says, hey, are you on a dating app? And he goes, yeah, I am. And she's like, Okay. Now when they show the picture of this man, and I'm not shaming anyone, his hair was— he wasn't bald. No, he was not bald, but he— his hair was thinning and bald just here.

A reverse mohawk.

And I go, there's no way. There's no way this man thought, yeah, I'm gonna get so many girls on this date. It's— Potomac is awesome.

So he admitted he was like trying to cheat on

her?

Yeah, on camera.

Yeah. And then she goes—

he was like, yeah, what are you gonna do about it?

And she goes, do you think you can delete it? And he's like, yeah, I guess. No, it's actually— it's like one of the best seasons ever.

He's like, honestly, haven't gotten much clicks.

People aren't making a big enough deal about it on social. It was the 2nd episode of Potomac. I think they only have 2 episodes out. Well,

shout out also to Gisele Bryant, who is so supportive of the Gigly Squad. She just texted me and she was— she's that girl.

Phenomenal on Ultimate Girls Trip.

How would something happen with Sonya, or is that the other—

That's the other show.

Okay, I'm—

I don't know that other show.

So I don't have Threads. But it like won't stop showing up on my Instagram. Oh yeah. In like the advertised way. So I only see half of

what's

happening. So it'd be like, I can't believe that's Sonya. And then I'm like, I'll wait for Paige to explain.

No, they're on a different show. I think it's on E! I haven't even seen— yeah, I actually haven't even seen it advertised.

Yeah. And Ladies of London, I still have to put the VPN in. How's that going?

You know, I am not caught up.

Did you see the Knicks championship rings?

No, I didn't.

A gay man designed it for sure. It's this like huge diamonds and it opens up to see like the Madison Square Garden.

You can put a picture in it?

Yeah, it's like— and this is—

They have lockets.

They have lockets and they're like showing them off to each other.

Girl, I love the New York Knicks, but don't get me started on their bedazzled t-shirts.

You're still not over it.

No, I'm still not over it because that should have been illegal. Like, leave something for the world. Let us have something. But dazzles, that's what you're coming for?

Also, if I was one of their wives, I'd be like, why is your diamond ring bigger than mine?

Yeah. Oh yeah, I would demand an upgrade.

Oh, I just hiccuped and swallowed at the same time, and I think I just

saw God. Oh my God. Well,

everything's been figured out. Oh no.

An MSG announcement day? Stop.

Should you go ahead and sit down?

Hold your breath. Hold your breath. We need, we need you to get scared. There you go, you got it.

I'm fighting for my life. Do you know who Rob— Rob McGivens is? The universe is telling me to stop. You tell the story.

Because you want to know what? People are going to tune in who have never heard of us and be like, who are these fucking— for lack of a better word, Shane— whores that sold out 4 times MSG? And it's gonna be like, she legit hiccuped during the whole podcast. The only thing she had to do is talk. But you know, that's Giggly Squad. Follow your dreams.

If we could do it, you can do it. The mental health moment. No one knows what they're doing, you guys.

Truly not a soul.

We've met so many, in parentheses— not parentheses, in quotations— important people. I'm like, how'd you get here?

Yeah, actually, I actually— this morning I was talking about an important person and I said to Hannah, he better not fucking look at me sideways. No one knows what they're doing.

Everyone's just a scared little kid.

Power is a made-up thing. I'll kill you. Like, I don't care.

Everyone is thinking and worried about themselves all the time.

All the time.

And the only people who have like accomplished stuff is just because they like, A, believed in themselves even if they shouldn't, or B, like can't handle failure.

You know what I was thinking about? And this is like maybe like a little dark, but like, do you think it's come across the algorithm of like manosphere that like you and I are doing MSG 4 nights in a row because I feel like they would see that like as us spewing man hate in an arena.

This is super empowering because MSG is like a real boys club. Yeah. And like besides Amy Schumer, it's only been male comics that have done MSG.

Yeah.

And male podcasts, I believe. Maybe there's a murder pod.

We might not make it till then because Hannah's dying.

Before I black out. I'm so proud of us.

Truly, it feels like you're underwater. Like, it feels like you're grasping for it. You're not just hiccupping, you're literally grasping for air. You don't even hiccup like a normal person.

What? I love the universe is like, we're gonna let you sell out 4 MSGs, but we're not gonna let you get through this podcast.

No, I actually can't wait to go home later and watch the next 5 episodes of Love Is Blind.

The best thing about MSG is it's like the ultimate women taking up space.

Yeah.

And it's a shout out to also all the other women in comedy who like have done huge things and are gonna do huge things. But because you're a woman, they're like, they can write it off.

Yeah.

Where it's like MSG, it doesn't matter where you're from, what you do, you're like, that's the biggest, coolest venue in the world.

Somebody said—

Put some respect on women's names.

Somebody said something to my parents of like, well, What do they even talk about? Like, how are they doing MSG? Like, what is their podcast even about? And my dad goes, the number one show on TV my entire life was Seinfeld. And do you wanna know how they described it? It was a show about nothing. And I was like, oh my God. I'm like, you didn't need to clap back at the mailman that hard. Scary. But my dad was like livid. My mom and dad were livid at the question. Like, what do they do? How dare you? Now you'll never know.

Well, guys will tell my dad like, she's kind of like raunchy, right? Yeah. But then they'll watch a male comedy special. Yeah. Like, I'll turn on a male comedy special just to see what the guys are up to.

Yeah.

And they're doing the first 15 minutes about sex. And I'm like, if I did that, it's like, women only talk about sex.

No, I literally said to my mom the other day, I was like, Wait, they said that like my podcast is dirty? And she was like, yeah, they said that like during the live show sometimes you guys are dirty. And I go, I'm a 35-year-old woman. If I want to talk about my vagina, I'm gonna talk about it.

Talking about your vagina is not dirty, it's clinical.

Yeah.

So are you raising awareness about UTIs, endometriosis, and men who can't give you orgasms?

Yeah, like science. I'm gonna into perimenopause in a minute.

I know, I can't wait to be the face of perimenopause.

Hit my goddamn algorithm. The girls are really dealing with something. I have a couple years until I have to deal with that.

I actually recently called a guy perimenopausal.

Yeah, they definitely had no idea.

Oh, speaking of men.

Yeah.

Tinx brought up on a TikTok about slow, slow burns. Watch, like, this is the last episode people listen to of Giggly Squad because they're like, I couldn't get through Hannah with the hiccupping. That was the last straw for me. People being like, I need to have an instant spark versus— Versus— You're looking at me with the sadness you looked at me when I first couldn't smile. Were you like, you love me, but you feel bad?

You're annoying me. I know.

You're looking at me like, how much longer do I have to deal with this shit? Stay with me till last, chemistry. So do you prefer having a spark, instant spark, or a slow burn?

Maybe unpopular, I can't slow burn because in my head if I'm slow burning, that just means like I've tricked myself into wanting to fuck you and I actually never did.

I so agree with you, right? I 100% agree with you because the biggest insult I ever got from this one guy who was a menace, uh-huh, who I was really into Thought he was really into me. He kept telling me, I love, I love us because it's such a slow burn. And I was like—

And he wanted a boyfriend, and he actually probably had one.

I wasn't feeling a slow burn. He kept complimenting me, like, I've always had big sparks with girls, and with you it's a slow burn. And I was like, first of all, I'm trying to spark this up. Like, this is me trying hard with the match. And he was like, I love our slowness.

No, fuck that. I feel like you have to trust your gut, and your gut knows. Your gut knows even when you meet a random person in the first 5 seconds if that person gives good energy or not. It's just you're ignoring your gut. So if I don't have sex with you— that's why I like the Love Is Blind show. Yeah. Really like throws me for a loop. Yeah. Because like, I'm like, nope, sorry, maybe I'm too vain, but like, I gotta see ya.

Yeah.

Like, and if I don't feel like you have like a swag, which I feel like makes me such a millennial saying that, but like, if in the first 10, 15 seconds, if I don't think about what it would be like having sex with you, then we're probably never gonna have sex.

100%. 100%. Also, with like the slow burn concept, it's a little bit like, you know, they're like, I didn't realize he was— It

feels a little like coercion.

It's giving settling.

Yeah, it's just—

It's giving branded for settling.

Well, I also feel like a lot of people say like a great relationship starts from a friendship.

No.

And I actually don't think so.

I've tried to date guy friends that I've been like, oh, I missed it. And then I'm like, no, there's a reason when I first saw them.

Yeah.

I put them in the friend zone.

Yeah.

Because they're my friends.

And I don't mean like, oh, I find that person's humor similar to mine and we can be friends. Like, you can know that person, they can be in your friend group, but you don't really talk to them. Like, I can't be with someone that I like— you've been my best friend for 5— like, I did it one time and I was like, I actually just realized that I was too lazy to like go out and find someone else, and you were right there.

Also, hot take, I feel like whatever annoys you about them like in the very beginning is what you break up with them for. So if in the very beginning you were like, no, he's too short or something, I don't care what he becomes— funny, he's charming, he becomes successful, I don't care— at one point you're gonna look at him and be like, this guy's so fucking short.

Yeah.

You're gonna have 8 kids with him and be like, look at this short fucking menace that I married. And I don't mean to body shame men.

Yeah, no, I totally get it.

Because short men deserve to have rights

in some things,

but like, not my— you don't have a right to me.

Well, not— yeah, not in your life, not in your household.

You can have rights.

Not in your aura. No, I gotta—

Voting is— anyway, midterms are coming up.

Make sure you vote. Actually, there's a lot of things on my TikTok being like, women shouldn't vote, and it's actually getting like really scary.

Your algorithm freaks me out sometimes.

I don't know why my algorithm is giving me that.

Well, sometimes I think you go on the dark side to research.

Sometimes. Well, you know what? I do watch a lot of police videos.

Oh, that'll get you.

Well, because I want to see the body cam, and then I want to see actually what the other person was filming, because I think you went in their home illegally. I actually don't think you had a warrant. I'm on a lot of cop TikTok. I don't know why.

Oh, really?

Yeah. It's kind of crazy, but it's actually the best reality TV. Like, sometimes you're rooting for like Oh my God, get him, he's a menace. But then other times you're like, no, you didn't even read his Miranda rights, so this is illegal, illegal. And then I open the comments and it's like, I hope you sued.

Um, so I'm actually gonna check to see where we are because we just announced the 4th MSG.

Let's see if Hannah goes in the queue every once in a while to like see what the user experience—

I just had to rejoin the queue. I had to wait 45 minutes to Get tickets. They

know who you are.

I feel like I'm hiding in the crowd. By the way, my dad didn't pick up the phone. My mom said she was busy at like mahjong or something. Okay, it's not loading, but we are gonna release more tickets.

On Friday.

On Friday. And there are, yeah, there are tickets available as of now for the Sunday. And we love you guys so, so much. We can't believe that we're experiencing this with you and the Giggle community is the best community in the whole world. We love you. Oh, and LA and Ireland are on sale now. See you later.

Bye!