Transcript of Giggling about peptides, pimples, and football players

Sup, gigglers? Gary, fix the Wi-Fi. Manifest that shit. We can't be managed. I mean, the day just got away from me.

What's up, my glass-blowing gigglers? We should do that in a Hannah Paige Tries New Things. I've never blown a glass once.

I feel like a lot of people have never blown a glass. It's not like a thing that people are out here just doing every day.

I feel like people who are like going through something are like, I'm in my glassblowing era.

Yeah, I wonder how you get into— how you get interested in it.

Yeah, who was like, you know, there's glass, we should blow it.

Or like, hey, if you— and I only know this from the movie Sweet Home Alabama— like, if you electrocute something on the beach, it makes glass.

I had no idea.

Like a pole.

Womanist STEM of the week. Yeah, early as ever. Quick housekeeping. The only housekeeping we do, but we're so proud of ourselves.

Sad about

it. So we moved our Dublin show in Ireland to an arena because the original one, y'all sold out really quick and we were able to move the tickets. We're dealing with a lot of admin right now. We're adding a show in Los Angeles.

Okay.

It's dropping. And New York City show is announcing this week.

This week.

This week.

It's Sunday right now, we're recording.

It's Sunday. I just chugged a dirty chai latte. I'm about to fuck up this pod. How are you?

I'm good. How are you? You

said you have stuff to say. I know you have stuff to say when you walk in and you immediately take out your Notes app and you start scrolling with your long-ass finger.

Well, one, I have a pimple on the side of my nose, but it's on this side, which I'm so happy about.

Why?

Because you can't— you're filming me from the side. So I, I like woke up this morning and I was like, don't even worry about it. It doesn't matter. Because you're on the other side. So that was one thing.

But I love your pimples. It makes you so down to earth.

Thank you. It makes me relatable. I don't like that. No. Um, okay, so this weekend I watched so many different things.

Oh.

A lot of love-based things.

Oh.

I went scripted, I went unscripted. You went unscripted? I've done so much anthropology. I've done so much research on humans. I watched the new Margaret Qualley movie, Love of Your Life.

Having Multiple Loves.

Didn't know what it was about, just saw her, clicked it, was like, yeah, play.

Yeah.

Such a sad movie.

Oh, I hate when that happens. It actually— Can there be a warning?

Well, it was the first movie I've seen that like really encapsulated COVID for like in a very real—

Yeah.

Not like apocalyptic way, like in a very real, like—

Specific way. Yes. Not just like COVID was fucked up.

And so you watch this movie and you're like, oh my God, like there really is people out here just like being in love and like really, really doing it. And then I switched it over to Love Is Blind.

And you were like, never mind.

Back to earth. That was a movie. That was a Hollywood movie. Hollywood movie.

The fan fiction.

Let's get to earth.

Wait, I've just seen the clips. Love Is Blind, every season has something wild that goes around the internet.

Boston changed my brain chemistry. Boston has— there's only 5 episodes out. Never in the history of Love Is Blind have people seen each other and one person been like, I don't think so.

Wait, but I saw the clip of the girl with the guy who called himself Kennedy, and I couldn't tell that she like didn't like him. Like she was rolling his eyes, but I'm like, who doesn't do that? She was

in a classic case of like,

Frozen.

Yeah, like, wait, what?

No, but you know, I feel like a lot of boyfriend-girlfriends, the girlfriend's annoyed with him, but that's like their shtick. Yeah. She's like, I can't with him, he's so annoying, I hate him. So it's hard to tell. This was real. Oh yeah, he— she said he looked like Mitt Romney.

Well, it was— remember when the one girl said that she kind of looked like Megan Fox? And she did.

And she did.

And Megan Fox was like, and you do.

Yep.

This guy tried to say you look like Jude Law. I go, I actually don't think you've ever seen a picture of Jude Law before.

He'll never get the kind of— the level of hate.

Never get the level of hate.

No.

But if you live in Boston, and, and this is why we should add another show, the girls are struggling because the men are so scary. And not scary in a like, I think you'll kill our whole family once you get like fired from your job.

Boston men are small. Um, it's the water, the tea water.

They're all shaved down, so I can't ever really tell. how tall they are, but it's like a— it's— they don't know who they are. Like, that's the only way I can describe it. They don't know who they are. And the way I picked up on it is they would say something, then the girl would say something, and then they'd change their opinion. They'd be like, yeah, no, I, I, yeah, I agree. And I'm like, but you didn't just have that— but know who you are.

I'm— yes, like Say what he says.

Have a conviction of something. The men all do kind of look the same, and I'm— I don't understand.

Wait, I'm confused. What did she think a guy from Boston was gonna look like? That's what I'm thrown about. Like, it's not like he came out and he had like 2 heads. Like, that's ChatGPT man from Boston. It's that man.

I don't think she actually broke up with him because of the way he looked. I think once she got in person with him, his aura was so rampant.

But isn't the point of Love Is Blind that you get their aura first?

Can I say something? Love is not blind. It's not. It's never in the history of life will it be blind. It's not blind. Like, if I don't want to fuck you, I'm not marrying you. That's insane.

But like, I feel like you're supposed to get people's aura on the pod and be like, even if he's ugly, at least he's nice and he's funny and he's cool.

Well, I think she was like iffy in the pod. Okay. And then once it was in person, she was like, yeah, everything you've said was a lie.

That's her looking at the producers being like, fuck you, motherfuckers.

He was a classic guy that, yeah, had like longer hair, maybe he's a little bit taller than the average man, and so just lied, you know? And you've seen that before.

Oh, so you're saying he just like—

He just made things up.

He wanted to get picked.

Yeah, he was just like—

He was a pick-me.

Yeah, he was just like, I'm so rich and I'm so good-looking. And right when she saw him, she was

like, you got me there, you got me there.

You're not rich or good-looking, so— And the things he was saying, it was someone cosplaying rich. Yeah. a rich person, I feel like, just wouldn't say that.

I saw Trixie Mattel.

Yeah.

I don't see the actual Love Is Blind. I see the people making fun of it. Yeah. So then I have to kind of decide what really happened. Yeah. But Trixie Mattel was saying that someone was like, do you— are you like pro-choice? And they were like, no. And they're like, are you racist? And they were like, yeah. And she's like, really important things, like, do you believe in the same religion? I don't know. Yeah. And then she was like, Okay, you're my person.

It was insane.

What was that? Which one were they?

Okay, I forget honestly which guy that was. He was like, I didn't want to get the COVID vaccine, but I'm not like an anti-vaxxer. I have other vaccines. And she was like, yeah, I just think in like that situation there was a lot of misinformation, and I chose to trust like the expert scientist and not like this random guy who Isn't it science?

By the way, the men love talking about, um, what's the stuff everyone's injecting right now? Peptides. Yeah, same guys who are like, yeah, I don't trust putting any vaccines in me, but you're putting made-up things that have no science behind it from a website that your bro Snapchatted you.

Wait, can I tell the pod something? I ordered one of the peptides.

I was weirded out that you hadn't because it's so up your alley.

Okay. It's so up my alley.

You know I can't right now 'cause I'm on the bench.

I texted a friend. I said, hey, I bet you know someone. And she goes, of course I do.

Yeah, everyone's got a hookup.

Some girl texts me and she was like, hey, what do you want? And I'm like, I don't know, the one that like makes you beautiful.

The one that puts sparkles and butterflies coming out of your asshole.

She's like, cool, coming to your address right now. Gets to my house. I go, what am I doing? I go, what the fuck am I doing?

The sorbet was shaking.

I didn't even open the package. I didn't even get my, my box cutter out to open it, I chucked it right in the trash 'cause I go, what the fuck was I thinking? We don't know where this came from.

No, I have a friend, I'm not gonna expose her, but she was like, yeah, you can go through a doctor and it's really expensive, but you go through a non-doctor and it's not expensive. I'm like, look, I did this already at a Miami med spa and I'm just gonna tell you, not worth it long term.

Not worth it.

Also, even if it does make your skin look glowy for like 3 months, we don't know the long-term side effects.

Also, once you get off of it, it's not— It

goes away. No. So anyway, I digress. I got us off topic. My thing is, when the guy was like, I'm a horrible person, and she was like, okay, I still like you, I did not judge her because we've all done that. However, normally it's because the guy is 6'7 and can carry me around while he's being an asshole. This is the whole point of Love Is Blind, is so you don't fall for the tall athletic guy.

There was also a guy in there who like could tell he was picking between 2 girls. He could tell one of them was hotter. than the other.

How?

The questions he was asking. Okay, I could tell he was at

hip-to-waist ratio.

He was like, uh, have you ever dated athletes? And she was like, yeah. And he goes, what sport? And she goes, football and basketball. And he goes, I can tell that like you'd be my type. And like a girl who is dating a football player and a basketball player, yeah, I'm sure she's gorgeous.

Well, I dated a football player, and I wouldn't call myself gorgeous, but I have D1— thank you— but I have D1 athletics. So that's why he dated me, because he was like, our kids are gonna dunk.

So in the Venn diagram there, in the middle is fat ass.

Oh wait, actually, you're my, you're my number one supporter

of your ass.

You guys, men are so simple.

I'm no better than a man. Not enough people talk about your body. No, they don't.

Just have something to grab onto and men are just like, yes.

Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, I don't know how I do in the pod because I'm, because I'm yappy.

What do you mean?

If I was doing Love Is Blind.

Oh, oh, oh, I thought you meant this pod. I'm like, no, that's a different thing.

I just started doing crowd work. I know. So, um, how do you pee with a tampon in?

You think they'd have me in Love Is Blind?

Wait, I have to make that up. If I have diarrhea, what would you, what would you do?

No, those are the questions you need to ask. Wait, can I give them questions for Love Is Blind?

'Cause they're not asking the right questions.

They're not asking the right things. I do wonder how involved— I would assume that the producers are more involved when they couple up than in the pods, because in the pods it's like—

Okay, once I had a producer tell me, um, I told him I liked someone, and right before he walked away, he said, I just don't see that for you, and walked away. Now, like, my best friend wouldn't say that to me, but like having like an adult in the room who's in charge say that to you— You're so right. I was spinning. Like, I was spinning. I

was like, of

course they're like leaning them towards who they think is gonna connect to who,

or who's not gonna connect, and it's gonna make a more explosive season. Boston is just particularly interesting. I don't know why. The men have really intense egos, and then they're like— and for no reason, because like one girl was like, what do you do? And he was like, Nothing. Like, no, like, he had a job.

You guys, we do stereotype states because we've been to all these states.

No, like, he did have a job. He worked on like a boat or something, and he was gone for like 10 weeks at a time. And she was like, okay, but like, how do you have a family and children? And he was like, well, then like I just won't work as much, and then like maybe you can come with me and the kids can come. Like, Sir, what the fuck? Like, one of the overarching themes I think of this season specifically, and I've seen it so much, especially just like at our age, men saying, I want a wife and kids, but they don't want to change any single thing about their current life. They want to add in a wife and kids, and like, that just doesn't— what the fuck are you talking about?

Yeah, so if you don't change anything, that means your wife has to literally change Everything. And then you wonder why when you breathe, she looks annoyed.

And then like she has the kid and then you have the nerve to be like, she's so different. She used to be so fun. It's like, okay, yeah, because for a year she had a human sucking all of the nutrients out of her body. Then she had it. Now her body's trying to get back and you're like, want a margarita? Like, no, she doesn't want a margarita. She wants to sit for a minute.

More and more I think about how society— I love our— this is our serious Sunday episode. Society leaves women for dead after they have their baby. They're like, get your ass back to work. No, we don't have help for you. No, we don't have health insurance for you. We have nothing for you. I feel like if men were the ones having babies, they would all be in a kingdom.

If men got their periods, they'd be out of work for that whole week.

When women become moms and they're having trouble, everyone's like, you're good.

Wait, let me take it to one more topic. The Victoria's Secret Fashion Show.

So it's It's today.

It's today. They're filming it today, but it's not airing today, right?

Oh, okay. I don't know.

I think it airs later because they edit it.

I was there last year in person.

Yes, where was it? In New York?

In New York. Missy Elliott performed. It was very, very fun. All I know is I found like a $16 vintage Victoria's Secret slip on eBay. Remember when I wore that?

Yes. I think they switched like production companies or something.

Okay, it seems like they're going bigger this year.

I would assume they're going bigger this year because I've seen a lot of people posting like that they're going to the show. And did you see the one Victoria's Secret model, Romee?

There's multiple.

So Romee came out, did a video being like that she got cut from this year, that she's not in the show. She's been in the show for like so many years and that they're leaning more towards influencers than models. I mean, TikTok is

Losing their mind.

They're losing their minds. Yeah. And as someone who loves watching hot people on TV, I feel bad for the models. Justice for the models.

She basically was like, she'd been training for it. I think she was more like, I'm a mother, you could have just told me months ago you weren't gonna pick me. Yeah, so I wasn't like— she's probably working out like 3 times a day.

In their industry, they are at the top. They are the elite.

Victoria's Secret modeling is similar to a bodybuilding contest.

Yeah.

You know how like right before, like you're not drinking water, like you're cutting down, you're getting the tan, like it's that intense. These girls haven't smelled a carb.

I do think that there are influencers that should be on it. Like I do think there are some that I'm like, you look like a Victoria's Secret model.

I love the athletes. Like when Angel Reese was on, when I tell you her body was insane.

I am pro bringing also influencers on because we live in a different time. It's a different world. People are gonna watch to watch. their favorite influencer. We don't have the model culture like we did 10 years ago, so it's just different. Influencers are going to be there, get over it.

Victoria's Secret is a big business and they're making monetary decisions of how do they sell more Victoria's Secret Pink, um, yeah, sports bras.

Totally. And also, I say all of this, but in the grand scheme of things, who gives a fuck? I was gonna say, Victoria's Secret Fashion Show isn't in charge of making me feel good.

No, you're so right.

You know, like,

you're so right.

So if there's girls up there that you don't wanna look at, then don't watch it. I personally love watching hot people on TV. I'll turn the— Margaret Qualley. I said, I don't even know what this movie is about, but I like the way she looks. I'm gonna watch it.

Do you guys wanna hear something so upsetting? I was in SiriusXM Studios. You left early, per usual.

No, I didn't leave early. The meeting was over. My Uber came first.

The meeting was over. There's something about you where the second a meeting's over, somehow there's always a car right there. Yeah. You've never had any waiting time between the two. I don't know how you do it. I've never seen you call though.

I order all you guys on his last word. I got pissed here last time.

You can sense he's wrapping up. Um, so I—

I'm really good at wrapping things up. Like, I have a move. Like, did you see me grab my bag during that? I said, okay, thank you.

Okay, that's exac— so she, as someone's talking, she starts going Okay, thank you. You know when you start doing the like, the sigh?

Well, because I'm like, now you're— now we're done, we did it.

Because my problem is I, I feel like I give constant I'm excited to be here energy, which I'm not, but it's like my— what I do. Yeah, it's your default. And you go, okay, so... Yeah, you love the accent and she's like, yeah, thank you.

Well, cool.

Well, yeah.

Awesome.

The end. But we got stuck in a beginning conversation where the weather was going too long. You know when you do a little back and forth about the weather and then it keeps going and you're like, oh, now we're with the Weather Channel? Like, we talked for 10 minutes small talk about the weather with someone. How did that even happen? I was waiting for you to be like, Fanny, like, let's start the meeting.

No.

There should be a rule after, like, you get 2 things about the weather.

I feel like I need to accomplish like 3 more things before like people on Zooms are afraid of me because— and once I get there, and I'm thinking it's around like 43, 44. Once I get there, I want everyone to know when you get on a Zoom with me, I don't want any intros.

That's what Anna Wintour does.

I don't want any intros. I don't want any small talk. Right when we get on, start the damn meeting. You guys don't want to be there, neither do I. We have other things to do.

We don't need 6 people to go around and say where they are and how it looks like outside and how it makes them feel and how it's gonna be and how it was. After you left, I was like alone at SiriusXM and I was like, okay, before I call my car, I might as well go to the bathroom because I just get nervous I'm gonna have to pee and not have a bathroom near me. That's, that's my phobia in life.

Wait, when was this?

Like 2 weeks ago.

Oh, okay. I thought you were talking about yesterday. I was like, we walked together.

I know, but then you asked.

Okay, okay, 2 weeks ago.

There's like a whole bunch of people walking and a person goes into the bathroom and then a security guard stands in front. Oh. And this is like a big bathroom. Like everyone uses this bathroom. So I don't know if I just like look confident or whatever, but I kind of was like, excuse me, like I'm going to the bathroom. Yeah. Like, unless it's dangerous in there, like I have to pee right now. So I like walked around the security guard and he kind of looked me up and down and I just was like, hi. Yeah. And I walk in and I see like a woman with like a little dog and she's like talking to the dog in the bathroom. And for some reason I just thought it was a Real Housewife. And I was like, which Real Housewife is walking around with a security guard in SiriusXM? Like, you gotta be kidding me.

I just

went to the bathroom and I was like, I'm not dealing with whatever's going on here. And I like washed my hands, I keep my head down, and she came out, was washing her hands, and then she like keeps the door open for me, but I literally don't even look who it is. Like, I was like in my own world. Walk out, someone turns to me, they go, did you say anything to her? And I was like, no. She goes, it's Margot Qualley. I was in the bathroom with her for 5 minutes.

Hannah! I

like don't make eye contact with people.

What kind of dog?

It was like a cute old gray dog, like tiny little. But she was just like— well, the dog was like getting in my stall and stuff, and I was like, this real housewife needs to get it together. No, but I was like, of course, of course. Like, I just got it. And I was like, I don't know what's going on. I just— I, I didn't know she was promoting her movie. So anyway, shout out Margaret, we love you. I love her. But also, she didn't need me bothering her in the bathroom.

No, she actually probably preferred it.

And I think I I knew that deep down that if I made eye contact with her and I knew her, I didn't want to talk. And if I didn't know her, she didn't want me to talk.

We didn't talk about Girls coming back.

Well, we announced our— our music video dropped, I think, the same day they announced. And it was such a beautiful day.

Yeah, what a cosmic New York City, just lovely moment. Did you see the thing where everyone was like, keep Gen Z, keep your hooks off? this goddamn show.

I feel like Gen Z's trying to like make it their own because they, they all just watched it like 2 weeks ago.

No, they better not. They better not.

Do you know who I love?

Who?

Jessa.

I love her.

Like, I can't keep my eyes off her.

If Lena Dunham like happens to stumble upon this clip of the pod, I really also agree. I don't want any cameos unless it's us. But I really, I don't want any cameos because it almost makes like, it almost takes you out of like the world. Yeah. The scripted world they've created.

It's also like, if you do one cameo, then you have to do every cameo.

They're bringing girls back. It's their ages right now. So it's 30s, early 40s. No, like 37, 38.

But they're probably like—

I don't feel like they would even be connected to Gen Z.

But they're all gonna have like older jobs, so like they're gonna be like managers somewhere, and then they're gonna have like the Gen Z people who work for them.

Okay, fine, fine. If we're like saying—

I love how you go, in a world with no Gen Z in Brooklyn, New York.

And I think it's only 5 episodes,

so maybe because it's only 5 episodes they do like a beautiful just only the characters.

Well, Lena will have a child who would be Gen Alpha. So maybe they'll lean more into Gen Alpha, which is even scarier than Gen Z.

Gen Z is going to be mad.

I don't stand with Gen Alpha at all.

Gen Z is like, Gen Alpha doesn't even know what Girls is.

No.

Very interesting.

Very interesting. So we'll see how they do it.

I'm just excited that it's getting the respect it deserved because like everyone's like Seinfeld, Seinfeld, Seinfeld. I'm like, time has to pass for people to be like, that was one of the greatest shows. Yeah. Girls.

She was 23. Could you imagine if a 23-year-old guy did anything? They'd be like,

oh,

he's the greatest of all time. He is the greatest of all time.

Well, that's like the director of Backroom. He's like a 23-year-old.

Lena Dunham should put Margaret Qualley in it.

I love how you're a casting director now.

Yeah. Do you want to know something? In a past life, I actually think I could have been a casting director. I was an agent. You were an agent because you're phenomenal at spotting talent, and I could have been a casting director because I know who—

You're good at judging. Immediately she's like, Thank you.

Sorry, she's not pretty enough for the role.

Thank you. No, you'd be like— Someone walks in, thank you so much. You didn't look up, I know. That's— but also you'd be a good director.

Well, when I used to go on like model castings, I would know when I got it and when I didn't. And when I didn't get it, they were overly nice to me. Like, oh my God, you did so good. That's amazing. Yes, perfect. And when they don't say anything to you, I would be like, I got that.

Paige, you just dropped some serious, serious important tea because now I realize that's why I walk out of every audition being like, she got it, baby. Yeah. I literally tell Des, I'm like, we're going to Hollywood.

If I walked out and was like, they loved me, my mom would be like, and we didn't get that one. Like, yeah, I would know.

It's more like, um, like a day at work when they liked you, they'd be like, okay, good, check her off.

Yeah, they'd be like, she's doing what she— okay, that's actually—

that's perfect. And if someone's really bad, they're like, thank you for trying. They're like, you're amazing, you're gorgeous, we love you. Thank you so much. Shoot's coming up.

So like, keep your calendar open. Keep your calendar open. And then you never hear from them. Yeah.

Yeah.

Wow. And that's life.

So do you— how do you think rejection as a child, even though your mom would lie to you most of the time, but like, you must have felt some rejection. How did that affect you?

I love our Sunday series.

I love our Sunday serious series.

You know, I, I'm sure it did affect me, but I don't know how. I haven't dove into that in therapy. No, I actually really think I was like kind of stupid that I really don't think I realized it in the moment I was getting rejected.

That was like some tennis girls were like, they weren't stupid, they just didn't think about like when they lost, they just were like, whatever, it's fine.

Yeah, like I've been very like, I really feel like I've been like that my whole life. Like even if I'm like, if I don't get something, I'm like, okay, whatever, that's like not for me. Honestly, even when I didn't get Summer House I was like, okay, don't care.

You're better than me at— and we were talking about this earlier— you being like, things will work out as they should, where I'm very like, I will make it happen.

If it's supposed to happen, I will force it. The only time I feel like that is with men, where I'm like, oh really?

See, it's funny, I don't feel like that with men at all. I'm like, go.

Yeah, where I'm like, oh, you don't think it's working out? Oh, you don't think it's working out? Okay. I'll show you not working out. Like, but that's just—

every time I've chased a guy, I've regretted it.

Same.

You've never— of course, because the second you get him, you go, oh, we've fucked up.

I go, wait, I actually made up your personality in my brain. You in fact don't have that personality.

Sometimes it's just a fun night out, like seeing a guy across the bar, making up who he is, spending the whole night tricking him into thinking he saw you.

Yeah.

And then being like, Oh no, I'm stuck in the worst conversation I've ever had in my life.

One of the best things after you break up with someone and like you might feel like, oh my God, I really didn't want to, but it was the right thing. Or like, no, I— or maybe even they broke up with you. One of the best feelings is then like not only seeing them after, maybe not even seeing them, but knowing what they're doing after and realizing like, oh yeah, I was the magic. Like, not only was I the magic, I was the— I was, I was your whole personality. What do you talk about now? Like, stuff like that is like— Well, you know what they talk about? Me.

Like, your ears are just nonstop like—

Nonstop ringing.

Um, I thought of a metaphor for dating. So as a New Yorker, I feel like, like I've had a lot of apartments.

Yeah.

Like, you go from apartment to apartment, and I was thinking about apartments. Have you ever like been in an apartment, you've been like, okay, it's not perfect, but it's good. And then you're like, I'm really comfortable here. Yeah. And you're like, I could see myself here for a long time.

Yeah, like, I'll just re-sign the lease.

Yeah, you're like, I'm gonna stay here. This apartment is great. And you like convince yourself, you're like, this is a great apartment, this is a really good apartment. But then—

I don't want to let this apartment go because I don't know if there's a better apartment out there.

I don't know if I'll find another apartment. You know how competitive it is getting an apartment? And then you're like, fine, I'll get another apartment. You start looking and you find— suddenly you're like,

oh, this is the best apartment I've ever seen in my life.

Your life is suddenly different colors. You wake up in the morning with a different— like,

you don't even remember the old apartment.

You think, how the fuck did I live in that shit? You

go, what unit was that again? What number was I?

And then you're like, wait, the vibes were so bad in that apartment. I had no idea.

No idea.

And I was literally thinking about this, just apartments recently, and I go, it's 100% dating.

It's 100%

because like you're like, yeah, like he sucks in a lot of ways, but like we're good. Like we're good. And then, then you're with like an actual person who's good for you and you're like, oh, I almost settled with the last one.

Then you bring in your guarantor and you're— they're like, are you sure about this apartment?

My mom is like, I'm not signing for you on this.

No, no, this isn't the one. I'm— yeah, I'm not signing.

My mom's not signing on behalf of me for this. So anyway, think about your apartment, you guys.

Oh yeah.

And no

inventory,

because people, humans naturally can like acclimate to a lot of things. Just know you don't have to acclimate.

Some girl made a TikTok. This is like a while ago, but it stuck in my brain.

Serious Sundays.

And it was, you don't get a reward for suffering. And I just think that's so true in dating, especially for our age and the girls that are single and our counterpart are— and I'm not saying this to like be mean, Like statistically, like our counterpart in men are just like making less money than us. They're like not going— not— don't have as good of jobs as us, whatever. They don't try as hard. They don't own homes. I forget what I was even saying.

You got really into the last one.

Honestly, I say all of this and then I'm texting him like, you're my sweet boy, I'm obsessed with you, like I love you.

But this is the thing too, I have a couple girls that'll message me and be like, I don't want to break up with him because I'll feel bad.

Yeah.

Now let me tell you guys, I am the biggest people pleaser on the planet.

Yes.

Like, to people I don't know, I will feel too horrible. Like, you can bring me a cheeseburger with shredded glass in it and I'll be like, you did such a good job, it's okay, 5 stars. Like, I am that kind of people pleaser.

Yes.

But when it comes to my life—

Yeah.

And men—

You don't take shit.

But I've dated some sweet angel men. Yeah. Who I've like really loved and cared for, but I knew deep down I was gonna get distracted by other men. The second I was like, I wanna, I wanna kiss that man, right?

Yeah. Oh, that's like the biggest sign.

So then I go, okay, now out of respect for the guy, I'm gonna hurt him. But like, what am I gonna do, let him waste my life away?

Yeah, no.

And also, he's gonna find someone who's better for him. So you guys, stop staying with guys because you feel like— girls have been like, I don't know what he's gonna do without me. Not your problem.

Also,

also, they're fine.

I've broken up with a lot of men, and then like a month later I'll be like, Wait, why'd I feel bad? They didn't even like me.

No, it's all made up in your head.

I'm like, wait, he didn't like genuinely— No, he had no idea who you were.

He made it up in your head.

Yeah, he made up who I was. I made up who he was. We did this dance for a little bit, and then I was like, gotta go.

I read something that was like, you'll have 3 loves, which is super generalizing, but it's like your first love that you're like, oh my God, like this feels So real, and it is, but it's just like the beginning.

Yeah.

And you're too young to actually like grow together. Okay,

I got mine.

Second one is you date someone who's abusive, ruins your life, makes you realize what you don't want, and you, you're like, I actually don't want—

He was so fun though.

He was so fun. People liked him. He was really popular.

We had a really good time like on a Saturday night.

You can't eat, you can't sleep. Yeah, okay, no mind. You have to go on Prozac. And then once you're kind of like over it, something will come to you even when you're like, I don't want this right now.

Yeah. Yes.

And that like is— that did happen in my life.

It's so true. Yes.

It really happened in my life. I was looking through old notes. I highly recommend when you're bored, if there's nothing on TV. I'm into like 2017, and I guess I had a bad breakup, and then I was going through a list of guys I dated and like why I ended it with them.

That's so— that's so me coded.

But you know, I had 2 boyfriends friends, 2 and a half, maybe 3, who like I really loved, but I realized they were just my best friend. Um, I would either do like best friends and then be like, I'm not attracted to you enough, I'm so sorry, but like I love you. But like,

I only did that like once and not my vibe, not my MO.

I know, but it was more like you're still— you're single. It was when you're single and you just like were hanging out all the time, like we

have a friend group

and you're like, you're a boy, I'm a girl, do we— yeah, do we— and then you're

Yeah.

Sweet, sweet men.

Yeah.

And then there's the ones who are like, if they could nuke the world, they would.

Yeah. Yeah, I had a couple of those.

Like, you're like, I'm not safe. No one's safe around here.

No, like, there's a couple that if they texted me right now, I'd call a bodyguard. Like, this is not gonna end well, and I'm not safe, actually. I'm not safe. Like, and I've said some crazy things on this podcast where I'm like, surely. Someone's gonna send a text being like, he knows you're talking about him. I'm like, but I have it. The

good news about having a podcast when you're in your, um, early to mid-30s is that we could be talking about so many men when we reference an ex.

No, when I— we are— when I did my— when I went to the Variety and I accepted the award for and talked about domestic violence, Hannah, the amount of exes that texted me like Hey, hey, so proud of you, like all your accomplishments, love it. Do you mind saying that it's not me? Like, I had a lot of people be like— and like girlfriends being like, hey, I had to say that it like wasn't this particular guy you dated.

Yeah.

But I was just like, figure it out. Sorry that happened to you. Um, hope you're doing well. If people thought you were dating

him, You were the one

when I said— That's not on me.

That's not on me. That energy you're putting out into the world.

That is not on me.

That's energy you're putting out into the world. Um, speaking of energy I'm putting out into the world, Des and I are becoming that old couple that like, we love talking to waiters. Like a waiter comes in and they're just trying to do their job and we're like, where are you from?

Wait, that is such a niche bit.

I don't know how it happened. I feel like when the restaurant's quiet—

Set me a scene. Set me a scene. Like, you're—

so it was like a Saturday night, Saturday, 3 PM.

Okay, a late lunch.

I realized I had lunch. Yes. And I was like, I want a quesadilla. And Dez and I sit down, and Dez is— what I do like about him is he loves small talk. Yeah, he loves talking about city planning, he loves neighborhood gossip, he loves to know what's going on.

He loves infrastructure.

Infrastructure of a town. Yes. And he will overhear people talking and be like, what's going on at that coffee shop? What's happening here? What's, what's The parking, like, parking situations, he loves to— ugh.

I almost texted him about the DMV the other day.

Oh, which is— wait, he's waiting for you to text him about the DMV, actually. He's like, she should just text me 'cause I have it all ready. Des loves the DMV. But it's not that he loves— he loves complaining about it. Like, he lives for that. Like, I tried to be like, why are you stressing yourself out? And he goes, this is what gives me joy. So we start talking to this girl, and she leaves, and she has an accent, and we're both like, should we ask her where she's from? And we start guessing. This is how— look, this is marriage. We're sick of each other. We got to make stuff happen.

Bring in a third.

So I was like, where are you from? And she's like, Italy.

No way.

Because she said, um, what is the thing that Italians say on TikTok? Italian brain rot? Thank you.

Okay.

Okay. Yeah, she kept going, okay, okay. Yeah, it's like you're Italian. And then I was like, I'm Italian. She's like, I'm like, well, no, from Italy. But anyway,

yeah.

So we're doing our thing, and then I'm like getting a little too comfortable with her. She like, she gives up the stuff and she's like, okay, thank you. And I look at her, I go, ciao bella. Des looked at me, he's like, we need, we need to go home. Like, we have to leave the restaurant right now.

Did she look back at you? She actually probably found that endearing and sweet.

She didn't respond. Cool. like, was that creepy?

How old was she?

She was like 50.

Oh, I don't know. Totally fine. Totally fine.

Where's that TikTok? Ciao bella? Where did that come from?

No, that's their culture.

I could have just said ciao, but I— yeah, saying ciao bella, and that's something that comes of age. Yeah. Because in your 20s you're not saying ciao bella to a 50-year-old woman. Yeah. But now I'm like, me and you, honey.

It's funny because sometimes when I'm texting like work stuff and I want And sometimes my tone, I think, can come off in text, can come off like more serious than I'm actually trying to be. Like, I'll reread it and I'll be like, oh, that's scary. So then at the end I'll just say gracias. And so then everything's light. Well, that's why— oh, she's just like, she's being whimsical.

That's why I do the millennial LOL sandwich. You start LOL, say something really fucking dark and serious, yeah, and end with LOL. And you're like, Des does fucking periods. I had to pull him aside. I was like, you're scaring people.

full punctuation.

Full periods.

Yeah.

You got a period at the end.

Has Dez hit talk-to-text yet?

No.

Good, good.

No,

because I feel like once you hit that—

How could you do this to me?

Yeah, like, it's done.

Oh, I do have to do a shout out. I posted a beautiful photo of Butter in my apartment, and I thought all the comments were gonna be like, Butter's so cute, and there was some. However, most of them were like, Why is your apartment so clean? I've never seen an apartment so clean. And I just have to let you guys know, it's because I moved into it that day. We're in Miami because Sirius has an amazing studio in Miami, so

we're gonna record in it like sometimes,

but we're trying to live in the same apartment building and it's like really hard.

It's really hard because some of them don't have pets and now all this. And I, whenever I see like doesn't allow pets, in my head I'm like Kitty's not a pet. But then, but then I'm like, the dog. So I look at him, I'm like, you're ruining my life.

Yes.

Because you can't conceal a dog.

I was gonna say, with a cat we lie.

Yeah, I'm like, you'll never see her.

Butter will never come out.

Prove I have a cat. Maybe I like a litter box. I don't know.

Sorry, my husband uses a litter box. Speaking of whores, after the Shangela's whore monologue, yeah, I was watching East of Eden and I was like, these whores dress spectacularly.

No, how do we go from your local brothel to like can't go out in a short skirt?

No, no, these whores, corsets, yeah, layers of— these whores dress gorgeous.

One whore, fine. 3 whores on a Sunday?

Sunday, I forgot it's a Sunday.

It's the Lord's Day. Sorry. Well, no, but like, uh, being a prostitute was like—

It was a job. Also, those women were entrepreneurial.

Well, they're the only women in that time period that were actually free.

And the—

They were the only women that had freedom.

And the madam who owned it?

So no wonder men were so like, that's disgusting, that's bad, because they were the only women that could like like come and go as they please.

It's giving every guy who hates OnlyFans models but has 7 OnlyFans subscriptions. Why do the ones who hate them always are the ones who have the most subscriptions?

Yeah, I feel like we're thinking of the same person. Yeah.

Also, um, it's so funny how in East of Eden she comes to like interview to be a prostitute and the lady's like, you're so pretty, you could have a husband. She was like, I would rather do anything but have a husband. Yeah. I want to work fully and make my own money here. And if I'm going to sleep with a man I don't like, I'd rather make money for it.

Totally.

And that's the tea.

Yeah. No, it's a great show. Do you like— have you finished it?

I'm like slowly getting through it.

I wonder why, like—

But I really like it. I think it should win stuff.

It should absolutely win stuff.

This is like the prettiest I've ever— like, like, I love her In this garb.

Yeah, she looks amazing.

In her hair.

Yeah, everything. She just like really survived the role.

Yeah,

but I wonder what, like, what happened that you could walk into a brothel, pay, have sex with a girl, leave, and now you can't? Why can't you?

I think it's— it happens. But legally? Like escorting stuff.

Is that— yeah, but they get in trouble, don't they?

In Vegas, I think you can.

OnlyFans is phenomenal for women.

Genius.

Because then they're not put— they don't have to go to some random studio, film something. Like, they can just do it in their own home.

There's a show going around about like suburban moms who have full families who are all on OnlyFans.

What channel? I actually— what network?

Is it like Hulu or TLC? How many minutes? Apparently it's really good, but they're all friends. Like, no one's judging each other. They're like, yeah, we're making really good money.

I bet they're making in Insane money. Here's the thing that has never— I've never understood about like OnlyFans or strippers or whatever. Like, people are so mean about their profession, especially men. It's like, no, it's like you guys are paying them. It's like, it's you. They're doing it for you.

I never saw one woman get mad at another woman for making money first. I'm like, good, take their fucking money. It's the men who like hate that they're getting tricked, and also the men who don't who aren't on OnlyFans aren't talking bad about OnlyFans. They don't care. They're like, do whatever you want, right? But it's the men who like want them so bad and it makes them mad, so they want to be like— and you're— you ever meet a guy who's— I've met guys like this.

Like, I almost feel like Pete Davidson was actually talking about OnlyFans, but he said TikTok to be PC.

Well, when he said get ready with me, that like—

oh yeah, yeah, yeah, that was like— But there's no like— there's no influencer making $40 million a year on influencing. Like, that But I feel like there are OnlyFans girls making $40 million.

Yeah. My favorite is when you meet a guy and you're like, what's your type? And he's like, not OnlyFans model. And I'm like, I'm not saying what's not your type. And he's like, she just can't do OnlyFans. I'm like, you are the only one that's brought up OnlyFans.

Yeah.

I'm like, say anything besides OnlyFans. And he's like, she can't sell foot pics.

I got—

wait, you got a request?

Yeah.

Yeah. Because you have 5 stars on WikiFeet. It's like talked about.

Somebody DM'd me and asked if they could pay for my manicures and pedicures. And honestly, I thought No, I can't do that. But for a second I was like—

Be like, put it towards endometriosis, please.

Truly.

I'm also doing this thing called tab rehab.

Tab rehab?

It's for all my, um—

Open tabs.

Uh, it's becoming a problem. Like, I have so many tabs that I have to start a new whole new window, and I don't get rid of the previous window, and then I get a ton of tabs, I start a new window, and then I had so many, and then I was like, I'm gonna Nuke this shit. And I just X'd out of all of them.

Can't you do one big X in the corner, like the whole internet page?

Well, I have multiple pages.

You have multiple internet pages up with multiple tabs? Like how many internet pages?

Like I was at like 6.

I feel like an 85-year-old grandma. What internet page? You have how many?

I had like 6 full of like, full of like over 100 tabs each. So I X out all of them and I feel great and I don't even know what the tabs were. But that's how I feel about my screenshots too. Like one day I need to like sit and look through all my important screenshots that I screenshot.

That's done. That's over. We've— no, we could never go through our photos on our phones anymore. Once you've hit the age of 30, that's an abyss. Who could go through that?

I want an app that could literally just go through my screenshots and Tell me, like—

They have it and it deletes duplicates.

No, but like, that's like, these are clearly nails you like. This was clearly a recipe. Oh, like organizing them. Yeah, so then like you'd be like, oh, recipes! And you just— it's just there because right now it's, it's— right? Chaotic. Also, apparently Splenda is really bad for you and the gigglers are mad at me.

It also tastes disgusting.

And she's ugly. I've been texting your boyfriend.

About what?

Don't act like you don't know, you're on his phone. I actually, when I text him, I imagine I'm texting you too. I'm like, hi Paige. No, but we are deep in fantasy football. Mm. And it's funny because— You

guys have a big day today.

We have a big day today and he like knows things because he like works in sports.

So many facts.

So I'm like getting—

Someone could say a Super Bowl from like 2006 and he'd be like, well, the one play that— I'm like,

No, I literally— and also I'm like, he's busy. Like, and I'm— this is— I'm in a $100 game with fantasy football, and I was just like, hey, and I sent him my whole lineup, and he sent me like this crazy reasoning of like why this guy should be played over this guy, but like people wouldn't know, but it's because of this and that. And I was just like really impressed, but I'm like, you wouldn't understand.

No.

Because it's not important. It's not gonna bring value to anyone's life.

No.

He's really benefiting me in my league where I have to beat Andrew Collin.

And I'm all for it. And sometimes he'll be like, do you want to watch with me? And do you want to hang out? And I always say, I'm doing— I text him because we're in different rooms of the house.

Des doesn't support my fantasy football either.

I'm like, I'm doing my stuff. I have stuff to do. Sometimes it's a screen with a game and then a computer with 2 games. and then downstairs there's another screen going with 4 games.

So I'm watching—

If I hear the phrase red zone one more time—

I got excited when you said that.

I'm like, unless we're talking about what nail color I'm doing, which you know I do red twice a year, I don't care.

Also, the men are bleeding money because they're all spending all their money betting, and then you have to pay like $80 a month for like NFL drop kick.

Well, now they can bet like, okay, this player is gonna wear this color shoe. Like, that's—

They're betting their houses away. Yeah. And then, yeah, then I'm suddenly accidentally signed up for like a YouTube TV, and then like, I don't even— it's impossible to watch the games.

Who's doing the Super Bowl?

It was gonna be Miley Cyrus, and now there's like— but that was just a whisper

chatter that there's—

it's chatter. Um, very good question.

But it's in LA. I feel like it shouldn't be her. It should be someone Is

Super Bowl in

LA? Yeah, isn't it?

I feel like it changes.

Did I just make that up? I think you did. No, I think it's in LA.

The Olympics is in LA.

I think that's also that. I think they're having a big year.

What was I gonna say about football? Oh, I watch it like they're my sons. 'Cause if one of them gets injured—

Well, because they are kids.

They're literally 19 years old and they're learning, they're growing.

And they do one thing and then it's like done for the season.

If one of them gets injured, it fucks me up. So I literally, like, a guy gets caught and I'm like, don't touch him. Don't touch him! And then he scores and I'm like, that's my baby! That's my baby!

I wish I could be passionate about anything like that.

But then when like it doesn't go my way, I get this sick little feeling in my stomach and the little voices come in my head and they're like, you stupid idiot, why would you pick him? You knew that the other guy would have done better. Hannah. You're stupid. You're stupid. And then I have to turn it off and Des is like, hey. And I'm like, not now.

I wish they had like a fantasy football for like what I thought the lineup at Victoria's Secret Fashion Show was gonna be. so I could bet on it. Like, who do I think's opening the show? Who do I think's closing the show?

I actually made this sketch a long time ago making fun of how when we used to watch The Bachelor on Mondays, it was exactly like guys watching football on Mondays. Yeah. Because they'd be like, why are you obsessed with this one guy? And we're like, sorry, he's the guy.

Yeah, he's the quarterback, essentially.

And then it's like, is it every week? And it's like, yeah, either be a part of the season or don't. Like, let's go. So we're more similar than different is the moral of the story. Anyway, anything else going on?

No, I think that was really all I had.

As of now, I'm still going on my trip.

Okay.

But you know, there's a long week ahead of us. You never know what can happen.

You are leaving on the 22nd.

And we decided that when I'm in Asia—

We're gonna record.

We're gonna record because it'll still be like 10 AM your time, 10 PM my time.

Which is like fine.

The chemistry is gonna be insane.

Yeah, on One Morning, One Night. Who knows what can happen?

Or— yeah, I'm scared. Um, thank you guys for giggling with us. We love you so much. Talk to you later. Bye!