Transcript of Giggling about blondes, blazers, and body counts

Sup, gigglers? Gary, fix the Wi-Fi.

Manifest that shit. We can't be managed.

I mean, the day just got away from me.

Okay, I do have a cat behind me. That's Boots.

We are very bring your pets to wherever.

Do I have better lighting than you this episode?

Yeah, it looks like it. We're like also—

Do you ever wash your laptop and then you're afraid you're like, everyone's staring at your tit?

No, never. Oh, like on a Zoom wash my laptop? I don't think I've done that. Oh, like with you, yeah, but like in a Zoom, have I ever been like, hold on a second? No, I don't think so.

I've like 30 minutes into a Zoom be like, wait a second, is there dirt On my face right now. Um, I actually did something so— I hate to say Hannah-coded, but I was texting you that your outfit looks chic and it kept autocorrecting to chicken.

Wait, when? I don't even— I didn't even realize that.

When I was typing it, I kept having to be like, I'm not saying chicken, I'm saying chic. And my phone was like, you mean chicken.

Well, speaking of being chic, we were gonna record in person today, but I was having an outfit crisis. And then my mom texted me one of the meanest things she's ever texted me before. I texted her like a picture of an outfit and she goes, I just think everyone will make fun of you.

I said, too late for that, babe. Wait, is it the one that I liked?

The one that you like is the one that she likes.

Good.

And the other one is the one that I like.

Okay, good.

But whatever, I'll find somewhere else to wear it. I just—

but I—

you want to know what's in my head now? Now when I feel like I'm not being brave, now I'm like, I rather wear it and get made fun of Welcome to my life. Then feel as though I'm making a decision based on like, oh, it's not as good as I think it is.

When I think something's cool, I actually don't care what other people think.

Yeah.

And that is actual— that's actual like Buddha shit.

Typically in this situation is unique because my mom is going to be at the event. That's the only reason I'd wear the one she wants.

You had to cancel the podcast because Kim sent you that text. Like, you're spiraling right now.

No, I'm like waiting. I'm waiting for a pair of pants to get delivered. As soon as the pants get delivered, a tailor is on standby so that she can tailor my outfit so that I have— here's the thing, I feel like the podcast upfronts for Sirius—

That's what we're stressed about.

That's what we're stressed about.

I—

which I shouldn't be at all, but I feel like I'm going to a new school.

Well, this is so funny 'cause Paige has been freaking out about the outfit 'cause she literally was like, yeah, I don't wanna look like the new like girl in school who like has a bad history from her past school. Like, it's like, how many boyfriends did you have? I said the word slut. She gets handjobs.

I said the word slut.

I didn't wanna say that. Paige, slut-shaming yet again. Wait, slut-shaming with Invisalign on is so fun to say. Slut-shaming. Slut-shaming. I didn't realize people still slut-shamed.

Yeah, no, it definitely still happens. You know what's funny is like when us— when something happens where like a man does something really bad, like murders his whole family or something, there's not that many terms to refer to him as. Like there's no bad words for guys.

Yeah, because fuckboy has been given like kind of a funny, cool vibe to it, right?

Like we didn't even touch on the Pete Davidson thing because we were in between Fil— like recording.

I actually was processing it. It took me a second. I had like a volatile reaction.

But whilst I was in my process, I was like, I was like, oh, there's not even a term for a guy who— like any woman you could be like, she fucked her way to the top in any industry. There's no phrase for that for men. Like you— there's nothing for them about the women they date.

Now let me just say, I stand with the stand-up comedy community. I stand with New Yorkers. I stand with anyone who was hurt by 9/11. Let me just put that out there.

You know, we remember.

I never forget.

Yeah.

I don't know why Pete said that because he could have talked about so many things, but to just start attacking women for making money was like just not cool. And also it was so random. It was so— I was like, Okay. I also think as a rich man, yeah, you— I don't get what your point is. And also, like, I hate telling other people that they don't do shit, um, because you don't know other people's lives.

Also, it's giving nobody wants to work these days.

But then everyone's like, what have you really been doing?

One of the weirdest things to me was he's spoken very complimentary before about his past girlfriends and like, I know how successful they are. And so I was like, wait, what?

He was like, why does everyone just like talk about who my ex-girlfriends are? But then goes on to talk nicely about all his ex-girlfriends because that's what people want to hear about, right? Because he's dated really incredible women, right? But I just have to say about the influencer things and influencers making money, um, I'd rather money go to influencers like some girl in Utah trying her hardest than this— the advertising money that used to just go to big businesses and go to some CEO, right?

It's not like this— all this money is like made up out of thin air.

Like, yeah, this money used to just go to conglomerates and now it's being paid to like individual women. And also like, this reeks of sexism. Yeah. And I hope he regrets it because it just wasn't cool. Also, you know, in the interview the person was like, yeah. And he's like, yeah, what the— you know what it is? How he said it. He's like, what the fuck are you doing?

He was mad at us. He was really mad at us for a minute.

Take that energy and put it towards the Cornell 7.

No, really.

Why are you coming for a girl doing her makeup?

He was also like, and then, and then my daughter, she's amazing.

No, he said, I look at the photo of my daughter when I want to see my daughter.

I was like, okay, wait, so you love us or you hate us?

And that's why he's good.

And that's the question every day from women. It's like, we really can't tell if you guys are obsessed with us, want to be us, or you truly hate our guts.

But one thing we can learn from him is like, his big thing was like, he's like, people don't respect me in this industry, which is like a made-up thing in his head. Like, yeah, people hate him. There are people who love him. And I think we all can learn that when you constantly focus on the negativity, you're not happy. Yeah. So let's take that with us, mental health moment of the week. Also, speaking of comedy, I thought of a new, I don't know if it's gonna be a series, but something I wanna do on Giggly Squad, which is fun.

I'm open to new ideas. I've been like up and running this morning, like do, not physically running, but proceed.

And you kind of reminded me of this 'cause I do think we make each other funnier. I think I've dated people that made me funnier. I think you've dated people that you've made funnier. It goes all the way around. I think people listen to Giggly Squad And girls who didn't realize they were funny, I feel like we've like brought out a sense of humor that they like always had but didn't know they could go there with. Does that make sense?

Or no one validated them. Like, how many times have we been in situations without the other one and we've called, broken down the scenario, said what the joke was, and then like and no one laughed. And then having Devout being like, no one laughed? What do you mean? The amount of times.

No, like I have visceral, I remember the last tennis event, some guy was on a crutch, walked down, I go, this is what happens when you mess with me. No one laughed. I was like, guys, we're having fun here. Let's have some whimsy.

Wait, didn't you do a really funny joke when you were doing that golf tournament like a couple years ago? And there was like, there was like a bunch of men and they didn't laugh or something, but the crowd laughed. I can't remember.

If I had a nickel for that. Oh, at the Ryder Cup? Oh, the Ryder Cup, probably. Um, but I wanted to tell the girls, like, I wanted to add some more, like, comedy advice to, like, 'cause people will message me and be like, I think I'm, like, the funniest I've been, 'cause we're, like, practicing the humor, listening to Giggly Squad. And I'm like, let's step it up, girls. So I wanted to just give you guys some, like, comedy rules that will just enhance, like—

Do I need a pen and paper?

I feel ill-prepared. A lot of things you guys do naturally. You just got nervous 'cause this became high school all over again. Also, you're like, where's my pink pencil?

I'm like, I actually—

Where's my scented paper?

I was like, actually, my fingers are feeling a bit cramped and I'm not sure if I can fulfill the assignment.

You're good. And you guys, you can rewind. Oh, my mom's FaceTiming me. Mom, I'm trying to teach a class. I need a PowerPoint.

I'm surprised you didn't act in more plays.

It's because I was playing tennis, but in 7th grade I was in every play.

I was gonna say, if you had the— if you had the time, would you have become more theater?

Babe, I was fully theater. I was a playwright. I was writing sketches. Do you know that my, my drama teacher looked at my parents and said— because my parents were like, she can't do drama next year, like she's going to this tennis academy— and he was like, you're making the biggest mistake of your life. He goes, she's an artist and you're taking that away from her. And I was like, I'm trying to get a scholarship to college, motherfucker.

I feel like a tutor said that to my mom too.

You're making a huge mistake not sending her to a tutor. Shout out John McEnaney, incredible. He— I did play an Irish prostitute who was pregnant, um, in 7th grade.

Yeah, I've heard.

I died and it was a whole thing, but I digress. So With comedy, what's great is you can use it in your everyday life. Like when you're telling a story at— story, I love my Invisalign. When you're telling a story at a dinner, a dinner party, when you're just hanging out with a friend, these are things that just enhance your vibes and make people want to fuck you or want to be your best friend.

Okay.

First one, which is people do naturally, but it's nice to know it's a rule. It's called the rule of thirds. So if you're making a list of like things that annoyed you today, you do it in 3. Like you don't do 2, you don't do 4. Or if you're like, he was annoying, stupid, and I hate him. If I just say he's annoying and stupid, something feels off. If you do too many, we're bored.

It's a better cadence.

The rule of 3 is great. And also with the rule of 3, that's where you can add misdirection.

Okay.

Misdirection. Oh, you're stressed right now. She gets so nervous. It's M-I-S-D-I-R-E-C-T-I-O-N.

I was like, I don't have my flashcards.

So misdirection is if you're saying like reasons you, you liked a guy and you're like, he was tall, he had blue eyes, and he was kind of mean to me. So that's a misdirection where you, you were expecting me to say something physical third, but I didn't. And misdirection is funny in any sense of the word. Like people think you're talking— I should have come up with more examples, but it's basically like Nikki Glaser, Amy Schumer are like amazing at this.

Wendy Liebman.

is amazing at this. She starts talking about something and then the surprise factor is what gives you the laugh. 'Cause you, you think it's going in one way and it goes somewhere else. And when you know you have a good like punchline to something, adding stupid details in the beginning is great to add tension. And like sometimes I do this and sometimes it's bad, but like when I'm telling a story, I don't just say what was funny.

Mm-hmm.

I kind of start it with some details. So you're like, where is this going? Where is this going? Now if the punchline isn't funny, then it doesn't work. But if the punchline is funny, it means you built more and more tension to make the punchline even funnier. Finally, as you guys know, and in conclusion, is the callback. And the callback is something we, we love on the pod. It's, it's a friend of the pod. When someone does something funny in the beginning of a dinner party, clock it in your head and don't be afraid to at the end reference it. So if Paige said a funny joke about like Like a seagull ate her food. Then like at the end of something happening, he'd be like, thank God there's no seagulls. Hahaha. Now this is instead of Botox, we're working on our personalities.

Yes.

That was our first class.

Speaking of Botox.

I love how you're like, we're moving on. What's going on?

No, Hannah, that was really nice. I think you should do that more often.

Okay.

I feel like also girls just think, no, I'm not gonna get into stand-up comedy. That would like— but that's— it could be your hobby.

Like, well, I wanna say shout out to Leanne Morgan, who— she was selling Tupperware, but she would do all these like hangs, and she said she would just tell all these funny stories, and everyone loved her and wanted to go to these Tupperware hangs. And then she became a stand-up comedian. But you guys, you'll be a better salesperson if you're making people laugh. You'll be better on dates making people laugh. Yeah, you'd just be a pleasure to be around. And then you can go home and be sad, but like when you're in front of people, you could give them a little— some tricks of the trade.

You really have to laugh a certain amount of times a week to even like combat depression. Like, it's so healthy.

So healthy and good for your abs.

Anyway, my Botox. I do think I want to do my forehead again.

I'm okay with that as long as it's above the eye.

Can we talk about our Friday night?

You spoil— you spoiled me to death.

No, I literally— I got my Kim DeSorbo Martha Stewart hat on. Hannah landed, she came in.

Well, first I was— had to give you like updates every 5 minutes where I was, which is very mom.

She was 20 minutes late.

You thought you were getting robbed because you, you get a, you get a jolt scare real quick. So I was like in the driveway and she like saw a person, was like, oh, And I'm like, you knew I was coming. I've been texting you. You have my location. I'm not gonna rob you.

I unbolt my door. I let her in.

You have multiple bolts. You unbolt, you unbolt, you unbolt.

I let her in. She has half her chicken parm and pasta. I had iced tea ready for her because she likes iced tea. Then she started her massage. Now, the massage started at 8:15 PM. Mind you, I had been up the past like 2 days at like 5 AM doing whatever, so I was exhausted Friday night.

I had you put on a murder doc.

I put on a phenomenal murder documentary. I hear her talking to the masseuse. There's— you're starting— were you starting in your hips? Where'd you start?

We started in the traumatic hips.

We started in the hips. You went to lower body. I'm still awake at this point.

The feet.

The feet. I start dozing off, I think right when you're about to start the face— neck and shoulders. Oh, the face.

Oh, neck and shoulders. No, neck and shoulders.

Neck and shoulders. I'm then out. I wake up 2 and a half hours later. I wake up at 11 PM. The masseuse is packing up. Hannah's sitting there. Having a fully out-of-body experience. She had just had a massage for 3 hours.

Well, it's the kind of thing where she put on the documentary.

Yeah.

And the documentary ended, and I'm like, I know for a fact the documentary is an hour and 24 minutes, The Way to Wear on Netflix. You guys have to watch. But she was the kind of masseuse where she's like, we're not leaving until, until the job is done.

Yeah, until the routine is clean. Like, she was finding spots and she was like That's not good. Let me get it.

Let me—

give me one minute.

She didn't smoke cigarettes, but if she could, she would have been smoking cigarettes because she came in just trying to like undo my Botox. But then she didn't realize there was L4-L5 impingements, there was hip stuff. The foot is connected to the hip.

You revealed you'd sprained your ankle— your ankles like 7 times. I was learning things about you. I felt like it was a HIPAA violation.

It was so funny.

And then I heard your trauma of shin splints and no one believing you.

No one. No justice for shin splints. My coach was like, you don't have shin splints, that's a made-up thing. And I was like, well, my shins feel like they're burning every time you make me run. And he's like, that's so convenient, just when you run it hurts.

I'm like, yes, hello, believe women.

And then she got to my face, and this is the thing, she's incredible, like she's a witch, but look, babe, you can't beat the Botox. And she was getting—

But did you feel it?

I did feel better, and she did really great fascia stuff, but I think she wanted me to like look at her afterwards and give her this like big shiny smile.

And it—

and she was like—

She was like, move your face.

She was like, okay, we're not there. But, um, she just kept going, and I was gonna tell her to stop.

No, she's a healer.

But then can we please say, so you're asleep and then you like You go upstairs. So I'm like, okay, Paige is passed out and I'm just like recovering from whatever I just went through. And I was texting and I'm like, this is perfect, it's 11 o'clock, I'm gonna go to sleep, I have to wake up early anyway. Next thing you know, I hear a little—

Well, I went to the bathroom, I like brushed my teeth, I really got ready for bed, and then I was like, what am I doing? We haven't even chatted.

So it's 11:15, Paige comes down and I'm like, oh my God, we haven't gossiped at all. So then we go through our typical gossip. We have like a couple—

We have a couple, yeah, that are like long-lasting that we update.

Our classics. Then we see if there's anything new. Then we sit to see if we forgot anything, which we 100% always do. And then by the time we're done with that, we have to start the gossip over again.

And then we say, oh, we talked about that.

Then we tell each other gossip each other told each other.

Then if there's time, we get personal. So like, you could have gossip about yourself that's personal, and that's done in a whisper octave. Okay, and that's, that's at the very end because that's a deep secret to secret.

Oh, mind you, at some point the dog started licking my hand and like was licking for a pretty long time. But at that point I was like, what do I— like, the hand's dirty at this point, let's let him have some fun. Paige is like, Paige is like, down dog! Paige trying to control a dog is so funny. She's like, no, stop it!

I'm like, everyone's getting really annoyed by you.

You're like, you're embarrassing the family. You're embarrassing me. Meanwhile, Kitty's being perfect, just sitting on the stair.

Perfect.

Then Paige tells me, go to your bedroom, where she got me— she had chips, chocolate, and a water, which is perfect. I get there, not 5 seconds later, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, Daphne walks in. Acting like she wasn't gonna walk in.

Yeah.

Like, oh, interesting, just you happen to be here.

She's like, this is my favorite room. It's funny that someone told you that.

I let her smell my finger, and then I know— I give her the little side cheek pets, which tells a cat, I know what you like, baby. This isn't my first rodeo. I'll take care of you.

She immediately flops after that.

She flops. And then she jumps on the bed, and then I was like, you mind if I do a little photo shoot? I know you normally have high rates for this, but like, I'm your girl, I'm your godmother.

She's like, yeah, I love my fans.

She's like, fine, give the fans what they want. Do a photo shoot. She's laying down, she's fully posing, um, and then we fell asleep together. She's the best. It was lovely.

It was lovely.

And then I woke up in the morning, go downstairs, Paige's passed out on the couch, and we had a nice little morning chat, and it was just perfect.

Beautiful.

It was so nice.

No, it was so much fun. No, you did make me watch an insane documentary though.

I actually got so nervous because Paige is like, what should I watch? And I was like, watch The Widower on Netflix, it's so good. And then I realized like Paige doesn't— she wants to watch a cute like, um, period piece. Like, don't make her watch this. But you got into it.

I got really into it. And you want to know why? Because I had watched my period piece all day, and it's— and it was, it was like intense, and I had to take a break from it almost a little bit. I was watching, um, East of Eden with Florence Pugh.

Mmm, is it good?

It's very good. It's just like, here's the thing, I like my period pieces clean and pretty, and like there's a princess and she's trying to get out and she does some crazy stuff. Like, I understand it's realistic, like a period piece, but like when I feel like if they're dirty, sometimes I can't get off of that. No, I'm just like, I'm like, okay, but is one of you gonna get royal?

Who's gonna become a princess is all you care about. That's so funny. Wait, did you see there's a Disney movie coming out, a cartoon about like Cinderella but from the perspective of the wicked stepsisters and be— and how they're not actually wicked at all?

They're actually gals, gals.

They're girls, girls, and they like have their own issues. And I'm like, yeah, like Who's actually the villain?

That was like a precursor in like women hating women.

Yeah, also it was only from Cinderella's perspective, so I'm really open to seeing some confessionals from the evil stepsisters. Yeah, who like— when your name is the evil stepsisters, it's really hard to rebrand.

Especially because the evil stepsisters were brunette and a redhead, and it's like, oh, let me tell you the amount of times I've been in a situation with a lying blonde. Okay, honey.

By the way, any blonde that messages us is like, sorry I'm blonde, but I'm a good one.

No, it's for the bit. I'm kidding.

I love blondes, you know. I like to surround myself with hot blondes.

If I could be blonde, I would be.

We can't pull it off.

No, but like one day when I do cut my pixie, I am gonna like go blonde at some point during it.

I'm gonna be so obsessed with you. Not that I'm not already.

No, I know. It's just like things still— here's the thing about life. You have to think of things.

Here's the thing about life. Give a girl a podcast. Here's the thing about life.

You have to think of things that you can look forward to. Like, yes, one of my mom's, I feel like, pillars of raising children, and I hated it all growing up, but now as an adult, I'm like, wait, I do that in my, like, adult life now. is like, you can't do too much too quick. Like, anytime I'd ask her to do something and she'd be like, no, that's age inappropriate. Like, you'll do that in a couple years and it'll be appropriate and you'll have the best time. And I would like freak out because my friends were allowed to do so many things. Now when I look back, I'm like, oh my God, if I had done all of that, I would've been over it by the time I was like 20. And then you just like keep going and you keep going. So you have to like really think of the—

You can have a dopamine burnout like Justin Bieber.

Yeah. romanticize your life. So like my pixie cut is like, oh my God, I can't wait for like—

One day.

Who is that girl that is like, yeah, let's do it today. Like, what is she gonna be like? What's her life look like? And it's fun for me to make up scenarios in my head.

And you're so Nana. Not to get morbid, but my Nana, who's like 83 at this point, um, she loves when I tell her me and you have something going on or I have something going on. Like when we had Radio City, she was like, oh good, I have something to look forward to.

I'll live a little longer.

a little bit longer. Oh, I'll get an outfit and I'll get my hair done and I'll, I'll make sure I last till then.

No, it's—

so then I have to keep doing that so she keeps living. Yeah, it's a lot of pressure.

Now you have to beware of men that do that though in relationships with vacations. That is a manipulative tactic to keep you in because they think if you've agreed to something in the prior coming months— beware.

You know what's crazy? I did have a guy very early on say like, we should, and he said some crazy vacation. And it's like, not once did it even go on expedia.com, right?

Because then when you want to break up with them, they throw like, we're supposed to go on vacation in like 2 months, like, am I just gonna cancel that? And I'm like, I don't give a fuck about anything that's planned. You could have planned a full wedding, I don't care.

Breakups, vacations, weddings, um, all of having a baby, there's no good time. Yeah, you just do it or you don't. Because when I've like postponed breaking up with guys and then I realized like there's an excuse every weekend, every time I'm like, no, just do it.

I have to do it.

I did once wait for my mom to go on vacation to do it because like my mom liked this one guy for me and I was like, you can't be involved in this, Mom. I didn't want to ruin her vacation so I didn't tell her. Then he got back and I was like, oh, he's he's out. And she was like, thank you for not telling me when I was having like a margarita on the beach.

I actually would love to hear how you break up with someone because I feel like your style would be so like—

Breakup styles?

Yeah, like I feel like your breakup style is like, okay, look, like you're gonna figure your life out and it's—

Oh, I go full life coach.

Yeah, like I feel like you're like, you are so good at this, this, and this. You give like a scenario and then you're But you have to take me out of it.

I've had multiple, like, actually very sad breakups where I'm like, you are great.

Yeah.

We're not gonna get married.

Yeah.

Anything that was bad was just like weird situationship shit.

Yeah.

I'm not mad at anyone. I'm— I just— I'm like, here's some tissues. Wait, this is not going to work. But it's hard, but it's mature. And then I don't message them ever again.

I just started laughing because remember when we were watching that documentary and the guy came on the screen and he goes, this is a psychotic person, this is an evil person, and I just go, me after breaking up with an ex.

This is Paige though, is when she's with someone, she is so loving and so caring and like can't see it, and the second she's out of it, she's like, why didn't you tell me that? And I'm like, babe, because I'm supportive.

No, uh, yeah, where I feel like when I break up with someone, I'm like, you need real doctors to help with this. I can no longer be of service to you. I think you're dangerous.

Like, I've done all my research.

I think you're unbalanced.

I'm scared.

And no, it's certainly not me. I'm perfect. Um, no.

Well, I feel like once you really know someone, once you've What is that? Is that an alarm?

Sorry, that— yeah.

For what?

Just in case anyone passes by.

Wait, so when anyone walks by your house, you have a—

It gets recorded.

You know what? You can never be too safe or sorry.

No, as I get older and older, I'm like, you can never be too safe.

She's holding a sword right now, you guys.

You can never be too cautious. Wait, actually, I randomly got an ax in like a gifting thing.

I can't with you.

And I looked at it and I go, Yeah, I'll put this by my bed.

I gifted you an ax.

It was like a whole thing. Don't even—

Wait, your birthday present is me just giving you like a samurai sword?

Yeah.

Okay, you're gonna love this. I haven't watched Bravo since COVID and you basically were like, Hannah, you have to watch The Real Housewives of London. Now this is a thing about the London girls. They're British, so this is a different brand. Like, this doesn't remind me of anything. I'm not having any PTSD. Also, you talked about this on the Kardashian pod— what they're fighting about is so not relatable. Yeah, it's beautiful. Can you give some examples?

Obviously, they, they all get invited to different things and different events and red carpets, and they like claim that You, you didn't get a personal invitation to Buckingham Palace. You paid for it. You paid, you bought a ticket to it. Or like, you went into a store, you asked if you could borrow dresses. You didn't just buy the dress.

My favorite is she doesn't own a castle. She owns a—

She's the largest stakeholder.

She's a stakeholder. And stop telling people you own a castle.

You know what my mom's phrase for it is? Shining shit. And it's a really good phrase for like—

Wait, explain it.

It's basically like whenever someone is doing something that's like a routine thing, or like, yeah, okay, it's not that impressive, they twist it to make it sound like it's 10 times more impressive.

Oh, yeah.

When in reality you could be something— doing something way more impressive, but you're just like, it's whatever, because you're like being humble. So my mom would always say like, yeah, he shines shit and makes it seem like he's like the best.

That's amazing.

And that's what they do.

They're obsessed with being ladies. Like, they'll be like, yeah, yelling at each other at the top of their lungs. And they're like, you're not a lady. I'm a lady. You're not a lady. And no one thinks you're a lady. And everyone was talking about how you're not a lady and you keep your legs— you have the longest legs in London, but the widest legs because you're not a lady.

Yeah, but like, also, at what age? Well, one, at what age does slut-shaming stop?

Start getting impressive? She's 60 and getting dick whenever she wants.

I'm like, wait, that's amazing.

Amazing. Because that—

what I feel like, I stopped caring. I stopped caring the last time a man asked me like my body count. I was like, would you just ask me? And I made him feel like a loser for asking because that's like a loser question. And I think that's the last time I cared like what anyone ever said about like a sexual— I'm like, what? Like, you're a freak.

Guys asking your body count is crazy.

Crazy.

Um, what is it on, on TikTok? Someone had a great— oh my God, they had a great response to it. When a guy says, what's your body count? Say, same as your mom's. Yeah.

You know what I said to my—

you know what I said to my mom the other day?

I was like, on paper, I'm like a better man than every man.

Okay, Taylor Swift.

I literally was like, I've had sex with more people than you. She goes, okay. Okay, I'm your mother.

Um, with The Real Ladies of London, yeah, they're so funny because they, they love like impressing each other with things and they're so mean to each other.

And do you know that season 2 is out right now? But— and I had—

I'm so excited.

Well, I had to download my VPN because I have to watch it illegally because it's not available in America yet.

I kind of want to watch The Traitors UK because my friend comedian Joanne McNally is on it.

I heard it's really good.

I just think British and like British, the London girls, everything they say is so much meaner. But they also like— Amanda was like, you're a criminal. Yeah, like, no, you're a criminal, you hate your husband.

Yeah, you live in a swamp.

You live in a swamp.

Back to Paddington. Back to Paddington. No, it's, it's insane.

And then the one American girl is like, so Chicago. She's just like, what are you talking about?

She's just like, she's how I feel like I would react in that moment too. I'd just be like, wait, what are you saying? Like, you look crazy, not me. You know? She's so genuinely flabbergasted.

They're so mean though, that like, they just keep getting over it 'cause they're all so mean to each other. Like every episode they're like, You can't with the low blows. And she's like, I'm so sorry. And the next one's like, you're ugly and so is your child.

They do sometimes bring their kids into it. Yeah, the one was like, you're a bad mother. And she was like, oh my God.

But it's also like, it's not even the fight. That was just like a side part of it, just dropping that. It's crazy.

Speaking of the outfits, I actually do think a lot of them dress poorly. Like, I'm actually some— I'm actually shocked by a lot of their outfits. I really think Juliette hands down dresses the best.

Well, Juliette is like the influencer of the group. I like that some of their styles are consistent though. Like, you know, one of them loves patterns. Yeah, Juliette, the other Juliette. And she's mixing them, she's mixing them, she's mixing them. Yeah, and she's like, stop calling yourself the queen, you're not a queen. And she's like, I'm a royal highness. Oh my God, it's so funny.

In season 2, they're Like, she says she's an actress, she's like all these things, and they're like, you're a liar! No, it's just so good. You have to watch it.

It's so good.

I think British humor is just so much more not take yourself seriously, where I feel like American humor, it's like, wait, is that gonna offend someone? Is someone gonna get their feelings hurt? Where Brits are kind of like, they're not as evolved, I feel like, with feelings. They're almost more like, push it down, like, get over it. Where Americans are very like, talk about it.

Like, she literally goes, and you're a swinger. Like, that was an entire season of, of the Mormon Real Secret Wives. Yeah. But this was just a side note in the London one.

Well, you know what's funny is because like, I feel like we obviously, like, our roots are reality TV and I never mind getting asked questions about reality TV because it was such a time in my life. And, but I always think about like, we always get asked, would we ever go back on reality TV? Now, if we were ever thrust into a Real Housewives setting again, Mm-hmm. In no situation in my entire life now being out of it would I ever be able to make it and think like, this is serious. Like, I would— they would fire me immediately because anything someone said to me, I would immediately be like, make it a joke.

Well, they fired me immediately because I wouldn't respond to anyone yelling at me.

Yeah, I'd be like, shut up.

I'd just sit there like, I'm not— I'm like, I'm not responding to this. I can't do this. Bravo, bravo, bravo.

I'd be a horrible reality TV person now.

Well, look, back then, you know, you're in confessionals and they'll be like, okay, this scene happened, it looked like this, can you tell us it'll be good if you tell us that this was annoying from this person. And even if you don't think it's annoying, you're like, oh, they need this. And you'll be like— and you could tell when the people don't want to do in confessionals to be like, that was kind of annoying. Yeah, they don't want to say it.

And the producer's like, just give us this line, just give us a line.

Everyone's gonna think she's annoying.

Yeah. Oh my God, everyone's already—

People are gonna think you're fake if you don't say she's annoying. It's clear she's annoying you in it. Like, it's so easy to get this out of people. But that's why even when you watch the— like, there's some scenes that I'm like I fucking hate this girl, and I tell myself, don't hate anyone. And then the next scene I'm like, I fucking love her. And then I'm like— and that is reality TV.

Yeah, because it's entertaining you.

And that neither are real.

Yeah.

Like, these are long conversations that are cut up and don't make sense. Also, okay, so what do you guys think? Juliet— I'm at this part of season 1.

Yeah.

She private jets everyone to her castle that she partly owns.

Yep.

And treats them like insane.

Yeah.

Like takes them to a private island, caviar, lobster, just everything you can imagine.

I have such a response for this question. Keep going.

Apparently at the very end, I guess some people put stuff on their rooms because it's like a Michelin star hotel. So everyone was leaving and the butler was like, so sorry, you guys have like an outstanding bill. It's like $100 for you, $100 for you, $100 for you. And the girls were like, what the fuck? This, this, this woman who's like, I own the castle, this is my castle. What do you think?

Okay, so essentially the woman that owns the castle invited all these women, paid for everything, but then at the end of the trip they did have small bills like $100, $200. The women who were invited thought that the owner the inviter should have paid all of those bills. Now, I agree that she kept saying, I'm the owner of this castle, I like— I'm paying for everything. I think that she should have said like, if they have any remaining balances, just anything from their rooms, put on my room. She should have done that. But the reason she actually wins the argument is because I think it's in way worse taste to bring up that they have to personally pay for it than it was her not paying for it. If I received a bill, I would have just paid it and like tipped and never brought it up. But I think it was so trashy that they brought it up and like brought it up to her like, you didn't pay my bill.

I 100% agree with you because you also have to think all these women are loaded. Also, there were so many moving pieces to that trip. Like, if I got a $100 bill, I would— I mean, look, as Juliet, the one who owned the castle, I would have tried to make sure that no one at any point had to pay for anything so that no one could leave with any kind of like muttering. But I would not be upset that I had to pay $200 before we—

After you just got a full weekend free. Yeah, you're like, oh my God. They also should have like— did they even bring her a gift? I don't think anyone— did anyone even bring her like a hostess gift?

I— and I don't know how she responds to it, but I would have been like, oh, people are talking shit? Oh my God, so sorry. Let me, let me— because it— let me pay for all of it.

She— yeah, she wants you—

She eventually does, because then at first she's upset. But, um—

Wait, I love that you're watching reality TV.

Well, it means that I healed a little.

Yes, that is like so exciting because it really is anthropology.

But I do not like when they make people look bad and then it hurts their lives. It's too painful for me.

Yeah.

I really don't like it. But, but this show is a show that does it well, where they could have from the very beginning be like, we're gonna make Panthea the monster and everyone hate Panthea. And I don't like watching bullying.

I actually love Panthea.

Well, but they could have easily been like, Panthea talks a lot, we can get crazy stuff out of her, let's make everyone hate her. But instead, every episode they have a different person you can hate, and that's called Sharing is caring. It's so lazy and easy to make one person the scapegoat.

Even though Panthea is loud and her delivery is like a bit much, she never really does lie. Like, it always does come out that she's like low-key telling the truth. I feel like—

One thing I don't like that she does, which is true, is when you tell someone gossip about themselves, you are spreading that gossip.

Like, who the fuck would ever tell someone else gossip about themselves?

No, Paige, if I knew someone was talking shit about you—

We're different. Best friends are different.

That's different. But I've had people come up to me and say, did you know people are saying this about you?

Yeah.

And I knew they were just saying that to upset me.

100%.

Because if they actually loved me, they wouldn't have said that. And that's what— when Panthea just keeps being like, you know, people are saying this about you, people are saying this, she's just trying to get it on camera.

No, that's evil.

And Amanda first responded very classily, but then you could tell she was like, I can't do this shit anymore. But then Amanda went, went for the jugular.

This actually reminds me, because I feel like it always pops up on my TikTok, but Tinx talked about this and asked this question. If, if you meet someone, if you're like being either being introduced to someone or you say like, hi, how are you? Like, nice to meet you. And that person says back, oh, we've met before. Do you think that's rude, or—

It's how they say it.

The tone.

Because I've had people be like, oh my God, we've met before, don't worry about it, don't worry about it, versus we met before.

Yes. Okay, I completely agree.

Because when you think about it, like, if you see someone, I would go, you were so busy, you were running around.

Yeah, I've heard you say that.

I— because I love to be like, we actually do have a connection. That's different than being like, You know?

Yeah, because like if people do it to me, I'm like, how dare you? But then if I do it to someone, I'm like, actually, we have a mutual friend. We met at this dinner. It was like so long ago.

Like, yeah, you, you are so good at that because yeah, you go, this is not on you, this is me just like remembering. Um, I also think because this has happened to me many a time, I never say nice to meet you. I always say nice to see you to everyone. Nice to see you. Nice to see you.

That's— I should actually do that more.

So I can avoid that.

Because it's like, you could have seen them on Zoom.

Nice to see you.

Yeah, okay, that's actually good.

But it's also like, again, I didn't, I didn't say I saw you before. I'm just saying nice to see you now.

Right, right. Okay, that's actually smart.

It's changed my life because I say nice to see you to everyone.

Because I've said nice to meet you before and people have been like, I was on the Zoom.

And I was like, yeah, okay, let's not get into—

and that was a small square. And how dare you? How dare you? How dare you try and make me look like I am rude right now?

You're like, I was wearing sunglasses, I was doing gua sha. No, I don't remember you.

I was off camera. I treated it as a phone call.

My favorite is when Paige— we have a group call— Paige is like, I'm off camera. So then everyone goes off camera. I don't know. I come on, I'm on camera. It's weird to then go off camera. Then I start loving that it's just me talking to myself.

You love being on camera when everyone's off.

Do you wanna know why though? 'Cause if I'm off camera, I'm gonna tell you the truth, I'm not fucking paying attention and I need to hold myself accountable.

No, you wanna know what my off camera thing is? Is I have to be really like aware of my face because my natural just like resting face, like I really—

I have so many screenshots of you on Zoom.

I look so uninterested. So, and like sometimes I am, so you never know.

But I feel like it's good because I feel like I'm too bubbly, so like we need your intimidation. And then the second you talk, people are like, well, they're either like, she's so nice, or definitely wasn't paying attention.

Well, like if I have to go through 15 intros and what everyone's job is and like a fun fact about them, like I, then I'm like, I can't.

We're playing improv games.

Wait, I had one of those in person like a couple weeks ago. I was like at this like shoot and the guy was like, okay, now everyone go around and say like what your job is and your name. And in my head I was like, I felt so Gen Z because I was like, I feel like people only do this on Zoom. But then I remembered like it was a real life thing.

You got such a Zoom activity.

Like, it's such a Zoom thing. Oh, anyway.

Oh, Grace tried to get me divorced.

Pray tell.

Okay, Grace and I were hanging out this weekend because we're actually working on a very fun project that we will talk about later, but there was a dog in the vicinity. First, let me just say, okay, there are these cute dogs that come in, everyone's petting them. Grace is scared of dogs. Grace gets the bravery to approach this dog. We have to like give her a pep talk. We're like, the dogs are great, you see how they're acting with everyone, it's gonna be great. She walks up to them, the dog immediately starts growling and barking at her, like causing a scene. And I'm like—

What kind of dog? Like how big?

It was a big dog. It was big. So she's like fully traumatized. But then this dog, for whatever reason, is— I think it's because I was in my luteal phase— obsessed with me. Like, and I was sweating. So like at one point the dog starts licking my armpit. And then it starts like suckling on it like I'm its mother, and I don't know how to act with dogs. Push it away. No, but I was like, is this its love language? Like, I don't know what to do. So Gray starts videoing me, um, and the, the dog is suckling on me, and I'm like, send it to Des.

Stop saying suckling. I will literally jump through this screen and kill you. Are you kidding? You— I can't believe you just tried to use it a second time. That is one of the most foul things you've ever done telling a story.

I thought it was a scientific term.

No, it's, um, no, it's not.

Shucks.

Stop with your Invisalign teeth. Have no manners or respect for this pod.

This is gonna be so pick-me. I'm like, the dog wanted to suck my armpit. No one else's. But it was weird. I'm like, anyway. Okay, so I'm like, send this to Dez. So then I go off, do my own thing, and I was like, I'm so cute.

Like, sorry, FedEx is here. I've been waiting for him.

Oh my God, yeah, make sure everything goes—

I might have to get this. Proceed with your story.

So I'm like, oh no, I'm scared now. Um, so I sent it to Dez and I go off my merry way. I'm like, I'm such a good fun wife. Like, I'm sending him— well, he's like my boyfriend. I'm sending him funny videos. He loves dogs, like that's his love language. At the end of the day, I look at this video that was sent to him. I have like 8 chins, like, you know, I'm like laughing like, oh yeah, it is the most— the angle, it was the most disgusting video I've ever taken of myself. Like, to the point that I'm like, no one proofread this? And she was like, you told me to send it to him. And I'm like, yeah, because in my head I looked like really like cute.

Yeah.

And like the dog like picked me and I was like, haha. I literally was like, Grace, you have to send Dez the hottest video of me you have on your phone. Just send it. Don't say anything. We just need to like—

Counteract.

Like, I'm in a moment. And you guys know, like, I don't care about how I look.

Yeah.

This was, this was bad. And I looked at Grace and I said, yo, girl, let's go.

Like, you felt like you were almost like disrespecting your husband with it.

No, I was like, this is me actively trying to hurt my marriage. Like, I went out of my way.

Causing distress. I'm opening the door halfway for him. So then I call him when I get home and I'm like—

He doesn't know. He blocked me. Seeing if he's acting different. He's like, hey. And I'm like, yeah, sorry, that video was like— Did you say— Really weird angle. And he goes, didn't even look at you, looked at the dog, didn't even notice. And I was like, I don't know what's worse.

That's so him.

But that's so him. He wanted to see the dog. And also like, he just loves my aura.

No, he does. He truly does. But honestly, that story's inspiring because the level of comfort and calm you found within your own home. But also you were born that way. Like you don't give a fuck.

No, but it was that bad of a video that I'm like, no one should see this of me. And I, I post crazy shit of me on the internet.

Yeah.

And I've been like smiling in front of Des this whole time.

See, part of Josephine's job description is she does DM Joe like every time I post something insane, and she will be like, you are so lucky, you should count your— like she bullies Joe on Instagram.

I love that she takes a photo and is like, just want to make sure you saw this forced post on the grid. Um, she goes—

sometimes she'll be like, we rearranged, so—

This dumb—

Look at it.

Yeah, like, just want to make sure you didn't miss this detail. And also, like, look at her little feet in here. Ask Dez, like, does this necklace mess up my outfit? And he'll look at me and be like, didn't even see you were wearing a necklace. It's just like straight man stuff, I guess. Wait, can I do a Woman in STEM of the Week who I love? Do you know who I'm a huge fan of?

Give me a genre. I love when we play this. And like, I love—

She's British.

She's British.

She's in fashion.

She's British, she's in fashion.

She has short hair.

Alexa Chung.

I am so obsessed with Alexa Chung. She had a talk show.

Yeah.

That was so cool.

It was on MTV.

I loved her talk show.

Yeah.

She was effortlessly funny. And actually, no, I'm mad at Alexa Chung because she gave me the confidence to, before I went to my first year of college, to cut my hair like hers. And turns out I don't have the jawline of Alexa Chung, and I looked like a tiny British boy.

Wait, what was she like? How did she have that talk show? What was her job?

I don't know, but I feel like she must have been kind of like it girl of London, and I feel like they took a chance on her, and she was— it was like, wow, the cool British girl is giving me a glimpse of her life.

There's a couple people that I always think were always ahead of their time in their industry and almost like don't get the recognition that they deserve. Like Chelsea Handler going to Netflix with her talk show like way before anyone else. Alexa Chung, just like the it girl fashion girly, like Lady Gang. They used to film their podcast before anyone filmed their podcast.

Yeah, yeah. Um, I also love her style.

Yeah, I love like calling back to that because yeah, she was like an OG fashion like It's called Her Story.

So anyway, Alexa Chung, we love you. If you don't know Alexa Chung lore, look into it. She's amazing and inspirational. Are you gonna see Verity? Did you read Verity?

I read Verity. Um, okay, my For You page is very 50/50 mixed. I've gotten a lot of videos that were like, I hated that movie, and then I got a lot of videos that I love that movie. I'm not gonna go see it, but I'm definitely gonna stream it. And I love Anne Hathaway, so I'll watch whatever she is in.

I heard there's like jump scares. I don't need that for my cortisol, but like, I wanna support the girls.

Psychological sexual thriller, so it's right up my alley.

You go, that's just how I wake up in the morning.

I hate a thriller, but if it's a sexual one, I like it. True.

Wait, a psychological sexual thriller? That's like— that's me on a Monday.

That's like me looking forward to like my 40s, you know? Like, I feel like I'm like, something weird and sexual is gonna happen in my 40s.

Do you know what I mean?

Okay.

Yeah, I'm into it. Yeah, I mean, I don't really know what you mean.

No, I don't really either.

Like, what direction?

I don't know, like, I just feel like I'm like, as a Scorpio, I like get more and more sexual as I get older.

For sure. By the way, I didn't realize till my 30s like how you actually, when you ovulate, are more attracted to people.

Totally.

I wish I knew that in my 20s because like I'm pretty sure I had some crushes that like purely ovulation crushes, but then you don't see them for a while and then you're like, why?

No, I really believe that birth control changes like a lot of dating. Or like sometimes like even like the first couple days of my period, I'm like, I'm obsessed with you.

You're like humping a chair.

Yeah.

There's like a chair, you're looking at the chair, you're like, is this chair flirting with me? Yeah, like the corner of the couch.

You know what's just funny though? Because men are always so like macho and like Really, when our like libido I feel like is rising, theirs is going down. Like age-wise, I mean, like if you compared our ages.

Yes, yes, sexuality only gets better for women.

Which really is what they'd rather.

And that's why I think late-in-life lesbians are iconic, because they're like, oh, I've been waiting to have this many orgasms, let's go.

Yeah, and just like the feng shui of their homes, I really— I'll never get over.

Thank you guys so much for giggling with us. We love you so much and—

Talk to you later.

Next week is gonna be crazy. We're just gonna leave it at that.

Love you.

Bye.