Transcript of Giggling about hot dogs, hyrox, and camel toes

Sup, gigglers? Gary, fix the Wi-Fi.

Manifest that shit.

We can't be managed. I mean, the day just got away from me.

Um, thank you. Wait, I just did the thank you for giggling. I just started with the end.

Perfect.

Perfect. This is great. Um, you guys, we're doing the opposite of what we did last episode. We're now recording at 9:30 PM. We both had a day. We're smoking imaginary cigarettes. I'm like, I feel drunk.

You always do this when you go out and socialize. You like—

No, I was out and about Chatty Cathy-ing.

You get like high just from the streets.

Look, the streets keep me going. The streets is where I feel alive.

Yeah, like if you had a drinking problem, it'd be scary. Don't you think?

Because I'm just high on life right now. No, I was— you would have hated me. I was bopping around, but I was controlled. Like, for example, I was at this event for David Yurman and the Knicks, and they were like giving money to kids from Brooklyn who have like, um, play basketball, and they like played a game. But of course I got too passionate in it, and I was like yelling at the kids. I was like, what is that defense? Anyway, I do have to say Paige's St. Jude Hannah tee is so comfortable and I'm wearing it right now and I love it. Um, so yeah, I just went to an event without you. You're supposed to come with me. I showed up alone. The best thing about that too is whenever I go somewhere without you, people go, where's Paige? I go, hi.

Hi.

I'm Hannah. I'm trying my best here. I know my other half isn't here.

Did you meet Emmy Rossum?

I have too much respect for Emmy Rossum. It was one of those like, okay, I'll acknowledge her with a drive-by, but I fully committed, like I'm just gonna keep walking. But as I made eye contact, we had a little moment where I think, I think she wanted to talk to me, but I'm also delusional.

Okay, well, can I give you a little tidbit of information?

Huh?

I asked her to come on In Bed with Paige DeSorbo, but her schedule was not— we were not aligning.

The old schedule excuse.

No sweat off my back. Like, I've asked so many people to come on In Bed with Paige DeSorbo that have been like, can't, no.

Kim DeSorbo. Kim was like, if you ask me one more time, I swear to God.

And I'm like, I never give it a second thought. I'm like, totally. Like, does it— like, I'm not ever gonna try and bug you. Like, you said no, like, awesome. She said that she felt so badly That she asked for my address to send me like, like, I'm so sorry that I couldn't like come and do it. And I was like, that is so nice.

Okay, so she's an angel walking on this earth. See, she's an angel. Her aura, like, she, she's gorgeous. Like, her aura was so crazy that I was like, I don't want to inflict any of my messy energy onto her right now. So I committed to like, I'm not gonna try to talk to her. But then as I committed, she kind of looked at me like, I know you. And then— but I'm like, Emmy, I already committed to not talking to you and respecting your space. So that was my story with Emmy Russom. And then, oh, this like older guy like complimented my outfit. And you know I love talking to an older man. And we're chatting, chatting, chatting. He's hilarious, he's funny, he's New York, love it. Well, he walks away, someone goes, that's David Yurman. Wait. He's the most adorable New Yorker. Me and him are like besties now. Everyone working there was like, you just chatted with David Yurman for 40 minutes? And I was like, that's my best friend. Also reminded me of my grandpa, so of course I got him.

Wait, I was just gonna say, he's like— I just looked it up, he's 83.

Is he 83? He is— he has a pep in his step.

Wait, do you know that Martha Stewart's 85?

Did she post on Instagram, should I post my nudes, or was that AI?

No, I think that was her.

Obsessed with her. Oh my God, I'm so obsessed with her.

Um, okay.

How are you?

Oh, let's get into it.

Yeah, I'm sitting at this basketball David Yurman event and this guy's next to me, which I, I talked to David Yurman people. I said never again, I can't be sitting next to a man.

Yeah, you talked to one already.

I know, he said, by the way, My girlfriend is a giggler. And I said, good, you— she has, she has good taste. And he said, I do have to say, he's like, I used to listen to Part of My Take, which is a sports podcast. And I go, so is mine, continue. He said, yeah, I know about sports podcasts. Have you heard about the number one sports podcast?

You're not gonna say that he switched over to Giggly Squad.

Paige, Paige. He goes, she listens to it every morning. And I'm like, I'm obsessed with her. And he goes— I, at first I didn't get it. He's like, so they don't do segments? And she's like, no. And he's like, then how do they know what they're gonna talk about? And she's like, you don't get it, okay?

Uh, ever had a conversation before, buddy?

You don't have a PowerPoint in a normal conversation. Um, and he was like, then you guys look really funny, like not just for girls. He was like, so this is part of my take, but now I also listen to Gigli Squad. And I was like, okay, well, at least you like sports podcasts. That's all we've learned from today.

This is how much, like, I'm not in— I've never heard— I've never heard a single human say the phrase pardon my take.

It's crazy algorithmically how it controls our lives. Like, Des will say something, or I'll see something, and he's like, yeah, that happened in the news last week. I'm like, well, it just became a meme and just hit my algorithm. So that's how I get my news. I don't see it until comics are making fun of it. That's when it hits me. Also, I just have to say, Paige goes, we both look like we're in a Swedish prison. I said, excuse me, what? Where did you get that reference? How many Swedish prisons have you been in? What are you talking about?

I feel like I have this like memory where like, I don't know where I watched this documentary about like prisons in— I don't even know if it was like Sweden or Norway, one of the like one of them, and it was, it was very IKEA.

It was nice. No, it was nice.

It was like, wait, that's—

It's giving nicer than my college dorm room for sure.

Yeah, I was just about to be like, wait, that is so much nicer than my first apartment in New York City.

You go, is that white oak? Yeah, that's white oak.

I'm like, so the chair is connected to the desk, which, yeah, that makes That makes all the sense in the world.

IKEA lowkey slaps. IKEA is Swedish. I'm obsessed, obsessed with the Danes, which isn't Swedish, but it's like in the same area.

I'm just like, I'm dying to talk about Chloe.

For her to— yeah, for her to post the first, the first slide, the third slide, the eighth slide, the tenth slide, and then write BFF in capital letters. At first I was like, wow, this is And I said, wait a second, she's coming for my throat.

She sent me white, white roses to my home today with a card that said, no, we really are best friends. I'm gonna— I haven't sent you the picture of it yet because I—

You knew it was gonna— you knew I was busy tonight and I couldn't emotionally handle it with the rubber bands. I didn't even comment.

Wait.

Because I couldn't figure out the right thing to say in the comments that wasn't too Jealous, but wasn't too nice.

Can I tell you something? I was looking at her at one point, and I go, and in my head I was like, Hannah could be this hair color.

Well, then people were tagging me. They're like, oh, we thought this was you. I'm like, and it's not.

No, and I hate to come on the pod and like every time we meet a celebrity be like, no, seriously, like they're so nice, and they're just like, oh, girls, girl, like, but truly, now that I'm like collecting Kardashians, like. Goddamn Infinity Stones. Like, no, truly.

Like Pokémon Infinity Stones. Did you just say Infinity Stones? She's playing Pokémon Go, baby.

No, truly. I was on the phone with my mom and I was like, I like, what is happening to me? Chloe is of a different caliber. Like, I genuinely don't think I've ever seen someone have an aura the way she does. And here's how I can describe it. She gives like— I don't even want to say maternal because it's not like she's old enough to be my mother. Like, she's in her— I don't even actually know how old Khloé is. Like, in her late 30s.

She's ageless.

Yeah, she's like ageless.

Yeah.

But you know, when you're little, I feel like every little kid randomly one day you just like say to your mom, like, if I had another mom, like, this is who it would be. Like, did you ever say to your mom, like, oh, like, I really like that mom? Like, I would— like, I would— okay, never mind. So I was traumatizing my mom at home.

You saw one mom with a nice cashmere sweater and you said, I want her to be my mom. You saw another mom in a good outfit. That's what you're talking about. You're sick. You're sick. No, I never was like, I want a different mom. You crazy.

Um, one time a mom walked into school with a purple halter top and purple mini shorts. I'll never forget it.

His—

the kid was in my class. His name was Nick Berg. He was so nice. His mom was stunning. And when she came to lunch, I literally would go home that day and be like, Mom, Nick Berg's mom is stepping it up. Is stepping it up. Like, with— anyway.

You want Khloé Kardashian to, to birth you?

No, like, I just feel like if I was ever in a room and something bad was happening, I would run to Khloé. Like, she gives this, like, like, very soft, lovely aura. Like, I can't explain it. It was— she's just so lovely. Like, that's the only word I can say.

She's extremely funny.

She's very funny.

I think people who are really funny, like you, are actually really smart.

Thank you.

And I think she actually is really wise.

Yes.

And I think she's been through a lot. And you know why I was jealous too? Because I'm like, I knew you really liked her. Yeah, like I knew it wasn't fake.

Yeah, that's how I felt about Hailey. I was like, Hannah would like legit go to dinner with her and that's pissing me off.

No, no, no, no. It's pissing me off. And Khloé would hate this because Khloé's like really glamorous, but like of the Kardashians, Khloé's Hannah-coded.

Khloé is a little Hannah-coded because I feel like she's not afraid to be like, I will shit my pants, like, if I don't walk away right now.

Of the Kardashians, she's Hannah-coded. In general life, she's Paige-coded. And that's layers that, like, only you guys will understand.

That's like so deep.

She's a— she's a Paige Sun, Hannah Moon rising.

Wait, something's been really stressing me out recently, and I don't know why it keeps popping into my head. What the hell are we gonna be for Halloween?

It's crazy you thought of that because I today was like, do we do like a couple costume?

Do we do a couple costume?

I think we've been wanting to. I think we do a photo shoot.

Do you think we had a telepathic moment?

Yeah.

Because I was thinking like, why don't we just like one day get some glam, do a funny shoot and do a Halloween thing.

Well, we famously last Halloween, let's say Halloween was Friday, Wednesday we got our photos taken, babe. We were good.

Yeah.

And I know that might sound sad to some people, but when you're 35.

Yeah, you have to do it for the cats.

Wait, do you know how old I am? Where I'm watching the basketball game with these like 13-year-olds running around and one of them gets like fouled really hard and hit to the ground and he pops right back up and I'm like, I would've been out for 3 weeks. When did I become my father?

No, truly, you're your grandpa.

I'm literally an old man. Also, I have an Invisalign update.

Okay. I told you that I didn't want to go on this journey.

And you know what? And I told you I respected your boundaries and I don't.

Okay.

So I'm on the plane.

Great.

Obviously I wanted to have some mustard pretzels at 11 AM, as I do. Sometimes I get ginger ale, sometimes I get orange juice, depends. No one asked, but I'm just letting you guys know.

I always get ginger ale on the plane.

What is it about a plane that I'm like, I, I will chug 3 cups of ginger ale on a plane?

Wait, and they never have Canada Dry, and Canada Dry is my favorite one.

Do you think it's because we think it's like good for our stomach and we like don't want to be bloated? I think that's what it is. All I want is an iced tea. Like, God forbid there's an iced tea, but Don't get me started on airlines. So anyway, I have my little mustard whatevers.

Yeah.

But I have to take out my Invisalign, put them in my lap, which obviously not a good idea. Forget they're in my lap. So like 30 minutes later, I'm like, where's my Invisalign? Who— what's my name? What planet am I on? Then I look down, only have one of the trays.

Of course.

So I put that tray in and then I'm like, we gotta find the other tray. Obviously this tray— I don't know if I was dancing— it was kicked like to the floor. So it's on the floor, and then I had that vulnerable moment. I said, do we just put it back in my mouth?

But you didn't. Yeah.

I'm 35 years old.

You're grown.

I'm grown. I said, don't. I put it in my pocket and I said, we'll wait for the guy next to me to get up. And then I'll go. He got up, I got to the bathroom, I put soap in it like an adult, but then there was like no water pressure to like get the soap off it.

Wait, this is not where I thought this story was going at all.

Where did you think it was going?

It didn't cross my mind that you were going— that you legit got Why didn't you just put hand sanitizer on it? For like, crying out loud, putting real soap.

Did you just say for crying out loud? Yeah, for crying out loud.

I tried to stop myself, but I was too deep in it and I just had to keep going.

You started, you couldn't— you had to finish it.

No, I don't— I thought you were gonna wait till you got home.

Can't you like die from putting hand sanitizer in your mouth? It's for hands. Yeah, but you I don't like alcohol!

You basically did that with the soap.

Well, that's the problem. I put the soap in and then it like— in my head when I'm in the bathroom, everyone's waiting. Like there's like a line out the door.

Wait, shit.

So I'm rushing. I'm like, I'm rushing. Every second I'm in there, I'm like, they think I'm shitting my brains out.

That's a universal experience. It has to be because I feel the same way.

I try to go as fast as I can, and then when I get out, I'm like, see, I barely have a pussy.

Sometimes I'm like, I didn't even fully pee. Like, I'm like, I mean, I like got up too fast. Do you ever go to wipe yourself and like you're actually still peeing and you're like, wait, am I stupid?

No, that's never happened to me, actually.

Wait, has that happened?

And maybe that's why you have UTIs every fucking week, you freak.

Yeah, because I try and go so fast. I'm so busy.

You're so busy. You have things to do. Anyway, I waterboard it, but like there's no pressure, so it's just like trickling on, and I have tons of soap on it, and I'm like, I don't have fucking time for this, there's people waiting. So I put it back in my mouth. When I tell you—

This is so gross.

I thought I murdered myself. Like, I was like, I can handle a little soap. It was the most disgusting. I was like, I go And like airplane soap?

You're sick fuck.

I don't know what was in that. So then I take it out again and I'm putting water in my mouth. It's chaotic at this point.

Open the door, no one's waiting.

No one's waiting. But also I'm like, was it worth it to be cleanly? I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

Because it's like, what's worse, the germs on the ground or the toxins in that soap? So the chicken or the egg?

The chicken or the egg. Also, in the back of my head, I always think you're strengthening your immune system.

Yeah, I always think, what would Hannah's grandpa do? How's—

do not bring Jerry into this.

Sorry. No, I was just gonna say, have you seen— I wrote it down for last week and I never talked about it, but have you seen the new iPhone?

Every time I blink, there's a new iPhone. I can't keep up. I can't keep up.

It folds, but like Like a Motorola?

It folds? Are you sure it's not a Samsung?

Do you know when we talked— this just made me think of it, I don't know why, a Motorola. Do you know that when we talked about the girl shitting and we said like a tough mutter, I thought that was like an old video? I didn't realize it was like a new thing and it's like some new workout.

I'm so happy you brought this up because I was unaware of all this and then it was all over my feed. Okay, all over. What she did was fucked up. What? That was crazy that I was trying to defend. That was fucked. And let me put that on the record.

I'm telling you, it was fucked up.

Let me make a statement.

Someone like commented and was like, it's so Paige to call it a Tough Mudder. And I was like, what the hell is a Hyrox? Again, that's a word I've never heard anyone say in my life.

But a lot of people knew what it was. But that's never come across— that's never come across my desk.

So many people in New York City were like making videos like last time, like I did a Hyrox. I'm like, were you all running home and just like, Learning about a Hyrox?

Also, part of me is like, why have I never once even been invited to a Hyrox? I guess the people know.

It also sounds like a, like a freaky weird club where you do weird drugs.

A naughty club. It sounds like a druggy club. Are you going to Hyrox later? Let's go to Hyrox. Hyrox is like up until late.

It seems like a, like a club, but in the early 2000s.

Yeah, yeah. You know, I thought they were just running on their own. I'm like, okay, she shot herself, like it happens to the best of us, including me and you. They're like all using the same machine.

It's like a circuit.

That's, that's an immediate— that's an immediate penalty. That's an immediate let's get a helicopter in, take her out.

I thought whenever there was a circuit, it was automatically a Tough Mudder.

You just love saying Tough Mudder. But, but no, Tough Mudder, there's a circuit, but they're not sharing all the stuff. Hydrox, are we sure that's not how COVID started?

Yeah, it's so unsanitary.

If a man like looks at a machine, I don't want to go on it.

Remember there was like discourse like a couple months ago about like if you wash your own machines, does the— does the— wherever the workout class you go to should They wash the machines for you. Either way, they're dirty as fuck. That little spray bottle and like one paper towel, that's not doing shit.

Yeah.

But this is like on— this is obviously on a different level.

When someone's watching you wash the machine, that gives me so much anxiety.

So much anxiety.

Like suddenly I forget like how my hands work.

They clean anything. I'm like, should I just wipe it down? I'm like wiping it down with a dry paper towel.

Also, like, when I'm on a treadmill, I'm like, I don't have to wash like where I ran, right? Like, we're good on that.

Think back to a specific moment when your fear felt really intense.

What was going through your mind?

Did you know it was OCD at the time? For a lot of people, millions of people, that's not just anxiety, that's OCD, and most of them have no idea. And it's not the organizing stereotype. Real OCD is persistent, unwanted intrusive thoughts that feel totally out of character, along with mental or physical behaviors you feel driven to do to get relief. Even when it never actually comes, these thoughts can feel very real, which is what makes it so upsetting. OCD is highly treatable with the right kind of specialized therapy. It needs ERP exposure and response prevention therapy, proven to be the most effective treatment. NoCD is the world's leading provider of OCD treatments covered by insurance for over 138 million Americans. Licensed therapists specialize in ERP therapy in live face-to-face virtual sessions with support between sessions, so you're never facing OCD alone. If you're struggling with OCD or unrelenting intrusive thoughts, NOCD can help. Book a free 15-minute call to get started at nocd.com.

Wait, can I say something? One more thing about Chloe. Yeah, who I love. And I'm like, I'm processing all of it. It just was like initial shock, the post for me. Um, she normalized camel toes. Yeah. And like, that, that's historical. That's feminism. Like, when Khloé was just like joking about her camel toe, I thought that was the coolest thing ever.

It's equivalent to us and a nipple hair.

Yes. But do you know how hard that was for her to just talk about her camel toe, like, at a time when it wasn't The Kardashians weren't like that rowdy, you know? Like—

One day someone's gonna take like snippets of this podcast for some type of study, and the thought of it being like, and she talked about camel toes at a time where people were talking about camel toes.

Also, side note.

Yeah.

Paige, do you want to tell them our update? Our admin update?

That we're serious girls.

That we're so serious from now on.

We are serious for the next 4 years. But don't worry, because you're going to be able to watch your podcast where you typically watch it and listen to your podcast where you typically watch it. Literally nothing's changing.

Nothing's changing. That was our, our one note. The—

we were like, the only note. Not a single thing is changing. Other than like more people are gonna get to know Grace and respect her. Other than that, nothing. Wait, some girl posted on TikTok like just the screenshot of it. She got like a notification on her Pinterest, like Paige DeCerbo started a new Pinterest board, Pixie Cut. And I was scrolling and I saw it, Hannah. I commented and I go, this is the equivalent of you literally, I invited you over for a sleepover, you read my diary, and then you stood up and of the class Monday morning and said Paige has a crush on whoever.

Like, wait, so you did create it and you didn't make it private?

I forgot. I didn't— like, I wasn't thinking.

I was like—

No, I know, I know, I wouldn't.

I was just like enjoying my leisure time and I just like— and then she—

wait, she put you on blast?

She put me—

she put you on blast?

I literally, as I was scrolling, I go I was like, oh my God, this is my Pinterest board. And then I went to Pinterest because I got so anxious because I was like, I have some crazy boards on there that like are private, thank God. But I'm like, oh my gosh, like sometimes, like I have a board that's just about like ways I want you to pose.

Me to pose? Wait, wait, wait, wait. I have a board of who I wish you were.

Like, I have a board for like if we ever do a photo shoot. Wait, also, can we just talk about how we were about to like putting out a statement that we're with Sirius and it took us 48 hours to find a photo of the two of us that both like?

I kept seeing photos being pitched and I'm like, what was wrong with the last 80 photos? But I also realized—

I didn't like them.

Oh, you were the problem. We also, like, not to be like we're so best friends, but like, we don't have tons of photos together considering we have none. And the ones we do, we were like forced to take it.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. We have like work photos, we have like work event photos.

It's literally just us at coworker events being like, smile. And then the last 4 months, no, no photos good.

We have, yeah. What's been going on with this the last 4 months?

I can't smile.

Wait, I genuinely forgot. Wait, I literally forgot.

It's looking—

It's looking really good. It's looking really good. No, it's definitely getting better.

Stop, stop. So anyway, Chloe's camel toe, I think about more than I should.

Oh my God, I wasn't recording.

You know what's crazy? I actually wasn't recording the first like 3 minutes. But it's okay. Press play now. She'll use the audio.

Grace is going to kill me.

It was actually Grace. It was Grace's fault because she talked to you about the volume.

Yes. And so when I went to press record, I didn't. And I looked at the volume.

That's what I did too. I changed the volume and pressed record.

Wow. That was really crazy how we gaslit Grace and turned it around on her to be her fault.

It's— Grace just tried to do her job. We go, typical Grace trying to sabotage us again on the podcast.

Literally just gaslit the fuck out of Grace, lied about it all, and then was like, you're crazy.

Wait, but this is why 3-way friendships don't work. You guys just watched it, because literally 2 people turn on the other ones way too easy. Way too easy.

That was so quick.

By the way, Grace is just listening on mute right now. Like, she's like, I'm not dealing with them.

Wait, can we talk about reality TV for a second?

Okay.

I'm like back in my reality TV watching. Like, I watched the entire Real Housewives of London.

Oh, you love London. Is it good?

It is so fucking good. I'm like so confused that it's not— it's not on like regular Bravo programming. It's like, it's like on Peacock. It was like on whatever is in England. It's so good that I, I like watched the reunion, and I feel like sometimes I like skip a reunion if I like don't really care.

Mhm.

Then I've been watching Next Gen NYC. No, I'm obsessed. I'm so obsessed with it. I just think it's like such a good drama that like, I don't know if it's because I see them as like a lot younger than me that I'm like, this is amazing drama.

Mhm.

But I just feel like the girls specifically are so just mature, and the way they talk to each other about things, I'm just like, oh my God, I, I did not talk like this when I was even like 23 years old. And I'm just— I like, I'm obsessed with it. And if you haven't watched it, it's so good.

Can I say something controversial?

Yeah, of course.

I think like watching people fight in their 20s is funny.

Yes.

And watching people fight who are like old—

Yeah.

Is also funny.

Yes.

But there's like a middle age fighting where it starts to get— It's a little too real. Yeah, almost. I don't want to say the word sad, but you're just kind of like—

It's dark.

Life is lifin'. Life is lifin'. But like when you're young or old, you're like, this is fucking hilarious.

Yes, because it's either you have an experienced enough or you've experienced too much.

Too much.

We're like in the middle. Get it together. Like, just like even put on an act that maybe you have it together.

It's like drinking. When you're drinking a lot in your 20s, hilarious. When you're drinking a lot when you're old, also hilarious. When you're drinking too much in your 40s, people are like, you have to talk to somebody. This is affecting your, like, family. Call your family. Call your— you've lost your job, you've lost your loved ones.

Oh God.

Well, I am the correspondent of Dancing with the Stars on Geek and Sundry.

And let's talk about it. Let's really— yeah.

The reason I am is, by the way, I'm— this is only the second time I've ever watched it, but I have people around me giving me my sources. First of all, Haley was a dancer her whole life, so she like tells me the tea. And then Desmond My husband famously was on Dancing with the Stars Ireland. You should Google it. Maybe we'll put a photo in the newsletter. So he like knows the inner workings.

Do you remember the one time we were having dinner and Des made us watch the entire— his entire performance of Cha-Cha?

His Cha-Cha. Sierra made it through the first round. Thank the Lord. They had her do this. Well, she did this like emotional, beautiful gown. It was actually a really hard dance, I thought, and she fucking crushed it. One of the judges started crying. It's— yeah, it's one of those things where like you're like, oh, I would never cry on a reality show. And then I think when you're in it, it's so— it's so intense and they're working their butts off and the nerves they must be dealing with, like, it's scary. Like—

Oh, I would crumble. Honey, I would crumble. Crumble like a cookie.

Projectile vomit. And for people who have been in my DMs saying, Hannah, why don't you and Paige go on Dancing with the Stars? I will speak my side. Yeah, first of all, yes, would love to do Dancing with the Stars. Here are the problems that I'm open to arguing with people about, but these are my problems. If you're a girl, you have to either be able to do the splits, be thrown around Or be able to throw the guy around.

Okay.

I'm too sturdy. I'm not being thrown around, right? But I'm also not fit enough to like do anything else, and I'm not flexible. So if I'm not flexible and I can't be thrown around, what am I bringing to the table here?

Somebody asked me, why don't you and Hannah do it? And I was like, if one year they changed the rules and you competed as foursomes Then I would do it.

Wait, why did I just envision us doing like hot cross buns? Like—

But I'm like, I'm not going in a room for 8 hours a day with a straight man and like listening to him telling me what to do in practice. Here's the other thing, I—

Well, you'd be with Ezra, who's a former Mormon king.

He's gay?

Yes.

I will always support my friends, and of course I turned on Dancing with the Stars to watch my friend Ciara. And of course I'm gonna post that you must vote for her, and I'm gonna vote for her every single week, and you could vote 10 times. I'm gonna be so insanely honest right now. As soon as Sierra was done with her performance and I listened to the judges, I clicked right off that stage. I—

You did what you needed to do.

I did what I needed to do, and I feel good about it. I don't know if it gives too much Broadway for me.

No, it's way too much musical.

Because I like watching dancing videos. Like, I love watching like the LSU dance team at a goddamn dance competition. I love watching like cheerleading competitions, but there's something about when someone's gotta give a little— like, I—

Shimmy, a little shimmy.

Like, I just— I can't do it. And I'm gonna say one other thing, I find some of the judges super annoying.

They need to have a Simon Cowell and they don't right now. Yeah, because the woman who used to be mean is like trying to be nice, but it's like, I want her to just lean into being like hellish, like just be like the meanest person ever and we'll all grow from it. Yeah, like the Gen Zs will learn. It'll actually be good for it.

Oh, do you think that's why there isn't a mean one? Do you— that because it's—

I think that she was getting hate online that she was being too mean, so she tries to like sugarcoat things now, but then it's like doesn't work. I'm like, just fucking tell him. Just— it's like, we were raised by Simon Cowell. That's how we got so strong.

Has there only always only been 3 judges?

I think they'll have guest judges sometimes. The reason I could see you one day maybe doing it is that you just wanted the outfit. You love the outfit. You, you have the vision. There are good, but then there's some bad outfits. There's a little too many sparkles happening.

What are the lengths I have to go for a good outfit? Like, I don't feel as though I need to put my butt—

And I respect that.

I did see the next dancer, and it was Jada, I think was like the one I saw.

She was so cute.

Okay, then. And she almost had a heart attack, you know? So like, at what cost?

At what cost?

And that would be me.

Someone also was like, would you guys do traders? And I was like, only if we were a team. Like, imagine us not a team on the Traders. Literally immediately I'd be like, yeah, dude, I'm telling you, the minute I get in there, I'm like, literally fake hello.

I'm like, I'm a Trader. Here's why I, I love when people like put us in different situations, and I, I love saying why I would not do something. Here's why I would not do the Traders. You're not taking my phone.

That sounds peaceful though.

Taking my computer, my iPad. When I get to my room at night, you— what do you want me to do? Stare at the ceiling? Twiddle my thumbs? Like, I can't watch my shows on my iPad? Like, no, I'm not going for 2 weeks if I can't bring my iPad. That's insane. It's 2026. I'm 33 years old.

Also, like, if you can't call your mom, like, how are you making decisions?

Also, get a fucking grip. Everyone on this show has been on another show. If you say the rules are you can't talk to other people, like, be an adult, don't talk to other people about the show. Like, like, I can't believe they have to put those rules in place so that people follow the rules.

My one note with the traitors is I don't understand what the physical, like, contest, like, has anything to do with the show. Like, they have nothing to do with the show. They're like, you're a traitor. Okay, now we're going to do jump into a lake for no fucking reason.

Quick question here, guys. What's the plot of this show?

I go, wait, why, why would— why are we jumping out of a plane right now? There's no reason to jump out of a plane.

Traitors feels like it is a show that was like created by people like us. Like there was someone that was like, okay, my friend will host and wear like fabulous outfits because that's what she likes. And then like the other part was like, and then we'll do like these fun games and then like we'll stay at this castle.

Like, yeah, yeah. And we'll let his dog follow him around.

Yeah.

Is there a dog running around?

Actually, right when you said that, a dog jumped off the bed. No, can I just tell you that I heard something earlier today and I like yelled for the dog because like my worst fear is that like the dog has just like had enough of Kitty and like truly just takes her out. And I heard something and I yelled for the dog and the dog came running in and Kitty came running in behind him just just hitting him to the point where I had to yell, Kitty, stop being mean to the dog!

She's just beating his little butt.

Because like in my brain, Kitty also calls him the dog.

Oh, for sure. I mean, I cannot wait for your next pet psychic appointment. The shit she's gonna tell—

Oh, it's in October.

I love how they make you wait.

Wait, did I tell you that one night I was on TikTok and it was like 3 in the morning and I came across this like insane pet psychic that takes 6 months to get an appointment with, and I booked an appointment 6 months ago.

Okay, and that's when it's real.

October 14th. Her name is Lauren Bode.

B-O-D-E.

I don't know, just literally I saw like 4 TikToks about it and I was like, yeah, I'll make an appointment.

But also, that's great business. Like, even if you have no clients, be like, I'm all full for the next 4 months and people be like, I'll, I'll wait, I'll wait if other people are waiting.

I know, I was like, what do, what do I have to rush for?

That's genius.

Speaking of cats and dogs, so I was like trying to come up with like different, like different ideas for like Daphne photo shoots and like we're doing like our holiday campaign and like one of my ideas involved that like I needed a black cat. So I was like, how am I gonna get like, like a Black cat for like this like idea I envision? And like thinking about it and I'm like, oh well, like I guess I could just like cast a Black cat. But then I was like, you know how like people do those like lookalike contests in Washington Square Park? I was like, what if I did like a kitty lookalike contest but a Black version of Daphne?

Oh, so like a fluffy black version of Daphne?

Yes, that's what I need for this, like, one idea I want to execute.

You can cast them, like, there's working actors.

I know there's working cats.

Working cats, which Butter would never.

Butter would never be a working cat. Daphne's— is Daphne a working cat? Not really though, because she just— yeah.

No, she's the working cat. The other cats talk shit about Daphne's career. They're like, she got that brand deal again. Wow.

But I don't think she's like legally a working cat.

Is she SAG?

I don't think—

She has an agent? No, she has an agent.

No, like I take all her money. Like I'm an influencer mom. This is like who they make laws about.

Wait, someone needs to make a law against you. You, you just admit on pod you take all her money. That's crazy. Does she know that? Are you doing it behind her back?

I'm doing it behind her back. I'm doing it right in front of her face because she can't read.

Well, I went to this place called SoBe Cats.

Yeah.

Paige, I almost took them all home.

I know.

Like, it was— I actually got to the point where I brought it up to my husband. I said, there's a cat named Genevieve. Who I had a real soul connection with, and he's like, I'm gonna stop you right there. And I was like, like, I wake up in the morning, I think about Genevieve, and I—

Stop! What kind of cat?

She looks just like Butter.

Okay.

She looks just like Butter.

Okay, so you definitely can't bring her home.

I do have something kind of serious to bring up. Do you think Not usually. Gray Poupon.

Yeah, Gray Poupon, I'm listening.

Thinks it's better than other mustards.

Because it is.

Why is it called Gray Poupon and everything else is like yellow mustard?

You know, I actually am more of a French's girl. Gray Poupon, I feel like, is like you have to have a mini pickle You have to also be— you have to also be serving mini pickles if you're serving Gray Poupon.

There's an argument like, I don't want Gray Poupon on my hot dog.

No, I don't either. But a lot of people put it on there like a spicy mustard. I don't want to— I don't want to see a seed anywhere near my hot dog.

I don't want to see anything referring to a vegetable.

Wait, do you want to hear something really funny? The other day my brother came over and he opened my refrigerator and he looked at me and he goes, Were you craving hot dogs? Because I had hot dogs in the refrigerator. And I go, yeah, actually I was. Like, I like was gonna just like fry a hot dog in a pan the other day. And he goes, that's so weird, I bought hot dogs the other day because I was craving—

I feel like if you went to college, you always have hot dogs in your fridge. Like, you never know when you need to have a hot dog.

I eat hot dogs all year round.

Wait, me too. I put in my eggs.

Now we're not aligned. You never—

it's like, okay, and you could also do like spaghetti carbonara, but instead of bacon you put hot dogs. That was crazy. I just made that up, actually.

That's crazy.

Do you know what's even more crazy?

What?

I don't fry it.

What do you do? You boil it?

No, I take a—

You bake it in the microwave?

I put it in the microwave.

You nuke it.

I nuke it. Yeah, for like 60 seconds, put a little cut. And I also don't even put it on a plate, I put it on a paper towel.

You're sick.

I'm fucking crazy. This is when my husband's gone. This is what I do when my husband's out of the house.

She takes a retainer off the floor, she puts it right in her mouth. She's making hot dogs in the microwave.

I didn't even say hot dogs are so fucking good.

They're so good, and I'm always just randomly having like a hankering for a hot dog. If I don't have a hot dog every— like, I would say I crave a hot dog every 3 months.

Hankering for a hot dog is your next title of your biography.

If I did stand-up specials, one of them would be Hankering for a Hot Dog, and it'd be like my sexual one.

Your dirty one when you get naughty.

That'd be for my naughty one.

Okay, I have like a scripted show that I'm obsessed with.

Tell. You never have a scripted show you're obsessed with.

Never, never. So I think I also try to find shows that like you can watch with a man if you have to.

Yeah.

Like, but it's really hard.

No, and it's also just stupid.

Shout out to Apple for putting out the best shows. Yeah, like the quality. But the funny thing with Apple shows, I feel like the first season never gets respect and the second season everyone's like, oh wait, Severance is genius, or like, okay, Silo's amazing. Dark Matter.

Okay, what's it about?

Oh my God, I don't want to say sci-fi because then you'll get scared, but it's like about— don't get— just don't snarl, don't snarl at me.

Sci-fi to what capacity?

Okay, so it's like, it's actually really romantic and it's like philosophical about life.

Okay.

And how if you made a different decision, where would you be in your life?

Mm-hmm.

And it has these like realms of like this guy who decided either to stay with his girlfriend or to leave her and like commit to his career. And it shows like what the world would have been like if he— if he made that little decision when he was younger. And it just makes you question like all the little decisions you make. And then I kind of joked it like, I don't need— Paige, the realm we're in right now is crazy because then they go into different realms. Like you could leave and see yourself if you had made other decisions.

And like, I feel like Instagram is like one update away from that.

No, like truly, it does just make you think about how our lives could be so many different things.

Yeah.

But sometimes based on the smallest little thing, like you deciding to go to school at a certain place, or you— it's kind of like the burnt toast theory, but like even bigger.

That's why I really think that like, especially for women, like there is no timeline for your life. Like that is like a made-up thing that we've tru— like people have truly made up. Like there's women all over like having babies at like in their late 30s, early 40s, like women going back to school in their 50s. Like there's no— like you can change your life at any time.

Do you know most of the Emmy-nominated women were like in their 40s and 50s?

Really?

Yeah, yeah, which is so interesting but also, um, makes sense because they're the best at their craft, right?

Like, and no matter what part of your life you're in, like, it's not always going to be like this, you know? Like, isn't that a mental health moment? Isn't that like crazy to think of? And that's like good and bad.

But it's funny, in these worlds you saw like a world where she did what she loved as a painter and had like a big, um, gallery of her own. Then you see her as like just a mom, and there's this crazy moment. I don't want to give anything away, but he meets her in one of the worlds and she goes, am I happy in the other world? And he's like, that's exactly what you asked in the other world. So it kind of shows how like you're still yourself in your heart even if you like might end up in different situations. Um, and about regret, it's very fascinating. Dark Matter. I highly recommend people watch.

You have me intrigued. Any hot people in it?

Oh, okay, that's what I was gonna say. They're very hot. Well, the guy is like He's a— he's like old hot, like he's Australian.

Yes, that does give a sort of rugged hot.

He's so rugged, but he's Australian speaking in an American accent.

Okay, so he's versatile.

So he's versatile.

Talented.

Dark Matter cast, is it? Okay, and the star is Jennifer Connelly.

Yes, yes.

Who is By the way, like, wait, we don't talk about how beautiful she is. You can't look away from her. She's mesmerizing.

I'm not even saying this because you just said that, but sometimes people say I look like her. But I'm not saying that because you just said, oh my God, she's so beautiful.

I think it's because you both have like good bone structure.

I feel like I like randomly will get people like in my DMs. Her and Winona Ryder are 2 of the most random people that I'll get that like I randomly look like.

Winona Ryder pulls off a good pixie cut.

I knew you were gonna say that.

Well, I let you kind of just like tell your story and then I let you— are we gonna discuss like what's going on with my pixie cut? Your unborn pixie cut.

My uncut pixie. That sounds like real— like I didn't get circumcised.

My uncut pixie. I'm like, are you gonna circumcise your hair or not?

Here's the thing, it's actually— you kind of nailed it last week or whenever you said this. It's exactly like getting a cat. I just started thinking about it, which means this won't happen for like 2 years.

Yeah, yeah, I know how you work. But guys, the seeds are planted.

I'm so excited. It's in my head. Like, I think it really is gonna happen right before an Italy trip, is like when it will happen, so that I can like test it out when I'm in there. But it's not for a while.

And then Zendaya walked out with her pixie.

Well, that's a different kind of pixie. I can't— I'm not— I can't do that. That's insane.

I think you'll get there eventually. I mean, maybe in another— in another realm. In another realm, you have a pixie cut and yeah, you're going to a bar called— I mean, a club named Roxy. What's it called? Noxy?

Hydrox.

Hydrox.

Hydrox.

Hydroxycut. Do you remember? How fucked up was Hydroxycut? That was a crazy time.

Wait, I feel like the Jersey Shore cast members, like, endorsed that. I feel like I remember like a commercial of like Hydroxycut and it was just like Ron, you know?

Like, Hydroxycut is so mad at Ozempic right now.

They're like, warning, they're livid.

I had a high thought even though I wasn't high, and it was, why aren't there more— you know, they make songs about like heartbreak and they make songs about like love. Like, what do they make songs about? Like, being hot? I don't know.

Yeah.

I'm like, why don't they make more songs about like cleaning? Or like songs about like things when you're listening to music you need, like about getting up in the morning. Like, let's wake up, let's get up, girl, we gotta, we gotta get up. Yeah, like why is it always just about like, give me— what is it like, let's, let's clean this thing, let's clean. Yeah, we're cleaning, getting fresh.

You want a Kidz Bop for adults?

Yes.

Yeah.

Yes.

I get what you're saying.

Yeah, like, because you ever like cleaning and you're like, I don't need to be like listening about a heartbreak right now, give me some motivation to clean.

Yeah, like sometimes I'll be like unloading the dishwasher and I'm like, I don't need Future blasting in my ear like the most disgusting things he's ever done to a woman, you know, like Like, sometimes I get like, you want like just like something nice, something sweet, but you want to revert back to like sing-alongs where like it was e— it was like things that you got done when you were like a child. Like there were cleanup sing-alongs.

I love that. Hey, yeah, we're getting stuff done today, girl, girl, we're getting it done. Yeah, yeah, I get that. Getting it, getting it done. Yeah, I mean, maybe that's my next calling.

You want there to be some type of like Miss Rachel. Yeah, for us.

Like, you know when you like do not— you're like, I do not want to wake up in the morning. If only I had like a song that— and it wasn't like misogynistic rap to get me pumped up.

I don't ever think that.

No.

The day, the day isn't ready for you, girl. The day is about to be crazy, girl.

Do you have a Hatch?

You can do this, girl. No.

Okay, the Hatch alarm clock like basically does that. Like, you can pick different He goes, called an alarm. You could basically pick different songs, but I know what you mean. You want it like on your Spotify that like when you're doing mundane tasks, you have like a sing-along to do it to.

I have 2 crazy questions. One, does your parents wake up with an alarm clock? At what age do you stop needing an alarm clock? Because I've never met a grown-ass adult With an alarm clock.

Okay, well, I'm convinced my dad has never gone to sleep a day in his life. Like, I've, you know, like, I feel like my dad's just perpetually resting his eyes. Like, he's never actually fallen asleep.

But he's always kind of asleep.

Yeah, like, like past 8 PM, he's dead cold out. Like, he's— but he's never really asleep. My dad's also like, again, like he doesn't have an email. Like he doesn't, like, he doesn't know certain social cues. Like, no, like I don't think he's ever used an alarm clock. Kim, on the other hand, probably only for things that are before 6 AM.

Yeah, which makes sense.

Other than that, I'd say no.

My dad has this weird thing where he says he can set it in his head and it works, and he'll do it for like very important things like like a 5 AM wake-up for like a meeting, he'll be like, I, I'll wake up.

And low-key it's just Lenore like lightly waking him up.

He goes, for some reason I just always wake up at the right time. Also, because my mom was sleeping with me the other night— oh sorry, my internet was bad. My mom was sleeping with me and my alarm went off in the morning and she was like, what the fuck is that? She was like, that's the loudest thing I've ever heard. I'm like, Is that not how you wake up in the morning?

Oh, I knew Lenore wasn't fucking with an alarm.

She thought we were under attack. Yeah.

Every morning you put it on?

I set it to 9 AM. So I sleep like a teenager. If I don't set it at 9 AM, I'm sleeping, babe.

Wait, that's crazy, Hannah. Your natural body clock in the morning, you're not ever— you're not waking up naturally before For what?

No, no, no. Well, also, I am— if I'm dabbling in the dark arts, AKA mahjong at 2 AM, which I do, like, I love to go to bed.

This is so funny.

I'm like, I like to start my night— like, I tell Des, I'm like, the night's about to start for me at midnight.

Time to brush up on my new skill.

Yeah.

Um, okay.

Oh yeah, I could sleep forever.

I'm naturally waking up at like 7, 7 AM no matter what.

I like— there can be like sunlight going through my eyelid and I won't wake up. I could have Lois punching me in the face and I won't be awake. Yeah, like no one ever cares to like be quiet when I'm asleep because I know I sleep through it. Oh no, we're frozen. Hello!

That's insane.

Hello!

You actually just broke up that whole time, and I tried to like act like you didn't, but you're frozen.

Oh, okay, we're back, we're back. Okay, we're back. Uh, thank you guys for giggling with us. We love you so much. And have an amazing weekend.

See ya.

Bye.