Transcript of Giggling about cigars, cabaret, and compression socks

Sup, gigglers?

Gary, fix the Wi-Fi.

Manifest that shit. We can't be managed.

I mean, the day just got away from me.

Hello, my giggly-saurus rexes. Let me just say, I was like, Paige, can we get the party started? I need to complain about something. And she goes, I have to complain about you, with her long-ass finger. She goes, yo. So now I'm Scared, alone, no one's on my side. What did I do? What did I do besides pull out my own back?

I'm gonna tell you exactly what you did. On the pod last week, you said, oh, do you ever dream about exes? And I was like, I haven't dreamt about an ex in 10 to 15 years. Like, it's just not something that happens to me. I woke up this morning cursing I laid in bed, I go, that fucking bitch. Not only did I dream about the worst ex I've ever had in my life, he came up to me with a knife and said, if you don't—

If you don't kiss me?

If you don't stop, I'll kill you.

Oh, stop what? Who knows? We don't know. Hopefully it's not one of those dreams that's like a Marvel movie where there's a new one every night and it like continues the plot. Maybe we'll see what happens.

Well, you want to know what's crazy is the only way— the only reason I got out of the dream was something in real life woke me up.

Kitty saved you.

Like, a sound, like, woke me up, and I was like, oh my God, I was just having the weirdest dream. And then I didn't go back into it. Thank God.

Why do I feel like it's worse when you dream good things about them? Like, you're like, oh my God, he was so perfect. And then you have to, like, spend all day remembering all the worst memories, and then you're like I could have done without that.

No, I definitely went throughout my day today like, yeah, he is a sociopath. Like, in every realm, he's fucking crazy.

In every realm, he's ruining my life. Also, I do look like Angelina Jolie's cousin who like is just not— should not— wants to be a spy but like can't because she just like can't get her stuff together, but she keeps trying out.

You know what's crazy is I didn't even notice you were wearing sunglasses.

Because you see me as pure energy.

Yeah, I'm just like, that is the vibe. That's whatever her journey is today.

You see me by my aura colors. You don't, you don't process actual things you see. Um, I'm not in a good mood.

Okay.

Am I PMSing? Yes, but that's not it. That's not the reason. What was the reason? The reason was, look, I— as you guys know, I pulled out my back, but like somehow it's getting worse.

Like Did people know that? Did you say that last time?

Well, I made fun of these old men playing tennis with me, and then I pulled my back playing tennis with old men. And I do have an L4-L5 situation. I don't want to say situation. A little bulged disc, if any of the gigglers are chiropractors. And it was bad. And I got a, I got a massage yesterday, and it was going well, and then the lady like pushed my knee towards my chest, like as a stretch, and I saw God.

Yeah.

But like, or Satan, one of the two.

Yeah.

And then I— they left, and I told Dez, I'm like, I can't find a position that I'm not like shooting pain.

Wait, it like— the massage like fucked you up more?

Yeah.

Oh, hand— like she pinched a nerve?

She pinched the nerve like more. And then I drugged myself.

Yeah.

And I was— I slept all yesterday. It was so peaceful. Like, I highly recommend it. And then this morning I got a chiropractor appointment, made Dez walk half an hour with me to the chiropractor because I'm not going to a doctor's appointment alone.

You walked?

That's so scary. We walked. Well, because walking is good for your back. But I know I was like limping.

Hobbling.

Yeah, hobbling. But like, I like the drama. So like, I'd let him get like really far ahead of me and be like, babe, wait. Yeah, I'm coming.

Also because he always has a physical ailment and you're probably used to that. So now you're like, Roles reversed.

Roles reversed.

Yeah.

We get there, place is closed.

Perfect.

Because it is Labor Day. And I'm like, then why did they let me book an appointment? He's like, who did you talk to on the phone? I go, I don't talk to people on phones. I booked it online. I booked online. I clicked appointment on this day. They shouldn't have let me fucking click it. So then I didn't get a chiropractor. I'm still In pain, and I'm alone and scared.

Oh, that's why you were like, I'm ready to record the pod. So you never even went to your appointment? Well, you went and did, but you didn't have it.

Also, then I'm realizing if I want to see like a real doctor, you don't just go see a real doctor. You have to go to another doctor to get referred to a real doctor, which seems like a fucking pyramid scheme to me. And have you ever tried to log into one of these doctor sites?

It's—

they're made up.

They're— it's insane. Like, I If someone approaches me and says the word portal, shut—

No, everyone's like, do you have the portal? Have you downloaded the portal?

I'm like, shut your bitch ass up. Whenever I hear portal, I'm like, I'll kill you.

Why are all the portals so different? None of them work.

Can't we just have a universal portal that is for medical reasons? Like, you know, when you apply to college and like, I think it was like when we got to college or when we got into high school, it was like one app. Remember it was called like the Common App? Okay. And it was like the same way you applied and like multiple schools would like take that application. Like, come on, just make it normal.

Because the biggest issue is you have to come up with a new username and password for all these sites, and they all have different extents of like what kind of password. One password said 14 letters. I said 14 letters? No word is 14 letters. What do you think about 14 letters? And then I'm not— I'm past the point of— I just No, I'm so upset. And then Dez was like, okay, well, if it's— is it an online chiropractor appointment today? And I'm like, let me check the portal. And then it's like, can you log into the portal? And I'm like, nope, can't log in, so we'll never know.

And then it's like, can't remember your password, so you make a new password, and then they're like, can't be the old password.

So I have like 400 passwords in 400 portals, and my back still hurts. Actually, this has added to my back pain.

The only thing I know about back pain, because during COVID Gary threw his back out like so bad. He was like bedridden. He almost like went crazy.

Yeah.

And the number one thing that he did that he thinks fucked him up even more was like putting heat on it. Like, that you should really be putting cold, not heat.

Okay, that's good to know.

That like a hot pack will make it more inflamed, where cold will like shrink it.

I was talking to Des about our friendship, and I was like—

Mine and yours, or yours and Des's?

Good question. I'm like, let's talk about us. Am I your best friend? Am I your best friend? No, but we were talking about Giggly Squad and I was like, Paige— because sometimes he likes checking in with like where your head's at with stuff.

Oh no, it's a slippery slope.

I know. And I go, Paige is doing well. And I'm like, you know, she wants to do Giggly Squad like forever.

Yeah.

And he was like, really? I'm like, no, no, she jokes all the time about like— But what, what else are we gonna do?

Who would I talk to about stuff going on in my life?

And I was like, we're literally gonna be like, welcome to Giggly Squad. episode sponsored by ARP. Yeah, we're so excited to have you. And I'm like, she has a new line of dentures coming out. Like, we've planned— we have the future set. Like, don't worry about us.

I don't think we give ourselves enough credit that, like, through different phases in our lives— and granted, we've only had this podcast for 5, 6 years, so like 6 years, I feel like there's not that much different.

You'd be surprised.

But I feel like we do talk about things. Like, a perfect example is nipple hair. Who's out here talking about real stuff?

Are you saying we're changing the game?

No, I'm just saying, like, the day that we become mothers, or like mothers of teenagers, or like businesswomen that do— like, the girls will relate. We're growing together.

Yeah, we need to continue speaking our truth through all the stages. Des told me something crazy, and I'm sorry for bringing him up twice this episode so far, but he said something crazy to me because he told me, he was like, your grays are showing.

Mm-hmm.

And I'm like, you don't have to tell me that. Like, I know, I just like, I don't look at them, so you don't have to point them out anyway. And he was like, I can't wait for you to be like all gray. But he didn't mean it in like a romantic way. He meant it like a stylish way. Like, he was like, it's gonna look good when you're like all gray. And I was like, Paige would never.

Hannah, I'm really upset by that. No, like, he gets me.

Like, he knows I wanna— because I was like, I don't care. Like, I'll fucking grow out my grays. I don't give a fuck. And he's like, I know you're gonna look so good gray.

Hannah, no, I'm not allowing it. Okay, well, I'm glad you—

Is he the ray gun husband?

I'm glad you two had that romantic moment. Get it? the fuck out of both of your heads. It's not happening. Have you like— okay, Reba McEntire, redhead until older. You are going to be an older lady who is a redhead. You're Lucille Ball. Like, enough. You're not going gray.

Well, now I need to because you don't want me to.

You know who I saw on a plane recently who is actually fully gray and she does look good? When I was leaving Italy, a giggler came up to me and we were like chatting And she was like, don't look now, but Jane Fonda's over there.

Oh, I would have puked.

Oh, I literally— I don't— and I've seen multiple celebrities in airports and on planes. I don't think I whipped out my phone faster than to text my mom like, Jane Fonda's on my plane. Listen to this. We get on the plane, we sit down, Josephine texts me, guess who I'm sitting next to? I go, if you say Jane Fonda, I'm gonna freak out. She goes, Jane Fonda.

Josephine doesn't deserve that. I'm sorry, Josephine doesn't deserve it. She doesn't even know. She doesn't even— like, she— no.

Are you ready for this?

She's 12 years old.

Josephine texts her— who did she text? She texted like her boyfriend whose like aunt is friends with Jane Fonda.

Oh, I take back what I said.

The aunt texts Jane Fonda and goes, you're sitting next to like my nephew's girlfriend Josephine, Jane Fonda turns to Josephine and goes, are you Josephine? And she goes, yes, I am.

Jane Fonda is a fan of Josephine. This is huge. Jane Fonda is a—

which honestly, when you meet Josephine, you can't not be a fan of Josephine.

She's like, I love your work. Your photos that you take of Paige in Venice were iconic.

She was like, you're so pretty and so lovely. And then, and then Jane Fonda watched the movies that Josephine was playing on her Uh, TV the whole flight home.

Is Jane Fonda a giggler?

No, they didn't get that far.

Wait, Jane Fonda, if you watch her documentary, like, not only is she an actor, but then she also like created the best like workout series ever, right?

Yeah, and then like a big activist.

She's really philanthropic. Why is philanthropic so hard to say? Is it because like our enemies are out to get us, so we're trying to help people?

Philanthropic is like one of those words that when you throw it around, it's like people respect you.

Yeah. Wait, but what's the difference between philanthropic and then like Philharmonic? They're too close.

Remember we had a whole bit about the Philharmonic Symphony?

We put— who was like, you know, we should do Philharmonic but change it slightly, and then it's a lot of donating to charities?

Wasn't it the story like a girl had an orgasm at the Philharmonic Symphony?

Oh my God, yeah.

What Throwback.

Oh my God. Well, philanthropy, Philharmonic, I don't know, some Latin thing in there.

One thing before we move on from my— that flight to Italy, there's something I've been doing on long flights and I'm not kidding, it's changing my life. And this is like some real AARP shit. Now any flight over— really, I've been doing it on every flight, but specifically ones that are like over 2 and a half hours— I've been wearing compression socks.

You're an athlete.

Life-changing. You're a little man. Here's the other thing I've been doing. I haven't been eating on flights anymore because my stomach gets so insanely fucked up when I get off the flight. For like the next 24 hours, it's like bloated. So I've been doing both of those things, and when I get off the plane, I don't feel as like swollen and just like gross.

See, I don't have the kind of self-control to be on a long flight that offers you a meal and to look in that lady's eye and be like, No, I won't take.

I know, it's really hard. I know, it's really hard.

I once was having like a full stomach bug and I was like, don't risk it being on a plane. And I was like, I can't say no to a free meal.

You wanna know what I've been doing though? I've just been going a little bit earlier and getting so full at the lounge or like in the airport. Like in Italy, like I just ate before and then I was fine.

If you wanna nap, it's good to eat beforehand and then pass out.

Oh my God. And so that's really been helping me, but I'm like, oh my God, how old am I that I'm putting on compression socks? I was like, I literally put them on and I was like, I must add these to the newsletter.

You have to add. You know, I thought about it actually. I think I bought compression socks. That's the difference between me and you.

Okay, Hannah, so I need to talk about something that's genuinely, and I mean genuinely changed the quality of my life.

Let me guess, is it a new serum or like a hair mask?

Truly amazing guesses. It's actually Waymo. If I don't wanna see a man, I just get into a Waymo. Night is over. I'm relaxed.

Time for a PSA on Waymo.

It's about time.

Raise your hand if you've ever had a bad experience in a car service situation.

I could write a book. I've gotten out of them. Pullover.

That's why Waymo gives us peace and calmness after a long night to take me home safely.

And I don't have to check a box if I want to talk or not. It doesn't exist.

We're never talking. We don't want to talk. A life hack at the end of the night when you're exhausted, tired, and scared because it's dark out—

yeah—

is to get a Waymo to take you home safely.

It is a really good life hack because it actually eliminates so many different things you worry about. So it's actually like at the top of my life hack list along with like all the things I bring to a hotel room.

When you get into rideshares, you're normally so stressed. Our biggest life hack is dealing with Waymo over random strangers in cars. I mean, at that point, I'd rather get my own driver's license and figure it out.

And that's a scary thought. But we also love to decenter men, and Waymo kind of does it for us because we don't have a driver. So we don't even have to go into the logistics of it.

When you're with a driver, there's a mental checklist like, are they going the right way? Are they taking me somewhere I don't wanna go? How is their energy? Are they getting road rage? In a Waymo, I can just close my eyes take a nap and not be bothered.

And that's the best feeling because I do wanna fall asleep maybe when I'm on my way to my destination, but in other rideshares, I have to stay alert.

Yeah.

I have to make sure the windows are unlocked. I have to be putting them down every 3 seconds. Like, what if I have to get out?

You have to put your friend on the phone being like, do you know where I am?

Yeah, I have to tell him that my location is shared with someone else, just so he knows.

So if you wanna be unbothered and relaxed and you live in a city with Waymos, download the Waymo app and ride. And if you live in a non-Waymo city, sign up to help bring Waymo to your city at waymo.com/updates.

This is us being women in STEM, bringing Waymo to the women and keeping them safe.

Thanks to Waymo for supporting this segment. Also, I'm in a bad mood because I have the sniffles, which means like I keep sneezing, which is like the one thing that like really hurts my back. So I've been just like sneezing and cursing and laughing. Like I'm—

You are your grandpa.

Yeah, I'm my grandpa. Also, it sounds like I'm going through an exorcism every time I sneeze. I'm like— Do you think—

do you have allergies?

I never thought I had allergies.

Yeah.

But I would love to say I have allergies.

One time I told my mom I thought I had allergies and she 100% deadass looked me in my face and goes, DeSorbos don't have allergies. No, you don't. And I was like, okay. It was like the weirdest flex. As if to say that like allergies are all in people's heads.

It's like weak genes. Yeah.

As if we are a stronger family than like another family of allergies.

Wait, I'm so sorry, but my phone is blowing up and do you know who's calling me?

Who?

I don't know. One of the 400 medical portals that I put all my information into. Also, I have like a Pilates class in Vancouver that I took a year ago that calls me every day.

I have like a gym from Albany that I belong to in college that straight up texts me all the time.

Also, if you cancel a doctor's appointment, they're like, okay, and then they continue to call you every day.

Yeah.

But they won't answer you when you're trying to make an appointment, but then they'll bother you for the rest of your life.

The medical field is crazy. The medical field is really like— I feel for the girls because I'm sure there's a lot of frustration happening.

Let's discuss. Are you going to the US Open tonight?

I don't know.

It is a lot, and by a lot, you have to put an outfit together.

Yeah, but I'm not stressed because I ordered this navy blue skirt that I didn't think was gonna come until like a couple weeks, but it's here now. So it's like I could just wear my new navy blue skirt, so I'm not stressed about it.

Okay.

But also, I am still very jet-lagged.

Yeah.

Something's going on. My body's just being really sensitive this past couple of weeks. I don't know what's going on with me. And Scorpios aren't having a let go of it astrologically.

What did it say?

We've just been having issues. And you want to know what? Remember when I got my astrology read and he was like, are you having the worst year of your life? And I was like, no. Well, it's in the back of my head because Scorpios are having like a really tough time. We had a tough time this summer and we're having a tough time this fall.

Maybe it's just in your gut because like I feel like everything else is going well.

Maybe.

Yeah, you did a little witchcraft. And you put all your pain onto me.

I don't think I— you know, sometimes I'll see things on TikToks where it's like actual girls doing spells, and I'm like, okay, you guys are crazy, but I'll stay a little too long. Like, have you ever seen a candle cord cutting? I'm like, I gotta go.

Someone was talking about they'll put someone's name in their fridge. Nicole Kidman, she puts their name in their fridge to like ice them out, to be like, you're not part of my life anymore.

That gives me like a little bit of voodoo, and I believe in God, so like I can't— I'm not even like going down that route, you know?

God was not happy with your angel visit.

Yeah, but it's like he creates those people, so I'm like, you can't really be mad. You gave them that— those powers.

100%.

I do need to see a psychic, I feel like.

Oh, you do?

Yeah, I haven't seen a psychic medium in a while.

Okay, I actually—

I might have a new girl, but, um, okay, because I feel like I haven't gone in like a year.

I have to speak about the Open. Um, what?

That's what I wanted to ask you, that something.

Well, everyone's coming for influencers.

Yeah, I wanted to see what your take was.

Okay, my take was that it was one video. Yeah, one video of these influencers that spoke when they're not supposed to speak. They were like singing something. And okay, this is not like a real issue. I've watched every single match at the US Open. No matches are like struggling. There's more fans than ever. Also, a guy was smoking weed during Sabalenka's match. No one's talking about that.

I saw that.

No one's talking about that.

That's crazy.

So I think they're making it worse than it is. I do think if people want to know, like, with tennis, you're not supposed to talk during the point. You clap after the point, and then you're supposed to be pretty quiet during the point. But I do think the influencer story is very clickbaity, but it's like gone crazy. Like, everyone's talking about it, and I'm telling you If it's a thing, it'd be happening every match. This was one match in particular. But I also do have a soft spot for like new female fans that I don't want to be afraid to go to tennis. Whenever there's new fans in anything, they— it takes a second to like understand it. Yeah, but I feel like the smoking weed thing was fucking crazy.

I feel like that's so disrespectful as someone who thinks that weed should be legal because I think it's I think alcohol is way worse. I think there are certain— you wouldn't light up a cigarette in the middle of acid. This isn't the '80s on an airplane. Yeah, no, why would you ever light up a joint at the— I think that's so gross.

Also, you guys know me and my mom, we hate cigarettes. We'll be walking down the street, if someone's smoking a cigarette, my mom will go— like, she's so—

It's real— it really is kind of crazy how, like, back they are.

It makes me so upset. I do— every influencer posting smoking cigarettes, why are you doing it? Like, what's the reason why? Because you want a young person that is influenced by you to be influenced to kill themselves?

I feel like Instagram is almost leaning a little bit more like Tumblr days.

Okay.

And I think there's a certain age group that's like— but it's kind of like it's very early '90s. It's like it's just in our hand.

This really makes me upset.

Um, no, I know. No, the other day I saw a 13-year-old girl like on TV in full makeup and I got really upset by it. I was really upset.

I want to know your thoughts. Okay, Des and I went to a like cabaret burlesque show.

Were you out on Saturday night? I went out because I looked at your location. I go, this is not where her apartment is. Where is she?

I went out. I was wearing like, uh, like crazy top and capris.

You know what's crazy? We went from not having each other's locations a couple months ago to now straight up stalking. I landed— I, guys, I landed in America, like my phone gets Wi-Fi, my first text is, Hannah, welcome back.

No, okay, I swear to God, I actually wasn't stalking you. I went to text you, which is like every 10 minutes, and it said Queens, so I was like, hello, welcome back.

I was in Italy. I'm literally walking into Walking into Gucci, my brother calls me. I go, do you have a goddamn tracker on me?

I was texting you on the plane and I was like, you're right above Dublin right now.

And he goes, wow, you're in Ireland. I'm like, what?

So we go to this burlesque show.

First of all, how did you think— how was that your idea for a date? Like, who came up with the idea that it'd be—

I wanted to go to this restaurant, and then the restaurant was like at this restaurant there's a burlesque show, and I'm like, we can't eat and not go to the burlesque show.

Yeah.

And then I was like, I don't want to do anything on Saturday night, but I'll watch other people do shit on a Saturday night. So, and he was like down, I think because the comedy world, he actually would do a lot of festivals, so he became friends with like the circus people, kind of. They're like the people that do like Cirque du Soleil and like they do all this crazy shit. So he, I don't know, he's like knows whatever. Does he know about that? He knows flexible, like, people.

Remember when— wait, isn't it crazy to think of like insults from like back in the day? Like an insult used to be go join like the carnival. Like, oh, she joined like the circus.

So the circus is actually like really hot people that are really good at dancing and they're super flexible and they could put like fire down their throat. But also like, I can imagine they're all just like having crazy sex.

You're not that flexible and not having threesomes.

Like, that's like me getting mad when hot people aren't in relationships. If you're that flexible and you're not—

You have to be polyamorous.

If I could put my leg behind my head, I'd have 3 boyfriends.

It's like you have to do more for the people.

Yeah, like you can't just leave it to one guy.

Like, share your talents.

Also, why do they always talk about how the girls have to be flexible? Why can't the guys be flexible?

Yeah.

I digress.

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I become a sleazy man when I'm there, like, because like the saxophone player comes up, I'm like, take off your shirt. Why is this guy's shirt on? I didn't pay to watch a guy with fucking zipped up to the neck. Take your fucking shirt off. Des is like, calm down. And I'm like, no.

This is like, it's not a strip club. It's a classy burlesque show.

But eventually he took his shirt off. I looked at Des, I was like, thank you. And then the girls, you can't help— like, they're all wearing like thongs and they're dancing and they're late, they're all over the place. Yeah, the only thing I kept thinking about was like, how do they shave so well? Yeah, not one hair out of place.

My thing is, are they taping or doing some type of like stickiness of— to— for the thong to keep their vagina in. Because like, okay, if you're wearing a thong and you're moving all crazy, at some point the thong is gonna move a little and you're just labia out. So they must— they have to tape it down or something.

And they're changing outfits like it's crazy, and they're so physically fit. Like, they're just pure athletes. These girls are amazing.

Also, the singer I was just gonna say, are they singing?

So there's one girl who sings and she like hosts the show. She's doing crowd work. She's unbelievable. And this is coming from someone who's been to the VMAs. I've been to American Music Awards. She sang live better than half the people on those shows. There's so many fucking talented people on this planet who aren't famous, which is crazy because everyone's famous.

What was the demographic in the crowd? Like, who are you sitting with?

It was just like couples. Like, it was very date night, but like, okay, some older men. And younger women, me and Des, you know.

I don't care.

But okay, this is the only drama.

Do you think anyone thinks you're a sugar baby?

Yes, or like second wife energy.

Oh, second wife energy. Oh, okay.

If he was uglier, I think people would think like sugar baby.

Yeah.

But instead it's giving like he's trying a new, a new woman.

Flavor, yeah.

Um, okay, so this guy sits next to us and I, I try not to be judgy, especially of men. I give men so much grace. He sits down, the waitress goes, how are we feeling? And he goes, hungry and thirsty.

Okay.

Immediately I'm like, I hate this man. And then she goes, what would you like to eat, sir? And he goes, well, the lady would like— I feel like he was trying to be funny, but that was crazy. He's like ordering for her. The lady would like this. I'm like, I just don't like this man. Then when she turns around, he pulls out a vape.

Oh, I thought you're gonna say he's gonna slap her ass.

It's assault. Pulls out a vape. It was like one of these also like bad flavors, like strawberry melon.

Yeah, that you're like, this, this could like start a car.

Like, yeah, we're all glowing in the dark after this. This is fully Chernobyl. Yeah, he fucking hits it, turns in our direction, and blows it at us. Next thing you know, I'm inhaling. It tastes so— I taste it in my mouth. I'm like, so then I pull a mom and I go And Dez is looking at— Dez is like, do not. I'm like, I would never say anything, but this is crazy. And he's like, this is illegal. Like, it's crazy. He does it again.

That's crazy.

Crazy. So then mid-show, then I start to get worried that Dez might like say something because like I don't want Dez to have to like stop him or something. Yeah. So then the guy apparently turned to Dez and said, I'm sorry, like apologize for it, but like It's wild in these streets. How old was this guy? 57.

Hannah, if someone didn't know your age and they just listened to this episode of the podcast and all they heard was that like your back is out, your chiropractor, you couldn't figure out the portal because technology, you're totally against smoking, especially in public places. How dare they?

And I don't understand how vapes work.

And you went to a burlesque show because that used to be your only form of entertainment 40 years ago. We're only in our 30s. We don't even have kids.

No, I'm so much younger than I am in my heart.

Yeah.

And I had a drink. We— oh, this was— I have a drink. I turned to Dez, I go, do you know what alcohol tastes like? Rubbing alcohol. He goes, alcohol tastes like alcohol. Yeah. I'm like, it tastes like a fucking— like a laundry detergent that I'm about to use to like clean someone's floor.

No, it's not good. It's really not good.

Alcohol's bad.

You know what I tried? Where was I that I was like, maybe I'll— maybe I have a taste for this now. And I was like, you guys are psychotic.

Was it whiskey?

Whiskey?

Whiskey sour?

No, it was just like— it was just like a glass with ice and brown liquor. It was either scotch or whiskey, and I just like took a sip and The guys are— they're lying. This is how I know men lie. I'm like, there's just no fucking way you sit here and you sip this all night and you're like, this is a good drink.

Well, that's my question about cigars. You're not even inhaling. How do you love it so much?

It gives you a head high, gives you like a buzz. Well, you've never smoked a cigarette, so you wouldn't know that. And I didn't even mean to sound like an 8th grade bully. I didn't. That's not how I meant it.

Maybe try Sears. Okay.

No, but I'm saying like the first time you smoke a cigarette and you feel the buzz of what it is, you're like, oh, that's why people smoke cigarettes. Like, I think maybe the first time I ever tried a cigarette, I was like 18. I was like in college and I was like, I don't get it.

I would have been like so mad at you if I was there.

I was like, I don't get it. Like, this is like stupid.

I would have been like, Paige, can I talk to you for a second?

Then if I'm— then I think I was like in my 20s out at a club. I was drunk. I smoked a cigarette. I got a head high and I was like, Oh, this is why people do it, because it makes you feel like a little woozy for a minute, and then you like go back to— so that's what like a cigar does, it gives you like a little head high.

Well, because they just want a cigar lounge where they all can sit together and like suck on these very phallic-shaped— like, why are they so big? Like, they're like, what if we made a cigarette but it was bigger and fatter, and you could just like suck on it all day. But— and make it dark.

Joe's going to kill you. Joe is going to literally kill you. Every time I record the pod, Joe goes, what'd you guys talk about? And I go, I don't know, I literally blacked out.

I'm going to remember today, honey, honey. And then like the way they judge each other's cigars, they're like, how, how expensive is your cigar?

Yeah.

Oh, also one more US Open thing. Carlos Alcaraz, who I just have to say looks great with his hair long, his hair pushed back, it looks so good because he had like kind of a razor cut for a while. He grew it out while he was injured. He's come back and Nike's doing this like basketball type of campaign with all their clothes. So he wears this jersey and the whole first round his nipple's out. Like he hits a winner and his nipple— like, you know when you go to sleep with a tank top and you wake up with a tit out? That's That was how he played the entire match. Yeah. And the girls and the gays, we were like, shout out Carlos, like, yeah, Sashe, through this match, you look gorgeous. And he— it was like a slow-mo forehand, then just like his nipple perfectly popping out.

Imagine if he had it pierced.

I know, sexy. But like, also, these guys like take their shirt off every like 3 games, like it's not that crazy. But then the second round, he had an undershirt on.

Do you think people like said something? I think maybe he was self-conscious.

I think he got self-conscious, or maybe Nike was like, hey, your nipple's getting more attention than the fit. I don't know what happened, but they asked him in an interview and he kind of was like, oh, so Nike's anti-nipple. But it was fun for, for a game.

For a minute.

For a minute. Um, but now he's covering his nipples. But the girls are going off with fashion at the Open. Have you seen any?

Like the actual players?

Like Taylor Townsend, Naomi Osaka.

I saw Naomi Osaka.

She had like Thom Browne put something together. I think Law Roach is styling her, so they have these like runway walks on.

I like that.

Yeah, it's, it's kind of—

That's fun. Yeah, it's really fun, especially because I feel like the US Open is always around Fashion Week and it's in New York City. I'm surprised the US Open isn't in like Florida, you know.

It's historically— it was in Queens on grass courts, so I think it just evolved from there. But, um, but yeah, there's a trillion tennis courts in Florida, right?

I feel like it just like gives tennis to me. I think Florida. I don't know why. Golf and tennis, I think Florida.

If you go tonight, you could say that to someone.

I'm not gonna say that.

Hey, why don't we do this in Florida? Why don't we just pack this shit up, move to Florida?

Well, they would have more room, I would assume. More people would be able to get tickets. I think half the reason people get— were so mad at influencers this year is, oh, at like the second matches, because they were going so late, you could see a lot of the boxes were done, they were empty, which brands have the boxes which bring in the influencers. So I think like a lot of fans feel like they get priced out each year.

Yeah.

And then there's empty seats and I think that annoys them.

Not to defend all women, but like, get mad at the brand.

Right.

That's also a lot of these corporate boxes. They send an email out to the company like, hey, who wants to go to the US Open?

Right.

No one wants to go. And then they have these empty boxes. Um, right. Which is, that's the brand's problem. But the brands are paying tons of money for these boxes. So the US Open's gonna take it.

Yeah, it's not always the women's fault.

Not always. Not always.

Not all women. No, truly not all women.

You love when the umpire tells everyone to shut up.

Oh, because, because I respect power, you know? And so when I see a woman have power, I go, go off, girl. So I like when the umpire is a woman and she says—

Overs people's shit. And when she says I'm like, she goes, thank you, thank you, thank you, sir in the corner, I'm gonna have to have you stop. Thank you.

Did you see the guy umpire that kept saying deuce really weird so then the crowd would say it back to him really weird?

Not to defend a man, but like he just has a really low baritone voice and they were making fun of his voice and it made me feel bad because he talks like this.

But that's like so New York, I feel like.

I know. Also like let New York New York. Like it's chaos. We New York can't be managed.

No, they can't.

Also, don't give us honey deuces up the asshole and expect us to be quiet the whole time. These people are— there's a keg of honey deuce and then it's like, why is everyone not silent? It's like going to a frat party and be like, it's a library now.

Wait, did you see all the stuff about the college like run club?

Oh, everyone's mad. All the millennials are mad.

The millennials are mad.

And, uh, and I hate to say this after saying I don't condone drinking or smoking, but yeah, part of college is blacking out, drinking, and finding your way home. Like, that is your first lesson of life, being in a foreign land with just 20-year-olds running everywhere. You're puking, you don't even know your name.

I don't think you realize what college is for until you get out in the real world and it sucks. Yeah, it's basically like life gives you these 4 years to like fuck up around and like understand that you're about to be an adult soon and shit's gonna get really hard. Because then when you get out, you're like, what the hell is this?

Well, because when you're in college, it's not a problem.

It's cute, right?

When you do that shit during college, you're just like growing and learning about yourself. When you do it when you're 32, people start having meetings, interventions.

As much fun as college was, I don't think either of us would ever choose to go back to that age.

No.

It's quite draining.

It was really scary.

I was so scared. Yeah, but like, I feel like I look better now too.

Oh yeah. No, so scary because— yeah, it's so scary. Also, I've aged myself to the point that someone messaged me like a dating question and I like couldn't help them because I was like aged out.

Like what?

Someone was like, hey, um, I'm on this dating app and I saw my coworker and I swiped on him and he hasn't responded, so I deleted the app and like, I don't know what to do. And I'm like, I'm gonna be so real with y'all, I haven't swiped in 10 years at this point, so I don't know how the app works anymore. But normally, like, he wouldn't know you swiped unless he swiped on you. But like, I didn't want to get into it and be like, tell me the updated algorithm of how like this app works.

Oh, like she was asking like, did he see it?

She— yeah, but she also like— I just couldn't help her because I don't know how the apps work anymore. Because I know how it works in like 2018, right? That was my shit.

Yeah, no, I don't know how that— I don't know how any of the apps work either, but also trying to think what I would do if I saw a coworker. Would I swipe on them or not? I feel like I wouldn't.

It depends, is he your office crush? Yeah, this is the move. I remember if I saw anyone I knew on the app, I would swipe right to be like, haha, like, you know, you're like, oh, I know that, that guy.

Wait, why is this like— I feel like I— this was just on Love Island and they were like yelling at one of the girls for like swiping, and she was like, I just like saw him, I wasn't trying to like talk to him.

Oh, I love that.

To your point, which it was— she was like a haha, like—

Yeah, like when I was roommates with Dave and Corey, when I'd see one of their friends on the app, you'd swipe so you could message them on it and be like, haha, you're stupid.

Haha, I bet no girls want you.

What the fuck are you doing here, you lonely asshole?

Have you watched anything?

Okay, there's stuff coming up and something I did watch. It's called Welcome to the Family on Hulu that if I didn't drug myself yesterday, I would have finished. It is incredible. It's about this husband who gets murdered and they realize that this woman's family might be behind this murder. It's basically like, be careful who you marry into. Which reminds me of my joke, which it's like they say you marry the man— you don't marry the man, you marry the man's family. And I said, nah, if you time it right, right? Because his family's dead.

Um, just his parents, not his whole family. He has siblings.

But this is one of those things where like The, the parents hated her husband.

Yeah.

And they were like gonna do anything they could to get him out of her life. And there's also the brother that's involved, and you hear phone calls of the brother and the mom talking about how, how much they hate that guy. It's basically like, we love a close family as Italians, and it's like, I know so many families like this, and everyone talks about like gossiping within your family is fun, but to actually be like let's put a hit on—

let's kill— let's kill that other family is insane. You know what's crazy is like, how do you find that many people that have the same mental illness as you?

You mean like nosiness?

No, like how does— how is the whole family that crazy that they're like, John just came up with the best idea, you're gonna want to hear it, and then they hear it and they're like, that's the best idea, let's merc this Well, that's the thing with families is they do enable each other, and a lot of the times they have the same genetic issues.

And I find with some of these crazy families, there's always one black sheep. And they do— they have one guy who was like, fuck this family. One of the brothers that's like, he moved like across the country and doesn't talk to them. And he's gonna ask questions and he's like, well, they're fucking crazy, but I didn't think they were capable of this.

Right.

So very, very interesting. Also, Nathan Fielder has a documentary coming out with Elizabeth Holmes, who's the one person that I'm actually really good at doing an impression of.

That actually is really good. I'm so excited. I thought that show with Amanda Seyfried was so good. I thought the documentary about her was so good. I can't wait to watch this. And this is right before she goes to jail or right when she's out of jail?

Yeah, right before she goes to jail. And he's trying to like—

Is she still in?

I'm not sure, but he's trying to understand her. Like, is she crazy? Is she evil? Is she both? And she's looking at him and she's like, I'm just trying to do the best I can.

Yeah, he says something like, are you being real right now? And she's like, I'm always being real.

I'm always being real.

Very eerie.

Very eerie. Also, Nathan Fielder doing documentaries, sign me the fuck up. That sounds very interesting.

Yeah.

Last on my list, this has been out for a while, but the Gigglers recommended it to me. It's called Some Kind of Heaven. And it's basically like college for retired people, which is something I, I love. Like, imagine once you retire, you go to one of these communities and it's literally like partying and like fun clubs and like pools and sex. And like, it's basically college, but you're done with life.

And but you're like 75.

Yeah, but then it talks about like the underbelly of it and how like People are mean and catty and like the drama of this like retired club. I think—

I wonder if they're like doing drugs.

For sure, for sure.

Yeah, there's definitely people abusing drugs and like getting fucked up.

Everyone's addicted to painkillers.

That is so crazy. This is a documentary or like—

Yeah, it's a documentary about like what's actually going on at one of these retirement places that goes a little too crazy. I mean, STDs are thriving.

That's crazy. Okay, I want to watch that kind of— how many episodes?

I'm not sure, I have to look into it. Um, also I have to apologize to the community. We were talking about like how we used to have so many hot guys as millennials, and someone was like, you guys missed like the hottest guys.

Who?

Paul Walker.

Okay, but he wasn't in a TV show.

Josh Hartnett.

What? He wasn't in a TV show.

Valid. And Freddie Prinze Jr.

Again, not in a TV show.

Okay, I—

of course we had those men, and I would say that they were movie stars. I'm talking CW, 8 PM Thursday night. I want to see Chad Michael Murray. I want whoever played fucking Nathan. I was so into Chad Michael Murray. I want like The guy who played Jess in Gilmore Girls. He's like really famous now. See, that's the thing about Milo, whatever.

I love a blonde, and that's my toxic trait.

Sick. I don't think people know that.

When Chad Michael Murray came out, I was like, um, that's my— everything makes sense. Everything makes sense.

Yeah, that's how Stephanie was. She like loved him when he was in Freaky Friday.

I loved him in Freaky Friday.

See, I thought miscast. I watched Freaky Friday and I go, a missed cast? I didn't find him that—

He was tall and dumb and blonde. I loved it. He was just like, hey. These men also had no lines. They had no lines in all these movies. They were just like, what's your name?

Except in Gilmore Girls, um, the one blonde boyfriend that she had. Not Dean, not Jess. What was the other guy's name?

It was every guy named Dean who was— Dean or Ethan was like the name of every single boyfriend.

Oh my God, wait.

The 2000s.

This is actually like I can't— I feel like I should go to the hospital that I don't know this.

I could book an appointment for you if you want.

Logan. Oh my God, Logan Huntzberger. That— he was my favorite boyfriend. I always wanted her to end up with him, but because like he was a bad boy and he like had a lot of money, and so he would like take her to cool places, and I loved him, and he was blonde.

It's like the Aidan versus Big debate.

Yeah.

Like you loved Big.

Yeah.

But this is my thing, I didn't like that Aidan was like an artist. He like did furniture. I was like, I don't—

I didn't mind that. I didn't like that Aidan was like so dramatic and like emotional.

Yeah, he was always like, shut up.

And your country house fucking sucks. Like, why would I want to be in a country house when Big could put me in a goddamn limo up to a penthouse? Like, I think he was whiny.

He was whiny.

But really, my favorite character of all time in Sex and the City is the girl that Big married and cheated on. Natasha. She's the chicest. She was the prettiest. I was— I loved her the most.

She's Tom Brady's ex-wife in real life. You know that?

Speaking of Tom Brady, I watched The Earl Show the whole plane ride home from my flight. This episode is definitely themed because I felt very old. Like, even though I— there were certain things like I could relate to being on reality TV, and there were like certain things that I could like pick up on, there was like a moment where like the one sister Ashton says like, I'm 23, and I was like, oh no, this is a small little girl. Like, and people are being mean to her. Protect her own cause. Like, it made me— it made me upset that things that they're feeling about being in the public eye, I didn't feel until I was like 28, 29. And I'm— and I was just like, I, I feel bad that they, they're feeling it right now and there's people that are so jealous and mean to them.

Also, they're at the point where like that first heartbreak— I heard she talks about Braxton— like, yeah, when you're in your early 20s and you have that first heartbreak, it feels like the end of the world, right? Like, I want to hold her and be like, babe, Yeah. You're not gonna remember him.

I also give the girls, the 2 older, like Alex and Ashlyn, I give them a lot, a lot of credit for how mature they are in terms of having a stepmom and like a whole— their dad having like a whole second family. They're so respectful to their stepmom and like mature in like their situation. I just thought it was so commendable. Like, I would— I could never. At 33, I could never. Like, certain things the stepmom said to Alex, if I had a stepmom and she ever said that to me, I— no, no. Like, there were certain conversations and I was like, what did you just say to her?

And I will never call you mom.

I just— I was like, I would never be this nice to someone who did something so crazy to my mom. So I like commended them for that.

There's a lot of people online who love to hate influencers. I've seen things just like making fun of whatever, like a blonde influencer.

Yeah.

Alex Earle's smarter than—

An influencer?

Than the majority of people. Like, she's fucking smart. Like, say what you want about her, but don't say she's this dumb influencer. She's a marketing genius. Like, yeah, we're just doing the Kardashians all over again. It's like, what do they have real talent? Uh, okay, they do. My family.

My sweet, sweet girls.

There's— they're smart, they're strategic, and very smart. Like, this isn't an accident that she's been able to grow her career, you know?

No. Yeah, 100%. But it was like a good— it was a cute reality show. I think it's only like 8 episodes I watched. I think I finished it on the plane, but it was good.

Yeah, that's awesome. I have to dig in even though I have trouble with reality sometimes.

Yeah, it's actually— it's not for you.

Oh.

Because it's not as— it's not as explosive as like a Bravo show. Like, there's really not that much drama.

I also have a feminist moment. I was just thinking about Husbands and Wives. You know how in the past like husbands will be like My wife is nagging me. My naggy wife. My wife's nagging me. We have to take that word back and say it about husbands. Like, when your husband or your boyfriend annoys you, be like, can you stop nagging me?

Yeah. Okay.

Let's just try it out for a bit. Like, you're really nagging. Like, it's not— stop.

I don't think anyone's ever said that to me. They've said much, much worse. I feel like nagging would be like subdued for what I Typically, that sounds peaceful. That sounds, dare I say, motivational.

Dare I say supportive? That I care.

I get more along the lines of evil, Satan, witchy, you know. I get things that are quite more diabolical.

Oh God.

Anyway, I'm making everyone a better person around me.

Mental health moment of the week. I was like scrolling on TikTok and occasionally something about me will come up Oh, but occasionally it's something like nice. Like some— there's been funny stuff about my mouth going around.

Every once in a while you're like, that made me chuckle.

And I looked and I saw that you had reposted it.

What was it?

I don't know, but it was just a nice TikTok about me and I was like, that's my fucking best friend. Like, it made me so happy.

Oh, I think it might have been something about your Lululemon.

Or something about my mouth. I know something that it was like really cute and then just had like pages of reposts. I was like, that's my motherfucking— that's my girl right there.

I think I know what it was. I think a girl said, Hannah still can't move her mouth, so we have 6 more weeks of summer. Yeah, I thought that was so funny. I said, more people need to see this because this is hilarious.

I love how I didn't fully remember. I was like, it was something complimenting my fashion or something, I forget. And you were like, no, she was making fun of your smile. And it was so good. Um, but Just spreading awareness for funny women.

I appreciate it.

Yeah, I appreciate it. Um, now I literally forgot about my smile because my whole fucking back is out.

Honestly, I'm so over it. I don't even think about it anymore.

I know. And like, it's—

No, I'm like, this is Hannah.

That's why it's bad.

But it's almost— it's, it's getting better.

It's getting better. But now I'm like past the point it's like not that funny anymore. It's just like slightly off.

We're getting to the point where people are like, okay, is it gonna wear off?

Rose's gonna point and prove like, we get it, she can't smile, get a new fucking bit. Um, no, we love you guys so much. Thank you for giggling.

Wait, I have one question before we go.

Yeah?

For the fall, are you gonna do some type of red, a diff— like, what are we doing for— with your hair for the fall? I'm gonna send inspo pics.

You think I should go a different red?

No, I just think we need to amp it up and get— and do like a diff—

a fall—

yeah. I think I want a deeper red.

You guys see like I'm getting off the call and she's like, and real quick, we're gonna change your brand.

Can I see your roots for a quick second?

Real quick, we're gonna have to change everything.

No, I want— I think for the fall I just want you a little more fire engine-y red.

Oh, I'm down.

Like the summer, I think you do— you give more of like a strawberry red. And I think this fall I want something a little deeper. Okay, we'll talk.

We'll offline. You're my— you're literally my creative director. You're like, it's not working, but we'll fix it. Don't worry. Have a good day. Bye. Okay, love you guys. Talk to you later.