Ich hab gehört, du willst deinen Mobilfunkvertrag kündigen? Aber so einfach lass ich dich nicht davonkommen. Wie wär's mit einem XXL-Streaming-Abo? Einem Zweit-Handy?
Ach nein, nein, ich möchte doch nur in Ruhe gelassen werden. Puh, nur ein Albtraum.
Damit Mobilfunk im echten Leben kein Albtraum wird: FRANK. Von Beginn an ohne Mindestvertragslaufzeit. Monatlich kündbar für 10 im Monat. Frank! Nein, Frank!
You know, we're making art here.
Gary, fix your Wi-Fi. Manifest that shit.
We can't be managed.
I mean, the day just got away from me.
Good morning, my Galápagos Island gigglers. Someone literally was like, Hannah has one job, to come up with G words, and she literally can't.
Anybody ever— you would think you'd Google something.
Sorry, I don't use AI.
This is—
sorry, I'm not ChatGPTing it. This is just from the noggin, and it doesn't always work.
Honestly, in today's day and age, we, we want that more. I just saw on the internet— wait, I just saw, it was either like Complex or like Worldstar posted it, but like China is— China's doing like Olympics with robots right now. No, no, no. And like, they're not doing well.
No, use the men. Use that. There's plenty of men that could go fight right now.
It's like low-key sad because the robots will just like fall and like be broken.
Well, especially because you hate when inanimate objects get hurt.
Well, I'm like—
but also robots freak me out, so I have a weird relationship with them as an object because I'm like, yeah, because during our like prime brain-forming years, there were like multiple movies like I, Robot and other stuff that came out, and we were just like We see the future, don't need to be involved in that.
Want to know something weird that like, yeah, no one else is gonna get but you, but whatever, this, whatever, this is our podcast. I'm on the wrong side in the Zoom and I don't like it.
Wait, me too. How do we switch it?
I don't think you can. I think because— I don't know, it got whoever was on first. I think then like changed our order.
When you said like no one else is gonna get this but you, I was like, well, what about the Gigglers? They understand everything. And then you say a niche-specific tech thing that we have on Zoom, and I'm like, yeah, you're right, maybe the audio podcast listeners aren't gonna appreciate that. But thank you for bringing it up.
I just wanted to know if you have the same thinking pattern as I do.
I know for sure, because I keep looking left and you're not there.
You're always to my right.
I have to make housekeeping announcement.
Okay.
As you guys know, the reason my Masseter Massacre was so stressful was because I had booked my first ever, like, hosting gig and I couldn't speak about it. So I was like fighting for my life trying to express myself.
You literally couldn't speak about it.
I couldn't speak and then I couldn't smile. I was trapped in my own body and face. But finally they're letting me give a little tea.
Your mouth is really good right now.
I thought it was good, and then I hosted the cat event, and I looked at the photos after and I was like, oh no, I'm still a freak.
Wow, right when you said cat, mine came out from under the bed because she knows.
Yeah, she knows it's something.
Hannah had an event and didn't—
sorry, Daphne, you can't be the face of every campaign relating to cats.
Take a day off.
She's calling her agent right now. She's like, there was a cat cafe in West Hampton and no one contacted my team.
She's like, I looked at the pictures, not one cat had blue eyes. So like, what are we doing here?
Oh my God. Um, so anyway, early 2027, mark your calendars. Yes, I'm hosting a dating reality show called Making Love. It's actually entering my matchmaker era.
The marketing team had no idea what they were in for when they were like, who should we cast? Oh, Hannah Berner. Hannah Berner seems like a good host for this show. And they're like, great, she's got a podcast, you can talk about it on her podcast. Never did they think that their show would be getting watched based on Hannah's botched plastic surgery.
When I tell you I can't move my mouth until maybe episode 6.
Slightly.
I mean, the first— and let me tell you, the team behind this show is the team behind Love Is Blind, Married at First Sight. Like, these are the real deal. Like, I'm not doing a dating reality show unless it's like the crème de la crème.
Is that the crème de la crème? You combined crème de la crème with cream of the crop because—
think you get me. So these people were like really— like, they knew what they were doing. They knew how to do a hit show. And I was sitting in my trailer and I'm like, I'm gonna ruin everyone's day. Like, I just was scared I was getting fired. So the good news is I didn't get fired. But what I loved about the show is it actually really reminded me of you and your dating style. Because you remember when we first met, I think you talked about this on TV too, you had your like insane fucking list. You're like, I want a guy who makes me pancakes.
I still have it.
Do you still have it?
Of course.
Do you check it?
Of course.
Do you update it?
Absolutely.
Do you take stuff out?
Yep. Like, I've, I've grown older, I've had different accommodations. Like, there are certain things where I was like, wow, I don't need a man for that, take it out.
Yeah, the, the becoming a professional plumber really helped with a lot of those things.
Handy around the house, interesting.
So the show is called Making Love, and it's this, it's this really fun concept. I'm obsessed with it, where what if you could create your fantasy partner? So they basically had people come in with a list, whatever they wanted, it's their fantasy, and then they went out and found that person to see if they actually would fall in love. If you found someone who checked every box on your list But then also that fantasy person that comes in gets to create their own fantasy person. Oh, so it was fucking crazy. Once everyone comes in and they're like, that's your perfect person, that's what you've been waiting for, is this going to be the love of your life now?
And you could meet your perfect person and be like, I hate this person.
Do you know how many times on a dating app I'm like, that's my perfect person, and then like you meet them and you're like, why am I creeped out? Why are his eyes like that?
Or like when you meet a really hot guy and then you like start talking to him, and, and then like after 30 minutes or like a year, you're, you're like, I, I think you're hideous. Like, how many men do you know that people find so hot that you're like, like you would vomit?
I just—
wait, no, actually, I know who you're thinking of, and I actually, I can't Well, you're like me where once we move on, we move on.
Yeah.
Well, no, you've dabbled in the past before.
Look, my dabbling in the dark arts is different. I've moved on.
Wait, you guys, Paige just coined— when you hook up with your ex, it's called dabbling in the dark arts. Use it, move forward with it, do what you need with it. That ate. That was so— Angel somewhere just like, I've taught her well.
Yeah, like, I'm over it. I'm just trying to, like, ruin your life a little more.
You actually do like revenge a little more than me.
I would say a lot. I called my mom a week ago and I said this verbatim: I need more revenge.
But I also think that you can be less emotional than me in relationships. Like, you know how to, like, turn off for evil. Like, when you have a purpose, you can like detach. You're good at detaching.
Great at detaching.
You're really good at dissociating. These are things that could— we could talk to someone about, but that's Kitty.
This is a Kitty.
Wow, the video listeners are getting so much good stuff.
When your cat decides to come up to you and sit on you, like, I'm sorry, you're a millionaire. Like, that is— I'm the richest woman in the world right now.
We talk about cats every episode, but like, I don't like— I don't mind people, you know, how many people came to my cat cafe and they were like, I don't like cats, and then within 3 minutes they're like, wait, that's cute as fuck. I'm like, okay, no, no, they just didn't know. Like, they don't know. They just hear of cats through people who talk shit about cats.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Are meeting a friend and you've only learned about that friend through people who don't fuck with that friend. Of course you're not gonna like that friend.
Okay, but showing up to a cat cafe and verbally realizing that you don't like cats is if I walked into an AA meeting and offered everyone a cocktail.
Non-cat people like really strongly identify against cats, so they like, they like have to say it. They're like, I have a dog. I like— they have to. But you know what I realized? This is why we love cats. Cats are that fucking girl people who've never even been in the same room as them hate them. Like, everyone's out here hating you and you've never even met a cat and you hate them and you're talking shit about cats and you literally use the H word. You hate a cat. That takes star power.
It really does. It really does.
Star power. And then they spend 5 minutes in the room with them and they're like, they're actually like really, really nice.
She's a little girl.
So anyway, I also decided I wanted to do this Because I obviously have taken a break from reality and I wanted to wait for like the perfect opportunity to get involved as a host, being in full control minus my emotions and smile. Um, and I love love. I am a romantic. I love love. But I was really bad with height. I'm not gonna— I've been— I'm bad with the heights.
While you're like—
when it's a thing— when I was dating.
Oh, I thought like you as the host, you're like, hey, I would never pick you. You're like, oh, it's a short one. We weren't expecting that. Okay, it's very interesting to go from reality TV to then like hosting reality TV. Yeah, like when you were filming, did you have your own inner thoughts about people that like obviously you're not saying because you're the objective one there? You're like the news reporter. You can't have a side.
No, I was fully head sides. I was crying. But it's part of my job to like— by the end, I felt connected to everyone in a certain way because you guys know how I speak to men. Some of these men I whipped into shape, like from the very beginning. Some guy was like trying to be funny, chatty, chatty. I put him— I said, that's not how we're doing it in this house. I was— I felt like the substitute teacher who was like, I don't know who you've been talking to previously this year, but I don't fuck with this shit. And then by the end, like, once you get them to like, like you, then you, you, they open up. And that was like the most fun part. Like, I, I had so much fun making them laugh. But then like, I saw some of these people like find love. I saw some of these people get their fucking heart shattered on TV. And there's moments, you know, when you're a host, like you're standing there, they're changing positions with cameras and they make eye contact with me like I'm their like big sister. And I was like, I gave them like thumbs up, like, you're doing great, like, like, trust yourself.
Like, I don't know, I just— it was a little healing for me to be back in that place and see people on reality TV. But a dating competition is so different than like a Bravo show.
I don't think the gigglers know this one thing about you. Um, so Hannah—
I'm scared—
Hannah gets like really upset if you're really hot and you like say that you have— you're having trouble dating because you're like, I don't get it.
When you see a really hot person and they are like, I can't find someone, I haven't dated, I'm like, bro, you, you could date anyone you want, girl and guy. So it, it makes me think that like there's stuff they haven't worked on internally. You got— we all know those really hot people who were like 43 and they're like, I don't know, I just haven't ever found someone. I'm like, I don't trust that. Yeah, it really annoys me. But I think what's so cool about this show is a lot of people are like, well, I haven't met my dream person. They're like, okay, here it is. Here's your dream person. We looked all over America and we fucking found that person, plus more and better. Can you make them— can you actually— is that your— can you fall in love with them? And it made people question like what they thought they wanted. And I got to kind of challenge people's beliefs and be like, So you said you wanted a guy like this, but he's like this. Does that mean you're not gonna give him a chance? Like, if he has a slightly different, um, spiritual belief, or if he's a different nationality than you thought?
Like, why did I say Midwest? Nationality.
Sometimes you do go like straight Wisconsin, you know?
It was a time, it was a time in my past that I—
yeah, like, okay, if I looked up my list right now, I actually— yeah. If I looked up my list, let's see when, like, the last time. I have a list in my phone that says, dear Paige, you're adorable.
And I knew that, like, if this is on paper, it would have been script with a heart.
Dear Paige, sometimes for manifestation, I write a letter to myself, um, that congratulates me for things that I haven't accomplished yet, but that's how I manifest. Okay, 2020. I haven't looked at it since 2024.
Wait, this is huge. I'm set.
Oh, she's a lot.
Give us some of the good ones. Um, give us the most outlandish ones.
It's okay if I make more money, I just don't want him to be jealous of it.
Well, that's huge for you.
Like, sports, not controlling. Understands my anxiety. That's really huge for me.
Wait, that's really good. Um, I love how you're like, can't say that one, can't say that one.
I just wrote deals with like house stuff, and that's so valid. No, but like one thing I'll say that like is on here that I never had in my 20s is like of good character. Like, yeah, I feel like once you hit your 30s, there's certain things that like men will have done in relationships that aren't even like that bad. You're just like, uh, okay, that are truly non-negotiables once you're in your 30s. Like, if you lie to me about any—
even the—
what you had for breakfast that morning, get the fuck out. I can't do it. I can't. Lying is probably like my number one thing. Where in my 20s, I feel like I'd be like, oh, well, maybe like he was embarrassed and he didn't want to say this, or like maybe I got it wrong, maybe he really did go. Now I'm like, you're a fucking liar.
Do you know what your 20s is too? And I'm be so fucking real, it's like you want to see who will pick you. Like, you're like, what quality of guy will— can I get to pick me? And like, don't be pick me, don't be pick me. Your 20s is like what you— you're like, who am I and what kind of guy am I going to be like with? And then once they pick you, then you realize, oh fuck, I have to have a relationship with them. And then you've been picked by a guy you thought you wanted to pick you. This is actually such an important thing to happen in your 20s. I had that guy, I think like everything on the list I got, and, and we were in like the perfect looking relationship, and then I was I couldn't eat and I was having panic attacks in the shower because everything on the list was correct and I still wasn't happy. Yeah. And then I realized, oh, the perfect person is the one that when you're with them, your cortisol levels aren't spiking, you guys are laughing together, he believes in you, he's your— like, those are the things, not a guy who doesn't cheat.
Right, right. Right? I used to think that you had to like accept the lesser of the evils, do you know what I mean? Like, like, I used to be like— I used to date guys and say, okay, but he'll never cheat on me.
Yeah.
And I remember I dated one guy and I was like, but I feel like he'd make like a good husband and he'll like never cheat on me. And you were like, you can't stand the sight of him.
It's also— but it's not your fault, it's based on your past trauma to be like, this is my biggest fear, I need to make sure it doesn't happen, when love is like a lot more deeper than that, but also simpler. Like, I always say a relationship is a conversation that goes on for years. Who do you want to keep having a conversation with?
Oh my God, Hannah, you.
I know. No, but we— and we're speaking from a place of like, we both do have parents that aren't divorced, like, which is kind of crazy in this day and age. It actually is one thing that I've heard from both of our parents' relationships is that they like each other. Yeah, they like— in the mornings they're like talking to each other. Like, parents talking to each other in the morning is so fucking cute.
People get really mad about— really mad at me about this, and really just like ex-boyfriends that I've said this to. I 110% truly and fully believe, and I don't care what anyone else's rebuttal is, that the man has to like you way more than you like him. And I think both of our moms are with men that would die without them and like them way more.
I agree with that to the point that, like, if you ever feel like you're forcing it with a guy, if you ever feel like you have to convince a guy to like you, move on, move on, move on. So Making Love is gonna be on Paramount Plus in early 2027, and I think the show is going to be game-changing, epic, and just challenges all your beliefs of like, if you could create your perfect person, your fantasy person, would you actually fall in love?
I'm so excited to see your looks.
Because we're women in STEM, it's important to be experts at a lot of things, and one of the things we are experts in is sleep.
Dare I say I'm an expert in the entire bedtime night routine?
Dare you say yes.
I've maximized my skin routine, my hair masking. I'm, I'm really getting into bed mode an hour before I'm in the bed.
Yeah, you don't just jump into bed. You're not a Neanderthal, right?
Right. I have steps.
Also, I've mastered the locations where I sleep. I'm like an infant. I fall asleep in any moving vehicle. Yeah, airport, subway, car. The second the vehicle moves and I can fall asleep—
you're like a baby.
Yeah, any position. I could fall asleep like this. Yeah, like this, like this. Will your neck hurt after? Yes, but—
and it's okay if your neck hurts after because all you have to is go to a real woman in STEM at Mattress Firm. They have legitimate sleep experts. The last time I went to go pick out a mattress, I ended up talking to a sleep expert.
Which is the most fun date ever.
Actually, I ended up talking to a couple of sleep experts.
Oh, they pulled out everyone for you.
Well, I went to different locations because I was just browsing.
Yeah.
They truly know how to maximize your sleep. And that's what you want because there are some nights where you're not going to get your full 8 hours, but you need to be able to maximize your time in bed.
Also, some people will call it lazy. I would call sleep the most important part of your existence. If you don't sleep, you can't grow, you can't think, you can't talk.
And as two women who have figured out how to create an entire business from our bed and yapping—
Mhm.
I got 10 hours of sleep last night.
I think we know. Did you really?
Yeah, it doesn't look like it, but I did.
I got an adjustable base bed, and I will truly never go back. You know, in the mornings when you wake up and you're like, I do want to do my emails, but like, it's Saturday morning, I'm not getting up. I'm up.
I, as a sweater, love the cooling technology at Mattress Firm because nothing will keep me up more at night than feeling hot. Cool mattress. Oh, I want to freezing.
Dare we say your pillow's always cool on both sides, and that's called science.
Mhm.
And the real women in STEM are the actual scientists that are at Mattress Firm.
Instead of you trying to figure it out yourself, they tell you exactly what you need and what you want. And one thing about us is we know what we don't know. And when I walk into there, I said, tell me what I need. Yeah, go to Mattress Firm, talk to their sleep experts, and get matched with your perfect mattress. Like a true woman in STEM.
For the great sleep you deserve, visit Mattress Firm.
They make sleep easy. www.mattressfirm.com. Anyway, you were at the track this weekend.
I was. You know, I didn't take any pictures, not even of my outfit, and I wore a hat.
What kind of hat did you wear? Like a big black one.
Oh yeah, it's the track where I go once a summer, honestly. And it wasn't that hot this year, which was good, but we go to like this bar after. And so like we're at the track for probably like, I don't know, from like 2 to 5:30, and then we go to this bar from like usually like for 2 hours. We get to the bar and like my family's like getting a cocktail and like we're seeing people that like we haven't seen in a while, and I just get this overwhelming sense that I have to get the fuck out of there.
Well, yeah, you've been socializing for 4 hours. That's way past my limit. Your body started rejecting being out, your existence.
Do you want to know what I think it was? And my mom literally got so mad at me, like, once we got home. She's like, you're so dramatic and like honestly annoying.
I love when Kim puts you in your place.
Sometimes when I'm at— in places or situations that I have been in 100 times but did— had very different actions, I like revert back. Like, okay, Where we go, I've gone to that bar since I was a senior in high school. Like, after the track, I drank at this bar for 10 years. So sometimes I feel like when I'm there, I think back to like things I've done there. Yeah, out of here. I gotta get out of here because someone's gonna be like, remember a couple years ago when you're on the top of the table? Like, I'm like, I can't be here anymore.
It's bringing too close to your past.
No, it's too close.
Stuff that you've like— it's like when you're walking through New York City and you're like, I think I cried on that block.
One of my friends was there and he said something to me and I was— I had like a moment where I like went back in time and I was like, I have to go.
But there is also something so powerful to be like, I'm not that girl like I used to be. I'm not her and I can sit here. But yet you're also— you see all those people from before, you kind of get afraid you're getting sucked back into—
it wasn't even like bad stuff. It was more like, oh my God, I can't believe I used to drink the amount I used to drink and like party and go out and be out for hours and love it. And now I'm like, if I don't get in the car with AC blasting on me, I'm gonna throw up.
Well, the horse world is its own— its own culture. Like, horse girls are real, but, but It's crazy, everyone says horse girls, but then it's only men on the track. Yeah, make that make sense.
There's like one woman from Albany that I think is like a really good horse trainer.
Yeah, but all the men are like, who are actually like on the horses are literally 4'11" and they had to like—
oh, the jockeys—
find these specific men who are of light, um, stature.
I'm like, just find a woman if you need a 5'2" It's interesting that there's not more women, but there's actually, I think, like a couple years ago, maybe even longer, I might even be going back 10 years, there was a documentary on HBO about horse jockeys, and they live a really tough life.
Like, no, I bet there's something weird about it. It's like how women love cooking but only men are chefs. It's like how women love fashion but the top fashion designers are men. I'm looking into it, I'm trying to figure it out. I'm crossing my i's, dotting my t's, okay? Wait, I'm pissed off. Can I talk about something? I don't insert drama. I felt it brewing. I'm jacked up this morning.
Put it in the book.
Have you seen the advertisement going around for Callaway Golf? It's gonna really upset you. Yeah, I'm actually gonna cry right now.
It really upset me. No, nothing upsets me more than physicality like that. If you haven't seen it, they pulled it already, but you can find the video. Callaway Golf did an ad. They had like a bunch of different social media ads. It wasn't like it was like a commercial on TV, but it was basically on a golf course and it was a girl walking up to golf clubs and she was about to take one of the golf clubs out. The guy standing runs up, pushes her to the ground. She falls on—
don't touch my driver.
Don't touch my driver.
Now this is the guys from Good Good, which is basically this golf YouTube where like guys watch other guys play golf. You're a loser if your boyfriend or husband follows them or whatever. You have to tell them about this because it's It's so revolting. Now the question is, everyone's wondering is how did it get this far? Me and you have worked with brands before. Sometimes you can't even make a slight little joke and they, they're like, no. So this was approved by lawyers and creatives and heads of departments. So Callaway Good Golf put a guy pushing a girl saying, don't touch my driver.
To the ground.
Anyone who says For anyone who says it's a joke, for a joke to be funny, it's supposed to be relatable. So you're saying that's relatable? Pushing someone and showing physical violence to a woman as, as funny and silly of basically being like women are expendable objects and that my golf club is more, more valuable than them. That's not fucking funny.
Also, men are so fucking obtuse because I feel like the argument they would say is like, if the roles were reversed and it was a girl pushing a guy down, it's like, right, but we don't kill you. Like, you guys are our number one predator. So that's why it's not funny when it's you pushing us down, because you guys already do that in everyday life.
If you care about protecting women, especially protecting women in sports, and if you're a man that cares about masculinity and being high value, strongest thing you could do is protect women.
Callaway's like a huge company. No, and wait, who owns Callaway?
You're like, find the man.
Eli Reeves Callaway Jr., 1982.
I think that also the girl in the video is getting hate. Like, well, the girl said she wanted to do it, the girl's involved in it. Sorry, imagine being a girl with a room of— there's 10 men in the video. There's like— and they're like, okay, this is what the video is going to be, it's going to be funny, let's go. You think you want her to then stand up for herself in front of all these men and be like, I don't think that's funny, I don't think that's cool? We cannot start hate—
I'm not about to start hating on this woman right now so she can get fired. Let her at least get her bag.
Let's stay focused on the problem at hand, which is the fact— the bigger overarching picture. I do have to say, I have seen a lot of men speak out and be like, I used to follow Good Good And like, as soon as we are allowed to make choices on our own bodies, then I'll find it a joke.
Like, if I could— if I could go to any state and get an abortion, then I would say, cool, that's fine. But since I can't, no.
Also, women in the golf space— if you notice, the biggest influencers in golf who are women have to be like— they're like overly sexualized. And on a golf course, like, you walk in, it's just good old boys. Like, it's— golf is so where men make deals on the course and where men, um, have only men days. And like, it disgusts me so much. And by the way, that's why I like being fucking good at golf, because I like beating these losers.
Actually, I feel like the gigglers don't know that like old men are like obsessed with playing golf with you. One time I called Hannah and I said, what are you doing? And she said, oh, I'm on the golf course— or no, I'm on the tennis court. And I said, with who? And she said, like, two 85-year-old men.
You guys, the work we do in feminism isn't always, um, seen in the public eye, but older— I play older man sports, tennis and golf. So obviously the people who are playing them is like men between 50 and 80. And now to play with me, you have to go through my husband. No one has my direct contact. So it goes through Des, and then Des tells me all the men that want to compete with me throughout the week. This is what I do during the summer. So then I say who's made the cut, and then once they come, I, I ruin them. No mercy. A lot of them like it. It's like some weird thing. Yeah, but, uh, and then they go back to their, their homes, and some of these men, I think they start realizing women are people after after a lesson with me.
I need— I need the men to like just like realize that they aren't good athletes and they're not professional ones. And just because they all play golf together doesn't mean they're making business deals.
Also, how is masculinity you being like, I want to hang out with my boys and play golf for 6 hours and I don't want a woman near me, and if she tries to touch my stuff I'm gonna push her? Like, it's not funny.
There was some guy who made a like a video at Barstool, and he was like, I'd rather like sit here and watch the game with you than like go have sex with my girlfriend. Like, if that brings you and your boys closer together, have at it. But like, we— okay, you freak.
I just can't with—
we're really hating men this episode.
I had to speak up on this because, you know, the sports stuff pisses me off. Like, the men treating women like they're these athletes and women don't belong in their space. Like, Giggly Squad is about us being able to take up space anywhere we want. And I also want— there's like this fucking divide between men and women that we have to like conquer because it's getting, it's getting scary.
No, I can't even go on TikTok. Like, TikTok has like not been fun for like the past month.
I'm like, oh my God, it's just think pieces of people trying to like take people down. For no reason, or like think pieces about really scary actual things that are going on in the world.
No, and for Callaway to put out a domestic violence commercial in the year 2026 is— I, I just think one of the craziest things. But honestly, you know what's going to happen? Nothing.
Nothing.
Like nothing. If that was a— if that was a female-owned brand and they did something that was like so— they'd be done.
They'd be done.
Oh my God. And there's one thing where sometimes people do try to be funny and then you take something out of context, or like you're like, oh, at their heart they were trying to be funny and they just missed. This is not that.
Yeah, you're a golf brand. No one expects you to be funny. If anything, we know everyone that works at your company is not funny. Like You've actually just proved to us that you're extra not funny. Also, like, stick with golf. Why do you think you can make, like, funny skits on the internet?
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Boo! Du warst kurz in der Schweiz? Ich hab deine Mobilfunkrechnung! Dein ganzes Erspartes gehört jetzt Mir!
Ahahaha!
Oh nein!
Nicht mein Erspartes!
Puh, nur ein Albtraum.
Damit Mobilfunk im echten Leben kein Albtraum wird: FRANK. Einfacher Mobilfunk für 10 im Monat. Inklusive EU-Roaming. Auch in der Schweiz.
Hahaha, Frank!
Nein, FRANK.
Speaking of women in sports, I have to make a confession. I played Scrabble last week.
Most last time you played Scrabble, you know, was never a huge fan of it.
I'm sure that doesn't come as a shock, but I thought this game is stupid and for nerds. I don't— over 15 years.
Did you know that like my nan is really good at Scrabble? Like she would have these Scrabble games and she would like call me after and be like I won by 50 points, like scrubbed the floor with these bitches. Like, and she was good. She's doing the two-letter words. Like, she gets— like, she's not fun to play with because you're like, okay, well, you're playing a different game than I am.
Yeah.
Um, so I buy Scrabble because I'm bored this summer, clearly. And I was like, Des, let's play Scrabble. And he was like, no. And then Jeannie was around, so I was like, Jeannie, do you want to play Scrabble? And she's like, sure. I'm like, how fun and cute. She kicked my ass. Like, she was like— well, there was, but there was drama with it.
She's a nurse. She has a whole other vernacular that you don't even know about, you know?
No, I know. At one point, I swear to God, this is supposed to be our like sweet little game at night after a long day decompressing. She puts a tile down, she goes, "It's like taking candy from a baby." She said it out loud and I'm like, what the the fuck is going on?
She's like, Daniel, watch the kids, it's gonna be a long night for Hannah.
It's about to be a bloodbath. But then there was drama because Des comes out, even though he didn't want to play, he was like seeing what was going on. And he was— she was pulling out the dictionary before she'd go to like look for words, and he said that's a no-no. So then there was drama because we were like, people It's like when— this is not relatable, but like when you play basketball— not basketball, but like, no, when you play beer pong, like people have different rules depending on the state and depending on the college. So we didn't discuss before the Scrabble what the rules were because I didn't know it was going to get some competitive, right?
Right.
So some people out here say if you have to grab the dictionary and you're wrong with the word that you're looking for, that counts as a turn.
Oh, they're cutthroat in the Hamptons.
Yeah, they're cutthroat, and we weren't playing cutthroat, so I was letting her go through the dictionary. We're having fun. Next thing you know, I'm down by 50 points, and then I was like, you've tricked me. And I, at one point, I was like, this isn't fun anymore, so I'm gonna go to sleep.
Sorry, Kitty's rolling around the bed and like knocking everything over. Please, Kitty. Um, that's how I feel about Rummy Cub. Like, there's like the 30s.
I've never played We have to play. I think we need to have a weekly mahjong, but mahjong I fear is too long for our attention span. So maybe it's a— is it Rummy or Rummy Cube?
I say Rummy Cup, but other people say Rummy Cube, but I'm like, there's no E.
You're saying Rummy or Rummy?
I say Rummy.
Got it.
R-U-M-M-I.
Got it.
So I went to the track this weekend and then I did nothing. The rest of the weekend.
Do you have an opinion on how you should put your significant other's name in their phone? Because I've been getting some backlash because my husband's name is Des Bishop, full government name.
No, I do full government names. There might be a day where we don't know them, okay? And I'm not taking the extra time to go in and change their name in my phone to— from my sweetie to something else.
No.
My name in his phone is, um, Burn with a heart, which I think I put in early on.
That's cute. Yeah, I have like random weird superstitions, of course, because I'm a freak. And one of mine is if I change your name in my phone from your first and last name to something, or I add a heart, done, relationship's over. In high school, if I baked you cupcakes, my mom would say it was the kiss of death because It'd be done. Like, the next week something would happen, it'd be done.
Wait, how would you present the cupcakes to him?
Like, it had nothing to do with the cupcakes. It was just like, it seemed to be that like there'd be a time where I'd start liking a boy, or a guy— in high school it was a boy— and I would bake cupcakes. And then like, I did it in college. And then one time, even in my 20s, I remember I was baking like a cake or cupcakes for someone. I was maybe like 22, and I told my mom, and she goes, oh, so you'll be broken up by next week.
And we were so savage. Kim is so savage. Wait, so like when he's coming over, you're like, I made cupcakes? Sorry, I'm still not sure. Um, no, like, you don't just make one cupcake, you make like 4.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you make like 12, like a batch of 12.
Do you decorate them?
Yeah, I decorated them. The last time this happened to me, I baked a cake. I was probably like, I don't know, like 24. I was seeing this guy for like, I don't know, we would like randomly hang out, see each other. There was nothing serious. He was really like a situationship for like 7 years, truly is what he was.
Honestly, that's not for the week.
It's not for— it's so not for—
you're so fucking strong.
I was so strong through that. I baked him a cake and then I didn't talk to him for 3 years. Is—
do you think it has to do with your baking skills?
No, I don't think it has to do with my baking at all. I think there's something in the universe that when I get to bake, they go, whoa, whoa, whoa, we've thrown something off, we have to get her back on track. So I don't— I, I don't bake for any— because they might wind up dead. I don't do it.
I baked scones once, which is crazy because I'm like, let's pick the hardest thing to bake.
That's like so hard, I feel like.
No, I know, but that's because I'm fucking delusional and crazy. It's like I was trying to paint a painting for this, for my cat cafe, um, because we want to auction it off, and I was like, yeah, I'll paint a painting. Turns out, don't understand the difference between oil, acrylic. It's way more complicated than that.
I knew that someone was getting— gonna get fucked up there.
It got real, and then I like tried something, it wasn't working, so I quit. I got all frustrated, I almost flipped the table, and then I ended up just doing Hannah's Cat Cafe in Font, and I was like, let's call it a day. But I do think my delusion, um, is overall a good thing. But I do find myself in situations where I'm like, we didn't need to do a Da Vinci.
I overshot this one. This is a quick one, didn't think about this long enough. Actually, my brother, who is a phenomenal baker, this weekend I requested—
I requested the state cake of Maryland.
Obsessed with you.
Which, if you don't know what the state cake of Maryland is—
I didn't know either until a couple nights ago on TikTok— it is between 8 to 12 layers of vanilla cake with chocolate frosting. I sent it to my brother. I said, I see, I love vanilla cake. 8 to 12 layers of a vanilla cake with chocolate frosting. It was—
how long did that take him?
I don't know how long it took him.
He was baking for days.
I was like, oh, do you just bake it and then cut it? And he goes, No page. I had to buy 5 different pans.
The man lost his job in the meantime.
It has to be really thin. It was so good.
Wait, can he be on like Great British Bake Off?
Oh my God, my brother is one of the best bakers.
He'd be perfect for one of those shows, at least like a Food Network show. If you're a producer listening, put Gary on.
No, he would also be so funny. He's so good at baking. He is really good at cooking too. He has like random specialties that he's really good at. Like, um, like anything buffalo chicken, I feel like he's really good at. Um, but he's made some of like the most insane things for me. Like, like sometimes I'll just be like, I'm craving like pistachio but like chocolate cake, and he'll be like, okay. And like one night he made me a chocolate lava cake, but it was like pistachio butter came out of it.
No, he needs to do one of those shows. I'll text Bobby Flay.
Oh my God, imagine.
Um, also I want to let you know, like, I'm becoming so page-coded and girly.
What are you doing?
Well, Dez was talking to his brother. His brother needs to get a new car, and they were like looking at cars, and they were like showing the options, and I was like, why are car colors so fucking boring? Like, we don't have one baby blue?
Right?
Like, these are the biggest car companies in the world, and all they have is like black, silver, or like light silver and white. And I'm like, no one threw in a coral?
What's your go-to car color in your head? Like, you're like, I have to get a car tomorrow, what are you getting, black or white?
Well, see, I like— oh, see, I like ugly. Like, I want brown, which is why I'm Hannah Coded. Or like a, like a like tannish tan, like something off. But this thing, why don't they have fun colors for cars? Whatever happened to a pattern? Like, no one has whimsy in the car.
No one has whimsy.
No one has whimsy in the car industry.
It's like, it's also, you want to know what, it's kind of like a little bit elitist because like, oh, only a Lamborghini can be orange.
Oh, interesting. Because also I'm like, every fall we get new colors for the fall, and I'm like, we change our nails, we change her—
I'm loving baby blue and brown right now. Like, could I get a pinstripe Range Rover?
Uh-huh. Yeah, whatever happened to a little like—
well, you can get them— here's one thing, my dad is very into cars and Joe is very into cars, so I know a lot about wrapping cars. Um, against my will.
Um, Who's, who's the Pimp My Ride guy?
It's giving exhibit.
Bring back exhibit, who by the way loves cats. He's all over my feed with his cat.
He's had a cat, he's had the same cat for like 20 years.
I also have, um, I do need some advice. Okay, um, so for the US Open, we're going to the US Open, we're gonna be there on the night of the 31st. See y'all there. Oh my God, Kitty's so—
oh, I'm obsessed with Kitty recently.
Flimsy and cute right now and cuddly. Um, I got asked to do a podcast, and it's Maria Sharapova's podcast at the US Open.
Like, do you do it there?
It's—
we're doing a live pod. People can get tickets on—
where?
Sunday at a hotel.
Oh, okay.
In the city.
Oh, okay, okay. Sorry, I don't know why I pictured you like at— in the stands doing—
yeah, actually, that would be cute. But this is my question, you guys. If you don't remember, when I went to the Chelsea Handler show, she had this like after party and ended up being like a ton of people. She has so many friends. And Maria Sharapova was standing there, and I started freaking out, and all my friends were like, say hi to her. And I'm like, this isn't how we're supposed to meet. This isn't how— not like in a crowded, loud room and me being like, hi, like, I'm like, it's not how we're supposed to meet. So now I'm going to meet her and I just want advice on like, how did you act when you met Victoria Beckham?
I actually was just going to— there's two people that I was like, what the fuck am I going to say? One was Victoria Beckham and one was Kourtney Kardashian. And you want to know what? I just went in with what came to my brain in that moment. And it was—
which is scary.
And it's scary. But you want to know what? It's— It's the most genuine. And I think to Kourtney, I was like, oh my God, like, I'm a huge fan of you. I've always loved you. Like, you guys are the shit. Like, I'm obsessed with you guys. Like, there's nothing to say other than like, hello. I— yeah, this is crazy for me.
Also, if they like you, they like you. If they don't, they don't. And you can't control that in this life.
I think one of the weirdest things is acting like you're not a fan of—
no, I would never do that.
Someone. I like to say that first.
I don't want to drool on them in the beginning and like be like so— like, I don't want to scare them where they feel like I literally am going to wear their skin, but I like to give credit where credit is due.
Yeah, I would just be like, oh my God, it's such an honor to meet you.
With, with Serena Williams, they were both like the fashion icons of my childhood. Like, Maria Sharapova's outfits— I mean, she's 6'2", she looks like a model, so it was like easy for her, but she was designing with Nike, the like most cute princess iconic looks, amazing torso. That's— oh, I could connect with her over that. I'm trying to make connections, but I'm just, I'm just letting you guys know I'm gonna be so fucking nervous the whole time, and everything I say in my head I'm gonna be like, that was stupid. So come to the event.
No, it's gonna be fun and cute. Where's Anna Kournikova?
She's living a peaceful life with her husband Enrique Iglesias. Yeah, and like never papped, never anything. Wait, did you see—
funny, like certain celebrities that you're like, I haven't seen them in 10 years, it means that they're at peace.
I think when I was younger, I'd always wonder like, why would this pop star stop making music? Or why this actor, why aren't they acting? And now I'm like Oh, they made money and they're like, I'm good, babe, this is a job and I want a break.
Wait, who's the one rapper that I used to think about that all the time?
Um, Lil Wayne?
No, the— no, T-Pain. Like, for a while I'd be like, where the fuck is T-Pain?
And then I'd be like, but now this man is ready. It's kind of like Anne Hathaway. How many movies has Anne Hathaway shot?
It's actually making me really sad. That she's doing so many movies because I know we're not going to see her now for 25 years.
I watched the beginning of Mother Mary last night. Well, I was gonna text you because it's about a pop star and her former costume designer stylist who like helped create her career, and she goes back to them to like make a dress for her. And I was like, this is about fashion, Paige is gonna love it. But then there's some singing involved, and then I was like I'm gonna think twice before I text Paige about this.
And is it scary movie?
It's not scary, but I was like 45 minutes in and I, I was like, uh, it's not really going anywhere.
You know what I did hear recently is that Julie Andrews isn't in the next Princess— they're making another Princess Diaries movie and she's like declined.
She's also like, but this thing, I get it.
But I feel like Anne Hathaway making so many movies right now that are premiering, and now she's obviously pregnant. She's going to have a baby. I really feel like we're not going to see her for a really long time, and it's like, it's making me sad because I'm like, no, we just got her back and now she's going to be gone.
Is this her first baby?
This is her third.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
Boo! Du warst kurz in der Schweiz?
Ich hab deine Mobilfunkrechnung.
Dein ganzes Erspartes gehört jetzt Mir!
Nicht mein Erspartes!
Puh, nur ein Albtraum.
Damit Mobilfunk im echten Leben kein Albtraum wird: FRANK. Einfacher Mobilfunk für 10 im Monat inklusive EU-Roaming. Auch in der Schweiz. Frank? Nein, FRANK.
This is gonna sound so millennial of me, but Do you know what the fuck Chanty Beluga is?
No, I've heard of it, but I don't— I couldn't place it.
No, I actually feel like I'm like, okay, it's time for me to like get married and have a baby because now the things are going right over my head on the internet. Like, it was— I saw this video and it was like talking about Chanty Beluga and it was someone being like, oh my God, it's such like millennial cringe, but it's for Gen Z. I have no idea what it is. It's basically just like a girl who like created like a crazy name, and she just like does different skits as this person.
You know you're getting older when you see something that's trending and you decide, don't care, not gonna look into it, don't want to know, don't want to know.
That's— I wish I felt that way about clavicular, but I can't stop.
Final notes on stuff we're watching. I watched Furious, and I have to apologize to the community. I did not know this was about human trafficking and abuse. I love how I was like, don't like the script, literally about domestic violence. Yeah, this is super, super important. Do I think there's moments that I was like, this is kind of like the plot was kind of frustrating or like weird. Yes, but sometimes these shows, they're like, you know how they keep you going and then the ending just like isn't—
well, who you think the villain is, ultimately you're like, well, what I loved about this is the ending.
Is it done or are there more episodes coming out?
No, I think there's one more.
Okay, so I like love where it's going. I hate these, these mystery type detective stuff where then at the end they just like say the most random shit. They're like, it's the guy we never met from the store, and you're like, this is what I've been fucking wasting 24 hours on. So I really like where it's going. I also— also, why isn't the Stargirl not like popping off more?
Emmy Rossum?
No, the other one who plays the serial killer. Like, oh, it's so funny because like I feel like Maybe because she's depicted as like crazy, like people aren't like—
no, look at the Obsession girl.
No, look at the Sterling Point girl. I'm like, why isn't the serial killer girl getting the same love?
Yeah, that's so true.
I did start Sterling Point and, um, I didn't get through the first episode, but I kind of like wasn't— I didn't know where it was going. I was like, where is it going? I get it, she's on an island.
You want to know what? It's not a show for you.
I also— I don't care about 17-year-old drama. I know, the second she's like, I'm 17, which she's 25, I was like Uh, but I, I did like her chemistry with the brother who is a nepo baby.
Yeah, Mark Ruffalo.
Mark Ruffalo.
He's the Hulk.
I do appreciate a nepo baby who you're like, oh, they used their genetic talents well.
Here's the thing for nepo babies, like, I don't get it. Do you know how many people I know just like growing up where it's like, oh, their dad's a doctor, and it's like, oh yeah, so then like they became a doctor? Like, oh yeah, like, but like with— when it comes to like acting or celebrity, it's like, oh my God, are you kidding?
It's like, okay, the problem is that they'll be like, you just have to work hard and believe in yourself and you can be a star.
And people are like, okay, actual nepo baby.
Yeah, like it's how they don't like to admit that like the only reason you got an audition was because your mom is a superstar, right?
Which I would say that all day long. I'd be like, sucks that you don't have my mom.
Also, it's not their fault they have their mom. It's their fault when they're like, if I worked really hard to get in this position, or they complain like, it was really hard for me because this is my mom. And it's like, but they don't know anything else. Like, they don't know what life is like where like no one gives a fuck.
I think Matthew McConaughey said his son auditioned for something and they— and he didn't use McConaughey, like the name, last name.
Yeah, because he wants to try to like be not known just as his son, but like the director's— no.
Do you want to know something that really pisses me off?
Yeah.
When you have a leg up in the world and you're like, I shan't use it, no, just fucking use it. Like, it makes me feel like when there's like kids that are like the, like the children of like million and billionaires, it's like Mm-hmm. Start a charity. Like, literally do anything.
But I do think of like the trauma of like— and trauma is a strong word to use— but like your whole life all people talk about, let's say, is your mom. So like you have trouble finding your own identity because your mom is so famous. And I guess they get like anger or hatred and they could turn to drugs and It's just like a whole— it's an issue we could never imagine. But like, I mean, my mom was the principal of the top public middle school in Brooklyn, and I felt like she was a celebrity. Everyone knew who she was when we walked in any room, and I loved it. I was like, yeah, that's my mom.
And I would love that.
It's complicated with parents.
I think that's a good note to end on.
But in sports, for example, like, I watch like Coco Gauff, and I'm like, she's fucking amazing. Her mom was an incredible athlete too, right?
And like, that's just genetics. It's in you. So I feel like if someone's like really creative or really mathematical, it makes sense that their offspring would maybe have some of those traits. Like, I don't get why people get so mad at humans for wanting to do this, a similar thing that their parents did.
And our mental health moment of the week is something I saw online and I agree with, is you will always come back to the joys and passions you had as a child. Whatever you like to do as a kid is what you're meant to do.
Pushing men into the dirt. And see, I love that.
Thank you for giggling with us. We love you so much. Have an amazing, amazing week. We'll talk to you later. Bye!
Schicksalswahl in Sachsen-Anhalt. Vor der Landtagswahl fragen sich viele: Wie tickt das Land eigentlich wirklich?
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