Transcript of Giggling about Paige’s dog, doing dishes, and interventions

Sup, Gigglers? Gary, fix the Wi-Fi.

Manifest that shit. We can't be managed.

I mean, the day just got away from me.

Hello, my gregarious Gigglers. I've said that one.

Yeah, sometimes I say things out loud and I think, am I a doomsday prepper? No, because that just actually worried me. That actually just made me really nervous. Before the pod—

we need a before the pod pod. No, because I can't review it every time.

I think it's just Grace doing a solo pod and it's before the pod and she's like, this is what they said before we hit record and it was scary.

Paige was like, can I record this Zoom with like one bar? And I'm like, no, no. So she's like, okay. I was like, do you have AA batteries? Because I know myself, I don't just have AA batteries lying around. She goes I do. And she like pulls out some pink batteries. I'm just kidding. But you, you have— you pull out— what is it called? Your—

my drill.

Your drill. You have a pink drill. You have batteries. You love putting things together.

I've emasculated so many men just based on my battery collection.

Why do you have so many batteries?

I haven't met a man that has a toolbox compared to mine. And yes.

How proud is Gary?

My dad, oh, he loves it. He loves when I— like, okay, the other day I'm at Joe's house and I'm like, I hate this room. Like, I just, I hate this room. I can't look at it anymore. Like, it's so— it's just so boyish and like bland and whatever. I'm like, you have no color, you have no life. And so I was like, I'm rearranging the couch. And he was like, totally, like, do whatever you want. I will help you do anything. And I'm like, okay, cool. So like 5 minutes later, he's like, I have to take a quick phone call, I'm gonna go upstairs. Like, he goes upstairs. I'm like, I could fucking do this. I rearranged the entire room. I threw out everything from his bookshelves. I ordered like art, I ordered chairs, I ordered a rug. I'm just like, if I want something done, I'm doing it.

Very lesbian-coded of you, the fact that you were able to take out your drill, rearrange your whole room. Like, they get shit done. And the lesbian allegations continue today.

He came down from his call, he goes, whoa. He goes, you moved this by yourself? I go, in 10 minutes. In 10 minutes. I found 3 of Kitty's toys under here and she is happy.

By the way, Paige is tiny. Like, if you meet her in person, you're like, oh my God, she's like— and this— she's lifting a sectional 5-seater.

I'll drag anything. You give me your arch nemesis, I'll fucking drag her, bitch. That and a cloud couch.

So I know our cloud couch is worth it.

Wait, can we bring something up?

Because I found myself on a Reddit thread.

I think they are the most vile couch to ever exist. And here's the other thing, Joe has a dog. And let's just take a moment of silence for that.

Wait, wait, wait, are we— are we announcing it to the pod that Joe is a dog?

Yeah, I mean, I guess it's just like something I've been living with silently.

No, she's been suffering in silence.

This dog is up my asshole, okay?

The dog loves Paige. The dog sees Paige and the dog goes, that's my mother. And Paige is like, we're not blood related.

We have no relation. I don't know you. I wasn't there the day you got taken home. I like, I have no connection to you.

Wait, we're adding a character to the Giggly universe right now. Do you want to introduce his name? We can't just call him the dog, or we can.

No, he is the dog. I'm also his name.

I'm like, no, it's so—

when I met him, I go, really? That's what they named you?

So that was the biggest issue we've been dealing with.

Well, no, the biggest issue is really when I had to tell Kitty about it and she was like, what? She was— and in true— here's the thing, you never get a preview of like what your children could be like, and that is like scary and sad to me. Like, I wish you could get like a 30-second teaser once they tell you you're pregnant. They're like, and this is what your child would be like. I feel like I do have a small snippet into the future watching Daphne because the way she's made this dog her absolute bitch is like, she does things and I'm proud. I'm proud. She bullies him and I'm like, stand your ground.

I came in very like, if they're gonna meet, like, we have to get safety protocols, like, we have to protect Daphne at all costs. She literally has like brand deals on the way and like, it then it becomes like a monetary thing and someone's gonna get sued. Like, I don't We need insurance.

There was a period of time where you couldn't talk about it. You were like, I—

no, I was like very nervous.

And no, and let me tell you, I did research, so much research. I, I really actually probably played it too slow, like to the point where the pets were like, oh, we know the other one's there.

Like, also, mind you, before I met this dog, I thought it was a Rottweiler. Like, I was like It's a 150-pound Rottweiler. I'm— I am so scared. How are we gonna even like have them ever in the same room?

It's a 35-pound scaredy cat. Like, it's literally the biggest baby. Kitty like literally licks her paw and he runs to the corner. No, Kitty—

Kitty, when he walks by, like fakes like she's gonna like come for him and he starts looking like—

she fakes him out and then slaps him across the face and walks away.

She's like, what's that? She throws a ball, he turns around, she goes, "I didn't even throw a ball, you dummy." Yeah, he's like, "That's my girl." Anyway, what were we even talking about that I—

You just like out of nowhere was like, "There's a dog in my life." That's why I like when the pod's in the morning because I'm so raw, I'm so real. I know, you're so vulnerable. I'm so vulnerable. I'm like, I've been living in a hellscape.

This dog. Wait, can I tell them how I almost accidentally killed the dog?

Yeah, PETA, take a break from this because then I have a story where I accidentally almost like had the dog run away.

So no, so Paige was joking. She's like, I love this guy, but I don't know if I could be in a relationship with someone who has a dog.

No, this is a serious conversation that like I thought about. I was like, I can't.

And then I was like, do we give him an ultimatum? Are we like, it's me or the dog?

There was a moment where I'm like, I'm not a monster.

No, but also this isn't just a dog to this man. Like, this dog is his son. This dog is his ev— like, this dog, he loves this dog more than anything.

This morning he said to me, last night you were really mean to the dog. Do you want to apologize? I said, I'm not apologizing to a dog.

What did you do? Were you like, Cash, get out of the room?

I said, get off the bed.

See, that's also the problem. Kitty's allowed on the bed because she smells like pancakes. I don't know where that dog's been. That dog's been outside.

Kitty's poop and pee pee paws allowed on my face. It's microdermabrasion. Okay, a dog that's out in the wild, I don't know where that dog's been.

Okay, we finally have like an event where we're celebrating, like the dog and the cat have met.

Yeah, what are we doing? Oh, we're in— we're at Easter.

It was Easter. So this is— at the end of the day, I love animals because I'm not a fucking monster.

Of course, of course.

So I go all the way to this pet store and I'm like, what do dogs like? Like, they're boys. I'm like, I'll get him a food something, I don't know. So they have all these like doggy treats. Of course there's like no cute cat treats, it's all for dogs. But like, whatever, that's the patriarchy. So I get this— like, you guys, I got a cannoli for a dog. Like they make dog canoli. Like that was the cutest gift ever. I was so excited. So I'm outside with the dog.

You were meeting an Italian dog. You said, let me into your culture.

I was like, okay, if we're gonna be family members, like this is how I'm gonna connect with you. So I'm outside with the dog and I'm like giving it the canoli. And the dog, the dog like puts the whole thing in its mouth and starts choking. And then like the dog starts like, like, and then I'm like, oh no, I can't kill the fucking dog on Easter. So then I'm like, I'm doing whatever. And then the dog's literally fine. And then the dog eats all the cannoli. But like for a second there, I was like, Paige, things were about to be— I was about to take care of everything for you.

And then the rest of the day I got blamed for hiring a hitman to come to my Easter dinner. And kill a member of my family.

Also, I do have to say, Des loves this dog.

Everyone that meets this dog loves the dog.

So it's been complicated, to say the least, but I also think it's been a lesson of acceptance, um, and that we should love tolerance, other people, and other things.

I didn't pick this dog. Like, yeah, I didn't pick this dog. I have no— I have no mother connection to this dog. Be like, oh my God, it was there the day you were born, like I do with Kitty.

But just because you didn't birth it doesn't mean—

in all seriousness, like, very cute dog, very well-behaved dog. That's like what I care the most about. And like obsessed with Kitty and so nice to Kitty. Yeah, it did so much research on introducing Kitty and this dog, like specific breeds. I called a psychic. This is the right move.

Yeah, we got the whole team on board.

You have to do so much. It— I actually did it over the course of like, oh my God, probably like 9 months, which like you can do it shorter of course, but I was just so scared.

You can't rush it.

The first thing I did was like take 2 items of each of theirs and like swap it so they could smell it, and then like I would only hold her and he could like see that she was there. Then I like introduced them through like a screen.

It was a slow process, but when I tell you You guys, they sleep together now.

No, now they're like obsessed with each other.

But there are dogs out there that just don't fuck with cats, that like it doesn't matter how much scent swapping you do, they're gonna eat your cat. Do not dabble.

I think this is like a very specific situation with this dog's specific personality. Yeah, I just got really lucky.

It also, it's giving like the universe was like, okay, we'll make this We'll make this blended family work.

But it's so girls versus boys, let me just tell you. And me and Kitty are trying to hold it down, but the patriarchy is strong, okay? Because we're used to quiet, we're used to soft sounds in the morning. We've never played ball, you know? Like, we don't—

Kitty learned what a dirty tennis ball was.

Yeah, Kitty was like, no, um.

But my dream is to have a dog and a cat that become friends. Like, that's my algorithm. Yeah, seeing them together. And it seems very Romeo and Juliet, like, nobody wanted to see us together, but it didn't matter though because I got you, babe. Akon.

Like, sometimes I'm like, you guys are giving Kim and Kanye in the best way.

No, like, it's at a point where I'm like, I think she's flirting with him.

Yeah, like the one— like the first time ever, and this is like a few months ago, that Kitty like laid fully on her back in front of the dog. I was like, Kitty, stop!

Let's have some self-respect in this household.

Yeah, let's have some decency here.

Speaking of cats, wait, I have an announcement. I'm doing an event.

Oh honey, you're hosting an event?

I'm hosting an event, which you know I never do.

No, that's so adult of you. This morning you were like, let me get a coffee and then we can chat. And I was like, in my head I was like, that's so adult. Now you're hosting a goddamn event.

Well look, I'm Hamptons. Yeah, and this is what you do, you get into society. Luann, right now I know I was like, darling, I have to do some philanthropy this summer.

You got like a prop cigarette. I have a few. Like, don't worry, it's not real.

So okay, this Friday, August 21st, so my bestie in town owns the Pilates studio. That was convenient for me to be like, I'm becoming friends with you because you're badass and cool. Sound Body Hampton, shout out. It's actually the hardest place to get into in West Hampton. I can't even get a reservation at this point. So she had to expand and she got this whole huge back area that she's like, I want to throw an event. Mind you, you know I'm in with Southampton Animal Shelter every day, kikiing, checking cats that I want to adopt, seeing— and kitten season is now. Like, for some reason, I guess I don't know what it is, but the— sorry, #KittenSeason, Hot Girl Summer.

I've never— I've just—

you never heard of kitten season?

I've never heard those words together in a sentence. It's kitten season.

I don't know if it's like the weather or something, but like all the cats are having babies right now, so there's kittens everywhere and like we need to get them adopted.

Wait, this is a stupid question.

Yeah.

Are cats pregnant for 9 months? Are dogs pregnant for 9 months?

Wait, that's such a good question.

No, there's no way.

That's such a good question.

Hey Siri, how long are cats pregnant for? 64 days. Now if I could— Dude, they're living the goddamn life. If I could be pregnant for 64 days, I would have had 4. I would have 4. I would be Ballerina Farm's worst nightmare. Are you kidding?

Wait, how long have you been awake? Because you are awake right now. I just woke up.

Here's the thing. I didn't really sleep well last night, so I'm delusional. I've been up.

You're on a bender. You're on a bender right now. You are. You are cracking me the fuck up right now.

No, I've organized 4 drawers.

I see. I'm like, I'm like, is this a dream? Am I dreaming right now? So we imagine a cat's like, I'm 36 days No, that's so— she— I'm 36 days. Oh my God. Well, that's what— that's why there's so many kittens.

No, 9 months is like, come on.

Well, so as you guys know, when I retire, I'm— I've always wanted to like open my own cat cafe or like a cat sanctuary or like something. So I'm like, this Friday from 12 to 2 in West Hampton, I'm doing Hannah's Cat Cafe where we're bringing a ton of adoptable kittens to this place and we're getting like coffee and treats and like there's like a jewelry person and like I think we're trying to get like an aura reader, like whatever, we're trying to just make it fun. But if you're by West Ham, you have to get a pet psychic. We have— oh my God, I mean, hello. I think I also might do a painting and like auction it off for the shelter. I don't know. Wait, okay, so last year, remember, Dez, you're gonna paint it? Well, do you remember Dez got me like painting supplies for my birthday.

And then remember how good you were in New Orleans?

And I was so good in New Orleans, even though you rushed me.

And it was an hour and a half.

I was like, I wasn't even done with the shading. I wasn't done with the shadows and the shading. And you were like, I want a beignet.

I was 3 beignets deep. I couldn't breathe. I had to go.

You called an ambulance in the middle of my, my watercolor. So I— yeah, it's, it's gonna be so fun. There is like a capacity thing where like we can't have it. So there's this guy, his name's Fire Marshal, and like, so I don't know about the capacity, but I want the girls to be able to come in, take photos, kiki, pet some cats.

So no Pilates?

No, no, babe, we're not doing Pilates.

I didn't know if it was like Pilates with like cats on top of you.

And also I've been doing I've been doing preparation for the event. I've been going to the South End Animal Shelter just to like, because I work there now, because I'm like in business with them. Um, 100% of the proceeds are going to them. So we're just like partying, and there's a 20-year-old cat named Ethel, and she meows like this. She goes, because she's had it. She— when you visit her She comes out and goes up to you, meows like that. I'm not gonna do it again. And then she just wants to be picked up and held. Yeah, she's just like, someone fucking carry me, I can't walk.

What color is she?

She's like a tortoise shell. She's perfect. And they said she already has like 10 applications for her, but if she's— I'm gonna bring her. I would literally— so anyway, um, I can't believe you haven't fostered this summer. Well, it's because I have, I have the children here. Oh, I forgot to tell you guys the reason I'm wearing a lip stain right now. Shout out Wonderskin Whimsical.

I get on the, I get on the pod, mind you, it's the morning time. It's like we get on at like 8:45 and Hannah's like talking to Grace and I look at her and I'm like, do you have a lip on? And she goes, well, yeah, because Lois is here.

And she goes, did you, did you brush your hair? I'm like, yeah, Lois has demands of me and expectations.

She's like, well, my boss is riding me pretty hard today.

I woke up, I go, Hannah has a meeting, because now if I say podcast, she's gonna be like, well, you're doing it with me, so you have a meeting. And she goes, are you gonna brush your hair? And yesterday, I swear to God, she goes I go, is my smile better? And she goes, well, your lips are chapped.

So she's like, I can't get past anything.

So our game that we do is she's Paige, I'm me, and she goes, we have to podcast. So I've been podcasting all weekend and I go, hi, welcome to Giggly Squad, I'm Hannah Berner. And she goes, I'm Paige DeSorbo. And then I'm like, what do you want to talk about? And she looks at me to like come up with the topics. I'm like, you're so Paige. Yeah, I'm like And then one point she goes, pretend I fell asleep during the pod. I go, I don't have to pretend, it's definitely happened. And during Zoom meetings too.

It was one time, Hannah, and I was on a time zone difference, and you know that. Okay, it was twice, it was twice, both time zone issues.

You guys, my family left, and then I don't know if there's been news because I've, I've been a single mom, I haven't been watching the news. Um, a tornado went through Yeah, or so they say. Now, well, now I'm like, what is— was there a tornado? Did you guys just want to come back? Yeah, but there was a tornado, um, trees hit their car, hit their roof, and they were like, hey, we have nowhere to live, like, can we come back? And Des and I were like, yeah, we miss you guys, come back. Um, so we are our own blended family here. They're back. I'm actually gonna add right now, um, a snippet of Lois and I's podcast that I recorded. Um, we recorded a podcast. Now, Paige, I have to ask you a question. Are you a girls girl? Yes. Why do you love girls so much? Because they're so pretty. And what do you think about the boys?

No.

What should we do with the boys?

Take them for a timeout.

That's what I said. Oh, and there's our producer Bobby. Bobby, can you say Giggly Squad?

Giggly Squad. I thought you were gonna be like, and I'll add a GoFundMe link because I'm, I'm dying over here. It's, it's not good. We're drowning.

Well, also then she was like pressing all the buttons and Bobby's the producer. Um, Bobby comes in He can be a little bit bossy and a little loud too. Yeah, but they're adorable. That's just— oh wait, on the pod, on the pod, I go— she looks at me, she goes, we're best friends, right? And I go, yeah, we love each other. And she goes, but we don't hug. I said, Lois, where did you hear that? She was like— she must have overheard me like jokingly telling Jeannie or my mom about how like me and you don't hug, but I'm like, she's— these kids listen to everything.

No, they're sponges, the little freaks.

They're Russian spies, that's what they are.

They absorb it all.

She's all like, I can't speak. Yeah, you and Paige don't hug even though you love each other. It's like a weird thing. I'm like, can you speak or no? One day I'm wiping her ass, the next day she's explaining to me what my podcast is.

She's like, uh, Hannah, quick thing, the meaning of life is, uh, like, Lois, you couldn't use a fork yesterday. No, I think it's fascinating that like when you have kids, you don't talk to them till they're like 3. Like, you, you talk to them, but they don't say any— like, they can't tell you back.

Like, But then one day they just respond.

Yeah, that must be crazy. Like, you don't know what their personality, I feel like, truly is until they start talking. And it's like, it's so interesting that like for 2 years in your own home you have the stranger, the small person.

But you do kind of know their personality like without them speaking.

Yeah, do you?

Like Bobby is hilarious. All he does is chuck himself around. Like, yeah, you don't— it's like when you meet someone who doesn't speak your language, you like know the vibe.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, got it.

Bobby like speaks like really mumbles right now, so like only Lois can understand him. So Lois literally will— what's the word— I, I translate. She'll translate for him. Okay, so he'll come up to me and be like, and I look at Lois and she goes, he wants spaghetti with Parmesan and milk and he wants to eat right now. And I go, okay.

Lois is probably like, Bobby's also wondering about your shoes. It's like, okay, we know he didn't say that. Did he though? He might have.

I go, you, you added that, you added it at the end, Lois. She goes, no, he said it.

He's concerned about what this look is. No, I'm obsessed with like in my head making Lois like this evil villain that like—

well, she is controlling Like she's just this baby genius. No, she— you should see her when she's like, sees me and she's like, something's not working. I don't know what it is. Throw in a necklace.

She's like, oh no, it's worse. Okay, so I have a question. Okay. Has anyone actually known what they're supposed to wear to anything in like the last 5 years?

Absolutely not.

Because I feel like our generation has completely just like— dress code is a lost art.

No, there's no dress code anymore.

And every invite, I feel like even if it's like drinks, it's like, okay, am I wearing jeans? Am I wearing heels? Is this secretly a wedding? You can't prepare.

Yeah, and everyone's pretending they're chill while also texting 6 people asking, what are you wearing?

Which is why I always check Revolve first. I feel like they somehow nail that effortless but still hot vibe. Everything's already styled in a way that makes sense, so I'm not trying to piece together an outfit from 15 different websites and open tabs everywhere.

Yeah, and I love that if you find one piece, it immediately gives you similar options. You can build the whole look.

Woman in STEM of the week, which is ideal because I have decision fatigue by like 10 AM.

They have all the brands we actually wear, like Agolde, Helsa, ALC, Norma Kamali. So many new arrivals every day, and whether you need a dress, matching set, or something for vacation, it's all there. And I always convince myself I need just one more option, which somehow turns into 4, but the fast shipping and easy returns make it zero stress.

I wore this Helsa bathing suit cover-up, and I'm not kidding, it's the number one bathing suit cover-up that people DM me about. I've worn it on the beach, worn it to the pool. Honestly, I could wear it as a dress if I really wanted to. And I felt like I had my life together when I was in this outfit because so many people loved it. Whether it's a girls' night, a date, or one of those I need to look hot but not like I tried too hard moments, Revolve always has it. Go to revolve.com/giggly and use code GIGGLY for 15% off your first order. Fast shipping, easy returns. It just works. That's revolve.com/giggly. You can shop our faves and get 15% off your first order. Offer ends September 1st. Don't miss out. Um, Nutella came out with ice cream, so I just need everyone to know about that.

Have they done a collab with Lactaid yet?

No, they haven't.

Well, that's next. Wait, should we just shut down the pod because Nutella came out with ice cream?

It's just like, I don't feel like enough people are telling me about it specifically.

I'm like, you know, reaching out to you.

Yeah, like, yeah, you definitely saw this. You know what's funny is my brother is like, if you go to his house or like he's coming over to stay with you, you're getting a weird sweet treat in the freezer after he's gone that like you've never even seen in the grocery store. It's one of the best characteristics I've ever met in a human.

Does he share it, or it's like something he just brought for himself?

No, no, no. He's like, oh, I saw this, I like thought that you would like— like one day he came over and he left, and he left the most insane ice cream collab. I'm like, where'd you even find this? And he's like, I had to Google it. No, it literally— it was like Eggo waffles, and like, I'm like, they don't even make ice cream. And I just think that's a personality trait in people that's— it's overlooked. And I don't know many people like that.

Well, speaking of food, I have to name drop. Yeah, yeah, I celebrated my birthday with Bobby Flay.

Yeah, wait, I saw that. We didn't even talk about it.

So shout out Bobby Flay, a friend of the pod, an avid Giggly Squad listener.

There's a couple people that listen to Giggly Squad that like he's one of them and John Stamos is one of them, that I'm like, what?

I know, but he literally was like, it's really educational. And I was like, Bobby Flay, you're a feminist king.

You know what, in its own weird way it is.

And his girlfriend Brooke is badass.

She's a chef too, right?

She's a chef on her own. She's like killing it on Food Network shows, but she plays tennis. So, and she's come to my like stand-up shows before. So Brooke and I we're becoming buddies, and yeah, we're both Leos, it was both our birthdays, so they were like, come over, we're having people over.

Oh my God, that's so cute.

Yeah, so Des and I drove over and like we played tennis, and then Bobby's like making food for everyone.

Like what? Like what do you make? Okay, he gives like a— yeah, give like the vibe. Oh my God, first of all, like when you get there, is he like, oh, here I have like appetizers, but I'm also cooking like the main thing? Or is it like everything's out?

All I have to say is like, make friends with a chef. Yeah, you need like one, or even just someone in your friend group who can cook, because these people like, they love it. Like, you know where you're like, Hannah, can you make dinner? And I'm like, what did I do to deserve this? Yeah, like, he's— this is how he expresses love. Like, you come to his place and he's, he's been cooking, who knows since midnight. Who knows how long he's been cooking? He's starting off. It's like an appetizer. It's just a soft-shell crab sandwich with sriracha aioli. But he's Bobby Flay, so he's like, yeah, I threw some, you know, some crab on a bun. And I'm like, this is like a 5-star restaurant appetizer. Oh, you want some? Yeah, we got to have some.

You know, one thing I love that chefs do, they're like, whatever you have in your refrigerator. And I'm like, okay, so ketchup and orange juice. Like, what the fuck am I going to do with that?

I have a bazillion questions because I don't know this life. So I'm like, when was the last time you DoorDash? Like, when was the last time you were like, let's just get Chinese food? And they were like, what's a DoorDash? Like, there's two professional chefs in the household.

No, it's crazy. I asked Martha Stewart that one time and she— I think that's the moment where she was like, I don't fuck with this girl.

She coughed on you.

She was like, she was like, I've never done it.

But he's— so he's cooking. We're all just like hanging out in his beautiful— there's a beautiful island that he's— it's like a shed, whatever. And I was like, I have to make a joke, but it's gonna be risky because he's like working his ass off, right? And you know, Dez is looking at me and I'm like, now I represent Dez too. So like, if this bombs, like, we're— this is us that I'm bringing down. And I just go, Bobby, don't forget the seasoning like last time.

Hilarious. Like, are you kidding? Mic drop. Crowd stopper.

Literally killed. Bobby's laughing, I was laughing. I was like, let's get out, let's end on top. Gosh. Because like, it was risky because it start, you know, when it's like quiet and like—

and like imagine they didn't hear you. No.

And you guys, as a female comedian, as a female comedian, cuz your voice sometimes just like goes—

is never heard.

Is never heard. And then like some guy repeats it and I'm like, great, okay, cool. Um, so he's laughing, then he brings out one of these like chef, like huge, you know, those like crazy salt and pepper shakers they have like in Italy that's like mahogany hat.

I thought you're going to say like a chef hat. Yeah, yeah.

I'm so stupid. And I go, that's what I'm talking about, last time you forgot the salt. And they're loving it because like, I love a food joke. I love a food joke. I know about eating.

You joke about what you know, it's relatable, it's funny because it's true.

So then I met Sophie Flay, which is the reason why—

isn't she the sweetest?

Well, this is the thing about Sophie Flay, she's Paige Coden.

Yeah. From the moment I met her, I said, I feel like you're my little sister that I never wanted, never had.

The reason I know she's page-coded is because when she walked in, I didn't hear her. She was floating. Like, pages have really light steps. Like, they can just come up behind you. I didn't see it. Like, they're so— they're like, this is the sound of the Disney music when they walk. That's how she walked in.

My dad says I glide.

I've had to have like meeting sit-downs with roommates where they're like, Hannah, you wake everyone up when you go up the stairs, and it's unnecessary and it's weird. Like, I've had actual roommate meetings about that.

Like, people have thought you've like done it on purpose. Yeah, or they're—

yeah, they're like, why are you slamming the ground as you walk? And I'm like, it's generational trauma. So also she comes in and she's wearing an accessory. Now Hannah's We love accessories, but we're not like committed to the accessory. Also, we're not wearing like any hat that's going to fit our head. This was one of those things that like you could tell she got online and was like, I know it's going to look good on me. She's wearing like a little straw hat thing that like looked perfect with her outfit and like a bucket hat. Yes, like a little bucket hat that she wore the entire dinner because it was like part of her outfit. Yeah.

What was she wearing?

See, that's the thing, I'm not like Paige Co enough to like remember the full outfit.

When someone's telling me a story and I'm really into it and then I say, and what were they wearing? Just know my heart rate is going. I'm like so excited to hear the next part.

No, like I don't remember what I saw. I remember how they made me feel and I remember feeling like—

I bet she was wearing like some type of like white something, like linen dress or like—

Probably. It was light, it was cute, but she also, she wasn't overdressed. It was very like effortlessly chic. She casual. And it was to the point where like I was talking to her and midway I was like, you're, you're— let's just be honest, let's say what we're trying to say— you're page-coded. And I was like, I know you interviewed her at the Devil Wears Prada premiere. I was there too. She's like, where were you? I'm like, who knows? Yeah, not asked to do the interview, that's for sure. Oh wait, I was shitting myself.

You were shitting in front of Meryl Streep. I'll never forgive you.

Heidi Klum. Literally in front of Heidi Klum. Um, so that was incredible. I love him and his girlfriend.

And that sounds like fun.

One thing I learned, because I love being around really cool, interesting people, and I was asking him questions. You know, like the first time you hang out, you don't ask that many questions. You're just like, great, trying to be a fun time. Second time, you're like, let's, let's check under the filet.

What's the top of like a The bomb of a grill.

Oh, who knows, who knows, who knows.

Keep going.

I was asking him, like, you know, in your shows, like, how involved are you with, like, the creative, like, the set, like, the editing? And he's like, Hannah, I'm on all of it. And that's why I think some people are sick. He's the Beyoncé of cooking. Like, yeah, Beyoncé's not just putting out, just like putting her name on stuff and letting it go. Like, he's detail-oriented and passionate. And yeah, you know, he was kicked out of school just because he, he didn't get school. And I was like, neither did Paige.

And no, I really didn't.

And he was like, I just knew I wanted to be creative and like use my hands, and I just was like, this book stuff isn't for me. And now he's—

I would literally sit in high school classes and think I'm never gonna need this, but you guys might, so like you should pay attention.

I'm obsessed with you because people in the comments every now and then would be like, 'I think she's funny making fun of Paige not being able to read.' And I was like, 'Sorry, I'm raising awareness that you can do anything you put your mind to without being literate.' Also, like, that's who we are.

We make jokes when there's jokes to be made.

Yeah, I'm not gonna miss an opportunity to ask Paige to spell. No, that's great. And she loves it, you guys. She loves it. She gets really up for it.

Because sometimes I know it and I'm like, let me show you.

So anyway, shout out to friend of the pod Bobby, we love you. Or male giggler. Maybe we do a Hannah Paige try new things and we cook with Bobby and we like— because last time we tried to cook with Kim, your mom, and she didn't let us. She didn't let us touch the food, which was so valid.

Looking back, at one point I think she swatted us.

At one point she was like, Hannah, can I talk to you for a second?

Don't fucking touch my box. She was like, oh, she's like, no, this is a watching lesson, not a doing lesson.

I have one more Lois quote and then I'll move on from my motherhood. Yeah, I said, um, Lois, what's your favorite animal? And she was like, flamingos. And I said, why? And she goes, because they're girls, of course.

I said, of course.

I said, what are boys? She was like, tigers, duh. And I was like, of course. I'm like, has there ever been a flamingo that's a boy? And she was like No, no, that would be stupid. And I was like, I love that.

I always forget about the flamingo.

The flamingo's so iconic. Also, they have to eat shrimp to be more pink, which the lore—

I'm obsessed.

You're really— so she would— it's like when your pee is orange, you're like, somebody went crazy last night.

I would be a Nutella ice cream at this rate. Like, I— that's where I'm at.

Oh, anyway, how are you?

I was just gonna say, like, I feel like I haven't seen you.

No, we haven't podcasted in forever.

No, like, doing a 45-minute preamble with your friend is so necessary to— and, and then you can get into topics, you know?

Can I talk about my marriage?

The floor is yours.

So you guys know Des and I travel a lot. We don't spend a lot of time together. It's really beautiful for our connection. Um, and this summer we've been together, and now there's like people staying at the house, so I can't just like go into another room when I feel like it. There's people there. So we decide to go to bed, just like— I thought we were just getting in bed at like 9 PM on a Monday.

What time are you getting in bed like, like in the average week?

In the past, I would like— he would go to bed and I would stay like watching Drag Race until like 11, and then I head to bed, and then I'm like an hour or two— it takes me to go to bed. But lately in the summer, 9 PM, I'm like, let's start the process.

I'm 8:30 and I'm like, let's fucking start, let's get it going, let's wrap this shit up.

But this is the thing, when he goes to bed, this man's going to bed.

Yeah, that's— that's— well, why don't you tell the pod your freaky freaky ways in the bedroom with your husband and the lack of television.

So I have a little TV in this bedroom, but turns out when you put on an intense documentary, it's actually really hard to go to sleep right after.

I'd love to take a poll of the listeners of how many of you have TVs in your bedroom and how many of you don't, because I came from a no TV in the bedroom household.

Like, did you have one when you were a kid? No.

Yes, but it wasn't like connected. Yeah, it was bitches, and I couldn't figure it out. Like, it only played VHS tapes. Yeah, like Mary-Kate and Ashley was on a fucking loop in there.

Yeah, but also you'd be up all night if you had capabilities like that.

Well, I didn't break the rules, so like when my mom was like, TV's off, I didn't think like Oh, I should like turn it back on. I like— I literally accepted her at her word.

I was like, okay, you're like, and it doesn't work.

I'm like, why would she steer me in the wrong direction? She's obsessed with me.

So he's like, maybe don't watch another crazy documentary. I watched the Travis Barker documentary, which I'll get into. Heart was beating rapidly.

You're like, all right babe, something light. This is Charles Manson, but it's kind of— it's a punk rock family.

Yeah. Like, if I want to go to sleep, I need to watch The Great British Baking Bake Off. Is that what it's called?

Yeah.

Anyway, it's like 9:05, butter's on me, he's— I don't know what's going on. And I like turn and obviously like knock my phone off the bed and it hits the ground, it makes like a huge loud sound. And he's like, oh, you woke me up! And I'm like, it's 9:15.

It's 9:15 on a fucking Saturday.

I'm starting my day, like, I'm like beginning. I can't be in like— like, at first I felt bad because I'm like, he's asleep, and I'm like, it's the middle of the fucking day. I can't tiptoe around my bedroom because you fall asleep at 9:05 PM because you've been up—

I'm not a prisoner in my own home.

No, a literal prisoner. I haven't even brushed my teeth yet. I'm like, I have to get up and I have to get past Butter and all the cords and like and I drop everything and then I'm gonna trip on stuff. So I'm like a spy in my own bedroom at 9:30 trying to— and he also wakes up with a blink of an eye. Like movement wakes him up.

He's a light sleeper.

Yeah, so that's something I'm dealing with because I don't want to— like, I respect him, but also I can't live like this for like 3 hours before I go to sleep. Like, I had to sneeze. I had to sneeze, and I did the, like, you know, when you hold it in and you're like, no, that's not good for you. It's— that's— that causes, like, inner turmoil.

I always think I'm gonna have a heart attack.

No, once I almost shat myself because I held in the sneeze and it has to come out somewhere. And he's, like, sleeping so peacefully next to me. 9:45 PM, I'm holding in sneezes in my own house. So, like, thinking of you having to be super, super quiet Also, we talked about it, I walk like a— like Frankenstein around the house.

Are you like watching TikTok on— with no sound? Like, are you at that level?

Yeah, yeah. And then at one point he like wakes up, he was like, oh, two screens? Because like I'm watching TV and I'm on my phone, and I'm like, no, wait, you want me to just watch commercials? You want me just raw dog a commercial? Because I was watching tennis.

Oh my God, but that's like, that's borderline jazz music in the background. Like, holy—

that's just like a softener.

Please, that's elevator music, babe.

That's—

we're not watching The Great Debate up here.

Like, marriage— like, I used to do whatever I wanted at night. I'm like, this is me being good. Two screens, that's me being good. And one of them I don't even have volume loud.

And I feel like your algorithm knows when you're watching on silent because it starts giving you ones that's like a bunch of words, and I'm like, fuck you.

Yeah, it's like a paragraph, like, one day I thought my life was over, but then I turned everything around. If you believe in yourself— that's when it gets dark late at night.

No, I hate a motivational person.

Oh God. And then you just— if God forbid I read one sentence, I'm like, oh no, oh, now I'm in the algorithm because I give it a chance.

No, I can't do it. So I don't like to do— I don't like to watch on silent. I like to like do up the volume just like a tinge because I'm like, I don't want it to fuck with my algorithm.

Well, then I've also been still listening to this podcast that I can't finish because I keep falling asleep, but it's really good about the clit— the— what's it called? I've been listening to it for 6 months.

I honestly— it sounded like you said the clit, which is crazy to then be like, I don't know what it is.

It's Clay the Bachelor about his like Pregnancy.

Oh yes, yes, yes. And we met, um, we met—

yes, the host Stephanie. I think she's amazing. So I've been listening to that. So then I'm like putting it by my ear. Also, I have to—

now this is like real— it's like real life Baby Reindeer, right?

It's also like he— a girl accused him of being pregnant, they never even had sex, and like she took him to court. And then she has more guys she's done this to. It's crazy. But I can't just like move my head because Butter's also like like laying in a type of way. I can't move because of Butter. I can't move because of Des. I'm trapped in my own— I can't smile.

The silent burden on women is crazy.

No, literally, the mental load. The mental load.

They will never know. They would never know. It's so— here's the thing though, I, I dislike men, but it— you have to find one that they don't have the random traits that you absolutely hate. And it could be like so small, but low-key they're kind of big. Like, if I am sleeping in and I'm dating a man— not even sleeping in, if I'm sleeping and it's morning and the man has to get up early and go somewhere, I expect you to act as I do. Don't turn the lights on, tiptoe, shut the doors that you have to have lights on. If you're with someone that has no regard for like, oh, you have to go with their flow. No, because I feel like that's like a bigger thing. That's, uh, like a form of manipulation and control. Trying to be healthy can sometimes be a full-time job. Going through different wellness brands that greenwash their products or say they're more natural or clean than they really are, and then to just find out months later that there's a bunch of fillers in there and they use a bunch of fancy words. Well, Nature's Sunshine doesn't just talk about the planet, they sustainably source ingredients ingredients and craft their supplements with 100% solar-powered manufacturing.

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I have a scenario question. I love these because, you know, summer, there's a lot of dinners, right? Okay, so let's say you're at a dinner at someone's house.

People are eating. Yeah, people are out here.

I don't know if it's your house or not, but let's just see. You're at someone's house and there's 2 women, 3 men, and one of the women—

did you just come up with this in your head or is it as we're going?

Because there's a priest and a rabbi going to a party.

There's a tiger behind one door. You must figure out the door.

Where's the gun?

The question is, how old is everyone there?

Like, okay, we're all similar ages.

Okay, undisclosed location, similar ages. How many women was it? Two women.

Okay, Jeremy's 6 years old, someone's 8 years old. Do you remember those scores? How old is Sarah?

If Jenny had two berries and Sam— I'm like, fuck you and your blueberry pie, bitch.

You always chose C. You're just like, it's C. Um, okay. You're all like similar age. Let's say the girl had to go up to do something, like she's doing something important, and now you're left alone with the 3 boys and everyone is done eating.

What is she going— okay, she's leaving the table for whatever reason she had to do.

Let's say, let's say she had kids and she had to go take care of the kids. Okay, so then it's you and these 3 boys. Okay, 3 men. Everyone's done eating.

Yep.

Do you get up and start taking their plates?

Wow. Um, no. I think the first plate I'm grabbing is mine, and I'm grabbing my girlfriend who just got up from the table. I'm getting hers.

And then you leave them to deal with it.

And I would expect they all grabbed their own and something else on the table with the other hand. Like a shared dish or something?

Yes, yes. Okay, so I did an experiment.

Okay.

And I was like, what if I just fucked off?

Yeah, what if you left? Oh, I've left.

And I think I've left. I did my plates. I did my plates. But I was like, because my first initial instinct was, okay, let's take everyone's plates. But you know, I'm fighting the patriarchy every day. And I said, what if Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, that's 3 grown capable men. Why am I also taking their plates and doing the dishes? Yeah, so some will call it lazy, some will call it flipping the gender roles. Yeah, and empowering women. And I got up, put my thing away, and then I think I like— I left the room and I said, let's see if 3 grown men could figure out— also there was food everywhere.

Mm-hmm.

Like, why am I the sole woman here responsible for putting away the food? Obviously, if I was mature, I could have said, hey, can you guys help me? Yeah, put away the food. But I just wanted to see what would happen.

That's so Scorpio of you. You're like, I could say something, but why not set a trap? Like, the amount of traps I've set in my day where I'm like, I could have just spoken my mind, but it's— this is more fun.

But I also have internalized misogyny that I even thought that I should be the one to do it.

You almost feel like a sense of guilt that you're not doing it. That's what I feel.

Yes, I felt guilty. And then I was like, do they think that I should do this right now?

I don't think they're thinking about it. I don't think they're— I don't think it's even crossing their mind because so many things magically get done. I want to give men— like, I love men, obviously. Like, I'm attracted to them. I want to give them the benefit of the doubt, and sometimes I almost feel like I give them too much credit that they're like intentionally doing something. I genuinely think there's a lot of situations where it's not even crossing their fucking mind because they've never had to deal with it.

That's the privilege of it. But then also, we can't assume that they are not gonna do it. Yeah, just because they haven't done it. And also, this is about me, by the way. The story's about me. I bought like a ton of food for everyone, takeout. We're having so much fun. My house too, but like I'm kind of the host, but then also the whatever. And Jeannie had to go with the kids, and there were 3 men and me, and I was like, I bought this, I don't want to also have to like take all the food. Like, this is too much labor for me.

Yeah, you're like, I'm not catering and cleanup crew. I can't do it both. Do you think Bobby Flay is at home cooking and then cleaning?

No one expects Bobby Flay to then put his stuff away because you're like, thank you Bobby, thank you to the chef. Um, by the way, why are all chefs men? I'll get into it later. So I just put my plate away and I was like, let's see what they do. And they figured it out on their own. And it's crazy because I was gonna do it.

Like, my dad is Kim's biggest helper. Yeah, like, he is behind her, and she's like, vacuums in this room, like, I need plates over here.

Like, we sous chef, honestly.

We work for her. Yep, we work for her.

My Nana and Papa, before we're even done eating, my Papa's doing the dishes. Yeah, that is a well-oiled machine. So it's also, I think, like communicating, but I just feel like as a woman it was like my duty to, to like clear the table.

Well, I think part of like love— and correct me if I'm wrong— I think part of love is— and it could be like with your mom, your dad, your brother, your significant other— like if I see a task or something that I could do that would take any type of burden off this person I love, I'm doing it.

Yes. I think once it became— once it became like a lot of people, I was like, this is too much for me.

Yeah. So like, if I've cooked an entire dinner, I— for people I love, I would expect them to feel the same way I do about them. And I would expect them to be like, oh my God, she probably was so stressed cooking all of this. I'm gonna help her clean.

Well, that's what I was gonna say. It's like, why don't you show love to me?

Yeah, but you ordered in, so—

and you know how hard it is to order things. I had to consider everyone's allergy. I actually really love doing a group order.

Like, I'm like, guys, are you like a pass the phone around, put in what you want?

No, no, no, let me cook, babe. Let me cook. I took a pen and pencil and I was like, javarão da the politician, please.

See, I don't want to— I don't want to do the group order.

I know what everyone's gonna like at all times.

Are you sitting in real life out to dinner? Are you— waitress comes over and someone's like, do all the apps. Are you the person they're pointing at to do all the apps?

It depends who I'm with. Like, honestly, my brother is a foodie, and I also have that weird thing where like, I trust my brother and I love him, and I, I eat everything. So I'm like, whatever my brother's like feeling freaky about go for it. So when I'm with my brother, I let him decide. Yeah, Des, he lets me decide. He's more chill with food. He's like, whatever you want. So there's different— there's different chemistries going on.

Yeah, yeah.

And then Indian food, my mom knows. She orders that. Like, some people specialize.

Oh, you're— oh, you guys over in your family, you're specializing in cuisine.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Not everyone is equal.

Not everyone's equal in their knowledge of extensive Not everyone has a seat at this metaphorical table.

Also, you have to understand, growing up in Park Slope, Brooklyn, at 1 year old, we were doing Japanese, Korean. Yeah, we were Mexican on the corner. We're doing Thai.

Like, you're exposed. Yeah, so much Korean.

I was like, where's the bibimbap? And they're like, you're 3 years old. I'm like, okay.

I actually feel like I remember the first day I had fried rice. Like, I had Chinese.

Change your life.

No, changed my life. It was also a very intense bonding experience for my mom because my brother and my dad don't like Chinese takeout.

Oh my God. So whenever they were gone, were you like, let's get fucking Chinese takeout?

And we would watch Gilmore Girls.

So at the Chinese restaurant, um, Sichuan Delight, around the corner growing up, the waitress loved my brother so much she would bring him back in the kitchen. Okay, Daniel was working for Sichuan Delight at 4 years old. And I—

if I know Danny Burner, he was like, take them, bring out more food, have them.

Danny was like, and make sure that the dumplings come out stuffed.

Okay, whatever, put him to work. He's like, I don't care, do more spare ribs.

Like, oh my God. Oh, good times.

No, it's so funny. Honestly, I— it's funny because you and I are similar because we're very close to our moms, and I get a lot of DMs from girls like like, I hope I'm this close to my daughter, or like, oh, I feel this way about my mom, or like, I miss my mom, things like that. And so like, I'll think of like things from my childhood, like, yeah, why am I so close to my mom compared to like other people? Like, like, were there things that she did, of course, as a mother that like made us really close? But also like, I think I was just like so sick in the head. Like, we would watch Gilmore Girls and like the dad didn't live in the home. They never saw the dad.

He was by all means a deadbeat dad, but then when he came home everyone was like, we love you, Daddy.

Yeah, like sometimes he was in the episodes, but I would literally look at my mom and be like, if you tried harder, we could be Gilmore Girls. Like, we don't— like, we don't need them.

Wait, do you know I never watched Gilmore Girls?

What? Never one time?

There was an era of my life where I guess I like missed a lot of TV. I think when I was in Florida.

Hannah, you—

I was at a tennis academy. I was playing 7 hours of tennis a day, 14 years old.

Well, then you need to unwind with Lorelai Gilmore. I mean, it is some of the best scripted TV. It's so good, Hannah. And you do the rewatch in the fall. It's very fall coded. Oh, wait, you're so right.

You're gonna watch this fall.

We should do—

I feel like book club obviously is too difficult for Giggly Squad, but at least do rewatches together.

Okay, don't sign me up for your rewatch because I've watched it literally 7 times. And we do— we have a book club, we have an accessories club, we have a clothing club, we have a newsletter, we have a lot. We are— if anything, we're getting into college, okay? We are the president of a lot of shit.

So do you know I've never seen The O.C.?

What the fuck is going on?

You know, I've never seen— what's the— we all mean today, what's the show with— I've never seen One Tree Hill.

Gossip Girl.

I've never seen Gossip Girl.

How did you assimilate in society?

I wasn't— I was like playing tennis all day at a tennis academy where like we didn't have phones. Like, unless of our phone, like it was like a torture chamber.

No, Hannah, this is like concerning. You have to watch these things.

Knicks after practice, and my dad was like, we're watching the Knicks. And I was like, okay, well, this is a sports podcast. This is a sports podcast, but we have to put Gossip Girl on.

Lois will freak the fuck out. She will— like, things will go over her head. She will love the glitz of—

she's already stressed about Project Runway. She does not like some of the looks that came out last week. She was like, they had all day.

Can you show Lois Lizzie McGuire today?

Well, we were watching Toy Story. You know she loves Bo Peep. She just waits for Bo Peep to come on because she's—

because she's—

she's like, where is—

she's the only one in a dress.

She's the only one that put herself together and looks adorable.

The only one that was like, we're filming a movie.

Like, I watched Aladdin yesterday. Jasmine's so gorgeous. Lois loved it. But like, these Disney movies are fucking violent. Within the first minute, he like steals something and he's getting chased by guards and they're 'Let's slit his throat.' I'm like, what the—

have they done a remake of Aladdin yet?

They did, they did. But Robin Williams was in the first one and he was spectacular. Disney loved taking great comics and making them like side animals or like weird things, like Eddie Murphy.

Um, are you talking about the animated one he's in?

Yeah, he's the genie. He's spectacular in it.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But can we do— we just have to acknowledge Hayden. I'll cry.

No, how crazy.

Oh, it's so fucking sad, especially because you guys know I just recently did a whole Nashville rewatch.

Oh right, oh my God, I forgot you did a Nashville rewatch.

Because you know me, I never saw Remember the Titans, I never saw Heroes, I never saw anything else she was in. I saw Nashville. The second she went on screen, you cannot keep your eyes off her. And she's like a little genius. Like, she was a little girl who was thrown into this, and I just ordered her book.

Oh, you did?

Which I think we all have to read. Sad, sad, sad. And I think we can go into the week with empathy. I was watching one of her podcasts she went on, and she was just talking about like, I wish they taught you as a kid to be nice to yourself.

Yeah.

So I think we leave the pod with a mental health moment.

That's so nice.

That when you're— when you're mean to yourself, it actually doesn't make you better. And once you learn that you could be nice to yourself, the world changes for you. And I think when Paige and I started to be nicer to ourselves, things started to go better in our lives. So we're—

I'm the fucking best. Are you kidding?

You don't have— and those voices that are being mean to you are not you. Yeah, those are people from your past who are trying to take you down, so don't let them win. Homework, giggly homework. Everyone watch the Travis Barker documentary on Hulu.

It's good.

Kourtney's in it.

There's a new— oh, then I'll watch. There's a new period piece on Netflix that I'm about to start tonight.

Oh, you're jacked up.

I'm jacked.

You're prepping all day for it. Rarely—

they rarely have a period piece that isn't Bridgerton, which is the best period piece of all time.

You said a ghost from your past come through.

What a weird pod today.

Also, side note, the reason we're close to their moms is because we had past lives with them.

So true.

I've been with my mom in every life.

Oh yeah, Angel did say that to you. Wait, I'm serious. I need to make an appointment with Angel because like the fall is just like giving her vibe and I need her.

Do we go to Boston?

I don't know. I'm like, is it as effective over Zoom? I think there were some girls that were like, I Zoomed with her.

I think it is, but also like the in-person experience though, she's like— I mean, we were in a witch's brew. Yeah, there was like statues around us.

We were on the set of Hocus Pocus.

I was getting chills up my spine the whole time.

All right, I gotta go.

Okay, we gotta go. We love you guys so much. Enjoy your week and we'll talk to you soon. And I'll see you if you're out in Long Island at my cat cafe. Look out for the link in my bio. Woohoo!

Bye!