Transcript of Giggling about stylists, serial killers, and sanity

Sup, gigglers?

Gary, fix your Wi-Fi.

Manifest that shit. We can't be managed.

I mean, the day just got away from me.

Hello, my glorious gigglers. Um, literally got on with— so it's me, Paige, and Grace, and Grace is on the phone. She literally gave me PTSD of like when your mom's on the phone, you're like, Mom, Mom, Mom. And finally she's like, what? And you're like, I forgot.

She put one finger up like, mommy's on the phone.

Wait, why do I remember? Where was I? Where like I had a fake phone or something and you kept trying to talk to me and I kept being like, hold on one second. Oh, that was a photo shoot we did. You were so annoyed with me and I couldn't stop.

If we were kids together, you would have annoyed me at so many different— I think that's why we became friends later in life, because I would have been like Nonsense.

No, I would have annoyed you, but then you would have been bored as fuck without me. Yeah, like, fine, I'll hang out with Hannah even though she's a little annoying.

You know what's funny is like people in my everyday life will like bring you up, which is like the— which is like the joy of my life. And they'll always say the same thing, like, wow, you and Hannah, you really think that Hannah's funny, don't you? Like, you— I'm like, okay, has no one ever seen someone with a best friend before? Like, I can't— I'm not the first person you've ever seen. Have a best friend. Like, people are like— I think maybe because it's my personality, like, they're so shocked that I could love someone.

Well, like, so much unconditional love is real.

Yeah, it is.

Also, it's giving they're jealous that I have your attention.

I think that's what it is. They're like, we can't believe she's—

you chose her over me.

I'm like, she's the best.

You chose donkey girl.

I felt like you were going to say something.

Oh yeah, so yesterday we get a call. This is the thing, Paige and I are in business together, which like I forget all the time. Like a lawyer will hit me up and be like, what does Paige think? And I'm like, who? And I'm like, oh, you want us to give you— okay, let me— I was, I was on the phone with her just now, but we were talking about Not business.

Sometimes I respond to emails and it's literally the sentence is, "If Hannah wants to, I will." Like that. And I'm like, I'm a grown woman. And I'm like, if my friend's going, I'll go.

So I get a call from like a ton of people on a team of something, whatever.

The other day someone emailed me and they were like, "Do you wanna go to the US Open?" And I go, "I don't know, look at Hannah's schedule." She's in charge of us at the US Open.

That's the US Open, and that's me, which I'm gonna get into as well. I want to tell the gigglers what to do for the US Open.

And I return the favor by sending you my Fashion Week schedule and like anything that you'd like to accompany, you know, like we have our things.

Wait, am I allowed to go with you?

Well, I don't know if everything— some of them are really hard invites.

They were like, which fashion shows do you want to go to? And I was like, I could tag along. Well, actually didn't say it because I—

well, that's why I sent you that list of places that I'm trying to go to. So if there were any that you wanted to come with me, you had the list of places.

Okay, I actually haven't looked at that list yet.

It's okay.

Oh yeah, so I get this call, it's all these people, and they're like, we're trying to get Paige, we can't get Paige. And then I was like, oh, let me, let me call her. Like, she probably won't pick up for you guys, but she'll pick up for me. And then I was like, no, she would pick up this like important call. So then I start calling people around you. Yeah, I'll find— one thing about me, I will find Paige because I'm like, she's not napping, she has too much anxiety to nap. Yeah, she's existing somewhere. If she— even if she's working out, she will check her phone during the workout every like 5 to 10 minutes. So like, let's do it. So I start calling other people. Finally gets to you and you're like, what's going on?

If I have a robe on, if I have a robe on, the day's done.

You're such a mom.

If my phone's in my robe, I'm having me time.

I knew that your day was done because it was like 7 PM or 6:30, but you go, I'm doing my outfits, I'm doing out— it's doing algorithms, I'm doing math, I'm doing my outfit, I'm doing math.

Sorry, there's a formula. I'm doing science. In my room right now. What could you— I was literally a kid playing in my own room, minding my own business, and I have people busting in.

Well, I envisioned you as like the Sunny in Philadelphia— is that the show?

Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

Always Sunny in Philadelphia meme where the guy's like pointing to all the different things. Like, that's you trying to figure out your outfits, but you're like, carry the one minus two.

I'm like, if it's a— if it's 4 days but 3 nights, I could wear this twice.

If it's a culotte and a tube top, how do I I go, but what if the temp drops below 75?

I'll need a jacket.

I respect you and your art. Stop playing with your stupid fucking outfits. We have an important call right now.

Me and Kitty were in a serious meeting, okay?

And then I had to tell the team, sorry, she was doing outfits. Are you familiar with this?

No. And then Joe walks in. Joe walks in, he's on the phone. He's on the phone with a girl, and the girl's on speaker, and I think nothing of it. And I hear the girl go, well, where is she? And he's like, I got her right here. And I look at him and I go, who the hell is that? And he shows me the phone, it says Hannah Berner. I go, Hannah Berner? I was so confused in the moment. I was like, is there a tornado? Like, what is happening?

I didn't want to have to call Joe. I didn't want to have to get him involved, but when— I knew that he would know, right? And when I call him, he always thinks it's an emergency.

Yes, which is good.

Which is good, which is good because he's protective. So I found you in your basement playing with your clothes. If you need an assistant or at least an intern, Lois is available, by the way.

Honestly, I would bring Lois on full time as creative director of all Paige DeSorbo's brands.

Paige, Lois is so into Project Runway right now and our episode.

Stop. She must think we're literal princesses.

Well, let's not say we, because she goes, okay, let's play a game. You're Hannah, I'm Paige. Tell me you like my outfit. I said, okay, I love your outfit, it's so pretty. And she goes, tell me, tell me I'm the pretty one. I said, I can hear you.

You go, hey, it's, it's still me. You made me be me.

This is me. She goes, I'm the pretty one.

Lois is— no, I'll cry.

So then me hang— the thing is, I know how to deal with her because I'm like, what would little Paige do? It's actually kind of like, I have so much fun because I feel like I'm hanging out with little Paige. And I start pulling up Project Runway's Instagram and showing all like the dresses they make, and I'm like, Lois, tell me which ones you like. She's judging harder than Law Roach.

Yeah.

She's going, ugly, ugly, next, yawn, nobody's working, nope, ew, gross, whatever.

What is it, 2005? I wasn't even alive then and I know this is trash.

Don't stomp those last season Prada shoes on me, honey. And then, but then she knows immediately when she likes something. She goes, love, yeah, love, knows immediately. And I said to her, you know, do you want to be a stylist? 'Or do you want to actually like design clothes?' And she goes, 'I could do both.' And I was like, 'It's 2026, we're multifaceted, Hannah.' But then Jeannie comes, her mom, and she's like, 'What are you guys doing? You're so quiet.' And she's like, 'Are you just scrolling Instagram and the kids are watching?' And I'm like, 'Basically.' So apparently that you're not supposed to do that for like an hour.

You're a screen parent.

I was just scrolling the Project Runway's Instagram, but I showed her all our clips.

And what'd she say? I saw your walk that she made you do. She made you do a full runway walk.

Well, Jeannie was like, can you stop showing my children Instagram? And I was like, that's so valid. I'm so sorry, I got lost in the sauce. You need to say that more often.

Lost in the sauce.

I got lost in the sauce.

Are they like Miss Rachel people?

Yeah, they're like kind of aging out of it, but Miss Rachel's like good music that they like, that every now and then it's like a bop. Okay, um, they also like The Wiggles, which like low-key, so do I.

The Wiggles are still around. How old are they?

The Wiggles are—

they had to have recast it.

I do think they've recast it, but they're Australian, so Australians are healthier and they don't age. Yeah, and they don't age.

I feel like all Australians are low-key vampires.

There's a song called Something the Dog, He Likes to Tango. It is so good. I'm like, Bobby, can we play it again? And it's— I, I loved it.

Speaking of screen time, I have been doing some due diligence and just like watching TV.

Actually, someone has to because I'm mothering. Someone has to.

Someone has to give Rex.

Someone has to.

Let me tell you something, I feel like a lot of people are like, you have good scripted show recs, and like I—

you do! I'm nonfiction, you're fiction.

My new one is on Hulu, it's called Furious, and it's about— it's with Emmy Rossum.

Someone was telling me about this yesterday, Hannah.

It's so good. First of all, I— she's so good. If you haven't watched Shameless, I would say watch Shameless because then you just like really love her as an actress. Yeah, it's just such a unique show. Like, they're trying to find a female serial killer, and it's just— Hulu did it so well. And you know me, I don't love a thriller.

I'm so mad we didn't think of that. I'm so mad we didn't think of that concept.

Serial killer, a woman. Yeah, I mean, the serial killer is so smart, and it's just like, yeah, there's definitely— if women were serial killers, you'd never find them.

No, they also—

I feel like there's like a study somewhere that's like whatever sign is the most serial killer, but then they're like, there's no Scorpios, which is really scary. Which means like, are the Scorpios the ones that don't get caught? Because like, that seems like the sign that would be the— like, you would be like, they're the most—

wait, that makes—

but they're just not getting caught.

So scared of you right now.

Yeah, that's like so scary.

Even though I am a Scorpio rising, so I have to, I have to ask someone about that.

Also, I hate blood, so like we don't have to worry about that.

Also, fully on a business call, mhm, I asked Paige in front of like 18 professional people what her astrologer would say, and I wasn't joking. And Paige was like, let me, I have to text them. And then everyone was like, anyway, no Hannah, no one was giving me answers. No one was giving me answers.

Hannah was asking questions and no one was responding. And she goes, let me bring in the big guns. Paige, do you have your astrologer on speed dial? I go, what day of the week is it? Because I'm really into numerology and I'm not sure we should make any decisions. The fact that it's the 6th.

Well, anyway, we are on this episode of Project Runway doing cameos.

Yeah.

How was your experience?

My experience, first of all, it was a dream come true because I feel like when you watch things on TV and then you experience it in real life, you're just like, wait, what?

So weird.

Um, I, I just like loved the whole feeling of it. I do wish we were judges because I feel like I wish we had like the juxtaposition of them like walking in in new, in new outfits. And being like serious. So maybe next season we do a little like judging.

But I also really can't stand when people have to get out. Like, I'll cry, like watching their dreams be crushed. Like, I kind of liked being in the workroom just being like silly billies.

But don't you love being around for someone's villain origin story? Like, someone getting— someone getting kicked off might be the kick in the ass they need to then like succeed. Okay, so you have—

moment—

yeah, mental health moment. Sometimes rejection is redirection.

Marilyn Monroe once said that. Period.

Period. No, seriously, sometimes like things that don't work out, not even that it's redirection, gives you the motivation that you might have not had. Like, my revenge knows no bounds.

Oh, 100%. I think sometimes people not believing in you You can react two ways. You can feel fucking sorry for yourself and be like, why don't people believe in me? Or be like, I can't wait to blow up so much that these people are going to be tortured by my presence.

Actually, the other day I was on the phone with my mom, and this is a direct quote from myself to my mother. I said, Mom, but I need more revenge. She said, how much can you really get? I said, I need more.

And sometimes I do feel bad Sometimes I was like, that, that was too much. But like, you know what, that was too much on them. You do you, you do you. That's, that's God's karma. I'm like a huge Project Runway fan. Yeah, pull up in the Sri Lanka. And do you remember that quote? Am I a Nicki fan? Pull up in the Sri Lanka.

That wasn't on Project Runway.

No, that was like, that was like Wendy Williams.

Well, you know what, I think what one of the funniest parts of doing Project Runway was that Christian Siriano could not understand how we got that gig. He was like, and you guys are here because he knew you, he knew you, he loves you, you guys have worked together, you guys are cute.

I came in, look, he looked me up and down, I said, it's vintage, babe.

No, he goes, the whole show is a joke to you guys.

But also in the beginning I was respectful, like in the beginning I was just being cute, I was asking questions. After a couple people, I got too comfortable. I started— I was pitching. I said, what about this? This is what I like to do. If you don't like it, start over. Just scratch it. Just scratch it. I'm liking— I have a long torso. I'm liking this. I'm liking that. And you were looking at me like, hey, just stop it. Don't stop talking. Well, sometimes fashion is silent, you know, and that's why the fashion community has been— they're not ready for me yet.

You let the clothes speak for themselves, and Hannah doesn't believe in that. She wants to give— she wants to give reasons and validation.

You did give an anal joke on Project Runway though, and it made the cut. I did, which I was like so proud of you.

I was like, every once in a while I will throw out an anal joke, and you can take it and receive it, no pun intended, or you can throw it back.

I do think from the first time we did TV together to that moment You have really progressed, and I am so proud of you.

You've really taken me out of my shell. You've really broken me out of my shell. I do want to point out that during the filming of Project Runway, I was deep in my Botox reconstruction surgery.

I didn't want to say it, your lip was moving a little strange.

My bottom lip was not moving.

It was like this.

And so like, I look at side profile of me laughing, my whole mouth has regressed into my mouth. Like, my—

like, your outfit did the talking.

My outfit did the talking. I really feel like no one could even notice because now we're so used to your masseter massacre and like how intense it is that I feel like no one even noticed my bum lip.

I'm so sorry.

No, I— no, I'm happy about it. I'm happy that no one noticed.

Yeah, people were like, that's not a thing. Um, I also wore my Celine Strada glasses that I was waiting to— yeah, and I felt like this was the moment. What people didn't see behind the scenes was at one point I was like, I gotta take these off, I can't see anything. Yeah, took them off, left it on someone's workstation during it, realized can't find it, telling producers someone needs to find my glasses, they're very expensive and I have to give them back, and had the whole production in a I didn't know that. Oh yeah, I didn't want to distract you because you were really into the moment. I was— I lost my glasses at one point.

Well, it's funny because when you got there, you had the glasses and we did like some photos, and I thought she just wants them for the photos. I was mistaken. Those glasses were your personality that day. And you know what, I warmed up to them. Yeah, I started to think, what is the outfit without the glasses? Like, the outfit is not complete. And if you don't have those glasses—

Paige Sorbo, didn't she not quote, big glasses are back?

Big glasses are back.

So I was just listening to Paige Sorbo.

What other moment are you gonna get other than Project Runway to wear whatever the fuck you want? It's personal. All of a sudden everyone doesn't care about personal style. All I hear all day long is personal style, personal style, my friend. Pops out in personal style and you're gonna be rude to her about it? I don't think so.

The critics get confused because they'll say, let's say to you, I want my personal style, but then I come in, we don't want personal style. Pick a side.

Pick a side. Pick a side. You know what we didn't talk about, which like we have no skin in the game— I hate that saying.

Yeah, I really don't like saying skin unless it's about a skin care routine.

Unless it's about moisturizing it. Yeah, saying no skin in the game feels like for whatever reason you're peeling skin off.

Yeah, it's giving like in the flesh. I don't like that either.

I don't like that either.

Unless it has to do with microneedling. I don't want to be talking about that unless there's red light therapy involved. You had to cancel? Why?

I had to cancel my microneedling appointment this week because you really shouldn't be in the sun and then do it, and I just felt like I was in the sun a couple days too close to the microneedling. So I said, let's put a pause.

I haven't done it because I'm like, will I be in the sun for the next 2 weeks? I'm like, probably.

You can't risk it in the summer. So I said, let's put a pause on it till like end of August when I can know that I won't be in the sun, and then we'll get to it.

But I just get like a really— get a really cunty hat, like a big—

I'm all about my skin barrier.

I can't. That's a made-up thing. That's made up by the patriarchy. No.

And so, are you drinking an iced coffee or an orange juice?

Yeah, I'm like, get— that's a big boy. Yeah, I'm too caffeinated this pod. I'm sorry, guys, I can't start or finish a sentence this pod. I apologize.

I actually can't wait to see you as a mother because I think we're gonna get such a drastic change in areas that we didn't see coming. Well, like, some would think— some would think, oh, when Hannah becomes a mother, she'll be up at 6 AM. That's a drastic change that we didn't see coming. No, I'm not talking that. I'm not talking that. I'm talking like, I have a feeling that like one day you're gonna show up and be like drinking a Red Bull, and I'm gonna be like, who is this person? Who's this human?

Also, I wasn't able to take a shower this week because you're with the kids.

You can't just go in the shower and leave them if you don't get your nighttime shower.

Then I get greasy.

Then it's over.

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With Project Runway with Lois, I was like, let's design an outfit. And she put together an outfit. She was like, pretend you're Paige. I was like, I get it, you like literally hate me right now. And it was— I just love being creative.

I'm gonna show up at Lois's birthday party.

No, she'd die. She'd die. And but I loved— she was like, she went up to Grammy and she said I made that dress from my imagination. And like, that's what I love about childhood. It was so simple and beautiful.

Do, do Lois and Bobby, did they pick what they're called, what they call your mom, or did, does your mom, did your mom influence what they call her?

I think the grandparents chose because one side they have Gigi and then she's Grammy. And then my dad is Danpa, 'cause his name's Dan.

That's so him.

That is so him. I think he's so main character. He was like, yeah, Danpa.

What a time in your life to think like, and now what shall I be called? Like, it's the only time in your life that you're allowed to make up your own nickname and people don't get weird about it.

Yeah, and you can't judge it 'cause you're like, I'm a grandpa.

Any other time in your life, if I walked in and I was like, hey, call me Glamma, you'd be like, no, you're a freak. But all of a sudden you hit 72 and they're like, 'Grandma.' The crazier the better too.

It's like, call them anything and people love it. I guess some people are really against being like called grandma. People don't—

some people really don't like grandma. Yeah, it's like when you call a gym teacher a gym teacher, they're like, 'It's a physical educator.' Yeah, some people try and make up like crazy things, but I feel like I'm Like, I'm gonna go with whatever my first grandchild comes up with. Like, whatever they can say, that's who I am.

Risky.

It's risky, but like, at that point in my life, like, what's, what's the story I'm telling?

Mm, yeah, you want them to read your natural aura.

It's not my story anymore.

Yeah. Oh my God, you're so selfless.

Who do you see me as? And that's who I am.

But the problem is they can only say like a couple syllables for the first like 8 months.

That's true. Also thinking about myself as a is like actually really making me spiral, and I don't— I can't do it. Yeah, it's a Friday.

Yeah, it's a Friday. That's why there's a lot of yayas. I think that's a Greek one. Yaya.

Wait, I got a DM the other day. Remember we were talking about pasta, butter, and Parmesan cheese? Yeah, I got a DM the other day and someone said I never had pasta with butter and Parmesan cheese.

It's like not having bread and butter.

And I didn't— I didn't— I didn't continue reading.

You blocked.

I said, how? Jump scare!

You remember when everyone was saying jump scare and now no one does anymore?

Yes, which I actually want to call something out. Before that was even a thing, my dad and I had our own version of that. Like, if this is really traumatizing, the more I think of it, and this is how I know, like, me and my dad are the same person, and that actually pisses me off. Something that pissed me off this week, like, my— I know how you feel because it's how I feel when I'm with my dad. Like, I love when you're in glam. My dad loves when I'm in glam. And like, if there's a moment where I'm not, I look like heinous, he would turn and look at me and say, 'Fright Night,' which is so traumatizing. And I will never forget this one distinct time when I had my wisdom teeth out, the man wouldn't look at me, wouldn't look in my direction.

And that's why you value your looks so highly. And that's put on the list for when you do eventually get your appointment with your therapist. That's been a long time coming.

Talk that through. We talk about my—

yeah, but I'm like fully a dad too. Like, we played 4 sets of tennis yesterday and the kids were just like, Hannah, when are you done? And I'm like, After the set. Yeah, but you just played a set.

We—

it's, it's 3 out of 5, babe.

I do feel like we will be the kind of moms which we like say this now, but like it probably won't happen where like, well, we're doing things and they're coming with us. Like, I can't go on a kid's schedule. I can't.

Well, that's like two types of parenting, I guess, where like sometimes— okay, I'm right now saying yes to everything she wants because I'm fun.

Like this is temporary, but it's not your child.

Yeah, but okay, so this— I— when I wake up, I'm wearing my cute Daphne tee, I'm wearing my Butter pajamas.

Yeah, you guys. Yeah.

And I come outside and she goes, we need to change your outfit. That's the first thing she says to me. And then I have to go in and she tells me what I'm gonna wear for the day. It's very controlling.

You're her real life Barb. How long are they there till? When do they—

today's their last day. That's why I'm giving them their last hurrah. I know, it's really sad. I know how mothers feel. I'm like, I've been like in a controlling relationship for 2 weeks, but I miss her.

Yeah.

So she tells me to put on this shirt, but this is the problem, we have very different styles. And she told Jeannie, she goes, Hannah's good at styling me, but she's not good at styling herself. She said that like she's really a stylist.

She's clocking things.

She's clocking.

She's like, the vision is there, your execution needs work.

I love my like gray culottes, and she hates gray. She hates culottes.

She wants—

I like don't love gray either. Like unless it's all gray, different colors of gray, okay, but just like a gray item, it doesn't like excite me.

It's also like she's not like looking at the outfit. She— the second I put it on, she's like, I— no, I literally can't even look. So she tells me to put on this shirt, but there's a zipper, and I'm like, Lois, can you zip it for me? And she's like, I actually can't. She's like, that's below my pay grade. So I go up to Dez, I'm like, can you zip this for me? But he was lying on the bed, so he goes, sit down, let me zip it for you, sit down. And she goes, do not boss Hannah around. I boss Hannah around, and then I'm like, okay, so you know what you've been doing this whole time?

Yeah, she knows what she's been doing.

She fully knows that I say yes to everything she says. Yeah, so she put together a whole outfit before I had to go to dinner last night.

And what was it though?

Well, she wanted me to wear this like white dress, and like we are in the Hamptons, and she accessorized it with like actually a really cute black sandal, so it made it like a little bit edgy.

Wait, I love her!

She's And she's like, she's working.

Like, she's like, you put an outfit on and you're like, shit, this is good.

Well, we went through like a bunch of outfits. Like, I felt like I was in a styling session because we looked in the mirror together and she was like, something isn't working, something's not working. And she was like, it's not the top, I love the top, change this, change this. Like, she's right, the girl's right, the girl's right. But she also was like, you need Why don't you have a midi skirt? She's like, it's a summer midi skirt. Where's your mini skirt?

This is so mean. Like, this is just me in middle school with any teacher that would walk in. I'd be like, you want me to learn from someone who put this together this morning? Like, how can we trust her? How can we trust what she's saying? She clearly has no mind of her own. No, I was a savage. Like, I would literally like grab my mom and be like, this woman's outfit, is she kidding?

And but also like, it's so cute how girls are such natural-born leaders.

Natural.

She's running a church ship. A tight ship. And you can't lie to her. You can't get anything past her. I'm like, yeah, I'll put that on. And she's like, do it now.

Wait, I've noticed that too with children. You can lie to little boys and they're like, okay. No, they're like, okay, totally. Little girls are like, I don't, I don't think that's true. I think you're lying to me. Like, and you're like, yeah, it's kind of crazy.

And yesterday I was playing tennis and they were watching Frozen, and I came into the room right when the song was playing, Let It Go, and this was your heart's delight. I'm kind of jealous that we didn't have Frozen growing up because that shit— I get pumped up when Let It Go comes on. Can't hold me back anymore. Let it go. I, um, have you listened to the lyrics? It's the most empowering shit ever. Azim Emazel.

Adele. Dazzy.

Adele.

I— here's the thing. I thought Frozen was good. Like, I watched it when it came out. What was that, like 2012?

Yeah, it's been years.

But I, I think maybe because it's just pure nostalgia, like, I don't think it even compares to any of ours. Where you think it's better than ours, I don't even know. It holds a candle.

When Let It Go comes on, I'll— I go through like a range of emotions.

I'm crying.

I'm picking Beauty and the Beast over Let It Go any day.

Yeah, I mean, Mulan's my number one.

Mulan's your number one, and I think Snow White and Beauty and the Beast are my number one. I also love Princess Aurora, you know, it's just that it's a toss-up.

I just don't like Beauty and the Beast when he ends up like a little blonde lacrosse twink when he was a hot, burly, strong man with a good jawline and beard and a broad shoulder. I want to climb that beast!

Wait, remember when I didn't know who Benson Boone was, which is like so crazy.

It's not Bunce, that's not his name.

What's his name?

Benson.

Benson.

What'd I say?

Bunsen burner.

Whatever.

You said Bunsen Boon.

Now he's all over my Feel For You page.

Wait, you knew who he was though?

Once I saw him, then I said, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I do—

I—

now I know him. Now I can put a face to the name.

When the man flips, everyone's making fun of him, but I was like, lowkey, you would too if you could.

100%. Any talent that I have discovered, I've told people about it. Like, I have no talent. I have no hidden talent that like someone hasn't had a conversation about. Even if I'm not good at that talent, I've talked about it to someone saying I could get good at this.

And in the entertainment industry, you never know when you have to like come up with shit because we're, we're just puppets, you know? People are like, what can you do to entertain?

Hannah, 2 hours ago, literally, someone said to me 'Can't believe you don't know how to play chess. You're so competitive, you'd be so good at chess.' The first thought in my brain was, what if I'm so good at chess that that's my new career, that I have to go and just compete in chess tournaments?

And you've been hanging out with me too long.

Yeah, like, I really—

because I just— because I just thought that.

I'm like, wait, what if I'm amazing at it? You know, like, there's no talent I have that, like, I'm not telling the people.

Actually, my dad taught me chess, but he only taught me like one good move in the beginning. So if, if they let me do the good move, I was— I would win in like 5 turns or something. But if I couldn't do that first move, then I like lost. But you know, I was in, I was in chess tournaments in middle school.

What?

No, my dad put me in every competition possible.

Wait, why have you never talked about Because we've had full pods about chess and you've never once mentioned that you've played in tournaments.

I, I did have a tournament phase and then I guess, um, I don't think the results were like where my dad wanted, so it like fizzled out. But like, I did have—

you collectively have agreed not to talk about it.

Yeah, we don't talk about it. It was— it wasn't a good challenge. Now that I think about it, I think I won one and we got really excited and then But also, look, I was too hyper for chess.

You two are like at family functions, you're like, don't bring it up that year.

It doesn't look good on the resume. But they're like, where were you doing these 2 years from 2002 to 2006? Don't remember.

Hannah, I'm gonna learn so we can play.

We would be so cute, like playing in Union Square Park with like all the old guys.

Yeah, well, you want to know what? I just want to get like a really nice like glass chess set. Like, there's two things I want in my home as an adult. I want like a really nice expensive glass chess set that people come over and they're like, holy shit, that's a nice chess set.

That then you— when you get kids, they'll break it and you'll be like, that's my chess set.

I'll be like, don't touch it. And I want a baby grand piano in my home. Like, I want you to—

baby grand piano? That seems like an oxymoron.

I want you to walk in and there be a baby— like a grand piano, but a baby grand piano is like a smaller, and I want it to be— I think I want it to be white.

Oh, you want it because you want to be cute?

Yeah, I want to be adorable.

You want a teacup grand piano, like a teacup chihuahua?

In both things, I don't know how to play or use, and I want to learn.

So if there was a dinner party and like one person knew how to play, would you like them to start playing while everyone was like drinking their champagne?

Yes, which is very different than a man pulling out a guitar. A woman sitting down Yeah, at a grand— a baby grand.

Yeah, that's gorgeous. That's like a harp.

Sorry, that's like—

you love a harp. You love a harp.

When they brought the harp out in church, I love a harp at a wedding. Not, not enough people are doing harps at their wedding.

Not a lot of people are doing harps at the wedding because, yeah, that shit gets me hyped too. I'm pumped up when the harp comes. I start crying the second a harp comes out.

I love—

let's talk into the angels.

Not to be confused with a Well, I can't even think of it, so never mind.

There is something—

harmonica?

Harmonica?

There is something that is also standing that is similar to a harp.

Oh.

But not a harp.

An oboe.

Something of that family, something of that nature.

Also, I haven't brought up my grandpa in like 4 episodes, so I'm allowed to right now. Um, he used to play the harmonica, which is like iconic. Like, not really, but like, it was around the house. He's a fun guy.

Every little tidbit I learn, I— it's— it gets even better.

It gets even better.

Just like to know that there's a man that would pull out a harmonica from his pocket at any moment.

And I actually, looking back, I don't think he was good. I think he just had the belief in himself, and that's where we get it from.

And I was gonna say, and I feel like that—

and we can learn from that.

That's our other moment. That trait is strong.

That trait is real.

That trait is generational.

I would say, um, I'm proud of myself because this weekend—

I can't wait to hear what you're gonna say.

Actually, no, it wasn't the weekend. I got invited to go to a workout class with people like I didn't really know.

Okay.

And you know everything, every cell in my body, I was like, don't do it. Like, that's just be relaxing. Like, it's a summer.

What kind of workout class?

Like I wasn't worried about the workout because I have been like working out more. It was more— it's my social anxiety with my smile, especially right now.

But I feel like the people know.

The people do know, but not everybody. Some people are like, what's going on over there? What's going on? So I decided to go. I went all the way to Watermill, which is a drive.

You didn't drive though?

No. No, I'm actually not allowed. I asked Des, I was like, should I drive? And he was like, probably not.

Wait, when's the last time you drove?

I drive around short distances. Yeah, like a lot. But like, if there's not even a— if there's a little highway involved, I'm like, we're not— that's crazy.

It's so crazy. I've never been in a car with you driving.

Maybe one day.

But like, have you ever been in a car with me driving?

Yes.

Yeah, you drove me out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But I mean, you've been in a car with me driving a lot, actually. Yeah, you drove like a huge car. Anyway, yeah, so I got to work out because Ally Brunson, Jalen Brunson— so she's a doctor, by the way. She's a doctor and she does like physical therapy, like she studied shit.

Wait, I didn't know she was a doctor.

That's Dr. Ally Brunson. Oh my God, First Lady of New York. Yeah, so my thing is I'm an insane Knicks fan. So everything was scaring me, but I was like, I have to see Ali Brunson because she likes Giggly Squad, she knows me, and I love to support women in the arts. So she does this workout that helps women— I mean, all women, but especially women after pregnancy— like, okay, like, get the muscles that might have weakened, like, stronger again, because people don't really focus on that in your average class. Um, but I got there and also Shannon Phillips was there, who's Josh Hart's wife, and I just wanted to thank them for like the Knicks winning. And they were like, we can't take full credit. And I was like, yes you can.

Yeah, but everything starts in the home.

Everything starts— that's exactly—

so let's remember that everything stems from the home, and they're both mothers.

On top of it. And then I was like, so am I this week.

Yeah, you're like, isn't it just so tough balancing work and life?

No, I was like, I left the kids at home this morning so I could work out.

And you're like, my heart breaks, but also like, I have to do something for me. If mommy feels good, kids feel good. They're like, what? When did you have kids?

No, I was like, I have two. And They're exhausting, but it's beautiful. And I was like, and I'm just bloated. But I was so proud. I did the workout, I talked to people afterwards.

I'm so proud of you.

But I did have a photo that I posted. I was like just kicking, laughing with the girls, and I thought I looked so cute because again, I'm psychotic. I like think I look good, and the photo doesn't lie, babe.

You know what I'm sick of?

What?

Like, not living next door to you.

No.

Like, here's the thing, I mean, we talk so much about like starting a family and like what to look out for, red flags, like when you're dating and like who do you pick to marry and all this stuff. And like, we're not talking about how do you finagle living next to your best friend because life would just be so— like, I genuinely feel that married couples would get in less fights. Yeah, if the women had their friends next door.

Also, how do you feel about best friends getting involved in a post-fight discussion?

Get involved, babe, because I need backup. Get involved.

Like, I've been around where like it's the fight, the heat is over, but you're like, now that we can step back for a second, let's get Hannah involved. Who was actually in the wrong here.

Dare I argue that people get their siblings involved? What's the difference? If anything, I think getting your friend involved post-fight is better than a sibling because I think siblings are too biased. Yeah, friend is like, I've got no skin in the game.

Friend, I love— you know I love calling your ass out. Yeah, I'll be like, Paige, that was crazy.

However, if you can't say it to me, who can?

Wait, can I say one of my favorite memories with you? Yeah, when you were getting in a fight with a boyfriend. Yeah, and we were in a hotel and you texted me and said, 'Your points are valid.' No, like, I started hearing it and then I realized if I put my ear up to the wall, I could like hear everything. And then I realized, babe, she needs backup because she's getting gaslit right now. I started texting her, I said, 'No, you're 100% right on that.' Stay, hold your, hold your ground, hold your ground.

There's obviously always a moment when I'm fighting with someone where I think internally, am I going too hard? Because I can go too hard and not realize it.

I did say, and that one was, and that one was low.

I could start to backtrack and say, you know what, maybe I am being too judgmental to this man.

Imagine during a fight you could have your friend in your ear, like, listening from another room. That's the ESPN I want to watch.

Because sometimes I need to go to my own corner, get a drink of water, a couple words of affirmation, and then Get back in there.

Wait, is this the new VH1 dating show where you get a couple who's in a fight? His friends are in his room, your friends are in their room, we're listening in, we're tapping in, we're giving good advice. So it's literally like you got everyone. But I feel like this is the new version of MTV The Challenge.

No, I'm just like, I think that like we are not putting enough focus on, as a society, uh, on living next door to our friends. Like, we all, we all talk about like getting jobs and moving from our hometown and having kids. Fine, do all that. I need to be in the same vicinity as my friend.

Well, ever since the Wi-Fi debacle 2 weeks ago, it's giving the universe is telling us we need to physically be in the same place.

Like, you know, don't you wish I could come over today for lunch, eat chicken salad, and then go back to my own house and have a nap?

I'll cry. Also, the amount of times I talk about you to Lois is like, I'm literally like, I'm embarrassed. And then I took a photo of Lois with the flowers and she literally goes, 'Send to Paige,' walks away. Send to Paige.

It was so cute. What were we talking about before this? Because I was literally gonna say something and I have no fucking clue.

I've lost my train of thought 8 times.

It was before I said we were gonna live next door to each other. You were like starting a real story, I feel like.

Oh, I was talking about the work my workout class.

What kind of workout was it, like Pilates?

It was like a mat Pilates type class, which was fun. But nothing bonds a bunch of women more than a hard workout class when you could look over to the girl next to you and be like, oh, that was a tough one.

You know what I love when they say in workout classes, and like, it's— I think it's so much just so good whenever they say you chose to be in this workout class and you accomplished something and other people are at home and they didn't come. Like, I love feeling better than people.

Yeah, I love when they're a little mean. Yeah, I'm like, you got me in a vulnerable position, hurt me.

Yeah, also like, you know, like when people like try to insult you and they're like, they think that they're better than you, or like, you think you're better than— yeah, there are people in the world that I think I'm better than, like murderers. Pedophiles, your average male.

There are some people though that hate you though because they think you think you're better than them, but you actually aren't thinking about them at all.

No. Yeah, no, it's— yeah, it's, you know, you think you— I think I think the type of way I never thought about it.

I actually— I don't think— can I actually add a phrase I wanna— I want us to say more? And this is a very Long Island, New York phrase.

Yeah.

I love when you're talking to someone and this is one of those things that never needs to be in the beginning of a sentence, but they just put it for Lojane Sequoi. They go, not for nothing.

Yeah, we only want your life to get better. For nothing, it's gonna be words of wisdom after, or the best tea you've ever heard. Not for nothing, she did cheat on her husband.

You're like, and when you think about it, what the fuck does not for nothing even mean? How did we get here? But when someone says it, you know what they mean. Like, you know exactly. Not, not for nothing.

And not for nothing.

Yeah, they're about to say, like, what does that really mean? Not for nothing.

And not for nothing, I heard he was embezzling. And it's like, ah, nothing.

Oh, not for nothing. And you have to— you can't say not for nothing. It's not for nothing.

And it's always like an add-on to the story.

Yes. Yeah, it's after the point was made.

It's never like the main theme. It's just like, hey, we just talked about how shitty this person is. 'Let me add one more thing. Yeah, enough for nothing, she's not a gal's gal.' Yeah, no, that's a— Hannah, that's a phenomenal saying. And it's always like an older man or woman and then just says the most out-of-pocket thing that you're like not expecting, and that's the best.

Can I say something about cheating?

Yeah.

So I saw a video I actually really liked that a man made. I just have to say it out loud just because I was ashamed. Yeah, but it was true.

But we do have to give them credit where credit's due.

Or credit's due. We do. We have to stay clear-minded. He, um, basically was like, with my significant other, like, I don't just love them, I like them.

Yeah.

And I'm not cheating on my homie. Like, I'm not cheating on my best friend.

I'm not two-timing my bestie.

And he's like, I'm not cheating on my home slice.

Yeah, like, that's like—

you cheat on someone you love but you don't like. But when you like someone, you're like, that's my bruh.

I think if you love someone, you don't— you're not even like grappling with the fact of cheating because you're like, no, why would I cheat on this person that I love?

Well, I think love, it can be complicated because there's so many different types of love. There's like in theory I love them, I love the idea of them, I love what we've created together. But when you like someone, you're like, that's my biffle.

Like, I'm not gonna lie to my best friend, that'd be crazy.

I'm talking to them every day, why would I— how am I gonna lie to them? Like, and that's so true. Like, make sure if you actually like the person, you're not— you're not two-time— not for nothing. Yeah, you're gonna stay with them and you're gonna be there for them.

You're gonna go like have inside jokes with someone else. Like, that's disrespectful.

No, that's like— that's what they mean by marry your best friend. Like, you're not gonna— I feel like some people do have— you get trust issues when you've been hurt in the past, but that wasn't your best friend, right? That wasn't your homie. That wasn't your ride or die. Yeah, that was someone you like—

I agree—

was really into, but that wasn't your— that wasn't your bestie. Like, I would never cheat on you.

No. Could you imagine?

I would never cheat on you. Maybe with a blonde.

I— that would be just kidding.

That was so fucked up. That was so— I'm sorry.

I'd be like, nothing we had was real. You have no allegiance to anything.

Get out. Take your CDs, get out. Um, are you gonna see The Odyssey? Okay, because the men are talking about it.

No, I know.

Is it like 8 hours? Like, how long is this movie?

Talking about it, it's 3 hours.

I feel like every movie's 3 hours though, like even rom-coms nowadays.

Also, I was like watching something on Netflix and I was like, in no situation does this need to be in 2 hours. They get a grip.

Well, that's what Des says about documentaries. Like, it starts with what happened and then it goes into little details about every single person who's ever met that person's life. But I'm— not for nothing, I love it.

Not for nothing, there's a new documentary on Jordan Belfort. It's on Paramount. I watched it the other night.

Is it good?

It is pretty good.

You watched the documentary? You didn't text me.

I know, sorry.

That's cheating. That's— sorry, you just said you wouldn't cheat on me.

Joe wanted to watch it. He put it on.

Wow.

I know. I was gonna tell you. I'm telling you right now. This is when I was gonna tell you, on the Friday pod.

Okay.

It was 3 episodes. It is pretty good, except I wish they had the Luke's wife get interviewed, they just use like her podcast clips, which I love that for her.

Promote the pod, girl.

Yeah, she's, um, they really nailed it with Margot Robbie for her. I mean, they look—

what do they call her? The, the something? Yeah.

Um, the whole— I actually thought it was really funny because the whole time they're like, the movie was nothing like it was like in real life, and then every talking head was like, that part actually was accurate.

Yeah, they're like, it wasn't the same at all.

That—

yeah, that one, what did happen?

And it's like the most outlandish things. You're like, that part was accurate?

Yeah.

Um, it is a pretty good documentary. It's every guy who's like under 5'5" and has like a Napoleon complex could have been Jordan Belfort. So it's like, oh yeah, he just like got annoyed that it was hard for him to get girls in high school.

I mean, is that every man's villain origin story? There's two types of guys. They go either to serial killing, red pill podcasts, or they just like are narcissists and like, why? They think they're better than everyone.

Yeah, and people that they're not better at that. No, Jordan seems like a real just like classic—

did Leo do a good job portraying him, do you think?

Yeah, because yes, because obviously it's a Hollywood movie. You want people to like your main character. Yeah, I think Leo did a great job. I think the movie was phenomenal for Hollywood. Yes, like they made— they took these random stories and they Hollywoodized them, and I think they did a great job in it. And I think Leo portrayed the character he was supposed to. Obviously, like, the re— like, the real people in it, they scammed so many people. So like, that movie doesn't touch on like the lives they really did ruin, including like some of their own. Like, a lot of them are felons, and a lot of them weren't even real stockbrokers. Like, they never actually took their like Series 7 test. So there's a lot of like more real life stuff, but a lot of the fucked up stuff in the movie is real.

And Kim Kardashian can't get a law degree.

Yeah, well, they were sending people in to like fake take their Series 7 tests, which I was like, honestly, when I took my SATs, if you think it didn't run through my mind how I could cheat, you're crazy.

Well, I think really rich people who want their kid to go to Princeton, like as we've seen, find out ways to get around it. I was watching Friends and Neighbors season 1, which is really fucking good. Shout out to Jon Hamm, a friend of the pod. It's really good, that first season. Yeah, it is. And he like— it just shows like how all these rich people scam the system to make sure they keep their wealth and they keep their status, and then even above all the other Joneses that they're competing with. Um, so yeah, corruption's everywhere. And thank you guys for giggling with us. Thank you for giggling with us. Check out our merch. We love you so much. Oh wait, should I get— I'll— let me just get Lois to say hi to Giggly Squad.

Hi, Princess Lois!

Hi!

How are you today?

Good.

I love your dress. That is so pretty.

Did you help style me all week? Yeah.

Did you like Hannah's outfits?

Yeah. How do you choose your outfits?

I didn't do it.

She just—

you just do it. You just know. What's your favorite color? Yellow and pink. Yellow and pink. Yes, pink is my favorite color too. It has to stay your favorite color forever.

Do you like my outfit right now? No. Brutally honest angel.

Lois, do you like my, my purple, or like my pink shirt?

Yeah. Thank you.

Do you remember when you were Princess Paige yesterday? You pretended you were Paige.

I love it. I need to come over and play with you soon, Lois. We'll play dress-up.

Do you want to say bye, Giggly Squad? Bye, Giggly Squad.

Say it louder. Bye, Giggly Squad.

Thank you, get out of here.

Perfect.

Love you. Go watch Stuart Little. I think she said bye-bye, poopy head.

Okay, see ya.