Transcript of Giggling about scoliosis, sex life, and sore losers

Umzugskartons?

Check. Internet anmelden?

Check.

Neue Adresse? Check.

Und dein Stromanbieter? Zwischen Kisten, Ummeldung und Möbelaufbau bleibt der Stromvertrag schnell liegen. Dann landest du automatisch in der Grundversorgung, die oft deutlich teurer ist. Bei Octopus Energy wechselst du unkompliziert zu fairen Preisen. Jetzt auf octopusenergy.de wechseln und mit dem Bonuscode Octopus 115 einen 115 € Wechselbonus sichern.

Sup, gigglers!

Gary, fix your Wi-Fi. Manifest that shit.

We can't be managed.

I mean, the day just got away from me.

Are we recording? Yeah, we're recording. You were saying, like, are you having sex right now?

Me?

Yeah, no, the reason I'm asking—

phenomenal question.

You know what I mean, like with the mouth?

Yeah, who's— who's— I wish we were recording. We are recording.

Okay, so, so when we're making little jokes during sex, cuz we're two comedians just being silly, he and I laugh, he takes his hand and puts it over my face, and that's—

wait, Katie Palmer just did this whole— she did like an interview with someone, or maybe it was even on her podcast, which She was talking to someone and she was like, I don't give off sex immediately. And when I'm having sex, I want it to be like fun and funny and like, it's hot in here.

And like stuff like that.

She was like, and I feel like that's why I have a hard time. Like, what are you laughing about?

I think that, 'cause like, let's be honest, sex is awkward. So we get the giggles. So we giggling, but he's annoying. 'Cause like he'll like do do some impression or something and I'm like laughing. But then when I do something weird, he's like, can you be serious?

You guys are doing impressions in the bedroom?

Like, who? I don't know, but comedians, we have intimacy issues. So in that moment, instead of just being like, we also are all, you know what I do? I'll like pretend to be sexy. So I'll be like, yes, I've been thinking about you all day. You smell so good. He'll be like, please stop doing that. And then I'm like laughing and I'll be like, I like how you're looking at me, like that kind of shit.

Like, okay, so let's just say on an average, because everyone's different and like everyone's schedule is different.

You love getting into my sex life right now.

What's the average, not even yours, that you think a married couple—

oh, good question—

is not having sex, making love once every 6 months?

Like, not just like when you're married, when you're fucking, like That's gotta count too.

No, it totally counts. I'm saying how often— Sorry, I haven't seen you in person, I feel like, with the mouth.

Wait, you haven't?

No, I haven't.

It's crazy.

It's crazy.

It's so much crazy. I'm so upset 'cause I gave myself a pep talk last night and was like, it's getting so much better.

It is.

We've seen so much improvement. It is. And I just sat down and Paige was like, holy fuck, this is way worse than we thought.

No, your upper lip looks so good. It looks like you got lip injection.

Let me say, this is what happened. One of the comments is like, Hannah, for the love of God, please put a lip tint on before you record the pod.

Oh, okay.

Because they don't like my pale lips.

I told you to get those Milk jelly ones.

Which I love. Yeah. This is a side note, but these lip tints, they're always too like bright pink.

Like, can we please make it— Yes, like Barbie-ish.

Yeah, can we please make like a—

You need like the Clinique.

A mocha.

Yeah.

A little amber. I like a cool tone. Anyway. So I put it on the lip tint today, but I went like I tried to overline it with the lip tint and then it looked like I sucked a rocket popsicle. Popsicle.

Yeah.

Like I was just a kid whose parents forgot about them for like 3 hours and it's like hyped up and it was just red all over. So I, I put concealer as like a mustache and honestly it kind of—

No, it actually looks really good.

It's kind of working. But Paige, you know that I'm still— you guys know I'm trying to act. So I'd like been auditioning.

Yeah. Well, well, not now.

So when it happened, I literally was like, how am I going to be an actor when I can't have a wide range of emotion?

Yeah.

So I got an audition for like a cop. That was great. Where I'm basically like, like serious. But these are comedies.

So like, anyway, you know what my— what I would love to know, you know, when they're like saying, like describing what the role is.

Oh my God.

And then they send it to the agents and they're like, if you have anyone that you think like I was like, fits this description. What was the description of the cop that one of your agents was like, I have the perfect guy?

It's always like, I either play like lesbian cop, funny friend.

Yeah.

Then, oh yeah, I played a lawyer. That was an audition I did, a lawyer. But then this last one I was supposed to be a funny best friend.

Yeah.

And at one point I like, look, I'm delusional.

Yeah.

And I actually now think I look good. We knew this was going to happen. I'm like, it's— I look good. Yeah, let's stop pretending this is a problem. People love it. And then I watch the audition and I'm like, oh my God, put me away.

Yeah. Did they send it in? No, no.

But there are some faces I'm making that aren't human. That's a thing. Yeah, it's one thing if like I was— I'm making a face that like not natural.

Yeah, like, yeah, like no one's—

yeah, like you're—

it's just—

so anyway, my acting career has been stalled for a second.

We're just going to put that on pause.

I'm putting— I took the Oscar off the manifestation board.

Anytime Every time they send me roles that they're like, we think you'd be good for this, it always starts out like, she's really bitchy. And I'm like, guys, how many high school Netflix roles?

Actually, you just learn what your agents think of you.

Yeah.

I was like— But I hate when they send me roles I'm not going to get. Like this one role, I had a whole fight with them because it was like, we want a Pilates instructor girl. And I said, look, if I was a casting director, I'd want a tiny blonde. Yeah. And they were like, no, we think you could be good. We think you'd be good. I said, this is going to take a whole day. And I don't think it's worth it. They're like, no. I'm like, if they cast a tiny blonde, I'm gonna be fucking pissed.

And did they? Because yeah, you know what I've been asking for?

No one listens to me.

Voiceover auditions.

Yes, you're— because you can sit during the whole thing.

Because you can sit during the whole thing. You don't need to have glam. You can just like— it's, well, it's a dream.

Let's be honest, you really thrived during your audiobook era.

No, no, I got so deep in the audiobook. I went back and I did another thing for Calm app. Yes. And they were like, do you know how I got— I'm a pro. It's my favorite thing.

You have a good voice.

I don't know if I— I think— thank you. I personally don't think—

have we been to therapy?

No, but we've been texting trying to find a time.

Sorry, should I cover my mouth?

I don't think I have a good voice cuz it's my own voice, but I do think that voiceover is like People don't realize how you can make so much money from voiceover and you never even see them.

Apparently Will Arnett, everyone thought he like stopped acting. Apparently he does voiceover for like everything and he's making like tons of money. Yeah, also known as Amy Poehler's ex, right?

You know, in my head when people do say his name, that is the first thought, is Amy Poehler's ex-husband.

Um, quick question, are you happy that I walked in with a pimple?

Just saw it now. No, that's like— okay, actually what just pissed me off is you asking that question because that's barely a pimple. That's like a—

that's like— that's like amateur hour.

Yeah, that's like you sweat a little too much yesterday while you were—

that's exactly what happened—

basking in the sun and your skin was like, okay, actually I'm just sweaty in general.

I have to bask in the sun. I just was sweating like on a couch somewhere once.

Have you ever had like a real cystic?

Well, I had a cystic and I freaked out and went on Instagram. I was like, who wants to stab me? Which, like, of course this happened to me. I'm like, this is where I get my sources from, Instagram. And then like the next day it went away. I was like, never mind.

So then it wasn't, because they don't go away in a day. I wonder if that's like, well, hereditary. Like, you just don't— you've never had one.

When I get pimples, I get— sorry, when I have my period, I get one pimple on my forehead and people are like, no, it's supposed to be on your chin. Let women— don't control our insecurities. Let women exist.

Okay.

Also, I went to acupuncture.

Oh yes, in like someone's house.

Actually, yeah, everyone was like, don't go, don't go see Marianne. Marianne was the person just answering the phone, so I didn't mind that she didn't know what a massager was. That's not her job.

Marianne could have been a temp for all we know.

Like, yeah, she could have been like covering for her friend. Yeah, women supporting women. I was realizing I don't want a male acupuncturist. Like, I don't want a man with a weapon.

No. Do you get male masseuse? I do like a male masseuse.

I like a hard hand every now and then.

My girl Laura, who I like— do you know I've been getting a massage once a week? I know I didn't tell you.

She do stretches too?

She does. She does it all. She's amazing.

She like— she's someone—

wait, did I tell you my scoliosis?

Thing? No.

Okay, I'm getting a massage. This is right before I leave for Italy. I'm getting a massage and she's like, wow, you're like, you're like really tight in your neck and your shoulders, like to the point where it's like athletic. She's like, what are you doing that you're so tight? And I'm like, I'm literally nothing, like walking. Like maybe I'll do like a Sculpt Society workout like for like 20 minutes like once a year. She's like, Do you have scoliosis, like, a little bit? Because, like, your spine definitely isn't fully, like, in line. And I'm like, no, I'm 33 years old. Like, I would know if I had scoliosis. So I'm, like, in Italy, and I'm telling my mom, I'm like, yeah, I'm just like, my back is always so sore. I'm always doing back exercises, like, always trying to do stuff for my posture, like, getting a massage once a week.

Is it because your torso is so short?

I don't know. But I say to my mom, Oh, my masseuse actually thinks I have like scoliosis.

Like, do you have every spine you need to like, because your torso is only so long.

My mom goes, you do kind of have scoliosis a little bit.

Oh, you're gonna put that on the report card?

I know.

What?

Well, she goes, well, when it came time to get you checked, you didn't have it enough to say that you had scoliosis, but you were right there.

Oh, you're on the cusp.

I was on the cusp and they just thought, whatever. But I'm like, no, I think I fully have it.

That's the same with your dyslexia.

Well, no, you made that up. I've gotten so many messages being like, it's okay, we know you're dyslexic. And I'm like, but I'm not.

No, I started the rumor that you're dyslexic and you got engaged in Italy.

I'm an engaged dyslexic. Dyslexic.

I don't think people are allowed to get engaged. What are you trying to say?

You can't drive.

I never said you can't drive. I never said you can't drive.

You're a liar.

You said to me at school you always destroy me. Wait, so Stuart Fullerton, who opens for me, who's hilarious, who everyone has to follow, she's so fucking funny. Has a whole bit about how she was jealous of the girls that were like, I got scoliosis, did you? Like, the cool girls have scoliosis. And she was like, I want scoliosis!

No, I, I don't even remember getting checked for it.

It was like one day that was like, it's scoliosis day, and it was like during gym class, and you had to take your shirt off, and it was like super dramatic.

I like vaguely remember, but I don't remember there being chatter after I had my turn. I don't remember everyone hugging about it.

One thing we know about Kim is she hid a lot from you to protect you. She Whenever you didn't get a role, she was like, they wanted a blonde.

Do you know that she hid the ending of Charlotte's Web? She read the book Charlotte's Web to me, and then I went to school in the 5th grade, and they all talked about Charlotte's Web, and they said, so sad when Charlotte died. And I said, Charlotte didn't die. And they said, yeah, she does at the end of the book. I go, no, she didn't.

My mom read me the book.

That wasn't the ending. Charlotte lived happily ever after. I went home, I said Mom, we need to talk.

Let her protect her baby.

She goes, well, you were so, so young and I didn't want you to be upset.

That reminds me, I went to see Bambi too early in my psyche.

Yeah.

And the mom gets killed immediately, which like, who at Disney was like, you know how we should start this child film?

Disney loves a dead mom.

Loves a dead mom. The earlier the better. It's like a TikTok, like let's reel them in with a murdered mom. So The first 3 seconds I was like appalled. Yeah. And then throughout the movie I'm— I can't enjoy it because I'm like, where's the mom?

The more that I think about it, really, Disney loves a dead parent. It's actually kind of crazy. Think of any movie, Disney movie, and there's always something going on with the parents.

Yeah. Which—

Snow White didn't even have parents.

No. I mean, The Little Mermaid. Who's her— who's her daddy?

Who's her mom? Where's your mom? She doesn't have a mom. King Poseidon is her dad.

Oh, my mom had me stay till the movie started again to be like, there's the mom, and ran out.

Wait, so smart.

Mom's back! And then as we're leaving, you hear—

I saw a woman on TikTok who was like trying to tell her son—

Chris, are you fucking texting? Chris, you're finally back with us and you're texting? Who's young Jesse?

Don't ever say the phrase young Jesse to us. We are business women.

We are business women. We don't— okay, tell young Jesse it's not his time.

Speaking of working out, because I actually have been doing my Sculp Society.

I saw.

Like my little app.

You're so cute.

Well, it's just like a 20-minute, and I like it. It's like chill. And you want to know the best thing about working out at home? You can pause it.

Yeah.

Like when you're at a workout class and they're like, take a, a 10-second drink break. Like, no bitch, I need 2 minutes at least. I need you to count to 60 twice because I can't do it in that time. So like when you're working out at home, it's like, shh, pause.

And you like feeling naughty to be like, what if I just paused it and she didn't even know I took a longer break?

I'm like, what if I did the second half after lunch? Yeah. Like next week, who's gonna know? But anyway.

Nobody's going to know.

I've been doing butt exercises, as one does.

You're so mad you don't have BBL allegations. You're— every day you wake up trying to look—

obviously the summer I get a stomach virus, there's BBL allegations going around about everyone but me. Like, so annoying. I couldn't even get on the Ozempic allegation because there's now a parasite going around. When I do butt exercises, sometimes I have to like stop halfway through, and not because it's like hurting my butt, it's literally hurting my vagina. Like, it— and I'm very triggered when it comes to like feeling like I have a UTI, and that's the feeling I get. It's almost like I have to pee.

I'm gonna say something so controversial. Yeah, are you doing it in a thong?

What the fuck would that have to do with anything when it's inside of my body?

I'm sorry, you— because you're already like being held by a string.

Actually, no, because sometimes I do it.

Put that long-ass finger down.

Sometimes I do it in my pajamas and I have no underwear on, so no.

And it still hurts your vagina?

Yeah, it just feels like I have— it's not that it's hurting.

Does it feel like after a bike ride when you're like, ow?

No, it's not like—

it's like maybe you had sex and it's hurting from that and then you worked out.

No, it's not. It's like it almost feels like my pelvis isn't strong, like I need to do more Kegels is what it feels like.

I do just think the Giggler doctors are exhausted by us. They turn on the episode and they get out their notepad and they're like, okay, now we have to dig in.

And the only reason I think I'm more sensitive to it than other people Don't say you have a small canal, I'll kill you. That factors into it, but I think anytime I feel even the slightest resemblance of a UTI, I'm like—

You have PTSD.

Yeah, I freak out.

You have UTI PTSD. I do. But, but I have heard though that like working out with a, a thong is bad for you. It's bad because the, the butt and the vagina are too close. Yeah. And it can get movement.

Yeah, the bacteria move.

Exactly. The like, shh. Yes. No. Also, Grace made fun of me because we have some like cool cousins staying with us.

Yeah.

And they have like a bag full of stuff. And I said, this is their getting high stuff. Is that what I called it? And Grace just starts dying laughing. I'm like, what do you want me to say?

And then this is their— like, it's weed.

And Des said pot. No, Des's brother said pot. And Des was like, they don't call it pot anymore. This is the '70s. But like our family, we're just— we don't touch that stuff.

Yeah. And what was it a bag of?

Wrapping papers. And I smelled something in there.

I was literally a mom. You want to know what's crazy? Is like you're going to have kids and I'm going to have to tell you things that they're secretly doing because I have ears and eyes. And you're gonna be like flabbergasted.

No, apparently kids— no, I'm not even gonna get into it. Kids do stupid stuff. I'm just the parent still to this day with everyone on Instagram. Smoking kills.

It truly does.

I saw my friend smoking something and I texted her, smoking kills.

Recently? Yeah. In Italy, Lucio made me smoke a cigarette with him. And you want to know what? I could only do half.

Was it a skinny one? Yeah, it was. Okay, you liked how it looked. It was like aesthetic.

But I literally thought of you right as I was sparking it.

Is it healthier in Italy to smoke?

Yeah, it is.

Okay. Yeah, that's what I think too.

It's healthier in Italy— it's healthier in Europe to smoke because their food is better. Okay, so I have to tell you guys something. Every summer I have at least 3 moments a week where I'm like, wait, Why do I have dinner, a rooftop girls' night, a weekend trip all in the next 48 hours?

And somehow you've packed 2 outfits for 6 events.

Exactly. And that's why I always end up on Revolve. It's genuinely where I go. I don't want to overthink my outfit. Everything is styled in a way that actually makes sense and it already feels curated.

Also, if you're anything like us, you panic order 12 options at midnight, which I absolutely do. I'm obsessed that the shipping's fast, the returns are easy, and suddenly your spiral becomes a strategy.

And what I love is I'll find one top I like and then Revolve shows me similar options so I can build an entire look. It's dangerous, but it is efficient and you can literally shop by vibe.

So date night, night out, vacation, meeting your boyfriend's friends and wanting them to think you're effortlessly cool. They got it.

Or running into your ex and thriving.

Huge category.

I recently got this pink house skirt and matching top and I got it from Revolve. I got it for a dinner downtown and it was one of those outfits where everyone just kept asking me where it was from. And, you know, that's my favorite.

Also, the amount of times I've gone on there thinking I just need one outfit and then 30 minutes later I've planned my entire summer is honestly very impressive.

So whether it's a girls' night, a date, or one of those I need to look hot but not like I tried too hard moment, Revolve always has it. Go to revolve.com/giggly and use code GIGGLY for 15% off your first order. Fast shipping, easy returns, it just works. That's revolve.com/giggly. You can shop our faves and get 15% off your first order. Offer ends August 4th, so don't miss out.

So my cousin Kara, who is the originator of the lasagna story, she has two little boys. Now I get over to her house and she goes, "The boys are downstairs being shy." Now, one thing about kids, you're not going to be shy around Aunt Hannah. Yeah. You're not.

Yeah.

So I go downstairs and one thing about me, I will rile these kids up. So immediately I'm like—

You're ready to play.

I said, "Hannah's hungry to eat little feet." So then I— Oh, you had to get into a character. With this.

Face.

Yeah, actually they were running around, they were like traumatized. No, but little boys, they love running, so I'm like, I'm going to get you. So they start yelling, we're running, they're chasing. So I'm chasing these little boys and there's two of them, so they're, they're hard, you know. And they're fucking— these little kids are fucking fastest kids I've ever met. So I'm running around this like basement.

Is Lois the same where like she's hyper? Cuz I feel like when you're with Lois you're doing like Table activities. You're coloring, you're doing arts and crafts. She's going to put an outfit on. You're going to tell her how good she looks.

Well, Lois will like steal you and be like, okay, this is my world. Yeah. She's like, she'll shut the door and she's like, I'm a princess. You have to save me. And I'm like, Lois, I have so much to do today. And she's like, I'm going to— but she'll be like, I'm going to die. Like, she'll like get all dramatic. And I'm like, okay, I'll save you. Because if I'm around kids, I do this with dogs too, like get them all riled up and then I leave.

Yeah. And I, if I'm around kids, I see who comes to me and like what they're like. I'm never going to them.

No, I'm like, this kid doesn't know I'm about to be its best friend.

Yeah.

But I don't do it like I wait for eye contact. I'm not a monster. But you know, you give a little, you little funny face. Kids love a funny face.

Yeah, they do. I know.

They love a sama. They love a funny face. Not your, no, my humor is actually 2-year-old kid. Like once I get 'em going, I'm like, I'm killing it today.

Where I'm like, I wish there was like a kitchen table activity we could do. Yeah.

So we're running around and then we start playing baseball and one of the kids gets upset because he like wasn't playing. He played great, by the way. He like missed one thing and he's really hard on himself.

Yeah.

And he's afraid of being called a sore loser. Is this bad? I'm spilling like all the tea on her son. He's like, can I have privacy for one second? But he, it was so cute because he goes upstairs and he's like, everyone's going to call me a sore loser. So then I'm in that moment like, I'm not gonna let my baby be upset. And I go upstairs and I say, you're not a loser.

And he goes, or loser.

Yeah, he's like, I'm a sore loser. And he goes, everyone thinks I suck. And I was like, I was, I was taught gossiping about you. No one said that. They've said other things. No one called you sore loser.

Oh my God, this is anxiety real.

Yeah, this is deep. And like, I'm feeling connected to him because like in that moment when I felt like a loser, I wanted someone to make me feel good.

So I was like He literally had the like, everyone hates me. He literally was on the COVID Everyone's talking about how I didn't get the ball.

By the way, he's so good at baseball too.

Yeah.

So he's just being so hard on himself.

That's just me like on my way here today, you know? I'm like, everyone hates me on the sidewalk. Like they can't believe I stepped outside today.

So honestly, parenting's so interesting cuz you get to like relive childhood trauma. So then I look at him and I said, regardless what you feel, I'm giving him a speech like a movie. I'm like, "You could be lying here for the rest of the day, or you can be the comeback kid." Oh, you gave him a phrase? I said, "So I'm going to be down there holding the ball, waiting for you to put your shoes back on." Please stop auditioning.

This is getting too much.

"And for you to hit a home run. And if you want to be the comeback kid who can deal with adversity—" He's like, "I don't know what adversity means." I'm like, "Just go with it." I think The Comeback Kid is a movie.

And I actually— Kevin Costner.

It didn't work.

Oh, he still won't leave the room.

Still won't leave the room.

Okay. But he's liking the attention. Okay. Now at that point— You're done. I'm done. No, I'm canceling my plans.

I said, we have an emergency on our hands.

At that point I'm like, you don't want to have fun with everyone else, then you can sit in here and cry by yourself because we're all going to be outside having fun.

No, you're right. If I was the mom, that's what I'd do. But I'm the fun aunt. Also, I was getting in trouble because kids love being called like poopy head. So once I know their humor, I'm like throwing it around.

I'm like, "Sup, poopy head?" Which like, I can't even bring myself to like go.

I go, "What's up, fart face?" I think it's so funny. And Kara is like, "Hannah, all we've been trying to do is get them to stop saying fart and poop, and that's all you've done." Like, I'm literally the worst enabler. Yeah. But then after we played baseball, typical Italian family, we go to a big Italian restaurant, chicken Parmesan, all this stuff. Forgot I had Pilates after. That's— let's just say I dealt with adversity that day.

I feel like you're the kind of person that is never canceling a class. No, because the late fee would keep you up at night.

The late fee, and then also just disappointed in myself for not being able to do what I was supposed to do.

I don't have that kind of guilt. I, in my head, I'll say you can't put a price on convenience. Like, if I want to cancel because it's convenient for me and I'm getting charged this late fee, my convenience is worth so much more than the slate face.

I walked in, I said, I have calamari up to my throat right now. One wrong move, I don't know what's going to happen.

How did you not fart throughout the class?

I got, I got lucky. Like, it was this— a moon, the stars. Um, but it was scary. Do you feel like you're having an intense Mercury retrograde? Yeah, I've been shot. I've been shot.

I can't believe you chased kids around saying you're gonna bite their feet with your face looking like that.

Actually, actually, that's probably why he was crying.

Really terrifying. I'm like still scared of it because even if you came into my home right now, I'd be scared of that. Okay, I just want to say one thing. When you shamed me for gargling with peroxide, I have had so many nurses, doctors just regular girls DM me and say it's the best thing ever and totally acceptable.

And it's crazy, I don't have one of those messages.

Well, because you're the saltwater people. You're the saltwater people, and my team, we're taking— we're just going right to peroxide and drugs.

Is it actually hydrogen peroxide, or is it like a specific kind of thing?

No, just hydrogen peroxide.

What if, like, what if you slip and like you inhale?

What do you mean, like swallow it? I don't know, I think you're fine.

Can we talk about how hard it is to actually inhale weed?

No, it's literally just— you drink from a straw.

Yeah, but like, okay, then you could smoke because I thought you just breathe and it goes in. You have to like, like actually feel it going.

You know what I actually think is really hard? What? When you're smoking a cigar, you're not actually smoking a cigar. Like, if you were to inhale that everyone's like, oh, you would get so sick, or like, you'd get so dizzy. Like, no one's inhaling it. Actually, when we go on our family vacation, because we go at like the same time every year, there's also people that are also there at the same time every year.

There's this like older couple, like older, obsessed with them already.

The guy sits in a chair and the wife like lays down on the thing. He chew— I've never seen this— he chews a cigar the whole day.

He's had a long life. Nothing else.

Actually, he got taken out by the stomach virus because one day I didn't see him one day. I didn't see him, and I thought, hmm, I wonder where he is. And because there's no HIPAA in Italy, I found out from one of the pool guys that he isn't back sick.

I love that there's no HIPAA in Italy when HIPAA sounds Italian.

HIPAA, HIPAA, HIPAA. Um, also because I love— now I love like red pill dating shows. The girls made me watch The Ultimatum.

Oh, on Netflix.

Someone got kicked off because of how awful they spoke to their partner in text messages.

Like, immediately the producer stepped in and they were like, this is— yes, kicked him off.

Then a couple episodes later—

a nickel? No, a couple episodes later.

This is so crazy. So they get— so someone gives an ultimatum like, hey, if you don't want to marry me, like, I'm gone. We're gonna do this. First of all, it's a good— I have so much to say, actually. I need to collect my thoughts. It's a ridiculous premise of a show because if anyone is doing this show, you guys are already fucked as a couple. But like, I digress. It's great.

Imagine in the middle of the fight, you're like, you know what would make this better? If we actually did this on TV.

You know what would be better is if you went and lived with a different girl for 3 weeks.

Wait, wait, don't tell me, don't tell me. Just wait for the show.

Yeah, like So anyway, so someone gives an ultimatum in the couple. They go to this experience, they couple up with other people, they live with other people for a couple weeks to see if the grass is greener or if they wanna go back to their original.

It's just like making the breakup, at least monetizing a breakup. Yes.

Eventually they all end up like breaking up. Now while this one girl is supposed to—

that wasn't a spoiler.

We don't know for sure. Well, this one girl is coupled up with not her boyfriend who she's doing the experience with. They're going somewhere and she sees on his phone that he's texting his group chat. The group chat is talking about how his, his original girlfriend is blonde and has big boobs, and now the girl he's coupled up with is brunette and she has no, no boobs or ass, and she hasn't like slept with him.

All guys text about.

It's so crazy. But then The friends go on to say, well, what if we just like hooked up with— what if we just like fucked her, basically? And the guy she's coupled up with like texts back in the group and is like, that's wild, or like, that's crazy. So she sees the text messages and she's like, dude, the blonde girl— no, this isn't even his girlfriend, it's the girl he's coupled up with. Got it. So she sees all the messages and she's like, what? Like, this is, this is insane and like really scary. She tells his girlfriend And that girl's kind of like, yeah, like, this is like him. Like, my thing about these kinds of shows is I think in the year 2026, it's getting to a point where they're casting these men who have psychological issues. Like, it's not just like, oh, he's like a bad dude and he like goes on dates with a bunch of women. Like, no, they're methodically thinking about how to like control these girls. This one guy said to the girl he was coupled up with, not his actual girlfriend, if your fiancé or boyfriend or husband didn't want you to hang out with someone, would you listen to them?

And the girl was like, well, who's the person, my friend of 20 years? Like, no, I'm not listening. And he was like in shock. And so it's, it's just, it's very scary.

It's very weird. Well, men are afraid that like they're not masculine if they don't like have control, I guess. I don't— yeah, the number one thing I will say that I've learned for a relationship, whether it's a best friend or a partner, the number one thing is that you respect each other. And I don't mean respect in like a— like, like I say please and thank you. Like, I mean like respect, like in your heart you respect their opinion. Yeah, you respect how they carry themselves. That is how you—

like, if you hear something like that someone said or did and your initial thought is like, I would never do that to my partner, yeah, or like, that's a good thing, like, there are some people that are just like—

I mean, I've dated guys that I don't respect and like, yeah, you're still calling your mom every day, 100%. And like, or if you— and if they don't respect you, you know that in your core, and that's why you start feeling bad about yourself. Yeah. So just find someone you respect. Let's like start with that.

Yeah, that's good.

And yeah, I mean, he needs to make your life easier, not harder.

If he's making it harder, it's not for you.

There's a woman who died. Okay. And it's not funny. How? Getting NAD IV from an unlicensed doctor in the Bronx. And the second I saw that, I had chills up my spine because I was like, bitch, that could have been me.

That could have been me. Wait. An unlicensed doctor in the Bronx, like a holistic—

I don't know the details. I just know that like, if you looked into it, he wasn't licensed. But like, I don't know, when you're just getting an IV, I'm not like researching the person. I feel like you're never going to get an IV again. She died instantly. Instantly? Like within a couple hours from an NAD+. I mean, I don't know the facts. She fell over on the chair. Wait, the day she got it, she died? The day of NAD+. Which is a thing that like Hailey Bieber takes to like try to live longer or something. So like anyway, just you guys, there's a lot of shit going on. Please find doctors, and I'm speaking to myself right now, find doctors that have like, that went to school. Yeah, maybe an Ivy League.

You know, in my, in my, um, findings throughout the world when I just, you know, I'm alive I feel like the men are actually talking about like peptides way more than I hear any girls talk about it. Hmm.

Yeah, because they're all about like maximizing their testosterone. Why does testosterone— did I say that correctly? No.

And if I hear another man bring up his testosterone level to me, I'm actually going to stab him.

Let's try less testosterone, because the only thing that's proven is more testosterone means more murders.

And that's statistically And also, don't come to me with a hormonal issue when my hormones change every single week. Like, what's really happening in your life that is so bad that your testosterone's going down a little? Like, what are their side effects? They don't have as much of a sex drive? Okay, good. Welcome to the last month— the last week of every month of my life. Like, good, put it away for a minute.

There's also a point where like we don't need just like jacked up men running around everywhere. Like at some point, learn knitting.

I don't need it at all.

At some point, read it, read a book.

Also like for the peptides, do an ab workout first and then just like see if you need it. I just feel like men are like really quickly doing—

peptides are not scientifically proven. We're not on them yet. We'll tell you what we do, but that like they don't know long-term effects of like what it's doing to your insides.

We have sensitive bodies.

We— and we have really—

or we just have horrible luck. We can't just jump into things the way other people can. No, like, we can't just like, oh, I'll try it for the first time.

Cuz we all have that friend who's like, I went to the back of a truck and injected my lips and they look great. And I'm like, I wish that could be me. Mhm. It is crazy though, now that, you know, we've lived so many years on this planet, how we see trends. Do you know that— I hate to say this, but last year I bought like a bunch of stuff from Zara and I was really excited for it, and I went through my closet, I didn't wear any of it, and I donated it today because it's all too trendy. Like, it's like not— like, if I wore it now, people would like— what?

Give me an example of one item.

Like, it was like a long sleeve denim, like frilly '70s shirt. I mean, you would have never gotten it in the first place, but like at the time— I love when you talk to yourself. I mean, I probably shouldn't have said that out loud.

Well, my first thought is, you who sweat so much, who are you putting on a denim shirt, long sleeve shirt? You're going to sweat right through that.

When I shop, I envision I'm someone who has cool—

completely different than who you are. The stuff I buy— I want to meet the girl you shop for because she's quirky. She's never bloated in her life.

She's— she loves a corset on a Wednesday night.

She's for sure from like a different time period.

I'm so interested. I get crazy colors. All I want to wear is a baggy black outfit, and my, my closet is like sparkles, orange, green, patterns, frills.

What, what's like your closet organization these days? What's like— I feel like I haven't seen your closet living in like a couple months?

Half my closet's literally from just my tour, which is like— Your tour? I had to get like tons of skorts and tons of white button-down shirts. Okay. I have a whole thing of ties that like I lived off of for like 7 months. Okay.

Oh, I thought you were saying like you didn't unpack from your tour.

No, I unpacked, but it's like I'm like, I can't get myself to throw away these skorts. I feel like I might use them one day. For what? My daughter. My future daughter. I love a skort. I love a skort. I love a summer.

Um, like, okay, I came back from Italy on a Thursday. I was unpacked, laundry folded, put away by— what's today?

Monday. I like admire you.

I got— I landed from Italy, took a shower, did a hair mask, did a face mask, fell asleep in a This is why we're so good together.

We both have work ethic, just very different ways. Completely different ways. We're working in the places that—

Well, because my environment very much affects my brain, where you can— you're better at staying focused and like not worrying about what's around you.

I think it's 'cause I've always been in like chaotic situations. But I can like focus on one thing. Not that I'm like doing well at it. I'm just like focusing on it. It's even like the last episode, everyone was calling me out for having cat hair on my mic, which is so valid.

I tried having a cat one time though.

But like, I'm upset that like, I never once—

Definitely said it's in my vagina. Like it's everywhere.

The hair was like touching my lip the entire time. Not once did I notice that it was like full of hair. And that's kind of my vibe. Cuz I like convenience. It's—

and you want to know what? I can get too much the opposite. That's why like I need doses of you to be like, let's be crazy and leave a spoon in the sink.

Yeah, like chill out.

It does— not everything has to be like perfectly coordinated.

But like for example, I bought a vibration plate, right? I really— stressing me out to like open it up.

Oh, it's an easy open.

Where do I want to put it?

It's an easy open because it's literally just the vibration plate and the remote. They don't give you any other— it's no like frills. I put it in my bathroom, like under my sink, so that when I'm doing like my skincare at night, I just do it.

My mom would love you cuz she said everything has a home. You got to put things away. Everything has a home. Well, my Amazon boxes were stacking up and our cats we have in West Hampton made a run for it and they got on the box right where the door was and they opened the door. Wait, what? Seamus and Freckles. They literally are two little genius bandits. Opened the door and went out? Went outside. So in the morning, the door's wide open. I said, where are my little boys? Aiden just shook the treats and they came right back.

Where were they?

Like, where'd they go? Just hanging out on the porch. Hanging out on the porch. Cats are just so cool. They're so— I love that we're like, we're not actually— Cats were like, hey, there's weed here.

They're like, did you hear, Hannah, that fucking nerd? There's a joint on the table.

They were like, what if we just—

hey, heard there's smoking stuff here.

But they're like, I'm not crossing the street, there's like eagles and shit over there, but let's just get some breeze, some fresh breeze. Came right back in, but I was like, okay, we have to put the Amazon boxes away.

Well, you wanna know what? You, your door wasn't locked. Well, that's another problem. Like, that's insane. That's insane. Well, you watch so many murder documentaries. I, I can't even, like, not only do my doors have locks, they have bolts at the bottom. Mm-hmm. That you like flip over. So even if it did get unlocked and the door got open, you're not getting through my bolt.

You're not getting through my bowl.

Try getting through my bowl. Yeah, try getting through it.

You're not. Also, I went to my acupuncture appointment. I was saying. Oh, right. That's how we started. She was a girl. Obsessed with her. I immediately loved her energy. Immediately somehow we got into her telling me all about how her ex-boyfriend pissed her off and then she became an acupuncturist and then he one day decides he wants to be an acupuncturist. So now he shows up. At all these places because there's only so many acupuncturists on Long Island, so she has to deal with like conventions and stuff. Yeah, like acupuncture meetings and stuff. So like, that was— I got—

that is so weird.

I was like, it's in every field, every field, every industry. Oh my God, I was telling her about— yeah, I was like, honestly, like, same. Yeah, so that was really fun.

Okay, so will you go back to acupuncture? I really liked it. Where'd they do it?

So they put it in my feet and my hands to help circulate, like detox. Okay. And granted, I'm not a good example right now because my mouth is still stuck. However, I did feel like— then she did like—

it's called— your lips are definitely moving better though.

You know what's crazy? When I first started, I was— I couldn't move my lips. Yeah, yeah. So like by the end of the pod, I was so tired from trying to move my lips.

That's the other thing people don't talk about. Your face gets gets like sore.

Yeah, because you're like, I'm trying to talk so hard. Yeah. Um, also like, are you guys gonna miss me when I'm gone?

Yeah, I am. Like, this version—

like, are you like gonna even like me when I'm having a normal smile?

I'm just gonna like— we're definitely gonna have to do some type of like in memoriam, you know? Like, we're definitely gonna have to add a new story to your personality because it'll be like, at least like some type service because she is her own person. She, she has a totally different personality than you. Really?

Well, I am like a little more deadpan. You're—

well, and you're like a bit more emotional on like certain things where you're like, life is hard. And you're usually very optimistic and like, you're like, look, at the end of the day, everyone will die if I have anything to do with it, you know? So I'm not used to you being like that. We're like, hey, that's my 9 to Like, that's me all the time.

I'm also like, as an athlete, you guys know, if I didn't get injured, I would know. As an athlete, I'm obsessed with like being, well, I'm not that obsessed with being in my physical prime, but like, I like making sure that I'm capable.

Yeah. I like, like if anything were to break out or happen, you are willing and able. Yes. You are sitting in the exit row of the plane. You're ready. You're able. You're willing.

I'm not prime time, but like I try to make sure that I'm not like in bad. Like, if my back hurts a little, I try to fix it. Like, I can't like run a mile, but like I can get my knees up. Yeah, in the beginning. Totally.

You're in shape.

I feel like an injured bird just walking around New York City and everyone else is just smiling, smiling, smiling. I've never seen more smiley people in my life. Yeah. And taking it for granted.

Well, I think that's the thing. When something like this happens, you really take inventory of like how much in your body you take for granted. Like even if your like thumb is hurting, you're like, I don't realize how much I use my fucking thumb.

I know. There, you know when, well, you know when you have a hangnail? How do you approach a hangnail? Cause I feel like we, me and you would approach it in two very different ways.

I take the nail clipper and I cut it really short.

Okay. I pull it obviously.

Yeah, of course. Well, cause at first I'm like imagine.

Yeah. I have the most painful, like, hangnail bruise. Like, I've never had something more painful in my life. Like, to the point where, like, it woke me up this morning.

It's like throbbing. Yeah, you gotta throw a little Neo— get a little hydroderm peroxide.

I'm gonna dunk it, then I'm gonna lick it. Um, so yeah, and I'm like, remember when my finger—

yeah, no, there's nothing worse than, like, something being wrong with your body when you have to, like, But one thing, shout out to my man.

Shout out to my mans. Because he makes me feel beautiful and I've been hanging out with him too much. And now that I'm like in the public—

You guys have been hanging out together a lot.

And like, I forget about my smile when I'm with him. Yeah, that's nice. Because he just like treats me like I'm normal. Occasionally he'll laugh, but it's cute. But like, again, I'm like, he's obsessed with me. And then I talk to someone else and they're like, hey, is everything okay at home?

In sickness and in health.

So in my head I was like, I actually look pretty when I smile.

Wait, do you know that I saw like a crazy statistic and I don't remember what it is, but that like the, the comparison to like when women get sick, like their husband's leaving, compared to like when men get sick, like their wives leaving.

It's like, when you say leave, you mean like break up? Yeah, like divorce.

Like when something physically happens.

Imagine you get a sniffle and they're like, we're good, babe.

No, but I was thinking like, imagine if Des was like, burn her at the stake, it's been fun, bye, I'm out. Yeah, it's like, it's not even comparable. Like, obviously there are women like that happens where they will leave, but like, it's not even comparable to the amount of men that—

imagine texting his friends being like, this bitch can't smile and I can't handle it anymore. No, it's crazy. Is your girlfriend smiling? Cuz mine hasn't smiled in weeks.

I just The audacity that they have. Okay, wait, this is fascinating. What are you gonna do the first time you can smile?

Just not stop? I'm gonna be like Nicole Kidman after her divorce.

Do you think you'll wake up one morning and it'll just be like— you'll have so much more movement?

Des said not to check it till the end of August. Oh, what? What do you mean? He said, do you know how many rolls I'm gonna lose by then?

You have to look in the mirror.

I don't really look in the mirror that often. Right. Oh, right. But I really like think it's better. It is. This is what's coming across my algorithm. I don't know what this means. And this is a study, by the way. And by study, I mean this actual blind girl says she sees how hot people are treated because she can't see if they're hot or not. Yeah. So she will say she's— okay, I'm gonna get it like wrong because I don't remember exactly what she said. It was like 2 weeks ago, but she said something along the lines of she goes, there'll be people that I hear, yeah, who are like boring as shit and everyone wants to be friends with them. And she goes, that's how I know they're hot. And she goes, there's people who like have no personality and everyone talks about them a lot. She goes, that's how I know they're hot.

Or like she could tell like how like nice people are. Yeah, to people. Like, yeah, people.

So imagine not knowing someone's hot and being like, why is everyone obsessed with that dud? Yeah, it's like if sometimes I would try to think, like, especially when I was like being really shallow with men and I'd be really into an attractive man, I'm like, imagine he was ugly, imagine he was short, would you like his soul? But it's hard, it's hard to separate the art from the artist.

Double-edged sword.

You can't separate the art from the artist sometimes.

But no, there's so many men that I'm like Oh my God, if you were under 6 foot, no one would even be listening to what the fuck you're saying. Oh, it's so annoying.

And I envision like if this guy didn't have a cute face—

and because also I think it's the opposite of for women. Like if there's a really pretty girl and she does even one thing, people are like, yeah, burner.

But it is funny how socially it's like people want to hang out with pretty people more. Mm-hmm. Like in friendships and stuff. But no, as a woman, I did see a girl say that, you know, you're an it girl if you were 16 and you had beef with a middle-aged woman. I sent it to you.

That's— you know what? Cocky. And I do love when you have glam, but I love when you're yourself too.

I did my makeup today. I put on blush. I did put on blush.

Actually, I do apologize that I have like full glam today, but I've been going to—

You look so like natural. Thank you. Like glowing.

Going to Vogue, just like Vogue Summer School. They do like little sessions. Yes. So I'm going to like talk to some high school girls.

You're gonna be like, I'm gonna bite your little feet, sister. I'm just kidding. Sorry, it's Leo season. It is. My whole feed is Leo season.

Oh, your birthday's coming up.

Oh my God, it is. I haven't thought about it at all. Wait, I want to be able to smile for my birthday.

Wait, you're turning 35? Yeah.

Is that a big birthday? I feel like yeah.

What should we do? I don't know. We'll just FaceTime. Oh, it's fine. We'll FaceTime.

I won't be able to express joy on my birthday, but it's fine. Um, we love you guys so much. Have an amazing weekend. And we'll giggle with you later. Bye!