Transcript of Giggling about meatballs, minions, and masseter disasters New

Sup, gigglers? Gary, fix the Wi-Fi. Manifest that shit. We can't be managed. I mean, the day just got away from me.

Hello, my gastrointestinal gigglers. Paige, how are you?

I'm peeing from my asshole. That's That's how I fucking am. I'm the most annoying person to go on vacation with. Like, I truly must be a menace.

You were complaining about not eating enough at dinner. Now you ate and are dealing with the repercussions. But what happened?

So I'm at dinner last night, we're getting appetizers, I see meatballs on the menu.

You sent me a photo of them.

I go, look how gorgeous these balls are.

And I wrote adorable. I love a little ball.

I take a bite, I'm like, oh my God, this is so good. I, I— my brother gets the same thing. I look over at my mom, I'm like, you have to have one of these meatballs. I'm a whole meatball in, okay? I cut another one in half, I give it to put it on my mom's plate. It's red sauce on the meatball, so I'm thinking nothing. My mom looks at it and she goes, I don't think this is cooked. And my whole face goes white. I'm like, I'm like, what do you mean it's not cooked? And my brother looks at me and he's like, it's not that big of a deal, like beef carpaccio, like don't— like you're literally like you're freaking out over nothing.

And I'm like, also you're in Italy, everything is good.

I'm like, I'm freaking out over nothing. I get back to my room, I fall asleep. At like 5 AM, I'm woken up by the own sounds of my stomach. I said, what a little melody we're playing. I mean, the gurgling was— I literally woke up, I go, something's going on in the room next door. What the fuck is that sound?

Yo, there's a tornado.

I run to the bathroom, I'm truly peeing from my asshole. I get up, I'm dizzy, I'm lightheaded. Like, I'm like, I'm like, oh my God, I'm, I'm going to throw up. I could throw up just talking. I get back in bed, I fall asleep for a couple hours. I'm like, I'm fine. I just like, my body's so sensitive. Like, I'm literally, I'm fine. I go to the pool all day. I think the heat. And then I had prosciutto and cheese and I thought, no, I'm fine. I can eat this. I had a little bread. I literally had to leave the pool, run to my bathroom, pee from my asshole again. Now I'm cold. Now I'm getting the shakes. Now I have a fever. My head is pounding. I'm like, here, and here's the thing, it is a privilege to travel. I am so privileged.

It's a privilege to get sick on prosciutto.

I am so blessed in this life that I live. But when people say, I love traveling, I don't relate to them because my body is so sensitive. It's— I can't get thrown off, or it's like—

so yeah, you don't have your vibrating plate. Like, I don't—

I don't have my stuff. Where's my stuff?

There's a lot of things that go into you existing, and you don't just go into a hotel room and have everything you need, even if it's 5 stars.

I'm checking 3 Furbo cameras every 10 minutes. I'm like, I'm such a pain in the ass.

Kitty put a little hex on you. She said, yeah, go have fun, go have fun. Leave me, leave me at home.

Every year there's like a— there's a pool rule at our hotel that like once it hits 2 PM, like kids have to get out of the pool.

I thought you were gonna say pool rule, no diarrhea. I love when they write that. Like, someone with diarrhea would be like, you know what would be good? Being in a pool right now.

Well, I'm sitting in the pool and I'm like, I have to go to my room and fart because I'm not having a Hannah burner in Capri, okay? I'm not Hannah burnering all over.

It's a verb now. We're about to Hannah burner this pool.

I'm like, I'm not sharting in a Gucci bathing suit. I'd rather kill myself.

Vintage. You You can't just buy it if you lose it. Also, farting in a pool is so freeing when it's not a shart, because that's just—

this pool, like, it's a big circle pool and there's like random buttons that you can press and like jets will come on. And the first thing I think of was Hannah would freaking love this. And every time I have to pee, I turn the jet on.

Wait, so where's your stomach in this moment? Where are we at?

She's just like gurgling a little. She's like I think she's like getting better, but now it's just like my head. I'm dehydrated. I'm just like— here's another thing I realized. I'm so goddamn sick of myself. Everything's about me all the time. And I think it's because I'm on vacation with my parents where like they're so obsessed with me. I'm like, enough with this bitch.

Yeah, you're like, can we get one other topic to talk about at dinner?

And this year, for whatever reason, there's so many babies at the pool. Like baby babies. Like not speaking, like not even a year old. And I've had like—

you're like, can't even have a good conversation, can't even—

not even a hello, how are you sentence together. But I've been having such like baby fever. I don't know why. And I think it's because I'm sick of my own shit, figuratively and literally.

I do have to say, the only time I've been wanting to have a baby is when I'm like, I want to deal with someone else's issues.

Yeah, I'm ready to pour myself into someone else and let myself fade away.

I do think that's something that kind of happens in your 30s. Like, you're like, oh, it's me again. Morning, me again.

Wait, what is that?

I feel like no one's called being tired. Like, and I think that's why people like to have babies and people don't talk about it. Your 20s, you're like, I'm so excited to like explore who I am. In your 30s, you're like Yep, know who I am. I'm good.

And honestly, I don't fuck with her, so let's like move on, right? Like everyone talks about like, oh, your biological clock starts ticking, you get so maternal. I'm not feeling that. I'm feeling like more—

let's, let's talk about another character into the storyline because I'm— I've ran out of storylines over here. I'm sick of them. Um, also side note, the Gigglers wrote in our YouTube, they were like, Hannis, this is a safe space, let your smile fly. So I'm not gonna cover my smile when I laugh.

This episode is so sweet.

Not because I necessarily feel safe, but because I'm at the point with the smile fiasco, or as people call the Masseter Disaster.

Wait, that's so cute.

It's a cute Wait, that's adorable. I need to say shout out to my husband, who I love soft launching on Instagram. Do you notice, like, you've been married for 5 years, I don't put him in any photo. It's just like you'll see his hands and everyone's like, kind of soft launching. So he's my soft launch baby. But, um, he's distracted me, but he's again doing his tough love thing where Now I have someone with me, so every like, every like 20 minutes I'm like, do you think it looks better? And he's like, I swear to God, if you ask me one more fucking time. He goes, your smile is like a stock. You invest in it, don't check for a year. And I was like, what kind of analogy is that? But he's like, kind of low-key right? He's like, if you keep checking every day, it's going to be torturous. He's like, come back to me in a month. And check it.

Do you feel like it has— like, from when you first got it, do you feel like any little, like, more range of motion?

No, but I do feel like emotionally I've come to terms with it a little more, where I'm not like waking up and being like, oh my God, I can't smile. I'm like, this is she, this is what I— this is my life.

Has worn off.

The shock has worn off. Also, last week My sweet, sweet— oh my God, I was so determined and hopeful. I was like running, I was going to sauna, I was getting acupuncture, I was doing massages, I was doing microcurrents.

Did you do acupuncture in your face?

Yeah, I did it in my face.

Oh, how was that? I've never done that. I've never done it in my face.

It's interesting because you do feel like kind of a rush of the blood, like I feel like it's doing something.

Totally.

Um, I don't think it helped.

I do feel like acupuncture is one of those things that like it doesn't work unless you did it every day, all day. Like so many girls I feel like have recommended it and I've done it before for like certain pain and I'm like, yeah, I can feel something, but unless I'm doing this 3 times a week, like, and this is a lot.

Yeah, they recommend twice a week, but also no, I just had so much hope for myself and I was like, I'm gonna beat this, I can beat this.

You're like, I'm not a statistic.

I know, I literally was like, I'm gonna be the one girl that like tricked her nerves to not do this because I, I'm, I'm working so hard at it and I care. And then I woke up this morning, I said, bitch, you can't beat Botox. This is your nerve endings.

No, it's a chemical. It's a poison.

You're done. You're done.

It is kind of crazy though, and because that it happened to both of us in such a short amount of time. And I've— now the gigglers are sending me so many DMs of like different stories like on Instagram and TikTok of like, it's poison.

It's like, did you see my mom commented under our video saying don't do drugs? Like, my mom is horrified. My mom's never touched her face. Her mom's never touched her face. Her mom's mom's never touched her face. And she's like, yeah, bitch, you put crazy stuff in your face, of course something stupid is gonna happen to you.

I do implore the filler girls to just Do a little research, take a look, because God forbid you do something with filler and then that's it.

Oh yeah, filler, you're full.

That's what you look like. That's— and it's— I just like have my mom in the back of my head like, if God wanted you to look like that, he would have made you like that. Well, yes, Kim has been searching the island for rosary beads. She said, I just want a nice— you would think that they have rosary beads here and they don't. She can't find them. She's literally—

it's It's ruining her trip, I guess, because the rosary— no one needs it on vacation. Everyone's relaxed. You don't need a rosary on vacation.

I don't know, but Italy is so funny because any— if you look anywhere randomly, there's just like a statue of the Blessed Mother and you're just like, okay, sorry.

Um, it's like me in Canada, I'm seeing like different celebrities on ads that are like really famous here. I'm like, oh, I didn't know they were big in Canada. That's the Blessed Mary in Italy. I'm like, she's huge.

Every time we go to like the pool or anywhere, my dad will say, hey, look at that guy, he's on TV, I think. And I like look over and I'm like, no, he's not.

That's just a handsome Italian man.

I'm like, he's not on—

it's just a tan, full head of hair Italian man.

He's like, are you sure? Let me get a good another look. Oh yeah, maybe you're right. Like, he literally thinks everyone we've seen is a celebrity.

Also can we address the scarf visor that broke the internet?

I knew that my scarf visor was gonna be split down the middle. And here's the thing about being in Italy and posting content, I feel like I post more TikTok videos in Italy because I'm happier. Also, you did say you were going on a phone strike, and I kind of have, because I feel when I post here, it's such a time change that I am so disconnected from like the comments or like— so like, because I'm on like a different schedule, so right when I post it, no one's commenting it because no one's awake. So I do feel very disconnected from the world. Wait, I feel so disconnected from the world here that I haven't even done my skincare routines, night or morning.

Oh, because skincare doesn't count in Italy?

I don't know, I just have no desire. I'm like, I don't care, not doing it. I feel free.

It's because you're relaxed.

I think that's what it is. Haven't done my hair. I've, I've barely put on makeup. I've done like mascara and blush.

Well, Paige, I don't want to diagnose you, but your skincare is also a coping mechanism of your anxiety somehow. Like, it's like when you're anxious, you're like, if I could just fix this pimple, everything will be better. It's like my mom with cleaning.

Okay, well, sometimes that pimple is the problem.

Okay, so I feel like you're putting all your problems into the pimple, but we'll discuss.

My life is going great unless I get a cystic pink ball.

Well, cystic, that is truly volcano in the center of your face, so I do have empathy for you. Um, Scarfvisor, this is also my algorithm shows me if I— if you post when I go on TikTok, your video comes up first, so I get you early. I don't see comments. I leave my stamp of approval and then I move on. So I don't actually know the response of the visor. I just know that I was— I felt it in my core that it was a moment.

I saw it online like a couple of weeks ago and I was just like, that shouldn't cost $200, but put it in my cart because I'm intrigued. I'm like, this is just a piece of sheer. But like, I just thought the model looked so cool and I love an accessory. I love a bathing suit cover-up.

Also, you love a frill. You love a frill.

I love it. I just love something different. Let me just try it, you know? And but I didn't realize that the model legitimately looked like you. Like, everyone was like, this picture that you posted of the model is Hannah.

I don't know, I think people are like, you know when someone dies and people are like putting them on a pedestal? That's how people are treating my old smile. They're like, Hannah was so beautiful and she was— she just lit up a room. Like, they're like remembering you and they're like putting rose-colored glasses on who I was. They were like, she was just euphoric.

But, um, they're rewriting history.

They are rewriting history.

They're literally any man on Bravo. Let's just rewrite it. Let's just change the past, I don't know, 10 years. Sorry, that was out of pocket, and I don't care because I'm thousands of miles away.

Doesn't count, you're in Italy. It absolutely stays in Italy. So my thing also with the visor, it kind of made you look like you had bangs, like in a good way.

Like, I don't think I actually had it on correctly. I think I should have flipped it over, but I'm gonna wear it again for sure. I actually think I might wear it next— this weekend, because I don't think it fully got its moment. I didn't even get a picture.

Did some Gucci, which is kind of like— I don't know, I'm just like proud of you.

Wait, Hannah, I didn't even tell you. I went to my vintage store here and I got the sickest vintage, like '90s Valentino turtleneck dress. Not really, it's like a shirt that I'm gonna make a dress. And it has these like big cutouts and it's so cool. You'll be so proud of me.

I'm so excited 'cause I feel like you're getting better and better at thrifting. It's like everyone has their own eye and skill And you're like really getting into it. You're in the weeds.

Yeah, well, you've really inspired me because I just think it's more consignment. I think like consignment is so cool because you're like, what was her story? What was her story that she had this like sick designer whatever? And then she's like, I don't need it anymore, you know? And I'm like, what? You know, I love it.

It's like she wore it enough.

Yeah.

Or she's dead.

Oh, you know, I didn't think about—

she lives through it. There are a lot of, you know, estate sales where like a really cool woman passes away and like she didn't have any daughters.

Yeah, that's so true.

That was, that was her lesson.

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Can we talk about Taylor Swift's wedding?

Yes.

Initial thoughts?

It felt like the Met Gala. Like, I was in Toronto and I was just kind of looking and like, it's interesting what celebrities got papped and which didn't because there were 1,000 people there. So it's funny that like Hugh Grant was the one that like we kept getting photos of and then like Gigi Hadid. Like, I wonder if there were— she was like, okay, let these couple celebrities post and then no one else. Um, I did get like tea like a month or two ago that it was in MSG and no one believed me. And my only real thought was, I love how they posted on the screen, like some— someone just was like, get Canva, let's just pick a font. And I thought it was an AT&T ad. Which, if it was genius, if it wasn't kind of annoyed because AT&T didn't deserve that kind of promo. But like, seeing TNT, yeah, if it was a T+T, I feel like that might have been better.

You know, you're so right.

It was really giving AT&T, and I was like, holy shit, AT&T. AT&T and Dior were the main sponsors of the event. Iconic.

At first I thought like, oh, she's doing it at Madison Square Garden because like security and like privacy and blah blah blah. And then I quickly realized like that she didn't really give a shit about that. Like, I think she liked doing it on Fourth of July weekend, like a holiday weekend. I think that like goes with whatever album.

Someone said if they break up, she's gonna write Independence Day. As like the divorce song.

I also think that weddings have changed so much since COVID and I truly believe in elopements. No, I truly believe you should have whatever kind of wedding you want. I mean, you should do whatever you want always, but specifically your wedding, I think you should truly do whatever the fuck you want. Like elope, have a party, don't have a party, go to the courthouse, invite 1,000 people, invite 2 people. Like, I don't care. It has no bearing on my life.

Go to a pizza parlor.

The only thing I have to say about Taylor Swift's wedding is the thought of 4 avenues being shut down in the middle of New York City on a holiday weekend. What are you talking— if you've ever been in New York City where just a side street is shut down, the whole city is— where we go, we don't know where to go. You're telling me they shut down 7th Avenue, 6th Avenue, 5th. Like, you're telling me 5 streets were shut down on a holiday weekend? My first thought is, what if there was an emergency and an ambulance couldn't get through? Like, this is why I hate parades specifically, just for this reason, because if you see a parade in New York City and a street is shut down, you're fucked. Like, it will now take you 45 extra minutes to get to your destination.

But I think she was toking on July 4th, a lot of people being out in the Hamptons, but I don't think everyone in New York City is going to the Hamptons. It's not like—

yeah, Hamptons is for elite assholes. In what world are the majority of New York City out in the Hamptons? They're not. That's like a facade on Instagram. The majority of people that live in New York City are there for the holiday weekend.

So I—

that was my only thing. I was like, I'm shocked that this is— that the city is even kind of letting this happen, because I felt like it was kind of dangerous. You can't shut down 5 avenues.

I have a lot of mixed emotions. I feel like it's kind of annoying that she had to donate $30 million to charities to try to avoid some hate on her wedding weekend.

Well, I did hear it was $50 million.

$50 million. I feel like a man getting married, like a famous man doing something crazy, like he would never have to do that. But she literally was like, can you guys please let me just have a weekend? I'm putting $50 million to charity, like, please don't.

And like, look, I'm not mad at her for wanting attention. I love attention. I've been— I was on reality TV for 7 years. I think attention is amazing. But like, she wanted the attention for her wedding weekend, and that's totally— I don't— I'm not mad at that. Like, but I think people being like, oh, so she didn't care about privacy, well Obviously not. That didn't—

she didn't care.

Yeah, she wanted people to know she was getting married, which, yeah, let the people know.

I do think also logistically her team is so good at building sets. So like, apparent— like, it was literally the same people from the Eras Tour, I think, that like came in, built this fucking set in a quick amount of time. It's like what they know. And it is just so funny when you have more money than you can imagine. It's almost like you have too many options of what to do. But I feel like her and Travis love socializing, they love partying, they love—

I think he loves being famous, and I think she loves showing him like, and look how famous you are now. I think that, like, I was gonna say, and I don't—

I love his love, but I mean, you would understand more than anyone how sometimes with fame, you can fall in love with the spotlight on you rather than the person. Okay, in my fragile state of shitting from my asshole, but you can fall in love with the idea of people, the idea of your relationship through the public eye versus your relationship. And that's why I think so many extremely famous people don't survive their relationships, because you can't actually see like true intimacy when you have so many lenses on you. I don't know, that was a lot. That was really wordy.

But I think that's why a lot of people got divorced or married during COVID because you were so forced to be with that person and it was just you two. You couldn't socialize with anyone else. And I think that is really important. Like, a perfect example is Zendaya and Tom Holland. Like, we still don't even know when if they're dating.

Yeah, are they together?

Do they even live in the same house? We don't know. And I just think that I also, because I have been in like a public relationship before, I do think when you are in something— and you can relate to this, but this one's a compliment— when you truly— and it doesn't even matter, it doesn't even mean the relationship, it could be the relationship with your mom, your dad, your people hurt people.

That's what we're learning today. Hurt people.

When you truly love something so much and you care about it, you want to protect it from even like—

I'm gonna cry—

the person on the street. Like, you, you're like, you can say whatever you want about me, but if you say one fucking thing about my mom— like, so I think if you really like cherish— there are certain things that you're like, I would never want anyone to know this. Like, I would never want someone privy to this because this is just for us. And so I do think that there could be a lot of criticism of Taylor and Travis's wedding, but also like, if it works for them, mazel tov.

After dealing with reality TV where I put someone I love in a position, I— that's why I've had to scale back, because I feel like I made a mistake and I shouldn't have done that to him.

It's funny, I had someone ask me the other day if I would like 'When I get married and have kids, like, would I do a reality show?' And I— it was like a random person, and I was like, 'Oh my God, that's such an interesting question. I've never really thought about that before.' But my gut feeling was the thought of someone criticizing my child, like, no.

Well, the whole thing with reality TV is I always say— people are like, 'Why'd you do it?' And I'm like, 'I was 26 and single.' Yeah, and I did it until my family started to get hate messages.

Dude, I did it as revenge. I didn't even think it was real. I literally— my boyfriend pissed me off and I was like, watch this, I'm going on a show. And then I walked in and I was like, wait, I forgot I was actually doing this.

Oh God. I know. Um, our Women in STEM of the Week. Oh, I'm on a really weird algorithm. It's iconic. It's— there are these Minion contests. Have you seen these Minion singing contests?

I haven't, Hannah.

So it's these just like normal hot girls that go up to a mic and then sing songs in the Minion voice and language. I've never seen the Minion movie, but I guess they have their own language, like elfish type thing.

Okay, I've never—

so these like gorgeous girls are like singing like in a Minion voice, and it's getting like really competitive, and like the winners are kind of blowing up. So shout out to all the girls who are, um, really good at being minions.

Wait, I don't get it. Where are they doing it?

In a theater somewhere? Maybe it's Canadian. I don't know.

I'm so confused. You want to know what? That's actually what pissed me off this week, because what are you talking about? Just a bunch of grown people pretending to be minions in a theater? No thank you. I don't want—

but you know what? Nothing makes me happier than a hot girl doing something weird.

Totally.

Suddenly I respect her. Suddenly I'm like, oh, you've been through some dark shit if you found yourself at this point.

I'm caught up on Love Island USA and I'm done watching it. I actually don't care who wins. This season was one of the weirdest seasons of Love Island I've ever watched in my entire life. There's 3 men on the show that are so like annoying. Two of them, okay, they like kind of owned up to like their shit, whatever. The one guy, I mean, he's a pathological liar. It's not even like, sorry, I shouldn't have done that. He's like blatantly a pathological liar. He can't stop lying. He's like literally getting no hate. And the girl who had been dumped and like fucked over and was like exploring other men is getting more hate. And if I hear someone call them lustful one more time, I'm gonna scream. Like, what in the Old Testament are you fucking saying? Stop you, Gen Z, stop using the word lustful. You sound like freaks. You sound like actual weirdos. You're on a dating app.

You sound like Adam and Eve.

Yeah, like, okay, you sound so manosphere, it's actually really terrifying. And like girls can kiss multiple men and not be a whore, you absolute weirdos. Like, and all the girls want this one girl Melanie to go back with this guy who's lied since the day he's gotten in there and then looked at the other girl who was being lustful and was like, it's really bad for you. I don't know what's going on with Love Island, but I don't— I actually don't care who wins.

Do you care about UK?

So now I'm getting back into UK and I'm starting to care more about them because, well, here's the other thing, UK is like double the time and they get to know each other more and there's more conversation and they— I'm sorry, they have more banter. We as America, we sound dumb, we sound stupid. Now I'm not saying the UK Love Island cast is a bunch of goddamn geniuses. No, but they just feel—

they use much more.

Yeah, they just feel like they're more Honestly, the Love Island USA cast feels like you're in a TikTok. I feel like I'm in the app of TikTok, where like UK, it feels like real young kids like trying to meet each other and like fuck around.

Well, my husband has been getting—

oh yeah, he talks about it.

Yeah, Love Island UK clips. But now he's like fully immersed in it, and it's like the I'm not watching it, so I'm like, text Paige, she's watching it. But we watched it when they were like, fact to 50. So I keep going up to him being like, are they saying like fact to 50? And he's like, no, that's so 5 years ago, no one says that anymore. And I was like, oh shit.

There have been dumb people on Love Island. Like one girl didn't know the difference between a continent, a country, a county. Like she was—

you do not have to be smart. No, absolutely to get on Love Island. You have to be some version of hot.

And look, a lot of people will say it's not that serious, it's not that big of a deal. It kind of is, because they just pooled a group of the same age people and this is their dating habits. The men lie and the girls think each other are whores and should put up with way more than they should put up with.

I can't— you guys, I want to be part of this dialogue and I want to be making fun of it and stuff, but like, you're too pure for it. I'm just like not lustful.

Oh, I'm like, what in the serpent queen are you fucking talking about? Like lustful? I, I've never said that word in my 33 years on this planet. They're like, lust is like the worst thing you can be in a relationship. It's like, actually, maybe a dingbat is the worst thing you can be.

Like, shut Bring back Dig—

Dingbat.

Bring back Dingbat. Um, a little update, speaking of shows, I'm shooting my show right now.

How's it going?

Um, it's going really— I'm like really excited for this show. I'm— I can't like give details. However, I am being a menace to the glam team. Oh well, the makeup artist, she's fully trying to like joker me and make it look like I'm like lifted and like not looking sad and everything. And then so this one guy's the hair guy, Ry. He's like, let's do a ponytail, which I said, you know what, let's do it. But when they do a like slicked back ponytail, they put so many bobby pins. Now you more than anyone would understand, you know, when a bobby pin just like hits wrong and you're like, that's in my brain.

Yeah.

And like when you're shooting a show, like First 30 minutes I was fine. An hour in, I was like, something's going on back there. I was just like waiting in between takes and I'm like, fuck it, I'm trying to move this bobby pin. I pull out a bobby pin because I'm like YOLO. Whole ponytail comes undone. It was like the important bobby pin. I know it was like 18—

the bobby pin.

It was the main character bobby pin.

It was Mr. Bobby Pin. Pin.

That's Mr. Pin to you. Yeah. So I go, oh fuck, because I thought I could take it out and no one would know.

Because I'm right. Because sometimes you can. You're like, oh, this one is like—

this was not even needed. And it was just like, I literally still feel it. So the guy comes out, Ryan's like rolling his eyes. He's like, oh my God, has to redo my whole pony. Stop production. My whole face falls. Everyone's like, okay. So I know it's like reality TV again, cuz I have my mic on me and they'll like put me in a room and be like, okay, like in 10 minutes we'll have you come out of the room to like—

it's a hot mic situation.

Fully farted.

Like, wait, when are you done?

I think next week, but like I'm so excited for the Gigglers to watch the show. Like, we're killing it with the looks, and I'm wearing glasses every day to like make me a different person.

Yeah.

Okay, I think that's—

I love— I— the picture you posted on your story the other day, I love when you wear your hair pulled back like that.

Yeah, I knew you'd be into it. Oh, also, I have to issue an apology. Sorry, just going through some notes. Okay, I did this thing of like things that I hate, um, and I I said, um, man named Brayden. And then I got— I got only like 3 messages, but it was enough backlash from the gigglers. I feel like I should address it, um, of gigglers being like, Hannah, I love you so much, but like my sweet, sweet son's name is Brayden, and this like really hurt, really hurt my feelings. So I just want to say, when I say I don't like guys named Brayden, I don't mean the giggler's son's name Brayden.

We don't mean anyone under 30— 25, sorry.

I want to say sorry to all the giggler Bradens. You guys are perfect because they're being raised by us. But, um, anyone already millennial Bradens, they have no shot.

Sometimes I use this podcast as like my personal forum. Sometimes I really need an orthopedic surgeon to get in my DMs. Because Hannah, do you know what a ganglion cyst is?

I feel like my dad had that once.

Okay, look at my wrist.

Wait, that's what, like—

oh, like old women have. My grandma used to have one. I have the—

look at that.

Oh, oh, oh, look at that. Oh dude, it hurts so bad. That's why, like, I used to have to wear my wrist thing all the time because I think it was that.

You would get a ganglion cyst on your hand. That's because your hand is too long.

I was like, Mom, what do I do about it? And she was like, oh, your grandma used to have that. They go away on their own, or you can get it surgically removed. And I'm like, but I don't want to get it surgically removed, but I, I need it gone because it's actually really starting to hurt me. And then, then I have like an indent right here.

Yeah, well, the good news is you're not walking around like this.

That my dad said, oh, just to go like this. Yeah, fix it.

Just don't walk around like a little rabbit.

This is why I have to have a baby. I'm so sick of my own shit. Who gets that?

Yeah, well, if it makes you feel better, I got a mole on my back. Like, I don't have a mole. I've never had a mole in my life, but it's a mole on my back. And Des was like, you should get that checked, it's cancer. And I'm like, no, my grandpa got these. Like, this is just who I am now. So, but I'll get it checked.

I think you should get that checked. No, no, no, no, no.

Also, I know we're getting older. I know I'm getting older because I love— this is my favorite thing to say now— I love going, "Oh, the humidity broke." What? I feel like that's such an adult thing to say. Like, you know, after it rains, I go, "Yep, the humidity broke." That's not even an adult thing.

That's like a very niche type of dad who's over 55, way above 55.

No, well, Des loves the weather. My mom loves the weather.

It's someone that like worked with their hands, you know, like they did something.

Saying the humidity broke is my new like, it's really nice outside, the humidity definitely broke. And then I heard myself say, I'm like, who are you? And like, they are not saying that on Love Island for sure.

The humidity broke?

Yeah.

No, but it definitely is really fucking hot there, and I don't know how they're like their makeup is staying because they never look like they're sweaty and their hair always looks put together. And I don't— I don't know how they're doing it. I'd also like to know what time they're going to bed and what time they're waking up, but that's my own—

yeah, I think— are they allowed to drink on Love Island?

2 drinks minimum. And the Brits ruin that for them, I'm pretty sure.

But also, 2 drinks, it doesn't say how many shots that is. Like, you could do just like 2 huge vodka cups.

No, I don't. I don't think they give them hard liquor. I want to say it's wine or beer. OG UK, they would like chain smoke cigs and drink. And then I want to say like season early in UK, it turned into a 2-drink minimum. And I think USA just adopted that because if they were drunk, it'd be a very different show. The word lustful would go right out the window, I'll tell you that. Okay, maybe we should let next season let them get a little liquored up and show their true feelings.

Um, Des made me watch the World Cup last night.

I wrote down World Cup water, but I don't remember what I was—

water, water. Oh, they're doing water breaks. That's like a drama. There's like a water break thing happening. They're called hydration breaks. I think it's for like advertising.

I don't know what it was.

Well, anyway, I did watch—

Oh, I know what it was. Wait a minute. I've lived my whole life not knowing that when athletes are playing in a game of any sort, they're never drinking water. They're putting it in their mouth and they're spitting it out.

No, they drink water.

Oh, because everything in like the World Cup was like showing them like swishing it in their mouth and then spitting it out. And I was like, oh, why are they doing that? And then the comments were like, no one's running with a full stomach of water. But also like, how are they not dehydrating— dehydrated and passing out?

I do think it's a combination. I actually don't know about like soccer players. Maybe that is a thing that they're not like chugging water on the side, but like they have to stay hydrated to an extent. Like sometimes with tennis they'll have like electrolyte gels and stuff, but they're drinking water.

Electrolyte gel? See, this is a whole world I was never privy to.

You never prove it to— that's why. Yeah, you do all kind— but you know what you'd love? If you start cramping, they give you a Diet Coke. Yeah, that's just shit because you need sodium.

No way! I didn't know that. Oh, what, what about Gatorade?

It's like they need even more than— even more. Like, they'll have you eat like McDonald's after just to get like salt.

Okay, now I'm actually calling the police. Why didn't anyone put me in sports? Are you kidding? I would have crushed a soccer game. Oh, I'm just gonna— sorry, I don't feel good, let me get a Diet Coke and McDonald's.

Well, that's why everyone's like, you must have been so like fit during tennis. And I'm like, the amount of calories I was eating was diabolical. I was doing pizza eating contests after practice. I was like, who thinks they could eat a pizza faster than me?

You know what I always loved in high school? That when the track team would have a pizza party, I'm like, God, guys, you really knew the right team to join. Used to have pasta parties.

Oh, hell yeah. Car blow that shit. You know, we never talked about what the Empire State couple— you know, Taylor Swift was like, guys, not this weekend. This weekend you're not fucking climbing to the top. They were like Instagram models. Like, they were like really hot and cool and they like proposed to each other, but no one talked. Are they arrested now? Like, what's the vibe?

Like, I think they got arrested. It gets a felony.

Yeah, you know what? Hot people get bored. They have like no issues in their life. They're like, what if we just—

and let's talk about that, because if they were butt ugly, people would be pissed.

No, it's so true. The fact they were hot, everyone was like, iconic.

It was such a pretty privilege example.

They were ugly, they'd never be allowed in New York City again. But instead we were like, take a photo, put it in every pizzeria. Like, these people are icons.

That would have crushed on Tumblr.

Oh yeah. But you know what? I don't love it. Like even becoming a trend. Like, I just— it's not— I do wonder what security's up to on Empire State Building. Where were they?

Well, surely they snuck into the building.

They were dressed like bandits. Like the first time they walked in, I would have been like, that looks like a bank robber.

And then what? They slept there the night before and then like snuck out onto the top. Like, I don't even get the logistics of it. And also, like, Yeah, that's really scary. If this hot little brunette with a bob can get past the security, I'm worried. Yeah, I am worried.

Taking a selfie up there, I would have dropped my phone.

No, I would have been so clumsy. Also, I would have been shake—

no.

Well, you and I are similar. We have no adrenaline rush-seeking vibes whatsoever.

You're so right. Also, I feel like I got married like generations ago.

Yeah. You've been married for 20 years.

My wedding was not in this millennia. Like, no, I would have done it so differently. It is so funny how like 5 years—

really, what would you have done different?

I mean, it was perfect, but like, I feel like my fashion's so different now. Like, I would have done like a something crazy. I would have— I don't know, I literally went to a strip mall and was like, that looks good on my body.

Yeah, no, Hannah, you picked the first dress you tried on.

I picked the verse, which, which iconic, which some people say when you know, you know, when you know, you know. Um, and I would have eloped.

I could have seen you doing the courthouse and then having a dinner after.

Yeah, that's what I would have done. But I also know what Taylor Swift felt where she was like, let's celebrate and make it a moment. Like, I mean, I had Raquel at my wedding. Like, I had like crazy shit happen at my wedding. So, oh, oh, the one last thing I want to say about Taylor is she was on that, that interview show where she was like, I don't like people being on the cusp, which is true. There's like your really close friends, then you have a lot of people that you're like, a ton of people that are on the cusp and you don't know what to do. So she's like, so I'm just gonna invite a shit ton, but then it actually hurts more. To not get invited because you're like, oh, I wasn't even in your top 1,000.

Well, when I saw that Blake Lively wasn't there, I was like, wait, this is actually— I feel like even more of a fuck you because it's like Fergie's there. So it's like Adam Sandler. I really honestly, I hope that like, like Adam Sandler officiated. I don't— I feel like it was just like it's the most random event ever.

It felt like the Oscars.

I think my mindset would be the exact opposite. Like, oh, I don't want to have to evaluate my relationships with these people. It's like, my wedding's so small, it would be weird if you got invited. Like, not, oh, my wedding's so big, everyone come. I'd be like, it's 50 people, I don't know you like that.

I almost feel like her inviting— not inviting Blake Lively, she knew would be such a story that like she hates her that much that she's like, I'm fine with that being the press on my wedding weekend?

Well, she could have invited her and Blake said no, but I don't see Blake saying no.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

I mean, look, she— I think she wanted people to talk about her marrying Travis, and that's what exactly what everyone's doing. So I don't— and I don't think that's a bad thing. Zendaya didn't want anyone talking about her wedding, and that's exactly what happened. Nobody talked about it. So I think you do what you want.

There was a really good TikTok someone made about— who's like a big Swiftie— and she was like, just want to reiterate, you guys, that like this isn't the end of the story. Like, getting married is not your win in life. It's not like she went through all the ups and downs for this moment and now everything is rainbows and butterflies. Marriage is a huge decision in your life that could ruin your life.

No, but also it could kill you. It could—

it could kill you.

Kill you.

But also, like, this is just one part of, like, all the beautiful things that she hopes to do in her life. And this is not the win as a woman, is not, oh, I got a man to, like, pick— do paperwork to be in the relationship.

One of the girls on Love Island actually had a great point. She was like, getting picked isn't the prize, it's how he treats you. Which, honey, if I had a goddamn nickel—

girl, I actually get more of a high off of the guys who Um, I didn't let pick me because I'm like, first of all, they— I feel like put me on a pedestal in their head because they never know what it was actually like to date me. Like, they never got me. So like, it's like that, like, it's an illusion.

It's like a situationship. You're like, well, you made it all up in your head because you never actually experienced it.

Yeah, like they had like one good blowjob by me and that's all they're left with. So like, that's, that's iconic to me.

Like, did I ever tell you about the time I had sex with someone and he had a heart attack? Have I never told that story? No, I feel like I definitely have to have.

You've never told me.

I know, like, to the point where it was like, Paige, defibrillator in the closet, grab it.

Why does he have a defibrillator in his closet?

He had a heart problem. And like, not— this is like not shit. This is not—

did he tell you beforehand like this could happen?

Yeah.

But wait, lowkey, were you like, if he doesn't have a heart attack while I'm fucking him, like, that means I wasn't— like, I didn't blow his brains out?

Once the dust had settled and like he was okay and we were like recovering from it, I obviously said, yeah, my pussy is fire. Like, literally, you almost died. You couldn't— no, I mean, this is so long ago.

So like Were you scared that like he might die?

Yes, Hannah, I was terrified.

Did you know how to use a defibrillator?

No, it wasn't like— I feel like people are thinking like, oh my God, Paige had sex with like an 85-year-old man. Like, no, this is like a normal age person who had like a heart problem.

Problem.

And literally we slept together one time. It was one time we slept together, legitimately once.

First question, were you guys drunk?

Um, no, no, he like— I don't think he— he like didn't do drugs, he didn't drink. Like, this was like a normal— I like— oh my God, this is so long. I was like 20.

So second question, at what point was he like— did he immediately know he was having a heart attack, or did it like take some time?

I think we were like maybe like 3 minutes into it, maybe 2, 2:30 into it.

But 2 minutes in sex world is like 20 minutes.

Yeah, you're right. Actually, let's say we're— let's say we're 45 seconds in. Maybe a minute. Maybe a minute we're in.

It's like running on a treadmill.

I'd have to call one of my girlfriends because I literally can't remember, and they'll know.

Wait, sex time is true. Like, 10 minutes of sex feels like 10 minutes of running on the treadmill. Like, you're like, I ran a marathon. I'm totally— I'm raw. I'm bleeding.

I think he had like a thing inside of his body that could get like thrown off and got like a device. And so if it got thrown off, he could fix it himself. And it did, it like got thrown off and I had to grab something and he like did something and then he was fine.

Did you put on clothes or were you running around naked trying to get a different bra later? Like, did you put your cute outfit back on before you saved his life?

This is very sad. When I was younger, I was so insecure about having like small boobs, so I never like took my bra off or took like my top off really. So So I think I probably had a top on.

Okay.

And his roommate was there.

Wait, that's so funny.

I'm pretty sure. I literally have to call my— one of my girlfriends and ask her because she'll remember.

I was always the opposite. Like, taking off my underwear was like, that was the final boss. But like, yeah, top off, I was— that's like, good morning. No, but I also— I just don't like wearing a bra. Also, I wouldn't wear it.

I never wear a bra. Yeah, I never wear a bra, so it's like Go ahead.

That was very lustful of us. Very lustful. Wait, I'm not done with my question. So then when you were defrobing him, did you— was it easy or were there like a lot of steps?

No, no, no.

He—

I just had to hand him something and then he knew exactly what to do. It wasn't like he passed out and like was about to die. It was like something was happening and he was like, holy shit. You got to go get that. Like, get off.

After he did it, did you guys finish or were you like, maybe we, maybe we just call the night?

No. Um, no.

Were you like, well, I need to finish because like, I was like, I want to go home.

I wanted to go. I was like, it was traumatizing. No, he was older than me and it was like I didn't really No, we weren't like ever— like, we were never like together. We never like went out on dates. Like, it was like a random hookup one time, and I was just like, yeah, this is like not for me.

In my special, I have a bit about how the true walk of shame is when you have to walk into his bedroom with all the roommates who were like playing FIFA on the couch. Like, why are there always like 20 men at guys' apartments?

Like, oh my God, that's such a feeling that I like forgot. That's such a college— I haven't felt that in so long.

When you literally have to be like, I'm gonna go get dick down, hold on one sec guys. Oh, and you're like, pray for me.

You're like, oh, it's also just like men are so misogynistic that like you feel— they make you feel slutty for even walking in. Yeah, do you know what I mean? Like, I don't know, I just feel like there are situations that you get in as a growing up in a woman and you're in college where there's so many times where you're just like, I know they're saying some really crazy misogynistic shit.

Also, as a woman, did you know that like men, most men think if you go back to their place that means like you want to have sex?

Yeah, I could see that.

What if you just want to like—

well, I think it's more— I think it's— look, if I'm going home after the date, I don't fuck with you. I didn't fuck with you on the date. I don't want to spend any more time with you. If I'm going home with you after the date, it's not necessarily that I want to sleep with you, I just want to continue hanging out.

Exactly. Where guys will take it as like, she for sure wants to have sex. No, it's like an after-dinner drink, or like, yeah, you want to keep talking, you want to possibly let him touch your boob. But this is also when I was younger.

Yeah, this is like— I wouldn't do that now.

Like, when I'm— when I was like, even in college, I was like, okay, OTPHJ, you get But I was also scared, terrified.

No, I'm still scared. I'm so scared after reading the book Strangers. Anything could happen. I think about it all the time. I'm like, you don't know any of these men. We don't know any of them.

I also learned a new term which I, I don't know if you connect with because you're like better at it than me, but I definitely connect with it. It's called post- Gossip clarity.

I just saw that on TikTok. I literally reposted it. I've never felt something deeper in my life. The amount of times where I've spilled my fucking guts and have been like, why the hell did I tell her that?

So for people who don't know, it's like guys say they have post-nut clarity, where after they come, they like suddenly see everything clearly and regret everything. We're like, post-gossip clarity. I didn't realize how much in my life I would gossip to connect with people.

It's also because like you think— see it as like a vulnerable thing, and that's how you connect with people. Like, yeah, I'm both being vulnerable. Here's the thing, there's layers. I don't feel like that with you. Like, I hear a juicy story, the first thing I'm like is, Hannah's gonna die when I tell her this.

If anything, I, I get mad when I don't give you enough gossip. I'm like, I didn't do well enough today.

Someone like outside my circle, I'm very like, maybe I'll give you like a little morsel, but what are you giving me back? And like, I, I feel like that's something you learn like late 20s, early 30s. Like, actually, I'm not telling you anything.

But that was like my mid-20s, I feel like, because you don't even know whose side anyone is on. Um, but I would say one thing I learned as someone who's heard people talk bad about herself, which is not an uncommon thing, is a lot of the time it literally isn't personal. Like, you think someone's like, oh fuck, that person thinks that about me, and it's like, no, they were just trying to be cool with that other person.

Yeah.

And once you realize that, you actually get a lot of confidence in life and be like, oh, they actually like—

or they actually like respect you, and that's why they're trying to bring you down, because they both put you on a pedestal, and that's why they try to pull down, or they're psychotic and they literally want to be you and skin you and wear you like last year's Versace, which I feel like happens to me a lot.

And that's why we thrift. Just do some consignment shopping and figure it out. Um, so overall, how's your vacay going besides the, um, anal fissures?

It's amazing.

I've done so much good shopping and I just feel so like— I feel so disconnected that it's like so nice. Like I forgot what it was like living in the real world and not on the internet. Like, the more you immerse yourself in the real world, the more you realize the things you read on the internet are insane, written by insane people.

Well, when you travel, you just realize like, oh, the world is so much bigger, where when you're online it feels so small and like And it's also—

I'm also like, oh wow, these are the only people, plus Hannah, that I actually give a shit about in the world. The people I'm with right now. Like, I haven't looked at my phone because I'm like, the only person that's texting me is Hannah, and she's working, and she's going through something right now.

Wait, I'm so happy that you're in this mindset. I also can— you're tan, and I might skip dinner tonight and just do room service.

My dad is gonna like really kill me, but like, I think I need to give my stomach a little bit of a break.

You need to look out for yourself in these moments. Um, also let the family try to talk about something else other than me. Yeah, give them a moment. It's like when I wouldn't go to school one day, I'm like, what are people talking about if I'm not there?

I can't perform in the pool, I can't perform at lunch, I can't then go to dinner and do a one-woman show.

I'm tired. Call back, riff, callback, riff.

My brother though, he, he's pretty good.

Yeah, yeah, no, well, let him, let him, let him.

My dad's like, when are we making another TikTok? I have to figure out the TikTok situation for my dad. Like, you know, it's a lot of fucking crush.

Yeah, it's a lot of strategizing.

I also haven't been taking a lot of pictures because I'm just like, I don't care, dude.

Des and I never take photos. I'm like, we— there's no evidence that we've ever been together. We're alive. Um, and I want to do a quick shout out all the— there's so many gigglers in Toronto because Toronto's like really cool and full of just like hot girls being girls girls, every girl comes up to me and goes, "Sorry about your smile." So like immediately I don't feel rude when they're like, "Hi," and I'm like at dinner and I'm like, "Hey." So I want to say if you're a giggler and you see me, tell me you know about the smile thing because it helps me like with the social interaction and then I'm like at ease because I don't want to have to like tell you what I'm dealing with because like you don't know, you just—

You don't have to explain yourself, uh, yeah. On your stank face.

And I'm giving smiley, um, selfies with just a little kissy face, and it's like, it's working. It's chic, it's cute, it's chic.

And, um, we're gonna look back on this time and be like, haha, hehe, funny, you know? That's not this time right now, but we will get there. We're gonna get there together.

This is that I'm snarling. It's a snarl. Okay guys, what are those dogs? There was a dog sitting next to us at dinner and Des goes, that's your smile. And the dog was like, like a Bijan.

Like, uh, my— like one of my boyfriend's families had this dog, like, um, a Lapsa Apsa, I think it was called. Like a— and it had like—

that sounds like Italian.

No, it like looked like a Bijan, but it was like—

had an underbite and it was like I look like a little dog that you could— that's biting people's ankles. That's what I look like.

Okay, and that's all we have for today.

Well, um, no, it hasn't gotten better, but we love you guys so much and we'll talk to you later in the week. Bye!