Sup, Gigglers? Gary, fix your Wi-Fi.
Manifest that shit. We can't be managed.
I mean, the day just got away from me.
Hello, my grimacing Gigglers.
Okay, what does that mean?
Grimace is this. Okay, that's me smiling. It's a grimace.
Yeah, okay.
We've started a movement. It's Soft Smile Summer. The girls aren't smiling to people please. We're just being ourselves. And if you don't smile, people still love you. I don't know. I just made that up. How are you?
I haven't smiled once in solid—
That's a lie because you've posted 2 TikToks smiling at the end and it was giving you don't care about your best friend. I was like, oh, okay, just attack me.
To my face, I have been thinking about you a lot.
No, you know what I'm going through and you decided to smile in 2 out of 2 outfit talks. Crazy. And people noticed.
The other night I FaceTimed Hannah and it was actually so sad because she goes, I haven't been able to give my real smile all day because I don't want to scare people, and now that I get to laugh with you on FaceTime, it's so freeing.
No, you guys, I'm at my job. Yeah, and the good news is it's going well because I'm like leaning into being serious, but I can't smile because it makes me look like I'm crying and it freaks people out. So I like have to hold it in until I get back to my hotel room and I'm just like, hi!
You know what, I'm actually really proud of us though because I feel like whenever we go through something— also, I've been shitting my brains out here.
Yeah, I didn't want to bring it up.
We make it acceptable for the girls to like just be themselves.
Well, it's so cool that we say something that's like so depressing and sad and then all the gigglers are like, I feel less alone, this happened to me, or this isn't happening to me but I at least can laugh at you. Like the fact that I'm— some people literally like, I was in the darkest depression and then I watched the YouTube of you trying to smile and it brought me out of it, and I'm like, it was worth it, it was, it was worth it. Stab me a million times. But um My feed now, every nurse, doctor, practitioner is now like doing videos about what happened to me.
Trying to help you.
Which is kind of great because I'm getting all this like free advice, but all the advice is like, you fucked.
Yeah. You have a couple months.
And some of them are like, this was extremely rare. How did this happen to both Paige and Hannah?
No.
Within a couple months.
How our ops are working overtime.
But also I feel like nurses are nervous because they're like, hey guys, Botox like isn't as horrible as Paige and Hannah are making it seem. They just have really bad luck. And I'm like, okay, well the math isn't mathing.
Oh, the statistics that me and my best friend in the course of 3 months had a Botox mishap.
This was the 3rd time I did masseter, so I'm 1 for 3. You're one of two, right?
Yeah, you're one for one of two. One of two.
One of two. Okay, so that's two out of f— two out of five. That's almost half.
You've lost me. Sorry, I've actually tapped out of this.
40%. Wait, by the way, 40%, being in Toronto, I forgot to tell you, I got to my flight early and then I looked at when the flight was boarding and it said 2010. And in that moment I was like, I'm not going to make it, cuz like the second it's a mill— once you're in the 20s, like I feel like 15 I could do the math, but once you're in the 20s, that's like, I've— you've lost me.
It's the next day at that point. It's the next day.
And then I realized the reason me and you podcasting when you're in Italy, totally fun, totally easy. The hard part is we can't do math. So I'll be like, Paige, I'm free at 4 PM, and she's like, don't know when that is.
I'm like, cool, cool. Somebody tried to schedule a Zoom with me, and Josephine was like, hey, like, they want to do— and I go, okay, if they're in California, we're fucked, right? I was like, you tell them, pick a time, and I'll see if I'll be there.
If I have to carry a 1 to get to that time, we're not doing it. So yeah, now we're just like, hey, are you free in the next 20 minutes? And if we're not, then we just wait. We can't— we haven't set one time. Also, I was running on the treadmill. Do you remember I was bragging to you how fast I was running? Uh-huh.
Because you're fast. Twitch muscle.
Turns out I wasn't running miles per hour. I was running kilometers per hour.
Okay, well, I stepped on the scale here and it's in kilograms and I go, Yeah, I like that number. You know what, I'm not even gonna convert that because that seems nice.
I thought I was like an Olympian. I go, wow, I jogged once and I'm running at 9 for 7 minutes. I actually was like, so I was like, holy shit, I'm a— I was Kendall Jenner. I was like, I'm athletic, so genetically athletic. Um, but babe, sauna life. It's been a lot.
I love a sauna. How many minutes are you going in for?
Well, this is the thing. There's a sauna at my hotel, but it's not like a full person sauna. It's like 2 people. I mean, it's 2 people. Like, it's not like a big sauna. So I get— I keep having these sauna interactions, which I didn't know was legal. The first one, sit down, a man comes in and I'm like, should I call the police?
Like, is that—
are you— I'm in the sauna. Like, why would you come in my sauna? Turns to me, goes, "Hey, really liked your special." Another man? He must have been on in the background of his girlfriend's living room.
How are they finding us?
Okay, that's not right or cool. Then the next day, I'm in the sauna watching Wimbledon, and these two are gossiping, gossiping. They turn to me, they go, "Sorry, what time is it?" I look up, I'm like, I can't read military time, I don't know. And 37, 42, who the fuck knows? And the guy was a gaygler. He turns to me, goes, "Oh, Hannah Berner." Oh my God. So I'm 2 for 2. Starts asking me about all the tea going on. And I said, "Look, what happens in the sauna stays in the sauna." So I'm gossiping. Yeah, they get out. Sauna yesterday. There was a girl in like— it's by the pool— wearing a full thong in the sauna. Like, I guess bathing suits are like that now. I go in, there's a huge like butt mark from her sitting in the sauna. Wait, like a peach?
That's disgusting.
No, I was like, I'm kind of— sauna culture, I'm— I don't understand yet. It's Freaking me out.
I got into a fight in the sauna one time.
What happened?
Okay, I go into this— I'm in a building, I'm in like an apartment building. It's a communal sauna. It's— but girl, it's in like a girls' locker room, so it's just women. But it's like a pretty big sauna, like it's two rows. If you really wanted to pack 10 people in there, you could. I work out in the gym. And then I go into the locker room and I go in the sauna and I'm in my workout clothes and I kept my sneakers on, okay? And I'm sitting there, my feet are on the ground. This woman comes in and she's wearing— she's also in like workout clothes, like regular clothes, but no shoes. And she says to me, you know, it's really rude to come in with your sneakers on, people lay their heads down, like lay on these benches. And I turn to her and I go, well, that's disgusting because this is a communal sauna and why would someone be laying their sweaty body down?
So I kept my sneakers on and was like, that's where me and you are different. I would have been like, I am so sorry, this is your culture. I don't understand your culture. I'm taking off my shoes. I love— and then you sat there and looked at her the whole time.
I was this close to being like, and who the fuck are you to tell me what I'm gonna do in the goddamn sauna? I go, well, that's disgusting, you shouldn't lay down in it.
The sauna is full of people's sweat.
She was trying to tell me I was in like a health code violation. I was like, no, no, lady, I think you with your bare ass feet. I also said, I go, well, I would be nervous to not have socks and shoes on because that's how foot fungus spreads. So hop off my dick, lady.
I love all the women around you being like, valid points are being made and I suddenly don't want to be here anymore. No, I feel like that's where COVID started.
I'm like, I took this relaxing experience and just—
well, being in a small hot space with strangers is my nightmare. And my nightmare— I've had 3 bad experiences. No, no, the second one was fun because we gossip, but like, I was I just want to watch Wimbledon.
You're in a different place than you typically are, and I would say that like when people— when you're in a random situation and someone does want to talk to you, you're very happy and jolly and you do want to engage. But you're going through a time right now. No, I know, because you can't talk. That's your favorite thing to do is talk.
No, I know. And I do have to say, the one thing that's getting me through this. And if we're being so real with each other, yeah, let's— I'm getting so much attention. Like, if I wasn't getting attention, you guys, I would be like in a really, really bad place. But I go to sleep at night and I go, at least people are talking about me, at least people care enough. And it's actually crazy because when it first started happening, I was on TikTok and I found like 2 or 3 girls that it happened to. And all these girlies are now posting being like, hey, you guys remember when this happened to me? It's happening to Hannah Berner. And the girl was so funny, she's like, Hannah Berner, we got another diva down. She didn't look at my— so we're kind of all bonding. Even Meredith, um, Wishbone Kitchen, she said it happened to her. Um, Meghan Trainor said it happened to her. And, um, it's— it— divas are going down.
Are people just not saying when it happens because they're embarrassed? Because when it happened to me, I literally was—
I can't stop talking people.
No, I, I'm— I would tell everyone that would listen. I'd be like, I know you don't know me, so you don't know what my actual smile looks like, but look at this because this ain't it. Like, I wanted to tell everyone. So I don't get it. Like, are the girls— don't be embarrassed.
But the gigglers, yeah, they're getting me through it by laughing. And like, people are telling me like just that it's— it made them happy, and that makes like— it really like for a month of sadness is cured for sure, where I would have been really sad. Um, so yesterday we tried to record, you, you were going through it. Are you okay?
You know, this is my karma for laughing in my TikToks while my friend can't move her face because we truly have switched positions. I was— and you know what, this is my own fault because I came onto the trip and I said I'm gonna eat a fuck ton on this trip.
You were determined.
I was determined. And it takes me a couple days to like acclimate to anywhere. Like I can't, and sometimes people will have this problem where like they can't go to the bathroom on vacation. I get the opposite where I'm like, it's running through me. To the point that last night we were at dinner and I said, I looked at the table and I go, guys, I've had a lovely time, But if I don't run back to the room, I will in fact shit myself here at the table. So it's been lovely, but I must, I must jet. So I literally—
we're supposed to record after dinner, so I'm like, hey babe, haven't heard from you. And she's like, I literally physically can't get off the toilet right now.
Here's the worst part. I run back to my room. My room and my brother's room, we have like adjoining door.
Adorable.
In Europe, you take— you have to put your car— your key card in like the slot from like right when you walk in the door for like the electricity. Okay, yeah. I run back to the room, they're doing turndown service in my room. Oh no. I'm like, I'm like, it's okay. Like, and they're like, oh, well, like, I'm like, like, no one speaks English. I'm like, ah. Then like, I, I go into my brother's room, pitch black. I don't have his key card, obviously. So I'm sitting on the toilet Shitting. Pure black. Just pitch black. And honestly, let me tell you, were you sure you found the toilet? I had to use my flashlight on my phone.
Okay, wait, so you sat there in darkness just relieving yourself? Imagine if your brother walked in.
Well, then he came in later and he was like, are you fucking kidding And actually, when we first got to the hotel, I went in and went into a hotel room, and I like really had to go to the bathroom. So I go into the hotel room, I go to the bathroom, and then I come out and I'm like, I actually want the other room. Like, I don't want this room, I want the one my brother's in. So I go, let's switch.
So Regina George, I go, let's switch rooms.
And he's like, okay. And so we switch rooms, and then he goes Did you take a shit in here? It was like the most brother-sister thing, and I was just like, yeah, I did.
What are you gonna do about it, tell mom?
It was, yeah, I literally— going on vacation with your siblings is like reverting back to childhood. Like, everyone reverts back to their position in the family, I feel like.
The only person that finds my mouth funnier than you is your dad, is my brother. No, my parents are like being actually really like, are you okay? My brother, he can't even look at me without crying hysterically. He thinks it's the funniest thing. But my dad, by the way, I always have a nervous stomach too, and I'm known— I like to, when I get to a restaurant, I go to the bathroom not just to go to the bathroom but to like see the ambiance.
Like, yeah.
It's— I need to know the full restaurant, and the bathroom is a huge experience. So whenever I'm at a restaurant, I go, I have to go to the bathroom. I like to— hot take— between appetizer and main, I like to just clean it out.
Go relieve yourself. Yeah.
And my dad always goes, you got to go to the bathroom? That's a surprise. That's a surprise. That's like his favorite thing. That— oh, Hannah's going to the bathroom? That's a surprise.
Have you ever tried to go non-dairy for like longer than 3 minutes.
Yeah, I've done it for like a meal and then the next meal I forgot.
That's my thing too. Whenever I'm like, I'm on a diet, I literally forget.
You have to remember.
And they go, yeah.
I'm also like, is there dairy in scallion cream cheese? Like, yeah.
I'm like, okay, well, you're like, okay, well, I planned on having a bagel, so no. One thing I do want to point out that's very different from European hotels to American hotels Why is there already a fork and knife in my hotel room when I have not ordered anything?
Amazing.
In case I happen upon a meal, they're like, don't worry, we got you. Or like, you don't have to— we're like, if you're at any hotel in America, you have—
you can't find a fork.
Yeah, I'm like, hey, could you send up a fork?
And they're like, whoa, 8 years later they're like, we gotta turn this place upside down.
We're in Italy, they're like What if you come home and you have a little snack? What would you do?
And there's also little butter knives. There's little butter knives, right?
Which is what happened last night when I came back to the room to go to the bathroom. Then my family came back and they brought me my leftover ravioli. And so then I ate it then.
What I love about us and our families too is we're so main character energy. Like whether it's bad or good, it's gonna be about us. Like it is the Paige and Hannah show nonstop.
My dad literally goes, "Why are you so tired?" I go, "Because I have to perform every night at 8 PM. What would we do at dinner if I wasn't performing? Like, I'm exhausted. I'm doing 2 weeks of shows. I've been writing." I'm like, "You think that the running joke for the whole trip is gonna stay alive if I don't keep it alive?" Sometimes living a wellness lifestyle can be a lot harder than you initially planned. And that's because there's so many products out there that greenwash their products, say things like they're more natural or clean than they really are. But Nature's Sunshine sustainably sources their ingredients and craft their supplements with 100% solar-powered manufacturing. Nature's Sunshine isn't just inspired by nature, they protect it. Real sustainability with 100% solar-powered manufacturing and zero emissions. Backed by thoughtful science and patented plant-derived blends that combine tradition and research. They have Chlorophyll for a gentle daily detox. It's delicious, convenient chlorophyll stick packs that support your gut, reduce bloat, and leave you feeling lighter and more energized. They also have Power Beats for better cardiovascular performance. So try Nature's Sunshine and experience the difference with supplements that are better for you and the planet.
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Oh, I have a question. Yeah, so at my hotel, I'm here for 3 weeks, I realized I have to do laundry at the hotel. I've never done this. Have you done this before?
Honey, you know I love an amenity at a hotel. You want to know what I did this year?
What?
I checked in, they bring our bags up, I call down, I go, hey, Any chance you guys have an unpacking service? They go, Mr. Sorbo, of course. I go, amazing, I'm gonna go to the pool. And they're gonna— and they're like, great, we'll send someone up. I get changed, I go to the pool, I have my day, I come back up, all my clothes hanging. Amazing, lovely. Do yourself a favor, ask for that next time you're at a hotel.
This is the problem, I don't like calling people. Second of all, So there's a laundry bag, it says laundry, so I'm like, okay, I could do this. But then it has a slip.
I've already done 2 loads here. I love doing laundry. I'm big.
Paige, I have a huge thing of laundry. I have to go through and tell them how many of each thing.
Well, you waited too long. You gotta do it, you gotta do it like once a week.
I'll do it after the pod.
Okay. Yeah, but it's gonna feel so good. No, that's like one of the only slips I like filling out. I'm like, two dresses.
I wasn't anticipating being in the sauna every day, so I only brought four t-shirts.
No, you're busy. I want to say something about Love Island.
Let it out.
I'm fully caught up on US. I said I wasn't gonna do this, but here we are, and I'm fully caught up because I can't be out of the loop of anything. And you know what, I'm like, you guys aren't even love— real Love Island fans. So like, if anyone's gonna be in the combo, I'm gonna be in the goddamn— is this a kidding.
Oh my, that's the biggest bug I've ever seen.
The bugs here are big, like they're meaty, like they eat the fly. Yeah, I was watching like one of the most recent episodes, and it's so interesting watching, like obviously watching reality TV, and especially like a game show type reality TV where they're in like this incubus where it's only what they're dealing with. So there's this girl, her name is Anaya. She was coupled up with this guy, his name is Casey. They go to Casa Amor, blah blah blah, whatever. She comes, she's like, I'm gonna stay single. Hopefully he stayed single. He doesn't. He comes back with a girl. They get in this like whole big thing, whatever. But there is a moment where she starts crying because he's come back with a girl and I have never watched a reality television show and cried because I— you're a Scorpio. Yeah, that's just not something I would ever do. I literally started tearing up because I knew, I knew in my gut not only was she dealing with like this guy just being like the biggest asshole— like honestly, a lot of the men on Love Island this year, because they're Gen Z, are very red-pilled, and very scary, and I don't think people are realizing it to the full potential.
Like, the way they talk about the girls doing sexual things is very, very back in time. Like, it's actually, like, concerning. Anyway, that's a whole separate situation. I digress. But I could tell that she— I started tearing up because I could tell that she was crying because she wanted to be like, 'And I'm being filmed right now.' Like, she was so frustrated, and she was like, and I'm on a show, like, and everyone is watching this. Like, you could tell it wasn't just about the guy, it was about like, and I, I feel like I'm in jail because I can't fuck it. Like, I want to leave, I have to leave.
You— and she's like, this is fucking embarrassing, and I didn't sign up to be embarrassed. I signed up to like find love, fun, and like have—
yes. And so there was— I just felt so horrible for— I literally started like, I had full tear run down my face because I was like, I know exactly what you're feeling. Like, I was almost like, yeah, girl, go home. Like, if you want to go home, go home. Like, I'm a very big proponent of like— and I'll leave. Fuck you, and I'm going home.
There are so many times I tried, so I should have left and I didn't because I told myself I'm not a quitter. Sometimes you should quit.
Persevere.
I think with reality TV too, like Paige and I aren't criers, and we've cried on TV many times because when there's a camera there, everything feels so much more intense and serious. Serious. And that's why when someone does something mean on camera, it's so much meaner because you're like, you know, the whole world's gonna see you say that about me. So like, you want, you want the whole world to think that about me?
There are so many times where you're like, on camera?
Are you on camera kidding me? That came out of your mouth on camera?
And there are times I think too that you realize that not everyone is built like you, because there would be situations where I, like, in my head I'd be like, I would never fucking do that to you on camera. Look, there's been horrible men on Love Island since 2015. It's not like the beginning of time. Yeah, it's not like it's like a nuanced thing, but never once in my years of watching Love Island have I ever heard a man say or complain that the girl he is coupled up with is not doing enough sexual things with him. And also the way—
just me—
the way the men disguise, like, well, I'm just very affectionate. Well, my love language is affection. Yeah, no shit, you want your dick sucked. Like, we're not idiots. Yeah, but the way they're talking about, like, the sexual acts that the girls are doing or not doing, it's like, hey, they're on national television. Like, I think it's a pretty plausible thing to not want to fuck on a television show.
I'm confused though. Are the guys wanting the girls to be more sexual or judging them for being sexual, or both?
Both. So they want them to be more sexual with them, but like, if a girl explores more than one, they're like, really, do you need to explore more than one person? Yeah, it's fucking Love Island. That's That's the whole goddamn point of this.
Meanwhile, they're, they're talking to everyone. Wait, what's with the, um, it's called the clamshell drop or something. It's the split where she's— it's called slamming the clam. She's slamming her clam.
Is that what they're calling it?
Yeah, that's what's coming up in my algorithm. This, the clam slam.
Clam slam. Okay, I actually don't hate that. But yeah, she does a lot of splits.
I'm so fucking jealous. Honestly, I'm so fucking jealous. If I could slam my clam.
Oh, Hannah, if you could do splits, I'd actually have to reevaluate our friendship.
Wait, do you know that's why I started watching Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders yesterday?
And your thoughts, honey?
I have— I watched the whole first season, honey.
I'm so glad you didn't do it the way you did Mormon Wives, where you literally went backwards, because that was diabolical.
Yeah, that confused me.
You're one season in.
Okay, my thoughts are these women literally bring these cheerleaders out back and leave them for dead.
They're like, oh, did you gain £3? Fuck out of here. They're like, hey, legally we can't tell you to lose weight, but if we could, we'd say look on the scale, minus it by 40.
I think it's because I watched the whole season in a day, but yeah, everyone's really sad. Like, it's too depressing for me to watch because they're— whether it's whether they're doing well, they're like, this is really sad. And then if they're not doing well, they're like, this is really sad.
Okay.
They're all— they're all so stressed and scared of missing like one pom-pom routine. And they're all overqualified. They're all overqualified for what this gig is paying them.
Obviously, I kind of want someone to say to the— you know how it's the two coaches and then the head woman? Have you met the head woman?
Yes.
Brown hair, blue eyes?
Yes.
She's like in charge of Judy and the other lady.
She's Jerry Jones's daughter.
She's scary as fuck. Okay. There's something really, really terrifying about her, and I don't know what it is.
It's rich people shit.
And I think it's her blue eyes.
Like, that's another realm that I've never been to. She's such a billionaire that she doesn't understand like anything. Where the head— the other head lady was like, how do we tell this girl who's good enough that she can't make the team for no reason? And she goes, we have 36 girls. Yeah, tell her 36, it's easy.
She's literally like, you're ugly, you're not making the team, you're hideous. And okay, look, I love a makeover, like I truly, I love a makeover scene. I love, I'd love to give someone a makeover. Like, I watch even like watching Love Island, like the girls are gorgeous, but I'm like, ooh, what if we like took your eyelashes off, cut your hair? And like, like I'm always thinking like what are random things, because that's my hobby. I, and not in like a judgmental mean way.
Aesthetics are your passion.
Yeah, I'm just like, what if you wear a brunette? The way they do the makeovers I'm sorry, but if you put me in that room in Dallas, Texas, I don't know if it's because it's like East Coast, but in 10 minutes I'm lighting those bitches up. Like, I'm like, who the fuck do you think you are? Like, and I don't know if it's because the girls are like young 20s and they feel like these women are like authority and they have to respect them, but like Fuck, there's so many times where I'm watching the show where I'd be like, and fuck you, Paige.
To this day, I'll sit down and make a barista do my makeup and just do some crazy shit, and I'll say thank you and leave. Like, I get it, I get it. I bleached my own hair. I was like, no, that was me.
Yeah, but okay, but if you want to do something like that, that's autonomy. Yeah, do whatever you want. But if—
well, they do it before they let them in. They made that girl dye her hair brown and then told her she's not on the team.
Yeah, like, what the fuck is that? I think that is so rude.
The girls from the '70s are so iconic because the team was actually the best in the '70s, so like they made them famous. So it is cool to see those women. Um, but then I hate when people say— and they do this a lot on the show, it's very cultish— they go this these are the best years of your life. And they purposely tell that to them over and over again so that these girls feel lucky. And these girls are gonna look back and be like, oh, that was my most insecure, scariest time. And by the way, stop saying these are the best. College is not the best years of your life. Your 20s are not the best years of your life. Anyone who says that to you is lying.
I hated college.
You know what the best years of your life are? This moment right now. Yeah, whenever you fucking want. That you can choose to live in. Literally. Um, but yeah, those women are scary as fuck.
Also, they're super scary.
I do watch a lot of things and get inspired. Like, I'll watch a music documentary of like a rock star and I'll be like, I want to be a rock star. Or I'll watch like a documentary of like a softball pitcher and I'll be like, I want to be a softball pitcher one day. Not one ounce of me wanted to be a cheerleader watching that.
Me watching it I'm like, oh, I love the outfits. I love— like, I— but I love really girly stuff like that. But what I don't like— well, I don't like— I don't like being managed. You can't tell me what to goddamn do. So I don't know if I could actually be like on an organized sports team as an adult.
My biggest thing— and I don't know what this says about me— but I hate being part of like a stream of salmon. Does that make sense?
You hate going with the crowd?
Yeah, like I hate being like, you've made it to be a nondescript beautiful girl in the crowd of beautiful girls and you all just are like one beautiful girl now. Like, I love individuality and being myself and expressing myself, and I feel like they're trying to make you be something that none of them actually are. Like, all these girls are different and beautiful in their own ways, and they're all trying to be these caricatures. I just love being my own person. So that was driving me crazy, that it's like you have to fit in with what everyone's doing, wear the same thing, look the same, be the same.
You know what I'd love? I'd love this exact show for the Rockettes because I'd love to know— I would say it's very— I'd say it's probably same ages. Same. I think they have to try out every single year. I'd love to know— also professional dancers— I'd love to know how they get treated, it being in New York City versus Dallas, Texas.
Well, some of the Dallas, Texas girls were talking about how they could try to be a Rockette because they have the skills. What do you think of Victoria?
Oh, sweet girl. I feel really bad for her.
So for people who know Victoria, basically her whole life was about becoming a Dallas cheerleader. She's like sitting in her room with like all these Dallas cheerleader merchandise and stuff.
I think the coaches were disgusting to her. I think they were so mean to her.
Well, she also was like, I feel like I don't fit in. None of the coaches like want me to do well. And in her— this is— it kind of reminded me of tennis a little, where I was like, this has been my dream my whole life. But it got to a point where I was like, every sign is telling me to stop and I have to stop blindly chasing this dream. So I really empathized with her.
Yeah.
Where I was like, you're gonna learn from this fucked up experience. But like, she's not where she's meant to be, and that's why everything was just like going wrong for her.
I think she goes and becomes a rat cat. Fuck yeah. You know how they say that like men don't respect respect women that they don't find attractive.
Yes.
Neither do older women in Texas. Oh, over 40, they actually feel the same way.
Therese, who's adorable, they were like, oh, we met your boyfriend, he's not what we thought he would be. And she's like, what do you mean? And they go, we thought you'd be with like a football player or something. She's like, no, he doesn't play football. And they're like, yeah, Okay.
And if someone ever fucking said that to my face, you're so jacked up right now. I've been hanging with my dad for too long. Really? It's been like 5 days and I'm like, what'd you say?
You go, and I think it was disgusting.
No, it was despicable is what it is. Because like, I'm not in like an authority. I'm not like the authority of anyone. Like, I'm not I mean, I guess I am people's boss, but I don't ever see it like that. So like, I don't know how you can be in charge of a group of people regardless of what your job is, but especially be in charge of a group of women who are significant. That would be like me running a 4th grade team. No, this is exactly what it is.
Sophia, can I talk to you for a second?
I am the coach of a 5th grade cheerleading team. And I'm gonna be mean to those bitches? No. Uh, no, because I could have birthed them.
So with age comes wiseness. Like, there were so many moments where I feel like she could have given like wise advice. Instead, she was just like, get out of here, you— maybe next year, maybe next year, girl. God bless, bless her heart.
And the girls are always in the room, like the coaches are being so mean to them, and the girls are always in the room like Thank you so much.
One of the rules is you have to say yes ma'am, and if they don't, they go, would you? And she goes, yes ma'am. But also what's crazy is these girls, like, on game day, they're working from 9 AM to 9 PM.
Yeah, right? They're getting up at like 5.
Crazy. Like, longer than the football players, these girls are working.
And they were like, why don't you want $2 an hour? They're like, that, that's not enough for you?
Well, at the end, they had— the girls had to say like if they want to come back, and I'm like, can they afford to?
They're The one girl's like, "I need a hip replacement." Also, like, I feel like they can cut the splits. Like, if every girl is like, "Hey, um, my femur bone is hurt.
Like, it's on its last leg." They have this dance called Thunderstruck, which is like what they're known for.
Yeah, no, it's a phenomenal dance.
It's a phenomenal dance, but it turns out it's like the hardest dance to do, and I'm like, We could— no one would notice if we cut 30 seconds.
Why isn't anyone bringing up the fact that they do the same dance every single year? You guys don't want to switch it up ever? Like, I don't— like, the same thing? Yeah, like, yeah, no wonder some people are so good at it. They've been doing it for 20 years.
Like, but also when they kept saying that the splits are like ruining their body, even though I was jealous I couldn't do it, I was like, I couldn't watch it. I was like, These girls are losing. I can't watch them split there because they do a jump split. It was like a drag queen move. They're doing like death drops.
In this season, though, there's one girl that's like, no, my doctor said if I do another split, that's enough. And the coaches are like, well, what are you going to do? And she's like, I'm going to ice it, ma'am. Don't worry, I'm going to ice it. I'm like, you need to go to Alaska. You need more ice than what's in your refrigerator in Texas.
Someone get Kenzie from Love Island. She'll do the splits.
It's just such a fun— it's just a freaking weird show.
Are season 2 and 3 better or different?
Season 3 was real weird. Season 3 was not as good as season 1 and 2.
There is just a sadness to it all though, like it was really starting— also I am sad, so that could have been it.
There's a certain dark energy that I can't put my finger on.
It's real dark. Wait, can I get you mad about something?
Fuck yeah.
So apparently they're putting tons of money into like trying to secure male baldness, and it's like millions of dollars more than any research they've done for endometriosis. The like discrepancy between the money going towards male baldness versus endometriosis studies is like insane.
You're balding because God believes in karma, so either deal with it or go pay $30 grand to get a hair transplant.
I knew I was gonna get you going.
Do you know it takes 10 years to even get diagnosed with endometriosis?
'Cause no one cares about it.
And we don't need to diagnose you motherfuckers with male pattern baldness. We know when you're ugly. Put a hat on.
Also, I would argue that whoever's voting for where the money goes in the Senate or the state or the whatever, I bet those men don't know what endometriosis is.
I have so many exes that are balding, and let me tell you, the joy that it fucking brings me is un— there's no greater joy. I have at least 4, and I love it.
I just got notified that one of my exes got a hair, hair replacement or whatever.
Yeah, as they should.
And, um, you guys, karma's real. Karma works. That's, it's one thing we know for sure on this pod. Did I talk about how I got stuck in a gay pride?
Like, you walked in the middle of it?
Like, let me set the scene. Yeah, so I'm in Toronto and they told me where to get my, um, spray tan, and I had to physically go somewhere. And I was like, I'm picking the best place because I'm scared of what's recently happened to me. I did all this research, this is the place to go. So it's like a 15-minute walk but like a 6-minute Uber. And of course I was like fucking around the bathroom when I was running late, so I was like, fuck it, I'll Uber. 10 minutes in, I realized this Uber, we're still in traffic. And it's one of those where like if you're late by 10 minutes, they cancel the call. So I start freaking out.
Okay, not very Canadian of them.
No, I know. So I called them and I'm like, hey, just stuck in traffic, but it says soon. The guy's like, all the roads are closed. All the Toronto roads are closed. I'm like, okay, why is this happening? He's like, I don't know. And I'm like, I'll just get out and figure this out. So I get out and I start going on the street I'm supposed to be on that was closed. Next thing you know, middle of the Pride parade. I'm literally dancing to Ariana Grande. Rain on me, rain, rain, rain on me, rain on me.
Wait, what's it called when you're the, like, you're the head of the parade?
What is that called?
Like the grand—
what is that called?
No, I'm Googling it. That's some— that's called something.
I was like, let's keep going faster, faster. I'm running late to my tan appointment, which I feel like was like people understood. But I'm literally getting through the Pride parade while there was a drag queen at one point. I was like, yes, queen, yes, queen. And I had the best time on Toronto Pride.
A grand marshal.
I knew I'm the grand marshal of Toronto Gay Pride. Also, let's be honest, completely lesbian passing. Everyone was like, finally. I was wearing what I'm wearing right now, big t-shirt and just loving life. And when I got in, I was like, sorry, I was in the Pride parade. Sorry I'm late. And she was like, it's okay.
Are you interested in anything World Cup related? Like, have you watched any games or you don't care? Because sometimes— because you're a sports girlie really at heart, so sometimes you will dabble in other, like, genres. And where I like— I'm not like, I'm not like turning on a soccer game, you know?
You know, it's funny because Dez is European. Yeah, so he likes soccer. Something about it, I haven't wrapped my head around it.
Yeah, you can't get into it.
I can't get into it because, yeah, I haven't— no, I've also been like going through it, so I haven't been able to. But also soccer, I have trouble watching.
One thing I think about a lot with soccer players is, because the field is big and they're running the whole time, how do they not shit themselves?
You know, it is—
how are marathon runners not shitting themselves?
I think they are.
Are they?
They are.
Because like, if you go dog sledding, the dogs shit themselves because they're running so much.
As a marathon runner now, yeah. I do have to say, you won't have to shit, and the second you get on that treadmill, you're like, okay, after I've put my purse down, set up my— my iPhone— I almost said iPad— iPhone, put my Gatorade down, now I suddenly have to shit myself because my body's like, I have to run. But no, when you're like in the adrenaline, it's like when you're on stage, you get— it holds in unless you're going through like a real stomach situation. But, um, with soccer, with me, I don't know what they're trying to do, so I can't tell when someone's doing something good or bad because no one's getting it in the goal.
So I just—
it just like looks like people are kicking it to each other. But again, I know I'm being a stupid American when I say that.
I just like, anytime I watch a sport, I think of like, okay, in what way would I get hurt? And I'm like, someone would kick my shin and that's it, I'm done.
Well, apparently it has as many— okay, that's a made-up stat, but like, there's a lot of concussions because they all jump and try to head the ball. So everyone's jumping and then like headbutting each other and just cracking each other's skulls.
Wow.
No, that's not good. Which leads us to Woman in STEM of the Week.
Hell yeah!
There's a girl who— I don't know what happened, but she lost her license.
Okay, okay. And it could have been— could have been a lot of things.
Could have been many things. We don't judge. But she's in college and like has to get to class, so she's driving around.
So she lost it within 4 years of having it, essentially. Not great. Not great, not great.
But to get to class now, she's driving around in a Barbie Jeep and like dead serious, like on campus.
And that's innovation, and that's just like smart. Why? There's no different than taking like a scooter or a bike.
It's just so funny because she looks like miserable going to class in her Barbie Jeep.
Wait, can you send me that video? Because I love that.
Yeah, it's very U-coded.
Yeah, I love that so much. I'm almost like, why didn't I think of that?
I feel like because you've been in Italy, I've had to— and I'm just like scrolling my phone. I have so many random news stories for us. Have you heard of the Cake Pop drama?
Cake Pop? K-pop?
Cake Pop?
Cake?
Okay, sorry, Cake. Sorry, I can't really speak right now.
Sorry, it's a cake situation. True.
Cake pop drama. Okay, basically a girl makes cake pops. Okay, and it's a real art form, like people really follow these kind of—
like a Starbucks cake pop.
Yeah, so they make it at home and they basically make the cake with a cake batter like that you buy, like Betty Crocker, and then it's kind of fun to watch them dip it into different things and it's like different colors. They do tie-dye, whatever. I actually got kind of into it for a second.
Yeah, women and sound.
One of the women is like, hey, I'm really annoyed, this woman stole my, my recipe for Fruity Pebbles cake pops. The girl posts crying and she's like, I didn't steal your recipe, I don't know your recipe, you don't post your recipe. She's like, it's Fruity Pebbles and Betty Crocker, like what recipe are you talking about? Everyone gets mad at the first girl and the first girl's like has to quit cake popping because her business is now canceled because she accused the other girl of stealing her cake pop recipe and that made that girl cry.
We've really lost the plot.
This is why the patriarchy is winning, you guys.
This is because we're getting caught up in cake pop situation. Wait, I saw that the girl— there's a girl that tried to trademark Hot Girl Walk.
Everyone's talking about it now, like girls need to stop claiming general things.
I just feel like with the internet everyone thinks they're like a lawyer and a doctor, and I think like the first— one of the biggest things about like being mature and self-aware is admitting when you don't know something and you're not an authority on it and being like honest, being like, I don't know that, or like, I wouldn't— how would I know? But the internet, everyone is like an authority.
Like, well, that's the problem. Some of them are getting bad advice. Like this one girl said a lawyer told her like, but it was your recipe, you're allowed to fight for this. But these lawyers don't understand like nuance and like culture that like, okay, maybe you can't trademark a common phrase.
Just— and also If anything, Megan Thee Stallion started Hot Girl Whatever. So yes, how would you even—
Well, it's like us trying to trademark giggle. That's like we didn't invent giggling.
Yeah, right.
Like, well, also, it's just like, I guess, people having people in their ear trying to make money and using the legal system. And back then, I think all this stuff used to happen. Like back then, everyone's suing everyone. But nowadays you can kind of— it can go viral online. Actually, I think Paris Hilton trademarked "That's Hot." Yeah, I think it's a common thing that people make money off of. I mean, do you remember websites? People were just like, "I own peanuts.com," and you're like, "Okay, you got, you got it first." You got to go.
Somebody owned pagedesoribo.com for a really long time, and I used to try and figure out who it was because I genuinely thought it was someone I knew just trying to like fuck with me. Because then, wait, remember when someone owned gigglysquad.com and they wanted us to pay like thousands and thousands of dollars and we were like, fuck you, we'll do a hyphen?
Yeah, that's why we have a hyphen. We were like, okay, we literally don't— it's crazy that you think we care about our brand.
I'm like, last thing I'm doing is giving some random ass man money for my name. Keep it, babe.
Also, apparently someone, yeah, did @gigglysquad on Twitter and they were like, you have to buy it from us. And we're like, That's hilarious. You think we use Twitter?
Yeah, I'm like, I haven't gone on Twitter since 2006. Have a great time.
Keep our Twitter. You can keep it, babe.
There's someone on Facebook like pretending to be me and so many people have DM'd me about it like, hey, like, just want to let you know. And I'm like, who the fuck is on Facebook? I'm like, I don't give a shit.
Like, mental health moment of the week. I did see a TikTok that was really helpful because as you guys know, I'm not very good at processing my emotions. Sometimes I just turn it into jokes and then I cry about it alone after. And I still to this day, I'm like, what does it fucking mean to process an emotion? Like, I don't understand, especially as an athlete where it's like, how do you feel? And you're like, good, I'm fine, I'm strong. So this woman said processing an emotion is when you feel an emotion before you immediately try to fix it, fix it, um call your mom, try to make it feel better, eat something to soften the blow. Before you do anything, she basically was like, sit in the emotion. Just like, don't do— and basically don't do anything. Because I was like, what does processing mean? She's like, just let it— just feel it. And it's uncomfortable, whether it's hatred, anger, shame, envy, sadness. Sit in it and give it like a couple minutes, and then do something. Because it trains your body to learn that it's safe for you to feel. So the next time that emotion comes up, you don't panic as much because your body has sat with it before and it didn't do anything crazy.
Okay, well, I've never processed an emotion before, so that was enlightening.
Now that I realize that, the second you feel a bad emotion, what do you do? You grab your gua sha and you start your skincare routine. Yeah, okay, I guess I actually immediately start yelling, but yeah, I should do So I guess sitting with it makes your body less impulsive to be scared of feeling, and then once you can handle your feelings, you're kind of fucking unstoppable.
You know that book, um, it's called like— I forget what it's called, but it basically tells you if you're like— every girl I feel like has read it. I haven't read it, but I feel like we should because I want to know what each of us are.
Maybe that could be the second book you read.
Wait, maybe where it's like you're either like anxious attachment Oh yeah, and then like, I don't know what the other ones are, but I really want to know what I am because I know that whatever I am, it's something anxious.
Did not need a doctor to tell you that. Don't need to read a whole book, darling, to tell you that.
You know what, maybe I do need just the DCC cat— or coaches to tell me what they're really— what the fuck is wrong with me. Maybe they're— maybe actually they have it right. Maybe they're just— the bluntness is what—
the truth is all I want is Judy to think I'm amazing. Like, all I want is Judy to love me. After watching it, I was like, put me in front of Judy and I will say, "How hot?" I said the same thing for very different reasons.
I said, you know what? Put me in that room right now.
This is my impression of Judy watching me walk into the audition room.
Wait, your screen is frozen, so I actually can't see you, so it's like really annoying me.
Is it? How long has it been frozen?
Like 5 minutes.
Okay, well, this is how we're ending the episode, is my impression of me walking into audition room and Judy and the other one are there. Oh, she's pear-shaped.
Oh, she's pear-shaped.
Oh, that's not a pretty smile. Oh no, she—
oh, is she a redhead? I don't think a natural one.
Oh no, why does it look like she's crying every time she smiles? Okay.
Oh, I think her fingers are just as stubby as her legs, and I don't think They also say the meanest things in the nicest tone.
I'm like, wait, that's really mean. Her mom never taught her how to use a razor on her thigh.
I will say some of the meanest people I've ever met in my whole life— I'm really sorry— but have been Southern. Like, they just have been where I'm like, oh my God, I've dealt with— like, I've had a girl yell in my face before and she wasn't even this mean? This is scary.
Yeah, Southern ladies will speak like this and just rip you a new one.
Yeah, because there's something very demonic about that. They don't change their tone and it's like a nice tone and it's like, that's the most evil thing I've ever heard. And I think it's something that like they're very vocal about being religious, but I'm like, okay, um I don't think he'd approve of that. Okay, that's okay.
Anyway, anyway, you guys have the best weekend ever. We love you so much. Thank you for giggling with us, and we'll talk to y'all later.
Bye!
Paige realizes she's never processed an emotion and Hannah is basically living in a sauna.subscribe to our newsletter Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.