Transcript of Giggling about soft smiles, summer reading, and running

Sup, gigglers? Gary, fix the Wi-Fi.

Manifest that shit. We can't be managed.

I mean, the day just got away from me.

Hello, my giggliest. We're back. We're back. I did just wake up from a nap. Yeah, I think that's, that's why I'm a little— my mouth's a little sore.

And we talked a little in the beginning to get Hannah warmed up.

Now we do exercise.

Now we do red leather, yellow leather, seashells by the seashore. Um, Hannah's about to start her show, so she's— it's start— we're in it.

Yeah.

You want to know what I feel like? A lot of people were like, what's the vibe about— what's the vibe of the summer? What's the song of the summer? What's the saying of the summer? For the gigglers, sorry, we're having an intense summer because Hannah can't move her face. Not only is she working with no movement, but we have to keep abreast on what's going on.

Um, I declare it right now, it's soft smile summer.

Hell yeah, it is.

I've changed who I am. I'm an ice queen. Okay. I don't smile at anyone. I don't laugh at anyone. Nothing's funny. Mm-hmm. Um, and look, I do have to say thank you for all the feedback from the pod. I'm still getting it. I'm like refreshing YouTube and reading all the comments. The one thing I didn't think was gonna hurt my feelings that did is I'm getting a lot of people calling me Keira Knightley.

Why would that hurt your feelings?

Because it means my jaw's not moving and I look like this, and I'm like, I don't have lockjaw, she's gorgeous, but I can move my jaw.

You are kind of giving a little bit British.

Okay, I actually was so excited to see you today, cuz I thought I was going to hop on and you were going to be like, it looks so much better, you look so good. But the problem with Paige is she's brutally honest with me, To the point that yesterday I sent her a photo of myself and didn't get a response, and then said— made a joke like, sorry, I look ugly, I know you hate when I look ugly. And she was like, thanks for ruining my night.

What about today when I was like— you sent me a meme about how like your friend can't take anything serious, and I was like, this is me for the next 6 months. And you were like, 6 months?

I'm very fragile right now, you can't make those jokes.

No, I know. No, I know.

No, I know, and it's not funny.

I know.

Womanist Thumb of the Week. Yeah, not my injector.

I'll take Ru in my segment. Shit that pissed me off.

And it's not funny.

And it's not.

I've gotten like a wide variety of people reaching out being like, hey, you'll be good in 3 weeks. And then some people who are like, hey, like it took, it took, it's, it took me 10 months, it's still a thing. But it's like rare, like not all the—

okay, well, when's the last time you went and had it done? Before this time.

Sorry, excuse you. Sorry, cuz it was a serious moment and I had to ruin it. Can you not just— you can't take anything seriously, can you? Everything's a fucking joke to you. Some people are fighting for their life right now. You're making little hiccups. Cute little hiccups.

Oh my God, I was just laughing so hard I almost started drooling.

Some of us are just naturally drooling because they can't. Oh, okay, so I got it last time October. Yeah, I don't even remember when it went away because I don't know, like, I didn't know what was going on.

October, and you got it in June. Okay, okay.

Okay, I have to also give an apology.

Aren't you dealing with enough right now? Who are you apologizing to?

I was saying everything was going well in my life at last pod, and I listed a bunch of things. Then people were messaging me. They were like, why didn't you say your marriage? What's going on in your marriage? Okay, I don't know about you, but like, I'm not having like crazy ups and downs in my marriage where I'm like, we We had a good month this month. Thank God.

Like, sorry, we don't think of him. We don't.

It's not part of my day-to-day, like, drama. Thank God.

Right.

But then also, and then he was like, why didn't you say, like, I was there to help you? Because, like, Dez has been my rock. I've put all my anxiety into him. I've been calling him. He's been so positive with me. Except he also was like, oh no, like, I had testicular cancer. Do you have some— he's like, oh, you have both your parents still. He's like, oh, did you not tear your ACL and it still, it still hurts? So that's why dating an older man—

he puts life into perspective. I think the good thing about Dez is he does let you be— he does let you feel sorry for yourself the allotted time that is healthy to feel sorry for yourself, and then he makes you get it together.

Yeah, and like, he's making me laugh, which is making it worse. But anyway, how are you?

I'm good. I'm— I texted Hannah and I was like, do you actually think we could do the pod tomorrow? Because I'm in the trenches of packing. Nighttime outfits packed, daytime outfits packed.

Got it.

Skin, hair, makeup packed. I just have to do bathing suits and cover-ups. Shoes, jewelry, accessories, hats.

How do you pack hats?

I just stuff them. I stuff them in there, and then I like— if something happens to them and they get fucked up, I try and like reshape them wherever I am.

Because I can see you going for some hat looks this summer.

I have one ridiculous hat look that I'm just like, where am I even wearing this? But I'm not one of those people that wears their hats on The plane, like out in the car, like I can do it in my carry-on, but I'm not wearing it on the plane. I'm not—

I judge people's hats, like if they're gonna wear it, I'm like, that's the one you wore? That's the one you're saving?

Okay, well, here's the other thing. I never lose things, and I'm missing one of my straw hats, and I'm just like, Farmer Paige, where did you— I hate losing things.

You would hate my life. Spin a mile in these Louboutins.

No, I could never do it.

I don't even know where my Louboutins are because I don't have them and I lost them.

No, I have like a running list of things in my head that I'm like, I need to check in on that because I haven't seen it in a while. Like, I have a rotating thing, so like, I know where everything is.

So you would never lose your wedding ring for 2 years?

No.

And not even try to look for it because you're like, we'll deal with that. Later. We'll wait till my mom finds it.

No, no, I couldn't. I couldn't. It would like ruin my day. I have to like remind myself that it's things and they can't love you back, and so it's like if it goes, it goes.

Oh yeah, I forgot you're in like a Toy Story situation. It's all—

I have like my own stuff that I need to work out, but in the midst of packing. Mist.

No, you said it right.

Oh, okay.

But you really hit every, every consonant somehow. Midst.

Just in the midst of my packing, I was watching the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders Sweetheart. I, I don't even— I never know what the name of the show is. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about.

Mormon Wives Secret.

Yeah, yeah, Housewives Mormon. Really?

Secret Cowboys Dallas. Island Love.

No, because why does Netflix give every show an insane name? And like reality shows specifically, it's like, I don't need a thesis for the name of the show. Give me like, like, give me OG Laguna Beach. Okay, got it. I don't need LA Confidential Secret Society Hotwives.

LA Nannies. Yeah, whatever that— yeah. They're— that's so true. They put a full IMDb page in the title.

Anyway, so I'm watching The Dallas Cheerleaders and like, I didn't watch the show like when it was on TV. Maybe I saw like a couple episodes, but there are just like certain things that you're like, yeah, I'm gonna let it slide because like they're in Dallas, Texas. Like, what are we doing? You know, like I'm enjoying the show. Then it gets to a part where the main girl, okay, Now she became the main girl essentially because when you were watching her on TV, you were like captivated, mesmerized. Dare I say she had the sauce. She was an incredible dancer. She's gorgeous. Like, I don't think I've ever said this phrase in my life, but sweet as pie. Like just the cutest, sweet— like everything. She ends up becoming like somewhat the face of the show in the past 3 years that it's been on Netflix. At the end of this season, she decides that she's not going to come back for this, not going to come back for next year. She's like turning in her uniform. She just got married last year.

Oh, they have their boyfriends in it too?

Sometimes. Some of their like husbands or boyfriends are in it. Now when she's deciding if she's gonna come back for the next year, she gets hurt and her boyfriend says something while she's sitting on the couch that I was just like Oh, that's like so interesting. And I'm trying to think if like my significant other said, said that to me in that moment, would I be pissed? So now mind you, she's an athlete, she hurts herself, she wants to finish out the year.

I love how you're like, would you start a fight? Let me tell you the scenario.

Yes. And he goes, selfishly, I'm kind of happy because I get to spend more time with you.

I don't hate it.

Okay.

I don't hate it cuz I was literally dealing with that just now with my mouth situation, just to bring it back to me cuz you, you didn't ask me about it the last 2 minutes.

No, no, no, but this is a good— no, this is good.

Where I was like, if I lose a co— if, if I like don't travel and I'm not like working, right, right, right. I get to spend more time with my family.

Right. Okay. But what you are about to do, you just found out about 2 months ago. Yeah, what this girl is doing— she worked your whole— it would be like if you were in playing tennis and it was like the final year, your senior year, you hurt yourself and your boyfriend's like, fuck it, we can like sit on the couch together.

I think he was trying to find the positivity in the situation. I wouldn't like if he turned it into like, you're never around and like, I hate it.

Let me give you more to the story. He actually quit his job because her fame got so big overnight that like she's now all of a sudden like a Netflix star, and I'm sure she's getting brand deals and whatever. She quits— she worked at a florist shop. Adorable. I mean, I can't—

obsessed.

She quits her job, she's like doing influencing full-time on the side.

I didn't know people work— actually worked at florist shops. I thought that was just in movies.

Yeah, I think she like volunteered too, like I'm like, oh, she's perfect. Made up person. She's a butterfly catcher.

She makes rainbows.

No, she's like literally perfect. He quits his job to help her. For whatever reason, they can't make it work. It seems like she got really big. The whole country was watching her. She blows up into like this Instagram influencer, this like Netflix star. She gets obviously inevitably a lot of hate along with a lot of love. I don't think she was expecting as much hate. I think it really did something to her. She was like, "I work at a flower shop." Right, rather, and like, what are you hating on her for? Rather than kind of like persevering through it, she was basically like, "I think I might take a step back." And she had just got, only been married for a year. But I can't help but think he was scared or he didn't want her to continue to grow with her fame or like whatever. And he didn't want her to do the show anymore, and he didn't want her to be on the team anymore. Mm, I also could be making this up.

You could be fully projecting.

I could. But he went on a pod and he said her dream wasn't to be a Netflix star, her dream was to be on the cheerleading team. And then he was asked a question like, what were his thoughts on the cheerleaders like getting a raise? And he was like, no comment.

No, you're right, you are. You're— look, has your intuition ever been wrong?

Never.

Why would I steer you in a different direction? I'm just say, did he leave a banana peel on the floor for her to trip? Like, was he— did he injure her?

I can't prove it yet, but if you give me some time and a Sharpie, I could figure something out.

Give me a whiteboard and we'll be there in about 20 minutes. Um, no, looking at that perspective, him not working and then like commenting on like how much money the girls are making. And so also like, yeah, if you don't go on a podcast unless you've done something.

Well, also a lot of the girls obviously had to have second jobs because they were making nothing. And I think still have to have second jobs, but they're making a little bit more. And now in today's day and age, they can supplement with being influencers and like take a little bit of a rest. Except the two coaches don't love the influencing. Yeah, which I'm like, get with the time.

Like, no, but it's like, then pay me what this brand deal is gonna pay me.

Well, they give— we struggled because the coaches were both on the team. The vibe they give is, we struggled, we had to deal with it, so do you. Like, that's the energy it gives. And it's like, okay, well, that would— then what's the point of women helping women?

What's the word, um, when everything's more expensive over time?

Inflation.

Period.

Yeah.

Also, just because it was fucked up in the past doesn't mean it has to be fucked up now. I still haven't got myself to watch it because I, I can tell I'm gonna get pissed off.

I think for me why I was like triggered by it is because I am someone that can also get down and be like, maybe I shouldn't even do this because everyone's gonna hate it and like I can't really do it. And I need to be with someone someone that's like, what the hell are you talking about? Like, go, just try it, go do it, like, whatever. If I had someone that was like, yeah, this is really scary, maybe you shouldn't, it would— I couldn't, I couldn't do it.

What did he do for a living before?

That's an excellent question. I want to say he like worked at like a hardware store.

I hate to do this, but if the roles were reversed and like he was a normal guy, got on this Netflix show, blew up None of these guys are staying with like the girls who like love them for them, right?

Like, I always— you know who I always think about? Anna Faris and Chris, um, Pine? No, Pratt. I just always think of like men who like have blown up and then left their wives.

Not to feed into horrible rumors online. Yes, because I would never we would never. But people are like coming for Rihanna and ASAP Rocky's relationship right now. Have you seen?

No, what are they saying?

I guess he like went on stage and talked about like how girls in Phoenix are beautiful or something, and like, I don't know, Met Gala, people thought they were fighting.

I saw Met Gala, people thought they were fighting.

And people have turned. People are like, Rihanna, get out.

Interesting.

But it also makes me think like how quiet she's been in her career I like never— I mean, she's a billionaire and running Fenty and doing amazing, but like in terms of her art, I always wonder, like, I don't know.

Well, can I say something that I've actually never really liked him because one time I saw a clip. Like, I've liked his songs before, but like a couple of years ago, this is maybe like 4 or 5. I actually have no idea. 3 or 4 years ago, I saw a clip of him on a podcast. And it was like, I forget whose it was, and I don't even remember what they were talking about. I want to say it was like in regards to like him modeling, but it was, he said something like, oh well, I should get taken shopping because I'm so good looking, or like, yeah, I think it was like around when like those videos with like Lori Harvey when she was like talking about how she's the prize, then like his resurfaced I think that's when I saw it.

And you, you hate that?

And I was just like, what? No, like, this is— oh my God, I saw a clip the other day. You know the We Met at Acme? I love that girl. She had some guy on her podcast and he was like, here's a tip for the girls, like, go up to guys at a bar and like buy him a drink. And I'm like, over my dead fucking body. Why don't I open the door for him as well, pull out his chair, and then buy the dinner. Like, no, no, we're not— we, we're not throwing him off one night and just like going on being like, hey, let me buy you a drink.

Every time you approach a man, you can get murdered. So why would I also pay to get murdered?

Also, my makeup costs more than this drink. My outfit costs more than this drink. Like, I don't need you to buy the drink. It's not about the money. It's about the gesture. If I needed someone to buy me a drink, I wouldn't be standing in a bar. That'd be insane. I can't afford it. Why would I be there? Like, the men have really literally lost it.

But yeah, we have no idea what's actually going on with any of the celebrity relationships, but it is so fun to take a clip and be like, this is what's going on.

Yeah, I love it. Hannah and I are always on the go, and the number one thing Hannah likes to do when I say I'm hungry is offer me a bar. A David's protein bar, to be specific. David's Hero protein bar has 28 grams of protein, 150 calories, and 0 grams of sugar. Each gold bar features an indulgent doughy texture studded with satisfying chucks and air crisps. Their bronze new bar is still high in protein with even more decadence. It's 20 grams of protein, 150 calories, and 0 grams of sugar. Each bronze bar features a smooth, decadent marshmallow base with a flavor-filled layering, airy crisp, and chocolate-flavored coating. Some of my favorite flavors are their cookie dough, caramel chocolate crunch, and the peanut butter, of course. So don't just take my word for it, try it for yourself. David is offering our listeners a special deal: buy 4 cartons and get the 5th free when you go to davidprotein.com/giggly. That's davidprotein.com/giggly.

And then Taylor and Trav, the wedding's coming up. There's murmurs, but they're doing a great job at keeping it quiet. Apparently, I think they like haven't sent anyone information, which is like so funny.

Like, did you get the wedding blues?

Was it before or after?

It's after.

Oh no, I had after my wedding. I was like, thank God nothing went wrong. Everything was fun. Everyone had fun. Photos were great. I feel amazing. People were like, once it's over, it's like you've nothing to look forward to. Like, for me, first of all, also that, right? I wasn't looking forward to it like it was the best day of my life. And second of all, I was like, just so happy it went well. And I had such a— I was just like grateful.

Do you think Taylor Swift is going to like have the wedding blues or do you think she's like, this is like a great day, but it's not the best day of my life?

I think she'll feel that way, but I mean, I do think she's like a little more romantic than me. Like, I think she cares about the wedding more than me. She's a little— and I'm not trying to be like pick me, like, like, you can't even have weddings, I'm chill. No, it's more just like I actually didn't like the attention of like when I force people to come to an event. Yeah, like I like people to want to come to see me like do stand-up, not like cousins being there, being like, we had to drive from the airport. I don't know, like, that's just what I'm thinking. Like, it's like inviting people to a dinner for your birthday. I'm like, these people are busy, do they want to be here? Like, that's my own issues. Yeah, you know, so wedding is like that times 100. Also, it is nerve-wracking. Like, I got nervous when I was walking down the aisle.

Of course. I cried when you walked down the aisle.

Oh, I forgot you were there.

Is this because I was mean to you this morning in DMs?

No, it's just I have a mental illness where like I don't know who was with me at any time.

Yeah, well, also I feel like you like black out at your wedding.

Yeah, like me and you didn't talk. No, you don't talk to people you know at your wedding.

Can we talk about Mindy Kaling?

Oh my God, okay, everyone needs to watch not suitable for work. Do we want to tell them from day one how this— how we got involved? We got an email.

We got an email from Mindy Kaling. Yeah, from the Mindy Kaling. And I was just like, oh my God, obviously we're doing this. And it was right before Thanksgiving, right?

I thought it was spam. I was like, Mindy Kaling didn't write us an email. Okay, she asking for $500 grand also to send to a foreign country.

Was this before Thanksgiving or before Christmas?

I have no recollection of time.

I want to say it was right before one of the holidays.

Well, the problem with TV— not the problem, but like you shoot something and then it's like years before it comes out.

Anyway, so we go and we like kind—

yeah, we like kind of had lines and Hannah had one Wait, I was about to say I feel like I was well behaved during this and I, I didn't do anything wrong. Never mind, continue.

And here's the thing, when we get there, we're like obviously so giddy, so excited. This was production's last day of filming, so like, that was hilarious. Every single person was like, and this is the last day and we're finally done. And like, we're—

we came in, we were like, hi, nice to meet everyone, how are you?

Honestly, it felt like we came in at the end of reality show and everyone was already like fighting and hated each other and we were like, what's going on here? Tell us about yourself.

Honestly, the cast, the crew, everyone was so sweet. It just was like they were wrapping up, like they were like, thank God it's the last day. And me and Paige were like, so where do we stand? Nice to meet you.

But what was the Auld Lang Syne?

Okay, so which is crazy because now I'll never forget it ever. Never. So Mind you, Paige is really good at memorization.

I'm not.

And but we were in our trailer practicing our little asses off. Like, we were like, again, again, like Russian gymnastic coaches.

I was like, no, you.

Okay.

Then finally I was like, okay, we got it. And then I just hear Hannah, like, doing it to herself, like, in her— my God. You get like— it's the first time. Okay, here's the thing. Acting with you is the first time I ever see you double-check your work. That's the way I can describe it. Like, anything else we do, like Giggly Squad, interview, podcast hosting, you're like, we got this. Like, not— like, you're not like, maybe you should double-check your work, which calms— no, which calms me down.

Yeah.

Then like, we went into a set, a setting like that, and you're like, let me just practice one time.

And then that makes me nervous because I'm like, wait, you, you're unsure about yourself? Who's driving the ship?

Yeah, I'm like, no, no, no, no, you can't be unsure.

I was like, hey, can we try to do one more thing? We were doing good and I was like, we're gonna crush this. Like, we were vibing. My last line, or the last page, I'm basically— it's about we're celebrating um, Auld Lang Syne.

We're celebrating New Year's Eve.

Yeah, and I have to say the word Auld Lang Syne. Mind you, I don't know where I've been my entire life, never heard this before, and everyone's like, you know the song that like— and Hannah's like, Auld Lang Syne, she has been born 4 hours prior.

I was like, no, I've lived on this earth my entire life, I've never heard the name of that song.

Obviously Des, who's born in the fucking 80s was like, how the fuck do you not know what Auld Lang Syne is? And I'm like, I can't talk to you right now. So then for some reason, like, you know when you can't remember a word because you don't know what it is? Also, everyone kept going, Auld Lang Syne, Auld Lang Syne. I'm like, this— I've never heard this word. You guys are making this word up. You're making it up. And then they're like playing the song for me and I'm like, yeah, I know that song. No one calls it Auld Lang Syne. No one's ever called it anything in front of me.

So I'm like, wait, Plus we're in like, it's supposed to look like we're outside, but like we're not. And so we're in like furs and Hannah's—

I'm in a fur with, with a, uh, what is it called? Earmuffs. Fur earmuffs inside. And I'm sweating. I'm feeling it.

Hannah and I have this joke that like every time we get our makeup done, like no matter what we're doing, like 10 minutes later Hannah like doesn't have any makeup on.

No, like, you'll see the raw pink skin on my face. Like a new chicken. I have really like slippery skin. She's sweating. Do you know Paige is coming? Paige was— When we're on tour, by the second show, Paige is like, did you just wake up in the morning? Like, where is anything you put on your face?

Why is that? Has anyone— what primer are you—

do you use? No, really? No, I don't use— I don't know.

Well, there we go. There we go.

Well, first of all, we meet Ashanti. Oh yeah, Only You.

So tiny in person.

By Ashanti. Everyone needs to listen to right now.

Oh, I thought you were saying to like—

say the song Only You, like only Paige. I can't wait to get next to you. Oh, I just can't leave you alone.

Maybe when the mouth is—

yeah, that was just because my mouth. That wasn't because of my actual singing voice.

No, right, right, right, right.

We know I'm the songbird of our generation. So Ashanti, Put Her in My Pocket. Um, we come on, I'm like, Ashanti, we're obsessed with you, we love you so much. And in my head I'm like, do not fuck up in front of Ashanti. Mindy Kaling's entire production. Yeah. And Paige, who already is doubting you. It was one of those lines where like it's like kind of long and 'old lang syne' was the last word, so I would do this monologue and then get to it and like, you know, when your brain just short circuits and I'd be like, 'Zing, lion!' No, you were literally having an 'adult daze.' Like you were—

I It was like we would say it back to each other, like, 'Old Lang Syne,' and you're like, 'Oh,' and we got it. And then she'd do the whole thing, like she couldn't just do that part, she had to do it in its entirety.

And it was like, can we just get the pics in a post? Every time I got to it, I would say it a different way.

I'd be like, 'Zayn Lionel.' Here's the other thing, well, why, how we're different. When you mess up or like get embarrassed by something, you're— which I find so fascinating— you're louder. Like, you, you call more attention to yourself, almost as if to be like, look at how much I fucked up, everyone should see this. You like, like ultimate humiliation. Where I, if I fuck up or like I do something, silence. I've actually slipped into the back of the crowd. Like, you never see me again. Like, I'm running away. I'm leaving.

I feel like that's a stand-up comic in me to, like, say what you're feeling. Like, yeah, just be outward about the moment. But like, it wasn't a scene of me and Paige. Like, we had people, real actors on set and a director. So then how many times do you think I messed it up?

Oh, I mean, we had to have done it at least 15 times, right? 15 to 20 times, I would say. Here's the other thing that like, that like, you don't— people don't realize. You're doing it, you're doing it 10 to 15 times from one angle, then you're doing it another 10 to 15 times from another. It's a whole thing.

It's so funny, I like forgot that happened. Like, I blocked it out. That's how I deal with humiliation. I'm just like, um, yeah, that wasn't me.

That's actually probably really healthy.

Yeah, I'm not like— it's not keeping me up at night. I'm like, old lang syne's a crazy— that's not English, so that's not my fault that I couldn't learn a new language day of.

I'm getting a cyst pimple on my chin, which is like ruining my whole trip.

I'm the wrong person for you to complain about that to right now, but I totally support you. But I would I would trade bodies in a second if I could. Yeah.

So let's talk about it. Like, you're starting tomorrow and what did anyone say?

Um, okay. I, I showed up. Honestly, I'm getting better at not smiling. That's my problem. Because before I was like, just smile, push through. And now I'm just an ice queen.

Did you tell Nana?

I told Nana, but not like— I didn't send her any photos. She's kind of like you.

Yeah, you can't send her ugly pictures or she's like, shh, shh. Why would you put this on my phone?

Why?

They just attacked me. Why'd you put this on my phone?

I just had an old memory pop up. Actually, we'll put in the newsletter of Nana at my wedding doing an outfit check, and she's literally telling every single thing she's wearing, like down to the earrings. She's so fucking cute.

Remember that day she couldn't wear heels and she was pissed because she had like done something to her foot?

Yeah, she was like fully injured and she was upset. Oh, I think she was still wearing kitten heel. Yeah. How are we related? Yeah, she was wearing a little wedge and she was like apologizing to everyone. She was like, I'm so sorry that I'm wearing these disgusting little wedges.

She was like, I don't know if you've noticed, but I look like a clown. It honestly, I like, I felt so bad because I was like, I know, I know that you can't even enjoy the day because you're livid. Like, I get it.

Everyone's staring at these gross-ass little wedges. Meanwhile, I like can't brush my hair. Oh, also, Desus special's out. You watched?

Oh my God, that's what I meant to bring up to you. It's so good.

Thank you. I have some gigwars messaging me. They were like, they were like, 'Cause you love him, we love him. That's the only reason we're supporting, but we had— we really enjoyed the special.

No, it was so funny. I was so proud of him.

Well, you texted— it's funny, you texted us in the group chat, and in my head I was like, if they texted alone, that would be like black magic would start happening, like I feel like you guys actually are scared of like if you two actually put your heads together to like cast a spell on someone.

Let me see if I texted him. Oh, you know what it was? I DM'd him. Yeah, on my own. And then yeah, texted it in the group. Yeah. No, texting like your friend's husband alone, it feels like when like HR like calls you, you're like, wait. How do you have my number? And also, like, no, this is scary.

If someone's boyfriend's texting me, if it's not about a ring, I don't want to be involved.

Yeah, don't involve me. Actually, my friend Katie, her husband did, um, like live updates while she was in giving labor, giving a birth, live, having a baby.

To who?

Like, was doing them to all of her friends. So like put everyone in like a big group chat and was just doing like live updates. Updates.

Wait, that's hilarious.

That I appreciated.

Was he good at like giving details?

Yeah, he did fall off quite quickly because I'm like, that's not—

doesn't sound like a good job for him. I'm like, give it to the mom, give it to the aunt, give it to a Gen Z cousin.

No, he did a good job because he is quite funny. So, um, they were like cute little paragraphs.

But anyway, we also have an update, um, The Nun Podcast DM'd us.

Stop.

Sisters of Mary OP. And they sent us the sweetest message.

They said, of course, imagine they sent a really bitchy message.

They go, next time tag a bitch.

Imagine two nuns were like, hey, you fucking twats, talk about your costume.

We're not praying for you. You're off of the prey party. So they said, hey, thanks for tagging us in your video. It was a delightful take on your podcast. Delightful take.

I need to say delightful more in my everyday jargon.

Delightful take. She goes, I love that we share a real love of laughter. You wouldn't believe how much we laughed. Okay, maybe you would. Obsessed with them. They're hilarious.

I'm obsessed.

Let's just say the podcast is true to life. It runs deep in our tradition.

This is good for the gigglers. It's good to know that nuns know us.

She basically said, "Laugh to your heart's content. You've broken free from evil. Laughter is the right response." And ever since then, we take the chance to laugh for every good reason. Um, may your days be filled with genuine laughter that comes from knowing God's love. Thank you, Sisters of Mary.

That is the sweetest.

I think they just blessed us. I know, is that so nice? Bless you. Like, that was a bless. Is your mom's gonna be so happy.

My mom's gonna be—

she's like, you're going to heaven now, the Sisters of Mary.

Do you know that my mom and dad watch our podcast every night while they watch it, or while they eat dinner? They watch it on YouTube.

No, I'm gonna cry.

I go, Mom, but it's only 2 times a week. 'So what are you doing the other nights?' And she goes, 'Well, we watch the same one till the new one comes.' Oh, you guys are sick.

I love it so much.

Also, meanwhile, your brother's like, 'Hey, I'm here.' She's like, 'Well, we don't like anything else on TV, and we just want to watch you guys.' Also, I love how they're probably numb to me.

Like, in the beginning they were like, 'I'm not sure about her,' and now they're like, oh, Hannah's the sweetest, kindest, most innocent girl we've ever met. She doesn't mean anything.

My dad will call me and he'll be like, you know, you just like sit there and you just laugh at everything Hannah says. You just think she's— I've never seen you laugh at anyone. You just think everything she says is funny. I'm like, because it is. Okay, sorry for laughing with my friend.

Sorry, the Sisters of Mary told us that it was good to laugh because then it gets evil away. We literally are curing evil spirits.

Yeah, we are.

Also, I posted a stand-up. One of my favorite jokes from the stand-up special was making fun of guys going down on you. Yeah, and to make sure guys go down on you early because you learn about who they are as a person when they're going down on you. And I say like If a guy— if you don't know how to get him to go down on you, I say you should just push his head down. Do you remember that being a thing?

Yes. You're like, "Still is." No, I remember it being like a, like a controversy. Like, I remember girls talking about— I remember girls saying like, "And then he pushed my head," and another girl being like, "Are you kidding me?" Like, I think it's so feminist to push a guy's head.

Yeah, lightly, nicely, but like to be like, and no kissy kissy. That's hilarious. But, um, at the end, the end joke, I basically— it ends with a period joke. And I was looking through the comments, and sometimes the posts hit like just these random men, and these men, the comments are so funny. Like, guys, I really get the biggest kick out of it. This guy goes, girl comics, all they do is start 'With sex and then end about their periods.' And I was like, that is so fucking true, Steve. Like, basically how every girl comic talks about sex and their periods. And then this one bit I posted was like all of it. So this guy's head was like exploding. He's like, 'She talked about sex and her period in one joke.

What the fuck?' God forbid we talk about what we know.

I was like, I talked about my husband's dead parents in the last clip, so I do have range.

So how dare you?

How dare you? Take it up with him.

Do you get sad when I go to Italy for 2 weeks? Like, no, just knowing that I'm like, if something were to happen, you can't get to me.

Great question. I love how you're trying to instill anxiety.

Like, I am far away.

I've never been more anxious than when you were in Fiji, which is really weird because it was before that thing happened to you. But I just remember looking at my phone, Googling Fiji, and it was the middle of the ocean. And I was like, do they have like Dunkin' Donuts? Like, are you okay?

No, I had to go home.

But you going to Italy, I honestly feel like I like live vicariously through you. Like, I feel like I'm about to go to Italy. Like, I'm like, what are we wearing? What? Like, send me the food. Like, and I don't have to deal with any logistics.

And that's how I felt when you were in Sports Illustrated. I was like, and now I don't have to prep for that.

Yeah, you didn't have to do this. That's literally how I feel. I'm like, I don't have to pack. I don't have to find boats. I don't have to get hotel reservations. I have to sit and wait in line for things, but I get to get— see all the, the fun of it all. And then like, it's gonna be so fun when you get on the phone, you'll be like, I just had a gelato. Like, I'm excited for that.

That's so funny because I texted my dad yesterday and I said, Dad, I think we're gonna get more ice cream in the middle of the day this year.

Oh yeah, I was gonna say, compared to you, because now you— this is like your third or fourth, yeah, like similar trip. I love that you guys are like, this works, we're doing it again. What are you— what are you changing? What do you think you could do better this year that you've done in previous years besides different invites? I'm assuming—

I actually think I could eat more because, okay, here's like one of— one of the ways my anxiety also like manifests. Yeah, if everyone's like, dinner at 7 PM, like, okay, everyone's going back to their room getting ready for dinner, like, oh my God, I've been hungry all day. I didn't eat lunch or late because I wanted to be hungry for dinner. Right when I sit down to dinner, not hungry. Like, can't eat when I'm told you have to eat. Like, I rather go back— I rather sit at dinner, not eat, go back to my room, order room service, eat. Yeah, like, I don't know why that happens to me.

I have the opposite. I sit down at dinner and I'm like, I'm so hungry and ravenous. I I'm gonna embarrass everyone around me by how hungry and how fast I'm gonna eat this food, and I wish I could be normal and not shove this entire pancetta in my mouth.

Well, Italy really is the perfect place for you because if you don't eat your whole plate— so like, then it's stressful when I'm not hungry and I'm not eating because then they take offense to it and they come over and they're like, what's going on? Like, you didn't like it? Like, I'll bring you something else.

No, no, they show up with a fucking gun and they say, what happened?

Yeah, and so I'm like, they're literally holding me with a knife like, I'm like, I don't know, I'm like, I have anxiety. And like, here's the thing, like, everyone's eating, and I— if everyone's eating, then I can't eat.

They're like, was the sauce not the perfect? Because it's the best sauce in all of Italy.

So I'm going into this trip mentally telling myself, you're eating when it's time for dinner.

You— but I don't think that's gonna work. That's not gonna work. You can't just tell yourself to do it. What you have to do is not make a big deal about it.

Okay, act nonchalant about it.

Yes, like, like, like you're about to pet a cat.

So not worry about what time I'm eating lunch because in case I'm not hungry for dinner, but it doesn't matter.

If you start obsessing over like being ready to eat, the second you get there, your body's gonna be like, this is what we were stressed about.

Well, I think it's also because of course, of course I have this like weird thing where I can't go to the bathroom when I'm on vacation. So like I'm backed up for a couple of days.

I didn't want to factor that in.

Yeah, so I think it's like a lot, but it's only— it's only ever on vacation. Actually, no, sometimes like on tour.

Were you backed up? Well, we had that there.

No, but sometimes if I'm going out for like a Saturday night and I'm going out with like 4 couples, I'm like, I'm not hungry. But if I'm going out just like myself, hungry.

It's crazy though, because when I— when I rarely can't eat, I get so embarrassed, like Yesterday on set, I was like obviously a little nervous and they brought me food and I tried to eat and I couldn't eat. And then afterwards people came in and I like hadn't eaten and I like had to say something. I was like, I'm sorry, I eat a lot of mashed potatoes. Like, where did you get mashed potatoes?

Our lives are so different. Like, where were you eating mashed potatoes prior to?

They had brought me like a thing of mashed potatoes and all this meat and like whatever, and I didn't eat any of the meat, but I did eat mashed potatoes. And I was like, there was actually a lot of mashed— like, I was trying to explain to these people that I ate more than it looked. And then one thing that I've learned, no one gives a fuck about what's going on with you. No one gives a fuck. I'm walking around with no fucking smile. No one's noticed. No one's noticed. Everyone's worried about their own shit.

No one cares. No one cares.

No one cares.

That's another part of anxiety, like, oh my God, everybody's looking at me, everyone thinks I look like soup. No one gives a shit. They're all worried about their own shit. They're in their own head thinking the same thing you're thinking.

But then something like Auld Lang Syne, I'm like, everyone's like, you should know what that is. Well, what if you went there and said, I know I'm not gonna eat, I know I'm not gonna eat at this place.

I've tried that.

You've tried? Yeah. Well, it's now— it's become a thing.

Um, even it's become a thing, even to the point where my mom's like, I'll push the reservation. So now we go to dinner at like 8 PM to make sure that you can— like, Paige might not be hungry yet.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But you know what, it's a beautiful problem to have. It's that you're an idiot. Should we eat the pesto now, eat it later?

So my thing is I'm just gonna eat all day and say, yeah, and fuck it, I don't care, I'm just eating when I want to eat.

I do think also vacations, having like set times to eat with a group is fucking stressful.

Well, this year I told my mom to leave like a couple days where there's no dinner reservations because sometimes it's too much. Like, you literally— I'm like, I'll actually throw up if I put another thing in my mouth.

Yeah. And it's also like becomes like a military operation when it's like, and then we go back and then we shower and then we come back out and then we change, then we go shower again and then we sleep and then we wake up.

The menu is the same every single place.

What is the menu?

It's just like pastas and it just says pasta, like seafoods and like, but it's like the city, you get the vibe. Like I literally get linguine, like linguine and clam ravioli. Yeah, there's gnocchi, there's spaghetti, there's everything.

Yeah, obsessed.

Whatever. I'm so excited. I'm really excited. I got a new book and I'm excited to read my book and I'm excited to talk to my mom.

Tell the club what the book is.

Oh, it's called Magnolia Park. And a girl DM'd me and was like, it's big. It's a big book.

How big are the words?

We'll see. But she was like, it's about socialites in London and it's like chic and cool, and I feel like you would like it. And so I'm gonna try it. And I'm giving my mom— I finished Strangers. I'm giving that to my mom for her to read on the trip.

Wait, my mom read it too?

Yeah, we're just like— I love being in a book club.

That's so fun.

I really enjoy reading recently. It's just like—

wait, what have you read since the first one?

That's it.

You literally like—

I read all the text messages you sent me.

I just see you going to Barnes Noble, taking a book, reading the back of it, and being like, I love reading, I love books, they're so pretty. Bonus song of the week. I didn't know that Lisa Barlow has a song out. What is it? Gorgeous, baby gorgeous.

Wait, I haven't seen it.

Well, I posted a photo of me not smiling in this Uber and the song was recommended and I pressed it and it was cute. And I thought it— this is no hate, no tea, no shade. I love Taylor Swift. I'm a Swiftie. I thought it was a Taylor Swift song.

No way. Wait, I need to play it now.

She has like a like nice voice. Like, yeah, it's Auto-Tune and stuff. Which housewife doesn't Auto-Tune? Like, right, let's stop. Who's— Charlie fucking XCX is Auto-Tuning. Don't get mad at Lisa Barlow. But like, it was low-key— I thought it was like kind of a bop.

Nice.

Yeah, you love Lisa Barlow, right?

Yeah, I'm gonna look out for that.

I think you guys should look out for that. Um, what is pissing you off this week?

Honestly, I didn't have anything piss me off really this week other than like the usual.

Wait, did I tell you? Speaking of you reading, do you know I woke up this morning and I ran on the treadmill?

Oh, you're gone through.

I do triathlons now. No, I'm in a dark, really dark way. In a really, very dark way.

How long? How far?

Well, I got there. Also, this is a foreign— I'm in a foreign country. Yeah, I'm in Toronto. I'm in a foreign gym. Never been. You know what, like, I like to go to a gym that like I've scoped out before. I know where the things are. I go into this gym blind. Thank God there was no one at the treadmill. And I ran for like 10 minutes at like 5.5, which I thought was really good. Walked. Then LL Cool J, Headsprung came on. That got me through another 10 minutes. It's on and off.

Try some 12-3-30.

I just feel like I need— I want to sweat more. Got it.

Faster.

And then I did it and I actually felt really good about myself, but also I felt like weird, like, why are you doing this? But I was like, I have to sweat this out. And then as I'm walking, some man was like, hey, I loved your special. And I was like, I'm really like vulnerable at the gym right now. I can't smile right now. I just got Botox in the wrong place. And I don't feel good. So besides getting accosted, that's like never happened to me before, and I don't know why it would happen now.

I don't go— I don't go to those places, types of places.

All the decor also, like the floors, everything's black, and it just seems really depressing.

Like, why can't we get a light situation?

There was lights. It was nice, but like, why are gyms so dark? Like, give me some— I want like a Pilates studio vibe. Where's the candles?

Like a girly— no, like, let me run on a treadmill, but also like a sound bath be going. Like, yes.

Wait, what's Palo Santo? Where's the Palo Santo? I've never said Palo Santo in my life. Um, you guys, thank you so much for giggling. Thank you for helping me through a dark time. And everyone send Paige well wishes for her travels to Italy.

Thank you.

And we love you so much.

See ya.

Bye.