Transcript of Bonus Giggly Hotline: cats, chaos, and hosting disasters

This bonus episode is brought to you by Arm Hammer Cat Litter.

We love a little extra bonus, especially when it's about our cats.

I could talk about my cat for 2 hours. I could do a full TED Talk.

No, literally, she's stunning.

She's gorgeous. She's a model. She knows she's pretty.

Do you know how crazy I am about cats? Besides making everyone adopt them around me, I know what kind of cats everyone likes. So like when I see a cute cat, I go, wait, but which person would prefer this cat for me to send it to. So like, I do have a ton of like, um, Ragdoll cats on my feed because I send you all them. And then I have Tuxedo Cats for Grace, and then for my mom's cats I have Orange Cat. So I have so many cats in my algorithm of all shapes, sizes, colors, inundated with cats. And I'm curating the perfect cat meme for everyone. It's exhausting, but it's the life I chose.

Each one has a unique personality. When you're meeting a dog, it's like, you know, they're gonna be excited you can generally suss out what their personality is. Cats are so different, and especially when you have people over. Like, Butter doesn't— no, Butter's not into it. She's not socializing, she's not small talking with you.

Particularly if a man comes in her direction, she doesn't want to hear, see. She's hissing. A woman, she'll give a chance. Yeah, there were teenage boys, she was like, I'm calling the police. There's so many nuances of funny things cats do. Like, does your cat ever use the litter and then just decide to sprint around?

Yeah, like gets the zoomies.

Why do they do that, actually?

I think because they're like, oh, I'm so skinny. I like to think that Daphne's like, hit my goal weight, I've been that long.

I'm not weighed down anymore, let's go.

Let's party, let's get out of here. And then they're like, woo, that was a good run. You know what another thing people don't talk about in terms of like cats and dogs? You get a dog, you get a puppy, you're training that puppy. Hey, this is grass, this is outside, this is where we go. You get a cat and you're like, hey, there's the litter box. And they're like, cool, thanks for the heads up, thanks.

And you don't have to talk about it anymore. That's what I mean.

That's all you talk about it with them.

That's so much smarter, like, than a child. You know how long you have to potty train your cat? Your cat is like perfect.

I looked up one time, like, what is Daphne— not Daphne specifically, but like, what is— what are ragdolls' like brain capacity?

Yeah.

And someone was like, 3 years old. And I was like, yeah, I have a 3-year-old daughter who's really getting brushed.

I do have to say, I've gotten people so close to the point of adopting cats to then they go, but I have a really small apartment, I can't have it smelly.

Yeah, I was one of those people.

You were—

I was one of those people that was like, I'm not having an odor in my apartment, I'm not having like a litter box Arm Hammer cat litter's job is to make sure that after the cat goes to the bathroom, the apartment does not smell. Cats actually can be a huge part of hosting. Yeah, whether your cat likes to be around guests like Daphne, who likes to sit atop the stairs and watch everyone below her because she's like, look at all these ugly people.

She literally does act like it's 1456 and she lives in England and she's the queen, and she's like, hmm. I don't remember inviting them over.

Your apartment smells so good, like you would never know. The odor is nice, but the cat lives there.

Yeah. Okay, so we asked some gigglers to send in stories about crazy things that their cat has done whilst hosting, while people are around. So we're gonna listen to some of them and make some comments. Yeah, and hear what other crazy cats are doing.

Hi Paige! Hi Hannah! So my kitty's name is Margarita. Girl is a giggler. She loves the couch raw, loves watching TV, and always puts her little mittens on the TV when a yarn bomb makes a special guest So it's July 5th and I'm hosting a watch party for the Mexico vs. England World Cup game since this is a sports podcast. I'm Mexican, my family's Mexican, so my parents and friends are over. I have a chilaquile bar, a margarita bar, super cute. The guests arrive, Marge is on her perch the whole game, but then we're 70 minutes in, my friend placed her margarita by the TV, Marge comes out into the living room and sees a soccer ball on the screen, so she hops onto the console and tries to put her little mitten on the ball She knocks down the margarita, it spills all over the floor, and then splashes on her. At this point, Marge is freaking out. She runs behind the console and naturally she's unplugging the TV and the game turns off and Mexico lost that day. Anyways, this is my fault for hosting a sports event.

Bye.

I love you girls.

She did everything but call the police to get everyone out of her home.

Can a girl have a crash out? It's literally like, you know, when you're having a bad day and then like you trip and you stub your toe and then like You got fired. Yeah, that's what happens.

Like, your jacket gets caught on, like, the doorknob, and you're like, the building burns down. I thought she was gonna say that the cat went over, drank margarita, and got drunk. I don't know why that's where my brain was going, actually.

I was like, because her name's Margarita, she should be able to have a little margarita, at least a sip. But we're, we're responsible.

The cat's name was Margarita?

Yeah, I think the cat's name is Margarita. Oh, well, she was calling her Mar, which is really cute. But then you know that at the end she was like, Margarita. She did her full name.

I need to train Daphne to like turn the TV off when we're going to bed. Mm-hmm.

But can her little paws get the right button? Because they're kind of—

I don't know. Margarita can unplug.

I also feel like when you're a cat and they can open doors. True. If there's a TV with a ball going around, I'm like, that's my game. So like, I feel like it wasn't properly explained to her that she wasn't playing soccer, and that's just, that's on the host. But also, you knew afterwards that the host was like, Margarita, I still, like, you're perfect.

Yeah, of course. But like, sorry, she wanted a sip of her namesake.

Sorry, she had an amazing story.

She was like, this drink is named after me? It's mine.

Also, it sounds like a really fun party. Like, invite us next time.

And there's just so many things when you're hosting that are out of your control, like your cat turning off the TV. Dumping a drink on your friend's hand. But one thing you don't have to worry about is Arm Hammer cat litter and any odor while you're hosting because they're dealing with it.

Hi, my name's Claire. My cat's name is Snow. Um, and I also foster cats. And at the time of this story, I had 4 foster cats in my house plus my cat. My cat does not like other cats and she was very unhappy about this. I was also newly dating someone and I had them over for dinner and they stayed over. And then I woke up at 6 in the morning to a weird sound. I'm trying to figure out what it is without getting up and waking up this man in my bed. Finally, I go downstairs and I see that my cat has taken a huge dump on the living room floor, uh, and I start cleaning it up. I think I'm being really quiet, you know, of course my cat's perfect, she would never. And the guy who had stayed over comes down the stairs while I'm holding a paper towel full of cat shit at 6:00 AM. And yeah, he's my boyfriend now.

Wait, that is a modern-day love story. You know that Daphne has actually pooped and peed on multiple people?

Yeah, cuz she hates when she's gone and you weren't telling her where you were going.

One time I had my brother was spending the night at my apartment and she was not sure about She was not sure about him. She's still not sure about him. And he accidentally shut the door in the living room, locked her in, and so she went and pooped literally right next to his head on the couch. And, and my brother didn't know what it was because he had never smelled her poop before, because usually it's in the litter box.

We have very similar cats because Butter's the same way, to the point that like when I would bring a guy over, I wouldn't even give him the whole spiel that I have a cat because they're not gonna see him. Right, so it was like one guy I remember stayed at my house for like a long time, like all day.

No, you have a cat.

He didn't have a job and he was— we were just hanging out and he had nowhere to go, nowhere to be. Um, probably not a house now that I'm thinking about it. And we were lying there and like hours went by, and when it gets really quiet sometimes, Butter, out of nowhere, she runs across the bed, across both of us. Yeah, he squealed. It seemed like it was a huge rat. Yeah, because this is New York City. And I was like, oh yes, my God.

Oh my God, she sprinted over us. Wait, that would, that would scare the shit out of me.

He shot himself.

Yeah.

And also shout out to all the foster cats too out there. If you foster, you don't just save one life, you save many.

One time I got home from a weekend trip with my husband and then had to go back to the airport to pick up my in-laws who were staying with us for the week. We just walked in the apartment, had enough time to unpack our own stuff, clean the litter box, and feed the cats. We left for the airport. After we pick up my in-laws, we walk back into the apartment. I show them into the guest room to find that our cat Mingo fully took a shit on the guest bed. Mortifying. I think he was mad because he thought we were leaving him again. We laugh about it now, but I was so embarrassed and horrified.

One time, two of my girlfriends came to stay with me, and Daphne woke up in the morning and like obviously wanted them to leave. So she went onto the bed, she looked at both of them, and they were like, oh my God, she's so cute. And she was just peeing. They didn't know it until they felt something warm. And she's a silent assassin.

Has she gotten better with this though? Like, I feel like as a kitten she was a little more—

she's better now.

Wild with her bladder.

Yeah, now she's like, okay, I guess you can stay. She hasn't had an accident when I'm like leaving in a couple weeks, months, a couple minutes.

There is something though, but, um cat litter where I think they love, like, it's a familiar smell. So when you bring them somewhere new and you put down the cat litter, they're like, ooh, I'm home. Which is kind of like me when I go to a restaurant and I'm nervous, I have social anxiety, but then I go to the bathroom and I sit there and I go, ooh, I'm at peace.

No, anytime I go somewhere and I have to bring Daphne and I have obviously her emergency bag, wherever we get to our destination, I show her, this is where your litter box is and this is where your food and water is.

That's all you really need in life.

Yeah, and I feel like she understands, like, okay, cool, thank you.

Where do I eat? Where do I shit? And let's take on life together.

Yeah, yeah.

So when you have like friends visiting, what do you do to prepare?

Well, I did everything for my girlfriends before they got there, like let them sleep in my bed, like did new sheets, had like cute things on their night side table. And so like I tried to plan everything very adorable, and Daphne just came in and was like No, I don't think so.

See, when I have guests, they're coming into Butter's house. Yeah, I'm not changing my house for the guests. I said the reason this little like spiral toy is right there is because that's where she likes to play with it. I also just bought this huge plaything made of like recycled materials, and it looks like— it looks like a cave, and it's huge, and I just put in the middle of the living room, and I have a full family visiting next week, but They're gonna have to walk around it because these cats are loving it.

I count on Arm Hammer Cat Litter when I'm getting the house ready.

Arm Hammer Cat Litter is the one thing I don't have to think twice about.

Okay, so we lovingly call our cat Pino the meano because she is, well, she's a little bit of a psychopath. But our faux pas is we had our buddy living with us for a summer This is a 33-year-old grown man, and he lived upstairs where the guest bedroom was. And one night at like 11:30 PM, we get a call from him, and we're like, well, what the heck? Like, you are inside that— like, why are you calling us right now? So this man is calling us because Pino the Mino is standing at the top of the stairs and basically guarding the stairs and will not let this man walk past her. So a grown-ass 33-year-old man is terrified of our cat and cannot walk past and has to call for reinforcements for us to protect him and let him get to his own bedroom. So yes, we were hosting because he was living with us. She didn't do anything yucky, but you know, I guess I guess she just, she had some good judgment here. She said no men allowed. It's fine.

She's a woman with conviction.

She could have done anything in that house and she goes, you know what I'm gonna do? Defend the land.

She's like, this is my house and I must defend it. Wait, I just like want, I wish like, okay, can we come up with AI that's actually useful? Like what are our cats thinking in their brains? Like what was she thinking when she was standing at the top of the stairs like, you're not getting past me, bud. Like, was she like putting her claws out?

I was like, if you're a grown man, what could the cat— what, bite your ankle?

I was just gonna say also, like, I think the worst a cat can do is like scratch your leg.

Well, cats have bad PR because there's like in cartoons or movies, cats always like scratch your face off, like, you know, like when they jump on your face. Like, no cat's ever jumped on my face and latched on and not come off.

Kitty actually scratched me for the first time last week. Yeah, I was laying in bed sleeping. I'm on my side and she— I'm on my side, I'm not facing her, my back is toward her. She's laying like right here by my head. I think she was falling off the bed because she put her paw up. I'm not kidding, she gripped my ear to like hold on, wakes me up.

She was Titanic-ing it, she was going down with the ship.

I think she like rolled over to too hard and was like, oh, oh no.

And also, Pino the Mino, like, you have to be an it girl to have like lore that you have that kind of nickname that's being talked about on Giggly Squad. Like, she's that girl.

Yeah.

If people aren't calling me Hino the Mino, Hannah the Banana, the banana, you're not it. You're not doing enough. Yeah.

Okay, I love all of these stories because I truly feel like we're connected because we're all cat moms. And it's a very special bond.

Yeah. And if you don't have a cat right now, you should adopt one.

No, you should literally look into it.

But look, having a pet is always chaotic, but because we love them so much, it makes the chaos worth it. It's like what moms say about kids.

It's worth it.

It's worth it, even though it's really— can be hard sometimes. Arm Hammer Cat Litter gives me peace of mind when hosting, and it just keeps everything fresh.

So be guest ready with Arm Hammer Cat Litter.

Shop on Amazon or Walmart and upgrade your litter experience. Thank you, Arm Hammer, for sponsoring this bonus episode, and thank you to everyone who talks about their cats.