Transcript of Giggling about surprises, smuggling, and sponges

Sup, gigglers? Gary, fix the Wi-Fi.

Manifest that shit. We can't be managed.

I mean, the day just got away from me.

Hello, Gigglytronners. Gigglytron, like Transformers. Gigglytron.

I have something in my eye and it's actually a problem.

Okay, you could have dealt with this. You could have dealt with this the entire morning.

It just happened.

Is it okay? Someone needs to blow on it.

It's definitely a kitty hair. That kitty—

no, that's a love hair, and she wants to be inside your brain. Okay, are you gonna do this the whole pod?

No.

Open your eyes during the pod. One eye just starts veering. Are you crying?

Wait, I was so excited to get on the pod too and tell our story, and then I ruined it. So classic.

Really?

My eye hurts. You know, every time you're like, every time you're really excited for something and then it happens, the universe just— it ends up being the worst. I was so excited to go to Italy this summer and like, cool, it ended up being a net positive. Die in a hotel room.

Also, the word that we can't stop saying is kibosh.

No, you can't.

But you started saying it subconsciously because I was saying it. I'm like, I want to kibosh this, I'm kiboshing this, the universe is kiboshing that.

So yesterday, I don't know if you're on the side of TikTok where it was like the craziest manifestation day, just like in astrology, one of the craziest days we've ever had in the world. And of course it's Hannah's birthday.

Cheers!

So all day I'm like feeling— I'm like, I didn't even send Hannah something to her house for her birthday. Like, I didn't even try and make a plan with her. I'm a horrible friend. And I didn't text you any of this because I'm like, let her have a day. But I'm like, wow, I like feel bad.

Well, you called me at 8:30 AM after yelling at me for calling you at 8:30 AM the day before to talk business. You called me at 8:30 to tell me about manifestation, and I believe business.

Called you to wish you a happy birthday, and then I called back with gossip.

Oh yeah. And you gave me like local gossip.

I gave you local hometown gossip. And so I feel like—

which is top tier.

That's a birthday gift.

You were like, what are you doing for your birthday? And this is the tea, guys. Can I tell, like, can I tell all the details? Yeah. Paige's significant other texted me and was like, we haven't gotten dinner, all 4 of us, in a while. Like, we should just like celebrate, which like, or whatever.

Cute.

No, but I mean, I love— like, so cute.

But I'm— I was like, when did you do that?

He's like, look, I'm so sick of all the alone time I've been spending with Paige. I need a little—

I'm drowning. And this is, this is me asking for help.

She really, um, gets lit up with life when she's around you, and I really prefer that side of her.

Actually, the other day Joe did say to me like, like, I know you think I'm funny, but like, I know you don't think I'm like as funny as Hannah or something.

And that's how it starts. That's how it begins. The next thing you know, I have to fight a man.

I'm like, she's my best friend. He's like, no, the way you light up when she walks into it.

No, actually, the way I get giddy for you. Des is like, calm down. I'm like, but that's my best friend.

Who doesn't get excited when they see their best friend?

Like, that—

if you don't get excited when you see your best friend, get a grip.

Well, you posted like, um, on Instagram like, happy birthday to my life partner or something, and I was really wanting to text it to Joe, and then I was like, actually, let's not stir up drama on my birthday. Let's not start This is the new me. The new me is like, I think of what I would do because I think it's funny, and then I'm like, no need.

No. And that's maturing.

But he's so sweet. He literally was like, we haven't seen you, the four of us, gotten together this summer. Like, yeah, what? And I go, you know, it's crazy, my birthday is next week. Yeah, should we get together for my birthday? And he was like, yeah. And we— I don't know who came up with it, but I was I think I was like, let's surprise Paige. And we suddenly get so excited. And then I leave my phone and I'm like, wait, wait, for my birthday? Yeah, I'm going to the city to surprise Paige, which is the most Giggly Squad coded. Like, no one else understands it. I'm like, this is us. This is what we do.

And of course, 10 minutes before we're going to dinner, I'm dressed, I'm ready. I like blew out my hair, put makeup on. 10 minutes before, I'm like, What if we didn't go?

He texts me, she's trying to get out of it, and I go, I knew this would happen like clockwork. I was like, 5, 4, 3, 2, there's the text. I said, don't fucking let her. Don't— like, what did he do to make sure you'd go?

He was just like, what? No, we're going. And I was like, okay. And I— and then I kept being like, we could have gone someplace closer. I'm also like, it's a Wednesday night.

What do we—

what are we, 25? Like, what do we even know? Literally, I'm like, it's a school night, okay?

Backtracking, I am really bad at lying. Yeah, like, I think I'm decent at lying to make people feel better, like being like—

you can do white cordial normal human lies. Yes, everyone can do like, oh my God, you look amazing. Yeah, you're human, you have control over your emotions.

Yeah, but then I have empathy.

I'm an empath.

But, um, in the morning I wasn't like— never thought about like that I'd have to lie to you because I was surprising you that night. But you go, what are you doing tonight for your birthday? And I hadn't had a pre-planned lie, and I was like, hubbada hubbada. Like, I started being like, and you're not paying attention.

I'm like, I actually don't care.

You're like, I don't care, I'm hanging up. And I was like, oh, oh. And then I was like Diz and I are going to go somewhere in Southampton for dinner. And you were just like, okay, no, I do remember you saying Southampton.

I was like, okay.

And I remember getting off the phone being like, phew, got her. Then we get in the car to head to New York City because we're in West Hampton. All to surprise Paige, by the way, my birthday. And I'm so excited. I'm like, she's going to be so happy. Like, she has no idea. I'm texting Joe. We're so into it.

Like, I'm on the road.

This is a big trip, by the way. It's like 2 hours to get to the city on my birthday. I realize I have a business call and normally business calls are like Zooms and I'm like, fuck, she's going to see I'm in a car and she's going to wonder why I'm in the car. And then like, no, she's not. She's never wondered any of these things. But we got on the call. It's not Zoom. I'm like, thank God. So I don't have to lie to 4 people. Yeah, I was sweating at that point. Meanwhile, you're just going about your skincare routine.

Literally living my life. Honestly, I couldn't figure out what to wear, so I also wanted to cancel. Like, I was like, I'm not going. Like, I can't. Am I wearing shorts? Like, what am I doing?

I— Joe's only job was to physically get you into the car. Yeah, but this is where I almost messed up. Paige and I share each other's location, which we just started doing. Yeah, because When you were in Italy, I just like kind of wanted to know.

Yeah, I love glancing at where my friends are.

Yeah, I was like, is she in the water right now? Like, is— I mean, you didn't move for 2 weeks.

Actually, one of my girlfriends, I like just checked and she was in Sardinia, and I texted her and I was like, send me pictures of your outfits. Like, I didn't even know you were going.

No, having your friend's location's so fun. Um, so, but now I don't remember this being like that, but on iMessage— I'm whatever— iPhone— I'm a grandma. It says the person's name and then like in big letters underneath it says where they are.

Yeah.

So I'm in the city. I was going thrifting. I was having fun like a city girl.

So did you leave for the city right when we got off the phone, like in the morning?

I did. Audition where I couldn't really smile, and then that didn't go well, and then I jumped in the car at like noon. Okay, so I'm in the city, and then obviously something came up to my head that I wanted to text you. Yeah, so I texted you, and then I was like, fuck, like I thought you were gonna get the text and immediately just see Hannah Berner, New York, New York. And I was like, you fucking ruined it. Like, I was so mad at myself. First of all, you didn't respond for like 2 hours. And you were like, okay. And I was like, oh, thank God she doesn't care.

One, I didn't even see— I didn't even look at your location. And two, even if I did see New York, New York, I'd think nothing of you. That's your home. How dare you cross the county lines without telling me?

So this is where it gets good. Now it's like game time. Like, I've been waiting all day for this. It's like I'm getting ready and I'm texting Joe and I'm like, when you guys leaving? Like, do you want me to be there and then you guys walk in? Like, we didn't think about this stuff.

Yeah.

Or like, what's the better surprise? And he's like, I'll go in first, we sit, then you come in. And then I realized I have your location, so I'm fucking tracking you. Me and Des are parked outside the restaurant.

Wow, I feel like no one's ever tracking me. That is so nice. I'm always tracking, tracking, tracking.

Also, I'm never early for anything, but I was like, I cannot fuck up this surprise because I was like dilly-dallying per usual. So we get there early, I'm like, okay, she's 4 blocks away, they're through— oh, they got in traffic, they're at a stop sign. Des watches you guys come out, we're literally stealth, and I'm texting him. Then Joe gets to the front and he's, by the way, texting me the entire car ride.

Yeah, and you know, I at one point I was like, hello, and he was like, sorry, I'm sending like a really important email. And I was like, okay, so I was on TikTok You didn't say a word to him the whole car ride. Again, I don't care. I don't care about anything.

I turned to Des and I go, I just have to say, a little disappointed in Paige. I go, she goes around the internet being like, I'm Russia, I'm Russia, I keep tabs on my man, I keep tabs on my man. Bitch, I've been texting your man all day and you didn't know shit. Where's this Russia? What, what are you talking about? I was in his DMs. We were kikiing. Hahaha. Because at first I was like, she's on his shit. She's going to immediately, like, read it off his iPad or something. Nope. Nope. You had no fucking clue, bro. And nope.

Your game. I'm like, I don't give a shit.

I thought that, like, immediately you text me and be like, one, I see you texting my man. Two, I see these plans you made tonight. Three, I don't want to go out tonight. For leave me alone.

So I'm sitting at the table, Joe gets up and he's like, I have to go to the bathroom. Which actually, I was like, you never have to go to the bathroom at a restaurant. Like, I did think that, but I didn't think anything else.

Oh, is that not his— that's so funny. People are either restaurant bathroom people, or some people never do. You're right.

No, and if anything, it's at like the end of dinner. I've never— whatever. So he goes to the bathroom and I'm just like sitting there. The waiter comes over, like, why am I here? Puts like— puts like water down. I'm looking at the menu, and then I look up and Rounding the corner is Hannah and Des, and my face, I was like so excited, like I hadn't seen you in years.

You don't know, it almost got ruined because your man was giving me a play-by-play. He gets to the front, he goes, oh my God, they just asked me what my guest names are.

Again, I wasn't listening. No.

So then I'm like, we're fucked, we're fucked. Like, this is like What is he gonna say? So I'm like turning to Des, I'm like, we should go back home, this, this hasn't worked.

Okay, you know what?

Do you remember anything? Were you alive?

So a girl walked in, she was wearing these zebra shorts, and I thought, hmm, I love a zebra short.

Was it me?

But I didn't love the top she was wearing it with, and I was like, this is like such an interesting top to pick with it. So I'm in my own head looking at this girl's outfit. I had no— I had no—

you were fighting some demons.

Yeah, I was not paying attention at all to the girl up at the front.

My thing is, I'm so impressed that he was having full-on conversations, also texting me what the conversations were like. He was on it. And then he's also texting like, this is fun, like on the side. Like, the man was texting paragraphs and I'm like, this girl—

wait, the best part was then like when we sat down Hannah was like, I was texting Joe all day, like you had no idea. And when we were in the elevator, he was texting, and I glanced over at his phone— hello, I'm alive— and I saw a kiss face emoji. And in my head I was like, clock it, because when I get home—

so she looks at me, she goes, you did send him a kiss face emoji. I go, never send him a kiss face emoji.

And I looked at it.

So then after the dinner, we get in the car, he texts the screenshot because the man needed receipts. He was scared. He was Yeah, good. Shaking in his boots. And it was him to his dad.

Yeah, it was his dad to him. Yeah.

Oh, his dad to him.

Because you have to see what side of the phone it's on. Is it him? Is it you?

Is it him? Yes. Yeah. Is it the blue? Is it the incoming? I do feel like me and you are actually very easy to surprise because we're busy. Totally. I love when people do stuff to me. They're like, you didn't even tell. I'm like, I have— sorry, I have a job.

Also, here's the thing about me, I'm not asking a follow-up. So like, if you say, hey, I'm here, I'm like, great, have a great time there, do what you have to do whilst there, doesn't have any impact on me.

When it was my birthday and the kids were here like last week, Des disappeared for like 2 hours.

And you guys are gonna be the funniest parents.

No, I didn't think anything of it. I think at one point—

I feel like at one point you're gonna be in the bathroom calling me like I'm hiding from my family.

No, Dez disappeared. And then I think my mom said something like, do you know where Dez is? And I was like, nope. And then he called me, I was like checking in, and I was like, what are you up to? And he goes, running errands. And I was like, okay, hang up the phone. He was going all the way to this place Snowflake, um, in Long Island. It's the best ice cream place in the world. Anyway, come back, everyone was like We couldn't believe that, that he got it past you so easily. I'm like, that man could do anything behind my back. I wouldn't know, right? He's— I'm doing errands in the middle. Like, this doesn't do errands. Like, I didn't even ask a follow-up question. I was like, cool, don't care, hang up. Yeah, cool, don't care. That's why he has a second family in Ireland. I know he's, he's busy with the second family. I'm not asking follow-up questions. So everyone was like, he got you. And I'm like, no, he didn't, because I didn't want to look into it.

If I looked into it, I would have known the longitude and latitude of Snowflake.

Like, I didn't care.

Care about Snowflake.

Also, do you know how many things going on in my head at a given time? And I also have to worry about my husband. I don't have time for that.

I don't even need to see the phone. If I get a gut feeling, I'm leaving.

Actually, you're so right. When you say you're Russia, it's more— it's the vibes.

It's more the vibe.

It's the vibes.

It's a lot of fur. It's a no tolerance policy vibe. It's we don't need proof, we decided it in our guilty, not guilty, see ya. And that's really what I want to portray. Now, do we have great espionage? Of course, of course. But that's expensive.

No, I literally walked in, I was like, you dumb bitch, you can't even keep your man on lock. I go, I've been talking to your man. Happy birthday to me.

No, and then the other best part of it was we like told stories about my dad for like 15 minutes.

Well, we realized that Des does an incredible Gary impression. Didn't know.

It actually stopped me dead in my tracks. I said, I thought my dad was there.

But Des is weird that way. He'll watch like one TV show and be able to like play all the characters. It's like, it's his own fun. It keeps, it keeps things spicy in our relationship. What we realized is that both our dads can't keep their mouth shut, keep their mouth shut, and how like when you have a secret about yourself or something going on, the moms keep it locked. It's the dads that like— dads have these like weird group chats they like to say stuff to. Like, my dad is a gossip.

No, my dad has fully started rumors about me within our own family for sure.

I'm like, once you get to the bottom of it, you're like, from my own home. Yeah, we got a snake in here. Because dads, they like to brag.

My dad also does this weird thing that like he's like giving you a compliment, but he's like, like mean about it. Like, like, okay, here's like a kind of a good example, but something that happened to me the other day, which is just like so me and my family. So I'm looking for this one specific top, okay? I'm like, where the heck is this top? I like just bought this top. I know it should be on my recent purchase rack. Like, I have a recent purchase rack and I know it should be there. So I text Josephine. I'm like, hey, any chance you've like seen this top? This is what it looks like. Like, this is the brand. And she's like, I haven't seen that top, but like if I did, it's it's here. And so I like look where she said—

I love how that's Josephine's number one job is to tell you where certain clothes are.

Every article of clothing that I have, Josephine knows, and she knows where it is.

That's actually really impressive.

So I'm like, I can't find it, whatever, don't worry about it. I'm like saying the Saint Anthony prayer. I'm like, let me call my mom, maybe she took it home from Italy and I'm not remembering. I call my mom, she's like, I can't remember the top You have to, like, I don't know what top you're talking about. And in the background, my dad goes, Kim, you have the best memory. You, you should be able to remember. Come on, you can't remember? He's like yelling at her, but also like praising her. And she's like, I really can't remember. Like, you have to send me a picture of it. I find it online. I send her a picture of the top and she goes, you never ended up buying this top? You tried it on and you thought, eh, it does nothing for you. And I was like, oh my God, you're so right.

She's like, you thought the sleeves were a quarter inch too long, so you decided against it, and you didn't have a good bottom that you felt would really match. Like, I've seen how you guys talk, and it's like—

she was like, remember you tried the dress on after and you were like, this is way better and more flattering? And I was like, yes, yes, yes, yes. Yes, of course, of course. How could I not remember?

Duh. Thank you, Kim. Someone was awake. Thank you. I also love how Gary's so invested in your, like, wardrobe drama.

Beyond. I'm the— I'm gonna be so honest. Now that I'm, like, obviously in my 30s and you look at, like, marriages and relationships compared to, like, what you thought they were as a child.

Yeah. Oh, interesting.

Yeah, like growing up, I remember asking my dad, like when I was little, do you love me more than Mom?

By the way, that's insane.

No, that's crazy.

You're a scary child. I'd say, say it. She's like, me or Mom, leave one of us at home to die. Which one? Tell me now, Dad.

There's a building and it's burning, and guess who's in it?

Who are you saving? I love how you don't even bring up Lil Gary in this. You're like, I know he's not top 2.

Yeah, not when we're talking to my dad. Not in the lineup, actually.

Not even top 5.

No, not in the lineup. And my dad would never say yes, and it would piss me off. He would always be like, no, you're like, your mother's number 1. Like, I love your mom. And my mom would be like, I'll throw him in front of a bus. Like, I love you guys 10 times more than I'd ever even think about loving your dad. So that was like the norm. Now that I'm an adult, I feel like, yeah, my husband— like, I feel like I'm gonna love my children way more than like any man, but I feel like my husband should be like, that's my— that's my day one.

Do you feel like you appreciate your parents' relationship so much more now that you know that like they're just two people dating. Yeah, that have like made it work every year.

There are literally two kids that met at school.

Like, okay, when I hear my parents like in the morning having their like morning gossip and coffee, I'm like, what are they fucking talking about? It's been 30 years. But I'm like so proud of them because I'm like, that's huge. Like when you're little, you're just like, Mom and Dad are talking again. Now I'm like, they're still talking.

Think about the dead horses they've beat.

Think about how much old material my mom has to listen to of my dad, and she still thinks he's funny.

Well, you know me, and I'm so— revenge is my whole being. And so like, I will think about like people that didn't like my mom in high school. Like, I have beef with you. If you have beef with my mom from 30 years ago, I have beef with you today. Did you see there's a Parmesan cheese shortage?

I thought that was Big Cheddar. He's trying to stir rumors around. Oh, because of the heat?

I think so, yeah.

Oh my God, you know the Italians are not handling this well.

It's just like, how much can we take? How much can we take as a society? It's too much.

I know. Also, one thing I was thinking about my dad and my outfits— the only thing is like when I'd wear something like skimpy. He would just be like, did you pay for the whole outfit? Like, I feel like Gary never said that to you when you wore something.

Like, my dad would give an honest opinion. He'd be like, I've seen better. Or he'll be like, yeah, that's nice. Or he'll be like, that, that's it. That's—

he was like, it's giving like 3 years ago Vogue.

No, he has said things like, I feel like you have— you've worn something like last season. Me and my mom will go to him for an opinion when he— when her and I are stuck. We will go third party just to see.

Sometimes a male perspective gives simplicity that you need because you've overthought it and he's just given you the immediate response. I'm gonna break up something controversial now that we're talking about dads. Friend of the pod, giggler, Brooks Nader. I have to say So apparently she was topless in it. Is it Italy? Yeah, topless in Italy with her dad and her family. And at first Americans are very upset about this. They're like, this is weird. Is it kind of giving when you eat bread in Italy there's no calories? When you're topless in Italy, that's how everyone dresses. It's giving one in Italy, you don't have to wear clothes.

I feel like I've been to a lot of parts of Italy. I don't think I've actually ever been seen— I've maybe seen like 2 people topless. I love Brooks. I love the girls. I love the show.

I love a girl's name that's plural and it's just one person.

I think she is like a a very rare personality in this industry because I've met her a handful of times and I can genuinely say I think she's a genuinely nice, sweet person.

Yeah.

So I feel like if there's things that people hate her over, I'm like, I don't— like, I don't care. I like her. I'm gonna draw the line here.

Oh, but they're in Italy.

I'm not gonna like not be her friend. I'm gonna be like, that's quirky and that's crazy. Hannah, I could be dying. I'm never showing my dad my tits. Never, not once.

I'm not like picking a side here, but I do think different families have different—

Like different strokes for different folks.

Yes, I do think also like breasts in different cultures, granted she is our culture, but—

She's from Louisiana.

Breasts in Louisiana. If you think about it, it's like men are shirtless all the time. Like, some people are less about the nipples. And maybe her and her sisters are like always topless.

They could be from a household— there are households that are naked households.

Yeah, there's naked— 100% there's naked households. And also, it's not like there's like brothers and sisters, it's just sisters.

Like, I don't think I ever thought that we would get here on this pod, but like, truly nothing surprises me. How— what's your relationship with you being naked and like your mom?

Oh, we're naked all the time.

Okay, yeah, same. Like, I— my mom has seen my naked body.

If my mom like was like, sorry, I'm changing, can you get out of the room? I'd be like, where'd my mom go?

Yeah.

No, I go into my mom's bathroom, take all my clothes off, poop in her toilet, say sorry, and then It's interesting. Brooke Snaders knows how to get press. Well, I'll say that.

Also, there's no other men in that household. Like, that dad is probably so desensitized to women. Yeah, but still, I, I would argue I'm like one of the closest to my dad that— yeah, like, of people I've met. Yeah, I would die. I'd actually shrivel up and die.

Yeah. Yeah, maybe there was some alcohol involved.

Totally.

It's a bunch of sisters and a mom, and— but it is funny, her dad like is alarmingly young looking.

No, her dad's hot for sure. He does look really young. He looks like he's like in his 37. Yeah, yeah, he looks 37.

But, um, yeah, you brought it up earlier and I was like, that didn't happen. Then I looked it up, I'm like, oh yeah. Also, they're on a boat. Are there different rules when it comes to boats? Different rules when it comes to the Mediterranean? Different rules— also, it's hot.

Totally.

It's hot. Not that she was wearing a big bikini to begin with, probably.

I am not going to judge people that are in situations that I've never found myself in. I think that's like a really important thing.

Ooh, I'd love that.

To note, like, you know, I could say what I might do.

You haven't walked a mile in her Louis Vuittons.

I haven't. And so, um, things happen, but I don't foresee that. I don't foresee me being in that situation and choosing and choosing.

I also think in general, like, some people just like love being naked. Like, yes. Then, for example, like, you'll keep your top on during sex. I know this totally.

It's not the main attraction when you're with me, so like If you're buying tickets to this show, you have to know— you have to know who's starring in it. And they're typically never starring.

Sometimes they have a background role or they have a line or two, but they'll make a cameo if you're lucky, but no one's gonna really talk about it afterwards.

They'll do the Christmas special, but you're probably not gonna see them for a couple months, you know, like they're You know, they've never stolen the show, but like, they're more like production, you know? They've transitioned. They're the director now. They're like, actually, I didn't make it.

They're in between scenes, the people wearing black that come in and take the chairs out to put in the other scene furniture. There's a name for those people, but we don't know that. But as women in the arts, we should. Oh God. So anyway, I'm hungover from yesterday.

No, I had so much fun.

I had like 10 sips of a drink over 3 hours hungover.

Well, you and I chatted a lot. It was one of those really good double dates where you and I really had alone time and then the men had— like we're talking, and that's my favorite kind.

What do you think they were talking about?

I have no idea. I don't care. I think it was like golf.

It was a lot of golf.

We were getting into it.

We finish a thought and then we're like quick, quick, what goes next on the docket? What's next on the docket? And we both are like huh Oh, this, this. But it was just— it's so— I just feel so lucky that we as a foursome get along so well. Like, it makes me really happy. No, and it's scary because I've accepted that, like, I might not like your significant other.

Yeah.

And that I wouldn't cause drama. I would just say whatever you're into. Yeah.

And we— yeah, yeah. And so it is really, um, nice. Okay, switching gears, just a little because I've actually been watching it all morning, so it's like on my mind. I started watching Real Housewives of London, which I, I feel like there's no promotion for them.

When did it come out?

It's like episode 5. Oh, but it came out in London I think like a couple months ago.

Is Caroline Stanbury in it?

Um, she has like a cameo, but she's not like one of the women. I don't even think she's like a friend of No, not really. They fight about like contact lenses and like, you borrow clothes, I don't borrow clothes, like how dare you? And then it's like, you got all your money from your divorces. Like, it's very like, you don't really care about their drama, but their outfits are amazing. Like, they have— and their homes are really beautiful. They go to like the Cotswolds and like all this like really British stuff. Yeah, so it is really good. But one of the dinners, like, I don't know, they were like doing like reality TV questions, but one of the questions was like, if your friend got arrested and you had no idea what it was for, what's the first thought in your brain on why they got arrested? So I like immediately thought like, okay, Hannah gets arrested, what am I thinking? And my first thought was she drove into like a building.

Wait, that's so—

like, she accidentally drove into the yoga studio and she like literally didn't mean to, and then her foot slipped, and then she was being a little hostile and resisting arrest, and they were like, you're drunk. And she's like, I'm not drunk, I don't even drink. They're like, you're high.

She's like, I can't smoke. That's so funny, cuz last night we left the restaurant and Des was like, I'm kind of tired, like, you drove 20 minutes the other day, do you want to drive back? And I was like, first of all, I'm drunk.

First of all, divorce? How dare you say that to me?

He was like kind of joking. Yeah. And he was like, you're drunk. And I'm like, I had 6 sips of an Aperol Spritz. I'm fucking loaded right now. That's so unsafe. And he's like, oh, I would never ask you. I didn't know that you like—

you weren't— you could have fully operated a vehicle.

The way I drink, which is like so slow, and I'm eating rapidly throughout, I feel like I'm I was like beyond sober. I was like the reverse. They're like, you're negative 0.3.

And when you're getting in the nitty-gritty of a gossip session, you lock in physically and mentally.

That's so funny when you're like hammered at the club and then some drama arises and suddenly you're crystal clear. Yeah, and crystal clear, you're alert.

Yeah.

Um, I know what you would get arrested for. We talked about last night.

What?

Something about smuggling a drug in an airport, something regarding a weed pen. And I'd be like, get my girl out. Wait, do you want to hear how fucking prude I am? You ever like leaving a foreign country and they're like, do you— have you taken any like— it lists 100 things and one of it is like dirt or something?

I've never seen that.

It's like you— like you can't take like things from the ground or something.

I didn't tell you my Italy airport story with the tax-free.

No. Okay, did you miss it? Because I missed it when I was in France.

Okay, so when you're in a different country and you're checking out, you can say like tax-free, and then when you're at the airport, you'll get the money back. I don't actually really know how it works, but whatever. I know that you get money back from something, from some government somewhere.

Yeah.

So whatever, it's a fucking pain in the ass to save all the receipts because then when you get to the airport you have to scan every single one.

Yes, well, you also, you bought a lot.

I bought a lot, and they say if you're gonna do it after TSA, put it in your carry-on in case they ask to look for it. If you're doing it before TSA, you can just show it to them in your checked bag, then check your bags. Now I like to do it after TSA because you get through TSA and you're like, okay, I'm phew, I'm gonna make my flight. Then you like, you deal with all that. Doing it before is like kind of a logistical nightmare. Whatever.

Yeah.

We get through. Now I have never in my travels put everything I've bought in my carry-on because never once have they ever asked me to see it. This time I was like, you know what? I'm just gonna put everything I bought, majority in my carry-on, and then I have like a few things I'll put in my checked bag just in case. Like, I did kind of buy a lot this year. I get through TSA, I go to like the scanner thing, I'm scanning my stuff, it says like see an agent, like go to the desk. The girl standing next to me was like, oh, I think it's over there. No line, amazing. It's like an older woman, I go up, I'm like, hey, this is like my code, it said Come see the thing. Come see a person. This is my receipt. She goes, come here, like waves me into the little built— or in little office, office. She goes, let me see all your stuff. So I start taking everything.

You're like, this is actually vintage from 2001 runway Marc Jacobs. This is a rare polka dot pony hair, candle.

She goes, okay, there's like a coat, a coat. I go, okay, it's not a coat, it's actually, it's actually like a wrap that you could totally, I guess, wear as a coat.

But I was thinking more over a dress and then wear it as a total outfit. You could wear it as a coat.

She did not want to do any of it. I could tell she didn't want to do it, and I was missing a couple things. And right when we got to like the first thing I'm missing, I'm like, oh, it must be in my checked bag. Okay, I won't take the tax-free for that item. Like, don't worry about it, I don't have it. I know that's against the rules, whatever. And she goes, no, I can't do any of it. And I'm like, I'm like, wait, but I have the other stuff. Can you do the stuff I have? And she's like, now get out. And I was like, you just looked at all my stuff. Not one time did you say anything was cute.

Okay, never made a comment about my taste.

Not a single comment. Now my tissue paper's all over the place. I like have to get it back in my bag.

I'm literally so upset. Traumatizing. You got robbed?

No, I got robbed. And then I was like, is this just like a scam? That's like not—

well, 100% in a way, because in theory everyone's like— like when I went to Paris for the first time and I finally got the balls to buy a bag and it was like so hard for me and I was like, but you get like a certain amount off at the airport. So I go to the airport, I go all the way through the airport, I'm sitting at the gate, and I go, okay, now let's figure out the tax situation. And they were like, no, that's when you first walk in. I'm like, who the fuck? Yeah, how the fuck? I didn't— I thought that was like once you're in. I'm trying to check in when I'm there.

In Italy, you can go— there's like a little place like right by our hotel. You can bring all your tax reforms and they like do the initial thing for you so that when you get there, you scan one thing and you're like good. So I technically should have just been like good to go. Yeah, but so anyway, I'm so sorry that happened to you.

But anyway, I'm an idiot because I think I was actually young. I think I was like 14 or 15. I was traveling for tennis and it had this big thing like no foreign soil, do not bring foreign soil over the— what? And I literally freaked out to the person next to me and I was like, I think I have dirt in my boots.

No, you're insane. Also, I don't think I've ever— it's like a thing, like declare— like, are people standing in line and be— and like declaring things?

Yeah, or people be like, I have a lot of soil. But I literally thought they were gonna be like, you have some dirt under your shoe, you're gonna have to come with me. And I'd be like, I didn't mean to, I'm not stealing it.

I think that's because there's like different diseases and plants and animals carry different things, and you can't like That's how I am with police though.

Like yesterday, I'm just walking across the street in New York City about to surprise my friend for my birthday.

Yeah.

And there was, you know, sometimes police cars stop. I actually know there's like an illegal turn that people do, and I think they were just trying to get people, but I'm immediately like, if I jaywalk right now, am I about to be on the news?

Like, you can't go like a right on red in New York City.

Yeah, there is one of those, but I'm not— I'm walking, and you know, like, and the cop's like watching you, and then I'm like, how did I ever use my hands when I walk? I'm like, do I look like I'm up to something? Like, I get so in my head because there's always a rule that I didn't know about that they'll be like, illegal, you stepped on the crack.

Yeah.

Anyway, I did drive. I'm not driving from the city to the Hamptons.

Oh yeah, so did you drive any of the way home or no? It was also dark.

I was hammered.

Have you ever driven in the dark? No.

Well, no one talks about that. Like, do you just go, okay, today's the day I'm driving in the dark?

Well, it is an ex— definitely a different experience.

But nowadays cars like automatically put the lights on for you, right?

Totally. But then— but I don't— they don't automatically put like your high beams on. Sometimes you need your high beams.

Wait, do you remember like being with your parents in the car and them complaining about people having their— is it called high beams? Or like, they call them blinker? The brights? Having your brights on?

High beams.

Like, this fucking guy has his fucking brights on. Like, that's all my childhood was, was this fucking guy still has his brights on. And I'm like, does no one— and he's like, oh fuck, that's dangerous, he has his brights on.

Yeah, I used to get into a fight with my dad because in high school my car looked like it had like high beams on, but it didn't. And he'd be like, you don't know how to work the car. And I'd be like, it's not— I would get so annoyed.

You're like, women can actually drive really well. Not my best friend, but a lot of women. It's actually feminist of me not being able to drive well, to show like women can be multifaceted.

Do you feel like you are getting better though?

Oh, for sure. It's— it was always like mental and like a confidence thing, because once you drive enough, you're like, oh I'm not gonna just hit a tree. Yeah, because I trust myself.

Yeah, you then start to like get places, and when you get there, you're— you don't remember how you got there because you were thinking of other things while you drove there.

Also, this is embarrassing, but like, I— it really makes me feel more adult. Like, when you never drive, you don't— you're still like, okay, where's the adult to drive me places? Where now I'm like, oh my God, like I get out of the car, I feel like a suburban teenager. I'm like, I just got my coffee, like I'm independent. I, you know, I did— of course, when I was driving to my blood test or whatever, I, I Googled Southampton Animal Shelter. I go, oh, 5 minutes away, going there next. I started making stops. I was doing whatever I wanted, honey.

It's freedom.

Oh, also, I got my food allergen results back. Not allergic to literally anything. So it turns out, just my head, just bullshit.

You're just allergic to bullshit.

I'm just—

so what about your stomach?

I'm just a nervous Nelly and I eat something and my stomach goes—

I saw a thing on the internet and you talking about driving made me think of it, and it was this girl talking about, um, I actually think she was talking about like women wanting to live a soft life versus like— and she was saying how like to live a soft life is like privilege, whatever. That's not even like the part. Mhm. But she was saying—

I saw you losing it, like you were fighting for your life, and I was like, she's not going to get it. It's on tip of her tongue, it's gone. Please, it's never going to be found. I saw a girl talking about living life.

No, no, Hannah, what?

You're hungover too. What did you drink yesterday? The guy was like, oh, you got salt and sugar with salt and sugar on it.

I'm really in a spicy margarita kick. Okay, I got it back. She was talking about how freedom, really the definition of like women having freedom, is having multiple options. And one of the things about being able to drive is at any point You can get— you can go.

I'm like, kids, we're getting on the bicycle.

Yeah, like, you need to— you need to have an exit strategy at any time. You need to know that you can go.

Situations that I've been like, well, I can't get out because the Uber's gonna take 20 minutes.

So many situations in my life where I've been going somewhere or doing something and I've had like a gut feeling and I'm like, I'm actually gonna drive. And then being— and then something happening and me being like, yeah, see ya, like I'm out.

It's so nice to be able to be in a car and lock it.

There's a peacefulness to it, the relationship you have by yourself in your own car.

No, I've like met a new Hannah. I'm like, who are— who is this?

Yeah, it's like a different meditative state.

It's so funny. Oh, this is our mental health moment.

Wait, did your mom give you like different saint cards to like put in your car and like a rosary.

She's not as Catholic. Italian Catholic.

I'll tell my mom to send you some.

But thank you, because actually that would look really nice on my dashboard. And I like making eye contact with Saint Anthony while I drive.

Oh, of course you need someone to keep you safe.

But this is the thing about religion, if that gives you the confidence you need to feel calm on the road then that's amazing, amazing, and makes everything better. Um, mental health moment. My mom was telling me, because Bobby and Lois visited, and Bobby, within 2 weeks, like, his speech was getting so much better. And my mom's like a little scientist woman in STEM, and I don't know where she got this statistic, but she was basically like, when kids travel, they have to like re-regulate, and like, they basically like retain information better because they're like in a new environment and they're just like a sponge. And then got me thinking about— I feel like that's with adults too. Like, me and you have both traveled more recently, and being in a— putting yourself in a different environment immediately makes you grow. It's kind of like when you're in a new relationship, like, you come out of it and you're a more evolved person. So I'm not saying we all have to go to Fiji, but I'm saying get on the train, go to Rockaway Beach, go somewhere, and it really does change your mindset. Yeah, even just go for a walk, it really does reignite like your brain just to like rejiggle things.

I know that's not like the scientific way to say it, but I just wanted to give that advice because I think it's true. When you're like in the same routine every single day, it might feel safe, but I think it's also like keeps you stuck a little. That's why you should break up with your boyfriends.

100% agree. And I think like every couple months I feel like I do an activity that's like longer than like getting my nails done by myself, like outside of the home. And you feel better after. You almost feel like more confident, like, oh yeah, I can go and like sit there by myself. Like one day I went to the beach all day by myself, and that was like small, but I was like—

no, I remember that day.

Yeah, I'm gonna hang out by myself and do stuff because you told me like 4 times, you're like, hey, on the beach by myself. Like, because I was like, do you want to come to—

I'm like, I know I'm tracking you, I know you've been there. But I also think I like challenging my identity where like people used to know me as like, oh, Hannah, the girl can't fucking drive. And I'm like, what if, what if one day I could drive? You can't put me in a box anymore. You don't even know who I, I am anymore. Like, my people from my past, they don't know this Hannah, right? Fucking drive. Bro, what are you going to do?

Is this a childhood trauma thing that you feel like you conquered? Not trauma, I mean like a high school thing that you're like, I never got my license.

Well, at first it was, it was like a cocky New York City thing. Like people—

you like not driving?

We loves being like, yeah, we're from the city, of course we don't drive.

Of course you don't.

Where are we going to park a car? We were just like, yeah, we're from the city. And then I went to Wisconsin and I was like like, yeah, I'm from the city, I don't drive. And then all my teammates would drive me everywhere because I had 10 teammates with cars. And then it started to be a problem. Yeah, then it started being like— it went from cool to, oh, you don't drive?

Yeah, yeah.

And also I grew up where like my Nana didn't really drive, my uncle didn't really drive, so I kind of had this voice in my head like, you might be like them, like you just don't drive.

My mom doesn't really drive and she doesn't live in a city.

And that's why Kim's like, Kim stopped driving like 15 years ago.

Like, she'll drive if she has— if she has to get someplace, but typically she's like, calls someone and she's like, drive me. And we do.

I know plenty of people who drive that I'm like, maybe we shouldn't.

No, and Kim is actually one of those people.

And you know, yeah, you know, in your heart of hearts.

Yeah, and she knows it too.

You know what to do. It's called self-awareness. Yeah. Um, update from last week, talking about the Wiggles. Apparently there's a hot Wiggle. His name's John.

Okay.

I can tell he's, he's tiny, but he is cute. He has a full family, like a kid and a mom, a wife, and a wife. And he, um, he does like— he has his own like Wiggles page where he's like for the kids, and he has another page where it's like does hot stuff. So he lives like a double life of like Insta-Thot John and like hot dad. Like, he's like, "Move my son," and he's like tattoos and stuff, and you can't do this. And then the other one's like, oh, I can't do an Australian accent, but he's like, "Outback Steakhouse, wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle." What's his wife like? I think she's like very normal. Cool. She's not a Wiggle. Oh, so he, he married outside of the Wiggles community. In another life, I was a Wiggle. I would love to be like— I looked at their concerts, it's fucking crazy.

The Wiggles have really evolved since, like, I feel like I almost don't know what you're talking about.

A Wiggles concert, like, is all these toddlers losing their fucking mind while the Wiggles are like throwing props around and dancing and singing. Like, it's the most fun concert I've seen in a long time.

You know who's pissed?

Blue's Clues.

He's probably like, I was gonna say, I put in the time, I put in the work, and I can't believe there's Wiggles, full-on Wiggles concerts and like spin-off. I can't believe the show's still even on.

Okay, I want to produce a documentary series that finds all those people from her childhood. Do you remember like Miranda and the Big Clock or whatever? Yeah, so it feels like a drug trip. I'm like, I see a blue sofa.

Yeah, yeah, we talked about this one time. Yeah, um, big comfy couch.

Yes, Steve from Blue's Clues. I want to know everything about like how their life went and where they are now.

Wait, remember they were gonna do a part 2 of that Nickelodeon documentary and then they never did?

Someone put the kibosh on it.

No, I need the part 2 of that doc.

No, yeah, that was super upsetting. I— all I know is, shout out Raven-Symoné. I'm obsessed with her. She's like low-key the reason I got into comedy.

Wait, I was just gonna say, I see a lot of her podcast clips and she's very funny.

She's amazing. Yeah, they're doing, I think, a That's So Raven reboot, and I'm kind of pumped up.

I didn't hear that. I mean, everyone's going to the Lizzie McGuire concert. Oh, did you know that Lizzie McGuire doesn't talk to her sister?

Are you talking about Hilary Duff or Lizzie McGuire? Same thing. Oh, same thing. Like her— not her sister on the show, her real life sister.

Yes. Wait, we didn't talk about Sterling Point. It's on Amazon.

What's, what's a Sterling Point? It sounds like a guy who bullied me in high school. Sterling Point.

It's scripted, it's set in Canada, it's set on this like gorgeous lake. And the main girl is literally Anne Hathaway's daughter. She actually played Anne Hathaway's daughter in another movie, but I can't think of what it is.

Oh, I love how you're like, it's a period piece because it's in Canada.

She's kind of— she's so beautiful.

Oh, it's R-rated.

Is it?

It says raunchy. Oh no, that was something else.

No, it's—

that's Off Campus.

No, this is like a high school, like they're 17.

You love a high school drama.

I love it.

The second it's in high school, I'm like, I can't.

All I think about when I watch these high school dramas is my mother didn't let me out of the house. How are you guys running around doing all these things, like experiencing all this mischief? But I love it. I love a high school.

Maybe it's a Canadian thing because there's like wilderness. It's just so funny. My mom was like, please go to the party. Please go out and have some fun tonight. And I'm like, I have a match tomorrow, Mom.

That is so cute. I would be like, if I go out and I come home at this time, I could sleep for 4 hours.

Also, I received backlash last episode because I'm normally full of positivity in life and light and laughter. Yeah, but I, I had some critiques on the first episode of Furious. Or maybe the first half of a few weeks.

Yes.

People were— they were like, Hannah, you lost the plot. Like, it's a great show.

It's a great show.

Do you have an update of how you recently felt about it?

Okay, well, I just watched the 5th episode, and there is a part that is very realistic though in life because she does like go back to her abuser. And so I— it made me upset. Okay, that's where they took it. But I still stick by that. I love that show.

I didn't get to the point where she had an abuser.

You didn't watch the show, and then you're coming and you're— and we've given you this platform and this forum to speak positivity into the world and make a real change in the lives of women, and you come on this platform and you abuse it.

Okay, let's not throw the A-word around that often.

And no, let's not. That's actually—

if it is a story regarding abuse and stuff, I think it's important and should be watched.

It is, it is a story regarding abuse, not just hers. It's the larger picture, is about human trafficking. Okay.

Oh shit.

So do you want to dial it back?

Okay, I apologize.

Watch it by yourself. You can't watch it with a man because they like aren't watching the same things we are. They're not experiencing it the same way we are. Yeah, give it a, give it a go.

I also have yet to also delve into the Lindsay Clancy trial, but I have been getting messages to raise awareness about postpartum depression and how badly hers was handled.

Because it's not like it's a woman that it was like she didn't ask for help. She did. She went to so many doctors. She was on so much medicine. It's insane.

Oh God. I also It's not the first story of a woman accused of killing her kids with postpartum depression. By the way, this is how we like to end the pod, in the darkest, saddest place.

Again, it's only up from here for your day.

Exactly, exactly, because life is about perspective. Um, we have the weekend ahead of us.

Oh my God, yeah, yeah, I have a wedding this weekend. And the Daphne Fall photo shoot is actually tomorrow, so I'm very excited.

So exciting! I can't wait to see what everything looks like. Um, and we love you guys. Thank you for giggling with us, and we'll talk to you later.

Bye!