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Frank!
Nein. Frank.
Sup, Gigglers?
Gary, fix your WiFi.
Manifest that shit. We can't be managed. Ladies' squad.
I mean, the day just got away from me.
What's up, my galloping gigglers?
That's a good one. We've been really horse-themed recently. I'm not sure why.
You created a lot of backlash because everyone was like, we have a horse team in Texas. It's called the Mavericks, you dumb bitch.
You can't just say that to me like you've created a lot of backlash. Like, that will put me into a literal spiral.
That's the kind of backlash I love to have.
Like, oh my God.
I wouldn't let Paige start the pod 'cause I'm trying to put together the perfect text message. That's a name drop. To Maria Sharapova. And, um, obviously like everything, it's either like way too lovey-dovey or like not giving it the justice it deserves.
How old is she? Is she our age?
This is the thing. She raised me, but she's only like 3 years older than me 'cause she won Wimbledon at 17.
Is she the youngest woman to win?
There were younger, like 15, 16-year-olds. There was a time where girls were winning, like, pretty young, but she came in and beat Serena Williams in the final at Wimbledon at 17 years old. And everyone's like, a star is born. It was Lady Gaga.
How old was Serena Williams at the time?
I think in her 20s, but like, it was her prime. Wow. So everyone was like, oh, Serena has got this girl. No.
Yeah.
I'm like, sorry, I'm still processing yesterday, but let's, before we get into it.
I'm just trying to think, like, wait, what's the greatest thing I ever did at 17? And I think it was like, that was the year that everyone was like, Paige can do hair.
Oh, like you could do other people's hair?
Yeah, but I really couldn't. But for whatever reason, I was on the prom circuit.
Oh, so you just had good PR. You weren't actually— it was all smoke and mirrors. You got lucky once and then you like, it ran like wildfire.
I had phenomenal PR in high school. If I could bring back my PR from high school into I was mysterious. No one really knew.
Does she drink?
We don't know. Does she have a boyfriend? She's very candid.
What was the hair— your go-to hairstyle? Like when a girl came up to you and was like, I need my hair done, you were like, this is the Paige look.
Okay, I'm not kidding. I straight up was a consultant in— at like my senior year of high school. Girls would come to my locker, be like, this is the dress. What are the shoes, accessories, and the hair?
And I'd be like, You're smoking a cigarette, you're like, okay.
Pulled to the side, cascading. Are you following me? Like, I'm like, not a necklace, that will be detrimental to your well-being. It's an earring, it's a larger earring, it's a bracelet and a shoe. We don't see the shoe, it's a clear, loose— like, I would go off.
I think you need to consult with my sister Majini because Lois, she's Taking it next level, she refused to wear her soccer jersey because she said it was too big and ugly.
Well, been there, done that. I quit, I quit T-ball, okay? I said, Mom, what the hell is this? I said, no, I'm not going. Lois is me. I am Lois. Well, you want to know what is funny? I got tagged. I kept getting tagged in this Instagram, like, reel. So, like, finally I'm watching it and it's this mom being like, My daughter's going to her first day of kindergarten and I'm freaking out because she picked out an outfit and I'm scared that the teachers are gonna be like, you're a bad mom, basically. So I'm like watching this video, watching this, I'm like waiting for the outfit. I'm like, it's gonna be something crazy like a bathing suit and all this stuff. I see the outfit, I go, honey, you should take notes from your daughter. That is the perfect first day outfit I've ever seen.
It's called editorial.
I go, it's giving classy, it's giving professional, but it's giving whimsy. It's giving I can move.
Like, oh.
I'm like, I think your daughter's worried about you, babe. I think, I think she's worried how you're gonna show up to bring her on her first day. Now, when I was a child, I didn't have that angst because my mom, like, she would walk in as like a chaperone for like a field trip, and I would be like You other bitches could never. Like, do you see— I would literally look at other girls and be like, do you see your mom? Look at my mom. We're not the same here. She's wearing high heels to the apple orchard. We aren't the same. We aren't the same. I'll never forget that bitch's apple orchard outfit. I couldn't believe she showed up in it. It was perfect.
I can't believe we're friends because I literally, like, 2 years ago, I started being like, oh, I should put an outfit together.
It's been my whole life. I quit cheerleading my senior year because I wanted to put outfits together for the Friday Night Football games. I literally go, I can't be a cheerleader anymore, I have to be creative.
No, you've missed very important Zoom meetings because you're planning your outfits for the week.
I'm like, if it wasn't on my schedule, I can't just jump to it.
Oh my God, wait, so when did you fly to Venice?
Okay, what day is it? It's Monday.
'Cause I know you had to leave yesterday, but like, it all gets confusing. You know, we get thrown when Paige was overseas.
I flew Fri— Sunday night. My flight was at 9 PM. I flew 9 PM, landed here Monday morning, but really it was like 11 AM here, but it was like 5 AM your time. I couldn't sleep on the flight at all, and that is so not me. So when I was landing, I started like having a panic attack that I—
Didn't sleep.
Have like sleep deprivation and I'm gonna like pass out and I'm like, it's gonna be so hot and then like I have to take a boat transfer and like what if I get nauseous? Honestly, I'm so dramatic.
No, but everyone talks about, I'm going to Europe, I'm going to Europe, and I'm like, it's stressful.
No, my body really does need to acclimate. Here's the thing about Venice, and I've only been here for a couple hours and most of it in my room because I fell asleep. They're not kidding that you take a boat everywhere. I thought it was a bit. I thought it was a full— I thought it was like optional boat, and then like you could like— you can walk around.
I thought the gondola was like Times Square, like you can see Elmo if you want to.
Right? I thought it was optional. Okay, no cars. There's no cars.
Wait, did you have to paddle?
No, like you just get in like this little like cigarette boat. There's literally But it looks like bus stops, but it's for boats. It's the cutest thing I've ever seen in my life. It's the— I've never been here before. I am— I feel like I'm in a movie. It's quite literally the prettiest place I've ever been. Obviously I've been to Capri a bunch. This is a different type of beauty. Like Capri feels very vacation. This is like Italy. Yeah, this is like, oh my God, my ancestors.
I was gonna say, now you're with your people. I do love that you go to the same vacation every year because it's like No drama, you know what's going on. But I'm like, let's see some culture.
Let's see some things. My dad would be dying. He'd be like, but Capri's right over there, why don't we just go?
Also, this hotel room, the wooden planks on the top, like, it's already the aesthetic. I'm vibing with it.
Wait, I want to like give you— I want to like give you a tour.
The audio people love this.
The bathroom's in there, and then like back there is like the toilet. I'm gonna be honest, the way they set it up The feng shui? Not the smartest.
Italians don't do feng shui. No, Italians don't do that.
I think the bathroom is bigger than like the bedroom part, which I'm like honestly fine.
You could have used that the last Italian vacation.
Yeah, I could have used this massive tub. There's 2 tubs in there.
It's—
Venice is a very— it feels very honeymoon-ish.
Ooh.
The only thing is it's— you're not swimming in that water. Like, I was like, oh, do people jump in this? And they were like, No, that's disgusting. You don't swim in the Venice water, so I feel like it's not— like, I don't consider it to be a vacation if I'm not putting my bathing suit on and getting— going in water. Anytime people are like, oh, I'm going on a ski vacation, I'm going— I'm like, no, you're going on a ski work trip. That's a work trip. All the shit you gotta pack and put on, that's work.
Talk about accessories, don't get me started. We did not— we haven't skied because Does Tori's ACL because I prayed for it. Um, and here we are.
You wanna know what? We probably never will again because now we're with 2 men that have zero interest in it.
They both have knee problems.
Yeah. If we wanna go on a ski vacation, it would have to be just the 2 of us.
I think it would be like we book a show in Aspen and end up being there for like 3 days and we shop one of the days and one of the days we like drink hot chocolate.
Done.
I'm glad we wrapped that up. Glad we figured that out.
I can't believe you're in fucking Italy right now.
I know. I'm so—
it's insane.
I'm like, I can't believe it. But, um, I was gallivanting all weekend.
Where? I, I feel like I saw that. I didn't check your location, but I saw your Instagram story and you were glam and you were here and you were there.
No, I was— you guys, this is my Mike Ala, the US Open. You know that. And this was my weekend. I did a Lululemon party. Um, and then after the party, I went to another party. Who does that? You know what's crazy about friends?
Mm-hmm.
You're my— you're— this— it's a pyramid, right?
It's definitely— oh! And at the top— did you ever watch Dance Moms?
Actually, you know, I've never watched an episode of Dance Moms.
Wow, that was really bratty! You gotta. It's some of the best reality TV.
You gotta. Um, you're at the top of the pyramid. You trickle down. Everyone knows about you. Everyone talks about you. When anyone asks anything, they have to consider you involved. Anything anyone tells me will be told to you anyway.
To some people, I'm an imaginary friend. They've never seen me. They've just heard about me.
But you feel your presence always next to me. Yeah, it's like a ghost. Sometimes people just talk to you when they're with me. They're like, can you tell Paige? And I'm like— or they'll just ask me about you and I'm just like—
You're a vessel to me.
I'm a literal vessel.
I'm a spiritual vessel.
Um, but then I have these like, I have my comedy friends who like have saved my life. Like comedy friends, when I'm with them, you know, when you just feel like, oh, these are my people. Like they make fun of everything.
Can I give you a compliment?
Yeah.
You pick great friends. How many bad people have I introduced you to? Some of the worst people you've ever met, I've introduced you. You have— you always find genuine, nice women.
Do you know my mom early on, I remember middle school, I was like complaining about something and she was like, what if you hung out with people who liked you?
Okay.
And I was like, that's heavy. I'm 7 years old.
That was heavy. That's heavy for the 5th grade. Yeah, that's heavy.
I'm like, well, they just don't like me because they don't know me yet and they haven't seen the sides of me. Thank you. That's such a nice thing to say. I do think I'm definitely quality over quantity. And also I am better one-on-one. I'm not that great in a group setting.
Yeah, I just feel like anyone you've introduced me to, I've genuinely been like, whether or not like I've kept a friendship with them or not, I've genuinely been like, that's a really good person. A great example is Haley. Haley's a perfect example of someone where I'm just like, that's probably one of the nicest people I've ever met in my life.
That's a little angel. It's just the friends you keep around you, like their energy— I don't know if this is the right word, but it like bleeds onto you. And like, I cannot have like dirty, fake, weird vibes.
Yeah.
Close to me at all. It's like I'm just like really sensitive and empathetic. Yeah. Where like, I'm like You can handle more than me because you could disassociate.
I think she's a sociopath. Let's find out. I'm like, do you think she'll skin me and wear me and then date my boyfriend? Let's see.
Let's hang out with her for a year just to get to the bottom of it. I love a fun, crazy girlfriend to live vicariously through, but a lot of them, I don't care what they do, I like when their heart Their heart is there.
Totally.
And then I met the comedy friends and I was like, oh, these are my people. Like, this is, mm-hmm, they are joking about everything. They're able to be self-aware and laugh at themselves. I'm like, I love this. But then I forget, like, I have so many friendships from the tennis world that like I just haven't rekindled 'cause I haven't seen.
Right.
And after this Lululemon party, there was this other party called the Racquet Mag party.
The team Vogue party. Party.
And I was with, um, Aiyane, who is Frances Tiafoe's girlfriend, who like played tennis for UCLA. Madison Appel, shout out, who, um, was number 1 for Indiana. Like, I'm just with like the most badass tennis girls ever. And I'm like, it's so funny how you, you have different identities. And like, in that moment, I was like Tennis Hannah again. I was like, we're just some athletes hanging out. We're just, we're just athletes, some former Division 1 athletes who have made it their whole personality.
I feel like society kind of teaches you, you have one friend group and that's your friend group, and if you don't stay friends with them for the rest of your life, you're kind of a bad person because they've known you. When in reality, I think it's so much nicer to have different friends. Also, in your 30s, it's so different having friends than in your 20s. It's like, for sure, complete Different life.
But it's also funny how many people from the beginning, like, come back around cuz they were that girl.
Yes.
Like the people who are meant to stick around will, you don't have to force friendships with people from when you were little.
Right.
What's crazy with tennis though is like, we weren't friends. We actually fucking hated each other.
Right. Like, right.
Imagine you, it's similar to you with like all the other models that you'd see in your child modeling. How you were like— I'm trying to put it in your perspective.
I was gonna say, like, when I see people from other reality shows that I have nothing to do with, I feel like we already have a connection because we both did a reality show.
Yes, but back then, like, I would see all these girls' names on the draw and they were— it was just like they were standing between me and, like, my dreams.
Right. Oh, okay.
I literally had to fight them for a spot.
Yeah. The girl that beat me out for the Barbie commercial who then got her own show on Nickelodeon? Yeah.
Yeah.
Think about like a ton of Victoria Justices in the room. And there were some that I got along with really well, but it was still like looked down upon to like be good friends with girls. It was almost like you were weak, like you weren't tough and you weren't scary. Yeah, you had to walk in and everyone needed to be scared of you. And you know, that's not my vibe.
So if you were at a tournament and it was like, you, you, would you go into like a girls' locker room?
You would love the vibe of a tournament. Everyone has their own outfit. Like you get to wear whatever you want and you walk in and you're with like your dad or your coach and you just wait around for your name to be called. And then you and the girl don't say a word to each other, get the balls and go on the court and battle it out.
So where are you prior to the court waiting?
You're just like in a tennis club. So like you're all just like not talking to each other in the tennis club waiting and like you're warming up. Sometimes you intimidate people by like doing some crazy warmup.
Was there ever like fights in terms of outfits or like she always wears her hair like—
Well, there would be like every now and then a girl would like get sponsored by Nike. So like the girls that got sponsored by Nike or Adidas Like one day they'd walk in like wearing the outfit that like Maria Sharapova just wore at the US Open and you were like, oh, she's that girl.
Oh, okay.
I see.
Like, 'cause she got attention from brands.
Yeah.
Wow.
Okay. Okay.
So like she was wearing all the best stuff where sometimes, you know me, I'd be showing up to these tournaments wild with a Sophie short and like a ripped shirt.
Are there any rules on things you can't wear? I don't believe so. Like, can you not wear a baggy t-shirt?
I don't believe so. There's some rules like in tournaments where like you can't wear logos that are too big, and Wimbledon you have to wear white, but like—
Wimbledon, you have to wear all white?
You knew that.
I didn't.
You knew that.
Maybe I knew that and it was deep in my brain, but I love that.
I think that's why you first fell in love with the sport and you forgot how you first fell in love with it.
Well, no, I think I first fell in love that I realized it was all grass. Like it was all greenery.
One thing about me, I love a plant. I love oxygen.
I go, it's giving wedding aesthetic. I love—
It's giving the background of a brunch wedding.
Has anyone ever gotten married at Wimbledon?
That's a really good question. It's also very— you like it because it's like impossible to become a member of the Wimbledon Tennis Club. Like, you have to win Wimbledon to be like invited, or you have to be like— your dad had to like invent London.
Toaster strudels.
You like the exclusivity of it. Um, yeah. So anyway, long story short, I walk into a Rack and Mack party, and you know me, the second I walk into a party, I'm like, we gotta get outta here.
Yeah.
But immediately I see some kid, guy Gary, who I literally trained with in Brooklyn, and he's just like, Hannah? I'm like, Gary?
And then—
Shout out Gary. I see this guy Kahari who played on the Beacon boys tennis team with me, runs up to me, gives me a bear hug. And immediately I'm like a kid again, just like a tennis player. Like I could cry talking about it. And I'm just seeing all these faces. Then I'm seeing these girls who like, I, they're tennis influencers now who I follow. And I'm like, I know you played for UCLA, like this girl Chanel. And I'm like, I've always like looked up to you. And she's like, I saw your name in the draws too. Like, it's so cool what you're up to. And I'm like, junior tennis was crazy, right?
Yeah.
We just like had this like out of cult moment where I was like, I know that we Never talked to each other before, but like, yeah, I love you. Like, I'm so proud of you. Like, I'm so proud of these girls.
Once like you have children and then you like run into someone from high school in the grocery store, it's like that vibe.
Yeah.
Where you're like, oh my God, where'd your life go? Congrats.
No, I was so proud of everyone, but it was just so cool to feel community in like different places. 'Cause there was a moment where it was just the Gigglers. That's all I had.
Yeah.
That's all I was.
And that's honestly, that's all I actually want.
That's all I need.
That's all I need.
I actually don't want any outside groups coming in to touch.
Then the next day I drove to DC, and by drove I mean—
Got driven.
Aiden and Des drove me to DC for a wedding. My first wedding of the summer.
I didn't know you had a wedding this past weekend.
I know, I was— and then we drove back that night. Oh, I know it was a lot, but a giggler came up to me and she was like, hey, what are you doing here?
It actually is funny when you see gigglers out in the wild doing like the most mundane thing.
No, she was like, what are you doing at this random family wedding right now in Washington, D.C.?
That's nice though, that Dez doesn't drink so he could drive home.
I do have to say shout out to Dez and Aiden. You know what they did?
What?
Aiden put on Dolly Parton the whole ride and he's like obsessed with Dolly Parton and just like sang Dolly Parton and talked about how amazing she is the whole time.
Honestly, after 30 minutes, that'd piss me off. 2 hours, 2 and a half hours of Dolly Parton? Okay, I love her. Okay, Jesus.
By the way, I sat in the back, they sat in the front. They were like, yeah, car ride. I went full Uber driver. They tried talking to me, I was like, no thank you, no talk.
Just, you have to lay down and put your headphones on.
Lay down, didn't say a word. They were like, are you okay? And I was like, I put no talking on the Uber app. Like, please leave me alone. So yeah, the wedding was fun. I did a little dancing, speeches, but I just— you went to more weddings this summer than me.
I'm so sick of weddings. I really— there's literally— I don't want to go to any weddings next year. I have one wedding, my girlfriend Ariana, next summer in Greece. That is like the only wedding I want to go to. From now till then.
I did.
It was a church wedding too, and I haven't been in church in a minute. Um, long, long sermons.
Can I say something that's like a bit controversial and like people might look at me differently, but I'm just gonna like speak my truth?
You love a church wedding.
I do love a church wedding. I definitely will have a church wedding. As someone who like travels with rosary beads, Yeah, obviously. I actually was packing my bag to go to the airport and I was like, Hannah would die laughing. I have like a rosary beads case with rosaries in them and like a little handkerchief that my grandma gave me that I think was her mom's.
That's beautiful.
So I have that. But then I also have another rosary bead case that has this like little charm lock on it that my grandpa gave me, and I travel with both those items. And I used to keep them in my car because I feel like wherever I go, they protect me. Anyway, that's like a— not even—
That's a whole nother podcast.
That's a whole nother podcast. At weddings, I— and like, I've been— obviously I've been to family weddings, I've been to like close friends' weddings, I've been to like, I'm the plus one, I don't know anyone at this wedding. It does not matter what the wedding is, I don't feel comfortable dancing. Ever. I don't care who I'm with. I don't care who my date is. I don't care like how comfortable I am at the wedding.
How drunk you are.
It doesn't really ever cross my mind to get on the dance floor.
At my wedding, at some point there was like a crazy grind line where someone's feet were being held in the air and like there was— and you were— I remember seeing you just like, you were sitting in your—
I go, that's insane.
I have a traumatizing wedding dance story.
Okay.
It's not, it's not that traumatizing, but I just remember I was like 17 and, you know, like actually that's like the weirdest age to be at a wedding cuz you're like—
It's so weird. You're like—
I just remember being like, I don't wanna dance. Like everyone's like, do you wanna dance? And you're like, oh, everyone's like, look at her dancing.
With who?
And I, yeah, I tried to dance I think. And then I like came down and sat down and my mom was on the dance floor and I was sitting with my dad and my dad goes, look how mom dances. He goes, you see how she moves her hips? That's how you need to learn how to dance. And I was like, what the fuck?
Yeah, maybe it's because I don't think— consider myself a dancer. Like, I don't consider myself a good dancer, that maybe that's my insecurity. But I don't— but then I look at people and I'm like, okay, well, I couldn't dance as well as that person, so it's not that. I just think it's like, I don't know what it is in me that I'm just like, I don't wanna—
Wait, no one talks about dance anxiety.
It's so bad.
so fucking real, and I feel it the second I hit the dance floor. I'm like, everyone's staring at me right now. And then I'm like, that was— oh, I didn't hit that.
Everyone's staring at me.
Didn't hit that. Oh, then I didn't hit that. And then like Bad Bunny comes on and I'm like, oh no, that's it. I don't know if I can.
Yeah, I just like feel— I feel more comfortable being like at the bar and mingling.
Yeah.
Than I do going on the dance floor.
You guys know Dez loves dancing.
Does he?
He did Dancing with the Stars in Ireland. You guys should all Google it. It's Crazy era in his life.
So when you get to a wedding, is he like, okay, come on, let's get on the dance floor?
Yeah.
So then I was talking to a giggler, obviously, and I'm looking at him, middle of the dance floor, going crazy, starting to sweat, waving me over. I'm pretending I can't see him and he keeps waving me over.
I'm dying in that moment.
And I'm like in a deep conversation with the giggler and I'm like, yeah, mom is working right now. And then finally I'm like, fine. As I go over, The crowd, like, he's— everyone's like, yeah, come in. They start opening it. Next thing you know, I'm in the middle of a circle.
No.
And I, I look at him in the eye, like, my eyes were scared. I was like, I did not sign up to be the middle of the circle. I signed in to, like, be on the side dancing. Middle of the circle is so scary because the only move I have is the worm. Otherwise, like, what do you do in the middle?
And you can't bust out the worm at not a close friend's wedding.
This is— Des's friend's wedding.
Yeah.
This is not even my friend's.
No.
Like, my friend's wedding, anything I do, they're like, oh, that was funny, Hannah. This is, who— what the fuck's going on? Who let that girl on the dance floor?
Even though you're his wife, essentially as a plus one at a wedding, I feel like it's your duty to kind of like— I don't think you should stand out as a plus one.
100%.
I don't think you get in the middle of the floor and you're commanding the room because at some point people are gonna go, who is this bitch?
100%. And yeah, like I don't need to be dancing, you know, with the mom and the grandma in the middle doing like, they were like Greek and we started doing like a Greek, I was teaching people Greek, like, but look, if you have fun, you have fun.
And totally.
There's some people that you should hire for your weddings, like that are just really good wedding guests. Like they add to the vibe. It takes one person to make a wedding fun.
Hannah, I was thinking about that because I was like, I don't— for my own future wedding, I don't want to kill the vibe of the dance floor. And I was like, what if I just hired actors that were like dancers that like got people to dance?
In the Hamptons, we met Maurice through Southampton Social, and he is the most fun, amazing guy ever who I stay in touch with. And for my wedding, obviously he was invited. When I tell you he made my wedding.
Yeah.
Like Maurice was the DJ, the host, the dancer, the greeter. Like he did everything.
Who was your DJ? I don't remember who did your music.
I got like a cool girl DJ and the music was good anyway.
Oh my God, it was so long ago. The music was good. Hannah, it feels so long ago.
I was like, was that when weddings like— I don't even remember, you guys, I Pick the first dress I picked out in a strip mall. Like, this was a different time.
That was like a fever dream. Like, I don't remember. That is crazy. You're married.
Wait, I, I got announced yesterday. They were like, and next is Hannah Berner, who resides in the Lower East Side with her cat Butter. And I was like, definitely have a husband.
Wait, I have a question. Has Des ever said anything? Have you ever had a conversation about changing your last name?
We've talked about the concept of it, but he, he knew. I mean, we've talked about it. I was like, can our kids have my last name?
Oh, would you? Okay. Okay, you took it one step further.
Okay.
As someone who has thought about changing my last name my whole life, like literally even when I was like 10 years old, I'd be like, and isn't it crazy? I won't always be Paige DeSorbo.
We're so different. I literally was like, my name is Berner. It'll always be Berner. No one's gonna take that from me.
I'd be like, what do you think my last name will be? And my mom would be like, I don't know, but right now it's DeSorbo. Now at 33, honey, I'm Paige DeSorbo. I am no one else. I am Paige DeSorbo, and those kids can have his last name, fine. I don't really even know those kids yet, so I am fine with that. But my name, I don't want to change it anymore, which I never thought— never. Even if you asked me like 5 years ago, Are you gonna change your last name? I'd be like, well, yeah.
It's so crazy. You've changed a lot over the last 3 years through this podcast.
I've changed a lot. I've changed a lot through this podcast. I— when I did Morgan Stewart, I was talking about our tour and how like transformational it was for me as a woman. Our tour and your bachelorette party were 2 really pivotal moments in my womanhood.
Because you did a photoshoot the whole bachelorette?
I just felt myself and like—
You were like, I just felt like it was finally a time for everyone to celebrate me.
Yeah, it was like finally my time to shine, you know? I'll never forget that green sparkly dress. I think about that green sparkly dress all the time. I can't find it.
You're like, finally women embraced me as who I am truly.
And you were there.
People have been re-listening to the pod from the beginning.
Yeah.
Someone was like, and I was like, are we like really fucking stupid in the beginning? And then they like kind of paused and I'm like, have we actually evolved and changed at all? And she was like, not really.
No. And thank God. And thank God.
Thank God.
Imagine now, imagine we like evolved into like, this is like a news podcast or something. No, even like when we have children, like I don't wanna talk about them.
No, they're going to be like Des. We're like, they'll be mentioned.
Yeah, like we'll know about them.
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FRANK.
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I went to the US Open last night, and when you get there now, like, the US Open wasn't like this. Now it's like. You get out and there's immediately a red carpet. And someone asked me, like, interview was like, where's Paige? And I was like, Paige is in Venice. She couldn't make it. She was supposed to be here with me. But I ended up watching the Novak Djokovic match and he like puked the whole time.
Wait, I saw that on my Instagram.
Yeah, I was— we're sitting there watching.
The headline was like, his body betrayed him. I was like, oh, okay. But when I do it, it's like maybe You're weak.
No, I like, he walked to the side and I'm like, I can see him from there and I'm like, he just puked. And Des is like, there's no way he just puked. I'm like, I saw water come out of his mouth.
Wow.
I wonder what was going on.
Dehydration, cramps, who knows? But it was like just watching a man.
Maybe he was anxious.
Looked like he was gonna faint, like the whole thing. So, but it was beautiful. It was very fun.
I've never done that. And he lost.
In 5 sets.
What, play?
No, in 5 sets. It was a 5-hour match. We didn't even get to see Venus Williams. We had to leave 'cause it was past Des's bedtime. Um—
Oh my God. What time did they go on?
Like at midnight. Also, Venus is like in her 40s. They made her go on at mid— Wait, wait, wait. Yeah.
Wait.
Yeah.
And then played for how long?
Probably 2 hours.
No.
No. Tennis is— the sport is insane. Like—
Why wouldn't they just be like, okay, back tomorrow morning?
Because there's a whole schedule and it affects the whole draw. But Venus definitely was like, are you fucking kidding?
Yeah.
I feel like that's like a crazy disadvantage.
Well, but no other sport. I mean, golf takes forever. Yeah. But like, it's not the same kind of physical stuff. Tennis, you could, you could play a 5-hour match, just you running for 5 hours.
Thank you so much for bringing that up because I saw like this this golf thing the other day. They were interviewing someone and it was like a golfer that I'd like recognized, but I saw an interview with him and I was like, oh my God, he got so old. Like, I guess I haven't seen him in like years, whatever. I don't even know what his name is, irrelevant. But then they were showing like other golfers that are like top golfers right now, and I'm like, I'm like, wait a minute. I look in the mirror every single day and I look at my body and I think, how could you be better? And that's the plight that women have to bear. That's the burden that we live with. And I'm looking at these men and I'm like, never once you thought, hmm, I'm a professional athlete, maybe I'll lay off the Oreos this week. I mean, it's shocking, Hannah. It's actually shocking. Is there another sport where you don't have to be physically fit at all? I mean, at all.
These men—
I'm like, how many beers you put down last night? That is a crazy gut if I've ever seen one. You're only 35. What is your excuse?
I'm gonna have an argument. If you have to wear a belt when you play, it's not a real sport.
And I'm gonna concur with that. As someone who's never played a sport but has worn a belt, I concur.
And I love golf, but it's, it's more of a sport skill than like a full sport.
I just feel like if there's a chance, not saying I would win, but if there's a chance I could beat you in a race, I don't think that you're a professional athlete.
Well, Paige, you're very fast.
That's crazy.
You're very fast.
Okay, as the fastest girl in the 4th grade, I, I understand that, but I just thought it was— I was just looking at them and I was like, oh my God, it must be so nice to be a professional male golfer because you don't have any body dysmorphia at all and you don't have— you don't have like a body standard.
You also get to just like fuck off your family for 7 hours because you're doing a job. And playing with your boys and then traveling the world and like never calling your kids.
It's kind of crazy.
But anyway, I recorded a podcast with Maria Sharapova yesterday and I'm still processing.
I saw that on your Instagram. So it was a live recording of a pod?
Yeah. So—
Your outfit was?
Oh my God. Thank you. It was a Zimmerman set that I found online.
You know what? You looked like a professional tennis player who was coming to give a talk.
So I'm such a nerd that I was like, I know Maria Sharapova's fashion style, like even in this era of her life, like I know what she likes to wear. And I was like, she would wear this. And I walked in and she complimented my outfit and I was like, honestly, I was trying to channel you. And she immediately starts joking. She's like, I mean, I would've tucked in the shirt. And immediately I'm like, I fucking love her. This is Marie Sharapova, by the way. This is one of the greatest tennis players to ever play the game, who raised me, even though she's like 3 years older than me.
If someone ever said that to me, I would've started crying.
No, no. We immediately start busting each other's balls. 'Cause look, when you meet really famous people, there are all kind of energies that you get.
Totally.
And I've— you leave the room sometimes being like, wow, like I didn't even make eye contact with them.
Yeah, like, that was weird. That was scary.
Like, they really did not want to make eye contact with me. And then you think it's your fault.
Like, I think I threw up after I interviewed Martha Stewart. I was like, that was the scariest thing I've ever done in my fucking life.
And by the way, Marie Sharapova is known to be, like, intimidating on the court. That's her whole thing. Like, she never smiles. She's, she's got the Slavic energy. She's, she's serious.
Yeah.
And strongest mental, phys— she's incredible. And I immediately were like joking and laughing, and then I didn't realize that it was her first ever live show, her first ever live podcast.
Oh, wow.
It was so— Maria Sharapova wasn't nervous at all. Like, just like didn't even mention to me. It was just standing there.
Do you think there's any tennis players that take beta blockers?
I don't know if you could do it like during a physical activity like tennis. I don't know if it affects like the oxygen to your brain.
Interesting.
'Cause I've thought about it, but I think they're on like SSRIs for sure.
I need to know what the professional athletes are doing when they get anxious.
Also, Maria Sharapova, so savage. The podcast begins, she's interviewing me, which by the way is the weirdest thing ever. And she goes, this is a quote from you, I'm now in standup comedy, but my dream was to win Wimbledon. I go, okay, okay, right to the heart. So then I just look at her and I go, um, yeah, what was it like to win Wimbledon? And she goes, felt pretty fucking good. And we're just like literally making fun of each other.
That's so your type of friend.
I knew I was gonna be enamored by her. I didn't know I was gonna fucking vibe with her. Like the chemistry was just so fucking good. Like, I just wanted her to not be annoyed by me. And then it got into, I was like, it felt like I was with a sister. I don't mean to like make you jealous.
No, it's okay. Because that's how I felt about Morgan Stewart.
About Martha Stewart?
No, Morgan Stewart.
Oh, I thought you said Martha Stewart. I was like—
Martha definitely didn't vibe with me. That's for sure. That's on camera.
Martha was disgusted by you.
But when I met Morgan, I was like so nervous. And then I was like, wait, we're friends. I was like, we have the same personality.
When someone makes you feel like you could be yourself, how like immediately you stop being a weirdo. And yeah, I spent an hour with her and like just the effect she had. If you Google Marzia, um, Marzia, Maria Sharapova.
Yeah.
Sh— her fashion is next level. She also came on like, she's blonde, she's like this 6'2. Russian, but she like knew herself and every girl wanted to be Maria Sharapova growing up.
Did she grow up in Russia or she grew up here?
She was born in Russia and then at a very young age, her parents like put all their money into, like, imagine being like, we're putting everything into this like 6-year-old girl. And I was with her manager, her agent. He's been her agent since she was 11 years old.
Oh my God.
I was like, how did you know she was the one? He's like, I looked at the tennis academy and you knew, you're like, she's gonna do it. And like 4 years, 5 years later, she won Wimbledon.
Wow.
Good for her.
But it's crazy. She's 39 and she's lived so much life.
Yeah.
Oh, okay. So Chelsea Handler's always been friends with Maria Sharapova.
Mm-hmm.
And like, I would see Chelsea Handler in her box watching her matches, and that I thought was like the coolest thing. I've talked about this, but like, I just need to reiterate. And then Marisha Voevoda on the pod, it comes out on Wednesday. Pretty tough pod. Um, but she tells this story that is so funny about Chelsea Handler, which is so Chelsea. So Chelsea. Chelsea goes to the Olympics in London like 10 years ago with her.
Mm-hmm.
Now for Chelsea, obviously this is a vacation. This is fun. We're drinking Pimm's.
Yeah.
And she puts her in the player's box. Now in the player's box at the front is the coaches who are like coaching, right?
Right.
She says she looks at her player's box. Chelsea Handler's next to her coach, yapping, cracking jokes, making fun of him, drinking, probably on drugs, um, leaving, coming back, like just chaos. And Maria Sharapova's like, what is she doing? But Sharapova wins the match and is like superstitious. So she's like, hey Chelsea, you have to do that for the next Like the whole tournament.
Shut up.
You have to sit there. So then Chelsea stays the whole tournament and in the finals Sharapova loses to Serena. And she said Chelsea came up to her afterwards and said, what the fuck was that?
Oh my gosh.
But anyway, shout out to girls, girls, cuz that is the kind of support I wanna have for women. Yeah.
Shout out to women in sports and women supporting women in sports. And Chelsea Handler.
And Chelsea Handler. And by the way, Chelsea, she is that girl, like, she's that person who will support you even if she's drunk.
And that's important.
And that's important.
That's really important in our society.
We're not always in our right mind.
Because I've had a lot of people who get drunk and don't support me. I've had the exact opposite happen in pretty much every relationship I've been in.
But anyway, now I'm trying to put together a text back to Marisha Arpova. I don't know what to do, but like, I'll, I'll deal with that on my own time.
I love that. Okay, awesome.
Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you for that dissertation.
Yeah, I was really excited to tell everyone about it. Um, what are you excited for the next couple days?
I'm very excited for the next couple of days. Josephine has me— has a schedule for me running. She wants to see this, she wants to go here, she wants to try this restaurant, we should get pictures over here. So I'm just like gonna go by her schedule. I flew in a day earlier than I needed to be here because I really— my body's so sensitive. I really needed to just like relax and unpack my clothes and make sure I had all my outfits ready. And like, one thing, Hannah, there's no shower in my room.
Because they want you to bathe and eat like tortellini?
There's 2 tubs next to each other. Okay.
Oh, they want you to hold hands with your romantic partner.
So there's a bathroom over here, right? It's 2 tubs, 2 sinks. You think, sure, where's the toilet? You have to come out of the bathroom, round a corner, there's another bathroom, just the toilet and a sink.
And no shower.
And no shower. I'm like, guys, you had so many opportunities. So many water lines are running through this place.
We have a bath, we have a toilet. What should we do with the third one?
Another bath.
Another bath.
I can't tell you the last time I bathed. I'm not a bather. I don't bathe. I'll do a hot tub. I'll live in a hot tub.
You know, I try— I actually try and take a bath once a month. I think it's good. Coming— I come from a household where my mom took a bath every single Saturday.
That's so cam-coded.
She got the bath going, she did whatever her like lotions and potions were.
Mm-hmm. She shaved.
She must have been going out. That little slut. She must have been going out every Saturday night, now that I think about it, when I was younger.
And she would do this before going out?
Yeah, she would like get ready all day on Saturday. She'd get out of the tub and then she'd do her hair and then she'd do her makeup and I would just be like, what is she doing? But now I like don't remember.
Why is moms putting on lotion, like, the most comforting memory?
I think because that is the first woman you know. Like, so like everything she does, yeah, everything she does is like low-key soothing to you.
You know Maria Sharapova, my—
Your mom?
My mom. No, my literal sister Maria. She, um, was, a lot of tennis players are perfectionists. And she was saying that having a kid, she has one kid, is the one thing that's helped her with her perfectionism. 'Cause she's like, you cannot control what's going on.
Right.
You can, you can plan what you want. You can try to make everything go as planned and go right. But the kid is just gonna be like, go fuck yourself.
Do it. Yeah. Do whatever it wants.
As a non-mom. When you hear moms be like, it's horrible, but it's perfect, and it's the worst, but it's the best. I think it's the challenges of it that actually help you grow. I'm trying to figure it out.
As a non-mom, thank God, I don't have the bandwidth right now.
Does anyone?
I couldn't think of the worst thing to happen to me than have a baby today.
Someone said, they were like, whatever you're going through, just be like, at least I'm not pregnant. And then to all the Gigglers that are pregnant listening to this, you're perfect. We love you.
Yeah, I'll pour one out for you tonight.
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I never talked about, about In Bed with Paige DeSorbo this season. I had my first episode last week and I had Nicky Hilton on, which actually is a perfect example of meeting someone where you're like, what is their vibe gonna be? And I— she was so down to earth and normal, it actually was like shocking to me.
I feel like she's purposely been like, I don't wanna be in the public eye as much, it's annoying me.
She's like one of the most normal people ever. Like, I forget, they like asked her to do something and they were like, is it okay if like, do you want someone else to do it? And she was like, no, obvi— like, I can do it. Like, it was just like, I forget what it even was, but she was just very down to earth. But this year it's live, so it's like, the past 2 seasons we've recorded it for like an hour and a half, so like there were times where I could sit stop and we could reset and like—
Bathroom break.
Yeah, cut things out, add things in, whatever.
Forget people's names.
It's a very different vibe this year. And so like, we're live, but like, she knows the segments that we're doing, and like, it's only for 30 minutes, so it's actually not that bad. So whatever, we're chatting and we start talking about Daphne, and she's like, oh my God, wait, I have a gift for you. And she just like says like, can someone get my bag? And in my head I'm like, wait, we're live. And the— I know for a fact the Amazon team is like, what do we do? And I'm like, someone get her blue Chanel sparkly bag.
We have 7 seconds.
So they get her bag and they bring it over and she's like opening it and she like hands me this gift and I open the gift. Hannah, she has a jewelry line. She made me a ring with Kitty's face on it. It's like my new favorite ring. And I put it on, she goes, your fingers are so skinny. And I said, thank you so much for noticing. She goes, no, no, really, I'm gonna get you one that fits. What is your ring size? I've never even— I go, well, it's a 4. But she goes, what? Like, people think I'm lying when I say that, but I'm— so anyway, me and Nicky Hilton have friendship rings with our cats on them. And tune in to In Bed with Paige DeSorbo. I— my next guest In September? Well, it's up in the air. We'll see what happens.
How do you like, um, interviewing live? It's a—
it's more pressure because I feel like there's more pressure on me to like think of something funny after, because like it's boring if you're just watching us talk about bed and you're not laughing. So I feel like I have to like add in jokes, where when we tape it, sometimes I feel like I can think of a joke for longer, where when it's live it's like quick, and I'm like, this— is this episode going to be boring? So I'm— it's a little bit nerve-wracking, but I talk to myself for 30 minutes live all the time on Amazon, so I know I can be live for 30 minutes. But a lot of people are never— have never live. Like, when else would they be live?
Yeah.
How many times can I say live?
Jesus. Take a shot every time. I feel also like sometimes with comedy, when you have a little pressure, you could be funnier because you don't have time to like overthink the joke. You just have to like get it the first time.
After it was over, I was like, great. And I never have to think about this episode again because it's already out there. Like, I don't have to be like, what are the teasers? What are we clipping? Like, it's done.
I love that.
I love that.
So that was nice. That is nice.
Oh my God. We've had, we had 2 like crazy weekends. I can't wait to see the Venice footage.
And we're going to a fashion show together, like a cool one next Friday.
You guys were doing Fashion Week for a day together?
Heck yeah. Friday we're going to the Wiederhaupt show.
Wiederhaupt.
Very excited.
I've been a fan. You wore them on Fallon. They're like—
Yeah.
You know, I love a— one thing about me, I love a corset. And one thing about you, you love Bridgerton.
And that's where we combined.
That's where we combined.
And that's our Venn diagram.
Because I love a little snatch in the waist. Um, but yeah, I, I'm excited for a day to be running around New York with you.
I love, I love outfits that really accentuate the female body. I think that's like, I think that's why we love a corset. You love like showing your curves. Yeah, showing a female body. We love it. Not a golf body. Not a male golf body. Oh, someone DM'd me and they said that their— that all men's body standard is Mark Wahlberg. I said, wow, that actually is a good one.
But he's also 5'7.
And it gives them hope. And he's also inspirational.
Wait, do you want to hear something funny about men's golf?
Always.
They're not allowed to wear shorts. They have to wear pants.
'Cause they don't like their knees?
Someone said my knees are kind of white and pale. Who was like, okay, we're gonna play this sport, but I swear to God, if anyone wears shorts, I'm gonna freak the fuck out.
Golf has so many made-up ridiculous loser rules. My brother said that golf stands for gentlemen only, ladies forbidden. Is that true?
No, but like Good good definitely believes that.
What does it stand for then?
He probably made that up, but like, it's, it's probably a coincidence and then like men ran with it. But do you know, I was, I played tennis with my old men the other week.
Yeah.
And one of them was like, you know, I belong to this like fancy tennis club. Like you should check it out. And he said what the club was and the other guy was like, are women allowed in that club? I felt like I was in, um, high school tennis again on the boys team where I was like, do I have to fucking beat every single one of you? Like, what do you mean? Do our women allow that?
Wait, is that still real? Like there are really—
Well, these old school Hamptons clubs, like I remember I told you my best friend Becca, she's a lesbian and an incredible athlete and she's the first ever member of her golf club that is a woman. It's normally the husband that brings the wife. So they didn't know what to do with her.
I don't know why it just sounded like she's not a lesbian because she's incredible at being an athlete. She's not an athlete because she's a lesbian, okay?
Is it the chicken or the egg? She's very athletic and happens to also be a lesbian.
To be a lesbian, but they're not correlated. How dare you?
Um, isn't that crazy?
Yeah, that's crazy.
They didn't know how to like submit her application because they were like, but who's the man? And she was like, I'm the man.
I hate people. I really do. I'm just like, you're stupid. That's crazy.
On a lighter note, I just had the thought, you know, I like to just bring up a random thought every now and then. And my thought was, I thought I was gonna have to keep an eye out more in my life for whoopee cushions. Really, when you're younger, they really make it seem like at any point you can sit on a whoopee cushion. I haven't seen one whoopee cushion in like a decade.
Well, you wanna know what? Ain't shit funny about a prank these days. No one's pranking. No one's pranking anymore.
Honey!
I think no one's pranking because shit is really— it's like, it's not funny.
It's like we're in a haunted house. We don't have to like scare people already in the haunted house.
We don't have to do overtime.
I also think it was pre-phone. Like, we didn't have mahjong on our phones. We were pulling out a whoopee cushion. When you got someone on a whoopee cushion, like, that was game over. Like, that was the end of the night. We were like, and that's our closer.
Where'd they come from? Never once do I have a memory of buying a whoopee cushion. They just always appeared at your house. Like, you never got them. They were— one was just there.
Blowing it up was disgusting. It tasted like a condom. And everyone would like blow it up. And I was like, this is how COVID originated, like started originating at least. It could be the cause of your UTIs. I don't even know. But everyone was slobnobbing on it.
Like no one's getting punked these days because life is— we're punked. We got, we got, we live in it. We live in the show Punk'd. And that's just what it is.
Wait, pranking was like the silliest, cutest thing back then.
Pranking is so fun. All I did, I feel like, was like pranks. Like, I remember one time my grandma was like, let— you can put Saran Wrap on the toilet. And I was like, fuck yeah, I'm doing it. Or like putting a rubber band around like the sink so when you turn it on, like the spigot thing like sprays at you. Like, yeah, that's innocent fun.
Imagine if Ashton Kutcher punked like an influencer and they were like, my cortisol levels can't handle this right now. I'm suing.
I watched this girl make a video. I mean, so many people have made TikToks about it, but I watched this girl make a video who like I follow, and like I've never met her in real life, but she truly with her whole chest called herself women, like, or called herself— no, needed to use women but use the word woman, like, okay, and there's a lot of women. And I'm— and I, I actually was like, I can't ever like another one of your videos again because I do dumb shit. That's crazy.
I love how that's where you drew the line.
That's my line.
You were like, I've had enough.
No, the videos of the men not being able to read, I'm like, ahhhh.
Also with pranks, like, we never faked a prank. Our shit was real. Nowadays it's like, let's pretend that I'm surprising you, my boyfriend at college.
No, I had props.
There's all these fake couple prank videos and I'm like, at one point after the 100th video, is your husband like, Is this a prank that you're recording?
Couples and pranks, different. I feel like very different.
How so?
Like, if that's your whole thing, I feel like I would start to like get annoyed. But it's fun for like some, like randomly doing something, or like I love like scaring people. Like I love hiding behind a door.
Like, that's old school.
Yeah, that's Nothing's funny. It's some innocent fun. I do it to Kitty.
Oh yeah, when you get your brother.
Have you ever scared your cat? No, you gotta do it. No, you gotta do it. If you have a cat at home, do yourself a favor, call them, hide behind something, and Kitty dies. Like, she literally gets so mad at me. I've fallen on the ground laughing. because I've scared her so good. She lit— she's like a human. She's like— she jumps back and she looks like, bitch, are you kidding? Bring some whimsy to your day. Find a cat and scare it.
Also, I'm stressed about Halloween's around the corner. Sorry to bring that up. I know.
What is it? What difference does it make for us? We're 34 years old.
When do we stop dressing up?
I think we stopped. Also, Halloween, it like— then it's like my birthday's Right then. Anytime someone says Halloween, I think of myself. Even though it's my mom's birthday on Halloween, I think of me.
Oh my God, you guys are such Scorpios.
I'm like, what an amazing birthday gift that must have been. She was like, ah, just the best.
You dressing up and taking photos?
No, me being born.
Oh.
Like, it was her birthday and then 4 days later she had a baby.
And that is the story of the witch of Paige DeSorbo, how she was created.
The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe.
I— that is me.
The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. I gotta go.
Okay, we're gonna— we have to stop. We're gonna— that's where we're gonna end this thing. Um, we love you guys so much. Thank you for giggling with us, and we'll talk to you later.
Bye!
Ingrid und Indeed präsentieren: Jobs, bei denen man sich keinen Fehler erlauben darf. Heute: Heizungsmonteur*in. Die Heizung macht seit heute Morgen komische Geräusche.
Entschuldigen Sie, das ist ein geiler Beat.
Die Rohre platzen gleich!
Und jetzt der Drop.
Wuhu!
Ingrid!
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Paige is back in Italy and Hannah met her hero.shop summer merch Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.