Transcript of Giggling about martinis, sucking, and small talk

Sup, gigglers?

Gary, fix the Wi-Fi.

Manifest that shit. We can't be managed.

I mean, the day just got away from me.

What's up, my Gilmore gigglers? Happy 20th anniversary. No, I haven't watched Gilmore Girls, but I, I can appreciate a woman in the arts.

Well, you showed up in a ballet flat. That's so Gilmore Girls coded.

I took a ballet flat to the— on the subway.

Ballsy.

And I realized that I didn't— I need to shave the top of my foot while on the subway in my ballet flat.

So subway-coded. Question, when you drink a water bottle, do you put your lip in it or do you put your whole mouth over it?

Wait, let's see.

That's a really important question because I—

This is great for our audio listeners.

No, because I recently changed up how I do it.

I'm a sucker.

Yeah.

I'm not— I'm a sucker.

Yeah.

And I don't mean that in a sexual way at all. It doesn't mean I'm—

This is scientific, real life.

This is scientific. I, I like the water to hit my teeth and then I suck it in.

Okay, so I used to be— I used to put my lip inside and drink like a normal person.

Yeah, but that takes focus.

Well, it does. Now I put my whole mouth on it and I squeeze the bottle so that the water just pours into my mouth and I don't have to even suck. It's harder with water bottles.

You're literally like that kid who like is playing, um, soccer and like just was running around, like didn't even touch the ball, and then goes over to the sideline. It's like, I need some water, and then it's like—

And then I like puke.

Yeah.

One time I was on a softball team for like 4 weeks and I quit because the outfit was disgusting, but also I hit my own nose on like one of the bars. Like, like on the fence. Oh, like I just like hurt myself doing nothing, like not playing in the game, like just like sitting on the bench. Like I hurt myself. And I remember going up to my mom being like, this is the dumbest thing ever. I'm not doing it anymore.

Well, I love your boundaries.

Thank you.

Um, can I just call you out for a second? We're at the SiriusXM building, which is huge.

Huge. This is not our particular studio because we're, we're getting our vibes. We're like picking out rug colors. Like we're doing samples this weekend. But this is gonna be the vibe.

I'm in the Lower East Side, and I'm like, I can't be late for the first ever recording. So I decided to take the subway, 'cause look, you can't— can't go wrong with the subway. I mean, you can— well, okay, I'm gonna be honest. I did walk into the wrong subway, and I had to—

Sometimes it's confusing.

I was going downtown.

There's nothing like being—

It was part of my process with the subway.

When you're on one side and you're like, I gotta be on the other side.

Also, I'm like, why don't we say uptown or downtown? Why do I have to guess? But I digress. This is niche New York problems. But I get here, and Grace and I— first, I'm like, I love being before page. Like, it's my favorite thing.

Yeah.

'Cause it's once in a blue moon. Who came up with that?

Blue—

what's— anyway.

A blue moon is rare.

You with your turtleneck saying a blue moon is rare?

Sorry. You don't know the phases of the moon? I got nothing else to talk to you about. You wanna talk about nimbus clouds? Yeah, I can. Sorry, why am I sitting like— I'm a different person now. I'm serious.

'Cause you're serious and you're wearing a turtleneck and you look like you're judging me.

I'm wearing a Daphne turtleneck because they're so frickin' comfy.

Plug it.

And then I just, I have my little French shoes on.

So you like your outfit, you're happy to be here.

I love my outfit, I'm happy to be here.

And so we're waiting outside and I'm like, I can't wait to rub it in her little face that I've been waiting for her. I love doing a little snarky comment when she comes like, oh, look who decided to show up. Rolling.

Yeah.

Look who decided to roll in. So you're not answering, and it looks— I have your location now.

Okay.

And like, it looks like you're like around us, and you're just not answering.

Circling.

Waiting 10 minutes.

Yeah.

Finally she just responds with a text message in the elevator. How did you break into this highly secure building? Because we were waiting with the SiriusXM people who were like, there's a process, you have to check in, all this stuff. I go, somehow Paige is already there.

Do you know that this is the building that they filmed Devil Wears Prada when Miranda Priestly walks into the elevator and everyone gets out? So when I walk into this building, there's other things in this building too. When I walk into this building, I go Miranda mode. I know exactly what to do at the counter.

I don't respond to my friends' calls.

I have my ID ready. I go through. Well, also we're new employees, so I met other employees.

Yep.

of Sirius on the sales team. So I'm chatting with them, we're getting in the same elevator. I'm cosplaying.

Wait, you love the first day of school.

No, that's what I feel like.

I came up with this outfit right before. How long have you had this planned?

Last night when I went to bed, I was thinking about it, like, what am I gonna wear to see— and it's getting chilly. It's truly fall in New York.

And guys, we partied last night.

No, we partied. Also, wait, before we get into last night, yeah, when I was on my way here, It was such a good omen because also it's like morning time. It's like early right now. It's 9:30, but whatever.

It's about to be 10 any second.

You know how like sometimes like when it's like a busy street or like especially during rush hour traffic, there will be just cops like parked and like traffic cops, but also like other cop, whatever. I'm like a bunch of cars behind and I know that there's like congestion up there, but I can't see what it is.

I love when you say congestion. congestion.

And the cop comes over his radio, like, he's in his car, but he's trying to, like, get people to go the way— whatever, I don't know, whatever. He's in his car and he just goes, way to fuck it up for everyone, good job. And in my heart I'm like, thank you. I love this goddamn place. I love this city. I love this— all these people.

Thank you, somebody said it.

Like, one cop in the South needs to say that, and I think they'd find unity down there. I think one person needs to be real past the Mason-Dixon.

That's like on the subway when they're like, if someone else puts their hand in the closing door, I'm gonna freak the fuck out, and everyone's like, hallelujah, thank you.

There's nothing better than when collectively you're annoyed by someone and someone volunteers as tribute to tell that person, Everyone here hates you.

That's my favorite story when— it's not my favorite story of all time, but you know, you ever like someone starts doing construction at like midnight and you're like, that's definitely illegal.

Well, New York, I don't think it is in New York City. They like do it.

There's some weird-ass rules. I just know that someone was like drilling at like midnight and you just had to wait like 10 seconds and someone was like, shut the fuck up. I'm like, thank you. Like, that's how we help people.

It's community.

Like someone has to curse someone out. It's crazy.

Yes.

And you feel like they care about your sanity, their sanity.

There's nothing more unified than hating the same person.

Oh.

And then when it's a person causing strife between everyone, it's just, it's, it's a commonality.

Shout out New York City.

Shout out New York City.

Love letter to the city in the fall.

I'm obsessed. Okay, let's talk about last night because It was such a journey.

It was a journey. So next week, shit's going down. And it's actually like— there's like announcements and stuff. And it actually annoys me because I'm really bad at lying and keeping secrets. So this whole podcast, I don't know what to talk about because I'm just like, don't say it, don't say it, don't say it. But that's all you could think about.

But I haven't thought about it once.

Look, you have other stuff going on, I think. But I'm just really excited for next week. So just letting you guys know, there's We're gonna surprise you with some stuff. But, um, last night was the Sirius upfronts. How would you describe an upfront for someone who's not familiar? 'Cause I wasn't.

An upfront is basically like, I think of it in terms of TV. Every TV network has an upfront and it's basically like every advertiser that pays for ads on that network goes to the upfronts to see if they wanna give money to that network again.

And it's very formal and it's like, 600 executives, long time, and everyone just introducing themselves. It's very corporate.

It's like 3 hours.

So they were like, you guys could do whatever you want for 4 minutes. And I said, that's actually my prime amount of time.

Like, 4 minutes. I'm good in small doses.

That is my small dose perfection. So Paige and I made a fake PowerPoint.

It was a very real PowerPoint.

It was— we did a great job.

We did a phenomenal job.

I put my hands in like a triangle like they do on Shark Tank.

I joined the Illuminati after. You tried to sell them I said she flips, but hamburger style.

They go, hey, you're supposed to introduce Gigli Squad and you just talked about a fake iPhone flip phone.

I think Apple was there, you know? They were like, we don't claim her.

So that was actually so fun. Also, we loved our outfits.

We loved our outfits. And one person that we saw— it's also like, it's funny because you don't know people, but you're all at the same event, so it's like, hey, like, I know you. And one of those people was Conan O'Brien, who I'm 10 toes down for.

So Conan O'Brien, can't miss him.

Can't miss him.

He's like 6'10.

Yeah.

Red-haired. But we walk into the room, and like, my immediate thing is like, I don't wanna bother Conan.

Yeah, I'm not bothering him.

Conan's busy.

Yeah, I respect that.

You know he like wrote on The Simpsons?

Yeah, like I'm not—

He's been doing comedy from day one.

I'm not annoying him with my bullshit, you know?

No, like I don't wanna ruin his vibe with my vibe. But he sees us, he scurries up to us, and immediately just starts doing bits.

Yeah.

We start yes-anding with Conan.

Yeah, we're riffing.

We're riffing, having so much fun.

Once I bring up your outfit to you, just know I like you. Like, if I don't like you, I'm not bringing up some part of your outfit.

So she complimented his, um, leather jacket, leather jacket, and then he had a whole A bit about it. A bit about it. And you love A Bit About Clothes.

I love A Bit About Clothes.

You were like, this is my kind of comedy.

Yeah.

And I remember like someone had to take us to like meet someone else and they were like, we're so sorry we pulled you away from Conan. I remember being like, that was— it was literally about to— we were running out of material.

We were running out of things to talk about. That is the worst feeling when you're at an event and you're like, okay, well I can't walk away.

No.

Like, what do you say? You have to pray that it naturally like, He gets spun around because someone else is trying to talk to him, or like someone comes up to you. It's a very— it's a dance.

We had— It's a tango.

It's a tango.

We were pulled away, thank God, at our, at our height. Like, we had good momentum with him. And then we were with our parents.

No, a tear could come from my eye. My dad woke up this morning and he goes, I just want to let you know, I, I don't have fun that much. And that was So much fun. I had a great time. We sat— Did that go bad?

I'm not a big fan of fun. I don't do fun very often, but—

Yeah, because his natural, like, response to truly anything I say is, who gives a shit? You know, so that's like his default response when you're talking to my dad. It's like, who gives a shit?

Which is so nice to have around, 'cause you know, you get in your head, and then to have Gary just be like, who gives a flying fuck?

Yeah, like, he doesn't know about things 'cause he's at work.

Yes.

You know, like, he's working.

Yes.

We got to the table for dinner and we sat. No one spoke on where we were, who was sitting where, and we sat perfectly. Me and you sat across from each other. Our moms sat across from each other.

And our dads sat across from each other. And we weren't sitting next to our dads, cuz I don't know about you, when I sit directly next to my dad, we wreak havoc.

Yeah.

He's like poking me. We're like, we need my mom in between us.

No, I'm always to my mom's left. Like, I must— yeah, like, I'm not sitting— no, I'm sitting next to my mom.

If you're sitting next to your dad, like, you're not— who's protecting you? Like, that's chaos. But you— we get to this restaurant in Midtown, and SiriusXM stuff was downtown.

We were being really fancy last night, and the moment I knew we were being really fancy last night was right when we walked in and I saw Heather Dubrow. I go, yeah, we're fancy. Like, that couldn't have— made me feel better.

This is the New York City name drop episode, but like, it was— New York is such a small place. Also, it was a Tuesday night. Like, Heather Dubrow just like popping in there. Well, Heather Dubrow, by the way, there's something about meeting a Bravolebrity. I can't explain it. It's like you've been through NOM.

Yes.

And you see them like later in their life just at a supermarket and you're like, do you remember NOM? And she's like, I've been there. But she goes, I just shot my reunion. And we were like, you've been shot? Are you— how are you walking right now?

You wanna know why I love her so much? Because earlier in that night, remember I looked at you and I was like, why was I worried about my outfit? Everyone else should have been more worried about their outfits. This is a corporate event.

So Paige goes to the corporate event and she goes, did no one get dressed for this?

Did no one read the entire memo?

She goes, I'm wearing— Yves Saint Laurent.

And so then when we saw Heather Dubrow, we were talking about something for outfits and she goes, do you wanna see what everyone wore? And I go, yeah. And then in my head I said to her, I go, why would you ever worry about your outfit? And she goes, oh, I don't.

But it's funny 'cause we walk into this corporate event and I'm stressed about like the PowerPoint working and the clicker and like making sure that whatever.

And Paige is like, oh, I, My shoes are cutting off my circulation.

No, but you were like, my outfit's so good. No, my outfit's tea. 'Cause it was a scene. So we meet Heather Dubrow. She was so sweet. Oh, so sweet. She goes back to her family. And we were also sat in a crazy— while we were waiting for our table, sat like right where the door is.

At the front door, yeah.

So I felt like the host of the restaurant. Like people were coming in and we were like, hey, welcome to the restaurant.

I was like, thank you so much for making a reservation tonight.

If you need water or Diet Coke or drinks, they'll help you in the front. The actual general manager I was like, stop. You ever at a party and you, yeah, you just turn into the host even though you're not the host, but you're like, know how to help out, and you're like, bathroom is here, people are putting their coats down.

Everyone has one friend that pretended to be the bouncer at a club and was looking at people's IDs.

Yeah, what's the password? What's the password? Yeah, um, so that was me last night at this fancy event. So then we look up, Conan O'Brien walks in.

Yeah, who we had just Had a bit with.

We just had a bit with. So now I'm realizing this man— we randomly picked the same restaurant in all of New York City.

Yeah.

And then he walks in and we're like, oh, and the bit is back, baby.

I knew, I knew that was the place to go after that event.

I mean, you're just so tasteful and cool.

I felt really tasteful.

And that's why I have you in my phone.

So we're sitting at our table, we're still doing bits with Conan O'Brien, then we're like, we can't We could see his table from our table, but me and Hannah look at each other and we're like, we have to send the table something.

Yeah. But then I panicked 'cause I was like, it's a good idea in theory.

Yeah.

It's like when you get someone a gift, but then it's not the right gift.

Yeah.

And then you look worse.

Right.

So I was like, what if fancy peop— like, cool people—

And we were like, well, we'll just send 'em a round of drinks. But then we were like, it's 2026, not everyone drinks, and you don't wanna be like—

What if someone's sober?

Rude.

'Cause that happens. 'Cause like, Des is sober and I can't tell you the amount of times people come to our table and get us a huge drink. They think you're drinking.

Yeah.

And Des and I are like, Oh.

So I said, oh, pigs in a blanket on the menu.

Perfect.

Nobody hates— nobody's against pigs in a blanket.

Nobody sees a pig in a blanket and doesn't go, hehehe.

Yeah. Aw, pig in a blanket.

Pig in a blanket. That's hilarious.

So we sent him pigs in a blanket to his table.

'Cause he wasn't giving vegan. He wasn't.

He doesn't give vegetarian.

He doesn't give vegetarian, even though he's from LA.

And then he sent back— He's from Boston. The waitress came over and said, Conan would like to pay for your guys' dessert.

Which we love.

Yeah, which we love.

And then he came— and then he came over to say goodbye to us. Which was so sweet. It was just so kind. So like, we take back all the things we said about men in comedy. Um, some of you guys are doing good out there.

Of a certain age. Of a certain age. Yep.

Once they get a little tired and their testosterone slows down a bit—

I love 'em.

Oh!

I'm like, let's kiki!

Obsessed with our king.

There's nothing I love more than a tired man.

Oh yeah, 'cause he's already won like the Mark Twain Award. Like, he's already done it all.

Mark Twain?

Yes.

At 9:30 AM? Gun to my head. Someone said, what's the Mark Twain Award? I have no idea.

It's like a— it's a niche like comedy award.

Like a writing award?

Um, it's the kind of award that you hear and you go, I don't know what it's for, but it sounds fucking impressive. You're like, wow, that's impressive. Yeah.

Mark Twain.

Walt Whitman? Like, that's the kind of shit like we've never been in those conversations before.

The Picasso Award.

The Picasso Award. The Michelangelo Award.

Wait, can we talk about Dancing with the Stars?

The one night that we are running around the city and I have Hayley texting me updates just 'cause like, it's the first one I didn't watch.

I knew that was a fuck-ass show.

Let me— Paige, the voting system is not—

Rigged.

I don't know if it's rigged, even though it is weird that they're like, we're not gonna tell you the algorithm or how we did it.

Yeah.

And we're not gonna tell you who's actually in the bottom 3. The problem with it is there's too many variables. Everyone does a different dance, so it's like you're not even rated on the same dances. Everyone has a different, um, pro who all has different levels of popularity.

And everyone hates women.

And everyone hates women.

So we're fighting that. I don't watch the other dancers, so I'm completely unbiased.

I mean, you don't know anyone else on the show.

But just by the looks, I know my girl was better than who was in the bottom with her.

And people are very upset because, okay, every season there's a Guillermo type. Like, Andy Richter was the previous one. It's basically like an older man that like—

That gets infantilized.

Yes, and everyone's like, he can walk, like, this is amazing. And they're very funny, these guys, they are funny. But at the end of the day, Sierra's improving every week, which is what you should be judged for. So the fact that Guillermo's still in it, people are very upset, but you guys have to understand, this is a Dancing with the Stars thing that happens every year.

Mm-hmm.

That, that like funny guy makes it farther than they technically should.

And I love when life imitates art. No, truly. No, truly. Because then what's the point of the show?

But then, um, Giada De Laurentiis. De Laurentiis.

Who got— didn't she get voted off first?

She got voted off first or second.

Whatever.

And she's older than Guillermo, but everyone was like, learn how to fucking dance, Giada!

Yeah.

Everyone's like, what the fuck was that pirouette?

Yeah. And but, so Guillermo's, I take it, is not good at dancing?

No, I mean, he's trying his best, but like, like—

At this point in the competition, he should be further along. Like what Sierra is doing is insane. Is way more intense.

I'm not saying Guillermo, like Guillermo is getting better.

Yeah. But it's just like— Not at the rate Sierra was getting better.

What I've learned from Dancing with the Stars is that when you're like in the middle, which is where Sierra was, People will vote for people who they think are at the bottom more. So there could have been a lot of people that just assumed Sierra was safe.

Mm-hmm.

'Cause like, she wasn't at the bottom.

Mm-hmm.

Um, but—

Okay, and you wanna know what? If I'm a producer on that show, I'm like, hey, maybe we keep the really hot girl. No, truly. Like, I don't know, maybe this is what the fans wanna see. a gorgina girl with a space bun and a diamond part? Like, yeah, I'm keeping her on the show. She's giving outfits, she's giving like—

she's giving costumes, but she's giving personality, she's giving lore, she's giving—

she's giving background story. Yes, she was a wizard last night, like, hello.

But in my heart of hearts, she— we're so fucking proud of her, like, regardless of what she did where she ends up, first, second, third, whatever. It's like she did fucking amazing.

Yeah.

And she was only getting better. But now I hope she does go on bed rest.

No, I know my girl is sleepy.

People don't realize, I think since the shit went down, I don't think she's—

She's had a minute.

Had a day off.

No, she hasn't.

She was in Fiji, babe. And you know Fiji is not a walk in the park. Not for the weak.

Not for the weak or low heart rate people.

Why do you feel like she went from Fiji to the studio?

No, she went from Fiji To the Hamptons, to the studio.

Oh my God.

Yeah, no, no, she needs a rest.

She needs a rest.

She needs like a cat sanctuary week.

Yeah.

Can I say something that, um, I've thought about intensely for the past hour?

Yeah.

I think you should get bangs. Like a Daisy Edgar-Jones bang.

Is it because I have a big round forehead?

No. No.

No to having a big round forehead or no to bangs because I have a big round forehead?

No to, I don't think that you have a big round forehead.

You know how I didn't know I had a big round forehead? You know who told me?

Your mom?

My Nana.

She said, she goes, I love how round your forehead is.

It's so beautifully round.

And I was like—

Thank you, Nana.

I'm gonna off myself.

You know when you look in the mirror, you don't know the shape of your forehead. So then I turned my forehead, I said, oh.

That's almost like the time that someone broke up with you on like Christmas Eve and your Nana looked at you and goes, He doesn't have a job. Why are you upset? Jobless. Here, eat something.

You just brought up the most painful time in my life. She goes, do you remember? Do you ha— do you remember?

One time I had bangs and then I grew them out and I was like, ugh, I don't know if I should like recut bangs. And my mom goes, well, I don't know who told you you can have bangs. You have that de Sorbo forehead. I go— I go, Mom, I'm 7.

What does de Sorbo forehead mean?

I don't know, I was too distraught to ask.

Not to brag, but I have my cowlick, and it's hard enough for me to like get this to look straight just having like a middle part. So I feel like bangs could be chaotic. I mean, look, let's, let's show the YouTube.

Well, I just— I think it's gorgeous. I think it's stunning. I think it's not a bang like a straight like New Girl, what's her name?

Zo—

Zooey Deschanel bang. It's a Daisy Edgar-Jone half a curtain bang.

I love how you made her singular. Daisy Edgar-Jone.

Is it Daisy? It's, it's almost like here there's no bang, on the side there's bang.

I don't like being cute.

Okay, but I like—

When people see me, they think, they think vixen, they think sex goddess, you know? I don't like bangs.

It's like No, that's not true.

That's not true.

Look at Dakota Johnson. I feel like she gives sex symbol.

You're so right about that, but she almost needs the bangs because she's so sexy. It makes her like a little relatable.

It makes her be able to get cast in comedy.

You're so fucking right.

I don't know. I think you should—

Are you saying I'll be cast in a comedy if I go bangs?

I just think you should think about it. Your hair also, does it grow fast? Yeah. Bangs are gone in 2 months.

What about just like a face-framing layer that's short at first? Like a face-framing layer that starts at my temple. Is that a bang?

That's a curtain bang. I love how fast you can say full word. Do you think face-framing—

what was it? Face-framing layer.

Face-framing layer.

It's because I took my Invisalign out. I'm fucking crazy right now. Actually, do you know—

I feel like I'm having a stroke. Face-framing layer.

Face-framing layer.

Okay, got it.

Do you know when you first take your Invisalign out and you forget how your teeth or tongue works?

Also, don't you feel like when you first take your retainer out, you're like, I'm Miss America?

No, I'm like, look at this.

I'm like, no one's teeth have ever been straighter than mine.

I'm like, is this too shiny? Am I like reflecting too hard? Can we talk about like how Kim tried to roofie my dad?

No, our parents were drunk last night.

My dad goes, you know, I've never had a martini before. Kim DeSorbo goes, well, we're about to have a fun night. And she's like— but she wasn't even— she was just like, I like it extra dirty.

My mom had 2 dirty martinis last night. I'd be on the floor. And then my dad low-key was like making fun of me. He goes, Oh, what are you gonna get, another Diet Coke?

Wait, what's funny is, you guys, we got fully bullied by our parents 'cause Paige and I didn't drink, which is funny. We're just not drinkers right now, right?

I had to wake up early. Like, I was like, sorry, you forced a tired—

You're like, someone has to work in this family, you fucking party animals. Like, we— but at one point at 10:30, me and you look at each other, and we had the best night, but you know when you start hitting a wall?

Let's wrap these people up.

And I was like, we gotta get these people home. I was like, do you wanna just call an Uber and just leave?

No, one more drink and they would've kicked us out.

My dad— my dad doesn't drink.

Yeah.

Like, he drinks like a light— but he also doesn't know about drinking, so like, he'll— he'll drink a Mai Tai. Like, he doesn't know what's going on. Um, so then he's like, okay, well, Kim can drink it, I can drink it.

Kim can drink.

Kim's a tank.

A tank. I— she can drink—

Kim didn't flinch.

She didn't flinch.

Kim got more sober.

No, she got more intellectual.

She was— she was actually—

Like, she can drink way more than my dad. My dad, it— I know when my dad is on his second drink. Kim could be on her fifth, I'd have no idea.

I'm obsessed with her.

Yeah, it's crazy. And she's a small lady. I don't know why— how she has that tolerance.

My dad's stuffing shrimp in his face. My dad is chugging martinis. Also, let me just say, my dad has gout. The number one rule with gout is do not eat shrimp. The only rule. So then I'm watching, I'm like, this could be the last night I have with my father.

Your mom at one point goes, and I'm not in charge of what you eat anymore.

Like, he was like— I think that's how it feels.

She was having a liberating experience.

Yeah, she was like, if he goes, he goes. If he dies, he dies.

I don't charge anymore.

But also the thing, shout out to my dad, like, you live one life, YOLO. If he's— if you're gonna go, do it eating a shrimp cocktail.

Totally.

But I love how the doctor was like, one rule, just try not to eat shrimp cocktail.

No seafood, no alcohol. And he was like, he goes, I'll get another round.

It's almost like That's his way of being naughty.

Of rebelling.

Yeah. Like, that's— that was us, our craziest night out. You and my dad had fun chemistry.

I didn't tell you what he said to me when he first walked in.

What did he do?

When he first walked in when we were at the event, like, into our green room, he said, I was really excited to see you today because, like, I feel like we're— and I go, we're friends. And he goes, yeah, we are, right? Like, we're— I go, yeah, that's my buddy.

And he was like—

And I couldn't tell you in that moment because you were like talking to people and then we were like about to go do something, whatever. But I was like, that is so sweet.

He's just the most earnest.

No, he's really— you wanna know what he is? He's such a guy.

He's such a boy. But I do have to say, my dad is me.

Yes.

So that's why like I've all—

So he likes my humor.

You guys one-on-one, I'm like— so at one point you guys are going back and forth dying laughing, cracking each other up, and it made me really happy.

It was very sweet.

And then you loved my mom's outfit, so you were really happy.

No, I just think she's the cutest.

Not my mom putting on a scarf because she had a little cleavage that she wanted to cover.

I think she is like— I want to— you know when you get cute aggression and you want to squeeze your cat's head? I want to do that to your mom's head.

Sometimes I'm like, oh, you're just so cute. They're walking around with bobs and they're so little, and I was like, Those are fake moms. Like, those are AI moms.

Those are AI moms.

Also, the way—

Everyone was complimenting my mom's outfit, and so like, when she got home, she was like, wait, my outfit? And I was like, no, you're so cute. We're the same person.

It's their first time on this planet too.

Stop, that'll make me cry. 'Cause my mom didn't tell me what she was wearing because she wanted me to be surprised. She was like, you're gonna love my dress. I don't wanna show it to you until— and I'm like, this is the cutest thing I've ever heard.

My mom FaceTimed asking what she should wear, and I was helping her pick out her shoes. Also, you making fun of your dad's like one-liners.

Yeah.

Tell us the hit that my dad was like obsessed with.

Me and my brother talk on the phone, I would say probably like maybe like twice a week.

Once a year.

Like twice a week he'll call me like if he's in his car like driving somewhere or whatever. But then we're also in like a group chat like me, him, Joe, his fiancée. And so like And that's always going off, like randomly someone will send a picture or like whatever. But sometimes if I'm on the phone with my brother, we won't say anything about our own lives. We'll just say phrases that my dad says. And so we'll just say it back to each other and that's our conversation. And so my dad has a few like key phrases that he'll say, and our favorite one at the moment right now is, let me tell you, cuz you don't know. No, let me tell you so you know.

Let me tell you so you know.

Let me tell you so you know. One time he— we were like asking him directions for something and— and we were like, no, I think that's wrong. Like, I think it's actually— he goes, you think that's wrong? Let me tell you something. I forgot more than you'll ever even know. And like, in that moment— no, he's just so— like, he has such his euphemisms that He says, like, all while I was in college and it was like the summertime and I was like doing nothing, or like in high school during the summer, he would call me. I was basically his assistant.

Mm-hmm.

Like I would go run errands for him.

Mm-hmm.

And he'd start the phone call out every time the same. And he'd be like, since I know you're not doing nothing, why don't you do something for me? And he'd say it so quick. Like, and I'd be like, yeah, okay. He's like, all right, you gotta go to the bank, then shoot by the pool place. The guy knows me and everyone knows him. So like, They know he's sending me as his representative. They're like, go in there, you're gonna ask for Mary, she's gonna come out from the back, she's gonna give you what you need. Like, make sure there's 5 rubber bands.

Like, I'm like, what is happening?

Like, it was so like niche errands that I was running for this man. He's like, okay, there's a guy named Jim, he's got a bag, you grab that bag. You can go downstairs. I'm like, Dad, I'm not going downstairs.

He's like, there's gonna be a body, you're gonna roll it up in the carpet.

No, no, they know you're coming, they know you're my daughter, you're fine. Like, one time we were leaving New York—

It's gonna be cash, just tons of cash.

When I was younger and my mom would like, my mom and dad would bring me down to like New York City for like different modeling stuff. Like my mom always came. Like I was never like doing anything, which is why a situation where we're different. Like you and your dad did things on your own with tennis. Me and my dad were never like by ourselves.

Like if we were by ourselves, we'd be like, what do you mean?

We'd be like, what? So how was your day? Like, like my mom was always there. So like in the few times that my mom couldn't come to New York City, when it's just me and my dad.

He's like, so how are you?

Yeah, I'm like, what's your name again? He'd be like, you don't have a middle name. I'd be like, yes I do, I have a middle name. He's like, really, what is it? Shit like that.

Wait, small talk with your dad is like a whole—

It's hilarious.

Oh my God.

I'm like, so nice to meet you. So like, we— one time we were leaving New York City, and when you get off the George Washington Bridge to go upstate New York, it's called like— that highway is called like the Palisades. And so he said to me one time, he goes, I just gotta make a quick stop on the Palisades at a rest stop, meet a guy. And I thought he was joking. I was like, okay. 'Cause he would just say like random things. Like anytime we would pass like an outhouse, like a porta-potty, he'd be like, you gotta pee? Like he would just say things.

Yeah.

And so like—

Or the cemetery, people are dying to get in there.

Right, and so he pulled off to the side of the road and some guy put like a brown bag in our trunk.

You're so Italian right now.

And I go, what was that? And he was like, that was a guy who was getting me a couple parts. I was like, parts for what?

He goes, eh. He's like, just some organs and lungs we're gonna traffic.

Like, my dad's main word is eh.

Eh, eh. And Des does a good impression of him.

No, Des has met my dad, what, 3 times? And his impression of him is so spot on.

But it's funny 'cause he's just one of those people that—

He's an earnest guy. He's just— he goes, what, what? Yeah, that's what I think.

Also, at one point, so me and your dad are diagonal, My dad and you were diagonal. And then me and Gary, something happened and he like rolled his eyes and then I rolled my eyes and then he thought it was funny that I was— and he rolled his eyes again. And then I'm like, how long are we gonna do this little like not talking joke? And then whenever I looked at him, he'd like roll his eyes again. We were like, there was, there was chemistry at that table.

No, we could all vacation together.

We've— they definitely passed the test for like time spent together.

No, it's, it's really A nice feeling.

Well, it was a celebration, and I have to shout out Desmond. He basically was like, you need to celebrate things in your life when they go well, because you assume that things are just always gonna go well, and then one day you're like, fuck, I didn't celebrate.

We're not good at, like, patting ourselves on the back.

Never. But also, it's like, celebrate the little things too.

I think it's also like being a woman. Because no, truly, like, men can get— I've watched, I've seen men get celebrated for like wiping their own ass. Like, men love getting praise for like, I didn't cheat on you. I'm like, yeah, because you're not supposed to. Like, where women get torn down for every little thing, even if they're like unproblematic, it's like, okay, but she— like, she's wearing red shoes, like, that's disgusting.

It's the same thing with like salaries, like Men, when they get like a job offer, everyone's like, yeah. But I feel like when a woman gets a job offer, people are like, well, she's a caretaker. Like, does she need money?

Yeah.

Like, does she need that job? And it's like, why doesn't she deserve it?

Right. So I think it's hard for us to like pat ourselves on the back because so much of our career we've been around men who are like, you're not shit, actually. So I think that's hard for us, but we're getting better at celebrating things.

We're getting— but you— it's a conscious decision to be like, I know this is awkward. I know this is weird. I know this isn't part of our like workaholic mindset, but let's stop and just like appreciate.

And take a breath.

Doing it with little things in life. Like you have a good presentation at work. Yes.

Let's go to dinner.

Let's go to dinner and like pat ourselves on the fucking back.

I love that.

Or you have a bad presentation at work.

Hell yeah.

Let's go.

No one remembers.

No one cares. Also, like maybe it was campy. You know, it was ironic.

Yeah.

I wanted to just bring up too yesterday when we were at this corporate event. I love when I go to a bathroom and it's an automatic water faucet and it doesn't work because I never feel more dainty. I'm like, oh, I'm so little that it's not even— it doesn't even know my hands are here.

I pooped at the event.

You're turning into me.

I know.

Every day. Every day I see myself in you.

I went into the bathroom with Josephine and I go, Josephine, I think I'm gonna go to the bathroom. She goes, yeah, that's why we're in here. She goes, it is in fact a bathroom for that.

I do feel like if you're about to do a presentation of some kind, the 20 minutes beforehand in the bathroom, that's not you. Like, you're allowed to disconnect from yourself and be like, anything that I do in these next 20 minutes is Even though we were on stage for like truly a minute 30 seconds, it's—

I think I was nervous because I'm like, not my demo. Like, do you know, like, these are corporate people, these are like real adults. So I was like, I'm nervous because what if they don't get me?

Yeah, you're like, if I walk in and there's no girls being like, we love Giggly Squad, what do I do?

Then I'm uncomfortable.

Also, earlier that day we showed up and we were gonna do something and I was like, I have to go to the bathroom. And you literally looked at me, you're like, Hannah, can we do this right now? Can you hold it? I mean, I had full-fledged diarrhea.

I know, I didn't— I thought you literally just had to pee.

Well, I say I have to pee because I was being polite.

Yeah.

And there was like 17 people in the elevator. But like, you know, I felt— but this is one thing about me.

Once you shot me the look of like, no, I can't hold it.

But my diarrhea is quick.

You're quick.

Explosive.

Quick.

The worst is—

You're in, you're out.

You're in, you're out. That girl was like, I've never seen a faster pee. And I go, I know.

Yeah.

And then I was like a new mom.

I'm sitting there, I'm contemplating. I'm like, do I have stomach cancer? Like, is something deeper happening?

Did I lose an ovary?

Remember that time I thought I lost my ovary in the toilet? Yes, remember that time? I was at my old, old—

You hear a plump.

I don't even— I was like, this is like my great-great-great ex. And I called you. Remember I was sitting on the toilet and I was like, I thought I was like, something was coming out. No, that was traumatizing. You almost called an ambulance because I was like, I'm having an abortion on the floor. And I didn't like, I don't know what's going on.

They're like, you're just having your period.

No, it wasn't. It was like I was passing like a, it felt like I was passing a Kidney stone? Yes. Who knows?

Who knows? And we'll never know.

Who knows? That guy really threw my pH off, I'll tell you that.

Um, also there was a video of like us walking off the stage and a giggler DM'd me and was like, why do you look so much taller than Paige? Do we wanna just—

Because you are taller than me.

Let's just explain our heights.

People get really annoyed by my height specifically.

Why?

Well, because I think when you meet me in person, I'm not the height you expected me to be.

Because you have long legs, so on Instagram you do look 5'11.

And people get annoyed sometimes when I wear outfits because they're like, she's too short to wear that outfit, or she— yeah. So like, my height is not— I'm only 5'3.

I tell people you're 5'4 because I love you, and you are.

Some days I do feel as though I am 5'4 though.

Sometimes I do wear straps.

Sometimes I strut, and I'm like, yeah, I'm 5'4. But so in a heel, I'm really only like 5'7, 5'8.

5'7, 5'8. So I'm 5'7, and they put me in a crazy heel yesterday. They put me in one of those high heels that like, your ankle is sprained to just be in it.

Totally.

It's just in a sprained position the whole time. How the fuck— like, they just crack the ankle, it's broken, and they go, put her in it?

I have a high arch.

Okay, humble brag.

No, I'm saying, so like, I feel like people are like, oh, how do you wear heels so much? It's actually sometimes comfortable for me.

When you were walking, I was trying to imitate your heel-toe and it wasn't working. But this is my problem, is I'm at a corporate event, we have a 4-minute presentation, and I'm acting like I've been out partying, dancing for 6 hours. I'm— I took my heels off, they're on the floor. Grace is like trying to find them because I like flung them somewhere. I'm fully barefoot. And everyone—

that was crazy. I picked up your shoes.

That was crazy.

I was like, we're not at the 8th grade dance after-party.

But I'm like a toddler. I'm like, off, off, off, off, upbeat, off.

Wait, that's why I love my fake heel ballet flats.

Yeah, those are cute. The problem though is because I have nubby legs, like, I do look good in a little heel.

Yeah, it helps.

Who was I with? Oh yeah, my little cousin yesterday. I put on little flats and she was like, Maybe a heel.

I taught Lois the color chartreuse and she was into it.

Lois was listening.

I said, do you want to see my shoe? She said, yeah.

Yesterday she was like too busy to talk to me because she was dealing with her, um, like new Disney princess stickers. But when Paige answered the phone and Lois's eyes were closed, like she had it closed up, and Paige was like—

I could only see her eyes.

Yes.

Half her face.

She was like, Yeah, let's see what you got, Princess Paige.

And then I showed her my shoes and I was like, this is a pointy YSL heel. Now this color may look green to you, Lois, but it's actually chartreuse, and in a couple years we'll learn how to spell that. And she was very like—

She was taking it in. She was taking it in.

She was drinking up the knowledge.

She knew that this is something important.

I'm very interested to see if like in a couple weeks or something she's like, I like green, actually.

I think she will fully be like, I like chartreuse.

I hope she does.

Jeannie told us that Lois refused to go to school with pants under her dress because it wasn't matching. And Jeannie's like, you're gonna get pneumonia. It's like 40 degrees outside.

And she's like— She's like, my vision wasn't a tunic for today. A Tuning with Flag Gang vibe. That wasn't the vibe I'm putting out for a Wednesday morning at preschool.

She literally was like, I'll drop out of school right now if you make me do this.

She's like, there's nothing wrong with showing a little leg, Mom. Try it. How do you think you got pregnant? I love— I love talking to true children like they're adults. Like, I kept telling Lois that, like, she was late for her job.

Yeah.

I'm like, you have to go to work. They're gonna be wondering where you are. She's like, I don't Work.

Yeah, I was like, Lois, you should be in school right now. And she's like, no, I'm not. No, apparently you're supposed to talk to kids like adults.

I love it.

Because if you're always like, hello baby, wavy, like, they don't learn.

Fuck that.

So I was like, Lois, have you dealt with the existential crisis that is your existence this morning? And she's like, yeah. She's like, why do you— why is your outfit gross?

People talk to children more like they're adults than grown men.

And now she said it.

Wait, last night when we were at dinner, like, our dads were like talking about our accomplishment, and it was like they were really just like praising us. And then our moms started talking about their sons, and our dads looked at us and were like, you're only on top for a little while, because then the true kings of the family come.

It is funny that we both—

It's funny to listen to moms talk about their sons sometimes.

Well, especially Italian moms.

Yeah. Yeah, because they love us. They do. But it's a different kind of love, you know?

My mom literally was like, so excited about all the stuff we're doing, and then she's like, but Daniel called me last night.

And he called— Because you wanna know what? Because they're women and we're women, so they're just like, yeah, I know you're gonna have it together and you're gonna do what I would have— would do.

But it's the same thing with dads. Like, my mom will be there for me, every second of the day, and then my dad will send me one text message like, hey, proud of you, and I'm like, so sad!

Yeah, no, we're the problem. For sure.

We have to change that. I did—

we should be meaner to our dads.

We should be meaner to our dads. We should hold our dads accountable. Nick Kroll has the funniest stand-up joke.

About why your parents—

why— About the moms, and how he's like, my mom calls me and I'm like, you're immediately in a bad mood. You're like, what do you want?

What do you need? What?

He's like, I turn into the worst version of myself, and she's like, I'm worried that like you might get sick if you don't. It's like, Mom, stop! It's so fucking annoying. And then you're like, Dad, can you come to my, my, my play? And he's like, no, I'm busy. And you're like, I love you, Dad!

No, it really is so true.

It's so—

but that's the bare minimum.

The bare minimum. And we just want to raise awareness about that. There was also a really good TikTok, which is like something we've been saying for a while, but just that Every mom runs the home. Like, there's no man that is like in charge of his household. So it's ironic that like they think women shouldn't be running the country.

Me and my mom came across a family where the dad did run the household and like all the kids were like, well, we'll ask like dad what he thinks. And me and my mom looked at each other.

Well, he's not straight.

And we were like, ask your dad. No, that's—

that's a lavender marriage.

And we weren't done with it in the moment to the To the point that like, we had a full phone call about it after. She was like, can you believe they listened to their dad? I go, no, that was crazy. We like started laughing. My dad came back.

Like, should we call child services?

I'm like, who the hell would listen to their dad?

I do have to say, because I met Dez later in life and he's like had to be independent.

Yeah.

He is really capable. I feel like when you meet a guy who went from like his mom to you, it's like really fucking—

Yeah, no, they're capable.

A lot of things that he does for the family— by the family, I mean me, Des, and Butter. So like, he holds his own.

Yeah. But like, one time, like, if a man ever asks me to do something where I'm like, you're like manipulating, like you want me to do that so you don't have to, it's not that like you don't know how to do that or whatever, my response has always been, totally, but like, would you do the 30 years that you didn't— haven't known me? Like, then how'd you do it? Like, how'd you accomplish it? And then they like would give their answer or whatever, and I'm like, oh, okay, so then do that.

See, I'm psychotic where like if a guy was like, can you do my laundry? I'm immediately like, this is now ruining my life. Like, I'm like, I didn't have to do it, now I do. And I don't think whatever— I don't think you're funny enough, hot enough, smart enough to make it worth me doing your laundry. I'm not trying to brag. I'm fully married, been with Dez for, I don't know, 6 years now. I've never done his laundry. I've never even put away his clothes.

But if you're doing your own laundry, you don't just grab his?

He does my laundry.

Wow, you figured it out.

And he does it because— no, I've done it like, I mean, you've thrown in a load. I've thrown in a load.

You've never taken a load out and folded it.

I've, I've manipulated him to be like, oh, you're doing laundry, can you just throw my stuff in too? Because he's— he likes laundry.

Well, the only reason I give cleaning a pass is because I genuinely enjoy cleaning.

Yeah, you like it. You enjoy it.

Yeah.

It's like, but it's like, I pack. I don't give a fuck what he's— pack? I haven't packed. Why am I helping you? But I haven't packed.

Yeah, I'm like, well, I know how to roll things better now.

But the thing is, I don't need him for anything and he doesn't need me for anything, so it kind of works.

Don't—

Like, I've never asked him for help either.

I didn't think about it. Like, when's the last time I asked?

For help? Yeah, imagine.

Do you— I've asked for— I've asked for a connection. Hey, can you intro me to this person? Or hey, can you throw me on an email with it? That's so corporate though. Like, in my—

she goes, I put him on an email and CC'd him.

I'm like, but something personal, don't touch me.

Des helps with a lot of logistics that he knows I will get stressed out about.

Like, remember the time you canceled all Des's flights? I think about that often.

That was like early in our relationship too.

Yeah, you almost got divorced.

But also I'm like, thank God he saw that side of me early on. He knew what I was capable of and he still decided to marry me.

That was— I would have murdered him.

Like international flights that took him like forever to like set up the points and like the Delta.

We're like, yeah, whatever.

And I just was like, delete! Oh, back? There's no back?

No, you're an inspiration to women that Des does your laundry.

It's not like organized, like he's not always doing it.

Yeah.

But like, yeah, I don't— I'm not— what? Like, I wasn't—

no. I just like, I feel like I'm so meticulous.

You don't look at me and think laundry doer. Also, if I do do your laundry, I'm gonna forget it.

One chore—

And then it's gonna start smelling.

One chore around the house that you'd rather die than do.

Besides all of them.

Like, what's the one chore that you're like, this one I really hate? Like emptying the dishwasher, vacuuming? Like—

I've never vacuumed since knowing Des. But you know what's crazy? I go to the— I go to the cat— when I volunteer at the cat shelter, I'm doing laundry, I'm vacuuming, I'm doing dishes. Like, I'm doing everything at the cat shelter. Come back to my house and I'm like, I'm exhausted.

So Des is cleaning your whole apartment?

No, no, no. We have someone that comes like every 2 weeks.

Okay. But in those 2 weeks, who's putting stuff in the dishwasher? Des. She's like, do I have a dishwasher? Wait a second, you have 2 husbands. That is not— no, that's not the work of my man. That's important to talk about.

To my man.

That at your household, you're not in charge of any household duties.

No. I'm busy working.

Yeah.

And he's busy working too, which is why we have—

It's really not even like a talked about thing almost. You're very equal in terms of like, it's very— there's dishes in the sink. Yeah, put them in the dishwasher.

And occasionally we'll have a moment where he'll be like, hey, it's like a mess over there. And I'll be like, well, it's a mess over there. And he's like, touché. And then we move on. And occasionally there'll be like a Sunday where he's like, we should probably clean. And I'm like, okay. And then we both for like 10 minutes, like throw stuff out.

I think I was dating Joe for 2 weeks and I was like, I could reorganize your closet if you were interested in that.

There's something that dies inside me. Like if his shirt's on the floor, there's like a part of me that's like, if I pick this up and put it away, that's putting women back. Like, it's empowering. Like, I told you guys, I love when I order food. I'll like— there'll be like tons of people over, I'll order the food, pay for it, make sure everyone's happy. I'm not cleaning up.

Yeah.

Would the man who paid for it clean up after?

Right. So true.

I do have to say, I do take out the trash.

Well, triggering.

Triggering. But I've learned, I've learned my lessons and I do take out the trash.

I think the reason I cleaned so much, I think, is like a secret competition in my own brain that if at any time someone came over, popped over, they'd be like, wow, this is her like every day. This is how she lives.

Like she's this clean.

And it's like, who is that? Who is that made up person that's coming over?

I know. First of all, you have 8 deadlocks. No one's coming over.

I'd pretend I'm not home.

What I like to tell people, because I have had some of those situations happen, is I say, look, I'm a creative.

Hey, look, I'm just living.

Look, I'm just like one of those crazy creative geniuses.

But then when my space is in between and people come over, I'm like, oh my God, but I prepare for this. Like, and this is the day someone's popping over when it's a mess?

But I do think that I've had roommates that like, like, I will step up where I have to. Like, Dave, Haley's husband, was like, you can't leave your oatmeal bowl. And I was like, totally, I won't. Like, I did enough to like Dave never get mad at me.

Yeah.

But like, every now and then was Dave like, where's all of our glasses? And I'm like, hold on one second, I think that's my fault. And then I come out with like 47 glasses in my room. But I do bring good vibes and energy, and overall I have a kindness to me.

You do.

Where like, he knew it wasn't out of any malice or spite.

It's like, do you wanna laugh or do you wanna have ants? Like, because like, pick one.

One or the other.

This was quick.

No, so we haven't done in person in a really long time. It was nice seeing you even though I was with you all day yesterday. It was fun.

Can you also just let the Gigglers know that I did give you your birthday gift so we're in the clear?

Paige gave me her birthday gift. It was a bag from The RealReal. I can't stop wearing it. I wore it yesterday.

I know, so you—

It's perfect. I'm like, not gift giving is not my love language, but the fact you got it so right.

Yeah. There's a feeling of warmth. I love gifting people that, that I really, really know where I'm like, I know they're gonna love this.

There's nothing worse than someone excited to give you a present and they give it to you and you're like, so you've never met me before?

No.

So all of our relationship is a lie.

Yeah.

So you hate me?

Mhm.

So you—

I've broken up with boyfriends, and not because I'm like, oh, this is a bad gift. I'm like, you don't know a single thing about me.

You Googled me.

Today's not even my birthday.

Thank you guys for giggling with us. What day is today?

This was so fun. Yeah, have an amazing weekend and We'll be back in person next time.

Look out Sunday. I think we're going to start teasing stuff. Stuff.

Gorgine.

Gorgine.

Bye.