Transcript of Giggling about scandals, second holes, and splenda

Sup, gigglers? Gary, fix the Wi-Fi. Manifest that shit. We can't be managed. I mean, the day just got away from me.

What's up, my gabagool gigglers?

Hannah walked in. I'm really sorry if you're doing audio only this episode because Hannah walked in and I said, you look like Tony Soprano and like, I look like your mistress.

And I did give you a speech 2 weeks ago that my fashion has changed. I'm like, I'm elevated. I'm classy. I'm chic. I don't wear patterns.

Hannah, you had like a stern, serious talk with me. You were like, no, I'm not funky.

I FaceTimed you and I said, you're not allowed to shower during this FaceTime. This is a sit-down FaceTime. You can't do all your skincare during this FaceTime. I said, I wear chic clothes now. And then I saw this shirt and I was like, that's what I need.

If you build it, they will come.

I'm wearing a vintage shirt that I found on some vintage site.

That's definitely, definitely real. It's definitely—

it's Yves Saint Laurent, as Kris Jenner would say.

Do you think it's real though?

And that's the thing with vintage, you never know.

Well, no, you could Google if they ever made that shirt. No, you do know. Actually, the whole thing with vintage is like— The crazy thing is,

If you don't know, you know, you know that you don't know. How many things have you been like, is this real? Like no one knows. How many Housewives have had to work in—

No, you could look up, you could look up, did YSL ever make a polo with these?

Like, I'm not gonna—

one of the girls is gonna look it up.

I don't like getting involved in gossip. I don't like getting involved in negativity. I'm not gonna question.

Well, I actually had planned on getting like ready for today's episode. I was like, I'm gonna wear my cute little red outfit. Like we're in Miami, we're having like a good time. Miami, I embrace my second hole, but like—

Clip that. Clip it. That is so Miami of you.

I hate myself. I really hate myself, but I literally got—

You sound so cute saying that too. You were like—

I have 2 earrings in. No, truly, in New York, I never think about it.

You never embrace your second hole?

I never even think about it. Why is that? I don't know. I never think about it.

I told Dez on our wedding day I was gonna embrace my second hole, and then I was like, no, never mind.

I remember that.

I don't have a second hole.

No, it's— I have like— mine's like under construction.

No, but I literally don't have a second hole in my ear.

I had to poke through because I haven't embraced it in so long.

So you had to lube it up? Yeah, and push through.

So it's like a little Well, it's a little sore right now, I'm not gonna lie. My second hole.

It's funny because I did something differently today.

Okay.

I don't know what happened. Something hit me the right way where it was like, you know when it's the most— it's finally a persuasive TikTok where like you've been wanting to do something but like someone finally persuades you?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or like you've been wanting to buy something and you're like, fuck it, I'm buying it.

This girl was like All you have to do is put half a lemon in hot water and it will change your life. Totally. And look, have I been making fun of people who drink hot lemon water every morning? Yes. Did I happen to be on Amazon like shopping?

For what?

Groceries.

No, I mean— okay.

And I was like, let's throw in some lemons. Okay. Oh my God, it's no effort. You've done crazier things. I've literally made crazier appointments.

You've had crazier citrus.

But what's so funny about marriage is Des literally was like, Why'd you get lemons? Like, he, like, he knows when I do anything that's like slightly different than my natural order.

I get, I get lemons every week. I feel like—

I've never gotten a lemon in my life. The only time I've ever gotten an acidic fruit was if I do limes because I'm making guacamole, and that was like Super Bowl 2009.

But you're never even squeezing lemon on like even like takeout food. Like, I'll squeeze some, like if I get a chicken Milanese They never give enough lemon, so I have lemon.

But you, you like embrace life. Like, you like the whims— like, you having lemons just laying around for no reason is the whimsical that makes me love you.

Well, it is a feng shui aesthetic. Yes, but with me— Because if someone's coming over, you don't have a centerpiece, all of a sudden you've got lemons in a bowl.

If I get lemons, I'm just gonna kill them all, and then all those lemons would die for no reason.

Yeah, they get moldy, they shrink up.

And I feel bad for them. Yeah, they got picked just Dyeing my counter.

So did you have hot water with lemon this morning?

So this morning I was like, today's the day.

Yeah,

so I put water in a cup.

And that's the first step.

Put it in the microwave, squeeze the lemon, tasted it and was like, it's missing something. Decide I'm gonna put some Splenda in it.

Okay.

Does it negate the health purposes?

I'd say so.

But I wouldn't have done it if I didn't put the Splenda in. So should we just take it for what it is?

You could throw a little honey in there.

I don't have honey.

Too whimsical.

Too whimsical. But I have Splenda up the wazoo. And one thing about me—

Yeah, you love an artificial sugar.

Live life adding a Splenda. Life is short, add a Splenda.

I actually don't like Splenda.

Splenda in everything. I put it in every— I go to— I can say, can I have an iced tea? Side of Splenda.

Yeah.

Everything is better with Splenda.

Sometimes you cosplay a man that was born in 1948. Like right now? Yeah, like sometimes like some of the things you're like, lemons? Women buy lemons. Like that's like, you just made us all feel really stupid for like adding lemons like to our grocery cart.

No, I just realized that I could have been being so much cuter and healthier with my life, but instead I'm just like, ah, throw Splenda on it.

But I think you're at the age No, I think we are at the age. I think 35 is one of the first times in your life where you actually are serious about health. Like, I've said it years before, like, no, I'm gonna take control, I'm gonna like eat more healthier. Yeah, but 35, really, because things actually could start shutting down.

I do have to say, the Masseter Massacre has changed me forever, where I had a doctor's appointment recently and they were like, we're gonna give you this medication, there's a 1% chance— normally I start hearing wah, wah, wah.

I don't care what they're saying. Like, it won't happen to me.

No. I puckered up. I was like, what? What could possibly happen? 'Cause it will happen.

What side effect?

They were like, your insides could flip over and be on your outsides and your whatever. And I started planning for that. I was like, can I handle that right now? And I was like, that's a really intense side effect. And they were like, it happens to 1% of people. And I said, baby, I'm your 1%. I am the 1%.

I'm so lucky in this lifetime. Let me tell you.

I never listened, 'cause I'm not like an, I don't get allergic to things. Like, yeah, I clock out when people start saying, some people this could happen to. Yeah, that's not me, baby.

Yeah,

I'm built like a horse.

You have no allergies.

No,

I don't think I do either.

I do think though, sometimes, knock on wood, later in life things can emerge. So that's why we're keeping our eyes and ears open for things. One thing too about aging, since you brought it up, even though I don't identify with my age,

right,

you get afraid, like, oh no, one day I'm gonna be 40 and I'm gonna have to be different and look different or whatever. But you don't realize you don't just become it one day. Like, you slowly get there and you are ready by the time you get there. Like, you want it. You're like, this is nice.

Yes.

This is nice. And that's what I would say to myself because I am a little nervous about like what 45 Hannah is and how different it is than me now.

Yeah.

But then you realize

it's

still— you'll be there in time.

Yeah.

But you don't have to Looking back to the future.

Oh, so you're having an existential crisis today?

How dare you use that word while I'm on Invisalign? Existential.

I'm not on Invisalign and I couldn't say it. Did you see the Kelly Clarkson stuff?

I love it more in person because you point at me. I am so excited to talk about the Kelly Clarkson stuff. I'm giddy. By the way, we are beyond Kelly Clarkson fans of the pod. I did her show. The most pleasant, sweetest— also, let's remember that Kelly Clarkson came from nothing.

She's the American Idol.

And then American Idol.

I, I couldn't name you one other person that's won American Idol.

I was gonna say Justin Baldoni, but that's not him. Justin Gorofsky? No. Justin— Justin—

I have no idea.

Justin Guarolini. Justin Tortellini.

One after her? Oh, the guy she competed against. Yes. Yes.

And there's a guy named Ruben and Clay Aiken.

Remember when there was like an— before AI, but it was like an AI conspiracy that Ruben died? No. Then like, I feel like there were like videos on YouTube.

Did you watch it with your family? Like, was it—

I think we did watch the first season together because it was like the whole country was, but I don't remember watching later seasons.

I think we watched the first couple seasons together because my mom's a singer, so it was— yeah, it's fun. It's like me watching Dancing with the Stars with Hailey. Like, I don't know what's going on, but then she'll be like, oh, her heel-toe was off. And my mom would be like, like I'd be enjoying something. My mom would be like, I look at her, I'm like, is that on Pitch? And she's like, no.

Unfortunately, no. Unfortunately, she won't be going to Hollywood.

I was gonna say, my mom knows when it's on or off Pitch.

Like she knew who was going to Hollywood before they said it.

Yes. And I like loved watching her be like, no.

Okay. So the Kelly Clarkson drama, which I love a scandal at a store.

So on a Saturday or something, she lives in Tribeca. She was like, I'm gonna drive. To Brooklyn to go to the store.

Yeah.

To get this bird that I like.

Well, I don't even know if she went for the bird.

Okay, maybe she just saw the store and—

Yeah, I think she just wanted to go to a store. It's like cute and cool and whatever.

And like, if that's how I want to spend my Sunday, going to Brooklyn and shopping at a random tchotchke store of things I don't need.

I want to put a t-shirt on and a baseball hat.

It's giving Whimsy from Kelly Clarkson.

It's just giving like, oh my God, she's having a day.

By the way, no one calls her Kelly.

What do they call it?

You have to say Kelly Clarkson.

Kelly Clarkson. So she gets there. They released— did you see the video they released of her in the store? But there's no audio, so you can like, you kind of can tell what's going on, but you can't hear what they're saying. But at the very end, you see her like stop in the doorway and say something to the store.

Oh yeah, but when she walked in, the guy was trying to be like, she was mad people weren't treating her like Kelly Clarkson. She clearly was incognito. She did not want people to know she was Kelly Clarkson. She's in like, A backpack, which is very me-coded. Yeah. And I had a backpack today. You always have a backpack. You never know when you're like—

What are you putting in it?

I don't know. Things could happen.

Yeah. So, I have my backpack. Wait, okay, here's the thing. It hurts my back to hold it on one shoulder. It'd be normal if you had just a bag. Actually, no, it wouldn't, because again, you're 35. This episode is about you being 35. So I don't know where the fuck you're going with the backpack. What's the theme of this episode? But you also have a purse.

I have purse.

Like, are you getting on a train after this? Like, where are you going?

So I didn't have time to do my makeup, so I brought my makeup in my backpack, and I wasn't gonna like just bring my makeup.

I didn't have time to do mine either because we had to do a stupid work Zoom.

Which you didn't even know about.

I know, I hate when that happens because I'm like, oh my God, you guys just ruined my day. I was gonna like blow my hair out.

I do have to shout out Girls Gotta Eat because their take came up on my feed. And they were like—

Kelly Clarkson?

Yeah, and they were like, has Kelly Clarkson not been shopping recently in Brooklyn? Because that's how people treat you when you go shopping at a boutique store in Brooklyn.

Like, everyone's rude.

You walk in and they're like, ew, get the fuck out of here. And then you're like, hey, and they're like, I hate you.

Yeah.

I would rather that than walking into a store when you know you don't know— you like, you don't know if you want to buy anything, but you just want to peruse, and they're like, What's your Social Security number? What do you want? And let me ask you a trillion things because like gun to my head, this is my job and I have to do it. And I'm like, you don't want to talk to me, I don't want to talk to you, why are we talking?

If I'm Kelly Clarkson though, I think I'm doing the same thing. I'm like, I'll burn the whole place down.

Well, the way the man was standing, did you notice in the video?

I didn't.

He's standing and he takes his leg and he crosses it over the other leg and he's like leaning on the side. He's a villain and he's holding a mug. He's holding a coffee mug. So just envision this.

Yeah.

And he's telling her, so sorry, that's not for sale, while in that position.

But it had a

price tag on it.

Price tag on it.

But he is— was basically— I guess he didn't explain it to her, but he was basically like, we don't want to sell this

to her.

Yeah, she took it as, you think I can't afford it? Because he was like, let me show you something else. So it was a miscommunication, but he was—

Was it though? Because if he didn't wanna sell it, why was it sitting there with a price tag on it?

I think because technically it's something that was for sale at the store, but it's become like a mainstay of the store. They do these music shows and they use it. And I think he did not wanna sell it.

What is it?

Everyone's like, I hate gay Halloween. How are you with the wooden bird that everyone's fighting over? I think it does something. They're calling it like aerodynamic or something. There's like a fancy word for something it does, but it's nothing anyone needs.

I love Kelly Clarkson, but I just realized that like we're so different because like where is she putting this bird?

It was more like the interaction and the tone of how

we speak to each other.

But like people don't understand, as someone born and bred in Brooklyn, New York and has seen the neighborhood change,

yeah,

to have a store in Brooklyn, New York that is just tchotchkes that people don't need. This is the wealthiest of the wealthiest.

Totally. You know what's crazy? If a girl— not girl, a woman— owned this store, I think the story would be very different. It would play out very differently.

Oh, if a girl owned the store, it'd be burned down by now.

Yeah,

but they did say that we are in danger. The store said they're in danger.

Of closing?

No.

Oh, just in danger. Yeah, right. They just got so much great PR.

It's just they said that like there's a lot of Kelly Clarkson fans that are like threatening them and stuff. So I do think when she's leaving the store, she said something to the, the cashier.

Yeah.

Because in my head, if I was the cashier, I'd be like, wait, I wasn't involved.

Yeah, I'd be like, take it, I don't give a fuck about this place.

I don't— I'm, I'm getting paid hourly here. Yeah, actually, can I come with you? Can you buy me Kelly Clarkson? Can you take me home? But the thing with Kelly is that she's never had a scandal like this besides her divorce. She's never had a scandal.

Which I don't even like—

That's just a—

That's a Tuesday. Speaking of divorce, I started watching this new Sienna Miller show.

So did I. War. You guys, War on HBO. It is so good. Also, Sienna Miller.

It's so good.

I can't keep my eyes off her.

We have streaming for a reason. Give me the whole fucking season or go to a main network. I don't think you should be allowed to be streaming and it be weekly episodes.

Yeah.

No, it's really annoying. I, I hate that.

Can you believe that we used to just like— they just put commercials in between dialogue?

No, now when like a commercial comes up on your streaming, you're like— you apologize to people. You're like I'm so sorry, the way my bank account is set up, like, you're like—

You're like, I'm getting spammed right now.

I'm getting texted and dead. And like, I don't— like, you just start apologizing because it's so jarring. You're like, we're watching Amazon, what the fuck is this 15-second ad?

I think I was with Lois and we were watching Toy Story and an ad came on and I was like, Lois, I'm so sorry, this is not the treatment that I wanted you to deserve.

Never usually happens. I must be— I must have switched out of my account.

Lois is like, what the fuck is this? I'm trying to watch

It's like you just brought up the Pandora app. People are like immediately like, you're— you have leprosy. I started watching another new show that's a reality show called Team Moms. It's about a specialized middle school that all these boys go to in Arizona to become like professional baseball players. They do school like 2 hours a week.

Just breeding monsters.

Or 2 hours a day.

Yeah.

Breeding real scary kids. But it's all about the moms.

The boy moms? Yes. What are they fighting about?

Hannah, it's some of the best television I've ever watched in my life. I should have known. My lord and savior Kimberly Noel Kardashian is the producer of it. I don't know if she came up with the idea or she's just like a producer on it. These women are so good. There's 2 families. I can't even think of— I don't even know like their names.

Wait, your fingers are so long, it just hit my phone across the table. I'm

getting my nails done today. They're actually so disgusting. So are mine. There's 2 families that fight on who's more Italian.

Oh, you are locked in.

I'm locked in! One of the moms is a Pilates instructor. She goes to the boys' school in these insane Pilates workouts and like teaches the kids. I'm like, this show is—

Teaches the kids Pilates?

Yes, like 14-year-old boys. And her body's like insane. If I'm a mom, I'm like, No, you're not walking into my son at 14 years old with your tits out. Like, that's—

You sound like Shane Gillis right now.

Well, wait, do I? Because in my head, my kid's at school and this mom is coming in in a crop top and leggings to teach him Pilates.

Looking like a whore.

No, I think it's inappropriate on the mom's part. Like, but like, I thought it was so weird. I'm like, why? Go in a sweatshirt, go in a hoodie sweatshirt.

Why is she teaching boys Pilates at 14?

I don't know. It's part of like, 'cause they really think like all their kids are like the best baseball. It's like truly to just try and help them be so good at baseball and whatever. Which I'm sure they don't, they rarely even talk about. You wanna know what's nice about it? The kids are rarely really in it. It's not really about them. Maybe they have some tropes of like, you gotta do better in school, and like stuff them talking to their sons, but it's not like any of their drama.

Yeah. This is great because sports parents are next level.

Terrifying.

And it's not even— I'm saying like, it's not your fault. Like something comes over you the second you think your kid has like a little bit of a chance to like be good.

Even if mine don't, I'm gonna be insane.

Jeannie sent me a video of Lois playing soccer.

Yeah.

Little kids playing soccer is the funniest thing ever because they're all just running after the ball. But Lois realized like if she pushes and shoves a little, like she'll always get the ball. So Lois is just demolishing— Demolishing 4-year-olds. Like literally the end of Mean Girls, like demolishing other 4-year-olds, like boys. And she's literally stiff-arming boys and she just keeps— like she's really good. And then I like, something came over me for a second where I was like, Oh, I think she has potential. Like, I was like about to be like— You literally became a dad. I was like, we have to get her in like some training and like we— so then I was

like, how do you feel about her playing with 6-year-olds?

But she doesn't like the outfit, which is why I think it might not be a long-term thing for her. But seeing Lois being better than other kids in soccer, I became a monster.

Totally. And I get that.

I was like, she's gonna be successful in life because she's chasing the ball aggressively.

The way the women talk to each other about like their sons. Yeah. It's just like one family changed their last name and they like think they're lying about like the house they live in. It's just—

Yeah, that's great.

It's so good. That's good.

It's so good. That's really nice. You have—

no, it's really nice to fall asleep to.

I love that you found that for you.

Oh my God. This is so crazy. And also there's something about Arizona where I'm like, not enough reality TV shows with you guys.

For sure.

I feel like Arizona is like a real crazy, crazy state.

It's because it's too hot to really function.

Yeah.

Like, you know, the whole— pretty much every, every month except for like December, January is like unlivable because it's so hot.

The first time I ever went to Arizona, I truly was like— I didn't realize they legit don't have grass.

Yeah, and like there's really— no one has

a Like,

it's just cacti and like little reptiles. I love the backdrop of Arizona, and then they have like beautiful mountains.

Yeah.

I always say the cacti is the fuckboy of plants.

Yeah.

Because it's tall and it's like, oh yeah, it's like, yeah, it's me. And then if you touch it, you're like, I'm immediately hurt.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's— it thinks it's better than the other plants.

Totally. And it like holds water and it doesn't give you any. It's like, I'm thirsty too.

Narcissistic behaviors from the plants. How did we get here? Um, I am possibly gonna go on a trip. Now let me just say, I plan a lot of trips.

A lot. Hannah plans at least 2 trips a year.

And it really— it's not good for my marriage because I'll be like, let's go to Japan.

Yeah.

And he's like, if you're down, I'm down. Yeah. And we like start planning it and then something always comes up.

Usually 48 hours before.

And you've experienced this too.

Of course.

We've let down our families, our friends.

Yeah.

Okay, once it was— Dez got an ACL problem and the doctor was like, you shouldn't be on a 20-hour flight. So that was his fault and I tried to remind him of that. Yeah. But we're now trying to next week, because Dez has shows in Singapore and Hong Kong. Yep. We're trying to in 9 days do Singapore, Vietnam, Hong Kong. It's a 12-hour time difference. I don't know how we're gonna figure out the pod. That's like, once it gets double digits—

What are the chances you go?

In my heart of hearts?

Yeah, give it to us straight. Like, we won't say anything to Des. Like, we honestly, we can even cut this part out. What is your true, true feeling on the percentage that you're going?

Every night I have been putting together a pretend itinerary for the person I wanna be when I'm there. And I'm like, yeah, we're going to that vintage shop. Yeah, we're going to the restaurant.

I was just gonna say, you've looked up vintage shops.

Every restaurant, restaurant, um, cat cafes.

You've done reservations for things.

I've booked the reservations. Because if I can't go, at least let me have fun pretending. You're serious. I think there's a 60% chance we go. You're playing Sims. I'm playing pretend. When I tell you guys, I've— I can't tell you the last time I went on like a

true vacation. A vacation? No, Hannah, you don't vacation.

Or a trip like just for culture.

No, you don't.

For the culture.

I would say the last time you went on a true vacation for the culture and the cuisine was 4 years ago. That time you went to, uh, you went to Ireland for like a week.

We just went to Desi's. That wasn't a vacation. I went to Desi's.

Okay, sorry. I don't know why you're mad at me. I didn't make you cancel your goddamn trips. I go to Italy every summer. I say, hey, come with me. You said, no, I have to get Botox, film a show, and not move my mouth because I like a challenge. That was the craziest move of all time this summer. Like, I really— I don't think people realize when Hannah's show comes out, we're so excited for her, but just know that I told her to quit every single day. I go, don't even show up, you're gonna get fired.

Paige was the one person— my team was like, we'll figure it out. My mom was like, it's gonna be okay. My Des is like, it's not gonna last forever. Paige was like, get out. She was like, do not do this show. She's like, you can't move your face, get the fuck out.

No, because you wanna know why? I got nervous that, like, oh my God, what if the show is, like, not that good, but it's— but people only watch to make fun of Hannah, and then, like, that's gonna live on forever? Wait,

whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I have to— that happened to me already. The show is not that good and people just watch to make fun of me? That's literally happened, babe. I'm not scared of any of that. That's just my— that's a day in my life, baby cakes.

You're like, that's my persona on TV.

Also, like, I do think it's gonna be entertaining, but I'm scared.

No, I think it's gonna be fine now, and I was, I was being anxious about it.

But I do need that person in my life to remind me that, like, you don't have to do everything you signed up for.

I was nervous it was gonna be one of those situations where you're like, and I actually didn't even have to do this, they needed me as a host, and now I'm fucking up my career.

You got afraid that, yeah, I was gonna hurt yourself because I thought I needed to do this. Yes. But it is good to have a friend that's like, quit. Like, just quit. Like, what are you— who— why are you being a hero? And that is the truth. You are the first person to be like, babe,

don't do it.

Give up.

I'm like, don't answer the phone when he got— like, don't even.

And it's so good for my mental health. But no, the team was just—

No, stuff like that, like, I truly don't Of course people get like stuck in situations that are scary and like different, whatever.

Their face could get stuck.

Yeah, I truly don't feel like you can stick— I can get stuck in any situation. Like, I'm leaving. Yeah, I'm going home. I'm not answering my phone. It's like you've never met me. There are people in my life that truly could have gone to the police and been like, I think she's missing. It's like, no, she actually just blocked you on everything. You have no idea where she is. She's never gonna return. I have people texting me for years Like, maybe you'll respond. No, I'll never respond to you.

Speaking of, I have to do a shout out to Italian-American comedian Carly Aquilino. Yes. Did you see what I posted from her today? No, what was that? She has this video that goes viral, I think, every year of her texting her parents about technology.

Yeah.

So she texts her dad being like, hey, I'm sending you, um, an online—

A digital gift card.

A digital gift card. And she goes, then chaos ensued. So he responds something like— I'm gonna fuck it up, but he's like, okay, thank you for sending me the— and he put in quotations— digital gift card. And he's like, hopefully it's here by the time you get here and we can print it out. Yeah. And she goes, one more time, it's digital. You don't have to print it out. You'll get it immediately. And then she goes, then my mom jumps in on the group chat, who gets scammed like 5 times a year.

Yeah.

And she goes, I'm afraid. And she goes, I don't feel good about this. Then the dad goes to protect her, goes, don't worry, we'll block you so you don't have to be a part of this. And then Carly, I think, said something like, you guys, you're overreacting. And he goes, we're not overreacting. You're causing chaos. And I sent it to my Nana. Yeah. Because my Nana told me, like, I wanted to get her a gift. I want to get her tops.

Yeah.

But I said, but can you send me the tops that you want, like, from Amazon? anything, just send me what you want, I'll get it for you. She cannot for the life of her figure out how to like copy a link and send it. So then I'm like, find something online on your phone, tell Papa to take a photo with his phone, send it to me. They can't figure that out. This has been 3 weeks of me trying to figure out— she's trying to like tell me over the phone. It's, it's chaos.

That— yeah, it's just not—

But she knows how to listen to the podcast. Shout out, Nana.

I need to send Nana some Daphne.

You have to. I think you should do a photo shoot with Nana and Daphne.

Wait, I should?

Yeah, she's been waiting.

Why, because I don't have a grandma? No, I need to do something with Nana. I need to figure out like what she's right for. Um, actually speaking of Daphne, did you see my infomercial?

Wait, the, the like— it looked like you were in the cold. The technology was incredible.

We used like a lo-fi camera, but I was like, When we started Daphne, I was like, okay, number one thing that I must make at some point is a Snuggie, like a redo of a Snuggie. We don't make blankets or anything like that yet, so I was like, let's do it in a towel version. 'Cause you know when you get out of the towel and you're like, I'm gonna lay on my bed, but your towel is never big enough, you're always cold, your robe is never like plush enough, and then you're like, do I get under the covers? And then it's like, no, then you're gone. Like, then it's over, you're dead. Also, the second I put

that robe on, I'm not doing

We designed like a regular robe, like you can wear it like a regular robe, and then there's the tie and it's open in the front, but it's so oversized that if you flip it around and put your arms through— and then we did the pockets so that like either way you wear it, like the pockets are right there.

You can fit your cat in it.

You can literally fit your cat in it. I made— I was like, no, I need a big pocket because I have stuff like my phone, the remote, different things. So I was like, okay, how are we gonna promote it? And then I was like, okay, let's just redo one of the Snuggie infomercials from when we were little. So we just like pulled it up online and like kind of cut— it's my greatest joy.

Can I add a tag?

Yeah.

What if we did like, you know, you don't get up to get water? Yeah. Do you know how like hikers, like it's like attached? Yeah. Can we have a water, a water thing that's attached to the Snuggie that you could just With it.

Now we're on to something. Yeah, I could definitely figure that out.

So you don't have to

get up. Anyway,

and then something that I can pee in while I'm snapping. A catheter so I can—

I started a nursing home collection, but I use Nana as like the queen

of the— but everyone should get this for their grandma, right?

I mean, for anyone.

Well, it's funny because the winter's coming and Nana's like wants to be cozy, but this is the problem with Nana. She wants it all to be sexy. So Nana, I'm like, do I get you— do you want a sweater? And she's like, well, it has to be off my shoulder.

Well, I made wraps too, like that are towel wraps. But that's why me and Nana are so similar.

She's like, it has to look hot though.

That's why our first robes we came out with, I was like, but short. Like, I'm so sick of these like grandma long robes. Like, I want it to be short and cute.

And if you guys saw the shirts I bought for my Nana, you'd think I'd be shopping for a 13-year-old girl. Like, but she lit— she has the most beautiful waist and décolletage. She loves to show off, and she's like, I'm 85, but I want to be sexy.

Yeah. Okay, I'm gonna do a big package to Nana.

She loves when her doorbell rings, and there's— you know, I got her, I got her a monthly subscription to Giada Laurentiis's pasta thing. It's a really good gift for people. So it sends like her, I guess, homemade pasta with different sauces that she makes or things to do

every

month.

Give me that for my birthday.

I'm like very into gift giving right now.

Are you?

I actually bought you your—

My birthday gift?

Your birthday gift. I was going to bring it today to be like, you know how you gave me my birthday gift a month late? I'll give you a month early.

But you forgot it?

Yeah, I forgot. Speaking of families, I don't think people know how involved our moms are in our business.

Like our personal business or our business business?

Both. Yeah, but like our business business. And

people know

that Kim is on your email and reads everyone, but like, wait,

Wait, did I tell you how she called me intrusive the other day? So she's on my email. Okay. But for whatever reason, her Macy's account is connected to my email. So when she buys something on Macy's, it emails me being like, thanks for your order, like your order's on the way. So the other day I said to her, oh, I saw that jacket you got from Macy's. It was like backordered or something. And I was like, So cute. And she looks at me and she goes, how'd you know that? And I go, your account is set up to my email, like I saw it. And she goes, oh, that's so intrusive. I go, that's intrusive?

You're emailing me. Yeah, I'm getting notifications.

I'm like, I thought surely you would have seen it. She was like, well, I didn't click, like I don't click your stuff. I'm like, okay then, what's your purpose there? She's a lurker. She's just a spy. I was like, the gall.

Well, Kim has boundaries.

And I said, you're lucky I'm on it because I had to click wait for the backordered item or we'll automatically cancel it. And I go, so you're welcome. You are waiting for the backordered item.

And next time I might have to just cancel your ass if you're gonna give me this kind of attitude. Um, my mom, we did something very funny. And I think sometimes they're the only people who are there for you. I had to do a very big decision-making thing. Yeah. And like, it was the kind of thing that, you know, there's no like wrong answer, but it's based on vibes.

And it's like your life could take a different course.

Yes, basically.

There's no wrong answer, but your life could be dramatically different.

It's literally Robert Frost, A Fork in the Road. And what a reference. But yeah.

But she, um. Who are you? No, like, in Miami you become a different person. I'm using my second hole. Like, what's going on? What's happening?

Sorry, girls have layers.

Yeah.

So this was like, who do I want to partner with for something? And everyone's like legit, but it's like really about vibes. I show up on the Zoom with my mother.

Okay.

And they're like, who is that? And I'm like, that's Lenore Berner.

Yeah.

And she doesn't just show up on the Zoom. She has a notepad.

Yeah.

And as they're talking, she's like looking down and writing notes. Yeah. I've never seen people being like more nerve-wracked because no one's intimidated by me. But when my mom came on, not speaking the whole time, just— Yeah. They were scared shitless.

I had a thought the other day where I'm like, I wonder if in business stuff I should have my mom use a different last name. Yeah. So that people are really scared, like, yeah, think that she's just I

think it depends on your mom. Like, some moms are more into like the business stuff. Yeah. But like, if you do, like, you can bring your mom on anything. There's no law.

You can take your mom. You can take your mom. Truly take your mom anywhere. I'll take—

you can borrow my mom. Like, BYOB, bring your own mom. BYOM. Like, bring her on a date, bring her to the post office, bring her everywhere. It doesn't matter if you're 35.

Like, we're bringing our mom— this— how cute is this? When we went to dinner the other night with our parents, Hannah's mom was like, oh my God, we should go with the girls to London and Dublin. And my mom's like, I'm already going and my sister's coming and my niece is coming. Like Kim has already planned an entire trip. So we're gonna go and that's gonna be so fun. I'm gonna be giggly.

When in doubt, like you talk to your astrologer, but like your moms are really good at business decisions 'cause they're like the only people that really care about you.

No, it's the only person I can't—

Not your dad.

My dad will leave me for dead. Another good offer, he's gone. Are you kidding? He's done. My brother does anything, he's out.

Your brother picks up the phone, he's out.

I go, could you imagine if Gary signed with Sirius? A parade. A monument.

Oh, also, I I feel like she, she comes to like my styling appointment sometimes, like, because moms—

She's trying to rest and you just have her work.

She's— my mom's exhausted. Yeah, but she loves working. My mom can't sit still. You know, a lot of moms and their daughters listen to the pod like separately and then they'll like talk about it together. Isn't that fucking adorable? Do

you think that was ever brought up in like therapy sessions?

Yeah.

In a bad way?

Yeah.

Do you think any men have brought up like, my girlfriend like listens to this podcast, Giggly Squad, she's like, it's too much.

For sure. Be like, they're fucking putting these crazy thoughts into her head about independence and speaking up.

They talk about us like we're the manosphere. Yeah. And he's like, and I think it's a cult. Could you imagine?

She keeps lying about being on voice rest. Do you remember voice rest?

Oh yeah.

What a time.

That feels like a lifetime ago.

Well, it's about to happen since we're back on tour. We're gonna have to go on voice rest again. We recorded the last podcast before the music video came out.

Yeah.

So—

Oh, now that it's out, like—

The comments just make me so happy. Someone was like, Paige needed like 3 business weeks to recover from this. Yeah. But everyone was so happy that you did it.

It was so fun. No, I really got into it.

Now they want us to do a musical.

I actually commented after the show. I said, how fucking dare you?

Don't put shit into Hannah's head.

No, a musical is quite different.

Yeah. And I don't— like, I can do a 3-minute—

I'm no longer an ensemble cast person. I can't do it. I can only work with Hannah.

But the tour is also so great. Obviously some people are upset, but a lot of gigglers from Denver were like, we get it.

Yeah.

Like, they were so cute. They were like—

And guys, it's actually— it's like, I'm— Hear me when I say this, it's not you, it's your air. Like, it's truly not you guys. It's not about the people. It's not about the people, it's about the place.

You're perfect. The Gigglers that message me, they go, we're in Denver, we love Giggly Squad. It really sucks you guys can't come, but we do respect Paige's boundaries.

It really sucks, and I have a— I'm sorry, I'm having a medical boundary.

That's how we make decisions on this tour. Um, we do have a big, big New York City announcement coming next week. So many announcements, it's so fun.

And then we're gonna chill for a little on the announcements.

Yeah, yeah, no more announcements. Yeah, we're not announcing shit.

Yeah, we're not announcing shit.

You can find out through other purposes. We're not gonna announce it.

Go back to the grapevine, okay? Because we're not announcing a goddamn thing. And one thing though, I do want to say that's like been scaring me when I am in Miami. The other night I went to the gym because—

You go to the gym at night?

What else do you do in Miami? Um, yeah, but like, it wasn't like—

Is that safe?

It wasn't like— I didn't go at like 11:30 PM. I went at like 6 o'clock.

Guys will do that because they can.

That's, that's nice. Um, you want to know what I listened to on my headphones?

Girls, Girls?

A book.

Oh.

And I was like, okay, Elle Woods. Like, I'm just walking on the treadmill listening to a book.

What book?

Utilizing my second hole. Like, I'm just different down here. It's totally different. What book? Yesteryear, because I literally couldn't get through it, but it was paining me, and I have like one chapter left.

Is it worth me listening to it?

Uh, I don't— and it was like okay. I just like never finished it over the summer, and it was like pissing me off, so I had to finish it.

Des and I went to a bookstore. Well, it was one of those like TikTok bookstores. Did you get in? Des, of course, bought books.

What the hell is a TikTok bookstore?

Like, it's a cool place with like coffee and books, and like it was just a vibe.

Oh, just like—

It was like Barnes Noble if it was like cool and chic. Okay. And like it was in Florida— it was in Miami. It's actually called Books and Books. It's really cool. You should check it out. Wow, they really just— They were like, how do we describe what's in the store?

They're like, well, it's a book.

And it's not just a book. It's another book too.

Yeah, there's other books. We're not gonna sell just one book. That'd be crazy.

Books. So Books and Books was fucking lit.

It should have been like Books and Nooks and like—

Okay, bring it up with the manager.

I don't wanna get in a business situation.

Also, there's something powerful about it 'cause Florida, as you know, they love burning books. So like having a—

You say?

Yeah, they burn books. What does that mean? Like books that people don't like, that have stuff that they don't like about, they burn.

What is this, the witch trials?

I know!

What the hell does that mean? They're going to the towns and—

And these are the free speech people being like, okay, you can't have a book about like certain things.

Oh, Google it. Endometrios. Yeah.

How did that get me so hard?

Because it's so true. Like, maybe if you didn't wear shorts to the gym, you fucking whore, we wouldn't have to burn all the books.

Whenever a girl wears shorts to the gym, a book gets burned. If you wear shorts to the gym, there's no one to see it. There's a tree fall in the forest.

A second hole is utilized.

Oh, I can't breathe right now. Stop it. That's really funny. Oh God.

Okay, anyway,

so— I was there to use the bathroom, obviously.

No, Dez also is like low-key a fucking professor. He's like, we talk about anything, he's like, yeah, I read that book. We're like, when?

But he also does it like undercover.

Like, yeah, he's like, oh, I read it actually in 2 days because it was about to come out. I'm like, yeah, like he just came out.

He just came out and he'll be like on the plane, he doesn't tell me about it. He's but like low-key like the biggest nerd, but it's good because someone needs to know what's going on in the world. Yeah, but he walked in, he's like, I've actually been looking for this specific book. And I was like,

he like looked at the girl at the counter like this fucking nerd.

And he like, he like, oh, he's like, oh, it's not here, he couldn't find it. And then he like randomly found it and he was like really cute about it because he was just holding it like all excited, and it was actually really fucking cute.

Hardcover or paperback?

He got the paperback, but he was like, do you want to get a book? And I was like, so like, how do you even make a decision? There's so many books to choose from. And then I was like, do they have a Giggly Squad book? And they didn't. And I was like, fuck this place, this clearly doesn't understand literature. But I love how book places smell.

Wait, did you see the other day?

I'm gonna take you to Books and Books.

You know, the other day I had never I don't talk about that we're New York Times bestselling authors enough. And I was like on the Giggly Squad Instagram and I was like, oh my God, I never collabed on this post from like 2 years ago. And I collabed on like one of our book posts.

No, you like— you— we would joke, Grace and I, I'm always like, just send a collab, see if she'll do it. And we joke that you never will. And then I'll be like, Grace, make the thing like prettier, like the COVID photo prettier, see if she does it. And like, it never works. And like, we know you won't. It's just like our own little joke.

Sometimes I do though. And I throw you guys for a loop. Like, I feel like I just—

I like—

I did for the,

the

music video, and there was something else. But honestly, yeah, me and Josephine talked about my grid. We're like, it's a little crammed, it's a lot of pink, we have to break it up.

Do you ever look at my grid, or does it— Never.

Yeah, I don't because it's not—

None of your business. It's nothing to do with you. Why would you add that stress to your life when you don't need it? I know exactly, you're like this This is not my problem and I'm not gonna make it my problem.

I get you in real life. I know the thought, like, and you're about funny, like you're about real life connection. And like, I'm about—

she's like, you're about heart. I'm about—

look, don't touch. Like, don't come. Stop. Like, don't come any closer.

But when I do cross the grid, which like a good dump, yeah, you're the first to be like, I like this dump.

Yeah, but don't— because you are really funny and like

Dumps are hard though. Creative and sick. You ever put like 17 photos and you mess up something and then you have to start over?

Well, my biggest thing with dumps is I'm like, too many pictures of me, me, me. Oh, look at that, and another one of me.

But then you, you put a good lay flat.

Yeah, then I do like a cute aesthetic one that like, it's like, oh my God, she just happened to get that. It's like, no, I made everyone hold their breath while I got—

People were saying that we reminded them of Broad City. City with the music video. I think it's because it was in Brooklyn.

Yeah. Oh, like it kind of looked like their show.

And people said it referenced the song Shiz, Shiz.

Yes.

Which was like the biggest compliment, by the way. Um, speaking of millennial, and because I'm wearing a collared shirt, do you remember like when boys would pop their collar like unironically?

Yeah.

Like Gen Zs don't understand that.

I feel like I still wear things like popped collar,

but like, it was like an art. Like, guys would wear 2 of them.

Yeah, it was a—

and then ever since I can remember, I've been popping my collar. When that came out, we were like, yes, as you should.

Yes.

Like, it wasn't a joke.

Yeah,

it wasn't a bit.

This shirt 15 years ago at a frat house would have crushed.

Give me the camera. Give me the camera. Yeah. Stop.

She's getting into method acting.

I know.

No, you really look like a mob boss, but like one that's like not—

I'm not in charge. No, I don't have it. I'm not executing anything.

Yeah, one that's like, Jimmy, pick up the sandwiches. Like, all right, like that's you.

Yeah, I'm adding color to the room.

Yeah, like he's a good guy.

I'm a good hang. Keep him, he's a good hang. Don't give him anything important, he will mess it up. But like, he does bring the vibes up. Yeah, I feel like the mob has personality hires for sure.

Of course.

Also, you know, people don't talk about in sports you have personality hires too. Like,

do you think the mob is doing now that they're— you know who the number one people that are mad at Polly Market? It's the mob. Because what are they doing?

Oh, because they like to control betting.

I think that's their whole— isn't that their whole thing?

They should sue. They'd be like, hey,

imagine they're just like, class action lawsuit. Actually, this our bread and butter. How dare you? You

invented this shit and you got to bring the money to Tony.

The things they take from us.

The things— everything. Yeah. My final thought is just that I did have bangs and fire engine red hair as Helliar.

Yeah, but like, yeah, but in like a fake way. Oh, that reminds us, we have to do our Halloween costume.

I know, but I'm going on my trip on the 22nd, so—

What's the date?

Like, we have to figure it out. I don't— What are you doing this weekend? Nothing.

Okay, cool.

Okay, well, we have a lot to do this weekend.

We do?

I don't know.

No, I think we'll just hang and we'll chill.

What were you gonna say?

I forgot. You thought of something? No, but your heli hair was like a wig and not real. Like, that's not the real color.

Okay.

And we're not doing a bang.

No.

It's not thick. It's literally just— it's a width. It's a long— it could even go to here.

I'll do that.

I think you should do it.

Okay, I'll do it.

Did you tell your mom?

No, we have to run it by her first, for sure. We can't just do that kind of thing.

Okay, maybe I should ask because she'll be less likely to say no to me.

Yeah, if she thinks it's coming from you, she'll see it.

It's like a sleepover situation.

Yeah.

You ask, obviously she'll say yes to you. You're not even her daughter.

Okay guys, thank you for giggling with us. Have the most amazing weekend ever. We'll talk to you later. Bye!