Transcript of What makes Jiaoying Summers tick? | Whiskey Ginger

What up, Whisky Ginger fans. Welcome back to the show. It's your first time joining the show. Welcome to the show, baby. Leave a comment down below for the algo rhythm. Please tell a friend. Spread the word so we continue to do this show through 2025. Here at the beginning of 2025, in the first quarter, I am on tour right now, this very weekend, tomorrow night. I'm in Chicago, Illinois, my hometown Chicago, playing the Chicago Theater. It's been sold out, and I'm very proud of that. Thank you so much, Chicago, for showing up and showing out. It means a lot to me. It means the world to me. I then go to Durham, Derham. Durham, let's go. Durham Bulls. I'm actually wearing my Durham Bulls hat right now. We went to a game last year. Would love to see you guys come out again. Then I go to Charleston, South Carolina. I go to Atlanta, Georgia. I go to Philly. I go to New York. I'm in The Beacon in New York, the Met in Philly, which is amazing. I cannot believe I'm getting to play those two venues. I'm super humbled by that. Then I come back to the West Coast and I do San Francisco, Phoenix, San Diego.

I go to Boston, Massachusetts, four shows, and then I finally end the shooting my special in Minneapolis, Minnesota. I'm doing four shows there. You guys, I'm so excited. Go to AndrewSantino. Com for those tickets. Andrewsantino. Com.

In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey Ginger beard.

Sturdy and ginger. Like vampires, the ginger gene is a curse.

Ginger's a fugace. You owe me $5 for the whiskey and $75 for the horse. Ginger's, oh, hell no.

This whiskey is excellent.

Ginger.

I like ginger.

Let's start it.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Whisky Ginger. My guest today is one of my favorite people on Earth. I say that for all my guests, but I mean, once again, today, it is Jau-Yin Summer. I am here.

I made it in Hollywood. I brought a gift. Give it to me. Happy holidays.

Oh, wow. Franklman chocolates. Yes. Franklman chocolates.

It's green.

It's green, right. Irish. Irish for me. Ginger. That's exactly right. Red. That is so funny. This is very sweet. There's whiskey here. This is very sweet. There is whiskey here. We usually drink, but it's pretty early in the morning, so I think we might calm down. It's okay. Yeah. I think we might because you just got a coffee.

We don't want to have too much. I can add some inside here.

We talked about my editor Joe. His name is Joe, and Joe means uncle. Is that what you said?

Joe means uncle or old.

I'm ready to learn Chinese.

Joe means old or uncle.

What's When you're talking about Chinese, they have nine things mean one thing. Why is that? What's your guys's deal?

We just want to confuse people, I guess. There's some code word. So it's easy. Chinese is very confusing.

I know. Well, I wore my shirt for you. Do you see this?

I've been making Air Jordan since I was five years old and it's Beijing in the factory. I fell home.

You fell at home, right? Let me see your fingers. Those haven't worked in a long time.

My nail is not okay. I should talk to the Vietnamese people so they can understand. Yeah, fix that. We need to fix it. This is not okay.

You like Vietnamese people?

I think they have good food. I sound white right now. I'm white now. They have good food.

How about this, though? This is somebody, you're the first Chinese person with the Chinese letters written on them. That's like a white thing. We do that.

I wrote it, though. I'm a calligrapher.

What does that say? Wait, let me try to guess. Open up a little bit so I can see. Oh, that says China number one, America number two, Trump forever. Wow. Yeah.

That's what it says. You really speak Chinese?

Yes, I do. Oh, my God.

What does it really say? I'm a calligrapher. I wrote it. It's a passage from Yi Jing. It's basically the way the heaven works is that a gentleman who is a sexist, now it's just a gentleman because they can apply women, too, because women can function too. You have to work hard forever in order to maintain success. But you also have to be a good person, like how Earth is heavy and carry all the flaws. Be a good person and work hard and don't complain and just be a Communist.

And Just be a Communist. Yeah. A Communist. Just fall in line and do the right thing. Yes. But yet you moved here to this country, the capitalist nation of the world.

I do. I love money.

Chinese love money. They do.

We really do. I love money. You can ask me. I can do whatever you want. I'll massage your feet right now as long as you just give me more air time.

I don't have any cash on me right now.

You don't need to pay me. You can pay me. Just get me on your show.

Okay, great.

Well, you're here. That's perfect. That's why I own you. The chocolate is not enough.

You do owe me for life. For the massage. Yeah, you owe me for life. Yeah, for life. And you brought a special friend outside. I don't know if you want to talk about it, but you have a special friend here.

I told Bobby, it's new. I hope he did not get to know me. If that happens, he's gone. But so far, so good.

So far, so good. He's a big buff white. You got a big buff white.

He's a Midwest white guy.

Oh, that's what I am from Chicago. We like Midwest white guys.

Cleveland. He's from Cleveland. I'm going to meet his family. I haven't had a boyfriend for four years. So that's the first boyfriend after my divorce.

Why for so long? You just did I don't want to date anybody.

I can't get any men to date me. That's not true. I don't know. I think I can't. I talk and they don't like it. Right.

Unlike most Chinese women, they don't say anything. That's why white guys like Chinese. But you're the opposite.

But I give good DJ, though. They don't stay long enough to find that You do.

They live too early. Will you have small hands?

No, I just have a deep throat. I feel like life is like sucking your dick. You go all the way. You go all the way. When you are going to put that dick in your mouth, you are already a whore. You can't be like... No, it's the same. Listen, it's the same.

That's the same.

So if it's near my face, it's going all the way in. I'll vomit later, but you have to show- You have to show your commitment. Because after he leave you, one day he break up, he's going to think about you all the That's right. When the other woman don't give the good B. J, he's like...

I miss her. I miss her. Yeah, I miss her. I miss those summers. Yeah. That's what you should get on there. Give Good Head. Give Good Head. Give's Good Head. How do you say give Good Head in Chinese?

, is skillful. Means basically is like playing the flute, but that's the code word for DJ. So that's why when I told the unread the result, I'm like, your whole thing is about giving DJ because the whole The Chinese thing is, in Chinese culture, DJ just- Playing the float means giving head.

Yeah, playing the flute. And say that again.

Say the phrase.. Yeah, blowing the flute, like playing the flute. Tresao. Tresao means blow job.

So I can do that. I can go Tresao to if I go to China.

To a Chinese girl. They'll be like, just give it to you because you speak that Chinese. She'll be like, I respect you and I'm going to suck your cock because you speak good Chinese.

I got to go to China. I got to book that trip.

You'll be very popular. They like a wider- I'm the widest they get.

I mean, this is like see-through at some point.

Yeah, they Be through is what they need. They want as white as you. China want white. We like people who's white. My mom likes him more than she likes me because he's white.

You think his parents are going to like you?

They would think I'm going to be serving him, but that won't be the case. I think they'll like me. I don't know.

I'm not sure. I think they're going to like you. You're very lovable.

I think his mom will like me.

Yeah. I think so. You're successful and loveable. People that don't know, you have skyrocketed through the comedy scene because you're funny and affable and quick and sweet and unique. And his parents should see that. Your success is there. Yeah, I think- You proved yourself.

I think I did. I also bought my club to do comedy. You know that, right?

You did what? You bought your own club?

The first week I started open-miking, I'm like, I need 10,000 hours. This is not going to cut it because I'll suck forever. So I said, Let me buy a place. I drove on Melrose. It's still open. It's been four years, five years. What's it called? The Hollywood Comedy is on Melrose.

On Melrose. So you own that place?

I own that place. It still goes every hour. I mean, seven days a week, it's open.

Wow.

I bought it. I I start to host Open Mic. I do 10 hours a day. Very communist, very Chinese, very hard working.

That's extremely Chinese.

So I start hosting 10 hours a day Open Mic so I can be on stage every hour. So I just got my stage time.

You still own the place?

I still own the place.

Do you have a partner or it's just you?

No, just me. I own it, but I have a manager runs it full-time. I have 20 comedian hosts who host, who take shifts. We have three, four shifts per day. We open from 10:00 AM, close at 11:00 PM. So every day, every hour, there's an open mic, and it's always full. I think This is the most popular open mic place.

You are remarkably Chinese.

Very Chinese. Because I know I suck. I'm not delusional.

You don't suck?

What are you even talking about? When I started, I know I suck.

When you start, yeah. Everybody sucks. Nobody's good when they start. Chapelle might be the only one who was good when he was that young. And outside of him, we're all just figuring it out.

So I knew I needed to be on stage and nobody's going to put me on stage. So I'm like, let me buy my own place. You're right.

That's what I did. That's a very smart thing. Look, I'm going to say this. His parents, they're going to like you because Midwest people, they're I would do this. I would bring them something like this. This is smart. This really gets to the heart of a Midwest person. Bring them chocolate. We're usually like we're fat, gluttonous people. I know he's in phenomenal shape. He's in... No, don't do that. Don't do that. Don't do that. He's in great shape, this guy. His parents are Midwest people, so they're probably hardy eaters. I'd bring them like a beef stew. You make a beef stew.

I can make a beef stew.

Yeah, I would make a beef stew or Cleveland. So he's got probably... Yeah, they like fatty foods. Anything fried, we're big into that stuff. Nice. Have you been to Cleveland before?

No, it's my first time. I'm not.

And you're playing Hilarities, too? Yes. Wow. Look at this. You're going to play, and they're going to come watch you? Yeah.

His mom is going to be in the front row with his brother. He has two sets of twins. His mom has two twin boys, a twin boy and twin daughter and another son. She has five kids.

And you have two kids?

I have two. I can't believe it. They are in the car right now. You left them out there? That windows open.

Did you crack the... Yeah, you did? Yeah. Windows open. Well, the Teslas have those things now that say, the dog thing. It goes, Don't worry, my owner's coming back in the Your daughter is on. You could do that for kids now, too.

Yeah, I think so. It's safer in the car than being with me.

It's much safer than in the streets? Yeah. Much... Well, than being with you. Yeah.

I have two kids. I can't believe I have two kids. They are getting older, making me feel like I'm older now. My daughter is her birthday today. She's turning four today. What are you doing?

It's your daughter's birthday? We could reschedule. She's in school. Oh, yeah. Who cares?

She's in school. I'm going to go take care of her. We're going to hang out at five.

How old is she?

I don't remember. Yeah, four.

She's turning four.

It's fast.

That is. You got a divorce four years ago. You decided not to date. And then did you find him on an app?

No, I never. Actually, we met through. I was in Austin. I was doing a show at Cap City, and then I hired people to film a show, and his friend and him was filming my show. He just left I met Tesla after six years. He did well there. He wanted to become a storytiler filmmaker. So he learned how to film.

Are you guys making home films right now?

No, I don't believe in porn.

No, I'm saying home films. You took that the wrong way. I just mean making movies He's together.

I like to... No, I don't think... It was just like I met him there, and it was funny.

And you fell in love.

I saw him. I thought he was cute, but he think I wasn't... He said hi to me. I was just short with him. When I see a guy I think is attractive, I'm like, Oh, hi. I don't want to look at him. I go, Yes, my pussy was wet, but I don't trust my pussy. Last time I trust my pussy, I got married to a Chinese man.

Right. Oh, and that's bad.

They are bad. The Shanghai needs the worst one. The Shanghai needs the worst.

Shanghai people are the worst.

Shanghai people are bad because that's a Pearl of the East. They are very connected to internationally. So the Shangháiese men, they learn the bad thing from Americans, and they have the bad quality of Chinese men, also bad quality of Americans. They share bills, but they don't eat a pussy.

Oh, my God. Split the bills and don't go down. That's not good.

Yeah, that's bad. If I am paying half the bill, American guys eat a pussy. Chinese men don't eat pussy. Chinese men from China don't eat pussy.

Is that a cultural thing? Yeah, culture.

They think it's gay.

That's gay? Mm-hmm. What do they think about a dick in their butt? That's probably I don't know about that. That's the most gay.

Also thinking eating pussy is gay is gay.

Right. Well, a lot of things that are straight, ironically, are gay. I'm married, pretty gay.

It's pretty gay to like- That's very- It's pretty gay. That's very cute.

It's cute and gay. That's what I mean. It's cute. That's why it's gay. We watch TV together, gay. You know what I mean? We go out to dinner together, gay. We go to events together, gay. You know what I mean? All this stuff. We gather with other couples.

Married people, yeah.

Gay.

Yeah.

I'm gay.

That's It's good.

Yeah, it's fine.

Who cares?

It is. It's in. I'm hoping it gets me some roles in Hollywood because I'm struggling a little bit.

Yeah, because you are so white.

I am. Well, honestly, I'm a different white, though. I mean, even Asians agree. That's why Bobby's my best friend. I'm an off-white because the red head makes me, I They differentiate. I'm not like the red... He's the original white. That's like Mayfower material. I sound like you. Mayfower material. Mayfower. Mayfower material. Mayfower material. Mayfower material.

He came over on a boat. I feel like a Pocahontas. I feel like he's John Smith.

He He is John Smith.

Yeah, he's John Smith. He's still around, but we're just going to wait and see.

Yeah, he'll give you smallpox for sure. He's going to infect you in some way and then leave you.

I think so.

That's what the Whites do. We're the best at that.

I think so. I'll be okay with it. I'll have some good material. You're fine. I see him as my future materials. I really see it. I know he's going to give me a lot of it.

Now, would you get married again or no?

It depends on the dick. If the dick is there to stay and is a good dick and is the man... I need somebody who is... I'm I'm crazy. I need somebody who's like this.

He seems pretty level.

He's very calm. He's very stoic.

He's stoic. Stoic is great. Yeah, that's right.

He can't say anything romantic. He's not capable of saying it.

So he know I love you stuff.

No. For him to say I love It will probably take two more years.

What about you, though? Are you quick to say I love you?

Are you quick to fall in love? I wouldn't say it. I can't say it. That's right. I wouldn't say it before he said it.

How do you say I love you in Chinese?

.

But it doesn't... Honestly, it's not a beautiful I love you.. It sounds a little too harsh.

It's harsh. Chinese is very harsh. It sounds like everybody is selling fish in the wet market. That's what it is. My daughter, she just like, mommy, I love my pink dress. So cute.. Next thing you know, she becomes this fish wife in the market. She's rotating from two bipolar to two characters. I'm just like, what is going on?

Are they fluent in Chinese?

Yes. I made sure they do that. I'm like, your father's gone. So you are already two and a half. You are going to go to China and learn Chinese because we need to be competitive. We do. You don't have a dad. I'm the only thing you got. So I shipped them there and they didn't have any friends. I'm like, make friends. You don't deserve to have friends. You don't speak Chinese, you don't deserve friends. That's right. So they cried for a month and a half. And two months later, they can speak Chinese. And now they speak Chinese and they want to go back to China every year for three months so they can go to Chinese school. I think it's important. That's Great. I forced them to do it because they need it.

You don't ever want to go back.

I can't do stand-up in China because I tried. I was doing this video thing with, I think, Cosmopolitan. They asked me to do a 30 minutes Chinese stand-up. And after I did it, they were just like, oh, we're only going to keep 40 seconds of it. Why?

40 seconds? Yeah. That's nothing.

They cut everything out. I wasn't talking about politics. I was just making fun of my mom and my sister. They were like, it's too mean. Also, if you do stand up in China, you have to send your script.

Right. You're set. I know this. They will correct it for you.

They will change it for you.

To tell you what you're supposed to say.

Yeah. And if you don't say what you're supposed to say, you are going to be in trouble because you are trying to do something.

Communism dog.

I know. So you can't really say anything. So I think I'm fine. This is better.

You're more free here.

I like the money, but the thing is people are going to remember I'm not funny because I'm just going to go on TV. I have some TV offer just to You sit there and to interview people, talking to people. I can't say anything that's funny because I have to be polite and nice to everyone.

On Chinese TV.

Especially the rich ones. They want to be nice to the rich, powerful people, which is worse because in America, we make fun of the rich and powerful.

It's the best part about it.

Yeah, but in China, you have to say how much you like them. That's disgusting. It is gross.

No. We should be able to mock them. You mock the rich. We always punch up.

Yeah. That's the whole thing. Punch up. I can't say how much I like it. They won't give me their house. Oh, it's a beautiful house. Are you going to give it to me? No. No, I don't want to say it's beautiful. I'm like, oh, how much people did you fuck? How many people jumped off the roof because you fucked them?

How many Jordans did everybody make?

Exactly. I want to say that. Oh, my God, that's a beautiful house. I'm like, give it to me.

No, we get to make fun of everybody here. That's the best part about it, right? I love that.

That's why you I don't hate people equally.

We should do it a little bit more. I read this article yesterday that Zuckerberg had $214 billion.

And he have a Chinese wife to count all the money. He does. She can count the money.

Is he married or are they dating? They are married.

They're married. Yeah. She closed the deal on him when they were in high university in Harvard or whatever. Harvard, yeah. They start dating.

She's a doctor. $214 billion. Is that enough, you think?

I want some of it. You do? Yeah. What should we do to get some?

I don't know. He's probably hard to get to. I just thought he bought a new yacht. I mean, that's hard to track those things. I've thought about it.

His wife is Chinese, though.

I can tell me. You can infiltrate the Chinese side.

Yeah, I can probably do something. I can just dress up like her one time.

It's unbelievable how wealthy and separate these people are. They're not even a part of our culture anymore. You get so rich. Think about it like this. I did this the other night. This has been done before on this show, too. I think I've talked about it, but it just stuns me every time. A million versus a billion. People talk about millionaires, right? But billionaires, different. A million seconds is how many days. How many days do you think a million seconds is?

I can't.

I'll give you a hint. It's less than two weeks. So how many days do you think it is? Ten days? It's 11 days. 11 and a half days is a million seconds. A billion seconds How many days is that, do you think? You're not going to get it. A thousand? It's crazy. Well, 31 years. Oh. 31 years. 31 years. I think it's 11,000 days. I think it's 11,000. 31 years. The difference is a A billionaire is 11 seconds worth. A billionaire is 31 days worth. And that guy's got 214 of those.

Oh, my God. Thank God he look like that because he can't have everything. I'm happy. If he look also hot, I think God is going to I'm working on him.

Yeah, you'd have to get cancer if you're that hot and that rich. Yeah.

So I'm happy for him.

Yeah, good for him, I guess. Okay. Yeah, right. But I want it. Let's get him.

Yeah.

Let's redistribute the wealth.

Yeah. I'm going to go to his house and become friends with his wife.

Well, you could. What is what you could do? You could do a little interior China work.

I can go to his house to do his Feng shui. I know his Feng shui. I'll be like, We need a fish pond here. We need a fountain here. We need to dig a hole in the back. So make sure we maintain We should build a master.

Is that where women go to the bathroom outside? Is that that women don't go to the bathroom inside?

In the rural area, they still have the toilet in the outside. That's great. You squat down. That's why all the Asian women have tight position. You have to squat down. Squat.

Yeah. That's why they have strong backs, too.

Yeah. If you squat too low, you fall inside. You fall down. There's a big hole there. It's not tight. It's big. You have to squat like this. Wide leg. Yeah. And you have to maintain your balance. There's nothing holding. It's not Japan. There's no total toilet you can hold. No. That's where the core is strong. The The pussies are tight. It's all from squatting. If you squat too low, the snake bite your ass. That's right. There's a rest field.

How was growing up in China? Did you love it or hate it?

I think it made me who I am. I was born in the '90s. We had a one-child policy.

It's And you got through.

I got through, but every day, I don't get A plus. My mom's like, I took you out from the dumpster for A plus.

Are your parents still alive? Are they around?

My mom actually moved to America to help me with my kid when I got to become a single mother. So she lives with She lives with me, which is awful.

That's bad. Well, so he's met your mom a bunch?

He met her, and she likes him because he's White. And a man.

Why was she worried that you liked women?

No, she will kill me before. I'd say that to her. Sure. I think she thinks that me liking a woman is as bad as me marrying a Japanese. That'll be equally bad.

That's the same. So you being gay is the same as you marrying a Japanese guy.

Being a traitor and a gay is the same thing.

And we agree here in America, dude.

Yeah, right? Don't be a traitor. We feel the same way. That's disgusting.

Don't be a traitor. We feel the same way. Don't be a traitor. We feel the same way. Don't be a traitor. Yeah, don't. Stick to the one you know. What about a Korean? Could you date a Korean?

I don't know. They think a Korean is like...

Like Bobby's single. You know what I mean?

They think a Korean is like being bisexual. If I'm going to be known as a bisexual, I'll just be gay. I think being a lesbian is harder. Oh, it's harder. If I'm a lesbian, it's hot. I will be this power lesbian. But a bi is like attention-seeking. I think a Korean is like, I want to be bad, but I'm not that bad. I want to go all the way. I'm like, I'm married I'm marrying Japanese. I'm marrying the guy who's grandpa raped my grandma. I'm going to go there for love. It's love. But the Korean is like, I don't think so. If I'm bad, I'm going to be all the way bad. Can I tell you how can you tell the Koreans and Japanese and Chinese without even listening to them?

Tell the difference? Yeah.

So the Japanese girls, they have the crazy eye. They're like this.

Crazy eyes?

Yeah.. They're like this. Okay. Korean girls, they are always smiling. They are smiling, but they will either give you a blowjob or either dig out. They will do something crazy. Korean women are just like, they are trained like guard dogs. They look like very soft and pretty, but they will strike. They will do whatever for their husband and their son. They will kill someone for you.

What about Chinese women?

Just like, what car do you drive? What money you have? And then when we look at you, we actually look at way be like, does Bobby have more money than you? It's always the next Looking for the next best thing.

Looking for the next best thing.

Like, extra your wallet. Like, I can extra your wallet.

You know how much money is in my pocket right now. Yeah.

We just think about because we have to make sure we have to pay for our brother's school, sister's school. We have to pay for grandparents. It's not about me. It's like I have to pay for everything. So I have to make sure if I'm going to put a dick in my hole, I want it to be fulfillment for the whole family.

It's got to be a rich dick.

Yeah. You have to because they're always going to cheat. The rich one, she's the ugly one, she's the hot one, cheat.

They always do. So what about this guy? Did you check his bank account before you started dating him?

He's pretty good. He has a few million dollars saved up from his Tesla money. I don't know. I don't know. You don't know. He's well off enough. I don't have to worry about paying things for him. He's well off. He's good. That's good. He's a corporate guy.

You don't want to be a sugar mama.

No, he's a corporate guy. He worked his whole life and he's smart with his money. He's going to help me with saving my money, too. So I'm happy that he's not an actor want to be, a comedian want to be who's just like, he's just different.

Yeah. He's better.

Yeah. I don't know if he's better than us. We are funnier, though.

Yeah, but he's better. He's got a better future.

I think so.

Yeah. He probably won't end up killing himself.

He will leave me when he realized that his future is better.

He's never going to leave you. You'll leave him before he'll leave you. I'll put my money on it right now. I hope so. Yeah, I think so. You have an opportunity and you're getting famous. Who knows? What if his career goes down the drain? What if he starts drinking and using drugs heavily? Oh, I can- This is what the Whites do. When we get depressed, we drink and use drugs.

The only drug I did is weed.

That's the only one you've ever tried?

I never tried anything. Do you want to try anything else? I'm not proud of it. I think a microdosing a mushroom is something I can start with.

That's really fun. I have some. We can give you some if you want some.

Yeah.

We have that. I'm big into that. But I tried a lot of stuff when I was young.

Weed is good.

Weed you do like?

I don't know. I only smoke before I go to sleep. I only smoke with my friends. One of my friends smoke. I never let a joint, but if someone let one, I'll be like, I have some.

Give it to me.

Right. Yeah, give it to me.

Puff, puff, pass, baby. Yeah. He He's sober. He's clean.

He's sober. He drink a little bit like a normal person. He just stoic. He's like, he's no fun.

But he's no fun, but you still like him.

I like him, but I also hate him. But I like him more than I hate him, but it's like he- That's love.

You know that, right?

That's love. I wouldn't say that on the podcast before he say it to me.

I know, but that is the definition of love is liking someone and hating them, but liking them more than you hate them. You have to have both. You can't just like someone.

That's not love. It's like a dog. It's a dog. That's a dog. That's an animal. That's something in your home.

I don't hate my dog at all. But you have to love and hate your partner. That's the whole point. What does he do that annoys you?

He just want me to be places on time.

Oh, time is hard.

He just I told you, everything just has to be a system. He want me. He just try to lecture me if I'm late because I don't respect people, and I got angry at him.

Are you late all the time? You were perfectly on time for this.

Because he's just maneuver the whole thing to make sure everything we plan, make sure we're on time Because are you typically on CPT, on Chinese people time? Yes, I am on my own time. I have this. It's okay. I'll tell you, I'm bipolar, but I am not really on medication because I just know my crazy a long time ago.

You can balance it on your own.

I can balance on my own. Just basically, I don't drink alcohol more than two units. I don't drink more than two.

Because you get wild.

Wild is like a sad wild. Wild, but I'm sad. Depressed. Depressed. I got depressed.

Did you get Are you diagnosed with bipolar II? Yes. Wait, you're one or two, bipolar II?

I think it's two. After we had two doctors, it's two. It's bipolar II. We had two doctors trying to figure out what's wrong with me. But I live with it. When I'm obsessed with something, it just go in a circle. I just got really excited. I can't function. I can't think about anything else. It's good for work. I have a lot of energy.

You do have a lot of energy. You have more than anybody I know. It's wonderful. I think so, right? Yeah, but you radiate in a positive way.

Yeah, I have a lot of energy. I don't get sad often.

When you do get sad, do you get very, very sad?

No, not to a point that is suicidal. I just get sad for one hour, then I use my workaholic to balance it off.

It's all from work. You bury sadness with work. Yes. That's what Irish people do. That's what we do. Yeah. So I work more. We bury ourselves.

Then I work more. I feel I'm not worthless anymore.

We just push down all the negative feelings way, way, way down. Yeah.

I just work more, and then I got happy again. I go back to my high. My high is easy. I'm almost like, I think 80%, 85%, I'm high. My bipolar high. Then the sadness comes, I'll be like, Let's go to work.

You got to get out of here, Sadness.

Yeah, let's go to the gym. Let's go to work. Let's go to get some high yoga. Let's look harder.

Look hotter, be better, work harder.

Be nice, give some gift to friends. I don't know somebody's hate me. They are angry at me, maybe. I don't know. No one's angry at you. I become delusional when I'm sad. I'll just check on people like, Do you hate me? Did I do something wrong? Did I say something stupid? I I just want to make sure everything's okay.

But no one hates you. Everybody likes you. That's nice. You're very loved. Do you have any enemies? Do you hate somebody?

I don't hate people, but people hate me. There's a few person who hate me.

Your ex-husband, probably.

I don't think he love enough to actually hate me.

See, there we go again, right? Yeah. You got to have both. So he probably didn't love you enough to really hate you.

No, no, no. There's no way. He's angry because I left him. He want him to leaving me. That is what is really piss me off.

You got out early.

Yeah. He couldn't believe I would leave him.

Wow.

He's a very rich guy. I did not get his money, which is very sad.

You didn't get anything.

I was going to, but he's in China. He's Chinese, and he's very connected in China. I had to go back to China to sue him for money. And that means I have to leave everything here, go to China, leave the children here because I want to keep the kids.

Do they have child support in China, though, or no?

Like, does he I should get it, but I should go back to China. And he knows the mayor. He knows everyone. He knows the court.

So he's plugged in.

He's plugged in, and it's me wasting my time going there.

So who cares? Live your own free life. You have your kids. You have your career. You're killing it. I want the kids.

That's all I wanted. I want them. They are actually pretty cute. Their eyes are very small like Bobby's. He didn't get my eyes, which is very sad. No, you have great eyes. Mine is a little bit bigger, but my son's eyes are like Bobby.

Bobby taught me about this, that they have their surgery.

Like an edit surgery.

Yeah, double eyelid surgery. That's a thing that happens a lot?

Yeah.

That's why- They call them white eyes. They say, go to get white eyes.

They want to look white. Yeah. And then in America, they want fox eyes like this.

We want them up and away.

. They just want fox eyes. I think they should just also say, if you have the fox eyes, if you go to the subway in New York, they kick in the track. That's the fetal side effects you're going to get. Is that one of them? Because you look chunky now. They're like, You're a bad eating whore. They kick you. I think they should just tell the people.

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Ginger.

I like ginger. Yeah. Well, what does this mean? We all want to be something that we're not. We all desire to be someone else or something else.

That's just so silly. We should just be happy then. Yeah. The Black people are bleeding the skin and we are injecting our lips to look black and all the girls are getting bazillion butt lifts.

We're all trying to be something else.

What should we really be? We should just be ourselves and know we are not enough. Just like, okay, I'm not enough, but I'm okay with this piece of shit. It's perfect. I think so. I just think it's delusional. People be like, in America, I'm enough. I think it's a joke. It's so funny that American parents tell their kid, You are enough. You are great. Great is such a strong word. You are mediocre.

You're okay. You are okay. You are okay.

I just feel like- Do you say that to your children?

Do you say you're okay? You call them great because you're in America.

I wouldn't say it. I wouldn't say it to Winston. I wouldn't say it to him. He's a Chinese man, Chinese-American guy. He needs to go to an Ivindic school. Okay. He needs to do something in order to just be respected. Sure.

My daughter is good. Sure. Respected by you or by society?

By He's very funny.

Right. You don't respect him until he does something of substance.

Yeah, I don't respect him. He has to do something. How old is he? He's already five. He opens for me, though.

It's so funny. You got to do something to earn my respect. He's five. He opens for how much time does he have?

He can do three minutes.

Did you write his stuff?

I give him some tips, and he will just try to rewrite it because he think he's better. But he's very good.

The Chinese are good at putting their own to work. That's amazing.

Yeah, he's very good at it. He's actually funny.

He is good.

Yeah. Wow. He's good. He's funny. He talk about it one time. He goes, I came home to my mom, and she asked me about my dad's new girlfriend, and she's about Reina. So mom said, She must be so beautiful. I said, The thing I love most about her is that she's so funny. Mom was so sad. I don't know why. That's good.

Now, do your kids know him?

They met him. They love him. He loves the kids. That's really sweet. He's a very Midwest dad. He loves the kid. He take them to school. My ex-husband never, ever took the children to school.

Well, he didn't have to. He knew the mayor.

Yeah. He lives in China and here back and forth, but he never take the kids from school. So this guy went. So my son always wanted to have a a man, pick him up from school. Sure, of course. So he went there and my son told the teacher that's his dad. He's like, Mr. Kohn, this is my dad. For now. The teacher is like, Are you sure? He goes, Yes, that's my father. And I was like, Are you his father. He's like, I'm uncle Arthur. You know what I mean? He was like, We don't... He said, okay. When he was like, He's my dad. That's cute. He keep saying that. I'm like, he's not your dad. That's cute.

Well, but he's helping out. He's filling in. I'm telling the teacher. Because it's hard for kids. I had a stepdad. My dad wasn't around, and then I had a stepdad.

When did you have a stepdad?

My parents got divorced when I was one. Right before I was one, my dad went to prison. He got locked up.

That's why you are a great comedian.

That's probably part of it for sure. It really is.

It's like Richard Pryer, like grabbing a brothel. My mother also own a brothel.

Your mom own a brothel?

We have to talk I don't care about that. Yeah, I'll give it to you. Well, give it to me.

I'll go back to you. No, no, no, no. Who cares about me? I want to hear about this.

I had no idea it was a brothel, but I did remember that my mom, her brother owned this hotel in the suburb on the highway. So my mom was working at a restaurant as a dishwasher. She's so smart. She was able to work up to a management, and then she was able to buy the restaurant from the owner because they got sick and old. She made a deal, and then she opened two more restaurants, and she was just trying to... My father's drunk the whole time. So he's drunk. He's never worked. My father is drunk. So my mom was able to basically buy this little hotel from my uncle, her brother. And it was just on the highway. It's just really weird. And we I have a massage parlor section and a shower place for people to get a shower and people wash your back in China. They're in the shower. They wash your back, they massage you. And then my mom would have a group of girls. I I didn't say they are 17, but they are under 17.

That's terrible.

So they are 17 and they are from the villages. They wanted to find the work. They know what they're doing. That's what they're doing.

So these are all like a purvy businessman? Are these all gross? Yes.

So the girls, their job is basically wash the guy, wash them, shower them, and massage them. And there's the hotel room. There's one floor that is suspicious. It's not a hotel room, but it's just after the massage, the businessmen go there to rest, and the girls will go in there with them.

And then they- To tuck them in.

They use a condom and they throw it through the window. So there's an alley full of used condoms. I didn't know they are condoms. I saw their balloons. I blow them. And it's like, I blow them. And it tastes funny.

It's a weird birthday party.

Yeah, I blow the balloons and I tie them up on the tree. So there's a lot of balloons and then...

Little jizz balloons floating around. Yeah. How old were you when you found out about the brothel your mother owned?

Yeah, I was only like 10, 11. I was there. I just was there to do my homework, and the prostitutes would just be around me and try to play with my hair and put the balls in Were they nice?

They were nice to you?

They were nice, but the one was a hoe. She was dating my dad, and I found out they were fucking. I saw it. I didn't know what sex, but I opened the door. I'm pretty sure.

You saw them?

I just saw them. Yeah. My dad is always drunk, and he's very handsome, by the way.

Yeah. Well, you're I'm looking so it must have come from something.

I look just like him. And my mom don't like me because she has white skin, small lips. She's pretty in China, and she hate that. I didn't look like her. My sister looked like her. So my sister thinks she's hot her whole life.

And your mother thinks you're ugly. Did she say mean things to you growing up?

Yeah, I can't wear her dresses. I'm always in a little tracksuit like Adidas, like a Russian drug Lord. She's always wearing little dresses. Anyway, I was blowing the condom. It was coming there, so I had no idea.

You caught your dad with one of the locals.

Yeah, I In the door, they are naked in bed. I was 11, and I knew she was his friend, but I- What did they say?

What's the excuse?

They just got in the blanket. They be like, Get out.

Get up. Yeah.

So I went on my knees and took her wallet and his wallet.

Oh, you robbed them? I took the cash. God bless. Good for you.

I like money because they don't have time for me. And if I have money, I can buy things and buy things for my friends so they can like me.

Money over trauma.

Yes. I guess so. I found out that. But she was trying to tell me to not tell my mom.

Yeah, but you did.

I did. And she shaved my head.

So you told your mom, Dad's cheating, and she shaved your head. She was mad at you for telling her. Yeah.

She asked me, Do you want my haircut? She has a little Pixie haircut. I said, Yes, I do. And she took me there and just started cutting shorter and shorter. I'm like, What's going on? She goes, It's going to be great. And it was so short. Then they start shaving my head. I didn't want to move. I didn't want to cut my scope because that always hit me all the time. I know when somebody's going to really cut your hair, they don't If some guy is going to rape me, I'll be like, Let me give a blow job first. Let me suck the dick first. If I can make him calm from sucking his dick, so at least it's safer. I won't scream. I'm like, Okay, let me get on my knees. Let me show you what I... I'm going to suck that dick so hard.

Wait a minute. Your old man, was he abusive? He beat you.

He's not trying to be, but when I'm annoying, when I'm annoying and he's drunk, he just get out of way. He'll just slap me. But he's not trying to like, Let me look at you. Let me punch you up. Like, he's like, when I get- He's just sloppy drunk. Slopy, and yeah, yeah, sloppy drunk.

And he's dead.

No, he's still alive, and he's sober now because he didn't want... I got more famous in China. Somebody was talking about me over their dinner thing with his old friends, Chinese people. They were talking about me, and they didn't know he's my father because he's so drunk and he's such a loser. And he said, he's my father. I started laughing at him. He's like, there's no way. She would never become who she is if she had a father like you. That really hit him. Then he got sober after that.

How long has it been now?

That's been like two years. Good for him.

He just got sober. I hope he stays sober.

He literally got sober.

Has he met your kids? His grandkids?

He met the kids last year when I was not in China. He loved them. He made dinner for them every day. Really? Mainly for my son. Yeah, because he's a boy.

Right. They don't take care of their daughter.

My daughter was very chubby back then. I don't believe him. She just eats her emotions because the father is gone and I don't care about her.

She buries herself in food.

Yeah, but now she's stretched out because my mom stopped body-shaming her.

Your mom's body shames her.

Mom's like, You can be pretty and be in this dress, but it's okay. You can eat. Oh, that's so mean. Because we are in America, you can eat. And just stare at her. She over eats, though.

Yeah, but she's a kid.

Yeah, so you can do whatever she wants.

She's two years old, right?

We have Ozempics.

She's two? Yeah. You're going to give a two-year-old Ozempic?

Yeah, I just need to inject it in her, see how much she needs.

Well, you probably have the best version. Chinese Ozempic has got to be the best. Yeah. People in China don't use that shit, do they? No.

I feel like if you don't have this plan to lose weight, you should be fat. You don't deserve to be fat, be skinny without paying for it.

Because you know Bobby's on Ozempic.

Why? He's an Asian man. Just put the rice bowl down. Put it down.

I've said that to him every day. Put the rice ball down. Walk. Walk? Like a walk? Just walk around. I know. That's good. Walk away. Walk away from the walk. Yeah, walk away. We've said that to him multiple times. No, I don't like that he's on it. I don't like this injection of foreign chemicals. I don't like it. Who knows what the fuck that is?

I think just starve yourself. Just put your finger. Just stick your finger in there. It's easy. Yeah, it's not hard. Old school. Yeah, I know how to lose weight. Yeah, I know. I just look at myself in the mirror, I'll be like, let's go.

What do you mean? You're so skinny.

I think I'm okay now.

You had two kids. You're in phenomenal shape.

Yeah, I can't believe it. They are My son is going to be six years old on February. I opened a comedy club on his birthday.

You do a lot of things on their birthday. You came here on her birthday. You open a club on his birthday.

It's a big day for me. I'm on Whisky Ginger, motherfucker. Whisky Ginger. I can't pronounce it because that's how big it is. Also, I think it's going to... I think you have probably... I can also like an X-ray. Oh, really? Pants. When I see someone, I know their height.

You know my height, you know my neck. You are 6'1? 6'1, yeah, that's exactly right.

I know exactly your height, and I know what your dick look You do? It's circumcised.

It is.

Pink like a skinless chicken.

Un unbelievably pink.

Yeah, very pink. I love pink, bright pink, beautiful pink, like a Barbie pink, grand gossling pink, camp pink. I would say it's nice girls Good leather state.

Good what?

When you are leather state. Leather state is not erect, but not soft. But not very, very embarrassing in a gym, but it weird.

Weird.

In the gym.

Good It's good when it's hard, bad when it's soft.

Yeah, but a leather state is suspicious in the gym. You could be gay. Why are you having a reaction? I think that's your dick.

We call it grower, not a shower. That means it gets more length. It's fine, normal, but it gets good when it's gone.

Yeah, it depends on how nice the girl is going to take you. It depends on who I'm looking at. It's exactly right. It depends on who I'm looking at. It's even a woman.

Is he a grower or a shower? He's a grower. When he gets out of the shower, it's not great.

Yeah. He has big balls, which is I think balls are good.

You like big balls?

I love big balls. I can't lie.

Why?

It's just like if I'm going to put my face on it, it better be big.

They better be nice and big.

Go big or go home.

Wouldn't you argue that smaller is easier to handle?

I want to choke on it, though. You do. I like the pain. I did not have any epidural when I was having the babies.

You didn't get an epidural?

No. The doctor said, You can have epidural, right? I said, I don't want it.

Why not? You just wanted the pain. You like your glutton for pain.

I want the natural birth. I want to feel the pain of the natural birth. So when I abuse my son, I don't feel bad. Do you know what I did for you? I also want to breastfeed so he can be gay forever. My son's like mommy. They were in the park. I did not bring his little truck for the stand. And my daughter had two pink truck, and I said, just play with the pink one. He goes, no, that's the girl thing. I said, look at this. Yes, that's your boobs, mommy. I said, you put your lips on my boobs. You were sucking the milk. That's also very girly. He's like, did I do that? I said, yeah, you wanted it. You I do that.

Some would argue that's the most manly thing you could do is suck on a boob. Oh, that's cute. That's manly to suck boobs. Men suck tits.

Don't tell him.

Okay, I'm not going to say it to your son.

I'm using him against my son. I hope he doesn't watch. Okay, I'll play with the pink truck. I said, You were He was in my tits.

Yeah, he was, wasn't he?

You wanted it. You like it. You beg me every day to suck my teeth for the milk because you like milk. That's where his food is. You were in my arms. He's like, I didn't do that. I see. Yes, you did.

Yes, you did.

So I use that. I do breastfeeding, and thank God, my Chinese Communist hard working titties are heavy. I'm not wearing a bra, a TMI, but they don't drop. I'm happy.

They're still looking forward. They're looking ahead of the future. Yeah, look at that. They're looking ahead of the future.

Because I don't wear bra and my boobs are trained to fight the gravity. I think bras are just really something.

That's an American thing? Yeah. Do they not wear bras in China?

They wear it in China. I'm just a hoe.

You're just a hoe?

Yeah. I just don't wear it because I like freedom.

Well, that's why you moved here.

I like to be... Yeah, that's why I went to Kentucky.

You moved to where? Kentucky?

I went to Kentucky for college.

You went to University in Kentucky? Uk. Did you really?

Yes. No way. I did. That's what I did myself. Why Kentucky? I had no idea. I just wanted to come to America. I knew it because when I was a little girl, my mom lent money to my cousin. She opened a video store.

A video store?

She rent out a DVDs of movies. She didn't pay the money back. My mom's like, Well, you owe me money. You are going to babysit Dao Yin after her school. She's going to come to your video store and do her homework. You have to watch her and make sure she's not gone.

The video store was in Kentucky?

No, in China. So I watched it. I watched the movies and I want to become a Hollywood actress. I just watch movies. But the whole time, I saw Japanese porn because porn is not legal in Vietnam, China. That's right. So there's a little drawer with this little CDs. People just come in and give me the cash. I know I'm giving them the Japanese movie, but I didn't know it was a porn. So I've been selling porn when I was eight. I've been selling porn. I've been blowing up a used condom Balloon condoms.

Balloon condoms. Balloon condoms.

Balloon just got it. They're used, though.

Yeah, they're only used. But wait, but Kentucky is so random.

It's so random. I just want to go to America, and my mother won't help me with applying for schools, so I have to take the test and apply for schools. When the first school gave me an offer was UK. I had some other offer coming in later, but during that time, I can't wait for two more months for the offers. I just want to go to America. I just thought I can go from Kentucky to New York.

Did you do four years?

I did. I dropped out the last six months. You dropped out? Yeah, I just want to leave and come to Hollywood. So I drove my $400 car here.

From Kentucky? Yeah. I thought you never went to New York, though.

I never did. Went to New York.

Yeah, but you ended up here. This is where the dreams are made.

I think so. Yes, I'm here.

Trust me, you're making it happen. Yeah. You're making it happen very well. Kentucky is wild. What was your experience like in the south? Being from China and moving to the south?

I met two friends. They wanted to take me to church. They to make me a Christian, for sure.

They wanted to give you Christianity.

They were nice people. They were sweet and nice people. And they look at me, they are not racist. They just be like, what are you? Because it's not like we are in Seattle or San Francisco. We're in Kentucky. I'm the only Asian person there. So they look at me, they're like, are you a sex robot? Do you do nails? What do you do? Are you okay? Can you see? Can you see? Can you see up and down? How far can you see? Because your eyes are like...

Well, that's in the history of, Oh, say, can you see? That's what we're referring to. Yeah, right? Yeah. Referring to Asians. Yeah. Oh, say, can you see?

I can see fine. I can see. And they also like, What does your name mean? What does your name mean? I said, My name means that princess married to the king, and the other queen wants to poison her when she was pregnant. So she had to really revenge and kill everybody, and then she becomes successful.

All that in Jiao Yang. Yeah.

Did you go You went to frat parties?

Because that's a big culture down there, sports and frat parties.

Yeah, I wasn't popular. When I got there, I was slouching because I've been ugly my whole life in China.

You're not ugly. How are you ugly?

Thank God, I learned to have my confidence. So my booba just came in. So I was slouching. I have acne. I was wearing big glasses. I was just very skinny. I was just hiding in the corner. But I was good at math. I was a math tutor. So the Kentucky basketball team came to get tutored by me because I'm That's interesting.

Did any of those guys hit on you? Any of the Kentucky basketball team?

That's one of the most amazing story has changed my life is one of the guy I tell his name, he was there. I was helping with his homework. And I think that's the day I got contact lenses. I wasn't even trying to be pretty. I was just doing things. And one of my hot friend, a Chinese girl. So she is the rich Chinese girl from China. She's look like a black pink, like the hot Chinese girl, hot Asian girl, white skin, bleached white, skinny, pretty. And she was sitting there and the guy's like, Hey, we have a party to celebrate. We want. What's your number? I was just the- The tutor? Yeah. I was just not even... I don't think he was talking to me. So She's like, My number is blah, blah, blah. He's like, Oh, I'm talking to her. She's like, what?

Take that, bitch.

Yeah. And she kept talking. She's like, What? He's like, yeah, I'm talking to her. She goes, You know that in China, I'm the harder one, right? Because He goes, why is that? She goes, because her skin is so dark and I'm so much wider and prettier. To a black man. You should have beat the shit out of her. She's seeing that to a black man. He just lost his shit. He was, Bitch, goddamn, you're so jealous. I'm dead. He stopped laughing. When I heard that laugh, he laughed so hard. He couldn't catch his breath. He's like, You can come to the party. You can be a plus one. That's great. Hot white girl, whatever. And I'm like, Okay, I'm not ugly anymore. This is a new life now.

That got your confidence It's up.

Yeah, that's my new life. After that, I'm done. I'm done. I just become hot.

That's incredible. That's why I like to like people. All it takes is one Kentucky athlete to tell you you're hot, and then it changes your whole perspective.

And also because I tutor them, so the girls likes me. They are nice to me. The girls, the the girls who don't talk to me, the hot girls, now they're like, they want me so they can get their numbers from me.

Oh, interesting. You became like the king pin to the athletes.

Yeah, the king pin to the...

That's a great movie, by the way.

Yeah, that'll be good.

It's a great movie. You're the Connect. You're the You're the plug, is what we say. You're the plug.

This is the key to the BBC.

The key to the BBC. That's a great movie, by the way.

The key to the BBC.

The key to the BBC. You coming from China, going to an all-American Southern University where it's like white Christian, the Southern good old boys and girls. They wore a lot of frack culture, like sparey shoes and button ups and shit.

Yeah, very.

Did you like the culture down there or no?

I just wanted to be like I just want to have friends, and I was able to make friends.

Did you feel at home there at all?

I ended up having the feeling of feeling at home after I was able to find good friends. Yeah, right. They are for life. I have friends for 15 years from Kentucky. I was in Honalulu, and my best friend from college, she live in Hawaii, and I stayed with her for a week. And she knows me before I spoke English. She knew me when I was very shy. And she saw me playing Blue Notes, and people like me, and she She's so proud of me, but she know everything about me. It's amazing to have friends knowing you from a different life. I've watched your ascension.

Yeah, that is really cool to see.

I felt more like home after I was able to have this group of friends, the FONG family. I found family. I found a family in Kentucky. Kentucky was hilarious, but it was awful. There's something was awful. But finding friends there, it was very sweet.

Did you pick up any of an accent down there? Did you say words that sounded like Southern when you learned English?

My massage whore accent is so strong. It just filters everything out. I I don't know. Nothing can get through. I can't say a Southern accent. What?

Give me. Say, Hey, you all. Hey, you all.

Hey, you all.

That's not bad. Hey, you all. Hey, you all.

Hey, you all. Hey, you all.

You all going to church today.

You all going to church today.

No, it still sounds Chinese.

I'm so Chinese.

It's just great. No, but it's great. But it is funny because if you had a Chinese accent with a Southern twang would be very weird.

That's funny. That's weird.

That's the bit. We have to learn to teach you that before we shoot the movie.

I know.

It'll be funny. You have to have a little Southern drop. Jess, Jess, Jess.

Jess, Jess, Jess, Jess, Jess Wait, did you ever date any Southern boys while you were down there?

Oh my God, I did.

I had a boyfriend. I think he's probably gay now. He was a narcissist. He spent more time in front of the mirror than I do. But he was very pretty, so I did him for my ego.

Little Southern boy?

Yeah, he's a Southern boy. He become a lawyer.

He became a lawyer. Like his daddy? His daddy's daddy was a lawyer to him?

He was a zookeeper, his daddy's daddy. What? Yeah.

You have such a wealth of life that you've lived in such a short amount of time.

I really have.

It's crazy. What's next for you, both in career and life now? What do you want next?

I wanted to finally to really be able to focus on the comedy. So I'm filming my one-hour special on March. Yeah, at Cobs, which is one of my favorite clubs.

I love Cobs. San Francisco is phenomenal. How phenomenal, man. Cobs Comedy Club is so wonderful. And I love San Francisco as a city, as a comedy city. It's incredible. It's just fabulous. You're filming it in March. March what?

March is March 15th and 16th.

But it's 15 and 16. You're doing four shows?

Yeah, the first one, first day is just run a show. The 16th would be the filming.

You guys got to go. If you're out there, by the way, San Francisco Bay Area, go out and see my girl, 15 and 16th, taping her special a Cubs Comedy because that place is such a great club, such great staff, great people, great area, that city. It's wonderful. Where are you putting it out? Do you know?

We have some options, but I'll talk to you later.

We have some options. Fancy girl. You don't need to say anything now.

They need someone who... I'm the The only person who's doing comedy with broken English. That's right. No, there's a couple of other people, but they're not Chinese.

Chinese broken English. Some people are just bad at English. You're Chinese broken English. Do you have a name for the special already?

I want to call it Jau-Yin, the Origin Story because it's like my life.

Jau-yin, Origin Story. The Origin Story. The Origin Story. I like that. You don't want to do Key to the BBC?

I think it's also like, get to know her. So the next time, next special is the Key to the BBC. Got it.

Let them ingrace it yourself. Then let them know you and then really break in. Do you tell any of these stories in your standup?

Yes, I do. It's my life. I think also I saw the scorpions. I'm very excited because I used to sell scorpions when I was in school. Did you really?

Yes. They are very good for direction. What do you mean? When you were in elementary school? They're good for your wiener?

Yes, exactly. The Chinese doctor, they buy scorpions from the village people so they can dry them and powder them up and put it in the medicine. If men need erection, they can drink that powder.

If I want to get hard, I just have to eat a scorpion.

Yes. I I used to do a scorpion business in school. After school, I take the fat boys, big boys, strong boys with me to the mountains. I would take them. I was like 12, something like that. I would just take them with me, a big team will just go to flip the rocks, especially the moist one under the tree, that's where the scorpions stay. And use chopstick and put them in a mazen jar. Then I collect all the scorpions, I sell them, and then I would keep the money and buy those guys fire crackers and candies.

When you were 12 years old, you ran a business when you were 12. You were apt for business.

When I start a company, I'm like, I suck. I don't speak English. I need 10,000 hours. I'm going to buy a club so I can host every day for 10 hours a day until I stop sucking. And that's what should be happening.

By the way, using chips to pick them up is hilarious. I'm sorry, but it couldn't be more scary. That's so Chinese. Why? You wouldn't just use your hands with a glove or something?

They can really... Also, we don't have gloves in China. We make them for you guys, but we are not.

You don't keep any?

No, it's too fancy for us. A chopstick, one chopstick, right? You spit in Use a really skinny blade cut in the middle. Not all the way. This is the chopstick cut all the way here. You open up, you cut something in the top, and you put one piece of wood in the middle. So it's like this. Use a rubber band to tie it up.

Oh, wow. I get it.

Yeah. That's also the chopstick we use for white people because they can't use it.

I can use chopsticks. I know how. Well, that's because I'm friends with enough Asians. I passed enough tests.

Bobby is going to teach you.

He will, actually. And I'm a little better than him. I'll be honest. When we go out, I'm better than him. I can see Bobby like this. His fingers get a little... He's from San Diego. Oh. You know what I mean?

He's not- Yeah, he's San Diego.

You know what I mean? He's not the original. I'm going to grind up a scorpion, and I want to know. Are they as poisonous as China? Because here, I used to live in Arizona. I went to school. I went to College in Arizona. Oh, wow. There are scorpions out there that they'll get in your shoes and stuff. But some of them are super poisonous. Are they poisonous in China or no?

They hurt you, but it's not as poisonous as desert. They're not going to kill you. Yeah, the one in the deserts are monsters.

They'll kill you. Yeah. They can get in your bloodstream. And if the poison is whatever, what Is it rich enough or whatever, depending on the breed, it can stop your heart and kill you.

I think I'll be okay because I eat trash and we have toxic things in the water. In China? The eggs are fake.

Your eggs are fake?

Yeah. I mean, you have money, you can buy real ones, but the eggs are fake. It's chemical.

They're chemically made eggs. They're made in a lab.

Yeah. I don't know how many poison thing I ate. I think my body can really- You could take anything?

Take anything. Yeah. Well, what do you eat now? What's your diet like now?

I eat very healthy, but I can't afford allergy. I don't understand when people have allergy. I'm like, You're just weak. You know deep down, you are weak. If one day there's no fruit, I'm going to die. If there's only peanuts, I'm going to die. No, you'll just eat peanuts.

Just eat it.

Yeah. I was like, It's okay. You're weak. It's okay.

People in China don't have allergies, huh? No. They're not allowed to have allergies. Because if they die, it means they weren't supposed to make it.

I have a sister that she is a really neurotic Jewish girl. And my mom, she would come to my office at my home and she would eat with me. And she said that she She has gluten allergy.

A gluten allergy, right? She has celiac.

So she can eat my mom's noodles. My mom's like, I don't think you have gluten energy. It's an allergy. Whatever it is, you're so fat. Why would you have allergy if you're fat? If you can't eat the noodles, where is this from?

What did she say?

My mom was speaking Chinese, so I had to lie about it.

She didn't hear it. She said she wishes you could eat the noodles.

Yes. Then my mom said, then she won't eat the noodles. My mom saw that. She came with her translator be like, You don't have allergy to gluten. You look so fat. You eat everything.

Is she still your assistant?

No. Yeah. It seems like it wouldn't work. My mom just show that to her. She saw it. She goes, Oh, I see. My mom's like, Good. I don't want you to feel like you're not home because you don't speak the language. You don't understand what I'm talking to.

You're one of us now. Yeah.

She just really honest about it. I don't respect the allergy. If a guy has allergy to things, to the basic things, I I'm not going to put your dick in my mouth if you can't eat a peanut.

If you're allergic to peanuts.

Your penis is not going to be in my mouth. You can't eat a peanut.

Those penis, right. Yeah. Well, this is logic. It's a weakness. At the end of the day, that's logic. Yeah.

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Ginger.

I like ginger. Back it up real fast. You're shooting in March. We don't know where it's going to come out or when it's going to come out, but next year you're going to put it out.

Yes, around the fall.

Are you touring the rest of the year after this or no? Yes. I have No days down for you.

Yeah. Every weekend, I'm- Did the kids come with you ever or no? My son go with me. If I'm close to California, if it's drivable, he will always come with me. I'll take my daughter, too. They went to DC with me, too, when sometimes I can plant things out, but I always try to take them on the road with me. My mom come with us.

That's a great, that's a beautiful family experience, especially because you're a single mother. So you're giving them your world. It's nice for them to see your world.

I feel like because I grew up and my mom, she always slapped me and hit me. But we are still very close because I was always with her. I was always at the restaurant. I was cleaning dishes, listening to her yelling on other people. But I can see her. I know she didn't love me, but I'm a part of her life. She likes you. She likes me. I just always I want them to be around me, even though it's noisy, but they are part of my life. They are happy. I always worked. I cleaned dishes. I was cleaning the bathroom. My job is cleaning bathroom.

You clean the bathroom in the hotel?

In the hotel. I got paid, though.

You got paid for it? I mean, yeah, she actually gave you. So do you pay your kids to come along? Your son's going to start getting paid for those opening spots.

Yes, he got toys. Toys, right. Yes. And then my daughter, she wants to do that, too.

She also wants to be a comedian. Yeah.

They just hold my microphone at home and just competing on who's funnier in front of my mom. Really? Yeah. They really love it.

They That's really beautiful. Are you going to put something about your mom in the special or do you not talk about her on stage?

I talk about her because she's the reason why I'm crazy.

Right. She's crazy.

Yeah. She hit me all the time. When I was growing up, whenever annoying her. I don't blame her. She has raised three children on her own. Her husband's drunk, and she's 19 when she had me. She's a child. She never had her life. Oh, wow.

So your mom's very young.

She's very young. She's 53.

Wow. That's Bobby's age. Yeah. Your mom and Bobby could be a couple. They could be. Is she single?

She She still married to my dad because in Chinese culture, you can't get a divorce. Technically, yeah.

But I mean, she could be single. She could see other people here, right?

She didn't want to because she's a peasant. She's a peasant. She's a communist peasant.

She's a communist peasant.

Her brain is... My friends give me a dildo, and I give it to her. I use a neck massage.

Well, they do feel really good. I mean, that's why I have them at home.

Yeah, she used it on her neck. Wow. I don't know what's wrong with her. She's very crazy. She really is too much.

She's too much, but it's wonderful. Yeah, it's wonderful. It's obviously influenced you to be who you are.

Yeah, she's very straightforward with me. She just tell me what's wrong with me.

But this not having a filter is what helps you be as funny and creative as you are. Yeah, I just think- You tell the truth. You just say what you feel.

Yeah. People just need to chill because they suck. People want something they don't deserve. I'm like, chill. You don't deserve it. Also, I don't think I deserve anything. But if anyone gave me an opportunity, if I have a club date, I'm going to promote the shit I love it. I'm going to make sure it's sold out. I'm going to tip the staff. I'm going to give everybody a merch. I'm just going to... Because they can book anyone else. I want to make sure I make them money. I'm very Chinese. My love language is money. Do I make you money? Let me bring value to you. That's right. I want to bring value to you. If you have dinner with me and your wife, you're going to get a blow job tonight. I'm make sure she's going to do that for you. I don't want to just be like- Can you come over to the house tonight?

Yeah.

I'll just be like, there's a lot of ways. The way to look at the balls. You can put them in your mouth. I can tell her everything.

You need to coach her a little bit. That's I love that. I'd appreciate it.

I'll bring a banana with me. Please. Yeah, for sure.

Well, honestly, I do think that's a great thing you mentioned that I think is very powerful is when you said not entitled because entitlement is a big issue, both in our culture, but especially in our business. People in our business feel entitled. It's really nice to see you gone out of your way to make your own path to not think you deserve something because that happens in our comedy culture. Where it's like, entitlement is like, you don't deserve shit. No one owes you shit. And I grew up with that mentality of, you I'm not going to keep working and getting it because no one's going to give it to you, especially because I look like this. I'm not fucking Brad Pitt. You are handsome. I'm okay. I got to go get it. The phone isn't ringing to be like, Hey, we need you for this thing.

If Brad Pitt married a guy A leprechaun? No, no, the fight club. You're in the middle.

I'm in the middle. I'm somewhere in the middle. Yeah. I'll take half.

You are harder than Edward Norton.

No fucking way. You are harder than him. That guy's so handsome.

No, Brad Pitt is the- Brad Pitt is Norton is like an eight.

I'm seven and a half. I know.

We've done the scale. Norton was a seven and a half. Well, then we're parallel. He's too pointy.

He's too skinny, too thin and sexy.

No, I don't like the rat boy look.

Oh, rat boy summer is over for you?

The Timothée Chamolay. I'll breastfeed him.

You will let him suck on those titties.

Yeah, but I don't want to be a pedophile and fuck him. I don't want to do that to this little boy. I think of, yeah, I want Norton's This is like a two pointy.

Two pointy.

So you are more handsome than him. God bless. I love you.

Because you have this divine goal. Don't do this to me. You're going to make me move to China.

Starting to fall in love. Yeah, you're just being white. They love you. I know.

I know. All right, listen, I appreciate you coming on the show. You are the greatest. I think all of my fans out there, you want to support great live comedy, someone who is wonderfully entertaining, great energy, so funny, a great presence. Go see her on tour. What's your website? Is just your name?

Summerscomedy.

Com. Summer'scomedy. Com. We'll put the link in the description down below. Go see her taping. If it's not sold out, I don't know what's going on in San Francisco, but if it's not already sold out, there's four shows available at Cubs to go watch her and go look at her website to see all of her upcoming dates. She's on tour. I appreciate you. We end the episode the same way. Look into that camera right there and you say one word or one phrase to end the episode. One word or a phrase to end the episode whenever you're ready.

Whisky, ginger, motherfucker. In here, we pour whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey, whiskey.