Transcript of #3177 Vanderpump Rules S12E07: Eyebrows in the Attic

Well, hello, and welcome to Watch What Crap ends, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker. Joining me today is the hilarious and lovely Roni Karem. Hi, Roni. How's it going?

Hi. How are you, Ben?

I am great. We are here to talk some Van de Bump Rules. The very funny Cliffhanger. An amazing cliffhanger. I think something we've really not seen before. But before we dive into that, the crappies are coming up the end of next month, February. February 27th, Night of a Thousand Laps and Stars. We are giving out awards to the best and worst Bravo from the past year. We can't wait to do it, and we want you to be part of it. There will be some voting that will be starting up very, very soon, early February. In the meantime, we're gathering information, so keep an eye and ear out for any time we're calling for memories of what happened, favorite moments, favorite quotes, things like that. You can get tickets by going to watchworkrappons. Com. Ticket links there also on our social media at watchworkrappons. You can also join us on Patreon, just because you should join us on Patreon. We have Krappins On Demand where you can watch us. We also have weekly bonus episodes. We are covering The Trader's. I cannot wait. Tomorrow night, I am counting down the seconds until the next episode. I'm fired up.

I have a lot of things to say. Join us on Patreon, patreon. Com/watchwherekrappins. Com. Watch what crap ends. Also, a new feature on Patreon is that you can listen to this podcast ad-free. If that is something that is interesting to you or appealing, go check that out. But that's really it for the big announcement. Today, we're getting into episode 7. I can't believe we're already on the seventh episode of Van der Pump Rules. It looks like we're here at the cast trip. I think this is the main cast trip. I'm sure they're only getting one trip because it's probably a tester season to see if this show will get to come back. I hope it does. I really like it. But what's say you, Roni? How'd you feel about this episode?

Good. I think it's always so funny. I love this show. It's so funny. So let's get going on with it. We've got Venus walking his dogs in Winetka. One's in a backpack because he's a gay. You're not really a gay in LA, even in Winetka, unless you've got a dog in a backpack at some point in your life. It's required. Then in another example of, Are these two just cousins or are they fucking each other? We go over to Jason and Chris at their apartment, and Chris is like, Hey, you want me to film you making a dirty little milkshake? He's like, Yeah, film it. Yeah, let's make this milkshake. Yeah, I need my protein. Oh, yeah, get your protein on. Don't worry, it's going to make you shit your pants at the gym. I'm like, Okay, you guys, just fuck on it. Just fuck.

Just fuck. Just do it. Jason's like, Welcome to the crib. Today, we're making a protein shake. Chris. To all those people who are supporting their OnlyFans get excited for that great content.

Coming up later today, Should I do it in one gulp? Yeah, you should.

Then Jason's like, Yeah, and this is how you We will shit your pants at the gym. Don't squat too deep. Then they laugh, and we go over to Natalie's apartment, and she's moving her sectional around. I'm very impressed. Once I put a sectional together, that thing I do not touch until I have to ever move. She is taking it apart to vacuum under it. She's like, Oh, my God, look at this. What's under here? What's under this fucking couch? Oh, my God, it's a tea. Oh, my God, it's a tea bag. I mean, finding a pen cap, finding coins, whatever dog here, but it has a tea bag get under there? It's like a full unused tea bag. Oh, my God, it's a tea. That means that someone was drinking tea and was like, They did not know what happened to their tea bag. There's a story behind that.

I think the tea bag belongs in the previous scene. They're blending the characters too much. Then we go to Guillermo, and he's cleaning the restaurant, which is hilarious because we've all been to the restaurant and we know it's not clean. He's cleaning some glass, and Lisa's there, and she's like, Oh, give it to me. If you want a job done properly, do it yourself. Look at this. I'm just doing this in the air, but look at Roscio's hand actually moving against the glass as I do it. This is the new trick I learn. Magic.

A controller. A bunch of liquor boxes came in and she's like, Okay, well, I'm not helping you with that. I'm going to put my back out if I touch these boxes. Oh, look at this bottle. I was thinking this sounds really good. Strawberry lemonade in a bottle. But then I see it's got I have vodka in it. I was going to have some. Isn't that naughty? Vodka, strawberry, lemonade. By the way, why do you have boxed or bottled vodka, strawberry, lemonade? I feel like at a restaurant, I feel like you should have your fresh lemonade and then your strawberry. You should be making all that and adding in the vodka, but she's just getting it in a bottle, pre-made. I was like, Oh.

I'm impressed that she has anything that's not named Vanderpump in her restaurant because I went to Tom Tom and we were ordering some wine, and they only have Vanderpump wine. You can't order anything else. I was impressed. I was impressed that she opened up the floor. She's like, All right, Guillermo, let's get down to brass taxes. That's where you pay taxes in brass. Go for it, big boy. It's like, I don't have any money. That's right, because you work for me. Let's talk about the 20th anniversary of Pumpe. I'm going to do a magic trick. I'm going to take off four years of the restaurant that you owned before I came in here and took it over and made it a decent place to get goochies and bananas at happy hour. It's a 20th anniversary now. Years erased magic.

When we came to the United States to get our visas, I'll never forget Ken and I arriving in a wagon being pulled by a sad donkey. I had a ball gown tied up in a bindle behind me and wearing a straw hat and just trying to make a dime here, there. We pulled up our wagon to the Abbey and we looked here and we said, Please, please, will you give us gainful employment? Surely you have need for a magician's smoke bomb flares. And I emerged in that gown that was previously bindled. And it turned out the wagon was pulled by a donkey was merely a Mercedes with Pandy in the back seat. And they said, We will hire you, except we're not hiring right now. Go down the road. There's a restaurant called Sir, and that's where we went.

I love her. Well, at first we looked at the Abbey. Well, okay. Well, there's your first business mistake because that place is making a zillion dollars a day still, probably. It's like, Damn, Chaperone, you chose wrong.

You chose wrong.

They got the little shit, Whole Name Sir, and she met Guillermo. Do you think Sir still stood for sexy, unique restaurant, or do you think that was a Lisa thing? She's like, It was-Oh, sir, we shall change the meaning instead of, So you are Guillermo. Let's call it sexy, unique restaurant.

I feel like it was originally called, sir, because it probably was the French word, Sir, which I believe means on, if my French presidency does not betray me. But I just feel like it was not Sexy Unique Restaurant. I feel like it was just French or whatever it was. It just was not what it was. I think Lisa was like, Oh, we don't want to change the signage, but here's what we do. We make it stand for something new, Sexy Unique Restaurant. We've just gotten so used to the fact that it's called Sexy Unique Restaurant that I think we've forgotten how utterly batshit crazy it is to call a restaurant that. An acronym of sexy. This restaurant is called Sexy Unique Restaurant. That is one of the craziest things you could ever call a restaurant, and we're just so immune to it now.

It's just so Lisa. I remember when they had that behind the show thing about Beverly Hills, the behind the scenes thing about season one, and they were saying that Lisa was insisting that if she comes on the show, her name had to be Pinky. She didn't want to go by her real She had to be Pinky. They're like, No, that's not going to work, lady.

She's a kook.

He's like, Oh, I'm so grateful, Lisa. So grateful that we could have this restaurant together. She's like, Oh, grateful to you, too, darling. It's a partnership. We couldn't have done it without each other. Now, get back to moving all the boxes and cleaning everything. I don't really work here.

I know, right? By the way, in this little sequence, we do see some photos from 1999, which was crazy. Like, young Guillermo, young Natalie, in the wild. Lisa's like, Well, I would like to talk to you about one more thing. Well, so we've got to reschedule some of the staff a little bit because I'm taking group to Paso Robles because they've got a women in wine event, and I want to pour some women into some wine. Dunk tank. I love them so much.

I just need to bring a bunch of men as well because unfortunately, the women are trapped in wine bottles and we need big, strong hands to get them out.

Women in wine, or as they like to call it, weuh.

Weuh.

The We You is a very important organization. To be the the women in wine of the euros, the We You is very exciting. I don't know. Sometimes when they line us all up, it's We You are and We You are, and then someone starts singing in the jungle, the mighty jungle, and it just goes from there. It's so fun.

Anyway, that's something-I don't know why I feel such anxiety Maybe because I'm bringing my staff.

As we are, it's very important that they represent me properly. Then we see a flashback. She's like, I don't know why I feel anxiety about bringing them. We see a flashback. Now, I'll be like, You're a bitch to me all the time. I was a bitch one night. Now you're a bitch to me all the time. Hey, hold on one second. I don't know what you're doing right now, but stop it. Stop it. Don't act like this. Otherwise, you'll be fired.

And another clip of Angelika being like, He's got an only dance. He uses a penis pump. Do you even know what that is? She's like, What? What will we think? She's like, All they need to do a serve and pour. I mean, how difficult can it be? I don't know. You might want to look at your service ratings on the help.

I know. Seriously.

It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crap and commercial.

She's going to have Guillermo sort out that wine. Now we go to Lake Hollywood Park, and Marcus and Kim are working out. God, I love these love birds. I love a forever couple doing forever couple things. They're working out at the Hollywood like, Lake Hollywood Park, which was fine. And Kim is like, Oh, my God, let's jump rope. This is terrible. Oh, my God. And they're trying to work out. And Marcus is like, Oh, maybe the grass isn't the way to go. And he's like, Oh, man, I feel the Tito is dripping out of my forehead right now, right? Huh? So now they sit down to properly start their scene. And he's like, Oh, man, I slept for two seconds last night. I'm surprised I even got up to come here. Are you pissed at me?

Oh, guys. So this scene is basically him going, Yeah, I was yelling at you for no reason last night, just starting shit to give something to our relationship. Hope you're not mad. And she's like, Oh, my God. I just want to trust him, but then he just starts off fighting it. I just don't know what I'm going to do. He was upset. But now we're back He says that subconsciously, maybe he is pushing Kimberly away because he'd been drinking. He was a cousin-cousin, guys. He wanted a big reaction that night. You know why? Because he's toxic. Then he winks. He's like, You know what I mean? Yeah. I love that toxicity.

Then Kim is telling us, I've done all the right... She tells him, I've done all the right things to make you feel like I'm your complete ride or die. When things like that happen, it makes me feel like there's nothing else I can do. I'm like, That's correct. Therefore, you should leave him. End of story. But she tells us, Marcus has been given really shitty cards from the universe because of everything. He lost his parents. He wound up dating me. I mean, really shitty cards. I'm just never going to be there for you. I'm never not going to be there during the worst time of your life. I will be there for you, and then I'll also complain at the same time.

There's never a time I'm not going to be there for you in the worst time of your life, except when you piss me off and I say things like, I'm not going to be there for his parents being dead. I'm sick of it. He I'm like, I'm going to go over there and he can worry about himself and see what it's like to have me.

She's like- Yeah. I've seen all the great amazing sides of him, and it's really hard when all the bad sides are just thrust on me. Of course, he has nothing but bad sides, but that's okay. I'm never going to abandon him until later today.

Yeah. He's like, Oh, God, sometimes I can be a little bitch, babe. She's like, I forgive you. Remember you were a bitch when I ate your last goat cheese ball and you'll just not talk to me for 20 minutes? Okay, but that's That was stupid. The other thing that he started a fight over was not valid. That was stupid. But you take my last goat cheese balls, you're going to get a gift, and it's going to be a bus ticket to somewhere far away. It's going to be one way because I will never speak to you again.

Yeah. Then we go to the beach, Paris Beach Cafe, specifically, because now Shane Davis is meeting with Angela, and he's like, Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Good to see you. She's like, Oh, my God.

It's so good to see you.

I'm going to need you to take charge and order something for me because I'm a girl with a broken back. Which, by the way, did you not get any... You got X-rays. Are we just not going to find out what happened to your back? Hello? I've been waiting all week.

Yeah, MRI mystery not solved. He's like, Yeah, you know what I like about Angelika? She's hitting the gym. You can see it. Yeah, that's what I like. I like that she works out. She's a quad mommy. She has a nice little waist, looking bad as fuck, beautiful skin. She's She's probably not so smart. I mean, I don't fucking know, but maybe.

They're like, Yeah, she's probably really smart. I cut to her walking in the sand in her boots that she wore to the beach. Then she's like, I was hoping you'd be in a bikini for the beach for a second, but I guess not. She's like, Sorry. She's like, Yeah, but you got this cute ass outfit on. I really like it a lot. Okay, let me ask you, how are you feeling about Rath last night right now? Okay.

She talks about Audrey and it didn't end the way she wanted it to. Honestly, I adore her. And he's like, Yeah, you guys are going to be friends. This is all going to be fucking behind us. I mean, somebody's got to be the bigger person. Maybe may as well be you, my rock. Got your ass. Hey, be the person with a better ass. How come nobody ever says that? How can I be the bigger person?

I'm only 5, too. I'm petite with a broken back, so now I'm down to 5,1. And he's like, Yeah, but I think you're that person. I'm going I'm going to be honest, okay? I mean, her apology game needs a little work, but Angelika, she's a musician, and I'm just like, Damn, I can see this is going to involve a little bit. That was me laughing to music because she's a musician.

She is going to try it, okay? She's going to try and make makeup for everything with what's her face. She's like, Yeah, he's objectively my time, but I'm looking for the chase, something exciting that's going to be fun. Well, you need to run, though. That's how the chase works.

You can't run if you got a broken back.

You can't. You want to run? Sure. Run, girl. If you want to chase, run, She's like, Girl.

Did you not notice that her torso is not even attached to her legs anymore? It's horrifying what happened to her.

She's moving herself on a little cart with rollers. She's like, Well, I mean, you bring a new girl in every week. I was like, Okay. He goes, Nobody in my family is monogamous. They're ethically non-monogamous, though. If that makes any sense. We don't kill cows while we fuck other girls.

No. Yeah. We don't inject any hormones while we don't. You inject any girls. We are fucking lots of people. She was like, So you're not monogamous? I was like, I know. I don't think so. I haven't been in a relationship in five years. Ever since I was shot, I haven't been in a relationship since about six years after that show. I just don't do relationships. She's like, Okay, well, I'm glad you're telling me those now. He's like, Okay, well, what's on your list? Number one, number two, number three, priorities. What to do? What to do? Tell me about your priorities. What to do?

She's like, Well, monogamy. He goes, Okay. He goes, Well, we're fucking that up already. She goes, Yeah, I don't know if I have the ability to change his mind about monogamy, but I'm willing to try. Sometimes all it takes is the right I'm not going to date a person. I'm like, Oh, God, no. Don't fall into the… He'll change for me. No, he won't. He won't even make change for you. No.

Imagine if he's just talking about monograms, he got confused. Yeah, I don't like anything in my cuff. I'm non-monogamous. That's just the way I roll. She's like, I really want intelligence and a good credit score. I'm like, Okay, so none of that seems to be at this table between the two of you.

You're just not going to date anyone on this cast.

What are you doing on this show?

He goes, Okay, well, what's four, five, six? I mean, somewhere. I got to be on this list somewhere. She goes, Okay, do you know how to operate a laundry machine? He goes, Oh, got one in my house.

Yes, there we go. There we go. Okay, what to do? Laundry machine in the house. Guess what? I got a GE… Oh, it's from the monogram collection. That just worked out real well right there.

Okay, so you want them now? Not to be disgusting. Great. I got that one going. I was just going to say, there's no food in your teeth right now. She goes, Thank you. So you want to kiss? Let's kiss. She goes, Oh, my God. If you want to kiss, just kiss me. Okay.

Consentus for contracts.

What are you-Sorry, that's his kiss and noise. They kiss, and it's really awkward. Then he pulls- He's leaning over the beach chair, so it's really awkward.

Then he pulls out, and he's like, well, he pulls out of the kiss, I should say, and he goes, That was fucking chic. She's like, You're like a five-year-old. Yeah, but I want a little bit more, though. They kiss again, and they're just totally annoying.

Now we go to this 20th anniversary party. I call it an anniversary because it's a lie. It's a lie of an anniversary. Demi's there, and she's I need Marga's. I need Marga's right now. She's like, What do you need? She goes, I need more of this stuff. So grab it yourself. She's like, Oh, yeah. All of a sudden… No, Angelika comes. It's just everybody coming to work, talking about the weather. Angelika's like, Oh, my God. All of a sudden, the weather acts right and I have to work.

Everyone, everyone, are we ready for tonight? It's going to be a who's who of who, who? And that's your going to serve more lots of views. I'm a weehoo, so be good, she says. Every time I say, So it's been open for 20 years, I get a shiver down my spine and I realize it's just the flaps of air coming from Ginn's wig, blowing on my back. 20 bloody years, it's time to toot our horn. Let's have a bloody good party.

And so Natalie's like, Guillermo posted that 'sir' was open in 1998, which is the year I was born. So if this is the Sur 20th anniversary, and I'm 20 years old. Can somebody let me know? It's like, What?

It turns out it's actually the 26th anniversary of Sur, but Lisa at Sir has only been 20 years. Guys, it's been figured out. Oh, my God. Hey Lisa, it's Demi. Can I talk to you? Yes, of course. What's going on? Well, we need to talk about something very important, okay? Why do you look so perturbed? There's 60 people coming right now. No, that's going to be great.

It's just my face.

Yeah, I'm resting perturbed face. I thought you knew that by now. Yeah.

Well, I don't think anything's fun right now, is it? She's just, No, it's not fine. Well, what's wrong? You're going to get to it. My time is very, very expensive. I've got a bunch of people no one's ever seen or heard from before coming to this restaurant any moment to get free goat cheese bowls. Okay, so go ahead. Okay, well, I'm in work mode now. Talk. Okay, well, yeah. It's a restaurant. Do you have something to say to me? Just say what you've got to say to me, woman. She's like, Okay. Well, last night I was off, but my phone was blowing up because Jason didn't show up to a shift.

He didn't show up. By the way, who is Jason? Well, he was scheduled and he didn't show up to his chef. Like I said. Well, what I hate is when somebody doesn't show up, they leave a short staff just because they're picking around, and we're not going to have that whatsoever. However, Jason is one of the best waiters in all of Los Angeles. What am I to do? I can't just fire him.

Wait a minute, Jason's the little tiny one. Oh, so you're saying we were short staffed by the short staff? Get it! Get him over here. I want to talk to him. I'm going to tell him if you can't play by the rules, expect a spinoff and a raise, Mister.

If you can't play by the rules, then enjoy having an all-expense paid vacation to Paso Robles, sir. For real?

Chris is He's talking to Audrey. He's like, Oh, my God, you got so much sun. She's like, Yeah. He's like, Yeah, I'm going to be working in the back. She's like, Yeah, I'm glad you. He goes, Yeah, you better because you didn't find me last time. So you know what? I'm going to be really upset if I don't see that face.

So So, Audrey, kiss his Chris. And then, Kim is like, Oh, my God, your Scarlett Johansson here is really Scarlett Johansson-ing today. Hold on. Can I talk to you here for a second? Stay the fuck away from my man, Scarlett Johansson, okay? He's not yours. Okay, I'm talking to you again. You look great.

Fucking, Kim. I like that Kim's in movie star mode today because she calls her Scarlett Johansson. And earlier, she's like, Do you like my sunglasses? They're totally giving JLo. Yeah. Lisa's like, All right, everyone, settle down. This is a big moment for us, everybody. We're going to be co-hosting WeWa, the women in wine event in Pasarogles. I'm going to take some of you, the very, very lucky few. We're going to have fun. We're celebrating women trapped in wine models. Sort of depressing, sure. How did they get oxygen? Nobody knew.

But it's a beguiling event full of mystery and magic. Come join. Then Lisa goes, well, and so Chris laughs because she says, Do you guys all understand me? Everyone goes, Yes. Chris laughs. I don't know, he just laughs. What? It's not funny. Do I look like I'm laughing about little ladies trapped in glass bottles, drowning in rosé? It's a terrible thing. Terrible, Well, and you know I'm hearing good things about you, but not so good things about your other half. That was a pivot. I bet you thought, When I said I'm hearing good things, that would be a compliment. But instead, it was a diss on the little one. Where is he? Bring him to me.

He was like, I don't know. She was, Isn't he on shift? He's supposed to be on shift. No, he's not here till 6: 30. She goes, Oh, all right, about 6: 30. Well, so Jason didn't show up. Is that what you're saying? Is that what you're saying? She's like, Is 6: 30 right now. Oh, well, I'll deal with him when it's not 6: 30. You see his little face pop up behind.

He's like, Hey, hi. It's where's Jason? Where's Jason? He didn't come in yet. What? He's late? No, he's supposed to get in here at 6: 30. Oh, okay. But it's 6: 30 now. Oh, well, then I'll talk to him later. I'll talk to him after. It's actually hilarious seeing it back. When I watched, I thought nothing of it, but reading it back, that sequence is amazing. There you are. Nice of you to grace us with your presence. At least I think that's your presence. I only can see the tips of your little spiky head. Oh, adorable. Anyway, what's your excuse? Let me guess. Make it out with your cousin again. That was a joke. We'll talk about it in a minute, a little bit later, but not soon.

I'd like an excuse for you being on time tonight, Mister. Think it over.

We'll talk a little bit after a few minutes, but before several minutes. Anywho, let's make sure everybody has a really good time. 20 years is something you should be proud Of course, that is also the time when you start getting old and decrepit. Anyway, good luck.

All right, eyebrow ass, get over here. So he's like, Yes, Lisa. What's going on with you, little one? Please move your eyebrows back so I can make sure you have... Okay, you do have eyes. Okay, great. Now, turn around. I'll just talk to your ass. He's like, Okay, well, yesterday, think very carefully before you speak because I am not happy. I'm holding a gold watch to put around your wrist right now, Mr..

Jason's like, So I texted… You don't have to literally think carefully. Just say the sentence. Okay. I texted Demi yesterday, and I just didn't know how the schedule system worked. I'm technically not good with that stuff. I don't really understand computers. I was pre-med in school, but by pre-med, it was like I was learning about the Mediterranean, but I was hoping to be... It was before I learned about the Mediterranean. I'm just trying to figure on computers. It's confusing.

Pre-med? So if Jason wanted to be a doctor, how would he have organized everything? I mean, was he the doctor that didn't show where his patients were and didn't know what leg was supposed to be chopped off? What if he chopped off the wrong leg?

The answer is actually yes to all those things. He is exactly that. Would have been that doctor.

Listen, being pre-med is not the same thing as being mad. It's a path, but it's a path he fell off of, or was pushed off of, or was fucked off of, really. Or fucked up. He was probably fucked a lot on the path. He's not on the path anymore. Let's get over it.

When you signed up for that major, he's like, Hey, guys, just signed up for premed. Like, What? Premed? When you got premed, that's premed. That's premed.

Oh, That's when I precumb all over your face on the internet. Oh, yeah, that's not what we do in this class.

That's not what pre-med is.

I feel like opening up a frog. He's like, Do I fuck that? No, no, no.

I feel like I'm about to cream all over it. I'm I'm premed. Okay, that was a terrible story. Why did you tell that to me when I'm trying to teach you something? Do you want to keep working here, Jason? Yeah. I love it.

I love it here.

Yeah, absolutely. You're smiling, though. You're smiling smiling.

Because you're charming. That's why.

I'm so defenseless to male charm. I can't help it. Well, guess what? I'm not smiling right now on the outside, on the inside. To bits.

Listen here, buddy, you can't charm me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I don't know where that came from. You better get a work. What's happening to me? It's so not charmed. She's very charmed. She's like, All right, Mister, next time we're doing this on my lap. Do you understand?

Then they're getting ready for this party, and Marcus is in the kitchen, and he and Demi are going over some stuff, and she asked him to do something, and he's like, By the way, stupid question. Do you want me to go get the pink bar to get some waters? Whatever. She's like, Yeah, do whatever you need. Okay. She's like, Fill up these waters. The point is that after they have this discussion of like, Hey, can you do this for me? Can you do that? Okay, fill it up. Okay, cool. All right. Then she leaves and he goes, Okay, love you. He says, I love you to Demi. She goes, I'm not saying it back, Marcus. He's like, No, say it back. It's like funny banter. But of course, Natalie there is like, Okay, so Kim doesn't get mad if you guys say I love you, but I literally say I love you, and I'm the worst person in the world who can sing really great. That's so fucked up.

It's like, whatever, you're a shit head. She goes, Yeah, I'm not a shit head. I'm just real. Yeah, so take that. Your shit head. So he's like, whatever. So now Jason is... This is a major plot point, by the way.

That's why we stopped to really spell that out because it changes everything.

Yeah. Jason was talking to Venus, and he's asking for help with the menu. And Venus goes, Yeah, which menu? And he goes, The whole one. He's like, Yeah, I need to prove to people that I'm not just some OnlyFans kid. They think I'm not a real worker. I'm just a pretty face and stupid. No, I actually look up to Lisa, and I care about what she thinks about me, and I'm a pretty face, and I'm stupid. A lot of things can be true at one time. I'm premed.

Listen, Jason, we know that you look up to Lisa. We literally can see it. It's right on our screen.

Get higher shoes. What do you want from me?

So, Venus is like, Okay, well, okay, Jason. Well, we can talk about the menu. So what would you recommend as an advertiser? Honestly, cheeseballs. Goat cheeseballs. It's called Goat Cheeseballs. And why would you recommend them? Because you can play baseball. Okay, they're not real balls like that. Okay, they're made of goat cheese. Oh, okay. Yeah.

Well, they hold a lot of cum. No, they're goat cheese balls. They hold a lot of goat cum. No, come on, man. You don't even have to know anything. You don't have to know nothing about goat cheese balls. I mean, people don't even work here to have to know that our goat cheese balls are the most popular item on the menu. I mean, Jason needs to be He hit it in American history. And by the way, Venus is now in his testimonial wearing no shirt and a fur, a faux fur vest. I can't have a fucking guy.

It's so funny. Jason's like, Well, instead of me explaining what I would say about the cheeseballs, what would you say about them? And so Venus is like, They're the most popular thing on the menu, and everyone's obsessed with the goat cheeseballs. They're so good. I can eat 40 of them. Okay, cool. That's the shit I say. They get to it. So then we go- By the way, they're liars on this show.

They show goat cheese balls while they're talking about them. They show an order of goat cheese balls, and there's six goat cheese balls. They look gorgeous. That's not how they are. They come with three, and they're It was $17. Come on. But it was the past app version. I see it for you.

It was the past app version. It was a tray. It was the past app version.

Show me a real version of what I get for $9 million. No, seriously. Fucking cheaters. Don't go for Happy Hour because they change it. You can't get goat cheese balls at Happy Hour. They make them goat cheese empanadas. You have to come back for dinner to get the bowls international.

So Angelika is at the front and talking to Kim, and she's like, Oh, my God. I went on a date with Shane earlier, and I came in feeling Haley Bieber next to Justin Bieber, just completely dressed up, and he came in in sweats. I was like, What part of Shane Davis said he was going to come in in anything other than sweats? She's like, I mean, it was really cute. We just got to know each other, and I just feel like every time I talk to him, I just feel like I have so much to talk to him about. He has a washing machine. Did you know that? That's so adult.

And Audrey's standing there while she's talking to Kim, and she's just looking around, giving She's like, I'd rather poke my eyes out with Sporx than work with Angelica right now. And Kim's like, Oh, my God, that's exciting. These sunglasses are JLo, right? Do you think you're going to go out again?

Sorry, I just have to say I love that we've gotten back to for our waiters on this show because not even in their theoreticals can they afford proper silverware? I'm going to gouge my eyes out with sporks.

She's taking the free shit they give you at the Whole Foods.

I'm going to down my eye with theHow am I supposed to eat with this thing?

They're like, Here's a little wooden spork. Good luck. Good luck with that.

She can't even dream of a possibility where she could hold just actual real silverware to gouge her eyes out with. Commercials. Here comes one right now. So Kim's like, Yeah, JLo, sunglasses. That's me, JLo, Gorka. So Audrey is like, I think that Shane should actually run for the hills if he knew what was good for him. Basically, He's not in a story about getting into a model fight where he got shot five times. I don't think he knows what's good for him, but that's okay.

He doesn't know how to run.

And there's that, too. Audrey was like, I know he's thinking with his little packer right now, but he could like, woodpack, pack, pack somewhere else, right? Sporks. They don't have a spork. I really could use a free spork.

Yeah. Audrey will get better, maybe. She's like, Yeah, I don't have a lot of trust for Angelika. Yeah. And Angelika is like, Am I invisible? Because I start with 100 people giving them my full trust. Oh, no. She's like, Yeah, am I invisible? Because I'm standing right here. And Audrey says, I start at 100 with people, and I give them my full trust, but then when it's broken, I distance myself. That's it. That's it. So I'm distant now. Take it. Take it. You know what? Take it while we're a foot away from each other, having to work with each other at the hostess stand. Enjoy this close distance you're about to get from me.

And Angelika tells us, Usually people have the courtesy to shit talk you behind your back, not when you're standing right in front of them. So Audrey was like, Yeah.

Yeah, because Audrey does this thing where she moves right in front of Angelika, and she's like, Yeah, I don't really trust Angelika. She's like, I'm still here. So.

You didn't recognize you got broken back. Sorry. So Audrey tells us, I like my friends. I like my Prada. Unreachable. Oh, I mean, real.

Yeah. Yeah, I was going to say. My friends, I got my Prada. Non-existent?

Something I've never had before. I've never had friends. Borrowed?

You into borrowed friends? What the hell? Stolen? I still all of my friends.

Something I've seen on TV. So there's Jack- So, Marcus- I just want to say for this party, I love that there was no one from the original show at this party who ostensibly kept this restaurant in business. And B, I like that they were playing jazz. This is a classic establishment. We invited the Europeans. Martin is here somewhere. Play the jazz.

But it's jazz played by 12-year Like, they show, and this was really funny, too. They showed this little kid walking in with drums. He's like, When do I set up? He was like, Who took you off the street? Call your mother. They all looked like they were stolen from Max's music school in Hollywood. They probably were. They were just like, Hi, we're here to play some jazz. All right, darling. His third chair in his junior high, darling. Very, very good.

Tamara's daughter's there. Just because she's like, I wrote a song about eating people. Good. How about you change the lyrics to be about goat cheese balls? Get in the lineup.

Within the person was a goat cheese empanada.

You're hired. I'm taking you to wee-whoo.

Wee-whoo.

Have you ever, young lady, young tamer's daughter, have you ever considered putting yourself into a wine barter so I could save you?

Hey, Kimberly, can I get a couple of drink menus? I'm going to take him to this little desk over there. Marcus is just being nice to his girlfriend. Now, you just said that nobody who made Sir Was A Success was here, and I'm here to prove you wrong because he is here and his name is Peter. Peter. He looks like meatloaf now. Peter's and he's like, Hey.

The singer or the cuisine, or both.

If meatloaf and meatloaf had a baby and got Jérôme Depardieu's hair.

Rip. Rip, meatloaf, and RIP, whatever, meatloaf, meatloaf, meatloaf with.

And never RIP to something that will never die, meatloaf.

He'll do anything for love, but he won't do that. He has boundaries. He has boundaries. He will not conceive of Peter. He's like, Oh, Lisa, how are you doing?

She's like, Oh, 20 years, Peter. I see it all over your face. He's like, I've been here since 2008.

Yes, I know. I've been almost dragged to so many film festivals where you played a scientific fiction character. Didn't like that.

It's funny. It's funny. You showed up when you were just in diapers, and you also showed up when Ken was just starting with diapers. God, circles, am I right?

I think I used to change your diapers, and I would say, someday you'll grow up and marry Pandy. Anyway, so Ken… Then Ken's like, Are you planning to get rid of him, babe? No, no, no, no, no. Peter, he's perfect. He spotted the furniture, the establishment, which is so funny. She's basically like, No, he's basically a chair, and not one of the chairs that we burned down and got insurance chairs. Remember there was that thing where it's like, We need to get new chairs because the other were burned.

Some of the chairs were burned or they were stolen. Lisa Vannerpump has had a hundred fires. There's always a fire around Lisa Vannerpump. Somehow, no one knows how it keeps happening, but it does.

She just had to bring in a lady, I remember to reupholster the chairs. Like, Oh, the chairs are fixed. Now, reupholster Peter, he's basically a chair.

Reupholster the chairs with the skin that Peter shed last week. Marcus and Kim are talking, and he's like, Whoa, babe, a little snippiness just came my way because Demi was bitching and moaning about me putting waters out. I was like, I love you, and she's like, I love you, too. Then Natalie walks by and she goes, Oh, so Kimberly is okay with you guys telling each other that you love each other. And Kim's like, Oh, my God, what is wrong with her?

The truth is that like Kim… I mean, Natalie had a fair logical point on that one. Marcus is so ridiculous going over to Kim to immediately rat out Natalie and then to just inflame the two of them. This guy loves having the women fight over him. So he's like, Well, Kimberly is like a CIA agent. So if I come home and I hadn't told her something that happened, she'd smell it on me. I'm like, Well, how about you date someone where you don't have such a relationship built on suspicion where you have to worry about these things?

Yeah, maybe stop lying.

Don't lie?

That way, your girlfriend is not paranoid all the time.

How about you guys just both never talk to each other again?

But he just wants to get her mad, and it works. She falls for the bait. She's like, Oh, my God. Literally an obsession, and I don't want to tell her. I'm going to tell her. She needs to stop. You know what? I'm going to tell her right now. He's like, Now? She's like, Yeah. He goes, Uh-oh. So she marches up and what's her buzz? Natalie is behind the bar, and Kim's like, Hi, I know you're busy, so I'm going to tell you this now. Enough is enough.

Whoa. Got the gifts ready. Enough is enough.

You just got J-lo. You just got J-lo. I She said, Two J-lo movies in one sentence.

I don't care about the floss that she got. She's like, What? It's oral B. She's like, Enough is enough. She's like, What? Stop talking about me and Marcus's relationship. Stop sending jabs. Why do you care so much? I literally don't care. I'm just making observations. It's like, Markus, what the fuck are you doing? Running to Kimberly, setting off a bomb? When honestly, if you have a brain, you should see that the situation that's been going on for weeks and weeks has been recognized that you were making it so much worse. Like, what?

Yeah, because you come over here and I'm working in. I'm like, You're upset for no reason. And it's like, Oh, yeah? Well, to tell you to shut the fuck up. That's why I'm here. So you look like an idiot, and you look like you're obsessed with my relationship. She's like, Oh, okay. That's your opinion. Whatever. She's like, Yeah, that is my opinion. You dumb bitch. And then Lisa over here said, Girls, girls, girls. We've got children on instruments. We're paying them 13 cents an hour. Please, please have some respect. Sir is 20 years old.

Well, I asked her not to be in the bar, and can she go back to the host stand and leave me alone? Because I'm in the bar and I'm about to sing a song. Do you want to hear it? It goes like this? It's a really good song, and she's ruining it right now. Get her to leave.

Yeah, well, then stop talking about everybody else, and don't touch me, and don't push me out. She'll be, You're in my section. She's, Yeah, well, I'm not in your section. Yes, you are. Lisa here, Lisa here. Please, please, you're not doing this now. Please, not on this very important day for the guy who twirls a subway sign down the street just came in. He's a celebrity.

I have a man over there with a hair of Liza Minnelli holding a tiny dog, and we do not want to offend him, so please go back to your stations. And Kim goes, You know what? I'm going to be professional. I love that. I love Kim, who marched over here to start to complain, is now going to be like, You know what? I'll be the professional, the two of us. You're the one who is being ridiculous.

Oh, God. And you are accosting her at her station, which she can't leave because it's a little jail cell. It's a bar.

It's like the little lemonade stand bar that they have in the middle of the restaurant. Lisa's like, Okay, I'll tell her. She's like, So now tell her. Tell her that people can hear her. I am telling you right now, and I'll tell her later.

Why are you telling her that? Why are you telling her that? If you're telling You're going to tell me? Why tell her?

I'll tell her later, but I'm telling you now.

You're not telling her, you're telling me.

This is me a preview of what I'll tell her later because I'll tell her at 6: 47, but I'm telling you now at 6: 32. Good luck.

Whatever. Do not roll your eyes at me, young lady. She goes, I didn't, I swear. She goes, Listen, stop doing this. Here's Steefa, sir. Now we cut to the little guys playing. They're like, Me, me, me, me, me, He's like, Hey, and the trays are being passed. Jason has some goat cheese balls, and he goes up to a guest, and he's like, Goat cheese balls. You're supposed to eat the bottom, too. I was like, Why? Please stop talking like you're about to take a load from anyone in the restaurant. Jason, this is not your OnlyFans, sir.

This is his learning annex moment for how to go on OnlyFans. You're supposed to eat the bottom part, too, which is something I learned. Then the guy's like, Oh, yeah. He's like, You don't want the bottom part? He's like, It's not sticking. He's like, Okay, just grab the whole thing. Just grab it and just run it down and just put in your mouth. You know, bro?

Swallow it whole. That's what you're supposed to do. He's like, Why do I have a boner? I don't know, but it's going to cost you $11. Damn it. Marcus is like, Wow, duck and potato pistachio terrine, right? Let me know how it is. Natalie, you know you want some of this duck and pistachio terrine, eh, Natalie? She's like, I can't believe him. Phoenix. I just came back, and then Marcus was like, Demi, I saw you say it back, and then Demi, I love you. Then I was like, so you can say, I love you to Demi? Then I was like, Oh, my God, it's so interesting. Kimberly doesn't care if I say, I love you to Demi because I'm the worst person ever for just having a friendship with him. Then he went over to get him, and then I was like, What am I supposed to do? I'm a war.

Oh, my God. Kim shouldn't have taken the bait in the first place, but I wish Natalie and Kim would just stop fighting and realize that the problem is Marcus. It always is. And also split ends, but that's more my issue. Natalie's like, Kimberly- You have a thing Kimberly came back and she said, I'm pathetic and stupid.

He's like, Well, broken She's like, I don't know what that means, but she's not letting it go.

Marcus is like, literally Regina George with a burn book, and she's throwing papers in the school and taking a step back and letting everyone else fight about it, knowing that he was the ring leader the entire time. Like,. So Venus is like, Natalie, this is really cool, but I've got a full section.

He's doing it to their face, which isn't Regina George, which is just the whole point of the burn book. I mean, I don't want to get two in the weeds with the blood. I mean, come on.

Jason is offering more things. He's like, Madam, Would you like an empanada? What? Umpanamba namba? What? Empanada? Empanada, you idiot.

In Canada? No, it's not a country, God damn it. Oh, I'll sort him out, Chris, will you? I don't want to lose him, but he just doesn't take it seriously. I mean, the man can't even pronounce empanada.

It's so important to know the menu, to know what we're selling. It's like trying to sell a car and not knowing what the model is. For goodness' sake, I think Jason knows more about flashlights and penis pumps than he does my fucking menu. He's like, Well, we have penis pumps on the menu today. See? Look at that. It's empanada, not a penis pump.

The menu also, I don't think has changed for 24 years. It is the exact... Do you want grilled salmon? Go there. Do you want a goat cheese balls? Go there. That's it. Tuna tartar. You can also get that. Natalie is… She's like, Oh, please go get Lisa a drink. Natalie. Natalie's like, I'm for who? She goes, The dog. Lisa wants it for the dog, for donut. Natalie's like, Donut the dog? Oh, my God. If I was a dog, which glass would I wear? Which glass would I want. I mean, I don't know. I'm not a dog. How would I know? I'm a dog. I'm a dog. I'm a dog. Looking for the right glass.

Marcus.

You've never had to get Lisa a drink for her dog before. You people really don't work here, do you? Come on.

Marcus, like, What? Why? Why would you do that? He's like, I didn't do nothing. He's like, How did she know about the comment that I made? He's like, Other people heard it? He's such a fucker. It's crazy how much of a fucker he is. She's like, Do you know the things that she just called me? She said, I'm obsessed with you, and I'm pathetic, and I'm stupid. He's like, Sorry. He's like, Whatever. You guys fight now.

All right, time for Lisa's speech. Everybody's cheering for her, and then on the side of the room, Kim's like, I'm babe, you busy? He goes, Yeah, so busy. Can I tell you what just happened? Because Natalie, she's like, How did she hear about that moment? I was like, I don't know. Someone must have overheard it. Isn't that funny? She goes, No, babe. You need to tell her you're the one who said it to me. He's like, But why? She's like, Because she feels like she can mention you and talk this way, and it's exactly what bothers me about her, that she thinks she has access to you and can be like, Come over here. This is what Kimberly did. We're cutting that off right now. She no longer has access to you.

Marcus is like, Okay, was ugly for you? She's like, I don't want to even have no access. I don't want to have any type of conversation with you about me ever. Okay, none of that. He's like, Well, I don't think she thinks that. She does think that because she wouldn't have come up and she wouldn't have said that to you if she didn't think that. He's like, Oh, sorry. Everyone, I have a speech. Welcome to you, sir. Twenty years ago, we opened these doors and we said, We come to this place for magic. We come to, sir, to laugh, to cry, to care, because we need that, all of us. That indescribable feeling that we get when the lights begin to dim and we go somewhere we've never been before. Not to be entertained, but somehow, we're born together. Welcome to, sir.

Now, for the entertainment for the evening, no offense, children, I would like to show you here, Donut, the dog. A smoke bomb. It's Ken. It's Ken. It is Ken. He's like, What is your have? He's also like? Shut up, Ken. Nobody asked you. All right, enjoy the goat cheese bowls, losers. I would like to thank everyone from the in and out staff who came to celebrate today. We love you.

I would like to point Everyone to the new vestibule we have over by that wall. It talks. It's just like Peter. Oh, it's Peter. Never mind. Never mind. So Guillermo was like, Everyone, a new chapter for us. Revealed the future of sir. And he pulls a satin cloth off the wall, and There's a photo of the new stuff.

This is a terrible photo. It was terribly done. Who did this photo? Was it for free? Did they pay you to do the photo? It's a horrible photo, guys. Come on, you can take better pictures on your iPhone. The lighting, the posing. This is terrible. I was embarrassed. I was embarrassed for all of you. I was embarrassed for myself for supporting sir. So Audrey's like, Wow, look at you, Chris. And he goes, Yeah, I'm right next to Lisa. You got some competition with Lisa, babe.

So now, after the party, Natalie is packing for Paso Robles, and her gay Ryan is there, and she's like, What do you think about that? And he's like, It's giving bat mitzvah. She's like, That's so rude. Oh, my God. I didn't think I looked as old as 13. That's so obnoxious.

She's talking about how she's going to Paso Robles, and she's going to Venus's, and everyone's going to take a couple of cars. He's like, She's like, Do you want to come in the bag? He's like, Oh, my God. Honestly, he's not. Now we go to Chris and Jason's, and he's showing Cheech.

I think that's what it calls Chris.

He's like, Hey, Cheech, to his cousin. He's like, Hey, Cheech, remember this little costume I wore? I remember, and he shows up his phone, and it's a picture with a huge fake penis hanging from his pants. Chris is like, Yeah, rock out with a cock out. You still have that thing? God, I remember the best time we had that thing. He was in my mouth. Let's do it again. Do it Replay.

Basically, they're going to bring it on the trip. Jason's like, I think it'd be fucking hilarious to put it in Shane's bed, right? It's like, Dude, you got to put it in Shane's bed. Yeah, let's put it in Shane's bed. Then he gets scared and be like, Shane, it's okay. We can hug them and then take our shirts off and rub down and be good content for the OF.

Then Kim is packing and Demi is there, and they're talking about what they're going to wear. Kim is like, I literally We ordered $400 worth of things yesterday on Amazon. It's like, Yeah, good, because you make so much money as her. How are you doing that? Were you getting $400? No. We made $50 last night.

I did the afterpay thing where you can pay later, so I'll be paid off by next June. I was like, Oh, I can't wait for season 2 with Kim. She's in massive Amazon debt.

After paying on Amazon to get clothes for your glamorous trip to Weewa. It was a fucking show.

And then he goes, Love that for you. Love that. Love your future dad. Love that. So he's asking if she packed, and Demi's like, No, I haven't started anything. I came here to check on you because... So Marcus broke up with you for the day. What's happening? Because if you're going to break up, just do it on camera. Am I right? She's like, I don't know. I'm so angry right now. I was like, The whole thing happened because you guys left the other day. You guys were fine. Gross. So she says, If Marcus and Kim are still breaking up and making up in the back alley at Ser in 20 years, I just hope I'm not around to see that because I can't deal. Cut to Demi in 20 years with a ponytail and a mustache. Be like, Hey, I'm Demi.

I'm being here basically for her at this point.

Just morphs into Peter. It's the curse.

So Kim goes over this whole stupid story, and she's like, Yeah. And then if Natalie tries to pull anything today, I mean, I'm not going to engage with her, and he better not either. And then he did this whole thing again like, What do you want me to say? Fuck you, bitch. I'm like, Yeah. Okay? Yeah.

You know what? His perspective is maybe like, You're looking too crazy by not allowing me to do this, or maybe I'm going to look like a bad guy by not talking to her. But guys, America, I'm just a girl. I cry a lot. I feel a lot. I love the Disney channel. He thinks he forgets that sometimes. A girl, girls are allowed to be emotionals. That's just who I am, a girl.

Then over at Venus Everyone's meeting up and jumping into the cars and stuff. They split into the cars, and it's going to be five and five. Venus, Natalie, Audrey, and Chris. Jason's like, Holy shit, Nat. That's like, Oh, my God. Are you going to be able to see from the back? Because I get the front.

Marcus is… Because Marcus and Natalie are in different cars. Marcus is like, I'm about to go on a trip with a bunch of psychos. Me and Kimberly are broken up right now, and I have to ride three hours in a car with her. You got Natalie's crazy ass, Venus's crazy ass. I need Shane, or I'm not going to be able to make it to Paso Robles, which is their way of explaining why Shane Davis is on this trip since he doesn't work at Sur.

Yeah. They split into two cars, and both cars are like, The other car is stupid. The other car sucks. That car is really cool. Jason is driving one of them, and they're talking about how hungry they are. Audrey is like, On the way to Paso, there's this hotel It's called the Madonna Inn. It's literally so cute. It looks like a Lisa Van der Pomp wet dream from the '80s. We've got to go there.

Jason goes-Yeah, fuck yeah. Jason goes, That's supposed to be the actor or the singer, Madonna. I was like, Okay, this guy really We thought he was dumb, but whoever refers to Madonna as an actor first, really has a few cells.

Maybe he meant Jesus's mom. She was known to do a little community theater.

Listen, I love me some Madonna. Love Madonna, but I'm not saying she's an actor first. I'm barely even saying she's a singer first, but we're not leading with an actor.

She's Madonna first.

She's just a Madonna first. She's just a personality first.

They're like, Oh, my God, who's the most likely to throw a drink on the trip? Shane's like, No, for sure. And back in the other car, Audrey's saying, Yeah, you know the good thing about the other car? Shane will tell us everything they say because he's a fucking goss.

Yeah. Well, I have… By the way, I I'm like, I'm going to open some Ranch, guys. Hold on. I'm opening some Ranch. And Chris is like, Is that Rob Rock, though? Yeah. What's wrong with some Rob Rock? It's like, Whoa. Then Audrey goes, Everything's better raw. And everyone's like, Oh, my God. Because they had sex. They finally had sex, Audrey and Chris.

And they broke a bed frame. This sounds like they had wild sex, but we all know that was a badly put together Ikema frame. That's all it was. They break very easily. I can attest to that. Then they have to get out because they are at the Madonna Inn now. Jason's like, Yeah, I got to stretch my dick. They get out, and it's crazy. This hotel is fucking crazy. It's a pink motel. Everything's pink in there. It does look like Lisa Vanderpub. It's like Lisa Vanderpub's first apartment.

I've actually really wanted to go there for several years because it's apparently like, it's such a thing. Sadly, I feel like the only way I'm going to get there is by watching this sad show. They're like, Welcome to Madonna, and yay. They walk all around and we see they go down to this bathroom that's like stonework urinals that are wide and you pee together, and they're all like, Oh, my God, this is crazy. Venus is like, I feel like this urinal is really great for male bonding. I should just get all the boys in here and just line it up and see what's going on downtown. There's nothing blocking our dicks from making eye contact. I was like, Wow, I really feel old because now we have a whole generation of men growing up who never knew what it was like to have a line of urinals together that didn't have the little dividers. Every time, women may not know this, but in the men's bathroom, if there's a wall of urinals, there's a little divider in between each of them. And it used to not be that way. Every time I see that little divider, I always say to myself, You know who did that?

We did that, the gays. They were like, Stop looking at my dick. I was like, That's us. That was our last- What way?

It's called sight I know.

I mean, jeez.

God, sorry. You say gay's killed it. I say Republicans killed it.

Well, of course, it was Republicans. But I was like, Hey, come on now.

Yeah, I know those baskets. They totally robbed us. Chris is like, Oh, my God, this place is crazy. When I think of this song, Pink Pony Club, this is what I think of. You work next to the Abbey. You were literally just at the Abbey. Come on.

Oh, God. Yeah, so they're just looking and everything. Finally, they all sit down at a table. Jason, he sees a goblet. I think he wants to say chalice, but instead, he goes, Wow, look at this chisel.

He goes, Yeah, look at this chalet, you guys. Look at this chisel. Look at this chalet. Is that how you say it? They're like, Goblet? He goes, Goblet? The waiter comes over and he's like, Hi, welcome to the Madonna Inn. Can I get things started for you? I was I know. Call the police now because I think we're going to need them. I know. Who the fuck is this guy?

Jason's like, I know what I want, steak and eggs. So they order stuff and everything. And Kim's like, If I got whip cream, Marcus would throw me across the table, which I don't understand the correlation. Maybe he's just tolerant or something. I don't know the whip cream trigger.

Or maybe he doesn't let her eat whipped cream. I don't know. There's a lot of clues in this relationship. I don't like it.

Something weird is happening. But Demi is like, I can't picture him actually leaving Marcus for good. I think it would take her walking in on him, like fucking a goat or something. And then even then, I think it would just be a week that they might be broken up.

Marcus makes a speech where he's like, Guys, everyone's got their drink now, so I just want to say we all have different relationships right now, but going into this trip, it'd be awesome if we could just put the bullshit behind us. You're the one starting the bullshit.

Yes. You start all of it. All of it. Yeah. Well, we're going to be a happy, loving family and focus on our friendship. Then the love that we have for each other, new to me, that it even ever existed. Right, guys? Then Marcus is like, Yeah, and if you guys are down, let's just have a good time. Let's just start off on a good fit. Yeah. They all cheers. Then Demi, of course, starts talking, which is going to be the opposite of a good foot.

Demi is like, Guys, but everyone, you guys should have fun, but don't forget we're working tomorrow, so let's be on our best behavior and do our jobs and make Lisa happy because we can still have fun, right?

Then Chris is like, Yeah, Shane's living his dream on this vacate because he doesn't even have to work. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Yeah, it doesn't work. I apologize.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. They talk about some video shoot. Marcus asks how the video shoot went, and Chris is like, Yeah, we got really into it. Andre goes, Yeah, me and Shane have two insanely talented friends that asked us to be in their music video. So many people got their start for music I was like, Jaila, Channing Tatum, other people. I could be the star of the female Magic Mike, and we could call it Magic Maria. Casting, hit me up.

And so, Audrey's like, Yeah, the video show was amazing. I was wet the whole day, and everyone was like, Oh, what? She's like, No, no, no, not that way. Like, actually wet. I was really wet. Because the idea of the music video was that I was coming out of the ocean. So I was wet and coming. It was crazy. And then we had a date at Sir, and I was just coming to the date wet. Then at the beach, we had to get there. I was like, Audrey, please reconsider your words here because everyone's getting the wrong idea. She had to kiss- I know.

She was like, Jason, are you okay? He's like, I premed.

I premed.

We see clips of this video. We see clips of this video. First of all, she's coming out of the water, and of course, she's wet because she's coming out of the water, which I love that she explained 10 times. She's coming out and she looks so worried. She's like, Oh, I don't know. I don't know if that was the look they were going for, but they're like, Come out of the water, looking extremely like you're crying. Come out of the water, look like you're sobbing. Then Shane's there, and then they see each other, and then they make out. And they've got chemistry. Got to say it.

They do.

It's this couple. This is the couple, guys. I'm saying it right now. I learned it from a music video we're probably going to see on YouTube.

Yes, because then they wind up going on a date at Sir. And I'm like, Oh, this is the nightmare version of Little Mermeade, where you give up your voice and crawl out of the water, finally have legs, only to have to go to Sir. It's like, You gave up your voice for that. Chris was there at the shoot. He was being to monitor, and she felt... God, she felt really bad because he had to watch her kiss another guy. But then Angelika, however, Angelika did not know that Shane did this, and now she's really upset. Now she's like, I wish we weren't even here. Like, hearing about this. Oh, my God. She's giving all these looks on the side. She's pissed.

Girl, you still live with your boyfriend. Stop it. So Angelika is like, Oh, my God. The faster we can get through this, the faster we can go to work and not be here, where I have to hear about people kissing that I don't like me with my broken back. They're like, Why are you so excited? Go to go to work? She's like, Anything but hearing this. She was like, Yeah, I get the industry, but was there really not anyone else you could have chosen? I've dated this person for two minutes.

He has a washing machine, and we went to the beach together, and now this? Oh, my God. Everyone sees that over in Angelika's corner where she's commiserating, commiserating with Nadal.

By the way, you know we got that word wrong. I know.

I was going to mention it on our next trader's thing. Isn't that crazy? In my mind, I thought Rob had said console, I did not feel sorry for. So therefore, I was like, he didn't even get it right. And then everyone's like, no, he got it right. And then he looked it up and he got it right.

I'm like, what is this? We're talking about the traitors, by the way, if people don't know. But when he said you're commiserating, I thought commiserating meant you're talking to people, you're discussing something with people. I didn't know it means that you felt pity for people.

I thought it was like someone was going through shit.

I'm going to have to apologize twice this week. There you go. There's my mission that I'm wrong.

I felt like it was like someone's going through something, and so you're going I got it with them a bit. But I just didn't really… I never really thought of it as something like, You feel sorry for someone. I'm commiserating with you. But it's more like, I think it's a different way of saying, You feel sorry. You are feeling something with them.

Oh, I didn't. I thought it was like, if you see a group of people talking, you're like, Oh, my God, look at them over there commiserating about the good old days.

Well, that could be a proper use of it. It depends on the overall context of the conversation.

I thought it was. Anyway, we were wrong. Okay, we were wrong. They noticed that Angelika was all mad, and now he's like, Oh, really? What the fuck? Oh, my God! I'm so done trying to figure out what's even happening by the hour. She still lives with her ex-boyfriend. Like, What?

Now it's like a thing because it's like one half the table was like this, and the other half was like that. Natalie's like, That's so weird. Were they not silent at the table? Something's wrong with Angelika. I don't even know. Chris is like, Yeah, she's possessed, fucking bitch. Natalie's like, Yeah, she's miserable. What the fuck is she upset about? Does she It's like a broken back or something? It's Criza. So they finally get to pass a Roblox, and they start to go into their rooms and everything, and they're calling out their rooms, and they're all excited. Chris is like, Whoa, I knew Lisa was going to put in the work for us. I mean, this place is fucking beautiful because Chris and Audrey get the couple's room, which does not go over so well for Kim.

Yeah, Kim, break up with your boyfriend at the right times. Cast trips are not the days to do it. But it was nice seeing a couple not get the cast room because... I mean, a couple did get it, but the couple was like, We've been together forever, so we automatically get the good room. Yeah, I hate that shit. Kim was so mad. They all split up. The guys get the bunk room, and they're like, Yeah, fucking sick. Yeah. It's the only Bravo show where people are excited to get that room. They split up, get rooms, and all that good stuff. Then the girls are talking, and Kim's like, Yeah, I'm so tired from the car. Everybody's so high energy. Just shut up. I'm I'm over-cumulated. That's the phrase for the trip. Over-cumulated. Tell your friends. That's so JLo.

Iconic. Then Audrey and Natalie are in the bathroom, and I was like, Did you notice how Marcus doesn't even really acknowledge me? Audrey was like, Yeah, do you think it's because of Kim. Wasn't there something at Sir the other night where she came up to in the bar? Yeah, she came into the garden bar and started screaming at me and like that I'm pathetic and stupid and obsessed with Marcus. It's like, whoa. Audrey's like, Yeah, that's just crazy because Like, right now, they don't seem good. Yeah, apparently, they're broken up, but they sat next to each other at lunch, but they're not staying in the same room. Like, make it make sense.

So Kim's like, I'm trying to be positive, but it's really hard. So then Natalie and Audrey are talking about, Why are those three staying in the same room? And Natalie's like, I was thinking Angelika has a problem with you because of Chris and Jason, and Kim is not loyal to Angelika. It's all so crazy. Yeah.

They're attached at the hip, the three of them. Yeah. They were having a conversation in private conversations to the table, which is very rude. Let's all talk to each other, right?

Yeah. So Audrey is like, I mean, yeah, I think that's totally fine. But if it's people sitting two feet away from you, that's rude then. It's a distance thing. If someone's wrong, then just say something's wrong. Why do you have to do it? If you come to one foot, you better say something's wrong. But if you're five feet away, then that's cool. You I don't have to talk about it. Three and a half, maybe. How wide are tables?

So Kim is like, You know what? I feel like Audrey and Chris, they just met each other, and they have the couple suite. I'm just like, The couple suite How would you go for the couple that's broken up and dragging everyone down into their sessful of a relationship? That's what the king-size bed is for. It serves things a little bit.

So now the boys are playing cornhole. I mean, goddamn. Okay, fine. I'll go on the on the OnlyFans. I'll go on the OnlyFans. My God, I've never been pressured this hard.

Mark is like, Yeah, Indiana from the fucking Corn State. You can't fuck with me, Jason. You got to put it in the fucking hole, dog. But in the hole... I mean, they really telegraph what's going on with them. Then Kim is like, Guys, how do you feel about Jason being right next door? And Angelika is like, I mean, at this point, I just wanted to stay away from me. He's so gross. I don't want anything to do with him. Honestly, by the way, Israel and I, we He met at a cafe, and he showed me some things that completely grossed me out. I was so proud of Israel, who's been in the background for a few seasons of this show, and he finally has a scene where he can be impactful.

In a hat.

In a hat.

That's what really matters because Israel loves his hat. He's like, Hey, guys. I did use the link that they posted on their story because they both posted the link on the story. Angelika's like, Oh, my God, you went to the OnlyFans? He goes, Yeah, I sure did. She's like, Oh, my God, is this an OnlyFans that they have together or separate? He goes, Well, it's them with two guys. Okay? Then here's the headline. Okay, this is the post. Got the boys back together, oiled up more than ever, every inch of our throbbing cocks, oiled up, rubbing each other down everywhere. Close-ups of our oiled-up cocks and saggy balls all the way up to our ass. Angelika's like,.

She's just, she's great. Saggy I understand I'm saying throbbing cocks, but saggy balls, I feel like that's what you say about old people, right? It's like a grandpa in the gym.

Yeah, maybe big balls, but who says saggy balls? Is that like a kink?

Can you run this through ChatGPT just to clean it up a little bit? Jeez, let's make it sexier than, Yeah, check out my saggy balls and my skin that looks like a melted cake. Then Angelika is like, She's like, Basically, they're lubing each other up naked and massaging each other. That's just It's fucking weird to me. I'm going to like, Look, I'm going to read you this caption. While they're still out playing cornhole, she reads it again.

She goes, All three of your- No, she goes, Let me read you this caption. It is disgusting it because to the guy is going, Yeah, get them all three in the same hole. Yeah.

Okay. All three of your favorite boys back together, all three of our throbbing cox and spread open holes, rubbing each other down all over, oiled up saggy balls and stroking.

The girls like, Saggy balls.

They're cracking up.

This is some nasty shit. I didn't know it was this because I mentioned last week I went to Jason's and paid $11 like an idiot. It was just him without his shirt. I don't see any guys playing with each other's butt and jerking each other off. I mean, jeez, I want my $11 back. Yeah.

Well, they're like, That's what I'm talking about. Demi is like, I don't want to see, but I feel like I have to see. And Angelika is like, It's linked in their bio. I've already blocked most of And Demi is like, They link this in their bio? Oh, my God. Does Audrey know? And they're like, We don't know. So over at the pool, Venus and Audrey are just enjoying the pool. They have no idea what's happening in the rooms.

Yeah, they're like, I like sun. I like sun, too. And then it cuts back and Kim's like, Oh, my God. You should know before you get in a relationship or get interested in somebody what they're doing. I mean, you have every right to know that. Well, she does know that they're on the OnlyFans, so all she has to do is pay her damn money to do the research.

Yeah. Well, she's focusing on the sun right now instead of the places where the sun don't shine. So Audrey is like, I really love the direction everything is going in with me and Chris. But how would you feel about the person you're seeing saying comments like, Babe, your ass is looking I look good right now. I don't love that. I don't want to put pressure on where we're at. We're having so much fun that we're getting to know each other. But I'm also searching for more romantic comments. I'm like, Did you see this guy? What about this guy says he's going to walk around saying anything other than, Babe, your ass looks great right now.

The most romantic thing he's going to say is, How are you? Oh, I'm good. I just swallowed my cousin's load this morning. How about you? What do you expect? He's a working man. Kim's like, Yeah, she's having fun, but the minute she's emotionally invested, then that's her man.

So Angelika is like, I mean, if my man was naked looping up his cousin, I don't want anything to do with you. Sorry. I was like, That is a quote. That is a quote right there.

So cut to Venus and Audrey, and they're talking about whether Chris could be more romantic, and Audrey is saying all the TV things like, Oh, my God. It's just like my walls are going up because I don't feel like she's trying to play this whole reality TV thing. Meanwhile, the guy is fucking his cousin on OnlyFans. I can't. I love this storyline. I love it.

This is so amazing. I was like, Oh, my God, this is the first time that Bravo has really teetered into incest. Although, technically, we had Mary Cosby and her grandfather husband. But this is I don't know. This feels like a destination for the show that we always knew was going to come. And here it is. It's arrived.

It's definitely at least hot incest. I mean, Mary and her grandfather is disgusting. This is hot. Yeah.

Audrey was talking about how she's put up her walls, and she just like, she wants to be like, This is what she does. And Venus is like, Do you think that maybe you're feeling this way because you become intimate with him? She was like, Yeah. I felt weird. It felt like when I was having sex with him, I was having sex with Jason. Why did I get that sensation? I don't know, bitch. She is saying that, Chris has a whole decade on me, and he should have, in those 10 years, learned what the definition of romance is. Now she wants this guy to be Night and Shining armor. It's like, Ma'am, just because he looks like the guy from Tangle doesn't mean he is. He's not a prince.

Yeah. She's wanting a little too much too quick from this fucking guy.

Yeah, out of nowhere.

Yeah. She's wanting something that she should know she's not going to get, but all youth. Then Kim is watching the video with Demi on their phones in the room, and Demi starts freaking out. She's like, Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! She's like, It's 13 minutes long. It's 13 minutes long. I thought you meant 13 inches. Demi's explaining it. She's like, Okay, there's four guys, two are Cribs and Jason, who are Cribs, completely naked, not even socks. Not even socks. Seriously. There's a lot of massaging and a lot of butts, and I've seen everyone's in the penis, and now they're massaging each other. Oh, my God, now it's even worse. Now they're in the shower together.

She starts her phone. Angelika is like, Did they actually perform incest? And Demi is like, There's definitely incest. They were all touching each other. And Kim's like, Oh, my God. My heart, my heart, my heart. Oh, my God, she's not okay. Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God. Jaila is about to die. Sorry, that's me. I'm about to die. Angelika is like, Oh, my God. Audrey was a very cool girl when it came to these two having an OnlyFans, but I'm wondering, would you be the same cool girl if I to incest? Which, again, is a real good existential question.

You guys, just please put on my tombstone. Don't be mad at the rocks that I got. I'm not brings us to the end of Fanda Pomp rules.

Thank you all for being here.

God, I'm into it. How come people might be into this show? There's a full-blown cousin's fucking storyline. Come on.

Yeah, it's so funny. I'll say, doing Recapping this on the heels of Salt Lake City. Salt Lake City drained a little bit of the life out of me. Then this is just so fun and funny the whole way through. I don't want this show to get canceled. Come on, people. Support your local carnivals. Yeah.

Seriously. It's so good. All right, well, this has been a great time. We will talk to you guys later. Be sure to go get tickets for the Golden Crappies coming February 27th in Los Angeles at watchwhatkrappins. Com, and we'll talk to you next time. Bye. Bye.

Watch what Crappins would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King. It's always a party on Allison block.

Our way is the Amber Way.

It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster. It's always automatic with Ashley Otto. Put your hands together for Carly Clap.

Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offert. She's not just a Sheila, she's a Daniela. Itchels. We never miss her call. It's Diane Call. Sunday in the Park with Dylan Clark. Big Ye, it's Emily Gautier.

Erin McNicolus, she don't miss no tricolous.

Hava Naguila Webber.

You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones. I go, you go, we all go for Hugo. Jamie, she has no last namey.

Sip Get some scotch with Jessica Tratch.

She's our favorite streamer, Caroline Peacock.

Kristen the Piston, Anderson. Get a bee in your bonnet with Lacy Bee. K-sara-sara, whatever will be, will Lauren Sillsby. She gets an A from us, it's Lindsay Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lee-no. Fresh as a daisy, it's Macy McHenery.

Aren't you glad it's Maryanne Arns?

Megan Berg. You can't have a burger without the Berg.

This is living with Michelle Vivian.

I love a ya Olivia Williamson.

She sure is swell. It's Raquel.

Yes, we can. It's Savannah.

Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman. Let's share with Sharon Eldridge.

Darn Skippy. It's Tiffy. Our Super Premium Sponsors.

Make way for AJ Lopez.

Happy are we? It's Allison with an I. She's VVIP. It's Amanda V. Can't lose when you're with Amy Baldwin.

Somebody get us 10 ccs of Betsey MD.

We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva.

Let's get real with Caitlin O'Neill.

Put us on a stretcher. It's Charlotte Fletcher. Don't get salty with Christine Pepper. Can't have a meal without the Emily Sides.

Who, what, why, where, and Gwen, Pentland.

Let's go into the woods with Guy Tubs.

Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall. We got our wish. It's Jenn Plish. My favorite Murdo, Karen McMurdo.

She's a total knockout. It's Katie Manoch.

Let's get Savage with Laura Wildman. In the study with a candlestick, it's Leslie Peacock. We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder-Baron. She's a whiz, it's Liz Sarthe. Always killing it, it's Lola Alcalani. The Incredible Edible Matthew Sisters.

She eases our woes, it's Melissa Saint Rose. There's a chance of meatballs, it's Rebecca Cloud.

Maximum love for Sandy Maximoska. She's the Queen Bee, it's Sara Lemke.

We cannot tell a lie, it's Sara Tellef Sun.

Shannon, out of a canon, Anthony. Please don't stop at Soley and Pop. Let's take off with Tamla Plane. You'll always get the full story with Tori Varsons.

She ain't no Shrinking Violet Kutarr.

We love you guys.