Transcript of #3155 THE VALLEY PERSIAN STYLE S1E01-2: Valley of the Dools

Hello and welcome to Watch What Crap-ins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelcourt, and joining me today is the The glorious valley dweller himself, Mr. Roni Karem. Hi, Roni. How's it going?

Well, hello, Ben. The valley, Lemonese style.

That's right. Are you excited to talk about some of your neighbors today as we dive into the premiere event surrounding the valley?

Yeah, hell, yeah. Let's get some ballet action going, baby.

Yeah. Before we do that, a reminder, in case you missed the big news, that tickets for the Golden Crappies went on sale today. They are going be on February 27th in Los Angeles at the Fonda Theater. It's going to be a wild and amazing time, and we want you to be there. We want you to be there. It's going to be a fun experience the night. We always have the best time. So come make it. Let's sell this thing out. Okay, let's do it. Let's make this bigger and better than ever before. Keep an eye out for solicitations for building this ballot. And then, of course, there will be the ballot building the ballot itself. So it's going to be all sorts of stuff over the several weeks leading up to the Golden Crappies. We cannot wait. So go get your tickets. The ticket link is both on our website and on our socials, so you'll just find it everywhere. You could just Google or just go to the Henry Fonda Theater. Whatever you need to do, get your tickets. Also, if you do go to Patreon, we have, in addition to our normal offerings, we now offer Ad Free.

We formerly had Ad Free on a whole other platform, but now everything is consolidated in the same place. Place. If you want Ad Free, watch for crap ends, it is there on our Patreon. One last Patreon mention, which is that we do our weekly bonus episode. This week, we are talking about the traders. I stayed up until 4: 00 in the morning watching The Traders, and I had to because it's The Traders. I watched all those episodes, and I loved it. This new season is off to such an amazing start. It's an amazing cast. It Races last season, which no last season had its good parts, but let's be honest, we all knew last season's cast was not the best. But now we are so back, baby. We're going to talk about episode one on our bonus episode this week. That's all my announcements. Anything you'd like to announce, Roni?

That's it. Nailed it. Nailed it.

Yes.

All right, so let's talk about the Valley. Now, the way the Valley premiered was absolute torture to Bravo commentators because they did not just put out an episode, and they did not just put out a supersized episode. They put out an episode and a supersized episode in one night.

The same night that three episodes of The Traitor dropped, I'd like to also add, and Beverly Hills.

We're not going to go granular on this. We're not going to be here for another 10 hours today. We just wanted to talk basically about the show, get it set up for everybody, because I think we are going to have a lot of fun recapping this show, but it's a lot of content. We want to get through it and just tell you guys what it's about, what's going on, who's on it, whatever. If you want to hear the trailer thoughts and the preview, you can find that on our Patreon. We did a trailer trash of that, so that was fun. Let's get into it. We've got some of the cast of Shaz back. For those of you who didn't watch Shaz, Shaz was a great show. A lot of drama. It gets really dark. It's this group of friends. They go really low with each other, especially Reza.

Not Gigi. I'll put on the screen, by the way.

The three of them are watching a lot.

Yeah. I mean, this is a toxic group if there ever was one. People always were like, Oh, the Valley is so toxic. Oh, man, I'm from Rule is so toxic. People forget that Shaz the Sunset was doing Toxicity first, and they do it big time. We're going to go through this cast. I've put the pictures up on the screen here if you're watching with Crap and on demand, so you can see who we're talking about at any given moment because a whole bunch of new characters. But yeah, Reza is our king toxic leader here on the show, and he's back with Adam. So far, there's not much going on with them in terms of… I don't think they have too much storyline happening. They're just more like… The first two episodes were very much like, See, everything is good between us. Adam isn't as affectionate with me as he could be, which is the same story they had for 10 years on Shaz. But I think the big development here is that Adam has some tabooly recipe that he loves to tote around. Every scene is like, I brought my tabooly. He's like, He practically has a tabooly in his pocket.

He gives it away like gum to children.

That's so Persian.

We do open with the whole like, Oh, my God! Persians are so crazy. Let me tell you about Persians. After the Islamic Revolution of 1979, I was like, Oh, God, here we go. This is the first line. It's like, Here we go. Everything is Persian. Sidewalks, that is so Persian. Persian people don't like their children walking on grass.

That's definitely like the Reza special. The whole thing opens up with the original Shahs giving a lay of the land. It's like Reza and Gigi and MJ. They're all talking about why they moved to the valley. It was for a TV show. Although MJ had already moved to the valley. But last we had seen, Reza and Adam were living in an Atwater village or Glendale. They were not in the valley necessarily.

But Gigi has also- Well, Calabasas. Is Calabasas considered the valley?

I think it might be… I'm not sure.

Calabasis is considered West Valley. I think that's where MJ lives.

Yeah, it is. It's valley-ish. I think it might be considered… No, I don't know. I'll look. You know what? Let's ask her.

Let's ask the- Ask if Calabasas is considered valley. But, yeah, she moved out there a while ago. Then I guess Reza and Adam It's going to be moved out there, and Gigi is going to move out there. It is. Probably for the show or whatever.

Calabasas is considered part of the San Fernando Valley.

Well, they got probably the end of it. That's crazy. The valley is humongous. How big is the valley? They're out there now. She's still with Tommy. Rez is still with Adam. Gigi has a baby now, but she's still being crazy. She's already been divorced. She had another marriage that lasted two weeks. She's still insane and probably going to threaten to murder a lot of people because that was her thing. She carried knives, and she was like, Do you want my knives, motherfucker? And would always be threatening people. Now, the show, when it got canceled, was dark. I mean, there was a big war between Gigi and Gigi, not Gigi. Well, yeah, Gigi and Reza versus MJ, but mostly Reza and MJ. And it just got really, really, really bad. It was bad. Reza was screaming like, Why don't you talk about your 10 abortions, bitch? And it was really ugly. It got really hard to watch. Then Mike, who was the resident fuckboy on that show, just went down a very dark path as the years went on. It got worse and worse until finally, he was arrested for domestic abuse, domestic assault. I think he's probably ultimately the reason the show got canceled because it got so dark.

I think he is. Actually, the show got dark, but then there was actually a post-dark season that just was flat. That was one of those unfortunate pandemic seasons. A lot of our Bravo shows had rough seasons during lockdown, and they had a hard time getting the narrative going. It was like, their final season was actually after that super dark season, and that was Reza trying to mend fences with MJ. That was the season where he spent the entire time being like, I haven't met Baby Shams. I just want to meet Baby Shams for an entire season. Then there was that lady who had the little hat that would join along with things. It was a dull, dull season. You also had what's his face? What was the guy? The teeth guy?

Nima.

Nima. Oh, my God.

Yeah. They kept trying to recast it and get it working and add people, and the new additions weren't really working out. It was still a good show, but it had… It lost its magic. It looked like it was running its course, and then the mic thing happened, and it was like, The End. I guess the question coming back was like, How are they going to do this? Well, you've got three of the OGs. You're going to have to... It's basically a new show. You got to reboot it. How are you going to do it? Because the cast... It's hard to get this cast, because they're all good friends. That was the whole point of the cast. They all knew each other. They all naturally hung out together. How are you going to recreate that? I think overall, they did a pretty good job. I think the casting was a really good job. I was surprised because casting was one of their roughest things on the original show.

You know what? Because part of it also was, I think the other show was burdened with the idea that it had to be about these crazy shots. You party all night long. All they do is party. When they get together, they party. They went down the Vanderpump rules path, which is that they all grew up, and it just… They were all so talky to each other, and it just crumbled. But now with The Valley, just as with the original Valley, they're able to hit reset on what the tone of the show is and what it's about. It's really successful, I think. I think that they brought in some really interesting people with fascinating dynamics. I love a show where you have all these different couples who hate each other. I mean, we just are... It's really not about who is going to get divorced. It's when will they all get divorced, except for this. There's that one couple that seems to be pretty good. That guy, he seems pretty sweet. They're like the Danny the knee of this cast. That is Amir and... Amir and Natasha. They seem like they're in pretty good shape, but you never know.

It's reality TV. That could all fall apart. But everyone else, it's like, Oh, this is a nice couple. Oh, they hate each other. Oh, that's too bad. Okay, well, let's meet this couple. Oh, they hate each other. Oh, their marriage is built on a car accident to nothing more. Okay, yeah, that's going to fizzle. Let's meet this Just everyone has some relationships about their lives.

Yeah, they really lean into the formula of the valley being couples that hate each other and the friends that have to deal with them. It works pretty well. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crap and it's commercial. So we start, like we said a while ago, we start with Reza and Adam. Reza's thing is he was traumatized when Shaz ended. He was like, Oh, my God. I would wander the streets Hollywood and be like, I'm not a Shaz anymore. Who am I? Who even am I? I was so worried I was going to end up some 75-year-old queen with a cigarette and a turban. These were my heydays, boys. There's still time. Why are we Why are we pretending that you were just handed a 10-year contract? There's still time, sir. Okay.

Do you think Reza is jealous that Dorinda got a second shot on the traders after she was voted off first, but he did not? Everyone was like, You have… Dorinda has to be brought back. It's not fair that she got voted off before her first roundtable. But Reza, just no groundswell for Reza. He's like, I really had to live with that. It was really hard.

It was so difficult. We've got him and Adam. One of the main characters in the Valley is the real estate. I have to say, yikes. Oh, my gosh. Reza's home. I've just felt so bad I don't know if they just got this home because they were starting to film immediately. But Reza has a tacky thing going on anyway. But his tacky is more like laughing set, like the laughing set or like '60s, fun '60s, like shiny wallpaper, shiny geometric wallpaper from the '70s. He likes that. Stuff like that. This is really bad countertops. Yeah, most of it, I was just like, Eew, most of these houses are They're gross.

Yeah. Gross. Some of the houses were not amazing. Adam, apparently, spends a lot of his time gardening in the back. But again, these two right now, they're not… They don't really have a strong storyline, and that's actually okay. Actually, I feel like we've seen all the story lines. I'm happy for Reza to play this role where he sits down Gigi, and he starts talking to her about her credit. I actually really like that. He's like, Okay, we need to talk about your credit because if you want to get a new house, you need to have a credit. And then Gigi flips out because Gigi up to the same Gigi things, which is, I guess, I'll just segue us into Gigi before we get to MJ. Gigi has decided that she wants to buy a new house. She's talking like she wants to be independent, but she's not doing anything to be independent. Independent, and they are all obsessed with talking about her bad credit. They all love talking about it. I actually think that's so funny. They're like, Do you see Gigi has bad credit? She's not going to be able to buy a house.

They're like, Oh, my God, she has bad credit. They're talking talk about it at a party. Then MJ is like, Gigi, just so you know, before you got in here, we were all talking about your bad credit.

They're all still up to their same old nonsense. Mj is still like, Yeah, we're talking about your terrible credit. By the way, MJ was wearing a lace up the front, pleather, ice-skating, S&M dress to it like a family dinner. I was like, What is this show? I was cracking up. Reza is the realtor for Gigi, and Gigi is like, Well, I need to stop leaving off my It's so hard. Of course, she's not going to. She's looking and cannot find a place because, first of all, everyone thinks they're going to move to the valley, and it's going to be cheap. That is just not the case. It's still Los Angeles. You're still going to be paying out the ass. She wants $15 million homes, and that's just not going to happen.

She wants a six bedroom. She wants a six bedroom, one bedroom for her child, and the other bedrooms for her clothing. Basically, Reza and MJ, everyone's saying to her, Look, babe, you got to downsize. You just have to do it.

You want a new Bitches be checking credit, okay? Bitches be running credit checks.

So, Gigi's big retort is, Steve Harvey says, One time in your life, you need to buy a first-class ticket so you know what to aspire to. I'm like, Yes. And she's like, That's why I'm not going back. That's why I'm getting this house. I'm not going to downsize because Steve Harvey said I should get a first-class ticket. I'm like, Yeah, but Steve Harvey doesn't say you should buy a and always stay at that level. The point is you're supposed to taste the good life and then work for it after you've had your taste. You're just basically saying, I'll take everything in the store, please. I'll have the full tasting menu.

The big difference here is that Steve Harvey has a job. He's not talking about what your dad is going to buy you. He's not like, once your dad buys you a first-class plane ticket, you never let him buy you anything less. I'm just like, Yeah, I'm not going to downsize. Steve Harvey said. I was like, Oh, my God, babe.

She's completely misconstrued, that piece of advice there. She is doing her thing. Also, honestly, Gigi is so exhausting. I will say that it's fun to see Gigi back, but I'm immediately exhausted by her. Just her tantrums, the way she storms out. I'm like, Oh, gosh, yes. This is Gigi again. It's not always the most entertaining for me to watch.

Yes. One of her biggest stories. She's already wanting to murder half the cast and jump on them. They go have a girls night. It's like, Oh, my God. We're on a new show. We're girls. Let's go have a girls night. They go, The girls all hate each other. There's two girls who like each other. They hate Gigi. They really hate Gigi. Gigi hates them. It's not going to go well. One of them is a jeweler. Well, she's a jewelry designer, and Gigi was missing some diamonds in her ring, so she gave her this ring to fix it. Then the lady just never gave back the ring. Gigi's like, She still has my ring? What is she trying to do to my ring? It becomes this huge thing where she's going to beat this woman over a ring. It's like, Girl, you didn't pay for that ring anyway. Come on now.

You didn't pay for it anyway. The whole thing is this actually takes us to Sky, who I actually love. I think Sky, for me, is a breakout star, Sky and Bomshod. Sky is the jewelry designer. What we then find out is that Sky… She's a designer. She's like, I'm a designer. I don't do fix it. I don't do that. I did her a favor by just welcoming the ring into my life and giving it to a friend. But I don't fix things. She's like, whatever. She finally… They keep on hounding her like, Are you bringing the ring? Are you bringing the ring? Is the ring coming? Is the ring coming? She finally brings the ring back. Then Gigi's like, I took one look at it and I could see she was using the wrap her off of a Godiva chocolate. She's basically accusing Sky of doing some shitty thing. I looked at both pictures, and I swear I could not tell any difference between the revised ring and the original. I'm not saying that Gigi was wrong. I'm just saying to my untrained eyes, they looked exactly the same.

Yeah, especially for a free job. Shut up. This lady, Sky, is, I think, my favorite, too, because she seems evil. She gives off total evil vibes. Snaughty. She hates everybody. She hates the valley. She hates her husband. She's married to an She's an old dude. Her bombshot is an older man, and they met when she was pretty young. She's one of those people who marries someone really old and then starts dressing like a first lady, like she does her hair. If you look at this picture of her, she looks like his first lady hair. She's like, Well, I'm first lady, too, because I do my hair like this, because I'm married to an old man. It's like, Oh, no. You know she's going to be an asshole. She's like, I'm married to an old person, so I'm going to get the attitude of somebody who's earned it like they are old, but she's not old, and so it's not really working.

She hates crumbs on the counter. I think she yelled at about six different people for like, No, no, no, no, no crumbs on the counter. They also have these two twins that I love their twins. They're so cute. It's like they're fraternal twins. It's a boy and a girl, and the girl has this little Bob, this Dora the Explorer Bob. I don't know why I love these two twins. But their whole thing is that she sleeps in a different room from Bumshod because he snores really loudly. Apparently, he does a thing where He gets up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, and when he gets back into bed, he cascades down and spreads out in a big and annoying way, and she hates it.

He just plops down in the middle of the bed, breathes right in her face, and she's like, No, no, no. She's best friends with this other lady whose name is Tannen. Tannen? Or Tannen? I forget how you pronounce it. I only watched this 10 hours yesterday. I'm sorry, I don't know how to pronounce your name yet. Tannen. She's best friends with Tannen, and they have the most incredible bond because they have that thing in common that's so hard to find. But once you have it, you're bonded for life. That is the hatred of your husband. They both hate their husbands. They're best friends. They're like, Fuck our husbands. They go travel together. Doesn't she also sleep in a separate room from her husband?

They both sleep in separate rooms. But she and her husband have a really fascinating backstory. As it starts to reveal itself, you're like, Oh, this is interesting, which is that Tannen and Greg were both partiers back in the day. They were like those people that you see at clubs. They're in some relationship. They probably do coke in the bathroom. They have sex behind the dumpster. They're in a party relationship, but they're together. But they like each other. But what we find out in the second episode is that they go to DC to visit someone, and they're picked up by this guy, and they're in two cars because they're with a group because it's probably a bunch of people that are going to go party in DC for the weekend. The guy, so Tannen's in one car, Greg's in the car behind, and Greg is watching his girlfriend's car, and he's like, Wow, this guy driving is crazy. He needs to stop driving like that. The guy, at that moment, the car flips, and she basically comes extremely close to death. She has to have a brain surgery where normally, you would lose ability to talk, et cetera.

He was like, Oh, my God, oh, my God. But I love this woman. To me, it seems obvious that this great accident may have accelerated the timeline of their relationship, or it was like it provided a certain amount of closeness, this trauma. But now they're in a point where I think they realize they don't have as much in common as anymore, and they're trying to navigate that.

They just don't like each other. I mean, they flat out seem to just not like each other at all. He's He's okay-looking. He's not bad, but in his mind, he's this stud. He's like, Oh, I could have had any woman I wanted. He's that thing. I mean, maybe it wouldn't have worked out with her, but we got trauma-bonded, so it is what it is. She's like, Yeah, I never would have given this guy the time of day. I never would have thought any more deeply of him had I not had brain damage, basically, is what she said.

It was interesting.

It was interesting. Because I had brain damage, I found this man like a partner. Yeah. The vibes they give off at first are like, Well, she seems cold to him. But then you see him in a scene together and you see why. They have this scene where she makes dinner, and he's like, Wow, look at you cooking. God, remember when you used to cook? It starts off like that, which is like, Fuck you. They're having this nice dinner, and he's like, So have we talked about you going out? Because you go out with your friends all the time, and I really don't I don't like that because you're putting yourself in a position where you can meet dudes, and you can get numbers from dudes. I just don't like that. That's not respectful in a marriage. She's like, Okay, we're going to have this discussion again. Okay, you don't mind going out, and you literally get numbers from girls that call you at 2: 00 in the morning. He's like, Oh, no, that's just because I was being nice to some girl. We were out. I was out with my friend, so I was nice to a girl.

So what? So she called me. For him, it's funny and okay, but then she still has a life with his girlfriends, and he's going I'm going to try and quash it because she could get numbers from people. So, he's already a hypocrite and a piece of shit. So he's already pissed me off in this. So I'm totally team Tannen divorcing this gober of a man.

Team Tannen. I really like Tannen. She seems very smart. She is like a She's a COO of a company, and she's also launching her own skincare, something another, which is, I'm wondering if they're setting us up for a Tannen and Sky rift because they start the season being like, We are so close, which is always the kiss of death. The first crack is that Tannen brings over her product for Sky to use, and Sky takes the product and rubs it all over her dog, and Tannen's like, Um, thanks. This is on a national platform, and you're supposed to show off how good this is, and you put it on your dog instead. But yeah, I think this guy, like Greg, we've seen worse pigs in the world, especially on Bravo, but I thought it was so hypocritical because he tells a story. He's like, You can't go out because I don't want guys to get your number. But when the story that he tells is that He was literally like, Well, I had to be nice. This girl, she asked for my number. Then she texted him at 2: 00 in the morning saying, Are you up?

He's like, No, but I showed it to you. Remember? I showed it to you. Be like, Isn't this funny? What I liked about Tana was I wasn't upset about that, honestly. I just am upset that you don't think that I also have that same sense of judgment, which is where his-Right, because he was getting himself all worked up and pissed off at her.

He's like, Oh, really? Now it's a problem that that girl texted me, even though I showed you? She's like, No. The point is, it wasn't a It's a problem for you that I'm going at. She's trying to explain it, and she's like, Listen, our communication… She says at some point something like, Yeah, we have communication points because I don't want to communicate with you, and I'm happy not communicating with you. That just It's that honesty, and I don't feel bad for him because if this is how he communicates, it's like, that's his communication. It's like accusing her of shit that hasn't happened. Fuck this guy. You're right when you say he's not really that bad. In the scheme of… In the whole map of Bravo Men. Is he the worst? No. But this is episode one. This is episode one. Yeah, he's not great. She tries to communicate with him. Give him time.

Yeah, she tries to communicate with him, and he shuts her down. I mean, this guy is basically… You look at him and I'm imagining that this guy was a club promoter at some point. We've seen so many of these guys around Hollywood. They're like, Oh, I'll get you a table. I'll get you a table. You want some butt? I just I just don't feel like this is going to be a high-caliber person here. I love her.

He's in a position where he probably feels emasculated because she makes all the money, we find out, because he's in… There's a guy seeing all the guys get together and invite Adam for whatever reason. Adam's like, Oh, my God, those dogs are too big. I can't with big dogs. Please, please keep the dogs away from me. I'm like, Go home. Just fucking go home. The dogs aren't doing anything to you.

That was me. I was like, Yeah, big dogs.

The dog's licking me.

He's like, No, no.

Just get out of my house. It's a guy's night of all places. Anyway, there's a guy's night, and they're talking about how Tannen and Sky go on vacation together. Reza, one of the guys, is like, Come on, Greg, why aren't you going on vacation. You should do that, too. Yeah, you go on vacation. And he's like, No, it's her money. So she should get to spend her money how she wants. And so we find out that she's making all the money, and she's also going out. She's maintained her own life. I like her attitude. It's like, okay, I'm married to an asshole, but I still have my girlfriends, and I'm going to still live my life, and he's not liking it. But dealing with it in the way of like, You're a slut, and I can't trust you because you're probably fucking other dudes is not really the way to keep your woman, you dumb ass.

There's also a small wrinkle in this, which is that they used to travel and do things together, but then when Sky came along, she started hanging out with Sky instead of Greg. I wonder if there's some festering jealousy there. But yeah, at that guy's night, they were all gathered around this fire pit. Actually, I think we talked about this on the trailer breakdown, which is that they had a foot up on the fire pit, and I was like, Get your foot down. You're going to catch yourself on fire. The entire time, I was like, Could you please step away from the fire? You were too close. Big dog. Big dog.

Oh, yeah. I'm a foot on the fireplace, a guy. I've ruined many the bottom of… many the bottom of a pair shoes that way. Commercials.

Here comes one right We also, in that firepit scene, that's when Amir shares about his past, that he was actually formerly married to someone, and then she died of cancer. It's really so sad. I think I teared up when you talked to-So this is the couple, Amir and Natasha.

They're the nice couple, like you said earlier. She's really bubbly, nice. She was a dental assistant. After Where his wife died, his friend was like, I'm hooking you up with my dental assistant. He's like, I was never so happy to get my teeth done. She's like, Yeah, it totally worked out because I was so sick of dating. I literally told myself that day, the next guy who comes along, I'm marrying him. Then this guy came along, so I married him. I even have the post-it note that I wrote his number on. I was like, This is the saddest love story ever because she's like, Well, I'm settling. I got sick of waiting. He's like, Well, my true love is dead. I think he's a cat. I'm worried for them.

I'm just worried that she's going to break. I think she's going to crack because what we know about her, she's very regemented, and she's a clean freak. She hates terms. Obviously, she kept the post-it note. She's very much like, This goes here, and this goes here, and this goes here. I'm worried that at some point, she is literally just going to… She's going to show up at someone's house, and her hair is going to be a mess, and she's going to be like, Ran out of handy wipes. He'll be like, Okay, Natasha. I think she's going to have a very serious break.

Yeah. That would make sense. They go to… Let me see. What should we talk about? They have a girls' night, basically. We mentioned this earlier. They have a girls' night now that we've talked about who all the ladies are. They meet up, and Sky is just complaining about how much the valley sucks because she made them all go to Santa I'm in Santa Monica. And so, MJ and GT are like, Why would we have to come all the way to Santa Monica? Anybody who lives in LA and does not live in Santa Monica knows. You don't want to go to Santa Monica. I do not. It's like a different world. It's a different city. I don't want to go over there. It's boring. It's too far to get there. There's nowhere that's better to eat. Why? Why do we have to come here? And she's like, Well-There's very few ways in.

It's also colder and mistier. It's just the worst.

It's just a totally different vibe. It's a beautiful place, and people love it. I mean, if I lived there, I would go out there, but I don't want to drive for an hour and a half in traffic to go to some chamber. I don't care.

It's so annoying.

It's so annoying. They're already annoyed that they have to go there. And Skye's like, Well, we go to Santa Monica because it's not the valley. The valley is terrible. It's hot. It's disgusting. The restaurants are terrible. She lists all the things that are wrong with the valley. It is so funny. She has utter disdain for the valley, and they are so pissed that she's dissing the valley. In the valley. They're like, Oh, God, this girl's so snotty, and I can't believe that she won't even eat in the valley. Get over it, bitch. Especially Gigi. Gigi wants to kill this check already. We see a team. We see a team form. We see the ladies who hate their husbands and travel together versus the O'Gies.

Yeah. Honestly, I really like the Sky and Tannen relationship. I'm rooting for them.

I do, too. I wouldn't go up against them, especially I think Gigi thinks this is going to be easy because they're new, and she's got the audience on her side, but she's Gigi, so she does not have the audience on her side. This Sky lady is so cranky and snotty and hilarious that I think she's going to get the audience on her side real quick.

I mean, I'm on her side. We love a mess. That's all that matters. We love a mess. I love a snotty asshole. I feel like Tannen is an asshole, too. I also feel like Tannen... I also feel like Sky and Tannen are really smart. I mean, famous last words. It's always scary whenever you make that declaration about someone on Bravo, but I do feel like they're smart. I'm always going to get behind a smart lady. But I think that Gigi actually sticks out on this cast because it feels like more or less everyone is an adult. I feel like Gigi is still acting like an adolescent in a weird way. Yes, she has a kid. Yes, she is. She's trying to be an adult, but there's just a different vibe. I don't know. I feel like maybe That's why I'm just not as compelled to watch Gigi because she's cosplaying as an adult, but I don't really feel like she is an adult necessarily.

Well, Gigi is like a valley cast member, but she's like one of the guys from the Valley. Never grows up, making terrible decisions all the time, coming up with multiple excuses for their bad decisions. She's like a Tom Schwartz or a Jacks, or one of those guys from the valley. It still works for the theme.

There's also, by the way, a really interesting tonal difference between this valley and the other valley. The other valley is more like where Gigi would fit in, which is people who are now in their 40s or late 30s who are grown out of the party child section of their lives, but they haven't quite given it up, but they're now trying to figure out what it's like to be an adult. But this show, it feels like everyone is an adult. It feels like people, like there's professionals Professionals. It's not that the others are not professionals, but these are people who are more on career paths, et cetera. They're just as a different vibe. It just feels like people who are a bit more mature and not-Yeah, they don't seem to be struggling to hold on to the youth part of it.

They're like, We move to the valley because we want to be older.

Yes. Where if you compare it to Kristen and Luke. Kristen and Luke are trying to be adults, but Kristen is like, I got my T-shirt line. Then you have I don't know what Bom Shad does, but he has an office with bricks. He has a brick interior office. I'm like, Wow, he's a grown up. He has an office. By the way, he has an office with a desk, a desk and a computer. One's not better than the other The Other Benches. It's an interesting thing to point out that there is definitely a tonal shift between the two.

Right. One of the characters we have not talked about is the new Mike, the new Mike Shouet, who we thought might be the gay.

He was not the gay. He thought he was the The gay.

Yeah. I'm not convinced after watching the episode that he's not the gay, but we meet this guy, and obviously, I don't mean that as a criticism. I just… The shoes. I'm just going to say it's the shoes. We meet this guy. He's also named Reza, so I don't know what we call him.

Like, Reza Jackson.

Reza Jay. Reza Jay comes in, and he's cute. He's very good-looking. He is a lady's man, not ready to settle down. He has the typical scenes of talking to family where they're like, When are you going to have a baby? When is it time to get married? He's like, In Persian culture, you've really got to get married real quick, or you're worthless, and well, I guess I'm going to try and settle down. We've got that whole hacky thing of the guy who's going to pretend that he's going to try and settle down, even though he's now on TV. So huge doorways of vulva have opened up to him, and he will not be settling down anytime soon. But he's going to pretend. We've seen this a million times on Bravo. He's a fairly cute representation of the storyline, but he does have solid, crazy eyes. The man has psycho eyes.

Yes. I think he is. He is hiding something under there. It's nice. This is a nice pivot from Mike because Mike was always a greaseball guy that would always skeeve you out. This guy is definitely not another fuckboy, but he's also blatantly that. I found him to be relatively It wasn't offensive. What I did not like was, in the first episode, Amir and Natasha have a dinner party, and everyone has to come over, take off their shoes. And so, Natasha has invited over her neighbor to meet Reza Jay. Within three seconds, Reza Jay and this girl are making out at the table in front of everyone, which is crazy. So you're like, Oh, okay. Well, it looks like we made a match. And then the second episode, they go on a date.

Well, they weren't making out, right? They were just-They were very close to it.

They were like, Yeah, they were Then in the second episode, they go on a date, and she just starts busting his balls, which is great. I really like this for her. She's basically saying, Are you a fuckboy? Are you not a fuckboy? He's like, I'm not a fuckboy. I'm promiscuous. I was like, Oh, that's... Thank you for... That's a great… Is this supposed to be the mollification of a fuckboy? No, it's much better than that. I'm just promiscuous. I feel like you could have rebranded yourself a little more strongly than calling yourself promiscuous.

Much hotter. Much hotter, yeah. So he was like, Well, that one didn't really work out. Not going to see her again. Who dodged a bullet? I was like, Yeah, she dumped you immediately, sir. But the night that you were talking about, they all get together, and it was a little tense because… Is this when they were coming at Gigi about her credit?

The first night was, yes. That's when they were all talking about, How's she going to move? She doesn't have good credit. She needs to downside. She It does.

Yeah. So, MJ immediately tattletales, and she tells us that she tattletaled to Gigi because she wants Gigi to know that she's on her side in this situation. She basically wants to start this off like, I'm not going to fight with Gigi this first season. I can't take it. Gigi's too hard, and I'm going to just placate Gigi in this situation. But she does start the fire with Gigi and everyone else, and Reza sticks to his guns. He's like, What do you want from me? I'm just trying to help you. You need to make some effort here, but now Gigi's mad at everyone. She's like, Why aren't they even talking? She starts throwing grapes at the couple. That girl was like, That girl was mean. She was throwing grapes at me. He's like, Yeah, I think that's just how Gigi is.

We're going to have to deal with it. They definitely did not help the tone. She did not control the tone because I think in a situation like that, you let Gigi ease into the party and then say, Hey, just so you know, we were talking about your credit, and we are a bit concerned. Is there a… Maybe we can work with you and give you some advice since we're all real estate professionals. But the fact that when Gigi walked in right away and MJ was like, We were all talking about you. Gigi needs to be in defense mode.

That's MJ. Then what was the other night that they got together? They had a boys' night. That was mostly an eventful, except we heard about the first wife passing away from that dude. Then there was another night. They had Persian night, right? Is this the other night that they all got together? They had another dinner party where they all get together. This time, it's Reza's turn. To make some mess. They're like, So what's up? I heard that you sleep separately from your husband. It's like, Yes, I sleep separately from him because... The story that we told before. He comes back in the bed at 3: 00 in the morning and takes the whole bed, breathes in my face. It's disgusting. I got in their own bed. They're like, Well, don't you sleep in a separate bed, too, Tannen? And whatever. So they're talking about that, and Resta is like, Well, I would just like to say that you should never let your marriage get to the point where you're sleeping in other beds because that is the beginning of the path to divorce. Then everybody just gets… Everybody just gets really quiet, and they're like, Oh, my God.

Of course, we know already one of the marriages has crumbled, and that, of course, is MJ and Tommy. What we're seeing is their relationship falling apart, which is very sad, but also, basically, Tommy is too much. He's too much. Tommy is a fascinating character because he is a very sweet guy underneath it all. We can all see it, and you do feel like he really loves his family and MJ, but you also see how he doesn't get out of his own way. He does joke too much. He makes too many barbs and passive-aggressive barbs. This is the way a lot of straight guys just communicate, and it's not healthy at all. Oh, yeah.

Gay guys. We're totally good about not making sarcastic barbs constantly.

Well, it's not just about that. I think that straight guys, communication sometimes can be… It just has a different vibe. Whereas women are like, Let's talk about this. Let's do this. Then gay guys were in the middle somewhere. But Tommy, a lot of the scenes of him are like, Hey, your ass looks big. Get out of here. Okay, scram. Then little baby Sham is like, Yeah, scram, mom. It's like, Okay. He's like,. You're like, This isn't the best. Mj is starting to pick up on that. She's like, I don't love this. She tells her mom, they're driving somewhere, and she's like, Yeah, I don't love the way he talks to me and she goes, Well, you can't teach an old monkey new tricks. She's like, It's dog mom. No, it's monkey. I'm pretty sure it's monkey. It's monkey. You never know it's Mercedes.

Because MJ starts this whole show by being like, I'm leaving Tommy. Fuck Tommy. I'm not staying in this relationship. Why the fuck would I? Okay, look, here's the thing. If you asked me, Roni, from an outside perspective, what's wrong with my relationship with Tommy? Here's my answer. You married Tommy. What What the fuck did you think was going to happen? He said his vows in farts.

Yeah.

I mean, when you married fucking Tommy, bro, that's what happened. I can understand getting absolutely sick of it because he is nonstop. He's like, Yeah, let's go to a date night. Let's go to a fucking date night. Yeah, you look pretty good. All right, let's go. Oh, man, this is a waiter? Yeah, give me something that's not going to make me shit all over your fucking restaurant. How about that? She's like, Can we not talk about diarrhea? It's like, Shut the fuck up, stupid. All right, give me this thing. That was a shrimp cocktail. Don't you know how to read more? It's called Get the Fuck Over It.

Then he does go and take a dump in the bathroom at the end of the seventh grade, which is a place... I don't know if you've ever been there. I went to a wedding there once. It's a small bathroom, so I feel bad for anyone who had to go into that bathroom afterwards.

And it comes out like, Oh, that felt good.

Yeah, it took a shit.

Yeah, it took a major shit in there.

Like, Wow, this is a charming date night that you're having here, Tommy.

But, yeah, she's spending the first two episodes basically laying the groundwork for leaving Tommy. She's telling the audience in every seat, I'm like, I'm out of here. Fuck this guy. And so she has this scene with her mom where she's like, Mom, I just don't I just don't feel listened to, and I don't feel safe in my relationship with Tommy. The kid's starting to… Baby Shams is starting to smart off to me, too, because he's learning it from his dad, and we see a lot of examples of that, of the kid being like, What? Don't tell me to eat dinner, stupid. You do it, dummy. And she's like, Oh, God. And she tells her mom, Well, I don't discipline him as much because I don't want to be like you, mom, where everything I do is wrong. It's like, Oh, please. Oh, MJ. Oh, why, why, why? So now you're saying you don't feel safe with Tommy? Come on. Wow, wow, wow. Get fucking real Mercedes. I was like, Oh, my God. Yeah. So MJ is just not heard. He's like, Come on, Mercedes.

Just got the BS. I was like, Bam. Got the BS. Yeah. Damn, Vida. But then Vida actually goes and sits down with Tommy. She takes Tommy to lunch, and she's basically saying to Tommy, she actually sticks up for Mercedes. She's like, You have to stop. You have to make this work. You have to stop joking around so much. She's like, What? I do She said, What? I do everything for her. You only get the bob, and she said, She said the bob, she's just like you, Vida. It's like I got a mini Vida on my hands. The only thing I don't have is a red lips.

There'd be right in the face like the one I'm looking at right now. God. Fark, fark, fark. She's like, But if you don't change her ways, she's going to leave. He goes, Then she should get a divorce. Okay, well, she's going too stupid. That's what you did. When I say, MJ, you picked Tommy, you did. I think anybody who watched this was like, What the fuck are you doing? But there is a certain time in your life, and I think she was at it where she was like, It's time. I want to get married. I want to have a kid. If this is the guy, at least he's nice. It doesn't mean that just because you married him, that for the rest of your life, you have to put up with his bullshit. Good for her. I heard that on their podcast, he was like, Women, they don't want to work anything out anymore. We'll make one little tiny fucking effort not to be disgusting, bro. I mean, jeez.

Yeah, seriously.

I don't feel bad for him. It is so crazy seeing Baby Shams being a kid now. I know. With the personality and how he is turning into a little Tommy. I mean, all of that was pretty fun to watch.

Yeah. It is wild. But, yeah, this is... I mean, is this what Bravo is going to be doing now? When the young shows get too old, you spin them off into the valley, and then you watch all the relationships crumble? Yeah. That's basically what this is. Is that what the city in the city is going to be like for Summerhouse when they all go into the city. Then we're going to watch Kyle and Amanda crumble, and we'll watch... Well, there are no other relationships on that show. That's the funny part about the Summerhouse. Nothing is stable over there.

Yeah, but I think, yeah, that's it. There's They're going to keep their stars and just spin them off into other shows, which I like. I mean, it's working for me. I thought this one was pretty good. I was solidly entertained for the two and a half hours. Great to have the OGs back, and even better, honestly, to see the new cast because I think they struck some gold there. We'll just have to wait and see.

Yeah, they found a good cast chemistry, and this is the good pivot that they've been trying for so many years on Jaws to get more supporting players in there, and I think they did it now. I think it feels like it's in a really place. They're doing good stuff over there. It's a really fun show. And Bravo, I think that right now, everything in Bravo is really good, with the exception... Beverly Hills is struggling. Southern Charm is struggling, too. But still, even them, all these shows that struggle, I think Bravo is in a good place. I think it's all good stuff for us. We are lucky. We are #blessed.

Yeah, we are being fed, the kids say. Really good. We'll be back next week with a full recap of the episode. We just wanted to give a lay of the land today, but we will be giving the show full recap starting next week. Join us later today for some traders coverage as that just started. If you want ad-free, join us over on Patreon. Don't forget to go get your tickets for the Golden Crappies on sale now. We do that show February 27th, so join us, won't you?

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