Transcript of #3152 Southern Charm S11E06: Phoning It In (the oven)

Hello, and welcome to Watch Our Crap-ins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelkir, and joining me is the one and only Roni Karem. Hi, Roni. How's it going?

Good. Hello, Ben.

Hello, hello. We are here today to talk Southern Charm. And so many other things before we get into that are happening here with Krappins. Very exciting stuff. First and foremost, Krappins Ad3 is back, and it now lives on Patreon. So go to patreon. Com/watchforkrappin's, and you can listen to Krappin's without the ads if you support over there. Also, the Golden Crappies tickets on sale this Friday, and the tickets will be available on our website, and there'll be links on our social media. The Golden Crappies are going to be on February 27th in Los Angeles at the Fonda Theater. It's going to be a great time. We always have an amazing time. It's so great to bring the whole community together. We usually have some really wonderful special guests, and we will continue that. We will continue to have special guests and wonderful guests and fun times, fellow content creators, people from who knows where, and we just have the best time. So come join us for that. It's a spectacular time. There will be some streaming. Details for that will be sometime. Once that's ready, we'll let you know, but it's just not ready yet.

But please come join us. And if you are listening to this in time, there is a Patreon presale that's going from 10: 00 AM to 10: 00 PM on Thursday, January eighth. That's available on Patreon. So I can't wait. We're going to be assembling a ballot. It's going to be a great time. We'll ask for your help with that. And then the voting will begin. It's award season, guys. This is the most prominent award in the world of Bravo. So please be part of it. Come be there in person, help out with the ballot, and do your civic duty so that way the right people are rewarded the right things. With that all being said, let's now pivot over to Charleston. We can talk about Season 11, episode 6, a medium rare apology for Southern Charm.

Southern Charm. What do you say, Rami? Southern Charm. It was a male... It was the boys dinner episode. Kind of a tame boys dinner episode. I mean, whatever. But we did get some good Randy lore.

Oh, my God. The Randy Lore That was thick. You watched this before me, and you said there was some good Randy stuff, and I could not believe how good the Randy stuff was. It was amazing. We've been joking about Randy for a while, about how Patricia teases him and electrocutes him because he's inept as a butler. But actually, it looks like there may be some truth to our joking a little bit. It's a disaster, a true disaster.

Yeah. We start at Madison's new home. She's moving into I'm going to move home. That can go right there on the screen in porch, okay? They're moving stuff in, and what's his bun? The guy, the hot guy, comes in. He's like, Oh, yeah, this Teddy bear. I told him to throw it away. She's like, I'll throw it away. I already threw him away. Let's keep the Teddy bear. Let's keep the Teddy bear to remember that we threw Austin in the trash. All right? Mm-hmm. Great.

Then over at Austin's house, he's with the cats, and he's like, Hey, this is the scene right now. It's your favorite thing is watching me scoop your poop. Oh, my God. He poops so much. Human-size shit. It's crazy. So he does that, and then we go over to Craig, and he is in a business meeting with Jerry and Amanda, and they're like, Business, business, business. Jerry's like, I think there's a good chaos, and there's, I think there's a chaos we inflict on ourselves, do multiple deals, do national stores, and their synergies, and really rapid growth, and indexes, and income, and revenue, blah, blah, blah. And Craig's just sitting there slurping from his coffee.

He's lifted the straw out of the coffee and is licking the whipped cream or whatever off the bottom of it and slurping it. And one of the partners is like, I cannot take a meeting seriously with this idiot licking his straw. I mean, if anybody wonders what Craig does in his business, this is it. You see it right here. I'm surprised they even show us so much of the inner workings because it's Jerry. It is Jerry and Amanda, okay? They're like, We're going to do everything. You just have to add your pretty little slurping face. They say, Okay.

It's basically a scene from Big, right? They're trying to conduct actual work, and there's a grown man child just in the middle of it, just slurping us a shake that they have to contend with. I feel like if you-by the end of it, you're like, Is Elizabeth Perkins a pedophile? Disgust. I feel like if you rewatch Big, you probably realize that Tom Hanks is the villain after all. He's the one who is just literally a child who fails upwards into this toy company, and you realize, why does he get any credit for anything? Anyway, you know what I always think about with Big? I always think about how when he wakes up as Tom Hanks and the mom gets… It's like, Who is this adult male in my house? It takes like a knife. It's like, Get out of the I remember after I saw that movie, my mom was like, I would always recognize my son. I would never hold a knife on my son. I would always recognize you. This day, like 30 years later, I'm like, I'm always recognize you.

If you came home 30 years older, I would still know it's you.

Okay. My mom doesn't even talk like that. But in that moment, she talked like Dolores. She's like, I would always remember you. I would know you, honey. I would know you. I rode here with you, and I'm leaving here with you.

So now we go over to Patricia's, and she's like, Randy. She's like, Oh, I'm coming, man. I'm coming. Oh, what I'm thinking, all right, I'm setting the table here, so I'm just going to play. I say, put the place card in front, but we've got to fill up the space a little bit. Wait, the wrong spoon is here. Why is this the wrong spoon? She's like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Please don't, Randy. Take this spoon. Hold it to your forehead. Okay. Now, ding your head with it.

Ding. Ow. Good boy. Randy, what happened to the place card I just told you to hold? It's gone. What do you mean? I eat it. Why did you eat the place card? I don't know. I got distracted. Oh, Randy. Okay, give me that spoon again. There you go.

All right, giving this spoon back to you. Now, how did that happen? Okay, wait a minute. Why are these turned the wrong way? These forks are turned the wrong way, Randy. He's like, I'll just turn them. I'll just turn them like this. Thank you, Randy. Hold on. Hold up that fork. Look at the times. Put it close up to your eye. Look at that. Closer, closer. That's right. That's what we get for putting the wrong forks. You got to train them.

Randy is a very nice person, but he was not professionally trained as a butler. He was really a bartender, and he is most interested in developing his job as a DJ. I was like, Wow, everyone on Bravo wants to be a DJ. What's going on? We see a picture of him, and it's literally DJ Randy, and he's DJing like some outdoor event. It's a wedding of some sort. It's like, Are you kidding me? It's the most hilarious twist. I was not expecting that. I feel like, I guess, is the backstory that Patricia could not find a butler, so got a temp butler and has been just waiting for the real thing to come around?

Why did she stop the Randy? They just don't have trained butlers anymore. They just don't have them anymore, I guess. There's no such thing as a trained butler. But this one does try to spin plates. Very frustrating. Randy.

He says he's working on a Nora Jones remix, whatever that means.

So he looks terrified. I mean, Randy really is like, Okay, okay.

Is it this?

Did I do it right now? He's like, My fork goes above the plate, Randy. I usually come in and rearrange silverware because it's not done properly, because I don't know if you heard this part, but DJ.

Something I wish I'd known before I'd hired him, but now I'm in too deep. I got too much joy from activating his shock collar to let him go. Oh, well. Anyway, Randy, I think with these forks and spoons, I think they have to be cleaned Clean, though.

Would you call that a wave saying, Clean it? It's your wave saying what, man? Sorry.

Clean the forks and spoons and knives, please, Randy.

I'm so sorry, ma'am. I'm so sorry, ma'am. Well, there are a lot of little mice I know about because I had Michael, who was professionally trained. Michael was a DJ in the sense that he could do the job.

He called himself a DJ. Do the job. He called himself a DJ, but mainly that's because he called himself also a dish jockey. It was much more helpful for the job.

Then we see clips of Michael with angel wings on, perfectly doing a dining table and saying, Here, you're here, mom. Thank you. Thank you. God, I just have this little wire sticking out from that electrical socket. Nothing to use it on because Michael is just so talented. Cut to Randy. Randy, hand me your hand. Well, you take the good, you take the bad, you take them both, and there you have. Still got an untrained Butler.

Dj Butler. She goes, Well, I don't expect Randy to know all these things, but last night, he put his phone in the oven. So cut to last night. I smell I smell something burning, Randy, and I know I didn't get to put the blow torch on your hair yet today. So what is that smell?

I know. I smell something burning, and I'm familiar with the smell of Randy burning. What is that, Randy? And he's like, Well, last night someone didn't clean the ovens, and they put the bottom train correctly, and I could not see what I was doing. So I turned the light on on my phone, and then I got distracted. I'm sorry. And then we turned on the oven to heat up some food, and my phone was in the oven. I'm sorry, ma'am. I'm sorry. Show me again how you did that. Now put your hand in that oven there. And so where was your hand when you turned the oven? Click on, ma'am. Ma'am, the oven's on. I know, Randy, keep your hand in there, ma'am. Ma'am, I don't want to do Hansel and Gretel again today.

It's too late. The game has started.

Well, it melted and there were toxic fumes all over the house, so I breathed in deeply. My face hasn't moved since. So, well, Thank God for small favors.

You got to see the vial. Randy. So he got distracted, so he put his phone down, and he put his phone down in the oven, which is a strange choice. But then did you not remember that you were cleaning the oven? You still turned on the oven. Didn't you leave the oven open? It's like you got to try, didn't you leave the oven open? To be like, I'm going to come back to this. And then there's so many questions.

I see it like you're using your flash light on your phone. You're looking in the oven. You're like, Oh, okay, I think I see it. Then you put the phone down and you start messing with the pilot light or whatever, and you're like, oh, my God, I got it. Okay, the oven's working. Thank God, you closed the oven. You're like, Okay, let's test this sucker out. Anybody want a grilled cheese? You turn it on, boom. You hear Siri like, Please help, please, please help, please.

I'm sorry, I didn't get that. I'm sorry, I didn't get that. It's a bit hot in here. I'm sorry, I didn't get that. One more time. No.

We'll continue charging when your phone isn't overheating. Overheating.

Tell my children I love them. Just kidding, I don't have children because I gave my mortal coil for this phone. Goodbye, cruel world. You're like, Whoa, Siri.

Randy asked if she's ready for a cocktail. It's like, Born ready. I'll be right out with it, ma'am. Don't put it in the oven, you fucking loser.

Randy, this martini is just your melted cell phone. Oh, I'm so sorry. I got distracted again.

Hey, Whitney. Hey, honey, what do you think for the guy's dinner? He's like, The police have dragons on them? Wow. That would be a good tattoo, mother.

Well, you know They say that when you're addicted to something, you're chasing the dragon. And unfortunately, I'm addicted to chasing the dragon that is torturing Randy. Get in here. I got my cattle prod, Randy.

By your tongue about tattoos. Now, I've always had male dinners. I get a lot more gossip with the guys. I mean, they're just much more fun than the women they bring on here to sexually harass every year. Those ladies are just full of HR complaints. Boring. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crap and commercial.

Okay, I'm going to let you do the placemaths, and you decide who goes next to him. Okay, can you choose who goes where? And so Whitney's like, I'm not sure. Well, I just saw Austin. Has he? He's a little reticent about seeing Craig these days. So we see, we flash back to Austin and Whitney And Austin's like, Do I want to subject myself to Craig's fucking assholeery? But am I interested to hear what Craig has to say to me? Because I just want to almost prove to myself that Craig does not have an apology in his bones?

Well, maybe this is a good thing because it to force them to come and be together. I mean, gosh, they've just gone so far. It'd be such a shame to just watch them age alone. I mean, someone needs to support Craig with those eyebrows. Really showing their ears.

Well, Craig insisted that he's not going to come unless we provide a straw for him to slurp on something. I don't know what that really meant, but I'm sure we could provide that. But this will be like a detente, right? Well, if not, we have fabulous food. Now we go to Shep, going over to his cousin Marcy's house. It's the return of Marcy.

Marcy.

Marcy, I'm having a baby. They say hi, and the dog, Harper, starts barking, or doesn't bark. And Marcy said, Wow, she didn't bark at you like she normally does at everyone else.

How weird. She's just sniffing your butt rolling over. Dogs, no dogs. She can sense goodness.

Gosh. Why, you remember Edi? Edi, this is your cousin. Here you go. And so this is her child. It seems... So apparently, like Chef has not visited Marcy in three years, which is about the last time she was on the show. So basically, Marcy, he's like, Come on my show. She comes on the show, he hangs out with her. At the moment, she's off the show. It's like, Bye, Marcy. Have fun with your kids in nowhere land.

So Chef's like, How's it going, little baby? How old are you now? Wow, gosh. Have you ever heard of a mecclidon? Look at his pretty little freckled lips. She's very shy. She's three and a half, Shep. Just come on in here. So, chef, listen, I'm married now. I've babies. Look, there's my husband. He's got another one of the babies. My husband's like, Hi, it's me. I got another one of the babies. Wow, both of you. Look at that. Yeah, chef. So you know what people with babies like to talk about? When are you going to have a baby? You're nothing unless you're married with a baby. When are you going to do it, chef? You're useless without a marriage and a baby, chef.

Oh, gosh. Look, okay, I would love to be struck by lightning. The proverbial lightning, of course. Not the real lightning. That would be terrible, gosh. But I'm just not going to the next person that walks by and say, Let's go. I'm not going to just find some beautiful woman in the Caribbean and say, I'm in love with you, and I'm going to send you incessant text for the rest of your life. No, I won't do that. So here we are at the unconventional age of 45, trying to still figure things out.

Gosh. And John's like, Evy, come with me. Mama's trying to talk. We're not ready for you to hang out with other children yet. See? We do this a lot, divide and conquer. Now, let's get through. Let's get honest about this. You're buying a new house. What is it? If you build it, then you'll have a family? Is that how you're going to do? Oh, my God. People with kids, just stop. Congratulations on having your kids. Seriously. I mean, the world needs to go on somehow, and I'm certainly not going to help it. But shut the fuck up. Just because you did it doesn't mean the rest of us have to. I mean, Jesus, every friend with the kid is like, When is your turn? Aren't you going to have a kid? Okay, stop kids all the time. You'd be a great father. You should do it right now. You're not too old. Do it right now. Do it right now. I have a number. Would you like one of my eggs? In disseminate one of my eggs. I'll put it inside of me and carry it myself. God damn it, you have to have a baby.

Are you people that lonely? Get a hobby. Jesus.

It's because they need to drag us all into the hell that they're in right now. Yes.

It's like drug addicts. Drug addicts aren't just happy doing drugs alone. They all need friends to do the drugs with them. You want to do my drugs with me? No. Keep your fucking baby on your side of the fence. I respect your decision, but I'm staying clean. Thank you.

You know what? If I went up to someone like Marcy and I was like, You know what you got to You've just got to go to brunch. You just have to come to brunch. You know what? Just come to brunch is the most fun thing. She's like, But I've got kids. Well, you got to come to brunch. It's just like, Why are you going to come to brunch? I know that's a nice story that you've got kids, but it's about time you finally came to brunch, because that's essentially what they do when they're telling us to have kids. They're saying, Stop the lifestyle that you have and the needs and things that you're doing, and come do my lifestyle instead. It's like, No, I want to go to brunch. You can have fun with your kids.

Yeah. It's just there's just something desperate it. It's like, No, I don't want kids. What do you mean? Why not? Why not? Of course you want kids. I remember, I don't want kids. What's the point of living if you don't have kids? I mean, humans are here to reproduce. Oh my God. Humans are also here to eat each other's ice cream. Who's going to enjoy the Who's going to ride your ice cream? Me. I'm going to enjoy it. I'm giving enjoyment. Who's going to play my PlayStation? Me. I'm going to play that. That's what adults are here to do, too.

Who's going to ride your wild horses?

He's so annoying. And he's like, Well, settling down is not something I aspire to, you know. But I do. I am looking for a woman who is willing to settle. But my heroes are all ill-behaved guys. Like, Warren Beatty was a famous playboy, and he got married when he lost his looks, and then he had four kids, so it can be done. Well, I mean, I'm not a famous playboy, unfortunately.

Oh, gosh.

Gosh.

But I do hope to someday give an award to Lala land and then rescind it. So then we go to Vanita. Walking down the sidewalk to a bar called Tempest. She's going to meet up with Sally. Then there's this awkward moment where she comes into the... She sits at the bar, and she's tending to her face, and the bartender is like, Wow, yeah, it's really I'm not out there. I get it. She's like, I'm not sweating. I'm just oily. I'm fine. I just this is my skin. Then she orders some champagne and oysters, and here comes Sally, and Sally's saying, It's weird coming and meeting you on these weird circumstances. Just, How are you, first of all? I was like, Well, it's awkward right now. I'm like, Yeah, it's never been awkward between us. She's like, Well, look, you start. I'm a great listener, so I'll let you go first. She goes, Well, first of all, I'm going to be I'm really honest with you right now. I don't want to stop hanging out with Craig. And Vanita's like, Okay, well, good luck with that.

She gets to- She's like, Well, what's the end goal with that? Well, I don't think there needs to be an end I mean, right now I'm just having fun. Why can't I just have fun? She goes, But Sally would like to be married, right? Sally would like to have kids, right? Well, I mean, if that's my goal, yeah, sure, of course. But why are you giving him the time of day? Because you are wasting it with him. You are wasting it. Oh, Jesus Christ, Vinita. I get that you like hanging out with Sierra and Page. I get that you like hanging out with Cierra and Page, but you don't have to do their bidding on every little thing. You're on this show, and that's it. You can't stop people from dating people that you don't like on this show. Stop. This is just such a non-winning battle for you. Also, she spent… Vinita did an interview this week on a podcast on Why don't I remember what it was? Anyway, I didn't watch it. I read little clips from it, and Sally responded to some of the things she was saying by saying, Look, Sally, JT was horrible to me.

Jt was so mean to me and so many of the women on that show, and Vanita had no problem being with him, even though I didn't like him. I don't think that's a pretty good point. Vanita is bringing up this, Oh, Girl Code, Girl Code, when she did worse last year with JT, because JT was just downright mean to a lot of these people, which I think it's different.

I agree. That's a good point by Sally. Also, I just feel like… I don't know if… I do think it's actually still shitty of Sally to actually pursue a friendship, in this case, with Craig. I guess the subtle difference is, if I'm going to try to talk this through here, the difference is that JT and Vanita were already had some friendship or situation before things went awry. But here it's starting with it's already bad, and Sally is interested in actively growing it and pursuing it. There's a subtle difference there. But that being said, ultimately, I think that Vanita has made her point. She's like, I don't like Craig, and you're supposed to be my friend, and you're supposed to support me because I've told you I really don't like Craig. He was really mean to me. Sally's basically been like, Yeah, that's nice, but I want to hook up with him. At this point, you can't really tell her not to do that. Just move on and just stop hanging out with Sally, personally. I think Sally has shown you who she is and what she's loyal to or what she's interested in. It's fine for Sally, but you can just move on and make new friends.

Well, Sally was on the show last year and friends with Craig, and so was Vanita. Vanita was friends with Craig. Sally started stuff with Craig before all of this went down. Sally had a pre-existing relationship with Craig.

But Sally's trying to actually be romantic with Craig. She's actually trying to-Right, but she had a pre-existing.

I'm just saying she had a pre-exist. She already knew Craig. It's not like he's some new guy that she's like, Oh, now I'll date Craig. She knew Craig. Vanita can't-Right.

I think Sally's point is strong. I think it's strong about the JT thing. But I just think at this point, I guess, I think we're actually just agreeing. Venita-i mean, Venita is mad. I'm on your side. I think that Sally is still… It was shitty of Venita to do it to Sally, but it also is shitty of Sally to do it to Venita, and Venita should just be like, Okay, bye. I'm going to hang out with Molly.

Oh, yeah. I mean, I can't believe it, but I'm team Sally on this one. I like Vanita. I just think she's… The storyline-wise, it's like, Oh, good. You're on this show. You're on this show. Be on this show. You're not on Page's show. I don't mean that she has to get along with Craig and everything, but it seems like she's fighting a battle for somebody else who's not even there, and it's just weird. It's like, Is that girl even your friend? I don't know. It seems weird to me. It seems awkward for Vanita. Vanita is like, Well, there's something to be said about a friend who can see the mistakes before you make them. She's like, Well, I want to find out for myself. Well, then so God help me for saying this out loud, but I'll give you enough rope to hang I'm trying to protect you because he will literally hold you and walk you like a dog on a leash until he's done with you, and then he will let that leash go. Okay.

Well, Sally's like, Well, never in my life have I ever had a grown adult where I tell me what I can and can't do, not even my parents. Who the fuck are you to tell me what I can and can't do? And first of all, I'm sure there are a lot of people who have said that, but Vanita is like, meaning that I'm I'm sure there's been a lot of people that have said, Sally, you shouldn't do that. So Vanita goes, well, don't come crying to me when he fucking hurts you and breaks your heart. So that makes me wonder is some of their relationship that Sally is constantly calling Venita and being like, This guy did this to me, and now I'm so mad. And she just has to listen to it over and over and over again. And she's just like, I'm sick of it, and I don't want to hear about it anymore. Because if that is an element of their relationship, then I definitely understand why Venita is like, Please don't go down this path, because it's just going to mean I'm going to have to sit there on the phone for endless hours when we already know what the outcome is I'm going to be.

Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. She hasn't said.

We don't know.

I mean, all we really know is that she stuck up for Paige. Craig got mad, and then now she's mad at Craig. They're mad at each other for Paige standing up, which just seems so silly. And Vanita tells us, You either pick a man that's going to make your life a living hell, or you pick me who's going to make your life sunshine and rainbows. Heaven or Hell, pick one.

Sally is like, Toxic mail. Thank you very much for that option. Yeah.

I'm going to really clarify my choices. I'm going to pick this toxic mail every single time, okay?

I live in Charleston.

Now, I'll let you get back to scrolling on JT's email while I go catch a cat, or his Instagram, scrolling his email, scrolling his Instagram while I go catch a cat.

Scrolling that email, doing a blog.

You go on scrolling. She's like, hacked it. He does blogs.

So Vanita is like, I'm trying to protect you for someone who doesn't give two shits about you. She goes, Let me find that out for myself, which I think is also funny. That's a stupid thing to say. Let me find out that he doesn't give me these two shit. You want me to let your heart get broken? But that's also like, Vanita, you will see, you do have to let people just make these stupid decisions because you have better things to do with your time than to steward her heart.

Yeah. Then we go to Molly coming to Whitney's lair. Okay, so how many of the new young cast members is Whitney going to fuck? Just everybody? Again, I request HR to show up at this show. Does Bravo still not have an HR? It is 2026. How is this still happening? That man has fucked every young person that's come on this show. It's gross. They need to stop this. This is bad.

They go into the lair, which It's literally called the lair. He's like, Hello, beautiful. What a beautiful dress. Welcome in. To please take a seat. She's like, Oh, well, happy belated birthday. I bought you a treat. It's a cupcake. Get it? Remember? We see a flashback to when he was like, Don't put a cupcake in your mouth. Then he's like, It's a gift that just keeps on giving. She's like, Whatever. You know I love you. Whitney and I hooked up 10 years ago, and I was like, Okay, maybe we'll date. Then I realized that's not going to happen. Also, why did I lower my standard so low right now?

We're like, Brother and sister. She's too good for me. She's like, Yeah, and I just keep torturing him for the rest of his life about the cupcake already. Yeah, you should, because that was fucking rude. Then he's like, So what's on your back there? You got a tattoo? What is that?

It's like, Yeah, I got it in Thailand. It was supposed to be euphonium, but it just turned out to be an elephant. Things went left.

That's the worst tattoo I've ever seen in my life. This is a bad tattoo. It was bad.

She goes, You're the worst tattoo I've seen in my life, which I felt like was a fair comeback. And then he's like, No. And he shows his tattoo, which is actually the Jägermeister logo. I'm like, Sir, I think we need to revisit the worst tattoo you've seen in your life commentary.

Elephant wins. I mean, elephant is definitely better than a fucking Jäger. Grow the fuck up. Oh, my God. God. He's like, Yeah, Jägermeister. She goes, Yeah, that's pretty bad. So she's like, Yeah, I've been okay. I've been. I've started singing. And he's like, You're singing now? Okay.

Yeah. Okay. By the way, one thing we also have to note is that Whitney is wearing a trucker cap that says, Erewhan veteran. Did you see that? So it looks like a veteran's cap, but it says Erewhan. So she's like, yeah.

My butt hole cringes. I can't even tell you the amount of cringes. It's like top to bottom, and then it's like right in my butt hole. It's just like, cringes, cringes with this guy.

I thought the hat was funny, but not funny enough. But I also felt like if I didn't mention it, I would get a million messages being like, Did you see Whitney's hat? I'm acknowledging that I saw the hat. But Whitney, she's saying that she got a full ride to college because she sang in a band. I'd love to see how close they are, that they've been friends for 10 years, and he had no idea that she even sang when this was a big part of it.

She goes, Yeah, you don't even listen to me. He goes, Okay, well, let's hear it. Let's hear it then. She whips out her phone and plays in. She goes, Oh, my God, it's so bad. I hate it. Okay, listen. He's like, a beautiful voice. The producer asks if it's his taste. He's like, Oh, yeah, but I have horrible taste in this music. You've heard of Renob, right? Okay.

We get an extended montage of Whitney playing guitar. There's actually this one amazing shot where Whitney's in his bedroom at home, home, and he was like,. Then Patricia comes in, does a mom dance like, Yeah, that's good music. Make me a grandchild.

Head banging is where it's at. We got lots of clips of him playing and singing, and one of them is him singing, I asked you for a table dance. You came over and put your hand in my pants. Mother. Mother.

So, Whitney is like, generally my style of-mother. That's not a true story, Whitney. I know. I just like to think about you when I sing. Generally, my style of music does not really commensate with people at large. Then he's like, Oh, well, Molly, your voice is amazing. It's beautiful. It sounds like a 2025 version of Jan Arden. I love it. She's like, Yeah, well, I mean, I don't suck at singing, but it's fine. Like, whatever. It's like, you know. You missed so much, by the way. Sally started talking shit about me and being weird, gross. I'm so stupid. He's like, Oh, tongue shut up a wall. Because she's bringing up a surgery I had, a labialplasty. So then we see a flashback to this whole thing.

She goes, Yeah, like the skin, removal on my vagina lips. And he's like, Oh, I have no issues with I mean, anything to shave the curtains for a nice, clean appearance. I mean, I fully embrace. Okay, you know what? End this scene. Just stop this scene. Why is the scene even in here? Are you trying to make me jump out the window? I'll do it.

Oh, so you had like an Audi made in an innie.

Call the police.

It's like when you took that cupcake, it's like when you took that cupcake and put the bottom on the top, turned into a sandwich. Is that what you do with your olipia? This is like, okay.

So now we go to Charlie going to a restaurant for her. Oh, my God, you don't have kids yet? What the fuck is wrong with you scene? This one is with her sister, and we meet her kids, Annie and Davis. They come up, and they're annoying. Charlie is like, Wow, I wish you could have a margarita with me, but I guess you can't. She goes, Yeah, I guess I can't either. Have you talked to Scarlett lately? Okay. Have you talked to any man? Of course. Anything going Are we just going to waste our womanhood? Okay. Eggs don't last forever. Okay. Don't put all your eggs in one basket and then leave the basket on the porch and just let your eggs rot. You know what we say in the south?

Unless that basket is the doctor's office and you're getting insaminated. Of course, these two have someone named Scarlett in their lives, first and foremost. Then Charlie spends 10 to 20 minutes discussing her family, which is basically like, I've got an older sister and a younger sister, and we have different dads. But it's like, Well, I have an My older sister, and she was with a different dad, but then I have a younger sister, and she was a different dad, and then I was with another dad, but then I liked the third dad the most. Thank God I got third dad because the second dad I was not that into. My sister and I don't talk to the second dad, but the first one was not an issue because she was with a different dad. I'm like, You got two sisters. It's fine. We don't need to know the whole I'm in the genealogy here.

Another baby is on the way, and they discuss the baby. The kid wants to name the baby flower ball, which is why children are not allowed to hold office. Fucking idiots. Then one of the other kids is like, I'm having a taco. Charlie is like, Me, too. It's probably- Davis Renee.

It has a name, Davis Renee. Davis Renee. I guess that's the sister. The husband takes the kids outside because that's what happens on this show. They're like, Okay, can you get your husband to get the little rug rats out of the way so we can have a real scene? Thank you very much.

The ladies are talking. The ladies are talking, and boys do not understand what come women's mouths, okay? Still haven't been able to decode that myth. I'll be outside until you guys can shut up.

So ask me about prospects, and Charlie's saying that she likes Craig, but she's like, But you know, try Sally likes him, you know? And Davis Renee is like, But he's single, right? Okay, you're a woman, and it's your right to get… If there is a man with semen, that means that there is a uterus that is empty, and you better get it in, okay?

I'm not going to be- He's an alcoholic, he's unstable, and probably going to ruin his life any minute now. Who cares? He's got a penis. You need one of those in your lives. Okay? You're embarrassing this family.

Do you know what my daughter renamed me? She called me Non-Ant Ball. She used to call me Flour Ball. That's why the new kids can be called Flour Ball. But I'm not an aunt. And until I'm an aunt, she's going to keep on calling me for the rest of my life. And I will not be called Non-Ant Ball for the rest of my life. Do you hear what I'm saying? Put that man's semen in your vagina right now. Commercials.

Here comes one right now. Charlie tells us that she was her mom's consoler growing up, and that that has a lot to do with her wanting to make sure that she was okay. So now she has to make sure all of her friends are okay. She puts everyone's feelings before her own. Davis Renee is like, Well, maybe you can put my feelings before yours and get a man, okay? Until somebody else understands what it is like to sleep next to Fred Flintstone every night. I don't want to about it.

I told Orkin, Don't come by this house because I want there to be ants, lots and lots of ants. Let me be an ant.

Well, the older you get, the quicker, well, not quicker, but you just know what you want, don't you? I'm just trying to give you the best older sister advice that I can. I just want you to be happy like me, like me with my daughter who wants to name people flower ball. My son is picking his nose, and my fat hairy husband who's outside, sneaking drinks out of the flask he carries around and smoking marijuana. Okay, we are happy, and I want you to be happy, too. I'm like, Oh, my God. This show is stressing me out.

I know. Oh, console me, bitch. Consol me. I just want to be an aunt. So, Craig now goes to a place. That's so, Craig. He goes to a bar called, By the Way.

That's his bar.

Was that his bar?

Yeah, that's his place. That's his and Austin's joint venture, which is weird that they haven't talked about it on the show yet because they're like, We ate each other. Well, who's our restaurant bar that we opened together?

Well, in that case, my assessment was totally on the money. I was like, That's such a crack name for a bar, and it's his bar. By the way. By the way. So Craig is like, I think we're going to go up to Snug today, which I don't know what that is, the place to sit. So Whitner joins, and Craig is like, By the way, I saw. That was actually not me trying to make a joke. I literally just said, By the way naturally as a crack impersonation. So it really is a well-named bar. He's like, I saw you work out at my gym today, as if it's like he built the gym himself. Whitner is like, Yeah, that place doesn't have a fan. It's burning. He's like, Yeah, it's raw. It's like a raw workout.

It's like, raw. I was cracking up. And when there's like, Yeah, the way a gym should be. I didn't realize you and Austin go there. I go there at night. Austin walks on a treadmill and does cardio. It's not really a cardio gym. Craig's like, Yeah, it's not even cardio gym.

Yeah. So then when there's like, Hey, have you talked to him since? Yeah, it's a gym for raw. The other day, I brought in some cooked chicken, and they're like, You can't bring that in here. It's a raw gym. I was like, But by the way, I think I can. And they said, No. That's the way it goes.

Well, I've tried to talk to Austin, but he's doing this victim thing, and it's really unhealthy. It's really an unhealthy perspective to have. He is the victim. You were the monster, and he was the victim. That means you have to apologize. Do you understand?

You spent a whole year crying about how you didn't go to a dinner with Patricia at a restaurant, okay? Now you're going to complain about being their victim?

But they're going to see each other tomorrow at the guy's dinner. Yeah, but I had a good therapy session with ChatGPT.

This is what's happening, everyone. By the way, I figured out why I snapped on Austin. I felt so wrong by the follow-up from my breakup. He says, Austin keeping Audrey in a relationship when he knows they're not going to get married isn't fair. I was on the other side of this with Paige, and I think you got to let the person go live their life. Oh, so suddenly you have perspective on this?

Oh, yeah. I love that you let Paige go live her life. She dumped you, Craig. Okay, did ChatGPT skip that part? Who are you going? Who goes to ChatGPT? Stop.

Come on. Craig is also, by the way, pulling the Venetian right now, saying he should or should not be making assessments. But also, ChatGPT AI is so complementary and flattering. It's like, That's a great question. I mean, it's crazy. It's crazy. It's insane right now. To go for it to therapy for it, why am I so hurt by Austin's betrayal? It's because you're a great person, Craig, and of course, you'd be upset because you have wonderful ideas and you have great perspectives, and you care only about your friends. That for someone to reject that would mean that they are rejecting you and they are bad people. That's what ChatGPT is going to say to you.

Yeah, exactly.

That exact accent.

So, Whitner is like, Okay, so you're saying you were triggered? Yeah. Okay, just apologize for being triggered, but it doesn't mean he can fucking not show up to your house, not talk to you. Yeah. Why would I go to someone's house who treated me like? The last time he was with this guy in public, he got completely chewed out and dragged. Why would I go to that person's His house. That's crazy.

It's insane right now. The thing is, on top of that, Craig is like, Why is Austin even spending time with this girl he doesn't want to have any commitment with? But then at the same time, he's like, I can't believe he decided to go hang with his girlfriend instead of, Come to my pool party.

Exactly. While in the same scene being like, Oh, God, I want to fuck these other two girls, but I don't want anything to do with them beyond that. It's like, Okay. Yeah. He's like, Well, I'm really sympathetic with him because me and him have gone through the same thing. Oh, no, Whitner is saying this. He's saying, Yeah, we've been through the same thing because I got dumped, too. Emotionally, since the breakup, I'd be a liar if I said I didn't carry anger, but I was going to have a family. That's where I was going. That was the plan. So, yeah, I'm still angry. I still want to know what happened in this relationship because the whole... I will never forget him saying, Yeah, so then I did a bunch of stuff, and then she got mad and left. Okay, I need the a bunch of stuff.

Yeah. Because he's getting a really good edit. Right now, Whitner is the best guy on the show at the moment, but also because we know very little about him, and that's just working in his favor because we know too much about everyone else. Greg is like, Anyway.

This is definitely his grace season. But if he He comes back next year, oh, they'll let him have it, especially Shep.

They really will. So Craig goes, Anyway, here's a report about my therapy. Chad GPT was like, You just have to be patient with yourself. Wow. That's some really deep therapy. It was ChatGPT pulling some information from a calendar at Hallmark's store. So he's like, And I cried, dude. I cried talking to my phone because my phone told me to be patient with myself. And then I waited for myself to stop crying, and I thought, Wow, look at how I'm waiting for myself to stop crying. I am being patient with myself. It's working. The process is working.

It was about shoving the book of my three years because that chapter with page is closed. I do feel like moving into this chapter that's passed, I want to fix my heart and other parts of my body are now like, Bro, fuck your heart. What are the rules with making out? Do you have to date right after? Because I know you don't, but I don't want to lead anyone on, but I also want to make out with someone.

The merged DNA of his ChatGPT therapy with his own assessments of life is hilarious. The chapter is closed and the book is on the shelf, but the chapter is actually in a different volume, so I have to take that book and put it on the shelf and then make sure they're in alphabetical order, but make sure also that I don't get horny because my brain wants something, my penis wants something else, and my penis wants to have sex with the book. That's what I'm trying to say.

But then if I open my heart, then what page is my foot reading? You know what I mean? Because my foot doesn't hear what my heart's saying, and my elbow only hears what my foot's saying. It's like a real mindfuck.

Chatgpt said that I have to turn the page on this, but I thought, Wait, she doesn't like when I spin her around, so that's not going to work. What else should I do?

So Whitner says, But that does beg the question. You've got two very young women who spent time in your hot tub. Are either of them a candidate or have you considered it? I mean, why ask one of them to make out? He's like, Oh, so you've got no fear to just ask someone out? What happens at the end of the day when there's nothing for nothing?

Dude, after what happened, I got a fucking £9,000 armor system on me. You can't get to the surface. I got stood up by a girl on Valentine's Day last year, and I was like, Fuck it. I don't even care anymore. Which you know now all the girls are going to flock to him and be like, Wait a second. His walls are up. He's damaged. I can help him.

Oh my God, you got stood up on Valentine's Day? Oh, God. Let's make a-Wait a minute. Austin got kittens. Oh, my God. What am I going to do?

Well, I don't have any armor. I cried to a fucking robot yesterday. I cried. I cried into my phone. My best friend, ChatGPT. So now we go to Patricia's house, and it's one hour before Patricia's gentleman dinner, which means that it's time to prepare, and there's a chef there who's cutting up a carrot nicely.

He is cutting up my heart and mincing it. Who is this chef? Where has he been all my life? Where do I find him? What an adorable man, the chef. I love this chef. Didn't you like this chef? I was like, Who is that man? It's a man.

Well, I have to say he cooked the steak perfectly. For that alone, I was very impressed. But you know.

Hottie. I thought he was a hottie. Patricia comes down and she's like, Wait night in the dining room, mother, with all your shinwasai. Shinwasai, shinwasai.

Well, you did the plus one, right? I did the plus one. Okay, so you put me in the midst of it all here. Put me close to the taser so I can have easy access for Randy later.

You know me, just put me in the middle because I don't like to cry. He's like, God forbid, mother. I don't think about the dragon in Eastern lore. I don't think it represents love and friendship. So maybe tonight everyone will resolve their issues and it'll be harmonious and civilized. Bunch of losers. We shall see.

So over at Austin's house, he is eating Chick-fil-A, and Audrey calls, and she's like, What are you doing? She's like, He's like, Watching my cats. They're playing with my jacket now. It's insane. Look, there's Martini. So he shows off the cats and everything. And he basically is saying he's having a dinner before the dinner. He's like, Because every year, he never gets to eat because someone yells at him and he loses his appetite.

That's funny. He's eating before he goes. She's like, Okay, so does that mean Craig is going to be there? Because I just don't like the way he's treating you and talking to you. Because at the end of the day, you get nothing for nothing. That's all you can say for the life of the poor. He doesn't know one single thing about our relationship. All he knows is that my eyebrows are funny, and you can't comment on that. And that's what pisses me off the most because you all take one step forward and then it's 10 steps back every single time. Why does it have to be like that? Hold on. Let me plug my eyebrows again. They're growing in. They're growing in. Hold on. Hold on. Okay. Are they gone? Are they gone? Okay, you can answer now.

I'm afraid to. Normally, I love the guy's dinner, but now I've got to deal with this halfway fake fucking friend, Craig, who I don't even want to know how to deal with right now, and I don't want to deal with him at all. Okay? She's like, Well, you guys have obviously got a lot to work stuff to work on. But just don't be so forgiving to the point where tomorrow everything is perfectly fine. You forget the things he was saying. I guess what I'm trying to say is TLDR, please don't forgive him. If you're going to forgive him, don't let him off the hook by saying something like, I don't know, I care about you, or some easy, facile bullshit like that. Got it. I'm going to sit him down and say, Craig, no matter what, I care about you. I can't help but care about you. I take you back. I love you, Craig.

She's like, My eyebrows just grew back in. Okay, so now we go over to Patricia's, and she's like, I'll sit in a little chair you always complain about because it's not a manly man chair. You with your manly tattoos and your Air One hat. I get it.

So there's incessant knocking at the door. And Whitney and Patricia are both like, Randy, is he here? Someone check the oven. The butler doesn't hear the doors. He might be trapped in there. Can someone get him? I don't know which one we go to first, the front door or the oven door.

Randy might still be stuck to the giant piece of rat catching paper that I put on his bedsheets. Someone unpeel Randy so he can get the door. He comes out. He's like, Oh, I got it. I got it, ma'am. Got it, ma'am.

So Chef comes in. He's like, Hey, Randolph. He's like, Oh, sorry, I didn't get to open the door for you. Could you just please tell, could you please tell ma'am that I did open the door? Otherwise, I'm going to get five lashings tonight. He's like, Yes, no problem. Well, you know I've been here enough times to let myself in. Harkers.

So, you know, hellos and hellos and all that. And Jack, Whitney's like, The jacket's great. The shirt's terrible, but I still love you, bro.

You're already going to stay in. That's rain. It's raining outside. Life is good. Thanks for having me. It's a rainstein. Stop looking at my rainstein. They all sit down and then Whitneyer shows up, and this first time meeting Ms Patricia. He says hello to her and everything. He just sits down, and there's some small talk about where he's going to sit. He gets a drink, and he thanks them and everything. Then, Craig arrives, and he's like, Can I have a beer, please? But what was so interesting is that Patricia was very warm to him because the whole thing last season was Craig was never around. She's like, I'm not even going to have my birthday with him. I'm not inviting him because he's never around, and he just forgets about us. But now she was like, She's like, Hey, darling. I guess they settled their beef, huh?

Well, he got rid of the thing that was really bothering her. The woman. You're right.

You're right. Pajia.

Now he's all back to the Southern Charm cast. His dreams of happiness are dashed so we can be friends again. He was like, Wow, thank you for having me. Look at Craig. He brought a hostess gift. Wow. So then we go to… Now, Whitney says hi to Craig, and he's like, Wow, someone's making an effort. Shep looks like he took his shirt out of the dryer and threw it on.

Hey, gosh, do you guys see my forehead? I was moving and some metal glass fell out of the top of my shelf and hit me between the eyes, and now I've got this mark between my eyes. Gosh. And she's like, Okay, that was an uninteresting story. Next time, just come up with something funny. Like, I don't know, you fell into an electric fence like the time I pushed Randy into an electric fence. God, so fun.

It's funny how the cows can figure out how to get past that thing, but Randy can't.

So Chef is going to Cuba tomorrow. And then there's another knock-up door.

Chef loves Cuba. He's always in Cuba. He really loves some communism, that guy. It's all about it.

Loves a cigar and a mojito. So now Now we meet Steven, who's Whitney's friend, and Steven is hilarious because he's a huge asshole, but he's mocking these guys the entire time.

He's amazing. He's like, Look at these fucking shit.

It's like, he's amazing. Where did they laughing at him.

Why is he not a main cast member? This guy's fucking amazing.

He's from a Patricia class that's above all these other people, and so he's just like, Oh, look at them. Look at them stupid. Look at the stupid way he's saying things right now. Are you serious? That's hilarious. Steepid.

I've heard so many wonderful things about you. He's like, Oh, and I have heard the same about you. Now, thank you. This is for you. La Grand'am. And he presents her La Grand'am.

Why? He definitely has some dandy energy, but I just don't know if that's just because he's British. But Jeff is like, Oh, Dr. Stevens's background is fascinating, and I'm probably going to get a little bit wrong, but his father was a British man who went to Nigeria to be in the physician for the ruling at the party at the time. And then he ended up marrying and having children with the daughter of the ruling class people down there. And then he moved to London, and now he's a doctor. Wow! Just like his dad. I was like, Great story, Shep. Thanks. Yeah.

Yeah, good one. One day I'll have a baby. La Grande dame champagne typically costs between $2 and $300 for a standard bottle, and it can go for $300. And older rare vintages are around $1,000.

So, How many wicks does it have? La Grande dame champagne.

Now, Steven sits down in an armchair and he's like, Oh, I've got a plush seat as well. Hurrah for me, eh?

Be careful. It's an antique. Oh, right. An antique in America where things are 13 years old and they're considered an antique. That's adorable.

It's adorable. Everything in this house is an antique. Steven, to endocrinate you with the guy's dinners, usually something disastrous happens. As you can see, Craig, well, he was born, and there's been chairs being broken, red wine spilled on a white sofa. Craig.

It is actually, every time they do this montage, which is now an annual thing, it is pretty hilarious because first we see Craig breaking that chair. Oh, my God, Craig, you broke the chair. Then we see Craig spilling the wine. Craig. Then we see, I forgot about Whitney falling over last year. It's a good montage.

Well, I'm hoping that having all you elegant gentlemen in here. We can all be civilized, eh?

I'm sorry. We're supposed to be civilized, but they're Americans. I don't think that's possible.

I'm So now they're talking about Austin. How's this going to go? And Craig goes, My relationship with Austin depends on his current issues with himself because everything is everyone else's fault in his life. Craig, it was literally your fault. ' He was like, 'For him to skip my pool party was so insane. So, poor Austin- Hold on.

Let me look up some more information about that. It's like, Craig, you don't have to read every single thing from ChatGPT.

' Austin is coming down the sidewalk to come into this house, and poor Austin just looks like a mess. His jackets all not fold like the... What do you call this part of the jacket? The breast? Did you notice it was folded out? L'hôtel. And he... Poor guy. He just comes in looking like a mess.

Yeah. So he comes in, and he also... The funny thing is everyone has a gift except for Chef, for Ms Patricia. And so Chef just keeps getting shown up by everyone with these bottles of wine. So Austin comes in, just like, Well, don't you look handsome? He's like, Thanks. I brought you a bottle of wine. Well, first of all, I'd like you to acknowledge my sarcasm with my first point there. And thank you for the bottle.

It's so interesting how you're wearing a dinner jacket, both inside out and right side out at the same time. Wow. So now Chef Ben comes out with a tray of pork and ginger Dumlins and pea choison. Greg's like, Wow! Yeah, he's the best chef I've ever met. And the chef's like, Wow! Peach hoisen. Hope this is as good as the peach hoison I make at home. I hope I don't get any peach hoison right between my eyes before I go to Cuba tomorrow.

Gosh. The winner is like, Please don't drip hoisting in my drink. Thank you very much. So Randy is like, Well, everyone, the chef is ready when you are. Please don't hurt me. Please don't hurt me.

He comes up right behind Pat and she's like, What? And he goes, I'm on this side of you, ma'am. She's like, Oh, Jesus, Randy. God.

He does. He pats her on the left, but he's actually on the right.

Dann is served. They go to the table and find their seats, and Patricia's like, Guess the theme? And Whitney says, Asian? Very good. Otherwise, Or otherwise known as horrible tattoos that Whitney didn't get.

These were just prospects. I'm going to guess the theme. I need a little bit more to go on. Can you share what I'm guessing the theme of? For example, a list of word or images, a party or event, a song playlist, a puzzle or a riddle, a class project. Craig, you don't have to do everything from ChatGPT. Sorry.

At this point, I think an exorcism needs to take place between Austin and Craig with a priest and spinning heads and barfing.

Then Austin is showing the cats to Patricia. This is, he's now getting to reap the rewards of pulling this move of getting cats, which is that he gets to show pictures of them off to everyone and endure himself and make himself seem soft and nice. So Patricia's like, Oh, I just love cats. They are so cute. I I love cats. For other people, that's why I have none of them in this household. Get them away from me. I've seen enough.

And he tells him that they're named Piper. He tells her that they're named Piper Martini, but doesn't ask for a Piper. No. Which she's supposedly who that's based on, right? I'm surprised they missed that. Come on, man. Yeah.

Then Chef Ben comes out. Roni gets a boner and gets some more food. Austin, we're going to have some wedding bells anytime soon. That was a joke for the audience because of course not. Ha ha ha.

Well, I do like having you here. Listen, single with somebody, however it is, one thing is guaranteed, Austin's going to eat with his mouth wide open. So everyone, put the plastic bags over your head. Trust me, it'll be worth it in the end.

So Austin's like, when Patricia asks if he's getting married, he's like, No, no, no, no, no, Am I wrong, everyone? Am I gold? I'm trying to be honest. You're right. All right. Well, what is it with you guys? I just don't understand it. Yeah. And so next comes some beef. It's like a beef and broccoli play. Chef Ben offers to give Austin a steak knife. And he's like, If you need that knife, I didn't do my job. Austin is like, Well, there you go. That is the question. No steak that for me. That's insane.

Wow, I've never had rice like this before. So good. Delicious. Gosh. Thank God. They need more white A man running Chinese restaurants. I don't understand.

I know, right? What do you mean they're not having rice like that? Finally, someone figured out how to fix it. Then Whitner is saying how he… They ask Whitner who he thinks is hottest and/or who he likes the most. Whitner says, Charlie, he goes, But I got a slightly awkward no. So we see a flashback. Whitner is in the kitchen, and he asks Charlie if she wants to go get a drink next week. And Charlie's like, Maybe a small group situation? I'm like, Oh, Charlie.

I mean, Whitner's got to be better than Craig, right? That's what I'm thinking. Why wouldn't he be a Wittner at least a chance?

Wittner seems like a really good catch, but she's going for Craig. I mean, Craig is the star, right? He's hot, and he's got this successful company, and he's famous, but he's also dumb as bricks, and it's not going to end well.

Yeah. Well, at least you took a swing, right, man? Well, speaking of taking swings, bring Randy in here. I want to have a little piñata action. I fed him somebutterscotch candies just to make this more fun. By the way, I had a long chat with Madison, and she was saying... Oh, right. That restaurant. Has the Health Department just gone out of commission or what? How did that happen? Anyway.

Craig Just so you know, anytime we say, By the way, you don't have to say, by the way, also, By the way.

We're trying to stick with edible things here, Craig. Now, I spoke with Madison, and she was saying that you've been Mr. Hot tub with girls every night. Is that true?

We see Madison is saying that he's got a love triangle with a whole bunch of beta girls. Sally, Sally, and Sally, and the other one, Charlie.

It's crazy.

Ms Patricia is like, Interesting. Well, it's been fun for me. I'm just there, the storyteller, hosting people, telling stories in my hot tub.

If only I could upload one of their consciences to my Alexa.

And make them my therapist. God, I want a robot Charlie therapist.

Well, what do you do when it gets really hot and steamy there in the hot tub? He's like, Jump in the pool. It's like a fun circuit. Some people would make fun because no one's kissed yet. Oh, get out of here, you fucking liar. I don't believe you.

Shep is like, That's the most PG hot tub ever. Steven's like, Okay, just adolish me on this, but out of everyone, Craig, you strike me as the person most likely to be in a serious relationship right now, right? And Craig makes a face like, Sad. I'm dying inside. Did I just fuck up? Sorry.

I'm so sorry. It just looks like you're the one. It looks like you're right there at the end about to fall in love right before his milk's expiration date hits and you're ugly forever. Oh, sorry. When you see him- Oh, God. Single still.

When you see an American running to a McDonald's and they get there and it says, Close for the night, and they just cry and cry and cry. That's your face right now.

You're the last day the milk is sold. I mean, God bless Paul Shepp over here. He's already sitting cheese. Look at him, sitting, spitting cheese. But you had a chance. So how's that going for you? It's like, oh.

Well, I was in a three-year relationship, and I bought a ring, and I thought we were going to get married because we're going to get married one day, and she just looked in the other direction. I took that to be a, I agree, yes.

We were in the pool one time, and I said, Yeah, we should get married. Then she called an Uber, and I was like, Nailed it.

She left, but I wish we could go back. I can't lie to you and not say I wouldn't take her back. They're like, Oh, gosh. What? Crazy, gosh.

She left you. She left you. You're not the one who takes somebody back. She ran like hell. So Chef's like, Wow! I'm so You're surprised. He said he would get back with her. You're surprised? Talking about, Craig's like, Well, it takes a while for your heart to catch up to your brain, and it takes a while for your brain to catch up to… Well, everything, I guess. I don't know where that sentence was going. And Whitney's like, Oh, yeah, fuck that girl. She's too old anyway. Is she still in her 30s now? Get rid of her.

Unless she has a logo of some alcohol brand on her arm, I don't care about her. Well, there. Ms Patricia is like, Well, you were very good at being single, Craig, just as how Randy's very good at destroying his phones and kitchen appliances.

Just like Randy's good at being the single worst butler I've ever had in my entire life.

So he comes back out.

Sweet rice cake with a bit of caramelized mango with some Sesame candy just sprinkled over the top there, boys.

This is incredible. It's the best one. Yeah, there isn't one right answer. Consider what aligns best with your priorities. Craig, stop reading your therapy right now during dessert. Sorry.

Whitney, Patricia, thank you very much. As always, another successful guy dinner. This is amazing. We'll all raise a toast to that, right?

Yeah. And so they raise their glasses to toast, and they go, Cheers, cheers, cheers. And then Steven almost knocks his chair over. They're like, There it is.

Oh, gosh, the broken chair of the year. Broke another chair. Luckily, I'm one of the few I could afford it.

That was an amazing response. He's like, You cannot shame me. When we break chairs, we do it for fun.

I could buy and sell every chair in this house. You all need to get new chairs over there. It's time. It's okay. This wasn't Revolutionary War era. I'm not like this. Okay, I'm having fun. You all have a good time in front of this mural of the Revolutionary War where you're having dessert.

I know. I just love how unbothered Steven was about this chair. He's like, In Britain, we have chairs from 1700s at the target. This is nothing. What is it? Five pounds? She's like, I've had enough. I'm going upstairs.

Yeah, so she goes, and Austin is like, Hey, Craig, maybe you're not to talk yet. Hey, let's go outside and talk. They go out and… Let's see. Here's their big talk. Austin's like, Well, I can't lie and say that sitting inside tonight laughing, it wasn't really nice. That hasn't been my settlement for the past week. It's gone from, obviously, anger at Witz house. Show the clip of that. I just felt so utterly betrayed, Craig. Utterly betrayed. I was like, What am I even doing here?

Well, of course, that was a singular out of anger action, but you triggered the fuck out of me, and then I hit you back. So none of it was Craig's fault?

No, he was triggered. He was triggered, guys.

Someone did this to him. He's like, Well, I don't know when you're going to laugh and when you're going to do that. I don't know when you're going to go nuclear. But you hurt me before, too. It doesn't make it right. Craig, the gentle husk that is Craig. Be careful with him.

It's fragile, guys. I don't want to feel like I'm playing chess with my friends. It's mostly because I don't like to play chess. It's a hard game. It's a very hard game.

There is no game of chess. I don't even know what that is. I was like, Well, I don't want to be the one, but you're not. I do want to apologize if you're open to it because I was pissed at you and that you fucking chirped at me. Then we see more flashback of them fighting again. And he's like, Because I like feeling safe around people. And when you said that, which is funny because Austin's whole thing is like, I don't feel safe around you because I never know if you're going to laugh or you're going to scream at me. But now Craig is like, I like being safe around people. And when you I said that, it was just triggering all my lifelong shit of having friends turn their back on me, and I'm working on it. I went last night, I went right to my therapist, right to my fucking therapist after our fight. And my therapist was like, There's no internet connection. I was like, I get it. She's like, No, I don't know what you're saying. Give me a moment. I was like, I get it. I'm just bummed.

I went to my fucking therapist to talk about it. I was so upset. Then she started playing all about that bass again.

She said, If it were easy, you wouldn't be asking. Give yourself some grace. Then she said, I think it really comes down to what feels right for you in the long run. Then she said, Whatever you choose, make sure it's something you can stand by. Craig, you're just reading generic lines off of ChatGPT.

But I'm bummed that you missed the party. I'm bummed that it had such a fallout, even though I never called and apologized to you or tried to work it out or actually get you to my party. I don't know what the bad for it is, but I would feel fine. Just let's give each other grace because mine wasn't malicious. It's like, It seemed pretty malicious, Greg.

It was pretty malicious. When I yelled at you in front of everyone and belittled your relationship, it wasn't malicious. Well, that's a decision you're going to have to make. I can't convince you of that. We either accept each other for who we are and move forward, and I continue to give you space, but I miss hanging out with you. Well, all right. Well, I heard you, and you heard me, and I cannot help but fucking care about you, Craig. You know, Audrey somewhere being like, Oh, jeez.

Audrey's like, Can I ever win? Can I ever fucking win? Austin doesn't know what's next for them, but when you have your expectations set low, you can't be disappointed. That's where he is with Craig.

Well, I hope we can still be friends by the way. By the way, by the way.

How cute.

So, saga continues. Thanks, everyone, for being here. Fun episode. We are back with The Valley and Beverly Hills and traders for a very busy Friday. Don't forget to get your tickets for the Golden Crappies, and we will catch you on the next episode.

Bye. Bye.

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