Transcript of The SpongeBob Letters: Tuesday, November 5th, 2024

Good morning, millennials.

Welcome back to The Toast. And happy Tuesday. Arguably the chewiest Tuesday of all Tuesdays, because today we're choosing the new President. And Jackson Clawed here to bring it all down for you. Steve Wozniacky edition. What's that guy's name?

So Steve Wozniack.

So similar. Yes, that's his name. Steve Cornicelli, Alex Cornicelli's brother.

Steve Glasses.

Steve Trousers and Glasses, yeah.

Steve Glass, George Glass. Yes.

His name is Steve Glass.

So yes, we have done away with the fast five. This is going to be an election day special where we're going to break down everything that's happening, county by county, vote by vote.

Swing state by swing state.

Swing state by swing state. I think that's what everybody wants.

Everything you thought you knew about the toast, put it out of your mind. Today, we are breaking down the biggest and baddest things going on in the country. And that is-In the country. That's Trump, Vance, VS, Harris, Walls. Let me tell you, these duo names don't roll off the tongue. They're chewy.

Well, the way you just said it, it was Chewy because you threw in a V-S.

Okay. No, but Trump, Vance versus...

The versus was tripping me.

Okay, Trump Vans, Harris Walls. They both just... They're chewy. Do you know what I mean?

Harris Walls is...

It's like a lot of R's and W's. Then Trump Vans is very continent-heavy. Yeah. Consonet?

What about Trump JMP walls, Harris Vans.

Honestly, it sounds better.

I think just the way I'm saying it and the way you're saying it, you're making a meal of it.

Obviously, we will not be doing that today because we actually value our careers. We're just here to get you through the day. Honestly, congratulations. I was thinking about that on the way over here. It's been a long election season. I feel like it really amped up in January. We have been doing this for a long time. We have made it through. Let the chips fall where they may. We're at the inflection point. We made it. It's almost over. That's major. Congrats for making it through. It's a tough time, election season. People become really insufferable, especially if you work in the public sphere. Best of luck to you. We made it through. Honestly, I'm proud.

We're going to have a chili to celebrate. Yes.

I'm defrosting meat as we speak. I said, Ben, get on it. Ben's golfing, so I am forced to make the chili today, so we're screwed. We're screwed, yeah. We are screwed. Claudia, you deserve better. Ben's like, I can start the chili when I get home at four.

He should have started it before he had it out for the day. Put it in the crock and let it sit.

Yeah. It'll be an adventure. Turdies. Turdies cooking adventures. They're always fun and exciting. We'll just see where it takes us.

I had wanted to start mine before the toast today, but I just ran out of time. But it's okay. If I start right after the toast and then put it in the crock, we'll be on time for dinner time. But it would have been nice to have that behind me.

Something major happened to me yesterday. I haven't really spoken about this publicly in a while. I speak about it in my personal life all the time. But as you guys know, around Q1 of this year, I decided to be a woman of my word, which is what we were talking about yesterday, how important it is. I decided to set up an encampment outside of Bloomingdale's. I'm one of their biggest customers in their restaurant. I eat there.

That's not what I thought, because what I thought you were going to say, which is, by the way, you missed 10 months sober.

I must- Yeah, I know, because I lied when it was nine, and I just moved on.

I know, but now it was the time to do it. Yeah, but I had already done it.

I posted in feed. I couldn't post twice.

Oh, I thought you deleted it. No, I thought that's what you were saying, because that's what you started It was in January that you said you were going to do it, and you did it.

No, what I started in Qn is that, like I said, I would not be supporting this restaurant any longer because I'm just tired of eating food that isn't good. I have literally not eaten there once. Not once, since I said, I'm such a woman of my word. But Shannon was in town yesterday We wanted a light, swirly lunch.

It was just like the- You have to see the site.

It was really just what we needed. We wanted sodas and salads and wraps. I went, and let me say, I crossed the picket line. I'm a scab. I'm a scab.

We already knew that.

Yeah, I'm a big-time scab. It was so good.

I don't know- You know why it was good?

I don't know if they were having a good day. I happened to just catch them on a good day because that happened. Or that was my impact.

No, you needed some distance. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. When you're eating it every single day, you become accustomed to the taste, and you become more in the weeds as opposed to having it fresh. You miss the whole experience. No, no, no, no, no.

Trust me. I know when my wraps aren't made with love. Yesterday's was made with love. I always request extra toast it, and they never toast it. But this time it was. There was tangible differences. I'm not saying it's my impact because it could have just been an off day, and I go back in a couple of days, and it's back to... I'm cautiously optimistic.

I think it was a good day, plus absence makes the heart grow fonder. I think if you were like, Oh, they got their shit together. I'm going to go back every day, you would get to the same place that you were at.

No, that's actually so offensive and belittling of you. Because then that's just assuming that my encampment only began because I got sick of the place. Not like there was an actual flaw in the restaurant.

No, that's not what I said.

Yes, because you're like, Well, you eat it too much.

I just said there is a flaw in the restaurant that it's on and off all the time. So you had an on day.

No, you're not understanding. You're not understanding. Okay. It was made with love.

I'm glad for you.

It was really good. I didn't want to be embarrassed in front of Shannon, taking her to a restaurant that's full of crap. I think she enjoyed it. We had ice cream, we had wraps, we gossiped for three hours. Then she was leaving- Three hours of gossip.

I feel like when you debriefed me, I didn't get three hours worth. Yeah, I was feeling tired. I feel like there's things you're hiding from me. Ben is keeping you from me.

She was at my house right before she went to the airport. She was coordinating her Uber to come pick her up. And literally, she was being... I'm an airport Nazi. I'm always super early. She was just being very relaxed about it. And her flight was out of LaGuardia, which is closest to the city. So I was like, All right, I get it. She had a check bag. She was just being a little loose, a little free, willing. And she She's calling herself an Uber, and she realizes her flight is actually out of JFK, which is double the time away, and she's certainly not going to make it. So much drama. She ended up getting on a flight out of LaGuardia. She's okay, but a chaotic day in my house. Wow. Yeah, drama. It It bothers me everywhere. Yeah, drama. These people are obsessed with me. I feel like you don't have a dramatic life.

I work hard to make sure that it's not.

So that it's ordinary instead of violent?

Exactly. I don't court drama. Something could happen to me, and I could make it a dramatic moment, but I don't because that's not the level that I want to live my life at.

Do you think that that's something I do?

I actually wasn't thinking of you, but I feel like something could happen. People assume the worst intent or someone are like, I'm going to take it to your manager. I'm just like, let the chips fall where they may.

I have to tell you, I did not hear one word you just said. Sometimes people are like, The girls talk so fast. I don't know what they're saying. And I'm like, You guys can't relate. I actually did not hear one word of an entire sentence that you just said. Which last did you heard? You said, Sometimes things will happen in your life. I was rambling. No, but even after the ramble, I did not hear.

Sometimes things will happen and you're like, This is wrong. I'm going to take it to the manager. When something doesn't go my way, I'm just like, Okay. Got it. And so it didn't go my way, and I maintain my calm.

I guess we're different in that sense because I'm a justice seeker. If something is wrong, it should be made right, and especially if I'm the person who's been wronged, of course. I guess in that sense, I do seek out drama, but I call I think of it more as justice than drama.

Of all the people that I know, when I think of someone who seeks out drama, you're not first on the list if that makes you feel good. Really?

I feel like people are always calling me dramatic.

I think you know who's first on the list.

Olivia. Olivia is a drama queen.

Olivia is the drama.

Olivia is a storyteller, and it's one of her greatest qualities because she'll tell you something that happened, and it sounds crazy and exciting. It actually wasn't like that, but she's really very eloquent in her storytelling telling abilities, and she makes it all sound so exciting.

No, and if the same thing had happened to me, I might not have even noticed it.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Twenty-five packs of gum is like an O-G family inside joke. Seriously, since we were six, and it was a huge fight between Olivia and Jackie. We were on vacation in Florida. Please tell the story. I know we've said it on this show before, and I can never remember it.

Just in case we haven't. It's illustrative.

It's illustrative of Olivia's flair for the dramatics.

We were like young tweens, and we were going for a walk. I think it was probably just the three of us. Maybe Margot was there, but it's not germane to the story. We went to Walgreens, as one does, and Claudia and I wanted to buy a pack of gum.

Because we're kids and we're crazy.

Yeah. Maybe I'll give Olivia benefit of that. Maybe we wanted to buy two.

One for each of us. One for each of us. That does sound like something we do.

Maybe Margot was there and we wanted to buy three. One for each of us.

When we used to go on excursions without our parents, Olivia, the way our family was the dynamic, Olivia was automatically in charge. Olivia has always been the boss of us since we were kids. That was a rule we really respected. She was given the money, she was given the directions. We were in servitude of Olivia Osher. When we got back, the report would always come in. How did everybody behave? It was always Olivia's responsibility to report back, give the change.

For some reason, we started fighting in Walgreens. I don't know why. But when we got home and Olivia related to our parents, what went down, she said that Claudia and I wanted to buy 25 packs of gum.

Here we are feeling so slandered. It's just so crazy when somebody says something and it's not what happened. It was just the way, Jackie, in particular, because I would have forgotten about it. Jackie never forgot this moment because it was just really emblematic, if you will, of Olivia's real tendency to jazz it up. To add color.

To add color and to add packs of gum.

25 packs of gum. That's so classic love.

Anyway, all is to say, I think you operate at a decent level of drums. Technically, it was Shannon's drama. I think the issue more so is you making it about you.

Yeah, but Shannon was really chill about it. She was like, I'll get in the car I'll see if I can find another flight. If that's me, I'm sweating.

Yeah, but also there are a number of flights from New York to National's.

She's on her remote area. It was late in the night. Maybe she wanted to sleep over by your house. I said, by the way, I'll make the guest bedroom up. Let me know if you don't make it.

Yeah, her options were It's good no matter how you slice it. It's true. I'd be chilled, too.

So true.

You can't get bent out of shape about that stuff.

Yeah, I guess that's really what you learn the older you get, not to get so bent out of shape over things. That's actually something you have taught me that I'm really trying to implement into my life because to me, every mountain is a molehill. Everything is the biggest, worst, most horrible thing that's ever happened to me. Just letting things roll off your back is such a hard but good quality to have, and I'm really trying to become that person. Well, that's good. You literally don't give a fuck about most things, except when Jackie freaks, you know it's bad.

Yeah, long fuse. When it reaches its end, run for cover. It's over for you, bitches. But it's a very long views. Very, very long. Very, very long.

We also have endless. We have a great show today. We have stories. Tell me a little bit about them. What are they like?

They're a little random. Not the greatest elk, but But seriously, who's really doing anything today other than voting? Really, who's going to post an announcement, make something about them? It's election day. I just feel like that's inevitable.

Terrible, but inevitable?

It's It was terrible but inevitable. Of course, last year, last election, presidential, Erica Jordy did file for divorce.

By the way, we were grateful to her for giving us something to talk about besides the election. That was a gift.

Now we have some things happening yesterday, like a little something, but nothing major. And that's to be expected because the major news is the election. Get out and vote if you haven't already. I'm wearing an election sweater.

Oh, my God. I'm so jealous. I didn't think of like, dressing for something swirly or even wearing my sticker.

Or I've been wearing your sticker. I have this American flag sweater from Tucker Nook. So cute. And I was going to wear it the other day, and I was like, no, I should save it for election day.

Yeah. How do you feel as a red head about wearing the color red? Because actually for-Not my favorite. Right. For your birthday gift, I almost bought something like that was would clash with your coloring?

No, no, no. Actually, so much so, I don't own anything red. This was gifted to me from Tuckeruck, and they had a blue one, too, that they sent you. And I would have chosen blue, but I'm not complaining. And I actually, I think it's fun to change it up. But I was at Wonder Woman for Halloween, two nights, and one of my costumes only came with a skirt, not a shirt. You just have to wear a red shirt. And I did not have just a red T-shirt. I wound up having to... You know that Maschino McDonald's T-shirt that I used to wear all the time? If you're an OG fan here, you know the shirt. I wore it to death. I turned it inside out, and I wore that because I literally don't own a red anything.

That's so funny. There are no colors I avoid. I have to gravitate more towards black, but I don't stay away from any color. So many things you have to think about when you're a red head.

It's true. I'm sure if you think hard about it, there are colors you avoid?

I wouldn't wear vomit green, but that's just because it's ugly. If there's a shirt or a blouse or a dress that looks amazing on me, I don't care what color it is.

I'm really big on colors. I can love something. And also, when I love I get it in every color, but if it's not my colors, oh, no.

This inevitably will lead us to the conversation about getting our colors done, which we haven't done, but we should.

Yeah, no, I've moved on from it. Oh, she's over it. It just felt really necessary at one point because everybody was doing side by sides for us and being like, She looks like shit today in this shade of green. Deep winter. She should be wearing this shade of green. Now people aren't doing that anymore, so it's not top of mind for me.

Well, I actually intentionally wore to white today because- To symbolize the white stripes on the flag?

No.

I wanted to stay away from any color so as not to make anybody think I was making an endorsement in a subliminal way. No, actually, this clip of me talking on the podcast went viral on TikTok. Somebody else posted it. Obviously, the point of video is not my looks, but it happened to look really beautiful. I was like, I wonder what I did differently that day. My face looks so light and bright, and I was wearing white. I was like, maybe I'll try to replicate that. Somebody just took a video of their computer where I was, I guess a couple of days ago or maybe last week, I was saying something and I was like-Probably four months ago. No, I know it was somewhat recently.

What were you saying? I'll tell you when it was.

No, because I know I was looking at the outfit, I was wearing jeans, and I just decided to wear jeans last week and really regret it because it was hurting my vagina while I sat here. I was like- What were you saying? I said I was in the middle of a sentence, and then I said, Oh, wait, I was about to make a joke that was literally going to land me in jail. The kids loved it on TikTok, and I was like, How familiar are you?

It was the day after the cyber I'm in a truck.

Okay, so yeah, last week. Was that wrong?

No, you were right. That's the whole clip?

Yeah, it was just a cute moment of people finally appreciating my sense of humor on TikTok. Thank God. I love that. Oh, I also forgot to tell you. We went super viral on TikTok. We are being accused of being a Rage Bate podcast. Do you know what that is?

No, but I'm sad. Tell me everything.

Rage Bate is when you clearly say something factually inaccurate or stupid, just to bait people with rage. It was our clip about Lizzo's Halloween costume because we didn't discuss in the clip that her costume was a reference to a South Park joke that was made about her. We don't watch South Park. I actually don't care. The comments, people are... Seriously, someone's going to come stab us. They're so mad. So it has a million views and all these comments, just rage bait, rage bait. They're mad, big mad.

And it our clip that went viral? Because we did clip that. From our account, yeah. That's so funny. I just want to say, maybe she did do it because of South Park, but I think she might have dressed up as that even without South Park because it's just Ozempic and it's pretty obvious. Everyone gets made fun of on South Park. They don't make it into a Halloween costume. Maybe she said... She probably said... If everyone's yelling about it, she probably said somewhere, I'm doing this because of South Park. But the story works even without South Park. Sorry.

The more I think about it, the more I can't believe that you wore that sweater and didn't tell me to wear mine. I didn't realize we have the same exact sweater. It would have been so cute and swirly. You don't think that it would be dopey? Oh, my God. What's more American than matching American flag sweaters? I'm so mad at myself for not even thinking about it.

I'm sorry.

How cute would be a bear? I'm sorry.

We would have been so cute and so American.

Oh, sorry. We forgot to open the show. God bless America, land that I love. Stand beside her and guide her through the night, no, through the light from the-night.

Through the night with the light from above.

From the mountains, to the prairies, to the oceans, white with foam. God bless America, my home sweet home. God bless America, my home sweet home. I fucking love that song.

Me too. All of the American anthems really slay the house down boots. I have a fun game for us to play. Okay.

Oh my God. You have a game?

It's a fusion of like, Toast Games, X Election Day. Okay. So We're going to predict the election outcome right now by playing our heart game. Right now, if we can make a heart, that means that Kamala will win, but then we'll do it again It's for Trump. Okay.

Then it's a tie if we both get it. By the way, what if we don't get it for either of them?

Well, then we didn't predict the election. Okay.

Don't forget, we did predict the Super Bowl that one year. Okay, ready? Three. Just place your hand in three, two, Two? One.

This will tell you if Kamala will win.

Okay. Honestly, I slayed that one. It felt really right.

Okay, now we'll see if Trump will win. And if they both get it, then there could be a tie.

And then we will find out for But there could be a tie anyway.

That could happen. Could it? Okay, ready? Yeah, Electoral College, if the numbers shake out that way.

I feel like there's no way that they could. No, it's silver. You're telling me the Electoral College didn't think that through?

There's processes for if there's a tie, but it could happen.

It's so Selena Meyer, by the way.

It's so Selena Meyer.

Okay, ready? For Trump. Three, two, one.

I do think the outcome will be different because you're doing something different right now. Am I? You seem like... Anyways, either one of them or they're both probably wrong. We've never done it successfully.

I would bet that they're both wrong.

There you have it. Not to spoil the evening for you.

Should we also flip a coin? Heads for Kamala, tails for Trump?

I don't have a coin in here.

Me neither. Who the fuck has a coin these days? Actually, I have a coin jar in my home because I never know what to do with random coins I find in Ben's pants. I started a jar. There's I have six dollars in there now. Nice. Yeah. Also, I find random bills in my house, like euros and shit from the three times I've ever traveled. She travels.

Yeah. International.

I don't know what to do with it. So it's in that jar, too. It's a weird jar.

You could take it all to the bank one day and they can get it?

Yeah, I could. I definitely could.

I saw Zack just text me he's going to the market. You know what? Ground chicken. I was going to make a beef chili, but I didn't want to.

Yeah, I'm doing ground chicken chili today. One is what I had, but it was what I was looking for. It was my number one choice.

Ground chicken is the best.

Because Ben saw our Instagram post yesterday. He said, Oh, we're making chili tomorrow. I said, Yeah, we are. He had to sit me down. I think he thought I was going to be adversarial. He was like, We have to talk to Jackie. Like, enough with this meat alternative turkey.

Ben hates ground turkey. By the way, I'm so off of turkey. Me too. You know what it's from? Remember that night that we cook turkey lettuce at my house?

Jackie, that ruined ground turkey for me. Can we talk about how disgusting those were? Me too.

It was in the spring when Claudia was here. She makes these lettuce wraps with Ben, so we made it. I only had turkey, so we did ground turkey, and it was so yucky.

It was so yucky.

It was so turkey.

We might as well have seriously been eating a live turkey. That's how turkey it tasted. I'm so glad that you... Because we all were eating it. We're like, Oh, it's good. We didn't want to acknowledge that this thing we all collectively spent all day on was fucking disgusting. But when we went upstairs, Ben was like, That was fucking disgusting. I'm like, Listen, you can't be rude. Somebody is cooking for us. We're in their house.

The thing is, it was the turkey of it all.

It was the turkey. It was the turkey of it all.

Before that, I used to make ground turkey all the time. It's weirdly, they always have kosher ground turkey at my grocery store, so it's really accessible for me. Whenever I would make meatballs, I'd make them with the ground turkey. I had a couple of bad turkey incidents in the last few months. I actually made ground turkey last night because I had it in my fridge because it's accessible at the grocery store, and I was going to put in my chili for it tonight. I was like, I don't fucking want chili. So I made this Weight Watchers turkey skillet.

When I was on Weight Watchers, they really pushed ground ground turkey because it's zero points. I'm such a big portion-eater. I was abusing the Weight Watchers system by seriously having 65 turkey beetles, but they're actually not good. That's why it's free points.

It's just so turkey.

It's No turkey. You understand now, because when I was first introduced to it, I must have been eating something that was made really well because I was like, Wow, if I could just swap out everything I eat for ground turkey, all my tacos and my chili, I'll be thin? Oh my God. It's not that simple. It's disgusting.

Last night, I had a taco salad with turkey, and it was fine, but I don't want a turkey chili. I took out two packs of ground beef, and they're defrosted. I was going to do a beef chili. I don't love a beef chili. It's just a little fatty.

Oh, it's just a little beef For me is a little heavy. I'm at this age of this era in my life, and ground meat is my favorite thing to have for dinner.

Oh, my gosh.

It's like, Meatables, tacos.

I need to get a meat grinder.

Yeah, we got one. The attachment to the Kitchen Aid. Ground meat is my favorite meat of choice. And really, the last year, ground chicken is so underrated.

Ground chicken is the best of the ground. So Zack is going to get me ground chicken, and now we're having chicken chili. And if you are following my chili recipe, if it's not too late, swap out the ground turkey. It's so turkey.

It's so turkey. Also, Taylor Strecker makes her chicken chili with rotisserie chicken. So it's precooked, and it saves so much time.

Oh, that's another thing.

And she shreds it up, and it's actually really good. And hers is a Weight Watchers. It's a Weight Watchers' recipe. And chicken breasts, like white meat on a rotisserie is zero points, too. It's so good.

By the way, I'd like to challenge you. If you're cooking chili today, why not follow my recipe? I am. Oh, you are?

Yeah, of course. Except Ben was like, You can't make it with turkey. I said, I would never. Yeah.

Oh, okay. But you've never followed my chili recipe, so I'm excited.

Yeah, I don't really follow recipes in general. That's the problem. So don't be offended that I avoided yours.

But that way we can ensure success.

Yeah.

And cook it in the cruce and then move I'm going to put it to the crock.

No, I'm just leaving it in the cruce.

Okay, but remember to stir. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm using your crock pot you got me.

I got Jackie such a nice gift, a sickening crock pot.

From Laura Ashley.

It's Laura Ashley for Dolce & Gabbana. It literally looks like Dolce & Gabbana. It's sick.

It's so... Even if you had got me a Dolce & Gabbana, like a Sicily printed crock pot, this one's more beautiful.

It's really gorgeous, except for the Laura Ashley logo, but we'll scuff it out.

I don't know Laura Ashley. Actually, actually, actually, I posted my wallpaper yesterday, and to rave reviews, everyone's really like it. But some people were like, This is so Laura Ashley. I'm like, I don't know her, but she sounds fabulous.

There's nothing wrong with her or her company. Her logo is huge. It literally takes up too much of the crockpot.

But I don't know Laura Ashley.

Do you know her? In a personal sense, no.

What's your association with her?

My association with her is lots of commercials in Florida. I feel like when we used to sit on those- Maybe we should be friends. And those big Lazy Boy recliners at Grandma and pops house, and she was always watching the Food Network, I feel like I would see a million Laura Ashley commercials.

What was Laura selling?

It's very Martha. It's really pretty, reasonably priced homewares.

Interesting. When I think of Laura Ashley, does she have stores on the highway, next to rooms to go?

It definitely gives that energy, although I don't know if she's in the brick and mortar space.

Because if she has a big store on the highway, I got to go.

Yeah. Let me look at this. Laura Ashley's store locator. By the way, Laura Ashley's crushing it selling on Wayfair Macy's. Laura Ashley USA. Yeah, they have stores. But they sell in a lot of other stores, like Bed, Bath, and Beyond.

Yeah. Let me see if she has a store near me. I think I got to go support my girl.

Yes, they have stores, and they have a website. It's also, I feel like, one of the early 2000s brands that I didn't know was still around.

Okay, so it's Ashley's store.

Oh, Ashley Home Furniture? Is that she rebranded? No. Or is that different?

I don't know if it's different, but that's why I think she has stores on the highway because I'm a high wick, something of Ashley. But is Ashley, Laura, Ashley? Sound off in the comments. I'm not rage baiting.

We're not rage baiting. We're just genuinely asking questions.

Do you find that you maybe rage bait sometimes?

No. I avoid any negative backlash, like the plague. I try and sit here every day and just be so likable and amenable and wonderful. I would never.

Yeah. Do you? I think people definitely think that I do. And even when I say that I don't, they wouldn't believe me. I say what's on my heart. I say my truth. She's such a truth teller. I don't say anything for the clicks. I wish I did.

Yeah, I wish you did, too.

Yeah, I don't say a hot take just to say it. No, my God. Just to have something new to say.

You guys trust and believe It's hard to say a hot take.

She really feels this way. You could get burnt.

Of course you can.

Who would want it? It's hot. I'd stick with the lukewarm takes if that's what's on my heart, but it's not.

I just looked at the time. I do feel we have a little bit of a job to do?

I've been looking at the time as well, and I know we have a job to do and feel free to do the ads. I'm not in any rush to get to these stories.

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Our first story.

Oh, by the way, we don't have to. If we must. I got the ad break in, so we're good. If you want to chit chat about anything else. So much pressure. Is this about Jason and Kelsey apologizing? I felt sick watching it.

No, literally, it's about Jason Kelsey apologizing and how you felt sick watching it.

Okay, so let's talk about it.

Jason Kelsey express his remorse over a heated moment. He slam students' phone to the ground. So as predicted, Jason Kelsey issued an apology about the slur that he used in response to the slur that was used in the phone slamming. And the apology was not the tone that I expected. So he is expressing remorse for the incident. He said, quote, Listen, I'm not happy with anything that took place. I'm not proud of it. In a heated moment, I chose to greet hate with hate, and I just don't think that's a productive thing. I really don't. I don't think that it leads to discourse and is the right way to go about things. He said, He fell down to a level that he shouldn't have. The bottom line is, I try to live my life by the golden rule. That's what I've always been taught. I try to treat people with common decency and respect, and I'm going to keep doing that moving forward. Even though I fell short this week, I'm going to do that moving forward and continue to do that.

If I thought Jason Kelsi had actually done something wrong, this is actually an amazing apology. I felt like the remorse came It wasn't cookie cutter at all. I'm listening and learning and doing better.

No, and he definitely didn't have a script. He probably intentionally asked for no script and just wanted it to come from the heart. I read it pretty quickly, but he says it very slowly. He's thinking of what to say.

He's clearly emotional. It seemed so genuine. I understand because the more I even thought about it, how we were talking about yesterday, I have the Kelsey brothers are like, weirdly these athletes, but they're so brand safe, and they have the cereal and the TV shows. I forget, he also has this huge ESPN contract, and that's where he made the apology. I understand why he did it. I'm sure he was told that he asked to for a multitude of reasons. I don't think he did anything wrong. I don't think Jason Kelsey is a homophobe whatsoever. I think he's a king. I'm glad he just addressed it. I'm glad they didn't take him off the air for a week. I'm glad he was able to... It's over now. It is over. I really don't think there's any long-lasting damage done to his career. I don't think this changes the way people see him. Very favorably, people like him. I was watching and I'm like, There are people who do fucking terrible things and never apologize. I can't.

For him to have to debate himself like this when we both agree, and I think a lot of people agree, not his finest moment, but nothing terrible.

We know.

We trust our face. He's so mad at himself, and it's like, Forgive yourself, Jason. I just feel like the apology was so big, and the crime was not the biggest.

No. What's the lesson here? I think, of course, he said he- What's the lesson?

What is the takeaway, Don't mess with Jason when he's on a breakaway.

The lesson, I think for him is, don't greet hate with hate. For me, the lesson is he needs to start acting like a real celebrity and start taking advantage of underground tunnels and security guards. Every time I see him, he's walking with regular people in big crowds at sporting events, sitting in the stands. Stop it. You're literally so famous.

I know, but that's really why people love him. I know. He goes to the tailgates and he does the keg stands. If he starts acting and getting secret service, then he doesn't have that Jason healthy factor. I think people will still love him, but it takes away from... That's his trade. But somebody's got to give. I know. I don't know.

He was emceeing or whatever Travis's game because Monday Night Football was last night. Travis and his team played the Bucaneers.

That leads to our next story.

They are still undefeated.

The Bucaneers or the Travis's?

The Travis's.

Well, that does lead to our next story because Taylor was at the game. Taylor was having a big week. She She has completed her Ares US leg.

Yes.

And she has one more show. One more city. One more Weekend of Ares in Vancouver. Do you know that Snitch is trying to go to that?

It's in Toronto, which makes It's going a lot less crazy because it's a 45-minute flight, and Vancouver is like a six-hour flight. Totally. Rage bait. Rage bait. Jack doesn't respect Canada. I didn't know that, but it makes sense. I think a lot of people like last-ditch effort Especially from the Northeast. It's really easy to get to Toronto from lots of parts.

I guess it would be like going to Boston. I think I'll go to Boston.

It's seriously like going to Boston with a passport.

We know that Margot would just go to Boston on a dime. A thousand %.

Is it this weekend?

No, Margot's here.

Margot's coming here today. Did you guys know that? Oh, right. She's coming to see her sister.

She's coming to see me. I'm so excited. That's huge. The chilly needs to be great because it's the first thing she's going to taste when she arrives.

It's so true.

I think it's next weekend. Then she was also... I got all this from the Redhead. We recorded yesterday, so now I know everything that's going on with her. She's also trying to go to Vegas for Adele's last show. Okay. Did you know that about her?

I didn't, but I know she's seen the Eres tour a couple of times, and I would recommend if she's going to make a last stitch ever, she should go to Vegas. To see Adele, it is so spectacular.

She's in her Adele era. She's really been appreciating Adele. Now, I tried to say on the episode, I don't think need to go to Toronto for Ares, but I also didn't want to start.

Enable, yeah.

I didn't want to go there. I didn't want to bring- She didn't want to rage bait that community. On the Redheads, seriously, the most noncontroversial podcast of all time.

Actually, I don't know that to be true. I feel like the Redheads are always making crazy controversies. I'm always reading about it.

I know. Well, if you listen to the Redheads, you know we get a little crazy, but on our face, we're just reading.

The Readheads.

The Readheads. You guys should check out the Redheads. Clotilde, you have to read the book that way.

I know. I'm going to wait and choose it for my own book club.

It was so fantastic. We had a really good time on the episode. It drops Thursday. But anyways, all's to say, Taylor's Eres US done. One more weekend of Eres. What are we thinking, Sam?

What are we thinking? Here's what I'm thinking. At this point, I have no proof, and I actually don't think that this is what's going to happen, but I actually needed to. I need these two to get married. She's in the suite with Andrea and Mama Kels. Jason's over here putting his entire career on the line, defending her. They're a family. What do families do? They get married.

They're a family. They're like a growing tree.

No, obviously, I'm very toxic, and I'm more traditional, so I'm like, They need to get married and have babies, whatever. Maybe that's not Taylor's journey. I apologize for putting my expectations on her. But that's what I would like to see happen. She did this amazing thing. She's the most successful person in the world. Yes, she could keep hustling, very like Kim Kardashian. I want to do this and that and that. Or you could just bloom where you're planted. You have this amazing boyfriend who's so successful in his own right. Things seem to be going so well. Your family's blend so well together. You just came off this huge feat. You have the admiration, love, and respect of everyone on the globe. Invest in yourself. Take time. Have a be. If that's what you want. If that's what you want, obviously. But I do feel like that's what she wants. She's still traditional, hopeless, romantic.

Every song she's What her written is about love and romance and a traditional love story. To think that that's not what she wants. Everything she's ever said is pointed us towards first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in the baby carriage.

I'm making assumptions for sure based on I have this information, but I think that's what she wants. But that's what we do here. I think that's what she wants. I would just love to see her slow down a little bit and invest in her personal life and just be with Travis and get married and hang out with her family. Being on tour, especially a tour of this size and range. She was in Shanghai. No, she wasn't in Shanghai. She was in Singapore. She went everywhere. Australia, the farthest steps. Just like, go to Travis's games, live in Kansas City, hang out with Brit. I'm all about slowing down.

I agree. I do think that perhaps the surrogate is due in January.

Oh, Jackie is convinced that they already have a baby on the way.

Yeah, because what I saw at Aera's, when she said, I'm having his baby. No, I'm not. Archer. The no, I'm not means the surrogate's having it.

Oh, okay.

The archer means that it's Travis's, of course. I'm having his baby because she will have his baby, but she's not having his baby.

The only real proof, not proof, or support for this theory that I have, and it's just not a theory, more of my hopes wishes, is that she very well could have kept doing this tour. Why did she have to end it? This is the third leg she's announced. Do another one. Do a flip. You could sell it, and you could keep going, and you could... But she didn't. She Because you wanted to make space for maybe... Writing new music and recording new music is a great job to have when you're settled down. She has a studio in every house that she lives in. You don't have to be traveling and being so crazy.

I don't know. I just think it's possible. The reason why I think it's a surrogate, because if she to be getting pregnant, then she could only start the process in December. It takes a while and then to be pregnant. By the time she actually has a baby, she'll have to go back to work. Doesn't she want to be home with her baby? She could start in January when the surrogate is due.

No, I'm telling you, I actually don't think that they would go the surrogate route, honestly. Travis is such a physical person. I feel like he would just knock her up. Yes, but I think- I don't know if this conversation is so offensive or not, but this is We're women.

We're the ones who would be offended by it, right?

It's so true.

Taylor, maybe she's the only one who could be offended, but she's doing okay.

As far as I know, she doesn't listen, so we're good.

We've never ever heard. We're saying this out of such- It's not like Kylie with the manicure and the trees. There's no murmurings that Taylor has ever heard this show. We're safe. A tree falls in the wood, but no one hears it. Is it offensive?

No, it's a good point. I think Taylor, if she ever heard it, would know we're speaking out of love and just sheer desperation. I would love this journey. I really want them to get married. I don't need pictures. You don't need a Vogue wedding. I just want them to be married. I love them.

I think that a baby is more possible than a marriage. I think marriage is just really complicated legally when you're tailored.

That's successful, yes.

I can do without that, but I would love for them to start a family. Sorry, I said it.

I said it. I would just love for them to settle down, whatever that means for them. I'm having his baby.

Because also Travis has said, plain as day, he wants a family. If she doesn't, then that would mean that they probably won't make it long term.

Because that's an actual deal breaker for people, no matter how great a relationship is, if one wants kids and the other doesn't, and neither are willing to budge.

I guess people could change their minds, but if they're not going to budge, then they shouldn't be together, and they shouldn't budge because you deserve to have the life that you want.

Of course, no. I do think when you're dating past a certain age, you address that almost immediately. Because to be in an almost two-year-long relationship with somebody who you have this huge disagreement on, on a deal breaker, it's not a relationship worth pursuing at that point. I think that they're probably on the same page.

Yeah. They've had this conversation because we know that he wants kids. That would ergo mean if A equals B, B equals C, Taylor wants kids.

No, I'm obsessed. I'm having a baby.

These are the conversations we're going to have on election day when there's not much more to talk about.

It's so true. We're just avoiding land minds. We're going to guess when Taylor Swift is having her first baby.

When is the surrogate due?

What do you think the responsibility of being Taylor Swift surrogate is? Because I always felt that with Kim Kardashian, and she talked a lot about the surrogacy process. They never put her on the show, but we knew so much about her. That's a big responsibility. Being a surrogate is the most big responsibility there could be.

I wonder if surrogacy is legal in Missouri.

Oh, right. There's a lot of litigious policies Surrogacy.

Because a lot of people go to California to do it because they have really lax policies around surrogacy.

Actually, up until last year, you couldn't even do it in New York. I remember Andy Cohen was always advocating for that because he had two babies via surrogates, and I think he also went to California.

Because I was going to say wherever she's spending a lot of time would have to be registered.

Is it on the ballot this year?

No, no, no. Why'd you gasp? Because if she had been going to LA a lot, I'd say, Oh, the surrogates in LA. Surrogacy is legal in Missouri. Got it. That's why she's happy to go to Missouri, and they got the new house with the wing for the surrogate.

Jackie. I'm telling you, I don't think... I mean, there's a million reasons why someone would have a surrogate, but I don't see... I think for most people, it's not your first choice, right? I'm just saying. You're left with no.

I don't think- When time is very precious, this shaves a whole year off the process. Something to think about.

I also feel like becoming a billionaire was something that was really important to Taylor. These milestones, Certain things are oddly important to her, and you think, well, if that was me, I wouldn't care. But she cares about album of the year. I think she cares about being the first woman billionaire solely for music. She did just recently cross that threshold. It's like everything she's really ever wanted has come true. Where do you go from there? It's like when Kylie got pregnant, it was like, what else was she going to do? She was a billionaire. She had everything she ever wanted. She was the top of the game, biggest celebrity. Really, what can you do after that? Except just settle down and settle into it. That's why it was so crazy when Kylie got pregnant. But now, in retrospect, it really wasn't. She was what, 20?

No, it was so crazy.

But really, what else was she going to do? She had something to do. She had already done everything.

Are you ready for our next story?

Number three?

Yeah. Another lady in love. Who? Ariana Grande and Ethan Slater have gone Instagram official a year and change into their relationship. Actually, who knows how long? Because apparently all this stuff happened that we don't know about. But the two of them have gone Instagram official. They attended the Wicked Premiere in Sydney on Sunday and shared their first photo together on social media on Monday. She shared a cute image of herself leading Ethan down some stairs in a carousel of other images, and he posted that picture, too, and she tagged him.

It's so funny, and I know you don't know this. The Jennifer Hudson show, the talk show hosted by Jennifer Hudson.

I think I know it.

They do this very cute trend that's really been very good for the show because I feel like her talk show was in freefall. I feel like it wasn't making a lot of waves. Now on social media, they do this thing where every time a guest comes out of their green room and walks to set, all the production members, producers, PA, they line the hallway, and they do a cute little song and dance and cheer for the person. They're like, eat, then slater, eat, eat. Fin Slater. Eat. They make something up, and it's really cute. So many have gone viral. The first one I saw was Gwen Stefani. She had no idea. She comes out of the dressing room. She's like, what the fuck? Seeing how people get involved is so funny. It humanizes a lot of celebrities, and it's this really fun thing that they've been doing. The Ethan Slater one, He went on Jennifer Hudson, and he got one, and the video went so viral. I'm like, literally, that was the catalyst for people now have completely changed their tune. He's not like ugly sponge bob. They're like, Ari, I get it. I get it.

I'd let him rim me with a 10-foot pole. What? Yeah, it's so crazy.

I saw the video. I just wanted to tell you.

The internet is so fucking wishy-washy. It takes the tiniest thing to turn them completely. But there has definitely been a shift in the Ethan Slater rhetoric. A lot of it, I'm telling you, has to do with that Jennifer Hudson video.

I saw the video, and that was not my take Take away.

No, so funny. Tana Mongeau replied to it, and she was like, You guys are so fucking finicky. At first, it's like, Ewe, who's this ugly gap-tooth bitch? And now it's like, Oh, I let him ram me with a semi-truck. It's so crazy how fickle the internet and people's opinions are.

But I saw the video.

And what did you think about it?

I wasn't moved.

No, neither was I.

It was congruised with the Ethan Slater that I know.

Okay, so I saw actually a video that I totally should have sent to you. He's being interviewed on the red carpet, and someone, I guess, I forget what publication it was. Their thing was asking every person who came by to get interviewed to do the Defying Gravity, like, Do your version of it. And he did. He was seriously so nasally and sponge Bobby. He literally sounded like sponge Bobby. My immediate thought was like, Okay, sponge Bobby's in Wicked. He was like, Oh, that was like... He said, That was a little sponge Bob. I put a little too much sponge Bob in it. He referred to himself. Honestly, that made me like him.

That moves the needle. Yeah. That's really funny.

He was like,. Really, Spongebob. It was literally like somebody said, Can you audition for Defying Gravity as Spongebob? Spongebob version. Yeah, it was so funny.

That's hysterical.

We're getting a lot of pictures and videos and photos of them interacting walking down the stairs together. They are ushered to their seats for the actual premiere, and they're holding hands, and they're surrounded by fans. It's officially on.

Yeah. You know what? I think the timing is really good. It's been a very long time. They're still together. They're promoting the movie. It's good for the movie that there's a romance, and they're so serious, and they deserve to be out in the public and enjoying their relationship. So even though... Even though.

Right. Even though, period.

Even though, though.

Even though that...

I'm happy for her.

I am not so easily swayed because I'm so stubborn. It takes a lot for me to change my mind. Time heals most.

And so regarding the relationship, You're good? I'm not good, but I really do like Ari, and I am trying to trust my fave when she's like, You guys, it's not at all what it seems like.

What it's been made out to be.

I don't know what it be, but I'm trying to just trust her.

Yeah.

Maybe it's fool me seven times, shame on me, because she's always got a serious man, and it's always... But you got to trust your faves. I really do like her. But I don't like him. I just want to say. I just want to make that really clear.

I like her, too. Honestly, even what I've seen from him, there's not nothing to like.

He seems like a nice guy. He's like a little nerdy. Claudia, he's not a nice guy.

But yeah, the other thing- Claudia, there's the other thing.

The letter. The letter? That he wrote to his Jewish day school?

Oh, my God. I totally forgot about this guy. He's a fucking spineless loser. Yeah, he's like a self-heating Jew. Yeah, oh, man. I totally forgot. He's horrible. Back, I hate, again. Sorry. Thank you for reminding me. It's so hard to keep up. Part of this job, and I'm sure you guys have noticed- By the way, I had to be reminded, too, recently.

I had forgotten.

Really, part of this job, especially in the last year, I'm sure you guys have noticed, is really a lot of the time, separating the art from the artist. There are some people, I actually will just I forget that they've done or said things about Israeli Jews, because if I think about it too much, I'll have to quit this job for real. When you care as much as we do about celebrities, but more about our Jewish identity and supporting the state of Israel, it's actually really fucking hard. So some things I so push out of my mind. Ethan Slater was out of my mind because he's so irrelevant. Honestly, not that I pushed it out of my mind. But there are some of my faves who I just, I look past.

Yeah, because you want to get the job done. But it's like, separate the art from the artist. But when I don't consume your art, then you're all the same to me. Ethan Slater, I didn't see Spongebob live.

I'm not a fan of yours. And you're so wrong for that.

So all I know is the letter and the baby.

The Spongebob letters. The letters. He wrote, along with two other freaks, he pende an open letter to the Jewish day school that raised him and just was clowning on them for supporting Israel. It was really the worst thing ever. It was like, Leave your school alone.

Yeah.

You don't touch the Spongeb Ladders.

Are you ready for our next story?

No. Are you? No. Is it our next story that's brought to you by Skims Perchance?

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What?

Turdian meat.

Oh, as opposed to American? Yeah. Cool.

I get my meat from turdian.

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Our next story is today's Martha Stewart news. In an effort to rebuild what Martha-Lost. Is stolen from her, we shall talk about Martha every day until the job She's done.

She's a billionaire again. I love that.

Bethany Frankl actually took to her TikTok to do a little Martha Stewart story time. Did you see?

I did see, but I didn't watch the whole thing because I felt like it was going to be like a Martha hate train, and I wasn't in the mood.

It was a bit of both, but ultimately, it sounds like respect, but also just sharing anecdotes from her time with Martha over the years. It was an eight-part series, which seems like a lot. That's a lot. Right? Okay. That just seems like a lot.

No, I can tell you, especially ever since TikTok, release the ability, you can do videos up to 10 minutes long. There has never been any need for a part two, let alone a part eight.

Maybe a part two, maybe. But eight parts? Come on.

Maybe that's why I'm not a successful TikTokeer, because my philosophy is I refuse to do good part two. Fuck off. Put it all in one video. I hate that shit.

Yeah. She recalled the few interactions that she had with Martha over the years. Actually, she's an interesting person I hear her point of view because I feel like for a few years, she was probably like a Martha in training.

Martha was probably like her inspo.

Yeah, for sure. Bethany Frankl had competed on Martha Stewart's show in 2005. That was called The Apprentice, Martha It was Martha Stewart's version of The Apprentice, which I didn't know that she had. But it makes sense because she worked with Mark Burnet.

Mark Burnet for her talk show.

Also, that show sounds amazing. I think I have to go watch it. Bethany was the runner up. In the past, Bethany has claimed that the two butted heads following the show, and now she's spilling the tea. During the series, the TikTok series, let's not get it twisted, she remembered a time when Martha made an appearance on her talk show, Bethany, and called her a pest.

Screaming.

She said, While Martha wasn't very nice to Bethany on the show, the host recalled it being a milestone in their relationship because it made her feel more like her peer than her apprentice. She said, It was my house. She was a guest in my home, and I still treated her with honor and respect. She's a tough bitch, and I know she's been so challenging, and she comes from old school generations. I don't give a good fuck about any of that. It's a touching story. She built a billion dollar business. She went to jail. She's been in the clink. I know from people who know her that she was never really like the persona. She's a fucking broad, so don't get it twisted.

And by the way, that was something they said in the documentary. They were not ashamed of, she is tough. And this thing went viral on TikTok. Somebody went up to Martha on a red carpet and asked her, Martha, what is your biggest pet peeve? And she said, incompetence. And it's such a good... And you could see that even when she was yelling at that bitch about the knife, Someone not doing something right or correctly as Martha sees it, being her biggest pet peeve completely makes sense. That doesn't always translate as to the nicest person. I like that they didn't shy away from that in the documentary. Yeah, I was tough. You don't become a billionaire by being soft.

Right. And that also it's like that's the level that it takes to operate at the level of what she was doing, even in her own home, to get up every day and to garden, to cook, to clean. She was remodeling her home and painting the rooms. You have to have that drive and exacting standards.

Yeah.

Incompetence. Bethany also told a story that before all of Bethany's success, she alleges that she had another petty interaction at Nobu. Bethany noticed Martha sitting across the restaurant, and she slid into the booth next to Martha, who made a snide comment about a movie Bethany had done in which she was topless.

Bethany said-Oh my God. Yeah, that thing went viral. Remember when she was on Housewives? They brought it up, and then it got like... Because it was before Bethany was ever famous, she did a movie, and there's a sex scene in it.

Bethany said, She can't stand me. I'm a pest to her. She said to me, Oh, I just watched your movie. Swear on my life.

That's such a mean thing to say.

Yeah, this is what Bethany said back. She said, Oh, I just got an inside I made her stock tip.

That's a good rebuttal. I feel like Martha would appreciate somebody who can go back and forth.

She said, No exaggeration. Her word, she said, Of cuntiest interactions of all time.

That is so funny. Honestly, I do commend Bethany Frankl for her ability to make everything about herself. It's something that I do every single day, and sometimes I struggle. I'm like, How can I make this about myself? I couldn't really figure out a way to make the Martha Stewart documentary about myself. No, you did. Oh, actually, I said, I'm going to send her Bethany's ability to always bring the conversation back to herself is something I really, really admire, honestly. This is just a perfect example of that.

I also feel like she has so many experiences. She's been in the business for so long. Okay, I'll listen, even though I'm not on TikTok, so I'm not listening. But I support this. If I was on her content team, I'd say posted. I'd maybe say two-part series, three-part series.

I don't think Bethany has a content team, and I think that's why she's as successful as she is. There's nobody else fucking around on her page. It's literally just her.

Yeah. Remember her show?

Which?

Bethany. The competition to be her content person, literally. It was like The Apprentice. The Big B.

Big Shot with B. Oh, my God. Me and Brian Kelly were obsessed with that show. Big Shot with B or something. It was on HBO Max. It was one of the first Max original shows back in the day. Oh, my God. I totally forgot about that.

Back in the day, it was three years ago.

I'm saying when Max first launched and they were just putting up old episodes of Sex in the City, and you could watch the new episodes Game of Thrones. Then they started creating their own original shows. This was the third one. It was that dating show. It's like F-boy Island or whatever. Bethany's Show. Oh, my God. The Big Shot with B, whatever. It was so good and so dumb. I loved it.

Good time. So are you ready for our fifth and final story?

Just to wrap it up. Yeah, I am.

Just to wrap it up. It's a story for me, and I chose it selfishly. And there are probably going to be a couple of people out there who care, but not many.

I'm doing it. Am I One of them?

You might care in service of your sister.

Okay, let's hear it.

Queen Elizabeth II. I don't care. Will be appearing in the new Paddington movie posthumously. Oh, that's sweet. That is sweet. So the late Queen Elizabeth II will briefly appear in Paddington in Peru after the beloved bear joined the monarch to promote her platinum Jubilee in 2022. So everyone remembers that sketch. I feel like it meant a lot to everyone.

That will always be one of my favorite things that I think of when I think of Elizabeth, especially you were the one who told me about the deep history of Paddington.

That Paddington is a Jewish bear.

Right. And he was conceived during the Holocaust or right after the Holocaust to like, those kids on the Kinder Express where they were shuffling kids out of- Paddington is inspired by them.

Yeah. And he's influenced by them. That's why he wears the name around his neck and the backpack. The train tag, yeah. So, yeah, it's very...

Jewish coded.

Jewish coded, plus Queen Elizabeth. So, yeah, I have a soft spot in my heart for Paddington, I'm not afraid to show it.

I love that. Have you ever seen it?

No. But maybe that's something I get into with my kids. What am I doing watching Paddington? It's giving maps.

You should watch Paddington. You should, with the boys. Very mappy.

Yes. With the boys. When it happens. But anyway, her cameo is small. It's a photo from the pair's tea time at Buckingham Palace shown on the screen. So they're actually referencing that. The Jubilee. That sketch in the new Paddington movie. And they requested from the Royal family if they could do that. The Royal family were so excited about it, and of course said yes. That's really cute. Yeah, they were very happy for it to happen, but we don't like to make a big deal of it because Paddington's obviously a very modest fellow.

No, of course. Paddington's a star. We're not infringing on Paddington's moment. We're just happy to be included.

Paddington has big connects, and he's got big celeb friends, and he's a mover and shaker, but he's a humble little guy.

He's a hustler for sure.

He's a hustler.

That's sweet.

That was just a little sweetness to round out the week. I hope that's okay with everyone.

To round out the week, it's Tuesday.

If that ain't the truth.

To round up the day.

Today will be a week, everyone. I just want you to know.

Today will be a week.

And we'll see you next week, tomorrow.

Listen, here's the thing. We are going to be okay. We love each other. We are so divided. Seriously, oh my God. Wait, I have to tell a story. I don't know if you saw this because I said it to you, but you didn't respond. There are so many videos going around. Actually, Don Lemon's new job is making a TikTok series where he walks around asking people who they're voting for. There's a million kids who just take a microphone like, Who are you voting for? Trump or Kama. I saw one today, and someone was wearing toast merch, the girly shirt. They're lying. You know what she said? They were like, Trump or Kama. She was like, I actually did a write-in for a third party, which is the actual worst thing you could say. You might as well not vote. I was actually horrified.

Who do you think she wrote it in turdy I actually think, just based on vibes, I think that she just didn't want to say who she voted for because she was caught off guard.

They just come up and ask you that question.

Wait, did you send it to me? Yeah. Hold on, I'm on my way.

Let's watch it. I don't want to put this girl on the spot. No, I don't want to talk about it that much, please. I feel bad. I DNSed it.

You DNSed it.

In our chat.

Oh, okay. There's so much in... Not one-to-one, right? In the group chat?

Not one-to-one, yeah.

How did I miss this? Let's see. I'm not going to find it in time.

I was just so excited, and then I was like, Wait, I wonder who she's voting for. I was just being nosy.

That's so funny. What if she's voting for you? Then is it okay?

I probably should say this, and I should have said it. Please don't vote for me. First of all, I do not want to be President. Fucking thankless job. They're always counting how many days off you take. They're like, Biden, please. I'm like, Bitch, leave me alone. I'm going on vacation. That's none of your fucking business. One, two, Yeah, thankless job, four years with no time off. I don't want it.

Well, you get time off.

Stop writing in my name. If you want it. Please. I do not want it.

You sound like RFK. Stop writing in my name. You sound like RFK. Do not vote for me.

No, but for real, people are voting for me. Stop.

It's embarrassing. I need to know who she wrote in. Hopefully, she'll see this if she's a toaster. Was it new merch or old merch?

It was the girly tea, pretty new.

Oh, she's listening. Shout out. Then let us know. I guess, no, you don't have to tell us your vote.

No, but I just wanted to share some toast, election-related news.

That is really fun. Thank you for sharing that.

Yeah. That's our show. Everyone, good luck today. I had saw Steve Eve Wozniacki had actually said, It might not be like last year. We actually might find out tonight, which would be nice not to drag this out. So hopefully tomorrow morning, we could just start fresh with the news.

We should find out tonight. We found out tonight for My whole life. Most years. Last time, I keep saying last year, there was more mail-in ballots because of COVID, but now it should be like... And so many people voted early. Why shouldn't that make hast?

But I saw this thing about an important county saying, We need 14 days or some shit like that. Mariposa County. Do you know what I'm talking about? Maracopa.

Get it together. Why is it always Mariposa?

It is always... Is that in Arizona?

Georgia. Oh, well- I think so.

It's annoying.

No, and it's like- Hopefully, It ends tonight.

It ends tonight. That would be nice because last year, last election, it was till Saturday.

Oh, no, it's Arizona, turtle.

Oh, my God. Not me literally knowing everything about this election. Not me rage baiting. Hashtag right in for turdy.

Not me rage baiting. Unless it's a tie, that's the only... Then it would not end tonight.

Well, yeah, because I was watching the Today Show today, and their final poll results were 49% to 49%. I never understand polls like that because what about the other 2%? Did those people not vote?

No, they wrote in, or they did green party. Also, I wonder what happens if there's a tie. Tie goes to the runner.

I think it goes to Ty Frazier. That's just what I think. If you're not going to write in for me, which you shouldn't, you should write in for Ty Frazier.

Yeah, but don't vote for Terny, you guys.

No, go vote for one of the two candidates. Best of luck. We'll see you on the other side. Make it chilly, watch TV, and just...

And also what I was going to say, I think they make it really close on the news, 49 to 49, so that you tune in tonight to watch, because if it's like this person's just winning, then- Blow out. Also, they want people- It's not good for ratings. They want people to go vote. And if you think this person's just winning, whether it's your candidate or not, you might think that your vote doesn't matter because it's so far. So I think it's good for everyone when they're like, It's so close.

Yeah, well, this is a good reminder. If you haven't yet, make sure to pack a snack, grab an elderly neighbor, and head out to the voting polls. In New York, you will not need an umbrella. It's actually a gorgeous day. Perhaps a portable fan because it's quite warm. It's supposed to be 71 degrees today. So go do that. Thank you guys so much for listening to the Toast on Monday morning show. We deliver the fast five stories. You need to remember Monday through Friday on YouTube. So if you're watching us on YouTube, please feel free to subscribe and give us video, a thumbs up. We're also available as a podcast anywhere podcast. So that's Spotify, Tunes, Cetra, Public Media, I heard a cast box. All the places we love this podcast, but not just Toast, leaving five star of You. We had a beautiful, stunning, and wickedly talented we are. We love you all. Happy Tuesday to all who celebrate, and we'll see you tomorrow.

Happy ultimate Tuesday. Love you. Bye..