Transcript of Sinister Guys with Mormon Wives: Monday, September 14th, 2026

Good morning, girlies, it's The Toast. It's Jax and Claude and we're your hosts.

It's your favorite show, the fast 5 things you need to know. We'll start your day off swirly, it's The Toast.

I sound amazing.

Welcome back to The Toast and happy Monday. Hope everybody had a wonderful weekend, whether you were celebrating the holiday or not, whether you were hanging out with Alex Earl or Like, not a big deal. Yeah, I did both of those things. Um, hey Jax, how you doin'?

I'm doin' good, coming off the holiday weekend, which was fulfilling but exhausting.

Very exhausting. Let me tell you, I have so much PFFB to share. This has been the busiest weekend of my life. Like, and it started right after the toast. Like, I would've had so much to say about my day on Friday, and then we had the holiday. I watched The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives.

Of course.

I hung out with Alex Earle at a star-studded wedding last night. Like, I have so much to share. I think we should just go chronologically.

Okay, what happened on Friday?

So I told you guys I was going down to the World Trade Center on 9/11. I actually went across the street. It was not like in, I thought I went to the wrong building, whatever. I don't know if you know about this thing called Charity Day for, you know, Cantor Fitzgerald?

I know Cantor Fitzgerald and I know their story on 9/11.

Yeah, they were like, I think one of the companies that lost the most employees, like a couple hundred. And what they ended up doing was rebuilding their whole company and creating this huge fund for the families. Still to this day, anyone of their employees' family members like are covered by their insurance and they got like millions of dollars. It was like an amazing— and they do this thing called Charity Day every year where it's, I don't know what they do for it. Like it's like a financial services firm, like day traders and stuff. Like I thought it was a law firm, but no, no, it's like, it was like Wolf of Wall Street, like day trading. And every 9/11 they give back to like a million organizations. All these organizations can sign up to have like celebrity ambassadors come and do like day trades at the office and like a portion of the proceeds. And it's turned into like this, like obviously amazing millions of dollars donated every year. but also like star-studded affair. I think a lot of celebrities like wanna be a part of it. And I was asked to be a part of it for Big Vision, which is like a New York City-based organization started by my friend Beatrice, which does like a bunch of work in the sober community in New York City.

And so we went to like raise money and okay, like obviously I was there for charity and it was like amazing, 9/11, but like my head was on a swivel. I was being, I like, I was technically like one of the celebrities, but I wasn't. Like I was like literally being like a rat, like running around looking for everyone. It was like true A-list. Alex Earl was there, but I did miss her. It was fine 'cause we hung out on Sunday.

It's fine, later in the weekend.

Correct, correct. Karl-Anthony Towns. Ben was with me, he was freaking. OG Anunoby was there. All the Knicks were there except I don't think I— I don't know if Jalen Brunson was there. Um, all these athletes, a couple people like who I had no idea who they were, but like everyone was freaking. Shaq was there. Um, Viola Davis was there. Like, it was sick. And I like was day trading. And there was, by the way, like every— there were so many swirlies, like the finance swirlies, they found me.

So how do you day trade?

It's a good question. So basically how I understood it to be was that you stand in front of this huge monitor, like this huge monitor, and you trade. Like you have phones and they're not like phone phones. They're like—

You call them in? You call them to trade?

Yes. It was kind of like old school. So you'll talk to a broker. So when they had a trade, they would like call a celebrity over. It's like, I took this trade. Oh my, this guy, I don't know. I assumed like a lot of the guys I was speaking to like had no idea who I was. Sometimes they were hoping to get like, you know, Tiger Woods and they got Turdiloo.

And the same but different.

This guy picked up the phone and he was selling like 2 million shares of like Nike or whatever. And I was like, oh, okay. He was like, what do you think Hailey Glassman would think of that? And I was like, now you bring up my op. I was like, who is this? I was like, how do you know that? It was seriously so funny. Half the people like had no idea who I was, but like the swirlies, I, I got a female day trader. Like, thank God she was so like normal and excited and 23. Um, it was really fun, honestly. Like I kind of got the bug. I was like, okay, let's day trade.

Yeah. Get a big screen too. computers.

Yeah, a lot of them were using like standing desks though, and I do draw the line at a standing desk.

Oh no.

Yeah. Um, and then I got to like some of the government subsidies one, and that one was like so boring, and I had no idea what they were saying, and I was like actually afraid I was gonna mess it up. So I was just like— I was trying to like bring personality because it was like a fun— but for that one, I was just like being like, yes, okay, 3 shares, have a good day, sir.

Yes, 3 shares. I really don't even know what, like, what this is.

I still don't really understand, like at a baseline level what they do every day. Yeah, but I know they make a lot of money for their clients. Oh, and I was asking questions.

I understand buying and selling stocks pretty much.

Yeah, yeah, I think that's what I was doing.

But it's called day trading.

Yeah, because they— like, we were trading Nike and Starbucks. Like, I had heard of some of the companies. Yes, when the market was open. But then, like, when I got to the government one, we were selling, like, bonds, and that's genuinely where they lost me.

Like, okay.

And he was like, it's V3 bonds, or should we get V2? I'm like, sir, I have no idea what you're talking about.

What are T-bills?

I didn't get there.

Mr. Wonderful says you should buy T-bills. Did he?

Mm-hmm.

I saw it in a reel.

Should we?

I saw it in a reel, so.

How old was the reel? Like, is it current financial advice or are you giving like—

Oh, it sounded like eternal financial. It sounded like it's the point of it is that it's not that it's like the buzzy new thing. It's like, that's what you should do. Oh, real—

oh, I feel like that's a Treasury.

Treasury bond.

Like T. Because I always— they always say like Treasuries— and don't take this as official like Jim Cramer advice, even though this is Jim Cramer advice because it's bad and like he's known for being like historically wrong about everything financial. Um, but they do say that like Treasury bonds are like safe like forever. But seriously, don't, don't listen to me. Next thing you know, headline news, Treasury bonds tank.

Yeah. So short of, so short of the weird process, it was really fun.

I had a really good time. Like I hope to be invited again next year. It's apparently like an honor to even be accepted as one of the celebrities. So like, yeah, in case anybody was like questioning whether or not I was a celebrity, cuz I do question that all the time. I am like officially confirmed. I gotta go. I got to go to Candace Chalfant. Like it was a really big deal.

Yeah.

And there wasn't like a million influencers. Like I feel like I was representing the digital space, like me and Alex.

And I saw Brooke Snyder.

And Jason Tartick.

Brooke Snyder.

She's a model. Jason Tartick too, like we were the digital crew.

Okay.

Well, he's like a finance guy.

Okay.

So yeah, we like sort of held it down for the digital community.

That's so great and like such a nice event and a great cause.

It really was. And I liked being like downtown. I felt, I obviously got there a little early, so I got a slice of pizza and I was like at this random pizza place, like in the middle of the financial district.

You grabbed a slice, was Ben there to see it?

He wasn't 'cause he was parking and he was like, did you get me a slice? And I was like, no. This pizza place, like, it was so OG. I wouldn't have been surprised if it was there on 9/11. Like, it was so OG, and there was like a bunch of cops, 'cause it was also the memorial, so there was like fire policemen. Everyone was in their like, you know, official suits. They were walking around, they were like talking to each other. Oh, where were you? In the pizza place. And I was like, I feel like this pizza place like saw stuff on 9/11. I should've asked, but like, I don't know, I just like really liked being like a part of it. Like a fly on the wall. And I was there, you know? And all the guys, the way they were talking to each other, they were like old school New Yorkers. Like, I could just tell they had stories, but I wasn't gonna ask them to tell me their stories.

So you just eavesdropped?

And ate pizza. And they gave me a free garlic knot. Like seriously, so sweet.

That's so sweet. New York, New York. That's so sweet. You know how I go down like historical wormholes?

Rabbit holes.

And like become hyperfixated on like certain historical events? Like of course the Titanic.

The Russian royal family.

The Romanovs, Chernobyl, Queen Victoria, Medici. I feel myself going down a 9/11 one.

That's like such a hard one 'cause it's so recent.

I know.

I think when you learn about major tragedies, like some of the sadness is like pulled from it because it was so long ago. You know, those people are dead, but like they would've died anyway. Like it's hard. There are people walking around who's like dads. Like it's, it's a little so fresh to go down a rabbit hole, you know?

I know, I know. I'm trying to stop it, but like I can't. And I, I feel like I'm about to read The Only Plane in the Sky, which is like what everybody's telling me to read. It's like an oral history of the day, like minute by minute, I think.

Well, actually, at Kenneth Fitzgerald, I got a book. Howard, um, Lutnick. His sister Evie wrote a book, um, about the families. I have a copy. Maybe I'll give it to you if you want.

Oh yeah, no, his story is crazy and so sad.

So sad.

Um, and I just feel like with these like wormholes, like the only way out is through, you know?

I know.

I can't just keep watching like reels and little clips. I think I should just like read the history.

I feel like—

but then I could see myself like getting like following up with that with like a war on terror wormhole.

That's extremely dark road to go down, so go at your own risk.

I know, but you just can't help your curiosities.

I do feel like 9/11 was kind of a, I think, a nice entry into celebrating Rosh Hashanah, like with just a sense of gratitude. Friday night, Saturday, Sunday was the Jewish New Year. I went to synagogue, I prayed hard. And we ate so much and I spent time with Sachi. I know like you got to be with the whole family. Like I got to be with Sachi.

Also great.

Yeah. And it was sad not to be together, but I do. And I am like very aware 'cause we explained last week that like the Jewish New Year just started. The first 9 days are like a very special, important time. And you're really supposed to be on your best behavior before, you know, the Lord writes the book of life. Will you be written in? And so even today I was like about to say something really fucking nasty to Ben. And I held my tongue.

To Ben. Yeah, it's gonna be hard.

It was, to be clear, it was about someone else too. It wasn't like mean to Ben. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah, it was actually like a really mean thing and maybe I would've normally not even thought about it.

Well, that's good.

Yeah, so if today's episode is missing a little bit of the zest, just know like—

That's nice.

I am working actively on getting written into the Book of Life. So like judge me not.

Yeah, it's true. The holiday has started, the days have commenced. It ends on Yom Kippur, which is next Monday.

Yeah, so there won't be a show a week from today.

Like, and trust us, we would rather be live streaming the toast for 24 hours than, than fasting.

You think you're suffering without the toast? We're suffering without food for 25 hours.

Okay, you know what, the only thing I'm forcing Yom Kippur is like making it longer by talking about it all the time and like thinking about it. So we're moving on. Um, I hosted the second night of Rosh Hashanah in my new house, like my first feast in the new house. Literally working so hard, but we were literally like screwing in light bulbs like as I'm setting the table.

Yeah.

'Cause finally like the right ones came with the torch end. So I had to class it up a little bit.

Of course, of course. Very Beauty and the Beast.

Yes, very Beauty and the Beast. Lots of lanterns. And it was great. I made the Jay Cohen brisket, which I love to make.

It's a timeless recipe.

It's a timeless recipe. I always doubt it in the middle. Like when I take it outta the fridge the next day, I'm like, what is this dreck?

No, it's kind of like a crazy recipe though.

You have to trust the process.

You do. Because like an hour before it looks weird.

Yeah. And then I like, I got a little nervous and I served it whatever. carried on. I like forgot to ever taste it until we sat down. I was like, oh, this is really good.

Thank God. Yeah, you can trust it. Like, we have— and we've made it like wrong, we've made it right, and it always turns out good.

I just want to say the best time we ever made it was that time that we vlogged it, vlogged it, and we didn't know what we were doing. That was the best it ever went.

When we talk about like the great vlogs, obviously like the great chili cook-off comes to mind. There are a couple— we always forget about the great brisket cook-off, and it's one of our best vlogs ever.

Yeah, it really is. So it was a beautiful holiday. Olivia hosted first night. She did an amazing job.

Yeah, I missed, like I had FOMO.

We missed you.

I also wasn't on my phone. You guys know I've been like keeping my phone off for Shabbat and I decided to do the whole holiday. So from Friday night to Sunday night, I did not have a phone.

Yeah, we missed you on the phone too. I tried to like be on my phone, like not on Instagram, just on like text if needed. But yes, it was like a very fulfilling long weekend though, you know? Lots of like cooking.

It was.

Oh my God, then I like promised the boys French toast. So I'm like, I just, I felt like I was seriously like cooking like 3 meals each day, like real meals.

Right, giving 1950s housewife.

Not just like whipping something up.

I didn't cook one single thing or clean one single dish. I outsourced every meal, uh, to my in-laws. Like, shout out to them because I really was not in the mood. And it was lovely. It was lovely just to like go and come back, you know?

I didn't have that experience, but it was lovely to host, have everyone around my new table. The rug did not get stained.

Thank God for that.

Because I gave the children unstained food.

And then at the end of like what was the longest weekend ever, I also had a wedding. Now I was actually really excited about this wedding because you guys know I don't like love weddings unless like, I love the couple, or there's gonna be a lot of celebrities there. And last night happened to have been both, where like, I love the couple and I knew there was gonna be a lot of famous people there. Um, so Ben's friend Mario Carbone of Carbone Fine Foods, uh, married his longtime girlfriend Kate Bailey, who we talk about here all the time.

Thank you.

He's like an OG publicist. She's like an OG New York swirler. Like, I've known her forever. And it was just like, ever— it was— first of all, I knew, I knew I had a couple of ideas of who was gonna be there, right? Of course, Alex Earle comes to mind.

She's their publicist, or was, and friend.

Of course, like a New York Knicker too comes to mind. Of course. Um, there were a couple of surprises, you know, Sylvester Stallone. Because I saw this woman, I'm like, oh my God, is that Taylor Swift? Like, seriously, I thought— I actually thought it was Taylor Swift. Turns out it's Sylvester Stallone's wife. I didn't even know that she was like over here looking like Taylor Swift. Like, she's gorgeous. She's very beautiful. If you want to know what Taylor Swift's going to look like when she's like more of a mature woman, she's going to look exactly like that. She's going to be gorgeous. Like, it was insane.

I sat next to her on the plane once. Did I ever tell you that? Oh no!

And Sly. Did you think that she looked like Taylor Swift?

No, well, you know what, I was— when I was flying home with Charlie when he was like 2 weeks old, when we came home from New York like after Sir Clutchgate, so like I had a 2-week-old on me and I was just like sort of focused on myself.

Of course, of course, of course.

But not enough to not realize that Sylvester Stallone—

You're still you.

Was sitting right behind me.

So there were like lots of celebrities. Obviously I focused more on like the digital crew and they definitely did congregate in a certain area and I was grateful to be there and be a part of it. Um, Remy, my mentee, was there who I spent like most of the night with.

You know what I've realized recently? Like, influencers and like digital people, like, they really do it for me. Like, more so than like traditional celebrities.

I agree, I agree. Me too.

Yeah, like when you're telling me all this tea, I'm like, wait, tell me about the influencers.

In a room full of people, I look like— I look for Ashley Dupree Earle, you know?

And I know people— I look for Paige Paul.

Oh girl, me too. I did not know she was going to be there. Same with Morgan Stewart. Like, let me tell you, more so than like Jessica Alba.

I don't know if she was there, but like She wasn't, not that I know. That's the sort of person people get excited about, like an actress or whatever. Like, no, I care about the influencers.

Yeah, and it was like kind of influencer heavy. And I said to Remy, 'cause Remy's like really close with all the Earls, I saw her talking to Ashley and TJ, and I was like, you have to introduce me to Ashley. And she was like, really? I'm like, no, no, I was like, you have to introduce me. So I went over and Ashley had, like, she recognized, I think she had seen what we had said about her. She was very gracious, very lovely. She's very beautiful. I feel that the show does not show what she really looks like. She's tiny, she's gorgeous, she has like a very chiseled face. TJ looks exactly the same, and he didn't say one word, and he was kind of scaring me. I was like, either he doesn't know me and is just ignoring me, or he knows me and hates me. Like, he was just like giving like scary. I was like, okay.

I feel like he didn't know like who you were and he just thought you were like a fan.

I am a fan, but like Ashley, I think, knew the context, and she was very grateful, and she was so beautiful. Like, I really, um—

You were taken with her?

Okay, well, I actually— something I really pride myself on is like, I can be cool. Like, I'm a cool person. Um, I do feel that last night I lost my cool at one point, and like, I keep— I was telling Jackie on the phone, I keep replaying it in my mind. Like, I actually want to die. Like, I want to die.

You're so authentic that you're gonna share this. Really? Okay. No, no, because it's like, it's just not something— it's something someone would feel but like not say.

Yes, but I, I feel that I found the perfect analogy for it. And okay, so I saw Alex out there late, and it's crazy, like, she— like, wherever she goes, there was like a light following her. She's seriously so famous. She is so gorgeous. Like, you've never seen the body, the face, the hair. Like, it was insane. Like, I didn't even know she was behind me, but I could feel her, you know what I mean? And I'm sitting at this table. It doesn't surprise anyone that like me and Ben ate the entire time. It was a very food-focused wedding.

Of course.

This is the man who invented Carbone. Like, he is a World-renowned chef, the food was insane. Like me and Ben just kept making plates like we were eating. And we were sitting at this little table with like a random guy, like he was eating too. He was super nice actually. And of course like Ben got his phone number and they're going into business together. But it was like kind of a random crew. And Alex Earle like walked by and we like locked eyes for a second. I wasn't gonna bother her. Like I've met her a couple of times. We're certainly like not friends, but we follow each other on Instagram and like I'm her number one fan obviously. And I wasn't gonna bother her. And then she, like, we locked eyes and she kept walking, and then she turned around and came over and said hello. And she was like, hi! She was seriously so nice that, like, the analogy I keep saying is because she was just— first of all, she was standing there like a statue, like literally like a marble Italian statue. And I'm like sitting eating, obviously. And it just felt like a scene in like a '90s, like, high school set, like Mean Girls, literally.

But she's not a mean girl. We're like Regina George, the coolest girl in the head cheerleader comes over to like sit at the loser table. Like, you know what I mean? 'Cause she was like, hi! And I was like, oh my God, she's actually talking to me. And I was just, I feel like the face that I made, I was like, hi! Like, I just felt like such a loser. And she didn't mean to, it's like I'm projecting, 'cause like I am a loser. She couldn't have been nicer. It's not something she did. No, it was just like, something about her, like I became like a loser. And I think that I'm actually inherently like not a loser. I'm not. She couldn't have been nicer. She was like, I've been loving your guys' takes. And I was like, ah! And I was asking her all about the show, and she was just like seriously regal, queenie-like, exactly what you would want your fave to be. I like— she is.

Wow.

Prior to that, Sally had come over. Um, she was like— first of all, I grabbed my phone when I saw Sally. She came over and she was like, oh my God, you guys are always talking about me. And I was like, yes, we have to call Jackie. She was like, call her right now. Jackie didn't pick up.

I literally called back, just had gone downstairs to take the lid off my loaf in the oven, and I come back up and I missed the call.

And I sent her like a screenshot of her missed FaceTime.

No, you sent Paige Paul a voice— A video voicemail. Yeah, a video voicemail. Sally wants to chat, which no one could ever find, but like it is there somewhere. And it was Sally and Paige Paul.

And then like we all went to get drinks and like it was just like not like you were no longer a priority. But then you called me back and so I, I, we— you did get to telecommunicate with Sally. They're just like the cool girls, that crew. Like, you could just feel their energy. Ashton was there with Landon Barker. I don't know if I'm like not supposed to say that, but like— They were very much dating. They're dating, yeah. But like, the Earls and the surrounding planets, like, they have seen our takes. They have seen the Earl Meets World recap on The Toast.

And I feel good about that, you know? And I don't do it for that reason, but it is always nice when someone saw like the nice things you said about them.

Todd was there.

Todd.

And Alyssa.

Cute.

Yeah, like the whole crew. Alyssa's very gorgeous. They're all—

Yeah, it sounds like it was full of gorgeous people.

Oh, the whole wedding was full of beautiful people. Like, it was actually overwhelming to be in the presence— oh, saw Lea Michele. Literally, she was like walking in one room, I was walking out, and like, obviously, like, I know her, I love her, and she did come on the podcast. Like, she does a lot of stuff, and she was like, oh my God, hi, how's your sister? And I was like, oh, And then she was introducing me to her husband. She's like, Xandy, these are the sisters from the podcast. And I was like, us?

You recognized me?

She seriously couldn't have been nicer. And then walks in Craig Cottover, and him and Leah know each other.

Of course.

I was like, how do you know each other? Craig knows everyone. Craig looked really handsome.

I love that for him.

Yeah, and he said he had like a lot to tell me, and then like I kind of never saw him again, and I was like hoping to follow up on on what he had wanted to say.

He had to chase down that tea.

That sort of information, yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, there are performers at this wedding. Benson Boone.

My fave.

Your fave. Great wedding performer.

Yeah, for sure.

Perfect choice. Like, people, young, old, they know him.

Yeah, and his music is the sort of music you wanna boogie to.

Oh, it was boogie, boogie-ass.

Did he sing the Alex Earle song?

No.

And then she did a lyrical dance, a solo performance.

I would've loved that with Mark Valchmerkovski.

Yeah, Time of My Life.

Love that.

Maybe.

Um, what else can I share before I wrap? Like, because I just was sort of at this like really important gala that everyone's talking about. It was beautiful. Bride looked insane. Body tea.

Do you make any new friends?

That's a good question. I actually knew a lot of people there, which was like nice to see. My girl Castamitjo, like love her.

Love her. Friend of the toast.

Friend of— did I make any new friends? I hung out with Remy Bader's mom a lot. Like she's an extremely, extreme real one, you know? Um, did I make any new friends? Like, no.

I get anyone's like numbers, make any friends?

Oh, except the guy that like we were eating with, you know, at the table. He works like— he's like a real business associate of Mr. Carbone. He does a lot of like the restaurant infrastructure and the construction.

I'm cracking up. So if you see Ben—

He's very interesting and he's very successful.

If you see Ben opening a restaurant soon—

It's just 'cause he met the right people at the wedding.

You'll know where that comes from.

Yeah, Ben was like chit-chatting it up. Like, he became best friends with Casamitja's husband. They're like texting.

Like, that's so cute. I, I like that for them.

Yeah, just like a couple of like influencer like couples.

Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Well, thanks for sharing.

Uh, thanks for the invite. I was like genuinely honored to make the list, and I hope I didn't say anything like out of touch or out of turn, but like, I— it was amazing. Like, I only have positive things to say. I'm sorry for blowing up your spot, but like You invited me.

Yeah.

Yeah, it was amazing. Like it was be— oh, and it was at just a beautiful venue. It was a beautiful New York City night.

Oh.

And they had got married already previously, like, um, in like a very small ceremony in Italy. So this was really just like a party reception. There was not like, uh, speeches. Like it wasn't like, it wasn't formal wedding, um, structure, which was, I like when people switch it up, you know?

Yeah. And that's fun.

Yeah. And we just got to like eat. The food was so good. I don't know if I've said that 3 times already. We just got to like eat, drink, sit and chat. Like it was nice.

Yum. You're making me hungry.

I'm always hungry.

So I did something like— so you're gonna hate this. So like, I just felt like so adult when I do this now. Like, it's a new thing where I'm able to eat cottage cheese plain.

Oh, I could never.

Which I've never—

And I happen to like cottage cheese.

Like, I like it on noodles and like in, you know, my zesty egg salad, like with—

Your high protein salad.

Bunch of other stuff. I've never just like sat down with a bowl of cottage cheese and like That's what I did this morning.

Like, gun to my head, I could, but I would never choose it.

I know, I know. I just feel like it's a sign of maturity.

Yeah, there's no like pineapple. People like to do fruit, cantaloupe.

I really feel like I've—

I'm grown. No vessel. The cottage cheese was the vessel. The cottage cheese stands alone. Did you watch full Secret Lives of Women and Orange?

Of course I did, and it got down to the wire a little bit Friday night. I was like, I don't want to watch it because then I won't have anything to watch Sunday night. And then of course I was in a rush. But yeah, I finished at 11 PM last night, and that is our first story.

I have so many thoughts.

So many thoughts. It's gonna be hard to give them during the 10 days. But, um, and what I want to say is like, not nasty, you know?

No, me neither. Although I do feel that now there are more people on the show that I dislike than I like. Um, and that's annoying.

And also like, the plates are shifting a little bit because I would say like 2 seasons ago, Makayla was my least favorite when she was like just taking Whitney to task, like she—

And just being so mean.

No, and like the stuff with Whitney when she couldn't let it go. And I would say after this mini season, she's number 1 or 2.

Yeah, I think that this show, what I kind of like about it but what also makes it a little bit inconsistent is that from season to season I feel so differently about everyone. Like, there's no one I've like— except maybe Jesse because she's kind of neutral— there's no one I've been like hardcore riding for consistently or hating consistently. Like, some— like, everybody just like has like a lobotomy between seasons and becomes crazy or normal.

Yeah, yeah, there's a lot, there's a lot going on, but I think that's just like the pace of their world, their age, the environment they're in, where it really is that like every 3 months they change people.

Lobotomy. So let's just dive in because I have so many thoughts.

Okay, without further ado, it is time for the Fast Five stories that you need to know.

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Thank you, Tora.

You're, uh, you're welcome, Jora.

Laura, our first story, Secret Lives of Mormon Wives Season 5 recap. 5 episodes of the new season of Secret Lives of Mormon Wives just dropped. Unclear if there's going to be like a second half because it ended on a to be continued, or if it'll just be Season 6.

Yeah, I think that— oh, oh, I think we'll get a season 5A and B, like before the production pause and after. And when I realized what they were doing, at first I was like, uh, before the production pause, this is gonna feel old. But I think that it was really necessary context for everything. I have so many leading thoughts. My first thought, I was like, seriously, thank fucking God that ABC canceled The Bachelorette. Like, if I wasted my goddamn time watching that— she's so unserious. And I can't tell if they're setting up this with these 5 episodes to make Taylor look bad or good, because she looked so bad up until the last minute.

Like, up until the last minute.

Seriously, bad decision maker, bad reality star, bad friend, bad everything. And it's like, it's— you know what, it's like you remember what Demi was saying. It's like, how much— like, you're going through a lot for sure, but like, how much rope can we give you? Like, it's like, enough already. And I was so there with Mikayla and Maci. It's like, seriously, enough.

Yes.

You're fucking Dakota the night you get back, you're engaged, and you're making light of it. So it's like, oh, you can joke about it, but then nobody else can joke about it. You are seriously making some of the worst decisions a human being could possibly make, and we're all just still supposed to be like championing you and not— and you know, Mikayla may say you're right, she's a terrible friend to everyone. She's not— they are her friend, she is not their friend.

Of course, she doesn't have the time, the energy, the thought to even check in on her. She doesn't ever text anyone, how are you?

'Cause she's so— I didn't even realize, like, them sending her Crumbl, like they're always sending her food and gift cards. Like, yeah, like little thoughtful things like that. And they just go so unnoticed.

Yeah.

And they're all just supposed to be grateful because like she invented this like MomTok scandal and got the show. But like at one point, what point does your gratitude run out?

Yeah. And I think some of the girls are like that where they're like, they don't challenge her and they're a good enough friend to her because it pays well to be her friend.

It works.

But someone like Macy like deeply cares about her. I would say Jessie too, where it's like, It's hurtful to see your friend going through this and it's hurtful to have a friend that you love who doesn't care for you in the same way. So like, it's not just business, it's not just show. Like it is also real friendships, which I think makes it so complex. And I agree, like when they said it was like 5 weeks to the production pause, I'm like, oh my God, we've been through so much since then. Like I can't believe—

Jesse's talking about how she's trying to work it out with Jordan.

I'm like, what? I'm like, I can't believe we're going all the way back. But yeah, we never found out why they really had the pause and how they got there. And there is so much interesting stuff.

It was the CPS thing.

It was the CPS thing. And, and there is all the— and it's coming off the heels of like this really bad fight between the girls. Then they find out that she's like been called— they called CPS on her. And I think the girls are like, of course they want to support Taylor, but on the off chance that the CPS allegation was true, they didn't want to come down on the wrong side of it. Oh, and if on the off chance it was false, they also didn't want to come down on the wrong side of it.

No. And it's like at a certain point, like, we need to wash our hands of this. Like, I do think that the CPS allegation was probably made by like a bad faith actor and like that it wasn't 100% factual. But it's like, at what point do we not want to be a part of this anymore? And that's why Michaela's like, I'm team kids. Everybody's like, well, he did this. It's like, cool, seriously, I don't care anymore. And it's like, they are both victims of each other. So it's like, I, I couldn't tell if the season was trying to set it up like that Taylor's going to come back and they're like trying to give her a platform to like rebound with the audience. But like, for me at this point, like, I'm so over it. And like, I did feel bad for her when she broke down, But like, at some point, as a woman of a certain age, as a mother, like, you have got to pick yourself the fuck up. And just like, it's 5 years already. Like, it's just— she's very, very hard to root for.

Yes. I didn't feel bad. I was mad at her the whole time, and I've been very gracious with her, like, through everything with The Bachelorette and everything. So I feel like good about how much grace I'm giving her. And I did not feel bad for her at all this season. didn't feel bad for her when she was crying after the fight, after she was so nasty to her friends. Like, literally, like, treating them the way she was—

That conversation—

Dakota in a fight, the way she was, like, barking at them. And so disrespectful.

I wish she would treat Dakota that badly.

Right, but that's obviously, like, how she gets when she feels attacked. She just, like, talks back, doesn't listen. Nasty, nasty, nasty. And then when she started crying after, like, I still didn't feel bad for her because, like, you are making choices. You choose the same thing over and over again. Watching— it's so weird that she actually had like a really nice, almost perfect guy for her so we can see how she acts.

Ben?

Yeah, we can see. It's not even like, oh, she can't find a good guy, there's no good guys out there. We can see how she treats someone who is good, and it's wrong.

No, and in fact, she went on The Bachelor.

It wasn't until she called Macy and said, I'm not filming because Dakota and his friend have called CPS on me, that I felt bad for her. Because it's like, wait, maybe this whole time it wasn't that she couldn't leave Dakota because she loved him, Maybe she's scared of him, right? Like scared, not in even the physical abuse sense, in the blackmail sense. And you know what, she should have been, because between— right, because he had that video and the video. Maybe that's why she was— she never like fully cut him off, because she was scared of what he would do more than what he usually does.

So maybe, maybe that, that's the case. I have not felt that that was the reason why she couldn't quit him. Her behavior this season, aside from like every argument she was in, she couldn't have been more wrong, right? She is taking her anger out on the wrong people. And it's weird that like they all know like that Dakota abuses her and they're like inviting him to the housewarming party. It's like there's literally an abuser in our house. Like, call the fucking police.

Yeah, well, I think for them— and nobody says abuse on the show— and, and toxic cycle, toxic cycle. But I think also they, they like probably thought they beat each other up, you know?

Yeah, yeah.

That they just like do that. And it's like, if Taylor's gonna go and have sex with Dakota after this party, why can't he come over to the party? Why can't we invite him to the party?

No, I know, it's just like strange that there's like, they know this and he's like still there. There are a lot of like legitimately like really bad people on this show. I think Chase is one of them too. He, I actually, and we said this last time, the men of this show have ruined it in such a real way. I can't watch certain scenes, Chase is a very, very sinister bad guy.

Yeah, and you just know he—

And let's talk about the fact that he's an alcoholic cokehead. Like, we just sort of like threw that under the bus.

Drunk driver.

Yeah.

Yeah, and you know, he just like loved driving Taylor away from her friends and like venting about the girls. Yeah, he is—

He's obsessed with the women in a way that's so scary.

Yeah, I agree. And this season was focused way less on dad talk. Also, I think they got— they understood the backlash, but also there was so much like big storylines going on between like Whitney and Taylor and everything else that like we didn't need Dad Talk. And the men come off so much better. Like even Jordan had a good season.

1,000%.

Jordan had a good season 'cause we didn't see him.

He had one scene in the closet.

And he was saying normal things.

But he's best friends with Dakota. Like he— I also think that Jordan is a deeply, deeply—

But he wasn't invited to Dakota's birthday party. So they were like going, trouble in paradise.

But they like, they like text all the time and he comes over to their house. He's always at Jesse's house.

Jordan is also a scary guy for sure. But I'm just saying when we chase Jordan, Dakota.

There are like legitimately 3 bad, like bad guys on this show. They, they scare me.

Oh, we didn't see Jace. I don't have a problem with Jace this season.

No, I know. Actually, I saw him making some funny TikToks. I love Jace. Like, yeah, it's just funny. Like, not only is it the editing, but I do think that these people are like growing up in a very weird fast way. They're also, when they first came on the show, were all very stunted. I think that happens sometimes in Mormon culture when you get married really young and you're not exposed to a lot. So like, the people they are now, like, they changed so much so quickly that I'm like, yeah, Jace, that's my motherfucking king right there.

Yeah, and I wanna say, I don't know if this is like a hot take and I haven't really seen other people's opinions, but like, Zach Affleck—

Okay, I'm so done with the Zach Affleck hate.

Agreed.

He had a bad first 2 seasons, but I think that like they were all sort of blending the world that they grew up in, which was like very sheltered, with this new world, and it took a minute. Okay, so he was bad for sure. When she's so fucking crazy with her dreams, and the fact that like her dreams don't pan out, like she didn't get the role, and she blames her husband for not being supportive. And it's like, you know what, I actually respect him saying like, if you're gonna act and like make out with someone in a scene, I'm not comfortable with that. Because we always talk about how fucking normal that is, especially he's like very traditional, he's working through his like traditional values. It's like, oh my God, give the man a break. He's literally been doing everything for the last 2 years while you chase these random dreams.

Mm-hmm.

Now you wanna be a singer, but you wanted to be a dancer, and you also have dreams to be a model, and now it's like, actress. It's like, girl, what are you talking about?

Well, she is so off her rocker to the point that I almost feel bad talking about her because something is very wrong there. Something is, something is not normal for her right now. Her confessionals, the way she's talking to the girls, the way she's just speaking in general, it's giving a bit medicated. Um, the scene between her and Miranda in the studio was some of the weirdest thing I ever saw in my life.

And my pink back.

Like, again, when she started playing for her, her, her self-tape in the bathing suit, it was so— Claudia, it was so strange. Something is not right over there. And, and she keeps trying to test her husband.

Yes, she wants to end her marriage, but she doesn't want to be the one to do it. So she thinks that if she pushes him—

She's also pregnant right now, is what we know now.

She's so confusing to me.

But Claudia, she keeps trying to test him, and he keeps passing every test and almost like makes her mad. So she levels up and she's like, I wanna do Sports Illustrated. And he doesn't like that. And then she's like, well, now I want you to become the priesthood. How's he gonna go to the bishop and be like, my wife wants to do Sports Illustrated? It's so contradictory. I feel like he's like navigating her twists and turns as best as a human could. I seriously think like gold star for Zac Efron.

I agree.

He has literally put to side everything that he planned to do with his life in service. of her hopes and her dreams. I think he said they moved like 9 times in 4 years. That's not for him.

It's true.

And he's just always like with the kids when she's doing Dancing with the Stars. Now she wants to act and sing and build a studio in the house, and it's like, oh my God, how can you keep up? Oh, and I want you to become a priest.

Very manic energy.

Yeah. And then in her confessional, she seems like so zoned out, resigned, so not there, and almost like she's phoning it in, but not in a way where she— because she doesn't want to work, but just she's not like capable at the moment of giving more. When—

anytime she argues with someone, whether it's her husband or Whitney, or when she got involved in that Macy and Mikayla, she's legitimately like just very consistent in making bad points. Like, she's never once said something that I agree with. Like, with Whitney, I do think Whitney's a difficult person to argue with. She reminds me actually a lot of you, where I think she's very direct, she's good with language, she remembers stuff. So even if she's wrong, which I don't think that she is wrong, She comes off as a winner because she's a good fighter with words. She's very calm. Yeah, but I think— Whereas I get like so emotional.

In all of these arguments, there's not really like a right or a wrong person. It's just like, let's convey how we feel.

I disagree.

Some of them, but most of the time it's just like perception. Let's convey how we feel. Let's apologize and, and let's move forward. It's not like someone was so clearly right and someone so clearly wrong. It's just like the way you said something, it hurt me that way, but you didn't mean it that way, whatever. But Jen just can't move on from things that Whitney has apologized for. There's nothing there except for jealousy. And even if it wasn't just about Dancing with the Stars, the way that Jen is moving now with like their hopes and the dreams and the acting and the singing, which is like what Whitney's doing, it's giving so jealous.

I know. And I think the issue with, like, with Jen is she can't just be happy in Mom Talk. And I actually think a lot of the girls who are happiest in the situation that they're in is just being happy, like being in Mom Talk, like just being an influencer with a reality show like Macy and Michaela. I think that like they're working on their marriages, their kids, their family life while also being like working women but not needing to go chase things in LA or New York. I think it actually is best for a lot of the women, especially someone you could tell who's up— there are different tiers, right? We've got like Miranda and Lacey— oh, sorry, Miranda and Layla down here, and it's like I'm sorry, some of their scenes are just genuinely beautiful.

And you can tell they want more. I mean, Miranda's singing and Leila's modeling. They want—

Oh, the crazy thing is that Miranda released a song before Jen did.

Yeah.

So there's like, I think, tier 2 wives, which Miranda and Leila are unfortunately a part of. Then there's sort of like the mid-tier where it's like Jesse, Mikayla Macy— sorry, actually Jen is bottom tier too. Mikayla Macy. And I think they all like sort of like are happy with their Utah lives. Those mid-tier women.

Those women, that's where you want to be, by the way. Yes, because then you have Taylor and Whitney and have Shalom by—

Whitney's like on cloud nine right now. I don't think like it's perfect. I think that right now it's good, but those sort of situations can lead to like issues at home. So I think like if more of them were just happy where they were—

Taylor and Whitney here, and, and that's where Jen wants to be, wants to be, and she's not.

No. And every time it fails, I think she blames her husband. And the thing is, Zach is the best guy on the show. I'm sorry. And I think his biggest crime like in recent memory is going to talk to Whitney.

Yes.

But the more I think think about it, it's like, that's him being a good husband.

Right. That's what his wife wanted.

His wife was in a vulnerable spot. He went— I'm sorry, I would send Ben to the end of the earth and he would go even if I was wrong. And so the fact that he went, I actually think is an even bigger check in his column for being a supportive husband. And all he does is get accused of not being supportive. And I'm so glad he shut down that conversation at that sponsored event at the soda place where he was like, I've been trying to have this conversation with you like for weeks and now you wanna have it on camera with me holding our baby? Like, seriously, I cannot stand Jen and I actually feel bad.

She's like very lost.

Yeah.

And I don't know what she's doing. It's not like reading as copacetic over there. Like, it was, it was concerning to watch. And then when she was arguing with Maci and McKaylin and they were like, you said we were the most supportive, and she goes, I said that in the hopes that you would become supportive. I said that because I wanted it to be true. If she had— that's like the worst argument I've ever heard.

That's the craziest.

She had a history of saying things in the hopes of wanting them to be true. Maybe we could establish a pattern. But that was crazy. That's not a thing. And also like her going to like support the weakest link, Taylor, right now.

Like— Oh no, I'm sorry. When Taylor pulled up Jen into her corner, I said, oh, you've officially lost the plot. You've like— we're not seriously— and she spent the whole conversation trying to find that one TikTok from 3 years ago.

Yeah, no. And like Jen is just like, she's not in the group. She's just like, she's going on the trip like she's not there. She shouldn't even be on the trip.

I'm sorry, her going on the trip. I saw Zac Efron like defending her in his comments, once again being a good husband. being like, we don't— a part of production, like, you have to go. Like, it wasn't a question. So it's like, yeah, she like looked weird, but like, this is a group trip.

But like, a better thing for her to say— I mean, she would have to feel this way, but like, if I was in her position, how I would feel is like, Whitney, I think you and I are going to be friends again one day because I like value our friendship, and like, we will figure out our issues and we will get there, and I don't want to have missed this moment for you.

Right, right. That conversation was genuine. And then she's making the TikTok by herself. When she made the TikTok by herself Claudia, she's just like desperate to be a victim.

She is. And that's what the girls are saying about her.

In her marriage, in her work life, in her friends' life.

In the past few seasons, she really was the victim. I think when she was like having mental health issues.

Yes.

And then she got pregnant again and her marriage like was not good, like, and her husband was not—

And the women were so mean to her.

She was the victim. And so I was like, stop being mean to her. But right now she's not. She got Dancing with the Stars too.

Yes.

She is in like a beautiful house with her beautiful family. She just had a baby. Like, everything is good right now, my girl. You're not the victim today. No.

And I think the sheer fact that Jen doesn't let Whitney get away with anything after Whitney was there for her in such a real way, like not in a camera, I think in like a real life way with her prenatal depression. And all the women were like seriously so mean. It's like the way that Taylor gets a free pass for everything 'cause she has like a toxic relationship should have been what Jen got for having prenatal depression. And they were just still so mean. so hard on her. Whitney was there for her in such a real way. The fact that Jen just can't— whatever her small issues are with Whitney, like you said this to me, to get over it. Like seriously, this is a person who did such a kindness to you and you're like insistent on remembering her by her worst moment. Like that's why I would never want to be friends with her.

Yeah.

It's because she's constantly seeking victimhood.

Yeah, I couldn't be friends with someone like that.

The conversation on the stairs was even more upsetting when I remembered that Ever was there.

Yeah, that he was in the house somewhere. And like, I would— you would hope that— and it's Dakota's day, clearly, so that's why like he entered with Dakota and probably left with Dakota. But like, that's bonus time that you get. And like—

And your mom is acting crazy upstairs. Like, that's where I was like with Michaela. Like, I actually am no longer concerned in getting down to the bottom of like who's the abuser and, and who's— because they're both terrible parents, quite frankly. And like, that's all I really care about.

Yeah, no, that was like so odd.

Why was he there? They knew it was like gonna be the big explosive thing. Like, I don't know, you know when you're going into a party whether it's gonna be like—

I don't know, I just— if I were Taylor, I would just be like so excited to get some extra hours like with him because Dakota brought him to a thing that I'm gonna be at.

Yeah, even though I think she has majority custody, so like she's not lost for time with him.

Yeah, but still, like Like, to not have your child full-time is, is like—

It was— I actually commend Maci and Mikayla. They handled that crazy bitch and that whole conversation. They were so calm. It was actually crazy to watch her misunderstand them in real time. How did Shanaya attack you? You just said to me Shanaya did nothing wrong. Actually, that's quite literally verbatim not what she said. Yeah, like, it was crazy to watch a crazy person.

And it's— what's the craziest is like What Shania did was wrong, but what Dakota did was more wrong, and he's in your bed, so why can't we move on from Shania?

That's the exact thing. It's like, we're so mad at Shania, we're mad at Miranda because her friend did something, which, by the way, what the fuck does Shania owe Taylor? Like, seriously, she's just having sex with some random guy, but Dakota is standing there in the clear. Yeah, it was insane. Also, um, I thought this last season— I can't remember if I said it, um, and I feel like it's kind of like a crazy thing to say, and obviously this is like— I have no proof, just like based on vibes. It does feel like there's an element of like drug use in this show somewhere, um, because like the, the very manic mood swings, the violent behavior, um, her like drinking from the bathtub, like that just gives like sort of— and also I think her relationship with, with Dakota sometimes feels like, you know, like a toxic sort of like— I don't want to like make allegations, but like, like sort of like an enabler, like somebody who provides Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like in past seasons when she's like locked herself in a room for days at a time, like, I don't know, it like— I don't know why, I just feel like— am I the only one who thinks that?

I didn't think that, um, but then I saw like a tweet last night of someone like suggesting that there might be drug use and that would explain like, I don't know, some sweat stains or whatever.

Yeah, but also her having breast milk on her nipple like the entire fight was hilarious.

It wasn't breast milk, but it was like a stain. It was just It was distracting.

It was funny. It's distracting.

Um, so yes, that could be like a piece of the puzzle.

Yeah, I just feel like it might explain a little bit of it. It's— I'm only searching for an explanation because it's very hard to watch someone who's in her 30s like consistently put her family at risk, put herself at risk, put everyone around her—

And when you guys—

not even, not even a hot one.

And when you guys were together, you weren't happy anyway. And then also it's like, if it is about—

Did we forget he fucked your mom's friend? He literally fucked your aunt. Like, what are we talking about?

like love and being, you know, can't quit him and blah blah blah, and he has Evers' walk, why not just be together? Like, because the thing is, they— he keeps hurting her because they're not together, so he goes and does this other stuff, and then she's like, well, now I can never forgive you. Like, what if they were just together? And he— obviously we're past that now, but when I'm watching this, I'm like, you only want to be with each other. You hurt everyone else around you because you're hurting each other. And if you just want to be together and you can't quit him and he can't quit you, just be together. And like, if you want a crazy life, which is what she wants now— she says she doesn't want to get married, she doesn't want to be in a monogamous relationship, she doesn't want to be with Ben, who would give her like that stable life— if you want a crazy life, just go be with crazy and stop hurting everybody else.

Yeah, although I just don't think that benefits ever.

No. And then in the final scene, I'm like, well, maybe, maybe it wasn't just like love, love, love. Like, maybe it was also real fear.

Um, I want to quickly talk about Jesy's face.

Yes, I would like to talk about plastic surgery as well.

Yeah, it really broke my heart. I feel like what everyone's like coming for Jesy and it's like, well, obviously she made the wrong choice. She should have stopped messing with her face. But it's like, I feel like that's exactly what happens when you just like keep— I can only imagine the type of like comments, DMs that they get at this like level that they're at from like all these— they have crazy fucking female fans. Like Like, I think that it breaks my heart because if she weren't on this show, like, maybe she was someone who was like into plastic surgery before, like in a normal way, but it obviously got to a place where she's unhealthy and then her boob is hemorrhaging. Like, it was really heartbreaking. She looked bad this season.

Yeah, she was still swollen.

I do think she's like a little bit back to normal, but she still looks like pretty different than the girl that we know. And like, it actually really upset me.

Yeah, it also upset me.

I can't even blame her.

It also upsets me that these girls have had multiple boob jobs in their 20s. Every episode in the beginning, it was like, oh, she just did her boobs. Like, and it's people who have done their boobs, and everyone's talking about like Leila's boobs in her confessionals because they're like at—

Folded in half.

Her chin, and you can literally see the silicone implant. I guess it was like very fresh and they've since like settled, I guess. But that wasn't her first boob job. Last season, Taylor just got her boobs redone before the— like, that's major surgery. Jessie had her boob job a month before. Mikayla just said she took her implants out at the— in the beginning of this season, and she was like, I feel so skinny, and she looks great. But literally—

I was gonna say, Mikayla's my queen. She recently dyed her hair darker, and I think she's like really figured out how to manage her chronic illness when it comes to her skin. I was watching her TikToks last night. She went to Paris with Macy. Like, she looks insane.

Yeah, and then I started to like feel bad. Um, I guess not about the J— I didn't really feel bad. I just know she hates us, so that's why I felt bad.

Who hates us?

Mikayla.

Oh shit, she does, because we made fun of Jace last year.

Yeah, and then we made fun of her statement about the cream.

Oh, was that her cream?

When she—

Whatever, I just want to say, yeah, I remember.

When she said like she compared to like Taylor going back to Dakota to like her using cream that makes her sick.

By the way, I'm woman enough to admit I stand by everything that I said last year, and I stand by everything I say this year. That's what I mean when I say it feels like people get lobotomies between seasons. She was my queen this year. She's the only one with a backbone, and she's still not backing down. She's been making TikToks like she's not forgiving Taylor Grace. Her rope is up with Taylor, and I actually really appreciate that. It's like, you know what, Demi tried to do it. She was a couple of seasons too early, but I think Mikayla should stick to her guns. And yeah, I stand by what I said last season.

Yeah, no, so do I. I was just like, I feel bad. Oh, because she hates us. Um, but you had a great season. Keep going.

I don't know about like the Taylor fans who just like blindly stan her and are just gonna hate any girls who are gonna I did really appreciate that they brought that up because that has always been an element as to why Taylor gets grace from the group. It's not that they all genuinely feel bad for her. I'm sure a lot of them are at home rolling their eyes being like, girl, make better decisions. The element of her being the most famous one, the most popular one amongst their true fans and the ones who the fans side with, I respected Jessie being like, I also just don't wanna take that.

Yeah, and it's also—

Yeah, while I wish you all had more of a backbone, I respect you even in just admitting like the reason why you're always up her ass.

But it's also production. favors her, which is just so crazy. Um, even they gave her that penthouse suite. I doubt all the girls had that.

Yes!

Now you could say maybe because they knew Ben was coming, so they like, we're gonna film in there a lot and they needed all that space. But she definitely gets favoritism from production. I would say this season, the way it's being edited and the way they're putting in all those clips of like talking heads and TikToks and stuff, it is not super anti-Taylor.

Oh, I didn't think it— I thought it was the first time they were ever a little bit anti-Taylor.

No, it wasn't. I guess we haven't gotten to like Barstoolgate.

Also, her ordering all that dessert and then leaving.

People also said maybe like some—

That's just something like a true crazy person does.

Yeah, that was also one of the clues as to perhaps potential.

And like Macy and Mikayla getting like shit on from Taylor being like, you guys think you're all so perfect. I just feel like they've recently decided— it feels like in the last like 2 years, the both of them have like decided to just embrace being in MomTok. They're not going for all the other things that the girls are going for. They're not like, you know, wanting to travel the world and be on Broadway. And they're working through that, 'cause Macy had a couple of things with her husband too, but they've quietly shut that down. They're working on their homes and their marriages and just like being happy with where they're at. And I feel like that like kills Taylor. Like, because that's what they all should be doing.

Yeah.

And that's really what Taylor should be doing.

But Taylor doesn't even like pursue those opportunities really. The only thing she was ever gonna do that was bigger than the show was Bachelorette.

The Bachelorette.

She didn't even take it seriously. She could care less.

'Cause she didn't need to do anything outside of the show. Like, she just was bigger than everyone else.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm curious what— also any rumors that like they're airing this season of The Bachelor in December?

No.

Seriously, don't.

They're not.

And I don't know, they're not.

They just gave it away. They would never do that.

Not only did they give it away, they let everyone know like, if you watch this, you're wasting your time. She chooses the worst guy and she cheats on him the night she gets home.

They could have like bleeped out his name. They didn't.

Nothing.

They spoiled the whole season. Like they don't care, it's over.

Yeah, thankfully.

And also at some points it was like Taylor was dreading The Bachelor, like so much anxiety because she would have to like answer for her crimes after the fact. We were talking about how like the villain of her season probably was so glad that the season was canceled. She might have been a little glad the season was canceled.

Yeah, because she couldn't have been serious about it, even a little bit.

But even any Bachelor Nation backlash would never— would not have been as bad as what happened.

What happened, yeah. Yeah, so I don't know what comes for the next— I am expecting 5 post-production pause episodes, and I would like that, but who knows. And they need to decide, I think, like definitively if they're gonna like let Taylor back on the show. Like, Dakota is not a cast member. He doesn't make money. He doesn't get to film. I think that like continuing to involve him even more like enabled him and empowered him, and it also gave him money that he didn't have before. Um, if she's gonna be back on the show, like, he sort of has to be off of it completely.

Yeah, well, I think they also have like restraining orders against each other at this point, so it would actually have to be.

And while they're firing him, get rid of Jordan and Chase too. I never want to see them again.

I do think that the show, whenever the next half comes out and then the season after, will rehabilitate Taylor.

Me too. Also, I know you have like high hopes about Marciano and like you're trusting your fave, but I have to say I've never disliked someone more.

I think that they are like really cute. What is crazy to me is the fact that like even after these episodes, Jessie still makes out with Chase.

Dates him? No, Chase.

She does? Yeah, like in the timeline before she starts dating Marciano, she makes out with Chase at a party.

So, by the way, and she hasn't gone on Call Her Daddy yet, right?

No, and she's still like working on her marriage even though she said that morning they're gonna get divorced.

Yeah, and like what's— like why'd they move houses?

Like, I don't know, because they had just moved houses and then they had that Halloween party in their new house. They were so excited.

excited, right?

So, but it looks party though.

Yeah, it did. Um, I love The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. It has gotten dark, and I'm like, I'm still enjoying it, of course, but like, it's not fun like it used to be fun. No, but it's like seriously dark.

It was, it was good television.

Yeah, that conversation on the street was insane. The street fight, as they're calling it.

Yeah, it was. Um, no, but it was really, it was good reality TV, which isn't usually— Congress would healthy behavior.

Agreed.

But the entertainment box was checked.

Yeah.

So that's your Secret Lives of Mormon Wives recap.

But they're not filming.

Our next story is so disturbing that it actually—

Please tell me it's not about KJ Biermann.

It is about KJ Biermann, and it actually gave me a stomachache.

So I've been following this case quite closely.

Videos of KJ— we shared last week KJ Biermann was under arrest arrest for, um, allegedly sodomizing a female classmate in a sauna. And now the prosecutor is saying that videos of KJ Biermann, who is 15, having sex with an underage family member— those videos were found on his phone. So KJ Biermann has been accused of having sex with an underage relative in a bombshell, never-before-known revelation from court. The 15-year-old, who is the son of Kim Zolciak and retired NFL star Corey Biermann, appeared in Georgia's Fulton County Superior Court on Friday. During the hearing, the deputy district attorney shockingly revealed that investigators previously found videos on KJ's cell phone that allegedly depicting him having penetrative sex with a family member under the age of 12. The district attorney said there were multiple encounters on video that were discovered on the device and that they allegedly showed KJ using predatory derogatory language toward the victim. Quote, this would now mark the second time he has been charged with an offense of a sexual nature of a very serious kind which involves female victims, the DA noted, adding that KJ was previously charged with sexual battery of a victim under the age of 16, which had not been publicly reported until now in 2023.

Per the DA, he had been under court supervision since October 2025 following the alleged incident with a family member, which she said was reported in April 2023. After the hearing, his— KJ's attorney told Page Six in a statement, characterizations made in court regarding the prior juvenile matter involving KJ Biermann grossly misrepresent both the facts and the ultimate resolution of that case. The matter arose from inappropriate crude behavior involving 2 middle schoolers. It did not result in an adjudication for statutory rape, sexual intercourse, or any comparable offense. He argued that any suggestion otherwise is inaccurate and creates a material misleading impression of how the juvenile matter was ultimately resolved.

Yeah, so I guess like with evidence that they found just now, it brought up this 2023 case that people did not know about. Um, now obviously this would also explain why they did not let him out, because we were saying last week, right, that they must have a lot of evidence and they're keeping this 16-year-old behind bars until his trial.

Yeah, and like they must have a lot of evidence of that crime because usually someone of his age would be like released home to his family out on bond, but it's not his first offense of this nature.

And obviously, like, the internet is freaking out about this, um, and I don't want to, like, give it— I don't want to assume, but, like, I think some context that people are bringing up is that when they discuss a family member in the house who's under the age of 15 or whatever, like, there is a sibling in the house at that age.

So they didn't say in the house, they just said a relative, a female relative.

And they also— just another piece of context that people are bringing up is that this sibling, Kaya, was sent to live with her grandparents a little while ago. I don't know how people know that. And so I think that that fact just came to mind when people heard this.

It feels really—

So obviously people are jumping to conclusions, but it feels like a relevant Um, part detail. Every time I learn something about this case, I am— oh, and then I'm sure you saw the podcast clip of Brielle Biermann talking about how KJ's like fast. And yeah, like, I don't know if this was like a year or two ago, but she went on a podcast like just catching up about her family. Everybody knew before this, everybody knew their family. Like, obviously they're crazy, but they knew all the kids. And from the TV show, they were all on TV for like almost a decade. And she was talking about how KJ's so grown up and that like Like, you know, he's trouble, he's obsessed with women, and he goes out and he sneaks out of the house and he calls her late at night asking to send him a lift and Zelling me $100. And it was just like, perhaps in the moment, like a cutesy story about like a rebellious teen, but now in hindsight it's like extremely dark.

Yeah, yeah.

It sort of speaking to the character of this, this kid at the time.

Yeah, but like when she said it, really like not a red flag. Like he's just like, you know, a teenager who wants to go and live and stay out late kiss girls, you would think, right? But now in the context— It's much more sinister. Of course.

This is so deeply troubling on so many levels. Um, I feel genuinely sick to my stomach hearing all about this. Um, I actually don't have words. Like, I don't have a recap, I don't have a take. Like, like, I want to vomit.

I want to vomit. It gives me a stomachache. I think it goes without saying, like, done with these people.

Beyond.

So fucking done. Never been so done.

Never been— like, it's seriously not funny.

It's the worst story I've ever heard stemming from a reality TV person, personality, family. It must be how fans of the Duggars felt, I want to say.

Oh yeah, I guess. I wasn't a part of that.

But like, we never watched that show and it didn't follow those cases, but this is the worst Worst thing I've ever heard.

I'm sure you saw Kim and Brielle like, uh, pap walked from court to their car.

Yeah.

They didn't say anything. And then like, I don't know why I just found the video offensive, like them being so glam with their hair. Like, they didn't say anything. I just like, I hated it. No.

And like, let him rot.

Let him rot. 1,000%.

I wouldn't like show up for him.

No. Fucking crazy story. And where's Kroy in all this? I don't know. 'Cause like, it goes without saying, like, this is 1,000%— you know what, this is everyone's fault.

Yeah, no, but it's like literally everyone. It speaks to really bad—

A moral rot in the home. Yeah, yeah.

And a rotten individual, of course.

Of course. Bad seed.

Yeah. So that's the latest. Let's see what happens.

Yeah.

Our next story is some happy news.

Thank God.

Lady Gaga welcomes her first baby with fiancé Michael Polanski. I'm so glad in last week's Dreck episode that I included that bit from Lady Gaga's friends, because like we were able to have a little bit of a—

And we literally said she's the next pop swirly to become a mother.

And here we go. Lady Gaga and her fiancé Michael Polanski have recently welcomed their first child together, Page Six can confirm. Additional details— any details actually are not known at this time. However, the family of 3 was spotted out and about together for the first time in Northern California. She was going for a walk with her mans and an unidentified brunette and wearing the baby in a baby carrier.

Oh my God, so cute. Wait, so was it not confirmed that she used a surrogate?

Well, I think it's fair to say that she did not carry this child just based on the photos.

Because she has fibromyalgia.

And 'cause she's snatched.

Well, you know, some people do snatch.

No, and she's like wearing a crop top and a newborn on her. I think it's safe to say, I won't jump to conclusions, but—

No, of course.

I think it's safe to say she didn't carry the child.

I think also her history of chronic illnesses led people to believe that she didn't carry. But regardless, not only did we like spookily call this, which like we literally were just saying—

No, we didn't call it at all 'cause her friends like gave a quote saying they think that she's gonna become a mom soon. That's why we were talking about it. I just feel glad that we chose that title Nonsensical story last week.

Yeah. Oh, I thought we predicted it. My bad. Um, obsessed beyond, like, for real. I'm so ready for the album. Like, like, get to work. I know you're busy going on walks, and that's beautiful. Just sit down at the piano. You could still wear the baby.

Yeah, she could wear the baby. Like, she could really write an album in the next 3 months while that baby's just sleeping all day.

Oh my God, you can get so much done when you have a newborn. Having a newborn is like low-key easy, and you know, she obviously probably has help. Like, Yeah. Nannies, housekeepers, chefs, things of that nature. So I was like, girl, get to work.

Yeah, give us an album.

Give us an album.

Called Mama.

This is really sweet. What's the baby's name? What's the baby's gender? We know nothing.

Yeah, all in due time. What kind of carrier? Uh, it's a, it's a sling, like a, um, a wrap.

Oh, like a scarf type of thing?

Yes, it's a wrap.

It is not like a buckle. Got it. I love like when your baby's really little and you could do like the stretchy scarf, like that's the best.

Yeah. Yeah, I love baby wearing, of course.

Of course.

And this is just beautiful.

This is so unexpected and really beautiful. Mazel tov to the whole family.

Mazel to the Gaga Polanskis.

Mazel to Mother Gaga.

Are you ready for our next story?

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Our next story, an update in Remexit— Regregxit. Meghan Markle shares her first video since returning to the UK with Prince Harry. Meghan Markle made a little video montage on Instagram Reels of, I guess, an afternoon in the UK. So the reel had the emoji of the British flag and a red heart, and it was little vignettes from an afternoon in the country with the kids and the dog and Harry. And then Jitterbug started playing.

And it was genuinely one of the most shocking things I'd ever seen in my life. Like, when I turned on my phone after the 2-day holiday and the first thing that pops up is Meghan Markle's reel, It was a test from the Lord because I'm supposed to be acting right, and then they just put this like very low production quality video in front of me and I'm supposed to not say anything? Yeah, I don't think so.

Yeah.

Um, what do you think the point of the video was?

The point of the video, I think, though it could have been achieved like in other ways, was just like, Pargi UK Living, I'm a lifestyle influencer, I'm a dancer, mother of 2, and here's some Pargi mindless content, 'cause that is a content strategy. Questions that I have about that. Like, one, it looks like shit. Like, it's not a Pargi video, you know?

It's awful.

2, why? Like, when she started doing that in—

Why?

Tandem with like, as ever, and with love. It's like, yes, you are becoming—

It was in service of something.

In service of becoming like the next Martha Stewart. Like, now it's like, why are you doing all that, you know?

Also, like, what is this filmed on? Are those the kids' feet?

I'm not sure.

By the fire? I couldn't tell.

I feel like it looks like adult, and they're wearing jeans. Is she wearing jeans?

Okay, a jitterbug.

Yeah.

And like, seriously, why is the forest so blurry?

There's one scene where she's filming the lake, and I don't know what she's filming because it's so— it's like someone sent it to her and then she sent it back, and then they sent it to her again and she sent it back.

So, oh, Meghan, um, was on DeuxMoi this weekend. They said she was spotted at Soho Farmhouse. So is that— I've never been to Soho Farmhouse, but like, I feel like that's it. It's like a huge property where you go on hikes and boats and fish and stuff.

Yeah, but I think also apparently they're like looking to settle in the Cotswolds, and like, these are the vibes every day. Um, so whether or not they were at the farmhouse, like, this is just what their life is gonna be. I just— what's—

do you remember when she, when she launched a Shop My?

Yeah, and that was crazy. You were sad.

I was sad, but she never like updated it.

You do like— when she was doing this in her garden, it was like, for as ever, with love. We're gonna be lifestyle, we're gonna be influencer, we're doing all of that.

TV show, product.

Now she's obviously left all that behind because 'Cause it's not worked out and she's gone to the UK. And like, why are you showing us this? Like, this, it's like, it doesn't accomplish anything.

It's also such superfluous content. Like, for somebody who wants to be private, like, these are actually like kind of intimate moments with your family. I'm like, genuinely, like, not only do we not enjoy this because it's low production value, but you have claimed to want privacy. And like, this is the type of thing you would wanna keep private.

Right. Why are you showing it to us? And now if it's— And I think when she like exploited her personal life, like for her show with Love& Hip Hop, whatever, a little bit of your personal life to explain, like, service of the business, why you have the garden and why you got the—

So maybe she's launching another business, sort of like Cotswolds with Love.

Maybe she's gonna be like Cotswolds, a lifestyle influencer in the UK, which is a niche.

Like, it is a genre. Um, there's a couple of, um, that girl Lydia from TikTok. Like, there is a sort of like very British, kind of like trad wifey type of sect of the internet. So maybe she's trying to do that next. She's got to get a new phone.

She's gotta get a social media editor.

Yeah, I mean, I do think that budget is tight, like, currently, just because maybe they're still working on swindling, like, people in Britain to give them jobs. But I think the American money, like, did run out. It's kind of expensive to have, like, a full-time hire just for your Instagram when you actually post, like, once every 3 months.

Yeah, but if she wants to do this, like, And also it's like, you can be a public figure on Instagram and not have to have a social media editor. You just post a photo. But like, if you're making reels and you can't, outsource. And she should have done that.

Jitterbug.

What?

Jitterbug.

She should have done that in Montecito. Like when she was making that Britney Spears style fire content.

Absolutely.

When she was the Britney Spears of the fire content.

Hire like an actual teenager.

Yeah. That was not well thought out. So we're still doing this, really? Jitterbug.

Like, why Jitterbug?

I don't know, because I was actually scrolling her Instagram and like her music choices on her posts are very, um, okay, I'll be right back. I want to say bold. Like, look at her wedding.

Do you think that Glinda emboldened her? Okay, Jitterbug, Dolly Parton, Just Because I'm a Woman. No music. Cliff Richard and the Shadows.

That's cute.

And another one. Yeah, Summer Holiday. That's for, uh, With Love, Megan. No music, no music, no music.

Paula Abdul for her wedding. Always remember, I'm forever yours. Those are for her wedding.

She kind of has good taste.

Her like chapel wedding.

This is wedding also.

I like this one. You could feel like they're dancing. It's a slideshow of them dancing at their wedding set to that song.

Cute. Thank you for being here. Oh, original audio. Lovely day, lovely day. This is a good one. She's kind of good. She really— she's such a grandma. Like, yeah, um, she really never posts because I just scrolled for 3 seconds.

Jitterbug is in line with that music. Absolutely.

Genre, like, on point.

Yeah, she is who she is.

It's like that genre but British. Because she's now in the Cotswolds.

Yeah. Oh, is that what— and maybe they saw a bug?

Oh, maybe like, maybe they found like, maybe they found a jitterbug on there. I don't know what a jitterbug is, but maybe they found one on their Cotswolds walk.

Yeah. So continuing to be confused.

Watchdog Podcast will continue to keep you guys updated on all things Megxit.

With confusion, Meghan.

I love that.

Are you ready for our 5th and final story? Great news for some people. The Family Stone sequel has been set at Searchlight with Claire Danes, Rachel McAdams, Sarah Jessica Parker, and many more. Mostly everyone except for, of course, Diane Keaton returning.

Now, if you've ever seen the movie, I'm gonna spoil something. So—

I have never seen this movie.

I would actually love your take, and I could just see you like loving Sarah Jessica Parker.

I just saw a synopsis of it. It's like Dermot Mulroney's He brings home Sarah Jessica Parker for Christmas. Tight-knit brown girlfriend comes home to his bohemian New England family.

Yes, they're very free spirit. I watched the movie later in life. I only saw it a couple of years ago, and I know it's like this, people are obsessed with it. It's like their favorite holiday movie. And I didn't love it, but I understood why it's, why people like it. It's also, it was actually good. It was just the craziest movie. When you see the poster and the Family Stone, like coming to get the family ring. Like, it's just not at all what you think it's gonna be.

Okay.

Um, and then like it ends really sad.

I saw a spoiler about Sybil.

Which did work out. Can I say what it is?

That she passes.

Diane Keaton dies in the movie. Um, so that actually kind of works out like for the sequel because she couldn't be in it anyway. Um, I don't know that this is a film that like needs a sequel, but I guess like they do leave you with like kind of a uh, like what hap— like, you know, what will this family be like in 10 years?

Do you want to know the synopsis?

Well, because in the movie they like end up wife swapping. Like, wait, don't—

okay, I'm gonna watch it. Don't tell me anymore.

Okay, okay, okay.

But this movie will pick up 20 years after the death of the matriarch Sybil Stone, something that was depicted in the original film, as the Stone family again reunites for Christmas only to face the season Season's biggest surprise. Their father Nelson has unexpectedly invited the woman he's fallen in love with to meet the family. So like, that would be funny. Like the Sarah Jessica Parker of—

Right, but it's like, who's replacing Diane Keaton? They're gonna hate her no matter what. You know who plays—

No, it didn't say.

Well, it says that everybody's on board. I'm sure like this random movie that they did, which was not even popular at the time, I'm sure they're shocked that it has like such a cult following all these years later. So yeah, like, let's take advantage of it.

Yeah, and now I do wanna watch it. Like, I feel like I missed out.

Yeah, you kind of did. And like, I just, I know everyone's gonna, like, I know you're gonna have an unpopular take on it.

Like— Really?

Because like, the whole point is like, that Sarah Jessica Parker is the worst. She just comes and she just doesn't fit into this family and she just doesn't even try. And she's just like, not like a, she's like a miserable person. But like, at some point, like, they are like a little mean to her. And so I could just see you being like, defending SJP.

Let's see. You can't put me in a box.

And then there's like this kind of like polarizing conversation at the dinner table.

Okay.

Like, like a kind of like a political— not political, but like controversial.

What's— okay, don't spoil it. I'll watch it. Maybe I'll watch it tonight because I don't think there's anything to watch tonight.

Dancing with the Stars starts this week. I'm actually sad.

Yeah.

Does it start today or tomorrow?

I feel like Tuesday.

Tomorrow.

Hopefully tomorrow so I can watch Family Stone.

Yeah, you should. I would love to hear your thoughts.

Okay, that's my homework.

And that's our show. Nice long one, but we had a lot to discuss. Hope you enjoyed. Thank you so much for listening to the Toast of Monday Morning Show. We deliver the fastest news on Monday through Friday on YouTube. If you're watching this on YouTube, please feel free to subscribe, give this video a thumbs up. Also, we're also podcasting. Our podcast can be found on Spotify, Twitch, Buzzsprout, all the places where podcasts are available. Hope you guys have an amazing day, and we'll see you tomorrow.

Love ya. Bye.