Transcript of Dakota's Ricotta: Wednesday, September 16th, 2026

Good morning, girlies, it's The Toast. It's Jax and Claude and we're your hosts. It's your favorite show, the fast 5 things you need to know.

We'll start your day off swirly, it's The Toast.

I sound amazing.

Welcome back to The Toast and happy, uh, What is that? Hump day! Wednesday.

On Wednesdays we wear pink.

Hump day, we love an important day. On Wednesdays we are both wearing pink.

Yes.

Happy Wednesday, it's hump day, an important day of the week, kind of structurally, kind of an integral part, some might say. And I'm joined here by one of my favorite swirlies in the universe.

That's so sweet.

It's Jacques. Jacques Follet. That's sweet.

Sort of like the top swirly, head swirly in charge.

Well, I feel like, no. Because I—

Are you the number one swirly in this group?

Tie for first.

I'm the head swirly in charge, I think.

I don't know that that's true, actually. Like, factually.

I think that I am. I'm sorry to disappoint you. Should we make merch?

Kind of how like Jax Taylor made number one guy in this group merch, we should make number one swirly in the universe group merch.

Oh, sure, sure.

Merch alert!

Not merch alert.

No, hope everybody's having a great day. I watched Dancing with the Stars last night, it's kind of all I can think about. Like, take me to Paris and dance for a baguette with me, you know? Like, I can't stop thinking about Paris Baguette by Julianne Hough.

Was that in promotion of something? Was that sponsored by Paris?

No, Paris Baguette. It's like an Au Bon Pain. It's like a chain of like bakeries type. Have you seen that?

I thought it was like for the new season of Emily in Paris. I didn't know why we were dancing in Paris.

They had like a sponsored segment prior to that with like a shout out to our sponsor. And then Julianne choreographed a dance for Paris Baguette. And it's like Paris Baguette, I've only been to one. There's like one in Times Square, but it's like an airport chain. Yes.

Yes.

It's not like, it's Paris in name only, you know? Like I don't think the Parisians claim one part of Paris Baguette.

I feel like Julianne was told like choreograph a dance for Paris Baguette and she didn't ask any further questions.

Oh, I'm actually so glad you brought that up because I saw Julianne on the Dancing with the Stars podcast explaining the whole choreography. Ready?

Okay.

First of all, this was such a big deal.

I didn't bring that up, by the way, like you did.

No, no, like the choreography and Julianne. Like, she told this insane story.

I love the story.

So Julianne was basically saying, just sort of like context, contextually, this was such an important dance for Julianne because she hasn't choreographed—

I think every dance is important for Julianne.

But that's the thing, she hasn't choreographed since 2015, since she won her Emmy with Derek. Yeah, and so this was like sort of her big comeback for a sponsored thing. And so actually the choreography and just like the scene that they were setting in general was inspired by this whirlwind evening Julianne had in Paris with this guy. She said it was like all very PG, but it was like this Parisian man like took her all over Paris to like the love bridge, the lock bridge.

Is that who Jan Ravnick played?

Yes, they shared a kiss at the end of the night, and it was like all very inspired by this sort of whimsical evening Julianne Hough spent in Paris, sponsored by Paris Baguette.

And did you go out of your way to listen to the Dancing with the Stars podcast, or how did that find you?

I feel that I will not even answer such an insulting question because, you know, I just saw a clip on TikTok. Like, no, I did not go out of my— I don't even listen to my own podcast. I don't even listen to my husband's podcast. You think I'm listening to the Dancing with the Stars podcast hosted by Andy Richter? They're operating like on all cylinders. They've got Caitlin Bristol. So on TikTok, they've got the Angie Richter podcast. Then they said there was some other like after show hosted by someone. Like, it's a lot.

Yeah, it is a lot, but they have so many personalities and they don't know what to do with them. Like Robert Irwin standing there.

It's true, it's true. It was a family affair. So I'm sure our first story is Dancing with the Stars.

It was actually gonna be our last story and be like TV recap, um, just for anyone who's not watching Dancing with the Stars. But as someone who used to not watch Dancing with the Stars, I just wanna say like it's added a lot of joy and value into my life.

I agree.

I love dance, actually. Like, I love to dance, I love to watch dance, I love the art of dance. When they did the opening number, like, that does everything for me.

Yeah, and it's very rare that like shows these days really put on a production where it's like they're firing on all cylinders. Choreography, music, lights, camera, wardrobe. It's a fabulous show. And yet Jackie and I are very late, very, very late.

And it's 35 seasons.

Yeah, on the off chance that you guys listening like don't watch, it's just a fun addition to your weekly rotation. It's light, you see some of your faves, there's like low-key drama on and offline. I'm really enjoying it. 2-night, 2-hour each premiere is asking a lot of me.

Yeah.

And it is giving like OG ABC Chris Harrison energy.

But thankfully I'm not busy this week.

I'm available, yeah.

Thankfully it's not the Redheads recording this week and I have to read Um, I don't have plans this evening, so I'm sad. Bruno really enjoyed it as well.

Ben enjoyed it too.

I was acting and watch with me.

Ben like couldn't believe how many of his friends were on it, like Tyler, Tyler, Fibula. Yeah, it was sort of like a family affair. We didn't know who to post for, you know?

Yeah, so, oh, you know what? Oh wait, I guess we'll save this for the recap, but I wanted to—

Yeah, okay, let's just talk about something else.

Let's just talk about something else. It's what I didn't say.

It's Wednesday. I'm wearing pink.

Wednesday at the Stars. What else went down yesterday?

We recorded a Patreon yesterday that's like extremely contested. So as promised—

I just like peeped in the comments.

So here's the thing, Jackie and I recorded a podcast yesterday where like I genuinely had one of the most fun times of my life and I played mahjong with my friends yesterday and I like literally was like, you guys, we did this like amazing Patreon. You guys should do it at home with your friends where we did the 50 States Challenge. We said we were gonna do it last week. We literally were like, That's such a funny idea. So Jackie and I sat here and we tried to, and I don't wanna spoil it, but like we got pretty far. Um, and we sort of like vlog podcasted it for Patreon. People are hating it. And you know what? We are not making meaningful content if we aren't getting contested in the comments, you know?

Yeah. I didn't like read the comments yesterday. I just sort of moved on with my day. And as I was sitting here, like I see I have my list. I don't wanna spoil it, but I have my, my states right here and I just—

list of states. I was like, oh, what did they think? What did they think?

Oh my God, I ran scared away.

Now, here's the thing.

No, I'm afraid.

I am not going to let a couple of comments get in the way of my educational advancement.

Yeah.

Like, how many opportunities are there as a, you know, a woman later in life to learn things I should have learned in high school?

This is what I'm always saying.

Yeah, so sorry I took a minute on my Patreon to learn a little geography. And first of all, it was hilarious. Like, I don't even know what people are talking about. I think maybe they're judging it before they listen. I would agree.

Like, the concept might not sound riveting, but it's never about the concept.

The concept is merely a vessel, you guys.

Yeah, it's a shell for us to do our thing.

To break out of.

I'm just— I'm feeling dancey from Dancing with the Stars. I know.

And of course, I feel like a natural part of watching the show is like, you envision like, what could I do there?

Especially with fibula up there. I'm really starting to see myself on the stage. The podcaster. It's possible.

And like, actually, I think there's no world in which I would ever make it past the first week.

You know what? It is so hard. When Kanye rapped that ever since like Trump became president, like he could see himself being president. Do you remember that?

Yeah. Ever since Fibula danced, you could see yourself.

Went on Dancing with the Stars, I can see myself on Dancing with the Stars, except for the fact that like Masked Singer Jen Affleckgate, I'll call it, has shown me That I could never.

Also, as an empath and a boy mama, I actually could not watch the end of last night's episode. Like, I was actually in physical pain.

We have to stop talking about Dancing with the Stars.

What else should we talk about? What did you eat for dinner?

Oh my gosh, I made tacos for everyone. And for me, I made a stuffed pepper taco because like I'm in my healthy era. But like for the kids, they had like tortillas. Zach had tortilla and it was just so good. So hearty.

You wanna hear something weird? I forgot to tell you what happened to me at dinner.

What'd you have for dinner?

I went out, you know, it was like early and I was like, let's kill some time. We went out. Won't say where we went. A great place. And like, you know, they treat you like family.

What? Where? No. And then I remembered I have something to tell you.

Oh, okay. So now I feel like I don't wanna tell my story.

No, where'd you go where they treat you like family?

No, no, it was just like a neighborhood spot.

Like— Did you see they went to Serafina and Samu?

Of course I did, at the Time Hotel.

Yeah, that's where Taylor ordered all the desserts. But I was like, finally, some shine for Serafina. No, no.

Oh, okay, okay. I'm like, okay, you're not interested.

I was just thinking about like your restaurants that feel like family because I feel like you were trying to like give us a clue. Oh, you went to Olive Garden?

Sure.

When you're here, you're family.

Let's say for argument's sake I went to Olive Garden and you know what, actually I don't want to tell the story anymore. Like it's It's ruined. Just tell me what you have to tell me.

Guess who messaged me this morning?

Oh, don't even brag. She messaged me too.

Well, she messaged me and she—

Are you talking—

Couldn't get in touch with you. Who are you talking about? Sydney Hoffer. Cindy Hoffer. Them Hoffers.

What do you mean she couldn't get in touch with me? She wrote me at 11 PM yesterday. I wrote back at 8 AM. I think that's like a normal time to respond.

She couldn't get in touch with you.

Um, what did she— did she say that?

No, she said, I messaged Claudia, but she doesn't follow me, so she may not see it.

Oh, I follow her on TikTok. I just want to say. But I followed her back on Instagram this morning. You guys know our favorite meal prepper who we can't stop talking about. She wrote to me, can I just say how flattered I am to be shouted out on the toast 2 weeks in a row? Crying laughing so happy. Thank you. All the hype has been so nice.

I love it. You guys have to follow her, @themhoffer. She's seriously an inspiration.

She's seriously an inspiration for motherfucking Rachael.

It makes me wanna cook harder. No, it doesn't make me wanna cook harder.

Go faster. It makes me wanna like prepare harder.

Of course.

In all elements of my life.

Of course.

I need like plastic bins. Like, that's what I've learned. Like, she has such good Tupperware. If you don't have good Tupperware, you can't be like preparing.

You can't think straight.

And if your cabinet of Tupperware is just like lids and bottoms that don't match, like, it's hard.

I need to like carve out a couple hours in my week. The thing is, it's literally every other day at this point. I feel like she's sort of out of this stage for washing berries because I'm always washing berries. People complain about the price of berries. Like, for me, it's the washing of the berries. And yes, sometimes I like to like wash them with my fruit cleaner, put them in the nice, uh, colander.

Fruit cleaner is really not necessary. Water's fine.

I love fruit cleaner. No, I let them soak. I wanna— and that would be good if like we consumed a normal amount of berries, but I would be doing that every other day. And listen, I also have to watch Dancing with the Stars.

Now let me ask the group a question, 'cause this is something Jackie and I sort of butted heads over in the Hamptons.

This is— I'm with you. I don't do this at home, is like wash as I use.

No, I wash from the grocery store and then I put the washed ones in the fridge.

Yes, me too.

But over the summer we were just like putting shit in the fridge.

Because there was no accountability. Everyone was just like buying berries, and then if you bought the berries for the family, you're not also gonna wash them. And also, I wasn't always buying them.

Whoever might— I think that if you purchase berries and you're putting them in the fridge, it is your responsibility as a human being and a parent To wash them before you put them in the fridge.

But the way that I wash them is like not the same as other people.

Well, I, I, I think everybody has their own. My friend Margo, who hosts our Mahjong group, she always washes her fruit. She's like a clean freak and she washes it with vinegar. And let me tell you, sometimes those grapes taste like vinegar. Oh, it's not a perfect formula. I think water, you know, is sort of sufficient.

No, I, I like the fruit cleaner. I like my system, but at this rate, it's, it's so frequent. So I would love to be like Cindy and have a thing of cut and washed strawberries and everything, but I would have to quit my job.

It's true. Being like a fruit provider—

Like a toddler fruit mom is so much work. It is. But her kids are a little bit older, so I think they eat like a normal amount of fruit because they also eat veggies, right?

They eat other stuff besides fruit. Like, we're exclusively eating fruit.

Yeah, we exclusively eat fruit.

And you know what? It's actually made me eat a lot more fruit.

Yeah, I always throw a grape in there. I'll give a pop one in.

What are your thoughts on pre-cut fruit?

Necessary evil.

Yeah, I feel that at one point in my life I would've said like, absolutely not. Um, and I do think it's location specific. The kosher grocer here happens to have fantastic cut-up fruit. Citarella, fantastic. You can't go into any old grocery store and buy their cut-up fruit. Like it is, uh, Russian roulette.

You cannot. It also is like, can be a carrier of disease. And that's how they like get away with giving you like the fruit that's about to expire in 2 hours.

And also like the bottom of the fruit, like by the peel. Like you get the worst parts of the fruit.

So you have to use your judgment, I would say. It's not a cure-all, but if you have people coming over in the next hour and the fruit's not gonna go bad before they get here, sure.

But you gotta spring for the expensive grocery store, in my opinion.

Yeah, you've gotta really take a good hard look at it.

And it's all about the eye, you know? This is just like circling the drain to talk about Dancing with the Stars.

It's true.

I think we should, push up Dance with the Stars to the first story just so we don't keep like wading into that topic.

Okay, but even though like once I'm on, on a subject, I could stay on subject.

Is— are there other like major subjects worth discussing today?

Like still Ed Sheeran Macklemore gate.

Oh yeah.

It's like devolving.

Yeah, it's like kind of just like random story like ruining Ed Sheeran's career. I know, I know. Like it's crazy how, you know, a decade of fame, goodwill, music can be over in an afternoon. It's just sort of beautiful to see.

Well, I would wonder how the man on the street feels because I know how I feel. I know how Michael Moore feels.

And the people trying to be online.

And you know how Phineas feels and the bots in the comments. But like the average person who really—

The average ticket holder. And I feel like the average person goes to an Ed Sheeran concert.

Like who really doesn't make the war in Israel their personality, like—

Right.

What do you think about it?

Yeah, will this affect streams, sales, tickets?

Yeah, so that's what I really wanna know, 'cause I feel like I'm only hearing from like the two sides.

The chronically online.

But that's not everyone. That's actually not even most people.

It's so true. Like those who touch grass. What do you think?

No, not even about being online versus being offline. Just being like so in this conflict. Not everyone is living in the Middle East right now.

Mentally. That's true.

Mentally.

Yeah.

So I would like to hear from those people who are just like the passive Ed Sheeran fans. Like, does this change anything for you?

Sound off in the comments.

You know, 'cause I'm not convinced that it's like so bad for Ed Sheeran. It'll be bad for him like in the industry and amongst his friends and like—

Right, right.

Parties and everything.

Right.

But amongst— and he has so many fans. Like, does this actually change anything? I don't know.

And outside of that, Other stories are, are good.

They came together.

And I just don't feel like anything happened yesterday.

They came together in a natural way. No, I could— I would say there is— there's what to discuss. Like, don't worry, Koji. Don't worry.

I do worry. I do.

Don't worry, Koji, we'll keep your secret.

And what is my secret?

I was just about to ask you.

What do you think? It's like, well, I can't say it because it's my secret, but Let me think, like, what is— what are the toasters sort of to keep?

Do you have any secrets? What was that segment we were gonna start? Oh, Court Joyner's Truth, where you tell us the truth.

Oh, was that a segment we were gonna start? Sounds amazing. And I just like share a truth of the day?

Yeah. And you know what, and I guess like in order for the segment to like have legs, it could be any truth about anything. It doesn't just have to be your truth.

Right, it could be like a hot take?

Yeah.

Okay. My pants are unzipped. That is my current truth. And so I'm just like being very particular about the placement of my cardigan. When I sit down in pants, like, I just don't feel it's necessary that the closure stays closed. And that's my— that's how Kojurner sees it.

And that's another segment, How Koji Sees It.

I can't wait for Jane Lynch to be in the friends and family audience for Harry Shum Jr.

Yes, and we'll see her too.

And like, stop saying he's a Grey's Anatomy actor. They keep trying. They, they don't want to say Glee because it's just so obvious that he's a dancer because he was the dance— he was a choreographer. Um, so they keep saying like Grey's Anatomy actor. That's not it.

And it's not because Grey's Anatomy has been on for 25 years and it's actually like on ABC and it's all in the family. And Glee was what, like how many years? It was respectable.

It was 6. 6. Yeah, yeah, 5 or 6 seasons.

Spring/summer joggers.

Joggers. Oh, I saw NeNe Leakes getting TMZ'd on the street being asked about KJ Biermann. Like, seriously, leave NeNe Leakes out of it. That's so unfair to ask.

No, but she's like, she's having Kim's back.

Well, she was, I feel, really walking a tightrope. I don't think she said anything pro or against. She said that she had spoken to Kim briefly via text. And she doesn't know how she's doing, but I'm sure she's doing unwell is what she said. And then she also said, um, you know, we all parent differently, which is like, can mean anything. Oh yeah.

Yeah. No, I didn't choose X. I don't wanna talk about that story again. Um, unless we have to. I know. Like until, and we will talk about it again cuz like we're not gonna let it slide, but not extraneously.

No, there aren't any official updates in that disgusting story.

Yeah. Okay, so let's get into the non-disgusting stories. Um, in the fast 5 non-disgusting stories that you need to know.

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Thank you, first torter.

You're welcome, Teresa Giudice's daughter.

Our first story, Ed Sheeran is addressing Mac Miller's—

Oh, we didn't move up to Dancing with the Stars?

Oh, no.

Okay.

I, I feel like I'll be able to focus on the stories. It was just because that was what we wanted to talk about when we were—

I'll do my best.

When we were unscripted, you know?

I'll do my best just because like not everyone watches, you know?

Yeah. Ed Sheeran—

like they do. As Alfonso said last night, they broke the record doubling in votes even though the website was down.

Sure, sure, Alfonso.

Sure, Alfonso.

Ed Sheeran addresses Macklemore's firing from tour over his speech backlash. So Ed Sheeran posted, um, Instagram—

a Notes app statement, a Notes app statement, multi-slide, you know, had to get— there were, by the way, This saga is obviously interesting, but I am at my limit with reading people's Notes app apology statements in a carousel. Like, it's a lot of reading.

And the font is getting smaller.

So true.

He said, I'm appalled by the conflict between Israel and Palestine.

That's a really hot take. Like, I think that he's so brave for saying that because no one's saying that, you know?

No one would say that. It's too much.

And I know he's wanted to like avoid kind of putting himself in the middle of the controversy, but I think to say something so uniquely—

So polarizing.

Brave and polarizing, he should be commended for.

The suffering and pain caused on both sides is a human tragedy. There are too many—

Okay, okay, both sides.

Like— There are too many wars across the world causing immeasurable pain, none of which should be tolerated. He's like, okay, so So to be clear, he is against war.

Okay.

Macklemore asked to join my tour.

Breaking news. Oh, did you feel like this tea was a little shady?

Macklemore asked to join my tour last year and I agreed because I respect him as an artist.

Sounds like Macklemore came to my house with a gun and said, I wanna be on tour with you.

Is that how easy it is to open for the biggest touring act in the country now? You just have to ask?

Taylor, please, I would like to open for you. Let me know correspondences from Turdy.

He said, as with all my support acts, I agree that they play a set list of their choosing. After Macklemore's performances at my New Jersey, New Jersey show, venues on my upcoming tour dates communicated that they would pull the shows if he was still supporting. I was informed that the stance was based on how Macklemore conveyed part of his message during his performance rather than on everything that was said. I spoke with the venues at length.

He's speaking so vaguely. Like, I don't even know what the hell he's talking about.

But I feel like he is trying to like throw up a couple flares of like things that we should know. Like first, Macklemore asked him—

Asked him to be on tour.

Um, 2, that it wasn't every— nobody cares about like your opinion in general. It was the way that you said things, which is the reason why you're getting thrown off the tour. I spoke with the venues at length all week and tried to build a bridge. One of those people was Robert Kraft. Again, another flare. One of those people was Robert Kraft. Not the only person.

Right, right. He's just sort of the most high-profile stadium owner.

I was also involved in direct talks with promoters along with activists on both sides to try and find a mutual resolution for all, but the venue's and promoter's decision was final. Macklemore coming off the tour was the promoter's decision. It was not mine. I love that. Throw the promoters under the bus because who are these agents?

Yeah, because Ed Sheeran was happy to do nothing. Like, it was happening.

Who are these faceless promoters?

Get 'em! Yeah.

You know? So we need like an entity that we can— everybody can blame so that we can move on. Good strategy. It's crazy that he's not like hiding it better and like trying to be accountable. He's like, this was not me.

It wasn't me.

I don't control anything in my life. I have no opinions. I have no stance. He said Macklemore's contract for the tour was with the promoter, not me. I would never let down the fans who had made plans, nor would I abandon the touring crew and the other support acts and musicians who rely on me for work and to make a living. I've always used my platform and my music to bring people from all backgrounds and cultures together, and this will never change. Those who have been to one of my shows will know that they are about unity, joy, escapism, love, and a place for everyone to feel welcome.

Like, I do actually, even though yesterday I said like Ed Sheeran is spineless and I stand by all that, like, I do actually feel bad for him because this is a person who like genuinely went out of his way. He's not ever like historically spoken on this conflict. And like we said yesterday, if you don't want to get involved in the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, I do feel that that is your right.

By all means, don't.

It's deeply complicated. And you know what? I can understand not wanting to have a take on it. Honestly, I can. So I feel that he went so far out of his way, even though selecting Macklemore is such a choice.

Of course.

That it almost feels like, you know, I feel that this is a person who really goes out of their way to stay out of it and is at the center of genuinely one of the most historically hotly contested conflicts in global history.

So I would have more understanding for him and understanding Um, except for the fact that he chose or agreed to have Macklemore open for him. Like, this is Macklemore's whole thing now. Does he even sing anymore? He just goes up there and rants and raves in his keffiyeh.

I don't think so. I don't think he releases new music. So yes, it's such a choice. And you know what, like, that— this is sort of what you get when you hire someone like that. So it's unfortunate. I guess he's also saying maybe like he didn't hire Yeah, he's just trying to voice— He's saying, I didn't hire.

He said, I am not complicit. I have my personal views on this devastating conflict. Just because I choose not to speak publicly, it doesn't mean I don't have them, and it doesn't mean I don't care, nor does it mean I don't support causes in my own personal way. Which I just think as a statement, take out whatever we're talking about, I think is a solid statement. I think that you can care about things and not have them be a part of your public persona. Doesn't mean that you don't care.

1,000%.

You don't have to speak on everything.

1,000%.

He said, there is a reason I do not use my professional platform for politics. Politics. My audience includes young people, often children, of all backgrounds. Those who come to my shows do not expect a political forum. I respect Macklemore's strength of purpose to stand up and shout for what he believes. However, there is room for multiple approaches to the same end: peace. I choose to use my fame and platform to be a place of safety and sanctuary, to maintain diplomacy and keep conversations open, not closed. If we only focus on shouting the loudest, nothing will ever change. There are different approaches to being an advocate for It's not a bad statement.

It's too long, and I can't lie, I didn't even get to the end by the time you just read, so that's like the first time I've heard it. This then started a domino effect of other people who are involved in the tour in big and small ways releasing their own Notes app carousel statement and dropping out as well.

Yes, so Finneas has been heard from. Um, he will be dropping out of the shows that he was meant to open, so I'm very happy for all those who are set to be in attendance.

Yeah, I feel that net-net, less shows where Finneas is on stage, and Macklemore as well, I'm personally very pleased. Finneas is probably my biggest opp in the industry. This is not surprising to hear that he, he has like a long, very public history of being just blatantly antisemitic. This does not shock me, and I think that like the less work there is for Finneas to do, the better.

Lucas Graham has also dropped out.

What is he saying? Since I was 7 years old.

Is that him? I feel like I have him in my like liked songs somewhere. Let me search my liked songs.

And then also, um, like the band.

Aaron Rowe.

I'm not familiar.

Lucas Graham. He sings You're Not There, and then he also sings What Do You Think Of with Lauren Alaina.

Are you sure he doesn't sing 7 Years Old?

Oh, it's not on my liked songs, but yeah.

Oh, that's neither here nor there.

Yeah, yeah, sorry, I just want to know like what I know him from. Do you think Lauren Alaina is gonna make a statement?

I don't.

I don't think she should. Yeah, 7 Years and Love Someone and Mama Said.

7 Years.

Mama Said, that feels like—

Mama said there'd be days like this. Literally, that's the best song ever. Um, and then also I think like what shook people was that like the band—

Is that Aaron Rowe?

I don't know, but like I guess like the people who play the instruments for Ed Sheeran.

And Bioga? I think that might be a band.

Devastating.

They play the instruments for Ed Sheeran.

Right, that's what I'm saying. So like the infrastructure of the show is now like compromised. It's not just the opening acts, because the thing is, while, you know, I— there's sort of this necessary thing, we are okay if there are no openers. But if there's no band at the Ed Sheeran show, it's just Ed and his guitar. Which I just want to say, the last time I went to an Ed Sheeran concert, it was literally just Ed and his guitar.

musicians. Oh, so the band is Boega. They're his backing band. They shared that they stood against the silencing of Macklemore by Zionist lobbyists. No, it's okay. It's just—

just say Jews.

Just say—

just say Jews.

Zionist lobbyists.

Yeah, uh, I felt that that made their intentions quite clear when they used that phrase.

I mean, everyone's intentions are quite clear, and this is just— it's so funny, you just never know, like, what What's gonna be—

What's gonna— right. Is Ed Sheeran gonna continue to do the shows?

I mean, he has to. First of all, like, this will blow over. These are huge shows. This is so much money. This is hundreds of millions of dollars. Like, and it's not just him. And this is what he was trying to say. Like, sure, he could have kept Macklemore on to prove a point and stick it to the man, but then, okay, your shows get cut in half, say. That's crew, band, lighting, craft services, everybody.

Production-wise.

He's out of a paycheck. Like, people rely on him to work and he has to make like sound decisions as a boss. Yeah, yeah.

No, I, I, I feel that.

Feel that.

And no, no, but I'm saying like, like when you think of Ed Sheeran, it's like, well, he makes every decision and he makes every dollar. And it's like, it's really not how it works. But people forget that. Like we always say like cast and crew, but cast and crew.

No, I think like hundreds of people work on a stadium tour like this.

Yeah.

And they're not just the openers and the people whose name you know.

People building themselves. I'm still planning on going. I went to an Ed Sheeran concert once, and I have to tell you, like, it was genuinely unenjoyable. He like does this thing where he like loops his own guitar. That's why I was surprised like his backing band dropped out. I'm telling you, there was not one other human being on stage the entire time at MetLife Stadium. Like, sorry, you're gonna need a little bit more pizzazz than you and your little guitar and your like foot pedal, sir. So I remain unaffected by this. Like, the people I hated, Phineas, like, I hate them still. Like, nothing's really changed for me. Not to center myself in the conflict, of course, but I'm doing fine.

I figured. I wonder who will open for him, 'cause on the one hand, it's like no one would touch this with a 10-foot pole, but on the other hand, like, this could be a huge opportunity for a burgeoning artist.

But it's a huge opportunity to like kind of step in it. Like, there is no winning here, honestly.

Yeah, I don't know. I'll be interested to see who does it, and I will have mad respect.

Or maybe he just goes no openers.

But you don't even think there's someone whose name we don't even know who'd want to open for him? You know what I mean? Like, there is someone out there who wants their shot enough to open for him.

Of course. Does that service Ed Sheeran in any way? Well, it's like this random person off the street.

You have to— you can't just like start the show at 9 PM.

I mean, like, I guess you can.

And I don't know if there are any Zionist artists out there who'd love to, but I don't even think he would have one. I think he would—

hey, I will do it.

I think he doesn't want anyone—

no, of course—

polarizing whatsoever.

But I could see him having ready like an Israeli artist and a Palestinian artist like sharing this stage.

Like coming together.

That actually would be like a decent I just wanna say.

It would be.

Like Matisyahu?

No, there's definitely like a band. I feel like I've heard of like a band that's like Israeli, but it's like mixed and they all perform.

Almost like them?

No, no, no. Not having Israel, like 2 people to go up there and fight. Like there is like a band that already exists. Oh, a band that already exists? That already exists that's like mixed artists.

Oh, sign 'em up.

Sign 'em up. Yeah.

Or cancel the tour.

Like, no, he's not gonna cancel the tour.

He can't. It's too many, um, well, selfishly, I'm sure he makes a lot of money, but also like other people too.

He doesn't even like need money. He doesn't have a phone. But it's, it's other people. Like, that would be so immature.

So true. He doesn't have a phone.

Power through. You can do this. It will blow over.

But, and people can do hard things.

And it's like, oh, he's in a rough spot and I, I feel for him. Like, there's no right move to make at this point. But like, you literally allowed Malcolm Moore to be your opener when he brings absolutely nothing to your program except for divisiveness, controversy. If you can't handle the heat and political agenda, like, so I don't feel bad for you. What were you thinking?

I know.

What, you want to be this person? Like, you really want to be this? And it's hard to be this person. It's really hard.

It is borderline. Look, I think this is proof that it's literally impossible to be this person. Who's totally like, everyone can come to my show, I'm not divisive, I won't say X, Y, or Z. It's literally impossible. Who were we just saying?

It's possible and it's easier—

Dolly Parton.

It's possible and it's easier when you don't choose Macklemore to be your opener.

Well, of course, if you can't handle the heat, Ed, stay away from Macklemore.

Like I said, Alex Warren.

Take one look at you, you're digging me out.

Wouldn't he be a great opener for Ed Sheeran?

Of course, he's kind of like Gen Z Ed Sheeran.

And I would, I would go.

But like, does Alex Warren want to be a part of this? Like, who would genuinely willingly want to be a part of this?

Who wants to be famous badly enough? Brooke Snader. Me.

No, you're right. I mean, there are people.

The Snader sisters would do it.

Oh, like a little dancing troupe. Yeah, love that.

Um, so we'll see what's next.

Yeah.

But I do think there's people that would do it.

Yeah.

And they should.

Or if those— like, I don't know if those are the people that Ed wants, but I guess at this point, like, what is that thing they say about beggars?

I'm saying not even like, you know, some Zionist artist. No, no, I'm saying like someone who doesn't care enough about the conflict to take a stand and could use the eyeballs.

Yeah. It just sounds like we're picking up random people off the street.

Like, no, like, you know, some like hot new artist on Spotify or whatever.

Yeah.

Our next story: Melissa McCarthy and Clive Owen are the spitting image of JonBenét Ramsey's parents in a first photo from a new Netflix drama. So I didn't know this was happening. Maybe Netflix has released the first photo from the hotly anticipated new series, The Murder of JonBenét Ramsey. In the photo, Melissa McCarthy and Clive Owen are in character as Patsy and JonBenét Ramsey, JonBenét's parents. According to Netflix, the show will be a dramatization of one of the most infamous unsolved murder cases in American history and will also cover the devastating personal and public reckoning that followed the death of JonBenét Ramsey. The cast also includes Garrett Hedlund, Alison—

You're kidding!

Alison Pill. She's from Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen, right?

Who does she play? The nerdy friend?

I think she plays—

Oh, you're kidding.

And Chris Bauer. They are cops investigating the crime.

Who plays the brother?

I don't know who plays the brother.

Burke. Oh my God, I didn't realize Garrett Hedlund went like this. Sorry, I'm just taking a minute to process, like, my boyfriend getting acting gigs. Love that. Um, I also did not know this was happening. I wonder sort of what take they're gonna put on it, because there's— this is an unsolved mystery. There's lots of theories, you know, it was the brother, yada yada. Um, I wonder like what theory they're putting their weight behind, they're gonna put forth.

But for Melissa, she said she loves Patsy. She thinks the show is doing a really great version of the story. She said, I hope we're giving the family their humanity as well as telling the story, noting that she thinks speculating that they killed their own daughter is a blood blood sport. So we know where she stands. There's— right, a prevailing theory that conspiracy theorists have is that it was the brother.

Yes, that's what I've heard over the years.

But in 2019, the brothers settled a $750 million defamation lawsuit against CBS after they aired a television series called The Case of JonBenét Ramsey and suggested he was the culprit.

Oh, slay mama! You don't sue if you have something to hide.

Yeah, so I don't know, I feel like And that's just like an easy— I think people just want to know who did it. And it's like, oh, there was an older brother in the house.

No, and it's seriously so fucked up. It's like similar to how people just say it's Patrick Clancy because they feel like it and it's convenient for their like agenda to say that. It's like, that's a legit person and like who lost his 3 kids. This is someone who lost his sister. Like, fuck off.

No, and it's like—

People are so nuts. Like, seriously, I'm glad I never got into true crime.

It's not like hard enough for the parents to contend with like their daughter's murder. And then publicly also to be accused of being a part of it, or that their son is being accused, like, it just gets worse and worse. So I think it's time for like a human take on this. Like, I know that there's so much, you know, there's podcasts, there's docuseries. Like, this is seriously like one of the hottest cases in the country of all time.

Of all time.

Top 5 of all time. But like, I feel like it's never really told in, in a way that's not salacious.

Yeah, or like theorizing.

Yeah, in a way that's just like sad.

It's 'cause it's such a— it's like almost like a trope now, but it is so sad.

Yeah.

Like at its core.

Yeah.

Is Jomanae like gonna be in it or is she missing the whole time? Like, is there an actress playing Jomanae?

Unclear.

Got it.

We only got this one photo and—

Yeah, and they just sort of dropped it randomly. Like, I, I had no idea this was happening.

Yeah, and they look great in character.

Yeah, they do.

Um, so I'm looking forward to this.

At what point do you think we'll see like a dramatized version of Lindsay Clancy? Like in the immediate future or like down the line? I mean, it's so inappropriate.

Like, people do— they turn it around too quickly these days because I think for— we could get like a bunch of like docuseries for a while and then a dramatized version, but I don't think it will be any good.

Yeah, it's also too hot right now.

Yeah, and yeah, it's just— it's too polarizing. Like, what side are you gonna come at it from?

Yeah.

So I don't think anyone should do that, but someone will because people are really interested in the subject.

Yeah, and there's sort of like no line people won't cross when it comes to this case. I'm sure you've seen the juror spoke to like a random YouTube channel. He did not want his voice recorded or his face recorded. He said this has been a nightmare. And his family can't leave the house, and he's just like, wants to be left the fuck alone. Nightmare.

Yeah, yeah, that juror, real thorn in everyone's side.

And I do like, uh, respect his sort of insistence on keeping his identity and whatever. The way I would pay probably an unlimited amount of money to watch like a sit-down interview with him, with somebody just like normal and completely unbiased? Like, I kind of like need to know. Well, because, you know, we've heard the version from a lot of the other jurors, but they all say the same thing, and it's sort of like groupthink at that point. Like, what does this lone wolf say?

Like, what was his experience? I know, but the thing is, if he came out and started telling his story, then you could make the argument that he did hold out to be famous, the number one guy in that group, you know?

Right.

Um, his intentions seem—

Yeah, the fact that he hasn't—

His intentions seem very pure, you know?

1,000%.

Um, I've read like a little bit about him, but there's not that much known about him. And also I feel like—

And there's a lot of fake news.

Like you told me yesterday—

I said yesterday that I heard he was gay. I don't know that that's true, but then also that he had an ex-wife. So like, seriously?

And you heard that there was like, uh, arrests or something, but it was like an allegation.

No, there were charges.

But it was an allegation that was dropped, then I heard.

Listen, I, I didn't read the court filings because I have a job, but I didn't make that up. Like, no, no, they're saying— they're saying the streets are saying— the people who are like against it, they're saying he's a woman beater.

You read it somewhere, but— or heard it somewhere on TikTok, but that doesn't mean that it's true. So there's—

No, but no, but there is— there is like a, a police— there's like a record that they had the police called.

I think that they had—

Leave me out of this.

But having the police called is different than like having a record.

Well, I think that also makes sense as to why he was able to be a juror, because he doesn't have a criminal record. Yeah.

But you can be a juror with a criminal record, correct?

Oh, can you?

Because you— there are things that you can't do with a criminal record, but I've never heard being a juror is one of those things. You just might get dismissed, right?

If you have like a relevant—

Relevant criminal background. I'll ask chat.

I was just about to.

Can you be a juror if you have a criminal record?

I feel like no.

Yes, potentially. Having a criminal record does not automatically prevent you from serving on a jury, but the rules depend on the state. And on whether the conviction was a felony or misdemeanor.

And, and I guess also if it's relevant, like if you were arrested for domestic violence and you're sitting on the domestic violence trial, of course, of course that's gonna be a no.

Are you ready for our next story? Dakota Johnson and Machine Gun Kelly were spotted together in New York City as they escaped to Taylor Swift's apartment on date night.

What?

Dakota Johnson and Machine Gun Kelly turned to Taylor Swift to help with a little seclusion during their recent night out in New York City. A source told Page Six Taylor has let her friends use her New York City properties before, and Dakota and Colson wanted privacy, so they headed to her apartment.

They were both— I mean, they're not like that famous that they can't get privacy anywhere but Taylor Swift's apartment.

They were both spotted at her Tribeca apartment Friday night before heading to Estella for dinner.

I'm so over Machine Gun Kelly. And to be honest, like, I am side-eyeing Dakota Johnson.

What is she doing?

I feel that up until recently she's had a pretty good, like, track record. Obviously Chris Martin's a great get. Even the whole role model thing, like, I understand a little fling with a younger man. He's cute, he's funny. I've seen him on Therapost, like, he's got a personality. I really am not into, like, this, this at all. This seems like a bad choice for her.

No, he seems so toxic.

1,000%. And I'm sorry, like, when you have a— didn't they have a baby, him and Megan Fox?

Yeah.

And then like you are no longer with your mother, baby's mother, like, uh, a month after birth. Like, I just think that that's sinister behavior.

Yeah, for sure.

Like how I feel about Pete Davidson. Like, I'm sorry, I think there's something weird about like a man— either you're the worst fucking partner ever, or you left. Like, at least if she broke up with you, it's like, what does that say about you? If you broke up with her, What does that say about you?

Yeah.

So I don't know, he gives me like extremely bad vibes. Maybe at one point, like, I definitely thought he was cute and I love that song Bloody Valentine, but like for me the shine has worn off and like to me he just seems— you're right, toxic.

I don't like toxicity.

Me neither.

I know that's like a hot take.

I'm also against crime.

But also, but like, I feel like no one on its face likes toxicity, but people like tolerate it. Some people think it's like hot and they don't know how to—

Some people are attracted to it.

They don't know how to be in a relationship without it. Sort of like keeps things hot and fresh.

Taylor Frankie Paul.

She's an extreme case, but I think some people like a little bit of toxicity, or if someone's like too nice, they like get bored.

Self-sabotage.

I have no tolerance for toxicity.

If you even like make like an act that suggests you could have potential toxicity, like I'm running from you.

Like, what are you doing?

If you tell like a weird lie, or like— I just, I completely agree.

If you try and like mess with me, like—

I find it so off-putting. It's like, I have to run a business. I have like a lot of things to get— I can't deal with you too.

Yeah. Yeah, so just know I'm against toxicity.

Thanks for clearing that up.

And I want world peace.

Of course, and harsher punishment.

For parole violators. 3 very hot takes.

Yeah.

So they're saying they're into each other, yada yada. People were sort of quaking about this. They were mad that we didn't talk about it on Monday. Um, but yeah, it was sort of like Wednesday news.

Oh, I just wanna say, it's— this is so not Monday worthy. No.

No.

Especially after like a lot happened over the weekend.

Yeah.

Like I met Alex Earle. Like we're not talking about Machine Gun.

And Taylor Swift went to the Chiefs game.

I do find it weird that like Taylor would allow this, but I guess she's like, that's a good friend, you know? Like just lending—

What are they doing at her apartment with her not there?

Like, no, I don't know. I think it's weird. Like, yes, she has a history of like lending her real estate, but like in dire circumstances, like Sophie Turner, of course. This is not dire. Like, first of all, there's so many private members clubs. Like, the celebrities get so much privacy in New York. Um, I actually think like going to Taylor Swift's apartment where, you know, there's like a media tent pretty much permanently parked is giving, we don't want privacy.

Were they pre-gaming?

I don't know what the fuck they were doing.

Just go to the restaurant. Have you been to that restaurant, Estella?

No.

Have you heard of it?

No, I'm so out of the loop.

I wonder what's the cuisine.

I'm gonna guess Greek.

I'm gonna guess Italian.

Yeah, I guess that's a better guess. Like, Estella.

Estella, one of the most celebrated restaurants in the United States. It's an intimate downtown bistro that can be experienced in many ways, whether it's a thrilling dinner in the dining room.

Just tell us what cuisine it is. Bistro is giving French.

Okay, I— menus. Oh, uh, dinner menu. Dinner.

I can't believe it doesn't say like in the bio what the cuisine is.

It doesn't. Like there's steak, there's aged duck, pork collar.

It's French, it's French.

Yeah, lobster with cabbage.

Bistro is so French.

But then it's fried arroz.

Oh, pollo con arroz.

Yeah, and then it also—

That's Latin.

It says jamón ibérico.

Just put your phone away. Just don't. I would say it's a global fusion.

I don't think you would like it.

I don't think I would like it either.

I'm gonna give you everything that you could order.

On this menu?

You can try and find something you would like.

Do they have pasta?

They have mackerel.

What's that?

Mackerel? I think it's a fish. They have golden tilefish.

Not kosher tilefish.

Okay, there's that one thing that you would eat here.

There's no pasta?

No, I don't see pasta.

Is there a kids menu?

There's ricotta dumplings with mushrooms and pecorino.

Ricotta? I love ricotta dumplings. Like, actually, they're maybe my favorite dish I've ever eaten. Ricotta.

Oh my God, this is a crazy menu.

Yeah, maybe that's why they went to Taylor Swift's apartment to get something to eat after, because the meal was so nice.

1,000%, because they didn't like—

You know Taylor has good snacks.

They didn't like their beef tartare. And there's literally like, like 15 things on the menu, period. It's like a one sheet.

Oh, I hate that.

And there's not even like appetizers, entrees. It's just like 15 items.

You know a menu's good when it's not appetizer, entrees, it's primi, secondi.

Who loves primi, secondi?

I love primi, secondi.

Yeah.

And then antipasti is always there.

I get a lot of primis. Sometimes I don't even make it to secondi.

Oh, I am like secondi heavy. Call me Secondi Mimi.

I know. You, you skip out on primis.

I skip out on preemie because I'm secondi Weaver. Like, I love a secondi. It's like always like a chicken parm. Like, I love secondi and ricotta, of course. Is that what you said? How did you pronounce it? Ricotta? Ricotta.

Ricotta for Dakota.

Literally, Giada De Laurentiis is rolling over in her ballroom dance. Dakota ordered the ricotta. That's beautiful.

What do you think they ordered?

Taiyo fish? I have no idea. Like, I don't know these two at all.

He definitely ordered beef tartare.

Yeah. Did they have like a filet mignon or like a strip steak?

They had wagyu beef.

Yeah, yeah, I think they got that.

Yeah, raw.

Yeah, raw.

Are you ready? Now you kind of have to go there. Sorry.

Okay, Patreon. Patreon. We're going to— what was it called? Estella. Where is it?

Um, in Tribeca, I think, right by Taylor Swift's.

Oh, right. Okay, so Estella. I'll see if I can get a res, even though after this episode I'll probably get a permanent ban.

Yeah. Oh, and the chairs do not look comfortable.

Oh, I'm used to it.

Oh, it's in Nolita.

Okay, Nolita. Lolita Express.

Yeah, it's, it's a modern New York classic. Says Gemini. It gained global fame after hosting a memorable date night for Barack and Michelle Obama.

Oh, interesting.

And I would say like Dakota and Machine are sort of the Obamas of 2026.

Oh, you would say that? Oh, that's interesting, 'cause I wouldn't. You don't see it? No, I think that maybe they're the Barack and the Michelle of their own minds. But other than that, no, I wouldn't. I don't see any sort of parallels between the two.

Chef Ignacio Matos designed the space to feel like an unpretentious neighborhood spot with elite execution.

An unpretentious winery.

We need to start Googling every restaurant celebrities are spotted at.

1,000%. And like planning our orders.

Are you ready for our 4th story?

Not before I let you know that this ad placement is paid for by Bath and Body Works. Their new Reserve Collection is designed to elevate your space with home fragrances that smell great and look even better. So Bath and Body Works' Reserve Collection is their elevated home fragrance system. It's designed across candles, fragrance-infused liquidless reeds and vessel, room mists, and wallflowers, so your signature scent shows up everywhere. It's all about curating a home fragrance experience that reflects your taste and feels uniquely you. So they have a bunch of different scents. I've personally been really into Sea Salt and Musk. So let me tell you what the 5 scents are.

I love musk.

You know that about me. I know you do. I know. And you gave me a musk, um, fragrance the other day and the other like month, and it actually really got me into musk. So they have santal and amber, vanilla and tonka.

I love amber. Amber's my favorite.

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Thank you, Turtmain.

You're welcome.

By the way, I got the name of the band that's, um, the mixed members of Israeli Jewish and Palestinian Arab members. It is called As One. It's a boy band.

So cute.

And honestly, I think this is the solution for Ed Sheeran.

I know nobody listens to the show and nobody takes our ideas seriously, but we've got to get this concept to Ed Sheeran.

Because seriously, what could anyone say to any of these people if this is what he did? Now let's hope they're good. I haven't listened.

It actually doesn't matter.

And maybe they could get Ed's, you know, production team to help them.

They could get better.

They could get better. They could get better. And I don't want to help Ed Sheeran because I think he made this mess himself.

That's so true. Clean it up.

But unfortunately, like, the solution has come to me and I have to share it just to help you out.

What are they called? As One?

As One. A-S-1-O-N-E. The name sort of—

the name needs work, um, but we'll get there.

I think the name is okay because, you know, it explains that we are as one.

I hope they're available because, like, there's genuinely only one solution to this problem and we've just figured it out.

There's only one solution.

As One.

The As One solution.

As One Incorporated.

I need to listen to them when this show's over.

Yeah, hopefully they're good. Like, do they— oh, they literally need to be decent.

But like, they look like a boy band, you know? Like—

And by the way, do not even start. I'm not getting demonetized for As We Un.

No, I'm not gonna lose it all for As One. I agree, we have bills to pay. If you're conceived outside—

yeah, it sounds familiar. I feel like I've heard about them.

Very interesting. Yeah, very interesting. I know, me too. I don't know where I heard about them, where this idea came to me, but I feel like I saw them.

Not them, but in a dream.

Our 4th story, Amanda Seyfried and Thomas Sadoski have split after 9 years of marriage. Amanda Seyfried, affectionately known as Minji, and Thomas— Minji!

How do you remember that? Your brain is like so good.

I just knew when I like chose a story about her you were gonna be like, Minji.

I wasn't going to because I forgot. Like, if you were— if we were doing trivia and it was like, what is Amanda Seyfried's like annoying Instagram handle? I, I, I might have said like Minky. Not even. Like, I wouldn't have gotten that close.

Oh, okay. Well, you could say my brain's really good, but not to spoil anything, you should watch watch Patreon yesterday.

Yeah, not to spoil anything, because my— if your brain's good, what does that make me?

Great. The actors confirmed their split in a joint statement exclusively to People, saying that they have been separated for a while and that the decision has ultimately been the right one for their family. We've been separated for a while and it's proven to be the right move for us in our family unit. We've got each other and it's good. G-O-O-D capitalized.

I actually have some insider tea because I heard that they've been on the rocks for a while, ever since she publicly attacked Ariel Charnas. He sort of like saw something in her that he didn't like, and he's been sort of planning his escape ever since. That's what I heard.

Do you think that's her worst offense?

Alleged.

Do you think that's her worst offense?

What did we just— what were we—

Something was bad for her.

Minji, she did something weird on Instagram again, which is why we brought up the Ariel chart.

I feel like we got to a place of like hatred, but yeah.

What did she do recently?

I'm looking up like the toast Amanda Seyfried in the podcast app because we were saying Minji again recently. I mean, she did press for the housemaid. She was definitely being weird.

Oh yeah, wait, yeah, uh, it was during the housemaid era.

I don't know if I'm gonna get it, guys.

You guys remember, you guys know us better than we know ourselves.

It's true.

We were recently like railing on her Instagram.

Yeah, she definitely makes Bless you. Thank you. I never watched Housemaid, but I should.

I know, it was like on my list of movies, and I watched all the— everything on the list. I wanted to watch Marty Supreme. And the thing is, anytime I get to doing that list, it's when Ben's not home, and I'm not watching a spooky movie when Ben's not home.

Yeah, but like, you know, you know the twist, so that should help.

Also, shout out to Shannon Ford who texted me not to continue watching Furious because it's about child pornography. Like, I'm good.

Thank you. Jesus.

Yeah.

Are you ready for our 5th and final story, Dancing with the Stars recap?

Wait, what was the story? Oh no, but you know what that did remind me of? I wanted to say something from the Emmys that I had no idea was happening. It was really cute. So Kaley Cuoco is like married to some actor. She's pregnant as hell.

I just saw a photo of her like literally during that ad break, pregnant on the red carpet, and I need that dress.

With her guy, and her guy won, and he gave such a speech, like, to her. First of all, he was like, before he got up there, how people thank God, he was like, I am here because of my sobriety. Like, it was so, it was so honest. And then he was like, Kaley Cuoco, you are the crown jewel of my life. Matilda, who I guess is their other daughter, I love you. The baby in that belly, I love you. It was so—

That's so cute.

It was so beautiful to see a man be like so unabashedly in love and, and just like happy with his family. It was like his family, his family was his whole speech. I was like, who is this guy? She got some guy. He's hot, he's an actor, he won an Emmy, and he loves her. Oh my God, it was just like when he won, he got up and hugged her and kissed her so hard. I was like, who the fuck is this guy? His name was like Tom Colicchio or something. No, Tom Kearney.

Uh, Tom Pelphrey.

That's exactly what I said.

Wasn't there like drama with her with her last divorce or whatever? She married Ryan Sweeting.

Yes, during like, you know, her big bang million-dollar episode. She is rich.

Yes.

I think he was also wealthy if I remember. He was like an heir, kind of like a nepo baby.

Oh.

Yeah, there was drama, financial.

And then there was another marriage. And then there was Tom.

And I think that's the end of it, honestly.

She's sort of one to watch.

Yeah, yeah, and it's nice to see like a woman move. She's so financially independent. Like, she's never gonna meet anyone who's as rich as her. Like, she's so rich.

It actually— like, they're not married, her and Tom.

Oh, okay. I don't judge.

No, no, not at all. But like, just interesting. I haven't been paying attention.

Yeah, me neither. I was like, I didn't recognize her at first. I'm like, oh, who's his wife?

I literally just saw her dress and I was like, I need that dress.

Like, it was really cute.

It was Christian Siriano custom with like cutouts for the preggers.

Yeah, really cute.

Um, okay, now are you ready for our 5th and final story, Dancing with the Stars recap?

Let me grab my Paris Baguette, hang on. Today's episode is brought to you by Paris Baguette.

Goals. Dancing with the Stars season premiere voting crashes on night 1 as hosts announce that they are throwing out online votes because they couldn't get abc.com to work. Last night the men danced on Dancing with the Stars and we had an elimination, which I didn't know that was happening.

I know, and I was glad because I do think a lot of the times they don't eliminate enough people quickly. Like, sorry, this is a competition. Um, uh, maybe it's because I liked the person who went home. I felt that it was mean and like to make like the whole— like it's just, I felt sad. So let's go through in order of the, the dances what our thoughts were, and then we'll talk about the elimination.

Okay, I don't know if I'll be able to get it in order, but I'll try.

Savannah Bananas went first.

Jackson Olson and Emma Slater, like great, jolly good show.

Jolly good show. I liked him. I didn't really know a lot about him besides like, you know, what we discuss here on The Toast. I think that he was judged like kind of harshly. I think they judge based on what they know about you, and this is a person who's like has a lot of experience performing live and dancing. So I feel like he got harshly judged because he was very fine, but by the end of the night I had literally forgotten about him.

I know, but it was like, I hope he doesn't go home. In hindsight, I liked his whole thing. And what's interesting that he said was he's not the best dancer on his team. You know, Saban and Bananas aren't like all professional dancers. They're baseball players who Like, you know, get jiggy with it. And he has a lot of learning to do, but he obviously has the spirit inside of him and he has the heart of a showman.

And being a good dancer, this is what I learned last night, and this is what Harry Shum Jr. was trying to say, and it's like, sir, be so fucking for real. Being a good dancer actually doesn't really help you because ballroom dance is like not dance, first of all, and it's so technical. You'd actually be better off like being good at math, like, because all the steps and the counts and this, and like having good posture. Just because you can dance like at a wedding, I don't really feel that it makes a huge difference in how you can do in the ballroom unless you don't have any rhythm.

So I don't completely agree. I think when they try and like explain to us how Harry Shum Jr. is having a hard time 'cause he's like too good of a dancer, like—

Jackie, when he said he like his background in dance actually is a disadvantage, I was like, sir.

Yeah, no, like that is a bunch of hooey. I think that yes, you still have a lot, even if you are like a hip-hop dancer, a rhythmic dancer, like a ballet dancer, you have a lot to learn still because you don't know ballroom. But you have an advantage because you are a dancer.

Yeah, but I don't think Jackson really has an advantage.

No.

Besides like being in front of people, it's very scary, like the live show element, being in front of a live audience. So I think that is definitely an advantage because I think some people could be really good but get so nervous that they have no experience ever dancing in front of people, let alone on TV. So I think his live performance is probably his biggest advantage.

Yeah, yeah, but I hate how—

There's like 100,000 people at those stadiums.

Dua Lipa was like, oh, I'm at a disadvantage because I'm too good of a dancer. Like, please stop.

Please. And also, like, it's actually insulting to our intelligence to say that.

Some people, like, have the dancing, the talent for dance. So yes, you have a lot to learn, but if you have— and the people who don't have that are always going to be moving like a robot.

Like, and that's why you can't learn that. Connor Levitt was not having a good night because I don't think he has the innate sense and ability to dance.

Most of these people, most of these men did not have that innate sense.

Having 2 people with the same name is so unfair.

Um, and actually to the point that they shouldn't have cast 2 Connors.

Whoa, 1,000%.

Yeah, like I think that was a mistake.

It was so unfair. Like, do you know how many people probably texted Connor just— and they spell their names differently, by the way, O-R and E-R. So someone who probably just texted Connor with an O and it didn't count. Like, that's just not fair. Now I think they'll just do Connor.

Yeah, there's no W situation. because spoiler alert, Connor Levitt was eliminated. But yeah, that's reason enough to not choose one of them this season and choose them the next season.

Agreed.

Like, I'm sorry, we can't process all of that.

It's just, it's not fair. It's the same way how like when you dance at the very end, like you have less time to get votes.

True. Next, we have reality star Tyler Cameron with Sharna Burgess.

He did really good.

Yeah.

Ben was like, oh, he's gonna be bad. I'm like, no, no, Ben, I heard that he can dance.

Yeah.

And I think he obviously has lots of room for improvement, but I think in his package he was like being really funny and he's so handsome. So I would—

She's gonna love him.

He— they are gonna start the process of falling in love with him. And I saw somebody say this on a TikTok comment, and it's so true. He's like, he was our generation's like Rob Roush, like reality star hotshot. And I'm looking forward to a younger generation of people falling in love with the Tyler Cameron that we know and love.

No, and that is what's going to happen. And his dancing will improve, but he will get votes because people— and he has the baseline because people just like— and he has his existing fans, but like whenever he's on TV, people fall in love with him.

And he's a fine dancer, like he can get a lot better. It's not like he's starting from scratch.

Yeah. Reality star Connor Levitt with Adele's—

I'm sure you saw, uh, what's his name, Derek Hough called him Dylan.

Yes, like Dylan Efron.

So fucking disrespectful.

Yeah, that's really awkward.

I also realized like a lot of the star power in this group is in the women.

Yeah, but I guess like Tyler and Dylan are very similar names.

Yeah, no, and they have similar vibes. They're like reality stars.

But if you think about the names, like, if you know, like Nameberry, like, if you like Margo, try—

Yes, you will like Dylan.

If you like Tyler, you will like Dylan.

Yes, yes, yes.

So I'm gonna give grace to Derek Hough.

Yeah, but do better.

Connor Levitt and Adele Zaikman, they went home. Adele, this was her first season as a pro. She won The Next Pro. Like, I actually feel sick to my stomach.

I didn't know who to feel worse for, honestly. Like, so exciting for this girl, and she gets out on the first night. The thing is, is that nobody else should've gone home, so it had to be him, and I almost knew it. I wasn't sure if everybody felt the same way about Guillermo as I did, so it was obviously either Guillermo or Connor. He did really poorly, and at the end of the day, it's like a dance competition, and if you can't dance the best, then you have to do like Guillermo, provide other sort of entertainment, and I don't feel that Connor did that. Um, I'm sad. I felt seriously— and I, I really— I was saying this to Ben, I'm like, it's so nice to see because I think a lot of people are like— I think people say, you know, I support my husband and he supports me, but it's like, it's never really like— but it's like, I think that they all now moved to LA ready to be there like for months, and Whitney's gonna be the one, you know, doing the kids' lunches, everything Connor was doing for her. And I was like, it's actually so nice to see like a young couple really balancing it and supporting each other equally.

And it's over.

Like, I'm so upset. I think I'm most upset for Adele because to win the competition and then be the first one out, like, that's so rough.

And you know she's being blamed. People are like, well, she had a bad choreography and she didn't move him around the dance floor enough.

She didn't move him around the dance floor.

Yeah.

And I feel like all the other pros, like, they know the set designers and they know what this show is capable of. And so they call in, like, you know, what did they have? Mr. Big Shot for Guillermo. Like, literally looks like 42nd Street performance on Broadway. And she just had like a screen up because she doesn't know. So you are at a disadvantage. I felt that way about like Yan last year with Jen Affleck.

Right.

But that's also part of being a rookie pro is learning these things and figuring out—

Because I don't feel that way about Yan anymore. He was doing all the troupe dances last night. Like he's very much in the mix.

Yeah. So I think there's a learning curve and that she's very much on it. We'll see how it goes for Haley Bills and Sarah-Jane. But Haley has been on the show for years as a troupe member. So she's seen in like live, she knows the people who work on the show.

Yeah. It's not that new.

It's not as new. I just felt really bad for her. I feel bad for Connor, of course, because he was so excited. And I feel bad for Whitney because she literally made this like her whole personality for the last 2 weeks.

I feel so physically ill.

She probably has so many more shirts that she ordered that she don't get to wear.

And then I was like, you know what, we shouldn't have eliminated someone on the first night, even though I feel like they never eliminate people. It's like, let's go!

No, but last season they didn't eliminate someone on the first night, and it was actually really nice.

Yeah, and it just like, it makes you feel like less of a loser that if you go home the second week, like, whatever, you know?

And they eliminated 2 people in the second week to make up for the first night, but at least everyone got to dance twice.

Someone's also going home tonight.

Yeah. Oh my gosh. Okay, girl. Then we had Guillermo and Whitney Carson. Um, my— I think my favorite couple, one of the 2 couples that I voted for. Um, I'm not sure if I love Guillermo more. He's obviously so lovable, but like pregnant Whitney Carson, like dancing is just too much for me, unfortunately.

It's not surprising that Guillermo made it through. I think he really represents the people. Like, this is so hard to do on your body, and him just talking about how he's here to lose weight— like, he's so funny, he's so real. His dance was pretty good. That's where, like, the expertise of being, like, an OG— she's won before, she really knows how to choreograph for her particular person, and he's obviously not an easy person to choreograph for. She's amazing.

I know that she's pregnant, like, makes it so much better because like they both need to move at a slower pace.

Yep.

I will be voting for them until the end of time.

They are my new Andy. I actually like them more because—

Because she's pregnant.

She's pregnant. More than I liked Andy. Um, seriously, to the— Guillermo to the finale when?

Like, seriously, I will. And I don't participate in their voting system the way they want me to. Like, I'm not like giving out scores based on out of 10. Like, I will send one text for the person I want. So I voted for Guillermo, and then I'm gonna tease you. Who do you— oh, I guess the next person's the other person I voted for. Who do you think it is?

Um, Ezra.

Ezra French, my new favorite person.

Oh my God.

Who I never knew. And Daniela Karagach. Ezra is, um, not just— I don't wanna do it too much.

Oh my God, is Julianne okay? That was actually hella fucking disrespectful. And I respected that she like went back to like give him his proper— but she fucked it up again.

She kept fucking up. He's a Paralympian.

Like a decorated Paralympian.

Mm-hmm.

And I had no idea who he was before. Um, I was so moved by his package. And I think that like when they showed those pictures of him as a baby, like I seriously, I really wasn't okay. Like, and you know, you don't think about all the challenges outside of like obviously not having a leg, like of the thing slipping off or not being able to go diagonal. You have to go this way. I was so moved by the package. I really was. And she, did an amazing job choreographing. Like, you have to work. You can't just choreograph. Like, you have to work with people and around their challenges. I was so moved by it. Like, unfortunately, he's my winner. Like, I thought I had all these plans, like me and Julia Stiles. Like, no, unfortunately, Ezra is my winner. Like, and that's what true inclusion looks like. Like, he was operating at the same fucking level as everybody else. He danced better than the people with 2 legs. And honestly, like, it was too much. It was seriously too much for me. I was like crying.

She was like, you know, in a typical foxtrot, I don't know what they— tango. Like, you walk a straight line, but like, he can't walk in a straight line, so we're walking diagonal. And like, they made it work. And like, you never would have known. She's an expert choreographer that she's able to like tinker to fit like his needs. But then all in all, it was a great dance. Like, if he was— if he was wearing like a long pant instead of—

you would never know.

You would never know.

And I'm glad that they got paired up together because I think that Like someone new.

She's an expert.

She's an expert. I remember her from last year. Like, she really put Dylan Efron— like, she made him.

She's an expert in movement.

I was, I was deeply, deeply moved by the whole thing.

Same. Those were my 2 votes, and those will continue to be.

And I didn't know that, like, your leg could fall off. I know.

And then he's like— and when he was like, when I move like this, blah, blah, blah, like, I might fall. He's like, but I'm not afraid to fall. Like, I don't— I think he just— his personality and, like, his resolve was so inspiring.

It was a testament to the human spirit, honestly. Like, it was so beautiful.

Yeah. Next we have comedian and podcaster Connor Wood-Fibula and Riley Arnold.

Okay, so I had seen a TikTok that— they've been really good with their social. They're so Gen Z. Like, and like, obviously everyone's shipping them online. I thought a lot of like the judges—

And they're both single?

I think so. Oh no, I think Riley has a boyfriend, but whatever, sort of like a minor detail. The judges were like, oh, you guys have great chemistry. Like everyone's like—

Oh really? I didn't see that.

I had seen this video of Connor posting like day 1 versus day whatever, and he improved so much. When I saw the first video, I was like, oh girl, you're going home. Like, and then a few days later I was like, oh shit.

And you know what?

He did a really good job. And she all— she's like, um, she's well on her way to becoming like an expert pro. I think she dances like— she chooses good music, she chooses good vibes. Like I loved the whole country theme. He's from Texas. It was great.

Yeah, she needs like a mirrorball trophy to really cement herself.

She's so new, and I think she— I forget that she was Harry Jowsey's partner and he was like really mean to her.

What happened between them? Something happened.

There was like rumors that they were dating. Um, I don't know if anybody ever confirmed that, but he just like went on after to like say really mean things about her. And she was like— I think it was her first season. She was like super young.

Ew.

Yeah, he's like kind of the worst. I know he's your favorite, but like—

No, it's obviously not like that anymore.

Oh, really? From Let's Marry Harry?

Like, you know, I would just say not my favorite anymore. I've seen too much.

Do you think that if he knew that his, like, number one fan would sort of take a step back after Let's Marry Harry that he wouldn't have done the show?

No, he said it was the most money he ever made, and the reunion was the most money he's ever made in a day.

Oh my, okay. I appreciate that sort of, like, transparency.

Yeah, and he met his now girlfriend, who he seems very committed to, and I don't think he gives a damn about me. And I don't think he's like— yeah, I don't think he's trying to—

He was doing it for you.

For like older millennial moms. Like, I don't think he's worried about our thoughts on him, you know?

Well, that's disgusting.

Yeah. Next, musician Taylor Hanson of Hanson with Britt Stewart. Cutie.

It was fine. Yeah, I liked it. Um, I think that they won't go home as early as she did last year, but I think like a lot of the Britt fans feel that like, you know, she deserved more.

Yeah, yeah.

But he has 7 kids.

So cute. I don't think—

That was insane.

Unless the packages really step it up, like I just don't think he's gonna get a lot of votes.

Yeah, agreed. Yeah.

So, but you never know because I voted for 2 people that, or 1 person that I didn't even know before this.

It's true.

I did expect that I would love Guillermo and pregnant Whitney. I did expect that.

Agreed, agreed. Especially like if last year's Andygate has any indication.

Yeah, especially we prefer an underdog, like, and not to be overlooked that she is pregnant.

Correct.

Like, I am equally as obsessed with Guillermo as I am with like her dancing pregnant.

I know, and I just know she like wanted to go home so that like she could lay and like rest her weary bones. But sorry girl, you got a couple more weeks.

But she's also probably so happy that she doesn't have to miss out or slow down her career.

Yeah, right.

You know, because that's always— especially if you're an athlete and you've you get pregnant, like, of course you think you're taking some time off.

I do want to say the show does a really good job of like letting, letting the women— like Sharna Burgess took off like many years to raise her son. Like, I think that that's cool that like you're able to come back and they don't just write you off because you had a baby.

Yeah, agreed. Then we have Harry Shum Jr. with Jenna Johnson.

Like, obviously it was great. Like, I was bored by how great it was, you know?

Yeah. I think I wasn't really watching. I think I was on my phone.

It was just annoying.

Reading more stats about 9/11.

I found it exciting that like when someone would start dancing, I'm like, this is either gonna be amazing or terrible. Like there was this element of mystery. Like there was no mystery. I'm like, this is gonna be good. That's great.

Yeah, I don't know her though because she was with Corey Feldman last year and got out on night 2. And as this is my second season watching, I'm unfamiliar with her. She's Val's wife.

Yeah, she was in Earl Meets World.

She was in Earl Meets World. She sort of confirmed the Tom Brady, uh, rumors, so thank you for your service. So I'm getting to know her.

Yeah.

And she really looks like Jenna Dewan.

Oh, was that the last one?

That was the last one, yeah.

Oh, we also got like just a little like glimpse into the women. To me, I think like that's a more interesting bunch, just like celebs-wise.

Yeah, but women are more interesting than men.

It's true, and especially in dance. It's so much easier for a man to excel at this show because your job is to sort of like be invisible, like, and just like lift the girl and like let the girl be the star. So I think I think a lot of the dances look better when the girl is the pro. It's hard when the guy's the pro.

I disagree.

Oh, let's show you.

We've had this conversation before and you've maintained that. I think it's really hard for the men. I think it looks like one girl's like doing them at 100 and the guy's at 10%.

That's what it looks like. The, like, the difference becomes more obvious.

Yeah.

But, um, no, I think that like all the spotlight, ballroom dance is like meant to like sort of highlight the woman, I think. So I wonder what it'll be with 2 females.

I'm so curious to see. And they're also like of the same size for the most part.

Yes. Who's gonna be picking up who? I don't think they're gonna do a lot of lifts.

Or what if we're doing spinning circles around the dance? Like, who's doing the lifting?

I have no idea.

Who's the strength?

The fun part of Dancing with the Stars is obviously watching the performances, but then also being an eagle-eyed viewer, like seeing who's in the background. Because I don't know if they let normal people sit in anymore. more. Everyone in the audience— Michaela was there, uh, Macy was there, Demi May was there.

She wears a dress and goes on Dancing with the Stars.

Nick Viall was there for Tyler as his, like, friends and family. Yeah, it's just, like, fun to— and they always bring back, you know, like JoJo Siwa, like family. They say it's a Dancing with the Stars family.

Really? I mean, you can see that, like, Robert Irwin was just, like, on stage at one point.

Yeah, the voting being down, like like, seriously, it's giving low budget. Like, I don't think a lot of people vote online. I think the main thing is text. Message and data rates may apply.

I wonder what it is.

I think it's text because every time they promote, they're like, text— like on TikTok and stuff, it's like, text Whitney to 21523.

Yeah, yeah.

It's such a good show. Tonight's the night. I feel like there are also a lot of girls.

Who did you vote for?

You didn't tell Oh, of course I voted for Guillermo 10 times. Let me see, 2, 1, 5, 2, 3. Guillermo, Guillermo, Guillermo. I only voted for Guillermo.

Wow.

Because I feel like when you vote for everyone— like, I wanted to vote for my friends, of course, like Tyler C and Connor. But like, when you start voting for— and then I thought Ezra was great, so it's like I would have actually just voted for everyone, and I wanted my vote to mean something.

You could have just voted for 4 people when the pack—

4 is so many.

When the pack is so big right now.

4 is too many. Like, I— like, I have a champion each week. Like, for me this week, Guillermo was my winner.

Claudia, use your voice. Cast your votes.

Okay, I'll make a snack and bring an elderly friend.

And an umbrella.

You never know. It is raining today.

Oh, you just never know.

Oh my God, I meant to tell you. I just wanted to say, I know everyone's been saying this, but I finally tried Goop Kitchen yesterday. Um, we ordered it it for mahjong. Jackie, it— people keep talking about it. I'm like, how good could it be? It's a restaurant.

And like, you don't like food. Correct.

And it's Goop, so it's like, okay, I'll have a kale salad, I'm good. No, she makes real food, by the way. I had a teriyaki bowl. We got a pizza for the group. Someone else got a teriyaki bowl. Someone else got like these tofu wraps. Jackie, it was so sick. And I think it's a ghost kitchen, so I don't think you can go and sit and eat. I think it's like made for delivery, so it's like It was packaged perfectly. They had these like cool little things for the salad dressing. It was so innovative. And the food, I can't even— I saw Joey Camasta making like 1,000 videos about Goop Kitchen. I'm like, how can it be that good?

Yeah.

It's that good. Like, I'm having it again for lunch today. So good.

Well, I need it in my neighborhood.

Yeah, you do. I think there's only like one in LA and then one here. Um, I need them to start franchising like nationwide because you guys need Goop Kitchen in your life. And it's crazy cuz like I thought it would seriously be like Gwyneth, like we're having air for lunch. No, we're having rice, and it's like just rice. Like it's not, you know, made of mushrooms. Like it's rice.

It's arroz.

Arroz. It's brown rice.

Yum. I can't believe this episode is an hour and a half.

I know. And like, we've been doing that a lot recently. Sorry our episodes have been coming out a little bit later, but, um, they're so long, it just— it takes a longer time to upload. So let's wrap this up. Any more feelings you want to Share? No?

Okay.

Thank you guys so much for listening to the Toast in the Morning Show. We always love the fastest stories. Just go. Bye.

Love ya.

Bye.