Transcript of A Few Days of Nastiness: Wednesday, September 9th, 2026

Good morning, girlies, it's The Toast. It's Jax and Claude and we're your hosts. It's your favorite show, the fast 5 things you need to know.

We'll start your day off swirly, it's The Toast.

I sound amazing.

Welcome back to The Toast and happy Wednesday. Yeah, that's right, an early hump day thanks to Labor Day. Hope everyone's having a great day. The is back, 2 Ders in a row. How you doing, Jax?

I'm doing good. I didn't realize that was happening, that it was a Wednesday.

I know, it's like, what are we doing this weekend?

Midweek is upon us. What are we doing this weekend? We are Rosh Hashanah-ing.

Oh right, I totally like keep slipping my mind. I gotta get outfits for shul.

Yeah, so we have a very meaningful weekend, not like, of course, another bus beach club.

Another club, right?

Beach club, no. will be pious women. But until then— As they usually are. Yes. And also, as you guys know, if you've been listening to this show for the 8 years we've been doing it, the days in between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur are like very sacred days in our religion where—

Yeah, there's 2 holidays, like usually I think it's 9 days between them.

Yeah, there's 10 days apart and they're called the days. And those are the days where like you are either written into the Book of Life for the following year.

You must be on your best behavior.

You wanna be on your best behavior.

I think it's akin to Lent. So like give something up.

No, we don't give something up. You just—

No, no, I'm saying it's akin to Lent if you're trying to relate. Like you're on your best behavior, like proving I can do it.

That you should live another year.

Yeah, so let me get all my—

So it's actually a bummer with the toast just coming back that we're gonna have to sort of zip it in a couple days and like not talk about shit.

But we still have a few more shows like to be the nastiest versions of ourselves. And I think we can do it. I think so too.

So just let it all out, okay? And we'll be better next year, Hashem.

Yeah. We, um, I probably like look so tired and you probably are wondering why I'm wearing my Dairy Boy tennis sweater.

I can tell you exactly what's happening over there.

Yeah.

You stayed up late watching the US Open.

Not even. I like missed so many good parts. I'm sorry. Like a match that started at 11, girl, like, you know, I was asleep. Um, and it was just like a, it was kind of a big night. It was first of all, battle of the female billionaires. Did I tell you that? 2 girls.

The other girl's a billionaire too.

Did I tell you that? Yeah, so the 2 billionaires played last night. A billionaire won. Which one? It was Jess Pegula. And then like the match of the century, my boyfriend Ben Shelton versus everyone else's boyfriend Alcaraz, started at 11. Like I didn't even get to see 1 minute of it. Like I'm like, 11? I haven't gone to bed at 11 since I'm like 17. It was just absurd. And I missed the whole thing. It was apparently a game for the ages. It ended at 3 AM. Ben Shelton won, like the upset of the century. Well, not upset, 'cause like we're happy he's American. And apparently like the stadium was just going nuts for him. Like Alcaraz never could have won. Also, Alcaraz threw up mid-match and I actually saw the saddest video. Like he knew he was gonna throw up. He was in his seat and he like has, you know, when you're like sick and you have like a bowl, like he had his towel and the cameraman's like in his face and he's like, go away. And you could see he's so sick. He's like, it's about to come out.

Of course.

And he's like, go away, go away. And the cameraman like won't fuck off. And I know it's his job, but it's like he can't even— he can't even throw up in private. Like, it was actually like the saddest video I've ever seen in my life.

That is sad. That is sad. That would never happen at Wimbledon.

No, never. The woman beater plays tonight. Must miss. So if anybody like wants me to watch something tonight, let me know because I'm free.

What's on deck for tonight?

Nothing.

I actually— I don't know what to watch next. I was gonna ask the audience, like, I almost started DCC last night, but then I was like, you know what, I'm tired. I think I'll go to sleep.

And we're so late.

You know, I watch it like for personal enjoyment. I love the show and I love the girls. Um, but I think I went to bed like by 9 PM. I was just like, I'm gonna take the win.

Going to bed is everything.

Except I think I have a problem where I don't know how to physically sleep because I've pulled my back out again. From like, I woke up with my back out. And when I'm sleeping, I know I'm doing it badly. Like, I know I'm in positions that are gonna fuck with me. And like, I think I need to take a sleeping class of like, what's the proper way to position your body for sleep so that like you're not hurting yourself?

Oh, well, literally on the floor, no pillow, like flat on your back. That's how you're supposed to sleep. But if you're looking for the elite way to sleep, real ones know it's on your belly with one leg like up And one leg straight with your hands under your pillow.

I sleep with my shoulders up at my ears. Like, and I—

Well, that's bad for your neck.

And that's, and that's why my neck is always out.

Yeah. Well, I think we solved the problem. You don't need to take a class. We figured it out.

No, but then it's like, what's the right way to sleep if I don't wanna sleep on my belly, which sometimes I do, but like if I wanna sleep on my side and I shouldn't like tuck my shoulder all the way up to my ear, like how should I sleep?

You just kind of need to relax. It sounds like you're holding a lot of tension in your neck.

I do. The thing is I hold a lot of tension, but like, The tension is what keeps me together, you know?

Yeah, my tension is in my jaw. You ever like throughout the day just realize you're clenching so fucking hard? I feel like that also like causes wrinkles and it's bad for your teeth. That's where I hold it, like right here. I'm gonna get jowls.

I don't wanna be less tense.

Okay.

Like that keeps this bus moving.

Okay.

But I should be so willy-nilly.

I think my free spirit definitely keeps my bus moving.

You— are you a free spirit?

The thing is, it's like, I feel like we always ask these questions like, are you this, are you that? And it's like every day I'm different, you know? So true.

And in, and in some ways I am free-spirited and in other ways I am not.

Yeah.

I'm a very caged spirit.

These like personality quizzes, you know, like I, I don't fall into them. Like literally depending on how I slept the night before, I'm a different person today than I was yesterday.

But part of being a podcaster is constantly identifying your personality traits.

Yeah. Enneagram. What number am I? I always forget.

3, which is cool. Classic 3.

Is it? To always forget. Yeah, Jackie's a 1.

I'm an Enneagram 1. Like I said, the tension holds it together.

Oh, let's talk about the major success that was yesterday's episode. Like, everyone was so excited. I know you're not on TikTok, but like, oh my God, I was kidding.

I'm excited.

War is over. So many TikToks. Our episode was like number 4 overall. Like, we're literally so fucking back. I love being missed. I hate feeling like, oh yeah, those girls do the show every day, like enough of them. And then it's like, oh my God, every day. Like, it was just— I need to bottle up the feeling of being so adored because it's very frequent.

It is, it is, it is. I'm sure soon, you know, that we'll be back in there. What are these stories?

I need to bottle up that feeling of adoration and like wear it as a perfume once a week.

Yeah, yeah.

We're back, and today, DTQ, don't worry, I've selected— oh my God, they were cracking me up. I also want to shout out, there was a girl who wrote in. I'm not going to choose it, but I just felt like 'Cause I didn't think it would be good content, but I wanna, if you're hearing this, if you wrote in about your wedding dress, she basically sent us pictures. She was like, I picked this dress out with my mom and we had this most amazing memory. I don't know, the mom might have passed away or something, but like the mom. And then she went back to the store with her mother-in-law and ended up finding a dress that she likes even more. And she's like, should I wear the other dress to preserve the memory of my mom or the new dress? And I was gonna say, of course, how different can they be? Wear the one with your mom. Let me tell you, body was tea in the second one and your mother would want you to show off that bod in the second one. So to the girl who wrote in, Wear the dress that your mother-in-law picked out, who cares?

I agree, but also, are you sure the mother had passed? It sounded like you sort of added that.

I just, like, I don't really recall, but the story makes more sense if the mom's dead.

I guess, but maybe it's also just like, it also makes sense if she's alive and it's like war of the, you know, they would both be—

Either way, Body T wins.

Yeah.

Body-ody-ody. No, the best dress wins. Like, that first dress, honestly, I didn't know what you were working with when I saw the first picture, and then the second picture I said, oh, that's what she's working with, supermodel stuff.

Stress wins, period. Politics aside.

So it was like a little bonus. We do have 3 other submissions that were making me crack. I was like cracking up this morning. And you know what, to it as well, I realized that I was so excited to record because I really am looking forward to cracking up.

Me as well.

Yeah, it's such a good feeling.

Something was cracking me up.

Oh, that— The toast is my crack pipe.

That's beautiful.

The toast is my crack pipe.

The reel that I sent you that Ben had reposted of like your nightmare when you're in the bathroom, when you're like in a bathroom stall.

You sent it to me this morning?

No, no, no, a couple days ago.

I think that was the last— Oh my God, you were thinking this morning about a reel you sent me?

Yeah, I was thinking about the last time I like cracked up like to oblivion.

Oh, the last time I actually cracked up to oblivion was right before this watching Tim Dillon do Lindsay Clancy. Oh my God, I keep seeing these clips. I should just sit down and watch the whole episode 'cause every clip is making me crack up and he was talking about like, Do you think the kids who are being brought to the courthouse wonder what they're doing there? Like, it was seriously— it was cracking me up. I won't do it justice, but, um, that's on my content list, and you should just watch that episode in full because the clips are really bringing me joy.

It sounds like he's speaking to you.

You found a little friend in the trial.

Definitely.

And he said he's really impressed that Lindsay Clancy, like, freed herself from the shackles of domesticity, like, in a kind of a unique and special way.

Unique and special, for sure.

He was being really funny.

Yeah, that's good stuff.

So the stories today, I'm sure we have like a little bit of spillage.

A little bit of spillage, yes. There was 2 stories from yesterday that we didn't get to talk about that like still are more significant, I think, than what the Drek that came up today.

Right, right.

But we are already back to Drek, which is insane.

And I go back to Drek.

It's insane that day 2, like, there's Drek once again.

Food news? Any food news?

No, I try to like make it seem normal, and, and hopefully you guys don't even like know. Hopefully I put on such like a good spin that you guys don't even know what I think is dreck. But just know—

I think we're gonna be able to figure it out.

No, like, it just, it just really took a nosedive so fast from like— I thought we had at least like 3 days of, of stories of bounding, boundless stories.

Yeah, right, right.

But no.

The thing is yesterday's episode was 2 hours. Maybe we should have made it 1 hour so that we would have like— I would say you've said the stories, but like we couldn't.

'Cause I also didn't see, and I'm grateful, like a lot of comments yesterday I did not see being like, why didn't you talk about blah, blah, blah? Like I felt like we covered the topics.

We covered. I think so too.

So let's see what today has in store is all I'll say.

I make no— Let's see what fresh hell this morning brings. I make no promises. What fresh dreck.

The Fast Times at Jackie Needs to Know.

And you guys might not have even noticed, yesterday's episode was so dramatic. Like, in the middle of it, Jackie's power went out.

My power went out. I thought we like blew a fuse because my studio like couldn't handle us being back, but turns out—

Us being like so on fire.

Like popping off lights, camera, action. No, the whole neighborhood went out for a couple minutes and then it came back, so we were able to resume. But it was like kind of scary. Like, are we gonna go out again?

We almost lost all of our footage.

'Cause also this is like storm season in Florida. Every day there's a storm. There wasn't, it's usually in the afternoon and the evening, but I think the storm from 2 days ago really sort of rattled the grid. And like yesterday morning, I think we were feeling some aftershocks.

Are you gonna make a chili?

My stove isn't working yet, so no. Um, today my stove is fixed.

You can get a hot plate, or Jen, you could do a crock pot chili.

I could do a crock pot chili.

Don't you make chili in the crock pot?

It's so true. Sometimes stove, sometimes crock pot, but that's an amazing suggestion. However, I don't think I can make a chili 'cause my back is out, so I don't think I could be like standing up in the kitchen for that long. But that's the thing about chili, you just let it simmer.

No, but even chopping onions, the mise en place.

But every day I say the stove is getting fixed today. I think today's the day.

Well, you know, I lived through most of COVID without a stove. Do you know that?

No, I don't know that. Why?

Like, the, the gas line in my building, um, my old building, went out like the day before COVID started, and they were like, it's going to be months. So I didn't have, um, I used a hot plate. Which, like, is a hot plate like just a stove? Like a burner?

Yeah.

It wasn't that big of a deal. Like a portable stove. But it being COVID like didn't help.

That's a big deal for Ben.

Yeah, it was. It actually, you know what, I'm minimizing my own trauma. Like, it was a big deal.

That is really crazy. Um, it's really frustrating we can't make eggs every morning. We usually make eggs every morning and now we can't, like, for the last week. So I've been— I make egg bites in the oven. At least we still have the oven.

Also good.

Also good. Yeah, yeah, but like I don't know.

You know, actually, one of my favorite content creators, um, on TikTok, whose name, like, completely I have no idea what it is, but she's my favorite. She's like, here's what I made for the week, and she makes like insane amounts of food. She has like 5 kids, and her oven was out for like the last month.

Wait, Claudia, I think I saw what she made when her oven came back.

Oh well, she had gotten this like kind of stovetop oven to make her— she makes egg bites, she makes bread, she makes like a ton of shit. Like, I think I saw—

I think I encountered her yesterday because she was like I just got my new oven. Let's meal prep. I love her.

Yeah, meal prep for the week.

For the week. And it was amazing stuff. She put the hot dogs in the corn muffins.

Yes. She makes muffins of the week. She makes egg bites of the week. She makes, um, like a million different breads. She makes a lot of sourdough sandwich bread and then she does like a special flavor.

Um, she made egg salad cuz her son asked for egg salad for lunch that week.

And she actually really inspired me. Like, I haven't done it yet, but like I will. She was like, I always have like these huge plastic trays of like charcuterie and fruit. And she's like, I just leave 'em out. And she's like, the kids do eat it.

Like sometimes. Yeah.

I saw.

She said for the first time she added, um, edamame— not edamame, so, or snap peas.

Yes, yes, I saw that as well. And you know what, like, I am gonna do that because cutting fruit for every meal is like so annoying.

Yeah, that's true.

Whereas if you meal prep—

Yeah, I've heard that.

She's like really influencing me.

I've heard that if you leave like a plate of like fruits and veggies— fruits, I mean veggies— the fruits obviously like the kids will eat, but apparently if you leave like veggies, like eventually they'll eat it. But I can't really do that because Bruno will eat it. Yesterday I was carving up a rotisserie chicken and I gave Harry like a bone cuz he wanted to eat the meat off the bone, which was exciting.

So cute.

And I literally turned around and Bruno got it and he didn't even chew, Claudia. I couldn't even get it out of his mouth. He's so—

Oh my God, how is he going to pass it?

I don't know.

TBD. You better watch out for that. TBD.

I told Zach, if you find a chicken bone, a whole chicken bone, That's what it is, don't be alarmed. It was the craziest thing. I was a little bit happy for him, 'cause, you know, dogs love their bones.

He deserves it.

But they say like dogs shouldn't have chicken bones or something.

Oh please.

They're fine.

Romeo and Bruno will be fine.

He has a stomach of steel.

And speaking of Romeo, he's at his grandparents', of course. I had him the whole summer, I just want credit for that. But of course the second we got home, we had lunch with Ben's parents, and they were like, do you want us to take Romeo? And I was like, yeah. That's a great idea. Yeah, actually I do. So I'll see you in a couple weeks for a rodeo.

Well, I also wanna give a little bit of a Bruno update because last we spoke, like, he was majorly enormous suffering in the Hamptons from childhood obesity. Bruno is thriving. Bruno is thriving. Bruno got a haircut. He looks like his young, sprightly self. There's something about the Hamptons that are so terrible for Bruno. Like, he looks bad, he feels bad.

It is.

He acts bad. It's so bad for him there. And then we come home and it's the same old broody.

And well, we also, both dogs at the end of summer ended up looking like a mess because I didn't even tell you guys a kind of cardboard nightmare happened to me. I set up a grooming session for the dogs, um, Bruno and Romeo, and at the beginning of summer, and it was such a great service, like honestly. But the thing is, everything in the Hamptons is just like 10x pricing what it would be. So I did it all on my phone. It was like this mobile service. They were literally so nice and they did an amazing job. Like, I don't have any— they did the ticks, they did everything. Um, And then I was like, you know, getting my mobile receipt. Like I had, they had my credit card, guys. 2 dog grooming sessions. Like, I can't, I'm like ashamed to even say that it was almost $800 for 2 dogs to get groomed. I said, Jackie, we are not getting a sit, like one more grooming. So by the time we left, they hadn't been groomed in like 8 weeks. Yeah. They both looked horrible. Romeo still hasn't been groomed.

They looked horrible. Bruno has been groomed. Bruno is like thriving in the new house and he's just back to his old Brew self. So I just wanna update everyone. Like, that's good. We have stabilized.

Yeah. And I actually haven't stabilized since the $800. Like, and I texted them and I couldn't believe it. And I guess what they had told me, they were like, yeah, it's like $250 each. And then like tax tip, I guess maybe we like upgraded with the nail clipping or whatever.

Like add-ons, anal glands. Yeah.

And $800. I, I, I almost choked.

That's insane because that's $400 per pup, which is more than I would pay for a haircut for myself.

For myself.

Yeah, of course.

Me and my face-framing layers.

Like, they did get face-framing layers though.

They did, and they looked great. But I honestly, I couldn't believe it.

Yeah.

So we have a lot to do, Dreck to get through, and toasters to deer. I am open and available to getting started if you are.

I'm available because like always, we could always, you know, go back.

Of course.

So without further ado, it is time for the Fast Five stories that you need to know.

And the Fast Five stories you need to know are brought to you by Hulu original series Chad Powers.

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Thank you, Turd It Up.

You're welcome.

Our first story, let's go with something fun. Caleb McDaniel is the new face of Real Activiste. So Caleb from Love Island USA, who was definitely a fan favorite, maybe not an Islander favorite, um, he just booked an ad campaign for Alex Earle's Real Activiste, her skincare line. He is like the celeb face that's not her of the line.

This feels so random to me. Like, I was so— people were gagged over it and I was like, yeah, I guess. But like, I wanna say I love the idea of Real Activists like entering the Skims, Rogue space where you're getting— it shouldn't all be on Alex. And a really good celebrity-founded brand eventually, like, as— what's the word? Help. Like delegates? No, eventually like has nothing to do with the celebrity founder. People forget Fabletics was started by Kate Hudson. You know what I mean? Like eventually It's like built on the back of that celebrity, but then it exists completely on its own without. And I think like bringing in other models, other spokespeople, not every photoshoot being Alex Earle is great. This one feels random. Like, I can't lie. And also I feel like the Caleb— I think that they're limited in when they could like do stuff. I think they had to wait for the reunion or whatever. This just feels like kind of late and random.

Yeah, I am no longer like on the pulse of what's happening with the Love Island people after the villa. Um, but I guess beyond the villa, Caleb got a lot of followers.

Oh, did he?

I think he, he like got one of the most for the men, like in sort of a, a Jalen sort of—

Jalen, I think. Honestly, do— it's never too late to do a skincare campaign with Jalen.

No, actually it might be too late.

What's his last name? Oh, McDaniel. Oh, he does have 1.5 million on TikTok, which is crazy because I think the winner, which is— I think she has the most, Trinity, She has 3.6.

Like, yeah, how much does like Bryce have? That's sick for the men because the women always get more. They're just more interesting.

Yeah, of course. Bryce, 1.9.

So yeah, so he got a lot of followers considering his role on the show.

Well, maybe because everybody felt the great injustice that was nobody giving him the time of day.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. So happy for him. And so Alex and Rayel have started like this new campaign like Dirty Thoughts Clean Skin, and I guess it's just like hot guys doing skincare in the nude.

Oh, and I love, I love it being men. Like, I love that. I think that this is a great avenue for them to go down.

Yeah, it's like, how can we double—

It's actually like a Gen Z version of like what Skims was doing.

How can we double our revenue? Cater to men.

Who else has skin? Yeah, this is a great idea. And I guess like this is very Gen Z like topical. I also have like completely fallen off. I'm Natalie, am I not interested in what the Love Island villa mates are up to? Like, I genuinely wish them the worst for how they ruined my summer. Like, I, I want nothing to do with them.

I know, but Claudia—

I guess people are still engaging.

I watched the reunion.

Oh, you did?

I did, because like, I'm gonna put— I'm gonna close up shop here.

Of course.

I want to see like what happened. Um, and it was very strange. I don't really know what my takeaway is. I think like Kada got a lot of hate.

She like said something sort of like I saw she got dropped from like a charity event. Yeah, she was being like—

she said something like sort of, I guess, anti-feminist. Like, because—

Queen, what did she say? She—

Caleb and Jaidyn, is that the name of his lady from Casa?

Sure.

You know, the blonde girl?

Yeah, I know her.

So like, they were already fighting on the show. Like, they were seriously like the worst couple. But then they got— they left the villa, and I think they like had a hard time seeing each other, but they were still in touch. He was like sort of leading her on, like making her think that they're together, but he was also like saying that he didn't want to be together. Just like mixed signals, I think. Just like being immature. And then they, um, and they had like hooked up the day after they left the villa when they were in that hotel. Like, they had sex.

Oh, and then that's weird. They like couldn't stand each other in the villa.

Yeah, it was like a month, a month and a half they didn't see each other. They're like, you know, on the phone, like, you know, mixed signals, whatever. He's like—

I think he blew up and was just sort of like, yeah, bye, gotta go, Jaden.

And then they saw each other again in the Hamptons, like, I guess a month month and a half later, and they had sex again.

Oh.

And then she was like still railing on him for like leading her on and all this stuff, all of his behavior. And like Kada said something. She was like—

Did she say like, well, why'd you keep having sex with him?

She said like, well, it takes 2 people to have sex. Like, you made that choice.

Okay, I just want to say that's my queen right there. Like, bring back accountability. It takes 2 people to have sex.

Yeah, so it sounded like she was sort of like slut-shaming her. I didn't take it that way.

It's not slut-shaming, it's just like you can't be so mad at someone if you're also actively engaging and rewarding that negative behavior.

Yeah, yeah. Like, so that was like—

I saw, I saw Melanie and Kenzie really getting into it.

Yeah, I feel like with them it was very weird. Also, Kenzie like said like Melanie's her best friend in the villa, but she's also said that about Jen.

And wait, I'm sorry, are Melanie and Sincere together?

Like, they're not official, but yes, they were like—

Oh, then I don't want to hear anything about them having sex.

Holding each other. I just wanna say they played a roundup of like Sincere's—

Worst moments?

No, like all of his metaphors and analogies.

Isms.

Claudia was laughing so hard. Like it actually, it could rehabilitate him. Like he's—

She's chocolate cookie and I'm brownie cookie.

And I don't like apple pie, but maybe I'll like this apple pie.

Like this apple pie. He's genuinely the weirdest person I've ever met in my life.

It was so insane. And I actually felt like for Kenzie, it's not even like the girls left her out. I feel like the way that America's positioned, like the Fab Four, whatever, the core four, like that inherently leaves out Kenzie. She's the fifth.

And she's an OG. Kada isn't.

Yeah, also Kada had like a bit of an attitude at the reunion. She like clapped back at Andy a little bit. And I just wanna say, I think she's so warranted for having an attitude. I think the show did her so dirty.

They made— The audience like turned on her for literally no reason.

No, and like they made her relationship look like shit. They like edited it so that her man looks like gay for another guy who doesn't like him. In a correct world, like, Kada and Zach should have come in 2nd place. They were the 2nd strongest couple there. The only thing that, you know, they went through that Casa thing with the Angel who got eliminated, right? And Bryce and Trinity were always gonna win. But Kada and Zach should not have been 4th place on the balls of their ass, like maybe even getting eliminated. They're a stronger couple than Melanie and Sincere. Are you joking me? And Carl and Anaya, who are still keeping up the front.

Um, oh please.

Yeah, they made it to the reunion, so let's see what happens after. They were never gonna like break up before the reunion, but people are still like, I just can't with them.

No, and that's why like I didn't watch the reunion, 'cause I feel that I'm just in a different place emotionally, physically, spiritually than everyone else who watches this show. And it's like frustrating to always be fighting with people, like for real.

And the person who had the worst reunion?

Let me think, let me think, let me think. Oh, I know. Sol.

Worst.

And like, I thought it would be redemptive. Like all the footage is out now. Sol, and everyone agreed, like Sol was wronged. And I guess she said this like one thing in an Instagram Live and like it was the end of her.

Yeah, and like she was proven to be a liar. She's also like was talking too much shit on Instagram directly after.

Yeah. Like, yeah.

And—

but she's— but with the shit she went through, like, girl, say your piece.

Yeah, but she sort of had to answer for everything.

But she also wore a wig, right?

She wore a wig, which I don't think—

I feel that she's like the opposite of Samson. Like her strength was in her pixie.

I agree. The wig did not help her.

Yeah, right?

And then they actually played a clip that was amazing for Melanie. I think it was like after—

No.

I don't know, maybe it was after Sol got pied, or Sol was upset one of the times. She was upset in the villa, and Melanie like went and had a conversation with her and was like, I'm sorry if we've made you feel excluded. Like, that was so wrong. Like, I'm here for you. I'm your friend. I'm, I'm moving on from Sincere. Like, you can have him. And then Sol was like sharing her story of how she's been homeless, and Melanie was like, you will never—

Wait, was this on the show?

Um, not this conversation. This was a—

no, this was like Edit it out?

Yeah.

Why?

And Melanie was like to her, you'll never be homeless again with me as your friend. Like, I've got you if you ever need anything. Like, it was really a good look.

Oh shit. And a bad look for Sol.

So then for Sol to go off whenever she got eliminated, to go and like talk this shit.

Yeah, yep.

It was like, wow.

Yikes.

It was a good reunion for Melanie, I would say, even though she still was sincere. Like, she was able to just like hold her own. And honestly, with all the time that's passed, like, I'm just sort of over whatever he did.

I know, I know.

He's just—

No, I'm not over it. No, but like, it's hard to care as much.

The thing about Sincere is he's just an idiot.

Like— I don't think so, because I think when you say someone's an idiot, it like obfuscates them of like their evil wrongdoing. And I do believe that there's something deeply sinister and like malicious in his intent.

I don't know, sort of the sting was out at the reunion and she's with him.

Well, the sting of— that's how I feel always. That's why they wait so fucking long. Like, yeah, the sting is out of everything. care about these people anymore. Like, at one point it ran my life.

Yeah.

And now, like, I literally don't care what happens to these people.

And honestly, I think someone who had a great season, just a great arc, and like is really just winning from the show is like someone like Jen. Like, yes, came on the show with a career in this world, gained over a million followers. Like, she has fans and haters or whatever, but like her life is just like made now, you know?

And it's just like a much better version of what it was before.

Yeah, yeah.

She actually liked my TikToks this morning. I think she might be a toaster.

I hope she is. I really like her. She's such a fun personality. She doesn't take it too serious. She's just like laughing.

She doesn't look like anyone. I feel like everybody just looks the same.

She's so interesting to look at. Yeah, she really is. She's very gorgeous. She's an amazing model, and I wish her the best. And every brand that like works with her, I'm like, that's so smart.

Yeah, well, Caleb McDaniel for Real Activists.

And now Caleb— and I think Caleb and Jen are best friends. I think they went to Japan together.

I ship. It was kind of weird on Earl Meets World to hear them talking about Real Actives. I'm like, what is that? And they, and they just call it Real. They don't say Real Actives. They were like—

That's a problem for me.

And I was like, you guys are pronouncing it wrong.

That was difficult for me to hear.

It was.

It's Real.

And I feel like our version is like so much more worldly and cosmopolitan. Real Activists.

I know.

They should just consider.

Or we could compromise, like Real Active.

Real activist. I don't know, for me the magic is in the activist.

You get activated by the activist. Exactly.

For me personally.

Are you ready for our next story?

Mhm.

Martha Stewart made a cameo on last night's episode of Real Housewives of New York, sharing eerie details of her final conversation with JFK Jr.

It's crazy how like love story And like— sorry, you continue. No, like, the timing, don't you just think is weird? Like, Carroll on Roni, Love Story, like, all at the same time, where it's like the JFK Jr.

whole saga like really hasn't come up again since. Well, I would say maybe this conversation was filmed like when Love Story was airing, was out. Yeah, but the Carroll thing is just always an adjacent point to it.

Yeah, and he was talking about— I saw a clip on Watch What Happens Live What was he like? It's so weird, like, that it's like— he's like, the timing. And I don't think that they only— I don't think they cast her because the, uh, show was on and JFK was like back in the zeitgeist. It was truly just a coincidence.

Yeah, yeah, that one is—

I just want to say, like, I think it's really weird that Carol's on this, Roni. Like, it makes no sense to me. Now, I didn't watch, and maybe it's working. Like, and I actually— Andy said, like, Carol's really in the mix. Like, she's friends with a lot of these girls. Carole said she knew more of these girls going into this filming than she knew of the women on season 5. It just makes no sense to me.

That's so crazy. Well, Martha Stewart, whose makeup artist is a cast member on Real Housewives of New York City, her makeup artist is new cast member Daisy Toy.

Jackie, did you know that we just met her?

Yes, I did.

Okay, I don't know if you put that together.

Yes, yes, yes. She's Daisy Toy now.

Literally.

So Daisy's doing Martha's makeup and Martha shares the final conversation that she had with JFK Jr. She said that she was with John John the Monday before the Friday when they died. She said he called me. Oh my God. At the time she was running Martha Stewart Living Magazine. And he called me, he said, he's in trouble. He was running George at the time.

Oh.

His political lifestyle magazine.

Big loser magazine if you watch the show, like.

Yeah, which he had started 4 years earlier. So she said, of course, anything you want. And they had a very nice dinner together where Martha then asked JFK about his weekend plans. He said—

Oh my.

He said, oh, we're going to a wedding in Martha's Vineyard and I'm taking my wife and her sister, uh, he told Martha that he was flying them in a plane, which prompted her to suggest getting a co-pilot. And he said, I don't need a co-pilot. And Martha admitted to Daisy that she's thought about that many times, that I told him to go to get a co-pilot.

Oh wow. Well, the lesson is we should always listen to Martha Stewart.

Yeah.

That's spooky. It's very nice of Martha to film.

It's very nice of Martha to film.

But like, 'Cause don't you feel it's like a little beneath her? But Martha says yes to stuff. Martha says yes to life.

And Martha likes being in the cultural mix in ways that you wouldn't expect her to be.

It's true. Like Snoop Dogg. Like, she is sort of the most unexpected. Yeah.

So I, I feel like she has— she doesn't really put herself above anything, which I think is why people—

Why she's so relatable, even though everything she does is so validated.

And she is better than us, but she comes, right?

And she, and she like slums it with us. I'm Roni.

Yeah, I guess it's like after prison, you know, Roni is a breeze.

Oh my God, I forgot that she went to prison. That's how you know she's had like a successful rebound.

Yeah.

Oh, I saw somebody in the comments yesterday, I just wanna shout out, gave a really good suggestion for what we should be calling the Megxit. And it's called Regregxit, 'cause they regret exiting.

I love it.

Yeah, I thought that was good.

Regregxit. I also saw in just like a little bit of an update, Harry like has not spoken to Charles in the 2 weeks since they landed in the UK.

Like, that's like seriously crazy.

Yeah.

And I just want to say, like, if they thought the American media like was turning on them and they had no privacy or whatever, it never ceases to blow my mind. Like, what historically, when you watch The Crown like back in the day and today, the amount, like the level of detail that the British tabloids know about the royals. They have so many leaks.

Yeah.

And most of them like end up being true leaks.

And also What are the opposite of leaks? Drips?

Like when you— or like what? Oh, are you saying when you intentionally go to media?

Yeah, like, um, fed information.

Yeah, like you're talking to the press.

Yeah, but I guess like if something's leaking on purpose, like it's—

You're just turning the faucet on. That's what I would call it.

So they have leaks and faucet on, Midge.

Yeah, and none of it's good for Harry and Meghan.

No, no, it's not.

So like, what are they doing there if they have no family?

I don't know.

And I imagine so much of your social life as a royal, like, has— is connected to your family. So I don't know if they have like a shit ton of friends. I think a lot of people want to stay within the good graces of the royal family.

Yeah, they definitely have a couple friends though. I feel like he has a couple friends.

Like from Eton?

And like from like—

Did you see George started Eton yesterday?

Did I see that picture?

I actually, as a mama, somebody did like a side-by-side of his like first portrait when he was 1 and then his picture last yesterday starting Eton. And like, first of all, like, I got choked up. I was like, oh my God, like, that's so cute. And second of all, he looks just like his dad. I know that's how genes work, but like, he really does.

He— they are so cute. That was so cute. Like, more of that, please.

Yeah, agreed. Like, love that shit. But sorry, no more of Meg's Megregxit. Like, I could never stop talking about it forever and ever.

Forever and ever. Maybe— I don't think this is true, but like, maybe the cost of living is less over there, but I don't think that's true.

No, not the way they live. Yeah, but I think it's, it's big no matter where they go.

Yeah, but they're not like saving a couple bucks there versus here taxes. I don't know how it works.

Where are they living? Like, not on royal property, right?

No, Charles made that clear.

Yeah, Charles. Like, where do Beatrice and Eugenie live? Like, in private, regular— like, they pay rent? Yeah, I think so.

Yeah, yeah. Um, are you ready for our next story?

Mm-hmm.

Lady Gaga and Michael Polanski's friends believe that they have eloped, as the couple has remained out of the spotlight for over a month. So—

Were they engaged?

Yes, I believe they were engaged. And now friends are saying no one has seen or heard from her in over a month. Everyone in her circle thinks that she's eloped with Michael and is on her honeymoon now trying to make a baby.

Oh my God, Mama Gaga! I love that. Um, personally, like, this hurts. because it means her and Taylor, whatever his name, like, are officially not getting back together. No, and that hurts because, like, to me, that was the one for her.

But at this rate, I think she's been with Michael longer than she was with Taylor, and so that's—

It's not about length of time.

No, but for me, like, that's when I can move on. That's like when they were saying on Earl Meets World, like, it can take up to half the time of the relationship to get over someone. And so for—

Jackie, what is his name?

Michael Polanski?

No, Taylor— not Sheridan and not Kit. Kenny, Chicago PD or whatever. Yeah, I seriously wish him the best. Lady Gaga is the one that got away, as is he.

But now that I like Lady and Michael, I do.

Lady Polanski.

Lady Polanski.

It is nice when somebody marries a normie. I think it's like a normie within the industry. She tried to do that with that CIA agent Christian or whatever. It didn't work out. Um, I do think like when you are—

she kind of always has a man. Oh yeah, she's very like Alex Earle coded.

Monogamous, serial monogamous.

No, but you would think like she'd be the type, but she's the opposite of Alex Earle because like Alex Earle like goes for the obvious choices, right?

Like football players, Tom Brady. And like Lady Gaga's like always pulling— even Taylor Kinney, who I love, like couldn't have been more random. He's like a soap opera star.

But there is a kind of girl who like always has a boyfriend. Her friends would say can't be alone. I think that's what Alex Earle is trying to get over, heal herself from right now. And low-key, Lady Gaga is that kind of girl.

I mean, of course, not to bring up again, but if you watch Five Foot Two, like, she's just been through a breakup. She is alone and she's really not doing well.

Yeah, you would just think because of her art, like, she'd be so independent or even, like, you know, polyamorous.

The thing is, like, Lady Gaga is truly just a stage presence. Like, she's Stefani Germanotta.

She's a traditional girl.

She is. She's, like, Italian from New York. Like, she's gonna get married and have a boyfriend.

She's gonna have a boyfriend.

1,000% multiple.

Well, she might have a husband.

Um, Mother Gaga. I feel— what do they call her mother, right? Like, I think that that's a title that I just— I am toxic like now, and I just want all my, my pop mom— my pop stars to become mamas.

Yeah.

And obviously this whole time I was thinking about Taylor Swift, but yeah, Lady Gaga.

Lady Gaga.

Gaga.

That's what we need. Miley.

Miley? Yeah, she's been like with that guy for a long time. He's also like so random.

I know, she also always has a boyfriend.

I fear that like the more random and unknown your man is, while it's less interesting for me, you do have a higher rate of success.

For sure, on so many levels.

But seriously, who is Miley Cyrus's boyfriend? Are they married?

I think his name is Max.

And it's like a partnership? Like it's not a boyfriend, it's not a—

They're not married, they're in a long-term relationship.

Right.

What's his name?

Mullet is his name.

Yeah, like he has a mullet. His name is Maxxed with 2 X's, Mirando.

Oh, his name is Maxxed?

He's a drummer in a rock band. Perfect.

Let me ask you a question. I was watching a tennis match and the guy's last name was B-L-O-C-K-X. How are you pronouncing that?

Bloch.

I think he was Belgian.

Bloch.

Bloch.

Um, my pronunciation, so the way that I read things—

Are getting worse.

Is getting so much worse. It's crazy. Every time I do it, I'm like, oh my God.

I feel that it's a sign of intelligence.

I agree. Like, menu.

Menu. Menu. Yeah. I've always like loved to have a good time, like just with words. I think that it speaks to our vast imaginations and our ability to just be silly. And see the good.

And also, you know, sometimes it presents— I don't know what this condition I have is, but sometimes—

Dyslexia?

No, it presents itself in numbers too. Like, if I— Oh, absolutely.

A 5 is an S.

No, no, no, no. Like, if I see the number like 816 and you're like, what does that say? I would say like 81-6.

Oh, oh, oh. I assign like letter sounds to numbers. So like Like if you wrote out like, let me see.

Well, it's just what it looks like. So 816 would be like sis. Yeah, because—

No, because like to me, if I see a 9, it's an N, you know? So it's like 95.

Like I can't explain it.

Maybe it is dyslexia.

No, that's different. And then, you know, there are people— We are different. We are different. But so I was saying like, if you asked me to read like, what does that number say? I would say 816. And that would be wrong.

Oh, so if we were like looking for someone's house and the address was 816 Kojer Boulevard, you would say it's 816 Kojer Boulevard? That's actually— you need help. That's wrong.

That's weird.

I don't like it.

It's incorrect.

It's incorrect.

Like menu?

No, menu is a fun way, a flirty way to say menu. Tears.

Are you ready for our next story?

4?

Number 4.

Yeah.

It's kind of a big one, something that's been developing. And you know what, I'm gonna talk about it.

Oh my God.

Because North West has been launched.

Oh, oh yeah, yeah.

The official launching of North West. She headlined her first solo concert in Chicago with her parents' support on opposite sides of the balcony. Um, but there has been like a concerted effort in the last few weeks that North West is officially a public figure.

Out there. Yeah, she did a magazine cover, she had her big photo shoot. I think she's pursuing music as far as I can understand.

Based on the fact that she held a concert and she sang on stage.

Yeah, it's very goth. I feel that I don't understand it. The audience was comprised of adults, which I also don't understand.

And were they singing along?

No, were they original songs?

I think so.

They sound familiar. Okay, I like the comment going around, which is like seriously mean because she's a child, but like when you put yourself out there, like then you're open to the internet. It's like her father's confidence and her mother's talent. Like that's what people say because—

Oh man, you guys are mean.

So mean. That is mean. So mean.

Here's the thing, I feel like for the last few years every time she stepped out in whatever she's wearing and people like made comments and judge the parenting and it's like Like, just feels wrong. Even if, to me, that just having a comment on it feels wrong, 'cause like she's a child and she's trying to express herself and like, it's whatever. But now it's like, this is what they want. They want, they've put her out there, magazine covers, music tour, whatever.

How old is she?

She's 13 years old. 13.

She's really young.

And they want, and when you like are an artist or putting out art, like you want it to become a part of the culture, like you want to be spoken about on the toast. That would be, of course, a successful show for you. So now it's like we're being forced to comment on it. It's no longer like a kindness to not comment on it.

Yeah, and I think when you're 13, it's— first of all, that's so young. Second of all, like, you're very much experimenting with like clothes and makeup and like looks. I don't think in 5 years she's still gonna be this like goth queen. So it's like a very permanent sort of marker on a temporary time. And I think that's like why kids deserve to grow up in private. Um, and I think that they have a skewed view of like fame because they all got into it super young— Kendall and Kylie— and like it all worked out great for them. Yeah, but it feels wrong.

And it's hard for me because I, I want to like— I trust my faves, and I think Kim is like so smart. I think she's so family-oriented. She's an amazing mother and I don't understand this, but I also—

I don't either.

She believes that this is the right thing to do.

Or I guess like this is just, you know, a very rich and famous person's version of like letting kids be kids. Like if you had a kid that was 13 and they wanted to like dress, you'd let them express themselves like in the house and like, sure, you could wear black lipstick, but like this is like just a bigger scale, question mark? I don't know. I agree because it's very incongruous, with the mom and the values that I think Kim is. And we know Kanye has historically been upset with Kim for how they put North out there, but he's sort of cosigning it, especially if it's music. I have to imagine—

It almost feels like, on the one hand, it feels like Kanye's driving it because this is very Kanye and that Kim sort of has to go along with it because I think North in her soul just is this artist.

Character.

Character, and is going to do this whether it's today or tomorrow or in 5 years. This is what she's gonna do. But then on the other hand, you see Kanye always railing on Kim for having her on TikTok and, and in the public.

And, and how is not wrong for that? No.

And but how is having her on a stage with a bunch of adults any better? Like, is any different? So I don't really know who's driving this. And then you think, okay, North's driving it, but like, she's 13, she really shouldn't be driving.

She can't drive. She can't drive. And it was in Chicago, which is like very much Kanye's domain. I found this whole thing very confusing. And like, like, when I didn't really want to comment on it because like she's 13 and I don't make it my business to like comment on what 13-year-old girls are doing. But it seems like she's been launched like a debutante.

Yes, she has been launched. We are being asked to comment on it.

So I think it's weird.

Yeah.

And, you know, safe to say like the music wasn't for me.

Yeah. I don't know.

I don't know.

Um, probably won't comment on it again for a while.

Yeah, you know, scandal not with Sam.

But it like, it became clear to me like, oh, this was like an official Yeah, North. Yeah, a debutante like North is—

because she could have had, if they wanted to like, you know, let her express herself, they could have had like a small concert with like friends and family. Not—

there was press there, there was a talent show.

Yeah, like there are a million ways for kids to express themselves in a safe way.

Yeah, but like also, and doing a magazine and a cover shoot and all of that, it's just like—

No, it's a formal launch.

She's been formally launched.

Yeah.

Are you ready for our 5th and final story?

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Check out our 5th and final story, which we didn't get a chance to discuss yesterday, but like seriously, the world is in a tizzy, so we must address the Elizabeth Holmes documentary that premiered at Telluride this week. It's like A24 and Nathan Fielder and Lance Oppenheim. Do you know those people?

This whole story, I have to tell you, means nothing to me. Okay, so I'm trying— I never watched like any of the Elizabeth Holmes drama. Like, I never got into it. So like, she's not personally a blind spot for me. I don't know who the hell Nathan Field— like, why am I supposed to care about this?

I don't know.

This is a story that's been beaten to death. We got a documentary, we got a dramatized TV show, we got a movie.

So here's what I've gathered, okay? And I did watch when it first happened, I don't know what it was, but it was a docuseries or maybe like American Greed about Elizabeth Holmes. So I know what she did.

I know what she did too.

It's like the blood.

Blood. Blood.

Um, and then I didn't watch any of the shit after it— podcasts, Amanda Seyfried, whatever.

Right.

But I guess at the Telluride Film Festival, there was like a secret screening.

No one—

no one knew what they were gonna see. They was just like buzzy, buzzy, buzzy. And it turns out that it's a documentary from A24 called You Can See Everything. And it's like chronicled— it's like with Elizabeth leading up to her time in prison. Yeah. And her family in her home and her business partner guy, um, and it's documenting her getting ready like to go to prison. And I think it's like, from what I've read, whatever happens in that document is shocking stuff.

Okay, so like I'm open, but I really wish like I cared about her.

I don't know why. I don't, I don't need to care about more things because I care about a lot of things and I have a lot of interest. And honestly, like, I can't— like, I have 3 kids.

Everybody's always going on about her.

But I need to understand understand why y'all care so much.

Like, don't you feel like she's kind of like an industry plant? Like, she had so many movies, documentaries, TV shows. Like, I don't know, now another one.

I saw so many people like repost the trailer and be like, holy shit, holy shit, what?

Call me crazy, like, Elizabeth Holmes, she means nothing to me. Like, I don't even know this person. This is not my plate.

Yeah, no, like, she's just your run-of-the-mill fraudster. Like, what's the big deal?

And I feel like there are other fraudsters who are more interesting.

Like Phoebe Gates?

Give me the Phoebe Gates Nathan Fielder docuseries today!

What's she up to? I saw she posted something. Did you?

I haven't— I actually, I think I need to follow her.

Like, does she do stories like OOTDs and, and whatnot?

Okay, she has 600,000 followers, and yes, you're right, she posted with Gloria Steinem. And then before that, she had posted July 30th, which is—

Oh, that was like probably right before the drama.

Oh, and she was posting about Fia. It's like a collab.

And is Fia still in business if I wanted to get the cookies?

Oh, let me go to the Fia, Fia Co. They have 300,000 followers. They last posted 6 days ago. The comments are bots.

And I guess like the way that you have a unique interest in Phoebe Gates and like—

Some people have in Elizabeth, because I also think that Elizabeth Holmes, like her personality, she's fucking crazy. Like, I think Phea Gates like probably reminds me of someone I went to college with. Like, I don't think she's inherently interesting in that way.

I find that more interesting. I don't need to— like, a crazy person is just crazy, and like I've written them off, and like there's nothing shocking there. Like, I don't understand or relate to you. Like, to see a girl that you think is going to be one way be another way is more interesting.

And I think, correct me if I'm wrong, yeah, they are still posting on the podcast, The Burnouts. Yeah, they posted an hour ago. I don't know if these are new episodes though, but they're promoting old episodes, and they still have pinned to the top of their thing the Call Her Daddy stuff, like being a part of Unwell. Let me see when they released their last episode. Like, this to me is interesting.

You wanna get Nathan Fielder in there?

May 7th was their last episode. Okay, so no, they haven't posted more episodes, but they're still like farming content from their interviews with Paris Hilton, Karlie Kloss, Kris Jenner, Sophia Bush. Oh, the guy who doesn't age backwards. What's his name?

Benjamin Button?

Bryan Johnson. So weird.

Who the hell is Nathan Fielder?

I really don't know.

Writer, director, and a comedian. He's a comedian.

It's also weird that like there's news being made about a film festival and it's not Venice. Like, what kind of— no offense, like how good can your movie be if it's— there's 2 festivals happening right now and you're at Telluride?

Yeah, and how do you decide like where you're gonna do your big one?

You get accepted, like you have to apply. So he obviously got denied from Venice.

Yeah, there's always Sundance.

And try that one, getting their like 30-minute standing ovation.

Try that one.

I just wanna say, yeah, that's a good one. If I ever have a movie at Venice Film Festival, like I would genuinely hope like nobody stands up and claps for me, 'cause that's like how you differentiate yourself. There's nothing cooler or impressive to me.

There's stunning silence.

Yeah, there's nothing impressive to me about getting a standing ovation now. Like I saw Robert Pattinson got one 'cause they premiered the Chris Hansen movie. That's my king right there. But like, there's literally nothing impressive to me about getting a standing ovation.

No, no, that doesn't like mean that movie's good or anything anymore.

No, it means nothing. And I want everyone to stay seated when Turdiloo Freebush, the memoir, the biopic premieres at Venice Film Festival. Okay, sit your asses down.

The biopic, who's gonna play you?

Oh, okay, well, what, what time period of my life is it covering?

Hold on, hold that thought. Did you see that people are sort of comparing Penélope Earle To young Kojers.

I did see that. They think we look alike, which I actually see, even though when I was her age, I did not look like that. Like, a young Turdi does not look like that, but she does look like she could grow up to look like me, which is wonderful news for her. I did see it.

But also just like in her personality, and someone said like, I think she probably has a wild side that everyone should get to know.

Well, she was like sort of the more reserved sister. Like, Isabel was the sort of loud, and she was the one who was like making TikToks and like following in her sister's footsteps. And Penelope was sort of like different. You know, she does horseback riding.

But she's very sassy. I think if you're paying attention, like, it's all going on.

She thinks her older sister Isabelle is like moronic.

Yeah, and like, she's just like—

Penelope has a bit of coj in her.

She does.

And I expect to see great things from her.

I do as well.

I got a lot of DMs about that. People being like, do you think Penelope looks like you? And the thing is, like, when I was Penelope's age, looked nothing like that, but she does look like me.

There is a similarity that's undeniable.

Uncanny.

You should mentor her.

Oh, you know, I'm always looking for new mentees to join my program as the influencer mentor. Do you think— oh, and I realized the other day we were talking about mentors and how mine's Brooke Snader and Gwyneth Paltrow. Um, Hilary Hoffman is also, I wanted to say, one of my mentors, both like personally and professionally.

That's beautiful.

Do you think I have mentees? It's like a lot of work.

Yeah, yeah, like, do I have a lot of like little girls who are like texting you?

Like, little girls?

Actually, I feel like Remy Bader is your mentee.

Really? Um, I don't feel like she's ever listened to anything I've ever said.

That doesn't mean that you're not her mentor influencing her. I actually, I think that's I think that's pretty, pretty true.

You think?

I feel like she would look at you a little bit like a mentor.

Oh my God, that's really sweet.

Right?

Like, I don't think— I think if you asked her, she'd be like, fuck no. Well, she'd be like, Khloe Kardashian's my mentor. That's what she would say.

Of course, of course. No, Claudia, I think you're up there with Khloe Kardashian. I do. But that's just like from my POV.

I mean, I, I think I'm up there with Khloe Kardashian also.

What do I know, you know?

Nothing.

I'm just over here, the witness.

Let's dive into Dear Toasters, our weekly advice segment.

Where we can mentor some of you.

Yes. Oh, here are my mentees. Anybody who's ever written into Dear Toasters, consider yourself a part of the Code Jurina Fred mentorship program. Um, we do weekly advice where you guys can write into us, shoot us an email, deartoasters@gmail.com, or you can head over to our website, thetoastpodcast.com. There's a submission box. Both ways are totally anonymous. You can write to us about anything that's going on in your life, wedding drama, work drama, boyfriend drama, cheating drama. We got a lot of porn addiction drama. Um, whatever it may be, we'll help you out. First up, hi Swirlies, my sweet husband of 3 years has recently picked up reading. He has dyslexia and struggles to enjoy it.

81%. I feel you.

He's recently started reading because I also love a good book. Oh my God, I'm dyslexic. Like, I love a good book before bed. This week he asked me if I could read out loud to him. My immediate reaction was to laugh and say no. I know that his mom read to him growing up, so it's a sweet gesture, but I would definitely feel like his mother.

Of course, everyone's parents read to— like, yes.

Part of me feels like I should just read him the book, and the other part just like icked it out— icked me out. Thoughts? A conflicted and judgmental wife.

That's really icky. Um, why don't you guys listen to the audiobook together?

No, because it's like her nightly ritual. And I just want to say, like, whatever you read is very personal. Sometimes some of the books I read, you couldn't literally pay me to read them out loud. Like, it's humiliating. So no. And second of all, like, no offense, just because like your husband's dyslexic doesn't mean like your nightly ritual gets all fucked up. Like, you reading before bed is a special time for you.

For sure, but like dyslexics can read.

Yeah, so it sounds like you just want to put in the work.

Yeah.

And what if he listened to an audiobook? He should listen.

But if you wanted to do it together, like whatever, in the same way reading to him would do it, be it doing it together, listen to the audiobook together. I think that's perfect.

Now I do think you're like reading a little too much into like him cosplaying you as his mom, because like Jackie said, yeah, like everybody's parents read to them. It's like a part of childhood.

It's not like a special thing.

He's not like special. Is that him and his mom? Unless, unless his mom read to him when he was like 16. But no, I don't think that's what you were saying.

But she's like always been reading to him and that's why he never got over his dyslexia.

Although I will say part of the reason that I enjoy reading is because during COVID when we took a trip upstate, I couldn't sleep, so I went to Jackie's room and she was reading this book called Eliza Starts a Rumor. which is just like a swirly, like—

Drama, like mom drama. Lady drama book.

Lady drama. And she read out loud to me, and that was the first time where I was like, oh, this is what like books are? 'Cause I was used to like books from high school, like no offense, I'm not reading Wuthering Heights. I didn't know that like we were swirling it up like with Facebook group drama in books. And so while I did fall asleep peacefully, I did end up reading that book. like a year later once I was very much into reading. So it is a gateway, but that's— I'm not dyslexic, like that's not why.

You know what, it was like a fun special treat, but it's not something we're gonna do every night.

Every night, like that's insane.

It's—

maybe he just doesn't know that audiobooks exist, because if he did, like he wouldn't ask you.

He wouldn't ask you to like be a personal audiobook.

What, what he's looking for like literally exists.

Yeah, and some people say like the audiobooks, some versions are better than the book.

Better.

They have the animation.

Yes.

Reading, or Meryl Streep.

They say that about Daisy Jones and the Six. They say it's like one of the best audiobooks of all time.

There you go, problem solved. Like, seriously, so easy.

Hey, swirlies, SOS. I've been dating this man for almost 2 years and things are getting pretty serious. We're talking about getting engaged and moving in together, but I'm starting to feel uncomfortable when we discuss finances. For context, he is 20 years older than me and has 3 kids. I'm of course more than happy to pay my share of the bills, but I don't think it's fair to continue to split things 50/50 given the vast difference in our socioeconomic status. status. He's expecting me to help pay his mortgage, which makes me uneasy given the fact that I'm not even on the deed. I don't expect free passes, but also I'm not building any equity in this scenario. There are other red flags regarding money, but this example has been particularly polarizing for my friends, so I'm very curious to hear your take.

Yeah, fuck no.

A daily listener.

Yeah, sorry, I can't even. I just want to say, what the fuck?

Yeah, I thought the whole point of like dating someone older like was not to date someone older and poor. Like, it's to like get taken care of.

No, and like when—

so yeah, like if Dave Ramsey heard that you were like paying a mortgage on a house you Like, of course, like, that's bad finances. But I'm just talking about like, why are you dating someone 20 years older? It sounds like there's no benefits.

With kids, like, it's not meant to be equitable.

No, like, I don't know, it's, it's giving— you know what this reminds me of? I feel like so many Dear Toasters come back to this movie.

Raising Helen?

No, but a lot of Dear Toasters do also come back to Raising Helen. In Education, where she's like dating that older, older guy. Spoiler alert, he ends up being married, and I don't think that's happening here, but he's like showing her the world and whatever, and it turns out he's like hella poor and like steals art for a living. And it's like, she threw her whole life away. Like, she had— she was in a fancy private school. She threw her whole life away. She didn't even go to college just for this guy who's like poor.

Here's the thing. For so many reasons, you should not split the mortgage. One, your name's not on the deed and you don't have equity, so no. Two, you wouldn't be living in a house of that size because it's his 3 kids, not yours. This is his house. Do not pay half. Do not pay $1. And if you do feel like you want to contribute, So you'd get your name on the deed, otherwise no.

Of course.

Otherwise not a single dollar.

Yeah, I don't know. I'm, I'm really stuck on the whole age gap thing because—

You don't think Ashley Earle came into that house and started paying the mortgage?

We could all learn a little something from Miss Ashley Dupré Earle.

We all could, and we all should.

And I think that there's probably a lot of good things and bad things that come with dating someone so much older, and one of those good things is like getting taken care of. So I really don't see the in an age gap relationship if you're paying the mortgage.

No, and it's like, he also sounds like a dick. So yeah, his personality stinks, he has 3 kids, he's older. Like, what are you doing? What's the pro here?

Yeah, and I don't know, like, yeah, I don't know. Sorry that happened.

Like, break up.

Definitely do not pay the mortgage. Yeah, I am pressing the break up with your boyfriend button.

Because what— I don't see any value provided here. by this individual.

And you said there are like other red flags when it comes to money.

There shouldn't really be.

But her friends are freaking about the mortgage in particular.

Yeah, no, I— you need someone like to like seriously like wave the red flags.

Like, this is really bad. I know, I'm like worried that you're like wasting your youth on this guy.

Yeah, you are.

All right, our 3rd and final. Hey, Swirlies! So I met this guy at church. Turns out we work at the same camp last summer. We have a lot of mutual friends, but we never knew each other. We talked during the greet your neighbor part, which I don't know what that is, before everyone sits down, and we really hit it off. He seems like a great guy. He followed me on Instagram. We've been DMing ever since. The problem is during worship he sings so loud, and I mean just like loud and wrong. Wrong notes, wrong words, everything. Is this something that's a deal breaker, or do I just try to move past it? I know everyone around us can hear it, and I don't know if I should kindly say something to him or just not let it bother me. Please help, a toaster who's never had a boyfriend and doesn't know what's acceptable and what's not. I think she's like getting the itch. but she knows that like she's being dramatic.

She is.

'Cause like everything else sounds good on paper.

Okay, you're so wrong. First of all, I love that for him, what he worships so hard. And I just wanna say it would be cringier if he sounded good because then he's like—

Oh, great.

A huge show-off singing louder than everyone. Like it's actually so earnest that he sounds bad and he just wants to like pray so hard and he doesn't care whatever people think.

No, if you're looking for a God-fearing man, yeah, right. Finding one who like literally gives no fucks and prays too hard. Like, I don't know, it's giving God-fearing man. It's giving makes a good husband.

It's giving can your knees give out from praying? too hard.

Oh, can your knees give out from praying too hard? Can you go cry from lying in the dark? I love that song. Um, yeah, I think that if you go to church, like, your dream is to meet someone at church, and you've met like kind of like the mega guy at church, like he churches so hard. Um, no, I think that like the ick factor— like, I get sometimes you just see somebody doing something like you feel like you can't help it, but I think you can turn that ick Into a click. Yes, I love that. Turn that ick into a click. Being like, all right, I could see like somebody who's like, you know, getting stared at, or you could see like a God-fearing man who doesn't care what other people think, who puts the Lord above everything else.

And let me just re—

And I agree, you should thank God that he doesn't have a good voice.

Restated so much better that he doesn't sound good. He's not there being like Justin Timberlake.

Oh my God, that is— that That's deal breaker.

That is ick. And also, hopefully your fellow congregants are as small-minded as you were 5 minutes ago, because no one's looking at your man then. No one's trying to take your man.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, my God did not fail. And listen, I've heard a lot of gospel worship music. It's amazing. Like, it— I mean, I'm a Jew, and like, I find myself getting really taken. And yeah, the power of prayer. Like, he's just getting lost in it. I love this guy.

the sauce. I love this guy.

He's lost.

You actually—

he's lost in the sauce.

You couldn't tell me a better story about the guy you're seeing.

What's next, he feeds too many hungry people? Like, please, he sounds seriously amazing, and you should snatch him up before some other whore in the pew next door does, okay? And sees what you don't see. The whore in the pew next door. And he likes you. He's been DMing you. Like, seriously, this is a gift from the Lord. He's paying you back for being— for being like such a good churchgoer.

I just hope we're not too I hope she hasn't ruined it.

I know, and I hope he didn't like feel the judgment oozing off of you.

Yeah.

'Cause there's nothing worse than like feeling like when someone like makes you feel embarrassed about being excited about something.

How about this? Why don't you start praying and stop focusing on what other people are praying?

Yeah, and how hard can you be focusing on your prayers if you're thinking about the guy next to you singing?

Pray harder.

Yeah, and maybe pray that the Lord like teaches you grace. Okay, no, I'm kidding.

That's what we're here for.

Yeah, seriously, you needed a good kick in the ass, and I feel like we gave it to you. And let us know when you guys get married.

Let us know when the wedding is, yeah.

And I'm open to singing you down the aisle, of course. I'll sing a worship song, and maybe your husband and I can duet. Ladies and gentlemen, that's Dear Toasters, and that is our show. Anything you wanna say to the peeps before we wrap?

No, I love you guys so much. So happy that we're all reunited, like, back together.

Such a good feeling.

Feels so good. Can't wait for tomorrow. I actually don't think it was so much directed. I think— no, no, I just think like, yeah, I don't know, it wasn't drag that full. But I also love drag, honestly, I do.

Some of the best moments of my life have come from the ashes of drag.

It's true.

Thank you guys so much for listening to the TOSA and Loni Morning Show. We do the fast 5 stories you need to know every Monday through Friday on YouTube. So you're watching us on YouTube, please don't forget to subscribe, give us a thumbs up. We're also available as podcasts anywhere podcasts can be found, so Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and YouTube, wherever you listen to podcasts. Find us at TOSA, leave a 5-star review about how beautiful, stunning, and wickedly talented we are. Hope you guys have an amazing day and we'll see you tomorrow.

Love ya, bye!