Transcript of Au Revoir, Female Founders: Friday, August 14th, 2026 New

Good morning, girlies. It's The Toast.

It's Jackson, Claude, and we're your hosts.

It's your favorite show, the fast 5 things you need to know. We'll start your day off swirly. It's The Toast.

I sound amazing.

Welcome back to The Toast and happy Friday.

Friday, and Fridays always give, you know, a sense of conclusion, a sense of finality.

But today's episode in particular, it is the final episode of Swirly Summer. As you guys know, our brief, very brief summer break begins after today's episode, and then we are back after Labor Day in studio. East Coast, West Coast, you know, wherever we live. You want to be bicoastal, transatlantic, transpacific, transcontinental.

We— I don't know the word for it where she's north and I'm south.

Thank you, there's no word for it.

And Like, maybe we are transbinary longitudinal.

That doesn't roll off the tongue the way—

binary—

I'm just making stuff up.

You're transbinary.

Yes. I just think that the way, like, when people tell me, what do you do? Oh, I host a transcontinental podcast. It sounds sick. Yes, I'm a celebrity podcaster for a transcontinental podcaster.

I love that. But what is the word if she's north and I'm south? What is the word?

It's giving like civil.

It's giving civil, right? It's giving Civil War.

The Civil War was North and South, so what did they call it then? Like when you were— it was like a succession, secede.

I did secede from the New York studio. I did. You did? I did.

Very uncool.

I did.

Took us transatlantic. It's Friday, which just means we're in amazing moods. We have so much to tell you guys. Ben went to Supermodel Cafe. Like, there's so much to discuss.

Ben and I went out last night, literally party hard.

I like feel like I messed up, like I just feel like it was supposed to be this like corporate event.

Yes. And I was like, to an event for Dear Media, which was so nice.

Like my friend was in town and I was just like, you guys go. Ben came back and he was like, it was insane. Like the sickest night ever. He met Josh Hart. Like I'm glad that we came like full circle with the Josh Hart thing.

I'm glad as well.

And I felt like I like kind of fucked up.

Well, you would've enjoyed it cuz it was like a party night in Hamptons with our Dear Media family. Tim Dillon was there, who's one of my favorite comedians. I've never met him before. We've like DM'd a lot, and we're always like passing tips, like trying to do something, but I've never met the man before. And he was so wonderful. Ben was like singing his praises, and it was such a pleasure to meet him.

He said Tim, Tim Dillon, was the nicest guy he's ever met. He said that like Tim was so complimentary of us and the Toast, he thinks we're hilarious. Like, Ben was kind of like boy crushing on Tim Dillon. Yeah, and Josh Hart, of course.

Of course, the Bosticks were there, my favorite people. So much FaceTime with Lauren.

Like, Ben said you sat in the corner the whole time and talked to Lauren.

That's what I needed to do. Like, we needed to have a mama catch-up.

A thousand percent.

I haven't seen her since June. Well, since lunch 2 days ago, but before that, since she came on the podcast. Like, we have a lot to catch up with. We both had thirds since then, right?

Right.

Like, there's a lot to discuss.

A thousand percent. So I just heard it was like kind of the place to be, and I wasn't there.

The gals on the go were there. I got to see Danielle and Brooke.

Oh, their new Dear Media swirlies.

Yeah, which made me feel close to my little sister. And we were talking about Acquired wedding, so I was able to ask like any questions I had.

I had the craziest dream about our little sister. Like, oh gosh, I don't even want to share it because it's like so weird, I'll tell you after.

Okay.

I just feel like when you share your dreams and it's like a weird dream, you're giving people like an insight into like how weird you are.

Into your subconscious, of course.

Yes. So I'm not gonna share.

People should be like more particular about sharing their dreams.

1000%. Mm-hmm. Um, Ben went to Supermodel Cafe. Ben was so busy yesterday.

Yeah.

He happened to be in the area. It's in East Quogue, which is like a little bit far. He happened to be there golfing with your husband. So they went, they were like, we're going to Supermodel Cafe. I was like, oh, okay. Like bring us back stuff. They came back with like bags and bags of food, merch. Mm-hmm.

Um, the whole house is wearing supermodel sweatshirts.

That's what literally happened.

This morning everybody's what? 'Cause it's always cold and we're always saying like, everyone's always wearing a blanket, we wanna make a fire, everyone's wearing supermodel sweatshirts now.

Ben said that it was jam-packed, like seriously packed to the brim. Yesterday was like the opening day, right? Bethenny went herself. He tried all of the spreads. Obviously some were better than others. When you're going low calorie, not everything's gonna be insane. But he said there were some really standout items. I've heard lots of praise for the cheesecake.

The cheesecake was wonderful.

I've heard the chicken salad is delightful.

I wouldn't know.

Um, what else did they bring back? They didn't bring back the actual bagels, which I feel like is her—

which is like, it's a bagel shop, and then everything else is like creams. It's almost like Pop-Up Bagels but for skinny people.

Healthy.

Yeah, it looked like an aspiring skinny people—

an affair to remember.

Yeah, it did. And we got free merch, so it was a very— it was a big day. Ben and I took the convertible out last night.

And how did that make you feel?

So funny.

I don't know if I told everyone that, like, I got a convertible.

Yeah, Ben and Claudia have a convertible. It's sort of like the bane of our existence.

I know. So it was like such a sweet. Ben got it for me. That's such a nice gift. And it's just like, I've always wanted a convertible.

Yeah, it's a dream.

You think, you think, but like, first of all, the color he got me, like, I didn't love. So I ended up like having it wrapped in vinyl, which has like genuinely been the bane of my existence. I wish I never did it, cuz like you can't wash it, you have to hand wash it. I tried to literally wash it in the driveway and like the dirt wouldn't come off. Like, it's so annoying, first of all. Second of all, like sometimes you're just not in the mood to like have your hair be whipping in the wind, or like just you're sitting in the direct sun. So like a lot of times I've driven it a lot this summer, like top up, and a top-up convertible is just like kind of pointless.

No, it's like a soda can.

Yeah, like, and the car's really small, which is like great, and then like you can't put a car seat in there.

So you have to like— for us to have a whole car that we can use, give me a child a ride, we have to use a different car.

I hate to be an ingrate because like what is more generous than a car as a gift? I'm literally like— my episode of My Sweet Super Sweet 16, and like there was a bow on it and everything. It was the sweetest thing. But like genuinely, I hate this car. Like it's really become such a thorn in my side.

But last night we experienced it as you should. We drove out like after 7, sun was setting, we put on Teddy Swims, like driving through the back roads of the Hamptons, jamming, bungee and sponge night out, like perfect weather. So we were able to enjoy the convertible. I would say the ride home, like, not so much. The headlights on the convertible are just not very strong.

Well, it's also the Hamptons is really dark.

We were getting very overpowered by other light. Even Ben agreed, like, it feels really dark.

Maybe like the battery is low.

I don't know, we like—

no, you guys, this car is terrible.

I didn't like love the ride home, um, but the ride there like was great.

You know, when a convertible hits, like it fucking hits.

Yeah, and he's like, we should show up in a convertible. And unfortunately no one was waiting outside to see what kind of event— to see what kind of car we just developed. There was one guy who was attending the party who came in at the same time as us, so he saw that.

A famous person?

No, he's someone that Ben knew. I'll tell you who it was after. You guys wouldn't know him. Um, so one individual did get to see that we were in a convertible, which was like sort of the goal.

Well, and also all the people you passed like on the way there, and they were probably like, oh wow, how were those cool couple— like couple of folks, couple of in-laws. Yeah, right. And then while you— and you guys like never came home. I thought it was like— you guys, it was marketed as like a 5 to 7 cocktail hour.

Yeah, it was like 5 to 8:30. So like we were like, we'll go after bedtime and we'll stay till 8:30. But then everyone who was there who was like having a good time, like we just stayed there chatting.

So I ended up just like alone, like late at night.

Um, your favorite.

I opened up a book. I finally got a Kindle, like such a waste, because like I ended up spending the money and now I didn't even have it the whole summer. Whatever. But I've really been wanting to read off campus. I said I was going to read Dean and Ally's book. I come to learn, like, I don't know why they're doing this. So the first book is Hannah and Garrett. The second book is John Logan. And then the third book is Dean and Ally. So I'm like, am I gonna read John Logan? I have to say, like, I feel like the show kind of ruined— like, I didn't want to read it because I hate that character. Like, and I don't think he's cute. Like, I just— I don't ship. Like, so I skipped it.

Did they change anything in the show from the book?

Yes. Um, one of the most notable things, which I think was like kind of a big change, is Ally's ex-boyfriend— he's like this weenie, right?

He is in the show.

In the show, like, he's just— we can't even imagine why somebody who looks like her would be with— like, he's so—

it wasn't like when she's like breaking up with him, I'm like, okay, you can move on with my girl.

Obviously. In the book, she's, her ex is like this hot football star, like, so it makes it a little bit more complicated. That was like a really big change that I think that the show got wrong, but I did end up just like skipping the second book.

That's good, no, because I don't wanna feel torn, like I'm all team Deena.

Exactly, exactly. I skipped the second book. I had asked people on Instagram like, can I skip the second book? They're like, yeah, but it's good, like, and you, but I just like kind of hate John just from the show.

But is John's story the same in the book as the show, like the mother in rehab?

I don't know, I didn't read it.

Oh, but in the first book, he's barely in it.

I read the first book a while ago and it's like not about him. The second book is like all about him and I just, I didn't care. So I started Dean and Allie and I'm so glad I did because really I've never read something after a show. I always read it before or not at all. And I feel like, you know, when you like paint a picture in your head, it's vivid. Oh my God, it's like in son of color, like living color. It's actually so helpful, like I can really, um, envision it and I'm really enjoying it. It's such a cute book. I'm already like 45%, it's like Do you know what happened to Bill Maxwell? No, but he's in the book a lot, so I feel like whatever happens, like, happens in this book. Okay. Yeah, I won't spoil it, but they talk about him a lot.

Okay, I don't want to know, but I'm very curious.

Yeah, but I won't share even when I find out. So I'll probably finish that within the hour. Like, the books are so, so easy to breeze through and so cute. Like, loving it.

Okay, great.

I'm so back.

I love that. Yeah, love that for you.

Read a book.

I love it. I love it. The other major news of the day is that it's Charlie's birthday.

And let me tell you something, Charlie— I've actually been thinking about Charlie at a glance.

I know, it's hard not to think about Charlie at a glance.

Charlie's birthday is like harder than other birthdays because like Charlie is a miracle. And I was— not to make like your whole moment about me, but I was thinking about it this morning when I saw Charlie. I was like, he doesn't even know like the journey to getting my chuchinator on this earth. Like when we got on that plane and, oh, when I opened that door and you were crying. Like, now we can think about it, it was so fucking traumatic, obviously, for you.

I know, now we just like sort of glaze over it. It's just part of the story. But like, in the moments— and if you guys don't know what we're talking about, my pregnancy with Charlie was very high risk. We have like a whole Patreon episode about it. I updated everyone.

Like, I was having it in real time and a lot of people were like very worried. It was like very drama.

It was very drama.

People are like, where's Jackie?

At 20 weeks pregnant, at my scan, my cervix was all the way gone and starting to dilate. Like, what labor? Like, when you go into labor. But I'm 20 weeks pregnant, and my doctors in Florida just sort of like— they look— they, they sort of wrote me off. They were just like, you know, hopefully you don't go into labor.

Actually started crying.

Okay. Oh yeah, that's Claudia's favorite part.

I can't believe it. Like, I seriously cannot believe it that when they were delivering the news, one of the nurses started crying. Like, are you fucking serious?

Yeah, so it's insane. In Florida, they were like, you know, hopefully don't go into labor.

Bed rest.

They gave me a pessary, which is like, you know, I don't know what that would do. Something. Um, but I was communicating with a doctor of mine in New York, not even my primary doctor when I had Harry, but like a doctor that I knew.

You had met along the way.

Who's like the only gynecologist phone number that I had in my phone.

Right.

I just happened to have it because he was a podcaster and I thought maybe.

And whose name?

Is Dr. Fox. And I thought maybe we would collab one day and I was just like, okay, networking. I'll text this doctor. And he was like, you need a stitch.

It's, you happen to have asked him about What is— he's literally a, like, one of the few doctors in New York. He specializes in this type of procedure. I had to ask.

So exactly right person.

You actually, in the country, couldn't have asked a better doctor. No.

And it's crazy, like, if not for the toast, I would not have had his phone number. I only had it because we're toasters and his assistant was a toaster. And, and then he likes podcast, whatever. And he was like, you need a stitch. No one in Florida, like, would do the stitch. I mean, they thought I was, like, too far gone. So we flew up.

It's also not like a commonly practiced surgery, right? Like, you have to be a specialist.

You have to be a specialist, but people do it all over the country, but not at this late stage. Got it. Um, so we flew up to New York that night.

Remember, Ben got the plane.

Ben got the plane.

It was like, yeah, we were on this like sick private jet. We like couldn't even enjoy it. Of course, it was like the most pit-inducing. We're like trying to be normal for the kids, and like, it was just like, it was hell.

And I like was using Zach's AirPods, and I left them on the plane. He sort of like badgered me about it for weeks after. I'm like, are you fucking kidding me? Like, just take the L, man. Your AirPods are gone.

It was the least fabulous endless private jet ride. Well, also probably one of the nicer jets. Like, we spared no expense. The first plane we could get, but we were like, Ben, get it. And I've never had less fun in my whole life. Like, we like just were trying to pass the time. It was the longest flight ever. Of course.

So we flew to New York. I got the cerclage. It was like a successful stitch. And well, it's a risky surgery, especially that late, and with the cervix dilated, it could put you into labor, blah blah blah. But it was successful. But then like, I was staying in New York and I was like, recovering from my surgery, so I like didn't do shows. And 2 weeks later, the stitch wasn't like looking how it should if we really wanted to hold up for the rest of the pregnancy. So we got the stitch again. It was like really—

it's like a surgery where you have to get like a full-blown epidural. You're laying upside down. They, they use gravity to like move the baby up.

Yeah, uh, epidural craziness. So then we did the stitch again, and then I spent the rest of my pregnancy like in New York on like modified bed rest depending on the news of the day. Um, until I gave birth, which was at 39 weeks and a day.

Forever and a day. So like, then we got our little choochie.

Yeah, so it was just a very— it was such a crazy, crazy pregnancy. And a real— yeah, so Charlie's birthday is always a little bit of out of glass.

Like, it's— you have to take a moment and just be grateful to so many things. To the toast, of course. To, as Rihanna said, our creator, of course. To Dr. Fox, to just everyone.

He already texted me today. I was like, he did?

Wait, that's so sweet. I love him.

It's so cute. And so there is a— and now I'm like, you know, anytime someone's cervix—

a couple of people have reached out to Jack, reach out to me.

Um, and if like this is anything that you're curious about, there's a whole Patreon episode about it. But it was crazy, like I filmed it, I was still pregnant when I filmed it, and it's like, you don't know how this thing's gonna go. And every day was just like, hope I don't give birth today.

Yeah, it was so crazy.

Yeah. Until we made it to the finish line.

Charlie.

So happy birthday, Charlie.

Such an important day.

Yes, such an important— and so we'll be celebrating all weekend. Party hard.

Cake. I love your cake, Chuchi.

Yeah, we gotta get some cake. You know what, I do not procure one. Well, I'm gonna probably get a Carvel one. They're easy enough to get around here. I was like thinking for a second maybe like not a Carvel cake.

And why would you think such heinous thoughts?

I don't know, like That dye is a little crazy.

Oh my God, if we can't have Carvel, like seriously, there's no joy in life.

Maybe I could get a Carvel cake that doesn't have the blue, but that's the best part. Maybe I could get one of those chocolate whales or something.

No, you have to get the classic. And by the way, you can cut the kids pieces from the center. Yeah, but like, why should we suffer?

Okay, okay, I'll get the Carvel.

And like, yeah, I'm all about genuinely like living a whole healthy lifestyle, and like especially for the kids, like they have to enjoy. It's a birthday and it's Charlie's birthday. Okay, like come on.

Only the best.

Only the best. And like, seriously, like, if you take my Carvel cake away, I'll be mad.

You've been looking forward to it.

I know, like, every summer we have 3 or 4 cakes. Olivia's birthday, my birthday, maybe just like a fun afternoon. Yeah, Charlie's birthday. And so like, this is sort of the last one, and you just can't take it away from me.

We had the Kayla lost her tooth cake.

Yeah, there's just like so much to celebrate. Thank God, thank God. It's also like, obviously Swirly Summer ending is devastating, but there's a lot happening. Like, I feel like once we get back to— well, I get back to the city, it's like, that's when like shit starts popping off, right?

No, I have so much going on.

No, but like, it's gonna— I mean, like, for work, like, all the celebrities are back, it's Fashion Month, it's US Open. Like, yes, we saw Taylor yesterday. Maybe her and Travis are gonna go to the US Open again. Like, I just feel like the possibilities are truly endless.

So we just need to enjoy like this little bit of peace and quiet. Even though the stories today, like, are— are pretty good for Friday.

Uh, obviously, as a celebrity podcaster, you know, I do often go to the US Open, and one of my favorite things is like seeing other celebrities there, especially when you get like later on in the like the semifinals, the finals. It's like a real star-studded affair. It's like front row at a, at a Chanel fashion show.

So who do you think is going to be there?

I'm— I mean, I feel like Taylor and Travis had like an iconic US Open. I could totally see them being there again. Obviously the tennis greats, Paige, Paul, of course.

The tennis greats, of course.

I wonder, like, that's definitely like a poly market, um, market, like who's going to be at the US Open for sure.

Yeah, they do have that.

Wait, actually, yes. And you know what? Olivia Jade, there's a high percentage.

She better. And she lives in New York.

And then like New York greats, Karl-Anthony Towns, like a lot of the Knicks, even though I don't think they can go in there in season. Ben Stiller, you know, he doesn't miss a—

and a Wintour.

Yeah, but she's sort of guaranteed. But like, the more— like, when Taylor and Travis went to the US Open, it was genuinely one of the most shocking things.

Kylie and Timothée.

Oh, Kylie and Timothée are definitely going.

Good times.

The pictures are also just like insanely chic. There's something so— obviously celebrities go to sporting events all the time, but something about being photographed at a tennis— it's kind of like that Paige Paul aesthetic— is so sickening.

Yes, it really is.

Polymarket is now available in the US App Store. You can trade on culture, entertainment, and more all in one place. Download the app, use code Toast to get $20 to trade when you make qualifying $10 deposit. You know, actually this morning my phone must know we've been like recently talking about Barstool a lot because I watched while I was getting ready this like long-form clip. It was like a 10-minute clip of Dave Portnoy on a podcast talking about the whole Penn. It's actually a crazy story. I didn't know. And he was actually— I feel like I should read his book because basically, like, you know, Penn bought them for like an insane amount of money. They kept him on as like CEO and then like a year or two into the deal, he goes to dinner with like the CEO and they literally fired him. Because they were going to end up taking Barstool Sportsbook, which was like Barstool's betting, whatever, and they entered into a huge deal with ESPN. So they were like literally like stripping Barstool for parts, firing Dave. They're gonna end up firing all the people. And that's how he was able to like give them Barstool Sportsbook but buy Barstool back.

Um, it was kind of an inspiring business tale. Yeah, and the way he told it, I was like very much on the edge of my seat.

No, it's insane that he sold it and then bought it for a dollar.

Bought it for a dollar.

Yeah.

And I'm sorry, I remembered one more thing I had to tell you. I had an idea for a Patreon, okay, that we're obviously going to do. And I'm gonna—

because this is going to be a major— even though like Swirly Summer's over and we're not doing regular, we still have 4 more episodes of Patreon. So there will be like pop culture catch-ups and fun vlogs.

And I had the best idea ever.

I'm hoping to do another shopping vlog with you and/or Margot.

Okay, well, shopping, but in it— not in the way you might think. I got the— you were sitting next to me when I got like genuinely the craziest email last night. Let me pull it open. It was from Round Swamp Farm and it said, "Jay Shetty sent you a gift card." I thought it was spam at first. And it was, no, it's like, it's literally a digital gift card from Jay Shetty. He's just like, "Thanks so much for always shouting us out on your show. I wanna send you a little something for your swirly summer. Love, Team Jay Shetty." $1,000 to Round Swamp, which obviously is like 4 items, but I think we have to go to Round Swamp.

Let's go to Round Swamp and spend $1,000.

I think we actually might have a hard time 'cause even when we go like balls to the wall, we spend like $400.

Spending $1,000 at Round Swamp is courtesy of Jay Shetty.

Like, that's my fucking king.

That's like when we did that vlog spending $1,000 at Barney's. We did that like in 2019. You guys should watch it, it's so much fun.

And do you remember who sent me that $1,500 gift card to Barney's?

Who?

The Foster Sisters. We like had done a partnership. They were like, they were like, um, at the time— I don't know if they still are— like heavily involved in Bumble. And I did like an event or whatever with them, and like they sent me a thank you gift, and it was like this huge Barney's gift card. And then Barney's was going out of business, so we really had to run to Barney's, and I ended up getting pair of great Fendi boots that like were 2 sizes too small because everything was sold out. Barney's was going out of business, but I still have them.

You know, I stretched them out. Fendi mules that are so cute.

So thank you to the Foster sisters and Jay Shetty for your generosity.

I got like, you know, um, Munchhausen's $1,500.

Yeah, right. Jackie spent her own money.

I was feeling like sympathy pay.

Of course, of course. It goes without saying, like, I use the credit.

Like, if you have to spend $1,500 at Barney's, then so do I.

And at that point it became like a business expense because we were vlogging it for Patreon.

Yes, exactly. Exactly. But $1,000 at round swap is fun. And not that I had any plans to say anything negative about Jay Shetty, because really, like, I couldn't even muster up a negative— really, could you say this is a great way to engender goodwill with the toast?

Money for food. No, I have to tell you something about that, Jay Shetty.

First of all, I really don't want— like, you don't have to send us money, everyone.

No, you do, actually. You do. Um, I love Jay Shetty, obviously, because he sent us the $1,000, but like, he's always like randomly like thinking of us. Like, I got an email from like somebody major at like Spotify, and they were like, I met Jay Shetty. He was like singing your praises, like would love to grab coffee. And I was like, me? Like, he's just like always kind of championing us. I think he's kind of like our mentor. Yeah. Who's your mentor? I don't have one. Probably God.

Yeah, I, I actually don't have a mentor, and, and that's probably where I am. Yeah, I am where I am.

Who's my mentor? Probably Brooke Snader, don't you think?

Who's your mentor?

Like Oh, like Gwyneth Paltrow. Yeah, I don't know if she would like consider me a mentee, but I definitely consider her a mentor. Does it have to be mutual in order for it to be real?

It's sort of like— and I think you like ask, you like, you know, like a promposal.

You ask someone.

No, I think it like happens naturally, like, and then it's just like established that that's your mentor.

Because Ben has a couple of mentors and he's never like been asked or asked. It just sort of happens naturally over time.

But I do think some people like have a formal ask.

Well, I think that's weird.

I know, he's my mentor. I, I think that we don't have mentors and like maybe that's a problem.

Okay, now seeking mentor, high net worth individuals, please, um, send me messages with relevant experience. If you have money, like, I look up to you. Like, no, I don't care like how you made your money unless it's like selling guns overseas, you know, or like nepotism.

You don't want a nepo baby.

Well, you can't really teach me anything, right?

You don't want Phoebe Gates to be your—

are we going to talk about that?

You don't want her to be your mentor?

I just want to say, like, I need her to go to jail. Like, I need her to go to jail just like so this saga ends in a way that, like, I can appreciate. I— because, because we were talking about what she did and we were like, isn't that illegal? It's like, well, yes, it is actually. And when you break the law, you go to jail.

There's precedent for her to spend up to 20 years.

Now, obviously, I don't think that's necessary, but like You know, Lori Loughlin went away for less.

It's true.

Like, all Lori Loughlin did was like cut the line for some like other bratty kids.

Like, yeah, but she like sent some fraudulent pictures over email, so it's wire fraud, right?

But she didn't like steal money from anyone.

And then there's also something to do with like taxes, right? Who, FIA? Or no, with the, with the college admission scandal. I think they were making like charitable donations.

Oh, that might be like tax fraud in addition to like all the, uh, illegal activity being done like over online, like wire fraud, mail fraud.

Yeah, yeah.

No, I mean, so they went to jail. I'm like, Sophia Gates should too.

Sophia Gates?

What's her name?

Phoebe.

And why do I think it's so—

oh, because the other girl.

Yeah, right.

Another girl Sophia, and together they're—

I wonder if they'll be cellmates.

See ya. Not to be confused with Fifi. Not to be confused.

Correct.

A lot of Phoebe.

Just something I'm hoping that happens.

Well, we'll get into the details of why Phoebe Gates might be going to jail, um, in the Fast Five Stories. And more in the Fast Five Stories that you need to know.

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Our first story, Alex Cooper's Unwell Beverage Business.

This is kind of like an engine that is keeping Swirly Summer.

I was saying, we've talked about her every day this week.

She's kind of endlessly interesting. Yeah, and her social media behavior is actually very strange to me. Oh, sorry, you tell the story and then I'll—

okay. But yes, Alex Cooper's Unwell Beverage business is coming to an end. Bloomberg reported yesterday that Alex's Unwell Beverage company will shut down following the sale of Halloween-themed beverages this fall, um, citing sources from Target Corp, the brand's primary distributor. The beverage company Unwell Beverages was launched in partnership with Nestlé and was founded in 2025. If If you don't know, the brand began with Unwell Hydration, a line of electrolyte-focused drinks, before expanding to include Unwell Focus, Unwell Protein, and Unwell Energy.

Oh, I didn't know that they did any of those last things. I thought it was still just like the electrolytes. Honestly, like, a creator brand not succeeding is really not a big deal. It happens a lot. Like, some things work, some things don't. But it actually is shocking that this is a product that was created by like the one of the world's leading female podcasters in collaboration with Nestlé. Like, I don't think people realize how big Nestlé is. Like, Open up any product, is owned by Nestlé on the back. It's not just like Nestlé chocolate, like it's all in collaboration exclusively with Target. Like, that's like actually crazy that it failed, and it failed kind of quickly. Yeah, what is it, 2 years?

It said it started in 2025, but that would mean it was only a year.

No, no, that person's wrong.

At least 2024, January 2025.

So that was such a quick flop. Like, yeah, and I feel like Alex Cooper like does a lot And not all of it is— like, we talk a lot about how, like, the attempt to make Unwell a podcast network was kind of a flop, but, you know, they still have shows and they produce. Like, they don't close things down. I feel like to close something down is like sort of an admission that it didn't work. And I just— I've never known her to be like that. Maybe it was out of her hands.

Maybe it was out of her hands. Maybe it's like a Nestlé thing.

It's just insane that, like, if Nestlé's your partner, like, you're a billionaire. Like, right.

And also, like, it— they're making the drinks, they're selling, right?

It's no sweat off your back.

So that is quite crazy. And then also it comes after the news of the $500 million valuation, right?

The timing, which is also crazy.

So like that came out and this, it, she didn't announce this.

This is like some snitch. No, this was like some investigative report. Somebody figured it out.

Some snitch at Target, like saying they're gonna cease sales and production after Halloween.

Yeah. So the timing is obviously curious. I think that when you make big announcements like this, like you do just put a target on your back. Like, um, oh wow, she's worth 500 mil. Let me take a look. And You're always gonna find stuff. Like, businesses have good parts and bad parts. Um, I just find it like shocking. Although like at its core it wasn't a good product because if it's all about like wellness and hydration and it's literally called Unwell, I think it actually really confused a lot of people as to what it was.

Um, but it's— I guess it's for those who are unwell.

It's just confusing. It doesn't sound like something that's going to hydrate you and make you feel better. Like, I think the name was actually really confusing. I never saw it outside of her bubble. Like, I always saw it on her show. Um, but I never saw it like really in the wild or anybody drinking it that wasn't at an event of Unwell. So I feel like it, it never got past her.

Yeah.

And I think, like, not to be like mean, but I just saw like, you know, takes online. I just think it didn't taste good. Oh, I saw a lot of that.

I wouldn't know.

Me neither. I never tried it. It looked like legit as hell.

Like, it did.

So I'm just surprised.

It was always hawking, hawking it.

Oh my God, it was in the background of— like, honestly, it was actually an drinking at stores, doing the most—

like, the campaigns that she would do were just like—

I think when she had like Kamala on, it was like literally next to Kamala. Like, she had— whoever was in charge of like making sure it was in the background of everything deserves a raise because it was fucking everywhere that she was.

These like commercials for them that were like, like Skims-level marketing.

Yeah, they're like really high budget, like high production value commercials. Yeah, where she was like playing a talk show host.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, I think that the valuation of Unwell really didn't have a lot to do with the beverage because I honestly had forgotten about it. So I don't think that this affects—

like, every time we talk about Unwell, like, which is often we talk about the podcast, the shows, but we don't talk about the beverage, the movies. We've never talked about that.

I actually forgot.

Yeah. And I'm sure this is like no actual loss to her because I'm sure Nestlé fronted everything, and if anything, she only just stood to gain.

So it's just like a little bit of a stain on like the name, but Yeah, but you know what, when you're building a company that big, like, you have to find out what you're good at. Like, they're— they weren't good at podcasting outside of Call Her Daddy, like, creating shows. They're not good, I guess, like, consumer product goods. That's fine. They're slaying at TV and movies. Like, you can be good at everything, so you got to try stuff. And yeah, I think they have actually found what they're good at, and I think they're gonna end up, like, shutting down other parts of Unwell that they tried and didn't work out. Like, I think, um, those podcasts are should be looking for other work. Yeah, for other networks.

Um, and there's been TV success, but these movies are just announced. We haven't really seen anything.

But to me, like, they have the makings of—

there's no reason why they shouldn't be.

There's no reason that, like, this book that everyone is obsessed with, we've been waiting for— Nina Dobrev, although I have my problems with her, like, is the star. It's guaranteed to be on Netflix. Like, literally, why isn't that going to be successful?

But it's not It Happened One Summer, by the way.

Oh, Piper's not her? It Happened One Summer?

But it's not— Nina Dobrev is doing another.

Yeah, with, like, Paul Wesley, right?

She's doing—

Unwell's doing Icebreaker. Oh, That's what I meant. Whatever, it's gonna be big. Like, some things are actually like, yeah, sort of guaranteed to succeed. And I think, yeah, Icebreaker and all the books she's turning into movie shows with like really A-list actors, all on Netflix or Hulu. I think, yeah, she has found her niche and she should continue doing that.

Yeah, and that's what Matt was doing before he met her. So it's sort of just like actually fusing their talents.

Yeah, you got to try different things. Not everything's gonna work. Uh, hello, like remember when I was a DJ? Like, it's fine. You have to flop, as Viola Davis once said.

Yeah, she's just like has a lot of eyes on her.

I know. And the timing just like couldn't be worse for her because I feel like she doesn't do a lot of public-facing things. That's what I was saying yesterday about the interview. And I saw on her Instagram yesterday, she's like doing these live events with Google. I feel like she's not very accessible. Like, you can't go see her in concert, or actually you could, but yeah, I mean, and for like all of this for the first time ever, like kind of bad press to be happening while she's actively doing all this public-facing work down with like business people for like, for like panels, for—

yeah, panels, I guess, just panels.

But she's also pregnant, so she could do nothing and it would be completely acceptable and understandable.

Yeah, but I think also doing it pregnant, it's like, really, you want to go there?

Yeah, right. I think that's what she was saying to Andrew.

Yeah, the memo. You didn't get the memo.

And then she's also— oh, and then I found her social media behavior. You know what you're saying, like, you know, whenever you're like in a scandal or you don't know what to post, like you post your dogs. Yeah, she's now doing this thing with baby registries, which I think is amazing. Like, I— the way that, like, you know, every August every influencer posts like a teacher's classroom, we should all be posting like the registries of expecting mothers. Like, I actually love that. She's probably spent like $100,000 clearing people's, and which is so admirable. And I think it's like— but it's a little transparent, like, I'm getting all this negative stuff and like, let me just like throw money at the mamas. But you know what, I'm down. Yeah, throw money at the mamas. Yeah, because like, if you're gonna do a lot of like goodwill and charity, like, you could do it in secret.

Oh, of course, right? But no, I think it's like, if all this leads to expecting mothers like getting their needs met, I'm not upset.

No. And I actually think it's like a trend that like should catch on. Yeah, it's, it's sweet.

It is. So au revoir Unwell.

Au revoir Unwell Hydration.

Unwell Hydration. And protein?

Question mark? I didn't know they were doing protein.

Yeah, sorry. Au revoir Unwell Hydration.

What?

Au revoir Unwell Hydration.

Au revoir Unwell Hydration.

That's hard to say.

Au revoir Unwell Foundation. Au revoir Shoshanna. Au revoir Unwell Hydration. Beautiful title. It's a little mean.

It is, especially because like we're like pointing out her flops when like, yeah, when I, I could care less. I just like, this doesn't mean— I've no, no, sorry, not that I don't— I actually, I'm in— I'm not invested. You find it interesting? Interested, but like I don't think this means much.

No, me neither. I think people are like, she pulled the wool over Patrick Whitesell's eyes. No, I really don't think—

industry veteran, right? 60 years old, she pulled the wool over his eyes.

I really don't think that that the beverage was the source of the $500 million valuation. And I have to imagine Patrick Whitesell knows that it's being shut down. Yeah, you can't hide that from investors because then you'll land in Sophia— what's her name— Phoebe Gates's cell.

You know what, I'm gonna treat you and move that story up.

Yeah, kind of, you know, today's episode title vibe: Confessions of a Female Founder. We're talking about female founders.

We are, but we might have already titled something that once because it's such a good title. Yeah, the punishment Bill Gates's daughter Phoebe is most likely to face over Fia's cookie stuffing controversy. So New York Post wrote an article that Phoebe Gates, um, is unlikely to face the maximum 20 years behind bars for the potential charges stemming from the cookie stuffing allegations engulfing her AI-powered shopping app Fia, but she could get walloped with civil lawsuits and financial penalties if the claims are proven. So the crime that she committed carries a sentence of up to 20 years. There's like precedent for that. Um, and also there's like— I don't know how they have their communications and the emails from the company, but they like knowingly—

right, there's like proof that they knew that this was going on and continued to stuff cookies.

So it sounds—

it's just like a crazy thing to be accused of.

Do you feel like, like, this has sort of like ruined eating cookies for Phoebe Gates?

Oh, for Phoebe Gates. I think you're gonna say for me, and I was like, no. Um, yeah.

Like cookies are ruined. Yeah, that's punishment.

Definitely. Cookie stuffing, like, being your big crime. It sounds like something like Santa does on Christmas Eve.

She's not fat.

It's so true. Like, seriously, thank God. Now, I don't think she deserves to go to jail for 20 years, but like, I'm down for 6 months. Like, and I, you know, a lot of times, like, you know, celebrities get special treatment. Obviously her dad's like the wealthiest man in the world. Like, there's literally no way she's going to jail. But like the same way that they really tried to like make an example out of Teresa Giudice and, uh, Paris Hilton.

Yeah. Um, I feel that like, yeah, I don't feel that an example will be made of her. I think, no, but I'm saying I'm down. I think Bill Gates is too powerful. Like the Chrisleys aren't powerful. Teresa Giudice is not powerful.

No, but the thing about like the Teresa Giudice, which I feel is an important example, is like, while A, I actually believe she had no idea what was going on just cuz like she's genuinely dumb. Um, also the only person she was really guilty of hurting is the government, and like, I personally never care about that. Like, if you're hurting the government, I actually empower you, and I think you're like wonderful, and you should do it more. Um, to take— just no, I'm kidding. To steal from like other people or businesses, like, that's legit crime. Like, that's crime.org.

So it's a crime syndicate she was running.

Yeah, like, I, I don't really care. Like, she stole probably from like Zara, you know? Yeah, her affiliates. But that is stealing. Like, that's against the law, and I don't know, I find that more ethically wrong than I do defrauding the government.

Yes, same with the Chrisleys.

Like, even though I believe the Chrisleys were wrongfully convicted, but their crime was like, they were accused of stealing from like a small bank, like not like Chase, like a local, local yokel, a local yokel.

Yeah, I just think that it's not that she's a celebrity and like they do like to make an example out of celebrities. Like, I think Bill Gates could fucking crush that DA.

Yeah, no, he like, he kind of runs this country.

Eat him for breakfast.

Yeah, the odds of this going any further are extremely unlikely, but in case anyone was wondering where I stand, like, I'm—

throw the book at her.

Yeah, I'm like hoping that she gets the maximum sentence just because, like, by the way, I'm not hoping that she goes to jail.

I just like— I just, just—

no, I'm obviously— I'm not hoping she goes to jail for like 20 years. That's like— but like, I don't think to learn her lesson she needs to go away for 5 months. Like, Felicity Huffman went away for a while.

Yeah, Elizabeth Holmes Jen Shaw, Anna Delvey. Yeah, the greats before her.

Even like house arrest. Well, no, when your house is Bill Gates's house, it's like actually unfair.

Yeah, I just need her to stop.

Like, you know, I know this is why, like, if you are like a high net worth nepo individual, like, stop working so hard.

Yeah, because stop working so hard that it compels you to steal.

I could see— not that I would ever co-sign, but I could see how like somebody who's like on the balls of their ass could end up committing crimes just to like make ends meet or, you know, fudge their numbers.

Investors— Investor Day is coming, we've got the holidays, let's steal some traffic.

They have so much, you know, riding on them personally, professionally. Like, this is a girl who's never had to worry about anything a day in her life, so like, seriously, why are you doing all that? It's like low-key embarrassing.

I don't know. And also, I feel like the previous story about Fia has been overshadowed like by this cookie stuffing incident, which was all the celebrity investors like who have egg on their face.

Not only egg on their face, but like nothing in their wallet? Like, do you get your money back?

I don't even care about their money because they have like a lot of it. And of course, you know, you make a lot of investments and only 1 out of 20 is gonna hit. Yeah, but it's like, did you even look at anything? Or you just saw, oh, Kris Jenner and Priyanka Chopra and Alex Earl are in it and Bill Gates's daughter? Like, are you paying attention?

Yeah, not that I was asked, but I'm so glad because I could have seen myself being like, oh, everyone's doing it. Just to be like included in the announcements.

Egg on your face.

Egg on your face. Yeah. And yes, of course, when you are a person who invests frequently, you assume that the investment you're giving, you're never getting back. And for every one that you actually do get back, it pays for the others. But like, you don't get it back because the company failed, not because the company like lied and cheated.

And literally, this was weeks after that investment round.

Yeah, we just reported on that. So I'm so glad that like if I go back and watch that episode, I say then what I said now. Like, I think it's weird.

Yeah, no, this is like, we need to make a list.

Especially because the concept of the app like was incredibly stupid.

We need to make a list of things that we were brave for saying that turned out to be true.

1,000.

I'll start it.

I actually love that. 'Cause everyone now is like, and yeah, the app is stupid. But like you all were like, look at these girl bosses investing.

Brave for saying. What else? Turned out to be true.

And like whoever, you know, first figured out Jussie Smollett was lying, like they could have a list of that on their own.

Of course. They can.

Um, what else were we brave for saying? A lot of times, like, I obviously think it privately, but sometimes I won't say it on the toast.

I have a lot of things in my personal life that I was brave for. Yeah, that turned out to be true.

Yeah, but like, we can't say it on the pod. But every now and then, like, I guess the true bravery is saying it.

Exactly. And you don't get the points unless you say it. However, you might look like the world's biggest asshole if nothing—

that's like, if, you know, at the time, if anybody was like, and I really like Amanda Bhatula, you know, of Of course, we were not brave. We were not brave. But like, yeah, I thought she was weird, but you were not brave. No, I wasn't, because everybody loved her.

Everybody loves us. Also, like, the people who questioned Meghan Markle publicly—

yes, that's so true. The chickens have come home to roost. Mhm.

Are you ready for our next story? I know you never want to move on, but a little more women in business news. Shay Mitchell's company BASE sells in a $210 million deal. Shay Mitchell is ready for a new chapter in her entrepreneurial life as Samsonite has acquired her lifestyle travel bag brand BASE in a deal worth $210 million. This is a dream come true, she said. I'm so proud of what our small but mighty team has built over the past 8 years. As part of the deal, the majority shareholder Beach House Group is selling its entire 70% ownership stake for $147 million, while Mitchell is selling 15%, about half of her total equity, for $31.5 million. Is that a dog? There's a dog in the studio.

Romeo? No, no.

Um, she has 30— about 30%. She sold half of it for $31.5 million and will keep 15% ownership stake in Base, now valued at $210 million. Base will continue to operate as a standalone brand among the Samsonite portfolio following the completion of the transaction, with Mitchell staying on as the founder and head of creative design. Smart.

Like, she obviously— the company has exceeded her but she is sort of the engine behind it. I think this is so awesome. Like, I remember when she started it and all the girls from Pretty Little Liars, like, were still figuring out what they were doing, and she was doing like a lot of YouTube and a lot of like Instagram stuff. And then like this random luggage company, it did feel kind of random. But you know what? It is so popular. Like, people are obsessed with it. I think that this is so cool. And slay mama, $30 million. Like, yeah, yeah.

Was that $30 million? Yeah, she got—

she got— she owns 30% of the company, but she decided to sell 15% to other people who owned like 85% of it, or no, 70% of it. They sold the whole thing.

Yes, the company's worth over $200 million.

She got 30 of it, and that's—

and she still has a job and 15% should it get any bigger.

But this is so female founder, like, yeah, now that's a female founder. No, that's really— in like 8 years she never stopped. Like, she was hawking those suitcases. They also do those like really high production value commercials and lots of collabs, and they're very in tune with like social media and like their, their customers. I think this is great. Yeah, congrats. Like, so jealous and happy for you.

Yeah, yeah.

And it's just good shit. Like, I have a couple. Like, it's good shit.

I use it for the hospital.

It's good shit.

It is. We like— and I guess there's a category that needed filling of like—

yeah, it's kind of like the new ageless sports sack. Like, when we were kids, like, everybody had like that little sports towel or like Kipling, you know? But now it's like, it is the thing. Like, if you're like a cool young girl, I think they're not insanely priced. They're like decently affordable. They're really cute. In the age of like Rimowa and stuff, like they're a good price point. And it's kind of like the thing all the it girls have, like you have the matching weekender and the suitcase and you travel and you go everywhere. Like, yeah, everyone has it. Yeah, I have the big ones.

I think I have the medium one.

I like that they come with a laundry bag.

In my day we used Away, right?

Right. No, they totally took over Away.

Yeah.

And I think when they launched, like, Away was still like the big name in town.

Is it still? I use my Aways that I have.

So do I, but I don't buy new ones.

Yeah, but that's also the thing about this this category is tough. I saw like this Instagram that was like, Shay Mitchell does $200 million in revenue a year and sold for $240 million. Hailey Bieber just did $200 million, sold for a billion, and sold for a billion. But it's because you buy Hailey Bieber's products every week, 6 weeks, and you buy new luggage every 6 years.

Yeah, yeah. So I'll take the $30 mil.

Yeah, yeah, for sure, for sure. Well, that's your taxes. And of course, are you ready for our fourth story? Taylor Swift has a solo night out in London as Travis Kelce returns to Chiefs practice post-wedding. So Taylor Swift was spotted in London late Wednesday night, um, leaving Annabel's, a private members-only club, around midnight in a floral purple mini dress. She seems to be sporting a bit of a haircut, a little midi hair. Um, so classic, like right after your wedding cutting your hair. She was of course not with Travis because he is training, but she is in London.

Yeah, so I guess like this week they both decided to be seen. Obviously he had no choice. Um, she looks so cute, by the way. Like, I love this haircut.

Yeah, I love the dress.

I love the dress, of course, but like, the haircut is good. Obviously you have to wait till after your wedding to do a dramatic haircut like that, just in case.

Like, do you think she was inside Annabelle's like editing her wedding photos and getting ready to post them or not?

No, no, no, I don't think she was.

No photos for us.

No, no photos for us. Yes, interesting she's in London. Like, obviously it's a cool place and like she like spent time there, but like, I feel like, aren't you done with it? Like, you're the Queen of America now, get back here. Yeah, and like You spent a lot of time there, and London was there for you. Like, when I think she was like hiding during Reputation, like, I think she was in the UK a lot. You know, I love a London boy. And it's like, I feel that your time in London is over. Yeah, like, you are genuinely the queen of America.

And if I'm Travis, not to say that there's like trouble, start stuff, that would be like you going to like Maverick's hometown.

Yeah, very similar, you know. Um, that's not a good example, but I know what you mean.

It's just like, that's where her past lies. Yeah. And I like— she's so much in the future.

She's so much like lore there and like in her music. And I just feel like she really doesn't need to be spending time there.

We're living in the future. Yeah.

And especially like ever since she left London, she became like genuinely the most famous woman in America, like American royalty. I feel like with the football and everybody's like propped her up, she got married in Madison Square Garden. It's like, girl, come back.

Yeah, like we have clubs here too.

So many private members clubs. They open up new ones every week in the city.

Like, London is very similar to New York City, I would say.

Yeah, and she was in New York City for a really long time.

Even like latitudinally, similar weather. Yes, I've incorporated longitude and latitude in today's episode, so check.

Yep, so 5 points for me.

So I just don't know why she has to be there.

Yeah, I'm not loving that choice.

Come to the Hamptons. I think she would like the Hamptons.

Well, where's training camp?

Is it like in Kansas City?

Yeah, like at the stadium.

Kansas City, Missouri.

Kansas City, Missouri. Um, I guess maybe she doesn't want to spend her summer in Kansas City or Missouri, but you gotta be with your husband. Like, yeah, maybe it's just like a girls trip.

Who was the girl she was with?

They said unidentified brunette female.

Like, people don't know.

Crazy. And yeah, it's rare that like there's someone who's genuinely so private. I'm sure like hardcore Swifties know, but I have no idea, and neither did the media. Interesting.

Yeah.

You know I love a London boy. I enjoy nights in Brixton, Shoreditch in the afternoon. He likes my American smile like a chow when I ask me, darling, I fancy you. Took me back to Highgate, met all of his best mates, so I guess all the rumors are true. You know I love a London boy, boy, I fancy you.

Are you ready?

Stick with me.

Are you ready for our fifth and final story?

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Thank you, /turt.

You're welcome.

Our fifth and final story is a little tech news. Instagram is going viral for introducing their new word mark, which is the text-only logo that spells out the company's name. Um, it's the only place on the app where you see the whole word Instagram. And then Adam Mosseri of Instagram shared the new font. He said, thought I'd share this on Threads.

Oh, mine already just updated, like literally just at the top.

Yeah, let me see if I can find it. Okay, okay.

It's— the thing is, I hate when people change shit. Like, seriously, fuck off. Yeah, this is so small and inoffensive. Like, I actually, like, I might not have even noticed if I wasn't looking for it.

I'm always like, don't change. Me too. Don't worry, we'll keep your secret. Um, but Adam said, we updated the Instagram watermark today, which is more than a decade old and felt dated. Nobody noticed, but okay.

And like genuinely nobody cared. But, and you shouldn't have even made it like a whole announcement.

Yeah, because people might have not realized. I didn't even know it said Instagram at the top, right?

I didn't even know what I was looking at.

If I felt something were different, I wouldn't even know what it was.

I would just be able to maybe feel it but not see it.

Yeah. And then if people noticed it, then he should have said something. He said, we feel the refresh is sharper and more modern, but references the original and has the simplicity and craft that's always made it Instagram. Like, you guys, like, it's insane that this was someone's job.

I know. And like, you guys think like we care.

We don't care. But people are caring. People are like mad.

I know. I think it's like misleading, cuz I saw it too and I'm like, oh great, something I'm going to have to get used to. Um, I think it's just misleading. It looks like a new logo for the brand entirely. It's literally one place, tiny at the top of the app. Like, I, I think people are upset cuz they actually don't realize how insignificant this is. Like, the fact that we're even making a story is insane.

I know, but that's what's buzzing, you know? I know.

No, I know. I mean, everybody remembers, like, I literally remember where I was when Facebook changed the layout of the homepage. Like, it was the most devastating day in my life.

What about when Instagram changed the app icon from like the old camera logo to the orange and pink?

Oh yeah. But do you remember when Instagram changed from chronological to like their random algorithm? Like you used to be able to like refresh your Instagram and like see the latest scroll until you saw what you saw yesterday. Yeah. Like that. Those were good times. Yeah, then everybody's shit got seen.

Now you're getting this mishmash.

Oh my God, and I'm getting like AI-generated videos of how to get rid of a canker sore. Like, it's insane. Yeah, bananas, by the way.

Bananas get rid of them.

Yeah, really helps.

Okay, thank you for that tip. Where would we be without it?

And I can never see those tips when I have an active canker sore.

People are saying it looks like Instagizam.

Well, so it's like half cursive, which is pissing me off.

Like, the two letters are cursive.

The S is so cursive. And what else?

The G, R, and the G is a lit— is half cursive.

I would say the top is like not even connected. It's like like, you, you can't be 50% cursive. It's like, are you cursive or not?

I'm sure there was so many hours, so many millions of dollars, so many people who decided which letters should be cursive, which shouldn't, and why.

Have you seen all these viral videos of like teachers? One went really viral yesterday of this teacher like getting really emotional about how he teaches seniors and like most of them don't know how to read or write.

No, but I did see the front page of the New York Post. Maybe it was like last week. It was about about like the reading levels in New York.

Oh no, this is—

this wasn't that the kids can't read.

Yeah, like most high school seniors like cannot read or write a paragraph. What? Yeah, I was reading all about it this morning, and then all these other teachers chiming in being like, no, no, my kids can't read.

What? What's—

where— who do we blame?

Yeah, where can I place blame?

I have no idea. I see people in the comments talking about this program No Child Left Behind and how it actually left all the children behind. I don't know if that's like a political statement, guys. I have no idea what that is, but that's what people in the comments are saying.

Okay.

Um, and like, that's like the literacy crisis work. I mean, I've seen those videos go viral on TikTok where like people go around their schools and they write like a complicated sentence and they ask like the different kids to read the sentence, and most of them can't pronounce the words in the sentence. And they're not easy, but they're not like a senior should be able to. And it's like, oh, that's bad. But I think it's more widespread than we realize.

All these teachers are now like—

all these teachers are now making TikToks.

Um, well, that doesn't really like sound helpful.

Maybe it's not a TikTok, it's like a video testimonial. Oh, okay, because I saw it on TikTok.

Okay, because like—

but they could also be—

why are you TikToking?

Yeah, I also have like a hot take about teachers who TikTok, but I'm not in the mood to start with the teachers.

No, don't, seriously, don't.

Love you all, wishing you the best. Like, seriously, do not come for me.

I, I feel like some blame can be placed on COVID. Yeah, some blame can be placed on technology.

I think a lot of like schools don't— like, the kids don't write anymore with pen and paper. It's like a lot of typing, and I think that it's all connected, right? You have to write.

You have to—

in order to read, you have to write, and typing is not writing.

Yeah, but there's definitely more, more things that we should blame, you know?

1,000%.

I just feel like placing blame—

I think we should obviously blame Phoebe Gates and add that to her sentence.

But that's really crazy, and that's really—

I know, it was real. The video was so sad. The teacher was like crying. He's like, I just can't believe it. I gave them an assignment to like read and write a paragraph and they couldn't do it.

But like, I want to know more.

Yeah, I know.

Like, where does that issue start? It's like, they're still teaching reading and writing, right? So are the children—

are the kids dumber, or is the teaching getting worse?

Like, or the children not paying attention? Do they refuse? Is it a behavioral issue?

Definitely a lot of that. Like, kids cannot pay attention because of screens. Because of screens. Yeah. Um, let's dive into Queenie and Winnie, our final segment of Summer. Queenie and Weenie is where Jackie and I just like to deal out awards to two people, or into people, places, or things. You know, it could be an, uh, like a concept, um, where you act like a queenie this week, you might be queen of the week, and you act like a weenie this week, you're definitely going to be weenie this week. And it comes as no surprise who my weenie is going to be. Um, so let's start with queenie in a positive sense.

Jax, my queenie of the week is the queenie of the week, Miss Acquired Style. Yeah, that's Mrs. Acquired Style.

Yeah, agreed, agreed.

Um, Amazing wedding, amazing rollout, amazing energy, amazing sisterly bond. Love was in the air. Slay mama, slay mama. Amazing dress, amazing dress.

I totally agree. It's amazing. Acquired's week. Yeah, it's Acquired's week, period.

Yeah, she crushed her wedding.

Now, weenie of the week. Actually, mine is also related to— I had a couple, but I was thinking about this over the course of the week and I realized I didn't go hard enough when we covered it on the show, and I wanted to like a lot some time. To the girls who, um, were blackmailing Acquired and her sister, I feel that they didn't get enough hate. Their names are like Brooke and Lou or whatever, and they claim to be like huge Acquired fans. And I was actually reading screenshots of like the messages between the girls and them.

Who's your queenie?

Acquired. I agree with you.

That was yours?

Yeah, of course, of course. Um, and I feel that like when you act weird and inappropriate, like we let people get away with too much. When you read these messages between these two girls who are like, we love you so much, yeah, we'll take it down, but we need Fifi and we need two because one for Brooke, she's a medium. Like, it is actually sociopathic. And of course the girls handle these two mental patients like with kid gloves and they were like, yes, of course, where'd you get the photos? Please take it down until they get what they wanted. But I hope they send them a box full of poop. Like, these girls don't deserve shit. You're such losers. Like, you are freaks. You guys are freaks. You actually need to get off the internet. Like, and what you did was like low-key evil and you're also like extorting these girls the day after her wedding. Like, I feel that we all collectively as a society breeze past these super fans who are— by the way, they're not anonymous.

Also, now that it's— why are you—

or whatever your name is—

now that Acquired's photos are out, like, it doesn't matter if they post them or whatever. Like, they shouldn't send it.

Oh my God, Acquired, I know you listen to the show.

And it's like, but now I have your address. Thanks.

Do not send. Like, I know you were doing what you— do not send. Like, we don't negotiate with terrorists. And you two girls, like, you are freaks. You are real losers and you need to stop. Like, that's insane behavior. It really was freaky. And like how we're all being like, oh yes, please, we'll send you whatever you want, just let us get the pictures. It's like, I know they wanted to get the information and get the photo down, but like, I can't believe how we're negotiating with these actual freaks.

Now they need to pull a psych, psych, don't send them the stuff, guys.

Like, and if you do, send it with like dog poop in it. Like, yeah, I'm sorry, you can't act like that and get what you want. It was crazy behavior.

And so like, did they find the source of the leak?

I mean, if they did, they haven't shared it. Like, but it wasn't Clea. No, but like, these girls claim to be huge fans. They're like, we just love the dress, we wanted to show everyone. It's like, shut the fuck up, you knew what you were doing.

To be viral for one second because you're starving for attention. I find that a lot of people on the internet are starving for attention. Like, I see so many things on the internet, I'm like, why would you do that? Why would you post that? Why would you say that? Like, what are you doing?

I know.

And it really They, they want attention so badly, and there's nothing wrong with wanting attention, but like, to be so obvious in your pursuit of it— you can want attention— to be starving.

Yeah, starving. I don't want to say it, but I sent you that really weird thing, remember? What about— and I don't want to say it because like, I happen to actually like this girl, but like, the internet makes people— even people I like—

where can I find it? In our messages?

Yeah, in our group chat. I had sent you about, um, the You know what I'm talking about? Whatever.

Hold on, wait, I'm looking.

It was like a black and white text.

Hmm, I don't know.

Okay, whatever, I'll tell you later. Like, yeah, I think people who are normally like sound of mind—

yes, yes, yes, yes, yes—

or even normal in real life, like, they start acting like— you do things and say things on the internet you would actually never do in real life because you know that it's weird. But yet the desperate pursuit of attention is making people forget how to act human. Yeah, bring back shame, bring back embarrassment.

No, bring back having like people in your life who give you attention so that you don't need to turn to the internet.

Who's your weenie?

Oh, who is my weenie? I got sort of carried away.

So many candidates.

Um, let me go back to my files.

Yeah, of course. Surprise, surprise, she has a weenie.

I, I guess I don't want— I don't— I feel like weenie's too strong of title for like who I think was like did a weenie-like thing this week, and I don't want to say it.

Why? Come on, say it. Even though, like, by the way, say it.

No, because I don't even know if she did it like on purpose. Okay, fine, you know.

So once again, just to confirm, you don't have a weenie.

I just— it's such a strong word.

Weenie is a strong word, but I really, really, really don't like you. Okay, fine. Classic Jax. I can do two weenies if you want. Sophia Gates, what's her—

but I do think she's already been a weenie for this crime, and that's double jeopardy. True, you can't be tried for the same crime, and she hasn't done anything new this week. It's just the 20-year sentence came out. That's true. Okay, fine. So that's why—

not only did you not give a weenie, you actually did—

true, I'm defending—

you denied me my second.

I'm defending weenies.

It's been amazing. Swirly Summer. Hope you guys enjoyed. Check out the Patreon, patreon.com/toast, for all of your needs. Um, we'll be back September 8th, right after Labor Day. But again, tons of content on the Patreon, whether it's, you know, vlogs, trips to the Cape. Check out patreon.com/toast.

One day we are gonna vlog a trip to the Cape, for sure. The emoji of the day manifest has to be something about like female founders. Like, no, it's a sun for Swirly Summer.

Fine, fine.

At a glance, Swirly Summer is coming to an end. If you enjoyed your swirly summer swirling alongside us, leave a sun emoji. And by the way, doing the middle finger was like they were all hidden.

Love that. Thank you guys so much for listening to the Chelsea and Lenny Morning Show. We do the Fast Five Thursday, Need to Remember Thursday, Friday on YouTube. Fuck you for that. Um, wherever you listen to podcasts, find us at Chelsea and Lenny. 5-star review at a beautiful setting in Bickley Town.

Do your outro.

Hope you guys have an amazing day, whatever, and we'll see you. Fuck you for that.

We'll see you the Tuesday after Labor Day. Have a great rest of summer, and not a minute sooner. Be safe.

Yes, wear sunblock, drink lots of water, have an outside bar.

Don't drink and drive.

Definitely don't unless you want to be like weenie of the century over here.

Yeah, and we love you and we'll see you in September. Bye!