Transcript of Pete Crow Armstrong, Joe Buck, Pardon My Book Is Out + Mt Rushmore Of Things Guys Keep For Too Long

Hey, Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Stella Blue Coffee ready-to-drink canned lattes are officially available nationwide at Target. That's right, whether you're making a Target run for toothpaste, paper towels, or somehow spending $200 on things you didn't know you needed, stop by the coffee section and see why everyone is turning to Stella Blue. The cans are made with 100% Colombian coffee, real dairy, real sugar, and contain 190 milligrams of caffeine. They've got dessert-level flavor with coffee-level function. You can choose from espresso, sweet cream, or espresso café mocha. And once you try them, you'll understand why they're the best canned lattes out there. Here's the best part: 100% of proceeds will go toward our We Brew to Rescue mission, in which we're funding the adoption of 1,000 pets across the country. Grab a Stella Blue at Target, taste the difference, and make a difference. Stella Blue Coffee. On today's Pardon My Take presented by DraftKings, we've got a massive show. Pardon My Book is officially out and we have Pete Crow-Armstrong in studio fresh off of his walk-off home run against the White Sox on Monday night.

And we also— great interview with him. And then we also have our good friend who wrote the foreword of the book, Joe Buck, on the show. It's going to be awesome. Two great, great interviews. We also have the Mount Rushmore of things guys keep too long, and we have a big twist for the finale, the last 2 and a half weeks of Mount Rushmore season. We're going to do some hot seat, cool throne. We have FAQs about the book at the end of the show. It's going to be a great show, and it's brought to you by our friends at YouTube. There's no worse feeling than missing out on Sunday NFL. Seeing people talk about plays you don't get to see. Your fantasy running back scored 2 touchdowns you'd find out 10 minutes later. Your local broadcaster isn't carrying your hometown team's game, so you're piecing together the action from alerts, highlights, and texts. That's not how Sundays are supposed to work. We don't want you stuck with Sunday NFL FOMO. That's why there's NFL Sunday Ticket and YouTube TV. Every game, every Sunday, all in one place. And the best part? Multi-view. You can throw up to 4 games on the screen at the same time, which is honestly how football was meant to be watched.

No flipping channels every 30 seconds. No refreshing your phone because Twitter saw it before you did. Nobody wants to hear about the insane play 5 minutes later. You want to be there when it happens because the NFL isn't about hearing what happened. It's about experiencing it when it happens. New users pay $240 or 8 non-cancelable payments of $30 a month. First charge at purchase. Availability varies with NFL Sunday Ticket for out-of-market games and YouTube TV for local and national games. YouTube TV required. Terms, restrictions, and embargoes apply. Commercial use excluded. No refunds. Go to youtube.com/NFLST to get NFL Sunday Ticket for 8 payments of $30 a month for new users. Okay, let's go. Welcome to Part of My Take presented by DraftKings. The crown is yours. Today is Wednesday, August 19th. And boys, we did it. Our book is out. We've done it. We've set it. We've set that. We've set this book and some god-awful writing out into the universe. I, I, I've given this, I think I've said this before in the show, but, um, If you please buy a book, if you buy a book, uh, also maybe when you're on Amazon buying the book, buy a highlighter and maybe some sticky notes because what we did was an interactive book that you can also edit along with us.

We care more about telling than we do about spelling. And I think the point gets across. If you read Zach's chapter, um, we know, yeah, listen, the answer to your complaint is we know there's some misspellings in there.

Who cares?

But guess what? That's the English language. If you talk to any historian, it evolves. We didn't always spell words the way they're spelled right now.

It's efficiency.

It's efficient. And Zach is nothing but efficient. It was a labor of love. I'm glad that the book's out. I'm glad that we're done writing it. But I did get a chance to read through parts of it just to check up on some things that I hadn't had the opportunity to look at before. First of all, big shout out to Hank for the picture selection.

Oh, yeah.

Great job.

We put pictures in there.

Great job on the pictures.

We also broke it up, just so everyone knows, into quarters because we thought people would understand that. So there's 4 quarters in the entire book.

For all you soccer fans out there, you need stuff broken up into quarters. We did that for you.

Yep, absolutely.

So is it like labor of love? It was cool reading every chapter written by the guest that wrote in.

And there's a lot of them. I'm going to rip them real quick. J.J. Watt, Blake Bortles, Blake Griffin, Ryan Rosille, Chris Long, Kyle Long, Ryan Whitney, SVP Florio, Josh Allen, Adam Schefter, Jerry O'Connell, Jim Harbaugh, Chris Berman, Stu Feiner, Mark Titus, Tim Woods, Mr. Portnoy, Coach O, Rico Bosco, Jake Marsh, Billy Football, and then all of us just looking.

But we should have had Death write a chapter. Yeah, we should have gone back to Death and get that.

I forgot we had a halftime speech from Coach O.

Yeah, it's— I think it's a fun book. I think you guys will like it a lot. So it is truly— it's truly humbling to see people that are like taking pictures of the book with their dogs. Yeah, like that.

It's a book. We made a book for people who don't like to read. That's really truly it. It's split into quarters. There's chapters that are 2 pages in length. Um, so yeah, please buy it if you can. We, we love doing it, going down memory lane. 10 years. We promise we won't write another book till at least 20 years, and probably I'm actually gonna say 25 years.

We might— I might retire from writing books.

I, I think I'm gonna retire from writing books.

You can always come back if you want to. Yeah, but yeah, I think I got to retire from this.

But, uh, it was very fun. We get into it with, uh, Joe Buck, who wrote the foreword for the book. But everyone who's bought it, who who's already bought it, thank you so much. Everyone who hasn't bought it, what the hell are you doing? Buy the book, please. And once everyone buys the book, literally every single person buys the book in America, we will stop talking about the book. So that's our guarantee.

Yeah, tell a friend. Yeah, yeah. I had a moment where I went to Target this morning and I was looking to see, I wanna see the book in person. You know, like, that's gotta be a cool moment. I still haven't had it yet where I walk into a store and I see my book. I went to Target and it was sold out. Oh, and there were lots of Kelsey Brothers books that were available for purchase.

Interesting.

I thought that was an interesting moment.

And special shout out, by the way, to Matt, our ghostwriter, who helped very, very much with this book. He was able to talk to the guests and help them write the chapters, and he organized the book. He was a very integral part. We wouldn't be able to write the book. And also Dom, who basically— Dom led us around for the last 3 months being like, you have to do this now. We're like, no, we don't want to do it now.

And when that—

no, no, you have to do this now.

When that didn't work, he like broke it up into colors. Yeah, it's like, oh, if you see red, that means you have to do that now.

Oh, at one point he was like, you have to give me 5 pages tomorrow. And I was like, I can't. He's like, OK, well, if we're talking real here, like, I need 3. And like, you just keep bringing it down. Look at that. Sold out. OK, well, let's talk some sports because we've got a great show and we're going to do some FAQs on the book at the end of the show. We need to turn injuries off in training camp. It's getting to be a problem. The Chargers had— how many injuries did the Chargers have?

They had 3 injuries within an hour.

What? And who?

It was a joint practice against the 49ers, and it was, uh, unfortunately Tyler Biadiszcz, their center.

That's not good.

He went down. And now I don't know if this is true or not. I read— I did read this online that the Chargers have now had gone 3 years where a very important offensive lineman has been injured because their left guard threw somebody into that person's legs during a practice.

That tracks.

Like, is it the same guard every time?

I don't know.

It just keeps— he just keeps— he needs to learn to throw people the other way.

Yeah, that tracks. But yeah, we had that. Kyle Munungai's out for a few weeks. He got tackled in no pads, which was not great. Breece Hall, how's he doing? Memes. I saw— it's always bad whenever you have memes just tweeting the like person jumping out of a building and all those memes. You're like, oh, I don't know what happened, but something happened.

Well, Rich Cimini is a piece of shit.

Okay.

He tweeted it and it made it seem like he was going to be out for the season. What do you say, Max?

If you scroll down, what do you say? What do you say?

Scroll too far.

He scrolled too far. He was just basically like he went down without being touched. Okay. And it made it seem like it was either an Achilles or a knee. All right.

So did he actually like— did he say it's bad or did he just report like he went down without— is that true?

Breece Hall goes down untouched while running after a catch.

That was it. He's a piece of shit. He's a piece of shit.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

That was like first thing in the morning. It just made it seem bad. That's the shit that should be illegal. When Schefter tweeted that Kobe Bryant was out for 8 to 10 weeks, it's like You should have to go to jail for 8 to 10 weeks.

You can't get that wrong.

You cannot get that wrong. But yeah, let's turn them off. This is the point of the season. We're so, so close to football. Just get all the guys to football season.

You don't want to hear anything about your team right now.

No, nothing. No, absolutely. Like, doesn't matter what it is.

Yeah.

Any news right now? Bad news.

It scares you.

There's never any good news that comes. I guess the only good news is when a beat reporter is like, hey, you know that wide receiver that's probably going to be cut? He was absolutely on fire today.

Yeah, he caught everything.

And then you're like, oh shit, we might have like a new number 2 receiver.

Yeah.

Jordan Tyson also for the Saints got hurt. It sucks. It all sucks. So let's just turn injuries off.

McCaffrey's still not there. Titan, but probably he's tightening up with Tennessee Titan.

No, he's tightening.

Possibly a tight—

keeps tightening. He's tight.

Is it possible to be too tight?

Yeah. Every day of my life.

Yeah.

I can't touch my toes.

I don't know if it is possible to be too tight.

I think, I think we're walking examples of Two tight guys.

I'm, I'm probably the tightest person here.

You might be.

And I'm, I'm not too far behind, but shout out Jersey Jerry for his doctor. Yeah, if you need a doctor, talk to Jerry.

He's definitely who you want.

He's my number one medical guy.

Yeah, absolutely. Um, okay, so that, that happened. Uh, we also had, um, the Lakers.

I—

can someone explain to me what's going on with the Buss family?

I think I understand.

Okay, give it to me.

It's like if there were a show on like one of the prestige channels, HBO, about a super, super, like, rich family. You know what I'm getting at here?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Winning Time.

The Wire.

The show about the Lakers. No, it's actually a combination of Winning Time and Succession. Mm-hmm. So, yeah, the team or the family thought that they could sell the team. Jeanie Buss says, no, you can't sell the team because only my signature matters.

Okay, so is that true?

Don't know.

If that's true, has there ever been a clearer I'm the favorite child moment than that?

Yeah.

Being like, oh, all 5 of my siblings want to sell the team, but Daddy loved me the most and I have the golden signature. What a flex that should— that feels like to be like, hey, I know we joked about it at Thanksgiving and Christmas, but no, no, no, I'm Daddy's girl.

Yeah.

So I guess they legally, they might not allow it to be sold.

That'd be crazy. They have the minority stake, though, though, though, the Mark, Mark Walters guy, who I feel like that's that we're just getting started with that.

Yeah.

Because did you guys see that Shohei has an opt-out in his contract if he ever sells the team?

I did see that. In fact, I didn't know about it until I saw some reporting that he's not expected to exercise the opt-out. Yeah, but it did. It made me think for a second, like, wouldn't that be sweet if he did?

Yeah, it feels like conspiracy theory. Here we go. Ready? Fingers up. It feels like this thing is a very interesting timing when we're about to hit a maybe labor stoppage in MLB and everyone's like, the Dodgers are ruining baseball and oh, whoops, the guy who owns the Dodgers spending all the money now has to sell the Dodgers and can't spend all the money anymore. Did we just fix baseball?

Hmm. Huh. So the attorney for Lakers governor Jeanie Buss says the trust vote to sell is void. Arguing legal standing that requires her to be controlling owner on a lifetime basis. Her lawyers demanding that the representatives of the trust make it clear publicly that Jeanie is the controlling owner of the Lakers and that they take no action on this vote to sell the 17.8% stake. That's per Sam Amick.

Hmm.

So, yeah, 17.8%. I don't know how much that makes a difference. Yeah, but I guess she gets to stick around and be the Be Jeannie Buss.

She gets to continue to be Jeannie.

Yeah, because otherwise, if she doesn't own the Lakers, she's no longer Jeannie.

But what are you?

Yeah, not Jeannie Buss.

You're not Jeannie Buss.

Former boss. Yeah.

You're, you're retired boss. You're like hosting podcasts now instead of driving on the road.

Could you imagine that? That's actually a sick idea.

She very well have a podcast.

We should do that. You think Jeannie Buss can get a podcast? Yeah, why not?

Right.

Why not?

For sure.

Yeah. And then the Clippers investigation, I don't understand as well. Are they cleared or not cleared?

I don't know.

I think cleared.

Cleared.

I think cleared.

I think cleared. Okay.

Cleared. Turns out that the NBA has investigated itself and found no wrongdoing. So they don't want to ruffle any feathers with the world's, what, 6th richest man?

Yeah.

And also, if they're a competent organization when it came to bribing players, they would do it in a way that Steve Ballmer actually did not know about it. Like, that's kind of an unwritten rule. It's like, don't bring the big man into it.

I, I love Steve Ballmer. He just, he does the rich guy thing correctly in terms of like, he hasn't changed. He's still a nerd that's probably sweating through his blue collared shirts, right? Like, he's not, he's not Bezos trying to get jacked and get on some gear. He's not Zuckerberg trying to choke some dudes out. He's not Bill Gates flying to some unnamed islands for parties. He's just Ballmer, who's like, hey, I want to win so bad, I might create a fake tree or company and do it that way.

Now, if you're saying he hasn't changed, I would also argue that maybe Bill Gates, like, his whole thing was I get to go spend a weekend with my ex-girlfriend.

Yeah, I don't think that was what got him in trouble, though.

Probably the Epstein stuff.

Yeah, I would say so.

At some point he was dating high school chicks and he was like, you know what? All you people have changed. Yeah, not me.

Yeah, that's true.

Same old Bill.

Yeah, I'm cool, Bill. Hanging out. What's up, kids?

So, yeah, I don't know. I think that the Lakers or the Clippers will not be punished. I think the Lakers— sounds like Jeanie Buss has a legal case. And if she doesn't, move on to the podcast. Buss, Buss, Bussin'. She was the boss.

Yeah.

Bossin' with the Buss.

Bossin' with the Buss would be a good name.

I like that a lot.

I like that a lot.

I think that now this means that the Raptors are going to get Kawhi Leonard.

I think, which makes him very good.

It would be funny if the NBA just blamed it all on Kawhi.

Like, Kawhi, he wouldn't even react.

He did everything. And turns out the Clippers did nothing. Yeah, they're completely innocent.

He would just do his weird robot laugh.

Kawhi started a fake tree.

Hahaha. Do we have anything about LeBron?

I don't think I don't think he's been in the news. I did look. I looked earlier today.

You got it.

You got to look. You got to look every day. You got to look every day. Let me, let me double check what, what big LeBron story is going to break when Max—

he almost hit a hole in one.

Yeah, that's right. He did almost hit a hole in one. That is— I know him as a golf creator now, not a basketball player.

So talented. So many different talents.

So many different talents.

So that story about the, about the cell phone usage thing.

Yeah. The We have Pete Crow-Armstrong in studio, but I was at the Cubs game on Monday night. That was awesome. He's the fucking best. He hit a home run to start the game, first pitch, and then hit a home run to end the game, last pitch. It was a playoff atmosphere. There was fighting in the bleachers. That one dude ate like 75 punches. Just, I don't, I don't know. I think he kind of started, he, he made, he made the first kick, then he just sat down in the bleachers and just ate punches.

That was a bad fight. Bad fight. I think that guy ran out of gas because he, he went up and down steps a couple of times. Yeah. Before the fight started. And that's like when— what's his name— Wilder, when he made that huge walk into the ring.

Yeah.

And was, was gassed because he was wearing those big-ass robes. This big dude, he went up and down those steps like 3 times.

Yeah.

By the time hands started flying, he was like, I just did a StairMaster workout. I just got— I'm going to have a seat for a while.

Yeah. But PCA is— I mean, he's reached that level where it's like when you get to that next level of— I fully expect him to do something magical, you know what I mean? Where it's like not even a question of, oh, will he come through with something big here? No, he's going to do it and it's going to be sick when he does it. And he was— I mean, he had 2 home runs, a single and a double. I know Shohei hit 2 home runs, but he was doing it in Colorado. You could fucking do that. That's a pop fly.

Anybody could.

That's a fucking pop fly.

I could hit a home run in Colorado. I could probably dunk in Colorado.

Did you guys see Kyle Tucker? That guy is in the depths of hell right now. He dropped another easy fly ball. He is. I don't know what you do if you're Kyle Tucker. Like, do you see? Max, what do you— I mean, like, do you sit him forever? You got to sit him for like a week or something.

He's just got the yips right now. He's so far, far in his own head. I don't hate the idea of sending him down to the minors for like a week, right? Like, remind yourself that you're good, but not even Triple-A, Single-A.

Let him just mash.

Yeah.

Send him to Little League. Send him to Williamsport.

That's not a bad idea.

That actually would be really funny if like that was the next—

he would kill it.

The next wave of analytics is like when a guy gets yips, They have, they have a standing travel baseball team, 12-year-old travel baseball team at their spring training facility. They're like, all right, dude, just go down, just fucking hit some mammoth home runs off these kids, maybe strike a couple of them out, make a couple of them cry, then come back and be yourself.

That's why the Nats offense is so good this year, because their pitching staff is pretty much like a Little League team.

Yeah.

So like in spring training, they just all got really confident.

Yeah.

Like, yeah, we can all hit, but Kyle Tucker's in hell.

They also were up 10-1 in this game and meant absolutely nothing.

Nothing is— yeah, no, of course. But baseball yips are the worst yips, right? I mean, I guess golf—

yes, golf is pretty bad.

Baseball, golf are like kind of one in the same though, of like it's just you and, and you're—

there's nothing in your own head. Yeah, but tennis, tennis serving, baseball yips may be worse just because you have the teammates to be like, yeah, dude, you're letting other people down. I mean, all of them are probably not saying a word, but you know they want to say something and you know that they're like, hey dude, are you okay?

Free throw yips, I would say Kicker yips.

Kicker yips are bad. Kicker yips are very similar to baseball.

You've got the whole team and everybody could kick your ass.

But, but kicker, the only saving grace for kicker yips is you can just get cut.

They usually fire you. Yeah, yeah, a kicker usually doesn't get to recover from— like, it's fatal. Yeah, like, you get the yips, you're done.

Kyle Tucker signed a $240 million contract. You can't just be like, oh dude, you're cut.

What about this for a dumb idea? What about moving him to catcher? Just to pit, just so that he thanks God when he gets moved back out to right field.

Just one inning.

Yeah. He's like, I'm so glad I don't have to do that anymore.

I don't hate it.

It's really just his hitting is so bad that it, that every, his mentals are done with everything in the game.

Yeah.

He can't hit worth shit.

No, he sucks.

I mean, if the Dodgers win the World Series, it's like on expert mode.

That is the one thing. It's actually very similar to Kicker as well. Like he, if he hits a big home run in a playoff game, everything is forgiven. Kicker has the yips and then hits a big kick in a playoff game, it's like, oh shit, we always loved him.

Yeah.

But man, he is in straight up hell. Also, just an update, and it's not a knock on him, but Joshua Baez has still not gotten a hit off of anyone not named Matthew Boyd. He should have retired.

That's interesting.

Oh, and oh, for 16, 6 games, he should have retired.

Yeah.

He'd like go out on top, dude. Just be the best. Be the guy that everyone's like, imagine if he had played. His whole career, he would have had a million home runs.

Did you hear, uh, CJ Abrams moving to second base?

No, I did not.

My theory on that is they couldn't find anybody that wanted to trade for him. Oh, because he's clearly a bad defensive shortstop. And so, but he would be like maybe not as bad second base, still one of the best hitters in baseball, right? I think they're going to ship him.

Don't you have a very good defensive shortstop? As a prospect.

We've got— trying to make room for— we've got two. So I think that we almost have too many.

That would probably be it.

That would probably make more sense.

But I think—

oh, probably—

I think both can be very true at the same time.

Oh, shit.

I think the market on him was not what they expected it to be.

AJ Stork commits to UNLV. I'm just reading the screen. That's his fifth team in 5 years.

Yeah, Villanova's quarterback got fucked.

Oh no.

Yeah.

All right, let's tune out Rushmore.

We're doing—

we're doing national second baseman and Villanova quarterback and AJ Storr.

I was looking—

we've run out.

I was looking at, uh, Dylan Riola the other day.

Yeah.

How much he's bounced around. So he's at Oregon now. Yeah. Uh, obviously in college he committed to Georgia. Uh, he might have committed to Ohio State too.

I don't count that as much as bounce around if you didn't go.

Right, right. So, so he obviously, uh, he's— he has been to Nebraska. He went now to Oregon. When he was in high school, he was, um, I think like 4 schools in 4 years kind of guy.

That's AJ Store. I'm pretty sure he's on like 8 schools in 9 years.

This is like the most meathead take that I might have, and it's a little bit draft day birthday party thing, but at some point if you're a quarterback, you should not want to transfer schools again just based on the fact that you've got boys. Yeah, like that you have friends that you don't want to leave.

100%.

And you don't want to make new friends somewhere else. The fact that he's moved schools so many times, there is something that's like Why is it— why doesn't he have friends?

I think the third school is a red flag.

Yeah.

So he's got one more. No, no, he doesn't have one more.

Yeah.

The third school is a red flag.

Like, imagine your boys from college.

Yeah.

Imagine if you just one year you were like, hey, you know what, I'm going to— I need a new change of pace. Yeah. Let me go somewhere else. Now imagine doing that 3 times.

Yeah.

It's because you don't have boys.

And also it's like the— what is the move you're making? Is it a lateral move? Like a lateral move is also kind of a red flag. But if it's like a— if you're moving up, if you're going from MAC to Big Ten or if you're going from, you know, Mountain West. So it's not Mountain West anymore, up to SEC. That's, that's a different move. So yeah, I agree with that take. That's a good meatball take that actually has some merit.

If it can happen once to anybody. Yeah, maybe twice. But at some point, if you've already done it twice, you should be like, I don't want to. I don't want to have to make new friends again.

Yeah.

Who are your boys? OK, let's do Mount Rushmore. Then we got Hot Seat, Cool Throne. We'll talk some more sports. Before we do that, DraftKings— something big is coming on September 2nd. DraftKings Game Day arrives with massive deals, exclusive offers, and all-day celebration built for sports fans. The countdown has begun. All roads lead to Game Day. The DraftKings Sports app is now live in all 50 states. That means from Texas to California to Florida, every fan is on the excitement. One app, every sport, all 50 states. DraftKings Game Day is yours. Remember the date, September 2nd. DraftKings Game Day is the kickoff of a new season, a new era, and the biggest day in sports history. Get pumped, get ready to celebrate. New DraftKings customers sign up with code TAKE, spend $5 to get $150 in rewards within 14 days for all markets. That's code TAKE in partnership with DraftKings. The crown is yours. Bet with DK Sportsbook. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER. 1-800-MY-RESET. Connecticut, call 888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino in Kansas, bet tax pass-through may apply in Illinois.

21 and over.

Void in Canada.

Event contract trading DraftKings predictions involves risk of loss. Availability varies. Predictions offer void in New York. Bet to get bonus bets that expire in 7 days. Trade to get predictions dollars that expire in 1 year. $50 in rewards issued every 7 days via click to claim for 14 days. 1 non-withdrawable reward redeemable. Nationwide based on sportsbook predictions and free-to-play sports contest availability. Varies by state. Terms at dkng.co/offer. Limited time offer. Mount Rushmore is brought to you by our friends at Reese's. We love Reese's. There's something for everyone when it comes to Reese's. We have the Reese's Candy, uh, Reese's Lounge upstairs, and it is absolutely phenomenal. Whether you're talking about the peanut butter cups, whether you're talking about the new peanut butter cups with the Oreo, which are my personal favorite, the Reese's sticks— they have it all with Reese's. They are the 1-1 pick if we did a Mount Rushmore of candies. Reese's are the absolute best. They are, let's say, they're Timothée Chalamet of candy. They are the Spain national team of candy. They are the New York Knicks of the candy. They're the champions of candy. They're the best, the undisputed GOAT of candy.

There's nothing better than a Reese's Cup. Look at it.

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King size, the king size big cup. Look at that. It's like winning. It's like winning a title. When you open up the Reese's big cup, you basically are winning a title. So Reese's, the official candy partner of Barstool Sports. Go get Reese's. Wherever you shop. Okay, Mount Rushmore. Max Memes and I have officially clinched we cannot statistically get last place. So we were talking about it, and I think it gets into a funky territory where if you have a team that has no urgency, no, uh, reason to submit good picks, can skew how the rest of the Mount Rushmore season goes. What do we have, like 10 left, I think? No, we have 8 left. 8 left.

Yeah.

Yeah.

8 left. So with 8 left, we don't want to be the team that fucks everything up. And it's like, hey, if we, if we submit a bad picks and then everyone else gets screwed up. So we're going to. And by the way, Max Memes and I are at 53. I think you guys are tied, right? 40, 40 points each.

I think I'm—

are you ahead?

I might be 1 point up. Yeah.

Oh no, I believe it's tied. Is it tied?

Let's see. Is it tied?

Shane, fuck us.

I'm seeing I have 40. You guys— I also see that Hank and Zach have 39.

Okay, that does kind of put a wrinkle in.

All right. No, no, I think this is fine. So our idea is that we now go shift to a 1v1v1. Zach, Hank, PFT. I think we should start— PFT is up 1 point. That's fair. Okay, he has 1 point and you guys have 0 points. Yeah, that's totally fair. You should get that point.

I was prepared to compete, to, to go down solo against the 2 of you, but that's fine.

Yeah, well, I think you broke it at 1 point.

Yeah, yeah.

And so how we're gonna do the rest of the Mount Rushmore season, the last 8, is that, uh, you guys are gonna all go 1v1v1. Well, obviously Max Beams and I will still discuss picks and talk about it when you guys make picks. And then at the end of the picks, Max Beams and I will submit the honorable mention list. So that's how we're going to go. I like it. It's a new, new juice, new, new, new, new something going on here. Zach, are you a little scared to go on your own?

1v1v1.

PFT, I like to stand on it against these guys.

I like—

I love you guys' chances as well.

I take every competition seriously. I take things day by day. Really pick by pick. I'm a process guy. So, you know, we're just here to be the best team that we can be.

All right. So today is the Mount Rushmore of things guys hold on to for too long, correct?

Yep.

Okay. Who wants to go first? You know what we'll do?

We'll do—

I'll, I'll, uh, I'll— I have a number behind my back. Zach, do you want to guess it?

I'll pass on the guess.

Okay, so it's 1, 1 through 3.

5.

It's 1 through 3. 3.

This is insane what's going on right now.

Zach, you got it right. It was 3.

Okay.

What pick would you like to start with this draft?

This draft, I would like to take the first pick.

Okay, so then let's go Zach first, Hank second, PFT third and fourth, and then we'll shift it from there. Okay.

Okay.

We feel good about that?

Sure.

All right.

I don't think there's a clear 1-1 in this.

No, but I would like to open.

Yeah, let's go. Things that guys hold on to for too long.

These guys hold on to too long. I would like to take boxers.

One had it on our list. Great, excellent pick. Great pick.

I recently shot a Fruit of the Loom. I just got rid of all my boxers and just, and just restocked. And it's, it is, it is a great feeling. So I have the next pick.

You do?

It's similar, especially, especially when you lose one. I think that if I was going to write a biography, it would just— the title of the book would just be Where, Where Do All the Socks Go? Oh, I'm taking socks.

Oh, would the biography be about just whatever?

Where do all the socks go?

About socks.

Like, what would be the first page? Like, what would you write in it?

Well, that would, that would just be like the general title.

Is it a children's book?

No, it's just like an autobiography. Where are all the socks?

Where are all the socks?

Oh, that's actually a good children's book.

Where are all the socks?

The haiku.

Under the lamp?

Yeah.

No.

In the oven? No.

The dog has them.

In the drawer? No, that's mommy's dildo.

But every time I lose a sock, that doesn't mean I get rid of the one that I have left. I put it in a drawer and then when I go to put on socks, I just have a mountain of single socks.

Yeah. That's why you get—

And then I spend an entire like 10, 20 minutes trying to find the matching sock, which is lost.

The sock companies know that, which is why they always do. Even if you have a pair of socks like your favorite design, they'll just make a new one that's like slightly different. This is—

Hank, you got to do the total sock overhaul. I've talked about this before.

Yeah, I do. I got it. I did it with the Fruit of the Loom. I got to do it. I got to do it with socks.

Every couple of years, I just— I throw out every single one of my socks and then I get like 30 pair and they're all the same brand. And they're all the same thing. That way you can't lose.

I still will.

But no, you can't.

You can't. Where do they go?

What are you talking about? You have all the same.

Yeah, but when you do laundry, you end up with singles and then you're—

then you just throw the single out, right?

That's what I don't do.

I keep them too long.

Okay.

All right. That's a good pick. Because I think wide open.

You think one day they'll come back?

Yeah.

Yeah.

You got a wide open draft.

Those were my— I had those kind of like 1-2. So I think we're going chalk so far. I'm going to go hairstyle. Oh, guys, keep the hairstyle. They don't change it up enough. Just kind of through inertia. It's like, I've always looked like this, so I guess I'll look like that tomorrow.

Memes, why are you smiling? I didn't—

I didn't think that's where it was going to go.

Okay.

Okay. Say more memes. No, that's it. That's all. That's all I'm saying. Okay. I'm going to go—

I'm going to go shoes. Hmm.

I like that.

She's good. Yeah, that on there.

They get ratty.

We had that on there.

And then, then your worst pair of shoes. Guess what? You don't throw those out either. They just turn into lawn mowing shoes.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I will take wallet. Oh, man. I— the only time I've ever replaced a wallet when I've lost it.

I want you guys to hear some— this is actually good for the podcast. This is, this is the sound of my wallet.

That's Velcro.

Velcro, baby.

PFT has a middle schooler's wallet.

Oh, yeah.

It's also got a middle school skater's wallet.

It's got a place for a chain on it, too. My favorite thing is to go out to a fancy dinner, and then when the bill comes, it's like a black tie place. I take out my wallet and I go, and the waiter tries not to laugh.

PFT, check out my wallet. I just got a new wallet.

That's a lot of cash.

Yeah, it is a lot of cash. You would hear— check out my new wallet.

Yeah.

Do you like it?

I'd say, like, do you see that? I can see—

do you see the new wallet?

There's tape on there.

Yeah, I just got a new wallet. I The side of my wallet was broken for about 3 months. So once a week, I would just have a complete explosion of my wallet. I would go to grab something and every single thing would fall out. I got a new wallet. I got a new wallet. I got some electrical tape and I just taped the side of it. So this, but this bad boy's not going anywhere. Anywhere. Good pick.

Thank you.

Great pick.

You just can't get a new wallet. Like, it's just— it's— it doesn't fit the same. It's like it just— the whole thing just feels weird.

This wallet's been pretty good to me.

Yeah.

Decent amount of money has passed through this.

Let me see your wallet again.

Just one second, sir.

Oh, yeah.

That's the same one that you lost a wallet and then you got. That is it. That's the same one my son has.

Yeah, it's cool. It's actually— it's an upscale version of that because this one's got like RFID blocking. It's actually like an expensive middle school wallet. Oh, nice. What, Max?

Didn't you lose a wallet? I think you got that like on a whim.

I'd lost— I lost a wallet at the Q at Quicken Loans Arena.

Yep.

Before the Cavaliers play.

Very famous.

Yeah. Famous.

Well, that's on.

It brought them a championship. It was like that. Number one, then LeBron. Actually, what did you talk about?

That's part of my book.

I might have.

You lost that. You should bring it.

Wrote about that in part of my book.

You should buy the book. You should, you should hope to God that I lose my wallet inside whatever the Clippers arena is called or the Sixers arena is called.

Mm-hmm.

They didn't win a championship after you lost.

No, they did. Yeah.

You sure?

Yes.

2017.

Okay. I thought it was 2016.

It wasn't.

That was the game that we went to that Kyrie was like, I think the best player of all time.

Yeah.

Remember that?

Machine Gun Kelly at halftime?

Yeah. Yeah.

Isaiah Thomas Celtics.

Was that not Grit Week 1? Nope.

All right, uh, let me see.

I'm gonna look.

I, I know it's— I know.

Well, yeah, I mean, it was against the Celtics, so I would hope you'd know. I think you do know, but yeah, I just remember Kyrie was like—

I think it was the J.R. Smith timeout year.

Oh yeah, Cleveland, Cleveland-Boston 2017, uh, Conference Finals.

Bloodbath.

You were lucky to get there. Rajon Rondo broke his hand in the first round against the Bulls. He's up 2-nothing.

People forget.

People forget. All right, Zach, you have 2 picks.

I would like to take the second pick, Pillows.

That's okay.

And then third, I would like to take— was the official name Things or Items?

Items.

I know it's Things.

It's Items.

Oh, well, no, it can be Things.

You can do whatever you want.

Okay.

Yeah. Okay. Third, I would like to take Leftovers.

Okay.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Good pick. Good pick.

Very good pick. Way too long.

Look at our fridge right now. I think we have queso in there from 6 weeks ago.

Jerky from like a month ago.

Oh, yeah. Mm-hmm.

I'm going to eat that.

I was going to take something similar. I think it's, it's still different enough. Just healthy food items.

Hmm.

Like you buy healthy food and then you never consume the healthy food and then it just stays in your fridge forever.

And there's a— yeah, that kind of counts as working out when you buy like, like a piece of lettuce, like a bag of spinach. Yeah, leftovers.

But that's— I think that's—

but Hanks is like, give us an example. Leftovers because they were never strawberries.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah.

I like how many times I like that. That's our healthy food.

Yeah.

No, strawberries are healthy.

It's a sweet—

I mean, sort of like there's still that strawberries, blueberries.

Like, that's the, that's the pinnacle yogurt do is just like fruit, milk. Fruit's healthy. Milk. Yeah.

Like peppers, onions. Like you go to the store, avocados. Like you're like, all right, I'm going to eat. I'm going to eat healthy this week. And then 2 weeks later you open the fridge and you're like, oh shit, these strawberries. This is just a giant thing of mold.

When we were doing our list, I mean, eggs. I keep eggs. I'll pull out eggs and it'll be like, these were 2 months ago.

I eat eggs.

I actually run through eggs.

I promise I eat. I buy too many eggs.

Do you get the 16-pack?

I get 2 12-packs.

Oh, that's too many.

And then I'm just like, I'm like, eat eggs. Yeah, they eat eggs, but not like we go in spurts.

Yeah.

You know, you mistime a spurt and then you just got eggs. All right, PFT, you have 2 picks.

Okay, I'm going to go with Towels.

Okay. We had it on our list.

You want to get— they get janky, they get holes in them.

Yep.

They're like gross, funky.

The towels that are ripped and have like a weird stain. It's like, how did— how did you get a weird stain on a towel? That's supposed to be the cleanest thing. And you're just like, I don't know.

It always blows my mind that there's no bigger difference in the world than going to like a sophomore in college dude's apartment and a sophomore in college chicks apart.

Yep.

It's like they're two different species entirely.

Correct.

They have fresh towels. They change them. They wash them like once a week, change their sheets. I've got like a beach towel that's been hanging like that's been doubling as a shower curtain for the last week, hanging over my bathtub like it is just completely different species.

We should do a YouTube series of just going into different college dudes' apartments with a black light. Yeah. No, I don't.

We don't.

That's a good idea.

Roommates. A documentary on dudes' apartments. Yeah, it's good. It's a good idea. Yeah. You know, I guess I'll just say anything.

I think there's something to be said to the older towels absorbing water better.

Go on.

Feels like there's like a— there's a break-in period with towels. The older ones do a better job drying up.

Wait, are you saying that because, like, the longer you have a towel, the more likely it is that's already a little bit wet?

No.

Is it? And so you're like, wow, this, this towel absorbed a lot of wetness. Not because it's got like 4 showers worth on it.

Not so much in repetition, but between washes, more so in like years of having the towel.

Yeah.

You know, it's an all-time dudes moment that I'm sure everyone has had happen. It happens to me probably once or twice a month, just getting in the shower and not looking to see if there's a towel and getting out and being like, well, what now?

That's every single time I take a shower.

It's like— and then I just like, all right, I guess I'm just going to use my shirt.

I got to find my towel. And it's like in a weird spot that I've literally never put a towel.

I'll use like the little like washcloth that is this big and just try to get as much as I can.

I'll just walk. I'll walk and just soak the entire hallway to the—

I do that as well.

I'm not getting yelled at.

The other day I was looking for the towel and I went into my closet and it was hanging up on a coat hanger in my closet because I went there after the shower, put on a t-shirt, had to get hanger in my hand and then replace where the t-shirt was with the towel and hung that up for some reason I can't begin to explain. Yeah.

It sounds like something I'd normally just throw it on the ground.

Yeah. The ground is like, yeah, 9 times out of 10.

Do you have another pick?

I do.

Yeah.

I'm going to go girlfriends. Okay. Dudes keep the same girlfriends for too long.

Mm-hmm.

It's past the point. All your friends tell you, hey, man, we've all been talking and she sucks. Mm-hmm. Yeah, but like, I already know her and like her family.

No, no one proactively does it. Usually like they break up. You're like, oh my God, thank God she sucks. And then they get back together.

Right. But you do keep them for too long.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But I feel like the people just talk shit behind your back and never actually say— right, like it would— it has to be real bad.

Real bad. But it'd be— yeah, you just think, ah, be too much work to go back out there right now. I guess we hate each other, but maybe we won't.

Uh, I, I don't think this has been taken. Maybe it has. It's definitely the one that makes me feel the most like a hoarder because I just cannot get rid of them. But I have way too many of them. Hats.

Yep.

I had on the list. I just realized.

Yeah.

No, there's a one, one.

There is a massive— there is a massive— yeah. Permission to go back and change?

No, no.

Permission denied.

This is like—

you like to appeal?

Can I appeal it?

Yes, you can appeal.

Appeal denied.

But wait, no, I wasn't appealing to you.

Oh, okay.

You granted my appeal for the appeal.

Yeah.

So, Max, Max, I'd like to formally follow through with the appeal.

Hold on.

Let me talk to my counsel real quick.

Yeah, he's appealing. It looks like the draft isn't over either.

It looks—

it looks like it might be a yes.

Appeal denied.

Okay.

Damn. All right. There's like a 1-1 out there.

I can't believe you guys have taken it.

Yeah.

We're going to do our picks.

All right.

I wish we'll do our picks, our team's picks that we can, we can put. Maybe we just have a column that says honorable mentions on the, on the graphic.

I'm going to take t-shirts that don't fit right now, but later.

That's it.

That was the pick.

Oh, that wasn't mine.

Well, not t-shirts that can't fit right now, but do you want that on the graphic or do you want t-shirts?

I just take t-shirts on the graph.

You t-shirts are such a— I have so many t-shirts that I just cannot get rid of. That are just so stupid to have. It's brutal.

There will come a day where you need it.

All right, here's our—

I'm sorry, I just got a text from— I'm just going to read this. Bleep this whole thing out, by the way.

Okay.

But I'm going to say to you, I just got a text from Mincy. Hearing pretty wild.

That is pretty wild.

You're going to have to bleep that out.

Yeah, it's a good bleep.

Completely.

All right.

Keep the mincey part. Yeah.

All right.

Let's do our 4 picks for the honorable mention.

Can I say the one that might be one of our picks, but it just dawned on me like this is a big-time fuck-up. Toothbrush.

Well, we had toothpaste on our list.

Toothpaste is one, but toothbrush is like—

Yeah, that's a good one too.

Sneakers.

All right. I said sneakers. You want to do our 4 picks? Honorable mentions, I think.

But you can't vote on these.

No, no, we won't keep it on. We won't put it on the vote. So say something you want. I like 21.

Yeah.

Your dreams. We hold on to our dreams for way too long. Oh, we could go pro. We could do this. We could do that. I could fucking run a 6-minute mile. I could bench this. No, you can't, dude. You know, your dreams, similar to dreams or no, let's say— yeah, items, dreams. Cups and mugs. You get a free cup from a bar.

I have— I actually disagree. Those are the best cups.

But there's some that are just like so dead. I have a cup from a bar that hasn't existed for 10 years.

That's an awesome cup. You can't—

you don't even know what's on it. It doesn't have a logo.

Yeah, but that's an awesome cup.

But you look at it, you're like, real ones know. Yeah, like I had—

we won't do that.

I had the Dream Team cups from McDonald's probably for 12 years when I was growing up.

Fuck that one.

I was like 15.

That used to be Chris Mullin. All right.

Yeah. All right. So dreams, cell phones, cell phones and electronics, cell phones, computers. You just can't throw them out. I don't know why.

It's so stupid getting a new phone. There's something about having like an old phone with the battery sucks and the— and it's like a little bit cracked that you still don't want to get a new one. You just hold on to that shitty one for— you're probably doing it right now.

Going through it right now. It won't charge, but you don't want to get a new one. I've reached the point where it's such a problem where now I have to put a magnetic battery pack on the back of it. And then plug that battery pack into a charger overnight so that the charger is then filtered from the battery pack into my phone. Because I— there was one time in Pawtucket with Pup Punk, I had it plugged in overnight, didn't charge at all, and it was on 1% battery when I woke up for a flight. So I've got like a daisy chain of charge. And you're right, I'm not going to get rid of it until it absolutely must go.

Right.

We won't even put on— let's just say all of our devices.

All right.

It's easier to just do that.

Yeah.

Baseball cards that are like truly worthless, you know, like the not like good ones, but like you just have cards that are birthday cards. I never throw out birthday cards and I just hold on to them forever. We had sheets on there.

I said iPhone boxes.

iPhone boxes.

For some reason, it's a good box.

I throw those away like immediately.

Oh, I keep those forever.

In your junk drawer, you just have cords. I just have cords.

Yeah, I charge.

No idea what they go to.

Various charger cables.

They're just not— none of them work for anything that you need.

Chargers are always banged up.

Trophies we had on there, but sometimes you want to keep a trophy, but there are some that are ridiculous.

Meme said grudges.

Yeah. Oh, no, I said grudges.

Oh, you said—

I said friends. Friends. Guys hold on to friends too long. Dreams. So something that's just broken, like any item that's just broken and you just have it. We had toothpaste. Your feelings. Your feelings. And then my last pick was things that you hold on to for too long. Ole Miss employees. Yeah.

Just in general.

Yeah.

Yeah.

In general, that's a good one.

It's very relatable to, I think, everyone else.

Except sometimes they send you a banger text. Yeah.

That was good. My rush.

I also had cars.

Yeah.

On my list. Mattresses. Mm-hmm. I had then shampoo bottles. Yeah.

Like they've been done all the way to the end.

You put some water in it and you try and shake it up to see if you can get the last. And I do that like 5 times.

And then, yeah, like the third time you're like, maybe I didn't fill it up and shake it hard enough the first couple times. I'm sure there'll be some suds that come. Oh, but when the suds do come out, you feel like you're a scientist. Oh yeah, like I figured it out, I've discovered it. Unlimited energy.

What else? Any other honorable mentions you guys had?

Mail.

Yeah, I got a lot of mail.

Intramural shirts.

Yep.

Mhm.

Game ticket stubs.

Yeah, I like— I think every guy Like everyone knows a friend, Receipts, who actually has kept every single game ticket stub. And you're like, that's awesome. And then every guy, everyone else is like, I want to be that guy. And I think I have— if I open up like my nightstand, I think I have like 3 ticket stubs. It's like I was going to be that guy once.

I remember when I was a kid, I had a shoebox that said stubs on it. I think I had like 2 stubs.

Yeah, right. You just can't because I— yeah, you just either are that— you're like, I have a friend who has like hundreds of ticket stubs and you're like, that's fucking cool. And then at one point you're like, I'm going to do that. And you aren't. You aren't that guy.

Ticket stubs also just like don't exist anymore.

That's true.

I think you were just making that box so you could keep your barbecue sauce in there. Want to remember it by.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, I think, I think we hit the big ones. I do think that toothbrush is a big miss, though.

Yeah, I keep toothpaste more. I buy toothbrushes in like bulk. And I'll just swap them out. Like, I'll buy the 10-pack of them.

I try it.

Yeah, but toothpaste, I will squeeze till, oh, there is nothing left. Yeah, nothing left. And then I'll cut it open. Why?

You can cut it open.

There's a whole new tube when you cut it open.

Yeah, you can cut it open, dude. Absolutely, you can cut it open. Uh, all right, good Mount Rushmore. Let's do Hot Seat, Cool Throne, then we'll get to Pete Crow Armstrong and Joe Buck. Hot Seat, Cool Throne is brought to you by our friends at Body Armor. This episode is brought to you by Body Armor Flash IV. Flash IV is packed with electrolytes, delivering faster, longer-lasting hydration without any artificial dyes, flavors, or sweeteners. Whether you're training, traveling, just feeling the heat, or cheering on your team, work hard and hydrate hard with Body Armor Flash IV. Grab it at 7-Eleven. You need the Body Armor Flash IV after a long weekend. Whether it be hanging out with your friends or training really hard, uh, you need the Body Armor Flash IV. It'll make you feel a lot better. Drink one, grab it at 7-Eleven today. They have some great flavors. Body Armor Flash IV. Henry, hot seat, cool throne.

Uh, my hot seat is Zach Memes and Max. Okay, Billy Football, our, uh, our sweet prince went on, on Jake Marsh's podcast. Uh, they're promoting the book Reminiscing on Old Stories. And Billy brought up a good point, I thought, about how the league today, today's day and age is soft and that Zach and Memes and Max don't get hazed enough.

Yeah, no, the league's changed. Society's changed.

He specifically said Zach.

I mean, but also Billy was podcasting against like plumbers, plumbers and whores. That's, that's who dominated the podcasting charts when Billy was around. But yeah, Zach, do you think that we've been soft on you?

Memes and I were both here with Billy. Now, some people all worked on the show together.

OK, I will say this. Billy, Billy probably has a fair gripe that we were maybe a little hard on. Billy also didn't maybe didn't always say like, hey, I fucked up. Zach says I fucked up a lot. So that might be a little different. But Billy has a— it was probably harder on Billy at the start. Jake, using his one example, is they made me do dip. It's like, wasn't that a bet? Was very funny. And he didn't even do dip.

Yeah, it did have nicotine, I think.

Right.

I think Billy has a fair argument. I don't know if Jake has a fair—

the other one Jake gave was doing the fake boobs.

Yeah.

Yeah. Which— yeah, that's awesome.

Yeah.

Billy.

Billy having to fight Jose Canseco.

Yeah. Eat a cheesesteak.

But Billy, I also—

I bet spicy cheesesteak.

I also— I would bet you that if Billy— Billy, if you— Billy would, would say himself he's a, he's a tough, he's like a hard coaching guy. You need to coach him hard. He's not a soft coaching guy. Um, but yeah, I, I see it. We're gonna have to be a little harder on Zach.

Well, I also, Billy said in the examples, like, Zach got to do that bike thing, and I was like, what was he talking about? He's like, oh, Travis Pastrana, when you had to like take a bike off a ramp and almost die.

Yeah, by far the most dangerous thing that—

and I mean, to give Zach credit, I I did buy an ice cream machine that he had no idea about. I said, you have to keep this existing. That wasn't super easy.

Billy did that with the goldfish.

Goldfish dies, right?

Yeah.

By the way, our Larry chapter was— I wrote the Larry chapter and I went back and found the actual statistics. It's incredible. He was the greatest man of all time.

Magical.

It's actually insane how good of a goldfish he was.

Billy also said like he's completely disconnected from the internet now.

That's good.

Which is great. Yeah. Happy for Billy.

Yeah.

Do you think it's true?

No, I think disconnected a lot more than he was.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Good for him. I hope he's happy.

Yeah, we love those guys. They both wrote chapters. So, you know, those guys are family for life. Like, I truly do mean that they are part of this show. You can't— like, you can't write this book without having them write in. So they did.

Jake wrote a very good chapter, very interesting chapter. Billy, The way that he like signs off on his chapter is just— if you are a Billy football fan, you will love that.

It's incredible. Okay, so we got to be tougher on Zach and Memes, according to Billy. Yeah, Memes, we're going to give you some tough love.

Fair.

I—

fair.

Memes, Memes, Memes wouldn't have lasted a day in the— no, in the Billy.

Oh yeah.

Yeah.

No, you would get your shit pushed in, buddy.

Memes, just Memes all day. He's just been looking at me. He's like, dude, We got soft.

We got soft.

Yeah.

This, this, this ruined my entire day. Should we, should we buttfuck memes?

I mean, memes, you do, you do.

Let's just buttfuck them.

You got to take it a little bit.

Be like, dude, it's fine.

Yeah.

No, we got, we got to get hard. We got to get hard.

Who can you fight? We need to make you fight somebody.

What if we do anything but fight? Buttfuck.

Yeah, buttfuck. Okay, we can call it whatever you want. You'll buttfight somebody.

I'm open to anything.

Yeah, I know.

Literally, as if we just butt-fucked memes and sent it to Billy being like, this is for you, Billy.

Oh, this guy's fighting me so hard.

This guy's so soft.

Oh, round one. Shit.

This guy goes to the guy fucking the other guy.

Okay.

My cool thing is music. Yeah. Pat McAfee put out an album. It's been the talk of the town the last few days. Talk of the Town. And then former, former coworker Dan Rapoport put out a Scotty Scheffler song. Have you guys heard this?

No, no, no.

I'll play it.

I mean, I mean, this is kind of where I— you guys kind of where I'm like, hey, Billy's got it right.

We're just here.

Less internet.

Here's the Super Bowl.

Are we allowed to play it?

Yeah.

Is it whose Twitter? Chuck Naiso. Is it good?

I don't know.

It's a banger. I think you— I think we can—

oh, this is it.

Oh, this has got to be it.

Oh, it's only like 20 seconds.

I don't think that—

we'll see.

Guess who's back, back again? Scotty's back, Sung Jae Im. I've created a monster because nobody wants to see Bennett no more. They want young Remy. He's chopped liver. Well, if you want Remy, this is what I'll give you. A 68 on Thursday, but a 61 is sicker. So the LIV won't let me be. Paying Jon Rahm way more than me.

Fitzy jumped me down at RBC, but if you Feels so empty without me.

Now this looks like a TPC, so everybody just lose to me because I'm back and I want the trophy because it feels so empty without me.

That's, that's why the internet was invented. Yeah.

I'm also going to say something in defense of Dan Rapport. I, he knows he's a dork. I don't know. No, he does. He knows. He knows he's a dork.

Even, even dorks can.

I like, I like that about him. Like, I think he, if you're like, dude, are you a dork about golf? He's like, yeah, I am. Remember when the Tiger thing happened? We had him on the Yak after and he's like, yeah, that was a little ridiculous. And I was crying about Tiger. Like, he knows. And I'm okay with self-aware dorks.

So you think that was parody?

I think he was— no, I think he knows, like, this is ridiculous, but I'm putting it out because I just love Scotty. No, I don't think he thinks he's a banger. I think he's like, I'm a dork and I love Scotty. Watch me. Watch me drop some bars.

Yeah, honestly, it was better than I thought it was going to be.

Had a little flow.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

You know what?

We don't haze enough on this show. No, I would like to see Memes make a song.

Yeah, Memes, make a fucking song.

Memes, you have to make a song because you guys asked. I will do it. All right, toughen up.

Make a song about Geno.

Toughen up, shithead.

Make a song about Geno.

Any Geno?

No, Geno Smith and the Jets.

Geno Smith.

And make sure you know when the Jets—

Seven Sunday Heroes. It's charity.

Yeah.

All right.

Good hot seat. Cool throne, Hank.

Thank you.

Way to go. All right. PFT.

My hot seat is our fantasy league. Oh, and I alluded to this in text message to the boys last night. I have some deep concerns about the future of our fantasy league and how Jerry O'Connell is approaching this season because I'm sure the draft has to be like any week now, right?

Mm-hmm.

It's kind of how the pattern goes.

Yeah.

We're right around it.

Yeah.

So Jerry, as I mentioned in the past, has been extremely active in this fantasy chat. It just got brought up last week. Maybe we increase the buy-in this year.

Okay.

And I'm like, I'm fine with that. Whatever Jerry's wife will allow him to do, let's do that.

Yep.

And then CJ McCollum clowned on him a little bit. I'm like, oh no, Jerry, like kind of making fun of him. But I was like, no, Jerry, like it's up to him if you guys want to double the stakes. Triple the— like, whatever Jerry wants, it's all good. Then everybody started texting each other last night. Everyone's— I'm sure everyone's got a fantasy league out there. And once that group chat gets going, it gets out of control. It's crazy. And you'll come back to like 60 missed text messages from that group.

Correct.

That's what it was like last night. So I popped in and somebody suggested— Jordan Schultz posted, let's set a draft date and confirm buy-in. What does everyone feel good with? We can proceed. And I said, Jerry, question mark. And then I believe Julius Randle responded, Jerry left the chat. Oh no, exclamation point. I went back and I looked at it. Jerry left this chat. I'm trying to find the exact date that he bounced out. Jerry left this chat a couple weeks ago, I believe.

Okay.

It looks like it had to reach. I tried to add Jerry last night back to the chat. But since Jerry is a Green Dot guy, yeah, it would completely ruin the chat. Yeah, we'd have to rename the chat.

Web shit.

It'd be a brand new chat for everybody. Correct. And now I feel like Jerry's gone dark on us. Like he left.

Wait, so who said to raise the stakes?

I forget who originally suggested.

So then did Jerry leave because the stakes were raised?

I think you should call him.

Yeah, I think we should call him.

Call him.

I think it might have been Jordan Schultz that recommended we raise, which is very funny considering who his father is.

Do you think?

Hey, we could probably, we could probably do an extra like, do you— $2,000, like, nobody here is really fighting for it, right?

Question, hypothetical question, and this is not against anyone, um, do we think that Adam Schefter has ever balked at someone saying let's raise the stakes?

Uh, probably, yeah.

You think so? Okay, all right, fair answer. I don't know. I don't think he's got money like—

I don't think he's— he would ever be in—

he's got his bag.

I don't think he'd ever be in a group that would suggest raising the stakes.

He's got his back up, though.

Oh, we can't even get a hold of our fantasy manager.

What do you think he's doing right now, Hank?

Probably retweeting compliments about himself writing the book.

What do you think he's doing, Hank?

Probably like showering in the bathroom of a gym somewhere. Okay, like in the sink.

What else? What else? Give us all the other what is Jerry doing right now.

Uh, he's probably waiting to like pick up his daughter from school.

Okay.

Auditioning for a role.

Maybe getting some, some dinner for the family.

Well, actually, Hank, no, because it's, you know where Jerry is.

Bring him in. No, just fuck with you. He's not here.

Um, did you believe that he was here? No.

All right. Well, we got to—

I'm a little—

All right.

Well, next week we have— we're at camp.

Jerry's with us.

So we'll get to the bottom.

But I feel like I am— I'm right to be concerned about this.

Definitely.

100%.

Who leaves the fantasy football group chat unless they have no desire or intention of returning? Yeah, that is— I quit. Is that not an I quit move?

I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt. It's just the green. It's got to be something like an iPhone update or his phone.

We might have to buy him a fancy—

He should have a fancy phone. That's what I'm going to say.

Yeah.

You need just a separate phone just for fantasy.

Yep. Mm-hmm.

Should be one to see.

Should be on.

It should be a fantasy phone.

Should be fun to be one of the ones with the text buttons on it. The ones that Jeff Dillow's reviewing.

Nope. Because I would still be green.

Yep.

True.

100%.

True.

Right. We got to— we should— I will buy Jerry. I'll get— I'll buy Jerry a new phone before I get myself a new phone. Yeah. That's how seriously I'm— because it sounds like he just walked away from the sport that he loves.

Yeah.

And it's quite frankly not something that you would expect a fantasy to be doing. Fantasy. And then my cool throw-in, it was going to be the Chargers. Chargers being Chargers. But it's also the weird relationship between players that used to play for Harbaugh, then going directly to another Harbaugh because Najee Harris is now a Giant.

Yes.

And I need somebody to make a list of like all the players that they've shared. Because it does feel like a fallback career. If you leave a job with one Harbaugh, you can immediately guess what you've got. You've got a home with the other. Yeah. On the opposite coast.

Yeah. All right. My hot seat is Penn State students that like cocaine because apparently there was two fraternities running like a Narcos episode that got busted up. What, Max? That was crazy, that story. You don't think so?

The only thing I saw is that the guys were doing drugs in college.

Yeah, no, but I was going to do a Max impression.

Just newsflash, the frat's doing coke.

Yeah, but no, the part that was crazy was the alleged— this is all alleged— that they were making pledges like, like cut up bricks as part of their initiation.

You get free labor.

That's crazy.

Yeah.

Come on. I agree. Doing drugs in college, who the fuck cares?

They were—

they're like, we're getting bricks.

We're getting bricks.

And having like being like, you want to be in this frat, make some fucking bags for us.

Who told on somebody that didn't get in? Probably.

No, there was an undercover buyer who bought from one of the kids. And then I think that kid ratted.

Can't do that, bro.

Yeah, you can't do it.

Broke the code.

It's quite a— it's— I would say it's the most significant.

The kids look like—

yeah, that's the thing. They basically a bunch of Cody's and arrested for being Pablo Escobar.

I think like one of their dads was helping to run it.

Yeah, I was trying to hide it. I think he was trying to hide the shit after they were about to get busted.

Oh, so it wasn't the dad that was getting it and then sending it to the kids?

I read it very quickly. I think it was like a dad was basically trying to obstruct justice and like, and hide all the evidence.

Just a good dad.

Yeah. But yeah, the kids look so young and they were just on their Pablo Escobar shit. So yeah, it's going to be I guess there's a— there's a power vacuum at Penn State now.

So, yeah, if you're interested, there's a market.

The Whiteout.

Yeah.

Also, hot seat is I'm scared to give any updates about LIV because Hank and Max will be mad about it. But Jon Rahm feels like he's leaving my cool throne.

And also it's going to be the last tournament coming up.

And it's going to be— and are you going to go?

I think so.

I was telling Hank, fuck yes.

If Hank wears his Four Aces gear, there's a good chance that they actually let him play. Yeah. By the last— he might— you might be the fourth ace.

You should show up.

We're going to need guys.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's like a— it's like a softball team and your record is like 1-7 and you need guys just to finish out the schedule.

Yeah.

That's what they're like. Hey, do you have any buddies that like maybe played in college that could show up? Hank, you can do this.

And then my cool throne is Hosses because we have Matt Tugboat Wilkinson getting called up by the Giants. 270-pound lefty.

Hoss.

Beast.

So excited. We need more Hosses. Dying breed. This guy is an absolute Hoss.

This guy is a Giant.

I fucking love it. Let's get more of them.

Tugboat is just—

Tugboat is so good.

Awesome nickname.

Awesome.

We don't get nicknames like that anymore.

For a big dude.

That's a 1920s-ass nickname.

Yeah, that's so good.

All right, gentlemen, tugger, Zach.

Uh, my hot seat this week, we talked about, uh, we talked Penn State, we talked Shane, we talked, uh, guys who fight. Yep, my hot seat this week is gonna be the rest of the NFL because did you guys see that Reuben Bain is absolutely putting in at least an extra hour every practice this week?

So what, get his arms longer?

Uh, no, they're saying short arms actually with the aerodynamics and the wind, probably a plus side. I don't know if you guys saw that Science on Dudes.

I did not.

Yeah.

Wait, go back.

Science on dudes. Get through the wind quicker if you weigh less. Longer arms, heavier aerodynamics.

But they also like, they weigh them too. So you need some weight.

That is correct. Definitely have some weight.

But if you see the explosion off the line here, how many sacks you think a T-Rex would get? Probably a lot.

A T-Rex on a male NFL field?

Yeah.

All the sacks.

What about a female?

A female? No way. Female dinosaur.

I don't think a T-Rex would get all the sacks.

We're also just like against other dinosaurs.

You're saying it's been a really long day. We're going to get into dinosaurs playing sports with P. Kror.

I'm sure deep into that.

Yeah. So we should save that. But yeah, I think you could just run around it. I don't think T-Rex has like lateral agility.

So you're saying, oh, so the T-Rex is the same size as the other dude. It's a shrunken down one.

No, no, no, no, no. I'm saying a huge T-Rex, but laterally, I don't know how they can move side to side.

Bull rush, though.

Yeah. They go forward, then you go around.

I was thinking ankle flick.

Yeah, there's better ones for the bull rush.

You could probably run underneath the T-Rex.

Maybe a bull.

I would say like a— like, was it Allosaurus? I think the Allosaurus is actually the slightly smaller T-Rex.

An actual bull.

I said a bull.

Yeah.

I mean, a bear would be a great nose tackle.

Brown bear, black bear, grizzly. But you could just—

yeah, you could just play dead.

We did this.

Not grizzly.

Oh, yeah. What is it?

It's— if it's brown, flush it down. If it's yellow, let it mellow.

If it's white, say goodnight.

White, say A night, is it?

Yeah. It's brown. Lay down.

Lay down.

Yeah.

You play dead.

Black. Black.

Fight back.

Yes, yes, yes, yes. Here we go, boys. If it's grizzly, you're fucked. And if it's grizzly, you can't block it.

No, no, it's polar bear.

No, I know, but grizzly is also— you're fucked.

Polar bears, brown bear. Is it? I'm sorry. Grizzly bears.

No, no, no, no, no.

Yeah. Grizzly bears are brown bear. Polar bear. That's the one that, like, if it sees you, you're dead.

Okay.

I spend— listen, yes and no. A weekly topic.

All grizzly bears are brown bears, but not all brown bears are grizzly bears. Got it. That's talking bears. What about if they're back? Joey Camasta.

Oh yeah, lay down.

Yeah.

Say what's up.

Love Joey.

Oh yeah, yeah, no, same thing. Stand your ground.

Cool throne.

My cool throne this week is going to be Netflix because Netflix announced that we're going to get an extended look presentation of GTA 6. They're going to give us a cinematic view.

Yeah.

Which will be sick.

So we get, we get a Netflix special on GTA 6 before we get GTA 6.

That's also true.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay. So my theory is that—

Is there a release date officially?

You could preorder. There's been like 3 release dates in the last like 4 years. So that's always going to be up in the air. But I mean, if we're going to get like a cinematic look into the game, Pretty exciting.

I feel like they're going to just make like every video game inside this one video game.

Yeah.

You can like go play 3v3 basketball just as like a, oh, there's a park. Let me just go play 2K or like, oh, there's—

Yeah.

Or it's like, oh, there's a recruiting station. Now I'm playing Call of Duty.

Yes.

And you like get shipped off to war.

Yeah.

They test your eyes like, oh no, you can't fly. Gives you a rifle.

Yeah. Yeah. There's— it's going to be every video game wrapped up into one.

Yeah. And said in Florida, home game for some guys should be good.

Mm-hmm.

Good job, Zach.

Same to you guys.

All right, let's do— we got two great interviews, Pete Crow-Armstrong and Joe Buck.

Before we get to PCA, he's brought to you by our good friends over at BetterHelp. This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp. BetterHelp is the best place to go for therapy. Lots of people need therapy, not just if you think that you've need to talk to a person for a long time. I think day to day, everyone's life could be a little bit better if they spoke with a therapist. You've heard me talk about BetterHelp for a long time. I don't know that we've ever actually talked about how much people love the service when they use it. You can check it out yourself, betterhelp.com/reviews. You can see amazing customer reviews in real time. They have an average live therapy session rating of 4.9 out of 5 based on over 1.7 million client review sessions. The feedback from people who've actually used the service speaks for itself. More than 6 million people have used BetterHelp. The consistent feedback from real users makes it easy to see why so many people continue to choose BetterHelp. BetterHelp therapists have at least 3 years and 1,000 hours of hands-on experience. They also hold all required education, training, and certification across a range of mental health specialties.

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Okay, we now welcome on a very, very, very special guest. It is. And well, I'm going to say you're going to be MVP. I don't want to put that on you, but I think you're going to be MVP.

If you're not, we riot.

Yeah, we riot. It's Pete Crow-Armstrong from the Chicago Cubs, fresh off one of the best games, regular season games I've ever attended on Monday night where— let's start with this game because you hit a home run to start the game and a home run to end the game. And I think I saw the stat that the last time that happened was like 1964 or something, which is insane. Uh, were you in the zone? Because it feels like you were in the zone. You just were seeing the ball perfectly on Monday night.

I mean, I, dude, I made up my mind that I was gonna, that I was gonna swing at the first pitch 2 hours before the game. Um, because I, I had, I was scuffling for what felt like 3 months, but it was the last 7 games or whatever, and I was like, man, I'm just— I'm playing defense again. So I was like, I got to go out there and I'm making my mind up now that I'm going to swing. And sometimes that's just— that's all you need is like, I ended up swinging at the fucking first pitch, 3 of my first 4 at-bats, I think. Yeah. That doesn't always work, but that's exactly what I needed yesterday. So I think it got me— it got me back in like that, that that attack mode.

Wait, so you just said— so this is what I love about you, because you, like, reading everything and knowing you a little, like, you're hard on yourself to, to a point where it's like, dude, you're, you're about— you're like the odds-on favorite to win MVP. You just said you were scuffling for 3 months.

It's what it felt like. Again, like, perspective is important.

You just went 30-30 back-to-back seasons, first time in Cubs history.

Yeah. Um, But scuffling. The Kansas City, D.C. road trip, that felt like, that felt like the longest time ever. Because I, last year when I was, when I was hot, like I took for granted how easy it felt and I kind of forgot what baseball was really like. Yeah. Yeah, like that, that was the first week that I had that kind of struggle with the punchouts and I wasn't walking. I was putting weak-ass contact. And so like, it felt like a long time. And then getting smoked by the Cardinals didn't help.

Yeah.

So like, I think, you know, last year I could have let that, that compile and snowball and really trend downward. But I'm not making decisions like that. I'm like, there's an active choice to, to like a sense of urgency.

Yeah.

Be aggressive when you turn around. Yeah. Because that's a big thing about your season, which has been awesome to watch is your ability to take pitches. Like, what— when did that start to click for you? Like, I even look back, I think it— I think it was the Kansas City series. It might have been before that where you did an ABS, and I think it was like 0.02 of an inch that it was a ball. And you were right. It's like, how the hell did he see that? But that feels like how you've been seeing it all year.

Yeah, that's— that's a— that's a decent way to put it. Like, that's a— that's a good representation of like of how confident I feel about, you know, or at least where my understanding of the strike zone has gotten this year. That was a lucky guess, that one. Like, that was a, that was a cutter that kind of backed up, and, you know, it's supposed to come back my way, and it, it presented itself like it went the other way. So I thought it was a changeup, and I was like, well, if it— that was a changeup and it's going the other way, that was definitely a ball. And then I saw it inch and inch and inch closer to the zone, and I was like, Fuck no. But yeah, like, I think the Kansas City series was one of my favorites that I'll probably like look back on now because I think I got one hit, maybe two hits in those, in those three games. But I walked five times.

Right.

You know, that's what I'm most proud of this year is, is my ability to, to get on base that way. But it started this year. Like, yeah, I think there's different ways to play the game and have at-bats where like I'll just— like last night, my walk last night, 1-0, like I'd made up my mind that I was gonna take 1-0 because a lot of guys like to go strike the ball with me. They like to get me to chase 1-0. And so I was like, fuck it, I'll just— I'll show bunt, try and—

I remember that.

Yeah, try and see if we can get the third baseman crash and open up the field a little bit. And then ends up being 2-0 and then I'm not swinging 3-0 against a lefty. Like, it's just, it's different. I've learned how to play the game a little bit differently. Yeah.

Yeah.

You can, I mean, obviously you can notice in your numbers and your patience at the plate.

Yeah. Yeah.

Once you get on base, is there, have you ever been too aggressive?

Hell yeah.

How do you dial yourself back? Because that's like a strength of yours. It was like, you need, you are super aggressive.

Well, people try to take back your cycle because you got picked off right after. Right.

That was funny. Admittedly, that was funny.

I don't blame them for that. I would be the first one to be like, yeah, that's, I wonder if that's ever been done.

Yeah.

If we want to talk about firsts.

Yeah.

Who, who, who does that? Who actually lets themselves get picked off after fucking—

it was—

well, it was my cap.

It was a perfect PCA moment because, I mean, I would assume you're not really online much during the season, but like there's— I think everyone in Chicago defends you to like the nth degree. I know I'm at the front lines being like, he's the best. And then there's some haters. So you getting a cycle, which is objectively like an incredibly hard thing to do. And then getting picked off, it's like you just gave that red meat to the haters to be like, buddy got picked off.

Yeah, I was giving the people what they wanted.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Now, do you always have the green light?

Yeah, for the most part. I mean, there's times like after, after I hit that single in my second at-bat and Seiya's up when he just took Castillo 110 miles an hour to dead center, I'm like, 2 outs. I don't, I don't need to run here. Um, but then we get to 2 strikes. I'm like, I trust in Seiya's ability to, to like have a real at-bat and extend the, the at-bat. So I'm, I'm a little more aggressive, I think, later on in that at-bat. But, um, picking and choosing, like, I, I think, uh, there's just certain guys that are too, too fast to the plate where I'm like, again, I trust in hitters 2, 3, and 4 to to at least advance me or whatever it is. And, but yeah, I think for the most part the green light is always there unless it's, you know, we're getting our ass kicked or vice versa and there's just no need for it. Like, I think there's always benefit to getting on second base.

Yeah. Would you say is it better to hit a walk-off home run or walk-off steal home?

Mm. Like the baseball nerd in me probably says the stolen base and you know, forcing an error. But I've never hit a walk-off homer before, so that— probably the homer. The homer felt long.

Well, that's the right— yeah, it's the right answer. Guys like me that would never be able to hit a home run would say like, actually, stealing home is better. Like, Tim Kirkshawn would tell you stealing home is better. But then people that can hit home runs are like, yeah, nothing like a long ball.

Wait, yeah.

Had you never hit a walk-off in any level of baseball?

I hit a— I hit a— no. Well, I hit a walk-off in AAA. I hit a walk-off in double. I did, but there's no way to compare last night to any of those.

It felt like the bat flip was planned. You launched that thing.

I honestly, I was walking and I think that was my time to think of what I was going to do to celebrate. And then I was just like, fuck it, let it eat.

Throw it as far as you can.

Don't hit Seiya.

Yeah. Yeah.

Oh man.

Yeah, it was, it was an incredible, incredible night. And yeah, I mean, it's just been awesome to watch this season. It feels like things have— do you feel like things have clicked? Because last year you had an incredible start and then it tailed off. But even your pitching coach said it in an interview, I think in the offseason, like if Pete has that full season every year, like he's going to have a really good career. But you're your hardest critic and you're like, I need to do it for the whole entire year.

Yeah. You know, if last year, if I hit— I hit what, like 6 homers in the second half last year? If I hit 6 homers in the first half and 25 in the second half, it'd be a completely different conversation just because of the way that the season went, right? Yeah. Like, I turned it on a little bit in the playoffs, but still it wasn't like I was not a complete player and I didn't feel like my season was a— it was a complete season. But Nico, phrased it in such a, such a great way for me. He was like, um, I mean, I guess I already gave it away, but he was like, if you would have hit 6 in 25 in a different— yeah, how would you feel looking back at 31 homers and these RBIs? I'd have been like, well, you're right. So he's like, seasons are going to shape up how they shape up. Um, if you want to feel any type of way about the numbers at the end of it. Like, feel the type of way about the numbers and the numbers only. Like, you hit 31 homers last year, right?

That's really good no matter how you did it. This year though, I, I don't feel like— again, I'm making a conscious choice that I'm not going to give it away. I, I know I can walk now. I know I can, um, I know I can get on base in a much different way than last year. And I feel like if the season were to end today or yesterday, like, I would feel very— I'd feel very proud of like what I improved on.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, I'd say maybe the biggest improvement is the number change.

Yeah.

You are faster.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Way faster. Right. Like, how did— how did that all go down? Because you are so much faster.

Yeah. Less. Yeah. There's, there's less going on back there. I mean, Jed, though, it was Jed, dude. He, he we would like, we would just put up shots before stretch in the morning during spring. And Naperville legend Nicky Lopez, him and I were out there every morning just about. And Jed, I guess, gets a lot of shots up on his own, like at whatever gym he goes to.

Yeah.

And so I guess Jed's got a pretty good jumper and he was like, hey man, like, you ever feel like you're wearing like a lineman's number? And I was like, well, yeah, but this is one of the 3 choices I had when I debuted. So it's not entirely like what I want to wear. And he's like, all right, well, I think you need a fast guy number. And 4 had just become available. So he's like, if I make this shot, like, you're changing your number. And I was like, okay.

He was right.

Yeah, he's right.

Yeah, it's actually great for idiots like us because we say that all the time. Like, there's fast guy numbers and there's slow guy numbers. And yeah, anything in the 50s is not a fast guy number.

Yeah, I think 55 is a not a fast guy number, maybe, but like, I would—

if you had to pick the fastest of the 50s, I would agree.

Yeah, I'd say it's— yeah.

Although you can't put that number, it's Jayden Daniels.

Mm-hmm.

You know, out of respect, I appreciate you changing your number out of respect for Jayden.

Yeah, you know, yeah, I can't have the 5 on there. We've had some conversations. I don't even want— I don't know if I want to get into that one.

Yeah, that is the 4. The number change has been huge, made all Yeah, yeah. Uh, I have a question about your defense. Like, is there ever a ball that you're like, I can't get to it? Because you're just— I think you're so fast and so good with off the jump that you make plays that are not normal look normal, and that almost skews people to be like, well, yeah, of course he got that. It's like, no, no, you don't realize he got to that because he's jumping faster than everyone else. So are there ever like— are there ever balls like, no, I can't get this? Because I feel like you can get to everything. You think?

Uh, a lot of the times there's, there's balls that I'm like, I have no chance. Like that Baez kit, I, I, I gave him a little courtesy jog on that first homer, but in my, in my right mind, I'm like, that, that's gonna go on to Waveland through center field.

Yeah, true.

He's gonna do something that's never been done before ever. Uh, yeah, there's, there's balls that, especially if the wind's blowing out, like any ball over my head in left center, I'm usually like, that's, that's a homer unless it's hit super low.

Yeah.

But no, like, I'm always like, Adam Jones, I guess, had some saying. He told me this, he was like, if it hits grass, it's your ass. So that's— I literally remember that every day.

Yeah.

And so maybe that helps me get to more, more baseballs. But No, there's— I mean, there's always balls that O'Neil Cruz hitting 121-mile-an-hour line drive through the 3-4 hole against the wall. You're like, come on, bro.

Yeah, those are—

yeah, boy, let me ask you, this is very powerful with Big Cat's doing right now because like since we want you to win MVP, yeah, he will be your propaganda.

Oh, I already have done it.

So like saying if somebody— he's already thinking about the counterarguments. I don't see him making too many diving catches. Catches, but it's like, well, that's because he's so fast, he gets a jump, doesn't have to. It's like when we bet on Travis Hunter to win. Yeah, Heisman. It's like, well, actually doesn't have that many interceptions because they just don't throw.

Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, Shohei had 2 home runs last night and I was very quick to say that it was in Colorado in a blowout. And I was just like, that does not— like Pete's home runs mean more.

All right.

So let me ask it a different way. Are you ever surprised by your own speed where you overrun one and you're like, oh shit, I got to slow up here to make the catch? Because I've noticed that sometimes. Where at the very end you're like, you're almost past it and you're like, fuck, I was too fast for that.

There's been a few times. Yeah. Like Nolan Gorman hit me a ball in St. Louis that I overran and kind of like slid backwards for. That was last year. There's little, there's little ones like that that come to mind for sure. But I feel so comfortable, like, and this is such a baseball player thing. Like you watch, you watch like Dansby catch fly balls. Like he let, he catches it like here and everyone's taught to catch it above your face and keep it in front of your eyes. And I'm like, I just feel comfortable off my right shoulder.

Yeah.

If I am going to my left and it looks like I overrun a ball, like sometimes that's on purpose because I'll just— I like catching it here.

Yeah.

Um, but yeah, I mean, sometimes, like when I first started doing this new little prep step that, that we worked on last spring I found myself getting the balls that I was like, oh wait, what's the prep step?

All the youngsters out there, listen up.

If you were to watch an infielder, if you were to watch like Dansby or Nico, they just do like a little hop.

Yeah, you guys all do it at the same time.

Yeah, yeah.

Like the whole defense.

Well, Quentin Barry got our— all our outfielders to start doing that. I mean, I can't speak for a happer, but I know Seiya has been doing a little hop. And it's just the whole like object in motion stays in motion until whatever. Like the— you're faster if you're already moving. Yeah. If you're— even if you get a later reaction or whatever it is, like if you're already moving, you're the first. However many important feet covered are going to be better than if you're just standing still. So like I bought into that and that it, it works.

That's awesome.

If only there was like a nickname that we could give it with your name. Oh, what kind of hop would it be? Would be Crow Hop.

Yeah.

Could be the Crow Hop.

Yeah. Rebranding the Crow Hop. Yeah.

Yeah. I like that.

All right. I've asked too many, like, questions that are basically loaded to be like, you're so awesome. So now here's a, here's a not you're so awesome question.

Grill me.

Fuck.

When everyone chants PCI, I feel like you strike out a lot of the time.

We got to stop it, dude.

I mean, if you go back to last year, you want to pull up some fun stats, do some, do some research on on when I was having my name chanted.

Yes.

I would literally sit in my seats and be like, stop, everyone stop. Like, he's going to get too hyped up.

I was right there with you. I know. My asshole got tight, dude. I wasn't like— I wasn't hyped at all. This year has been so much better with that, though. Like, my hitting coach was like, hey, you know that they're cheering for you, right? Like, it's not like these are the opposing fans and all the energies with the pitcher, like it's all for you, dude. And I was like, okay, like, we'll see. Yeah, let me just succeed a couple of times when they are chanting and then it's been better this year, but I, I feel the same way.

Okay.

So was it— yeah, because it was just like I remember just being at games late in the season being like, can we not do the chant? Like, let him just, let him just bat, dude.

It was like a, it felt like more of a responsibility that I had to get a hit, right? Because people were up on their feet and, and giving me that kind of love, I was like, I have to do this now. And when you're pressing, it's never going to work. So like, yeah, you're right, man. That, that'd be a fun stat.

Yeah.

Because it's like just human nature. You hear your name being chanted and you're not going to take a pitch.

Yeah.

If it's close, it's like, I want to swing.

Yeah.

These people want to see me hit a home run.

Yeah.

But that's not always a smart thing.

Absolutely.

So maybe just don't chant on if you have a If you have 2 strikes against you, no PCA chance.

You know what? But again, like this year, it's been better. Yeah, I can, I can, I play the game differently. I feel comfortable taking 1-0, like just because it's a hitter's count. I don't got to, I don't have to swing. So like, you know, maybe if it's like a 2-0, maybe let's not.

Okay.

I like this because then I'm like, all right, like I want to let it eat, right? Yeah.

Let's let them see one. Yeah.

But a lot of guys don't throw fastballs in 2 accounts anymore, so I don't know that. I think that's a good point though. Like, yeah, it's the coolest thing ever at the same time, right? That's what you did. That's the kind of shit that gives you chills. And like, they were chanting my name before the inning even started yesterday.

Oh yeah.

Oh yeah.

I've never, I've never had that happen to me before. And that was really, that was really cool.

Yeah.

They're probably going to do it before your first at-bat tonight.

That'd be awesome.

Like, it definitely is going to happen.

I've got some really dumb questions for you. You have to figure out which one was asked by Stephen Chey.

He was the one who was sitting— again, Stephen Chey was the one who was sitting in with the Cubs jersey in a seat that he never sits in.

All right.

And I was like, why are you sitting there? And he's like, what?

I always—

no, you don't. It's because Pete's coming in.

So. Okay. So I'm going to ask you 3 dumb questions and you have to find the Chey. Question number 1, you're a 5-tool player. What's your favorite tool?

My, my glove, my defense is my, my favorite tool.

That's a good tool for sure. Second, will you sprint to first base if you get a walk?

No, never, never, never. There's like one guy that can do that is Brandon Nimmo, because he's done that his whole career. If I were to do that, I've looked like an idiot in so many ways this year that I don't need to. I don't need to add to that.

We tried to get Ozzie Albies to do it for us.

Yeah.

And Matt Olson was like, you guys are idiots. He literally never walks. He's like, it's never going to happen.

His chase rate is like off the charts.

Yeah.

Yeah. Like that guy's hitting balls off his shoelaces.

Yeah.

Swings a 40-inch bat.

Yeah.

That guy's impressive, man.

I think Patrick Wisdom said he would do that for us.

He did.

He got to walk in that one specific series. Yeah. And the third question, do players get annoyed having to sing Take Me Out to the Ballgame every game during the regular season? It seems like that would be an annoying song. Like imagine you at your office, if you had to sing a song every day at work.

All right.

So that would be the Jae one.

That's the Jae one. Yeah.

I was going to go with the second question until you read that one.

Yep.

Uh, I mean, does he think that we sing along?

I think he might.

Yeah.

So I think he might think that.

Yeah. No, no, man. Like, uh, there's nothing worse than when somebody does a poor job though.

Yeah. Do you guys notice that?

Hell yeah. Um, who was it that came to rig?

Alex Cooper.

Yeah. Yeah.

Former coworker of ours.

You know, I— and again, like, if you— not everybody's got a good voice, but it was just— it was the way that, that, uh, that it felt like she wanted it.

She was like kind of mocking that.

Yeah.

It was a slight— it was a slight mock job.

Yeah.

Um, so like that kind of stuff irks me sometimes, but again, like if you get the opportunity to sing a stretch, like like, you're gonna do it how you want. And I mean, you know, I don't get annoyed by this song just because I'm, I'm either really pissed about getting out before and I'm like, all I can do is rerun the, the, the at-bat or whatever, or I'm pretty pumped, or Seiya's making some funny faces at me in right field.

All right, wait, so, uh, follow-up Che question. I'm gonna follow up the Che question with the Che question. Will you sing it at some point this year just to test it Running out to center field.

Yeah.

Or if you're coming, you know, if it's at home, at home, you'd always be coming in.

Yeah.

Yeah. But like, would you, would you consider maybe just one time and you let us know how it goes? Yeah.

Sing along.

For sure.

Okay.

For sure.

And a one. You have to start saying and a one.

All right.

And a two.

And I got to finish with, let's, let's get some runs.

Let's get some runs. Yeah. You say that to the boys in the dugout. Yeah. Let's get some runs. Get them fired up.

Hey, they're asking for runs.

You know what, you know, my, my favorite. We all do this in the dugout is when they do the hefty, hefty.

Yes.

The whole dugout in unison. Hefty. It's great.

I, I like, I dream about like, I think my dream, my two dream jobs and I have a dream job, so I shouldn't, shouldn't like say this, but my two dream jobs would be the host of Price is Right and then being a baseball bench coach. So like not the manager.

Yeah.

Because it feels like the, the, the dugout, and I guess it's game to game, it feels like the best hang ever.

Is it?

It's pretty great.

Yeah.

I mean, yeah, like, I wasn't like the, the best guy to be around the last 3 days, but for the most part, the dugout is— it's like such a place where you can just kind of tune out in a way.

Yeah.

But the bench coach, I don't know if you're ever really just hanging as the bench coach, like Oh, and if I was a bench coach, that's what I'd be.

A vibes guy.

Yeah.

Just being like trying to pump up the boys, maybe doing the like the shoe on fire thing.

Sure.

Yeah. That kind of stuff.

You'd be the prank guy.

Yeah. I don't think a bench coach has ever been the prank guy.

You never know.

I think he just invented a job for himself. Yeah. Bench coach is what he would envision his job to be.

Yeah.

Just like, hang. Just good hang.

Just hang out.

I think every dugout could use some of that.

Yeah. A hang guy.

I think every dugout could use a hang guy.

Okay.

What about a— what about a first base coach? What does a first base coach do when they're not taking your gloves, giving you the sliding mitt?

Um, the, uh, they're— ours is on the iPad looking at like set times and times to home plate, um, pickoff moves. He does a lot of work, like, you know, I don't really know what he's doing during the inning, but that guy is like on the computer all day, all night. Like, what can we— what edge can we get on this guy when it comes to— like, like I was saying about guys who have really fast times to the plate, like all of the Kansas City Royals, it's like he's looking for one thing, like a lean or something. Like Kershaw, you remember how Kershaw always had like that funky slide step. Yeah, he always leaned into it, and you could, you know, there's just shit like that that, that the first base coach looks for. But my first base coach gives me the ick sometimes because he wraps like all of my gear really tight, and he makes my batting gloves all crunched up and crumpled. So I got an issue with that.

You got to tell him. I think you just got to be honest with him.

But he's done it all year.

Oh yeah, now there's superstitions.

I don't I need him to— I just have the bat boy. Me and the bat boy are—

he knows to unfurl them.

And are you afraid that you're going to hurt his feelings if you're like, hey, can you, can you fold my gloves differently?

Yeah.

Because you could be like, dude, why didn't you tell me? I thought you liked them like this.

Yeah. When Dad does laundry and you're like, that's not how Mom usually does it.

I should, I should just have an honest conversation. I should.

Maybe now you are. Maybe this is how— that might be worse, though. He's like, I had to find out about this on a podcast.

Yeah. Well, I know the first thing I'm doing when I get to the field today.

This is the punch.

Heads up.

All right.

I got 2, 2 questions. We're doing the dumb question portion. So I got a guy who helps me with prep, VP of Big Cat Corp. Shout out him. He's been helping me for like a decade now. He's got— he's a Cubs fan and he's got 2 sons, 9 and 12, who are the biggest PCA fans. So he, he wrote me 2 questions. It's like, hey, this is your chance. So this is from— is verbatim— is from Hank, the 9-year-old. How did you know that you could have power to hit home runs? And have you always hit home runs like when you were younger?

I didn't hit very many homers when I was younger at all. Like, I was that little slappy— I'm going to shoot the 5-6 hole. I can hit a nice little good-looking line drive in the left-center gap. But then, like, my senior high school, I kind of like tapped into some more power. Um, I just didn't know how to swing prop— like, I didn't know how to pull the ball properly. Um, and that's not really even something I figured out until last year. So, uh, I always knew that I was like baseball strong. Like, I'm not really that strong otherwise, but I always knew that I could hit balls very flush and far. Um, but I would say it was like 2022 or 3, so like my first or second year of pro ball, where I was like, I I got some juice.

So that's a good answer because I'm just inferring here. I don't know Hank the 9-year-old, but I'm guessing he probably doesn't hit a lot of home runs. He's wondering when he can start hitting home runs. So it could come later.

You're 9 years old though. Yeah. Like, yeah, I hit my first home run around 9.

Okay. So you're behind Hank.

Not really.

Same age.

When's he turning 10, man?

All right. And then Reed asked, he's 12. He said, what is better, stealing a base or hitting a triple?

I'd say stealing a base. Triples, like, triples are pretty rewarding, but I feel like usually, like, you don't hit triples, like, very hard.

Like, yeah, it's a weird bounce or something.

Absolutely. Especially at Wrigley. Like, I've snuck so many balls, like, off the end of my bat down the line. Um, I'd say stealing bags because, um, I think it's more of like a— I think it's more of a demoralizing thing for pitcher-catcher combo, like that they just gave that up. Like, you're going to give up hits as a pitcher. So, you know, if you give up a 2-out triple, it's still 2 outs. And same thing as a guy being on second base. Yeah, I'd say stealing bags, stealing third base specifically is probably the most rewarding way to steal a bag.

Yeah, I've got one dumb one and then one that I think isn't dumb, but maybe it is dumb. So you can tell me.

And then we'll get back to regular questions.

Yeah, actually, the entire interview is just—

Yeah, I mean, you could get the vibe, you know, you know us.

What's dumb?

Dumb guys.

Whole podcast.

Doesn't feel that dumb though.

Do you change the way that you play defense at Wrigley Field given when the ivy grows in?

That's a, that's a, that's not your dumb question.

No, that's what were you about to say? You're about to say it's a what question?

No, that was actually a pretty cool question.

I've never—

Cool question.

Yeah, I don't think that was dumb at all.

All right.

Um, no, I don't, I don't. I'm still thinking about this though.

That's maybe the best answer.

Yeah, that's a great answer for a cool question.

I'm still thinking about this. No, because, because like the ball, I guess like specifically I would play balls off the wall differently if like early in the year when the ivy is non-existent. But you still get some pretty like hard bounces off the, off the brick even when the ivy is in full. Full form. I definitely feel a little more comfortable going into the ivy when there's more of it than when there's none of it.

That could also get you in trouble because it looks welcoming and then you kind of forget, oh shit, there's brick behind there.

Yeah, it's not like so cushy as it looks. It's— you find the brick pretty fast. And then, but when there's no ivy and it's just the roots and the branches or whatever, that shit hurts. Like, yeah, I've been cut up and it's uncomfortable for sure.

Yeah. Cool answer.

That was a good question.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Cool question.

The other question I had was after the Dodgers series, I saw like some of the interviews that you did right afterwards where your answer was like, that was pretty cool. But, you know, ultimately it doesn't mean much until we play them in the playoffs. But was there a part of you that after that, like, it did something to the belief that the team has where it's like, we can beat, you know, the best teams in baseball and we don't need to be scared of them when it is time in the playoffs.

Yeah. I mean, I don't know if that series really did that for us because excluding, excluding Tokyo last year, like we, we had the season series against them, I think 4-2. So we've always loved like going and playing those guys the same way we love going and playing the Brewers. Because they got the best, they got the best staff in baseball, Milwaukee does. So like, they're honestly, as much as it pains me to say, like, they're a really fun team to play against and just to kind of appreciate. And as are the Dodgers, like, they have the best player of all time on their team. And then you got, I mean, you got at least 3 Hall of Famers on the field at one time with Shohei, Freddie, Mookie. Um, so I don't, I don't think we ever needed to like prove to ourselves that like we could hang with them or that we would want to see, like, we, we, we want to see whoever it is in October.

Yeah.

And you know, yeah, we, we love playing those teams. Um, those are some of the easiest games to get up for and, and really lock in for. It's like a, it's like a precursor to October baseball.

Yeah.

Yeah. Like, I mean, the game on Monday night felt like a playoff atmosphere.

It really did.

Like, I was feeling it and like I had the same nerves as a playoff game.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

That's what you guys create though. Like, that's what— and it's not the same in every stadium, but, but that's what fans help us with and do for us.

Yeah.

You know, if there was nobody in the bleachers, like, that'd still be a crazy game to be a part of because we're all, we're all competitors. But like, you know, it's, it's what you want to— that's what you want to be playing in front of.

Also, I did see your quote about the fight in the bleachers. Good catch at the end, right?

Yeah.

I mean, I mean, it is unfortunate. You shouldn't fight in games, but there was competitive— like, they were being competitive out there. Yeah, dude, the whole— were you in the field for that? Yeah, the whole stadium stopped and like looked out there.

Telling me I was right there with him.

It was crazy.

I could, I could hear skin on skin. Yeah, that was the upsetting part to me. I was like, man, like, you know, I— again, I'm all for like the, the trash talking between fan bases and all that stuff, but No, you're a loser if you fight in a pro sport, especially in the—

there's nothing to do. Like, what are you doing, man?

Especially in the bleachers. Yeah, like, no fighting in the bleachers. I saw a fight last year. I feel like Philly was here, but it was just this— it was this one dude. He looked like a former lineman. He was massive. He was taking on everyone. But, uh, there was like a solid 8 rows of people that all fell.

Yeah, right.

During—

kids out there.

Yeah, kids were getting picked up and carried out. I was like, that's— that's where I'm slightly upset by that. Yeah, I think it's not so exciting. I'm— I like watching a good scrap sometimes.

Yeah, but UFC.

Absolutely.

That's great. That's sanctioned. Let's not get the same. Yeah, we need like the, like a message on the Jumbotron, like, I'm Pete Crow Armstrong, no fighting in the bleachers. Yeah, that'd actually be funny. That'd be good.

Yeah, I loved left field after that too, because they started the right field. Yeah.

Oh yeah.

Oh yeah. That's, that's how you handle that.

And it was going back and forth.

All right.

I got—

so last time I think you did a podcast.

Was a couple of weeks ago with Christian Cavalieri. I have a— I think you got your, your stories mixed up.

Probably did.

Okay.

So sometimes the dinosaurs don't exist.

Yeah.

Babe Ruth was maybe Dominican.

What?

That's the— that's—

I haven't heard that one.

Yes. Well, you said, you said Babe Ruth doesn't exist.

All right.

So I'm sure y'all will find the whole clip. But, and again, if I'm just completely blowing smoke here, forgive me. I did— I don't buy into the conspiracy, so I feel like I did my due diligence. I, I at least started it off with, I don't really believe in conspiracies, but if I had to find one funny, it would be this.

Yeah.

So if I'm going to save my own ass here, yeah, is that like—

that's fair.

That would be funny. I will agree with you on that.

If Babe Ruth didn't exist, that would be hilarious.

I think that would be like the craziest folklore of all.

I'd agree.

Of all time.

100% agree.

So for the dude that did say it on a podcast to come out and say that, I was like, that's pretty fucking funny. That's ballsy.

Yes.

And funny. So I was like, well, shit, I'm not in front of a baseball crowd. Like, I'm not gonna— and then of course everybody—

yeah, everyone took it. But yeah, the, the— it's dinosaurs don't exist. It's the old like Carl Yeah. Carl Everett had a belief that if he didn't see it with his own eyes, it didn't exist.

Like Helen Keller might not have been totally blind. Yeah, there's that one.

Or Stevie Wonder's not blind. But yeah, Babe Ruth being Dominican is like a real theory online. No way.

Yeah, you have to send me.

Yeah, I will.

I will get some. Yeah, some literature for you. Yeah. To peruse.

Yeah.

Some literature.

Yeah. Yeah.

The PMT book.

God, if this gets me—

So wait, for the record, no, no, listen, we say the best part about this show show is we say the dumb stuff.

You just have to sit there. Gun to your head, did Babe Ruth exist? Did he walk this earth?

Yeah, I would, I would assume that he did.

Like, okay, we're not, we're not all the way there yet, but like Carl Everett, all right, gun to your head, if you had a, uh, let's say a T-Rex, 400, uh, at-bats in a season, how many home runs is he hitting?

Zero.

Oh yeah, that's correct.

Okay, zero.

She doesn't have the wingspan.

Yeah, you don't find a bat that works for that.

Yeah, the strike zone on that. Okay. Be—

I'm going to strike. Yeah, the strike zone would be massive.

Yeah.

The arms would not be conducive to a good baseball swing.

What would be the best?

You would get hit by a lot of pitches, though. What's probably the play?

What dinosaur would be the best at baseball?

I think the one, the Ankylosaurus, the one that's got the tail. That's the club. Just use that as a bat. Oh, that, that.

Oh, yeah, that's the Ankylosaurus.

Yeah, that guy would rock.

That really come up.

Yeah, I did. With its low, heavy body for a solid batting stance and a massive club tail, they can swing. So they would use— they wouldn't even use a bat.

Yep.

Use his tail.

Tiny strike zone.

Damn. Pia Kala, what are your dino knowledge?

I've been going— I've been going to a lot of museums recently.

Yeah.

Although that might not have existed. That's the only problem.

Pterodactyl is number 2.

What do they say about a velociraptor? I feel like pinch runner.

All right.

I got—

I got the—

it's the pterodactyl.

2. I think raptors got a lot of good PR from Jurassic Park movies. I read somewhere that they might not have— they weren't even that big. Like they were the size of a like a dog.

Yeah.

Oh, they were. Yeah. But in the movies, they're kind of— these things look awesome.

We got to get this updated because it says pterodactyl would be defensively gifted because it can fly. It would have Kevin Kiermaier-esque range in center field. That should be Pete Crowe Armstrong.

No, no, no, no. We can, we can still give that to KK.

OK, he's— he was—

he was the— he was the shit.

All right. In the Apatosaurus, it was tipping skills. As at as many as 33 tons, the Apatosaurus is one of the largest dinosaurs of all time. Use its huge tail as a whip to deter predators, making it the rough equivalent of Prince Fielder, but with better bat speed.

Wow.

Yeah, no shit.

Prince Fielder kind of taking a shot on that.

Yeah.

Damn.

How much did that thing weigh?

33 tons. That's— yeah, that's kind of mean to Prince Fielder.

What was it like on, on measurement day where they're like, hey, we got to measure you for the strike zone?

You—

I mean, we literally did it like during, during camp. Just went to the weight room. They had the MLB people come in. You had to like lock your legs out. You'd actually— you'd rather them mark you shorter than I think you are. So like, right, a lot of egos were, were hurt. But at the same time, like, it's better. It helps you out. Yeah.

I didn't want to point any fingers. I think, I think Bregman might have hurt the most. Did you see that? I think he was listed as like 6'1" or 6 feet and he's 5'9". Listen, I'm 5'9". We can't be, we can't be out there telling people that we're 6 feet tall.

I don't know how you do it. I mean, he didn't, he didn't need the extra 2 inches. The guy's got 30 playoff homers, like, right? But yeah, he's not, he's not 6 feet at all. He'd be the first to tell you that too.

He should just say, yeah, you know, I tricked the system. Yeah, I stood in a way that made me look shorter.

Yeah.

So he's playing like 3D chess.

Absolutely. Yeah. Well, I mean, yeah.

All right. I know you got to run in a minute. This has been so much fun. I got a couple last questions. So your dad grew up a Cubs fan. How is he? Just like text you every now and then, just being like, I love you even more now because like that. What a, what a crazy story to have. Your dad is a Cubs fan and now you're the best player on the Cubs. Like, that's crazy.

Yeah, he's— I appreciate him because he's— he keeps his emotions to himself. Like, he was geeking when I got traded. He was— I was rehabbing in Florida and he was in town, him and my mom, just to visit. And I— so like, I found out in the car on the way to lunch and they had already been there. So I think my dad, like, he excused himself from the table right before I got there and like had a little moment for himself. And I think that's— if that's how I'll put the last few years, right? It's just that like he— I don't think— I think he knows I don't— I don't want it to be anything bigger than like I'm just— if I was a national, I'd hope you'd feel the same way, right?

But, you know, deep down.

But I think— I think deep down he's— he's having a really good time.

Yeah. Like, you have siblings, right?

No.

Oh, you don't have a— I was going to say you're— you're the favorite child. Child, you're the favorite. I mean, that would have been the only one.

Yeah.

Only and favorite. And it also is crazy, like, the— like, I want to say serendipity, but Javi Baez, you get traded for Javi Baez. Javi Baez was maybe the most electric Cub in the, like, you know, that stretch.

Absolutely.

And then you're the most electric Cub. And it's like, it's just so cool. And it's like, have you had those moments where, like, I watched the World Series with my dad, I watched Javi Baez, and then I got traded for for him to the Cubs.

Yeah, I— yeah, um, yeah, that— I, I— yeah, I don't know how to talk about it really because it's crazy. Because it is crazy. That was my favorite player. Yeah, that was my favorite player by far. I, I remember trying to hit like him in the cage. I remember, um, ah God, I remember just—

I like him.

Yeah, that guy. I remember his first homer in Coors. Like, he just— he was the most exciting thing to ever happen to my childhood, probably, because I was just— I was all about sports. And, um, I did not believe it when, when I found out, really. Um, but yeah, I got to meet him last year. I got to say thank you for just existing because that's, that's why I'm here now.

Yeah.

That guy was the shit. Like, he was, he was the coolest. I don't love, like, baseball tattoos, but if anybody's going to have the MLB logo on their neck. Yeah, it's that motherfucker.

Love for the game right there.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And did he get it before he got to Major League Baseball?

I think so.

Yeah, he did. That's awesome.

Yeah, he did.

All right.

Last couple of questions. First one, can you put on the headphones real quick? So I have a question for Pete that is related to Max, our producer. Max is a really good baseball player. He was the Matt Stairs of the CAA, played at Hofstra. No big deal. We went and did— we went and did batting practice at Wrigley. He was like, maybe like 8 feet from going out. He's a lefty.

Wind was blowing in.

The wind was blowing. Do you have any tips for him? He hit a home run.

I think it was 20 miles an hour in. In from, from right field.

Yeah, it was the day that I ate the sunflower seed.

You said, what did you think, by the way, when you saw that clip? You're like, that's kind of weird.

No, I kind of thought that that was some shit that I would do.

Yes.

Respect.

Yeah.

And I— and by the way, you said at least it wasn't my dip. I would take your dip, so I wouldn't let you just run on the break.

I've been eating grass at every cool stadium that we go to, like just one piece of grass. So like I ate the Tiger Stadium, like in Death Valley and LSU, ate that grass. Oh, Wrigley grass is— I think it's the tastiest.

This is the first I'm hearing of this.

You've been doing this?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, I've noticed.

Yeah, it's been on camera, Max.

That's pretty— that's pretty good.

It's really fucked up when we go to synthetic fields.

Yeah, I try. Just eat some rubber pellets. Yeah, but I have to eat it and then I go to the bathroom.

Have you done any soccer fields yet?

I don't know that I've done a soccer field grass. That is good grass.

That's good grass.

Good grass.

But he's done golf courses. He does every golf course he plays at.

Yeah, I think— I think Wrigley Field has the tastiest grass of any stadium that I've been.

Shout out Dan Kiermaier.

Actually, Kevin. Yes, Kevin. Crew.

All right, Max, what's up, Max?

Yeah, help Max out.

All right, if when the wind's blowing in, you got two choices, and it's to go at either scoreboard because it just blocks the wind. Um, wind could be blowing in 40, and if you hit it low enough at the left field scoreboard, it's going to go out. If you hit it low enough at the right field scoreboard, it's going to go out.

Um, that's good too.

I was just trying to go down the line. That's a good tip.

Yeah, you just gotta yank, bro. It's, it's When it— when the wind's blowing in, you just— when in doubt, you gotta yank it.

Yeah, yank it.

You weren't liking it.

I like that.

All right.

And then last question, Roback question, rhoback.com.

Yeah.

Promo code Take, 20% off your first purchase. Q-Zips, polos, hoodies, joggers, shorts. Roback.com. Zach, you ready?

How are you doing today? I did have a quick question, if that's cool with you. So when we're sitting in the stands as fans, we see you go absolutely yard at Wrigley. We know that's got to be an insane feeling for you, but population percentage-wise, none of us are going to experience that. Very minimal. Some guys get close, like 8, 10 feet. But is there a common man's feeling you can closely compare it to?

Yeah, um, I would say, I would say like like making an eagle in 3 perfect shots.

Okay.

I think I related to that because like I'm grinding my ass off trying to play golf, you know. Like that's some rewarding— it's just like that's some rewarding shit. So like that, or like when a when like a dog really likes you and the owner said that they weren't— they don't like anybody.

Yeah, I like that.

You know, that's—

yeah, that's a good one.

Feeling—

I was gonna say like the hitting like the last shot in beer pong twice where it ends the game. That feels good.

Sure.

Yeah.

Yeah. No rebuttal.

Yeah, no rebuttal feels good. You feel like the man in that moment.

Yeah. Maybe like a real-life 2K green bean, like you hit that perfect 3 on 2K.

Yeah, yeah, okay.

I like my dog one though.

I think the dog one is relatable. Yeah, where it's like, oh, this dog's not friendly, it's like just licking, just like loving you and just nuzzling up.

Yeah, my buddy's uncle had like a Rottweiler puppy and he was freaking huge, and, um, he kind of had him as like a guard dog, so he'd always be leashed up out, out in the backyard and and he was like, you can go like look at him if you want. And I was like, nah, fuck that, I got this. And next thing you know, like, I can't—

if you can't—

if you can't get rid of me, I can't get rid of him. And I would say it's like that.

It's a great feeling.

That's a great feeling.

Can you bat flip after that? Like, how— after walk it off?

Yeah, maybe a bone for the dog.

Yeah, flip a bone. Yeah, treat sent to the moon.

Yeah, yeah.

Or you just— or you just walk off and, and play your— me and my boys always talked about about if we had like one song to have like a, like a walking montage in a movie or something, like what would it be? I would just start playing that song. Yeah, just walk off all cool.

Wait, what song?

I don't, I don't know what mine would be, but if you could have like one song in like a movie montage of like the shit's blowing up behind you and you're walking off in slow-mo, like what would that song be? That's a conversation me and my friends have a lot.

That's a good Mount Rushmore much more.

Yeah, we should do it. We'll do it.

Freebird.

That's good.

Freebird. Freebird is probably a pretty popular choice. Yeah, I like that one.

It's a good one. Well, Pete, thank you so much for coming in, man. Massive fan. I'm on the front lines. I hope you know. I hope you see me on the front lines.

I do.

Um, it sucks because I do have to get like— we do, we do it every now and then, but I have to get a little dirty and I have to, I have to slander. But that's fine. We sometimes you got to slander when you're an MVP You know, you got to just— you just got to go out and just, just start batting. We got to do some negative, you know, publicity.

I'll tell you that I appreciate that behind the scenes.

Yeah. You cannot condone it.

No, I actually feel like so— I love getting in like a season-long debate and just like, I'll just— when I'm bored, I'll just fire it up and be like, here's some PCA stats, here's some Shohei stats, like debate me. Like, come on, let's go.

Internet gets you off, man.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, and you know, hopefully we win the debate. But yeah, you're the man. Thanks so much, man. Appreciate it.

Thank you, guys.

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Okay, we now welcome on a very, very special guest. It is Joe Buck, our good longtime friend Joe Buck. He wrote the foreword for our book that is out now. Wow. And I got to start with that, Joe. First of all, thank you. I cannot believe you did that. It's actually— I got a little teary-eyed reading through the table of contents and being like, why the fuck did any of these people like agree to do this? It's pretty damn cool. So thank you. Would you say this is the dumbest book you will be part of?

Uh, no, no, I don't think that. I— well, there's a few things I have to say of what you just said right there. There. First of all, I was publicly shamed into writing the foreword to your book because it was about a year ago. Yeah, I think we had the Bears week one against the Vikings and I came to your studio and you basically on the air or whatever, the internet, asked me if I would write the foreword. Now I'm— what am I going to say? No, it takes an hour. Maybe, maybe not that long. And so I did it. I'm glad I did it. No, it's not the dumbest book that, that I could be associated with. I'm excited to do it. And the answer to your question is, why would any of these people, uh, agree to do any of this? Because we don't want you two pricks to turn on us. True. Yeah, it's, it's like, you know, I'm keeping you close so I can do a little bit of work work.

Yeah.

To keep you guys on my side if you're there. And, uh, you know, we just go forward in life. Yeah, it's actually—

I mean, it's a totally fair— like, like, 1 hour of your time to, to get us to not turn on you, uh, and attack you, like, that's a good trade.

I think it is. I mean, I, I think you make trades in life. You're constantly bartering. And the one thing that I have, uh, to barter with, with you guys is my time. And I gave you an hour or so. Uh, and tell me the name of your ghostwriter. Are we allowed to say? Uh, Matthew.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Matthew is really talented.

Yes. And so I, I, I actually dictated all of this into my, uh, notes. I wrote, I wrote a page and then I said, you know what, this is too slow. I don't want to give this much time. And I dictated it into my voice notes sent it to him, he crafted it, I recrafted it. That's what came out in the wash. He's fantastic. I'm actually— because it's him, I'm very excited to read this book and, uh, and get kind of a peek behind the curtain even more, uh, with, with the two of you.

Yeah, yeah. Well, we appreciate it, Joe. Thank you very much for your time and for doing that. It means a lot also because we can put your name on the COVID And that's our, that's our trick. Like to everybody out there that's thinking about writing a book, you should just network until you have people that are in your circle that you can ask to write your own book for you under threat of turning on them and turning their lives into an online hell afterwards. That's the best way to write a book.

Mm-hmm. If you roll the tape backward, the last person I wrote a foreword for in their book is Artie Lang.

Oh, great. Oh, okay. All right.

Yeah. So I, I went from the debacle on HBO show, uh, with the Joe Buck/Artie Lange Show that was canceled after 9 minutes, uh, to then getting to have a friendship and relationship with Artie, who's fantastic. I knew he would be. And we are— he's got his demons and they're well documented, uh, but I— he asked me that— that's how far we got in our relationship to where he said, well, I'm coming out with my second book, would you write the foreword? And the answer was obviously yes. So, uh, it goes Artie Lang, then you guys, and then I, I don't know who could possibly be next.

Well, I mean, when we do a sequel to our book, you'll have to do that as well. Uh, pardon my book again.

And we'll write the foreword to your book if you want us to.

Yeah, absolutely.

That's an open invite to you.

You write like one every one.

Yeah, every 2 years you write one. I actually have a question about the, um, and we actually, we, we did an episode way back where we talked about the Joe— the famous Joe Buck episode. We had Artie Lange on, we had Paul Rudd on. So in this book, in our book, we talk about our, uh, pursuit for TV, and we were on ESPN for one day, one episode. When you were getting pitched the Joe Buck Show, was it— was it in your head, you're like, yeah, you know what, I do need a TV show? Because we, going through the process of writing this book, we kind of revisited it and been like, man, were we stupid to think think, yeah, you know what, we do need a TV show. Like, that's what we do. Like, that's, that's what— yeah, we need a Pardon My Take show. Like, that's how it works. Did you have something similar where you're like, yeah, I need a Joe Buck show? Of course.

Well, I, I— so, uh, Ross Greenberg forever, uh, had been talking to me about wanting to do a show, and Bob Costas had stepped away. And so it was an obvious, uh, you know, I was filling in for his show. I wanted to take it in a very different, uh, direction. And so when I was, you know, in talks with Ross, I said, "It's got to be edgy, it's got to be fun, it's got to be funny. I mean, I know how you guys do stuff at HBO, and it's very highbrow, and it's very well done. And, you know, you kind of set the standard for a lot of these magazine shows, certainly with sports. Uh, would you be open to doing that?" And the answer was yes. And in fact, In fact, I was the one that was adamant about getting Artie on the show because I was a big Stern fan and I knew he was a big sports fan. Rudd was a longtime friend and then he kind of wrangled Sudeikis onto that. David Koechner was a part of this kind of last comedy piece. It was a great lineup. Sudeikis wasn't really Sudeikis yet and, you know, Rudd was Rudd.

And then I said, we gotta have Artie on to have some edge. And, and the story is old by now, but I went into him before— I met him before we walked out on stage, and I said, hey man, I want you to let me have it. I want you to come at me. I want you to have fun. I want this to be just kind of nuts here at the end. Little did I know, as he admitted in that book that I wrote the foreword to, that he snorted Vicodin and drank Jack Daniels before he came out there. I wasn't aware of that minor detail. Yes. And then it kind of went off the rails, but I'm glad I did it. And when, when that whole thing came down, I remember being on that— we probably have done this, probably this is the exact interview we've done before— but I remember walking off the stage and it was just kind of like, it was just like a pregnant pause, kind of. It was hanging in the air. Now what? Because that was like the end of it. It's like, all right, good night, see you in a month or whenever we're doing the next one.

And, uh, and then I went right out and talked to the writers who were gonna review it. And the guy from the New York Times said to me, uh, Joe, do you feel like you just got cornholed on national TV?

The Times. The Times.

New York Times.

Yeah, cornhole. New York Times used the word cornhole.

I swear to God, I, I can roll that back in my mind. And then the New York, uh, the New York Post guy, the stringer for the New York Post, said something like, uh, is, uh, TMZ really your favorite website? I was like, we're done. Like, this, this is not going anywhere good. Uh, but, but at the time I thought, you know, if this were on Fox and it was David Hill in charge, he would've kind of charged out there like P.T. Barnum, like, "This is what you're gonna get on this show." You're never to, like, embrace it. And to me, it was like everybody ran and hid, which I hated. And that's why I basically— Tom Cruise jumped on the couch saying, "Artie Lange is coming on the second show, or I'm not. I'm not doing it if Artie doesn't come on." And he did our cold open. I had to talk to the head of HBO, Richard Plepler, Kupler. It's a long, boring story, but I had to basically say, look, I've already got a day job. I'm already— I'm being hit by Artie Lange jokes every time I walk into stadium. Let, let him come back on.

Yeah, let's have fun with it. Yeah. And, and let's— and, and, and if you don't let me do it, then I'm, I'm just gonna quit. And they let me do it. I'm glad they did. And, uh, I, I struck up a friendship with Artie, who apologized, and I said, no need, I told you to do that. And, and we go forward in life. But I, I'm glad I did all that. Yeah. I feel like you learn— there's no way you guys don't look back at that time on, on that show and go, there's something you learned. Yeah. And beyond just the, you know, we shouldn't have done the show on ESPN or whatever it was, there's something that you took from that that made you better today. And, and there's no doubt that applies to, to HBO and me for sure.

Yeah, 100%. And if that New York Times reporter had done their job, they would know that TMZ is not your favorite website. Already said what your favorite website was on the show. Suckingcock.com. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't know if it was C or the D word, but I— yeah, I, I— it was, it was one of the two. But it was like, okay, this is what we're doing. Got it. I think I'm good. I got to go to the bathroom. I've been out here for an hour and a half.

Yeah, it was great. But you said it, and we talk about it in the book, like, the, the— I have, I have a great job outside of this. I don't need, you know, like, this doesn't make or break me. That was the big lesson we learned when we we did the TV show, it's like, oh shit, like what? People are going to listen to us whether we have a TV show or not. Why do we, why do we care about this anymore? Yeah.

And, and I, yeah. And I think, you know, for me had, had all that transpired, if you go, I think that was like 2009, somewhere in there. If it's 2026 and that trend, I might be in a different place with Artie Lang, but I sat there in my mind every time the director, great director Mark Payton shot I can just, when I watch it, I can watch my mind turning like, do I jump down in here with him? 'Cause I'm gonna lose. But I'm gonna try to stand up for myself. Or am I just gonna sit here and grin and fake smile and just hope it ends soon? And you know, and you just, I think I would maybe do it differently today. Maybe I wouldn't, I don't know. But I think you learn from all that. Stuff.

And I'm not saying this is true for every TV show, but I have noticed over the years that a lot of even the most successful TV shows, they end up hating doing television towards the end of the run, if not like as they're actively putting out great TV. So like Seinfeld walked away when it was the biggest show on earth. Chappelle walked away, biggest show on earth. The Game of Thrones people hated doing that show by the end of it, by that last season, and it kind of showed at the end. I just think that what we learned from is is that we have a great thing going right here doing a podcast. And so why— we don't have to do a TV show just because that might be on, you know, in airports or in gyms across the country. We've got a great thing here. Let's not strive for what we have. The grass is not— it's usually not greener than it is in front of you.

So it's a good learning experience. And it's a different world now, too. I mean, that when you do that, when you did that, when I did the HBO thing. That's a long time ago now, and the media has evolved. And this is— you're doing a TV show, you're, you're already doing it. Yeah. So, you know, it's— if you want to go mainstream— I was excited to be on HBO. I would still be excited to be on HBO. I love— a lot of those guys are still really good friends of mine. And, and the frustrating thing for me was, after all that thing came out, or that, that kind of, that debacle happened, I asked them about the ratings and like, oh no, the ratings are really good. And actually the rating went up during the hour. And I said, well, can you put that out? Yeah, right. They said, uh, no, uh, we don't really talk ratings at HBO. I was like, well, can you make an exception? Can we, can we have one thing in our column that's good? And, and the answer was no. So I, I would do it again. It would be different, but I would kind of want to do the same show, weirdly enough.

Stuff. And, uh, and I, I kind of like that stuff, uh, even though it probably didn't work out in my favor.

Uh, speaking of ratings, wait, who has the Super Bowl this year? We do. Oh really? Oh yes. Oh, I hadn't heard. You guys hadn't told us. Uh, yeah, I, I assumed that's why you were saying that. Are you, are you an NFL merchant when it comes to ratings? Do you, you know, you, you basically just get to ride the NFL for all your ratings. Do you open up the ratings? You see the ratings the next day and you're like, did it again. Joe Buck, Monday Night Football, another hit.

Yeah. Because I know they're all tuning in to go, what's he going to say? Honey, gather, get the kids. It's Joe and Troy. No, I mean, do I look? Yeah. I want, I want my bosses to be happy. I want the people who pay a lot of money to the NFL to be happy. Thrilled that we got a great rating, but I'm also not of the mind of like, you know, I affect that. I think the only time maybe if the game is a blowout and we're having fun, a few people may stick around, but maybe not. So I don't— I am not delusional. Are you— are you—

you've called NFL for a very long time. I actually saw— I think it's the longest punt return. It's my 33rd year I, I saw the longest punt return. I think it was, uh, was a Saints game from like late '90s, and it was you on the call. And I was like, oh my God, that's Joe Buck, because your voice a little higher, and it's just like, holy shit, he's been calling this for a long time. But yeah, I was just out of the womb. Yeah. Is it, uh, are you shocked at all, like, that the NFL— do you ever think it was going to get to this level where it's like like, it's just when they, when they do the top 100 shows of the year, it's like maybe there's one Olympic event and, and the Oscars, and then 99 NFL.

It's, yeah, it's between like 88. The only gap is like there's 12 shows, right, literally, that aren't football related. Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah. Well, no, I'm, I'm glad it's gotten to this point. I think if it was at this point back then And since then, the growth has been exponential, been incredible. I think if it was at this point back then, I probably wouldn't have gotten a chance at 25 to do major network football. When that call went out and David Hill and Ed Goran, you know, they paid all that money for Summerall and Madden. They had a great number 2 team, Stockton and Matt Millen. And then it was like, hey, we're going to give a bunch of of people who we haven't seen on network TV forever a shot. Are there any famous announcers who have kids? And, uh, who's like me and Kenny Albert and Brennaman and Kevin Harlan? And I mean, it was, it was kind of crazy that all of us had a dad who was involved somehow already in either broadcasting or football media. In the case of Kevin Harlan, But we all showed up there like, what in the hell are we doing here?

Let's figure this out together. I was with Tim Greene, who was just off the field and had never done any TV. I had never done football, but we fumbled our way through it, so to speak, the first couple of years. And then you learn and grow, just like we were talking. That's what this business is all about, is just kind of trial and error and fake it till you make it.

Yeah, I don't know if you've seen any of the, like, like uploaded footage from the 1999-2000 NFL seasons online. But I— there's a conspiracy out there. They make the broadcast look way worse than it was at the time. Like, if you, if you look up a 1999 NFL game, it looks like it's straight out of the '70s, the way that you see it on YouTube.

I watch those games— are massive, uh, it looks grainy.

Yeah, but I watched those games. They, they looked good at the time. It did not look like that. They're trying to make us feel old. By having like—

I think you may be misremembering. No, as, uh, a famous person once said. I, I— yeah, I think, you know, with high-definition TV, I, I remember being in telecom classes, if you go back to my college days, like back in '89 and '90, and they're like, man, when this high-definition TV comes— and, and they had the, they had the technology they were just worried about rolling it out because it would force everybody at the time, it would force everybody to buy new hardware, new TVs. And it was like, it's gonna— this is gonna be the way of the future. But it is. I assume that in the late '90s we were not in High Definitionville. It— that's what it looked like. That's how different our brains and eyes are now watching games with this crystal clear picture like you're there. I do think that's kind of how it looks. I'm sorry to say.

So I was looking at the ratings from the World Cup this summer. Were you rooting against the World Cup ratings so you could say like Monday Night Football is still king?

Boy, I have never thought of it in those terms.

I would be if I were you. I'd be right. But you're a liar. Yeah, you were waiting on the liar. You put the alerts on for Nielsen.

Soccer, am I supposed to be rooting against it? I'm supposed to say soccer and football against football. I— no, I don't. That is one where I do not—

you don't even think about soccer at all like that?

Yeah, I did think— I, I got swept up in the, uh, in the U.S. mania until it came crashing down with a thud in that final, uh, in that final effort. But yeah, I was sitting in front of my TV night after night with my 8-year-old boys watching soccer, which is something that I had never done prior. So I was, I was a new fan, definitely.

And now we're back to real football, thankfully. Monday night preseason football, that's, that's what we're back for. Can't wait to see it. You just showed the depth chart that you had there. It made me wonder, is it harder to call preseason games than it is to call a regular season game? Because you have to know the third, fourth stringers.

Yeah, yeah. I mean I'm not gonna act like, you know, as I go through this list, if you get down to the third string offensive lineman, that's somebody that I know, uh, every twist and turn of their career to this point. I think the fun of it is being able to kind of pull back and look at the league at times, look at the division that they're in. We've got an AFC South team playing an AFC West team. I'm sure at some point We're going to look at Kansas City and Denver, who we have week 1 in the regular season schedule. I think it affords you— it's almost like doing a baseball all-star game. There's not a ton of strategy involved in this game we're going to be doing on Thursday night. So you start looking for individual performances and every— somebody will stand out and then you kind of ride that for a little bit. But then you go back to, okay, Hey, we're going to see Mahomes and Nicks week 1. How good's Kansas City going to be? How good's Denver going to be? And you can kind of take your focus off the game a little bit.

And if somebody jumps up, you cover them and then you go back to what you're doing. So it's, there's a lot of names, a lot of numbers. You hope to get most of them right. And then you just try to have fun for 3 hours and point your way toward week 1.

Can I ask you a Sports Jeopardy question?

Yeah, I'll get it wrong.

No, no, no, no, I meant about Sports Jeopardy that you host.

Oh yeah, yeah, go. Yeah, sure.

Why did some of those people sign up?

You have to ask them. I have no idea.

That was some— I watched a couple episodes and there were, there were some people didn't know anything about sports.

Well, I think, I, I do think this in their defense, and I would probably have been in the same category. Category. I, I think the hard thing about Jeopardy, it's like doing a crossword puzzle. You have to get into what they're really asking. Yeah, you have to— true— you have to know kind of, you know, the rhythm of the clue. Not a question that I give. If you sat down in a library with a number 2 lead pencil, you could probably come up with the answer. But when you're on the, on the stage and you have to hit the buzzer, if they hit the buzzer before I stop reading the clue, it, it freezes them out and they have to reset. So they're doing all that, they're listening to me as I hack my way through the clue, they're reading it on the board. And I think it's, it's easy to get lost in what the clue's actually asking for. Sometimes if you could do it without the pressure, you could probably come up with the right answer.

Yeah, I'm not a trivia— I'm not a trivia master by any stretch. Terrible, terrible. But there was a couple, like, I— it made me feel smart. Like, I think there was one moment where it was just a picture of Mark Davis and it was like, who is this? And I was like, yeah, I know Mark Davis. You can spot that haircut from a mile away. So I felt like a genius. I was like, yeah, this is awesome. I'm so smart.

Yes. Uh, I, I agree. And, and by the way, when I was reading the clue, I didn't realize what was on the screen because the board is kind of around So there were some pictures to kind of help you along. Yeah, that I wasn't even aware were up when I was doing it. But I, I think the fun of it, I hope, is that the people who didn't do really well had fun and laughed at themselves and laughed at each other. And I thought there was fun to be had between the contestants. Definitely. So, I mean, if you can't get the right answer, have fun giving the wrong answer. And, and I felt like most people did that.

Yeah, it just sucked. When we do a trivia league here, like, I hated doing it because I was like, would get things wrong and just be like, how did I get that wrong? Like, how did I not know that? And then you think of it later and you're like, goddamn it, I'm so stupid.

Can you do— can you put a request in from me since I did this and I wrote the foreword to your book?

Sure. All right, it wasn't that hard of you to write that. Let's just—

no, it's where you dictate.

Yeah, you dictate.

You called up our ghostwriter, you said, have that dictate. Yeah.

Yeah, I would—

took 15 minutes for you to jump on the word dictate.

I can't believe it. Uh, but on, on your Instagram, yeah, when whoever that is is going around asking like, hey, uh, what, what logo has one color, can you put the friggin answer further up in the thing so I don't have to watch the whole goddamn Welcome to the internet, Joe.

That's a trick, Joe. That's a trick. And then you got to go in the comments to find the answer.

Oh my God, which one was—

which one of those are going to set you off, Joe?

I'll send you one that's good. Every one of them.

There's not one that doesn't set me— there's only a couple that I've ever gotten right.

I'll send you one that's going to trigger you, Joe. There was— I, I think it was last week, he went around, Chaps went around, was like, what state is it? It was Missouri. And like half the office didn't get it.

Yeah, it was just the outline of Missouri.

Like, I don't— we're just getting so bad.

Outline of the state of Missouri, and they're like, I don't know.

I mean, we're not the smartest group.

Aren't you in Illinois?

Yeah. No, no, listen, I— it doesn't make sense. But there is a— it's very funny because I think there's a divide. It's about the 25-year-old and lower mark in this office I don't think they ever took a geography class. Like, straight up did not take a geography class.

Well, straight up, I didn't either, and I went to a little prep school in St. Louis. And I remember when my daughter, my 27-year-old, was going through and she did geography, a geography class. Like, I, I didn't know any of this. And it's not just the, the map of the United States, it's around the world. I was blown away by what's taught in geography class. We never had had it in the roaring '80s. I never had a geography class. And if you gave me all the states in the Northeast and the states in the Northwest, I would struggle. Middle of the country, I think I could do.

Yeah, I was thinking about that the other day because I don't think I took a geography class either. I think if you know geography, it's mostly people that just like are interested in maps and spend their own time looking at a map.

Yeah. Al Michaels. That's that. So when the earthquake World Series happened, part of the thing was he, he, he's brilliant at knowing— he's a map guy. And, and maybe that's good for the brain. I, I hope that I'm half as good as Al Michaels, uh, when I'm at that stage of my career, which I will not be. My career will be over by then. Uh, but I, I— he's a map guy. I, I've never heard heard of a map guy other than maybe Magellan. Uh, Al Michaels.

But Al Michaels and Magellan, the only map guys.

Yeah, I, I was like, sit around studying maps? I just— no, that's— I know, that's why Netflix was created.

I mean, the amount of people in the office that guess Africa as a country in those things, that's always concerning to me. It's every time. Yep. I— yeah, that—

I don't know, that kind of bleeds over from geography to like an understanding of the world.

Yes, yes, correct. Yes, there's that, there's that line of like, I'm bad at geography. It's like, no, no, do you even know like the 7 continents?

Yeah, yeah, I think that's fair. Yeah, uh-huh.

Trivia is hard. Trivia is hard.

It's hard. It's hard. The lesson to be learned is never go on a trivia show. Yeah, Europe.

Okay, trivia is hard. Trivia is hard.

I got some of them. Antarctica, uh, Uh, yeah, so I can't wait to see what Awful Announcing, uh, culls out of this. It's gonna be— I can't wait to click on that website and see a recap of my HBO show.

I know, I think it's like PFT said, it's when you told our ghostwriter, how's my dictate?

That's it. That's, that's my big takeaway from this. And he was like, it was really good, Joe. And you're like, you're damn right it was. You're goddamn right it was. Um, You want to talk NFL? Just like a little bit of NFL this season? Because you do have the Super Bowl.

A touch. Yeah. Oh, we do.

They have it. Yeah. Is it— Joe, is this like— have you thought— because you mentioned like you're not going to be doing this when you're as old as Al. Have you thought about retiring? Like when— what's the goal age for you to walk away?

No.

Stop talking.

So many— I have— I have so many financial obligations to family and friends. I'm not stopping anytime soon.

That's a good answer. We're stuck with you.

I love it. That's a really good—

because like I have a conversation.

That is the only The only motivating thing in my life is to satisfy the needs of family and friends. Yeah, therefore they will shove me out of the door and onto an airplane to go somewhere.

Listen, I'm, I'm not, uh, in, in the book I did my 10, uh, gambling rules, but like when people are like, hey, when are you gonna slow down? It's like when I have enough money that I can, uh, lose it all and then die. So like, I don't wanna, I don't wanna lose it all like, you know, a year short of dying.

I'm gonna it.

Well, because I'm a losing gambler. Like, what do you mean I'm a losing gambler? So gambling— yeah, I want to have enough money so that I can, I can basically like my last bet will be like on my deathbed. It's like, there we go, did it perfectly.

That would be an amazing example of preparation.

It's a life— timing. Yeah, it's, it's, it's a life, uh, lived correctly where it's like, all right, there it is.

You just go out the, the counter's on zero. Zero's all right. The Texans didn't cover in that preseason game.

Yeah, that would be perfect. That would be perfect.

How much gambling debt do you have right now? How long is that going to take for you to work?

Thank God.

All right, good to know. That's not my problem.

My problem is hair plugs.

Yeah, yeah, those are expensive. I know, we know, we read your book.

That's not a— that's not a cheap endeavor. Yeah, in my next life, I'm going to come back as a hair transplant surgeon.

Yeah, you should go to Turkey with our guys. We send it— we send a bunch of guys from our office to Turkey every single year. Like your Christmas present to your staff.

Yeah, I know, Joe.

I got it. I got a hack for you because I got them too. You should get the people that do them to pay you to do them if you say where you got them from.

I— yeah, I've kind of dabbled in that. My guys, Parsa Mohabbi, in, in California. He's fantastic.

Is Joe— isn't that so funny that we've known each other long enough now that PFT has— we started this whole relationship of making fun of your hair plugs and now he has hair plugs?

Well, we started this whole relationship with you making fun of the size of my forehead, so then I then took measures to try and shrink my forehead. Don't blame your addiction on Big Cat.

That's not fair.

And also, sometimes I think you're winking at me. Confirm that. I can't. You know, like, you know, that brief, that brief second when you welcome everyone in and you kind of give a little smirk. I think, you know, we've all— we've come at the same time before. We've— we— you smiled while I've been taking a picture of you.

Okay, uh, we're synced up. We're synced up. We are synced up. We are simpatico with your blow-up picture-taking and my, my, what was it, snark, my, my wink.

But yeah, your wink, you wink at me, you wink at me every now and then.

Sarcastic, what was the word, my off, my off-putting wink.

Yeah, no, you have a nice little, you have a nice little like, uh, hey, I know, folks, I know. Yeah, welcome in, welcome in.

Uh, Joe, can we make, uh, one, one quick wager with you on this year's football season? Because you will be calling the Super Bowl. Super Bowl on ESPN. What? Yep, it's a fact. Uh, if the Bears or the Commanders make the Super Bowl, can we, can we give you a line to sneak in?

Yes. Oh, okay, okay.

All right, I love it. It's gotta be—

but, but okay, but it can't be absurd because I was good. Your knee-jerk there was so off.

You were like, yeah, sure, and then you're like, hold on, wait a second. Wherein these guys might tell me to say something blue.

No, exactly. Blue.

There's a word I think kids are using.

No, let me, I'm going to get, it's all within the same interview. It's got to be something that's normal that I typically say.

Like let's say the Bears are playing the Chargers and the Bears are winning. You got to be like, the Bears are effing the Chargers in the B-cheeks.

Or caroling?

Yeah, well, that's a word that's near and dear.

What about, um, okay, so the Commanders are in the Super Bowl and I love you, Joe.

I love that you said yes right away and then you're like, hold on a second, wait a second.

And Ja'Cory Cross scores a touchdown and you say, I was talking about, you say, you're talking to, oh my God, they're going to make me comm, but it's Commander comm, C-O-M-M. No, okay, all right, we'll workshop it.

Hey, listen, if we, if that, if that day comes, Ghostwriter come up with some, some possibility. Um, all right, Joe, last question. Roback question. rhoback.com, promo code TAKE, 20% off your first purchase. Q-zips, polos, hoodies, joggers, shorts. roback.com, promo code TAKE. Uh, go buy part of my book. I honestly like— Joe Buck might be the—

you have to do that so that people don't jump through, uh, ads. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, no, it's always—

I got a great question, final question, really most important part Rollback is—

yeah, yeah, no, I would say don't act like the NFL doesn't do that. Like, they sponsor— you guys are gonna have like a label like Aetna on the side of the blue injury tent this year, probably.

Hey, go see this movie real quick. All right, and back to first down. Uh, yeah, come on, man.

But no, seriously, Joe's game—

our relationship— Minions game rocked. I love the Minions game. Was it good? Our relationship with Joe though, I think, is like the epitome. If I was Hey, how would you describe how this stupid show has kind of come together? It's like Joe Buck is, is, is like up there with the stories of guy who had no— he— you had no reason to come on this show, came on the show, let us be idiots with you. You got, you know, a, a, a little bump from it, we got a huge bump from it, and then we became friends. And it's like, that's why this show works, because we all kind of have fun together. Yeah.

Yeah, I agree. And, uh, it was eye-opening to me. And as I've told you every time I come on, everywhere I go in this country, people come up to me and mention you guys and, hey, I love you coming on the show. And it's, it's awesome. So it was, it was actually my honor. I am going to Barnes Noble when we disconnect from this to sign one. I am, oh, I'm gonna, I'm just gonna sit outside all day and I'm gonna welcome everybody to Barnes Noble. Uh, I'm gonna buy a whole case of these things and hand them out.

You should sign a couple. That would be funny. Go to Barnes Noble and actually be like, hey, anyone who wants a part of my book in Colorado signed by me, Joe Buck, that would be sick.

Yeah, that's— that would be not my style, but I, I, I just— to force my autograph on people?

Yeah, I think they would appreciate it. In fact, I, I give you or anybody else that's on the COVID of this book— you can anytime you see the book, if it's an airport port, sign your name. Yep, that's fine. Yep, I've done that.

I— when my book was out, I'd go in and sign them. That's a baller move. Got arrested, wrestled to the ground one time. I love it.

All right, Zach, real quick, last question. Give it to Joe. How you doing, Joe?

Did have a quick question. If you were to get back in your own personal book game, what are your thoughts on Big Cat and PFT writing the foreword?

Oh God, yeah, you don't want that. No, I know I do. That's— that would be more my audience. I think that's a great question. So if I do you, which I won't, uh, would you commit right now to writing the foreword to my second book called Lucky Bastard Part 2: Still Lucky and Still a Bastard?

Uh, yeah, I'll write forewords.

I'm gonna say yes, but in Spanish. Now, no Spanish.

Oh, just say hola.

The forewords in Spanish. Payback I get. Hola.

El baño.

La biblioteca. La libra es bueno, por supuesto. Puedo ir al baño. ¿Dónde está la train station? Well, we'll write the foreword.

Train station is ferrocarril. Okay, good to know.

Look at that. We'll write the foreword though for your next book, How I Kicked My Addiction to Hair Plugs and Then Relapsed. The Joe Buck story.

Okay. Yeah. I haven't had any since I— wink— kicked my—

he's winking at us right now. If you're listening, he's winking. He's doing the wink.

I know the way the hair does look good. Joe, look at that. It's supple.

It's fucking great. Hands through it. Yeah. You could lose some. You could actually afford to lose some.

No, that's how it starts. That's how it starts.

Then you're back. It's just a big hamster wheel of hair.

Joe, you're the best. Thank you for everything. Everything. Seriously, truly, we love you. We love you. And, uh, we can't wait for football.

Yeah, congrats on the book. That's a big deal. Thank you. Now here's the thing, I was a New York Times bestseller because of the weird algorithm that they do. Yeah, I don't really know that that translates to actual financial success, but it's cool to say.

Yeah, yeah.

Like, you guys were, you know, hitting me with, do you watch for the ratings. Are you guys going to be—

oh yeah, that will guarantee it. Yeah, I hope the Dr.

Jill Biden's book doesn't sell a single copy this week.

No, no, we'll guarantee it. We're going to be New York Times boycotting it, as a matter of fact. And if we're not, we'll just— we'll just do— we'll do like update to the book and we'll call it, pardon my book, a New York Times bestseller.

And then just misspelled Times. Yeah, yeah, yeah, apostrophe.

Yeah, we're good. We're good. We got Got it. All right, Joe, you're the best.

Thanks, Joe. Thanks, Joe. Joe Buck was brought to you by our great friends over at Twisted Tea. It's officially the dog days of summer. Twisted Tea is our go-to for cooling down when it's heating up. When it's hot, you know I'm reaching for something ice cold. Twisted Tea, it's the perfect drink for lake days, beach days, backyard grilling, all the good stuff summer has to offer. Twisted Tea is a refreshing hard iced tea made with real brewed tea, 5% alcohol. It's full of flavor, very refreshing. Refreshing, goes down smooth. There's no carbonation, which makes it easy to drink all day long. Whether it's hitting the course for a round, pre-gaming a ball game, or inviting the guys over for backyard grilling, Twisted Tea is always there to keep the good times rolling. Grab a refreshing Twisted Tea today. Check them out with Twisted Tea. And Joe Buck was also brought to you by our very good friends over at Bluechew. Shout out Joe Buck, brought to you by Bluechew. Part of my take is sponsored by Bluechew. Guys, coaches love saying we just have to execute. Well, some of you, some of you are going 3 and out in your own bedroom.

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Okay, let's wrap up. We got FAQs on Pardon My Book. What a, what a name for it, huh, boys? We really crushed that.

We spent years really planning out the name.

All right, sup guys, book was incredible, huge thank you for that.

When you guys already read it, actually I did see some people get it like 2 days ago and it is a book you can breeze through.

When you guys use huge words like ombudsman, do you look at Google search results trends or to see how dumb the AWLs are? Also, why don't you guys have an office dog. Did Max shut that down? Thank you, pod gods. I have a dog.

Yeah, there's a lot of people on the show that don't—

that don't have a dog. Mike Vick— ask him about The Office. Mike Vick had lots of dogs, Max.

I— my dog does not fight. Checkmate. Checkmate. My dog is very safe.

Office dog would be a terrible idea. Yeah, um, that dog would be—

it would be good to pet, like, day one. The office dog would be be great. And then you'd have to figure out like who's actually taking care of it. Yeah.

I mean, we could barely— we had to give away our office turtle.

Yeah. Memes. Well, that's not true. That was well taken care of.

Should we get a goldfish this year?

Called it trash. I mean, I think you just read— you wrote the chapter on Larry and you were like, what if we have another one? There's never going to be another Larry.

Zach, could you keep a goldfish alive? A goldfish? How about a dog instead? Dog? Dog?

I'm not sure. Store. I'll say it. I don't know about—

I would love to keep it. I'd love to just see how a goldfish does for a couple weeks. Let's talk about it later, okay? Fair. But it would be nice. Would be nice.

Hey Danielle, Erica, Henrietta, Maxine, Z, and Mimi. Mimi, that's my grandmother's name. Okay, who is your favorite recurring guest who is not featured in the book.

Oh, like that didn't write a chapter? Julian Edelman.

Yeah, Julian's up there. Uh, Greg Olsen, maybe Stanford Steve. Yeah, Kyle Schwarber. God, Schwarber. P. Crow Armstrong. Um, Joe Missoula. Yeah, Missoula chapter would have been good. Yeah, I mean, we, we, we couldn't, we couldn't do a million because it would have just made the book like 7,000 pages long. But yeah, there's definitely some people I was like, get. We should have had them write a chapter.

Rick Pitino, just a sentence. Booger.

We should have Booger write a chapter. Yeah. Next book, Stavey. Stavey would have— yeah, would have been good. Would have been good.

I parentheses, we need the full 24-hour rundown of the LSU championship title game, how the Coach Owen Burrow interview somehow still happened. All-time rally from everyone involved.

10-time AWL Andre from Nashville. Okay. 2000— what, 2019, '20? Technically, yeah.

Right before COVID Yeah. We— LSU won. I think we all bet a lot on LSU to win. We went out, we started— we went and saw our friend Derek, who is Coach O's right-hand man And he at that point was like, I think he said to me, he's like, hey, I'll text you if this can actually happen. And I was like, there's just no way. And then we went out all night. At one point we were at a bar and it was like us, Jay Cutler, and Anthony Rizzo all hanging out.

And Stanford Steve and Stanford Steve. Yeah. Chris Long.

Yeah.

And Chris Long. Yes. I tried. I tried to wrestle Stanford Steve. Yeah. That didn't go well.

And then I want to say we got home around like 2 or 3 in the morning. And I think I set an alarm for like super early. And I woke up and then Derek texted, was like, it's a go, you got to be here at this time and we can do it. And it was just like mad dash. We carried the stuff there, right? And it was just a— it was a— we were so drunk. We were still so drunk. Drunk. I think like 8 in the morning.

I think I at some point hung out with maybe Steve Levy that night. Yeah, he was in one of the bars. He was there. Then I remember I was at that bar with Chris Long and Stanford Steve and Rizzo and Tommy Alter was there. Yeah. And I think me and Tommy were like, it's time to go. I recall that being about 4 AM. Yeah. And I looked at my phone and I think that's when you texted interview. Oh, so it was happened.

Yeah, it might have happened at the end of the night. Yeah. Where I— before I went to sleep, but it It was— it— I, I want to say it was like maybe 3 hours of sleep. Yeah, fully drunk. And then carrying our stuff to the hotel. And Derek, who's the man, absolute legend, uh, was basically like, here's the room, set up. Our bus leaves at 9. You guys get— you know, Joe will come in at 8, Coach O will come in at 8:20. That's what I got for you. And we're like, we can make it work. And yeah, it was— I mean, to get— that was a big pinch-me moment too, where it's like, these guys just won a national title and we're getting to interview them and we're fucked up. Yeah, very cool.

And then I remember when, when Coach O got done with the interview, he walked down the hallway and started screaming at everybody like, you're going to miss the bus, get on the bus. He was angry at his team. Like, hey, like, Coach, I don't think they care. Yeah, right now they just won. And then later on, we were doing the podcast in one of the hotel rooms. Rooms. I remember puking during that. I was so hungover. Yep. Throwing up during the podcast that we did afterwards. Yep. It was a good time.

It was a great time.

I don't think that we'd be able to pull that off right now, not in terms of like do— getting the interviews the day after, but being able to rally from 4 AM to like— no, to functioning at 7 AM. Yeah, that's a young man's game.

All right, last one. Uh, what's up boys, have you ever seriously considered lowering the number of shows every week? I know it's something AWS like me always look forward to knowing. I'll always have Monday, Wednesday, Friday, but you can't deny that when most people get your amount of success, they would want to ease off the gas a little bit. Thanks, boys. Love you guys.

I mean, we kind of— it's not the same, but during football season, we, we do no guests on Mondays. So it's like, that's less guests that we have to do, um, and, and is a little bit of a, a lighter load for us.

Yeah, we've, we've toyed with maybe doing— and maybe AWL can, can, uh, tell us what they think. But like, we had no guests on Friday. I think people really liked that episode. We've toyed with maybe doing no guests Mondays in the offseason as well. Obviously, there's certain— what, like Masters, SVP, you know, Selection Sunday, John Rahm— like, there's certain Mondays that's like, we're still going to have a guest. But maybe being like, hey, let's have some, some more looser episodes on Monday. But I don't— I've never felt like it's like, oh my God, this is too much. Yeah, I've never felt like, oh, fuck, we ran out of shit to talk about. If we did 2 episodes a week, each episode would be like 4 hours.

Yeah, they'd be long and also so long. We did 2 episodes a week that like that does add up. Yeah. One fewer episode a week, 4 fewer a month. What's 4 times 12? 48 fewer a year. Like that is it. That would be a difference in terms of like total downloads.

No, we love doing it.

And it's like it does. It doesn't— it's not to the point where it feels like it's an effort to do 3 episodes a week. It feels like the natural, the right amount. I also—

I'll say it, it's probably a sick mindset, but I take incredible pride in the fact that like there's a lot of other shows that take like a week or 2 weeks or like a full month off in the summer and we don't. I, I take pride in that because I think that we're a show that people— we become part of their lives Monday, Wednesday, Friday. And if we broke it for 2 weeks, they'd go find something else and then it'd be harder to get them back. Pride in that. And like, we obviously do a good job of like, you know, the Tim Woods episodes, which we love doing, Dingers Only, stuff like that around holidays and stuff. But yeah, I fucking love it. I love doing it. I think you guys do too, right? Yeah. All right, good show, boys. Go buy a book. Let's do numbers.

5. No. 55. No, no, double no. 7. Hmm. I think during football season I might do my top 5 quarterbacks. 63. And Jaden's always 69.

Uh, 10.

I'm gonna go with, uh, 70. 70. Just 70. 70. 70. Just 70. That's not in there. 77. 70 in there.

You go 99. That'd be a huge lot for Pug. For JJ Watt. Shut up, Pug.

And oh, the Pug clip. I miss Pug.

15 for Jacob. 15 for Jacob. Colton's got 69.

69 is coming for Colton. 99. Oh, oh, 93! One more, one more. Not even close.

Not even close.

It's close.

59. Sorry, Colton.

Happy birthday to Bucky Irving. Happy birthday, Kirk Cousins, Patrick Chung, Morten Andersen, the GOAT, uh, Kirk Herbstreit, Bill Clinton. Happy birthday to John Stamos. Oh, also happy birthday to Ethan Click Me Out. And I still don't know how to pronounce your name, bro, but you were awesome. Happy birthday to Mitch Trubisky. Kiss and titties. Kiss and titties. Happy birthday to Fred Durst. Come on.

Love you guys.