Transcript of Just The Guys Talking Ball, Jayden Daniels Drama, National Sports Podcast, Mt Rushmore Of Things You Take For The Apocalypse and Fyre Fest

Hey, Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Stella Blue Coffee is more than just great coffee, it's coffee with a purpose. Introducing We Brew to Rescue, a nationwide campaign using proceeds from our new ready-to-drink cans to help fund 1,000 pet adoptions this year. Every can you crack open helps a real pet find a real home. Simple as that. Made with 100% Colombian coffee, each 11-ounce can delivers smooth, drinkable energy with a boost of protein. Available in Espresso Cafe Mocha and Espresso Sweet Cream. Built for mornings, long days, and everything in between. Drink Stella Blue, fuel your day, and help save a pet's life. You can follow our progress in real time throughout the campaign by watching the adoption tracker on our site. Grab yours now at stellabluecoffee.com, Amazon, and select retailers nationwide. On today's part of my take presented by DraftKings, it's the fellas, it's the boys. We're going no guests today because we've all been hanging out all week. We've got some great stuff. We're going to talk football, we're going to talk about what's going on in the sports world.

We have the Mount Rushmore of things you'd put in your apocalypse-to-go Bag, which, uh, went sideways for a little bit. Fyre Fest.

It's—

there's nothing better when we're, when we're all together, shared experiences. We've been staying in the same cabin, uh, since Monday, just the boys. So we're gonna have a loose one, we're gonna have a fun one, we're gonna have a loose one. It's gonna be a great show, and it's brought to you by our friends at Twisted Tea. Well, it's officially the dog days of summer, and Twisted Tea is our go-to for cooling down when it's heating up, when it's hot. You know I'm reaching for something ice cold. Twisted Tea is the perfect drink for lake days, beach days, backyard grilling, and all the good stuff summer has to offer. Twisted Tea is a refreshing hard iced tea made with real brewed tea and 5% alcohol, full of flavor and very refreshing. Goes down smooth. There is no carbonation, which makes it easy to drink all day long.

Which—

whether it's hitting the course for a round, pre-gaming a ball game, or inviting the guys over for some backyard grilling, Twisted Tea is always there to keep the good times rolling. Grab a refreshing Twisted Tea today. Okay, let's go. Welcome to Part of My Take presented by DraftKings. The crown is yours. Today is Friday, August 14th, and boys, it's just us today. Where do we want to start? Let's do a national sports podcast roundup. I feel like there's one big story that's just kind of sitting in the corner of this room, an elephant in this room that maybe we want to talk about first, or we go somewhere else.

The NBA schedule is starting to get released.

Yeah, we did last. Yeah, last episode.

But we're trickling it out.

Okay.

Oh, we're getting more rumors of different games and I mean, that's the— for my money, that's the talk of D.C. For my money, that is—

that is the biggest story.

It is the most exciting, titillating part of the news calendar today.

Okay.

Yeah.

Anything else? Well, I mean, we got a great Mount Rushmore today.

Should we— what is going on with Jayden Daniels and LSU?

All right. So I did a— I don't say a deep dive, but I did like a pretty medium dive.

You did some reading?

I did. I did a medium dive. So I read about 4 articles this morning. And I did text a couple of people, people that might have some insight into both the legal aspects of sports.

What happened?

Yeah. What's, what's being— what's being said?

I just want to say that I want to establish that I'm speaking from a point of authority here, given that I read multiple articles.

Pretty much an expert.

And I talked to somebody. All right. So here's what happened. So a letter was sent yesterday, I believe, or no, it was sent early August, I believe August 5th, maybe. It was sent from a law firm representing Jayden Daniels to Louisiana State University. And the content of the cease and desist letter was that they stop using Jayden's name, image, and likeness. Mm-hmm. So Jayden, when he signed his deal with LSU, when he went to LSU, in that contract was that LSU had the rights to use and monetize his NIL for up to 180 days after he's done being a student there, playing football there. So that's about half a year, right? So that was it. That would be in 2024 is when that would have expired. Um, and so now here we are 2 years later in 2026, and LSU has been using Jayden's name, image, and likeness. But maybe the real reason—

what does that mean?

What do you mean?

Like, were they—

like, yeah, they put— they sell jerseys. They sell jerseys.

Okay.

Like, I have a Jayden Daniels jersey that I got in 2025 from, from LSU. And I did think it was interesting when we went there, there was no Jayden Daniels stuff in the, in the store, right, Zach?

I didn't see it in the store next to the Tiger Cage. No.

Yeah, they had Burrow stuff, but they— I guess they've been going back and forth about this, but they finally sent the letter. So, Hank, to answer your question, they sell jerseys, they sell jerseys, they sell posters, they put them in promotional videos for LSU football, and they're well within their rights to make money off his name, image, likeness. For 180 days after he graduates.

So why didn't he stop them at 181?

So that's, that's where it's like the real reason why they sent the cease and desist, in my opinion, is that Jayden was— he was promised that his jersey would be retired after he won the Heisman Trophy. Brian Kelly made him that promise. Brian Kelly then went out and recruited a new player, a— I think he was like second cornerback in his, in his recruiting class, a guy named D.J. Pickett to go to LSU. And during that recruitment, they said, you can wear number 5. And D.J. was like, oh, okay, that's kind of crazy. But yeah, because I'm number 5, I love that. Let's do it. So he gets to LSU. Then Brian Kelly is like, you don't deserve to wear number 5. Number 5 was a Heisman Trophy winner. You have to earn that number. So pretty much took it away after he got on campus. So then Brian Kelly is fired from LSU and D.J. tells Lane, hey, they promised me number 5 when we were recruiting. And Brian Kelly has admitted, I think he said like, yes, we did. We did kind of promise him number 5. So Lane Kiffin is having one of his players who could threaten to leave because he redid his NIL deal with LSU.

He could leave. And now Lane Kiffin's like, well, this guy's saying that we promised him 5. I just found out that he did. He was promised 5, in fact. So I'm going to, I'm going to keep him happy and he gets to wear number 5. That news comes out and then Jayden and his representatives find out that there will be a number 5. And now the NIL stuff that they had been willing to turn a blind eye to, now they're like, fuck that. You're not going to make money off my jersey if you're going to go back on what you told me. And give the number, the jersey number to somebody else. So that's where we're at.

So, yeah, Hank had a question.

I just want to read Ellis because I also looked up LSU's policy. They have a written policy.

What?

What?

No questions at this time.

Okay. No questions at this time.

Yeah, well, that's a question.

No, no, that was a statement.

You asked a question.

No, I said— no, Hank asked a question.

And you said— you said what, Max?

Well, yeah, but he accepted.

That's a question. No questions at this time. Here's the official word on, on LSU's website. Under provision of the LSU jersey retirement bylaws established January 1st, 2007, the retirement of an athlete's jersey in a particular sport does not preclude a current student athlete in that sport from wearing the jersey number in that or any other sport. So we don't— we don't know. They don't know what retirement of a jersey means. I think that this is going on everywhere where it's like people get jerseys retired and then like they get some new hotshot and the kid's like, hey, can I wear that number? I want to do it to like, to honor you. And they're like, yeah, sure, give the kid the number. Like, jersey retirements don't really mean anything anymore. And in LSU's own bylaws, it says the retirement of a jersey does not preclude a current student athlete from wearing the jersey.

Can we ask questions now?

Yeah, I'm going to open up the floor to questions.

Well, that actually did answer my question. I was going to say, I feel like LSU has a storied history of not retiring jerseys and like the best players you know, the best players wear number 7, like their best players wear the same numbers because they've had so many good players. And I think they have one jersey retired.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Billy Cannon's— they've got—

so they have one football jersey retired. Jane Daniels won nothing, but things said his jersey should be retired.

He won a Heisman Trophy.

Yeah, but they had— they've had—

it's LSU.

It's a 3-loss team.

His defense was like 120th in the nation.

Well, I'm just saying it's LSU. It's a storied football program.

Like, it's won a lot and has a lot of history.

That's your point. Well, then, Hank, like, Joe Burrow's number's not officially retired then at LSU, but they will not let anybody wear that number.

Yeah, he won a national title. Yeah, but they should do that.

But they told him— they told Jayden is what I'm saying— your jersey's retired.

Brian Kelly did.

Yeah, he was the coach at the time, and the administration did. Yeah. And then they go back on it, which, listen, I think it's stupid to argue about, and I think that it's a big mistake for Jayden to be pursuing this. And to be like going at your own school, like that's a big mistake. I'm not trying to say it's—

it's a no-win for him.

It's a no-win for him. I'm saying the—

Jay was a chill guy.

The cease and desist— well, there might be some people—

uh-oh.

I think it's awesome that— I think it's awesome that his mom is super, super protective. I think, I think that's a good thing to have somebody that's like a pit bull ride or die in your corner as you make that transition from being a Heisman Trophy winning college quarterback to being a multi, multi, multi-millionaire, like global superstar in the NFL. What was that look like? What?

It's America. He's a national, national superstar.

Grow the game, Hank. Roger Goodell has done a fantastic job of expanding overseas.

Do you think it's— can I ask a question?

Yeah. Yeah.

Do you think it's a salty bitch move for him to ask for the Heisman Trophy back? He's asking for the copy of the Heisman Trophy back. That seems crazy.

I think that what's happened is Jayden's his relationship with LSU seems to be nonexistent and actually maybe worse than nonexistent. Maybe like, what's the word I'm looking for, Zach?

Toxic.

Deplorable.

Deplorable.

No, toxic.

I would say toxic. Acrimonious, I think, is a word.

Chaotic.

So he's asking for a copy of his Heisman Trophy back.

Yeah.

So the school said no, we're not doing that.

He's pretty much saying because he felt that he was lied to, fuck you, you can't use my NIL.

But again, and also the number thing is bizarre.

It is. It's very weird.

It's weird.

Why does he care so much about the number? Like the number— like retired jersey numbers mean nothing in college sports. Villanova has the number 1 retired twice.

They also— college football, you need every number because there's double numbers. There's 100 guys on the roster.

Yeah, I think he just— he looks at the fact that they told him that his jersey would be retired and he feels like—

but he still can be retired.

Yeah, well, not anymore.

Yeah. That point.

Yeah.

Uh, yeah, so it's not good. I don't think it's a good thing. I do think that his mom is very much, you know, she defends him. She goes even further. She like goes on the attack for him. And I think it's overall a good thing that he's got somebody that cares that much about him, that wants to like go scorched earth on anyone that is like a perceived slight.

But if it's negative for him though, I know this is bad press.

That's what I'm saying.

I'm saying so like it's not a good thing. No, I'm saying he should be out of the way and let him play football.

He's a grown adult.

Overall, it's a good thing that he's got somebody like that standing up for him. This case, very bad choice, but bad decision.

Yes. Okay.

I like way too far. I'm not going to— I'm not defending asking for your trophy back. Like, it's just a weird story overall.

Like, it's like an unnecessary why are you even doing this kind of story? Yeah, just leave it alone.

Yeah. It's also weird. The root cause of this is Brian Kelly's a liar, which we all knew. Yeah, Brian Kelly's alive. That's, that's the main takeaway. Brian Kelly is alive.

No way.

That's right, Kelly. That should be the headline.

Do you think Jayden Daniels' mom is a problem?

In what way?

What do you mean?

I don't know, like, we're in this— he's in this situation, which is negative press. Ultimately, this does not matter overall about, like, you know, his play on the football field, but it is a negative press thing. Like, I think about, you know, when when Caleb was getting drafted, all the stories were about his dad being like a hover parent and all this stuff, which turned out to just not— I haven't heard from his dad since he got drafted. Like, do you think there is a point where Jayden's got to be like, dude, just let me do my thing. I'm an adult.

I don't know. So Caleb, they actually retired his jersey at USC.

Yeah.

Didn't win a national championship.

Yeah. I didn't say they should.

Yeah, I'm just saying. But they did. Yeah, yeah, but they did. So it's not uncommon.

Yeah.

For Heisman Trophy winner to have their jersey retired by their school.

Yeah.

I think that it's— yeah, I mean, it's what we're talking about right now because it's probably a pretty down week in the news. It is a salacious story, too. It's interesting. I don't— I don't think it really matters. I think that it's not— it shouldn't affect his play on the field. No, at all. It just— it sucks.

It's self-induced. Like, you just— you're basically like opening yourself up to be criticized for no reason.

USC also has a policy where if you win a Heisman, they retire your number.

Yeah.

Oh, O.J.

Yeah. Yeah. Do they—

do they unretire it?

I don't know.

I think his number's retired. I can look it up.

Mike Garrett, O.J. Simpson, Charles White, Marcus Allen, Carson Palmer, Matt Leinart, Reggie Bush, Caleb Williams.

That would be the Heismans.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, I think every Heisman winner at LSU has their jersey retired too.

No, just one guy.

But it's— it's been— they've been retired without having a ceremony for it. It's— that's what I'm saying. Like the LSU jersey retirement policy is ridiculous.

But they don't retire jerseys.

But, but they, they do without having to stop wearing them.

Yeah, yeah.

So like, they— no one's going to wear 9.

You never know.

I guess you never know, but no one's going to wear 9.

You never know.

So ultimately, what's in the cease and desist has nothing— it doesn't say anything about the jersey number, but it seems like the jersey number is the final straw that's going to completely fracture that relationship between Jaden and LSU. And now since that's been ruined, they're saying you can't make money off my, my image, my jerseys.

I think asking for that copy of the Heisman back is way worse than the end. And then the cease and desist. That's a crazy move. It's a copy of the Heisman.

Yeah, I held—

that's a crazy move.

I held it. Maybe he's— maybe he saw me holding it.

Didn't you hold the real one? Oh, no, the copy.

That was the one that was at LSU. Maybe he saw me holding it in that video and he was like, If they're letting this guy touch it, yeah, you're not taking good care of it. I need, I need to keep it safe.

Okay, what?

I didn't even put that.

So Jaden already has his own Heisman. He's asking for the copy back.

That, that is, that's crazy.

That is crazy.

I think that there's a decent chance that reading the news today, Jaden might learn some things about the, some of the requests that are being made in his name.

You think he has no idea?

I can't imagine it was his idea to ask for the Heisman Trophy copy. Yeah, I cannot imagine that.

That—

yeah, that one was the one where I was like—

and that— and Big Cat, you're right, that to me is worse than the season.

The season is just kind of like—

what I'm saying is, if that's true, if— yeah, and I think that it might be that he did not know about that, it was not his idea, then they've got a problem. Then at that point there is a problem with if it is your mom that's like going to war for you. Yeah, that would start to be a problem at that point.

You got to basically be like, hey, I need to make the decisions, not you. Yeah, it's type of situation.

Yeah.

Okay.

I think we got to the bottom, got to the bottom of it.

And also, I've been having to fight off the haters. No, I just— I issued a statement earlier today. I'm in solidarity with Jaden. I'm retiring picking number 5 in the lottery ball.

Oh, okay. That's what number we can do it.

Yeah, no, it's retired.

No, he can do it.

It's retired. Well, see you in court.

My stats department sent me a tweet earlier. I'd like your comment.

It was—

you don't have a stats department.

My stats department.

It's Gaz.

The tweet was Jayden Daniels is just Robin Arryn with athleticism. The guy from Game— the kid from Game of Thrones.

Who's that?

He was like the little—

this guy. This—

I don't know. Yeah, this guy.

This sounds sick.

Stats department needs to stop watching TV.

Uh, still doesn't really—

also, spoiler alert, Hank, uh, I don't know that.

PFT, what number did—

what?

You picked 5 for today's show already.

Oh no, oh no, oh no, the end of the show already.

Well, that's, um, that's, that's the retirement ceremony.

Oh, but you did already pick—

you just said— I'm not—

you just announced that no one could pick.

This is time traveling. We— I can't be held responsible.

I'm also like 80% sure that you did, so there's a chance that I'm wrong, but feel like I remember you picked 5.

Listen, the end of the show gets a little loopy.

Someone picked 5 and then I picked 4. I know.

Okay, yeah, I probably did. I'd like to— I'd like to apologize. Um, if I do win the lottery ball at the end of today's show, um, I will vacate it.

Wow, that's big.

Okay, okay, how about that? Okay.

As will all future 5 selections. Okay, you hit it, it's— it's vacated.

No.

Yeah. Um, so yeah, bad situation. Really a kind of a self-inflicted wound. But ultimately, I understand that if you have an issue with the university— and I don't blame Lane Kiffin at all. Lane Kiffin's job is like, keep this, keep this hotshot cornerback happy, let him wear number 5, keep him on the roster. He doesn't give a fuck about Jayden. Like, that's in the past. He wants to win right now. That's how Lane Kiffin operates. I got no problem with that. Fuck Brian Kelly. Yeah, that's—

we already knew that. Yeah, this wasn't the, the moment that I was like, oh, Brian Kelly might be not a great guy.

I thought he was— I thought he was a great football coach. Wait, is Brian Kelly a better football coach or human being?

Football coach for sure.

Are you?

Yeah, I think so. It's pretty bad.

It's pretty bad as a football coach recently.

I mean, he won a lot of games, but recently he definitely is a better football I mean, right now he's a bad guy.

Bad guy, right?

Right now, shitload of games at Notre Dame, won a shitload of games in Cincinnati. Yes. Did not—

like, you could make the argument that he's a decent football coach. You could not make the argument. Yes.

Decent guy.

Yes. The joke, guys, was that Brian Kelly sucked at LSU. That was a joke. Yeah, but he was saying he was so bad. I was saying he was so bad at LSU that the other stuff is actually not as bad as his job that he did at LSU. That was the joke. That was the joke. We got to the bottom of Thank you.

You're not triggered.

I don't like it. You guys ruined the joke by overexplaining and don't understand what I'm trying to say.

Okay, um, all right, next story. Uh, do we have any next stories? That was a big story.

Uh, Bears, anything with the Bears?

No, there was— so what happened was there was a, uh, guy, I think Ben Devine, tweeted that the Bears are going to change their name to the Indiana Bears if they go to Hammond. He now is claiming that he was like duped to a level that someone was falsifying information to, to as a source to dupe him. He came out and was like, I've been duped.

See, like a big J.

He's—

he reports on the Bears a little bit.

He—

what do you mean they were falsifying information?

I hear— I'll pull it up.

He—

George Ricasse is talking to— there was no announcement. There's basically no announcement. They're like, yeah, we're still working on Indiana, maybe still talking to Illinois, we're not going to change our name if we go to Indiana. Uh, let's see. Uh, so, uh, he said a finalized— Ben Devine said a finalized stadium deal is expected tomorrow with the Chicago Bears landing in Indiana. Per source, Indiana is so heavily incentivizing the deal as to include a name change with Indiana in the team name when the stadium is complete. And then the next, like, 18 hours later, he said, retraction, I was duped. The source mentioned here I now believe to be either fraudulent or intentionally manipulative. Someone went to immense lengths to verify identity for this one post. I've got no other info from him. I will not be posting any other information. I believe there will not be any name change. So yeah, he got duped to a hilarious level. He actually DM'd me, said, have you been texting me? I was like, dude, I don't know what you're talking about.

What?

I think he thought maybe I was duping him. I don't— I have nothing to do with it. So, uh, yeah, there was like a little scuttlebutt, uh, about that, but there's basically no announcement, which again, I mean, Kevin Warren just said, uh, someone asked him for a timeline and he said his wife told him 6 months ago, no more timelines, no more, don't set any more dates. So that's, that's the level that they're dealing with, not exactly high-level shit.

Uh, I did see a quote that said that it was the, uh, the one thing that they're, that they care about, that the Bears are focused on.

Of what?

Getting a new stadium.

Yeah.

I mean, in terms of the Bears, like Kevin Warren, that's his only job. Yeah, that's literally his only job. And he's doing a great job of it.

The Bears' sole focus, I guess it was saying their sole focus is just in Indiana, meaning it's not.

Yeah.

And in Arlington Heights.

And George McCaskey was talking to the media today. So that's why it's all like basically how it all started was on Wednesday. It was like George McCaskey to address the media, which he does every year during training camp. And then this guy Ben Devine was like, if they go to Indiana, they're going to change their name to the Indiana Bears. Everyone ran with it. And then it's been a nothing burger since. So that was fun. Okay. Other stories. Let's see. I have a, I have a list that I wanted to go through real quick. Oh, Michael Penix has the greatest ACL of all time. He's back. I see that. So Michael Penix is back. And the doctor told him, you have an amazing ACL, you shouldn't have knee problems again.

So confirmed, will not be injured. He's got a bionic knee now.

He's got an amazing ACL.

You know what that is? That is, uh, that's his surgeon just kind of pounding his chest, being like, I did such a good job, hire me for all your ACL needs.

Yeah, I wonder what— like, I feel like that's not what doctors say, right?

You shouldn't say like there's 0% chance of reinjury.

Don't doctors normally like do a really good job of hedging where it's like, hey, nothing is— nothing is definite. Yeah, anyone can get injured. Yeah, I can't tell you that this is going to be good or bad for your health. I can just give you recommendations and then you make the decision. Yeah, this doctor's like, dude, your ACL is fucking perfect.

It's an impossible thing to guarantee. Yeah, like, yeah, never again will you get injured.

Does he get his money back if it— if it tears?

Seriously, if he— well, unless he rips off the tag. Yeah, he's got to keep that tag on his ACL.

Doctor might have, like, autographed his knee. Before he sewed him back up.

I don't know if you could trust his doctor. Like, if I heard that from my doctor, I would think about maybe pivoting to a new guy.

Yeah, yeah.

This guy's just lying to me.

Yeah, this guy's way too confident. You want doctors to basically— because doctors, they, they, they hedge constantly for their own liability too. So this guy is just like, nah, I'm calling my shot. I mean, maybe if Michael Penix never gets injured again, this doctor might be the best doctor of all time. He at least has that going for him. Like, that is now at stake.

Yeah.

To call your shot on a guy who's had— how many ACL surgeries has Michael Penix had? A billion? Trillion?

Uh, 3, I think.

Yeah, at least 3. So close. We're getting close. Um, okay. Other stories. Let's see.

There's a big one a couple of days ago in the NBA.

Yeah.

The Lakers got sold.

Oh, yeah.

So when I saw that news, I was like, wait, what?

Hmm.

Didn't that just happen?

2 years ago.

Yeah. 2 years ago. Uh, Mark Walter purchased the Lakers.

This is a guy, by the way, I've— we brought up his name before because I've been mad at this guy because he lives in Chicago. And does he like part-time? Maybe. I don't know. He, he— I know he has a house in Chicago, and I've always been like, he, he owns the Dodgers, he bought the Lakers, and I was like, fuck, why can't this guy buy all the, all the Chicago teams? I think he— I think he's from Iowa. Maybe I actually dodged a bullet because this guy, this is a weird story.

Well, so what happened? So he bought some of the team a couple of years ago. Then less than a year ago, he got a controlling stake in it. So he became like the, the number one owner of the team. And then so less than a year, he sells it. He flips it after he gets under federal investigation.

Yep.

So the feds were investigating, investigating this guy. And then he sells it to Josh Kushner and Bob Iger. Bob Iger. And it's a deal that apparently came together in the last few days. Like, what— I have no idea what, what could have made him sell this team like so quickly after buying it. But it's very weird. Yeah, very strange.

So it was— yeah, June 2025, he bought the team from the Bus family for $10 billion. July 2026, which is last month, federal agents reportedly probing $16 billion in undisclosed loans tied to his empire. Then yesterday or 2 days ago, sells to Josh Kushner and Bob Iger for $12.5 billion. Yeah. Hmm. And he owns the Dodgers with all the deferred payments. Hmm.

Hmm.

Hmm. What were you going to say, Zach?

I was going to ask about the deferred money. Are you worried if— Yeah, if you're one of the deferred money guys and then now your deferred money guy is getting investigated.

Yeah. Yeah. You might be like sitting exactly like Jon Rahm being like, where's my money?

Not getting that money.

Yeah.

But also, you know, for a fact he has at least $12.5 billion because he sold the team.

But he might also have to pay that money. Yeah. This guy is dealing in just crazy money.

So is he going to sell the Dodgers too?

I don't know. That's a— that's, that's what I'm wondering. And also, what does it mean for like the Dodgers? Wouldn't that be hilarious if like the, the entire the Dodgers are ruining baseball gets solved because of this one guy just has to sell them and because he's like, I just, I, this was all fake.

Yeah, that would be, that would be fantastic.

Yeah, I did see, by the way, I think it was somewhere in the ballpark of like $275 million salary cap was proposed by the owners and $170 million floor for the negotiations going on in MLB. I don't know. I'm not— I have no idea how any of this works. Seems fair to me. Maybe bump it up a little more. Maybe $300 million salary cap. $174 million.

What are the lowest payrolls in Major League Baseball right now?

Let me look it up.

How many are beneath that?

There's got to be a lot.

I think the A's is like $50 million.

Yeah, they— the Rays. Great buy.

Yeah, the Pirates are.

All right. So Cleveland Guardians, $62 million. Miami Marlins, $76 million. White Sox, $82 million. Washington Nationals, $84 million. Rays, $89 million. Like these are— well below. Yeah, the $176 million. There are— let's see, if it was $176 million, it would be— it's— so they must have done it based on averages because it's exactly 15 teams are below $176 million. The average for Major League Baseball is $177 million, and there's 15 teams below it. Okay, so yeah, I mean, I don't know, wouldn't that make sense to—

I, I don't know, I don't know, like what the, the other numbers that are thrown out there have been. I don't know if that's a good deal or a bad deal. I mean, it sounds encouraging.

I just don't want baseball to be gone for an entire summer.

I think ultimately it's going to come down to if the players have any sort of wiggle room on the whole no salary cap thing.

Yeah.

Or if that's just like you could say each team's salary, it's a $1 billion salary cap per team. If the players would still say no deal. Yeah. No cap.

No cap. I, I just don't want baseball to be gone. That would suck for an entire summer. That would be brutal. By the way, Max, did you— are you done with the Phillies?

I'm over baseball, right?

You're done with the Phillies?

I'm over baseball right now, but mostly I'm— yeah, I hate the Phillies.

What made you be done with the Phillies?

I mean, this was just a terrible week.

Okay.

They can't— they can't win a series. They were, they were down 1-nothing against the Cardinals 2 days ago. I'm, I'm getting my days mixed up. 2 days ago, bases loaded, no outs, double play, pop up, lose the game. I'm done with the Phillies. They do whatever.

I'm, I'm the exact opposite where I'm talking. Max had to like— I said some shocking stuff when we were in the golf cart talking crazy. I'm talking crazy about the Cubs. I said Max like had to like stop me.

Well, you just kept being like, they're better.

I did say that. They're playing so good right now. But Bregman had 3 home runs on Wednesday night. Fucking Bregman was like this. He had the slowest start. Now he's just the best player. Yeah, I did say the Cubs are better than the Dodgers. I think I'm just going to let myself get hurt when that doesn't. Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, I mean, like recent head-to-head maybe.

Yeah. But I mean, listen, the Brewers, it's only 3 games right now. So Cubs are playing great ball.

I'm pretty sure the Brewers beat the Dodgers every single game in the regular season last year. They did. And then, then they did not in the playoffs.

Yeah, no, that's fact. But I can say it until I'm proven wrong. I can just say it. I can just say things. It feels good. Excited about baseball. Excited about the Cubs.

I saw— jumping back real quick to the Lakers thing. I did see a report earlier today. Maybe shines a little bit of light. So Mark Walter previously, previously claimed that $1.4 billion of the assets that he had for his life insurance company were loaned out to other businesses that he controlled. But then he revised that number from $1.4 billion to $21 billion. Mm. Pretty big mistake.

That's a jump.

And so that's probably what he's under investigation for.

Got it.

So he owns a lot of shit. And he also sells life insurance and then he makes his own employees buy his life insurance at the companies that he has. But that's kind of just like paying yourself.

That's genius.

And so it sounds like allegedly he might have just claimed like a super low number compared to what it actually was. And that, my friends, I believe would be fraud.

Yeah, but that's also— I feel like most rich people, they do that shit.

Yeah.

Oh yeah, they figure out ways to not pay. I'm convinced rich people don't pay taxes.

There's— yeah, just about anything that you can make money on is fraudulent.

Yeah, yeah.

Um, you see the story, Emmanuel Acho's story?

What about it?

Shining light on the insecurity in the NFL and then being involved with police departments.

Oh, I did see that. Let me, let me do one. Yeah, let me do the ads and then let's— why don't you bring up that story? It's a good story to bring up.

It sounds familiar.

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Emmanuel Ochoa was on a podcast and they were talking about the Kyle Shanahan situation, how it's a little, a little fuzzy with, you know, the report coming out late, not the— there not being a police report, things of that nature. And he said that he had a story when he was playing. He played for 3 teams, played for the Eagles for a few years. He played for the Browns and he played for the Giants for like 42 days.

Okay.

And he said he was pulling off an off-ramp. He caused an accident. He called the head of security, and then the head of security at this unknown team, or unsaid team, said, hey, a cop's gonna come, they're gonna leave, and then like, I'm gonna send another cop who's gonna pull up and say it's not your fault. And that's what happened. The cop showed up, said it wasn't his fault, and he got off, you know, scot-free. Uh, and he said it was like, he was an off-ramp right near the facility. So someone on Twitter did the research and The Browns facility is not near an off-ramp. Like, there— it wouldn't make sense for that. But the Eagles and the Giants, it's one of those two teams. Uh, so it could, you know, who, who knows which team it is. But he basically said, yeah, all these NFL teams, they have a lot of like their head of security, police guys, former police guys, and they can, you know, they have fixers essentially in the NFL. Yeah.

Hmm, it's interesting.

So who could it be?

It's either the Eagles or the Phillies. And he, I mean, the Eagles or the Giants.

He played for the Eagles.

Wait, what?

Eagles or the Giants.

Eagles or Giants. Uh, he played for the Eagles for 4 years. He played for the Giants for 42 days.

Oh.

Okay. Um, question, Hank. Is there a possibility that Emmanuel Acho is lying?

Definitely.

Okay.

Also, super, super reliable source.

Yeah. I, I just, is Emmanuel Acho just admitting that he's not only, uh, a bad guy for, for taking this help? From different police officers, but also a snitch for then telling the story. Yeah, he double-backed.

He got the benefits. And then years later, snitched. He wants to get clicks on it. Yeah, I believe he's admitting to a felony.

Yeah.

To lying on a police report.

I think the head of security is committing a felony.

No, but we don't know which team.

We don't know which team. But Emmanuel is saying I didn't— yeah, somebody, whoever, whoever the head of security is, he signed his name off on a report saying that he did not cause the accident when he knew that he did. So it sounds like he admitted to a felony.

And the way, like, car accidents work, it's got to be somebody's fault. So the other guys' or girls' premium definitely went up. They're paying more in insurance. That's a bummer.

What's the statute of limitation on that?

Car accidents?

Like, lying on a police report, I wonder.

I mean, I thought they can get you for a while on that.

To me, that's the big story in this, and it's not which team it was and whoever happened to be head of security. I think it's more about, like, menialacho. Personal responsibility.

Anyone else have any thoughts?

The legal penalties could range from civil penalties, uh, all the way to RICO. What?

RICO? Bosco's involved?

Concerns that it's a pattern of racketeering.

Ah, got it.

Okay.

Okay.

This seems like a serious story.

Very serious, yeah.

I'm seeing, uh, false report, usually Class B, about 1 year. That's a misdemeanor.

But would it be Acho going?

Yeah, he would be. He's in the incident, so he would have to make the report.

Yeah, I think, I think, yeah, I think Emmanuel Acho should go to prison for a year.

Did you bring this story up because you don't like the Giants?

No, I just, you know, national sports podcast, it's just us. There's not a lot of—

choose your own adventure for Field of Dreams game tonight.

Oh, okay, nice, Max.

Good point, Max.

Yeah, good point.

Field of Dreams game.

Don't let Hank off. You're out on the field, so you're not allowed to talk about it.

You see I'm done with the Phillies for right now.

But the broadcast is brought to you by Netflix. You know they're going to put together a great show.

Well, you said you're out on the Phillies.

Hey, but, but Netflix comes first, and we know this.

Max, don't let Hank off the hook. Your, your hatred and your absolute bias against the Giants— yeah, for beating the Patriots in 2 Super Bowls— is clouding you. Like, I don't know why you brought this story up other than to pick on the Giants.

No, it's just interesting. Kyle Shanahan thing, there's still, you know, it's, it's, it's part of the discussion we've had all summer. It's an ongoing story.

It is an ongoing story.

And, uh, a national reporter also, uh, LaShawn McCoy, Shady Eagles legend, was also on the podcast when this happened. Didn't bat an eye, didn't seem surprised.

But he played for other teams. Yeah, for sure.

Did he play for so many teams?

Did he play for the Giants?

I don't think so.

Oh, he didn't. But shit, he, he could also probably be sitting there being like, here goes, here goes Acho again. Telling a lie. Yeah. Classic. Gotcha. Mm-hmm.

But how did they find out who Emmanuel's partner in crime was? How would you get down to the bottom of that?

I mean, you just got to go through the entire directory of the Giants, you know, front office, right?

That's a lot of guys.

Yeah.

Do we know anyone in NFL security that help us maybe get to the bottom of this?

Now, with the Giants, we should investigate.

We should hire somebody to investigate.

Aaron Nola is going to give up 6 bombs by the third inning today. If you really want to know what I think is going to happen. In the Field of Dreams game.

Max, you should be rooting for this story. You— the Giants are, uh, NFC East foe. You should be like, let's, let's find the Giants, get draft picks taken away. Look, PFT's rooting for this story to come out.

That's what I'm saying.

Yeah, Giants need to—

I don't care who's involved. Yeah, I want the truth.

And yeah, I want the Giants to be punished.

If it happens to weaken my division rivals, the Giants, I'm fine with that.

Yeah, Max, you're— by turning— by by turning an eye here, you're strengthening the Giants.

Schwaber's probably gonna hit at least two, dude.

If he hits one into the, to the corn, so it'll be so sick. Uh, okay, can people stop?

Also, just shout out Tony. Tony, uh, Tony's Market Tips, that's the guy. He, he did, he did a lot of research on this story because he's, he's a 49ers—

got it—

guy that's—

he's trying to, yeah, figure that out.

Memes, do you have any thoughts? On acho. Georgia's got to get one of these guys.

Oh man, um, can people stop body shaming Paul Skeens? It's not nice.

I mean, the guy stretches a lot.

Also, he does stretch a lot. Also, pitchers don't have to be in great shape to be awesome.

No, a lot of pitchers are, are a little hefty. It is more mass behind it.

Yeah, it is funny that he's like, he needs to get a little more sun. You play an outdoor sport, you could just take, you know, find a way to get a little more sun on, on the bod. Yeah, because he was pretty pasty. But let's stop that.

It is kind of crazy that he got— they pulled him out for what, like 5 innings, 4 innings?

Yeah, and never reached over 95. Yeah, it feels a little weird.

It's not good.

Feels a little weird. Okay, other story I had was, um, Michigan. What's going on with Michigan? Just trying to— do you see Kyle Whittingham basically was like, we don't have to hate Ohio State to beat them?

Yeah.

And I don't really unders— it feels like the wrong move. I guess this is a play your results thing. If they don't beat them, people are going to be like, you didn't hate him enough. But I think you should have to hate your rival. That's, that's the— that's good.

You should. Do you think he, he like hated Utah State?

I would hope so.

Yeah.

Or BYU. BYU.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Probably both those schools.

BYU is the main rival.

Holy war. But probably both those schools he probably had like some, some feelings towards. I think he just needs to spend more time. Yeah. Like give it a year and I think he'll get it.

I mean, I look, look at like Matt Eberflus was sitting next to Matt LaFleur at like a Bucs game, like sharing popcorn. Ben Johnson, it— he hates everyone in the division, especially the Packers, like more than anything in the world. Yeah, that's what you want your coach to fuel you.

Yeah.

So that one was weird to me. I didn't really understand that. You should hate. You should hate in this, especially Ohio State, Michigan. And that's one where like the fans are so crazy, you got to, you got to match their energy because then it makes them feel dumb for hating them so much. Right.

And you also don't even care that much.

You leave the door open for, you know, guys like who we like, Ohio State, like he senses a little weakness, he's gonna pounce on that. Yeah, he's gonna be all over that shit.

Yeah. Um, there was another interesting story. Um, so LeBron James, he's, uh, he's on the 76ers now, but I think this is probably from his time in Cleveland. He said that when he go— or Kevin Love said this— when LeBron goes to a road game in Toronto, in Canada, he refuses to use the roaming data. He has to wait till he gets to the hotel to connect to Wi-Fi, uh, because he's saying that like he needs to be financially savvy and, and, uh, and frugal, save a little bit of money, to the point of like he refuses to, to deal with roaming charges. I thought that was interesting.

That is interesting.

Why?

Yes. Well, the reason—

it's like what, like $5.99 a day?

Yeah, but he turns off Yeah, all the, all the, the data on his phone when he lands. Yeah, until he gets the Wi-Fi, and then he gets the Wi-Fi and he's like, okay, now I can use this so I don't have to deal with roaming charges.

Is this one of those situations where like rich people just stay rich because they do shit like this? And this to me is like the most unnecessary thing in the world.

No, listen, LeBron—

probably I'll lose all my money someday.

He'd probably be poor right now if he didn't spend that extra $30 a day when he was in Toronto.

That is weird.

Do you think he should probably just sue Saint Vincent and the Grenadines for anything that he that he has done in past school.

What?

I agree.

He tried hard there. That was a really good effort. I like the effort. Yeah, there we go.

Yeah. Um, what do you mean effort? That's exactly— you're talking, you're talking about— you're just crying about your guy who's suing his school. You don't think that's financially savvy?

Let me, let me just say that the second half of this episode we taped on Wednesday night, it's a lot looser and more fun. We're— I think we're at the, the beginning of like a travel day and everyone's kind of at each other's throats. The rest of the episode, it's like, you guys are going to see it. It's going to be night and day in terms of, uh, the, the jolliness.

I think, I think I'm, I'm pretty level-headed about the Jayden thing. I think it's a bad idea that he's doing. I don't think he should be doing it.

Imagine if, imagine if the Bears were going to be the Indiana Bears today. The knives would be out everywhere. Yeah.

What do you got, Zach?

Yeah, fucking say something.

Well, in the Field of Dreams games, since we're playing True Drones Adventure, did you guys see they're swinging corncob bats? Those are pretty cool.

Oh, that is cool.

Yep.

Hell yeah. Way to bring us back.

Yeah.

Hank, are you listening to this?

I think I'm looking up corn cob bats.

Oh, you're looking up corn cob bats? I think, I think Max is a little nervous about the maybe investigation coming for the Giants.

I think you'd be excited for that. That's a division rival.

Yeah, I don't get it.

Now, are there any other reasons why you might not turn your data on? Oh, when you travel?

I don't know. Is there?

I don't know, maybe like, uh, maybe Just personal security, doesn't want to get hacked. Oh yeah, he doesn't trust the networks.

Do you guys, when— oh, those are sick corncob bats— when it's like this, this Wi-Fi is, uh, unsecure, do you guys— I always just am like, I don't care, join.

Yeah, you already got all my shit anyway.

Is that what— what could they— could just take your life? What does that— how does that work?

Yeah, I don't think we want to know.

Yeah, but could they take your life?

Yeah, I feel like people get the phishing scams, you click one wrong link and you can just—

yeah, but like when you go to when you go somewhere and the, the Wi-Fi doesn't—

in movies they just hack right in.

Yeah, yeah.

But do you join?

You don't join it.

You join— like right now we're on a Wi-Fi that doesn't need a password. I don't care.

I'm not worried about it.

Okay.

All right.

So you agree with me?

Yeah.

It's just your virtual life. You're not going to get like—

no trafficking.

The virtual life you can give up.

They could, they could frame you for some time.

They already got me once and I— it was, it was a bad week, but it was okay.

That's right.

Yeah, that's true. But also we don't know if you might have blacked out and bought 4 iPhones.

On that one Monday, America said that I didn't. I don't know, I actually don't know what— where like the credit bureau comes from, but they said that I didn't.

America.

I was gonna say like the police, but I don't think that that's—

I think it's, I think it's, it's probably your big financial friend Experian, Max. Yeah, I think, I think that might have something, right?

The, uh, all right, uh, Russell Westbrook retired. Yep, that kind of sad. I feel like he was one of those guys who, uh, because he never, he never like aged look-wise, you know, obviously aged a little bit, but he always was just in shape for his entire career, that I, I'll, I'll go another 5 years being like he could probably get out there and, and do something off the bench energy-wise.

I would love to see Russell Westbrook just go overseas and drop 70 every game. Yeah, that'd be nice.

That would be—

might miss it. Yeah, if there's one guy that like a retired all-time great that would do the thing where you show up to like a Lifestyle or LA Fitness and just give a bunch of 40-year-old accountants business in the gym. I could see Westbrook doing that. He's absolutely going, because, yeah, in his own, in his own head, he sees all those guys up there as the people that were courtside calling him Westbrook.

Yeah.

And so that now, now is when the fun really begins.

Yeah. Oh, uh, Florida State's retiring Sebastian Janikowski's jersey. Oh, that's actually real.

There we go.

Are they really?

Yes, number 38, August 29th, season over against New Mexico.

What happened? Why now?

I don't know, I just, I was just scrolling and saw it.

That's so perfect.

That's awesome. I, I love it.

He just texted in our, in our production chat and said this show is about nothing right now.

It's actually—

no, that's true.

It's heavy about retirement, jersey retirements, and the ongoing investigation with the New York Giants. That would be the two main takeaways from today's episode.

I can't believe his jersey wasn't retired. Like, what happened in the last, I don't know, 10 years?

They might have had like a clause like, don't, don't do anything bad, like don't get any DUIs or anything for a certain amount of time, and we'll then retire your jersey.

The clock kept restarting. Yeah.

Don't you think it's crazy that Villanova has number 1 retired twice?

That is crazy.

And they're gonna get— Scottie Reynolds also wore number 1 and his number isn't even retired yet. It's Kyle Lowry and Jalen Brunson.

They should retire Scottie's number.

I know, but that means they're gonna have 3 number 1s retired.

Don't you think it's weird that Randy Moss's retired number isn't retired for the Vikings?

Yeah, that's always weird.

That's fucking weird.

That's why I think like jersey retired— we've gotten way too fast and loose.

No, it's— teams should have started to, and more teams should do it, just ring of honor. Just do Ring of Honor and then you don't have to fuck with the jerseys.

Yeah, Ring of Honor. It doesn't matter. It would only have to be like— I can't even imagine if, uh, maybe Mendoza in the Indiana, I could see that.

Again, college football's so hard because you have so many guys.

And also it's a pretty big selling point if you tell a player like, hey, you can wear your jersey, right? School, like, right? That's something that, that kids actually care about when you're in college.

And, and the— and it's a really good selling point too because if you're like Brian Kelly, you don't even have to follow through with it. So it's like, yeah, that's the best type of selling point where you can sell someone, someone on something and they don't have to follow through.

You don't have to do it at all.

It's like telling Michael Penix his ACL's fine.

I'm gonna be long gone by the time the check comes due. I think, I think talking to this, I think I'm, I think I'm anti-Jersey retirement.

Okay.

I think that's my official stance. Okay. It's a weird, it's a weird thing, and it's led us to a point where schools are retiring jerseys with no actual meaning behind retiring the jersey. Yeah, they don't understand what retiring the jersey even means. So now we've gotten down this path and everyone is acting like a bunch of big baby bitches for something that doesn't even matter at all. So I'm just anti-jersey retirement from now on.

I'll go—

I'm going to go after it.

Jenikowski, I'm going to go opposite of you. I'm going to say I'm— I think you shouldn't get your jersey retired if you won a national title or like a championship. Because then your team is basically honored right there. It's only— it should be only for guys who didn't win the big one.

So, okay, so if you're a national champion, you can't get it retired. The team—

the team already gets retired. Yeah, the team is retired.

You retired the year.

Yeah, you retire that team forever. That team can never play football again.

Okay, I'm with that.

That's pretty good, right?

Yep.

So then we honor the guys who didn't win it all.

Yep.

And they— because they don't have a national championship to come back for.

What is this going to mean for the Heisman House this year?

Oh my God. If the Heisman House was smart, they would actually have a video of Jayden Daniels showing up and taking his Heisman away. I mean, like putting it or like, like the first scene is a U-Haul.

Yeah.

And like, and they're sitting there and Reggie Bush like, what's that? It's like, oh, Jayden's team.

Or like, are they building an extra room in the Heisman House? Because now that he's got two, he's got two trophies.

Yeah, sure.

So he needs more. So really the only two guys to ever try to take their Heismans back Or Jaden and OJ. Yeah, yeah.

If, if it is true that Jaden really didn't know about him, him requesting the other trophy, it was the game plan just to be like, hey honey, I got your other Heisman.

It might have been a birthday present. Think about that. That would be a good surprise birthday present. Like, I got— now you have two Heisman trophies, baby.

What do you, what do you got for us?

Uh, just Russell Westbrook.

Retired. Okay.

Yeah.

Oh, I got something that will bum the whole room out. You ready for it? Powerball. $1 billion ticket was sold in Illinois.

Oh, no.

Winning ticket.

Where?

I don't know.

Powerball tickets.

I don't—

doesn't faze me.

That does. That doesn't get you a little like—

Yeah.

When the Powerball sold and you're like, oh, it's realistic that I could have— when the Powerball gets sold and it's like, oh, someone bought it in West Virginia, it's like, all right, I never would have won it. But let's see. Let's see where in Illinois.

Buy Powerball tickets.

Do I?

Sometimes.

Was that a real question?

I don't know.

Yes, I buy Powerball.

I buy when it's above—

what do we do?

$600 million.

I didn't know.

It's just a form of gambling. Yeah, I do it. Okay. I buy— well, yeah, exactly. When it gets up to a big pot.

The only thing that sucks about lottery is it's lottery winners and athletes. They have this thing. Where you have to pay taxes.

Yep, that's true. I heard about that because I heard—

and so they actually take a lot of that money. So when you see a billion dollars, it actually ends up being more like $250 million because you got to take the lump sum, which is about half, and then half of that actually goes to the government. Yeah, to pay for like roads and schools.

Um, Western Illinois, so it was a 44-drawing dry spell all the way back to May rollover. That's crazy.

That's a lot.

Holy fuck, dude. $1 billion. West—

might be nothing.

No, I mean, we would just do the same show about nothing. Shut up, memes.

Um, I have a confession to me.

Yeah.

Uh, yesterday when I saw the Russell Westbrook retirement thing— yeah, it was— I was feeling— yesterday was a long day. In my head, I thought— I thought it was Russell Wilson for the past 24 hours, but he already retired. Yeah. I didn't know that. I thought that yesterday the news broke that Russell Wilson retired, and then when you started talking about Lifetime Fitness, I was like, Russell Wilson plays football. Why would he be— why would he be—

Russell Wilson retired already and he's going to be on the CBS desk this year. He announced that a couple months ago.

Yeah, that—

so you missed both Russell's retirements?

No, I, I caught Russell Wilson yesterday.

He got twice Yeah.

Okay.

All right.

Did you know he— you didn't know that he already retired?

I thought that Russell Wilson retired yesterday.

Okay.

Got it.

I do. Now that you say it, I do remember the CBS thing. Yeah, I do.

Definitely.

It's going to be bad.

Okay.

Yeah, but I didn't put that together until you— the life— the Lifetime Fitness thing was really what it got. It was really what got me. Yeah.

Is Russell Martin retired?

Yeah.

It is, right?

Russell Brand. What's he up to?

He retired himself, I think.

All right.

Okay. Last story. And then we're going to do— like I said, we have a very funny Mount Rushmore and Fyre Fest. We taped it on Wednesday night. We're a little loopy. Incredible vibes. Hank, I think it's—

can we call it?

Can we call it?

No.

Come on.

It's reports. Do you do— we've been doing this.

I know, but they can't come out.

We knew that.

We've talked about that.

All right, fine, fine.

We're, we're— we knew that they were gonna not have a championship.

That we, we were just about to end the show. That's so close.

That report came out, we talked about it. Then it's like, it's—

but now there's—

they canceled the championship that we discussed 2 weeks ago.

What about Jon Rahm being out?

That's a report.

Okay, all right, all right, so we're not going to talk any more reports?

So we can't talk about the report?

We can talk about it, but I'm not going to be like it's dead because it's not.

It's all right, all right, all right.

A lot of successful leagues just cancel their championships. Yeah, we're fine.

It could— it's just a report.

Time will tell.

We're not going to talk about reports unless they come from—

they're playing.

Yeah. Did we, uh, do we talk at all about JJ now up in the 1 booth?

What?

Did we mention that? I couldn't remember if we talked about JJ Watt is in the 1st booth.

I think so, but maybe not.

Are you serious?

That's fine.

What, Hank?

What? He's just— we're talking sports, dude. It's a sports podcast.

What's the problem?

Hey, I know you know you guys are not being for real or not. I mean, we might have. I actually don't know.

Yeah, I don't, I don't.

That's why I think we might have, but we might not have.

Then, then Ross Tucker is now being moved up to the second booth, and that's what I'm more interested because I like Ross.

Yeah, Ross, good dude.

He's a great guy, knows ball, Philly guy, knows gambling. Yeah, he's, he's going to be the king of like slipping in the old Al Michaels, like subtle ones, but they might be deeper cuts.

What do you think about that?

I agree, I'm excited.

All right, great. All right, okay, let's kick it to ourselves. We got Mount Rushmore and then Fyre Fest. Just— I thought we crushed this in the— in, in August 14th when I guess preseason football starts tonight. Uh, oh, let's just do that real quick.

And if you've got any good primetime games Field of Dreams.

Field of Dreams. Who could forget the Field of Dreams? Okay, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say a game. You guys give me the, the final score. Uh, Max, Packers, Steelers.

Packers 17, Steelers 12.

Uh, Zach, Lions, Bengals.

Uh, 27-10 Lions.

Okay.

Hey, Hank.

Colts Patriots. Oh, Seth released his first, uh, This Is Our Colts of the Year. Hold on, as, as I'm playing—

Mayday.

He's something with Mayday.

I'm pretty sure as I'm playing it, it's bad.

He's got a— it's preseason for him too. I like him, he's got bangers. This isn't one of them, which I'm happy about. Oh, I thought he said Drake May is going down. Mayday goes— going down is actually better.

Mayday's going down is incredible.

Solid. That's solid.

I take it back.

I take it back. I take it back. All right, final score, uh, 19 to 10.

All right, Chargers, Texans, go Shane! Nice hiccup. Uh, Uh, Cardinals-Raiders PFT, uh, 5-5. Okay, and then I'll take, I'll take 49ers 52, Titans 12. Okay, let's get to ourselves, Mount Rushmore. Okay, before we get to Mount Rushmore, Chevy summer's in full swing. That means no schedules, no plans. Just more of the good stuff. Chevy Silverado makes that possible. There's a reason Chevy's called the heartbeat of America, and the Silverado keeps that heartbeat strong. These trucks work hard so you can chill harder, whether that's getting out of town, heading to the lake, or just not turning around when you probably should. It's got the capability, the space, and the muscle— everything you need for proper summer coolers, gear, whatever your version of chill looks like. Because at the end of the day, Silverado helps you tackle more of what you love. And let's be honest, you've earned this summer. Now it's time to go get it. So roll the windows down, turn the music up, and just listen. That's the heartbeat of America. That's today's Chevrolet. Head over to chevy.com to learn more. Mount Rushmore is brought to you by our friends at Reese's. There's something for everyone when it comes to Reese's.

We love Reese's. We have the Reese's Pieces sitting on the counter. We had the Reese's Sticks, we've had Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. We love Reese's. It is the 1-1 pick in any Mount Rushmore of pretty much anything. If you had to do just the Mount Rushmore of everything, I think Reese's would be the 1-1 pick. Uh, if you did the Mount Rushmore of candy, it would easily be the 1-1 pick. It's the best out there. The greatness of the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup, it is like the Carolina Hurricanes or the New York Knicks. Champions every which way. That is Reese's. Reese's, the official candy partner of Barstool Sports. Go get Reese's wherever you shop. Okay boys, we're doing the Mount Rushmore of— Zach, what is it again?

Mount Rushmore of apocalypse go bag items.

Apocalypse go bag items.

So to qualify as a go bag, what are we talking about?

Duffel bag size was what Zach said.

Okay.

We're—

listen, we were all a little gassed. He said, Zach, you take the ball, you tell us what to do, and you came up with this one. I like it. Uh, the standings, by the way, are— Shane, did you send them? Yep. Uh, Big Cat Memes Max 49, PFT 36, Hank and Zach 35.

Go!

We're road dogs, and we got— we got another road trip coming up, so yeah.

Barcel Camp. Road dogs. Road dogs for life. We'll just say that we're ready for this. What?

We're ready.

Max, come on, dude. Max is mad at me and memes.

What happened?

Meatballs?

No, we just— he says we were being too flippant and loopy.

They were being so loopy in the team meeting.

Really? Wait, what happened? Why are you so mad though? Like, we're always loopy.

No, this was— I— There's a— they're giving me the ball and there's a chance I just take all of— all of this.

Oh, you got to take some real picks. We made a list of 23 items.

Yeah.

And he's mad about like 21 of them.

Wow.

But you're letting him make every pick?

Yeah, because we're like, hey, you take it, dude. You got this. Come on, Max.

Take—

make the— make a couple real ones and then we'll go and then get Loopy. The ones that you make, the picks that pissed you off the most, and then Memes and I will defend them. For the last two. Yeah, that's fair. Okay, I'm excited to see which ones it comes with.

All right, so we're gonna lose this one.

No, that's not true, that's not true. We can defend it. Um, all right, who's up first?

I'm up second.

Okay, let's go boys.

We're up first.

Mount Rushmore of go-bag items for your apocalypse— for the apocalypse. Yeah, duffel bag size.

We're gonna go with a loaded gun.

Oh, good one. Didn't have loaded gun.

Good pick.

We did. No, we did, Hank.

I did.

I saw the look on your face right there.

It kind of hurts us because we're not throwing it. We're not throwing it.

You didn't have a loaded gun.

Uh, he did.

I did.

Memes and I did not, right?

So you guys are not—

you guys should have picked it. He actually said he want— he wanted weapons.

There's other ones still available, so that's good.

There are.

That's a fact.

Yeah.

Oh, I'm gonna go, um, this was my, my 1-1. I'm gonna go with lighter and matches. Lighter or matches.

Lighter or matches. That sounds like 2 picks. I think you gotta pick one or the other.

I mean, they both, they both start fires. You can take your pick.

What about fire starters?

Well, you can take your pick.

Yeah, you, this is your pick.

Lighter matches.

Yeah, so pick one or the other.

If I take matches, somebody else is going to take lighter.

Lighter.

Yeah.

Okay, I'm gonna say lighters. Okay, lots of lighters.

That's the correct pick.

Lighters.

Yeah, that's correct. We had that.

Multiple lighters.

We had that on our list. It's a good pick.

Thank you.

Take matches. Do it. No, Max, we have all of our picks. We have everything that you liked. Oh, everything is on there. Our whole board is open.

Max is looking at you like you—

you— I'm gonna take batteries.

Okay, good one.

All right, good pick.

Yeah. Okay, and then what about the, the other thing you liked?

You say it. And medicine.

Okay, just medicine in general. These are Max's picks, by the way.

He's going medicine.

And so the first one was not my pick.

What is medicine?

Yeah, I need to know. Like, we need to specify medicine, Max.

I don't know. Do you— I've watched a lot of movies. They're always looking for medicine.

This is where me and I kind of look like geniuses because we have some very, like, specific things.

We can just take medicine, like an entire genre of—

yeah, yeah, Advil, Pepto, medicine, you know, medicine.

You need medicine.

All right, all right, your own medicine.

If you need your own medicine, apocalypse movie, they go to pharmacies and raid the pharmacies for medicine.

You need medicine.

Yeah, because they're idiots and step on a nail or something.

You need medicine.

Zach knows what I'm talking about. He's played enough video games. Medicine is big.

We look at Band-Aids, Tylenol.

You have medicine?

Medicine.

We're just gonna take the whole medicine.

Yeah, yeah, but we'll just come with it.

You guys chilling out for Big Pharma?

Yeah.

Okay, uh, guest picks by Fauci on this one.

Medicine. Okay, good pick, Max. Good pick. I don't know about batteries. That seemed like a bad pick.

Batter—

well, yeah, but what kind of batteries?

Double A, Triple A?

Oh, we should have just done the free battery you could have.

Be a heavy car battery.

We could have done the Mount Rushmore bag. Is a little heavy, isn't it?

Yeah. Is there no electricity in the apocalypse?

Oh, Max, that's why you get batteries.

Yeah, that's what you get.

Good point, Hank.

Yeah, Max, Max, do you take the one thing we did all agree on that the batteries are used for? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, all right, but Max is picking.

Yeah, yeah, no, but that one we all agreed on. Yeah, well, I mean, Max's pick, medicine was his pick, batteries, and then whatever the one that he, he actually came up with it.

No, I think I came up with medicine.

No, no, the other one that I'm talking about. Batteries was good.

Yeah.

Yes.

Memes.

Wait, Hank, do you want us to throw it or not? You're like, it's bad if you throw it, and then you're mad that I just—

those are two good picks.

Yeah.

I mean, it's— yeah, if you just take medicine in general.

Yeah, I got medicine.

All right, which one do you want to decide?

I told Hank to take weapons.

Yeah, he did weapons.

You wanted to just laugh? But you're tired.

I told you to take the fire— I told you to take fire starters.

It goes with batteries.

Fire starter.

That's what I said.

Everything that you were—

I'm just— I'm just a twisted fire starter.

That'd be such a good walkout song for a closer.

Oh, we're all over the place right now.

It would actually— yeah, it'd be a good walkout song when you're walking with your duffel bag full of medicine and batteries, like, through the apocalypse.

And probably also lighters.

Yes, and lighters, since it's Firestarter, but not loaded gun because I— that's dangerous.

Write this down, Zach. Maybe future Mount Rushmore. Mount Rushmore of people or professions that should have walkout music.

Oh, okay.

Like, yeah, yeah, dude, I would— I actually think like if you go get a physical, your doctor should definitely have a walkout song. Yeah, coming in like busting through the door, you could tell everything of like whether this doctor is serious or giving up our picks. What? Oh, sorry.

Come on.

Doctor.

All right.

Oh, we should have put a doctor in our duffel bag.

Let's—

no, we got medicine already. We don't even need it.

Okay, I'm up. All right, so I already have lighters and medicine is fully off the board.

And batteries.

I'm gonna go with toilet paper. Oh, gotta have to. Okay, like what you're gonna wipe your ass with.

Yeah.

Out, because if you just— if you try to figure it out on the fly, you're going to end up accidentally choosing Poison Ivy at some point. That's a bad scene.

There's got to be bigger problems in an apocalypse than a dirty ass.

I think that's a pretty big problem.

If you have an itchy ass, yeah, you— no gun is getting rid of an itchy ass.

What, are you gonna shoot your butthole?

You're gonna itch it with the gun?

So we're gonna strong-arm—

we're talking about an apocalypse.

Yes.

You're bringing one roll of toilet paper, which will last you I like where your head's at here.

We will take that toilet paper with our gun.

Who said one roll of toilet paper?

How much? All right, you got a duffel bag?

I said lots of toilet paper.

It's in a duffel bag, so tell me, in this duffel bag you're gonna designate as much as it can fit.

And also, if you run into people, toilet paper is gonna be excellent to trade with. Uh-huh.

Hank, have you ever heard of the old—

I think medicine would be better to trade with.

Hank, have you ever heard of the old, uh, You know, uh, the old story, The Princess and the Pea?

Nope.

The—

she has the pea under the bed and it bothers her. Itchy butthole could bother you. Is that how the story goes?

Yeah, it's the great equalizer.

Is that how it is?

It doesn't matter.

Yeah, the pea under the mattress. How much—

how much power you have, how hot you are, if you have an itchy butthole, you feel like dog shit. Like, that ruins your day.

No amount of medicine or batteries can change having an itchy butthole, correct? And we have all of it.

I think toilet paper is a great pick.

Yeah, I like it.

Yeah, Hank, I'm on your side. I think it's a terrible pick.

All right, don't make us play Four Verts again, Max.

Uh, all right, we are going—

Mr. Serious is about to go.

We're gonna take, uh, Swiss Army knife.

Okay, you already have a gun, dude.

Yeah, but this is, you know, again, we're thinking apocalypse. We're trying to live for as long as we can. You need You need a lot of tools and a Swiss Army knife has them all.

You want the smallest knife that they make?

Wait, you—

I have a gun. The knife is not for a weapon. It's for all the uses that it has besides being a knife. You think about a Swiss Army knife—

I was just clarifying.

You've never been in the outdoors.

I have, but like, it would be a real bummer if like the hinges broke. I would say a fixed blade knife would be better.

Should have taken it.

Dan, I have a question. You said the words, if you're trying to live for as long as you can. Yeah, I feel like medicine is like you live forever until you run out. Okay, well, no, we took it all.

Yeah, we have it.

You guys have a duffel bag?

That's usually how medicine starts out, but then a couple years later you get— you see those infomercials, hey, if you took this—

true, that's a good point, Zach.

No infomercials in the apocalypse.

Also, that's not necessarily true. I feel like we're, we're all— I think maybe we should have established what the apocalypse is.

There's also— if you guys think you understand what all the medicine is, there's a lot of medicine you can get addicted to. Sure. So you're just going to become junkies.

Yeah, like, what is that nasal spray that Jake Marsh became addicted to?

That was a bad scene, man. Uh, but you're going to get— you'll become addicts.

And then we're not talking about medicine anymore.

I don't know why you keep bringing up medicine withdrawals, and you're not going to have any medicine for—

to help you.

Medicine was like 5 picks ago.

You brought it up again. Okay, you guys have another pick.

Uh, me, Hank and I also believe in the, the bartering economy, so we would like to take drugs.

What? What kind of drugs? Medicine?

You guys get all the medicine, we get all the drugs.

Okay, what about—

some of those are both— some of those—

yeah, I know, medicinal marijuana is part of medical drugs. Okay, so we get weed federally? You definitely don't get me. Yeah, we get weed.

Yeah, that's fine. Okay.

Cool.

Hey, Hank, federally weed's still illegal, I think.

Yeah, federally they don't get weed.

No, no, we get weed though. State and local just said yes to weed.

State, local, some states, right?

So what drugs are you guys getting?

All of them.

All of them.

So you guys are like walking around high on heroin with a loaded gun and an itchy asshole? That's a bad scene.

Or guys who are looking for maybe some toilet paper and a guy who's into heroin's like, hey, we'll down a trade. It's a great bartering tactic. Okay.

OK. And if things are going south, it's like—

Just go on— We could robo-trip.

Take a big batch.

You didn't think about that?

Robitussin.

That's a good point.

Take enough of that, fuck you up.

Yeah, just be asleep.

Say there's a guy with some warm chicken parm. Maybe he likes, you know, maybe some mushrooms. I will trade some mushrooms for some chicken parm.

We should've put chicken parm on the list.

All right, PFT.

I'm gonna take medicine.

You wish.

Uh, let's see. I could take 6, I could take 4.

I like this.

Yeah, I could take—

we're going with no numbers, by the way.

Yeah, we don't have numbers in this, in this apocalypse.

7, I could take 8. Um, I've got some really bad picks on this list here.

Bitch, we have worse.

I've got a really bad one, but I actually truly think that it's good.

Memes had one that pissed me off. First one. We walked into the room, you said one, it really pissed me off.

It set the tone.

I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go with seeds. Oh, okay, lots of seeds.

No, that's actually good because you can plant stuff.

Yeah, no, that's not bad.

Yeah, no, no fucking shit.

Yes.

What kind of analysis was that, Max?

Yes.

What did you think I was gonna do with it?

At first I thought you were talking about like Grubbing on some sunflowers, like sunflower seeds.

Oh, that's a good idea. Cause you could even plant them too. You thought about eating them?

Yeah. I thought you were like seeds. Like I went to the gas station, I picked up some seeds.

Yeah, man. Do you, you take seeds for tomatoes, for crops?

No, that's a good one.

Corn for all sorts of stuff. You, you make your own food. That's also going to be super in demand. Because grocery stores aren't going to last forever. Farms aren't going to be around that much more. Seeds.

Seeds.

Ask any prepper, they'll tell you seeds, seeds, that's the ticket.

It's a good pick.

Also, you could grow your own marijuana and poppies.

All right.

And coke plants, whatever that comes from.

No, they already got drugs.

But I could make my own.

You can't have anything that does— has to do with—

don't even think about medicine. Yeah, there's definitely seeds of of like, yeah, I'd make my own medicine now.

And then you guys, when you ran out, you'd have to come to my farm.

All right, Max, how long are you planning to last in this apocalypse?

How long are you planning on lasting?

It's an apocalypse, probably not long.

As long as possible. Yeah, with your bag, not long enough to, to grow a fucking tree.

You might have to.

I don't want to grow a tree. Who said anything about growing a tree?

Uh, sorry, a tomato plant.

Yeah, yeah, like 6 months.

It's an apocalypse.

So you're planning on taking things to occupy your mind for 2 months before you die?

We're gonna go with a Game Boy.

Yeah, there it is! That's a good pick, and we already have the batteries.

Yep.

So those go hand in hand.

Yep.

Like, I— if you're gonna die, you might as well do something fun on the way out.

Agreed.

You like that pick?

Yeah, we had it.

Oh, you had Game Boy?

Yeah, we just didn't know about like the the—

you didn't have batteries.

Once you're—

well, it's like eventually we'll trade you drugs for a couple batteries.

And then we're gonna go with a non-perishable food.

Oh, like maybe a seed.

Yeah, like Twinkies, sunflower.

I— you said sunflower seeds and I was like, fuck, that was gonna be my name.

That's a good pick, Max. Non-perishable foods.

Yeah.

So you just— how many cans?

As many as we can get.

So really heavy bag.

Yeah, no, our bag is pretty heavy.

Look, we got 3 guys. Yeah, you have enough food for like 3 days rationing.

Okay, 4.

How long is it going to take you to grow those fucking seeds?

You guys don't have—

what are you gonna do?

And they're done.

It's an investment.

Oh, so what are you gonna kill?

We might just take you.

You don't have it in you. You're gonna eat me? No, you gotta kill Max and memes too.

Yeah, it's an apocalypse.

Yeah, in Philly, batteries are a big-time weapon. We should have picked 6.

What?

We should have picked 6. We'll get to that. Uh, okay, PFT, I'm up again. Yeah, yeah, 6 was a big miss. Fuck, man, I'm actually mad at you for that.

Uh, I've got one that I should take.

Take it. As someone who just— who's regretting not taking 6, you should take it.

Cigs?

No, 6. Number 6.

Are you gonna take cigs?

I was thinking about taking cigs.

Maybe you already got the lighter.

Yeah, it might be medicine. Yeah, um, or drugs, I guess. Actually, in apocalypse, there's gonna be a lot of people that used to smoke cigarettes that don't have cigarettes anymore. They'll probably rob you. Um, I'm gonna go— this is really good value, I think, for the last round.

I like, I like when you say that.

I took food in the last round.

Yeah, you did get food. That actually is a huge—

you took lunch, you packed lunch, eat some food. Uh, I'm gonna take nudes. I mean, okay, I'm planning for the long term. There's no internet. There's no weird movie theaters or sticky floors. You, uh, nudes are gonna be the new gold.

Even in the apocalypse, you're horny.

No, no, these are to barter. Oh, it's like if you run across some people, they've got some stuff. Like maybe they, they might have some medicine.

That was genuinely our next pick was porno mags.

Oh, there you go.

We had that on our list too.

And we had porn.

And you're like, I've got nipples. Like, yeah, confirmed boobs. You are going to be a person in high demand.

We also had old Sports Illustrated to be like, be able to remember football. Yeah, almost as good as porno.

I, I wrote— wait, are we done?

No, no, they have their last pick.

Okay, I don't want Hank to steal this one.

Uh, I don't know that, Zach, or honestly, we have right now gun, Swiss Army knife, drugs.

Yeah, a lot of weapons.

I like 8.

You guys are like, okay, we were like trying to play Scarface.

We'd like to take playing cards.

Okay, it's a good time.

Playing cards? Yeah. Okay.

Yeah, I like cards.

I like cards.

Suck when you lose them though.

Who are you going to play with? You guys play solitaire?

Maybe you guys bring over your Game Boy. PFT brings over some of the seeds. The new bag. Play little cards.

Okay. How long are you guys thinking we're going to be in the apocalypse?

Yeah, well, cards you don't need batteries for. You can play cards forever.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like, that's kind of weird that you're thinking—

What did you say, man?

It's gonna be such a long apocalypse. Max was like, it's just something.

It's like, it's like, what are we all just gonna jerk off with each other?

Yeah, like, let's say we survive. Let's say we survive. And when— and, and if we survive, then yeah, having seeds would be good. But if you survive, you run out of toilet paper, I don't know, 6 months in. If you survive 3 years, we have cards for— we have cards for as long as we survive.

We have Game Boys forever.

Yeah, and bad—

I mean, yeah, batteries was a huge—

maybe some of my seeds are cotton seeds. And then I grow my own toilet paper?

No, you couldn't do that.

We, we basically did the Dwyane Wade-LeBron James alley-oop with, with batteries to Game Boy. Yeah, you didn't see the Game Boy coming after the batteries pick. We set ourselves up for success. Okay, good. Mount Rushmore.

Nobody picked water.

That was a mess because you don't have enough.

That's a mess.

There's a— I, I thought about saying water filtration system.

That would be a good pick.

Yeah, yeah, like a tablet.

A lot of the stuff we were talking about, we're just like, gun.

Yeah, we just shoot the wall.

Oh, you guys think gun will solve everything?

It'll solve some things.

We'll take some shit with it. Yeah, unfortunately. Yeah, we hate to have to do it, but we probably have to.

Yeah, you don't have it in you.

No, but hopefully we can brandish.

We can find a— well, I definitely don't have it in me, but brandish, I don't know how that works.

Yeah, you could bring—

but also, yeah, maybe Zach's just tweaking and he might have it in him off of the plane.

Bad trip off the—

yeah, the solitaire.

Yeah.

All right. Honorable mentions. We got a lot.

We had Mini S.O.A.R.D. What is that?

What did you say?

Sword.

Oh.

Oh, no.

I wrote that. I wrote that.

What? Spell it again.

So dude, we're a team, man.

I, I sometimes it doesn't feel like I'm reading my list.

I'm reading my list. That, you know what you did right there and that was mean.

That was, I was, I had like a panic attack. I was like, holy shit, did I not pick up on the joke there? And then I, that's how you spelled sword.

I, I messed, I missed the W.

And okay, and, and also added.

Yeah, but you all knew what I was saying when I spelled it.

It took me a while.

Well, you also, you, you implied that it was Zach. How?

Oh, I thought for a second we weren't allowed to say sword for something.

I said, wait, what's going on?

It's like when you take your dog for— ask you where your dog wants to go in a walk.

Don't fucking say that word. He's really excited.

Oh, okay.

Keep going your list.

Do your whole list, Hank, then PFT in, uh, porno mag, bottle of whiskey, flashlight. When you— we almost— I was thinking maybe flashlight, but what are you gonna do with the— that's why we didn't say it. Yeah, I talked about batteries for an hour, so I knew not to, not to bring up something with batteries. Uh, tent.

Oh, tent's good.

Yeah. A knife or machete, mini sword, football, soccer ball.

Oh, okay.

Football's good. All right, PFT, go ahead.

Duct tape.

Duct tape. I also—

tape's good.

We had toilet paper on our first list. I talked Zach off of it.

Bad move. Okay.

Oh, grenade.

That's a good one.

Wait, what?

That was the last thing on our list.

A grenade.

Grenade.

Why?

Okay, grenades.

I mean, apocalypse, you assume we're fighting someone.

Oh yeah, I don't know.

So having a grenade ready to go, one grenade in a Grenades.

Grenade.

You ever see one?

Even if it is one, I mean, just rattling around in your duffel bag, I feel like that would probably blow up.

You'd be so afraid to use the grenade because it's like once it was like a carton, I have no more.

Like an egg carton size thing of grenades.

You're gonna—

mini grenades.

We got 12, 12 mini grenades.

Are you gonna go hunting with the, with the grenades?

Fishing? What if—

yeah, what if I—

again, it's the apocalypse, you never know. Maybe you gotta Nade some people or things. I don't know. I don't know what we're apocalypsing.

Yeah.

All right.

Maybe we just need to like dig a hole and it's like, oh, I'm tired.

Grenade. Okay.

I had, um, I had ax. Oh, that's a good one. Ax would have been good.

Uh, Swiss Army knife.

That's a terrible pick.

I, I'd first say the same thing.

First, well, also you could just burn the tree down with your lighters.

That's true. I had first aid kit.

Yeah.

Ah, but that's medicine.

It's kind of medicine, but there's like Band-Aids. That's not— Band-Aids aren't medicine. Yeah, Max, you think Band-Aids are medicine?

It's in the family. If you go down the medicine aisle, yeah, you're gonna see Band-Aids.

And we basically, when we took medicine, we went like this, we swiped on the aisle. We have, we have everything.

Um, Also had SIGs, had a map.

I can't— map is—

map's good.

Good. Yeah, that's good.

Big.

I had, um, Starlink.

I don't understand how it works.

Yeah, sure, you get internet in theory.

Yeah.

I had, uh, solar charger, so it's like a little mini generator.

Yeah.

So you get electricity, recharge.

None of those things happen. Actually, the solar What? I'm thinking— I'm just thinking of apocalypse movies, and I've never seen Starlink.

That's the problem is I don't think I've ever seen an apocalypse movie.

Yeah, I mean, we're not— we're not saying like, what would you write into a screenplay about the apocalypse?

Crazy.

Yeah.

You've never seen Stand By Me? And our— I have seen Best Friend is in it. I have seen—

I've, I've studied Stand By Me.

Oh yeah, that's right, you have seen it.

You watch that, that show with, uh, the guy that touches all his female co-stars? What's his name?

EDP.

That's not the way that works. Yeah, yeah. What, the movie Apocalypse? Or was it The Last of Us?

What's the one with Will Smith when he's in New York City and he has the dog? I couldn't watch that because I know the dog doesn't— yeah, the dog dies, right?

One of my— one of my picks was Blake.

Well, I mean, they don't put a dog in a movie like that and not kill it. It's fucked up. Yeah, you know that's gonna happen. I didn't see Marley and Me for the same reason.

A loyal puppy was on my list. Yeah, it's That can like grow up with you. That's honestly a companion.

Yeah, that's a good pick. But that'd also be kind of mean to put him in the duffel bag.

Now you put his head poking out.

Yeah, they breathe.

Um, I had rollerblades.

I'm not a bad pick.

I did not take rollerblades. I actually think it would be a sneaky good pick.

I think it's a great pick.

Would be elite if you had—

if you have to get around and there's roads and sidewalks in the apocalypse, it's like everyone else is using their feet. That takes hours to walk anywhere. You could go hunting on rollerblades. You could do a lot of stuff on rollerblades. It'd be sick and you'd look really cool.

You're going to use them in the grass? Where are you going hunting?

Like, we're talking— I don't know, there's a possibility you could hunt because you're going to be in an urban environment that's going to be overgrown.

I was thinking urban apocalypse.

Well, nature is healing, you know. Sometimes the wolves and shit, they move back. You see deer walking around.

That's where you hit. That's when you hit them with the mini grenades.

Yeah, yeah, you're on— yeah, you're on your rollerblades with a backpack full of mini grenades. You're doing spins, throwing grenades left and right. It'd be pretty sick.

I like that.

Um, and then I had, uh, pencil and paper.

Yeah, we had that, pen and paper.

We couldn't, we couldn't tell if that would count as one or two picks.

Yeah, I think just to keep your mind occupied. Yeah, right, pretty valuable.

Yeah, so hopefully someone finds you.

Yep. And, um, a camera.

Okay.

Oh, and radio and a fantasy football preview magazine.

Okay, I like that.

All right, we had, uh, memorized that magazine so hard.

The Bible.

Yeah, pick the, uh— this is where Max got really mad at us.

Ready, memes?

Uh, this is a miss. We should have taken this. Pillows. Pillows are like, how are you gonna sleep? You need a pillow.

It takes up the whole bag.

Yes, you need a pillow though. I would honestly do a whole bag of pillows. Like, you got to be comfortable.

I was mad.

Along those same line, a sweatshirt.

You just wrap yourself in toilet paper.

Well, if you wear a sweatshirt on the way out, what if you don't?

What if you— what if you have to leave so fast? Uh, a gas mask, because we don't know. Maybe, uh, a scuba mask. Max got really mad about this one: flippers. I feel like you would probably need flippers.

I said if I was looking through my house to pack a bag for the apocalypse and I saw flippers, I think it would be maybe the last thing I would put in that bag.

Yeah, you're not thinking outside the box. What if you have to swim? Yeah.

Oh yeah, like you're fishing, right?

Like swimming underwater, scuba mask and flippers. I don't know what's—

yeah, yeah, yeah. You need a spear, but yeah, yeah, flippers.

Uh, I didn't— I can't believe you didn't take this, Hank. 56-degree in a sleeve of balls. Nah. Okay. Uh, Twinkie, one. You ever watch Lost? It stays for an apocalypse, right?

Of course.

Yep.

Yeah.

Uh, was this yours, Memes? Comb and hair gel. Comb and hair gel.

Yep, you don't want messy hair.

Uh, I don't know where we went with this one, but we said a suit, a resume in case the apocalypse goes sideways. And you—

this is what— this is part of the reason that started to get me angry. Um, yeah, also Memes walks into the room and he says condoms, which is the last thing that you need in an apocalypse.

I'm gonna defend Memes a little bit on that.

That.

You don't want to get anybody pregnant in an apocalypse.

Yeah, so literally spreading seed everywhere.

Yeah, seeds, seeds. Why not spread more that you can eat? Are you saying that you can eat that type of seed?

No, I'm just saying, like, if your message is like, let's spread all these seeds and, and, and grow the world, like, no condoms. Well, I think if you, if you got somebody in apocalypse, you, you probably need numbers.

But if you get somebody pregnant, that like, that person's probably gonna die. Like, there's a reason why they won't let people go to outer space and have sex.

Wait, that's true?

Yeah, they can't— you can't be pregnant.

I feel like they break that rule.

You guys don't watch enough apocalypse movies.

No, I don't know anything about it.

Trying to repopulate the world.

It's always—

the world is dead.

It's always a really—

oh yeah, the women—

really risky thing that they are, are distraught about if they get pregnant. Mm-hmm. It's not a bad pick. I personally would just pull out.

Yeah, it's like apocalypse bad enough, get AIDS or something. Yeah, that would suck, but we have the medicine, so we'd be fine. Uh, one blanket, just one, but I think you need a blanket. This one's a personal one. I would definitely pack my ankle braces because I know that I would turn my ankle on like day 2 and then I'd die.

Is that medicine?

Like a really bad sprained ankle? Actually, it kind of is in the medicine aisle. Um, and then headphones, which I think maybe was for our Game Boy in case it was like one of those, uh The, the— what's the silence movie with John Krasinski? Quiet Place. Yeah, if you want it. Like, that would suck if you got killed because you were just ripping some like Dr. Mario on your Game Boy. So you probably would want to have headphones.

Not a bad way to go out.

Yeah, but, uh, yeah, I think that was it. Max was very upset about a lot of these. Picture of your family. Picture your family.

Yeah, yeah.

Pillows was a good pick. I don't— where— how are you gonna sleep without a pillow?

I think there's a lot of soft things that they could fill in if you had to.

Like what? The go bag?

Yeah, the bag. Bag itself.

Ours is full of batteries, dude.

The paper— a bag filled with toilet paper.

Okay, that's fair, but we have a bag full of batteries.

Harmonica.

Harmonica. Yes, that's such a good pick.

I like that pick.

Such a good pick.

You learn how to play the harmonica?

Could I?

Yeah.

I've been meaning to—

probably not.

I've been meaning to learn how to play the harmonica because Billy Joel is my karaoke song, and one day I I want to bring out a harmonica while I sing Billy Joel karaoke.

People will hate that.

Wrong. That's— that is wrong.

You bring out a harmonica?

No, I said this because I saw it. I saw some guy at karaoke, some old guy at karaoke with a harmonica.

Old guy is the— is the specific thing here though. Old guy, it works if you're an old guy.

Don't have fun ever.

What are you talking about?

What was the last time you went to a bar? Don't tell me about what brings a house down at karaoke.

I actually— I've been to a karaoke bar not too long ago. Uh, well, this is the last time I went to a bar. Ah, whoa, last Wednesday, idiot. Paid for your bar tab. Yeah, so how about that, dummy?

Fair.

And we had a lot of beers. I don't even think you said thank you.

You don't have fun.

You don't have fun ever. I— listen, the harmonica would work, but it's an old guy move. I think it works for an old guy. A young guy doing it, I think people be like, what's going on?

I think, I think Max can pull it off. Yeah, Billy Joel.

All right, then do it.

Yeah, do it, Matt. You want Max? Pop Punk's back at Joe's on Wheaton in Chicago in December.

Learn it.

I will, I will learn how to play the harmonica and do Billy Joel. No way. Yes, I will.

Billy Joel, December.

Yeah, no way you're learning harmonica.

100%.

I'll learn in December. I want to say maybe—

so you got to get the one with like the, the Bob Dylan where it's like when you're wearing it.

Yeah.

Matt's gonna be at Thanksgiving dinner being like, ah, fuck, I gotta learn the fucking harmonica in a week.

That probably will happen, but I'll do it.

Friday, December 4th.

Oh no. Oh, that's—

what, like, if it was the 15th, would you feel better about that? Is that enough time?

The 4th sounds like a busy week.

I said December.

No, you're pretty sure I have a wedding the next day. Oh no, I could leave Saturday morning, it's fine.

No, just make a video.

I'll put it up. A wedding.

I— it's a lot of weddings, man. So many weddings.

Max learning the harmonica is gonna rock.

I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it.

I love—

this is gonna—

Piano Man.

I love this. Piano Man.

So he brought the house down when he did this?

Uh, no, there was like 5 people in the bar, but I thought it was cool.

Oh, so it sounds like you weren't having that much fun.

No, it was a great time.

That was really mean of you.

Yeah, no, that was unnecessary.

Sometimes, sometimes, especially because I literally was at a bar with you less than like a week ago.

It's true, it's true.

For multiple hours.

Sometimes I snap back at things that are unnecessary. Shocking.

I mean, I agree with you. I wish I went to more bars. I do not have time to go to bars. I miss bars. That was a good Mount Rushmore blowjob machine.

Yeah.

Oh yeah, you said blowjob. You—

what a—

see, you're not gonna be using the condoms. Not on that, no. Yeah, if you have a blowjob machine and condoms, you're, you're not someone who's going out looking for sex when you got it in your duffel bag. I've heard those exist. I've heard those exist.

And a Rubik's Cube.

Oh, Rubik's Cube's not terrible. Rubik's Cube, I think it would take me off.

I still would never get it.

Yep, that's the thing is like I would bring— I'd be like, you know, I've always wanted to learn this and now that it's the apocalypse, what better time? And then I'd throw it away after a day.

What about Chinese finger traps? Just trap yourself.

He already said blowjob machine.

That's true. That's kind of— you put your hand in it.

So excited about this harmonica.

Oh yeah. Do you think he's gonna learn it? No, no, I, I, I, I promise. Good at it.

Yeah, no, I'm gonna be really good at it. Okay, this is a promise.

This actually is a— this is a punishment for us. He's gonna be practicing the harmonica every day in the office.

No practicing inside the inside the office.

No.

Yeah, that is going to suck.

I just, I just made that a rule upon myself.

No practicing inside the office. Yeah, if you're in a quiet place by yourself, if you're not, just ripping the harmonica randomly, it's going to sound like a hobo that's going to prison. Oh man. Oh yeah, stick.

I'm going to be— this is going to be cool.

Yeah, a good stick would be awesome.

I'm ex— you find that?

That's a good point. Yeah, that's a valid point.

Yeah, Max, I am I'm excited for you to learn the harmonica. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna be a supportive friend unlike you who just—

yeah, no, I'm sorry.

All right, let's do Fyre Fest. Uh, PFT, you got a couple ads before we do Fyre Fest?

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All right, Firefest of the week, Henry. Nothing too crazy.

Uh, I am, I am sharing a room with Max this week. Uh, we've had a good time, and I'm just old. Uh, you know, on the road, I think yesterday I had some teas, 10 pieces of pizza, some breadsticks, nothing good. Nothing good in my system.

You were hammering pizza at like 10 PM last night.

Woke up with the worst heartburn and a bad stomach issue. Yeah, 4 AM, pitch dark.

Same.

I go in the bathroom when I was like, you know, you're asleep. I didn't turn any lights on.

Oh.

So I was just sitting there like having, having a bad time. And then Max also woke up in the middle of the night. It was just the most awkward interaction at 4 AM where he opened the door, was like, hey. I was like, uh, I'm in here.

Wait, at 4 AM? You walked in on him.

I didn't— I didn't get far enough to actually walking in on him, but I went to go take a piss and he was taking a shit.

I like— it was like, I didn't— I couldn't believe it. I woke back up this morning, I was like, did— because you know when you're in the middle of night, you go to the bathroom, like you don't really remember necessarily. Oh yeah, I went to the bathroom. I was like, I think Max walked in on me taking a shit at 4 in the morning in the pitch dark.

It was— it was pitch black. I just didn't think— I thought—

and I just was like having heart— I was like, I was— I was I was down so bad. It was just heartburn and a bad stomach.

And I was just like, oh, oh, that's the worst. Doing this, your body's just on fire. I'm on the inside.

I'm sad that you went through that, Hank. I went through the exact same thing last night where I, I laid down and then I got the worst heartburn and I tried to power through it and I was like, at this point I just got to go puke. Oh, went to the bathroom. Oh, put a towel down. So I like got on my knees before the toilet. And then I didn't have to puke anymore. Oh, and then I went back to bed, laid down again. The second I laid down again, I'm like, oh shit, it's back. Have to puke again. Go back to the bathroom, go back, lay down. Say it keeps happening over and over again. I finally get some sleep and then I wake up at probably like 3 a.m. And then, yeah, it was— I think there was something bad that we ate last night.

Yeah. Oh yeah.

Because it was some serious— it was serious business.

This is why you guys got to eat ice cream right before you go to bed like I do.

It helps her. Yeah, yeah, cools it off naturally.

Shout out Zach for getting the ice cream.

Yeah, I'm new to heartburn in like the last 3 weeks. I always hear a lot about it, had no idea what I was in for. Oh yeah, unreal.

Oh yeah, absolutely unreal. When you wake up and you're like, I, I have puke in my throat.

Never once experienced it. In this last month it started coming. I, I never wanted to return something more in my entire life.

Wow.

Am I dying? And then like you had like I was like, oh, I was like, oh, am I dying? I was like, no. And then you just kind of play back like what you put in your body yesterday. Yeah, no, like, yeah, this is just heartburn. Like, this is just my body hates me.

Yeah, you guys were doing stuff cross late.

That's good for the soul though, you know.

I went through almost a full sleeve of extra strength Rolaids today, or Tums, I guess, on the course. Um, that's gonna be—

how whack one of those?

Yeah, yeah, whack one.

But I feel like I had so much like The stones might be coming back.

Why wouldn't you always get extra? Why would you make an extra strength? You, you should just— the baseline should be the highest.

Well, that's what they do. They nerf it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Like it's like Double Stuf Oreos, you know, Double Stuf Oreos are just single Stuf Oreos now, but then they make the extra stuff.

Now we're talking medicine, which I am an expert of, right? All medicine should be the best form of that medicine, right? Is there like side effects to the extra strength that we don't know about?

I think it's probably like like, let me see the active ingredients. So I'm— I'll tell you, give me like a week and a half, 2 weeks. If I have a kidney stone, we know exactly why.

Got it.

Uh, Zach, I'm sorry that this is— you're going through this. It's also like a seminal moment in every man's life. Well, I actually remember vividly when Hank first had heartburn. It was probably like 7 or 8 years ago on the podcast, and PFT and I just looked at him like, oh my God, our boy's growing up. Because you just get to a certain age where you start eating things at certain times at night and it fucks you up.

My dad told me that once it starts, there's no going away. No, like a phase.

This is just part of like the life you live now. It's whiskey, hot wings, like just—

oh my God, red sauce.

Yeah. Oh yeah, yep, red sauce will do you in big time.

A Bloody Mary will just—

oh, crush you. I get heartburn just looking at a Bloody Mary.

Bloody Mary.

And I'm a guy who doesn't even go to bars.

That was one of my favorite things to have. If I was having a drink before 2 PM, it would be Bloody Mary first. And then now I haven't had— it's probably been years since I had one. Just can't do it anymore.

Yeah, Bloody Marys suck.

They do. They're so overrated. Yeah, they seem cool, but it's just like, dude, a fucking vodka orange juice, so much better. Screwdriver, although that will give you heartburn as well.

Not— no, not I think it doesn't give you heartburn just because the choice of that and the Bloody Mary, it's like, oh, I'm gonna go with that.

True.

Not the Bloody Mary. So this is, this is clean.

Yeah, dude, heartburn's like a thing where if you're laying down, you got to stand up, it just starts coming up. Yeah, we got to cure this.

Yeah, no, it's bad.

Not cool.

It's not, it's not cool at all. Yeah, after like an NFL Sunday when we really go through our Super Bowl Sunday I'll just be laying in bed in the torture chamber. Yeah, I'm not being like, I'll never do this again, I'll never do this again. Then boom, Sunday comes around. Yeah, so welcome, you've earned your stripes. I don't know, we should like cut your tie off right now.

It's like camp for us.

I don't know if I want to be here. I don't like it here.

Okay, PFT, um, my Fire Fest of the week. I had a pretty good week. We talked a little bit about the back stuff on the last show, so I'm feeling so good that I can't really complain about too much right now. But I'm a, I'm a big Washington Commanders fan. I don't know if you guys know that about me. And earlier today I saw a post online that made me very worried about the season.

Okay.

Quinn Mitchell looks really good for the Eagles.

I feel like we'll talk about this earlier.

Well, no, we can talk about it now. It's not that—

wait, wait.

We haven't talked about it.

We haven't.

Did you just try to delay my fire fest?

How good does he look, PFT?

Well, he looks awesome. And the Commanders play in the same division as Quinnen Mitchell, and he's like— you don't want to have a shutdown cornerback.

Wait, is he like— how do you know he's looking awesome?

Because the Eagles social media account, they posted this video where he had an awesome interception, a great interception in practice.

Who threw it, the backup?

No, it was Jalen Hurts that threw it, but it was like— I mean, you talk about a break on the ball.

Ball.

And the old saying that, that, um, great defense beats great offense.

Yeah.

And it was— it's a really good play. Hank, do you want to see it?

I saw it.

I want to see it. I haven't seen it.

Okay.

I actually have not seen it.

It says right on cue. That's what the, uh—

was it an interceptable ball?

Look at that. Look at that. Like a great throw from Jalen Hurts.

Oh.

And then, oh yeah, like, that's a really good play.

But he ran the route for him.

Really? And then he punted the ball into the stands afterwards. And I mean, I A lot of people are using this to clown on Jalen Hurts, and I think that's sad. And it's kind of indicative of where we are as, as a society.

Agreed.

That we see that and we're just making fun of people when in reality it's the Jameis Winston fact that we always talk about. Like, he's going to throw a lot of interceptions and that's okay. But it's because he throws such a nice ball, tight spiral, that maybe this wasn't even that great of a play by Quinnen Mitchell. Maybe, maybe the ball just kind of stuck in his hand.

Is that true, Max?

I've stopped paying attention. This is the stupidest thing that's been ever talked about on the internet, ever. One guy throwing an interception in training camp.

Have you ever been on the internet?

Yeah.

Remember the— remember when it was Bart vs. Onion? Yeah.

What?

Yeah, you remember that shit?

Barb—

Bart vs. Onion.

What's the first word you're saying?

Bart.

Bart.

Bart. Bart.

Bart vs. Onion? No, I do not. Don't remember Bart vs. Onion? That was pretty stupid, Max.

You're saying Bart like, like Bart Simpson?

Yeah, there was a day when it was Bart vs. Onion. Yeah, you don't remember that day?

You don't remember Bart vs. Onion, dude?

So is this a Shane bit that we're doing right now?

No, it's— does anyone else?

I remember.

Yeah.

Yes, Memes remembers it. Memes, explain it. Bart vs. Onion.

Oh, Memes, the Memes guy does?

Yeah, it was just a—

it was a hot in the streets internet in that debate. Are you an onion?

Yeah, what side are you on, Shane?

We're kind of proving our point that there's been—

no, I, I stand corrected because I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about.

It was just like a bunch of people tweeting and being like, you have to, you have to make a statement. Are you Bart or are you onion? I think I was Bart.

Bart? Oh, I'm Bart.

Is there like a pic— is there like a meme of Bart Simpson with an onion and you're I don't understand.

One or the other. Bart or onion?

I'm a little confused about like—

you're a little black. Pick which one you are. Are you a Bart or are you an onion?

What is this in context of?

That's it.

This guy doesn't get it.

He doesn't get it.

No, I don't get it. And I don't get why everyone's freaking out about this when the Bills did the exact same thing yesterday.

It was a really good interception.

That's what I'm—

that's all I'm saying. Is anyone noticing that he won't answer Bart versus onion?

Yeah. That's it. That's, that's, that's—

I like onions.

Okay, you're right. All right, that was the wrong choice, but you're onion, Max.

You remember NFTs? Yeah, that was probably stupider.

That was really also—

people made a lot of money off NFTs.

Are you a, uh, are you a Gentle Giant guy?

Yeah, those are popping off.

Yeah, Gary Vee's back. Yeah, with some seriously hot NFTs. Like, really good investments.

I still have one.

Gentle Giant is undergoing a massive glow up. Really?

Massive.

Like, I feel like massive isn't even an understatement about how big the glow-up on Gentle Giant's going to be.

That sounds like valuable.

Yeah, really valuable.

So not nearly as stupid as people freaking out about a training camp interception.

You think Gary Vee's Gentle Giant is valuable? He, he invented a knockoff Pokémon that you don't actually own, you just pretend to buy it online and you pay him money, and you think that's That's a smart investment.

I do that all the time.

Fair.

We open Pokémon cards that we don't actually—

that we don't actually have, like virtual packs.

Yeah, that is true.

Yeah, that's—

doesn't make it a good idea, but it's fun.

Anyways, I'm a believer in Gentle Giant.

Me too.

Post-glow-up is—

teams have to post defensive highlights and the offensive highlights. If you post a highlight, one side of the ball is going to look bad from practice. Agreed.

On November 15th, 2023, X user @SteadyE69 posted encouraging his followers to join the movement by changing their profile picture to one of Bart Simpson with an NCAA football logo edited onto his hat. Then user @CycloneRetroSN appears to have kicked off the rival onion trend later on November 15th. The user posted an image of an onion with the Iowa State football logo edited onto it.

Iowa State football is basically Penn State. So in—

that's true, it is true. Matt Campbell is our coach. Yeah, so there's a lot of burner accounts or fan accounts that still have the Bart logo with the cat.

Oh wow, that's crazy. Just FYI, um, in case anybody's interested in getting filthy rich.

Yeah, look, I'm gonna ask about the 3 characters that you think are kind of the most slept on right now: Tenacious Termite, Creative Crab, and Happy Hermit Crab.

Though The Gentle Giants have had to go through a massive glow up.

And so if you're a Gentle Giant collector, or you think about picking up a Series 2 NFT, or if you want to buy some Gentle—

Yeah, massive, massive blow up for Gentle Giant.

I'm reading the Know Your Meme for Bart vs. Onion. The third paragraph is, the Barstool Yak podcast discussed the Bart vs. Onion trend on November 16th, as seen in a post by X user, uh, ReganHoggins12.

Bang.

We're here with BartKat and it's a picture of me saying I'm a Bart guy. Bart up. So yeah, I was big Bart. So yeah, it was really not the dumbest even close.

Oh yeah, take it back. That sounds extremely dumb.

I think it's important to discuss defense in this league because we, we spend a lot of time talking about offense and the quarterback position. I think we need to talk more about defense. So it does pain me, though, to see that he did throw that interception. Because it was more of a spotlight on how good Quinnian is.

To put it into something you might understand, it's about as painful as the moment you said that you're an onion guy.

I love onions.

We're Bart guys over here. Zach, are you a Bart guy?

That's not a guy.

I don't know.

That's not a guy.

I think it's just so good on so many sandwiches.

Yeah. Yeah.

Bart.

All right. I've never watched The Simpsons. Said that before on the show. So, and I eat onions all the time.

Okay, um, my Fire Fest of the week, I got a couple. Uh, the first is, uh, we had Coach Gruden on on Wednesday. Awesome interview. He did, though I should have stuck up for Hank when he said that, uh, when Hank's golfing, what happens to the podcast? Nothing. I should have stuck up for you.

I'm sorry, stood up for you.

You were golfing when that—

when he said it, but not really.

Yeah, well, you're playing mini golf in the backyard.

I was— yeah, I was 2 feet away in the backyard.

Yeah, but I should have stood up for you. I apologize.

It's okay.

Yeah, I didn't take any offense.

Okay. All right. And then also, uh, I'm sharing a room with Zach and he snores, but it's like the cutest snore ever, so I really don't want to tell him. He's so fucking cute, dude. It's like a— like that.

He's Gary from SpongeBob, dude.

It's so cute. It's not like a big— like, I'm sure Max was doing that, right?

Uh, 1 for 2.

Okay, 1 for 2.

I'll take those numbers.

But it was so cute that I like— I was like, I'm not coming off like, this is so fucking cute.

The thing about snoring is like, you don't know if you're a snore guy because when you're snoring, you're knocked out, right?

So, right. But congrats on being a cute snore guy.

I guess it could be way worse.

Way worse.

I can muffle snore, go pillow up top today.

I mean, he's saying that sounds good.

I know, but if we didn't want you to— No, no, pillow up top.

I had to tell Zach he didn't have to sleep with his phone underneath him. Yeah, to muffle the bomb alarm. I was like, dude, it's okay.

He's acting like it's a grenade. Yeah, like, oh, don't worry, I'll take this one.

I was like, it's totally cool, dude.

What?

Carton?

Huh?

Egg carton?

What did he say?

Egg carton?

Egg carton of grenades? Oh, grenades of mini grenades. Also, I think I've talked about it, but I'm— I continue to fall behind in the burgers. It's getting it's getting to a crisis mode where I need to— I need to figure something out fast.

What about sliders?

There were sliders tonight, and I looked at Max, I was like, I can't do this because it doesn't count. You're just wasting eating burgers.

Well, I mean, is there a punishment if you don't hit it?

No, it's just shame. Yeah, internet shame.

It's 2 sliders, 1 burger. Can you do it like that? Is it a 0.5?

I don't know. I didn't even want to— I didn't even want to get into the topic because like then I was gonna— if I ate a couple sliders and posted to people like, those are sliders, so I was integrity of the game. Um, Max saw the moment I was literally like, I can't do this. He's like, yeah, you can't.

They were good sliders.

And then I ate like 5 buffalo chicken sliders, so I'll have heartburn tonight until I eat the ice cream.

Zach, uh, my Fire Fest this week is going to be that, uh, today specifically I had, uh, 2 instances, 2 moments where I was— it was a sobering reminder that maybe when it comes to like the the ecosystem of Earth being just— you think we're humans, we're at the top of the food chain. And then I was quickly reminded that I'm maybe much softer than I thought I was.

What happened?

Just because earlier today, you know, when you're out, two guys who are golfing, they're on the golf cart, you know, maybe there's some empty water bottles, maybe some ball sleeves, you need to run to the trash can, throw them away. Makes sense. Clear up the cart. I go to clear up the cart, first bottle in Hear a little rough ruffle. Like, that was kind of weird. Go for a can, throw it in. Adult-sized raccoon in the trash can. And you think, like, raccoons are tiny. They're this big. I gasped like a small girl and scurried away. And then for the rest of the day, I thought, okay, maybe I am kind of bitch-made because raccoons are tiny.

Shit. Yeah. And then they're also adorable.

It was kind of—

you know what, they're, they're rascals.

I know, but it— they seem cute until you're 1v1 and it's in person, and then it just feels like this is the end.

Surprise raccoon.

Terrifying. Yeah, so that made me kind of feel like a bitch.

I think that might be the, the animal that's like 1-1 in terms of if you're ready for a raccoon, it's awesome, and if you're not ready, it's terrifying.

Nope, I think Zach's about to take the, the better pick.

Oh.

And then me and Hank were brainstorming, as we do, as Mount Rushmore contenders on the patio.

Contenders, I like that.

Season's not over. And then an adult male— I'm assuming male because he was huge, but I don't body shame— adult-sized skunk just, what's up boys, how we doing?

Oh, right through the face.

I didn't see it. Zach jumped out of his chair and just, come inside, come inside, come inside! It was like someone had a gun. Like, I ran inside, I was like, what happened?

Skunk, I think worse than a gun.

Yeah, yeah, that was gonna go wrong. The way he reacted, that would be so funny.

The way he reacted was, I've never been more scared for like 10 seconds.

And skunk again, little tiny, kind of cute. The cartoon's very adorable.

Maybe that's the Mount Rushmore punishment. You gotta get sprayed by a skunk, dude. Zach getting skunked would be so funny.

Tomato bath, that's the only way, right?

Yeah, I think so.

Yeah.

And then we were— Is that true or is that just like—

I think that is true. I think it's like, uh, jellyfish when you pee on it.

Yeah, yeah.

I, in college, I was not ready to take a test. I wanted to day drink one day, and I emailed my professor that I got sprayed by a skunk because we had skunks on campus. And to that day, I think it's probably the best excuse I've ever come up with. I was like, I can't, I can't come to class. I have to go to Walmart and buy a bunch of tomato soup. And she was, yeah, of course, because what am I going to do, come in?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is a great excuse.

And then me and Cole were brainstorming And if we would have gotten sprayed, we got no, no vessel for soup. Like, there's no—

there's no tubs in here.

Yeah, so you just—

you're just gonna douse you in soup and I just— you just gotta sleep outside.

That would have been awesome.

I know, it would have been a funny podcast.

And you got so funny if you'd just been covered in tomato sauce.

If you had to podcast from like inside, we tied trash bag like kind of around, like that covers your whole body up to your neck.

Yeah, body shot, I think, Skunk, maybe you're okay. Face shot—

face shot—

yeah, that would suck.

You never come back. You're a different man after that.

You probably have to cut all your hair off.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, we would. Um, all right, that's good fire for cats.

Cut hair off for less than that before.

Yeah, it's true.

So I've been racking my brain, kind of like, how do you level up in the animal kingdom? And my only thought was push-ups and guns.

Push-ups, you think they'll respect your body?

In my head I was like, well, maybe I do a bunch of push-ups. Next time there's a raccoon, I just kind of Eat.

Do you think that a raccoon would think that? Like, if you were standing, uh, I don't know, who's somebody who's like in really good shape and jacked up? Mincy, or like someone else who's really—

congrats on Mincy, by the way. He got his boot off today.

Oh, I heard another 4 weeks.

Oh, I only saw the video where he went up to the whiteboard and said 0 days until Mincy's boot comes off.

Yeah, but I think I just assumed that he did everything the doctor ordered and he got his boot off today.

I heard that the— I heard he got a bad report. It might have—

I'm just gonna assume he got his boot off.

We're not ready for another month of that.

No.

Um, but yeah, like, if a squirrel or a raccoon or, I don't know, like a coyote or a wolf saw somebody that was like, you know, in, in relatively bad shape, like your typical podcaster, or like next to a jacked up dude, would they feel like more threatened by the jacked up guy?

I don't know if the animal's more threatened. I think it's more so like I played the scenario in my head of like if this raccoon or skunk did attack, I was like, my chances of coming out on top are probably lower than someone who is— who would have to go hand to hand with like a raccoon.

What's your move if a raccoon comes at you?

You hope you can get the kick off, right?

Yeah.

And if you can't get the kick off, maybe like a swing and throw or twist.

I think you handled it perfectly. Running.

Yeah, yeah, but it was, it was emasculating.

Yeah.

Uh, all right, Roback question. R-H-O-B-A-C-K.com, promo code TAKE, 20% off your first purchase. Q-zips, polos, hoodies, joggers, shorts. Roback.com, promo code TAKE. Memes and Max, you guys have Firefest real quick? You got anything?

Yeah, I did worst travel weekend in the history of travel weekends, I think, this weekend.

Oh no, what happened? Oh yeah, I remember.

You guys only know half of it. Oh, so I had a wedding. I— shocker— I go to—

I go to the most popular guy in the world.

This one was my— but when there's two— when there's two people, you just have to go to so many more. You go to double the weddings, whatever.

Wow, I thought about it like that.

Are you close to being done with wedding season?

No, that's crazy. Now all of like my March 9th What, do you have a wedding? Free?

Okay, okay.

Actually, I only knew that— I only know up until 2026. I, I can't even think of 2027. But like, now all of my best friends are getting married, so like, what was—

who's getting married before that? It's just like regular friends.

Like, I've only been in the part, like a, like a wedding party once. Now I'm gonna be in like—

wait, you're about to hit bachelor party and wedding season?

I, I'm gonna have to say no to a lot of bachelor parties.

Okay.

Or maybe do like a day.

Okay.

You're gonna say no to your best friend's bachelor parties?

I'll, I'll go for a little bit, whatever.

That's—

I'm gonna— yeah, I'm probably gonna end up doing whatever.

Yes, I'm probably— so you're, you're still like, if you had to go, like, because everyone gets to a point, like, I don't have any more weddings. I, I don't have anyone who's getting more, you know, like, I don't, I don't know anyone who's gonna get married anytime soon, like It's just I'm out of weddings, you know. You're needy. Like, are you— where are you in your weddings in terms of percentage?

I would say like 52%.

Okay, all right, you're more than halfway.

But like the big, the big ones are all coming within like the next couple of years.

Okay, geez. Okay, so all those other ones were for a bunch of losers.

Yeah, no, I like— that's the other thing, anyone out there that has had— I hate getting to weddings, but when I'm at it Yeah.

What about the one friend? What about your one friend who everyone thinks is not going to get married? When do you think they'll get married?

I have someone in particular.

Yeah, I know everyone has that guy. What's his name?

He listens and I have no problem saying it. It's my friend Kyle.

Okay.

When do you think Kyle will get married? Will he be the last one?

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Shout out Kyle.

He was—

yes, he was the guy who was at my wedding with his with his shirt off within like 15 minutes of the dance floor, like being, being open.

So he will get married when?

I don't know. He's going to, he's going to be looking very intently at this answer and being very anxious about what I say here. And I do like that he will be anxious about it.

Okay.

I love that.

I'm going to say 5 and a half years.

All right. So you have 5 and a half years.

Yeah. 5 and a half. Yeah. I like Hank has also met him a couple times, and I like that you agreed with—

I was gonna say 5, 5 years. Yeah, I'll take the over.

Okay, no offense.

Could he be a guy that, that does like a, uh, like a, a 2, 3 month wedding, like spur of the moment?

That would rock.

No, he's probably gonna be the friend that, that you think is never gonna get married, and then he meets a girl and he gets married like 3 months later.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay, yeah. So, all right, tell us, let's travel.

Uh, now I, I got, got delayed 6 hours on Friday, and, and I was at the airport lounge drinking during those 6 hours. It got canceled, and then we got rebooked for a 7 AM flight Saturday morning. I was with another one of my, our friends here, Jack McCarthy, and our significant others, and we were already drinking for so long that we ended up getting— continue to drink at the airport hotel, which we decided to book that night.

Okay.

Got buckled in Rosemont, Illinois.

Yeah, buckled.

Woke up at 5 AM, went back to the airport as hungover as I possibly could be, battled through it, ended up having a great time at the wedding. Woke up Saturday or Sunday morning, clear as— clear as day. No, no delays. Had a great seat. We were actually planned to land early in Chicago. We get the thing of like, oh, there's some weather coming in, Chicago is making— is delaying our travel for a little bit. So we were taking circles around O'Hare Airport for like 40, 40 minutes, and then they tell us actually we have to go to Indianapolis. So then we took an hour and a half while we were still in the plane We had to go to Indy, and then I hope so. I decide, I decide I'm, I decide I'm getting, getting it, just gonna get the, get the car from Indy, drive 3 hours to Chicago, get an hour back though. I order, I reserve a car, go through security, I get a text being like, boarding now, we are now departing in the next 15 minutes. So I was like, oh shit. We got to get back through. I go back, I try to get back through security.

Security's like, you— this isn't— this isn't your airport, you can't go back through security. TSA comes around, they say, actually, it's okay, he can go back through security. Go back through security, talk to a TSA agent, they're like, I don't know why you got that text, we're not boarding. I go back to the rental car place, drive 3 hours. It's the worst travel weekend.

Oh yeah, a road trip partner.

No, my other— my Jack McCarthy scumbag decided to wait it out. And also it took him significantly longer to get back. Oh, which made me—

you made the right choice. That actually makes you feel much better.

Also, my wife was there too, so I did have a road trip. Oh, oh yeah.

I thought you were— so yeah, no, no, whatever.

That was fine.

Um, Hank and I also— I had Grand Rapids, Michigan during the, uh, the night of the Selection Sunday, uh, World Baseball Classic final. Yeah, yeah, Hank was cheering on Dominican Republic.

Yeah, he was.

And then we also had to fly out Monday morning, and I had to go drop off a rental car and then pick up my car that was at O'Hare, and that— and then drive it to the other airport in Chicago. And it was— I'm here.

That was it.

He's here. Memes, Fyre Fest.

Uh, so this week me, Hank, and Zach have been working off-site. We haven't seen a lot of people at the company. And then today I saw All Business Pete for the first time.

Yeah.

And he just hit me with a nice tits. Oh no.

Wow.

Um, now memes.

He's fat though. Yeah, but I guess they were just popping. But you should have said no. You think the tits were popping or you think he's referring to the picture? I, I wore a nipple shirt today.

Oh, memes, memes. I have a question for you. It's funny that you brought that up because I actually, I, I saw All Business Pete, uh, at the end of the day today, and he just, he was telling a story. And did you threaten his life? I don't think so.

Yeah, that you did. You do that, you threaten people's lives without realizing it. Yeah, I know who I say it to.

Well, I heard him, I heard him saying that to somebody and I was like like, wait, did you say that Memes threatened to kill you? He goes, yep. When, uh, apparently you were complaining about the internet. The internet was slow one day and you threatened to kill him.

Oh, I can't remember.

That's good, keep that. That's good.

Yeah, court.

Yeah, yeah, it's possible.

That's—

yeah, that definitely—

Your Honor, it could— it sounds like me, but I don't know.

I do not recall.

Yeah.

No, if it's not in writing, I can't tell you.

It might be right. It probably isn't right.

Probably.

It's definitely right.

Probably on Slack.

Pete shouldn't be saying that. That's fucking crazy. Fucked up.

He's got a fucking— I'm on your side, old belly. But I think that's maybe the— he walks around with that in the back of his head. Like, when he sees you, he's like, oh, that's the guy that threatened to kill me.

Damn, the internet's been working great.

So problem solved. Yeah, you got results.

You should ask him to show you his socks. He wears long black compression socks up to his knees every single day.

I think I take Pete in a— in my apocalypse bunker bag.

You would?

Well, you'd like—

you'd have to kill him first to get all his limbs and shit in there. He's a big boy.

Yeah, but I feel like he'd be good in apocalypse.

Yeah, he probably would. Um, all right, good show, boys. Very fun. Little loopy. At the end. Always fun when it gets to there though, when we're on the road, kind of lose our minds. Uh, let's finish with numbers.

5.

No one wants to work this. You do not want to win this.

7.

2.

39.

I don't— no one wants to win this.

Jacob said 70.

Memes.

Shane said 15.

He says 4.

Colton said 88.

I said 4.

Okay, here we go. 90. Everyone's safe. I think the only time I might have threatened him was Super Bowl. Now it's coming back to you.

Yeah, it was—

I mean, it was big interview. It was Jameis Winston. Yeah, he was just like, yeah, it'll take a couple hours. It took took 14 hours to upload. And since he's telling people I was gonna kill him, they decided to install the internet the next day even though we record on the Sunday. Yeah, it's that— that I backed you 100%.

What the fuck?

This company— there are people at this company who work in the business side and tech side who still, after 10 years, don't realize we record every Sunday night.

Yeah.

And then Stefan hit me with a, you know how much that costs?

And then I was like, all right, bet. Be dead.

All right, you asked for it.

Yeah, so yeah, so yeah, you said it once. All right, good show. Protect the Shield, part of my take.

Yeah, my book.

Hell yeah.

Happy birthday to Jon Feitelberg. Oh, fight!

Let's go, Fights! I do not want to know Fights' age. I don't either, because he's always the young guy. You and Fights are always the young guys. Yeah.

He's not 40.

No, but if he was, I would be very upset.

Happy birthday to Magic Johnson. Happy birthday to Mike Vrabel.

It's crazy.

What?

What's his age? If you say I can deal with one number, I can't deal with another.

I'm pretty sure he's 5 years older than me, so he's 38.

Yeah, I can't do 39.

I could have done 37.

37 would have been fine.

That was the exact 37. I would have been thinking of 40.

I can't deal with 38. If it's 39— no, no, Texans, you're the young— you guys are the young guys. No.

Oh, happy birthday, Tim Tebow. Happy birthday. I don't know if you've heard this, Mike. It's Mike Vrabel, Hank. Oh, hell yeah, your coach.

Oh, that's why they're boys.

Love that.

Uh, who?

Braves and fights.

Oh yeah, birthday, birthday bros. Uh, happy birthday to me. Mila Kunis. Happy birthday, Halle Berry, one of the best ever do it.

Damn.

Happy birthday to Boban. Uh, which one? Okay, happy birthday to, um, pronounce his name. What?

Marinovich?

Uh, I don't know, whatever.

Close enough, dude.

Happy birthday to Chief Keef, RIP. Happy birthday, Nipsey Hussle, RIP. Happy birthday to Napoleon, RIP.

What was the first one?

Chief Keef.

Confirmed Chief Keef not dead.

Not dead.

Not dead.

No.

Who am I thinking?

Definitely not dead. I thought that was a bit— yeah, yeah.

Who am I thinking of? Uh, King Von. I was thinking about King Von. Yeah, yeah. Chief Keef, happy birthday. That's why I called the coach of the Wizards Chief Keef, his last name. Happy birthday to Napoleon, RIP. Happy birthday.

He's dead?

Yeah, right. Can we check, double check?

Dynamite.

Uh, also, last not least, memes, you know who?

Who?

Oh, you weren't ready for this one.

No.

The star of Kangaroo Jack, the one Anthony Anderson, the only Anthony Anderson. Oh, way to spoil the punchline, memes. Nice tits.

I thought you were gonna say the kangaroo.

I called Jerry earlier, so I thought I meant to call Jersey Jerry.

Oh no, what happened? Did he pick up?

Someone might have taken like a shit in the living room of the place we're staying earlier. Like, it's never smelled worse. I couldn't believe it. And I was, I was trying to call Jerry, and then Jerry O'Connell called me back, and I was like, did you take it? And then it was like, oh, it's Jerry O'Connell.

What'd he say?

We just said we're excited for camp.

Oh, okay, nice.

That's all he said? Jerry just said—

I don't know, we talked, we talked a little bit.

All right, I'll let you know.

Set the scene. I had to explain why I was calling Jerry in the first place. I mean, back and forth. But yeah, it was like an unnecessary 15-minute conversation. No, it was 50 minutes. It's great to hear from Jerry.

Do you say—

but it was weird being like— he's like, wait, why did you call me? I was like, well, I'm trying to figure out who like got to the bottom of who pooped in our living room, but But still haven't got to the bottom. Who pooped? The smell went away.

Somebody pooped in this living room.

It smelled so bad in here earlier for like an hour and a half straight, and it went away. But it was—

we couldn't find—

I was disturbed.

It was like somebody shit in the air duct.

There was shit somewhere.

There had to have been.

Did anybody take a shit?

Not me.

Not Jerry or Jerry O'Connell.

I took one at the halfway house, and it was so— the sun is so bright that when I went in there and it was dark in there, I like, I literally took a shit blind. You know when you go inside after being outside for a long time?

I couldn't see anything, brothers. Blind shit, brothers.

I just want to say sorry to Chief Keef. All respect, man.

You're really—

I'm sure you're really good at what you do. I didn't mean to— I just want to tap in.

What are you gonna say, Max?

I only have shit for like 2 days.

Yeah, what's up with that, dude?

I'm like a 4-time-a-day shitter. And I had like 6 cups of coffee.

We talked about that this morning, and Max and I had to get up early, and he was just like, this is bad because we're, we're getting— we're leaving the house before my shit. And I was like, oh God. Yeah, he's never shit.

I never shit.

It was like on my mind for a while this morning. I was like, this guy—

I was thinking about it. I don't remember when I— I think I shit before my shower yesterday, but not— uh, maybe, I don't know.

Okay, this show's gone on long enough.

Love you guys.

What happens when you lock 18 coworkers in an office for one week?

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Good.