Transcript of Football With Booger McFarland, NFL Preseason Week 1, Lebron Is A Golf Youtuber + Mt Rushmore Of Jobs That Should Deserve Walk Out Music

Hey, Pardon My Take listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts and Spotify. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. What happens when you lock 18 co-workers in an office for one week to compete for a quarter million dollars of cash? This is Surviving Barstool Season 5, presented by Rumble Premium, where each episode releases 3 hours early. So get it ad-free before anybody else, only when you join Rumble Premium. New episodes of Surviving Barstool will be released every Sunday and Wednesday leading up to the Labor Day finale on September 7th. You can watch Surviving Barstool at 5 PM on Rumble Premium and everywhere else at 8 PM Eastern. On today's part of My Take presented by DraftKings, we've got our good friend Booger McFarland on the show to talk some ball. We're getting closer and closer. I think Scott Hanson did the tweet, 4 Sundays, you'll see you in 4 Sundays. So we're talking college football, we're talking NFL with Booger McFarland. We're going to do who's back of the week. We've got some baseball to talk about. We've got some preseason football to talk about. We've got some golf creators that have just come on the scene to talk about.

And then we are going to finish the show with the Mount Rushmore of professions that deserve a walkout, walkout music. I also have a quick Monday reading that we can hit as well. And it's all brought to you by our friends YouTube. There's no worse feeling than missing out on Sunday NFL, seeing people talk about plays you didn't get to see. Your fantasy running back scored 2 touchdowns and you find out 10 minutes later your local broadcaster isn't carrying your hometown team's game, so you're piecing together the action from alerts, highlights, and texts. That's not how Sundays are supposed to work. We don't want you stuck with Sunday NFL FOMO. That's why there's NFL Sunday Ticket and YouTube TV. Every game, every Sunday, all in one place. And the best part, multi-view. You can throw out to 4 games on the screen at the same time, which is honestly how football was meant to be watched. No flipping channels every 30 seconds, no refreshing your phone because Twitter saw it before you did. Nobody wants to hear about the insane play 5 minutes later. You want to be there when it happens, because the NFL isn't about hearing what happened, it's about experiencing it when it happens.

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I'm always ready to do that. Yeah, we could 100% do that.

Drew Aller, the future.

Drew Aller looks like him. Yeah, Drew Aller's him.

Ty Simpson, the future.

Also him. Yeah, they're both him.

Sam Howell back.

Sam Howell's never left, but he's still back. Yeah, that's what I think you meant to say. Uh, Ty Simpson, the, the highlight reel Ty Simpson was very funny because I watched the compilation of every, every single throw that he made. Don't get me wrong, impressive numbers. Good job by Ty Simpson. He had a very good game.

Sounds like we're gonna put you on a list. I'm a believer in Ty Simpson.

There might be some allegations out there, much like, you know, Patrick Mahomes might be a checkdown merchant. It's gotten him pretty far in life.

Yeah.

And as a quarterback, uh, he just might be the next Patrick Mahomes.

Yeah. I—

listen, Ty Simpson, I feel like the game one of the preseason, that's what you're just trying to get, you know, go to option one.

That's what Sean McVay said.

Move things, move things forward on time.

No mistakes. He— that's exactly what he did.

I—

so I am a believer in Ty Simpson. I just want to buy stock right now in Ty Simpson, proclaim myself a Ty Simpson believer. The NFL preseason is so— I'm so over it. I just can't. It's especially like it used to be. We used to be a proper country where you'd actually get to see some of the starters. I mean, Josh Allen played— credit to Joe Burrow. He got sacked like, I think, at a 28% pressure rate, which is not a good sign because they were playing their first team offense. But remember, that was always— the, the, the criticism of the Bengals start slow because they don't play anyone in the preseason. But I just— I— what, what is it? Is it preseason game 2 is now the, the, the dress rehearsal?

Because game 3 used to be the dress rehearsal, right?

Game 3 used to be able to see starters throughout the first half.

I think it's maybe the first half of game 2.

Yeah, because game 3 you can't really start them, right?

I guess not, but maybe.

In game 1, I thought, I thought we'd see at least a little something.

So there's no game 4, there's no week 4, there's no preseason. But that means that there is a week of just practice.

Yeah.

Yeah. So it might be the first half of week 3 might be the new week 3.

It was cool seeing all the helmets and everything and everyone on the fields and all that shit. All that jazz.

It was great. There's 5. I think we saw 5 new team like uniform helmet combinations. Oh, and they all look good. So there was the— I think it was the Dolphins had like a new slight tweak redesign. I thought that was good. Falcons. I thought that was fine. But again, you can't get any better than if they did the All Blacks all the time. The Commanders just looked like the old Redskins uniforms, which is awesome.

Sorry about Marcus Mariota.

Marcus Mariota.

That sucks.

Has an injured knee. He will be out, I think, through the end of training camp. I think he's going to be there week one.

I thought he was hurt more significantly.

He has a sprained MCL, I think. So Dan Quinn has signaled that he's not going to bring in any more quarterbacks. That might change. But he said that—

oh, the remainder of the preseason. I read it as the season. No.

Okay.

Yeah, he's fine.

Yeah. So I think they're going to go with the Greek kid from Rutgers.

Oh, yeah.

I need TJ to teach me how to pronounce his name.

Minnesota first, then Rutgers.

Yeah.

Well, how do you pronounce that guy's name?

Galifianakis.

It's very Greek. I'm not sure what it is. Oh, Damon.

Yeah. Yeah, I was close. Galifianakis.

It's Galifianakis. Galifianakis. So I think we're just going to go with those guys. And then the Ravens had new uniforms. Look good. And the Rams had new uniforms that don't look anything different from the old uniforms.

Yes. So that's our preseason week one. I really just can't— like, I watched the first half of the Bears game and I was like, okay, like, Caleb wasn't playing. Like, there was a bunch of guys who weren't playing. Like, okay, Roshon Johnson, like, show us something. I think that was about it.

I think there's three things that you can do while you watch preseason game. One is hope that your players don't get injured. Yep. Like, every play, that's an easy one. Kind of hold your breath. And then number 2, it's kind of fun if you get some guys that are announcing in the booth that normally don't do the games. So they might screw some stuff up. I'm not talking about Gruden. Gruden's going to be fine in the booth. But you get like a weird combination of like local radio talent sometimes in the booth. That's always good. And then, and then 3, I guess, you know, you see a guy like fumble the ball and you just say, oh, he's cut.

Yeah, that's fun.

It's fun to do.

And 4, I would say, is the wide receiver who pops off who's like 6 on the depth chart. But you got to throw the ball to someone.

Yeah.

So that one guy who pops off and you're like, holy fuck, we got a guy here.

Or a defensive end that gets like 2 sacks.

Mm-hmm.

And then you're like, this guy is going to make a difference.

Check his get-off.

That guy is going to be a third down specialist for us this year. And then you never hear his name again.

Yeah. Check this get-off against a bunch of guys who are going to get cut playing offensive line.

Yeah. But preseason football, it's preseason football.

Hank, how much preseason football did you watch?

I watched some highlights. I watched some at the bar, but I think it was also highlights.

Okay, that works. So highlights and some other highlights. Yeah, that's—

I think that's an appropriate amount of Tommy DeVito. Anthony Richardson, he was— he started for the Colts.

He looked good.

I still believe.

Yeah, I believe that.

Done.

Yeah, you're not done with him.

He's a freak.

What did you have to say? You were going to say something about Tommy DeVito.

I think he was more like— it was like roll call. Tommy DeVito, check.

He saw him. Yeah. He plays like a list of birds that you see on a vacation.

I like Tommy DeVito, but if he, if he was our quarterback every week, it would, it would be tough.

That's a totally fair thing to say. I think a lot of teams are in that spot where it's like, hey, if the backup's playing, did Zach Wilson go off? Zach Wilson kind of, kind of sneaky one off.

Game ball.

Yeah.

I'm going to say it. Zach Wilson gets our game ball.

Also good to know Zach Wilson's on the Saints.

Yep.

Didn't realize that until right this second, but that's awesome for him.

Preseason is also good for like taking whatever storyline you want to take about your offense or defense in the scheme they're running from week 1 and then just hoping that somehow they hear your concerns individually.

Yeah.

And they address those concerns with the scheme in week 2 of the preseason.

Yep.

But in reality, they just probably make another shitty game plan for week 2 of the preseason because they don't care. And you go into week 3 thinking if they don't turn around this week, it's going to be a long season.

It's going to be a long, long season.

Yeah.

You're highlighting Joe Milton going off.

Yeah.

Always believe.

Always, always believe in Joe.

Joe Milton.

Yeah. Bazooka Joe going off.

I hate that he's on the Cowboys.

You guys see— speaking of injuries, you see LeFlore said that Love is going to be out for a week with a sprained ankle.

I did see that. Yeah.

Yeah.

That's tough.

That's going to be confusing all season long. It was Mike LeFlore and Jeremiah Love. Which actually you could just do M. LaFleur and J. Love and it still would be confusing. That's, that's annoying. I do got to figure that out. They got to like be like the, the red, the red LaFleur said that the red Love is out.

There's a, there's a new trend of people just like showing running backs and like the silhouettes or quarterbacks as silhouettes. Jeremiah Love silhouette looks eerily like Adrian.

Oh, I saw that clip.

It looks almost exactly like Adrian Peterson. It's crazy.

That was nuts because the clip was literally someone said if you, Like ball knowers know who this looks like. And immediately I was like, now that I'm like some great ball, no, really? That's Adrian Peterson. How he's running, like standing up.

Yeah. You know, Adrian Peterson's running style. That's exactly—

there it is.

Yeah. Play that shit.

Go up, go up, scroll up, go up. There it is. Boom. That's Adrian Peterson. That is Adrian.

Yeah, I love that. Adrian Peterson. I— it made me go back and I watched more Adrian Peterson highlights this weekend.

It is kind of funny that that's Adrian Peterson.

That cut right there is AP.

Tyler Allgeier is on the Cardinals and he is like, role is just always to be like whoever the awesome player is, just you're going to be the one who gets their ass kicked. When we get to the point of the season where this, where the season sucks, like, hey, we're not going to give Jeremiah Love 300 carries, so you're going to have to take the ones that just gets you punished. Yeah, that's basically been his job in the NFL.

I saw Fernando Mendoza made a couple of good throws.

Yeah, he dropped a shuck too.

What do you mean?

Was it a— was it a shuck? Hold on.

He said, oh, like shucks.

Like, no, no, maybe it wasn't shuck. It was a new alternate for swear word. Yeah, here it is. Rookie year really gets slammed up on you. Boom. Here's your playbook. And here we go.

Wow.

I thought I knew a lot. Holy shuck. I'm how far behind? I've got to study this to feel confident in my preparation. Holy shuck.

Holy shuck. That sounds like he's code-switching being around Kirk Cousins. It is. Pick that one up in-house.

It is very funny that like Fernando Mendoza went to the one team where like now Kirk Cousins is the badass. Yeah, he's getting in fights with Max Crosby.

Yeah.

Like when you put them side by side, you're like, damn, Kirk Cousins, what a— like he's probably wearing a leather jacket, driving a chopper.

Yeah, maybe a bad influence on— I was going to shock Mendoza.

Yeah.

Okay, that's our preseason wrap-up.

Feel good?

I feel like we hit them all.

There's one other story out there. I don't know if anybody was going to talk about in who's back of the week, but it's kind of like we should have seen this coming. Like, bad job on our part.

Jalen Hurts mustache?

Not that. Oh, it does look good.

It looks really good.

You know who else had a mustache?

Yeah.

I'm talking about the viral campaign of the canoodling.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Canoodling, it turns out, was not just natural canoodling. It was— it wasn't that. It's part of a a larger content scheme. Yeah, that, that the NFL is, is trying to get more women to pay attention to the game by incorporating WAG culture.

Mm-hmm.

Who do you think is telling the quarterbacks, like, they have to go to them and basically ask a favor, more or less? Do you think that's like, are they getting paid? The communications person, like, they're doing it like, oh, you have to come do an interview, or it's like higher up where they're like, hey, Also, they don't know the status of the relationship. It's like, hey, please bring your wife to practice.

I'll be honest, only the quarterbacks. I didn't read the article that was sent in our group chat because I didn't want to give Shane the satisfaction of him being right. So like, I just ignored it altogether. Is someone getting paid? Are they getting paid by like big canoodling?

No, it's the NFL trying to market.

So the NFL, but like Are they saying, hey, we'll give you a little extra bump here if you can get your girlfriend to run as her? Because it happened with Justin Herbert, it happened with Joe Burrow, and then there was another, right? Was there one more? I believe there was one more. Jackson Dart. Yeah, Jackson Dart might not have gotten the memo and he just was like, look at my hot girlfriend. That's very much possible.

That might have just been outside the purview of the campaign. Just, yeah, just working for free.

Yeah.

No, so it says the NFL has been coordinating efforts to reach its female fans as part of a far-reaching content campaign involving players' wives and girlfriends, according to a new report from Front Office Sports. One example is the widely, widely circulated photo of Chargers quarterback Justin Herbert spending some personal time with fiancée Madison Beer at a camp in early August. Bengals' Joe Burrow and rumored romantic partner Olivia Ponton, along with Giants' Jaxson Dart and girlfriend Marissa Ayers, have also felt more visible online than past years. And it turns out that's no coincidence. On the league and club level, We've engaged our players, families, and loved ones for years, Ian Trombetta, the SVP of social marketing for the NFL, told FOS. Whether it's training camp, weekly practice, or a major event like the Super Bowl, we look for authentic opportunities to highlight our players and the people who are part of their journey.

Hmm. Yes, I got my fingers up now. I don't want to go back down this path.

Let's go. No matter what path it is, let's go down it. That's, that's what they say about our show. But no paths untrodden.

What is— what's, what's the, the, the one relationship that's gotten the most fanfare in the NFL in the last 3 or 4 years?

I would say— why is it—

is it a relationship?

Is it a relationship?

Uh, Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce. We're back on it.

Big guy was right.

I thought you were going to talk about a different series of photos. So did I. Yeah, Hank skated by on that one. The hypocrisy. How come it's cool when Justin Bieber—

how do we— yeah, yeah, that's that. They, they're definitely trying to find the next— they, they missed like, oh shit, they're married now, we're not gonna get that, that bump. Who's next?

Uh, but also, if the NFL is coordinating this stuff, did they coordinate the entire relationship?

Right.

Would anyone—

would—

are people— are people out there clamoring for proof?

I mean, again, some people are of the relationship. Some people have. That's documented.

There's documents.

Would—

could that possibly be something that happens?

I've— I did think it was interesting on the guest list. It was like every Fox NFL Sunday. Anyone that smelled Terry Bradshaw's fart got invited to that wedding.

Roger Goodell.

Dean Blandino was the funniest one.

Hmm. I'm just saying. Hmm.

Craig Olsen's hat, they didn't get enough discussion.

What?

Just the hat that he wore that wedding.

Was it cool?

It was unbelievable.

I mean, he's a cool guy.

He's a cool guy.

Big time hat.

Yeah.

I actually didn't know if he was a cool hat guy. And then I saw him wearing a cool hat and I was like, yeah, he pulls it off.

It's cool.

He's just stuck on Travis. I don't like the body shaming of Travis Kelce. He's older.

Come on.

Let's, let's, let's not do that.

No, he looks good.

Red is a hard color.

It looks good.

It means Paul Skeens got cooked.

Yeah, we talked about Paul Skeens also. Paul Skeens, who cares? There are no— there are no like ripped pitchers. They're all— they do is yoga.

Yeah, it's like pitching and pliability. We're going to get into it a little bit with, with Booger McFarland. But like, that's what you would like a quarterback to look like. Maybe not so much like John Matere.

Mm-hmm. Pliability is important.

Yeah.

OK, should we— let me do— let me do a DraftKings read and then we can maybe talk Hank's favorite subject, YouTube golf creators. We got a new, new one. DraftKings. Something big is coming on September 2nd. DraftKings Game Day arrives with massive deals, exclusive offers, and all-day celebration built for sports fans. The countdown has begun. All roads lead to Game Day. The DraftKings Sports app is now live in all 50 states. That means from Texas to California to Florida, every fan is in in on the excitement. One app, every sport, all 50 states. DraftKings Game Day is yours. Remember the date, September 2nd. DraftKings Game Day is the kickoff of a new season, new era, and the biggest day in sports history. Get pumped, get ready to celebrate. New DraftKings customers sign up with code TAKE, spend $5 to get $150 in rewards within 14 days for all markets. That's code TAKE. In partnership with DraftKings, the crown is yours. Bet with DK Sportsbook. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER. 1-800-MY-RESET. Connecticut, call 888-789-7777. Or visit ccpg.org. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino in Kansas, bet tax pass-through may apply in Illinois.

21 and over.

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Bet to get bonus bets that expire in 7 days. Trade to get predictions dollars that expire in 1 year. $50 in rewards issued every 7 days via click to claim for 14 days. 1 non-withdrawable reward redeemable. Nationwide based on sportsbook predictions and free-to-play sports contest availability. Varies by state. Terms at dkng.co/offer. Limited time offer. Hank, anything happen in the YouTube golf community in the last couple of days?

So much.

Yeah, like what?

The, the Never Make a 5 guy almost did it.

Oh, I love James. James is a man.

And LeBron James started a YouTube channel.

Oh, cool. Does he have— is he a basketball player still?

He's a lot. He's a— he's a producer. He's a— he's a director. Yeah. Now he's a YouTube golfer.

Would that—

documentary director.

Would that potentially take away from his basketball playing?

I mean, the Bryson DeChambeau is probably the biggest, you know, one-to-one example of that.

He's been winning guys that focus on YouTube golf instead of their regular job.

And he's not played well this year. Oh, like actually really bad. Oh, but he did win one. He won me. He won one major.

How was LeBron's golf game?

He's a new golfer.

Hmm.

He's not great.

Is there anything noteworthy? Like, is he good at something or—

I haven't watched, to be honest. I think it came out like yesterday.

I can I make a suggestion for LeBron?

But like, he's— I think, I think I'll get good.

All due respect, LeBron will get good. This segment's called All Due Respect, and it's when I address LeBron James with respect regarding a choice that he makes. You got to work on your thumbnail game. Mm-hmm. I'm not talking about going to see the manicure. I'm talking about you need to, like, pop your eyes out, open your mouth, put your hands on your cheeks like, oh my gosh, this is so surprising. Like, all due respect, this is not a YouTube golf thumbnail. It's just not.

What? Wait, what's wrong with this thumbnail?

I mean, Max, you're pretty— you understand what does well.

And this looks exactly like—

no, you got to have— you got to be— you got to be making—

like, those guys are good looking.

Yeah, you got to be making them—

this—

wait, these guys— J.R. Smith, you got to make LeBron James, Richard Jefferson looks like— pardon my take—

the style of the of the thumbnail is the same style.

I'm saying the really successful YouTube video, you know, I'm talking about, don't play dumb where they make the surprise. They make the surprise face.

Yeah. When Shane says, hey, can I take a quick picture with you in the court, in the middle of the court, or make a surprise? Oh, look like you're looking to the right and you just saw a shark. Yeah, that's, that's for like to get, to get it to pop. But like LeBron James doesn't need that because he's LeBron James.

But think about how much more would pop if he did it.

Yeah. There's got to be someone out there who doesn't know who LeBron James is. And he scrolled right past us because he's like, those guys aren't even looking surprised, right? The biggest 3v3 scramble ever. Max, I have a question for you.

He already said he's not going to golf during the season.

OK, I've heard that. Yeah, I've heard that.

There's never been someone—

I guess guys aren't allowed to have hobbies.

There's never been—

Hank's a podcaster. He golfs all the fucking time.

Yeah, I know.

We talk— those are my children. And LeBron has children already.

And we criticize about it. And Hank would never make his children children the focal point of our show.

The, the—

he's been—

I don't like the golf bug. I, I have a question, Max.

We'll get into LIV in just a second.

If he is making golf content during the season and things maybe don't start great, will you be criticizing?

He's not going to be making golf content. You guys love the hypothetical. Have you watched things that just haven't happened?

Have you watched?

No.

It's called thinking.

What if LeBron was on— like, I, I feel like you don't even like LeBron. Let me—

I don't like—

let me ask you, has he worn any?

I don't like YouTube golf.

Okay, let me ask you, has he worn any LeBron gear still?

Yeah, first day.

Would you— would you criticize Trey Turner if he was making golf videos during a big slump?

Well, baseball's way different.

I'm just asking. I'm just asking.

Well, you play every day.

Baseball players golf all the time. Yes, yes, yes.

Tell me what you—

during the season?

Yeah.

Yes.

No, they do not.

Yes, they do.

Like one, like once a week.

Yeah.

Off day. I mean, pitchers golf all the time.

Well, yeah, pitchers are different. If it was a pitcher, I would have no problem.

No, but like position players do too.

Yeah. Once, once a week.

So if Aaron Nola made a golf video, you would be fine with it?

Aaron Nola is a— Aaron Nola actually plays baseball.

I'm just asking. This is me. Asking if you're going to be consistently Philly.

We'll see.

You love this hypothetical.

I do.

I do. Like, it doesn't do well because he hasn't played things.

He hasn't played.

Yeah. So why are we talking about it? You're literally just— you're literally just ESPN. Like, we have nothing to talk about. Let's just hammer the LeBron button.

Well, I mean, he became a— who gives a fuck?

It is the summer.

He posted a golf video.

Max is discovering media. He's also discovering LeBron James.

He's discovering in the middle of August when LeBron James makes a golf YouTube account.

Wow. LeBron James.

We're going to talk about LeBron James.

LeBron James puts up a YouTube video. Up next on ESPN. That's literally what, like—

If LeBron was on the Celtics, you don't think you wouldn't say anything to Hank?

I would have watched the video. I'll tell you that much.

Yeah, you would have.

Yeah, but you love YouTube golf.

I mean, Hank might be rooting for the Sixers this year. Like, he's going to love this content from LeBron.

Have you watched Podcast P?

Now, I think he stopped podcasting. I think he stopped podcasting.

I don't know.

I'm pretty sure he's not.

We talked about it.

Yeah. Yeah.

He quit.

Yeah. While he was on the Sixers.

You guys made him quit.

I didn't watch that either.

Are you going to make LeBron?

Yeah.

You guys might make LeBron quit YouTube Golf.

Yeah. So you hate Podcast P for creating media during the season, but you'd be fine with LeBron James for making YouTube Golf.

I never said anything about Podcast P podcasting.

All right, so bet right now how many YouTube golf videos are going to come out during the season from LeBron. Over-under is 0.5.

Over, over, over 0.5.

But you just said he's not going to.

I mean, there's, there's breaks. Okay.

And if he plays bad after the break, I just need that so bad. Like a, hey, a putter-only challenge after he scores 6 points in a game.

Won't happen. If it does, he's done it once in the past fucking—

he's averaging 1 a year in the past year. So what happens if it happens? If it happens to coincide with his putter challenge?

Really? It's one. It's once every 41 years.

Yeah, whatever.

Well, no, he had a couple of starters.

Very rare. Yeah, it's gonna be funny, especially if he gets his teammates involved. Yeah.

Austin Reeves was with the Bob Does guys.

Yeah. What if he doesn't invite Joel?

True.

That will say a lot. What if he doesn't invite Jalen?

Maybe he doesn't like— maybe he—

those guys. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

Maybe he doesn't like the golf.

Oh, Jalen.

Tyrese Maxey loves Joel Embiid. Maybe Joel Embiid doesn't like the golf.

By the way, shout out Joel Embiid. Still healthy.

Yes. Yeah, that was bullshit.

Before we started the show, there was a fake sham, shams that said Joel Embiid got hurt and I sent it to the group chat and Max just looked at it and he goes, well, at least it's out of the way now. It's like you were quick. You were quick to like compartmentalize. I know you're like, it was actually really good, healthy, like coping mechanisms. You had done it so many times that you're like, I know how to deal with this. Yeah, just close your phone.

You're just like, all right, realistically, in my head I was like, all right, well, at least we'll have like the full year to figure out like how to, how to mesh without Embiid. And then it won't be just like right before the playoffs where they just— all of those went through my head within like the 30 seconds that I thought that it was real.

Yeah. Okay. I have— do you want to do baseball? I have a Monday reading real quick if you guys want to do it. Yeah.

Okay.

Let's do the Monday reading. This is from Mizzou Parents and Families Facebook page. So I don't know if you guys saw this, but let's just dive in and you guys can tell me your thoughts. This is from a parent. Okay, this is probably a little awkward to ask, but here it goes. I've been reading through posts about getting our sons ready for college dorm life, including all the supplies and medications they might need. And I've noticed a lot of moms mentioned packing condoms for their sons. As a mom, I'd like to put a couple of boxes in my son's things too. Just in case. But honestly, I have no idea what size to buy. He's a pretty small guy. He weighs about £121. For those of you who have sons around the same size build, what size condoms do you usually buy? And how do you actually tell what size they are when you're looking at the package? For those of you who have sons around the same, uh, 2, uh, 2'2" build, what size condoms do you usually buy? And now, do you actually tell what size So this is just summing it up.

My son doesn't have a girlfriend. He's generally not very comfortable talking to me about things like sex or how to use condoms. Wow, I wonder why, Mom. You're buying condoms on Facebook. So I'm not really comfortable asking him directly. I was thinking I'd just buy some and quietly put them in his luggage just in case he ever needs them. Any advice for moms who have been through this would be greatly appreciated. Fellas, what size condoms you buy your son?

XL. Yeah.

Have some—

give him— give him a confidence boost.

Worst case scenario is he just— he like opens them up in front of his friends. They're in a suitcase.

Oh man.

I don't think there's anything wrong with going to the Magnum, except then if you don't want your mom to be like, yeah, that'd be tough. As a kid, you're like, my mom thinks I've got a hog.

Yeah. But then the opposite side would be brutal. It's like my mom thinks I got a little tiny weenie.

She—

it's actually— she didn't go far enough. She should have been like, just regular is the answer.

You just get— yeah, like every condom is normal size except for the Magnums.

Yeah, I'm surprised she didn't go as far as to be like, last time I bathed him when he was 5 years old, he was about average size. Yeah, what do you think he— what do you think he grew into?

It would actually be— it'd be a tough look for the dad if the kid opened up the suitcase and his mom thought that he wore Magnums. Yeah, he's like, well, what's the other dick that Yeah, shit. Dad must have a tiny penis.

Yeah.

You think mine's big?

That's quite the post on Facebook.

Did it get like good-hearted? Good.

I just have the screenshot. I see 29 replies and 6 thumbs up. So there were at least some people. Actually, let me see if I can find the replies.

The good news is he's going to be out of the house so he can buy his own condoms if he wants.

Yeah, he's a grown adult. I think this is something you just let him—

maybe just get a gift card for him to Trojan. Do they sell those?

OK. Oh, here's Anonymous Participant said, I just bought a variety pack. I put it in with the toiletries. Oh, that's pretty good.

That's nice.

And then she replied, I didn't even realize they sold variety packs. Honestly, that may be the least awkward solution. And then someone else wrote, tell little Joey to grow a pair and buy them himself. I mean, fuck, instant boost squid. Yeah. And then someone said, wish— I wish I knew if you were kidding or just a total dumbass. If you're serious, go measure his dad's pecker and go from there. And then she replied, I don't think that would be an appropriate conversation either. And his dad is quite a bit bigger than him overall. So I'm not sure that would be a reliable comparison. This is brutal.

Yeah.

You can't be doing this.

Don't get the variety pack that's got like the flavored one in there.

Yeah.

Also, the kid's not going to be able to keep a boner if he's like taking the— he's like, oh, my mom bought these for me.

I don't even know.

I mean, it's all an anonymous stuff.

I don't know if this is a troll, but it's very funny if it's not.

I love this.

Yeah, just moms. I didn't realize there was a size, but my daughters and sons— but my daughters and my son each got a box as they moved in. Oh, I'm leaning towards one regular box and one snug box and just letting him figure it out from there.

Snug? Is that what they're called?

I was overthinking this because I didn't want him opening his suitcase and thinking I was making some kind of statement. I think that's too— we're too late. Yeah, too late on that because guess what? This kind of went viral and your son, who is £121, showing up to Mizzou— how many? Now we're, now we're whittling it down to probably about 100 dudes. And he opens up his, his, his luggage and there's a variety pack, a Snug and a Magnum. He's going to realize that was his mom who went viral on Facebook. Whoops. Oh, and his dad has a big dick.

You can also just buy your own. That's the thing is like you can, you can take your money and then you can go to a store and then you ask the guy and you buy the car. Actually, the student health center probably has free condoms.

Yes, definitely does. So 100% does.

You know what size he wears?

Free. Yeah. Or just put on a piece of paper. Remember to pull out. Yeah, like that. That, that works as well. It will feel better. Remember to just remember to pull out.

Kind of fucked up that you're, you're taking away that option from your son.

Yeah. It's true. You're kind of tying his hands here.

Yeah, well, not his hands, but yeah.

Uh, okay, that was, that was my Monday reading. Uh, do you guys want to talk a little baseball? Because I— we do have to mention Joshua Báez, what he did on Saturday against the Cubs. I hate the Cardinals, I hate this guy, but even I was watching the game and being like, holy fucking shit. If you missed it, Joshua Báez came up for his MLB debut on Saturday at Wrigley and he hit hit 3 home runs in his first 3 at-bats. Never been done in the history of baseball. There's been 8 guys that have done it for their first 2 at-bats. He did it for his first 3. It was incredible to watch. Like, I, I sat there, I was like, I cannot believe— I was— I listened to the first 2 in the radio, on the radio in the car, and I was like, holy fuck. And then I got home for the third, I was like, how is this possible? Uh, you can't— do you retire after that? Uh, well, it was crazy. I was at the game today and it was his— it like showed his stats. He's 5 at-bats, 3 home runs.

So his cleats are— his cleats are being retired. And they have to be. But the crazy part is they weren't his cleats. Oh, it was Blaze Jordan's cleats, which is an all-time name. Yeah, all-time name. So he didn't have his— he had like an old, dirty, like broken-in pair of cleats. And Blaze was like, here, take these, use my cleats. He had 3 home runs and then they took his cleats, sent him to Cooperstown. How do you feel about that for Blaise Jordan?

Yeah, I mean, you're in Cooperstown.

Yeah, yeah. Hall of Famer Blaise Jordan.

Yeah, it was, it was nuts to watch. Like, I was— it was just, it was crazy. And I don't know, I do think that you could make the argument that he's a Matthew Boyd merchant because I don't think he has a hit against anyone else.

And he hit—

that was the other thing. Craig Council probably shouldn't have let Matthew Boyd in there to have that happen. But 3, 3 at-bats, first 3 at-bats in like hitting a home run in your first at-bat, which he hit an absolute bomb in his first one. That's insane. 3 is just max. Well, I mean, you got to retire.

It's the best. It's the best thing ever. And I know that we don't let it happen to us. Stephen Shea triggered me. Why?

Well, no, we let it happen to us all the time. I do it every day.

He tried to say that it's the same thing as an NFL player's debut, having 3 touchdowns. Not even.

No, not even.

Not even close.

Like, not not even remotely close.

Okay, it would be like 3 catches, 3 touchdowns.

Yeah, it would. Okay, 3 catches, 3 touchdowns, I could see that. Or if it was like 3 pick-sixes.

3 pick-sixes would be 3 pick-sixes.

Yes.

No, 3 pick-sixes I think would even be—

what about 3 catches, 3 touchdowns for like 100?

No, I still don't think— I know it's, it's absolutely incredible. I can't imagine the feeling that he had like leaving the ballpark that day. It's got to be Like getting your debut in itself is awesome. Hitting a home run on your first at-bat is awesome. I, I can't even possibly fathom 3 in a row. It's the best feeling in the world. That guy's— he, he, he should die. He should die right at this moment. It's—

well, we don't want him to die.

I don't want him to die.

But like, what a way to go.

But Max wants him to.

I mean, it was— it's insane. It's, it's truly insane. Like, You can't get— yeah, they shouldn't have— they shouldn't let him come out for the— well, I guess you have to— you have to see if he can hit a fourth. But after that, you should have given today off so he could have just been like, yeah, the weekend I hit 3 home runs.

Yeah.

For that. I mean, he's kind of setting himself up for— there's a lot of expectations on his shoulders now.

He went over it.

Like, if he has— if he wasn't pitching, he has a bad career or if he has just like an average— he's always going to have that. But people are— I guess they're going to give him more shots than anybody else would get because it's like, remember the guy in his first game hit 3?

Yeah, it was, it was nuts. All right. So wait, what? I'm looking.

I don't want to—

I can't find the most. Oh no. Gale Sayers, I think, had 4 touchdowns in his— no, by rookie in a game. Oh no, that's by a rookie in a game. Okay. I can't— I, for some reason, I can't find. But yeah, it's not, it's not 3 touchdowns. That's not.

3 home—

it is his first 3 at-bats. Like, that's the craziest— it's not 3— if he hit 3 home runs but he, you know, went home run, strikeout, home run, strikeout, home run, like, yeah, that's still insane, but it's his first 3 at-bats were home runs. What an absolute monster. And I think I'm gonna have a problem with this guy forever. Like, he seems like he's gonna be incredible. And the Cubs— Dansby Swanson getting hurt is bad news. Getting killed. Uh, did you guys see— I wanted to bring up one other Major League Baseball, um, thing. We're in an all-time mid-off right now in the AL, like all time. It's incredible to look at. So the— right now, if the playoffs started in the American League, the Rays would be 1, uh, the White Sox would be in, the Astros are leading the West, and then the Yankees and the Red Sox, both above .500, would be in the playoffs. The next wildcard spot, because there's a third wildcard. The leader right now is the Baltimore Orioles at 61-63. And between the Baltimore Orioles, there, there are 6 teams within a game and a half, and they're all under .500. It is the greatest mid-off that we've ever seen.

So right now there would be— you said the Orioles, the Red Sox, the Rays, the Yankees— 4 out of 5 ALS AL East teams would make the playoffs, and the one team that wouldn't would be the one that went to the World Series last year. Correct. That's crazy.

Yes.

And by the way, the Blue Jays are only one game out. Yeah, they're not far behind.

They're 61-65. They're one game out of the wild card.

The White Sox, that is— that's the coolest story.

The—

yeah, the White Sox have been awesome. I want the White Sox huge sweep this weekend against the Tigers because the Tigers are starting to kind of breathe down their neck. The, the Seattle Mariners are 58-66. They're 58-66. That's bad baseball team. They're 3 games out of the wildcard. That's, that's just how ridiculous is that? It's insane, dude. And then you look at in the, uh, in the NL, the Diamondbacks would not make the playoffs. They're 66-59. The Diamondbacks are 66-59. The Diamondbacks are, would be, or basically have the same record as the Red Sox. They would not make the playoffs.

That's just leagues.

Oh, that happens.

Like, no, that happens in NBA all the time too.

No, no, but it's just funny to look at the mid-off that's happening. Like, not one of those teams can just separate themselves and be like, hey, you know what, let's play some good ball for like a couple of weeks and take this 6th spot.

Do the— and then do the Dodgers have an NL Central problem?

The Dodgers?

Yeah.

Well, the Dodgers have always struggled. I mean, they drive me nuts because they just can't beat the Brewers in the regular season. But yeah, the Dodgers have been not good recently. You see Kyle Tucker. What a fuck. Max, would you call What'd you call Carson? Was it Carson Wentz?

Mental pussy.

Yeah, mental pussy. Kyle Tucker is— he sat at a home game because he's so bad at home. So he literally can't hit at home.

Yeah.

And he sat. He was like, I need a rest from my—

what do you mean by that?

What do you mean by that?

Did he just have an off day? He—

David Roberts said, hold on. It was like they addressed it. It wasn't just a regular off day, like, oh, he deserved an off day. Kyle Tucker is out of the lineup because of his frustrations playing at home.

Got it. Okay. I needed more clarification on that because the way you said it at first, it could have just been an off day.

Dave Roberts said he can see the frustration starting to set in with his struggles at Dodger Stadium, so he's giving him a day. Kyle Tucker at home this year is batting— his slash is .192/.292/.276. That's crazy. He's under 200 average at home.

So they're right to sit him, but also you can't say— you can't say why. You gotta protect him.

Yeah, you have to protect him and not say that's why. Yeah, it's crazy.

Yeah, just say it's an off day. Also, guys get off days all the time.

Field of Dreams game, we recorded before it. Max predicted it perfectly. He said that kind of— well, didn't you say—

I did say Kyle Schwarber was going to hit 2 homers, but I also said that Aaron Nola was going to give up 5. 5, and Aaron Nola pitched very well.

Yeah, that was a cool game.

Oh, I mean, they should make that a bigger deal though.

That should be on Sunday Night Baseball. Like, I don't know why it was a Thursday night. It's kind of, kind of random. I think the Williamsport game is, is coming up, and I always bet the over in it because I just assume in my head that like they're playing on a much smaller field, middle bats. And then I, and then I turn it on, I'm like, ah shit, that's actually a pretty, pretty deep fence.

Yeah.

I do the same thing with the Iowa game. I'm like, there's no way that these— this corn game is going to be the regular size.

Well, you assume that the ball, if it's hit to the outfield, there's no wall there.

It's just going to—

it's going to roll into the corn. They won't find it.

There's— it's, uh, Major League Baseball games played in Iowa, Major League Baseball play games played in Williamsport, Major League Baseball games played in Mexico. I automatically take the over, and then I'm so frustrated when it doesn't hit.

Nothing about Iowa ever says the over, but it does because the corn.

There's no real outfield, dude. You know that. I know. I get it.

I'm saying, but in reality, that is an understate.

Yes.

Yes.

OK, do we have any other, any other stories before we go to who's back of the week? Any other big— we're so close, boys.

Any cleanup from the James Bond thing or that's— it's over.

We talked about it with Booger a little bit, a little bit of cleanup.

Just they dispute that they asked for the trophy back.

Yeah, they didn't ask for the Heisman.

And he's the biggest meme on the internet.

Hang on.

He is the biggest.

He said his, his people said they didn't ask for the trophy. And then LSU replied with, yes, you definitely asked for the trophy. So, so I'm thinking somebody might have asked for the trophy.

So he did ask for the trophy.

Somebody might have asked for the trophy.

And he is the biggest meme every— He's a croc. He's gone cross-sports. Like MLB teams are roasting.

Well, brand accounts.

Yeah.

Once brand accounts get involved. Yeah.

There was like someone, some—

Five Guys is changing their name to Four Guys.

One MLB team won 4-1 yesterday and they were like, we, we stopped at 4 out of respect for Jayden Daniels. Like shit like that. It's just open season on him right now.

Yeah. There's a— and there's a lot of fives everywhere.

Fives are everywhere.

It's everywhere you look now. Yeah, I can't get away from the 5s. Somebody did point out the part of my balls guy pointed out that I, I guess 5 like 10 times as much as anybody on the lottery ball machine. Yeah, because I did it because of Jaden Daniels.

Yeah, but you retired from—

I retired, retired that number.

Yeah, you retired from picking that number.

And so did you.

No, I did.

Okay, well, I'll hear from my lawyer.

I do have one last thing for you.

Who's back?

Hank.

Dan.

Christian McCaffrey's missed a full week of practice. I saw vague accounts of tightness. I mean, any thoughts?

No, I, I, the— I haven't heard anything. Uh, I did watch— I watched the video he posted on Instagram, like a training video. Might have been YouTube video. He's a fucking monster. Uh, I think he's gonna be just fine.

I, I listened to, uh, the public story finds out about the, the substation thing. I think Christian McCaffrey definitely believes it. Yeah, 100%.

I think it's—

he's got to be—

he's got to be out.

Like, how do you— like, even if you didn't believe it, if you heard it at practice, that is entering your mind.

Yes. Yeah.

Like, and then from then on, you probably believe it. I would believe it if I was a player. Like, I would— it's such an excuse to be like, oh, we're fucked because of this stupid substation, regardless of if it's true or not. Like, right, it's, it's something to believe in.

That I ever tell you, I don't really get—

like, do you scientifically understand what the harm could be?

Just electro—

yes, kind of. Kind of.

And so that part I've never even tried to follow.

I did another medium dive. So this was— I was listening to Pablo Torre Fonsi as I was falling asleep. So some of it seeped in. There are studies that show, like, on blood cells, that electromagnetic currents can damage the blood cells. But they're individual cells and a lot of times they're not people cells, they're rat cells. So like, I think they've proven that it can be damaging to rats and mice, but a lot of stuff is damaging to rats and mice, like cartoon dogs that you might not even think about in like real life. So they don't know, but they— I guess they have standards of how much your body is allowed to be exposed to. And even though their practice facility is like 10 times more than you would get in a normal house or a regular street, it's still like something like 20 times below what the standard is.

I told you that I saw Christian McCaffrey and I brought up to him that you said the walls, and he was like, yeah, I heard. I was never even close to retiring.

I didn't say that, by the way.

The walls. I said the wall. Hank reported something from the walls. He's like, yeah, no, I know. It was Whitney.

Whitney, Whitney banged me. I don't know. Do we ever talk about what actually happened?

Oh, because you want to remember.

I heard it was a ridiculous— like, it was a— it was like a friend of a friend. I would never have said it publicly. And then I said it like I was golfing with Whitney and I told him, I was like, I said like, this is, you know, probably not true. Not like I'm not saying I'm not saying on the podcast, but like, I kind of believe it. Who knows? And then Whitney went on Bussin and was like, yes, I'm going to Barstool. And Chris McCaffrey is like not coming back and like he's hiding his injury. And then it came back to me in the walls, but that was not It was, it was, it was a third-party source. But again, I was like, who knows? He was injured for a while and there was not like those conflicting reports.

I did just see the tightness and I was like, oh, Hank, is it just general tightness?

Yeah, no, general tightness.

Hell yeah, that's hot.

Yeah, there's— I love, I love vague injuries like that. I think, I think Nolan Arenado went out with left sore left trunk.

Today. What part of your body is your trunk?

I don't know. You got rear-ended or something, Max?

What part of your body is a trunk? That's not an elephant joke. I'm just saying, like, I didn't think that it was.

Okay.

I just want to make sure that you didn't.

Now I'm just thinking about Max with the trunk.

I thought it was—

I thought that your trunk is your legs, right?

No, it's your butt.

Is it your butt?

No.

Your thighs.

I think you got some junk in your trunk.

I think it might be.

That is your trunk.

Trunk, your abdomen. Max, I agree with that. Junk in your trunk is a thing. But right, I think referring to somebody as having like a—

I think it's your butt.

General trunk soreness.

Okay. The trunk is the back end of a car.

Yeah.

No, wait. The trunk is the central part of the human body, also known as the torso.

Oh, so like, yeah. Yeah.

I thought it was just your leg. But I'm an idiot.

Your abdomen.

Yeah.

I don't—

you're just searching chunk in your trunk.

Yeah.

Junk in your trunk means your butt.

Yeah, it's butt.

It's butt. But he's not saying this is—

this is— this—

this is—

that's confusing.

You're right.

Because like in the rap world, trunk is your ass. Mm-hmm.

Which would make sense because the trunk of a car is like the butt of the car.

You guys have trunk derangement syndrome. It's, it's always been your abs. But yes, junk in the trunk is a thing. Yeah, but that's a reference to a car.

What you doing with all that junk in your trunk? It's great. It's great poetry. It's— yeah, it's, it's almost like they say, the good, the good die young, and I'm scared I'm great.

That's real.

Yeah, real. That's real.

That's real, real. That's almost too real.

All right. Should we do Who's Back?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm honestly looking at a video of LeBron and Bronny's swing is like unbelievable.

So he should be a golfer.

He is. It's beautiful. It's a beautiful sight.

Calm down.

What about Bronny's? I mean, LeBron's?

LeBron's golf's like a new golfer.

Is he too big to be a golfer?

Nah.

I think I'm pretty sure like the distance from the bottom of your hands to the ground is equivalent for everyone.

They just make the trunk of the club longer.

Wait, what did you just say?

Like people that are 5'9" use the same size clubs as people that are 6'5".

That's—

but the distance from the bottom of your hands to the ground is not the same with everyone.

Hank told me this one time.

There's no way. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Wait, there aren't— why are there sizes for golf?

I get that.

But what you said does not make any sense.

But their arms are longer.

Yeah, it's all wingspan.

But like, well, I'm saying like your hands, when you're— when your hands are hanging down holding a golf club, it's the same.

Hank, I do think—

do you think there's no way that everyone— like a really tall person putting their arms down does not— they're, they're taller, right? So they're— yeah, they're like— everyone's arms go to whatever you want to say. Where, where do your arms go?

Hank has told me this one time.

7-footers' pockets are higher than a 5-footer.

I also think I've used this fact that Hank told me to other people, and other people have called me an idiot.

It depends on your wingspan.

But there's no one who has a wingspan that can cover— like, a 7-footer, yeah, their wingspan can't go further than a 5-foot. Like, 5-footers already at the ground.

If the— like, let's say if you had Dwight Howard that has a wingspan of like somebody that's 7'10", and then you had, uh, Will Campbell who has a wingspan of somebody who's 5'2", would they use the same size even though Dwight's taller than Will?

Or Donovan Mitchell who's, yeah, 6'3" but should be 6'8". Yeah, his, his arms are crazy.

These are good questions to ask.

Oh man, we are so deep in the jazz right now. I'm trying to find out where it's at. Deep idiots.

Okay, people who are 6 foot to 6 foot 3 need half an inch longer shaft. People who are 6 foot 3 to 6 foot 5 frequently need a full inch. People who are taller than 6'5" need an inch and a half or more.

Okay, so where did you—

you do, you do— how many people have you told that to?

My friend— this is when I started golfing. Uh, my friend Andy, who's short, was like— I was like, oh, I need bigger clubs. He's like, no, you don't. Like, it's the same size. Because like, our hands. I ran with it. Andy's like— Andy's like PFT size.

Okay, this is a perfect— this is a perfect Hankism that I bet you, like, someone smarter than us is gonna reply tomorrow and be like, Hank was kind of right but kind of wrong, and we're not gonna realize it. I think it's where you—

yeah, that's the hand, which I think that's a good spot for you to be in.

Yeah, where you stand.

Like, it made perfect sense to me to the point where I, I just—

but you didn't think about, like, a really tall person? Their hands are definitely not close to the same like distance to the ground as you.

No, I didn't think about it too much because I was like, oh yeah, all right, I can just use the same clubs. I guess it's probably like 5'9" to like PFT's point, 6'3" is the same. But obviously, you know, that wasn't my point. 6'3" to 6'5", like if I was 6'6".

My point was if you're above 6 feet, you need a half inch longer than normal because a normal size for a man is beneath 6 feet.

Just so you have the small size and then I do think it's regular size and probably harder to golf if you're really tall just because the distance the club has to travel.

That is correct. Yeah.

And be correct.

You can hit it harder. Farther.

You could probably.

That's true. Also true. Take the good with the bad.

Rory's pretty short.

Yeah. Listen, I was, I was led afoot, led astray.

Yeah.

It sounded, it sounds kind of right.

It does.

It sounds I think I'd say, right, someone will, someone will.

I'm gonna push back that the one thing you said does not sound right whatsoever, because the second you said it, I was like, what? Yeah, that doesn't sound right.

It sounds interesting if it were true. That's actually, that's one of my favorite things is, all right, Max is about to chime in and say that Hank was right.

You're like, no, I don't think Hank's right. But now I'm thinking like, there's no way like Chaz uses the same golf clubs as LeBron.

Correct.

Yeah.

No, correct.

Yeah.

So that was the whole point.

Thank you.

Well, now I'm thinking about it more.

Yeah. A really tall person's hands are further from the ground than a shorter person.

We at some point we should do the Mount Rushmore of things that would be cool if they were true.

Get a, get a tape measure.

Because that would be one of them.

Do we have a tape measure in here?

Zach's got it.

Does Zach know where to go?

I don't know.

He's just going to be making laughs.

I'll figure.

No way. Is he know where to go?

Chances are 2 to 1 that he just like gets on Uber Eats and just orders a tape measure to wrap.

He got very nervous when I said Zach's got it.

Zach's got it. I mean, there is a room that probably has it.

Oh, yeah. No, I've gotten one from that room before. I could have told you.

It's our tape measure room.

Is that out and about? Yeah.

Yep.

Well, Nicky Smokes walking around the other day, by the way. Book Day is on Tuesday. We're wearing the shirts. Go buy it. Amazon can preorder still. It's going to be out. Zach, no, no, come in here.

There was some light fact-checking done in the book, too, so we won't have things like that.

Yeah, I'm going to do the Tricity ad. Measure Hank standing up the tip of his fingers to the ground and then PFT standing up tip of his fingers to the ground. All right. Who's Back of the Week is brought to you by Twisted Tea. Who's Back of the Week is presented by Twisted Tea. Well, it's officially the dog days of summer, and Twisted Tea is our go-to for cooling down when it's heating up. When it's hot, you know I'm reaching for something ice cold. Twisted Tea is a perfect drink for lake days, beach days, backyard grilling, and all the good stuff summer has to offer. Twisted Tea is a refreshing hard iced tea made with real brewed tea and 5% alcohol, full of flavor and very refreshing. Goes down smooth. There's no carbonation, which makes it easy to drink all day long. Whether it's hitting the course for a round, pre-gaming a ball game, or inviting the guys over for some backyard grilling, Twisted Tea is always there to keep the good times rolling. Grab a refreshing Twisted Tea today. OK, what do we— what do we learn? Oh no. I don't know.

I didn't— I said I want to wait, wait to get the results.

OK, the results are in. Do you think you can remember the results from—

I know he's— I told you, told me what PFTs was.

I think, I think Hank is further from the ground. I think I've got my wingspan might be as wide as Hank's. I've got a big wingspan for a short guy.

Okay, so PFTs were about 27.5 off the ground and his were 26.5. So it's about an inch difference. Okay, wait, but okay. Oh, I see. Yeah, that makes sense. That makes sense. Wait, no, it doesn't.

Hank's got a good wingspan.

That goes opposite of what we were saying.

So that means The taller person.

Get in here and measure.

No, that means that Hank's hands were further away from the ground.

No, he said Hank's hands were closer to the ground.

Yeah, because my wingspan plus wingspan.

So this is good for Hank.

Makes sense.

No, my— I have a bigger wingspan.

No, because my—

now measure.

No, Hank does have a bigger wingspan. Yeah, Hank also has very long arms. Yours are about 29.5. So Big Cat's 29.5 off because I'm taller.

Is there a chance?

But why is—

why makes sense?

No, it doesn't.

Just user error.

Hank, Hank, come measure Hank's again.

Yeah, exactly, because I'm the small— I'm the, I'm the lowest number.

I don't know why you are. You measure Hank again. But these numbers make sense. I'm— my hands, when I drop them, are further from the ground.

I think it's 27.

I'm seeing 27. In here. Are you sure PFT was 27.5?

That's it.

This is some good shit.

I'm confused.

These are the Nobles that have the big soles. Okay, should I take those off?

Yeah, cuz he's wearing basically sandals.

Okay, flat-footed.

He's got it. What do you got? 27. 27. All right, so they're the same, but I'm not the same.

Check again. Check Big Cat's.

What are you saying? Science.

So everyone, so hey, take your shoes off, big guy.

Take your shoes off.

Your argument, Hank, is everyone with their hands on their sides is 27 inches from the ground.

Take your shoes off. I honestly didn't— like, this is not something I feel super strongly about, but I would like to be proven right in the off chance that I am.

Now you're about 30. 30.

How does that make sense?

That makes no sense.

No, no, Zach, you are always sweating so much.

28.

28. That's— wow, 2 inches shorter.

OK, how did we just get a 2-inch discrepancy right there?

I don't know.

This— that wasn't even close.

This is a conversation you could just isolate and play for the mom that was debating what size to buy for her son.

So this one we got to send to the library. No way you're doing that right. Buy our book. Yeah. This— how has this podcast been this successful for 10 years? That might be a low point for us boys all around because I'm still confused and now I'm starting to doubt myself.

I think I need to know how there was a 2-inch difference within 30 seconds. Some of the—

might have been user error.

The hand placement straight down and then one of the measurements you guys were like tucked to the thigh. So it was like it was changing the trajectory of the palm.

This did all stem from one very like brief conversation I had with my friend like 6 years ago, but I definitely have been repeating it it since then.

You've been spreading it.

You told me this like a year ago and I have brought it up to other people.

No, I know. Ever since that conversation, every time it gets brought up, I'm like, oh yeah, because it's the same distance from the ground.

All right.

I found something online. When down by your body, is everyone's hands roughly the same distance to the floor? Hear me out. If standards— wait, my wife is— we've tried it. There seems— check out what your wingspan should pretty much match your height. So in most cases, people that fall under average height, it will balance out. Oh, Shit. Hank might be right. And no, but there's just no way. If Shaq stands— if Shaq stands next to Simone Biles, the outliers— yes, there's no way.

See, let's look up Shaq next to Simone Biles.

Yeah, actually, they've definitely taken a picture together. Shaq and— oh my God. Yeah. Are they right next to each other?

Pretty close.

Not even close. I'm looking right now. No, he's—

he's—

he's slanted.

No.

Dude, his hands are so much higher than—

Look how uneven his shoulders are.

Look, there's— Hank, there's like a—

his right shoulder, dude. Look how sloped his shoulder is.

His hands—

look how sloped his shoulder is.

Look how sloped his shoulder is.

Hank, you're insane.

Imagine if he leveled out that shoulder.

Hank, they are not remotely close.

You are— no one's looking at his shoulder.

I am looking at his shoulder.

Look how much lower his left shoulder is than his right. It's about the same distance as their hands.

No, shut up.

You shut up. What about José Altuve and Aaron Judge?

Same bat.

They—

yeah, same bat, Hank.

True, true.

It's all adding up.

Oh, fuck, I just saw a picture.

I think Aaron Judge, Altuve is the same.

It might be. Look at— there's another picture. Go to images. There's another picture it's like way too close.

I mean, me and Big Cat, I think, use the same size golf clubs.

Yeah.

Yeah. But that— but LeBron James is 6'9", right?

Altuve and Judge are the same.

That's not— wait, wait, go back.

That's the—

that's not—

that's not the same, Hank.

Dude, that is the same. What are you looking at?

What are you talking about, Max?

That's not—

he's on a base, but not his left foot.

One foot's on a base.

Left foot is not on the base, dude.

He's about a foot higher than Altuve with his hands.

Yeah, they're not— okay, this one's—

this one's better.

All right, we've—

Max, you were—

I think you're just, you're just seeing photographs and they're, and, and Judge's arm was bent like 90 degrees.

Look at this fucking one.

All right, I think that we've got, I, I think I know exactly where we land. Hear me out. I think, and in this, yeah, no, this is, shut the fuck up, BFD.

What are you talking about?

I'll take his hand, I'll take his hands like half a foot closer to the ground in that picture. What are you looking at?

What are you looking at? They're right next to each other. Hey, back me up.

Oh yeah, that's what I mean.

Shut up.

Judges might be lower.

Hey, Max, are you blind? I'm serious.

You're an idiot, Max.

Do you have—

do your eyes work? That's so wrong, Max.

Max, it's close. You can go close.

You can draw a straight line across and Aaron Judge is very close.

It's closer than you would think.

Here's where I think Hank might have been a little bit right, and it backs up what PFT found out about like the, the, you know, you need an inch higher on your clubs.

Zach just put out the ruler and he did it to the end of his glove.

I think that it's probably everyone— everyone's arm distance to the ground.

Zach literally brought out a ruler to show the difference, and he went to the bottom of his glove. He's using a tape measure on a computer screen and went to the bottom of Altuve's glove.

His hands aren't even close.

We gotta—

that's a glove! He's wearing a glove!

Look at the angle on his hand. Respectfully, it's like this.

Max is so dumb.

Can we get this pic? Can we get these pictures from Teddy?

We can get these pictures from Teddy, right? Altuve's are closer.

In this picture.

In this picture, they are close.

Like, I'm going to describe it. If you want to look it up at home, it's the picture where Altuve's got the orange cap and he's kind of touching his belt/groin.

I think it's an All-Star Game.

It's an All-Star Game. They're wearing the American flag socks.

Yeah. I think what the answer is, is that everyone's arms, when they put them to the side, are within a few inches of each other. And that would track with what you found is over 6'6", you add an inch, over 6'9", you add an inch and a half. That's all it is. So they're not the same.

It's not like one for one.

Yeah.

So if a guy is 7 feet tall, he doesn't get like, you know, comparison like 6 to 7, whatever that would be on a golf shaft.

This one is bad, but it's not like— it's not like shoes, like the— a huge majority of golfers are probably using the same size shafts, like, correct, 90%. Correct. Whereas like shoes and everything else, it's different sizes, different everything.

It'd be like—

it's like I was— I was right.

It'd be like shoes if sizes 9 through 13 were all the same.

I think it's like 8 through—

like, how do we start talking about this?

He looked up a video of Bronny swinging.

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

And you asked me, he's too tall.

I asked if LeBron was good. And then I said, oh, I guess like a tall guy.

We even did an ad in the middle of that. All right, who's back to the week?

Hey, all right, let's change the subject. My Who's Back of the Week is Scottie Scheffler.

Okay.

Just absolutely tall, right? He is tall. He is tall.

Oh, Scott, let's look at a picture. Is there a picture of him next to Rory?

Oh, yeah, definitely.

Let's see how their hands are.

But Scottie Scheffler not only won, he dominated. It's nice. It's fun to see, you know, someone winning by like 3, 4 strokes is like pretty boring. But when it gets to the point where you're winning by 8, 9, 10, like, it's exciting to just see someone dominate the best players.

Scotty's hands are way higher than— than, like, further.

Yeah, I was going to say Max is going to look at that picture and think, well, that's one that he—

yeah, who knows? You guys, that's one we're not seeing.

We'll just have to have Zach take out the tape measure on that computer picture. All right.

So Scotty dominated, dominated 1 by 1 by 8.

Also, Zach, next time you do that, print it out first and then measure the piece of paper after you print it out.

In it.

How easy to scream.

Is this the first time his second child has been in the winner's circle? Say winner's circle like it's a horse race.

I don't— I think he won one other one one time earlier.

Was he there? Was he too much of a baby?

Oh, I don't know. Was he there today?

Well, yeah, I think he was. I think someone said— I think I saw a tweet saying like, Remy, welcome to the winner's circle.

Yeah, then that would make sense.

Okay, so not a jinx anymore.

Congrats.

Good.

Good for him.

Was it— is this an elevated event?

What's that? It's the— I mean, it's a $20 million purse.

And I saw that. Was it JT that got eliminated?

I think now they're starting to like whittle down from 75 to 50, etc., etc.

By the way, I love Max.

Unfortunately, also is done for the year.

I did love Brooks when he was asked about not making the FedEx playoffs. He's like, it's absolutely pathetic. Yeah, he's just brutally honest. Better than just being like, well, I was first year back, just trying to work. He's like, no, it's pathetic.

He's right.

Yeah. Okay, good. Who's back, Hank?

Thanks.

Anything else going on in the golf world?

No.

Okay.

Ian Poulter.

What about what happened with him?

He said he thinks LIV is done.

That's a report for me and Poulter.

Is he, uh, but he, he's not close to league?

Oh no, he was like a founding member.

Oh, I mean, no, we're doing like— I've had reports from people that said that they're— it's going to happen next year too.

You know what this is? They're— they know that it's going to— here's what's going on. These guys are on the prediction market.

Max, start listening.

These guys are on the prediction markets. They're telling, oh, it's doom and gloom, oh, Liv's going to die. Meanwhile, they're buying a lot of investments and Liv coming back, maybe stronger than ever.

Yep.

And then they'll all be rich. And Hank will be rich too.

It's facts. Okay, PFT.

So my Who's Back of the Week was going to be canoodling because it's getting shoved down our throats again and it's part of that larger ad program thing or the campaign from NFL WAGS. So I'm going to pivot and I'm going to say just a news thing that I listened to on Friday. Crazy story from those weirdos in North Korea. Usually they're pretty aboveboard guys that you can, you know, trust with a handshake and firm look in the eye. You know how they've been making money because they, they had all the insurance schemes in the world for the last like 30 years. They would just like insure their buildings.

Okay.

And then they'd say that they burned down and then they just wouldn't let the inspectors in from outside the country. And they'd be like, we need the check now for the money for a factory that burned down. That was how they're making a lot of money. Then it ended up being that no insurer will ever insure anything that they build there again. So what they pivoted to was they figured out how to make fake employees apply for jobs all across the United States for remote work.

Okay.

And figure out exactly what to say during your recruiting visit or like when they, you know, interview you remotely and they've got like ChatGPT or like some AI program pulled up, they type the questions into and then read the answers off. To the person that's interviewing them. So there's been a shitload of people from North Korea getting hired by American companies for remote work. And then after they get hired, they collect like 2 weeks, 3, 3 weeks worth of pay and they never show up at all and they don't do anything.

That's good.

So like, they've— yeah, it's pretty awesome.

Yeah.

Way to make work.

I mean, it's bad, but it's genius.

But it's kind of, it's kind of sick too, right? That apparently like in this economy where nobody ever sees each other anymore, you can just get a job and not do the job and still make a little bit of money off it at the time. So apparently it's like 10,000 people or more that have been getting hired. Now recruiters have figured out a way to figure out if somebody is from North Korea. Do you know what it is?

I don't know.

They ask them in the recruiting process, it seems like you're very qualified for this job. We were impressed with the sample that you sent over. We just need you to say Kim Jong-un is a fat pig. Oh, and then we'll move on to the next question. And if they just refuse to say it, then they cut them off. You're not hired.

So that sucks for like the 1 or 2 guys that actually likes Kim Jong-un but is an American.

Yeah, that would be tough. Yeah, that would be hard one to explain. Like if you're just a big fan.

Yeah.

Or like, you don't like calling people fat.

Yeah.

What if your mother raised you better?

Yeah. What if you're North Korean? Wouldn't it be good to say that and get the job anyways and then give all that money to Kim Jong-un?

It's good.

Maybe he can get some lap band surgery.

It's good.

Get on the shot. I don't know.

So he's not that fat. Fat.

He's pretty fat. No, he's on Ozempic just like all the other hotshot beautiful Hollywood stars.

He's a strong man.

You know what it is? It's the pants. It's the pants that just— they're big, big trousers. They look like, uh, like Tracy McGrady draft night pants. Yeah, that he wears all the time. Somebody needs to tuck those things in.

I'd agree.

Uh, all right, my Who's Back of the Week is Sources. We touched on this on Friday's show, but it hadn't fully, uh, fleshed out. We talked about it, but there was a report on Wednesday that the Bears were going to move to Indiana and be called the Indiana Bears. And I mentioned briefly on Thursday, I was like, I think that guy thought he was texting me.

Yeah.

Uh, turns out that guy 100% thought he was texting me. There was an imposter Big Cat who had duped this guy Ben Devine into reporting that they were going to be the Indiana Bears. I don't know how I got roped into this whole thing, but it was quite funny on Friday to uncover it all and be like, what the fuck is happening? So it didn't pass the sniff test a million different ways. I mean, you guys have known me for a very long time. Do I have— I don't think I've ever broken a story. I don't give a fuck about breaking stories. What story?

I don't know.

There's got to have been one.

But wait, what? What?

What sniff test? You're talking about just the name Indiana Bears?

No, the sniff test of have— am I someone who ever breaks stories? Maybe like an innocuous one. 10 years ago, I don't know. Yeah, but I'm not in the news breaking game. If I had a story, why wouldn't I just break it myself, right?

Yeah.

I've never texted with this guy, and then he sent him a picture that I had tweeted 6 months ago as proof that it was me.

Yeah, that's crazy.

Yeah, the whole thing was—

and the other guy's a journalist?

Uh, he was an analyst. He, uh, said he, he was a plugged in, the most plugged in. He took most plugged in Bears analysts out of his file.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's fair.

But yeah, he got duped by a fake me. Um, and then ever— and like, it's bad journalism. Yeah, very bad journalism.

I, I did see a report today that Roger Goodell, over the weekend, he met with like Illinois state lawmakers.

This is what I've been saying for a while, secretly. This is what I've been saying.

So he's like, get it done, I don't care about the Indiana stuff.

Correct. I think the NFL is going to start putting the screws to the Bears and be like, what are you guys fucking doing. This is crazy. So, but yeah, this, this whole story, the guy, the guy reported that they were going to be called the Indiana Bears, and the entire time he was texting with someone who was claiming to be me, who— and I don't know if you guys saw the text messages, but it was like my fake me was like, just talk to Ryan Poles, don't want to be associated with the story, so I'm giving it to you, guy I've never talked to.

That doesn't make any sense.

Yeah.

And I also don't— I don't get— I can't break news. I don't fucking have news. People will tell me shit and I still won't say it to anyone because I'm like, I don't know if they talk— like, I don't know the rules to journalism.

Are you saying that this guy still thinks it was you?

No, no.

We had him on the Yak and we're like, dude. And he was like, yeah, I realized the errors of my ways.

Yeah, yeah.

It was. But there was a time where it wasn't just him. It was other people that thought, no, you know, he, he reported it.

He was like, I'm calling my shot. People picked it up. Then when it was— when, when the McCaskies did their press conference and were like, no new announcement, everyone was like, hey, you're an idiot. And he was like, I think I've been duped. And then he DM'd me and said, confirm you've been texting me. And I just wrote back, huh?

Yeah.

And then he realized he had been duped. Yeah, that makes sense.

Smart guy. It is crazy to think that that was actually you.

Yeah, I don't— I, I Being a journalist, being someone who breaks news, seems like the most stressful job of all time. I'm a fucking idiot. I don't want to have that. I don't have that burden of having news and being right about that shit.

I'm wrong.

I think, like, as a podcast, we're probably like a bunch of .300 hitters, which could get you in the Hall of Fame. But we're wrong so much.

I'm pretty right.

You're right.

That hand thing was Definitely right for me.

No.

But yeah, I—

wait, which—

I just want on the record, if anyone gets a text from a fake me, I am not trying to break any news ever. I had news.

What's crazy about that is like in that situation, you're not even trying to break news.

Correct.

Well, you're telling him to break news.

Correct. Yeah, correct. But I'm not— I will never tell anyone else to break news either because I don't get news. And if I do get news, I sit on it until I see it and then I just say in my head mentally, 'Oh, I remember someone I think told me that,' and then I don't say anything about it. And that's how you live your life, because being a newsbreaker would suck. No offense to those guys, but it would suck.

Zach, uh, my Who's Back of the Week is going to be Ian Makhachev today— or, uh, Islam Makhachev.

My bad, I mixed up the opponents.

Yep.

Islam defeated or defended his, uh, welterweight belt against, uh, Ian. Uh, really what this Who's Back is actually about, though, is just the head kick. The head kick is unreal. Oh, I gotta see it. And a sobering reminder on why you just can't— you just shouldn't fight guys. So wait, are you now our MMA expert? Not Hank anymore. Not an expert. I respect the head game. Max hates UFC.

No, it didn't push me for it over years.

And he goes, why are they fighting?

Now, this—

yeah.

All right. So, yeah, this is why you should just not get into a fight with a guy that has the beard that doesn't connect in the mustache. Yeah, that's— that's quickly approaching like cauliflower ear as the two warning signs of do not fight.

Yeah.

It's anyone who looks like Khabib.

Yeah.

Don't fuck with them. He just hit him right on the button.

He—

yeah. You guys see that? You guys see that fight of the year in Peru with the fire extinguisher? That was awesome.

Oh, there was a street fight. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

So sick. Do you think it feels good to connect with a chin kick like that? I think probably it's like hitting a home run. It's like you don't even feel it.

Yeah, you just know you're here.

You know that that's a tater.

It's pure. Yeah, the head goes with it.

Yeah, because you probably break the chin as you kick it. Yeah. So like your foot kicks through the guy's face.

That was—

that's got to be a good feeling.

All right, good. Who's back? Good job, boys.

Quick one, if that's okay. Uh, yeah, Carlin Towns.

Love wins.

Second ring in the same year.

Nice.

Congratulations.

Wedding.

Way to go.

No.

What was the first ring?

Come on, 2K memes.

You know, you know the first one. He's gonna get mad at us because he's gonna— we're gonna joke too much that it becomes reality.

We're like, also, once the season starts, right? But like, you gotta, you gotta move on.

If you put a gun to my head right this and said, has Gonzaga made it to a Final Four? I think I'd be like, just shoot me because I don't know.

I—

we've joked about it so much.

I don't know the answer, Max. I also found out that, that Villanova tried to retire Scottie Reynolds, the one. So that would make 3 ones, right?

That's pretty cool.

What do you mean they tried to?

They wanted to. Scottie didn't want his jersey retired.

Why?

I don't know.

He's just like that.

So my Scottie sources. Shout out to her.

Oh, you have Scottie's sources? Fuck yeah.

Went to high school together.

That's right.

Fuck yeah. All right.

3-1.

Yeah.

Not—

we retired his jersey number.

Yeah, that's respect.

Where?

Where?

Don't you have to go? No, I'm like, come on, push. You know, you miss these.

Wait, Max, you said that— you said that Scottie They—

I said they should have.

They should have retired. It wasn't about the ones. Yeah, because I think he wore number 3, right?

No, he wore 1.

He wore— I think he wore 3 in high school.

He wore 3 in high school. Okay. Yeah. So they did. So it was about the way he was going to be the third one. He didn't want his jersey retired. I don't know.

Well, I think he would have been the second one because he would have gotten it before Jalen Brunson.

Yes, correct.

So but as now he's the third.

As we stand right now, there are right now retired, correct? Yeah. This is again furthering my point why no one should ever retire.

You could just say— yeah, you could say Scottie Reynolds is one of them ones.

He's—

no.

Well, there's 3 ones.

Yeah.

No, no, he is one of them.

He is one of them.

If it was retired, I think he'd be one of them ones.

No, he still is one of them ones.

He wore the one.

I think he's more—

he's one of them ones.

I think he's more one of one than one of them ones because he's the one that didn't get retired.

Right.

Yeah.

Them ones are the ones that got their number retired, the ones that But yeah, he's probably a bucket and her an eye.

All right, let's go to— let's get to Booger McFarland. Some good idiot jazz.

Before we get to Booger, he's brought to you by Shell. I'm going to be honest, I usually don't get excited about loyalty programs that promise big rewards. And then it's like you actually have to eat 48 pizzas to get one free. So when I heard about the Shell Fuel Rewards program, I was skeptical. Shocking. But here's the thing. It's actually kind of annoyingly practical. You're already getting gas. You're already grabbing takeout. Out, you're already buying snacks that you definitely didn't need but absolutely deserve. With Shell Fuel Rewards, you just get rewarded for that, and not in a fake points-you'll-never-use way. It's actual savings on gas. So the savings stack up. It's not one sad little discount. It's you fill up, you eat, you shop, it all piles up, and you get real savings at the pump. Joining takes less than 3 minutes in the Shell app, and you'll save on every fill after that, every single one. If you want my recommendation, join the Shell Fuel Rewards program and save I was getting gas on Friday, filled up the El Camino. It costs a pretty penny, but at Shell it costs cheaper than it did across the street.

It's a great program. And if you have the fuel rewards like I do, it's even more savings. So check out the Shell Fuel Rewards program. Boogers also brought to you by Cuervo. When Cuervo enters, every moment just gets better. You find yourself in the center of the dance floor. You can't help but stand up and high-five those around you at the game. Max, what happens? Whizzer room, though.

What?

What does the room do? Memes, you know what I'm talking about. Do we all just get the same text at the same time? That's what happens. And that's Cuervo, baby. You stop checking the time, suddenly small talk escalates to laughing so hard that you can barely catch your breath. That's the Cuervo effect, a signal everybody understands, a moment that anyone can join, and a good time that just grows. All you have to do is keep it Cuervo. And now here's Booger McFarland.

Okay, we now welcome on a very, very special guest, one of our best friends, uh, talking football and Senior Bowl Hall of Famer. Is that correct, Booger McFarland? Are you a Senior Bowl Hall of Famer? I did a little, little Google. Congrats on that. How many Hall of Fames are you in?

Not many. So when the Senior Bowl called, uh, that was a nice little surprise. So did that in Mobile back in— I want to say that was back in April. So it was pretty cool.

Okay.

So does that mean that you had like one really good practice?

Actually, I think it was the Senior Bowl was kind of the launch to a pretty good NFL career. I think I went down for the whole week. I was a Senior Bowl captain for my side. I was the first guy, I wanna say I was the first guy from the Senior Bowl picked that year. Played almost a decade. So Senior Bowl's always got a fond place in my heart because it kind of got things started. The Buccaneers actually coached me. In the Senior Bowl. And so when the Buccaneers were picking 15, I knew I wasn't getting past 15 based on the relationships that I cultivated that week.

That's cool. So, so before the Senior Bowl, where were you expecting to go?

Uh, I was expecting to go a lot higher. I, I wanted to be— listen, I was— I knew I was good enough to be the first D-lineman picked. I just didn't know that the quarterbacks were going to be, uh, viewed as high as they did. So you had Tim Couch, Achilles Smith, Donovan McNabb, uh, Culpepper and then K McNabb. K McNabb before me. Like, are you kidding me?

I mean, you all besides McNabb, like Achilles Smith and Tim Couch.

I mean, geez, tell me about it.

Yeesh.

I know it.

Well, where do you want to start? We want to talk all ball, college football and, uh, NFL, because you do both. You're one of those guys who was able to do both. So you know what, let's start with here, preseason. Uh, how much how much do you actually put into preseason? Or is it— because this is how I've used preseason. It's basically, if your guys look bad, that might be a little bit concern. If your guys look good, that's how they should look. Like, because they're going against base defenses and they're going against, you know, second stringers, third stringers. So it's essentially just don't look awful if you're a, you know, first or second round draft pick. Look, look like you are ready to go for live action.

You know the old saying about preseason that you hear a lot It doesn't count, but it matters. I think that's the biggest thing about preseason. It doesn't count, but it does matter. I think overall what you want to see is you want to see your high-end players come out healthy because you kind of know what they can do already. Like I said, I'm not concerned, even though Josh Allen played well a couple of days ago, I'm not concerned with Josh Allen if he did play bad because I've seen a big enough body of work that I know what Josh Allen can do. I want to see guys that are first, second year, guys are rookies, I want to see the improvement from them. I want to see them take it from the practice field to the game. It doesn't necessarily mean that, that we're going to win a bunch of preseason games. I just want to see the individual improvement from each and every player. I think that's what I look at. And sometimes preseason football is not about highlights. You got to— you actually have to go back and look at the tape and see, uh, who's, who's doing what.

Like Arvell Reese. Arvell Reese, I want to say he had 1 or 2 tackles, but man, he played pretty good as a rookie. In his debut. So you gotta go back and look at that and just watch the tape. So that's kind of what I look at. Main thing, don't get anybody hurt, especially guys that are shoo-ins to make the team. And then there's always gonna be a guy who comes outta nowhere. Yeah. That you had no idea. Even the coaches don't know what his name is. They're like, hey, who's, who's 24? And he makes a name for himself and he makes the team.

So if, if let's say, uh, you have a new offensive coordinator and your team starts with 4 straight 3-and-outs, that's not a concern.

That is a concern because if you, if you can't scheme up 10 yards in 3 plays as a new coordinator against base defenses, and I probably need to— if I'm the head coach, I bring him in like, hey, everything good? Are you sleeping enough? Like, tell me what's going on. So it's, it's a bit concerning.

Yeah.

Although I'd probably be a little bit more concerned, and then this is directly straight, straight towards you, Big Cat.

Okay.

If my, if my head coach slash play caller starts saying he wants to average the most points in the league and beat everybody by 30 points.

No, it's goals, dude. You don't have goals.

Listen, it's goals, it's balls, but you, but you starting to write some checks that you better be able to cash, buddy.

That's, that's what I want. That's what makes Ben Johnson. He puts himself in these spots. He said he showed up, he said, I fucking hate the Packers. He said, I hate Matt LaFleur. Matt LaFleur's like, I've never met him. That's the kind of stuff he does.

You ever hear aim small, miss small?

Yeah, I've definitely heard that.

Yeah.

All right. So, so did anyone go 4 straight 3-and-outs to start the preseason?

I don't, I don't know. I'm looking at the Commanders because they have David Blough. Oh, first year. Yeah. He did not go 4 straight 3-and-outs. Okay.

Look at like just a random team.

You asked the question as if somebody had went 4 straight 3.

I'm looking it up to see maybe if there's a team out there. Forget.

We're going to do our research real quick.

It's the preseason for podcasters too. So I don't have this stat right here. Oh, was it— was it— um, no, it's not the— it's not the Bears.

No.

Um, would it be the Cowboys?

No.

Oh, uh, the Ravens?

No.

The team that played the Ravens.

Who—

who's the Eagles? The Eagles.

Yeah, yeah, the Eagles did start 4 straight 3-and-outs. Max is giving thumbs down in the booth right now.

Is that thumbs down to your offensive coordinator or thumbs down to the question?

Thumbs down to everything. It's preseason football.

All right, so, uh, What about Booger? Are you ready to say, uh, apologize to Ty Simpson for, for trashing that pick? Because he did look good. I know that you're supposed to look good, but he looked good in his first preseason game.

No, I, I still think it was a bad pick because I still think at some point the Rams are going to look back and wish they had a player that could contribute now.

That's fair.

This season. And I get it, like everybody, we are so prisoners of the moment. Like, as soon as something happens right now we're ready to put him in the Hall of Fame. Like, this is preseason game 1. It is August 16th. Can we get to Labor Day? Can we get a hamburger on the grill before we start putting everybody in the Hall of Fame?

Yeah, that's fair.

I had Carson Beck in the Hall of Fame, and then after I kicked him out and I had Haynes King in the Hall of Fame, and then I kicked Haynes King out, and now I got Ty Simpson and Drew Aller. And Drew Aller. Yeah.

Oh, Drew, Drew Aller. If I hear 6'5", 245 one more time, I'm gonna cut my eyelids out. Like, I know exactly how big the guy I covered the draft.

Yeah, it also— it's funny watching preseason and, and like, because like I said to start this interview, you are one of the rare guys who does both college football and NFL. There's a lot of people who only watch college football or only watch NFL. And look, Drew Aller played nice for the Steelers. I watched a lot of Drew Aller at Penn State. I, I— one preseason game, yeah, one preseason game isn't going to change my opinion on Drew Aller. I got to see it in a regular season game.

Drew, Drew Aller at Penn State As, as the tale goes, he left you desiring more. A lot more.

Yes.

I mean, a lot, a lot more. And again, the best thing I heard about Drew Aller at Penn State was he's 6'5", 245. Yep.

Wait, how, how big is he exactly? Yeah, that should be his nickname. Drew 6'5", 245.

Impressive size.

Yeah.

Uh, exactly.

We talked, we talked earlier about how you're in the Senior Bowl Hall of Fame. Did they retire your number?

You know what, uh, I, I don't think the Senior Bowl is going to retire the number 94, uh, although it was a really, a really interesting week about retiring numbers. I, I never thought, I never thought we'd spend the slowest day of the year, which is the day before preseason games begin, talking about retiring numbers on the collegiate level where there are 100 players on each team and you only have 100 numbers.

My, my, I had two takeaways from this. Obviously, I think I don't think that Jaden is being represented in a way that's good for him, and I think that he was surprised by a lot of it, and that's not a good dynamic. I think every— everybody that's met him, um, to a T has nothing but good things to say about the guy. He doesn't seem like he's got an ego or that he's, you know, the kind of person who would be vindictive. But maybe some people that are around him are both of those things. Um, when it— when it comes to the, uh, the jersey retirement and my first thoughts were, number one, Brian Kelly told a hilarious amount of lies in this situation. So he lied to Jayden that he was retiring it, and then he lied to the guy that he was recruiting saying, you can wear it. And then we got on campus, he goes, actually, no, I'm not letting you wear it. I lied to you about being able to wear it when I was lying to you saying that you were allowed to wear it. So it was like a double lie.

And then, and then later on, Brian Kelly's gone. Lane doesn't give a fuck what Brian Kelly promised recruits. And then, and then the whole concept of retiring numbers in colleges is ridiculous. You're right. And LSU's jersey policy just says like, yeah, just because we retire a jersey doesn't mean that people can't wear it. And then I come to find out that they've got a bunch of jerseys that are unofficially retired at LSU. So the whole discourse is stupid. Um, I'm curious what you think about it and, and how you think it's actually going to impact anything on the field, either at LSU or in Washington.

Well, I, I think it's gonna I don't think it's gonna impact anything at LSU. First of all, I think Lane Kiffin for the first time comes out smelling like roses. Like, Lane didn't do anything wrong. All Lane did was say, hey, it was promised to the kid, we're gonna give it to the kid, end of story. I can't do anything about what happened with the previous staff. So Lane, DJ Pickett come out smelling like roses. That's number one. As far as Brian Kelly, Brian BK did come back and say, yeah, I said it. So I give him credit for coming out after the fact, even though, I mean, LSU's giving him $54 million. I guess you can say whatever you wanna say now anyway, it doesn't matter. As far as the Jaden Daniels of it all, and you're the perfect person to talk to, PFT, because the way I look at this is it's a big miscommunication. And once things start going downhill, now emotion gets involved. I think nobody has worn the number 9 since Joe Burrow left. I think there is an exercise, maybe not even an exercise, there is a thought that, hey, Hey, unless somebody special enough comes along, we're not gonna give the number 9 out.

And Lane is probably gonna adhere to that until he gets a special recruit, which there's a couple of them this year who wants to, who wanna wear the number 9, and then he'll give it to him. And so I think the fact that nobody's worn the number 9, everybody assumed that this was a Heisman Trophy thing because of Billy Cannon, because of Joe Burrow, and now Jayden Daniels. And I think I think there may have been the same communication with Jayden, and then Jayden started seeing people wear the number 5, and the lack of communication around the number 5. I think that if you're Jayden Daniels, and by the way, all the memes on the internet are hilarious, like, you know, 10 Jayden Daniels touchdown, like some of the memes that are going on are hilarious online, and it's all fun. But as far as the kid, he's a tremendous kid. I think he's being misrepresented by his personality. People are calling him selfish. He's not a selfish kid, but this is a classic case of what happens when his team gets involved and the emotion gets involved and lack of communication comes up. Because I'll throw this back to you, PFT, all right?

Watch this now. You know the discourse around your quarterback in Washington. It's the same discourse that I hear. It's the same discourse that Big Cat hears. So you tell me, what's the percept— because I have a perception What's the perception of your quarterback? Because I think right now it comes out looking worse than it did a week ago.

Yeah, it's definitely worse than it did a week ago. I think in inside DC and amongst Commanders fans, uh, I haven't seen anybody turning on him, but I do see a lot of people saying like, hey, this is— it's a bad look. And I don't— I also haven't seen anybody actually blaming Jayden for this, which I think is actually correct up to this point.

Point.

I don't think it's his fault. But if nothing changes in how he's represented, then you can look at any further missteps that he makes and be like, well, it's your fault for allowing this to go on. Does that make sense?

It makes sense up until a certain point, because Jaden is 24 years old, 25, like he's a grown man. Like, at some point you are responsible for the actions of your name. Either you have to be responsible for them, or you have to denounce whoever is responsible. And I I think that's a situation that's kind of going on now. I think we can beat around the bush all we want. Here's the real, cuz we all talk. The perception is that his team, quote unquote, his mother and the agent are kind of spearheading all this. Let's just be real about this. That's the perception online. That's the perception out there. I don't know that to be fact. If it is, whoever is spearheading this whole thing about the jersey needs to take ownership, take responsibility, and then move forward. Because allowing it to just sit there, he's become somewhat of a punching bag. And the kid isn't that. He's a tremendous kid. He did tremendous things at LSU. He's going to be remembered as one of the greatest players that ever came to LSU. And I think that's the way he should be remembered. And right now, some people are forgetting that based on everything that's going on right now.

And I get it. This is a— it's just kind of a moment in time. I don't like the way it's being represented, but I also don't like the way his team is representing him in a lot of these situations.

Yeah, it's preseason for moms too.

Mm-hmm.

We— they got to figure it out just like the rest of us out there. I, I think that ultimately you're right. Um, I think that it's a tough situation for Jayden if it's his mom representing him, because obviously it's your mother, you love your mother, you have a deep relationship there, and you don't want to like, you know, fracture that based on a business thing. But that's kind of what you choose when your mother becomes your agent. And she is like, she's a certified agent, so she is working for him as an employee right now. Um, but at some point you have to— you know what, I think it's unfair that people say like Jaden needs to have a word with— he needs to talk to his mom, he needs to fire his mom. That's a tough situation for a 24-year-old kid to be in. I think that her friends, if she has any friends out there, her friends need to step in and talk to her about it before the impetus becomes like on your son because now it had— I guess now it has, because if he doesn't make a change or things don't change, um, then yeah, it's not like he didn't have any heads up about it.

So at this point, it's like you need to know that this is exposing you to liability and it's, uh, it's hurting your brand if you have somebody that's making these kind of decisions like this for you.

And by the way, just to lighten it up a little bit, like, like, do you really— like, are we really that tied to like numbers? Like, I was 94 at LSU. I got to the pros, somebody had 94 and they said, hey, Book, I'll give it to you for $25 grand. I was like, screw you, baby. I'm going to 92.

Like, I'm not—

I'm not going to pay $25,000 just to wear a number. I'll just go to the next number.

Yeah.

Caleb changed his number when he got to the pros because Keenan Allen had a number. He's like, he's been in the pros for a lot longer. I'm going to change my number.

I have a compromise here. Let's retire that at LSU. How about we retire the Jayden Daniels jersey so nobody else named Daniels Daniels is allowed to wear number 5.

I don't think you even want to do that.

So it'll never be— it'll never be Daniels 5.

What if there's a sick 5-star recruit?

Exactly.

His first initial, dot Daniels, and then the 5.

Got it.

We can do that.

What if it's—

okay, I mean, oh, if it's J. Daniels, that's fine too. Just no Daniels 5. That's the jersey. No one—

listen. It's kind of a weird thing in college football because there's only so many numbers and there's so many college guys on each team. I always thought you can retire the number— excuse me, you can retire the jersey but not the number. So other words, I'm gonna take— I'm gonna retire the number 5 with Daniels on it, but I'm not gonna retire the number because if every great player— I'll give you a prime example. Like, if you're at LSU, so Billy Cannon, Burt Jones is next. After Burt Jones, here's, here's the pecking order before we get to Joe Burrow or Jayden Daniels. You ready? Glenn Dorsey, maybe the most decorated defensive lineman in the history of college football. He won the Outland, the Lombardi, the Nagurski. He's in the College Football Hall of Fame. He was a first-round draft pick. He was first-team All-American, blah, blah, blah. His number's not retired at LSU. And he won a national championship. All right, Kevin Faulk, maybe the most important recruit in the history of LSU. All right, his jersey's not retired. So I think before we get to Joe Burrow and Jayden Daniels, like, there's a pecking order, just like I'm sure at every college there's a pecking order that you have to get to.

And I think LSU's just a little bit behind right now.

Yeah, this whole discourse is so stupid. I'm ready to move on from it.

Okay, quick break from Burger to talk to you guys about Lucy. The Lucy Breakers are in intense, long-lasting flavor that actually satisfies. I got my Lucy right here. I, uh, rock with the Lucy Apple Ice, but they got the Breakers and they got everything with Lucy. Bite and burst tech. Bite down to pop the capsule for satisfying click and a rush of fresh flavor. Breakers flavors are built to stay vivid from start to finish. Apple turns icy, berry gets a blast of citrus, and mint gets even more minty, creating a refreshing flavor experience that lasts longer and stays more interesting than ordinary pouches. Like I said, I got the Apple Ice right here. Lucy are so good. Lucy's the only pouch that delivers long-lasting on-demand flavor. Get 20% off your first order when you buy online at lucy.co/pmt with code PMT. And here comes the fine print warning: this product contains nicotine, nicotine is an addictive chemical. Okay, back to Booger McFarland. Uh, I got a question for you about college football. Uh, so teams that I, I've fallen in love with, there's some obvious ones. Uh, Oregon is obviously up there. Uh, everyone's talking about, you know, they're bringing everyone—

you fall in love really easy too, by the way.

Like, you shouldn't do everything back, right? I mean, I guess it's a big question for Dan Lanning.

I—

let me—

I'll start with this: can Dan Lanning get over that hump? Because he has is he has done a great job at Oregon, but they have, they have also been in big college football playoff games where they've gotten a little bit embarrassed. They got embarrassed by Ohio State, what was it, 2 years ago. Uh, they got embarrassed by Indiana this year. So those big moments, those big games that they have to step up to, uh, have, have, have been fleeting for Dan Lanning so far. And I like Dan Lanning a lot.

Love Dan Lanning. Uh, his His pregame speech when Oregon played Colorado, I still play that back in my head.

Yep.

You know, you know, yeah, we're playing for something, they're playing for clicks. It's still one of the greatest pregame deals ever. All right. I think the biggest issue with Dan Lanning is this: in the biggest games against teams that have equal talent, they aren't physical enough. All right. So he's brought everything from Georgia to Eugene, I think, accept the level of physicality that is required and is gonna be required when you face the big, the biggest and best teams. And I think that's the biggest issue for Dan Lanning. Now I'll give him credit. They keep knocking at the door, they keep putting themselves in position. But you watched the Indiana game last year.

Yeah.

Yeah. Dante Moore didn't play well, but there was a level of physicality that Indiana brought to Oregon that I don't think than Oregon was expecting. So I agree. I think if we're doing this on quote-unquote let's go first date to marriage, as far as how, how much I believe in, in these teams, I think Dan Lanning and Oregon are probably somewhere, um, we've been dating for a couple of years. I'm not, I'm not ready to marry them, but, but we're past the first date and we're nowhere near marriage yet.

Okay, okay. All right. So I mean, yeah, I, I think Oregon's be really good. The team though that— and I'm not going to say they've been forgotten because they are, uh, you know, the best team in the last 10 years if you'd go resume. But I think Georgia is going to be sick this year. I think their defense is gonna— is returning a bunch of guys. They couldn't— they couldn't rush the passer last year, but they could— they could stop the run. I think that will come. And that's the team where it's like— it's, again, it's not like Georgia's been forgotten, but a lot of fanfare has been made about Arch Manning in Texas and they're going to win the SEC. And it's like, hold on a second, I'll take Kirby Smart in a big game. And yeah, they got— like, like I said with the defense, like Trinidad Chambliss ate them alive in that playoff game. But I do think that they're gonna have those growing pains. They got a lot of guys who are going to be in their second and third years where their defense is going to look a lot better in that nasty, like, we are going to punish you Georgia defense that won them the, the national titles.

No question. And on the scale of first date to marriage, I'm engaged to Georgia. Like, I, I'm truly engaged because I think that Gunnar Stockton is underrated. To your point, the defense was young. Those guys are gonna come back. When you talk about Ellis Robinson, KJ Bolden, two of the best secondary guys in the country. Up front, Elijah Griffin, maybe the best defensive tackle in America. They're gonna run the football, they're gonna control the line of scrimmage. Everybody makes a big deal about the lack of wide receivers. They don't need to throw the ball that much. They get, they, they're gonna run you clean up outta your building. So I like what Georgia's done. And in an era where some teams have 60 transfer players, Georgia only has 10. So the culture of the Bulldogs is still there. They recruit, they develop. All those guys are Georgia guys through and through. So yeah, they're going to be right there. I would definitely pencil them into the playoff.

Yeah.

Yep.

All right. Who's your—

who are you married to?

I'd be married today to Notre Dame.

Okay.

I think Notre— I think Notre Dame is as legit it as anybody out there. I think the quarterback is phenomenal. I think they can run the football. I think the defense is going to be nasty because they can play man coverage. They got the best secondary in the country. I think Marcus Freeman, obviously Lane Kiffin withstanding, because I got to love my coach. I think Marcus Freeman is the best coach in America as far as this is concerned. You know, some coaches are play callers, some coaches are recruiters, some coaches are motivators. He's the best combination of it all. He's young, he's good looking, he can relate to the kids. Like, he's a motivator. He's a defensive guy. Like, he can do it all. Like, the kids don't call him Coach Freeman. They call him Free. They just say, hey, like, Free. Like, that's a guy you can talk to. Like, I'm like, I'm gonna go talk to Free and see what's up. Not Coach Free, just Free. So I love Notre Dame. CJ Carr is probably the most underrated quarterback in the country. Everybody's talking about Arch. And Dante and the guy that likes to gamble a lot and Brendan Sorsby and Sam Levitt and, and, uh, Lenore Sellers and all these quarterbacks.

Nobody talks about CJ Carr. He's awesome. Julian Sainz, he is awesome, dude. He's awesome. I love the— I love the Saving Private Ryan haircut that he has.

I love it.

Like, it's awesome.

And, and their schedule is easy, which hurts me because they opened the season with Wisconsin, but I have to say it, like, their schedule, they should not not— now this, it's a blessing and curse because their schedule is easy. They should be able to, to rattle off 11 wins. But like what happened last year, if they trip up twice, they won't have a lot to make up. They won't have those quality wins down the stretch to make up for it. But I think they are going to win 11 games, and I think they'll be in the playoff. And I, I, I agree. CJ Carr, like, that— his, his loss, his opening, uh, of the last season, the loss against Miami, that's when I was like, holy shit. Like, I know they lost the I was like, this kid is, is doing this on the road against a really nasty defense, and he's like, he's not scared at the moment. I, I think they're a really, really good team, and I love Marcus Freeman.

Since you bring up Wisconsin, really quick, and I don't need a long answer, are we concerned of— are we concerned about looking for a new coach after the season?

I mean, how could you not be? I like Luke Fickle. I think he knows it. We had him on a couple weeks ago. He said the hot— the seat is hot. Like, he knows it. He's not running from it. He's very open about it. He knows what— that they have to deliver this year. I think the defense is gonna be really good. It's like, can the quarterback stay healthy? We've lost our quarterback 3 straight years, and I know you don't make excuses in football, but he's gone back to the identity of Wisconsin where it's like, we need that, we need the offensive line, we need to be able to run the ball, we need to play stout defense, none of this Air Raid shit. Uh, so I'm excited for the season, I'm excited for the season, and the schedule is not as hard as it's been because last year I think we had the worst schedule in the country, which that, that's part of, that's part of college football now is basically the schedule gods. Like one year you're gonna have it and one year you're not. One year you're gonna have to go like 3 or 4, you know, you're gonna have to go to Austin, you're gonna have to go to Athens, you're gonna have to go to the Swamp.

And then the next year it's like, oh shit, we don't have to do all those. So it really does feel like year to year when it comes to the scheduling.

Easy on, easy on the Swamp. The Swamp's not ready to be in that conversation just yet.

They got— they might be, they might be a tough one this year.

They get— they're getting better. I love Coach Sumrall. I like what he did at Tulane down in New Orleans. I like Trust me, they're going to be good, just not yet. As far as the other team that I, that I think deserve to be in the conversation, the team that I'd marry, Ohio State. I think the schedule is what it is. Um, I think, um, I got another surprise for you, to be honest. Like USC. Okay. Oh, I'm not ready to marry USC, but we are engaged.

That's all I see.

This is you.

Yeah.

Super, I mean, super, super warm if not hot. And I think Lincoln knows it. I think this is the most talent that he's had. I love the quarterback they have out there. The key with Lincoln, man, is Lincoln has got to evolve. Like, Lincoln was still running the same plays he ran at Oklahoma 5 years ago at USC. Like, he's got to evolve, and I think he has. The defense is going to be really good, I think, uh, with Coach Patterson. I'm just looking forward to see him because the knock on him is when you get him in a big game, in a big situation, then he doesn't always show up. And so I want to see what Lincoln Riley does. But other than that, I think after you get past those top teams, Ohio State, I think Texas, I put Texas in that category, Notre Dame, then I think you have to get right there. Indiana, I need to see what Josh Hoover is like. Josh Hoover, Indiana, I hear it. It's like Bigfoot. I've heard a lot about him, but I need to see him on a big stage and see him playing against some top-level competition that's not TCU.

But if he is as advertised, Indiana's gonna be right there.

So then you got Indiana, you got Oklahoma, you got all those teams that Oklahoma is, is one of those teams that their schedule sucks, but that John Mittermeier is really good. And, and that defense was nasty.

Stop. Okay, stop right there. I'll agree with you, the defense is nasty. John Mittermeier.

Yes.

Pre-Incredible Hulk John Mittermeier was really good.

Good.

How do we feel about John Mathieu now that he's gone all David Banner on us?

CJ Carr did that. Julian Sayin looks like he put on muscle. All these guys are putting on some muscle.

Yeah, but Mathieu looks like— he looks like he's been doing— instead of 4 sets of bench, he did 6.

Okay, all right. So here would be my reply to that. John Mathieu, I think, is very, very good. He got obviously the thumb injury. He probably came back too early last year with the thumb injury. If you watched him at Wazoo, he was electric at Wazoo.

To, right?

I think that the— I think Oklahoma knows, John Mittermeier knows that like for Oklahoma to be— their offense to, to go to that next level, John Mittermeier is going to have to take the beating. And he, he is electric with his feet. He's really good at like— he's not the fastest guy, he's not going to be Lamar Jackson, but he can get you those yards and he's a good runner. And I think he probably put on the weight being like, hey, this is the SEC, this isn't the— this isn't the Pac-12 anymore. Like, this is the SEC, I'm gonna get beat I gotta be ready to get beat up and be able to withstand the season.

I did think through the first month of the season he was putting up video game numbers. Yeah. Like, he was my early, early front-runner for the Heisman. And so, and then obviously he got injured and he didn't come back and play well. So I agree with you. I've never seen a good quarterback, and maybe that's just a professional level. And so this is kind of one of those instances where me covering both is kind of coming in.

In.

So on the college level, it may be okay, but I, I usually don't see really good quarterbacks throwing the football like be really muscular. Like, you don't want your quarterback muscular. You want him nice and loose and linear and not, you know, yoked up. But we'll see.

Tebow.

Tebow.

Checkmate. Okay, just say checkmate, because you just— I know you disrespected Gators. Oh, the swamp's not that good. Tebow was a Heisman Trophy winner. He was a national title Maybe the best college quarterback of all time.

Okay, maybe.

Checkmate. Uh, let me ask you a question about, about Penn State. Will there be a time this year where we look at Penn State and we say, I wonder if they miss James Franklin?

Yes, I do think so, because I do think they're going to take a little step back. Because here, here's what you have to ask yourself, because it's basically Iowa State What is that? I'm geographically challenged. So is that Iowa State? That's north. So it's going to be Iowa State North, basically, because here comes Matt Campbell and he brings what, 30, 40 miles?

I think it's East, right?

Yeah, yeah.

Iowa State East. Okay, I'll give you that one.

Yeah, Iowa State East. And yeah, not really north, but that's fine.

Okay, I'll say north.

I like it.

Northeast. Yeah, okay. I do think that those players— I like Rocko Beck. I think Rocko Beck is really good. Um, I just wonder how we would view this team if I told you Iowa State went to the Big House to take on Michigan, or Iowa State was going to Columbus. Because essentially, and I know it's not the same apples to apples, but you're gonna have the Iowa State brand wearing a Penn State uniform.

Perform.

And so I think at some point that's, that, that's gonna factor. I like Matt Campbell, AKA Andrew Luck light. Like, I love Matt Campbell. He looks just like Andrew Luck. That's my dude. Really good coach. I thought he should have left Iowa State several years ago. He was that good. But to your point, to the question, is there gonna come a point when they look back, and it may not be this season, maybe it's after 3 seasons, when you look back and Iowa State, they go 8-4, 9-3, 8-4, you're going to yearn for the 10-2 seasons of James Franklin.

Yeah.

So maybe that— maybe because James Franklin was good for 10 wins a year. He just couldn't beat Ohio State, and every now and then he couldn't beat Michigan. Like, he just couldn't win the big one. But he, he could, he could beat everybody. He could wipe the floor with Wisconsin and all these other schools, but he just couldn't beat— win those two games. So maybe not this year, but maybe in 3 years when you look back and say, let's look at the first 3 years of Matt Campbell James Franklin wasn't so bad.

It's southeast. It's north. No, it's north. I'm looking at it.

It's got to be north.

No, no, it's— I mean, it's Ames, Iowa is, is more north than, than State College. It's, it's directly east and it's a little touch south.

I'm just going to call it north. I'm going to, I'm going to stand with Booger on this. Okay, it sounds better.

That's fine. East. Yeah, east, whatever. I told you I was directionally sensitive.

Hey, I got, I got, I got a bone to pick with you. You, you said you didn't like the Kyle Pitts contract. It sounds like you don't understand the type of player that Kyle Pitts is going back to the NFL. Oh, actually, hold on, hold on. Do you not like the contract because it wasn't long enough? Because that would be fair, because I don't know if you know this fact, but Kyle Pitts has added exactly 1 touchdown to his total every single year that he's been in the NFL. His first year he scored 1 touchdown, second year 2, third year 3, fourth year 4, fifth year 5. If they had locked him up for another 10 years, we're talking about a 15-touchdown year for the tight end.

Yeah, okay. If that's how we're going to view it, then maybe.

How else would you view it? It's— we got 5 years of it. He's going to have 6 touchdowns next year, Booger. 7 the year after that, 8 the year after that. You've locked him up. That's some pretty good production from your tight end position.

Here's how I would view it. Think about the— take, take the money away and let's just spitball between us. Let's name the best tight ends in football. You ready? Let's go. Trey McBride, uh, Kittle. Come on, help me out here.

Kyle Pitts in 2030.

Colston Loveland.

Colston Loveland. Uh, Tyler Warren. Um, okay, Travis Kelce if he's lubed up and warmed up. Like, I mean, all right, all right.

All right, Brock Bowers.

How far—

Brock Bowers, for sure.

Exactly. How far do we get before we get to Kyle Pitts? That's my, that's, that's my point.

I think he's probably an unlubed Travis Kelce.

Oh, I, I'd still take Travis Kelce over Kyle Pitts.

Lubed up Travis Kelce, yes, but unlubed Travis Kelce, not nice and warmed up.

If he's nice and warm and he's, he's gone out and stretched the muscles and he's nice and ice and hot up, like, I'm taking Travis Kelce, right? So yeah, but I mean, I like to— I like Kyle Pitts. He hasn't been a generational talent, which is what we said, what we were told he was going to be. He was 6'6" and 240. He's a little taller than the quarterback Drew Aller, much faster too. I'm just saying he's much faster. But he was supposed to be like— he was supposed to change the game, be a matchup nightmare. And I'm always concerned about this. I'm always concerned about guy who has his best year in a contract year. Always concerned. It always concerns me.

Fair. That is fair because that does happen. And then you're like, oh shit, we just paid for it. It's like, oh, I got paid. I'm not going to have— I'm not going to be as good anymore. But he also has not had the best— like, it hasn't been the best quarterback situation.

I don't know.

Great moments. Great moments last year.

It's going to change this year.

That's true.

That's a good point. I, as I started to say that, I was like, wait, dude, Tua might be like playing significant snaps for the Falcons. Falcons this year.

It's like, well, I mean, maybe. I, I still think Penix has a shot at it, but he—

well, I guess if he— if his ACL is perfect. Yeah, he hasn't played. Yeah, two is— yeah, okay, I, I take it back. You're right, good point.

Uh, what do you think about the, uh, the quarterback— two quarterback competitions? Uh, Kyler Murray beats out 9, J.J. McCarthy, and then whatever's happening, whatever you want to call it in Cleveland. I don't know if it's quarterback comp, whatever it is. What are your thoughts on those?

So Kyler Murray beat out two people. He beat out JJ McCarthy and then he beat out the alter ego Nine.

So Nine is good. JJ sucks. I've been very clear. But Nine is the best quarterback.

JJ is terrible. The alter ego Nine is something that like, like once he gets going, like I saw him go, I saw him one time and that was Monday night in Chicago. I think it was Monday night Chicago. Yeah, we saw Nine come out. Yeah.

Second half. Other than that, he was great.

Other than that, we didn't see a whole lot of 9. Here's what I would say. Here's my rule of thumb. If you are an incumbent player and they bring in another player at your position to compete, then you've already lost the job. I don't care whether that's quarterback, running back, left tackle, whatever. If you are an incumbent— Michael Penix, JJ McCarthy— and they bring in somebody else to compete at that position, you've already lost the job. Because if the organization organization had faith in you, you don't bring in competition. So I— we all said Kyler Murray is going to win the job. I think Deshaun Watson is going to win the job. I think Tua Tagovailoa is going to win the job because they brought in, uh, like Watson was already there, but the other two situations, they brought in someone to compete with the incumbent, and I think that person is going to win the job. I think Kyler opens up another dimension for the Minnesota offense, not just with his legs. I, I was, I was talking to somebody who happened to go to practice and they said that you'd be surprised how much Kyler plays on time.

Like he's not as much of a runaround guy as you think. Yes, he does. He turns into the Road Runner at some point, but he plays in the pocket a lot more than you think. As far as Deshaun Watson, I mean, if I had sunk, what is it? It was $243, he's got $46. So they've almost paid him $200 million. $200 million and he's probably played 12 games. Wouldn't you want to get something out of the $200 million you paid the guy?

Yeah.

And you owe him $46 more. Like, I'm going to put him on the field at some point. This is economics. If we're not going to be good anyway, we trade away Miles Garrett. I'm going to put Deshaun Watson on the field. He's going to start the season and I'm going to at least get 4 games out of him. That way I can feel good about paying him all this money. And if he sucks, then we go to Sha'Dure Sanders and, and it's over. If he doesn't suck, then maybe we catch lightning in a bottle this year. Because Cleveland's defense is still legit. Yep, the defense is still good. I think some of the young playmakers that they have— Concepcion, Judy, Dylan Sampson— like, they have some playmakers. I think the Cleveland Browns could be— I hate to say this, but I'm gonna say it— I think the Browns could be the surprise of the AFC. Oh, I think Deshaun Watson— I think Watson's gonna wind up being better than people I think.

Okay, wow. Because what you described, like, we might as well put the guy out there and play because we paid— that's the sunk cost fallacy. That's like, I, I would do the same thing too, but I think most good teams wouldn't, right? Like, most teams that are— that wouldn't— it's really teams that would never find themselves in that predicament to begin with. But like, just because you're paying the guy a lot of money, we've seen a lot from him. Now, we were just talking about the other week, like, he was legitimately a top 5 quarterback in the NFL well when he was in Houston. So that does have to be in there somewhere.

Legit top 5. I'll never forget watching him and the post-game press conference when a reporter asked him a question about some coverage and he detailed the coverage like, like Peyton Manning does on Monday Night on the Manningcast. Like, he was talking about the safety and, and cover 3 and all this. And I'm like, man, that dude is on it. And like, we all know his ability to run I just remember the Deshaun Watson at Clemson, man, like he used to will his team to win. Now I know there's a lot that's transpired since then, but sometimes you could turn back the hands of time. I hope he turns back the hands of time, if not for this season, just for a moment where people like us who talk have to come on this microphone and say, man, Deshaun Watson, not bad.

Is that a massage parlor? That's a good name for one.

Hands of Time would be good. Yeah.

All right, turn back to Hands of Time.

I, I got a segue for you that, that kind of works. Um, okay, if we're talking NFL, and we'll do this quickly because this has been awesome, Booger, we always appreciate your time. A team— you, you mentioned the AFC. I, from my perspective, it's like the NFC is so loaded at the top, and they're— the Rams are going to be really, really fucking good. The Seahawks should be really, really good. The NFC North as a whole, I think, is gonna be like— I think the Lions are gonna have a great bounce-back year. I think there's just just a lot of— the AFC has more question marks and more teams that's like, it kind of feels like anyone can grab it. I think I'm buying stock in the Texans because I honestly think that defense is so good, it was so nasty down the stretch, that if CJ Stroud can just be like a little bit better than average— he doesn't have to be what he was in his first year, he just needs to just not be as bad as he was last year— that could be just a dangerous, dangerous team. Do you think CJ Stroud can somehow— has he hit rock bottom Is he going to come back and maybe get back to more of what he was to start his career?

I think that's the, that's the hope for the Texans. But I do think there's some doubt there because they haven't paid him a contract, right? Yeah. Like all the other quarterbacks after the third year got their contract, but the two quarterbacks that we have, quote unquote, doubt in haven't— CJ Stroud and Bryce Young. Like, typically you get rewarded after your third year and those guys haven't. If CJ Stroud would have played like his rookie year last year, Texas go to the Super Bowl last year without a shadow of a doubt. Yeah, Texans go to the Super Bowl and take on Seattle. And then I think that defense, it would have been a battle of two of the best defenses we've seen. You're right, Big Cat, their defense is nasty. It's legit. Two questions for the Texans: can they run the football? All right, because Joe Mixon, um, he didn't play last year. I think he's out this year, uh, may have to retire. They traded for David Montgomery. They want to be more physical. I love what they're doing there. Can they run the football? How much does Montgomery have to be the feature back without Jahmyr Gibbs in Detroit?

And then CJ Stroud, if you tell me CJ Stroud was gonna throw for 3,500, 28 touchdowns and 4 picks, you can pencil 'em into the AFC title game.

Yeah.

Like you, you, you can pencil 'em in because I think that team is, that team is that talented. The problem is we just don't know.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah. But I do think they're gonna be able to run the ball better. I mean, remember remember, they kind of just— they threw away their entire offensive line 2 years ago. They, they, you know, with the moves they made. And so now you're, you're getting back to— hopefully they, they fix it a little bit. But I, I just think that defense is so good. And we, we just— the way they went out in the playoffs was so, so pathetic that it's like, oh, how are they gonna ever, you know? But up until that point, everyone was like, the Texans could be in the Super Bowl because of that defense. Just CJ out. He just sucked.

So let me ask you a question. Who would you have more confidence in next year, CJ Stroud or Trevor Lawrence? If I told you you could have one next year, which one you taking?

Trevor.

I'd say Trevor.

I would take Trevor. I think Liam Cohen's done a great job with him. Yeah, I think that that relationship is going to continue to develop, and I don't know if CJ is going to get back to where he was his rookie year.

Yeah, I would take Trevor just because of the offensive coordinator continuity. Like, Liam Cohen's there, and you know, D'Amico's an unbelievable coach, but he's a defensive coach. And I always kind of go towards the quarterbacks that get an offensive mind as their head coach because, you know, even if they trade out offensive coordinators, that's still going to be there. You know, like Kyle Shanahan's still going to be there, Sean McVay is still going to be there. You have that continuity year after year.

I think I would agree with you because of the Liam Cohen factor. And I think we just saw how much— how big of a difference Liam made. But if you go back 2 years ago, think about the questions we were having about Trevor Lawrence. It just shows you. Yeah, like, I think CJ I miss Bobby Slowik a little bit. I do. I think the revolving door coordinator has kind of hurt him. And Liam Cohen— look at what Liam did with Baker, and look at Baker last year without Liam, and look at what Liam did with Trevor, and think about Trevor the year before with no Liam. So I think that's a good point you make.

Okay, let me ask you this, Booger, uh, if you had to pick one of these two guys, CJ Stroud or Jaxson Dart, who would you go with?

Wow. Um, are we saying that Jackson Dart's gonna be healthy for 17?

It's a question. Yeah, I mean, he's out there getting himself hurt in preseason.

You see the blue tent?

Yeah, already. Well, first of all, I tweeted this out earlier. Jackson is befuddled. Why does he get— why does he go in the blue tent? Hey, big fella, here's a news flash. When you get hit, don't lay on the ground in a ball like something's wrong. Pop back up and they won't send you to the blue tent. Yeah, somebody Someone needs to tell him that. Um, I think because of the injury factor, I would go CJ Stroud, and I'd be like— I'd really be nervous every week.

Yeah, yeah. Um, all right, I got one last question. It's actually gonna be from Zach. I don't know if you ever talked to Zach, Booger. Uh, Rowback question. R-H-O-B-A-C-K.com, promo code TAKE, 20% off your first purchase. Q-Zips, polos, hoodies, joggers, shorts. Rowback.com, promo code TAKE. By the way, Booger, you know that you are on the COVID of our book that is out on Tuesday. Day. So that's how much we love you.

Oh, and by the way, I see you guys have the shirts. I need a shirt. I need— do they run small or big?

But first of all, I put on an XL and then I sat down and I switched to a 2XL.

This is a medium.

Okay, so, so here's what I need. If you, if you can wear an XL, if you can wear— if you're in a 2X, I need a 2X then.

All right, fine.

Hey, Booger, don't see—

you're on the front cover, by the way.

Way.

You are— you're, you're sandwiched between— what a, what a, what a group. It is Tim Woods to your right, Mark Sclareth above you, and then Kyle Long below you. That's pretty good spot. That's pretty good.

I'm surrounded by offensive linemen.

Yeah, he's our dungeon master.

He's our dungeon master from Dungeons and Dragons. He's actually the coolest of the four of you.

I love it, man. Hey, you know, guys, you know how I feel about you. I appreciate you put me on the book. I, I I can't wait to get my t-shirt and a copy of the book.

We'll send you one. You got— we'll send you one.

Yeah.

All right, so Zach, you have the rollback question for Burger.

How are you doing?

Hey, sir, I did have a quick question.

Uh, we were recently at the Big Ten Media Day, and the energy and kind of the moxie some of those coaches were walking around with, it felt like a confirmation that the Big Ten has stolen the SEC.

They've now—

it felt like they've become the SEC almost. And I was wondering if you had any, uh, any pointers on how the SEC can get back to being the SEC, because their entire swag has stolen.

Yeah, so first of all, I wouldn't go that far, big fella. Let's, let's back off of that a little bit. That's, you know, uh, as far as the swagger being stolen, you don't, you don't, you don't become the dominant conference of a century almost and then all of a sudden get your swagger stolen.

Yeah, you've got it stolen. 3.

Like, 1, 2, 3.

Okay, but okay, no problem.

It's true, it's been stolen. It's been stolen. You, the fact that you even have to address that it's been stolen means it's been stolen.

We're at the point in the crime where we're not ready to call it a theft yet. It's just the Big Ten is a person of interest right now. Okay, let's just leave it at that.

Okay.

Okay. So here's the thing I'll say. The transfer portal and NIL has leveled the playing field, and what Indiana has done and what Michigan did and what Ohio State has done has been absolutely phenomenal. And I think the, the adjustment hasn't quite been made in the SEC. I think going to the 9-game schedule is gonna hurt the SEC, and it wouldn't surprise me if the SEC doesn't win a championship this year. I think Notre Dame is the best team in the country, and that is a lot of good teams, but I told you I married Notre Dame right now. That's how much I believe in them. I do think if you're the SEC though, if you're Kirby and you're Lane and you're Brent Venables and you're some of these coaches that have that See, the SEC was about moxie at one point, like Spurrier, Urban Meyer, Nick Saban. Like, these were coaches that got to the podium. They didn't just win. They got to the podium. They had swag. Like, they talked the talk at the podium. Like, Signetti right now, Signetti is that dude because he stepped up to the podium and he says what's on his mind because he knows his team will back it up.

Like, I think before we, before we and the SEC get back to the championship level We got to get our swag back at the podium. And then that means Kirby, that means Lane, that means Pete Golding, that means Josh Hypel, that means Brett Venables, that means Sark. Like, and we started to see that this summer a little bit, right? Sark was popping off a little bit. All right, we saw Pete Golding pop off a little bit. Like, that's what the— when we knew we were the big dog, everybody knew we were the big dog. But we got to get back to that again.

When Ben Johnson does it, you don't like it.

But that's pro football. Pro football's what we're saying.

He, he talked a little talk, he talked a little shit, and then he went and backed it up and beat the Packers in the playoffs.

Yeah, it's okay for Ben Johnson to not like Matt LaFleur and to talk shit to Matt LaFleur, but you better be careful. Hey, you better be careful when you start talking shit to everybody else in the National Football League, like the Seattle Seahawks.

Oh, the, the McVay coaching tree is gonna come for him. Oh no, what are they gonna do, give him a hard handshake? Shake.

It, it's amazing how your demeanor has changed.

No, I'm just saying, no, listen, I think the Bears could miss the playoffs this year, but I like that Ben Johnson has this shit to him. He's like, I'm not scared of everyone.

Let's go back 4 years ago when the Bears sucked and you didn't even want to talk about the Bears.

But that was Matt Eberfluss. Ben Johnson has changed my life.

I know. And now all of a sudden you want to talk shit and you're good with it. Come on, like, this is not true.

No, I didn't talk the shit. I I listen, I'm scared about the Bears. Bears have a tough schedule. Like I said, I already said the Lions are going to be good this year. Like, the Lions are the team that everyone forgot about. They lost a lot of close games last year. I think the Lions are going to be really good. I— anything can happen in the NFL. I would prefer though a coach that talks a little shit and has that like swagger, like you said the SEC needs to get back, has that shit to him, like fuck everyone, I'm here to win games and win, like win them convincingly. Versus a coach like a Matt Eberfluss or Matt Nagy, who's a nice guy to everyone.

I'm gonna see exactly how you feel about the Bears. Number of wins that you would be— that you would not be disappointed with for your Chicago Bears. Give me a number out of 17.

I think they got to win 10 games because that seems like the playoffs. I think it's the playoffs. You got to get back to the playoffs.

10 and 7, you're good.

Yeah, because I think there's, there's a way you could be a 10-7 team and be a good team. Like, there's that, that, like, given your schedule, you could be a good team at 10-7. You get the playoffs. It's really not number of wins. Get to the playoffs. Get back to the playoffs.

PFT, I'll ask you the same question, and, and I'm sure there can't be a 5 in it. So tell me the number of wins that the, that the Commanders could get where you wouldn't be disappointed.

I got too much respect for this league, Booger, to guarantee anyone. We're taking it day by day. I didn't guarantee too much respect. Respect for the National Football League. I'm serious, because I'm calling it the National Football League and not the NFL.

Are you kidding me?

You got too much respect for this league, Booger.

Too much respect for that? Are you kidding me?

No, I think, I think I'm gonna put it out playoffs. No matter what, whatever it takes to get to the playoffs. Anything less than that, I'll be disappointed. So if it's 9-8, we get to playoffs, I'm fine.

All right, I hear you. Okay. Yeah, on record, both of y'all, that's how I feel.

I'll be disappointed if the Bears don't make the playoffs.

Absolutely. And if the Commanders Bears don't make the playoffs, Dan Quinn, see you later. That's just how it's going to be. I, I like him as a person, I like him as a coach, um, but the hot seat is very much there for Dan Quinn because if it doesn't happen this year, then you know they're going to try to hire some like a hotshot offensive mind to work with Jaden.

And if the Bears don't make the playoffs, Ben Johnson's still a genius, I'll figure out who else to blame.

You just opened up a whole conversation really quick. Coaches on the— coaches going into the season on the hot seat. Dan Quinn, Aaron Glenn, probably Todd Bowles.

Yep.

Who else? Definitely Shane Steichen.

Um, uh, we like— Florio put Harbaugh on there, which was crazy to me, but he did. Sirianni's got to be on there just because it's Philadelphia.

Oh, you— yeah. And that, and that's a crazy situation. He— I've never seen a coach who gets less credit for going to 2 Super Bowls and winning 1 than he does. Facts.

He's a coach, but you know that he'll be on the hot seat if it doesn't go well, right?

So who are we missing? Anybody?

Oh, do we say— is fired. Todd Bowles is fired.

Yeah, I said, I said Bowles. I said Glenn. We said Shane Steichen. We said, uh, Dan Quinn.

Who else? I think that's about it.

That's— I'm trying to think.

Uh, there was a lot of turnover.

Sean Payton? No. Yeah, all the ones that— there were a lot last year.

Yeah, there were a lot last year. Yeah, yeah, there was 10.

Oh, Zach Taylor.

Zach Taylor would definitely be on the hot Hey, he might be gone by midseason.

I, I think Zach Taylor is a good coach, but I, I, he would definitely be on the hot seat because it feels like the whole Bengals, you know, situation is there.

And Book, you're familiar with Joe Brady given his, uh, some of his work at LSU, won the national championship team. Um, what do you expect for him as a head coach? I feel like basically what I, what I expect is like just a lot of the same offensive stuff for Josh. I don't think much is going to change, but I don't know like they're gonna miss some of that defensive shit that they had to him. Because say what you want about the guy, but they had a good defensive head coach. So I don't, I don't know what the team identity is going to be like with Joe.

So Joe Brady took over for Sean McDermott for two reasons. One, because he was a really good offensive coordinator and really good with the quarterback. So that has to continue. But the second reason he took over, because the defense needed to become more aggressive. So bring in Jim Leonard, and now he's a defensive coordinator. And here's the thing about Buffalo. Buffalo won 10, 11, 12, 13 games every season. They got in the postseason every year. It is literally Super Bowl or bust. I don't think I've ever seen a situation where a head coach was a rookie head coach and the only thing that he could do to say it was a successful season is get to the Super Bowl. I can't think of another coach. And Joe Brady, because of the success that Sean McDermott had that is in that situation, that if they don't go to the Super Bowl— they don't have to win it, but Buffalo at least has to get there. Anything less, it's a failure. And you fire Sean McDermott, I think a couple years may be too soon.

Okay, I would, I would have said maybe the other way around because the— he's a great coach, but the sad losses were just piling up, and to an extent that has to affect you on a personal level.

Yeah.

It affects you on a personal level, but I mean, in order to dance, you got to get there. He got him there a lot. Yep. And sometimes the ball just doesn't bounce your way, man. And so now they, you know, the Pagoula family has put— and Brandon Beane has put Joe Brady in this situation. It's Super Bowl or bust, man, really. Like, I can't think of another coach who was a first-year coach who that was the only thing he could do to be successful.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's true. It's a good point. Um, all right, Boog, you're the best. We will send you a book. Uh, we love having you on. We'll see you again in, in a month or so once football's going. We can talk about real football on the field. But, uh, you're the best, man. Thank you.

No problem. I need a book and a shirt and some more Stellar Blue coffee because I'm fresh out.

Done. You got it. It's all coming.

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Okay, before we do Mount Rushmore, some breaking news. Breaking news. I would like to officially disavow the memeing of Jayden Daniels.

Okay.

Why?

Because I saw one that's like, it's too far. It's not. The Chicago Fire said, don't tell Jayden Daniels, but that's 5 in a row for the Fire.

Come on, man.

MLS, we can't do that. Like, that's just too much.

You're—

we can't— it was against MLS. Like, it's— it's— we've gone too far. So I'm on your PFT. I am now standing.

I will—

I will— I will hold a pitchfork with you hand in hand and be like, hey, no more of that.

I think it's, uh, it's just like when the brands get too involved in it. Yeah, that's—

that's— but MLS is too far.

MLS—

you can't have MLS being in front of your quarterback.

Yeah, they wouldn't know what it's like to win a real trophy to begin with.

That's crazy.

Um, would anyone actually— actually take I say, I say, I say me, my way. I would, I would be making all the jokes if it wasn't my quarterback. But because that's how— so this is how American sports fandom works. If it's a team that you root for, you dive really into the minutiae of it and you discover why it's actually not as bad as everybody's saying. When it's a team that you root against, you don't care about any details.

Correct.

And you're like, ah, this is funny for me to laugh at. I'm just— sometimes you got to be on the on the shit end of that stick.

Sometimes you're the hammer, sometimes you're the nail.

Yep.

We have some serious breaking news.

Oh, breaking news.

You're going to love this. This is very close to you, Big Cat.

Dansby Swanson's okay. Do the serious cow. Oh, yes, I saw it. I tweeted about it. The guy, Jay Lucarelli. I don't know if you guys saw this guy. He was on TikTok and he was trying to throw a perfect game with Roy Oswald on MLB or sorry, MVP Baseball 2005, the best game that's ever been created. Simulated baseball game. He went like 1,900 games. He would literally just— he would just sit on TikTok Live, play. The minute he gave up a hit or a walk or an error, he would just stop the game and restart it. He started, I think, 1,900 games. He has officially thrown a perfect game. Congratulations to Jay. That's an incredible accomplishment. Congrats, Jay. I have to say, I watched way too much of this. I would just tune in. There was a stretch where I watched, I watched him just like give up a hit in like 5-second innings in a row. And I was just like, what am I doing?

Good for that guy.

Good for him.

Good for him.

Good for him.

Congrats to Jay. Okay, Mount Rushmore time. We have the Mount Rushmore of professions that deserve walkout music. The scores are Memes Max and myself 51. For the first time, I believe, all of Mount Rushmore season, we have a new team in second place. Hank and Zach with 38, and then PFT with 37.

Anyone's game, Road Dogs. Where are we now?

We're home.

You're like, uh, Kyle Tucker.

Yeah, yeah. Okay, you guys ready?

Yeah, not really, I'll be honest. Like, probably not.

Okay, uh, we have first pick.

We have first pick and then Zach and Hank and then PFT.

Okay.

Oh no, you thought you had third. Oh my God, you strategized for, for a second, and I was like—

I—

this was on me. I was like, yeah, we got third. I was like, I actually feel like we got it. Like, we got them. We got the order down now. We don't even have to double-check.

Okay.

We didn't.

Okay. Okay. All right. So we have first pick.

Yeah.

I think it's only fair we talked about this, which Hank, Hank declares collusion because we're like, oh, it's the one we talked about. He's like, collusion? I was like, Hank, we talked about it on the show. Thanks for listening.

He's like, oh yeah, I didn't catch public, public.

But yeah, we started this Mount Rushmore on the show last week. Week, I believe, or 2 weeks ago. But we threw out there then, and we'll throw out for our first pick, Dr. Dr. having walkout music where you come in, you got a good prognosis, and it's something happy, maybe some like Hall and Oates or yacht rock. You come in, it's like, hey, you got a torn ACL, it's the NFL injury, it's the Fox injury music playing. It'll be electric. It's like, this is— and you know, like, you could, you know, if you're getting your balls touched, you're gonna want some, some type of like Bow chicka wow wow music on. You could, you could do it all. Maybe a TouchTunes when you sit down on that, on that stupid paper on that table.

TouchTunes should be everywhere. Yeah, that's another, another Mount Rushmore. Places that should have TouchTunes.

Yeah.

Or things that should be everywhere.

Yeah. Things that should be— things you like that you wish were in more places.

Yeah. OK, we'll do that later this week. All right. So Dr. is our 1-1.

And now we're up.

Now you're up.

All right. We are going to go with firefighters.

Okay.

We thought about it.

They kind of have already have walkout music. It's a siren.

Yeah, but like, imagine them like having like, no music like that. They were like blasting like on the way to a fire.

Do they do like, like Thunderstruck? Like Welcome to the Jungle choreographed walkout.

Sandman.

Like, help, my baby's in that room and they're like too busy doing their. Yeah.

Yeah, well, like— it's literally like a closer. Yeah, it's like a closer. Like all of a sudden they're sitting there watching TV or whatever hanging out, and then all of a sudden Enter Sandman comes on. It's not like they go one by one. They all just run. And then by the time you know the song's at its peak, they take some couple minutes enough time for a song.

There were if someone dies in the fire, they're like shit, we probably shouldn't listen to Enter Sandman.

No, it's the same as the fight. In lieu of a siren got it?

Do you need to keep the siren though? Yeah, that siren is very important, right?

For like, because that would be confusing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Blaring down the street.

No, for the driving, but the walk-up, like the walkout music.

Walk out of the truck or walk into the truck?

Walk into the truck and pulling out of the firehouse.

Got it.

Okay, okay, good pick.

Thank you.

We had it on our list.

Um, this is my 1-1, so I'm happy that it made Third, I'm going to take Judge.

Yep, we had it.

Damn it, Judge.

I thought about maybe— maybe it's a good pick.

Yeah, no, no, because— because the judge enters the courtroom already has that moment where everyone's looking around like, oh, it's just going to be silent for a while. But like, chill out. If that happens, like some vibes coming out. Like, imagine if Dreams and Nightmares came on.

That's a good pick.

We had it when the judge was starting to Yeah. Sounds like it was Max's one.

He decided it was his one after we talked about how we had—

I know, but the more I was thinking about it, I was going to—

he also didn't even come up with it. I thought a judge—

I never said that I came. Why are you so upset?

Why are you so upset? We're trying to fuck you up. We're fighting for Mount Rushmore.

No, we're not.

See, I take pride in our Mount Rushmore. We're not giving up.

Wouldn't you guys—

you guys would rather still play? Oh, yeah. Yeah.

This is all working out great for me. I like that you guys are fighting.

Fighting.

Max, I don't know why he got all mad. You're— he's getting all upset over there.

I do think once you clinch though, we gotta have a conversation.

Yeah, once we clinch, but we haven't clinched, right? Absolutely.

One second place out of the next 3 weeks.

Yeah, like what if, what if Max got injured during a meaningless Mount Rushmore?

You guys know what to do.

What was that? What? Yeah, nothing.

I was coughing. Sorry.

What was the cough for? You guys know what to do. What should they do? What? What?

I was drinking water.

What do they know what to do? What was that about?

I was just coughing.

It did seem suspicious.

Very suspicious.

Really suspicious.

I'm not sure what it means.

I don't either, but it's how bad it could be.

It probably doesn't make any sense, but it doesn't make any sense.

I was coughing.

You're suspect.

I was— the serious mood like messed up my throat.

You know what to do.

You know what to do. I don't know. I don't know what to do.

Yeah, I don't think anyone knows what Hank meant by it, but especially Hank.

Feed you my picks? No.

Oh.

Throw it?

No, we would never throw it.

I know.

Yeah, I know you guys know what to do. Okay, PFT, your other pick.

All right, so Judge won, and then second, I'm going to go with Benny Hanna, Chef.

That's good.

That's good.

Yeah.

Yeah. Good.

Before the meal starts, shows up at the table, maybe spins the spatulas around, gets in the first Trick has the music still going. Thunderstruck again would be great for that. Thunderstruck is just— it's the perfect walkout song for anything.

Yeah.

We are going to go— is that— you say it for two.

We'll go—

don't, don't, don't be sexist, though.

We'll just go with Sales.

Oh, okay.

Salesperson.

Salesperson.

Okay. Okay.

Like, though, I'm thinking of the guys like they're like basically like the pyramid scheme guys where it's like they do like the pump-up music.

They're coming out to fuck you.

And it's like, like the sales are—

they're trying to like screw you or something.

Get ready for this.

Yeah, that's it. You get fired up.

Like, time—

was that walkout music or is that just music in the meeting before?

It's what? It's walking, like walking out from, you know, the elevator to your desk.

Got it.

Like, start your day.

Yeah. Before you— that's, that's, that's walkout music. Yeah. What you do to start.

Yeah. All right. I think we go 3 and 9. You guys like those?

I don't like 3.

What?

I like 7 or 8, and I like 14. I think 9 we can get last.

What about—

all right, no, I think we—

7.

I like 12.

I— 9. Shut up about 9. Is my— is 9 the strongest? Uh, let's just go 9. Let's go.

No, we could save it, but if it gets picked, I'm gonna fucking be—

all right, then we'll take it. Let's take it.

Let's take it. No, no, no, no, you're right. Let's play this correctly.

I said let's take it.

What did you say?

For the record, I said let's take it.

You didn't like 3? 3 is a strong one.

All right, go for it.

Memes? Yeah, go for it. All right, our next pick is going to be substitute teacher. When your substitute teacher walks in, no better feeling. Yeah, what, you don't like that?

Me and Zach talked about this. I just think it's like you're already like, what if, what if the substitute teacher has lame music? Like they're screwed.

No, they have awesome music because they're— excuse your walkout.

Substitute. I know. Think about substitute teacher.

Like, yeah, but that's the best.

Substitute teacher walks out with the TV. Yeah.

Yeah.

They're like, hey guys, we're not going to learn today. Here's the fucking Thunderstruck.

That was the example I gave the other day. And it's like, yeah, a substitute teacher. It could also go the other way where it's like, that's the sub that means business. Yeah. And so it's like the Undertaker.

There's no subs that mean business.

But that would still be— I think subs mean business.

There's always a couple subs I mean, but they don't—

but they— but you don't take them seriously. No one takes substitute teachers seriously. That's a day off.

Yeah, but yeah, I'm not even saying it as a knock. I'm saying that intimidating music for your most intimidating sub would be cool.

Are you guys going to tell me if you had this one? Because this is the debate that Max thinks we can get this in the fourth line, fourth round. But I think this is an all-time— I need this. Blackjack dealer when they change over.

Okay.

Did you guys have it?

No.

No, no, yuck. Did I have it?

But I mean, you know, the changeover when you've been sitting there for too long and they do their hand thing and then you get— especially, especially you get thunderstruck.

If you're, if you're on a cold streak, you need, you need to switch.

And if you're on a hot streak, it's going to be like the Star Wars music coming in, being like, this guy's about to kill me. Blackjack dealer, do you like to pick?

I don't know if I was playing blackjack and like someone like I would be intimidated, like, because, because, you know, walkout music like you think closers, you know, I need the vibe of the person. Like, what if he comes out to The Undertaker music and you're like, oh, I'm just going to die?

It's all about where you are, where you currently are.

If you're on a hot streak and then like all of a sudden you're not on a hot streak, you'll take any sort of—

Yeah.

Switch.

Yeah. It's not as strong as like a dude in a zip-up vest coming out of the elevator. Elevator to sit at his desk for 9 hours.

You never done sales.

Yes, I have. It's not fun.

Yeah, you need a little motivation, you need a little inspiration, you need a little pep, you know, pep in your step.

Okay. I bet we do have a very high percentage of salespeople listeners.

Yeah, it's a hard job.

Yeah, tough job.

You gotta fucking respect. Tough job, man.

They tell you smile and dial.

Tough hole, man.

What if we took the 4 most common jobs what percentage of those are the biggest amount of listeners. I actually think sales guys, it's less because maybe like traveling salespeople because they're on the road, right?

But students won. Well, if you did percent, if you did not totally—

we have to find the 4 most common.

If you did not total number but percentage, like if there's 300 of this job in the world and 280 of them, that would be the highest percentage, obviously. But not obviously, like there's more salespeople. Scouts, NFL scouts, I think we're like 90%.

Oh yeah.

Every time we've gone—

social people—

every time we've gone to a college game, scouts come up and be like, I'm in my car all the time and I just like listening to bad opinions. And we're like, thank you so much.

I was going to say college tight ends. I think we're probably batting 95%.

Yeah.

Yeah, if you're a tight end on any college football team, doesn't matter which one, thanks for listening.

All right, Hank, you're up.

We're in a weird spot. Okay.

Because you already took Miles.

Yeah. Which I thought was a good pick, but now I'm second-guessing it. I don't know about these other ones.

Uh, let's make a good pick.

Let's just trust the gut. It's got us in second place. Moms.

Okay.

Okay, I get it, I get it, I get it.

Walk out to what?

Whatever it may be. Could be The Wiggles, could be Taylor Swift, could be Miss Rachel, could be like if they're trying to lay the law down, like it's dinner time, like you put on some scary music.

Like, I don't hate it. We're getting ready to go run the errands or cook the dinner. One of the hardest jobs ever. It's ridiculous, but I don't hate it.

I get it. I get it.

I'm just thinking about it.

Respect the moms.

Respect the moms. Okay, take dads. Dad's coming home from work is a good pick. Dad's coming home from work.

That's honestly a banger.

You know, you know what's crazy is I had moms on my list.

Did you?

I did not have dads, but now that I think about it, I think dads is better.

I'm going to want dads.

Dad.

So you think dad is a harder job than mom?

No, I think that—

no, that's not the— not Rushmore.

I think—

but like, mom—

yeah, no, I think dad's not— I think dad's— you think dad's is a funnier pick because dad's like are way more likely to fuck stuff up? Yeah, like in their intro or to take themselves way too seriously in their intro and then come in and screw everything up.

I don't want to tell you how to do your Mount Rushmore. Is dad's the official pick?

Dad's, uh, dad's the pick.

Stepdad. That would be so funny.

Take it.

Stepdad.

It's like, no one wants to see the stepdad showing up.

Now I'm thinking actually stepmom's might be an even better one.

Stepdad having music would be because you just be like, oh damn, like maybe even just a laugh track, like a—

all right, my last one I actually thought about taking first. I'm glad that it lasted this long. Uh, pizza delivery guy. Guy when he shows up.

I wanted to take the last round when I said that Blackjack would come back.

All right.

Yeah. Pizza delivery guy. How awesome is that?

You're hungry.

Everybody's looking forward to him. You get like a smoke machine going to knock on the door and you step in, you like slink down on the table. Then you like, you know, you do the guns, maybe a little backflip, maybe the splits. Just real classy shit. Who's up?

Me and Zachary, we're— I'm telling Zach, just follow us.

Okay, follow it.

We see—

you think 4 or 6?

I think follow your heart.

But for—

you think we just do that one?

I think you follow your heart.

It could work.

All right, we're going to take escorts. Okay.

Okay.

I can see moms and escorts. Solid.

Would that be awkward if they had the same music?

Firefighters, sales, moms, escorts. I like the Mount Rushmore. We're just trying to hit different pockets of the job economy. You hit them all.

Let's get down to business. A little Mulan on the way. Means likes it.

Yep.

It made me— I was pretty back and forth about it. Really wasn't sure. But it did— the first time he said it, it was the hardest I laughed when we were brainstorming. It could have just lost his draft, but he followed his heart. He followed his heart.

I like 8.

I like 6.

What about, what about 4?

You guys already took 8.

No, no.

8. You're, you're, you're, you're losing the, you're losing the plot right now.

I don't think I'm losing the plot at all.

All right, go for it. We're gonna get lost.

Do you guys want to take 8 or 4?

8.

All right, fine. Max, go ahead, take 8.

Astronaut pulling up, pulling up to the—

it's good.

Back to the rocket ship.

OK, astronaut showing up. They have a very big, like, entrance moment anyway.

I feel like the communications are kind of important.

Oh, and they're not for firefighter.

I mean, I saw Armageddon. There's like a slow-mo shot.

Yeah.

Walkout music. Yeah.

They're walking out.

Yes. That's basically—

that's basically what they're walking. And they got—

they got the— they got that shit on.

Yeah.

Would you think astronaut is a better pick than Zamboni driver?

Yeah, that was for Zamboni. I don't think it's bad.

Zamboni driver.

Yeah, sick.

People love the Zamboni.

Those guys are awesome.

They do have their own song too.

All right. Honorable mentions. Meme said mortician. He said, what are the guys that burn the bodies?

Yeah. Okay, I did that. I did have— I had Gravedigger on mine.

That'd be good.

I had Jehovah's Witness.

That was a good one.

Were they at your door?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Walking up to your door.

Babysitter.

Yeah.

Babysitter showing up. Grounds crew. When they bring out the tarp, they should get their own music.

Yep.

I agree.

Or when they switch out the bags, they need music.

Plastic surgeon.

Ooh, okay.

Meteorologist.

Waiter bringing out the food. Or like the first time you see your waiter. That's always a big moment where you're like, oh shit, is this going to be a good waiter, bad waiter?

I had a president, but they kind of do.

Yeah, they do.

Hail to the Chief.

Yeah.

Do you think dentist or was the one you wanted dentist or plumber would have been a better last?

We had plumber.

Plumber.

We had plumber. Plumber would be good because it'd just be the dentist.

It's just a doctor.

Do, do, do, do, do, do. We just had Fasoli. He should have a walkout music.

So I took another specifically. He's a good one. Had Brent Walker. Yeah, and just tubas.

We had podcasters.

He has one in his head for sure. He has Hail to the Chief in the— in his head when he walks around. He's Brent Walker, he's a pretty swell guy.

Um, I like that song.

That'll be the theme. I'm going to write him a theme song for what's his name. What's the show called again?

Wrestling?

No, his other show. Oh, mostly sports. No, his other one.

Football?

Uh, no, Morning Sunshine, the football show.

No, Barstool Football. Barstool College Football Show.

No.

Yeah.

No, it's a new one that he's doing.

The—

what was it? It's the one that Brand's doing.

The Dozen. The Dozen.

The Rippin' Packs.

No, not that one.

No, no, no. What was it called? It was like—

mostly—

no. Hmm. It was—

More Cowbell.

No, it's not More Cowbell.

The Recrotchables.

Oh, Quick Picks.

Walk the Line.

Oh yeah, no, not, not Walk the Line. Pick Central? No, not Pick Central.

Sorry, Sports Central.

Sports Central.

No, not that one. Sports? Question mark?

I guess we'll never know.

Yeah, we'll never know.

Surviving Marshall.

We'll never know. But it's whatever the show that Brandon Walker's on where he's talking about his show in college football. Football. That I'm going to maybe do the boom boom boom boom on Brandon Walker.

Wake Up Walker.

Wake Up Walker. Yeah, that's what it's called. Oh no, that's not it either.

Umpires should have walkout music. Joe West should have walkout music.

Three Blind Mice.

Yeah, that absolutely should happen. What else do we have? Pilot.

Bank robber.

That's a good pick. That's a really good pick.

That's a good pick, Hank.

I wish you had taken bank robber. Instead of—

I, I, yeah, I was thinking occupation. Like, is that an actual occupation? Probably.

Yes. Someone's got to do it.

But I also watch— I don't know if we both watch it at the same time in the hotel, but I also recently watched Armageddon and decided deep sea oil driller.

Mm.

That's a good one. That's a good one.

It's good.

I don't think I've ever seen Armageddon. Oh, I should see it all time.

It's good.

The forensic team in like a—

Yeah.

Yeah, in like a murder scene. Yeah, they show up. Yeah, Dustin shit.

That's a, that's a good pick.

Yeah, that would be good to see them have a walkout song.

Or just like a detective, or any detective that's about to get into like a jurisdiction dispute at a crime scene. Basically, this is my scene.

Yeah, meme said a wrestler.

He's right about that.

Yeah, wrestler.

Yeah.

And stripper.

Stripper too.

I would have What about just like all of us, just average Joes when they go home?

Well, we had podcasters, just dudes.

Yeah, dudes. Every dude. Little League coach.

Mm, that's good.

Yeah.

You know that they probably— there probably are some travel ball teams that the Little League coach has their own walkout music. 100%.

Pottstown for sure does that.

Ice cream man. Yeah, they should have a song.

They should have a song that way kids could run up to. Yeah. People know it was them in the neighborhood.

Yeah.

Wait, don't they?

Yes. That was a joke. Oh, it's a good joke.

Animal Control.

Yeah. Yeah.

I was thinking, too, like the, the, the, like, zoo, like the, the zoo feeder, like when they come out to feed the gorillas or something. Yeah. Be kind of cool. I feel like you should deserve a walkout song. Yeah. Yeah. Animal Control.

Yeah.

If you're going to grab like a possum, there's a snake in your house.

Yeah.

Don't worry. The man's here for sure.

All right. Good show, boys. We did a little of everything. I like this show. Buy a book, please. Pardon my book. Out now or out August 18th. If you buy it, it will probably show up in a day.

Yep.

It's that fast. Oh, that actually would be good. The Amazon delivery guy with a big package.

Yeah, that'd be good.

That'd be a sick one.

They got the trucks that make the loud-ass beeps. It's pretty much a walkout song.

They do do loud.

It's the craziest beeps.

Yeah. They are crazy ass beeps. OK, good show.

Number 5.

I think you have to disavow it. Yeah, those, Max, it's illegal.

But if it makes you happy, I'll take 3.

You can have it.

You can have it. I'll do 55.

No, I said you could have it.

You can have it.

You can have it.

Hank, do you want it?

I'll take it.

I'll take 50. You guys are just passing away stolen property. I'll go. I'll go for it. The cops show up, it's like, oh, what's mine?

15, 69, 10.

You got it, you got it, Hank, you got 5.

76.

1, 2, damn, he's, he's, he has worn 5 all his career.

LeBron, 10, 9, 8, 76ers.

LeBron actually wears 23, but what?

Oh, they're definitely gonna do like a this, uh, score exactly 76 on a golf course challenge. Oh yeah, like in a scramble.

Yeah, that sounds great. That's how— that's good.

That's a great idea.

You should listen to this.

Let's do it before him. Scramble. I don't think we can get 76s. I don't know if all of us How many? 4?

Yeah, easy. 37.

37. Anybody?

69. Cold numbers.

The Recrochables was great.

It's great. What was that show?

It's Klemmer and, uh, Brandon Walker talking movies.

Sports. I thought you made that one up.

No, 100% real. 100% real.

Oh, 55, 39, 31, 39.

Happy birthday to Sophie Cunningham. Happy birthday to John Gruden. Happy birthday to Skip Lockwood. Happy birthday to Rudy Gay, Christian Laettner, and Thierry Henry, and a Civil War soldier named Henry Hayes Lockwood.

Who's Skip Lockwood?

I'm trying to— was he a baseball guy?

You're not related?

No, I think it might be a relative.

No.

OK. Oh, kind of.

He's a baseball player.

Skip Lockwood looks like a beast.

He was a baseball player. I knew that.

Happy birthday to Dan Orlovsky and Bart Scott.

I wish I was related to this fucking legend.

And Roberto Clemente and Luke Fickle.

79, or I guess 80 today.

80.

What a beast.

Happy birthday, Lil Pump. Love you guys.