Transcript of Jon Gruden, Kyler Murray Named Vikings Starter, Mt Rushmore Of Purple Things + Pardon Your Take

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Committed to craft since 1905. On today's Pardon My Take presented by DraftKings, we've got our good friend Coach Gruden live in person talking football. Football is almost here. Coach Gruden with some awesome stories. Also, he's starting a new show with his brother Jay, which we get into that as well. And he's going to be back in the booth for some preseason Bucs games, which we're very excited about that. We're going to do the Mount Rushmore of purple things in honor of J.J. McCarthy not getting the starting job in Minnesota. Uh, we're gonna talk about that. We have Who's Back— or sorry, Hot Seat, Cool Throne. We're a little confused on what day it is. And then we're going to finish with Pardon Your Takes from our listeners. And it's all brought to you by our friends at Chevy. Summer's in full swing. That means no schedules, no plans, just more of the good stuff. Chevy Silverado makes that possible. There's a reason Chevy's called the heartbeat of America. And the Silverado keeps that heartbeat strong. These trucks work so hard so you can chill harder, whether that's getting out of town, heading to the lake, or just not turning around when you probably should.

It's got the capability, the space, and the muscle— everything you need for a proper summer. Coolers, gear, whatever your version of chill looks like. Because at the end of the day, Silverado helps you tackle more of what you love. And let's be honest, you've earned this summer. Now it's time to go get it. So roll the windows down, turn the music up, and just listen. That's the heartbeat of America. That's today's Chevrolet. Head over to chevy.com to learn more today. Okay, let's go! Welcome to Part of My Take presented by DraftKings. The crown is yours. Today is August 12th and Kyler Murray has won the starting job in Minnesota. For all the Niners believers out there, it's a sad day. It's a bad day. Yeah, Kyler Murray's gonna look so short in that purple uniform, but, uh, Kirk Cousins looks short in that purple uniform.

Yeah, Kyler's gonna look really short.

Yeah, it's the first though, uh, domino that has fallen. We're still waiting to see if Sha'Dur Sanders or Deshaun Watson's the starting quarterback in, uh, Cleveland, but Kyler Murray has won the job, and now we've talked about it. We actually are going to talk about it because we taped with Jon Gruden on Monday night before this happened, but you have to trade him, right?

I guess so, but I, I don't know what you're gonna get.

I—

we mentioned it with, with Florio the other night. There might be something in the Vikings' head that's like, we use such a high draft pick on them, and I guess it's the sunk cost fallacy, right?

You got to get rid of—

if somebody's like, 5th round pick, you're like, but I, I spent a 1st rounder on them. I don't really feel like It's like if you spend $30,000 on a car and somebody— you drive it off, it breaks down, and somebody's like, can I pay you $10,000 for the car? Yeah, it's worthless to you at the time, but it's like, no, it's like I just paid $30,000 for it. Maybe just make me an offer that doesn't feel insulting. But it would be probably a smart thing to let go because I don't think it's going to be productive for either side of that. Now, Kevin O'Connell has been a guy that said repeatedly that, that young quarterbacks don't fail teams. Teams fail young quarterbacks. And I don't know if you could count this as a team failing a young quarterback, but McCarthy was injured his first year. And then, um, listen, I'm going to be a pro Nine player. I, I always am. I've been pretty clear about this through his whole career. I'm— I think JJ McCarthy sucks, but I think Nine is him. And when he gets— for some reason, he just— they weren't letting Nine be Nine.

And he needs to Go find a home that will love him for who he is.

Here are the teams that I think could be interested in JJ McCarthy. You tell me which ones are stupid or don't make sense, but I'll throw them out there. The Pittsburgh Steelers. Why not take a shot? You have, you have done the, the old quarterback revolving door for a while now. Why wouldn't you just take a shot to bring him on the roster again? It's not going to cost a lot. You have Will Howard. But you're like, hey, let's, let's see if we can reclaim a guy, put him in, put him in the system, have Mike McCarthy coach him. Why not?

He'd be the coach's son.

Coach's son. Yeah.

Yeah. Get those two back together. That's, that's not a bad idea. It is like a little bit on the nose for Steelers fans. They're just going to try to run the ball.

Yeah.

It's like you're promising your fan base a return to like 1970s football.

Yeah. How about the Detroit Lions? Because Teddy Bridgewater just retired. They need a backup. He won a national championship in Michigan. You can have that kind of like, hey, look, he played college there. He lived there for 4 years. Why not have him go back to Detroit?

I have to think Aiden Hutchinson is going to make a case for him.

Yeah. Arizona Cardinals, you're probably going to draft someone next year. You're kind of sort of tanking. You have Carson Beck now. You're starting Jacoby Brissett. If you're a team like the Arizona Cardinals, I would take as many shots at quarterback as you can, however they come. And JJ McCarthy would be one of those shots where it's like, get him on the roster, see what the fuck happens.

That would be great because it would also fulfill like full-on wife swap at quarterback between the Vikings and the Cardinals.

Yeah, yeah. And then the other one, I guess they kind of are okay because they drafted a quarterback in the first round, which is kind of something we should, we should always just remind ourselves. But the Rams, because you have Matthew Stafford and that team looks like it's a Super Bowl, you know, ready team. Matthew Stafford is old. You need some contingency plans if he gets injured.

Now, that'd be interesting because if he goes from the Vikings to McVay, right, it doesn't work out there, then he'll probably go to the 49ers and he'll just play for all the gurus. I would have said everyone is going to be like, I can fix him.

Yeah, I would have said the 49ers just because, uh, but, but Mac Jones is there. And then the other one, what about, uh, what about the Seahawks? He knows how to be in a room with Sam Darnold.

You can do that.

I mean, I think, I think the one that you left off is Chargers. Bolt up. He seems like he's fully bolted.

Okay. I don't— yeah, I don't see the Chargers, but sure, why not?

Harbaugh is like— I don't know, Harbaugh's in love with him.

Yeah, that's true. All right, that's a good point. Maybe too in love with him. Oh yeah, like where it's like Justin Herbert's now got to be concerned.

Well, I'm not saying that, uh, that like he's gonna push Justin Herbert for the starting job. Yeah, that's clearly not gonna happen, but I do think that, like, yes, if any coach is going to be interested, it's probably going to be Harbaugh. In fact, now that I say it out loud, there's been a lot of, a lot of incestuous stuff going on with the rosters of both the Harbaugh-coached teams. They share a lot of their players. I'm pretty sure that if for whatever reason it's not going to be a fit for the Chargers, Jim would get on the phone with Jon.

Correct.

And just be like, hey, if you're looking for a backup quarterback, I can't say enough good things about JJ.

Yeah. What means would you take him on the Jets? Why not?

Like, you—

why not? If you're— if you don't have a for sure starter going forward, it's like, just, just take a shot, right? It probably won't work out.

He is a winner.

Winner. Uh, but I doubt if it worked— if it didn't work out on the Vikings, it probably wouldn't. Can I throw out another interesting one?

I just thought of one.

Okay, I'll throw out another interesting one as well, and then I want to hear yours. Like, Sean Payton could fix JJ McCarthy.

He could, but he's also— I think he's deeply in love with Bonnet.

Of course.

But you had it. I guess also the problem is he's deeply in love with what's— what's the guy with the tail?

Stiddy.

Yes. He loves him so much that it's not even worth it.

There might be a third guy that he's in love with coming in. Taysom Hill is probably going to get a shot there. And so that's— there might not be enough reps, I think. Now, it'd be funny. I don't think it's going to happen. But it would be very funny if the Houston Texans picked up JJ and just had him hand the ball off and that defense continues to dominate and they go far in the playoffs and JJ throws like 12 passes a game.

Yep.

Doesn't turn it over, hands the ball off. And if the Texans won a Super Bowl, that would be the funniest possible. That would be good to this discourse. I think that's what I'm rooting for.

Yeah. All right. So that's, that's JJ McCarthy. That's probably— he's got to get traded. I just don't know how you can have him on the roster and try to go back to him and give him any type of confidence when he just lost out to Kyler Murray, who— Kyler Murray has flashes, and it's not like Kyler Murray's like any slouch. But again, you drafted him 2 years ago, and it's like, this is— this was supposed to be the future, and you're moving on from that already. So you just got to rid yourself. It's kind of like the Josh Rosen, like, just get, get rid of him, get him off the roster and move on. Which is apropos, because Josh Rosen— obviously Kyler Murray was the one who was drafted after Josh Rosen.

Yeah, there's some guys that, that would make good backup quarterbacks that would be able to kind of like fade into the background. I don't know that 9 is that guy.

JJ McCarthy is.

JJ is, but 9's not.

Yeah. Uh, okay, other, other news. So, so speaking of quarterbacks, Todd Monken, can I read a quote for you? Uh, because we, we are wondering who's going to start at quarterback, Deshaun Watson or Sha'Dur Sanders. Uh, a reporter asked Todd Monken Uh, when he previously had talked about Deshaun Watson getting better, he said, were you saying Deshaun has gotten better since camp, or that he's better than Shador? And Todd Monken replied, oh, I don't think I threw in there that he's better than Shador. I'm not sure I went that far, but I appreciate, appreciate you trying to trap me in that shit. Didn't he just trap himself? Yeah, then he just admit that he's better than Shador.

Well, no, wait, you know, he—

no, Shador's better than him.

Shador is better.

Yeah. Oh, I don't think I threw in there that he's better than Shador. I'm not sure I went that far, but I appreciate you trying to trap me in that shit. So yes, Shido is better.

The fact— okay, so here's how you can tell that Shido is better. The fact he denied it, yeah, means that inside of his own head he knows that he would never say that because he doesn't believe it. If he had— if the guy was trying to trap him and he actually thought maybe, uh, maybe Shido wasn't as good, he would just say like, uh, you know, I don't remember ever saying anything like that. We don't have a death chart out. He would like waffle his way out of it. But the fact that he denied it tells me that in his own brain he, he recognized that person's putting a lie on my name, right? I have to correct the record. Oh shit, they got me.

Yes.

Now it's also interesting that he's like definitively behind Shador at this point.

Yeah.

Um, I don't think— I don't know, I'm not watching every Browns practice. God bless the coaches that, that have to do that every day. But, um, This sounds like just alternate drives until somebody separates themselves.

Well, I think so. We have the first preseason games coming up this week, and I'm pretty sure— so the first unofficial depth chart, uh, as expected, an or between Deshaun Watson and Sha'Dur Sanders. So the Browns play the Bears, I believe, in, in the first preseason game. And if you have the— if you're looking at the depth chart, it has the number ones for every position And then for QB it says Deshaun Watson or Sha'Dur Sanders. And then the number 3 is Dylan Gabriel.

Yeah, I love the ors. That's a recent development coming out of training camps.

Also, can I just say an aside? This is a personal matter, but I think it should be illegal and you should be in jail if you report that a player is injured for a short period of time and then it turns out they're injured for a longer period of time. Kobe Bryant is now out for 4 to 6 months because he got knee surgery. Everyone reported that he was out for 8 to 10 weeks. That should be jail. Anyone who reported that should be in jail for 8 to 10 weeks. You should have to serve the original sentence of how long you said he was going to be out.

What is, uh, what's the injury?

Uh, his knee. So we knew his knee got hurt, right? And then he got— and he was carted off and it went through all the emotions. And then they came out and they're like, 8 to 10 weeks. So in my head I'm like, oh, he'll be back week 4. Turns out he got knee surgery. Ben Johnson said today he's gonna be out for 4 to 6 weeks, or 4 to 6 months. Which is pretty much the whole season. And this is the Bears' big signing. I mean, remember Ryan Poles was like, we're gonna get coverage sacks this year. So that should just be— if you report an injury incorrectly, you should have to serve the sentence of, of, of the injury that you first said. Do you guys all agree? Like, that is illegal.

I'm, I'm just in favor of more jail time.

You just can't do that. You can't play with everyone's emotions like that. It's bullshit. It's complete bullshit. You agree, Max?

I mean, it's a thing of like Nothing changed from when the injury happened to now.

So why did you say that then? Yeah, why?

Why did you say that he didn't need to get this surgery when he obviously did need to get this?

I guess—

don't say anything if you don't know.

Zach, remind me, uh, when we talked to Schefter at the Combine. I'm gonna fucking— I'm gonna put him in jail.

What do you think about him sustaining the same injury? If you false report, you get like a bone bruise, hyperextension.

Yeah, yeah, I like that. But yeah, remind me. Put that down. A reminder right now. Also, we need ice cream.

I, um, my theory is that they just, they reported like the hopeful thing from the coach and then he got an MRI after this.

Yeah, but it sucks. You shouldn't get to do that. You shouldn't get to do the whole thing.

You shouldn't, you shouldn't report— being first to report an injury as a, like, a news guy that has sources inside the team, that's kind of weird business. I'm all for the weird doctors speculating online.

You can do the opposite too. I have no problem with that. If they said he was out for 4 to 6 months and then they're like, actually, he's only out for 8 to 10 weeks, then you get like a prize, you get a Pulitzer. But the other shit you can't do.

Yeah.

Um, okay, other stories. Uh, by the way, can we just leave— can we leave the Schwamm alone? Let's just leave the Schwamm alone. Yeah, no more needs to be said. He's a fucking living legend.

I agree, I agree.

Internet, just chill out.

So is there anything wrong at all with a man, uh, losing a little bit of weight?

No.

I think it sounds like people are just jealous that he's so hot now.

You want to laugh?

That bod doesn't quit.

You want to laugh at someone with no ass? Just look at a picture of Ben Mintz. Okay, let's do that.

Not fair. I was gonna say, I mean, as, as no ass, I'm team no ass.

Yeah, but it's just like, it happens. Some decorum.

Some guys got it, some guys don't.

Yeah, Hank is not caked up in the slightest.

Let's have some fucking decorum online. Uh, the NBA released their schedule, which Well, let me just say this. The opening day schedule, that's fine. They released it. There's the Tuesday, October 20th. There's a game at 2:00 Central Time. Nice. The Celtics and the Pistons are playing at 2:00. That's fun. Opening day. A little weird, but fun. Fun. Fun, but weird.

Yeah, but fun.

But fun.

Why do you think it's fun?

Because it's opening day.

It's like, I'll take any.

Yeah, you want to take any time you get, you get a taste, you get a taste. In the afternoon, and then it's like, all right, now we got more basketball tonight.

I was most wondering about like that matchup. What was fun about the matchup?

It's the first game of the year, playoff team, number one seed last year. Yeah, 1-2 matchup, right?

Um, yeah, anytime they have sports in the middle of the day, it means we can bet on it, so that's fun. Um, and then Sixers-Knicks in New York.

So, so the returning champions going up to New York.

So the Knicks, the Knicks, the Knicks got— the Knicks got so disrespected they didn't start the NBA season.

By the way, I think Memes actually wants to kill me.

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Like, the more, the more tongue-in-cheek Knicks jokes that we've made, which, by the way, we have all the respect in the world for the Knicks, but it's just fun to get under Memes' skin. The last 2 weeks, he's like threatened to kill me 3 times.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. He's mad about it.

I was leaving the other week and I was like, all right, Take care. Later, Memes. Have a good one. He goes, hey, PFT, drive home safe.

Whoa.

Yeah, yeah, pretty menacing.

Well, PFT did drop a really good joke on me as he was leaving.

Oh, that's right. Yeah, I forgot about that.

What'd he say?

Yeah, I said, I said, all right, see you later, Memes. Good luck with procedure. Oh, and then Memes said— what'd you say, Memes? I said, I said, what procedure? I said, take the stick out of your ass.

Wait, is this also when Memes said drive safely? Yeah, you didn't give the context of that.

Well, he had also— Memes had also threatened me multiple times.

I was just saying that because you're not very good at driving.

Oh, whoa, oh, I haven't been in an accident in years.

Two years. No, well, you hit the pole.

No, that pole was a traffic hazard in our parking lot that Hank didn't remove. Yeah, 2 years. That's a, that's a crash.

Everyone hits that pole.

Yeah, that whole—

everyone.

Have you seen this?

I have not hit that pole.

Did you actually hit that pole?

No, I have not hit that pole.

Nobody has hit that.

No one said that.

Everyone— have you seen the side of it?

You got it, you got in a chicken accident because of you. You got in a chicken.

That thing is crunchy. That thing is in the— it's, it came out of nowhere.

Uh, okay, so that— so the NBA, that's the opening day for the NBA schedule, and then the NBA also released the their Christmas Day schedule, which is Packers at Bears, Bills at Broncos, and Rams at Seahawks, because I'm not watching the NBA on Christmas Day. I, I like that they still are trying being like, yeah, we didn't get this stolen from us, but they've gotten it stolen.

Yeah, LeBron almost— he had me going last time. He was like, hey, NFL, this is NBA's day. It's actually Jesus. Let me just—

let me just—

I know you think you were born in May, it's Jesus.

By the way, I know the schedule— the, the season could go any which way, but let me just read that schedule to you again. Packers at Bears, Bills at Broncos, Rams at Seahawks. Yeah, we will not be watching the NBA on Christmas.

I'm gonna be very— watching the NBA on Christmas.

Oh, you are? You're gonna watch it?

Well, watch one game.

You're gonna watch it? You're gonna watch LeBron's documentary? He said it's gonna be electric.

Yeah, it will be.

Is that what— I think that was the exact quote. It's gonna be electric.

It will be.

It's gonna be electric when I'm done with it.

When's it coming out?

What's he gonna be doing? He's gonna say everything's gonna be like, fuck his, his Documentary. It's going to be electric when I'm done with it.

We literally say everything is electric.

We don't say like after I'm finished with—

after I'm done. Yeah, yeah, we do. After I'm sure you've said this book is electric. I say I'm sure it's the same thing.

I don't think I've done it.

It's not like you can order the electric book on Amazon, but this is actually paper.

It's actually like the one thing that we've created that is not electric.

Yeah.

No, you're talking about— no, you're actually saying it's not a Kindle.

We create a podcast that is electric because it's— you can listen to it on a phone. This is an actual audiobook.

Oh, so you don't want our listeners to listen to the audio?

No, actually I don't. I want them to buy the book because we want to be New York Times bestsellers, and buying the book is the only way to do that the first week.

This is an analog book.

Audiobook does not count for sales.

Why do we do the audiobook?

It counts for sales, but it doesn't count for New York Times bestsellers. Got it.

To be honest with you, it was a giant behind-the-scenes prank just to see us try to read our own book. Yeah, and we're gonna just use the outtakes and put those out.

The woman said I was reading too fast, and I was like, I'm doing exactly what I do on the podcast. You could slow down.

Electric?

Yeah. Nope, not—

you were, you were about to say not electric. You were about to say yes.

Not electric, Max.

By the book.

Oh, by the book.

Please buy the book.

When LeBron's done with that documentary, we're all gonna need towels.

It's gonna be electric. Yeah, it's gonna be electric.

Yeah, I'm gonna toss that chalk up in the air, LeBron.

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Can I read you guys a list that might, uh, be interesting to the vast majority of this room?

Mhm.

USA, uh, Today has ranked their 10 coaches on the hot seat going into the NFL season.

Can we guess?

Yeah. Who's number one?

Number one coach on the hot seat going into this NFL? Wait, is it— is it gonna make me happy to hear? Um, Dan Quinn. I think Quinn's on the list.

He is not on the— he is on the list. He's not on number one.

He should be on the list.

All right, so the list is, like I said, it's, it's, it's relevant to everyone, pretty much everyone in this room. Number one is Shane Steichen. Number two is Aaron Glenn. Number 3 is Todd Bowles. I think I agree with— I don't know about Shane Steichen. I feel like he does a pretty good job, uh, but Aaron Glenn and Todd Bowles make sense. Number 4, Zach Taylor. Number 5, Dan Quinn.

Okay, I would argue Dan Quinn should be firmly top 3.

Yeah. Number 6, uh, Nick Sirianni. Whoa, whoa. I think that's just the Philly tax. Of just you're always on the hot seat.

Yeah, that's—

this is where the list though, number 6 is actually—

that's completely neutral.

This is where the list went just— yeah, it is.

Yeah, like that's your new coach, he's, he's 6 on the hot seat.

This is where the list went. I, I don't know if, if the person who made the list at USA Today is watching football, like reading about football, knows anything about football, because the list took a left turn here. Uh, number 7, I would say the left turn was before, but continue. No, Nick Sirianni would— you guys have everyone on the hot seat all the time.

Well, let's see where this list turns.

Okay, number 7, Matt LaFleur, who just signed a long-term deal with the Packers.

I think that would be, that would be fair to say, like going into the playoffs maybe last year.

Yeah, right after the game, right after the game, right? Because there was the will he, won't he sign, but he just signed a long-term deal. Number 8, Clint Kubiak. Doesn't really make sense.

Yeah.

Number 9, Joe Brady doesn't really make sense. And number 10, Mike Vrabel.

Okay, doesn't make any sense.

He was just in the Super Bowl.

Yeah, so that's—

yeah, that's the last—

I don't know, 7 through 10, I don't know what they were doing. I think that person doesn't watch football.

Yeah, that doesn't make any sense. The fact that Clint Kubiak— like, you can't put a rookie head coach on the hot seat.

That sounds like there's not enough coaches on the hot seat and they needed to finish out the top 10. The top 5 made sense.

Who would have been I mean, Jim Harbaugh, according to Mike Florio.

Yeah, what? No, it's true.

What?

According to Mike Florio.

Yeah.

And also, if you're going to put a rookie head coach on the hot seat, wouldn't Todd Monken be the pick? Yeah, like he has— he has— he's big screw that up even more written all over.

He's got big fired energy.

Yeah, fired early energy.

This is like— Monken, I, I wish nothing but the best. I want Cleveland to be successful. If we're being honest, we can look at him and be like, this is like— remember Joe Philbin?

Yeah.

Like, you know what's going to happen.

Yeah.

You know how this is going to end big time. I would say that there's— yeah, there's a couple I would put on there. I would say—

TV on in the other room. Oh, Mike's yelling outside. Oh, we got to get him in here to talk about some.

Oh, no, it's Jerry.

Jerry.

Oh, it's Jerry.

He's doing Jerry and Terry. Oh, he asked me before I came out here.

Crossover.

He was like, Eric, is it okay if, uh, if I record Jerry and Terry from the bathroom?

Oh, I love that.

I was like, sure, you can do it, you can do it from the room.

I love that.

But the bathroom's probably better. Uh, I would say Schottenheimer just because like Jerry is liable to mix things up.

I know he's not.

I know, I know he doesn't fire as many coaches, but if things go haywire, like I could, I could see him making a move. It's not crazy thing. I would also say Dan Campbell, and it's no disrespect to Dan Campbell. Because he's been— he's done a great job.

He changed everything there.

But with this, the way the schedule plays out for them this year, I think, uh, if they don't make the playoffs, he's definitely on the hot seat.

Okay. Yeah, I mean, I'm actually thinking about it. There's, there's not a lot of coaches that you— like, the list, it is hard to get further down the list because a lot of the coaches got, you know, swapped out. And like, what are you gonna— like, you know, it would have been maybe Mike Tomlin, it would have been, right, John Harbaugh. But like, those guys are out.

So maybe Canales.

No, he just won the division.

Yeah, but I mean, things don't go well.

I think if you win the division for the Panthers, you're, you're good for a couple of years. Yeah, I guess you definitely have a few-year grace period.

I'm just saying I could see it wouldn't be shocking given the ownership.

I would, I would.

Yeah.

I think though, you just would have to be like, hey, dude, remember last year when we won the division?

Yeah.

Like, that was crazy.

That would be—

I understand that. But I also know how the owner likes to operate. And I don't think he's like right now in a position. But if the— if things start out really ugly for the Panthers, I could see that talk picking up easily.

Okay. Do we have anything else before we do Hot Seat, Cool Throne? Anyone have any?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Bullying works. Number like 120 in the last 3 years that we can put in the file.

Okay.

The Broncos and the Seahawks are wearing the throwback uniforms when they play against each other.

Yep.

That is going to be incredible. When I'm done with that game, it's going to be electric.

It's going to be electric. Yeah, that's a towel game. Yeah, that is a towel.

It's going to be perfect to look at on TV.

It's going to be incredible. I saw it and I was just like, holy shit, I want it bad, real bad.

Electric is like the most used adjective on this show, so I don't know what we're doing here.

I got a pretty good documentary in the works too. It's going to be electric when I'm done with it. He's fucking the documentary. That is He's— yeah, he's taking out the documentary and having sex with it. Is he a Pikachu? What do you mean?

Like he has sex and it just becomes electric?

Yeah, maybe that's true.

Max is acting like we say electric all the time on the show, like it's the theme song of this show for years, right? I don't get it, Max.

Max is also acting like we, like He still hasn't realized that LeBron being on the Sixers means we're going to nitpick everything about LeBron.

And he hasn't picked up here to defend the wall.

I don't think he's— I don't think he's built for it.

Yes, you're—

wait, so you're cool with LeBron James fucking a documentary?

He never said that.

It sounds like it. The implication is there because of the implication. It's always sunny on a boat.

No, the implication, Max. Do you think that LeBron's going to show up at Eagles practice? I don't know.

Why would I care?

Well, because it's actually a fair answer because part of this, like, Jaylen Brown went there, right?

That's a very cool way to go.

That was kind of cool. Like, it would be nice if LeBron wanted to.

Sure.

That's all I'm saying.

He plays for the Sixers.

Yeah, but you want your guys from the teams to show up for the other sports.

You can't. You can't do that because you literally said if the Phillies get Mike Trout, it would be like an Eagles player on the Mike Trout's different.

Mike Trout is on the Eagles.

That's what I'm saying.

He's—

did you see, by the way, basically on the sideline every, every game? Did you guys see that story where Mike Trout took the entire Angels team to his private golf course for like team bonding during the trade deadline? And like the story was written and it sounded like everyone was getting out of jail. Like they, they would get a call on the golf course and be like, Zephyr John, you've been traded. And he would like give hugs and be like, I'm free. And like guys being like, hey, can I finish my round of golf real quick before I head to Atlanta? So the Angels situation is just— I mean, that's a, that's a, that's a franchise that is irrelevant.

The party that would have happened at that trade deadline, or at that golf course, if he got traded to the Phillies at the deadline would have been crazy.

Oh yeah, a hole-in-one.

Oh, it would have been the biggest hole-in-one party of all time.

Yeah, yeah. How long has it been since the, the Angels made the playoffs? Has it been a decade? I think it's been longer than that.

I was, I was looking at Mike Trout, like, just looking at his stats. He's, he was so fucking good. I mean, he still is good, but he's not this, like, peak. But when he came up, he was just instantly, like, the best hitter in baseball. There's so many flies in this place.

I would like, at some point, when is his, his, uh, contract up here? I'm looking at it right now. He's got— oh, he's got a long time. He's got— he's got 6 more years.

When he's done with that contract, it's going to be electric.

I, I think in, in 3 or 4 years, he's got at some point, like when he's closing out the career, make one trade request, right?

I would hope so.

I would love to see Mike Trout play meaningful baseball games in October. I think everybody would. Yeah, I think like because we do forget how good he is at baseball. It's easy to forget because they haven't done shit. Yeah, but if we get one season almost like a Ray Bork or it doesn't matter, like a guy at the end of their career, I want to see Mike Trout making a playoff run.

Mm-hmm.

I agree.

I would love to see that. So I think he probably would like— he doesn't want to move right now. I get that. But if it's for a year, I could see it happening. And that's going to make me very excited about baseball. Yeah.

Yeah, uh, okay, let's do our, uh, Hot Seat, Cool Thrones, and then we're gonna do the Mount Rushmore, and then we have a great interview with Gruden, and we finish with Pardon Your Takes.

Unless he goes to the Dodgers, in which case I just pictured him wearing a Dodgers uniform. Um, fuck you if you do that.

No, he wouldn't do that. Okay, uh, Hot Seat, Cool Throne, brought to you by our friends at Twisted Tea. Summer's here and so is the Twisted Tea Summer Party Pack. We have the party pack right in front of us if you're watching on Netflix. Twisted Tea is a refreshing hard iced tea made with real brewed tea and 5% alcohol. They also have a new summer party party pack that has a brand new Twisted Lemonade. It's a refreshing hard lemonade made with real lemons. It's only available in their new party pack, so grab it while you can. Whether you're hanging out at the bar, hitting the lake or beach for a weekend, or day drinking with friends, Twisted Tea is there to turn your day up a notch and make a good time a great time. Keep the good times going all day and all summer long. Keep it twisted. Grab a refreshing Twisted Tea today. Okay. Hey, Hank, hot seat, cool throne.

My hot seat is Tulsa National Little League team. Yeah, they advanced to their— they advanced the Southwest region to be the representative in the Little League World Series. Then a bunch of teams complained, filed a formal appeal. Turns out the Tulsa National was like— I don't know if they had a guy that was over 12 or they were using—

stacking it.

Yeah, they said they partook in fraudulent use of the Challenger program to falsify player eligibility.

So it's probably— I think, and I haven't read anything other than what you just said and one tweet that said something about disabilities. It sounded like they faked some kids maybe outside of the region to stack a super team. Yeah, I do want—

I was hoping it was like a 14-year-old.

I did see that they had, uh, their banner for winning the state of Oklahoma. I want that banner.

Well, they appealed that. They, they They got, they got banned. Tulsa appealed, it got approved, being like, all right, you're back in. And then second appeal, formally done.

Give me that banner, I'll help you. I will help fund the next scheme you're going to plan on doing, Tulsa Little League.

So they, did they get officially caught? Like, who caught— was it a parent complaint?

It was like multiple. They, they, they won, and then I guess multiple teams. There was multiple confirmations that they were like abusing the rules, which is fucked up. I'm guessing it was like a couple teams, probably like banded together and filed the complaint.

If they were to create a super team in Little League is true, true scumbag shit.

What's— what is it called? The rules, the organizing body, the— or like, what rule did they violate? What— what—

they've— they partook in fraudulent use of the Challenger Program to falsify player eligibility.

That's the worst thing I've ever heard associated with the Challenger Program.

O-rings.

Yeah.

Frozen.

My cool term was LeBron James, Sixers, 34 nationally televised games. That's the max. But since we talked about that, I guess part of my book, it's going to be electric. I today—

Yeah, it is.

Thanks, right?

Read.

We did, we did, we did autograph a lot of books and people are starting to receive some autographed ones. I changed my— the way I autograph my signature like 7 different ways.

So, yeah.

Oh yeah, it's a dealer's choice.

Yeah, not a single one of my signatures is the same on any, on any single book.

There were some where, where Hank did Lefty Lockwood. Yep, somewhere Hank did Lefty Lockwood, but there was just one L that started out Lefty and Lockwood.

There was one where I wasn't paying attention, I signed my last name first.

That's good.

That's the rest of one of one.

One of one.

Yeah, Zach has the coolest signature.

Korean Zach's signature is awesome.

Just ran the ball one with Zach, just quick little ZAC. It's easy.

But then you do double C around the whole thing.

Yeah, which is cool.

But go buy the book on Amazon. We, we are very proud of it. I think people are gonna really, really like it. Uh, some really funny stories. It's also— I'll just say this right now because we're not real big book guys— I think we wrote it in a way that, uh, if you are not a big reader, you still will enjoy it. We made the chapters short, good stories, funny little like weird things where like Zach did the history of ice cream. Uh, Max did, uh, Italian Hall of Fame with Florio. Memes rebuilt the Jets. He wrote a manifesto inside the book. My chapter's wrong. What do you mean your chapter's wrong? Oh, it just—

I didn't—

it's outdated already. Yeah, it's outdated immediately.

Oh no.

What did you write, Shane? The end. He wrote the end. The whole end. Uh, no, we all— we all wrote it. I did my 10 rules of gambling. We did— everyone did chapters. Zach or Jacob wrote a chapter. So we got— and then we have JJ Watt, Scott Van Pelt, uh, Rosillo, a bunch of our, our favorite guys and, and girls. So go buy a book, please.

Yeah, be great, be electric. Um, it would be electric.

Hot seat, cool throne, PFT.

Yep, my hot seat is player safety in football. There's a story out of Arkansas, Arkansas high school football. Um, there was a player at his high school football practice today, or it might have been a couple days ago, that, um, practiced for an hour and felt a weird thing going on with his helmet, and it was moving around. And he went over the sidelines, took it off, brought it to the athletic trainer or the equipment manager or whatever, and the manager looked inside and there was a live cottonmouth snake that had been inside the dude's helmet. For a full hour of football practice before he took it out. They couldn't get the snake to come out, so they had to fill the helmet with water.

Did they have like a, uh, stop this story or something?

This is a terrible story.

They got a flute.

Yeah, they should have had somebody play it, play a song for it. Yeah, charm it out of there. They had to fill the helmet up with water to drown the snake so that it would crawl out. So it slithered out, they captured it, gave it to animal control who took it into the woods. And release it. But a cottonmouth, I think, is the second most poisonous snake in the United States.

Kill it.

It'll fuck you up if it bites you, dude.

It was—

why are they releasing it?

It was in the guy's helmet. Kill it for an hour. I can't imagine the lack of self-awareness that— you know what, if you have a snake inside your, your, your helmet for an hour, you should go to the concussion tent. You should see a doctor immediately who's like, there's something wrong with this. As now that I think about it, This should be a lawsuit against like Riddell and helmet makers. There should be a sticker on them saying, warning, always check for snakes.

Yeah.

When you put this helmet on, they have other warnings.

We made something to protect your head during football. Also accidentally made an awesome place for a snake to hide.

Yeah.

Our bad.

Goodell should put that in the back of the end zones this year. Yeah. Make sure to check your helmet for cottonmouths.

Mm-hmm.

That's crazy.

Because we solved racism. On to the next one.

Mm-hmm.

My cool throne is robots. Robots are the cool throne because I heard the CEO of a company called Cloudflare that— or Cloudflare— that deals with internet traffic. They initially predicted that bot traffic would surpass human traffic by 2027. Turns out that happened already in 2026. And he said that if current trends hold in 5 years, non-human traffic will be as much as 1,000 times as much as human traffic.

Wait, say that again.

Non-human traffic in 5 years? Non-human traffic will be as much as 1,000 times as much as human traffic. A thousand—

there's gonna be bots everywhere.

So it's Dead Internet Theory. I don't know if you guys have heard of the Dead Internet Theory, which is just that after 2016, yeah, most things online are populated by either bots or just like algorithms and not actual human traffic. But I think they figured out a way to measure it. And that includes crawlers that are like going out over the web, copying websites, putting them into large language models and stuff like that. But it's 1,000 times as much as human traffic in 5 years, which is absolutely crazy. I don't know if robots—

Feels bad.

Do robots listen to podcasts?

It feels bad.

Yeah, it doesn't feel good. It feels— I'd like to ban robots from listening to this podcast.

You keep saying human traffic and I think you're talking about human trafficking.

Yeah, I could see how that would be confusing for a dumb person.

Yeah, it's, uh, Max, I, I'm actually— I think it might be pro-robot trafficking.

Yeah, that's—

yeah, we should make them have sex. Yeah, they're already fucking LeBron.

You started this rant and In my head I was thinking, I was like, that sounds way better.

I was dismayed that human trafficking is going away.

Well, then the more you talked about it, it started, it started to click to me. But I did— human traffic sounds so much like human trafficking.

It's just 3 letters off.

Yeah, it's a pretty important last 3 letters.

Bot trafficking could—

I'm fine with it. I'm fine with robot trafficking. Yeah, in fact, I, I would like to see 1,000 times more of it Yeah, than human trafficking.

Yeah.

All right, cool, we're on the same page.

Yep, yep, exactly.

That is crazy though, man. Yeah, fuck, that's, that's—

I can't even comprehend that and, and what that's going to mean for society. And I don't, I don't think it's going to be anything positive.

It's going to be more people getting their Twitter account locked because they voted for a Spotify poll, shit like that.

Yeah, definitely, that sort of thing. It's going to be actually a lot of people on X, the everything app, underneath like any sort of verified tweet, immediately rephrasing that tweet back in the replies. Yeah, those type of bots.

Yeah. Okay. My hot seat. Cool throne. My hot seat is the kids because MLB released their postseason schedule and Game 7 of the World Series, if it happens, will be Halloween night.

Oh yeah.

What a shitty thing for the MLB to do. It's so easy not to do that. I mean, I know Sunday and Monday make it difficult because those are football nights, but that sucks.

What day of the week is that?

Saturday night.

Saturday night. Okay.

Saturday night, October 31st, Halloween night. Game 7 of the World Series.

If I'm thinking about it, trick-or-treating is usually wrapped up by like 8 or 9.

What if the Dodgers are in the World Series, which could very well happen, and they're trick-or-treating during Game 7?

Yeah, I was thinking my time zone. I wasn't thinking about West Coast time. That's a fair point. Yeah, that's a fair point. That sucks.

It's just like, well, I, I get it. It's hard because of all the football. Like, football runs everything. Totally get it.

Not Christmas.

We still got Christmas for the NBA. But yeah, I just saw it and I was like, I— and yeah, I know, like, uh, listen, if the Cubs are in a Game 7 World Series, I'll be I'll be— I'll sign up for that right now because it'd be incredible. But like, I would be bummed out that my kids are like, I, you know, that's a big— Halloween's a big night for my kids.

There would be a lot of dads trying to convince their kids that actually the Cubs being World Series Game 7 is way cooler than Halloween. And the kids who might have been getting into baseball at the time will just say, absolutely not.

Yeah. Halloween is my number one holiday right now with having kids. Like, I— they like Christmas, dude. I fucking— my kids get so pumped up to get like dressed up and get the candy. Maybe it's because it's the next one coming up, but they just— they'd start— they've already started talking about Halloween costumes. So I think, what are we going to be this year?

If you're— if you're ranking like the best ages to celebrate Halloween, I think as a kid's clear number one. Would you say as an adult with kids being number two, or would you say college?

College, then adult with kids. Yeah, I mean, college rocks.

That's pretty good.

And then—

and then far in the distance is like like late 20s, no kids, and then also like 14 to like 17. Yeah, that sucks. 14 to 17 when you're, when you're too old to trick-or-treat but you're not old enough to like party and you're just stuck in the middle and you're like, oh, this sucks. And like that last year that you go trick-or-treating and everyone's like, dude, you're way too old.

Yeah, go home.

Yeah, don't do that anymore. Also, hot seat, uh Golf, golf cheaters.

Did you—

do we— we didn't talk about this story, but it was crazy. There was a story that went viral over the weekend. Um, there was essentially so a member, uh, guest tournament in St. Louis. Member, member in St. Louis where, uh, there was a pot for not only winning the tournament but also a pot for a par 3 hole-in-one, uh, If anyone hits a hole-in-one, they get a shitload of money that everyone put in. Uh, guy goes and first tee time of the day, shows up, uh, is playing, and he tells his playing partners, uh, that he has an ill grandmother and he might take a phone call at some point and have to run and grab and like and take the phone call because she's in the hospital or whatever. Uh, does it after the hole 3. Hole 4 is a par 3. He says, let me run ahead, I'll hit I'll take this phone call and then I'll meet you guys on the green, par 3, uh, hole 4. So he runs ahead, then he meets them and he's like, I hit, I thinned it, I don't know where it went. Shows up, ball's in the cup, everyone's partying, everyone's like, that's crazy, way to go, there's a divot mark, everything, uh, you know, gets the money.

Next day, a couple members are like, wait, no one saw him actually hit the ball? And they pulled the tapes, he had gone out before the round to the 4th hole and placed the ball in the hole and made a fake divot mark.

I don't even think that's true. I think he— didn't he like park his car there?

No, he drove to the 4th hole. They found him on the security tapes. No, no, he drove— like, there's a shed near the 4th hole. Yeah, he drove before the, the round Got it. He drove, he dropped because he knew he's the first one out. They were the first tee time.

Got it.

Got it. Dropped the ball in the hole, made a fake divot mark, and then left and then did that whole thing. And now they got to release the video.

It's got to be the funniest video of all time.

How much, how much money did he make off the hole-in-one?

It probably was like $10,000 or something.

I don't know. And disclose.

Yeah, that's disclosed.

That guy should be insane. Like, he should either be in prison for the rest of his life. Yeah, because like, this is truly antisocial behavior.

Yeah, this is like psychopath stuff.

If you actually think about— you could think about and be like, oh man, someone could do this. But to actually carry this out, it's crazy. Is abs— I know it's not like a jail time worthy offense.

No, but it says everything about—

this guy would— he should either be in prison or golf tournaments should hire this guy to figure out if other people are cheating. Yeah, like Catch Me If You Can. Yeah, this— he's that level of criminal mind.

What were you gonna say, Max? It's crazy. He went on a St. Louis radio show on Friday. I actually listened to it because I was interested in this story, uh, and he did the usual. He played the cards of like, people are coming after my family, please leave him alone. Which, yes, of course, leave his family alone. But you, sir, are crazy. You're psycho. Like, that's a crazy thing to do. What are you gonna say, Max? You defend him?

No, I wasn't going to defend him.

Also, I did see one video of him because he hit a big putt, uh, to win something at, um, I think it was a Barstool Classic.

Yeah, yeah, really?

When they slowly figured out who it was, they're like, this is the guy, and it's just him.

He hits a putt, Riggs like jumps in his arms. No way. Him and Riggs embracing like they're like best friends.

He, he was— he like is a good golfer. He's a low handicap. Um, so even like, sure, Well, he played in college like the— I've read about it, like he played in community college.

A guy that's willing to drive off course and hide a ball. Yeah, I think it wouldn't be out of the question to say he's shaved a couple strokes off before. That's like, yeah, but why would he do that first time cheat?

No, he would do the other way though. But you know, I don't think he would sandbag.

You don't jump in to like putting your ball in a hole before the round starts and faking a phone call with your dead grandma. That's something you built— you build up to over probably years of cheating at golf.

Yeah, but he's probably better at golf than his—

yeah, that's what I'm saying. He's a sandbagger. He's probably better at golf than a 2.

I was just saying he might lie about his score during tournaments.

Yeah, but I think he, he most likely he's a sandbagger than a vanity handicapper.

Yeah, get Yip Strickler on it.

Yeah, uh, well, they already solved it, Max. I feel like you just keep— are you still thinking about the trafficking thing? No, he's talking about bots, dude.

No, I was initially going to say that I think that we, that we know a guy that would do this, but I don't even think that Jersey Jerry would—

no, I don't think Jerry would do it. I don't think Jerry would do it.

That was my initial thought, and then I—

the more that I thought about, I was like, he wouldn't do that.

Absolutely not. Jerry might walk by the hole when everyone's like in the sand trap and drop it in, but he wouldn't go out before the whole round.

That's a lot of thinking.

It's a crazy amount of thinking.

Of course, like premeditated. You're sitting on that, you're marinating with it, you're like, all right, let me park next to the shed, let me see if I dribble the—

make the divot mark too, and then be like— and then use your like ill grandmother as an excuse and be like, I thinned it. I don't know where it went.

Oh, shit.

It's in the hole.

It is so premeditated. It's the most premeditated crime you could ever commit. The level of step that you have— you have to do so much stuff. You don't just have to conceptualize it. You have to, like, set an alarm in the middle of the night.

It's crazy.

And drive out to the course.

What's the plan there, too? Like, you do it at the club you're a member of. So then that's going to get brought up all the time.

Oh, he immediately renounced his membership. I think it was like, I quit before they could fire me. Because he would 100% be fired, or like, like, uh, kicked out. Yeah.

But even best case, he doesn't get caught, you just— does that guilt not just eat you every time someone brings up the clubhouse? Like, right, you think you were going to maintain like, oh yeah, I hit that hole in one 6 years ago.

It's also crazy to like— it's insane to say in a tournament setting to be like, I hit a hole in one but no one saw it. Like, how do you think that the fact that it even lasted a day before other members were like, wait a second, no one saw it. Everyone's gonna have that question. She's like, there were no witnesses to this? How does that make sense? Like, you, you just can't— you can't— I would never buy it if I walked up and someone's like, oh my God, I hit a hole in one. It's like, okay dude, no one was around. Sure thing you did.

Oh, that's gonna be the worst ever though, actually hitting one and there's no one's there.

By the way, who do you think is going to hit the first hole-in-one on this show? Is it going to be Hank?

Just by numbers, but it has to be.

No, probably, probably PFT.

I think I'm going to hit— I think I'm going to hit one hole-in-one in my life, but it's going to be actually a par because I'm going to hit it in the water and then my second shot will be a hole-in-one.

It'd be the best.

That's, that's definitely what happened to me.

That'd be devastating.

Oh my God. But you know, you could see it. Yeah, 100%.

I thought about that. I hit, I hit this one really good, like, 6 months ago, and it was right after I hit the ball out of bounds on a par 4. And so my retee was awesome, and it went up on the green, and as it was going towards the hole, I swear my only thought was, oh no. Yeah, like, that would be awful. Yeah, that would be terrible to hit that.

Yeah. Um, all right, my cool throne is, uh, NFL head coaches, because there's a new NFL rule that allows NFL head coaches to have a designated flag thrower on the sidelines. So there can be, there can be another coach or staff member, maybe a partner who can throw the red flag.

Mm.

That's a pretty cool thing. Like, if that's your job, being backup flag guy, backup flag guy. No, no, you're no, no, you're main time flag guy.

So you hold the flag. There's not two flags.

No, no, no. You are the flag guy.

Yeah, I like that.

Which actually kind of makes sense because like sometimes they can't find it, but if you're— if you have like your holdback guy just holding it, yeah, Big Dom's got to be the flag guy.

That's a lot of responsibility.

He's got to be. He's got to be. He's got way more responsibility than that, but I want him to be the flag guy. I want him to fucking launch.

Can he, uh, put like one white and then one green stripe also on the flag?

That would be awesome.

That would be so sick.

Yeah, and it— we'd win every challenge.

The Italian challenge flag.

Yeah, that would be so awesome.

Oh, did you see, by the way, Max, the— I think I tagged you here. I tagged you in that tweet that there's like a crisis in Italy because it's too hot and there's, uh, Gouda cheese is melting and they use it as like—

definitely not Gouda.

What was it? Oh no, it's Parmesan. It was Parmesan cheese and they— it was melting and they used that as like the, the bat— it's like their gold standard. They use that to back their money in Italy.

Yeah, I saw that. I felt like it was probably fake.

No, I think that's real.

I want it to be real.

That's so awesome. If they're like, no, that those— when the banks fail, we still got our cheese.

I know that those big box of cheese are like tens of thousands of dollars.

So then it probably is real. They're on the, on the cheese stand, not the gold.

I don't understand what the problem is. You're just getting meltier cheese. It should be worth more.

No, no, Parmesan, you can't.

Yeah, it's aged.

Oh yeah, it's gooier.

Yeah, you can't have that.

Because then it probably— there probably gets mold and stuff in it.

And Gouda is really—

that's what blue cheese is.

Gouda is just not an Italian cheese.

I know, but smoked—

are you sure it's Dutch?

I want to say Dutch.

Yeah.

Okay.

I hope I know cheese. That would be cool.

Uh, Zach, uh, my hot— or my hot seat this week is going to be, uh, guys who maybe aren't really acting like themselves right now, uh, because, uh, Paul Skeens got pulled today after 5 innings, only 65 pitches. And he didn't pitch one pitch over 95.

Yeah.

Do we think he's injured?

I think there's something up.

I mean, he's got to be, right? Like, something changed.

Is it an emotional thing? Is he just, like, detached from the game?

No, I don't know what it is, but either it feels like there's an injury.

He's what? He's not stretching enough.

He's not stretching enough. He's what my doctor told me.

Yeah.

You stretch, stretch harder or stretch more?

He's got to stretch more.

More time stretching.

He's got to spend more time stretching.

Does he know any flexible people that can help him figure out how to stretch?

Probably. Probably.

Just play.

No, he stretches for 4 hours a day.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

I haven't seen that.

He's—

oh, yeah, he stretches too much. Were you being sarcastic?

I was.

Damn, dude, I didn't know you had that in you.

Yeah, I didn't know that. Like, the sarcasm about Paul Skeens's stretching routine is—

that's a deep dive.

You're right, we should not be joking about about how you made a joke about that because you were right about it.

Yeah, you fucking fooled all of us in this room. Yeah, like you had us all.

That was good.

Thank you.

So he stretches too much, some may say.

Who knows? Who knows what it is? Yeah, I'm saying maybe if he stretches more, the, the VLO will come back.

We're the preeminent ball scene— skeen stretch watch podcast. Okay.

Well, I guess pirates do have runners on base a lot, so that makes sense.

Did you guys see that polar bear that puts cones on his head? Maybe think pirates fans remember when they tried to make cones a thing, though it had nothing to do with any of this.

I did see the bear. The bear was wearing the cones on his head, was putting a true showman. Oh, it knew what it was doing.

He looked like a drunk bear.

Yeah, it was great.

He just put a bunch of traffic cones on his head.

If you had— if you gave me 4 guesses as to what type of bear was putting traffic cones on its head to make viewers laugh at the zoo. Panda won. Pandas won.

Brown.

I think brown is number 2. Black might be even number 3. Yeah. And then koala.

Yeah. You would never throw— polar bears are serious guys.

They're all business.

Yeah, they just fucking kill things.

Yeah.

Did he look like he was into it or was just routine? Like, did he know?

Yeah.

No, it looks like he just does it all the time.

Oh, nice.

Having a great time.

Do you know in Alaska there's certain towns in Alaska where they have to keep their snowmobile— you have to keep it on at all times in case a bear shows up. Like so you can just jump on it and go to go. Yeah, it was just a video I saw. It might not be real.

Makes sense.

Terry's just in the background getting— he's getting water. Yeah, yeah, we're doing the show. Yeah, yeah, okay, we're, we're doing a show right now.

How'd Jerry and Terry go? This is the scene where also, you know what's crazy is like, so we're, we're on a little, uh, little trip here. And we're staying in this cabin, and I walked in— I walked into my bedroom. You'll never guess in a million years the theme of my bedroom. Okay, Adam Dunn pictures everywhere.

That's sick.

Yeah, it was unreal. That's sick.

I gotta go check it out. Zach and I haven't done mega bed yet. We gotta do mega bed.

That is true. Yet to— yet to unite.

Zach. Zach Sneaky. That was, that was kind of a weird move you pulled on me last night where like you guys, you guys planned on going to a strip club.

Yeah, and I was like, I'll probably—

and then you came back in the room and I was like, oh, he's grabbing his stuff. And then like 10 minutes went by, I was like, Zach? You're like, yeah. I was like, what are you doing? He's like, I'm about to go to sleep.

Yeah, we decided not to go, so I, I went to bed.

I didn't want— that was— I never heard that.

In my head I was thinking it was just like not to I didn't know if you were all the way asleep. I didn't want to wake you up because I made that mistake before.

Yeah, true, true, true.

We had a good—

we had a good, good work today.

Didn't know. Not too early. Worked out.

Yeah. No, listen, I like getting woken up like I'm having a dream that I'm in Chernobyl with the nuclear reactor going off. It's a, like, fun thing to do.

I can change the alert. I don't know.

I was away.

You really— you wake up. You do wake up when the bomb alarm goes off.

Thought process was I made sure to lay on it last night.

It's like, holy fuck, are we about to die? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

You, you laid on your alarm last night.

I thought I could body—

oh yeah, it was muffled. Yeah, it wasn't like— he's right.

I got decent mass, so I thought maybe like, like a suppressor, like it, like it was an egg.

Yeah, yeah, it kind of sort of—

yeah, he did suppress it. Appreciate that.

So you absorb— like, did you feel the, the vibration or the sound?

That was a big part of—

you don't have to do that for me.

It felt fair.

It was fine. It was time to get up anyway.

Jerry kept us up. Like, we were out here for about 2 hours last night. He was getting ready to go to the strip club, and he just started telling stories for about 2 hours. Just incredible stories from Jerry. So good that he didn't even think about the strip club. He was just in the zone.

Yeah, you know what's—

what's a lot about the guy?

You know what's crazy is he told, uh, such great stories and had such a great night, he also forgot to give me back the $400 I gave him for the strip club, and also didn't mention that he was just not going to give it back. I want the cash, dude. What'd you do with the cash? I gave you $400 cash. How did you— you spent the cash already? Just give me the cash back.

No, I didn't spend the cash.

I have the cash.

So give me the cash.

I don't want you to—

I sent the PayPal, but I'd rather have the cash. I'm a cash is king guy.

Yeah, but I'd rather have the cash too.

No, that's not— you can't do that.

That's not fair.

That was a good move. No, that's not a good move. Now I have to go to the ATM.

Yeah, because now I'm tipping people. I'm the tip.

Yes. And now I don't have money to tip people, so I look like a fucking loser.

So you literally just used him as an ATM?

Yes. He said— I was about to go to bed and he goes, hey, D, you got any money on you? I'm going to strip club. And I said, let me check. And I said, I have $400 cash here, take it. He's like, oh, okay. And then this morning I was like, how was the strip club? He's like, oh, I didn't go. I was like, where's my money?

Wait, Jared, did you ever have any intention of going to the strip club, or did you just ask him for the $400? And then you were just like, Zach, I was looking at Zach and it was like, we stay up late, we're late guys.

And you're also strip club guys.

We're also strip club guys.

Yes. And I'm like, put two and two together.

Let's do this thing, right?

Then I hit up D and I'm like, D, D always got cash. Let me hit up D. You got cash?

Hit up D.

And then, and then we went to story time.

Yes.

And then it was over from story time.

Everybody disappeared.

Also, you did you ever call the strip club back? Yeah, you're a scumbag, dude.

Crazy movie.

He called the strip club and the strip— he was like, what time do you guys close? And the guy was like, usually like 3 o'clock, but if it's— if there's not a lot of business, we close at like 1 or 2. And Jerry just goes, oh, we'll be bringing business, and then hung up. And then never went.

We never went.

Yeah.

All right, so give me the money back. I, I'm not— I, I need the money to tip people.

Okay, but then you—

I will send you the money, I don't care. But you give me PayPal. Did you already— how much did you cash?

I, I said I send it to you.

Yeah, but how much cash did you already spend today?

$100 in tips.

So you're just walking around tipping everyone? I can't tip anyone.

Exactly.

Yeah, that's fucked up.

Yeah, but I figured you'd always have more cash.

No, I gave you all the cash I had. That's fair.

Yeah, okay, so I'll give you back the cash, but then you got to send me the—

okay, we'll send you back the money.

Okay.

Okay, all right, that was Jerry.

All right, Zach, in my, uh, cool thing this week is, uh, a quick one, is Cristiano Ronaldo, because he did, uh, indeed win the big one. Did you guys see that?

Uh, what?

Uh, he got him— he got married. Love, the biggest one you could win. Oh yeah, Georgiana and Cristiano are now wedded together, consensually, completely consensual, smiling faces, rings on finger, holy matrimony, holy matrimony. And they have a beautiful blended family.

They do it to the mattress.

Mattress money.

That too. Yeah, I mean, they got two biological kids by them.

Mattress money. Mattress money. That money's mattress.

Matrimony.

Matrimony.

Okay, very cool. Good for him. So the only ring he's gonna get—

biggest, biggest— look, biggest ring you can win is love, man. At the end of the day, if you don't got love, yeah, you don't got love.

So also, yeah, it's so true. It's very true.

Right.

I'm thinking about him straight. The guy only scores in the box.

Big box guy.

Pretty scumbag move by a Ronaldo fan to talk about love when, I mean, Messi had a loss in the family this week.

You want to say R.I.P., Mr. Messi?

Yeah, I would just like to say, if anybody lost a loved one this week, rest in peace.

Okay, thank you.

Including, like, specifically Messi.

Yeah, specifically.

Yes, that would be what you— yeah, like a Ronaldo fan would do.

I By no means does one— two very separate things. One tragic, one beautiful. Rest in peace.

Oh, Ronaldo lost— or like, Ronaldo probably was like, oh, Messi lost his father, let me get married real quick, steal the story.

They plan weddings months in advance.

Okay, fair. Uh, all right, good, good. Hot seat, cool throne. Nice hiccup, Max. This is a good hiccup. That was a good hiccup.

You, you act like that was the first time you've heard me hiccup.

No, it was a good hiccup.

I—

that was a good hiccup. Uh, let's do our Mount Rushmore. Mount Rushmore is brought to you by our friend at— friends at Reese's. Reese's are the best candy in the world. If we did a Mount Rushmore of candy, Reese's would be number one. Listen, we went last night— you'll hear a little bit of, uh, it in the Gruden interview because Zach came back from the grocery store. I told him I needed some ice cream. Guess what he also brought back? Some Reese's Pieces. He brought back some Reese's. He brought back— we have Reese's sticks in the fridge, which are so good. Little snap to them. Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, the GOAT candy. They're the best candy out there. They're like the Carolina Hurricanes. They're like the New York Knicks. They're like the Spain national team. They're the best of the best. They're the champions in candy. We love Reese's. We're eating it all the time because Reese's makes the best candy. Reese's, the official candy partner of Barstool Sports. Go to— go get Reese's wherever you shop. Top today. Okay, listen, we've, uh, we've been, we've been running around, we're on the road, so we're like, hey, let's do a Mount Rushmore, maybe a little right down the middle.

Everyone can, uh, no Google, but everyone can, can think of stuff. So we're doing the Mount Rushmore purple things in honor of JJ McCarthy. Uh, right now the standings are, uh, Big Cat Memes Max 47, PFT 35, Hank and Zach 32. Hank also Here's— he's coming back. 32 for Hank and Zach. Uh, Mount Rushmore of purple things. Who has the first pick? So we pick second, and I believe PFT picks first. Okay. Pick Bacon third.

I took Bacon the— yeah, third overall. He's first, so I get to go first.

By the way, PFT just played out loud last night when we were sitting here the the pizza toppings, Mount Rushmore, because it came across his algorithm and it was— got quiet in this room.

Yeah. Hank got pretty upset.

I felt awkward. You didn't get upset, but I didn't say anything.

I felt— I didn't say anything. I could have cared less. It was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, don't play that.

I didn't want to play it.

It was—

it was me.

I was not upset.

It was all the time.

I didn't—

I didn't say a word.

To be honest with you, I had forgotten because I don't listen back to it. I had forgotten that Hank had cheated at that Mount Rushmore by having Bubba make his picks for him. And he was confessing to us that Bubba made the picks when we confessed that we threw them out.

Rush double confession.

It was double confession. It was a great moment.

Double confession.

Yeah, that's, that's what happened.

Just guys being honest.

Yeah, that was talking. That was, that's what the clip said.

Yeah.

Purple things. Hank and Zach, do you guys feel like you have a good handle on it?

Yeah.

Okay, good.

Extremely purple.

Good.

All right. PFT, you have the first pick. Purple things.

I'm gonna take grape jelly number 1.

And by the way, again, we did no Google, so we're definitely gonna miss some very obvious— for sure, like super obvious ones.

Grape jelly. I thought about other grape things. I think grape jelly is truly the iconic purple grape thing.

Yeah, I'd agree.

Nothing like a grape jelly Uncrustable too.

Uh, okay, I think our one—

our one-one will definitely get in the second round, but do you think that we could get— do you think that there's a chance that they pick 17 in the first?

I don't know. All right, yeah, take 17, but it looks worse taking— no, fuck it.

Should we?

Yeah, do it.

We're gonna go Taco Bell.

Taco Bell. It's purple.

What's purple?

The logo and everything's purple.

The app.

You want to take Taco Bell out? We let— in full disclosure, we did not Google. We did struggle with this without Google, Max. We just started looking what apps are purple. Taco Bell.

I do have the Taco Bell app on my phone.

It is from— I just—

it's purple.

I just Googled Taco Bell.

Taco Bell app is purple.

This is Taco Bell.

Yeah, that's purple.

Purple.

That— do you want to see what color?

What color is that?

Taco Bell?

It's purple.

It's purple.

It's very Taco Bell's purple. I think it's a good pick. What do you— do you want to see?

I mean, I don't know what else.

It's a good pick. It doesn't matter because we're gonna be out.

It's a good pick.

So like, if, if it was Mount Rushmore of golden things and we took McDonald's, that would be—

yeah.

We have a few more apps. Good way that came from.

I didn't think about looking at apps.

Yeah.

So I just started scrolling through my phone.

We came up with like 11 purple things and like 4 of them were like, ah, so we're like, we gotta find some more.

Okay, all right, uh, we have the 2 we wanted. Yeah, Purple Haze and Transfusions.

Oh, good pick, good pick, good picks. Purple Haze being weed.

Okay. Oh, okay, okay.

Not—

we're not drug guys.

No. Yeah, but if we were, Purple Heart is good.

Uh, good audible there because we will now take Purple Heart, the medal. I mean, thank you to all of our troops. Chaps, thank you for your service. Yeah, I mean, it's the highest medal you can get, is it not?

Yep.

Yeah, good.

Yeah, great pick.

Good pick.

Thank you.

Probably shouldn't have fallen.

Well, we didn't think you were gonna think of the troops.

No, we didn't. Yeah, hand up.

That was— Max made a smart move. PFT was gonna probably think of the troops, but you guys weren't.

What I was thinking is, what are, what are the chances that Hank thinks of Taco Bell or Purple Heart?

Taco Bell.

I was sure that Hank could have taken—

wrap my head around Taco Bell, but, but yeah, that—

would you not say that you would think of Taco Bell before the troops?

Yeah, I didn't think of either of them, so—

but which one do you think of more? Which one do you think of more?

Taco Bell.

Yeah, I think of the troops.

More.

That's good, good pick.

I'm gonna take, um, Shock just made it back to me, um, Purple Rain.

Yep, I was hoping we were gonna get it with our next Purple Rain.

I think, I think it might be the best song.

We could have taken Taco Bell so late.

No, we could have taken Purple— we could have taken Purple— I think we could have taken Purple Heart later.

No, PFT said he had Purple Heart.

I was gonna go Purple Heart, Purple Rain.

Yeah, I was hoping to go Purple Heart.

No, PFT was definitely gonna get part. Okay, good pick. We had it.

Don't do it, PFT.

Do it, PFT.

Don't do it.

Do it. There's not a lot of purple things. I know, I know.

I'm running low.

Do it.

Um, we might have it on our list, so if you don't do it, we're going to do it.

I'mma take I'm gonna take Purple Haze, the song by Jimi Hendrix. Okay, I thought that's where Hank was going.

So it will say Purple Haze parentheses the song. Is that fair?

Sure.

Okay, I think it's, uh, it's one of the songs changed rock music.

What's another song?

Or the rest of our purple things suck.

I like Uh, 14.

All right. Uh, purple Doritos, my favorite Dorito.

Really good Doritos.

That's a good pick.

Yeah.

Which flavor is that?

Uh, it's like the sweet chili.

Yeah, sweet and spicy chili.

Yeah, it's really good. Really fucking good.

Uh, we're gonna go with Vince Carter Raptors jersey.

Oh, we had it!

Pick!

Good pick!

We had it!

Zach, I didn't think that. I didn't think—

there's not a lot of purple things. Yeah, so Vince Carter's Raptors jersey definitely is on the list.

What do you think? You think 8, or do you think the, the bottom, the question mark?

Yeah.

Yeah, we're gonna go with wine.

Oh, that's a— wow, we didn't even have wine on our list.

Well, no.

Well, I thought about wine.

If Calcasieu is purple, then so is wine.

How would you—

it's red.

What kind of wine are you talking about?

I think wine is purple.

No, it's literally called red wine.

Like, I think you may need to put red wine on, on the list.

It's wine, dude.

Red wine is purple.

Or you have to put purple.

Here's the question, Max.

The expression is, let's open up some grape. What color are grapes?

I think they're—

no, they say let's open up some red wine.

No, it's let's open up So you should put purple wine. No, just wine.

Red. I'll give you red wine.

I think it's white grapes and red grapes, right?

Because white wine certainly isn't purple. Red wine, you could make the argument, is purple.

I think that's the argument.

I think it's wine.

Hold on, the pick is—

I'm Googling it.

Red wine is a good pick.

Wine can be purple-red.

Yeah, red wine.

Half the scale of wine colors is like deep purple.

Okay, what about—

I'm just going off color wheel.

I'm not like—

but Somalia— I'm not Somali either, but this is—

yeah, I think, I think wine might be purple.

Yeah, no, red wine's purple.

Taco Bell's purple and white. You would— you want to take the outer rim of the Taco Bell app?

Like, it's all— it's actually like—

well, I mean, purple, purple, the logo is purple and green. Are you just—

no, I know I get straight purp.

No, you don't. Yeah, you definitely have green on your purp. No, no, no, you do.

No, not that.

Yeah, that's—

you show me a picture of your Show me a picture of your straight purp. There's definitely other colors in there.

Nope, 100% orange hairs.

Show me it, show me it, show me, show me Purple Haze, show me the straight purp that you're, that you're smoking, and I'll, I'll agree with you.

I agree that red wine is purple.

Okay, red wine is purple.

It is red wine. What are you doing? Red wine is a good thing.

Oh, what's that green? What's that yellow?

That's purple.

Yeah, yeah, that's, that's other colors. So red wine is the pick.

Wine. Now they can have wine.

Red wine.

Red wine.

Some people might not know that it's not about red wine though.

It's true, huh?

They might think he's talking about white wine.

They'll be like, yeah, they'll be like, wow, wine. No, why? Red wine is definitely purple, but it is, it is, it is red wine.

What the fuck do we do now, boys?

Um, 1. Yeah, 5 is funny.

5 is funny. 1.

5. 1 is weird.

7, 8. Come on, James, get in the fight, get in the fight. I think 8. You want to go 8? Yeah.

Well, no, no, no, he's biased.

He is biased. No, this is a very well-recognized thing. He is well recognized.

Sounds like he's biased.

All right, take it.

Well, you could also do—

what about 4?

He wants to do 13.

Oh wow. Nah, nah, no, nah, we'll get some—

maybe we'll get some votes just because of me. Yeah, all right, we'll do Grimace. Grimace. Grimace is very purple. He's as purple as it gets. Yeah, couldn't be more purple. You okay with that? Because his eyes I think might be white.

It's fine.

Yeah, you sure?

Yeah.

Okay, we're not— we're not taking Red Grimace, we're taking Grimace.

Okay. Yeah.

You guys taking the shake or the character?

I forgot about the Grimace shake.

We're taking the character, but we should have taken the shake. All right, they already— they're out of picks. They took red wine. Yeah, all right, it happens.

Um, I'm gonna go with the eggplant emoji.

Okay, it's a good pick.

Eggplant emoji.

Gotta get horny somewhere.

Yeah, I mean, it's, it's iconic, literally.

On the graphic, do you want it to be the—

I want the, the actual emoji itself. Yeah, yeah, that's fine. Is that okay?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm cool with that. Okay, all right, things we missed. I thought you were gonna take Purple Hoser.

I had—

you're not a big Purple Hoser fan?

I had him on the list.

You would have taken him if you were—

Purple Hoser from Dude Perfect.

Yeah, Purple Nurple.

Yeah, that's what we didn't know if you were gonna argue about it. Purple Nerple.

No, it's a good pick. Okay, way more purple than, than red wine. Taco Bell.

Yeah, red wine.

I had purple drink.

Purple.

I mean, purple drink. We had Vikings helmet.

Yeah, yeah.

I don't understand what Hank is not understanding about Taco Bell logo being purple.

Well, you took this Taco Bell.

Yeah, it's purple.

It's purple.

Talk about the logo. You But you just took a restaurant.

Do you want to just do the logo like PFT's doing the eggplant emoji?

Yeah.

Do you want to put the logo in there?

Yeah, we could do the logo.

Just order Taco Bell logo.

I'll do that if you do red wine. I'm willing to make that trade.

Well, no, it should be Taco Bell app.

No, I like logo, but logo is, is better.

So you guys take red wine, we take Taco Bell logo.

You like that trade, Zach?

If you're on, I'm in.

Okay, deal.

He does not like that trade. His eyes lit up. That's not fair. That's not fair. Zach, stand up.

I'm in on that trade. I'm in on that trade.

Um, okay. Ravens purple camo pants.

Yep, had it. Thought you were gonna take it.

Yep.

Sweet potatoes.

Yeah, people forget. Eggplant.

Uh, onions.

The food.

Shane, sorry.

Oh yeah, purple onions.

Game.

Donatello.

Red Onions would have been a good pick.

Red Onions would have been a good pick. Uh, Barney the Dinosaur.

Yeah.

Yep.

Uh, I think that's all. Max said that was weird. No, you just said that Barney's not weird. Barney's a very popular children's character.

Did Barney do something to you?

No, Barney was my guy.

No, I'm telling Max, like, why is— how's Barney weird?

Max hates Barney. Um, the list: JJ Redick and Barney.

The, uh, Apple Podcast app.

Mm-hmm.

That was, that was in our app search.

The iMovie app, the Soundboard app, the Twitch app, uh, Wayfair, the Shopify app, nugs.net. Nugs. I have the iTunes Store. I got Nugs.

I'm looking.

Yeah, uh, Moonshot, whatever that was.

Oh, TouchTunes.

No, TouchTunes. Yeah, that would have been a big miss. Uh, the James Madison Dukes Discord.

TCU's Horned Frogs. Uh, that's purple.

Lavender.

I said Willy Wonka, but they said he's a creep.

What?

He wears like a big purple, like, uh, he wears a purple suit and hat. He's kind of a creep.

Orchids.

Yeah, I mean, you have to admit, tulips. Willy Wonka. Let's If we—

in today's internet, a lot of good flowers.

Yeah, in today's internet, Willy Wonka would definitely have like some dudes rolling up on him at the grocery store and being like, hey, you're a pedophile. Yeah, I mean, he did a contest to invite a bunch of kids to his factory. Yeah, great point. Yeah, um, like that one— do you guys remember that one pedophile hunters video where the guys threw a pumpkin at the guy's head?

Yeah, yeah.

That's crazy.

That's pretty good.

That was crazy. Uh, all right, uh, what else? Purple Rain, Future's mixtape.

That's a much better pick.

Wait, you thought of it? I just Googled it now. We were just sitting there and Meme just kept on saying, what's the Future thing? And Max and I were like, we don't know. He's like, we can't use Google. And we're like, we don't know what you're talking about, dude. He's like, there's a Future.

Sure.

So yeah, that— it's a really good mixtape. It's a really good mixtape. You should check it out. Uh, I think that's everything.

Mewtwo. Pokémon.

Oh, GameCube.

What did you say?

Mewtwo.

Mewtwo.

Mewtwo feels pretty purple.

I didn't know what music—

Pokémon.

YouTube.

Thoughts on the frosted animal crackers?

What?

Frosted animal crackers?

Yeah, yeah, those are good.

Those are good.

What about like grape Jolly Ranchers?

Yeah, grape soda.

Lean.

I had purple drink. Yeah, um, that's purple. We— that's a tough color to do. Waluigi.

There's a—

there's a movie, but that was another one we couldn't think of.

Yeah, Color Purple.

Color Purple. Yeah, we did— none of us had seen it, so whoops.

So not— not really a light watch.

Okay.

Pretty intense.

Are you going to see Stand By Me before partial camp?

I guess.

All right.

So that's a no.

I will. Again.

Again for a second time.

All right.

Good. Mount Rushmore. All right. We got Jon Gruden and then we're going to finish with Pardon Your Take.

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Okay, we now welcome on two very special guests. It's Coach Jon Gruden, our good friend, and, uh, his lackey, his, uh, errand boy, Jake Malicek, who he might not say anything, but I want— I love having Malicek around.

How—

let's start with that. How, how's Malicek doing? He's 2 years into the job.

Yeah.

How's he doing? We're gonna talk football, but how's he doing overall?

You know, Big Cat, I've had this philosophy many years. You either get better or worse. You don't stay the same. Jake is getting better.

Okay.

I mean, his technical— technological skills are unbelievable.

Yep.

Work ethic has improved and improved. We've had one incident. He missed a flight.

Oh, what happened there?

We disciplined him. Dozen.

Oh.

But other than that, he's been stellar. He's gotten better. You know, good attitude and very good work ethic and creativity. Imagination is very, very impressive.

What about some of the rumors and allegations that occasionally there will be a tweet or something posted from your account and it's very much pro-UVA? Yeah, or very much pro-lacrosse. Yeah, it's a good point. It might be ghostwritten by Jake Malicek and not necessarily signed off by—

he has just a random highlight of Jake Malicek playing beer league hockey.

Exactly. He's encouraged me to coach the beer league hockey team. I have become a lacrosse fan, so he has helped me transition into a bigger perspective in life. But it's all been cool, man. It's all been very good and rejuvenating for me.

Okay. The very important question, if you— and we love you at Barstool, we never want you to leave because I really do think you at Barstool has been like just home run, incredible. Your buy-in, just every being around you talking football, it's just the best. But if let's just say hypothetically you got a job coaching football again, Is Jake Malicek going with you?

Jake would be the first guy gone, man. You— you know, you're— you're untouchable. You two guys are untouchable. Malicek— I had a coach's assistant who set the travel for the team. You know, he helped put the schedules in place. He thought outside the box, gave me some creative ideas. You got to have another guy.

Yeah.

It's like your eyes in the back of your head. A guy that can help motivate you and encourage you. You got to have that guy. Well, he's in— he's part of my family. This is like an adopted son now.

Okay.

So, I mean, he's become a very valuable asset to my wife and I and my sons.

I love to hear that. Where would you rank Justin Herbert in your top 100 players right now?

He's not in my top 100 until— until they win a playoff game. I'm just not happy with the yellow pants. He knows how I feel about their uniforms. I hate the Chargers to start with.

Can't ask.

My least favorite team. Between the Falcons and the Chargers for obvious reasons. I cannot stand the uniforms. And that's the only thing that irritates me about Jake is his allegiance to the Chargers.

But he doesn't even have—

he—

when the Top 100 came out, Maleszek, I think Justin Herbert was ranked 39th and Maleszek said 38 spots too high.

Oh wait, so that means he should have been 77.

Let's have Jake answer these. I mean, go ahead.

I debated that phrasing for an hour.

And you still got it wrong. You lost yourself.

You blew it.

You lost that time.

He's higher up on the list than one.

Uh, Coach, let me ask you this. Have you ever had a quarterback that, uh, that canoodles with his girlfriend after practice?

I have not had that.

Okay.

Yeah, what did you think? Is it too much canoodling?

I just think there's a time and a place for this.

Yeah.

You know, I think—

Yeah.

I don't know. I have a real— I'm an old-school coach.

Mm-hmm.

It's not the old time anymore. I understand that part.

You're a Joe Burrow fan, though, yeah?

They had a little bit more separation. They weren't canoodling the same, uh, strength.

Just saying.

Okay, Chargers, we're talking about the new offensive coordinator's shoes and his pants he wears instead of the real shit that matters, you know. And that's typical for Malicek and where he comes from. He's, he's had a silver spoon in his mouth quite A long time. Very, very—

let's talk about some of the stuff that matters with the Chargers. Yeah, I know you hate the uniform, you hate the canoodling, you hate the Malessek fixation, but when it comes to the offense, I, I feel like McDaniel's been a pretty good offensive coordinator in the past. Like, his, his offenses, even in when he was a head coach in Miami and going back to the times in, in San Francisco, the man can coach offense. So I think there's reason to believe in him.

Well, I mean, his first year they were number 1 in the league in offense, right? 70 points against the Denver Broncos. Everybody remembers that. But it's been a slow decline every year. They paid Tua $250 million under his watch, and Tua was kicked out of town. So you have to take responsibility where responsibility is due. And the bottom line is they didn't get better. They got worse for whatever the reason. And I'm just saying, it just sounds like we're talking uniforms. Girlfriends combing their hair, coaches and their shoes and their capri pants they wear. Instead of Joe Alt at right tackle, is he healthy? Christian Slater, is he going to come off the ball and maul people? Is the new center going to kick people's ass? And I want to know about O'Marian Hampton. What happened to all these Chargers? Yeah, that got hurt last year. Every player was hurt.

These are all good points.

I want to know.

Yeah. All right.

So I have a question. For you about training camp, because we're deep into training camp right now. As a football coach, and you coached a Super Bowl-winning team, you coached some teams that, you know, finished not great. How quickly can a coach figure out like, this is a special team, or holy shit, we're going to be in for it this year?

We're going to get—

we're going to be uphill battle all year long.

I think pretty quick.

Is it like the first week of training camp that you're like, all right, we don't have the guys, or we got them?

I think after you go through the OTAs before training camp starts, you know, we got a pretty good team. Yeah, we got some depth. We got some guys that can rush the passer and close out the game on defense. We got a quarterback, we got some continuity, we have a good staff, we have some mental toughness. We have what we need to really be a factor every week in late in the season. So I think you got a pretty good idea or you're a coach that says, holy cow, man, it's a problem. You know, we got to develop this. We got to put this fire out. We hope this comes through. And, you know, that's, that's the reality of several teams that I know of right now.

And in terms of mental toughness, what is— how do you like gain it as a team? Is it just trial by fire? Is it you have to go through the wars to get that mental toughness, or is it something that you can, you know, simulate, so to speak, in training camp to get them to a point where it's like this team now feels mentally tough?

I think you got to coach it. I think you got to really talk about misery and adversity. They're our best friend. You got to let your guy— we love when we're behind. We love when it's hot. We love the negativity in the media. You got to really train your team and talk about adversity. And it really does help when you have a nucleus of players that are badasses, that you know are savages, that will be there for you when you're down 10 points when the fourth quarter starts. Yeah, guys that are clutch. I call them grinders, Gruden grinders. They're versatile. They're, they can adapt, they're relentless, they're clutch, and, and they're mentally tough. And some guys are and some guys aren't. And the way we're training young people now is a concern because they're taking the best offer, they're transferring colleges. But I think you got to recruit that, you got to develop that, you got to have that if you're going to be a championship team.

It's J.K. Gruden grinder. He is a grinder without these.

Yeah, that's right.

I give Malasek a hard time. I, I do love him and I think he works very hard.

I think we need to turn this conversation— you see that book right there? Yeah, look at these two rock stars.

I wrote a book.

I wrote a book.

Can you believe it?

Worry. Yeah, we— the only thing we worry about is we're in Florida. We're just a branch. The Barstool is like this huge redwood tree, and we're just a little tiny branch off to the right.

Important.

You two guys, you're mighty—

you're the big reason that I, I really wanted to come here. I mean, I, I like the way we do things. Yeah, but now I see this coming off the Portnoy book. I know, and I've started to think, I don't know, man, is this— is this—

are we a book company now?

Have you written a book?

Well, after we won the Super Bowl, yeah. Okay, hold on, is this— what is the book?

What is—

what is the genesis?

I like that.

Every—

you like everything about Barstool, but now you're like, well, this might be too many books.

How many times did you use the one vowel in there that The I vowel. How many I? We're gonna count 'em.

We did a lot of we.

How many I's?

We did do a lot of we.

It's actually, I would say it's probably way more we than I in that book.

And it also, listen, it wasn't the easiest task to write a book. We're not the smartest guys.

I mean, me and Jake, we flew in, we had a tough flight, we got bombarded, we had delays. We're on this show and the first thing we see is that.

That book.

Book staring you in the face.

Well, it's book week next week. So we gotta get everyone ready. Buy on Amazon. Could we get an explanation?

Like, what is this book about? 10-year anniversary.

10-year anniversary. 10 years of doing Pardon My Take. So essentially, it's actually a great promo. Thank you for doing this. Uh, how to create a number one podcast for 10 years. Uh, and they're very specific, uh, rules like, you know, uh, have Kyle Wilcher come on the show and say that Adam Morrison has an apocalypse bunker within the first few months. Like, things that you can definitely repeat for all the young podcasters out there. But no, it's cool. It's, it's, it's our— it's PFT, our relationship When we first met, getting Hank involved, Barstool Van Talk, COVID. And then we got a bunch of our favorite people, uh, right in who've been on the show for a decade. You know, JJ Watt, Scott Van Pelt, all these guys wrote chapters.

So we got these guys— Memes Max wrote a chapter, Hank wrote a chapter.

Yeah, I have my 10 rules to gambling in there.

I did a list, uh, top 10 list of the best fullbacks of all time.

I did my parenting advice.

And that's all $3.99.

Yep, there it is.

You can steal it.

There it is.

And we got—

don't worry, we got This book is meant to be read on the shitter because we made the chapters as small as— short as possible, uh, quick stories. So it's not gonna hurt anyone.

The pages are soft, so if you run out of TP, just rip it out.

We actually made it a toilet paper page.

Yeah, that's awesome.

Yeah, yeah, specifically.

I encourage everybody to get that book.

Thank you, thank you.

I remember the first time I got on your show, honestly, and it was like, you have to come on at 3 o'clock or we can't get you on for another 7 and a half weeks. I mean, people don't understand, it is hard to get on this show.

Yeah, that's right.

And I mean, there's, there's political people, there's hotshots from different walks of life. Yeah. What you guys have done for 10 years, it's—

thank you.

Thanks. We need to try to—

yeah, more to go.

We need to try to do more.

And we are— and, and we're a testament to you can do it, uh, you can have this success by being— still be mentally weak, because we are mentally weak. Yeah, we'll fold shop the the minute we hit adversity. If we hit a little adversity, we'll be like, all right, we'll try again tomorrow.

I'm looking forward to seeing how you, uh, you and your brother doing the podcast. Are you guys gonna do a podcast together? What's, what's going on?

Yeah, we're having our own show, kind of like the show we did last year with Fred Smoot.

Yep, a lot of football.

Casey's gonna come down, be the host.

Love it.

Jake's gonna help produce it, and Tom. And we're going to try to give the fans some real technical stuff a little bit. We're also going to switch gears and try to make funny. We're gonna try to make it like a team meeting, you know, stir the emotions, try to make you laugh, try to get you fired up, tick you off, but try to make it really hard, hardcore football and try to share, share the game with the fans.

I love that.

All right, so let's talk some football. Which team are you highest on right now when you're going through all your previews and you're, and you're, and you're breaking down each division? Which team are you looking at and you're like, you know what, this team, I feel like this might be a special I mean, you can't, you can't go against Seattle.

They have everybody back.

Yeah.

That guy McDonald's a hell of a coach. They didn't lose a lot of players. The guys they did lose, they tried to replace in the draft. John Schneider, the GM, he just continues to add to his Hall of Fame resume. Every move he makes is a great move. But the Rams, it's almost like the Dodgers. Do they have a salary cap?

Yeah.

I mean, how would you know? People say, Gruden, you didn't want Khalil Mack. Bullshit. You know, a lot of it has to do with the financial implications that you don't have control of over as, as a coach. But for them to get Miles Garrett, Trent McDuffie, and then go get Jalen Watson, the other starting corner.

Yeah.

And now Aaron Donald's working out.

Yeah.

And you already have a $60 million quarterback who you restructured again. You got Davante Adams. I mean, they got a lot of great players. I don't know how they're not in it. The Super Bowl's in L.A. I think you got to go with the Rams, Seahawks. In the NFC Championship on a rewind. And in the AFC, I think it's any wide open—

it's wide open.

I don't know what Joe Brady and Buffalo's gonna do. They added some defensive players. I like Denver, they got everybody back.

Yep.

You got Mahomes and Andy Reid, they're just kind of waiting in the wings. But I think the AFC is a lot more wide open than the NFC.

What do you think?

You mentioned the, uh, the Seahawks and how they're bringing just about everybody back. Kenneth Walker is one piece that they're not bringing back. Super Bowl MVP, helped them win the Super Bowl. Then the team gets sold for, what, $9 billion? And they're like, yeah, see you later. Adios. We'll send you a ring. Hope you enjoy the Super Bowl ring, but we can't give you another contract. Probably made hundreds of millions of dollars. Just the fact that they won the Super Bowl and equity for, for the people that sold. But he was a big part of that offense, especially Charbonnet goes down. And he looks like, yeah, he can be the bell cow back there. How big of an impact is that going to be on the Seahawks?

I think it is big, but they re-signed Charles Cross at left tackle. They gave Jackson Smith-Njigba big money. He's great. They gave Rasheed Shaheed a ton of money.

They drafted the kid from Notre Dame.

Drafted behind Jeremiah Love. They got this kid named Emmanuel Wilson from Green Bay. He was an understudy to Josh Jacobs. But he has 1,000 yards the last 2 years. And if you have a great— they got a great offensive line now. They got a good offensive line. They got a very good tight end that can block. So I think Seattle's in a good space. Kenneth Walker and Charbonnet shared the backfield. They shared the snaps. Charbonnet will be back week 6 or week 7. Yeah, but Kenneth Walker's a good back. He's obviously not real happy in Kansas City. He seems to be fighting every week with his teammates. Yeah, he's a hell of a back.

So when it comes to, um, to teams that you've coached over the years, has there been a team that you've gotten it wrong on in training camp where you thought either this team was going to be, you know, it's going to be a long season, we're going to have to scrap it out, we don't have the guys, or conversely, a team that you were very, very high on, everything looked great, that you can look back and be like, I had that wrong for some reason, and it ended up the expectation was completely different from reality once the once the meaningful game started?

Well, after we won the Super Bowl in Tampa, I thought we were going to come back and repeat. I really did. We had everybody back. We had a really good team. But you lose Mike Alstott and Joe Jurevicius on the same play for the season in the second game of the year. You lose Shelton Quarles, your middle linebacker, on a punt drill during practice. You know, injuries— that next man up stuff they talk about, that's a crock of crap. Yeah, you know, like if you go out, if you miss a week of work, Pete This show you have isn't as good. If he misses a week, it's not as good. You know, you can't replace the top flight guys.

It is not—

here goes, call, everything's fine. You know, Max, I know the Mount Rushmore was bad. Yeah, but you know exactly what I'm saying. There are certain guys on this team, the Philadelphia Eagles, they lose Lane Johnson.

Yeah.

And all of a sudden, you know, Hurts isn't seeing things the same way. You know, the running plays don't look the same off the right side. You don't replace certain guys. You don't replace Simeon Rice. You don't replace All-Stat Drew Brees. You just don't replace them like that.

Did you do any QB tiers in the offseason? Do we have QB tiers from Coach Gruden? Do you want to maybe give it to us? Your top 5 in the whole league? Yeah, whole league.

Well, I, you know, the top 5 quarterbacks— Stafford's amazing. I mean, when you look at the tape, I swear to God, I'm looking at that twisted tee right there. He'll throw it over there and hit Hank right in the nuts. Stafford's throws, his, his ability in the pocket can make, can make you just gasp for breath. He's phenomenal. I love Joe Burrow. I'm not going to, you know, I'm not going to— I love Josh Allen. I love those guys.

You know, what about a— All right, so let me— because these are, these are the normal—

I love Mahomes.

What about a quarterback that you think might make a leap deep this year?

I think Caleb Williams.

I mean, he might have made it last year. You, you didn't believe in him. You finally came around.

I did believe in him.

You finally came around.

I believe in their coach. Yeah, I think their coach is a hell of a coach. I don't know who the line coach is. Yeah, you know, the best thing I've seen the whole offseason— because I like to study what's really bad and what's really good. Really bad, what the hell are they doing? And what's really good, why, why is it so good? The coolest thing I saw was the Chicago Bears running game. Game. You know, you needed to really dig into it, how they block the backside. You need to really get to know Jackson and Darnell Wright on there. They should put Darnell Wright under investigation for killing people. This guy comes off the ball and he kicks people's ass. I love that. And this Manungai guy— yeah, get me Manungai. I'd take 4 Manungais on my team. He runs like it's the last play of his life. Uh, I, I love their tight ends. They can use 3 at a time. I really think old school football is coming back into play.

I agree.

The Rams are under the center. The Seattle Seahawks are under the center. The Bears are under the center and they're smashing people and their play-action passing game is top notch.

Did you see that Ben Johnson slept? He got caught sleeping over in the office in like June, I believe. Not even during training camp.

Would that—

how often were you doing that?

I don't know. It sounds logical to me, though. Yeah. You know, when you, when you are really in your, in your wheelhouse, I think he's got the personnel. He's got a Dunzay, this, this Luther guy. Yeah, uh, from Missouri they got. He's a— he's like their new Amon-Ra St. Brown. I mean, this guy's— he's a savage, man. He'll go in there and block. He's quick. He can get down the seam. He can run double moves. They have a hell of a team. This, this kid they got from Michigan, uh, Colson Loveland. Colson Loveland.

The defense, the defense. Can you get a pass rush?

Do they have the fourth quarter pass rush? Close you out. Yeah. Now they They did show it a lot, but can they go to LA? Could they go to LA in the NFC Championship Game and beat the Rams in that dome? Yeah, that's a totally different story.

Yeah, yeah. Uh, let me— who's coming in here? Uh, Zach's coming out with the ice cream because you forgot the ice cream earlier.

Zach, why don't you swap out with Malicek after you get the groceries?

Like to hear what you— yeah, walk us through what you got. Actually bring the groceries over.

Well, no, put the ice cream.

Well, I want to say— I want to hear his explanation.

I don't want the ice cream. It's probably melting right now big time.

Okay, um, good point. Coach, uh, last year Patriots make the Super Bowl.

Do you—

was last year a flash in the pan? Were they a product of the schedule, or are you believing that the, uh, the Patriots are going to be back making it deep run this year?

I, I think the quarterback is a great player. You know, you were talking quarterbacks, he's got to be in the top 5. I mean, he's— he's in the top 5.

Top 5. I think you have 10 guys in your top.

I gave you 4, you didn't let me. So you put—

you Drake May. So Lamar Jackson out?

Well, right now, I mean, wow. Okay, Lamar's been injured. Lamar, you know, I love Lamar, but when you look at Drake May, man, I mean, this guy runs for 800 yards. This guy's got mobility, man. And he, he has Josh McDaniels. And when you add AJ Brown to the mix, watch out now. AJ's not going to be standing over there reading a book on the left side of the formation. He's going to be in motion. They're going to put him in.

There's a problem in Philly.

Daniels Wants to take this trade.

You're not gonna have a mic.

He wants to trade up everybody's you-know-what. Yeah, he wants to prove, okay, I'll show you what I can do with a great—

yeah. So Zach, come on in.

I, I think before Zach, real quick, one of the most interesting stories, at least in the AFC to me, is the Texans, because the defense is as good as we've seen in a very long time. Like, just absolute killers on that defense. Yeah, CJ Stroud, when he gets to the league, it lit the world on fire for a year. And then it just hasn't looked the same. Are you buying long-term CJ Stroud? Do you think that he's as good as what we saw his rookie year, or do you think it's going to be— and it might be, their defense might be good enough to win with him just being a game manager.

Like, is he—

do you expect him to take another step, or is his ceiling like, yeah, he might be just a good game manager?

That's a great point. I think he's one of the biggest decisions of the year in the NFL. I mean, when you watch that Patriots game, from the very first play. What the hell's going on here, right? It didn't look— it didn't look like it was championship level throwing the ball. And other than Nico Collins, you know, who is their skill guys? I know they got David Montgomery now.

Tank Dell is back.

Well, he hasn't played in 2 years. Yeah, you know, let's, let's see, you know, can they go outside the dome and win with their offense? Can they come from behind when they're down by 10? They will inevitably have to prove that Stroud and this offense can win the game. I just think there's so many quarterbacks in the AFC. You can start in the AFC West and go across the land. I am— I have not seen him get better. I've seen him level off and it is a concern for me if I'm the Texans.

All right.

Question for you from a coaching philosophy standpoint. You got a— let's, let's say you got a young star player and they're young and they're in— they have all the promise in the world. Okay. And you're trying to get them to do one thing specifically and you tell them over and over, hey, you got to do this thing. And they keep messing up that one thing. How many times do you let them mess up that one thing before you're like, all right, we got to find something else?

Well, then they're not a star player.

Well, no, but they are.

They are.

Well, very rarely do you have that conversation with— you're talking about a star player. You know, they, they solve the mystery pretty quick.

Okay.

But if it's a repeated mistake and you're forcing the ball into cover 2 or you're not seeing the checks or you're missing wide flares or not buying the ice cream for the house— I've said it a long time. There's a big difference between good and great. You know this better than anybody. There's a great show that you've had and there's a good show, but there's a big difference.

Yeah.

Like, all right, maybe if there's a guy that, like, showed up to training camp in a hot air balloon you thought this guy was going to hang them.

He was a great player though, but then he was a great player. I would have done anything for that guy. That guy, yeah, I was in love with Antonio. I was in love with him, but I, I felt he's a bit of a character, but if I put him in our locker room, got him around our system, I thought he could make everything dance. I thought we could live a long life together. And listen, I was wrong.

Yeah, that's what we're going through right now with Zach.

I mean, Zach is, you know how great a player— well, you drafted him, coach. I I've told Zach one thing: when we go on the road, I need ice cream in the freezer. I got back today from a long day, there was no ice cream in the freezer.

Well, that's not good, Zach.

Not at all.

What's your answer for that?

Go get the ice cream, you know.

But even though you're in the middle of nowhere and you don't know where you are, you've never been here and you've never driven the car, you don't know where the car is, and Dan wants his ice cream, what do you How do you handle that pressure?

We find the most capable guy behind the wheel and we, we hitch a ride and we go find that.

And then you did. So he did. What'd you get?

Uh, we got a— so we, uh, ran the ball a little bit. We went, uh, cookies and cream, cookie dough, we went, uh, chocolate, and then we also got, uh, uh, mint chip.

Oh, he feels like— crushed it, Zach.

And then just like some sprinkles and some Reese's Pieces, you know, just like a little—

see, he always, he always delivers. It just might take a little bit of time.

I'm speechless.

I, I, uh, do you ever look at him and you think like, that's, that's the one that got away?

We do watch that quite a bit back in Tampa, and we're so proud of you because he's from Florida.

Yeah, he's a Bucs fan through and through.

Yeah, we're gonna try to work them out where he can come back and be a part of our—

well, that's tampering. You're tampering.

Yeah, you're tampering. And also, I don't know if you like ice cream, but you won't have any in your freezer if you bring them back.

He's one that got away. You know, you, you feel good as a coach when you discover somebody, you develop the guy, his contract, you know, somebody else takes him from you, but you feel great for his success.

Yeah. And he is the, he is the best.

I give him a hard time. The excitement that we have for you and your career.

That was a terrible one.

Pound it again. You're going to be sitting in one of these chairs soon.

Pound it again, Zach.

You are.

Run that back. There we go.

I also will say that, like, I like to give him a hard time just on a trivial real thing like ice cream. He doesn't mess up important things. So yeah, I just need my ice cream. Zach, do you have a question for Coach about football?

I do. Uh, I know later this month, uh, you and Ronnie Barber are gonna be back in the booth. Uh, what are your thoughts— any thoughts going into that? Have you done any preparation to get back on the mic and call the game? And, uh, how's it— how you feeling going into that?

I'm really nervous, honestly. Thanks for asking. But we, uh, August 17th are having our first real production meeting on your birthday. Yep.

Wow.

PFT!

There you go.

Birthday present. We all have our favorite. We all have our favorite player. And my favorite player was always Ronde Barber. But who's the play-by-play guy? There is a cadence. It's second and seven. Here comes the Chiefs. Garrett Nussbaumer hands the ball off. So there is a certain degree of, you know, who's, who's dribbling the ball, who's— when are we passing it? We've never been together live in a booth. But we are celebrating. We are part of the Buccaneers broadcast.

That's awesome.

And Chris Myers is the play-by-play guy. He's a great play-by-play guy. He can't be there. And I'm filling in for Chris Myers technically, but I'm not Chris Myers. I'm— yeah, I'm a color guy. I've always been over there like, yeah, it was a good pass.

Yeah.

You know, nice catch by, by Katz.

But now eating a banana out of a—

out of a—

but we're up there, it's preseason. We want to talk about like, who are the guys that are on the cusp of making the team, uh, who are the new coaches. You know, we got a new play-by-play guy for Tampa Bay Radio.

Yeah.

So we're going to try to get the fans excited about this 2026 Tampa Bay team. And I think we got a lot of good stuff, man. If we can get Vita Vae back out there—

and that's a big if—

yeah, we'll get them out there, get Baker re-signed. Everything's going to be— I was out there at practice last week. They got a lot of talent, man, and they're healthy.

Yeah.

And you've never done play-by-play before?

No, but when I was doing Monday Night Football—

Well, no, wait, that's— wait, did you do play-by-play when you watched us like throw the ball around and look like assholes on the field?

The only play-by-play I did was at the Super Bowl in a flag football when Mincy made a great touchdown catch. But you know, when I was doing Monday Night Football, people don't realize this, Frank Gifford did the play-by-play. He wasn't the color guy.

Yeah.

And I loved him so much. He was my favorite broadcaster ever. And, you know, I did kind of come out, say, I'm going to get to do a couple plays of play-by-play. And as soon as I said that, my phone rang. It was Mike Tirico. He goes, you think it's that easy, huh? Yeah, that's great. But anyways, it's kind of exciting to be back up there, be reunited with my old team, and to share the 3 or 4 hours with a Hall of Famer like Ronde Barber. It's pretty cool.

What other camps have you gone to? I know you're going to Oklahoma. Uh, but have you been to any other camps or any programs the last couple months?

Been to Tampa Bay, been to— we're going to Oklahoma this weekend, see Coach Venables and Mateer, quarterback. I'm really excited about Jason Witten at tight end. We might stop at Arkansas on the way.

Nice.

I'm going to go speak at Georgia Southern. Clay Helton's the head coach. Excited about that. I'm going to go, uh, to Youngstown, Ohio for the Ohio State-Michigan rivalry golf tournament with a lot of legendary players. Okay, so I'm going to do that. Probably slide up to Jacksonville maybe, but I like to get these preseason tapes. Yeah, yeah. And study the rookies, study the second-year players.

And which one are we on right now? Which, which division are we on right now?

We're starting with the AFC East.

Okay.

But I got pulled away there. We have this event we have to do.

Yeah.

So, all right, so have you looked at the AFC East at all? Is there any hope for, uh, the Jets?

Yes, there is.

Okay. Give it to us. Positive Jets talk.

All these people that criticize Aaron Glenn, no way. He's doing the same thing out there that Dan Campbell did with the Lions. You know, you got to restore the roar before you can kick the door down. But they got rid of some players that for, for, for whatever reason, high picks to the defensive end from Florida State's gone. Quentin Williams is gone. He's bringing in his own guys. I know Geno Smith makes people roll their eyes, but 2 years ago he's in the Pro Bowl. They're going to be competitive. They brought in Damario Davis at linebacker, Minka Fitzpatrick. They brought in some guys now that have that mental toughness thing we're talking about. They got a hell of an offensive line now. If you watch these guys come out of the tunnel, they will kick your ass. They're all first-round draft choices, and Breece Hall slam it down your face. And now it's just not Garrick Wilson. They got this Shareek the Freak guy from Oregon. Yeah, they got another first-round pick from Indiana, another receiver who I like. And I'm telling you, uh, Frank Reich running the offense, the AFC East— the Patriots went from 4-13 to the Super Bowl.

The Bears went from 4-13 to the NFC Championship Game, or one game before. Miami's— Miami's got a whole new team. Uh, I, I just think the Jets— give the guy, give the guy a chance.

Wow.

You have the guy like that, memes.

Are you feeling this?

I mean, that is the beauty of the NFL. You can turn a team around like that in a year. Like, it's, it's, it is why we love the league.

Yeah.

And it's, uh, it's actually kind of— I, I think it's what's missed when, when everyone talks about, oh, the NBA is trying to have the parity that the NFL has, where they have whatever it is. Now we're on 8 different champions in 8 years. That's not what the parity that the NFL— the, the parody NFL has is that you can be the worst team and then the next year you can win your division. Like, that's the beauty of the NFL.

I agree.

You sell the hope of like, hey, we could turn this around.

You could go from worst to first.

It happens almost every year.

Every year.

Yeah.

Between, uh, you and your brother, are you going to let your brother say nice things about the Commanders, or are you going to be a hater again?

I like that what the Commanders did. I, I did the NFC East preview.

Yeah.

I mean, you got Owey You got Dorance Armstrong coming back.

Defense is a lot younger.

A lot. How about Sonny Stiles at linebacker? They get— I love Chenal from Kansas City.

Yeah.

And the kid they got at safety, Cross, from the Indianapolis Colts. He's a big-time player.

Talk to me about Cross because I haven't heard that much about him.

Shit, he's got 200 tackles the last 2 years. He can play in the box. He can play in the post. He's a hell of a player. If you call people in Indianapolis and ask what's the biggest loss, they're going to tell you it's Nick Cross. He's a heck of a player. And that solidifies a horrible thing for the Redskins or the Commanders last year. They gave up so many big plays and they got to figure out what they're doing with Quan Martin. He's a good player, but there was something missing last year. So I also love their new D coordinator. He comes in from Minnesota. Yeah, they're going to present the illusion of blitz every single play. And they won't disappoint you. They will bring the house now. But a lot of times they'll run out of there and play all kind of mysterious coverages. I'm excited about the East. I think they're better. Yeah.

What about the Cowboys? Because everyone talks— I mean, Cowboys offense should be incredible.

Everybody says Gruden likes everybody. Well, this time of year, everybody's undefeated. Damn it. They're all undefeated. The Cowboys getting Downs and getting the kid Jalen Thompson from Arizona. They got two good safeties now.

Now.

Yeah.

And Overshown's a big-time linebacker. And then they go out and they get the kid Dee Winters from the 49ers who had 120 tackles. They're better there. They draft Malachi Lawrence in the first round. They've got some young rushers. Uh, if their defense is competitive with this offense— they got all 11 starters back.

Yeah.

And Dak is a— Dak is a hell of a player, man. He threw for 4,600 yards.

You do love everyone.

And I love Pickens, man. And I love CeeDee. And Ferguson's a good tight end. Jamonte 1,200 yards. The Cowboys are— they're going to score 27 points a game.

So who's the team you don't love in the East?

The Giants. I think the Giants are going to struggle.

What about the Eagles?

Well, I think the Eagles are damn good, you know, because of Fangio. They're going to play good defense.

They just—

they will play good defense. They get Jalen Carter's contract, they got Davis back, they get the kid from, uh, the Texans and the Vikings. What's his name? The pass rusher? Gernard Jonathan Grenard, he's hurt. They get Reek Woolen from the Seattle Seahawks to address the other corner, which was a real problem. You know, you got, you got, uh, Quinian Mitchell on one side, now you got Reek Woolen on the other. Yeah, you still got the kid from Iowa in the slot. They're, they're a handful on defense.

Renard's injured.

Yeah, they're— they think he should be ready for week 1, but he's not. He's not playing right now.

How about the, the offense? The offensive line is healthy. Who is Sean Mannion? That's, that's what we got to find out.

We got a genius according to—

got a brand new offensive coordinator.

What?

Evil genius.

Evil genius.

Evil genius.

Evil genius.

He's been in the FFCA. I love Mannion. I think Jalen Hurts has to buy into a new way of doing business, you know, get out of the shotgun, get underneath the center.

It's a prove-it year for Jalen Hurts for sure.

Let's get the ball to Saquon Barkley. Let's get the running game going.

It is true, like, you're, you're talking about these and I'm, I'm thinking about like who I'm high— I, I think like pretty much 90% of the league's gonna be good this year because I was thinking about it like the NFC East, I do think the Cowboys are gonna be good, the Eagles are going to be good, I think the Commanders are gonna be better. Yeah, sure, throw out the Giants. The NFC North, I think the, the Lions are going to have a bounce-back year.

I'm waiting for that.

I'm a little—

I don't know who they have on defense. Okay, they've got a lot of holes on defense.

Oh, what about, what about, uh, this take I had on Sunday night, which I don't think is very controversial, but if the— if JJ McCarthy can't beat out Kyler Murray, you have to trade him?

You know, JJ McCarthy, not to compare him to Trey Lance, but I remember Bill Walsh, he taught me a long time ago, the great coach of the 49ers, we do not save bad ideas. We don't— we don't really care when we draft players. We don't care what round you come in. Now, the 49ers were fortunate to get Brock Purdy in the last pick of the draft. The 49ers used 3 number 1 picks for Trey Lance. He was gone within 2 years.

Yeah.

You know, if they'd have stayed with him and stayed with him, you'd have never heard of Brock Purdy. And the 49ers might have a different head coach and a whole nucleus of players. But, you know, if you don't beat out Kyler Murray, you got to justify getting rid of Sam Darnold first and getting rid of Daniel Jones. They love Daniel Jones in Indianapolis.

Yeah.

So I'm, I'm really concerned about the North. I think the Bears are clearly the best team in my opinion.

Do, uh, you ever pay attention to strength of schedule? Because it looks like the, the Lions have a pretty easy schedule this year. I know you can't really count wins ahead of time, but it's breaking favorably for them right now. I don't think they play an outdoor game in a cold weather city until the last game of the season. Um, and I don't know, I, I just believe in Dan Campbell. I, I feel like he can get things turned It's not like it went completely off the rails last year.

Yeah, no, I, I believe in Dan Campbell, but they got a new right tackle. Penae Sewell's playing left tackle.

That's right.

They got a rookie playing right tackle. I don't know this offensive line. It's not the same offensive line Ben Johnson won with. David Montgomery is gone. They've got a new offensive coordinator who's coming in there from Arizona. That's their third coordinator in 3 years. Their defensive line, other than Hutch, They don't really have any juice. They don't have a lot of recognizable forces, in my opinion.

They might want to look into Max Crosby.

Perhaps.

They might want to get in the Max Crosby business.

Can I ask you, because I love that Bill Walsh quote you gave us, could you give us a couple other lessons you learned from different— maybe Mike Holmgren or Andy Reid or someone else along the way? Because I love that stuff.

Yeah, well—

Like, what was Mike Holmgren's big thing if it were—

Mike Holmgren, he would walk down the hall he's 6'6". He would walk down the hall, he would look in all our offices to see if we were working. He'd go down there and go for a walk or go to the restroom, come back. He wouldn't talk to us because, you know, that's an intense environment.

Yeah.

He'd look in your office, looking— he's— if you're not working, he's going to have a conversation with you. He'd be, "Hey, Katz, I've walked by your office 9 times, and 6 out of the 9 times you're not even looking at tape." You got to accumulate knowledge. The accumulation of knowledge is a powerful thing. Now go get me some goddamn knowledge, you know. But that, you know, you— when you're at work, you're working. Yeah. You know, I think a lot of people at work are— they're just there. Some staffs are probably just there. Other staffs are out working you. Yeah. He wanted our staff to lead the league and working and finding ideas, developing thoughts. And, um, he, he was, he was really big on that.

Yeah.

Did you ever go to him and say, hey coach, I think we should take the ping pong table out of the locker room? Did you ever do that? Take the pong table out?

Rich Gannon would do that. Gannon would steal the pool balls. Yeah, you know, Rich Gannon would sit in a quarterback meeting. I loved him. He single-handedly turned the Raiders around. We had a great— you know, a lot of these teams have great facilities. They got barber shops and video games. Rich Gannon, he'd be in a quarterback meeting, we're going over the Kansas City Chiefs third down pressure package, he hears all these balls His guys, you know, again, with $20, you miss his shot, he's— he goes in there, steals all the pool balls, hides them, puts them underneath the table somewhere. No one can play pool anymore.

I love that.

What about— what about a guy like Ray Rhodes?

Ray Rhodes was the best with the players. He, he, uh, God bless Ray Rhodes. I mean, I, I sat in his secondary meetings with the 49ers for a year, and then I worked for him for 3 years in The way he talked to a player, he could undress you. I mean, just rip you a new one and make you laugh. He had this unbelievable ability to motivate you and make you come back for more. You look forward to going in the building with Ray Rhodes. You really did.

Yeah.

And he was great, great with his players on the grass. Yeah. Some guys, they just walk around with a whistle and, you know, they slap your hand while you're stretching. Ray Rhodes, man, he had a presence on the grass. That was his— that was his laboratory. He was awesome.

I got one more question for you, and then maybe we'll call it an exercise. But my last question is about the Saints. So we went down there, we met with Kellen Moore. Hank farted during the interview. It was a big thing. TMZ wrote about it.

Yep.

Uh, but we found out while we were down there that Kellen Moore gives out like 6, sometimes 10 game balls a game.

Game.

Yeah, he's a big game ball guy. How many game balls is too many game balls to give away?

You know, I remember there were times after we beat the Steelers in Pittsburgh, everybody gets a game ball.

The whole team.

Yeah, we beat Baltimore on the last play of the game, everybody gets a game ball. And you know, the, the manager of the team's like, yeah, dang, you know. Uh, there is nothing like winning, man. And still today there's times, I swear, if you come down to the FFCA, I've got balls everywhere. I look at the balls that I've kept, the game balls that I've had stamped. I can remember them like yesterday.

Yeah.

Um, so there is a certain sticker that you get for your helmet, you know, if you rush for 100 yards or no turnovers or you tackle inside the 20. Those things, um, that's what, what motivates the player sometimes more than the money.

Okay.

They'll do anything for a game ball. They'll do anything for that kind of recognition. In front of their teammates. That's what I really miss the most about coaching.

Okay, I like it. You talked me into it.

All right, you got an exercise?

I got an exercise.

All right, so we'll do the Rowback exercise. rhoback.com, promo code TAKE, 20% off your first purchase. Q-zips, polos, hoodies, joggers, shorts. Rowback makes the best gear out there. I'm wearing the shorts right now. Rowback.com, promo code TAKE. Uh, this has been so much fun. We'll finish with the exercise because you've, you've been very nice to give us your time.

We love having you So, so you're going to give it a shot to be a play-by-play guy for the first time?

Well, yeah.

Or non— yeah, non-Mincy-related content. Yeah, but you're going to try it. So let's, let's take it for a spin. I pulled up a random play.

Okay.

An NFL game. So I'm going to press play and you just do play-by-play on this.

Who's playing?

You can see at the bottom. I'm not sure which. I just pulled up a random play.

Okay. Chicago and Washington, 15-12 Bears.

Here we go.

We know what this is.

All right, it's 15-12 Bears. We got a cell phone here, I can barely see it, but Caleb back to pass. No, it's Jaden Daniels back to pass. Hopping, hopping, hopping, scrambling. There goes Daniels looking to his right, he's back to his left, his towel's dangling. He fires— no, he doesn't, he pumped it. He still got it, he fires it down the field. And is it T-Mac? It's a tip, it's caught! Touchdown Redskins— Commanders football team! What whatever the hell they call themselves. Dan Quinn just pulled a hamstring jumping up and down, and they are going crazy in Washington. All 16,000 fans that made it to Maryland to watch the Washington football team win this game. Wow, what a horseshit job by the Bears on defense.

That was great, that was great. I'll take your natural.

We'll do one more, we'll do one more.

No, I think we're good, we're good, we're good. We already did the rowback exercise. We can't do two rowback exercises.

Yeah, all right, here we go.

Who's playing here? Okay, the Commanders have the ball. They got a tight formation, pistol formation. Jayden Daniels waiting for the snap. We have a technical delay here with Dan Katz's phone. Oh wow, it's a slow motion— it's a duo play off the left side. Look at Cosmi on the backside. It's a poor handoff, it's a bad exchange, it's fumbled. And the Chicago Bears are gonna recover the fumble and win this game. Horrible, horrible, horrible football here by Washington.

Now, I— the first one was better. The rollback— we never do two rollbacks.

All right, I got, I got one more for you. Hold on. Uh, Zach asked a question real quick.

Uh, Coach, uh, let's go over to California real quick. We'll go— or no, I take it back, not California. We're gonna go to the Raiders, Coach. Quick question, there was a scuffle on the field a little bit earlier this week. Max Crosby, Kirk Cousins, there's a conspiracy out there, Coach, that they might have gotten into this fight because one guy wants another younger quarterback to get all the good reps. Is there validity to stuff like that going on in practice? Are guys like kind of shaking and moving, trying to, you know, put other dudes in positions when they want maybe the elder guys they don't see to do the job fit kind of out the way. Is there validity to this, or is this all fan fiction?

Well, I think after being with Max, when you're the head coach, you have one number one rule is stay away from the who?

Quarterback.

Quarterback. Do not get near the quarterback. If your quarterback gets hurt on your practice field, somebody is going to get fired. I mean, these quarterbacks are making $50, $60 million. So stay away from the what? There's one guilty party every week and it's the same guy. It's number 99, 98. Max Crosby. He's always around a quarterback. He's always winning his one-on-ones. He's always in the face of the quarterback. And I'm sure that had a lot to do with it. Probably the coaches are saying, stay away from the quarterback, Crosby. I remember, don't bat the ball down or we'll cut your ass. And Matt— Max thought we were going to cut him. I meant to say we were going to cut your legs out and chop you so you land on your face. But I think a lot of that has to do with Crosby getting near the quarterback, and perhaps Cousins, after being in this league a long time, had maybe had enough. Now, I can't speak because I didn't see the play, but I think a lot of it has to do with that more than Max Crosby trying to be the general manager.

Yeah, Crosby hates quarterbacks.

All right, you want to do one last play? Yeah, tell me when you want me to press play.

It's gonna be a good one.

This is the Commanders on offense against the Eagles. No. Who is this?

Niners.

Okay.

Eagles on offense.

Eagles on offense. Okay. It's 23-19 late in the game. The Eagles have the ball, chance to win it. What will they do? Here comes a blitz. No, they're bluffing it. They're playing cover 4 again and they're running 4 verticals into cover 4. The play had no chance. 49ers win.

For first, that's crazy because before, like, they asked Jalen Hurts and he was like, yeah, let's do it.

What was the last time— what was the last thing the Commanders did in the playoffs?

I mean, we made—

oh yeah, you got your answer.

You're interrupting the rowback exercise.

Max, sit down.

Max, we're trying to get—

you have nothing to talk about. We're trying to get Coach, Max, we're trying to get Coach to get ready to go.

It was a terrible fucking play.

It was a bad play.

It was a bad play.

You know, if you look at the last 4 plays, so, Max, seriously, the 49ers are ahead 23 to 19. The Eagles are at home, the defending world champions. They got a chance to win the game. Yeah, it's a minute 30 to go. You got 4 shots.

Yeah, yeah.

So you got all these coaches now, got a lot of plays in the press box, you got headsets. What's the coverage? Cover 4. 4 deep, 3 underneath.

Those headsets are gone.

The next play, what's the coverage? Cover 4. The next play, what was the coverage? Cover 4 again. And then on 4th down, what do you think the coverage is going to be?

Cover 4.

And you threw 4 verticals.

Yeah, knock if you're with me.

So, you know, that, that, that— but they did show the blitz and run into Cover 4, which maybe caused some confusion.

But chop wood, carry water. That's what I said.

Anyways, yeah, Coach, you're ready for— you're ready for play-by-play.

Yeah, can I get a copy of that?

Yeah, that's right, Max. Yeah, put the mic down, Max.

Thank you. Uh, you're the best, Coach. Everyone tune in to the new— we're calling it Gruden on Gruden. What are we calling it?

I don't know, Jay and John or Gruden's Football.

Gruden Family Football Show.

You know, we're gonna have, uh, Dan, which is pretty cool, we're gonna have this thing. It's a segment, it's going to be like Gruden's Vault. So we're going to go back in time and just talk about something that happened that fans that are really fans of the history of the game will like. So my dad is 89 years old. My dad will come in and tell the story because he's with the 49ers. He's a scout, and they take Terrell Owens in the third round. He's going to tell our viewers how that happened, what happened in the draft room when they pulled the trigger on T.O.

Can I make one request for the show? Can we get like one segment at one point during the year of your brother who's a doctor just being like, yeah, what happened? Why you became a doctor? You like football and he's a doctor. It's still— I still love it. I'd love to meet him someday.

He's out in New Orleans. He's practicing in New Orleans. So we're going to fly out to the Raiders-Saints game to see my son and see my brother.

I love it.

We definitely—

that's a Gruden family affair.

Yeah.

And how, how is Deuce doing? What is he lifting these days?

Yeah, he's still— crushing it, but he's one of the strength coaches with the Raiders. He's happy to be there with Coach Kubiak. I think Kubiak has a really good staff. You know, he didn't just come by himself. He brought a couple coaches with him. And, um, the Raiders do have a quarterback now, I think, in the hopper, Mendoza, that's got a chance to fast-track. So I'm, I'm excited for Deuce. I'm really happy it's football season.

Yeah, me too. What was the last, what was the last, uh, competition that Deuce did, what he left?

Well, he, he finished— he broke the United States record. I know bench press, he's closing in on £500, like 492.

Damn.

But he's, uh, yeah, he's something else, man. That's crazy.

Yeah, speaks very highly of him that there's been transitions in the coaching staff there and Deuce sticks around.

Yeah, big time.

It's like you don't want to let that guy walk out the door.

Well, you know, our philosophy is if you work hard and you're loyal, you know, good things will happen. Yeah, he is a hardworking guy. He might lead the league in effort, but he is a loyal guy. He loves the Raiders and it's a credit to him. And certainly they have a lot of new leadership there with the Spytek running the show and Tom Brady's part of the process. So new head coach, hopefully we get the Raiders back on the map and I'll be leading the charge.

Let's go, boys.

All right. Well, Coach Gruden, you're the absolute best. And we can't wait for football season.

Yeah, me too.

Thank you, guys.

Coach Gruden was brought to you by TickPick, the good guys of ticketing. That's confirmed, good guys of ticketing. Zach, you know firsthand, got you into Lala.

Certainly. What a time. Thank you, TickPick.

Shout out TickPick. Also got the, uh, New York Knicks boys into the— was that the Eastern Conference semifinals? Because they weren't in the finals, were they?

That was the finals finals.

Oh, the finals.

It was the final game of the finals when the Spurs won.

Uh, incorrect. Also, that was the Knicks one. Come on, we all know. And you guys' history is— it'll go down in history forever. What a win.

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Okay, let's wrap up the show. Hank, you have our Pardon Your Takes.

Yep.

From listeners.

Yes.

Let's get it going.

First of all, the cannoli discourse was outrageous on today's episode. You guys need to try my grandma's cannoli.

Is it cannoli dip?

Just cannoli?

Because cannoli dip is pretty good. It's, um, it's like a different way of eating similar thing to cannoli.

Yep.

It's way better though.

Also, a lot of people coming at me and PFT for our very correct take. Uh, might I remind you that I'm an Italian father? My, my children are a quarter Italian. I'm 1% Sicilian. So, uh, how could I say anything bad about the Italians when I'm outnumbered by Italians in my own household, 4 to 1? I have not checked if Stella is Italian.

Uh, my take is that Canadians are actually dickheads for the most part. Oh, I'm from Buffalo and I interact with them on a regular basis. The only ones that are nice are the ones that don't live anywhere near the city. The rest are either dickheads or French dickheads.

Yeah, I mean, French Canadians are— that's a different breed of Canadians.

That's also part of the charm.

Warm.

Yeah, they don't pretend to be friendly at all. It's like, yeah, we're— you're pretty much in France.

Interesting.

I don't know, I don't hate it because it's like, you know, Minnesota nice. An entire country of Minnesota nice. And Minnesota nice isn't always really nice. They're—

it's passive-aggressive nice, which is maybe worse. Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay, I could see it. I mean, every Canadian— I mean, all the Canadians I deal with, and when I'm counting, it's Oldie and Biz, are Greer and Greer. Well, so Greer doesn't count because he's— I think he renounced his citizenship to Canada, something like that. He 100% did.

Kind of a dickhead too, the way he's a dickhead too. Canadian is like, yeah, yeah, he hates Canada.

Uh, but Biz and Oldie, probably the two nicest salt-of-the-earth guys in the world, like would take their shirt off their back for you and no questions asked. Yeah, so I'm gonna say Canadians are good people. I'm gonna, I'm gonna still stand up for Canadians.

Hand you the skin off his pouch.

That's a turf war.

What do you mean?

Buffalo, Canada.

Yeah, that's true. Yeah, yeah, that is a turf war.

Drake. Drake is a good example of dickhead.

Okay, I thought you were a Drake guy.

Me?

Yeah.

No, when have I been a Drake guy?

A lot of times.

I feel like you were a Drake guy for a while.

You We can just make stuff up on the show now?

I'm pretty sure you guys love doing that.

This is— this is— that, that's the most insane thing I've ever heard.

New album?

No, no, no, no, no, no. Back in like 2018, 2019, I said I didn't like Drake and you told me that was a bad take.

Well, he does make good music.

Disagree.

Oh, you think his music sucks? I just—

I personally don't like Drake.

Got it. Yeah, but do you like his music? No. Okay, you think his music sucks?

I don't. I personally don't like it.

Got it. Drake guy.

I am a 34-year-old male who's very out of shape, like 70% out of shape.

Okay, wait, wait, how does that work?

Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. He said hold on, hold on, hold on. Timeout, timeout. Well, timeout, timeout.

70% out of—

no, no, timeout. I'm just trying to figure it out. I, I think I'm 82% out shape.

What happens at 100% out of shape? Is that death?

It's like in a video game, you have a life meter and that's the red part.

No, I'm only like 40.

I'm like 78% out of shape.

I'm like 35.

I've gone to the gym a couple times the last couple weeks.

I fluctuate between 70 and 95. Mm-hmm.

Zach, I felt— I'm usually between 89 and 94.

Yeah, yeah.

I like this though, so it's like like you're not 100% out of shape. There's some part of you that's in shape.

Yeah, yeah.

What constitutes shape?

Food. It's just if I've had a better diet, I'd be in good shape.

Running shape, that doesn't—

no, I've been 100% out of running shape for years. Okay, but I could still lift heavy things.

What, like lifting? Lifting shape is different.

Like, I could live— you're like, hey, move that piece of furniture, I can still fucking do it.

So yeah, I'm 78% out of shape.

Yeah.

I can do chores. That's where I'm at right now. I'm able to do most chores.

I put an old chair into my alley this morning. Does that not count for anything? My wife was like, throw that chair out. I said yes. Actually, she told me to do it 2 days ago.

Today I did it.

I have a good question.

You have a good—

how many flights of steps until you're out of breath? Does that constitute how out of shape you are?

No, no, I think that's just like cardio.

2. Yeah, 2 flights of steps.

So if you go to the second floor—

no, third floor.

Third floor.

Second floor, I can—

second floor you can do.

I can handle second floor. Third floor is like, oh my God, is this ever gonna end? Yeah, that's, that's the, that's the honest truth. Like, there was— yeah, I'm good for 26 steps.

How often do you take the stairs at work?

I actually take it all the time now because we did that one Cuervo ad in the, in the elevator, and my— in my brain I said that's just, that's just the Cuervo room now. That's like, don't take it anymore.

That's like my bare minimum for being a functional adult is like, don't take the elevator one flight of steps. As long as I can stay there, then I'm doing okay. Wait, Brandon takes the elevator every single time? That's ridiculous. Every single time.

I said I live near the 49ers practice facility. Do I start training outside of it and see if I get injured too?

Yeah, he's 70% out of shape.

Yeah, yeah, he should. This is a good experiment.

I think he needs to get to 50% out of shape and then start the experiment, because 70% out of shape, he could just get injured just walking down the street.

Like I'm—

like I said, as someone who lives in the 70% zone, I could get injured at any moment.

PFT often does that.

What, just get injured?

Yeah, he has a lot of injuries. It's all stemming from the one— the back is the, is the problem.

Well, I mean, the half we dealt with for a long time.

That's because of the back.

That's—

it's all, it's all due to— all due to the back. It's the posterior chain.

Yeah. What the foot was—

that was 10 years ago, Hank, bringing up old stuff. But yeah, the foot was— I did break my foot walking. Correct. Walking. So did Max.

So did Max.

Same injury. Could have happened to anybody here.

So did Mincy.

Yeah. 3 great athletes, really solid, really in shape people.

He wasn't even—

he stepped, and he also wasn't drinking when he did it.

That's true. Max and I have—

we were both After— drunk.

Yeah, drunk. Um, I think this guy should absolutely do it, and we should get on the phone with our friends at Morgan Morgan. If you get— if you like pull a hamstring exercising next to the Niners substation, is that an actionable claim?

I got a question. If all your injuries come from your back, shouldn't you just fix your back?

Yeah.

Yes.

But unfortunately, you can't have spinal surgery.

No, but like, yeah. Going to like physical therapy and stuff?

Well, I do, I do that.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, but I did— shout out Jerry, he's my medical consultant— I got an epidural last week. When I say that my life is different right now, I, I feel so good.

Jerry's sitting over there.

Jerry gave me a back shot last week.

Look on Jerry's face when he was like—

yeah, Jerry gave me a great, the best feeling back shot I've ever had.

Jerry and Chef Donnie.

Chef Donnie, they're my two—

he's fixing his back.

That's all you need.

And Billy Football previously.

And, well, no, Billy fixed— yeah, that was, that was something different. What was that That was my, uh, my elbow. Is that all linked to the posterior chain?

Yeah.

No, like, it— being a little bit honest, like, having a back injury is like—

oh, it's the worst.

It is the worst because it's like you can't do anything.

Yeah.

I was actually really thankful that, that I had the, like, stuff that we had to do on the podcast to make me get out of bed in the morning, because I think if I didn't have, like, Big Ten Media Day to go to every day I probably just would have laid in bed the entire week because it would take me like 25 minutes to get out of bed, which is, is tough. So I'm feeling great right now.

The two times I've thrown out my back, it's probably the most serious I've ever gotten about like rehab and doing physical therapy like 3, 4 times a week because it's the only fix.

Yeah, so I'm gonna be a big-time yoga guy now, I think. I think you're gonna catch me at yoga up to 2 or 3 times a week.

Maybe more.

All right, last one. Uh, hey boys, there's always at least 4 teams who make the NFL playoffs that didn't the previous year. This year I got 5 new teams: Chiefs, Falcons, Bengals, Commanders, and Lions in. Broncos, Panthers, Patriots, 49ers, Green Bay out. Big fan, would love to hear you discuss.

Say it again, say the list again.

Chiefs, Falcons, Bengals, Commanders, Lions in.

Okay, I think 3 of those 5. I don't know which 3.

Broncos, Panthers, Patriots, 49ers, Green Bay out.

Broncos, Panthers, Patriots, 49ers, Green Bay.

Wow.

I actually, I kind of agree with this guy.

I think he's dead wrong.

About what?

I think it's gonna be 2 out of 5 in, 2 out of 5 out.

Which 2 in?

Uh, Chiefs and Lions in.

Mm-hmm.

49ers and Panthers out.

Okay, so not the— you think the Patriots are going to make the playoffs?

You think the Commanders are not going to make the playoffs?

Interesting.

God, no.

Interesting. Okay.

God, no.

Interesting.

That was a little harsh.

God, no. Care to make it interesting, Hank?

Want to bet an El Camino?

What, Max?

I would like it. I'd like a double or nothing on the El Camino.

Or what about—

what, although— no, no, no, wait, wait, wait, you want two broken El Caminos?

No, no, but what—

we could figure this out.

Yeah, Los Caminos.

Yeah, PFT's got another motor vehicle you could win off of Hank.

Now we, we can discuss.

I mean, you like it, you like doing the sport. His golf cart.

Oh, I don't need a golf cart. I don't have a—

I don't have a vacation home. Then you're not a real golf guy. Yeah, that's sad. I—

no, I, I—

if you had a personal golf cart at one of your clubs, that would be sick.

No.

Yeah, it would.

Yeah, it would.

I don't think that's an option.

That'd be so swaggy. Well, you haven't asked.

Yeah, if you just pulled up with one, they'd be like, yeah, that's, that's so fun.

I mean, golf carts are golf carts.

And you'd be like, no, no. And they'd be like, where'd you get that? You'd be like, like the Commanders didn't make the playoffs. Yeah, I said God no on August 10th, and I was right.

Hank, let me ask you this. Do any of the, the golf carts at your club have a, uh, lithium battery and a brand new solenoid and motor controller?

Probably.

I doubt it.

I highly—

I would have very much—

I highly doubt that.

What do you need? What do you need a controller for, for a golf cart?

To turn it on.

It's, it's part of the, part of the motor. It controls the motor. It's on the inside.

Yeah, so a key, idiot.

No, you're— no, you're thinking of a remote control.

There's definitely levels.

You look like his flight simulator or something.

Yeah, I'm just trying to— what's going on? What's going on over here?

Don't want or need that, and it doesn't even work.

That's awesome.

So what are you gonna bet?

I don't know, we'll see.

What is something that Hank loves?

Golf. Golf.

Yeah, and driving.

But if he—

how could you combine the two?

Making faces. All right, what if the, uh, if the Patriots miss the playoffs, you're not allowed to make any more faces?

No, I die.

Actually, that would ruin the show.

I need the faces. The faces are the best.

Have you ever been on a, like, a, uh, like quitting cold turkey no faces streak?

No, it's just, that's just, I'm, I'm, I was born to make faces. I don't like, that's just how I live.

You emote Yeah.

So what we do as humans, I'm trying to look at Patriots and Commanders futures.

You could probably make a double bet parlay. You guys should just, you guys should just both bet a significant amount. Like one bets, PFT bets Commanders to make the playoffs, Patriots to miss.

I think, Hank, one thing that we talked about a little bit, DraftKings to make that.

Yeah.

I don't think you were here for it, Hank, But what do you think about Diggs being like, hey, I'd rather play with Jayden than with Drake?

Patriots are -225.

I mean, kind of a fun wrinkle to the offseason.

Yeah, it is. You talked a lot of shit about Diggs. I mean, he's married now, so it's like he's good.

Yeah.

Oh, you missed that when you were on. I said it would be so perfectly full circle if Diggs was awesome for the Commanders and then actually got engaged on the field.

Patriots are The Eagles are -225 to make the playoffs. The Commanders are +230 to make the playoffs.

I think you love a dog.

I, yeah, I think every team that Diggs has joined has maybe won the division.

I'm not going to trash him.

The year after he joined them.

Hmm.

You probably not, but like, I think so. Yeah. Diggs is a good player.

Yeah. He's, well, what I'm saying is he's, he's really good at picking teams that are about to be really good.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Wait, hold on. Let me look it up. That would be a, that would be a crazy stat.

Yeah.

All right, Stephon.

I'm not gonna trash the guy. He's a good player.

I would never trash him. Great player. Stephon. Family man.

Zach Philibus loves his boys. Give them steaks that they can have.

Uh, steak options, we got filet, sirloin.

Oh, Joe, for the bet.

Oh shit, my bad. Yep. Okay, boys, what do we think? Current bet is El Camino in a peanut butter sized tattoo, correct? A peanut butter cup size, peanut butter lid size tattoo. Thoughts on switching this to a tiny El Camino in an El Camino, like a full body tattoo, like a car-sized tattoo. But the, but the Camino is gold, so it's gold. Yeah, but like Hot Wheels Camino or body tat.

What about, I don't like the, the bet is like, we're not gonna know the El Camino bet until the end. Like that, the, the NFL bet's gonna end before that.

What if also, I'm a little bummed that the El Camino bet, like, I, I feel like the play-in should factor in somehow because it would be electric if the playing was part of it.

That's my—

too late.

We might have to do a double or nothing if it's playing.

And is there a super team clause now LeBron has gone to the Sixers? No, no.

But if anybody on the Wizards is, uh, accused of, you know, a Wander Franco type offense, I think I should be able to get out. Deal?

No.

Why no deal?

Yeah, why no deal? So you're pro-pedophilia?

I'm not, but I'm not like, I'm not going to reward you for having a pedophile on your team.

Oh, you'd be rewarding me for disavowing the pedophile.

You shouldn't have had him in the first place. That's bad. That's just bad.

Like things happen. Like I can't keep an eye on everyone.

You will make draft picks.

Yeah.

And Dingers Only confirmed every time Stefon Diggs started with a new team, they won the division.

Let's go.

Okay.

Vikings 2015, Bills 2020, Texans 2024, Patriots 2025. 5. That's a good sign for you.

Yeah, yeah, exciting.

I was just saying, God, no. I mean, I don't, I don't, I don't feel as confidently about the Commanders as I do about the Wizards.

Okay, and that's talking Wiz.

Yeah, let's talk.

Everyone just can't keep the Wizards off their lips. It's an exciting time of year.

Yeah.

Okay, good show, boys.

Very good show.

You have birthdays?

Yeah.

Are we gonna do a number or anything?

I mean, no one wants to win this.

Yeah, but it's kind of funny when somebody wins.

Do it. Okay, you try to lose this one though.

I'll do zero.

I'm gonna say 72.

3. Uh, 43.

7.

Darren Sproles.

69. 19.

19 for Jacob.

How do you press play on this?

Wait, what did you— what did you guys say? 69 for Colton, 15 for Shane. Memes. 12 for Memes.

I thought you could—

Jonah, you want a number? Jonah's got 21. Jerry, you want a number? Jerry's got 7.

Where's the—

you press play on this? I thought part of my balls you press play. Are you doing it? Okay, he's doing it. So random number generator to 100.

Ready, go.

We're doing this on Part of My Balls. Go to partofmyballs.com. Shout out that guy.

2. Oh, that was close.

You did 1 to 10.

Also, Zach, do 0.

93. 93.

Okay, did you— because I picked—

anyone get 93?

But, but PFT did.

Okay, you have to do zero through zero.

Close.

54 to zero.

Okay, 54.

54.

Nah. All right, 54 official one.

Okay. Happy birthday to, uh, George Soros. Happy birthday to Nikki Smoke's sister. Happy birthday to Erwin Schrödinger. Happy birthday to Ace Bailey, uh, Boogie Cousins, the McCourty twins, Dallas Braden, Fidel Castro. Love you guys.