Transcript of Conan Vs. Edibles Part II New

Conan O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com/callconan. Okay, let's get started.

Hello, Conan O'Brien here. Normally, this would be a fan interaction of some kind. This is the drop. I call it the drop. Oh. Where, you know, I talk to somebody in the world, and those are fun. Today we're going to do a little something different, and this is called fan service. I know my fans are anxiously awaiting word on my gummy situation.

Aha.

Now let's recap for anyone who didn't hear that and doesn't know the situation. Not long ago, Sona, you got me some gummies.

Sure did.

And they're lovely looking. It's these canisters that are just gorgeous.

Yeah.

Uh, and there are gummies. You got me all kinds of gummies for all kinds of occasions. Yes. Isn't that true?

Yes, I did.

What were some of the gummies? Refresh my mind.

Some of them were to, you know, liven you up, maybe put some pep in your step.

Yep.

Uh, they're all, I, I'm, I'm gonna say they're all Camino brand. They have not sent us anything yet.

It's probably in the mail.

It better be.

Maybe.

Because I just said it again.

Also, maybe they're on brand and they're taking their time. You know, they can't get off the couch. Like they're all stoners there.

Well, it's a fun little riff. Oh, If you say so.

Yeah, pretty funny.

Anyway, you have to say that you're riffing something.

Yeah, bro, we didn't send those. I forget, man. Hehehe.

Now they're never sending you anything.

I sent ones for sleep. They all different flavors. You know, I gave you a bunch thinking that it could help you.

You gave me a bunch and I was excited. I was looking at them all and I thought this could really change my life. Maybe, you know, a lifetime, a lifetime of being on it. Well, you can fill in the blanks here.

Type A. Gotta follow the rules.

Follow the rules.

L7.

L7, yeah.

Yeah.

I don't know what— when you go—

I gotta do makeup, follow the rules. I can't do anything. Oh, it's not—

But what is this part?

That's how I— I don't know. That's my impression of you. It's like, oh gosh, guys, don't do that. Guys, guys, it can fry your brain cells, everybody.

Yeah.

So you were just—

you're a straight lace.

I'm a straight lace. Straight edge. Yeah.

Yeah. It's not a bad thing.

Well, after what you just did, after that whole run, I think it's a terrible thing. It's not bad being a cyborg sent from the future to destroy humankind. Yeah. So I need to come clean. People are probably— we think fans are saying, oh my God, Conan got these gummies. What happened? Because he promised he was going to go off and do them. And this is the hilarious part. It's now been, I think, 2 weeks. Yeah, it's been a minute. Yeah, it's been a minute. Well, I just said 2 weeks, so I don't know why.

A minute is a cooler way to say it.

All right. Yeah. Well, I'm not factual. 2 weeks is the appropriate time span. All right, here's this. Here's the update. And I think this is going to have to be a work in progress. And I have turned taking gummies into a chore. I have turned taking gummies into a— I'll get to it. I just have to slot it in.

I know.

That's what I've done with gummies and apparently the best gummies one can get. Camino.

Camino.

Yeah.

Yes. Yes.

Hee man, they mentioned this man.

Cheech and Chong work there?

Yeah, they do. So I'll come clean. I have nibbled on the corner of the sleep one.

And nipples on the—

literally, I want to say less than half. First of all, they're delicious.

They are.

They are really— they taste great. And I think paired with the right wine, fantastic.

Okay, so anyway, I had—

I want to say maybe I had a quarter. I'm like, that's a little quarter of one. We'll get to you, Eduardo.

Eduardo basically looks so disappointed.

Eduardo famously called me a little bitch on the podcast because he, he heard me being squeamish about taking my gummy. And so anyway, you're being proven right, Eduardo, because what I've managed to do in 2 weeks is I think on 2 occasions nibbled on maybe a quarter of one. And it looks like a very tiny mouse got at one. That's what it looks like. I mean, the smallest mouse that ever— a mouse embryo lived long enough to nibble on the corner of a sleep gummy. And I'm a redhead, so I'm very tolerant. So of course I've felt nothing so far. And that's nothing on Kamino. Big supporter. He mean, thanks, man. But, you know, I haven't gone whole hog. Now, there's another one that gets you— It's called Exhilarate. It's called like— no, there's one called Chill.

Oh, yeah. Chill.

Chill. I don't need to be exhilarated because Because let's face it, I was born kind of leaning into life.

Up there.

Yeah. And I don't need that. I don't need to be sped up. Chill is the one that interested me. I have not tried one yet, and I'll look at it and I'll go, "Well, I'll try and get to that tonight. I don't know." Yeah, go ahead.

When you said that you're treating it like a chore, I did— I think we were on the phone on Friday, David was there, and I begged you to take them to try it over the weekend, and you kind of groaned.

Because Adam is like, we need this. The fans need to— Adam is always wielding his whip, and Adam is like, you need to get to this. This needs to be a segment, and the fans are waiting, and you're about to leave for your next travel show, and you'll be gone for 2 weeks. And I started going, okay, so I've got a guy on the phone nagging me, and he could have been someone from the IRS saying, do you gotta file your return on the 15th? And I'm going, I'll get to it. I just haven't had it. I've gotta go find this shoebox of receipts. That is my attitude about taking a gummy. Where does this come from?

Is this something like you want us to put in your calendar? Like take, take gummy?

I think you have to.

Okay.

Beep boop beep. Put it in my calendar.

Glurp glurp. So I'm a cyborg. Is that it? I'm like R2-D2.

I think you're just, you're, you're overthinking it. Look, if you don't wanna do it, that's fine. We're not peer pressuring you. Are we peer pressuring you?

That's the dictionary definition of what you're doing. Yeah, we are.

You are.

I called you a little bitch. You are my peers.

Yeah.

And you are exerting enormous— Eduardo called me a little bitch. That was just an observation. That wasn't peer pressure. That wasn't just an observation. Between your little bitch, Adam calling me anxiously and saying, we got to get on this. Yeah, I guess I'm feeling a little bit of pressure. But I'm going to do it. I'm just— if we could be real here for a second. I come from, as you know, my dad, a doctor. And I mean, I just grew up. He was against us taking anything. I mean, aspirin was like a big leap. Do you know what I mean? That's why.

That's probably why he was high all the time.

My dad?

I don't know.

Yeah, he was. You know, my dad was— you know, my dad was Jamaican. He was Jamaican. He was in a ska group in the '50s. He was.

Yeah, he's a ska.

My dad was in a very good ska band in Jamaica, and then he emigrated to Boston in the late '50s. And his stage name was O'Brien. And then he cut his hair and became a, you know, microbiologist at Brigham and Women's Hospital in Boston.

Well, I think your dad would have been more on board with you, you know, taking an edible than doing like taking an antibiotic, for instance. So I think he would have been on board with the little bit. Well, no, no, he would have been okay with the correct antibiotic.

My dad was a, you know, leading authority on antibiotic resistance. This is the stuff the fans really want to hear about.

After his ska band.

Yeah. Well, his— I'm sorry, his ska band was Antibiotic Resistance. And it was a name that really was unpopular in Jamaica. And Jimmy Cliff was telling him, you got to change that. And he was like, hey, man, you know, and it's a whole thing. I mean, I— So anyway, he, he would have been in favor. He was in favor of antibiotics. This is—

okay.

My dad was not like an RFK Jr. He was in favor of the right, correct antibiotic. He just didn't like it when people took the shotgun approach to antibiotics, which is a major problem and has caused a lot of resistant bacteria and been a huge issue. And I bring that up in my dad's memory, and I think he was correct. Obviously he was correct. But anyway, But getting back to the fun part, I think that no, my dad would've been like, "What? You don't take something that— what, you wanna relax?" That would've— that's what he would've said. "You wanna relax? You wanna not be on guard for a second? What are you talking about?" So that's the culture I come from.

Okay.

You know, we've gotta go to Catholic church. We've gotta stay on it. And that's been my way.

Okay. But I think it's, it's only because you've expressed some interest in it. That's why we think it'll be nice for you to just do a little dabble.

But can I just say that again?

No peer pressure.

I'm also, I'm also—

Don't do it.

But do it. I'm also intrigued by the thought of an orgy. I mean, there's a lot of things that— there's a lot of things that intrigue me, but I don't think I'll try it. Am I intrigued by the idea of there being 9 naked bodies, all of us rolling around on a massive bed, you know, and there's the ladies, but there's also the fellas, and things are flipping and flopping, you know.

Sure, sure.

Am I curious? Yeah. Have I made several appointments sometimes? Yes, I have. If you grow up Catholic the way I did, there are all these things. The notion of it titillates you. I just said titillate. That saying titillate intrigued me for a long time, and I just said it for the first time. Ah, um, things excite you, but you, oh God, for, you know, it's forbidden fruit. You don't go there. So for me, that's the chill gummy. Now, I think I made a big step by eating a quarter of a sleep gummy.

That is true.

And you felt nothing. Well, yeah, I have to say. And that's not on the gummy brand at all. That's on me. I'm 6'4".

Yes.

You know, 193 pounds of pure beef. I'm also a redhead.

So— Pure beef.

Well, I'm sorry. I am. Oh, okay. Very muscular.

Yeah.

Uh-huh. And people are surprised when they, you know—

You are in great shape.

Thank you very much.

And that's why I thought, you know, maybe half Or even a full 5 milligram would be interesting.

I'm not ready to do that yet.

That's okay. Baby steps.

Also, I'm always operating heavy machinery. That's a regular part of my life. I bought a, I bought a forklift about a year ago, and one of my ways of relaxing is just driving it around the neighborhood and lifting things and storing them in a warehouse. So, you know, you can't, you can't take medication or gummies before you operate the forklift.

Yeah.

But no, I'm gonna get to it, I promise. But I think it's, This is unintentional. It sounds like a bit, but it really isn't. You gave me gummies, I was excited, and I've turned it into something I need. I need to carve out time for that, which is so hilarious.

It is really funny the way you're overthinking it.

Oh, here we go.

Well, can I just ask a question, which is—

You will. You're doing it right now. Let's go.

Uh, which is, which is you've had beer and wine and alcohol and it wears off.

I mean, this is the same thing.

It's not like you're gonna take a gummy and then forever you're going to be—

Okay, let me address that. Let me address that issue. I know exactly what you're saying, and I think it's a fair point. I really don't— I try not to drink a lot these days, but yeah, I have been in an altered state, and boy, am I funny. Very funny. I'm really funny when I've had a few. But I mean, God, it's like whole next level. And if you think this was good, we should do a thing where Conan has a couple glasses of wine and then people are— But you know what? It's going to be like, Oppenheimer seeing the big light. People can't handle it. They're going to have to put on— no, seriously, we're going to have to tell people who listen to the pod, Conan's going to have a couple glasses of wine. Everyone needs to get into some kind of a shelter. You can watch through a little slit. You have to have glasses made of lead because it's going to be that kind of thing.

It's fun.

And then Sirius is going to call and go, you know, our whole system is down because of the energy you emitted with your comedic ray. I'd be like, oh, fuck, what are we going to do now? So anywhoots, be that as it may, yeah, that is a true thing. I think I grew up in that era where, I mean, I grew up in a dry house. My parents didn't drink. There was no liquor in the house. There was nothing. So I took a brave step by having some red wine, you know? I didn't— so that was my big excursion into the wilderness then. But then you add gummies, marijuana, and it's— what's that?

Yes.

You add. I'm glad you're here. No one adds to a story like you. I'm the ham, and you just dropped one little clove into it. I come from that era where if some— I remember my Uncle Gavin calling them, like, jazz cigarettes.

Oh, geez.

My Uncle Gavin came to Saturday Night Live, and he was— he came to a taping of Saturday Night Live, and afterwards, he was amazed He saw it live. He got to sit on the floor right in front of where they do the monolog. And he saw G.E. Smith and the Band play. And he came out afterwards. And I remember Bob Odenkirk and I were standing there and he went, "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, that band! Tell me that guitarist doesn't have a jazz cigarette jammed down his bootleg." Oh my God. That's the era I come from.

Look, you're going to the Netherlands. You're going to the, like, weed capital of the world.

Yeah, but that doesn't hold— any water anymore because I think LA is the weed capital of the world. I mean, it's legal.

Well, they have cafes there. It's a big part of, you know, why a lot of tourists go there. So are you not going to partake at all?

You know who's coming on this trip? Who never comes on trips? Who? My wife. Liza's coming.

Yay, Liza.

Yeah, but she, you know, if I say, hey, let's hit a cafe and I'll have some wacky tabacky in my boba tea, she's going to say, you will not. You know? Ah, I don't know.

I think she'd be into it.

No, she's not She's not a Bobby McFerrin, you know. She's not a—

what?

She's not a don't worry, be happy person. Oh, okay. She's a, you better toe the line, see? And I'm like, yes dear, no dear, yes dear, no dear. So, um, and trust me, that is the most spot-on impression of my wife.

Absolutely.

Now you listen to me. You think you're going to relax and have fun? Not on my watch. Yes dear, no dear, yes dear, no dear.

How dare you? Yeah, I— so I know I won't take this Liza blast.

She is the mother of my children. She is an angel. And I just totally portrayed her. You did. But maybe there's a grain of truth. Who knows? I don't think she's going to be the one saying, hey, you better go get fucked up. That's not Liza either. So look, if it was me going on this trip sans my wife and Jeff Ross is there going, hey, bop bop bop, let's go. Let's get fucked up.

Jeff's gonna have the best time on this trip.

Yeah, too, Blaine, you're gonna enjoy it.

Yeah, we're gonna have some fun.

Yep. Well, okay, well, you get fucked up in most places we go.

Um, snappity dappy.

Yeah, yeah, even places where he shouldn't be. Um, he might just have a good time. That's not the point. The point is— I love to say that's not the point. The point is, even when no one's disagreeing with me, nobody— I love it, it's one of my favorite things. But that's not the point. The point is Wait, Conan, you're the only one talking. Who are you talking back to?

This is why you need a dummy. You just go like this.

This is what it's like inside your mind.

Yeah. This stops this. You just sit. You'll just sit. It's okay. Look, on your own time. Don't feel like you have to, but you should. Okay. Oh no.

Conan, I did this on Kimmel. People loved it where I froze my face. Uh, what?

Yeah. It's good for an audio medium.

Yeah. Everyone listening.

Oh my gosh.

Yeah, he's—

So I'll get to it. I'll get to the gummy. But that whole thing of, "Hey, Amsterdam," I don't think that holds water anymore because literally the streetlights here in Los Angeles are made of marijuana.

That's true.

Tightly packed, woven marijuana.

I partake from time to time, and I— What?

You, if you miss a day, come on, be honest.

No, there are some days where I can't because I have some work.

That's very different from I partake from some. Hey, occasionally there's a moment when I can't is very different from I partake from time to time.

From time to time I partake. But if I ever went to Amsterdam, I would definitely enjoy doing it there.

You take gummies the way a person with terrible diabetes takes insulin.

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

Constantly.

What are you talking about?

You inject yourself with gummy, liquid gummy.

I'm not— I'm not a total— I don't wake and bake. I'm not a total pothead. I have children I have to take care of.

That's true.

But at the end of the day, after a long day, yeah, sure.

Is it called gum it up? What's the cool way to say take a gummy?

I don't know, but I don't think it's gum it up. I don't know what it is.

What do you ride the gum train? What do you do?

Yeah, I rode the gum train. This is, you know what, this, it'll help you with all of this.

And I think, do we wanna help me? That's the other thing. What if I'm gonna propose something? What if I take the chill and I really like it and I take a little more and I really like it and suddenly I come in here, I don't have any of my psychic wounds. I don't have any of my old neural grooves. I don't have my weird spasms and my flights of fancy based on neurotic madness. And then suddenly all of this ends. Oh, all of this ends. I'm gonna come in and I'm like, hi, Sona, how are you?

What?

But are you okay?

Oh, are you talking to me with respect?

Yeah. Oh my God.

Oh, I hate this. What are you talking about?

Just how are you? Are you okay? I'm doing really well, Conan.

How are you?

How are you? I'm very well, thank you.

Oh, good.

David, how are you?

How are you like lowering your—

Yeah, but how are you, David?

Scared.

No, this is the new Conan. I just had some chill and—

Blaze raising his hand.

I was going to talk about Well, I guess just the news today. I guess.

Okay.

A lot going on on the news. So let's discuss that. And then, yes, what's up?

That's never gonna happen. And I, I would, I would also say, wait, how are you? No, I, I'm gonna, and you know what?

I welcome you on my, I'm gonna tell you, oh, don't do it.

That's definitely not gonna happen. I, I, my favorite quote, I've said this before on the podcast, my favorite quote of yours you ever said was we were on a flight going on an international trip. It's in the middle of the night and I was up reading and you come back to my seat. You're like, hey, how's it going? I'm like, hey, man, what's up? And you're like, good. I'm like, you should get some sleep. We have to shoot as soon as we get off the plane. You're like, I took an Ambien and it was like throwing a Tic Tac into the sun.

Yeah. And so let me tell you, I burned through meds. I mean, they go— when meds do anything, when meds meet my system, they just go, yes. You know, except propofol, which is why I get— which is why I get a colonoscopy every week. I tell them, don't even put a camera back there. I said, don't— just sketch from memory. You don't need a camera. But, you know, I'm always in there, and sometimes I get a colonoscopy, and then I sit out there, and then I come back in, and I put a mustache on and say, uh, Mr. Jones. And then I put a mustache on my bare ass so it looks like someone else's ass. And they go like, I go like, that's, and this is my ass, Mr. Jones's ass. And then I have my ass go, hello, I've never had a colonoscopy. And they're like, why is your ass talking to us in a lower tone? And I say, just let's have the propofol and get going.

Oh my God.

I have the most photographed colon of all time. Seriously. They're thinking of running them all together and having its own channel. A streaming channel. 900 hours of all Conan. I loves the prop.

Loves the prop.

I loves the prop. But yeah. So there will be another episode where I update you because I am going to do it. Oh, mark my words. I promise you, I shall take the chill gummy and I'll take a whole sleep gummy. And we'll see what happens.

Okay.

You know what I mean?

No pressure.

All right, well, listen, I look forward to this, and it will be the end of the podcast as we know it, because a relaxed Conan, not a fun Conan. That's all I'm going to say. Who's the little bitch now, Eduardo?

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