Transcript of Olivia Munn New

Hi, my name is Olivia Munn. Is that how you pronounce it? Yeah, Munn. And I feel so excited and amazed about being Conan O'Brien's friend.

That's so sweet.

Yeah. Fall is here, hear the yell, back to school, ring the bell, brand new shoes, walking loose, climb the fence, books and pens. I can tell that we are gonna be friends.

Yes, I can tell that we are gonna be friends.

Hey, everybody. Welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. This is a very good day because I'm joined, of course, by Sonam Obsession.

Yes.

But today marks the return, the heroic return of our good friend and associate, Matt Gourley. Yeah! Come on, guys.

I like the heroic part just fine.

We've missed you. Missed you. Seriously, seriously. Yeah, we've missed you. And just to update everybody, you've been on a paternity leave for— no, no, I, I only, I only bring it up because I think it's a world record. It says here— no, uh, no, um, your daughter was born, I believe, 8 years ago.

She's a freshman in college.

Oh yeah, how's she doing? Oh, she's great, she's great. No, you've been out for a little while. You've been out for a couple of months.

I did. I took a little extended one and it was the greatest thing. It was fantastic. I mean, I missed you guys.

I did.

But man.

Well, how's it going? Bring us up to date.

It's going really well. I was able to spend a lot of time with my older daughter, which, you know, was kind of magical. And then my youngest daughter has just fit right in. And, you know, not to get too sentimental, but you sometimes when you have those moments in your life that, you know, to be the best moments, but you only know it after they're done. This was one I could tell when I was in that it was just Amazing.

That's really nice. I'm happy that you had that. And also resentful that you took so much time. Let me tell you something.

Well, part of the happiness was I wasn't here.

Yeah, exactly. When my daughter was born, I took 20 minutes. And when my son was born, I took 4. Now, let me also just add to that, I'm a terrible father and an awful human being. So yes, am I saying this is the way to go?

You could have asked for some time.

I could have asked for some time. That was on me. I think I took a— it was a commercial break. We were doing the late night show.

The best part is he didn't even have to ask for time. He could have just told people he was taking time.

Yeah, exactly.

I know.

I want to say something, though, about your paternity leave real quick. It feels like you kept releasing other podcast episodes.

Yes.

It feels like you took a break only from us.

Yes.

And you were still doing all your other projects.

I recorded those all before the baby was born.

Not true.

True story.

You can hear two kids crying in the background. Unless one of them is your wife having a nervous breakdown. And you often referred to the day's news as you were—

I held up a newspaper during each recording.

Yeah, as you were hosting Wall Walkin', you were, you know, I mean, first of all, you—

we might do Baby Walkin'.

Oh, um, no, listen, I understand those are more— those are priorities.

I didn't record them.

All I did was watch World War II movies and Dirty Harry movies with my baby while I held her.

I think that's the best thing for a little baby girl to be hearing.

He was into it.

Make my day, punk. And lots of people getting blowed up. It was a great thing for a little forming brain.

It was heaven for me.

As that font, Nell, is starting to seal.

It was pulsing while we were watching it. Yeah, it was crazy.

All right. I have some questions. Yeah. How is your— your youngest daughter's name is?

You're talking about Nell the Smell?

Oh, I thought it was— I thought you were going to go with— So Nell.

Nell, yeah.

How is Nell different?

She is night and day different than my first daughter. My first daughter is this wonderful tempest, like just so funny, so crazy. Nell just came out, smile every time you see her, just a big smile. She just sits there. She's a wonderful little lump on the log. So we got one of each, which kind of magnifies their differences in such a wonderful way. I don't know.

It's—

I just feel great. I feel lucky.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And first of all, you have— you came in, you seem very happy. You've got that kind of— doesn't he not have a glow?

You do have a glow.

Well, I birthed the children.

Oh, did you now?

It's the postpartum glow.

Okay. Oh, that sounds fun.

Yeah.

That's why he had such a long paternity leave. Yes, he did. Sorry, Matt, you can edit this out if you want to. But he did say when we were sitting around earlier, he did say that, uh, how did I forget to rephrase it? This time around he gained a little more weight than the first time. Mm-hmm. And we were like, for your pregnancies?

Or I was trying to explain and now you're gonna make me, uh, no, I'm not gonna make fun of you.

I wanna hear about how your body changed.

Can I say something? No, I'm glad Adam brought this in.

Yeah.

Because You're a big fat fuck now. He— I mean, you're list— you all listening, but when you waddled in today, put on 10 pounds.

Isn't that crazy?

Waddled in?

10?

Hello? Oh no. Uh, I think—

I don't know, I have read somewhere that you're going to go—

you're still going down this road.

Oh no, I hate to do this kind of— because what if this is just bullshit, right? But that there is this evolutionary sort of process to men in postpartum, that they lose testosterone temporarily. And it's a kind of thing to keep them historically tied to the mother and child.

From straying. Yeah.

From straying. And it's a kind of thing that that has evolved over time in the survival of those fittest people because the father was there with the child and the mother.

So you're— so, so I'm, so I'm curious, how does this relate to you?

Well, that can be some sympathy weight gained because of the loss of testosterone, apparently.

You also walked in— he's got huge breasts now.

I do.

You have huge lactating breasts, and you're a big fat fuck. And I don't mean either of those in a derogatory way.

No, no, no, no.

Big fat fuck with titties. Um, but when you waddled— when you waddled in— waddled in here wearing, uh, his, uh, his D-cup, I was—

I did come in.

I'm ready to party. Yeah, yeah. Uh, But so you gained some weight, but you, you still look good. Thanks.

Um, I don't feel good.

Do you think— do you feel like your testosterone levels had dropped?

Ah, you mean am I out there just hounding it?

Um, hounding it? See, how is it pounding it though?

No, I tend to hound.

Okay, all right, hounding it. Hounding his creditors for more time.

Yeah, that's what I mean.

Yeah. Oh, I'm hounding it. All right, you're doing what?

Uh, I don't— I think so. I I've been certainly been like a sentimental mess in a, in a sort of like good way.

Yeah.

Just every single thing knocks me down in a like kind of sweet way.

That's nice.

Well, I don't think I've ever had—

I was going to say, did you—

do you feel like your testosterone dipped? No.

Well, first of all, no.

After your kids were born?

I'm not asking.

No. But, you know, my, my, my mother-in-law, Pam, God rest her soul, she did say— I remembered once sort of talking about how I think I've grown wiser over the years. I'm not as intense as I used to be. I was very focused and very driven in my 20s and 30s and 40s. And I said, I think I'm maturing. And she just, you know, she was an expert in these matters, and she just said, um, no, no, your testosterone level has dropped. Like, I was trying to credit it all to wisdom, and she was like, no, no, you just have less of that, you know, asshole juice running through your body.

See, I went through a male pregnancy. He went through menopause.

Yeah. Oh, I did. I did.

Oh, that's nice.

Yeah. I don't think that I got the sentimentality. I'm waiting for that part. I don't get all mushy.

You don't really ever?

I do when I—

When it comes to your kids, especially.

No, just when I see old clips of Late Night.

Oh, okay.

I'm like, ah, look at him with Al Roker, 1994. No, I do. I do. Yeah, yeah, I know. I'm just saying stuff, but I think— But yeah, I am very— first of all, very glad you're back. Oh, I'm glad to be back. Because you are a very important voice here on this show, as you know. And I say that with no ridicule or jokes attached to it.

Or seriousness.

Or seriousness or real honesty.

Yeah.

No, but we're really happy you're back.

I am so glad to be back. I did miss you guys. I edited the show while I was gone. So it was really interesting to hear you guys, to kind of feel like I was there in a one-way sort of way where it was just coming at me.

Were you ever coming in with your— Pounded crypt, but then realizing that you were just listening to us and you couldn't participate.

Of course. And I don't have any actual cash with me, but I'm making a $100 bill that I would like to send to Eduardo for his "little bitch, put you in your place." Yay.

That's right.

Well, that was an iconic moment in the podcast.

It was.

When Eduardo called me a little bitch. And you know what? Some people say our country is terribly divided. Unified the country. Yeah. Everyone. I don't care if you're a red state, blue state, you know, Trumper, never Trumper, everyone said, yes, that guy's a little bitch. Yeah. Everybody. It was a beautiful moment.

It was a really sweet, definitely sweet moment.

Everybody in the country listening to Lil Bitch and Big Fat Fuck with Dem Titties.

Yeah.

Big Fat Fuck with Dem Titties.

DriveTime Radio.

Yeah. We bring people together with our special brand of the truth.

Can we give a very special thank you to David Hopping for having covered for Gorals? Yes.

David was fantastic because I edited and I, at a time, was just like, "They don't need me. He's great." You know what I mean?

No, we need you.

No, he was great.

Because I won't have— I mean, David, I can take in small doses. And you know I love David.

Yeah.

But he works Hilary Duff into every conversation. And I— listen, I like Hilary Duff. I'd gladly have her here on the pod.

Yes.

Yeah.

Yeah. Whenever we clear up whatever legal thing we have between us. Okay. But yeah, he is so obsessed with Hilary Duff.

Can I just shout out, in all honesty, my wife, who did all the work, obviously, for all of this?

Yes.

She's been amazing. And so—

Amanda?

The two girls, yeah.

Yeah, Amanda, your wife, very beautiful, very talented. You're a lucky man. I am. Man, you're lucky. Yeah.

Okay, well, hold on.

Jesus Christ, you just got lucked out. Well, I'm just saying.

It's kind of creepy the way you're saying that.

I'm just saying, when he said, "Oh, you gotta meet my—" It's also a little bit of wishing. When he said, "You gotta meet my wife," I thought it was gonna be like a broom with a face painted on it.

Her name's Amanda. Say hi, Amanda.

Hello. I mean, come on. Gorley's wife.

That's fair.

And this total smoke show comes walking in.

She's gorgeous. The same could be said for you, too. I mean, both of you are really punching up. Yes. Yeah. I mean, no offense, but oh my God, are you punching up?

No, people think that, you know, that Liza visited me in the hospital. Like, what do you mean? They just think some total accident happened. And that's how I got this woman. You know, like she was there and then accidentally got married.

She had amnesia and you came in and went, I'm your husband. Yeah, exactly. Thank God I found you. Yeah.

And you think I'm handsome. Oh, that's why I married a sweet man. We're both very lucky men. Yes, you are. And you know who also is a lucky fella? Your husband.

Takhtakesian. Yeah. I can't believe I'm saying Takhtakesian now. Tak, tak, tak.

You don't even know his last name, do you?

Yeah, I know it's Baroian. Yeah, no. It isn't.

It's Takhtakesian.

It's not Takhtakesian, but yeah. Yeah.

Anyway, this is getting really nice and everything, so I just I just want to get us back to ground zero. Yeah, okay, please do.

You suck.

You were way too long. I'm fine.

Yeah, you're a fat guy.

You gotta lose the weight. Yeah, your husband's name's Tak Takisian. You're way too loud and you don't help me as much as you should. Um, I think—

where did that come from? Why?

And I think— come on. And you're still— what a bitch. No. 1, 2, 3. Little bit.

Oh, I can't. No, I can't. I honestly—

oh, why does it feel so right? I can't do it.

Why can't you do it? I honestly could not do it.

Why not? I don't know. You've called me everything.

You actually called me a little bitch before.

I'm sure I have. I've called you a dick, an asshole. But I can't. I don't know why.

Little bitch hurts. Like job security?

No, I think I just feel like it's too far.

You think Eduardo went too far?

No, I don't think he went too far. I think I would go too far. And I think it's because I was your assistant for so long.

Really?

And I wouldn't want to.

I've never seen this side of you.

Isn't that weird? I know. I don't know.

Wait a minute. You have some tiny bit of professional fear of me.

Me. I kind of do. That's incredible. I do. I mean, when he said it, everybody else was laughing, and I like was like, oh my God, Eduardo.

Eduardo was scared. He went home. It was— yeah, he was really terrified that like it was over. Yeah, I feel good about it now. And then you remembered— and then you remembered who I am. Also, you probably went home thinking, it could be over for me, but if it is, totally worth it. What a way to go. Anyone in the country would have hired you. Well, super happy to have you back. And we've reunited, as you know, probably— isn't there a movie where there's different stones and they got to put them in the glove?

Yeah, the Shankara stones of Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.

Sure. Are you talking about Thanos and the Avengers?

I just knew that—

no, we're talking about Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.

I don't know. There's a lot of stones that need to come together.

Also, next week I'm back on paternity leave.

All right. You know my guest today from the TV show The Newsroom and the film X-Men: Apocalypse. Now you can see her in the Apple TV+ series Your Friends and Neighbors. Very delighted to have her here today. Olivia Munn, welcome.

Jon and I have talked about this before. Like, growing up, it's like to even think that you'd become Conan O'Brien's friend, let alone like, sitting here talking with you is such a— It's a really hard thing to go back and be like, "Hey, one day, you're gonna be friends with Conan O'Brien." It's kind of— It's very surreal.

Well, that's a very nice thing to say, but—

Spend a little time with him. Yeah.

Yeah, you'll see very quickly. I think in 10 minutes, you'll want out. You'll want out very badly. But, you know, I'm so happy you're here. And we were chatting just before we came in here to do the pod, I call it pod because there's not time to say podcast. Okay.

You saved a lot of time with doing that.

I did. And we should stop now. But we were chatting, and you were just talking about how— which I can relate to, and I think you can relate to, Matt. But you're tired. You're tired because you've been taking care of your kids, and you just said, "I am so tired." And I said, "Trust me, this podcast today is going to be your time out." But you're going through the same thing.

Yeah. Newborn. I got a— What? Yeah. I mean, she's— Great. She's one. What do I do? Do I talk? Do I— that's right, this is your first—

this is his first day back since a maternity leave. The children are now in their 30s. He's been gone for a really long time. Yeah, but, um, and I think too long, but, um, we'll, we'll figure that out later. Uh, HR tells me I'm not allowed to bring it up, but, but, oh my God, but you, you're tired. You're— you are exhausted.

I am pretty— I'm really tired. I was As I was coming in, John was like, have fun on Conan. I was like, I'm so tired. Um, but I'm so excited to be here because I was saying like, like our, they're 4 and 19 months and this crazy thing is that like when everyone's there and like we're happy to help and be there to help, my mom is there to help too and my stepdad, like we want to be in the mess, you know, just be in it with them. And the problem is, is that just leaves us with nothing on the other side. So like we're giving to our work and then we come home and it's like, We can do it all ourselves, and it's just— And I just think—

I don't have that instinct. When I come home, I'm very happy to say, 'cause we have a lot of help. I have 8 butlers. That's just me. And I have people that carry me. Oh! Yeah, from the toilet to my other toilet.

You gotta go to the bathroom a lot.

Yeah. Oh, I'm constantly—

Like, it's from one to the other? There's no stopping.

They don't stop anywhere off. And there's a toilet on the little chariot they carry me on. Yeah, I'm constantly—

but by the way, if that's what's happening, I think you need it. Yeah. No, no, trust me.

I don't think this is like vanity at all. I think there's something going on.

That's a really good point. And thank you for taking my side on this because, you know, my wife is always like, this is really necessary. I'm like, you have no idea how necessary this is. But I think that's your problem, is saying we want to be part of the— you know, you can meet the children later in life. Do you know what I mean? You can meet them later.

You're saying her problem is that she wants to be involved with her kids? Yeah.

What's that all about?

I don't get it. Oh, okay.

Okay, okay.

People like Winston Churchill, he was raised by, uh, people on the estate, and then he was like brought to meet his parents at a certain age. I'm serious. They're like, come, it's time to go meet your father. Hello, Potter. You know, it was a weird thing.

Your children call you by your first name, don't they?

Hello, Conan. Yes, it's creepy. Conan. Exactly.

Yeah, but it's casual but still like formal. Super casual. Uh, I just think, um, Um, like every little moment, just like, I think that Jon and I connect so much to our own childhoods. Like, we have such distinct memories of what our childhoods were like, and, and we see our children, um, in ourselves so much. So I think it's like every time we are— like, the funny thing is, like, Malcolm will do something, and then he and I will both have a— Jon and I will both have a different reaction based on, like, what our childhood is. And so that sometimes they're very— we're very different. He's Irish Catholic, you know, white-collar family. And then I grew up in a military family with, like, Like, my mom—

Your mom, a Vietnamese refugee, right? Yes. Yeah. Who came here in 1975.

The day the war ended. Oh my God. Yeah. Was out on the last boats out.

And— So you have a completely different frame of reference than John Mulaney, Irish Catholic. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, like, we— Like, the other day, Malcolm was like, "Why can't we do this thing?" And John was like, "Oh, well, because it's closed now. Everything is closed." And then I was like, at the same time, I was going, "Well, because we've decided that we're not going to do that because—" And then we both looked at each other going like, "Which way do we go?

What do we do now?" You didn't have your stories straight.

We did not. And we do that a lot. And then one of us will kind of start to talk slower, and that's the cue to be like, "We follow that person, whoever." So I'll be like, "No, it was, you know, it's closed, so we're not gonna go today, but we're gonna go tomorrow." And then we're like, oh, okay, I don't—

So your kids now think you're just liars. But that's what we're trying to do.

That's what parenting is. Yeah. We're trying to do. He has twins as well.

Yeah, I think the three of us have kids that are around the same age. Yeah, I have a 4-year-old. My boys turn 5 in July. Yours is in October. Yeah. And I think Malcolm's—

Yeah, he's 4. Yeah, yeah. Just turned 4 at the end of November.

Okay. I used to tell our kids that Obama canceled it. I'm serious. I used to do that. I used to tell them You know, Obama canceled it. That's why we can't do it. And they, they said, what? And I said, yeah, it was on CNN. And my, I think it was my daughter said, what is that, the Conan nonsense network? Oh my God. And I was like, okay, well, this doesn't work anymore.

They're Republicans now.

That's a Biden term.

She was 2 when she said that. Yeah.

I just said that to Jon just yesterday. I was talking about something that my mom had said to me that was so, like, flippant and innocuous. She wasn't even thinking. I know at that time she didn't think it was anything. But what she said, I knew was a lie because it was just like when I was a 5-year-old, you know, she was like, oh, whatever it was, was just like a little lie. And I, and it, I know in that moment, of course, the course changed from being like, I believe everything my mother says to being like, oh, you're just, you're not gonna be telling the truth about things. Right, right. And then I look at myself as an adult. I'll be like, ma, my mom knows everything. She's so annoying. She knows everything. She's always right. And yet I'll still be like, no, I did. Because that's my, my default is to be like, no, because I remember when it all changed for me.

You lied one time and I can never trust you again.

Well, when I think as a kid, like it, you know, I said to Jon, we never know when we're creating a core memory. So like there's things that my mom said and did that she will never ever be like, I remember that. Because there was one time when it's like in the '80s, right? So my mom would, uh, had us, my sister and I, um, my stepsister, same age as me, came home from school, puts us to nap. And then I hear the door close and I look outside. I go into the living room and she's in the van pulling outta the driveway. We're— nobody else is gonna be home.

We were like, you're alone at 4 years old.

But this is the '80s when you could like, you know, leave your kid at home, you go run and come back. And I ran out crying and screaming. Well, I thought she was leaving us and she's annoyed now. She's gotta go back. She's like, okay, get back in the house. And then she's just being like, and then I was so confused. Like, now she's annoyed with me. Did I do something wrong? But she was leaving me. And it was just, and that became such a core memory for me.

That's bold even for the '80s. Yeah. That's pretty good.

Not for the '70s, but for the '80s.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, we had We used to also in the pickup trucks, like, you know, sit in the back of the flatbed, but on the hump where the wheel is, we could sit in there like just, you know, a free ride through the highways. Like no one got in trouble then.

It was a different time. Yeah. I'm amazed at the things that we did when I was growing up in the '70s. I just, you know, sometimes I wouldn't see my parents for months at a time. I was left with just a map and a gold coin. I know.

Just go on a full walkabout for 3 days in your hometown and just come back tan and dirty.

The Outback. Yeah. Yeah. I can relate, obviously, to John and I have similar, you know, kind of lineage, and we're both comedy obsessives. Is he always trying to turn something into a comedic riff? Is that something he does at home or not so much?

No, I can't see him doing it, but it must be happening because I'll be watching, like, I'll— I haven't seen his standup until recently. We were in London. I watched it and I was like, you've been like clocking all of this. Core memories.

You're making core memories.

Everything is a core memory. Everything.

His latest special is called Core Memories. Yeah. Yeah.

No, it's, yeah. Cause, uh, but I have noticed something with him that you might relate to as like a comedian. Cause I've, I now, I see it now with him. Mm-hmm. Is that like Malcolm said something the other day too, I think. And when something's really funny, there's not a big reaction. It's just like, oh yeah. Uh-huh. And like, his brain is already, it's almost like he's like writing it down in a notebook in his head. Yes.

You know, you don't immediately laugh. Exactly. You just go, oh, that's very funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I see. Yes. That can be used later. Uh-huh. Yeah.

I would join. Yeah, yeah.

I know. Sometimes there's not, sometimes there's really not. There's like, ah, yes, that's very good.

That's very good. I think it clicks. It just literally, it flips. Switch instead of like where the rest of us are just like, that's funny. I think it immediately flips this other switch that's like, that is very funny. Let me log this down. Let me not forget the nuances of whatever this whole little moment was. So that happens a lot more than I recognized, like, you know, the first year we're together. Yeah.

It's not as obvious as John saying, you know, you're, you know, you're Malcolm falls down and he's like, wait a minute, I can use this. No, no, no. And keep crying. So I get down what it's like. Um, We were talking just before we got started, and I thought, I want to ask you about this because your early life, there's, you know, there's a lot happening. Your mom comes here when she has you. Where are you living? Is it Oklahoma?

Oklahoma. I was born in Oklahoma City. Oklahoma.

But then, um, it doesn't work out. Her marriage doesn't work out.

My father, um, cheats on my mother when I was 6 months old. Oh boy. And then she— yeah, she— my sister he was 2 and a half, I was 6 months, and my mom was, had his dry cleaning and was going through his suit jacket and found 2 movie ticket stubs and went up and asked him, like, did you go to the movies with somebody? And he said yes. And she goes, was it a girl or a guy? He goes, it was a girl. And he goes, is it a date? And he's like, yes. And then so she leaves and then, um, and she goes to Japan?

No.

So she leaves. So my, okay, my mom and my mom, my grandmother and her 9 children escaped Vietnam in the fall of Saigon and in '75. And they came out to Oklahoma because they— there was a Christian university president that was like, I'll sponsor all 10 of you to come to Oklahoma. And they went there. And then my mom went to university and everybody still lived there in Oklahoma. And then when my— when she left my father, she went back home to my grandmother's house with, you know, my uncles and everybody there to take, you know, take care of her and us. And my mom would tell stories about about my dad coming to get us for visitation, and my uncles would be so mad, and they'd pick up huge rocks and just throw them at him and throw them at his car. And it was just— They were just— Saigon came out in them.

Yeah. What an ancient way of showing displeasure.

Do you know what I mean?

I'm gonna say, "Okay, I'm passive-aggressive with you." I'm passive-aggressive with you, Matt, but I don't pick up large boulders and throw them at you.

But now that we know that's an option.

It is an option.

So then she goes—

So then, and then eventually she remarries my first stepfather. My mom's been married 3 times. My second stepfather, it's important to note that he is amazing. His name is Sam. But my first stepfather was not a good guy at all. He was really— for 14 years of my life, from like 2 to 16. And so she married him and he was in the military. And then that brought us to—

And he was a bit of a rageaholic, yelling person. Would you call him that?

He was very abusive. Abusive in many ways. And it's interesting, like, with abuse, right? Like, there was definitely screaming and yelling, but there wasn't, like, a rage, like when you see in movies, just somebody comes in and, "Wah! What's going on in here?" It was just like that, you know, your blood runs cold. You just feel it. You know, you could just feel it. It's like when you're kids, you're like dogs, right? Where you can feel things before anything is said. You could, like, it's raining outside, and I would learn, like, later in life, like, okay, rain, that's actually bad because he might be late for work or somebody might did that, and then he's going to come home and be really in a bad mood. So you just kind of, like, Yeah, yeah. Clocking all these things. He wore, um, always at home, he would wear like flip-flops. And so like the sound of like flip-flops on linoleum, because you know, in a military housing, you have like the same kind of concrete floors, the linoleum on, on top of it. And just like those kind of things that you just kind of perk up and go like, okay, someone's coming or danger's coming.

And just before we came in here, you were talking about how you, you seem like someone who obviously went through a great deal and then at some point had the strength and tenacity to say, "I'm getting out of here." Because you talked about getting in your car and driving. This is, you know, when you're much older, but you decided, "I'm gonna go to Los Angeles." You got in a car, and you just started driving. And you said, you know, your car broke down at one point, and you were looking for a replacement part on the side of the road. Yeah. I mean, there's this real fire in you, like, "I am going to get out." I always wanted to be an actor.

When I was like, uh, I was maybe 17 or so, my best friend gave me this book called An Actor's Guide: Your First Year in Hollywood. And I was like, page 1, let's go. We're going to make it. And so I told my mom that I wanted to be an actor. And my mom being an immigrant was like, oh, okay, that's not— my mom and her siblings all came to America with nothing, and they all have master's degrees and PhDs and become top engineers. And one has worked for NASA, and they're doctors. And so my mom was like, we don't have a dentist or a lawyer in the family yet.

And I was like, "Okay, yeah." And also, you can understand where they're coming from. That if they're coming from that reality, and then you, just one generation removed, is saying, "I'm gonna try improv, and I'm gonna throw— and I'm gonna play some theater games," I could understand why they'd be freaked out.

Yeah, especially because she's like, "Wait, you want to do what?" She did tell me a long time ago, she goes, She goes, you wanna be actor? You go, only one man can do it. Tom Cruise. You're not Tom Cruise. I was like, what? I go, mom, there's a lot of—

She is true. There is only one man that can do it. You're not Tom Cruise.

I was like, I'm not. However, he and I do have the same birthday. So, but, and so it was, I would ask her a lot and she was like, if you go to college and use your degree for one year, like then I'll, I'll say, okay, you can go. And now I know at this point I'm an adult. but it's an Asian family, so it really mattered that my mom was, you know, there to support me. And also I didn't have the money to go do that and, and I needed a lot of support and, and permission from my mom. And so I, um, graduated, um, from University of Oklahoma with journalism degree. Mm-hmm. And then I worked at the NBC affiliate for one year in Tulsa, Oklahoma.

And you were sideline?

No, I was doing the assignment desk. You've been into a newsroom before? So there's the— we go into a newsroom, there's this assignment desk, and it's where you answer the calls from people going like, "I love what, you know, Jane was wearing today on the— what color was that suit?" And it's also people going like, "There was a, you know, I've got a complaint about, you know, XYZ and what's happening over here on this street." There's also all of these police scanners, paramedic scanners, fire department scanners, and it's constantly all the time. And your job is to hear it all and then to tell people and to be like, "Conan, go to 89th Street. There's a, you know—" "There's a fire at MacReady's Barn.

Get over there." Exactly.

And they're right there in front of me, and I hear nothing. And I could hear producers screaming out what he— like, you know, they're like, "A school bus turned over on 29th." You're like— I'm like, "Really?" And they're like, "Oh my gosh, there's a house fire on Robertson." I'm like, "There is?" And I'm like, I'm the worst person at this job ever.

It was— Your job is not to go, "You don't say! Wow! There must be some fire." I'd be literally—

"We should put it on the news." I'd be watching people get up and run and I'm like, what? They're like— and they'd be like, they'd be into the parking lot screaming, what's happening? And I, I just couldn't hear it. And so I took that job for a year and then, then they asked me, don't ask me why, they're like, do you wanna stay on longer? And I was like, well, I told my mom I would only do this for a year before I, I would go. And I was just determined to just do a year. And then I started thinking like, oh man, maybe I, Maybe I will. I don't know. I talked to my mom about it. She goes, "You know what? Why don't you just wait another year? Just, like, one more year, and then you should go out to California and give it a try. But just one more year." So I was like, "Okay." And then one day, speaking of core memories, like, not knowing when you're creating them, my sister was getting dressed, and she was in the bathroom putting on her makeup, and she said, "Oh, you know, Mom said the funniest thing to me the other day.

She said, 'You know, Olivia keeps wanting to go to California to be an actor, and I just told her, like, next year. And if she says anything to you about it, just be like, just tell her next year and we'll just keep saying next year, next year until one day she'll forget about it. Mom. And my sister said it of just like, mom is so silly. Isn't that so silly? And I, I'm pretty sure my sister doesn't even know this story cuz it probably didn't even clock to her. But in that moment I was like, oh my God. Like, well, why is this working? Like, why, why, why? It, cuz it clearly worked on me. And I thought, well, I'm letting it work. Why am I letting it work on me? Well, because what if I don't make it? And if I don't make it, then for the rest of my life I could always say, Well, I was gonna be an actor, but my mom wouldn't let me. I was gonna—

Yeah. In a way, you have an out.

I have an out forever. So I had this old, like, beat-up Land Rover Discovery that, like, broke down, like, every 20 miles or so. And it was not a good thing for the environment to do, but we took out the catalytic converter because in Oklahoma you could. And the catalytic converter allows more— to have just more, like, horsepower. And it's really bad for the environment because it doesn't— it lets all the exhaust kind of out. But in Oklahoma, you could do it. —so— Thanks, Oklahoma. So the mechanic was like, you know, you take this out, you're gonna get— like, you're gonna be able to go a lot faster, and you're gonna get more—

It just shoots gasoline out the back, propelling you forward.

And so— and then I also had a really bad crack in my radiator, and I knew about that, but I couldn't afford to— You're driving Chernobyl.

Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. And so— I mean, you're low on your— you're kind of low on uranium.

So I— so then I had to drive, like, got in my— in the car and I was to go from Oklahoma to Texas and then all the way through, you know, New Mexico, Arizona, and then to California. But it like, it stopped like every 200 miles. And because you have to stop, open the gaskets, put in the radiator fluid, you know, to the freon to, you know, keep it going. And then, then at one point it just was like steam was coming out. I was in the middle of New Mexico, and the steam was just, like, spewing out. And it's like the check engine light's coming on, so I pull over and I'm like, oh my gosh. And, like, the hose for the radiator, like, had blown. It was like a crack in it. I'm like, I just— I'm on the side of the road on the highway, like, look, you know, like, walking for a while, going through the brush, and then I find a hose. I'm looking for something that I could use, and I find a hose. And because I've already had to do these things—

You found a radiator hose?

No, no, no, not a radiator hose.

Oh, okay. No, it was A hose. A hose. You found what you were looking for?

That's amazing. It was a— it was— I don't know what kind of hose. It wasn't a water hose. It was something. But I did it because in college, my best friend Kara, she's very— she taught me a lot of this stuff. And, um, and so this had happened once before when we were in Oklahoma during college. And I was like, what are we doing? She's like, we're gonna go find a hose. I was like, what do you mean? She's like, we're gonna find something. And like, so we like on the side of the road, you just keep like looking and looking and like, you'll find something. And so, you know, I look— it wasn't easy. It wasn't like— I was like an hour or so. You could sit there like treasure hunting.

Treasure hunting.

I'm just saying you may have a real talent here.

Well, you just search and search and you find something. And I, I carried, um, the screwdriver and I carried like the heat-resistant duct tape. I mean, I had the whole thing because this was a situation that I had experienced for like over a year. I've been going through this. So you'd think actually that I would have kept like extra hoses. That's the key.

No, not if you're— yeah, not if your experience is Just go outside and look around. It's like shopping at Meineke. But we found it, and it got me through.

It got me to the very— like, all the way to Altadena where I was meeting cousins.

And so, how long before you got work?

Well, it depends on how you describe work. So, in An Actor's Guide: Your First Year in Hollywood, they tell you—

They tell you, really? Yeah.

They tell you.

After the chapter on finding a hose. This book is really good.

You know how they do a new edition? Maybe they should do a new edition interviewing me from now on.

The new edition.

Yeah. So it says, to become an actor, you need to join the union. And how do you join the union? You get your SAG card. How do you get your SAG card? Well, you book something that gives you a SAG card, or you go and be an extra. And you can be an extra, and you get pink slips. I think it was 3 pink slips equals 1 SAG card. That's what I got. You did?

Did you get it? Yeah, for being an extra.

Wait, how many pink slips did you get? 3. And did you get speaking parts? No, I was just a—

Did you get featured? No, I was a high school student, even though I looked 38. I saw what's the credits.

It said creepy high school students. Yeah, prematurely aged.

Did everyone get one, or did they just give it to you?

It was called a show called The Smart Guy on like, was it Nickelodeon or something? I can't remember. And one of the actors was someone we knew from an improv group. And so he got 3 of us as featured extras to get our SAG cards.

What was the featured part?

Creepy guy in a high school. Like, we weren't like speaking. It was some kind of—

it seemed like a game or something. See, that's the— it is.

So it's really background work. It is background work. Totally.

Yeah. Yeah. And but I thought you just go. And then you're like, every background person gets like a— I didn't know there was like a special thing. Like, you have to be like, you have to have a featured, whatever that means. But so in the book, it says like, go to Central Casting and you bring your passport and another identification and you go through your lineup. So I go to Central Casting out in Burbank and like, there is a line that goes, you know, down the block, down the block, around the block. And I'm there like, passport in hand, the biggest smile on my face. I'm like, we're doing it. We're gonna do it.

We're here. Look at us. I'm the new Tom Cruise. Yeah. Just like the book says.

Yeah. You guys have the book too? Yeah. And I was like, literally the only person smiling the entire time. I was like, this is it. And I get to the front and the first one I did was Gilmore Girls. I couldn't believe it. I got cast on Gilmore Girls. And I get to Warner Brothers. I see all these people there and no one else is smiling. It's 4:00 AM and I'm just like, guys, We're doing it. Here we are. Let's go. We made it. And then this one guy brought me over and he's like, come here. He's like, is this your first time doing this? I go, yes, yes, it is. He was like, okay. He's like, what color did you bring? I was like, what do you mean what color? And he was like, what color did you bring? I said, I don't, I just have like winter coats and stuff. He goes, hold on. He hands me his red scarf and he's like, you need this so that they can see you in the background. He's like, and he puts on a red hat and he goes, and you want to make like big gestures.

He's like, you know, like you can say hi to a friend that's way over there. And like, so he had all these like tips and tricks and taught me about like bringing tupperware so that I can take food home, and how we want to get into meal penalties. And it was like this whole thing I loved.

The Yoda of background acting on your first day.

Some of the advice, I'm not sure. I have a hard time watching Gilmore Girls because there's a guy in the background who's always flailing like he's on fire. Wearing a red suit, bright clothes. He's dressed like Where's Waldo? I can't understand Rory!

But I only did one other. Background job, the very first thing I booked was It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

Oh, there you go. So nice.

It's my jam. Oh, wait a second. Uh-oh. So, I couldn't believe it. I was, "This is so exciting." Then Monday morning rolls around, and I'm waiting. I know I'm supposed to film on Monday, and I'm waiting, I'm waiting, I'm waiting. And then I try to get ahold of somebody at the agency. No one's answering. Try to get somebody at the management company. No one's answering. 'Cause it's super early in the morning. I'm like, "I feel like I'm supposed to be there already." And then finally, I get a call from production. And the woman's like, "Oh, my God. We transposed the last two numbers of your cell phone." My number at the time was 0608, so they were calling 0806. And they're like, "I'm so sorry. We had to go audition all of the extras for this role." And I was like, "What do you mean?" They're like, "We told your managers." But my manager at the time was too busy starring and filming his own movie— Oh, God! —that weekend— Oh, come on, bro. —that he didn't give me any of the—

Oh, come on, bro.

Oh my God. I would give him just a number of more chances if I could. That's not too much. I'd give him 15 more chances.

Yeah. I was like, "You guys," I was like, "I'll be right there. I'll be right there. I'm sorry we've had to move, but don't worry, we'll remember you for the next time." I thought, "Of course you're not going to." I look back at my start, and there were things I desperately wanted to happen that didn't happen.

And then later on, I realized that if those things had happened, the real great shots wouldn't have come along for me. It would've set me off on a different road. So— Because you go on this streak of Attack of the Show!, you get— Daily Show. Yeah, Daily Show. You get offered a part on 30 Rock. Oh, that one, yeah. Which you couldn't end up doing. And then you do The Newsroom.

Yeah, I— That was like my first big, like, behemoth to take on, right? Like, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart was a— Those both are, like, kind of simultaneous, and they're very different in their own ways. I knew that I was, like, just the outlier in that whole cast for the newsroom. And that, you know, and actually after my first day of filming, the very first scene that you see me in in season— in episode 2, season 1, he came to me afterwards. He's like, "You know, we were—" He's like, "Just so you know, we were all watching being like, 'What's this girl from The Daily Show gonna do?'" And I was like, "And I kind of felt that pressure a little bit, but also at the same time felt like, you know, I didn't know a lot about the etiquette of filming on sets and how— I would ask a lot of questions. I would go to Sorkin and be like, "Can you explain all these little things to me?" Because I was like, I mean, I didn't write the character, you did. So I would— And so there was like a little— And I would ask other actors and be like, "How would you say this line?" And they'd be like, "What?

You can't—" And I was like, "Why would I just want to use my brain if I can have everyone's help and involved in this?" And I was looking at— I knew I was going— I had a script. I had such an amazing, high-caliber group of actors around me, and I was like, "Oh, man, I don't know. I just have to narrow in and think about what I'm doing." And I, at that time in entertainment, I feel like a lot of times I'd seen characters like that play really just overly demanding or apologetic, and I just wanted to play it straight. I just was like, "There's just— Nothing has come close to that." I stopped filming that show in 2000— in '14, '17, '14? Something like that. A long time ago. And nothing has come close to that because of the challenges that Sorkin put for me in there to, like, really make things really small but still give it as much impact.

It'd be very hard to act in his stuff because he puts so much dialog in there. So dense. It is. It's so dense. And when I watch his stuff, I'm always very— He's obviously a great writer, And he's really a savant at this. He does great work. But I'm always thinking, "Yeah, I couldn't work for that guy." Memorize all that stuff?

I couldn't.

And you know me, I'd just be making up gibberish. And he also loves walking and talking. So that business where, you know—

He literally can't walk and talk.

I can't walk. I cannot walk, and I cannot do both.

Unless you get carried on a toilet.

If I'm carried on a toilet. That's why. All my scenes. But you've— I mean, it's interesting because you've had kids. I know that you then battled breast cancer, and you made this decision to just take time off. But I heard you say somewhere, "I'm not going to do some announcement that you won't be seeing me for a while." Which I thought was cool because when people announce, "I'll be stepping down from my career momentarily," I always think, "No one asked." I always think it's so funny when people do that.

I'm like, you didn't ask. You don't play for the Lakers. Like, no one's being like, where are they? Tuesday night, where are they? I'm like, you're an actor. Like, everyone wants to make this big announcement. And it's like, I think if there's somewhere where people are expecting you to be, you know, then okay, you should let us know you're not going to be there. But it was like, it was a personal decision. And yeah, I just felt like I just had gone through— I don't know if your wife dealt with postpartum, but I had the worst postpartum anxiety. Did you have that at all? Yeah, I did. Yeah. I was ready for postpartum depression. That I heard about it. I'd never heard of postpartum anxiety. And so it was, um, like about a month after Malcolm was born, and all of a sudden I just like— I wake up at 4 AM, my eyes just pop open, I just go, and I just feel it in my chest every day. It's like that every day for almost a year. And I, I just— I, I would just have to hold his arm going from room to room sometimes, and that would just be like, cool, the rats— like, sometimes it'd be cool, but it would always be there.

And I didn't understand what it was. I didn't really say anything to anybody about it. I just told him like, I don't really feel I'm just kind of feeling anxious. And it wasn't until— it wasn't for like 9 months or something until finally I like opened up to, I think, my therapist about it. And I wasn't able to make a lot of breast milk. I really tried and my son was struggling because I was not giving him any nourishment. And it was so frustrating. And so I was like, I'm just stopping. I'm going to put him on formula. He's going to be okay. But by stopping cold turkey like that, I didn't know, even if I made a little bit, what happens is your hormones drop. Oh. And everything, like I had, I was not prepared for that. So then it just, it just dropped me into like the, the depths of postpartum hell. Ugh. And I was spiraling. And then I ended up getting, um, people would ask me like, what, what were your thoughts? Well, the thing is I didn't have thoughts. Thank God I didn't have any thoughts of self-harm or hurting anyone else.

Um, and I have And I have— my heart goes out to every woman who's experiencing that. And there's not enough sympathy and empathy and understanding for that. It's absolutely horrifying to feel those things. I can imagine. Yeah. So that was a big part of the reason why I was like, okay, I need to take some time away. But I wasn't thinking about that yet. Right when I was getting out of that postpartum haze, I was like, I'm feeling good. Then I get diagnosed with breast cancer. Yeah. And then it was like, it was a very aggressive, fast-moving cancer that was like all over both breasts. Breast. So I went through many surgeries, 5 surgeries. And then in that process, I was like, I think I need to step away from being in the public eye.

Wow. And it's also just important to point out you had no symptoms. And so you took this lifetime risk assessment test, right? Which told you you had a very high number and that saved your life.

I mean, that's huge. Yeah. The, I had a clear mammogram and a clear ultrasound and I did clear genetic testing, um, as well, or genetic testing. It came back clear. Um, a lot of people ask about BRCA, and BRCA is a very well-known breast cancer gene, but there are many breast cancer genes. And I tested negative for all cancer genes. Yeah. So there's a— Scary. I know. Yeah. The lifetime risk assessment test, and it's a free online test. It takes minutes to take. It's been around for a very long time, but a lot of people don't know about it. Anything above 20% is considered high risk, and it's a score that will tell you how likely you are to get breast cancer in your lifetime. And mine was 37.3%. Oh man. Okay. So I went to go get the MRI and the doctor called me that day and he's like, I think I see something on, um, on your right breast. You should go get an ultrasound. So, okay, go get the ultrasound. And then doctor's taking, you know, some time and it's never really good when they're quiet, right? So I'm like, is everything okay?

She's like, well, I see the one from the MRI, but now I'm finding two more. Oh, fuck. I'm like, okay. And then she explains it to me. So with women, our breasts are like circles and they're put across the through it, and then there's quadrants. And so multifocal means there's more than one in one quadrant. Multi-quadrant is that there's two different quadrants. It's not, it's not that abnormal to have multifocal in one quadrant, but it's abnormal to have it in two quadrants. Yeah. Multiple quadrants. So they're like, okay, you should go get a biopsy. So I go get a biopsy and they're like, yeah, it's a very aggressive, fast-moving cancer. And, and it's not normal to have multifocal, multi-quadrant at your age. And then they're like, well, let's go back to your original MRI and look at the other side. And they looked at the left breast. They go, okay, yes, we gotta go an MRI biopsy on this. And they did that one as well. And so, um, they're like, so then I was diagnosed with multifocal, multi-quadrant bilateral breast cancer. And then after my double mastectomy, they sent it off for pathology and they find, um, a tangerine size section of more breast cancer in my right breast.

Cuz you know, they look for, it's called clearing the margins. So when they get your tumor, tumors, they take the tissue out and you want to make— they want to come back and be like, okay, we were able to clear margins. So whatever tissue sample we got, we were able to say we got the tumor because there was clear tissue all around it. And because they did my whole double mastectomy, they were able to take all the tissue out, but they were like, okay, we weren't able to get clear margins till past like a tangerine-sized section of more. So, and that was— and I would never have— I would not have found it until it was a much later stage. If I didn't take the lifetime risk assessment test. Wow. Jesus Christ. And then a year after that, a little less than a year after that, I would have my mom do a mammogram. My mom just turned 70. I had her, this was last year. Yeah. I had her do a mammogram and ultrasound, clear, clear. And I did her lifetime risk assessment score and she scored in the high risk. And so then we had her do an MRI and she has, she was diagnosed with HER2 breast cancer.

It's a type of breast cancer that can double in size every 6 weeks. Weeks. What? So when she, when she got, when we found it, a few weeks later she has her double mastectomy and it already become multifocal. Ah, because it was— I gotta do this. Yeah, you do. It's a really— I'm actually working with Senator Mark Kelly on legislation that will help make it a lot easier for women to have this done, just because the onus shouldn't be on us to always know about these things. And I can, I'll, I will, you know, this is one of the biggest missions in my life besides being, you know, a mother and a wife and a daughter. I wanna help as many women as I can with this. Yeah. It's so simple. Yeah. But it shouldn't be on us to know about it. Yeah. You know, when we go into our doctors, they take our blood pressure, they ask about like our cholesterol, and they should also say, what's your lifetime risk assessment score? And so we're working with, I'm working with Senator Kelly on figuring out a way to, get every doctor in our country to make that part of their standard of care.

Yeah. All right, lifetime risk assessment test, that is huge. Um, yeah, I better write it down.

There's a specific one, the Tyra Cusick one. I have it in my link in bio in my Instagram. Okay, because there's, there's one called the Gale something other— it's the Tyra Cusick one. They're all a little bit different for some reason, but we can put it in the show notes.

Yeah, yeah, put it in the show Well, now you're working on your Friends and Neighbors with Mr. Jon Hamm, and I bet it's nice to be, you know— It must be nice to be back in it, I would think. Kind of therapeutic to be working and making that great show. I really do love that show.

Thanks. I'm so happy you like it.

And we gotta do this again sometime.

Yeah. Oh my gosh, it just settled in. What else are we gonna talk about?

No, I, uh, finding hoses.

I hope my friend, my friend Cara— I'm gonna make her listen to this. She was the one who taught me that. She's, she's, she's an architect. Do you know California Chicken Cafe out here? Of course. She's like the, the VP of branding there, and she's the one who redesigned all of the California Chicken Cafés out here. They're like all—

I've noticed they got a new look. Yeah, they do. They have new font and everything. That makes me like the chicken more. It's all about presentation. If a chick— sometimes there's a really good chicken with bad font, and I'm like, I'm not eating this shit.

You're a big font guy.

I'm very big on a font.

What I learned is they did better during COVID than a lot of places because everybody's looking for like just a healthy, easy alternative. So much so that they don't do eat-in anymore. Yeah, you know a lot about this.

Oh no, no, she sure do. She knows her, uh, fast foods and your food outlets, right? Isn't that fair That's fair to say.

It's not really fat. It's not like Carl's Jr. No, no. Burger King.

You're just lifting off a whole other places. Oh, okay. It is.

It's like that. It's good.

And I like, you don't have to walk in. They have like a window now and you just go order and you pick up. Is there one out by us? There's, I don't think so.

If I go to one, it's the one on Melrose. What are we doing?

We're talking here. Let us talk.

Can I just say the best one of all is Pollo Loco because for a while— It's called Pollo Loco. Please. Okay. I like La Polla Loca myself. I like the feminine. Humanize things because women need to be heard and seen. But also, I like a chicken that's gone insane. I like a chicken that's eyes are crossed and it's gone insane. And, and then the chicken is telling you eat chicken, but the chicken's gone insane. And it's this crazy thing where you're like, a chicken's gone so insane he's telling people to eat more of my kind.

Yeah, game recognizes game. Exactly.

All right, well, my best to Kooky John, you know? I mean— He loves you. Well, I love him. Listen, be well. I'm so glad that you're healthy. I'm glad that you have these two beautiful children and that you have this great family. I'm just very happy for you.

Aw, thank you so much. I mean, it really means a lot. I mean, I'm just so happy to be here with you guys. I mean, we love your show. Everybody loves your show. And they have to.

It's the law.

But it's been so nice. I don't want to leave now.

Well, you can stay. This is a nice place to hang. What do you guys do next?

Just go out for a tasty freeze.

Yeah. A little California chicken cat.

CCC is what the kids call it.

Yeah, that's what I call it.

Do you guys interview somebody else after this, or do you have one a day?

No, we tend to record more stuff, but—

Yeah, I don't know if we're doing more. Yeah, next week we're doing— we do segments separately and all that. I think that's it for today. You know, sometimes we just do local news and weather.

Yeah.

How many episodes do we do a year?

Well, this is interesting. You're going to be the 400th episode.

Hey, me? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Which means you get a pair of socks. 400? Someone did not plan that right.

I feel like it should have been— No, it doesn't. Somebody. No, please. It's like— But you get a pair of socks. That's exciting. Okay, Olivia, I want to thank you.

Sorry, hold on. Yeah, you need—

Yeah, yeah, adjust your clothing. And here we go. Olivia, thank you very much for being— oh, hi. Start again. Olivia. Yes. I just want to tell you that it was lovely having you here on Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. I do consider you a friend, and I wish you all the best in your future endeavors. And now I say both to you and to people all around America and in the Heartland listening, thank you and good night.

All right. Now it is time for a segment we call Review the Reviewers, where we read and respond to real 5-star reviews.

Are you reading a bedtime story to a child?

I'm trying to be professional. Okay.

All right. I'm getting sleepy. Can I have cocoa?

What do you want me to do? Go to Apple Podcasts and rate us 5 stars and you might be featured on a future episode. Today's review comes from Kira8Kira, who says, segment idea. Hey, we're doing a segment. Conan and team, I'm a huge fan. Love listening to your podcast, and it is one of the things that got me through chemo.

So thank you for that. Wow. Let's talk.

Good for her. You guys should do a segment where you guys discuss new words that kids use these days. Oh, wow. That's a good one.

Hey, Kira8Kira, I'm so glad that you got through chemo and love the suggestion. It's the new— what the words that kids are using these days.

Do you know?

Sure. There's rizz. I've been told I've got rizz by no one.

I was going to say, name one person.

No one. Apparently I am rizz-free, but it's a good word. Yeah, it's good slang. Do you know what the slang is these days?

I know cap, no cap. And I know— What's cap, no cap? Cap is you're telling the truth. No cap is you're telling the truth. Cap is when you are not telling the truth. Truth. Okay, that's right. Yeah, because it's all about hiding behind a cap. Someone explained it to me.

Oh, so, so, so use it in a sentence. Um, uh, hey dude, you're— you got— you got a cap on right now. Oh, what? Well, no, I'm trying to use it in a sense.

I know, but I just told you, you have no— hey Cohen, uh, no cap, uh, you did great at the Oscars. Oh, thanks a lot. Yeah.

Okay, okay. Okay. Um, I don't like that. I, I, I just think it's— these new phrases should be easier to say. Yeah. You know what I mean? That's why, like, the guy's got rizz makes sense to me because you're saying a lot in a very short little word. Yeah. Um, that's why, uh, I think it's useful. No cap, cap just feels like it's—

you're complicating something that's You know, it's not meant for you. Um, and then I think there's the one about any— I don't— they add maxing now to everything.

Yeah, there's all like frame, frame mogging, gesture maxing. Oh, well, that's because of, um, the social media, uh, star, um, who, who's— who looks maxing, who— which he, uh, helped invest. And I thought of a joke the other day. I ran over a controversial, um, social media, uh, person with my truck. Yeah, I was charged with clavicular homicide. Now, okay, look, I'm getting mad respect. I wrote that joke the other day because, um, I saw him being a douche somewhere, and I just was like, okay, that sort of has her hand down like she's gonna puke. I don't know what to—

can you—

no, I did a bit on the Oscars that was all about me trying to appeal to young people. Yes, but the whole joke was that's impossible if you're doing it on you're doing it on broadcast television. And that was the joke. But someone sent me a clip of Clavicular watching it and saying, dude, that was wasting his time trying to be cool on network TV. And I thought, no, that's the joke, Clavicular. But then I realized I'm engaging in an argument with Clavicular. No, I was— and that's when I thought I should use this time for good and write a joke about Clavicular where he gets hit by a truck. And then I came up with it. We— sorry, you're charged with clavicular homicide. You— come on. High fives all around.

No high fives. You say so much nonsensical words.

I feel like you could come up with a slang term.

I could.

I could come up with something a lot better than cap, no cap.

Okay, let's say, hey, are you serious?

Say something that's like, hey, this is serious. Sears. S-R-Z.

Sears? No, that's a department store.

It was a department store. No, it's long gone. Sears is so long gone, we can change it now. It's just SRZ. Okay. Hey, Sears, what are you gonna do?

Can you say I'm Sears like it's 1998?

What's that? I don't know. Okay, you're— I think I'm better at this than you are, and I think you're drifting away. What do you think? You must— you're the closest to this.

I was gonna say Adam's probably the expert because his kids are like the perfect age that—

yeah, I do hear cap, no cap. Uh, tell them it's not good and to switch to Sears. SRZ, low-key, people say all the time. And you actually, in your Oscars Liu Kang said, which was really funny, and we say it at home now, "Lo-Ken-Yuan-ly" or something like that. Yeah. Yeah. Which I think you made up, but it's like a play on low-key. Yeah. They say low-key a lot. I just said what Skylar Higley told me to say. That was one where it was like teaching a dog how to speak by putting peanut butter on its lips. Skylar said, "Say these words and it will be funny." And I went, "Okay, Skylar." So Sears. So Sears. Hey, Sears. I thought that was a good bit. Give us another one. Yeah. No, no. But what's the— you don't know?

I feel like I don't know.

No, no. Blake has one. Yeah. A lot of times people will talk to chat like, yeah, chat, that's, you know, because when you're live streaming, you're looking at a chat that people are talking about, but people are bringing it IRL into, into real life and saying, oh yeah, chat, let's go out to dinner at, you know, Chipotle or whatever. I don't know. But okay. They're referencing that, yes, a chat can be happening while you're having a conversation online. They'll say chat instead of guys. Like, hey guys, let's go do this. Hey, chat. Oh, that's okay. That's bad.

Or there's like the silent scream. I feel like Gen Z does.

Have you seen that where they'll go like, oh, I've never seen that before. They'll also say bet. Yeah, bet.

Bet I've heard a lot. Bet is really big. You know what I want to do? I want to grow even older in ignorance. Okay. That's my dream is just to drift away on the ice. Okay. Uh, and just not know about no cap, chip chop, flip-flop, squabbly-doo. I love it. You do?

Do you— did you not use slang terms when you were younger?

I think I used slang terms from the '40s when I was growing up in the '70s.

So you must have been so cool.

I was like, hey, 23 Skidoo, you know. I was always trapped in the 1930s and '40s in the late 1970s. Sure, you know. So, um, yeah, I was a weird, weird kid, and no one should do as I All right, I think we learned a lot, and also, in a way, we learned nothing. And maybe we now know less than we did before. Then we've accomplished our mission. Beautiful. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers.

Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend, with Conan O'Brien, Sonam Sethian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Liao. Theme song by the White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Battista, and Brit Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. You can also get 3 free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at SiriusXM.com/Conan. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.