Transcript of Charlie Puth New

Hi, my name is Charlie Puth. And I feel blank about being Conan O'Brien's friend.

We're gonna fill in that blank, and by the end of this episode, you're gonna feel— I think the word's gonna be ecstatic.

Or filled.

That makes me uncomfortable, Charlie. Hey there, welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. I'm Conan O'Brien, of course, and I'm joined by Sona Movsesian. Hello, Sona.

Very good to be here. Thanks for having me.

And David Hopping is, of course, filling in for Matt Gourley. Yep. Who's, uh, on paternity leave forever.

Still got—

he's still— listen, I respect a guy. He takes fatherhood seriously. I did not. Uh, when Liza was giving birth to our first child, I, I left mid-contraction to go back to work. And, uh, I still haven't met my daughter, but I'm told she's lovely.

Yeah, it's very sweet. He spent a lot of time with his family.

It's very nice. Uh, and that's a familial bond, which is very important early on. You've got to do it. But he'll return one day. Until that time, there's much to talk about. So I had a nice surprise, which is I turn on the TV the other morning. The TV's just on in the background and they go, "And coming up, Sonam Obsession." And it was— was it— is it— what's it called? Good Day LA?

It's called Good Day LA. It's on Fox 11 News. It's a local— yeah. People from LA know Good Day LA.

It's the thing. And, you know, I was just like, I've got to watch Fox right now. I was just like, I've got to see my Fox.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You love a local Fox affiliate.

I love a Fox affiliate, and that's just the way I've always been. And then I hear, we'll be right back with Sonam Obsession. Yeah, um, and you come on and you have a book that's coming out fairly soon, uh, your first book, which was a smash hit, World's Worst Assistant. Um, I don't see why it was so popular because it's just a book about truth.

Uh, about my time being your assistant. Yes, called The World's Worst Assistant.

You wrote the foreword. I wrote the foreword.

Um, and this is the world's World's Worst Mom.

This one's called World's Worst Mom. It's all about your adventures raising your, uh, your two lovely boys. Yes. AKA monsters. Um, they're lovely. They're lovely. I love those kids. They are monsters, but they're adorable. I love winding them up when they come here to the office. I drop everything I'm doing and I chase them around. Yeah. They get super hyper, so they're not gonna go to sleep for 6 days. And then I say, gotta go. And I go into a recording session and I always see your husband, Tak, looking like, Fuck you, man. They are plutonium by the time I'm done with them. They are.

They're psychotic.

I chase them upstairs, downstairs. They chase me. They love it.

They love it.

So this is you on the news, Sodom Obsession. And I was thinking, I just— I'm sorry, I had to look at that and think, look how far you've come. Amazing.

I grew up watching Good Day LA, and then I was on it. I've— but I also— I've never done live television, and I had to be very aware of what I talked about.

Right. You've done a lot of things with me, but those are on tape.

Yeah.

And there's time to pull things up a bit if you get salty with your language, because you did some time in the Navy and you have a— you got a mouth on you, sister.

Right.

And so I was amazed at how professional you were.

Yeah.

But almost like you took classes. What do you mean?

Like media training classes?

Yeah. Have you ever done that?

Do you think I've done that?

I don't know. You have this ability, which you've always had, to appear like a normal person when necessary. Well, you know what I mean? Like, you're very charming and you're not dropping F-bombs. You're not telling raunchy stories. You are just this glowing—

Well, sometimes when I was working for you.

Yep.

As your assistant, there were times when we had to interact with like actual real people, like professional, decent people.

Right.

And so you have to like, you have to switch it up. We can't be like, oh, fuck you, fuck you in front of like, you know, Michelle Obama or like her people.

I hope not. Jesus.

But we can't do that. So it's, you know, you have to be good.

Yeah.

And professional.

Yeah.

And so yesterday I was on the news. I was on the news and I was following Manny Pacquiao, which was crazy. Yeah, he was on before me and I, and yeah, I had so much fun. And those women I was on with, one of whom is my friend, Aroxia, and then the other two anchors, everyone was so professional. They're so like cool. They're fun. They look great.

Don't you think? And I don't mean to insert myself in a situation, but don't you think in a way they had you on to kind of get to the big dog, do you know what I mean? Like, was there anything like, oh, so you're here, so that's great. Is he coming?

Oh, they think like you come with me?

Yeah.

And then you would just replace me?

No, not replace you, but you have to look. It's just got to be a thing in your life where you have to be a little suspicious that people maybe are— if someone's being nice to you. Oh, it's just to get to the guy.

Okay, the guy. Listen, you're doing bits about this, but you're also right. You're right.

I'm not doing a bit.

It's like, what comes to me to get to you?

Okay. They do. You know that I'm going to get a call tomorrow from Good Day LA and they're going to be like, well, um, Sona was on, so I guess now your turn.

Well, yeah.

Right.

Well, it's kind of like you're at a feast and there's like scraps falling and I'm like, yay, I get to eat.

You just likened yourself to an animal under the table.

But I've always been a barnacle on your cruise ship and I'm fine with that and I love it and I get to to do things like go on Good Day LA. And that's what I'm saying.

I don't know. You know what I'm gonna say? Barnacles are necessary. They serve a function. What? I don't know what it is. I know they have to be scraped off religiously.

They do.

Uh, but they must serve some function.

No, they don't. That's the whole point. You have to scrape them off.

Well, then you're a barnacle. Yeah, I'm a barnacle. Okay.

And you know what? It's cool. I feel like I'm a con man. I have done the perfect grift, and I'm cool with it. I am perfectly happy with this.

Well, I will say, I mean, every time I see— it's Sona? Every time I see this Sona out in the world, I'm very impressed. You look great. You're very engaging. You're funny. And the thing I've always said about you is you don't change when the camera's on you. You don't change when you're in here being on the podcast. You don't change. I swear to God, if I made you come out with me at the top of the Oscars, you would be Sona.

Yeah.

You wouldn't be— I mean, I like to think so. And that is a gift because most people, I know hardly anyone. You might be the, you're the most natural person in every situation. That's pretty cool. Yay.

Thank you. And you know, a few weeks ago I did a keynote speech at the Writers Workshop in Dayton, the Irma Bombeck Writers Workshop. I wrote a speech and I remember I sent you a text because you're doing the Harvard commencement speech this year. And I was like, if you need help, I'm right here.

She's a champ.

I am a speech champion.

You are a speech champion. And you bring that up a lot that you're a speech champion.

I bring it up every, almost every day.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. Had a huge impact on your life.

Kind of.

Yeah.

I mean, I'm doing this for a living, which is just talking.

This isn't, couldn't be a living.

This is my living.

Is it now?

This is literally my life right now.

Do you still get paid as my assistant? Do you still get paid as my assistant?

Yes, I do.

Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Back in October, I had to go to a wedding. She covered me for 2 days.

I covered him for 2 days. Remember?

Yeah.

You went to the eye doctor. That's why you pay me.

Why did I go to the eye doctor?

Why did you go? You went to the eye doctor.

Your eyes were like watering. Oh, that's right. They were watering. And then it turned out they said you're having an emotion. That's how repressed I am. I said my eyes are watering. Watering? And they went— anything happened? Well, you know, my parents died last year, and also this sad thing happened. And they said that's called crying.

But I do things sometimes. I don't actually don't. No, no.

That's an incredible— and we have just saw this rock. I was walking through the forest and I saw this rock and I just lifted it up and I saw "na na na na na na na." Scandal! Depravity! Injustice! And I quickly put the rock down. But if you think we're not revisiting this rock and lifting it up again, you're sorely mistaken because this is a scandal. And I want— I want Sue Lane in here. I want Sarah Fedorovich in here. I want to open the books on this thing because I think you're committing a crime.

How dare you?

How dare you? How dare me?

The fallout from being your assistant has been that I am attached to you for the rest of your life. So for the rest of your life, you're paying me to be your assistant, even though I'm not.

I'm going to investigate this. I'm going to get into the weeds. This is a crime. This is a crime at every level. It is. And we're going to have to figure out— I mean, yeah, I mean, unbelievable. Unbelievable.

I still get notifications when it's someone's birthday. I don't do anything with the notifications, but I get them.

Oh, yeah. Did you get a notification about this Saturday? My fucking birthday. Hey, I think the Barnacle. Should learn the birthday of the cruise ship it's been hanging out on. You had no idea. Oh, I get notifications about important birthdays. Oh, yeah. How about this Saturday? Oh, whoa. Aha. Oh, I mean, you just remember. You don't need a notification because it's just—

it's there.

I always know it.

I have it tattooed on my leg.

Yeah. April 18th.

Okay.

Thumbs up. All right. Uh, listen.

Shut up, Blaze.

Wow.

We've exposed so much crime. The rot goes deep. The rot goes deep. All right. My guest today is a singer-songwriter whose fourth studio album, Whatever's Clever, is out now. Very excited to chat with this gentleman. Charlie Puth, welcome. Is this a first? I think after 35 years of doing this podcast, for the first time, our guest Charlie Puth has a keyboard in front of you, which is really cool and may become mandatory for everyone. I may just say, even if they— most people won't play the keyboard, but I'll insist that it be there and that they take a few stabs at it.

Yeah.

It kind of colors my words a little bit more. Like if I'm— If I have, like, a really good idea.

Oh!

If I'm introspect—

Hmm, okay. Let me ask you something. What if I start to speak and things get menacing?

Well, I'm gonna switch it to the piano here.

Yeah, let me tell you something, Charlie. Oh, yes! I don't like you, and I don't like what you stand for. I've never liked these musicians, these prodigies, and I'm gonna kill you. Now let's have it get happy.

And then I know— wait a minute, I'm off my meds, but now I'm back on my meds again, Charlie, because now we're in C major and you don't end up killing me. That's good. See, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm in it now.

You're in it now. Um, lovely to have you here. There is so much to talk about. Uh, you're on fire at the moment. Um, you've got this great album out, and, uh, and I'm very excited to have you here, uh, because I just want to talk about something. First of all, it's called Whatever's clever. First of all, this is crazy, but one of your tracks is "Don't Meet Your Heroes," and yet here you are. High five, Sona. I don't know. Holy shit. I had to. I love "I Used to Be Cringe." I was listening to that. Actually might be my favorite song on the album. It's a really good song. And you talk about how— Is that— Yes. No, wait.

I don't play more than 6 seconds of a song, but I'll let you play. I'll give the rights to you or whatever the fuck it is.

You just— wait a minute. You just gave me the rights. To a Charlie Puth song? Yeah, you idiot. And that's a verbal contract. That's what I'm going to— my new scam is going to be getting, you know, Billie Eilish in here, getting Taylor Swift in here, getting Sabrina Carpenter in here, and then having them blurt out, okay, you can have the rights. And then overnight I've got 7 yachts strapped together.

I don't know if I used to be cringe is going to give you 7 yachts, but I really like it.

Um, I identify with the song, though mine would not be past tense. I remain cringe.

Well, mine isn't past tense either, but still.

And then, I love this. One of my favorite people was Jeff Goldblum. You have a collab with Jeff Goldblum on a song called "Until It Happens to You." And I thought, "Oh, 'cause I know Jeff's a musician, this is gonna be Jeff playing." When you get to his part, which would normally be like rap or singing a solo part, it's him talking. And it's fantastic. It's a great 10cc shot of pure Goldblum in the song.

He's like, "Well, boys..." If I were to tell you— that kind of sounds like Howard Stern.

That's good, though. That's good.

Yeah, that was a good one. But it's a song about reacting to losing a loved one. And it's kind of like a disguise in very happy chords. But it's just like, it's about death. It's about death. And Jeff Goldblum, he made us all cry in the studio because he just started speaking to his kids who weren't there, but speaking to us like we were his kids. And it felt It's like the end of a movie where the credits kind of slowly trickle down and everyone's walking away into the sunset down the yellow brick road.

I liked, first of all, it's Goldblum who's got the most distinctive— I mean, he's up there with Christopher Walken and a couple of other iconic people who have such a distinctive way of speaking. And it's almost the part of the song where someone would scat. And he is kind of scatting, but then I realized that's just how Jeff Goldblum talks. Just, "Uh, uh, me taisam. Uh, yeah." And he's doing that, and you realize that, "Oh, this is a version of jazz And it's just the way Jeff Goldblum talks.

Absolutely it is. And I strive to find the most melodic people on anything that I— any project that I make.

Yes, I'll do it. Oh, wait, I'm sorry. I thought so.

That was my next question.

I thought that was an invite. I've got the rights to one song, and now I'm going to be in another song. This is the worst day for your career ever.

Spending a lot of money.

I said you were on fire, and you are, but it ends here.

I'm like negative, like, $26.

I've got to mention, we'll talk more about the album in a second. But when I say a second, I mean towards the end of the interview. But you killed the national anthem, and you must be getting— at the Super Bowl.

Very hard song to sing.

It is. It's a very hard song, he said, being a comedian, not a musician. But I've always heard the trick is, and the rocket's red glare takes such a big leap. Who owns the national anthem? I'm sure Trump has it now, but— Oh, boy. No, he bought the rights. Like, 6 weeks when no one was looking. But what— I've always heard the secret is to start low. Well, that's what I would do. I would be like, "Oh say can you—" I would start down there.

Well, you were doing it in C major. Oh say can you—

So then when I go up to "Have the Rockets red," I can—

You'd have to go an octave up from "Oh say—" Actually, no, you're correct. Oh say can you—

I was right, wasn't I? Oh, say can you see in the dawn's early light, the star-spangled banner yet wave, o'er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming. And the rocket's red glare. Well, you have to— I feel so patriotic.

Yeah. In this moment. Well, I mean, visually, if I can represent, the reason why it's hard to sing is because like you start, if you're going to start here and then you have to go here and then you have to actually go up here at the middle end of, at the end of the song. So you don't get a break.

When I see someone start the national anthem too high, Oh, ho, say— I'm like, you're dead. You are dead. Yeah. And I say that, I start screaming at the TV, you're dead.

Yeah. Because then you have to awkwardly change keys. Nobody comes to mind because everybody nails the national anthem, obviously.

But— Oh, I bet you have some. No, everyone's great. You seem like too nice a guy, but you know, I know in your head right now there are some names of people— We're all thinking of—

But you're correct.

When you start too high—

What's that specific one? Yeah, yeah. Go ahead, Sona, what's that? Fergie.

I'm trying to get off the exit here. When you—

You didn't say anything, Charlie, and I didn't say anything. What are you saying, Sona?

Fergie. She famously went crazy. She went buck wild with the Star-Spangled Banner.

Did she start too high? I don't know. Don't ask me. Yeah, don't ask me.

I don't know.

I think I told you. This is Sarah Ferguson, the Duchess of York? Yes, yes.

Sarah Ferguson.

Yes. Okay, well, she had no business singing the national anthem. I know, I agree. London Bridge is is fantastic. And again, not— it stays in a restrained range. If I'm ever asked to sing the national anthem, and I know it's— it hasn't happened yet, but I'm still very young in my career. It's coming. It's coming. Thanks, Charlie. I will start low. I will start low.

Yeah. But you are correct in your assessment. You don't want to start like, "Ooh, ooh, say," because then you have to go—

I wonder how high I could start and still hit it. Oh, say, can you see by the dawn's early light what so oddly we hail in the land of the free and the resurged and the blessed of us all? Oh, how about that, hey? Oh, ha ba ba ba, hip hip hooray, ba ba sha ba. Here we go.

—A modern-day Minnie Riperton. —Hi.

You know what? You ran out of keyboard. And I saw you pull some extra white keys out of your pocket and glue them.

I had to really drive the shit up. You got really loud there for a second.

Yeah, it's insane. It's insane.

It's kind of like a cross between Tiny Tim and Freddie Mercury. Oh, how dare you?

Yeah, it was. It's a very good musical analysis. I had my testicles removed 6 weeks ago in preparation for this interview. And I'm told they might be able to reattach them. Might. If they can find them.

See, you don't get stuff like this in Santa Barbara, where I live. You have to come to Hollywood for this shit.

You know what I love, Charlie? There's a— You perform a great service, which is— I just want to make sure I get the title right.

Yeah.

Professor Puth TikTok series. You have this TikTok series that I enjoy because I'm an amateur musician and I like to play around with guitar and I like to try and make music with other musicians in my way. A lot of qualifiers there.

You're a musician. You're downplaying it. Well, I love doing it.

It's a big part of my private Uh, hobby life. But I've always been phobic about theory. And, and I've, I was phobic about math when I was a kid. And when people would bring up math, I would think, I'm not smart, I can't do this. And I would shut down about math. And I'm the same way when people bring up theory. I love to mess around on the guitar. And then when someone says, well, that's interesting. That's the relative minor. So you can take the relative minor, but remember, if you play the flat, remember there are 3 flats. I just black out.

I do too. You do? Really? Absolutely, I do. I'm not just saying that to make you feel better. I really— I remember there's a, you know, solfège, do, re, mi, fa, so, la, ti, do. That is put in place so you can know— it's built as a reference for singers. So like, do— oh, now it's a toy piano sound. Yeah. Good job, Schroeder. This is— C is do, and then fa is F, but I don't need Doh, fa, like it's, it's an extra effort for me to remember that. I just know it's C and F. So I would go to my teacher and be like, I don't know how to read solfège. She was like, well, you have to know how to read solfège. You're in fucking solfège class.

I don't like the way this teacher talked to you.

And I was like, if you don't know how to read it properly, you have to go to solfège 3. But like, but, and I would hold up the piece of paper, but like I can sing and play back every note perfectly because I don't need the reference. I have it in my head. And she said, "It doesn't matter. You have to go back to 3." So I share that with you where I would get nervous.

You have this great— I use the term origin story a lot on the podcast, but you have this moment. You're interested in music clearly, and you know you have a facility with music. Have I made it clear? Well, there is a keyboard in front of you, which Al Pacino did not have. But you went to Catholic school. I did, yeah. You had a moment in Catholic school when, is this correct, an organist, someone who played the organ for you guys at a mass or something, wasn't present. Do we have an organ sound?

I don't think we do. But yeah.

Did we get you this, or did you bring it?

I brought it just because it has my initials, C.P., on it. Very nice. It's not my piano. It's tiny enough where it's not super inconvenient.

So you're that self-involved that you need your name to be on it? On everything. Very narcissistic. Okay. I saw your license plate on your car when you drove. It was Puth rules. Yes.

Puth's in here. Yeah. But yes, the church organist didn't show up and they were going to play it. It was the time of life where they would play things on tape. I don't even know if that exists anymore, but they were going to play the whole mass on tape and awkwardly pause it. And they sometimes wouldn't pause it correctly. And then I was like, I know the whole mass from memory. I've heard the songs, uh, so many times. I, because I thought it was like, if you look at a cup with a deer on it, you're going to remember what the deer looks like. If you, you know, uh, have a bit that you have to memorize, like it's, uh, if you read it enough, you're going to remember eventually if you read it enough times. I thought that was the same thing for everybody, just with sound. Um, and apparently it wasn't typical and that's how I discovered it.

Yeah, that's a, it's funny that you, you thought well, wait a minute. Okay, the organist isn't here, the person who was supposed to play, but—

How can I make this about me? Yeah.

Well, I would do that, but then have nothing to back it up. But you thought to yourself, "I— Oh, I've heard these a bunch of times, so I'll just go up and play them." And you didn't know that was unusual.

No, I didn't, because again, I thought it was just like if you study for a vocabulary test, if you need to memorize the definition of— whatever, and not the word whatever. I know what— actually, what is the definition of anywho? You read a bunch of definitions, you're going to memorize them because you heard it so many or read it so many times. I attribute it the same feeling with sound. If I hear a James Taylor song 10 times, I'm going to know it right away.

Right. It endlessly fascinates me. That's why I— That fascinates me too. I love your TikToks. I really love your TikToks because, and this is where it all started, I love when you explain something that I've been hearing, and it's around, but now you're explaining why so many songs sound like this. I remember watching one, I forget what it's called, but that whole trend in music where there's a soft and a loud, a soft and a loud, and a soft and a loud oscillating, and it's become such a sidechain compression. Sidechain compression, which we— yeah. And it's—

that was so cool. Yes.

I'm sorry, do you want me to do it again? Oh, no, no, no. You mean what Charlie did?

Charlie was doing—

she meant what Charlie was doing musically who was the one you were interested in. That's what I like.

Were you trying to beatbox?

What were you doing? I was choking on a chicken bone. Okay, that makes sense. But so, no, but what you were doing was, you start explaining what that is, and I realize I have heard that a million times. And it's always associated with a club. It's in every episode of Euphoria. There's people crying with lots of makeup, and it's like, "Oomch, oomch, oomch." Whatever you do it, please, I don't want to do it again. Oomch, oomch, oomch, oomch.

Sounds like a pig in distress or something.

I don't understand. You really love this when I do this. Yeah, that's exactly what you do it.

Please, Charlie, I beg you. So everybody understands. Like, if you went up to someone on Larchmont right now and was like, what does dance music sound like? They would go— they would put their hands— if you're in New Jersey, they would put their hands in the air. They'd be like, my goal is to— so everyone knows that that's like, you know, the broad terminology of like what dance music sounds like. But my goal is to like take it one step further for people, for them to understand that all that is, is just volume automation, you know, like, right. That's just me playing this thing.

Rising, falling, rising, falling.

Rising, falling. And it's just volume down, volume up, volume down, volume up.

But then what's cool is you talk about how a lot of people would think, okay, that's in club music now. Yes, it is. But you'll say, well, they were doing it in the '70s with, or in the '60s with this, then the '70s, they, you know, Donna Summer and Donna Summer.

It wasn't as obvious though. It was just more of like a a way to— it was more of like a really secret engineering trick. Right.

A little spice that they were putting in and not telling anybody. And then everyone exaggerates it more and more and more. It's like so many other things in music. You can hear something's going on in Sun Session records in 1954, '55. And it's— now we can say, well, it kind of just sounds kind of very much country. But at the time, it sounded very different to people. And then people just kept tweaking it and tweaking it and it became, you know.

I mean, everybody wants more of what they like. So, like when I first heard the Black Album, Metallica, like Sad But True, laaun, jaun, jaun, jaun, jaun, the really bright '90s Lars, doo doo doo doo doo doo, pop pop pop pop, like a motorcycle fucking metal kind of sound. Then I started to hear, that came from or might have been inspired by Living on a Prayer, Bon Jovi. Or another muttlang record where they were experimenting. Well, but where did— what came before Living on a Prayer? Uh, I'm generalizing, like In the Air Tonight, Phil Collins, big Peter Gabriel, Phil Collins gated drum sounds. Yeah, everything you can trace. The cool thing about music is that you can trace everything back to something. Yes.

And that's the thing that's true of my business has been comedy, and it is so important for people to know No one's coming along with a fresh slate. Everybody is coming to their— call it a craft, call it a pastime, call it a career, whatever. They're all coming to it with this gumbo that they grew up eating, you know, that was just a mix of so many other influences. And everybody's starting with that. So you could, you know, you could say, oh my God, the I like the most hardcore thrash metal. Yeah. But those guys will tell you, well, actually, I was listening to, you know, REO Speedwagon in high school. And you'd be like, wait a minute, REO Speedwagon? And I'm making this up because I don't think that's possible.

No, but I like—

but you know what I mean? They heard something in that that then they extrapolated and pulled out and got to where they wanted to go.

Like, do you remember the first time you ever saw, I guess, the video or the, uh, the— of like Kinnison at, uh, Dangerfields, like when he just got up there and started yelling. Yelling. Yeah. Yeah. Had anybody done that in comedy before where they just like, I just got back from a 7-Eleven, I'm saying, "Marble!" Like, Dice had his, like, you know, cigarette behind the ear kind of like shtick and everything like that. But like, where did that come from? The Eddie Murphy thing? Did that come from a— like, Brian Regan not cursing at all in his bits. I don't know if you're enemies of these people or if you— No.

I hope you're friendly with all of them. He has not named named an enemy yet, but if you keep going— No, I don't.

I don't have enemies. I would listen to, like, 2005 Dane Cook, where he's cursing all over the place. But then I'd hear, like, a couple of years prior, Brian Regan, where he wasn't. It was like maybe he was listening to that, but just, like, added in the curses for, like, extra effect. Like, I think a lot of comedians are also musicians too, because I think that there's a lot of parallels.

Well, we talk about this a lot. I bring it up a lot because it fascinates me. Everyone in comedy envies musicians, I believe, whether they consciously or unconsciously do it. I very consciously envy musicians because I always look at a musician as someone who's not judged moment to moment, and I envy that. But— That's not right. Well, no, but not what I'm saying moment to moment. I mean, when you start and you play One of your songs, people aren't going, "I like this part. Oh, no, no, I don't like that part. Oh, but I like this part again. Oh, but I don't like this part now." That's not how they think about music. And that is very much— Comedy is moment to moment. Like, you get a laugh, and then you do another thing, and like, less of a laugh. And then sometimes like, "Ooh." And then like, "Oh, yeah!" And I don't think that happens in music. And I think I've always envied— If you go out and play your hits, everyone's going to be so happy the whole time. Springsteen's back out there now with the E Street Band, and I think— I gotta go to that show.

Yeah, no, it's gonna be amazing. But no one's, no one's, no one's saying, okay, I like this, this part of this song. Oh, I don't like this part as much. I— but no comic ever gets to the point where they're not judged, I think, moment to moment, in my opinion.

I'm sure Bruce has had fans who are like, do we have to hear the fucking Rising one more time? Do we have to? Let's get to Glory Days. Let's get to— I just put out an album, and of course, I'm like, any artist that says that they're not reading reviews or scouring the internet is lying. I am like, I look at this, I look at these reviews as much as my child. And you nurture them. You nurture them. I take them too seriously sometimes. My wife tells me to stop looking at them. I, I saw this one, and everyone's entitled to their opinion. I saw this one review saying that Charlie just put out an album and it is just another soulless attempt at trying to be an artist. And that really hurt my feelings because I actually did— I put my, my heart and soul in this, and I didn't make this album to make a bunch of hit songs. I wanted to actually talk about, you know, uh, fatherhood, my family, and like, and other things like that. And they're like, boo, doesn't have a catchy hook. It's like, I've I had my song Attention.

You just wanna attention. You just wanna know. I had that song out. It was a number one record and we couldn't sell 3,000 tickets in, I think it was Chicago. It was like 2,000 tickets. 2,000 people is a lot, but it was a tour meant for 5,000, 6,000 people. I've had hit songs out. People knew the hits more than they knew me. My goal on this album was for people to know me. And sometimes I get jealous of comedians because you know their personality. Like, when I first saw Ralphie May, I became obsessed with Greg Giraldo. And I felt like I knew their personality. They've both passed, haven't they? Yeah, that's okay. Oh, man. I just named two people that passed. That's okay. It happens. People die. You know what I mean? I feel like I know you because I've obviously grown up watching you. And your delivery, it's like you— you are who you portray yourself to be. And whereas a musician, it takes a couple of years for people to get to know you unless you just nail it right out of the park.

That's interesting to me that you have worked with so many great artists, and then you yourself have had so many hits. People know your name, and now you're saying, yeah, I, I really want to get into the autobiographical part of songwriting. Yeah. And, and have people connect to you that way. That makes perfect sense to As far as critics go, there's no escaping criticism. And I got to a point in my career where I don't look for it. I have— You know, sometimes you are just confronted, whether you want to know it or not, with the good and the bad. But— And usually people tell you. If there's something really mean about you out there, you'll find out, 'cause your garbage man will say, "Hey, did you see that?" You know? And I'll say, "Well..." I didn't, but thank you. I don't think you're the worst fuckhead in the world. Well, I appreciate that. Why are you eating so much dairy? Yeah. Yeah. Now, the dairy is another issue. We'll talk about the dairy. It's coating your stomach for the morning. Yeah. But I would agree with your wife that you don't— I don't think it's necessary to seek it out because, you know, when you're doing work that you like, that's important to you.

And so that's why I would agree with her that you going on the internet and looking for, "What do people think about Charlie Puth?" is unnecessary. I don't— Everybody does it, though.

I mean, it's— And I totally agree with you. It is completely unnecessary, but it's almost like high school. You just want validation sometimes. You poured your heart and soul into this, and you just want people to at least take a listen to it and understand. But, and there are so many, there's millions of people that already have. And I'm—

listen, I'm coming across as if I'm scolding you or telling you this is ridiculous. I completely understand what you're saying, but I've spent a lifetime around people that are looking for validation. And then they're like, well, first I got to do this sold-out series of concerts at Madison Square Garden, and then I'm getting knighted in England. And then I have to go to Spain, where they're actually making me a member of the royal family. You know, and it's just one of these funny things about human beings. And trust me, anytime I do anything, I think, "This is the test of whether I'm any good or not." And I recalibrate every time. I set all the clickers back to zero. I think you guys could agree that all the clickers go back to zero, and it's like, "You're giving a small toast." at a Christmas party. "Yes, I know, but these are good friends of mine, and this has to be the greatest toast of all time. And if it isn't, I'm nothing." So I'm telling you that, yes, we're all ridiculous people. But at the same time, because I'm not you, I can say you do not need to be hunting on the internet and reading, "Oh, good.

Someone wrote something nasty. I need to read every single word of it." Because I don't think it serves you. It doesn't serve your creativity. I don't think it's doing anything. No, it doesn't. And you don't know what that person's going through, which is they really, you know, they made it, they wanted to do what you're doing possibly, or they have biases. Of course they do.

I've had interactions like that before. There was this like bartender who was very rude to me. And then I, I was, I was, I'm never rude to people because I always have that mentality of they might be going through something. And it turns out that he didn't get into the school that I went to, and he was very well aware that I went to that school. It all had to do very little with the fame aspect, with the school aspect. And then I ended up having a great conversation with him about music. Right. Was this Berkeley? This was somewhere in Woodstock, Vermont.

But I mean, was the school Berkeley?

Oh, the school was Berkeley, yeah. Ever been to Woodstock, Vermont? Yes, I have. Gorgeous. Yeah, beautiful.

New England. And yet this person's living in beautiful Woodstock, Vermont, and they're bitter and angry, you know?

Maybe not anymore.

No, I think after they— they already had a resentment towards you, then they met you and you were really nice. Yeah, he's twice as bitter now, and he's nice.

Yeah, he should have been a dick is what you're saying.

If you'd been a dick, then this guy would have been so happy right now. I'm glad I'm not him. Then I'd be a dick. But now he's— I mean, He's probably not alive anymore. I'm just going to put it out there. God, this took a turn. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I think there's a good chance that person no longer walks the earth and it's your fault. But anyway, let's move on. God. I've got to get into music because I can't be a comedian anymore. You're sick. I'm just a broken man. You're so sick. But It's going to be fine.

It's like when you watch the sitcom and you hear like, you know, the there, there, everything's going to be okay. And then you hear the audience clapping like, aww. Yeah. And then you have to have— and then like cousin Uncle Jesse comes in and you have to— some sort of like comedic breakup, like, anybody want to go get tacos? And then the credits fucking roll. Going on tour.

Going on tour. And this is a big tour. Big tour. What's the name of it? Is it named after your album?

It is the Whatever's Clever World Tour. And I will be on stage with my band, and they're the best band in the music industry. They make me sound so good, and it's just a joy to share the stage with them every single night. You have to come to a show. I would love to come to a show.

You come to the Forum show. And maybe if you want me to come out, sing a song. I know this is coming, so I want to save you the embarrassment. No, I'm serious. And you just throw out a key. Key, uh, because I also have perfect pitch.

Uh, I feel like you actually might. Comedically, I have perfect pitch.

I never— oh wait, I just did that thing about a guy killing himself.

Yeah, you did. So what's another song that we might all know that you like? Uh, like, you know, something— The Way She Moves, James Taylor, Sweet Caroline, Neil Diamond. What's it? Pitbull. Pitbull.

I was mocking him with— I was doing a Pitbull thing earlier. I wrote a Pitbull song.

Which one? It didn't do very well, but I wrote one. It was called— oh, God. It was part of a movie. This was back in 2014. Was it Men in Black? It was Men in Black. It was— no, it was called Celebrate. And it was— I just want to celebrate. And then he did his thing. And we've been around the world. Same song. I'm Pitbull.

Yeah. I'm Pitbull. And I'm here to say I'm going to rock the USA. Oh, my God. I was driving into work today and I was flipping around FM radio, which I never do, just randomly. And I heard this song and I'm like, what is that? And they were— whoever the rapper was, I found out later on it's Pitbull, was sampling Baby Who You're the One, this 1950s, late '50s or '60s hit. And I, um, what's this— what is that song called?

Because what I was going to ask you is if you you can sing a song that you like and see if it's actually in the key of what the song actually is.

Okay. All right. I'm going to sing Runaway, and we're going to get in trouble because we can't do these songs, but I'll have to keep it quick.

You're going to be a very expensive guest that I am. Yeah, I forget the title. Well, don't even sing it out in full. Just sing the first song. Sing the first note of a song that you like.

Well, let me see. Wow, this is incredible.

Do you know Sweet Caroline? Sweet Caroline.

Yeah, not so well. I mean, I hear the way the Boston Red Sox crowd sings it, and we know they've been drinking and they've got 40 days. You sing a lot. I'm going to give you 40 Days. That's Ronnie Hawkins and the Hawks. 40 Days. How about a Jack White song? We Are Going to Be Friends.

Ideally a song I know so I can see if he's correct.

You know We Are Going to Be Friends? Fall is here.

Oh, you're stumping me. I usually know every song.

Okay. It's a very famous song and I'm ashamed of you.

We can get off it if you want, but I just want to hear it.

No, I feel like I want to hear this. Cupid by Sam Cooke. Cupid, draw back your bow. No, no, that's not what the fuck's going on. What the fuck is wrong with you? Sam Cooke died so that you could live. What? I mean, we got to bring it up into the current times. What about a Beatles song. Oh yeah, Beatles song. Well, of course we all know those. Help, I need somebody help. I think that's a B minor it starts off in. Yes, it is. Okay, so I need some— is that— did I just sing in B minor?

Well, you're doing it in D minor.

Yeah, yeah. Well, I fixed it. The Beatles— I often fix Beatles songs.

You know, the first chord's B minor, so you definitely have some extra recollection.

I do. I remember that. Yeah, that's, that's fascinating.

Okay.

Okay, I'll admit something. You talk about this song where you make fun of your prior self or— Yes. And talk about how I used to be cringe. And I think one of the reasons I identify with that song is that I always want on this podcast to underscore that that is the human condition. It's not the Conan O'Brien condition. It's not the Charlie Puth condition. It is the human condition that we are very self-critical, and we think the former— our former selves were illegitimate, and then we've slowly worked our way to legitimacy, or we're not quite there yet but we will be someday. And I think that's just a fallacy. I think we— so your song was about how I used to do this, I used to wear my hair differently, I used to try and throw out these words to, to seem cool. And I think, yeah, I think this song is special— was— resonated with me just because I think I do that about musicians. I think they're real, you know? They're real because you can sit here and you can make magic with this keyboard, and you can write these songs that 2 billion people will listen to.

And I think, "Oh, that's many, many levels above what a comedian does." And I think a lot of comedians do that. I think a lot of us lower ourselves around musicians because I just— I think we— we put musicians on a pedestal, and maybe rightfully so, because it's— Lower yourself?

You just sang the fucking national anthem, right, Timmy? I think— but I, I, I understand.

I understand it as high as I think I could sing it. This is very—

I didn't know that this was going to be so introspective. This is very— continue. Sorry, I won't, I won't.

Uh, no, I like— every now and then some real stuff breaks out here, and we try to clean it up in editing. Yeah. And add fart sounds. Why do you think you—

comedians will lower themselves when—

well, I think comedians are all about, uh, they're well-defended. You know, they're— it's all about, um, keep the conversation moving, keep the conversation moving, um, slip and move and make fun of yourself before someone else can make fun of you. There's a lot of tricks that we all employ because really we're just protecting ourselves. A lot of these, a lot of really funny comedians grew up not being able to fight, and this is what we could do. And so it literally is kind of a weapon. It's a survival mechanism. And these aren't new observations. This is as old as time. But I do think that a lot of comedians can grow up thinking, "Yeah, I do this because I literally had to, to make my mark or survive in some way." Not literally survive, but survive these social situations. And then music just feels so instantly like, "Oh my God, that's great. Do more of that." You know, when you come across someone who's playing the piano really well, you just think instantly, Oh my God. That's like God is speaking through them. I was about to say this. And I don't think we think that way about comedy.

God is not speaking through me. And if he was, God should be sued. Oh, yeah! But you know what I mean? And so, I'm not— This isn't false modesty. This is what I really believe, is that when someone is playing with these sounds and manipulating them in a way and creating these patterns, seemingly without effort. I know there's a lot of practice involved, and there's a lot of work, but when they sit down and they're just messing around, and you see the film Get Back, the recut version of Let It Be, when you see that and you see Paul McCartney sitting with his bass, and he's frustrated because they need a song, and he just starts over and over again banging, and then you see it become the song Get Back through sheer force of will. Creativity, and he does it in real time. And it's this song that, again, is in my head, and I could make noises to simulate it.

I know the scene you're talking about.

Yeah. And he's just there with his— I mean, they're like, "They need something." And he just keeps with a bass, which I did not think of as a songwriter's instrument. I think it's guitar, or it's often keyboard or piano. But he's there with a bass, and he's just— And he's like, "Okay, yeah, yeah, I see what it is now. It's—" Don't sing too much. You'll have to pay. McCartney isn't cheap. And McCartney, he's monitoring this stuff right now himself. He listens to this podcast because he knows. Right. I gotcha. I gotcha. See what you done?

Because he's the master of— None of this is like— All of this is not even about me. It's not for— If a musician, the reason— Well, not the reason. This is how I'll say it. Musicians that make it all about themselves are the first to fall, in my opinion, because it's not— this— I didn't invent this chord. This is like some God particle thing. And then we apply our human experience, right?

Chords—

like, that sounds ugly, but like when you put— like, it starts to resolve. Like, yeah, that does something. That can make anybody— if there were 100 people in here and I played like a fire alarm, everybody would like, you know, wince and cover their ears. But you can— they're not going to do that if I do gonna be like, they're not gonna, mm, there's a difference. Like, you can do that. That's a very primitive example, but like, you can do that through intervals and chords. And then it's our goal as humans and job as humans to, to, to put our experience in what was made for us already. Yeah.

The stage was set. You know, it's interesting. The parallel that I always find is because there are certain rules that exist. Obviously, and Greek tragedy. I mean, the Greeks invented so much. Great salad, by the way. Oh, geez. But I just looked at Sona 'cause she's part Greek.

Like I invented the salad?

No, your people did, and I'm proud of you. You're welcome for that.

My gut feels amazing every time I eat what you've made.

Welcome. Welcome. But you know, there's dramatic structure. There's dramatic structure. And if you look, plays, novels, any story has a dramatic structure. Sitcoms have a structure. And then you look at a lot of it is creating tension and then resolving tension. And that's what so much of music is. Then you're on the E, you're on the F, and then you get back to the A, and you're just like, there's this feeling of—

Yeah. Happy, happy, sad. Yeah. Happy. Mm-hmm. Tension resolved. Yeah.

And it's just, I think it's the soundtrack for most mood stabilizer commercials is, you know, someone's, oh, I don't feel good, I don't feel good, but then you tried Miliastra, you know, and then, mm-hmm.

Yeah, yeah. So you record it, and it's usually a ukulele or or something. Yeah, yeah. And then all the side effects.

Yeah, yeah. Side effects include massive diarrhea, more diarrhea, your diarrhea will have diarrhea, um, people near you will have diarrhea. That's called sympathetic diarrhea. They changed the key. Yeah, they changed the key a bit. Also, diarrhea in a higher key. But you know that— I remembered there's a—

I'm trying to think which— there's a Led Zeppelin— Diarrhea in a Higher Key is what the tour should be called. I'm going on tour.

Or just Even with that song. I think it's Kashmir, you know, "Dun-dun-dun, dun-dun-dun." Yeah, we really gotta be careful 'cause Jimmy Page is on the same— He's watching on the same Zoom with Sir Paul. Oh, there he goes. That's a song that stays forever. And then it's— I mean, these are very simple, elemental changes. And I don't know that song that well. It's not in my head. But, you know, it's like it's in— it's almost like it's in E for a long time, and then it goes to E7. And so you can sort of see like the ice is starting to break, and it's agonizingly long. And then suddenly it goes to like A. And every time that happens, every time I hear it in any context, I think, "I've just seen the face of God." And it's the simplest move in the world. But that is, I think, what a lot of people in comedy do as well, which is you create this tension of what this person is saying is completely outrageous, and then Laughter is the resolution. Yeah. People laugh and it's like, oh good, we're out of that long sustained E7 and now we're into an A major.

It's like, ugh.

Yeah.

Yes. This person just saved the day. And what it is is creating this unbearable tension and then breaking it. You know, it's so— I've just ruined everything by trying to explain. No, it's— People hate this.

I knew walking in here that I was, uh, they were, you know, your staff is wonderful. They were like, it's gonna, you're, it's gonna be fun. It's like, yeah, I know it's gonna be fun, but what you're not telling me is that it's gonna be thought-provoking. I always have really interesting, awesome conversations with Dave Chappelle, yourself, Will Ferrell. It's never— I feel like the common misconception when you have a sit-down with a comedian or an actor is that they're going to be 100% that person that you're thinking of. There's so much more to that. Every time I— Will's a really good friend of mine. I'm sure you know him as well.

He's an enemy. Okay, he's an enemy. And so is Chappelle. You just named my two arch enemies. I just have to say. I hate those guys. And they have no talent. None, none, none. Sad what happened to them. Anyway, continue.

My media training is—

whatever you do, don't mention Will Ferrell or Dave Chappelle to Conan O'Brien, cuz he hates them. No, they are two— I just have really— they are two spectacular, uh, geniuses, in my opinion.

Slapping my knee laughing, like, talking to them. I'm like kind kind of like really intrigued what they have to say because there's a lot of parallels drawn.

Well, it's the same thing that happens to me if I'm talking to, you know, the times that I've had a chance to have a conversation with, say, a Paul McCartney. I don't walk away thinking, "What the hell was that? He made no music while we spoke," you know? And it's the same thing because the first time I met Steve Martin, years and years and years ago, when I was a writer on Saturday Night I went into the meeting to pitch him ideas thinking he's going to have an arrow through his head, like 1978, 1979. Like the Punisher? Yeah, he's going to— You know, there's part of you that thinks that's who you're going to be talking to. Jason? Yeah, exactly. That it would be that era. That's the era that I first— That's how I first experienced Steve Martin. And then you walk in, and it's this very, very serious, serious as a heart attack guy, guy who's trying to figure out what he's going to do that week, talking in a very soft-spoken voice, and he can access that, but he's not going to do that right now. So, so that's fascinating to me.

Yeah, yeah. So I, I am me all the time. I, I, I guess I, I, if you see me at Chipotle, I'm not gonna be how you see me on the internet. But so I, I guess that's the— it's the same thing. It's— I, I have, you know, days where I'm super quiet and I don't want to Like music, music, music.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And there are days where it's the last thing you probably— like, I don't want to do that today.

I just want to watch, uh, Doug— you ever seen Doug DeMuro on Cars? Uh, carsandbids.com? I don't think I know that.

No, I don't know.

It's just this super niche community of car lovers of the modern era. Like, if I can tell you all you need to know about the Saturn Vue—

oh wow. I just— I love— so cars of the modern Cars of the modern era.

Anything below '70s. Like, I don't know what a fucking '79 Corvette is supposed to look like, right? But I can tell you everything about the Scion XB.

The Leaf. Do you know anything about the Leaf?

Nissan Leaf. Like, I love— even phones. I like that. I love that.

A guy just going on and on about, okay, I got this Nissan Leaf, and, you know, it runs runs at 40 watts. I bumped it up to 41. This sucker will do, out of the gate, it'll do 35 miles per hour at top speed.

I do know the statistics if you're— it's a 4 straight 4-cylinder, but it's— you got a 4 under that hood in that Leaf?

What do you got in that Leaf? You got a 4?

Like, do you know what I said about— I think about when my wife's trying to watch her heated rivalries and whatever. Oh my God, I, I, I, I lay I lay down and think, why did the Yukon Denali in 2002— I'm serious. Why did GMC have this beautiful insignia on this chrome door handle on the Yukon Denali in 2002? And then in the 2003 model year, they got rid of it.

This is crazy. You're going to say I'm making this up. I have my notes here for the conversation. Denali right here. Why did they lose it on the door right here? So to believe me. So to believe. You believe me?

I, I do. That's insane.

I know, I'm very dumb. Why would I go into an interview with Charlie Puth to talk about the Denali? You were so sincere. I just brought it up.

I didn't know. I thought maybe he mentioned it.

I don't know.

You're a fool. To be fair, I thought he was serious too. Thank you, Charlie.

Thank you. I have a way of committing. Yes. Yeah. I'm going to say something because we ran out of time a while ago, and I've been keeping it going because I was having too much fun. I was having so much fun. I'm shocked you haven't been here before. And our booker, Paula Davis, um, I went to her a while ago and I said, let's get Charlie Puth on. I love him. I'll watch his TikToks. And she said, no, not gonna do it, not gonna do it. And I kept pushing her and she's like, no, no, no. She was like, no, we're not gonna do it. And I said, why? Why can't we have Charlie on the show? And she said, because you can't handle the Puth. Oh, I gotta go.

I gotta go. I can't do this anymore. I gotta go.

Oh God. I gotta go.

Is Is it the end of the podcast?

Yeah, it's done. It was good working with you.

That was awful. Jesus Christ, you can't handle the poof. You can't handle the poof.

Listen, I am so mad.

I thought it was just because I was just recently taken seriously, like a year ago. I feel like people are finally like actually taking me—

No, it's because it lines up so perfectly with you can't handle the truth. Yeah, and what I took was— Hold on, let me explain, let me explain, let me explain, and then you'll His last name's Puth. And so, I took this iconic— What's this? You can't give me thumbs down on this.

You're explaining it. That's the problem, is that now we're going into—

Imagine I'm Jack Nicholson.

Yeah, it's bad enough.

You can't handle the Puth! No, it's bad enough you did it. That's a great, great bit.

Did it end? I don't understand.

I think we're done.

No, no, no, it didn't. This is how I wish we had started. And I wish this had happened in the middle, and then at the end as the resolution.

I see.

Charlie, that cup has been empty for a while. You're just looking for a way out.

It's just lukewarm Erwan bone broth. No, what are you talking about?

You are a phenomenally talented young fellow. Thank you. And I just knew, because I also, I see your sense of humor too when I watch your videos. I'm like, okay. This guy does what I wish I could do, and he's funny, and you're a massive success. So I was really happy.

That was such a trip to me because you are such a massive success, and like, having grown up watching you, and it's like now it's just so full circle.

But none of us, none of that stuff, I don't know. I don't think of myself that— Like, this is me being as honest as I think I can be, which is I have been incredibly lucky, and I— I love getting to do this thing, whatever it is. I won't put a name to it. But what I love about these conversations is trying to get to something that I don't think I'm ever going to crack, which is there's this thing we're all trying to figure out. And now you're going to go off, and I know exactly what you're talking about. You're going to go off and play these amazing shows for sold-out, massive venues, but you're still trying to see—

Portland's not sold out.

Portland is always tricky. Yeah, but they're, you know, they're drinking kombucha. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, we don't talk anymore. Some do.

Yeah. Listen, first of all, you've now— we're not going to get Portland sold out by alienating Portland, so I'm just going to say I can't imagine a better place for you to play than Portland.

It's going to sound amazing. I mean, great donuts, great people.

They can't handle the poof. Maybe that's it. Maybe they can't handle the pressure.

We don't have to go back to that.

Well, we just went back to, uh, a quip that was cancerous. Yes, it was. I mean, it's toxic. It was, it was.

You should apologize. I don't know.

Is there any other musician you look up to other than me?

Of course, I look up to anyone that can make a living doing it. I think that's absolutely stunning. And that sounds— but I'm just amazed when, when— I mean, and my goal getting into this was if I can pay my spent thinking of funny little things or being weird. Wouldn't that be the most amazing thing in the world? That was my idea in 1985, and it's still my idea. You know, it's like still like that is— it's not going to get better than that. Scale of things can change, but the actual mission doesn't change. So I'm just— I'm blown away when— I mean, I like to sit and talk to people. If I walk into a hotel lobby and someone's playing the piano there, I'm just— I think that must just be amazing to be able to sit and play the piano and you've got a, you know, you've got a standing gig and people come and they listen to you and you get some free drinks. That's the part I would want. Yeah.

But you can, when, and I used to, that used to be one of my odd jobs is I would go, well, not odd, I would play the piano at bars. You can change the room with, you know, when you start playing, uh, Piano Man. Yeah, I won't play any more of it, but yeah.

God, these, these laws are destroying— they're destroying podcasts. They are. Billy Joel needs that $35?

No. But anyway, you would hear, like, uh, you'd hear Rodney Dangerfield sit down with Johnny Carson, and he would just, like, you could— the, the audience would change just based on the, the diction and, like, his delivery and the expectations.

Excitation. So like Buddy Hackett or Rodney Dangerfield or any of these amazing comedians would sit down with Johnny Carson when I was a kid, and my father and I and anyone else in the room would just be like, oh, this is gonna be good. And that's what happens when you start to hear some of these iconic songs. When anyone's playing their hit, you—

there's the, oh my God, everyone knows what's coming and they're also delighted and excited for it, which Right, except if you completely change the arrangement and make it, uh, not what it's supposed to sound like, right?

The bossa nova version of Piano Man. That sounds great.

Artistic selfishness. But even Billy Joel, as he says, he's— and I've opened up for him a couple times. One show got rained out, but he's— I asked him, do you let me guess, Portland? No, Pittsburgh. Oh, damn. Dammit. He even said he— like, I asked him, do you get tired of playing piano, man? And he was like, I do, but the crowd's reaction is worth everything. Wow. That's— you don't quote me exactly, but that's what I remember him saying to me. And he said, you now get out there and open this show.

I'm not paying you to talk to me.

Well, the show got rained out, and the show got rained out, and I was all bummed out. He came in, they were like, Mr. Joel wants to, uh, Billy wants to come in and, you know, offer his apologies. And he came in and he shrugged his shoulders. He was like, "What do you want me to do?" And we took a picture.

I love a guy that thinks he needs to apologize for the weather. I'm gonna start doing that. "Sorry guys, eclipse. What can I do?" He didn't have to do that.

It was nice.

He was very nice. Um, listen, an absolute delight. Congratulations, you are a new dad, which is the best thing you'll ever Do shout out to Jude Puth.

Jude, what a cool name. Hey Jude, that's what he played during the, uh, during his birth.

That's during the birth? Yeah, that's a long enough song.

So yeah, anesthesiologist, all the doctors were— nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. That's so cool. Yeah, now every time I sing it to him, he goes— that and Sing by The Carpenters. He loves when the kids come in on the second verse.

That's so cool. My daughter's name is Sandman because we were listening to Metallica, and, um, that was fucked up. But you know what, it turns out I can—

Sandman O'Brien. Just be careful.

This is a public service. Be careful what you're listening to when a child is born because it can go any different way, you know. Um, delight having you here, Charlie, really. And, uh, best of luck on this tour. You're going to kill it. Thank you. Uh, no more diving through the internet. Not necessary. You don't need it. You're way past that a long time ago. I agree. All right.

My first interview with my permanent retainer. I just got it like right before this.

You just got a permanent retainer?

Is it behind your teeth? It's behind my teeth. No, it's right, it's right behind, uh, these 4 front teeth here. Okay. I don't know why. Why would you tell me that at all? Because it's a personal victory for me. I was kind of like nervous that I wasn't, I was gonna talk weird, but no, it was perfect. Yeah, I did.

Oh, and now I have, this is my first interview with an empty colon. Just— there's nothing. I'm completely clean down there. Completely empty colon. Is that something that we should be sharing? I mean, completely, completely. Haven't eaten in 6 days. We got it. Just— and then right before the podcast, that shabadoo. Oh my God. Okay. I'm an awful person. You're awful. Charlie, I apologize to you, to your team. Yeah. But thank you so much for being here.

This was so cool. Really. Thank you for having me. Thank you, everybody.

Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend with Conan O'Brien, Sonam Avcessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Leão. Theme song by the White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our Associate Talent Producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Battista, and Brit Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. You can also get 3 free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at SiriusXM.com/Conan. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.