Transcript of Billie Eilish Returns New

Hi, my name is Billie Eilish, and I feel really good about being Conan O'Brien's friend.

Oh, that's so nice.

It's true.

Fall is here, hear the yell, back to school, ring the bell, brand new shoes, walking loose, climb the fence, books and pens.

I can tell that we are gonna be friends.

Yes, I can tell Hey there, welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend, joined by Sona Movsesian. Hey, Sona.

Hello.

And, uh, David, of course, Hopping. Hello. And, um, there's been a lot of chatter, I guess, online, uh, about Eduardo because Eduardo just— I guess this episode just dropped where he called me, um, a little bitch. And Eduardo, let's talk about this. People, it's blowing up. People are loving it that you called your employer a little bitch. And, um, and you today, when it was all blowing up, admitted to me that you were a little rattled afterwards.

I was, I, I, I remember it happening and I remember going home and talking to my wife. She'll ask, how was work today? I was like, you know, kind of weird. And she said, what do you mean? And she knows the hijinks. She's seen some of the videos. And I said, uh, Today, I think I went a little too far. And she said, what did you say? I said, I called Conan a little bitch. She just started laughing.

Oh, she tried. Oh, she didn't say, oh my God, that's too far. She just started laughing. Well, you know, I looked into it and apparently— and I consulted my doctor and I talked to family. I am a little bitch. So you are on safe ground here.

I feel better then.

No, no, no. You, you, uh, Yeah, it just felt weird, you know, to—

I'm not used to being in a workplace.

It didn't feel just right in every way.

It was a candid moment.

And yeah, but that's what makes it work.

It wasn't weird for you at all?

No.

Really?

I could—

because I don't know how you guys felt, but I was like, oh, whoa, Eduardo went there. Nobody else felt that?

When you say went there, it sounds like he visited a place that we all know about. He said the thing that we're all thinking, like it's the emperor's, you know, new clothes. Oh, okay. No, I, I wasn't. I think that's how I— I think you matched my self-image. I think you mirrored how I felt. And I just— so I just felt like I was getting into perfect— I was stepping into a bath that was perfect human body temperature. That's how it felt to me.

You create an environment that people feel safe to call you a little bitch in.

Yes. Yeah. Hey, watch it. You know, you, you have to be careful.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

Is it because Eduardo—

is it—

is he the only one who could say that to you?

He has— yeah, Eduardo has all kinds of cred. He's like the coolest guy here.

Yeah, that's true.

And he designed the studio.

Yeah.

And he's, you know, he's not thirsty at all. He doesn't need praise. He's just this guy. He's just Eduardo. He knows he's good. So when he says something, it has a certain ring of truth.

He just insulted everybody in here.

Well, yeah, but maybe that's the purpose.

Well, yeah, but maybe that's the purpose.

Except for me. Except for you.

I know.

But praising him, you're really like, you're the only person in here.

It's Eduardo and then just a collection of the worst people I've ever seen.

So no, you hired every single person in this room.

I didn't hire you. Sona hired you.

Thanks.

I don't even think I hired Sona anymore. I was interviewing her. She offered me a drink. I blacked out and she was my assistant.

Oh no.

Yeah. Roofied me. And then you became my assistant. Yeah. But I made you sign papers. Yes. Many papers. But yeah, I do think if Adam, if you call me a little bitch, it would, it would upset me. You know, if you said like, hey, we're going to do this dynamic ad insertion, uh, it's a new policy, it's serious, I'd be like, well, I don't think I want to do that. You'd be like, what are you, a little bitch? I'd be upset, you know. If you said, hey, little bitch, yeah, uh, I'd be freaked out. I would physically assault you. And David, that just would be a huge mistake coming from you to call me a little bitch. Oh, you know, in what context would you say it? Oh, let's think of a context you'd say, oh, you'd say, hey, I'm, um, going to see Hilary Duff tonight, and it was gonna be for the 7th, for the 7th night in a row I'm going to see her. Um, and then I'm following her to, uh, she's taking a vacation, uh, and I'm, I'm following her and her family. Oh my God, I know where she's staying, that kind of thing.

But if you said, hey, I'm gonna go see a show tonight and I have an extra, I have a third ticket because, uh, Dustin and I are going, but Conan, you can come too. And I said, I don't know, I, I'm, it's kind of late, and I don't think that's my scene, so I don't think I'll go.

And I'd say, fuck you, you little bitch.

Yeah.

Oh, God.

Wait a minute. Why'd you add fuck you?

My God, that's too far.

That's way too far.

Jesus.

What the hell? I thought it would be like a new personality for me.

And it didn't work. That was awful.

That was not cool.

Fuck you, little bitch. No, that's not how you do it.

Nobody liked it.

Did you see him go to town?

He did.

I think you gave him license to vent, and then he vented.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Jesus.

10 years of work.

Did your mom come out? What if your mom heard that? What would she think?

We're going to need to bleep that.

Is that true?

Yeah.

She'd be upset, right?

She'd be disappointed in me.

Yeah.

She's a good woman, your mom.

Yeah.

Remember when I sent her flowers?

That was really nice.

Because she taught me how to put—

Actually, she helped you with your contacts.

Yeah. We did a Zoom, and she taught me how to put contact lenses in over Zoom.

Yeah.

And as I was talking to her, corn grew into the window behind her. That's how fast corn grows around your house there in southern Chicago, Illinois.

Southern Chicago.

Whatever. And anyway, and it was like, eee. And then the corn went, "I'll help too." "Wash your hands first." What the fuck?

Yeah.

Talking corn in southern Illinois that teaches you how to put contact lenses in.

Like, "Get off the phone." Exactly.

Got it.

Okay.

So anywho, yeah, she'd be upset if she heard you talk that way to me. But no, you just got mad props from me for— you know what? You— it was— I think it came out of your face because it was so right for you to say it in that moment.

Testament to you. I, I talked to some of my friends like that, so I just felt very comfortable, you know, to say.

So can I start hanging with you and your crew?

Maybe.

What do you guys do when you hang with your friends? Where do you go?

Depends on what we're doing. I got different friends for different things.

Do you ever just drive around in that car that the Entourage guys had?

No, no, I don't do that anymore.

Suicide doors?

Yeah, I used to do that.

Lincoln Continental?

Just hang out, watch the game, watch the game, golf.

I want to drive around town with you and your friends, and I want to rent the same car they used in Entourage. Let's do it. Can we do that sometime? Let's do it. Where are you going to go? And play that Pitbull song on the loop.

Oh my God.

Back in time, Men in Black soundtrack.

Oh God.

What are you guys going to do and where are you going to go?

Drive around, be seen by people. Okay.

Just cruise.

Yeah, cruise.

Cruise?

You just cruise.

Okay.

And yeah, and then every now and then we stop off and we get— what do we eat?

Some burgers, maybe.

Okay.

Some tacos.

No.

Why'd you say tacos?

Aim higher.

He's going to pay.

You're going to get some, like, steak at Michelin restaurant.

You put a little— you put a little—

It's tacos. What do you want me to say?

You didn't say tacos the way I say it. You said it—

It's tacos.

Tacos.

Why would he say it the way you say it?

But if I switched it, if I switched it and said tacos that way, would you be offended?

I'd be like, it's great.

Yes. You'd be okay with it? I'd be excited. If I was like, yeah, I'm going to get some mayonnaise and then I'm going to get some ice cream and some tacos.

Yes. You're okay with that?

Yes. That's cool.

I'm going to start doing that.

Yeah.

Maybe with a lot of words like quesadillas and stuff.

Don't say it that way.

Yeah. Don't say it like that. Quesadillas.

Quesadillas.

Say it like he says it.

Yeah.

Quesadillas.

Exactly.

Look, dude, your voice is going lower too. You're trying to be Eduardo. That's what you're doing. You're trying to be Eduardo right now.

Every now and then I like to have, sometimes I like to have some Starburst.

Yeah.

Then I like to have some Fanta.

Mm-hmm.

Yummy, yummy, yummy out of a can.

Yeah.

And then some tacos.

It's perfect. And quesadillas.

All right, you can hang with us.

Yeah, we're going to hang. We're going to drive around like this entourage.

My God.

And occasionally get a taco. My guest today is a Grammy Award-winning singer-songwriter whose new concert movie, Billie Eilish: Hit Me Hard and Soft, The Tour Live in 3D, is out now. And this incredible person was on the show once before. We had a blast. She's back. And I'm thrilled. Billie Eilish, welcome. We had such a good time last time you were here.

It was the best day ever.

It was. That's a little crazy.

I loved it. I really loved it.

Okay, but best day ever means you've had a tragic life.

By definition. It was one of my favorite days.

I loved it so much. Finneas was so upset yesterday. We were in the studio and he had seen my calendar and he was like, "Are you doing Conan tomorrow?" And I was like, "Yeah." He was really upset. He was like, "Can I? I know I don't have anything to do with the movie, but please, can I?" Anyway, so he really was upset.

I don't know if you remember this. A little awkward, but last time, towards the end of the podcast, I said, "Billy, you're welcome back anytime." And then I don't know what got into me, but I turned to Phineas. Do you remember this?

Yes.

And I was like, "You shall never be here again." It was weird.

It was very weird and uncalled for.

Uncalled for.

Very, very uncalled for.

No, I love Phineas. He's welcome here anytime. Uh, but I'm so thrilled that you were here today.

Me too.

The first thing that comes to my mind— I might have mentioned this last time— I think this woman has magical eyes. Look at those eyes there. I mean, you must get this all the time, but what do you mean? No, what I'm saying, like, your— her eyes are stunning, Leah. But also, it looks like you can look into other worlds with those eyes. I don't have eyes like that. I have, like, suspicious, creepy eyes. You have, like, artist eyes that look out and see new worlds. And then I'm like, hi Billy, how's it going? Gollum, the ring, the ring passes. And you're just— there's so much, right?

Am I wrong?

Yeah, I've— no, you're right. They're both blue. Both your eyes are blue.

But you're right, they are, they're better eyes. Say it, it's okay.

You have beautiful eyes too though, Conan.

No, no, no.

But thank you for the compliment.

I'm just saying.

So sweet and ridiculous.

Okay, here's what I was thinking about today. All right, this is what I'm thinking about. I'm going to embarrass you for a second, but the statistics are insane. 44 Hot 100 hits, 10 Grammys, 2 Oscars. And I had this feeling today, it's time to get out. Get a Hyundai dealership in the Valley. Billy's Hyundais.

That's a good car.

That's got a good ring to it.

A Hyundai. You know what I mean?

Kind of does, yeah.

Now listen, your team, you came with a big team. They're going to be mad.

It's time to get out.

They're trying to open the door now.

Yeah.

I bolted the door so they can't get in. They're like smashing at the lock. I just think— just think about it.

Okay.

You with a car dealership, I think you'd be— you'd do great.

I do love cars. Why did you think of that? What made you think?

I think the Hyundai is a solid car.

But why?

I'm just trying to get a free Hyundai now.

Because they sponsor on our show. That's right. They sponsor on this show.

Oh, is that true? Yeah.

I don't even know that.

You say Hyundai so many times.

Oh, is that true?

I just love the way it rolls off the tongue. Hyundai. Hyundai, I'm looking for that car.

What do you— what are the ads you have to do for this podcast when people listen.

They used to be. When we started out, it was really fun because they were these— and listen, I love these products. I really do. But it would be like a company— a company— there was a company called Fracture. I'm sure it still is. And they would take— let's say you had a nice picture of you and Phineas together. You would take it to Fracture, and they would send it back to you, and it would be etched into glass.

Oh my God.

And so, I used to do these long runs where I would say, The other day someone showed me a picture of my grandmother on paper and I ripped it up because if it's not on glass, I want nothing to do with it. You have to have fracture prints. So those are the early days. Then when the podcast got big, suddenly it's these products that are harder and harder to kind of have the same fun with, except Lux Bidet. Oh, God. Lux Bidet.

What the hell is that?

Lux Bidet. It's a bidet. Bidet? And, um, yeah, I think you know what a bidet is.

Oh, yeah.

Okay. You've been around. Oh, yeah. And—

Love me a good bidet.

They would write the most embarrassing copy. And it was stuff like, you know, after a big Thanksgiving meal, you can do some real damage.

There's always to mislead you.

And it was— and I didn't know. I started to read it before I knew what it was. So it's on the internet. Where is it? Where can you see this ad? YouTube. It's on YouTube. And I lost my mind. Also, the second they did— we, we love the Luxe Bidet people so much, they actually wrote an ad where it started with a fake ad for like a burrito company.

Right.

And so Conan's like, oh, burritos. And then he's like, oh my God, is this a Luxe Bidet ad? They were tricking me. They were baiting me. But, um, wow. Yes, I've humiliated myself many times with adverts, but we're not here to talk about the Luxe Bidet.

I'm like, which ads? How happy—

can I just say one thing? How happy is Luxe Bidet and Fracture right now that one of the biggest music stars in the world is here and we're talking about their products and not getting paid? Um, yeah, I just wanted to say that. Well, I want to start by asking about your family. How is Phineas? How's he doing?

He's doing great.

He's doing great.

He's getting married in August.

Okay. And do we, do we like this person?

We love her.

Okay.

Her name is Claudia. She's wonderful. They've been together like 7 years and yeah, it's fucking awesome. I'm very excited.

Okay. Are you going to participate in this festivity at all, or is that a secret?

You can't say.

It probably is a secret, but yes, I'm very excited.

Oh, cool. Yeah.

So he's, he's really good. We're like in the middle of making an album, which is interesting because the last time I came here, the only time I came here was like 3 years ago, almost to the day.

Yep.

And it was also in the middle of an album process. And it was actually, I was thinking about this like yesterday, it was the day that we made Birds of a Feather when we came here.

Oh, nice.

It was like the morning after we had written the beginning of it.

Oh my God.

And I remember coming in here and going into that room you and I were just in talking.

Yep.

And I remember like seeing some team members, 'cause all of my team was here for that 'cause they were so excited that I was gonna be doing this. Everyone on my whole label came. And I remember walking in there and going like, I think we made a really cool song. It's called Birds of a Feather. And I remember playing it for them. So, with that being said, that's really— isn't that wonderful?

But can I say one thing? This is how I remember it.

We literally left to go finish it. Anyway, so—

This is how I remember that.

Okay.

You came in, and you were there with Phineas, and I said, "You guys seem to be really tight." And you went, "We are really tight." And I said, "It's almost like you're birds of a feather." Oh my God.

I knew it!

And this is what I recall very distinctly. Billie, you said, "Birds of a feather. Hey, there's something there." And I said, "Yeah, maybe an A minor." Remember this? And then you said, "Great idea." And you said, let's split the royalties. And I said, okay, let's talk.

And then it never happened.

I wrote Birds of a Feather.

Nice try there.

Anyway, that's how I remember it.

Look at that hair.

Look at that fluffy hair.

This hair is everywhere. And you know what it is? I left it—

Did you blow dry?

No, I didn't do anything. This is called— Yeah, I went to a dry bar today and got my hair blown out because I'm going to prom.

No, I—

I let it get a little long for the Oscars, and then I haven't cut it, and that was like 2 and a half weeks ago. And so what happens is it gets to this point where it's perfect, and then if it goes like a centimeter more, it goes katush. And, um, that's boring.

Uh, but did you do it to yourself?

I didn't do anything. It's just—

this is me.

No way, this is your natural hair?

Um, yeah, I mean, I didn't— I didn't— it won't play the same way it usually does where I can get my cool— I call it cool. Wave in it. Now it won't do that because it's too long, and it's just a big floppy mess.

It's not messy.

Looks like a haystack.

No, it looks wonderful.

All right, well, I'm gonna stick with this now. Okay. But here's what I also remember. I remember your parents were here, and there was such a good vibe. And I was talking to your parents for a while, and I felt so good because I thought, "This is a real family." Like, this is not— Okay, let's pretend to be a real family so we can make it through this podcast. You guys were here for quite a while. You wouldn't leave.

Nope.

I remember. Yeah. And I mean, really, for like an hour later, I think you guys were still hanging out in the kitchen. It was really fun. It was a happening.

It was amazing, I'm telling you.

But your parents were very cool and kind of, in a great way, unaffected by it all. Like, they seemed like these are people that just want their kids to be happy.

Yeah.

Then I find out, out, I was reading some interview you did somewhere where you said, "Oh, when we drive places together, we all sing songs." You said we're like a family from the 1950s, or in a corny movie. Is that true?

It was true growing up. I probably said it in a past tense, like we did growing up. We're not usually all in a car together singing.

I like that image.

That's an insight.

That now, at this point in your career, you two will be like, "Well..." No. You and your folks and your brother will get into a car together. And I'm thinking a station wagon from the late '70s. Whew.

Yeah. No, that's— that really makes us sound insufferable. Roll, roll, roll your boat. Literally.

But yes. And you know what?

Sorry.

Cracked himself up.

I'm sorry. I cracked myself up. And that means someone's always laughing.

Yeah.

Was there a time when you would do that? Because my My family never did that, ever. There was no joyous singing.

Was there joyous anything?

We loved to be around a ham, chewing it. Chewing it?

Swallowing it too, or?

Just chewing it and spitting it out like birds.

It was hanging off a string?

We all had a different—

You guys just all—

We sat at a round table, and each one, there was a ham. There were 6 hams on 6 ropes for each kid. And we would just go, "Agh!" But no, there's a lot of laughter. Yeah, but there was no fa la la la la, you know, singing along or doing harmonies or anything. You can't imagine my dad doing that.

We weren't fa la laing. It was more— it was more like listening to music in the car and all of us singing along. More like that. And the only— the only reason I probably said it like that is because my childhood friend used to comment on, like, how kind of, like, surreal it was to be around our family because we were all singing all the time. Like, singing and, like, harmonizing with each other and listening to music constantly, playing music, playing guitar and piano. And, like, so yes, music was always being played, but we grew up in the most musical family ever.

Well, I think you have to be vulnerable if you're going to sing with other people. And I don't think in our family we were We would've let ourselves be that vulnerable. I'm not even kidding. I think it was all about, I guess, Irish people, they're being super well-defended, and then making jokes, and everyone laughs. But if someone was to start singing, the rest of us would've started throwing things at them.

You know what I mean?

So maybe I wanted to be fáil a laing with my parents and my brothers and sisters. Do you sing at all? You know, it's funny. Yeah, I mean, I do my version. What would you say, David or Sona?

I think you sing.

I think you have a great voice.

Yeah. Well, I play music. I kind of play guitar, and I love to do, like, rockabilly stuff, that kind of— So, yeah, that's my thing.

You did a Newport Folk Festival show not too long ago.

Oh, my God. Well, what the hell?

All right, well—

But so your family didn't sing or play music. Did they? Were they playing music?

No, there were very few records in our house. And the records there were were comedy records. But my parents didn't have, you know, yeah. But we didn't, we were not. And then later on, we started getting our own records when we were teenagers. But my parents didn't have like a big record collection or anything. There just wasn't, we weren't that kind of people. So I would've not fit in with your family. I would've been in the way back of the station wagon going, "What's going on? La la la." We have something in common, which is I don't think you liked your name growing up, and I didn't like my name growing up. Let's talk about that.

Let's talk about that. Well, tell me about yours.

Well, it's Conan. Yes. And that didn't fly when I was a kid. Why?

Why?

Why?

People had never heard it before. It was before the Conan the Barbarian comics really caught on. So, early on, people were like, "Conan, what's that?" And then once the Barbarian movies started to come out, I swear to God, everyone was like, "Conan, what are you, the Barbarian? Where's your sword? Heh heh heh heh." And it was about 15 years of that.

Jesus Christ.

Yeah. And so, no wonder I didn't want to be vulnerable when I was singing. What about you?

Well, for me, it was— same thing. Nobody had heard it, except if they had heard it, the thing that I would hear every single time I said my name was, "That's a boy's name." You know, every time I talked to any child, also, like, even adults would say, other kids would say, they'd just be like, "Billy's a boy's name." But isn't Billy a boy's name? I mean, you know how kids are like little assholes, so they're going to be like, "That's a boy," you know? And that really pissed me off also because I was like, I really wanted to be everything girly as a kid. Like, as a kid, I loved, you know, all the things a little girl loves. I loved my princess things and my pink things and whatever. And so Billy just It just didn't make sense. But in hindsight, I mean, first of all, I love my name, and I wonder how you feel about your name now.

I like it. I think I grew into it. And I think that's what has to happen with your name sometimes. What is the name that you would have wanted?

I can tell you.

Okay.

Sparkle. I wanted to be named Sparkle.

But more realistically— Hey, me too.

More realistically, I wanted to be named Violet. Violet really bad. I really wanted to be named Violet. I wanted to be named Lavender.

Oh, wow.

I knew a girl named Flower. Like, very specific theme.

Sure.

Yeah. Oh, also, I— my, like— this is such a homeschool-y vibe, but my mom, when she was pregnant with me, like, Phineas was 4 or 3, and he would call the belly, which I was in, "Pirate." He'd be like, "I want Pirate to come out." So they had named me Pirate. It, like, as a kind of whatever. And they were thinking and considering naming me Pirate O'Connell because this—

because, because this child—

pirate's a badass name as a girl. But, but yes, it would have been a little tough and also bully central, I feel like. But at the same time, would have been cool. But I am really glad in hindsight I'm not named Pirate. Um, that's some LA shit. That is some serious LA homeschooler shit.

Pirate is Listening right now?

Yeah, literally.

Sorry, if you're listening right now and your name is Pirate or Sparkle, my apologies.

But Conan, don't you feel like this? Because I feel like there's— first of all, I love my name, and also I can't imagine any other name for myself at all.

No, I mean, now I just turned it into— I don't know what I did. Or, you know, sometimes I think that the name can also help influence you a little bit. 100%. And so if it made you— feel in any way when you're really young, uh, if it made you feel a little unbalanced, or, "I don't really love this," maybe that's a good thing to have if you want to be artistic, um, when you're early on. So it's possible that these names help us, or we grow into them and they grow into us. And so I wouldn't change anything now.

Yeah.

Um, but I really did go through a number of years where I also wanted jet black hair. Like, you know, I wanted like jet black hair and I wanted my name to be like—

No, you were gonna say, I wanted my name to be Jet Black.

Well, I would have taken that too.

Yeah, that would have been a good name. The name's Black. Jet Black. What do you do? I'm a podcaster, see? That's not too cool. Um, yeah, I would have, uh, I would have gone with Jet Black.

What did you want your name to be?

I don't know. I just thought I used to look at sort of the conventional people that were on television or movies, whether it's from Elvis movies or Bob Crane from Hogan's Heroes, or any of these people that have just black hair and they've got that conventional good-looking face. And I was like, that's how I should look.

Yeah.

What is it with this crazy reddish coif? Why do I have this weird name? Why do I have freckles? I hated having freckles. Oh, gosh.

Is it exactly—

Yeah, true.

Yeah. Yeah, I had my two front teeth were dead because I fell in the driveway and they were dead for a while. Like they died, like they turned gray. And my— our dentist was like, uh, wait till your other teeth show up, just leave them. So I went around like, hi, you look real pretty. I had two gray front teeth.

I've got freckles.

Were you also ridiculously tall then too?

No, no, no. I got tall super fast.

At least you didn't have that also.

But wait, but it's freakish.

But it would be a little— but Billy, I have it now. Yes, but you're famous and it's like fine.

Well, so I'm like Frankenstein. You're famous, Frankenstein, be happy.

But you don't have the missing front teeth and the weird, you know, hating of yourself.

And I still have that. Um, but okay, fair, but you know, fair, you should hate yourself. Thanks for admitting that.

You have a serious gift, which is this height of yours, and that you could play a really scary guy. You could play You could be— stand up.

Okay, this is humiliating.

Look at this fucking guy.

Look at this one.

Look at this.

Wait, so what am I? Am I Frankenstein? Am I—

no, you could be Slenderman, don't you think?

I can see it.

You know Slenderman.

You come in here, you're like, oh, Conan is so talented. Oh really? My humor, my wit, bit.

No, you're freakish size. You could be slender again.

You have such an opportunity. You have such an amazing opportunity. You could be so scary, dude, dude, dude. You could— it's during October this year. You should come here. You should wear something spooky and you should scare these people.

Okay, this is what I'm going to do. We're going to contrive a way. I will, I will do it, and we just have to figure out a way that I creep up on you in the background as Slenderman. Yeah, do you know what I mean? We just have to figure that out. We'll do that.

Play like a skinwalker. I mean, your pants are tight. Okay, just, just get some tighter pants. They barely need to be very much tighter.

What are you talking about? Your pants are so tight. These are tight pants. Are they?

They're very tight.

They're very tight.

He wore jeggings once. Maybe he goes back to jegging. The Kardashians dared me to wear jeggings, I think, didn't they? And I wore jeggings. You did wear jeggings? Yeah. That was horrible. Um, there's a reason my children don't talk to me.

Oh God.

Okay, so that's great. What an ego boost for me. Yes, my career is going places because Billie Eilish says I could be Slenderman, uh, or any freakishly tall monster.

You really could play such a good monster, or a zombie.

Yeah, and just don't moisturize for a day and I could play the undead. All right, you heard it here first. I'll be showing up at a Halloween theme park near you.

Oh my God. Oh my God, have you guys been to Halloween Horror Nights by chance?

Yes.

Okay, yes, I've done Halloween.

It traumatized me.

Why did it traumatize you?

Well, I went when I was like, I was younger. Did you go recently?

I go every year, girl. You do? Yeah, of course I go.

Halloween Horror Nights is no joke. Like, they're legit makeup. The actors are really into it.

They chase you, they'll like chase you out of a house with a chainsaw.

Yeah, yeah, it's gotten It's gotten more PG.

Oh, that's sweet.

Yeah.

Okay.

Sorry. It's just not, they don't really chase you like they used to.

Oh, yeah.

They kind of just stand there and go ring-a-ding-ding, you know? And that's it. But anyway, if you've gone recently, they do this thing to kind of make it like a more 4D experience where they, they like pump scent in certain rooms.

Sure.

Like really gross scent to make you really overwhelmed with the grossness of the, so like if you walk into one of the, you know, rooms during the maze, and it's like a bunch of sliced up people and whatever, and it'll smell like this, like, rotting person smell. It's disgusting. It's amazing.

I love it.

But I, I'm not even gonna— I'm gonna say bless her soul, and I'm not gonna put this woman and shout this woman out, but I was somewhere doing something, and I was with this woman, and she smelled exactly like the Horror Nights scent. And, and she kept like, I know this woman, right? And, and she was leaning over. I was sitting, she was leaning over, and she was, you know, doing things. And I was literally like— and I— and because I'm me and I don't think really before I say things, I almost was like, you know, you smell exactly like the Halloween Horror Nights, like a rotting corpse. But so yeah, so like, and I was texting everyone else in the room like, doesn't this bitch smell like the rotting corpse scent that they spray.

I think we can tell people it's Joy Behar from The View. Always smelled like rotting meat. And I love her. I love you, Joy. There's no one funnier, but no one will tell her to her face.

Wait, is this true?

No, I'm just—

No!

This is how rumors get started.

Yeah, but like the first thing I notice is smell. So if you stink once, forever, that's how I will think of you.

I took 7 baths before you got here.

Ooh, do you take baths? You can't fit into a bath.

No, I don't.

I have terrible—

I feel terribly about myself now. When did you become a freak? At what age did you become a freak?

You can't have a bath?

Does the US Army have to make you a bathtub and bring it in with helicopters?

Oh my God. What are you talking about?

Um, no, I do not take a lot of baths because my knees always stick up.

So you are responsible for it.

I am. You're right.

I'm insulted and you're right.

I'm very short and I have an enormous bath and I can barely fit in the fucking bath because I drown.

We should trade bathtubs. We should trade bathtubs.

Let's do it. That's why, honestly, that's why I brought it up. Because I cannot fit in my bathtub.

So you're not here to promote anything. You're here to find out if my bathtub fits because yours doesn't and mine doesn't and we're going to switch.

I literally drown in that bitch.

These are the problems that you have to face.

Do you fit into your bed?

Um, well, my wife is there too, somewhere. It's a pretty good-sized bed.

You have one of those, like, shack beds, right?

No, I don't have a shack bed. I'm a human being. Um, I, uh, I don't have a shack bed. We have one of those things you see in the Poconos that has a giant— it's a giant heart and it rotates. All right, every night I I put rose petals on it and I go, "Liza, my dear." She's like, "No." So no, we have like a, you know, a big bed. But yeah, we fit in our beds and I am allowed to drive a conventional car. I wish it was a Hyundai, but apparently it's not. Okay, I wanna talk about, you said something else I was reading, 'cause I was reading up on you. I was like, "Okay, I wanna have some good topics." And you were talking about how you really enjoy hanging out, just like hanging out. And I was wondering, what is a good hang for Billie Eilish? What's a good hang for you? What do you like to do if it's you and your friends and you're just hanging out?

I love to go on bike rides so much. Just a— and with an electric bike. I'm not doing any kind of working out really with the bikes because also I live in a very hilly area. So it's a lot of up and down.

I'm a big believer in e-bikes.

I think they're cool.

I love an e-bike. Ebike. Um, and I use this company called Super73, which is these like big bulky— it's amazing. I love going on bike rides. I love going on a dog walk. I love swimming in my pool. I love specifically like any kind of activity that like you might find at like a kid's summer camp, like any kind. Like on tour, we'll be like in the most beautiful place in the world, and I'm like, can we please go to a water park? Or can we go to a ropes course or a trampoline farm? Or like, we did a lot of— we did a few, like, glassblowing classes and pottery-making classes.

Well, that sounds like—

I love activities.

You like activities. I like an activity I don't love that much is playing a game sometimes because it triggers some part of my brain that gets worried. You know, if I'm playing a game that I'll misremember the rules or I'll screw I know it's a problem. I need to get over that.

Do you like any games or no?

Um, uh, that's a good question.

This is interesting.

No, I don't know.

I don't—

I think I'm just not a games person. And people will say to me, hey, let's play this. I mean, I do games on my own, like puzzles or crosswords or things like that. But when it's a group of people and they say, hey, let's break out this board game and play.

Oh, same.

I'm kind of a little phobic about it.

Yeah.

I don't know what that is.

I get competitive.

My thing is I get competitive.

Oh, you are. She's crazy competitive.

I like loose fun.

Friends.

Same, but I like that. So you— so that's interesting because I love games and I'm ridiculously competitive. But so you, you don't like games because you're really competitive?

Because I, I don't know if you just get nervous about— yeah, it gets too real, right? And if anybody on my team is just dragging us down, right, I just want to—

that— I don't know how to relate.

She's one of those people just in a blink of an eye sees red.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And descends into madness.

Yeah, we're talking about games. You're talking about life.

Yeah, I'm just saying games. Oh, I was saying you're like a Jekyll Hyde. You're a— I think you're a murderer. I think—

no, yeah, no, crossover, you know.

Yeah, yeah.

What about like sport type game? Because we play a lot of like pickleball, and I get— I'm very competitive with, with sports activities. Same.

No, I'm competitive too. Are you not comp—

you're not comp— I'm competitive. I try and hide it, but then I'm very competitive.

I feel like that's part— I can't tell.

I can't play pickleball because I think I'm too tall. And this fits into your whole idea that I don't fit in this world. But you gotta bend over and take these different shots. And I think I wasn't meant for this planet.

I feel like you— it would help you because you're so tall. I mean, literally, we were playing yesterday, and Phineas laughed really hard because I and our friend Lucy are— we're both very short, and we were both just playing one-on-one, and he cracked up because he was like, "You both are so fucking short that you have to step so many times to get to each side." We have to— I have to literally run full speed.

He can't short shame you. That's wrong.

He sure can.

Well, I'm going to talk to him.

Yeah.

And maybe I'll only lift the ban on Phineas coming in here if he apologizes to you. He's banned. He's banned until he apologizes for mocking you. I know which side to take here.

Thanks.

Um, okay, so let's talk about the movie because the movie's out now.

Wink!

Oh yeah, I have a little note that says, when this drops, the movie will have been out for a day. Wow, people sure love the movie. Wink. Um, but, uh, Hit Me Hard and Soft, this is— there's— this movie is stunning to me for a couple of reasons. One, uh, you co-directed this with James Cameron. That's insane.

I know.

To have him direct it is insane. Yeah. But then to be a co-director with this guy is nuts. It's great.

I know.

It's insane. It was also his idea to have that be the case, which is insane. Like, he— the way it came about is my mother, like, met him through something else. And then, like, one day came over and was like, "Oh, by the way, James Cameron emailed me." And I—

Super casual.

Yeah. And I was like, "What?" But also, like, we have a lot in common. You have a whole team of people whose job it is.

Your mom can get through all this level of people.

I'm just like, "He emailed you?" Yeah.

Your mom booked you on this podcast.

Your team was like, "Don't do Conan." And then your mom's like, "Go over to Conan now!" Oh, God.

So real. But anyway, she was like, "Yeah, James Cameron emailed me, asked— saying he wanted to— like, asking if you would be interested in—" in him filming your movie and putting it out as a— or filming your concert and putting it out as a movie in 3D? Like, that was the ask. The, the not even ask, like, just like, interesting at all? Like, at all? And obviously I thought that's the most insane, unbelievable thought even at all. I was like, what? Yeah. Um, and then I got on the phone with him and we just like talked about it. And what was so special to me, I've filmed concert films before and they've been amazing. I've done documentaries. It's all amazing. And honestly, it is a lot of work. And I was not planning on doing that for this tour. And the tour was like coming to an end in a few months. And like, I remember feeling like, oh, this is sad that I'm not gonna have this show documented. Documented. Yeah. Documented. Like I was really feeling like, "Oh, that's kind of sad, but also, like, what am I going to do?" You know, it's— I'm not going to film it.

I'm not— there's nothing really. I don't have any ideas for something anyway. So it was kind of perfect. Obviously, it's also an insanely incredible thing and opportunity. But I was also like, "Fuck yeah, I want to be able to watch this show forever." This is, like, my favorite show I've ever done. And I was so proud of it and felt just so good up there. And it It's just— it was just a really good show. And I'm like, I was so excited. So that's like the beginning of it. And then, like, he wanted to co-direct it with me. We met. He came to my show in Australia. And then— and one of the biggest parts of the process that's been really special to me is I— like, when I first started talking to him, I said very flat out, like, I have no interest in changing the show at all for this. I don't want to modify anything. I don't want to change anything. I don't want to hear any notes. Like, I love you, you're amazing, but— And he had kind of already made that clear. Like, he felt the exact same way. And I really was surprised by that.

He was like, no, I don't want to change anything.

He did want the concert to hit an iceberg about an hour in. He's just— he's stuck in a rut. And then he wanted the Na'vi people to come in and fight the iceberg. But I'm glad you got him off that because he's so— I know. Me too. He's so stuck. I know. But here's the amazing thing. He always loves to— and he did this with— I mean, with Titanic, he did it with the Avatar films. He always likes to bring this new technology to it. And I'm imagining that— I think that's part of what he's doing here. Totally. Is I would think he would say, like, "Wait, I've got a camera that I can use that's never been used." Because I know it's in 3D, but I'm guessing it's not in— than the 3D that I grew up with.

Probably not. Yeah. Yeah. No, I mean, thank God. Thank God. It's pretty insane to see. And I do remember throughout filming it, he would be like, this technology's never been used before. We were using things that literally, it was the first time they were used, which was such an insane idea. And to have James Cameron be the one doing that, and also, Like, it was very, very surreal because we were, you know, on tour in an— that's a very normal thing we're all used to being on at this point in the tour. And, like, you know, he's like, "I wanna film some of your warmup." I'm like, "Okay." And so I'm, like, doing the thing I always do. I'm in my room with my, like— I'm wearing, like, boxers and a t-shirt doing my warmup and getting my ankles taped for the show. And James Cameron himself himself alone with an enormous 3D camera, literally like this, is walking in himself, and he sits like right here in front of me, and he's asking me the questions, and he's the one standing there. And then there's like 4 dudes that walk in that are like holding the boom and the lighting, and I just like— it was the most trippy shit in the world.

It was just like, I'm just watching, am I looking at wherever he goes?

He's like, hey James, you can come to our barbecue, and then he He shows up, and he's got a 9-dimensional camera on him.

It was like exactly what you'd imagine him looking like, just standing there with a camera on him.

00:42:16

There's this moment in, um— And it's— I've had staff members here who are huge fans who— 'Cause I know it's in the movie, but they've also seen it. They've seen it on the tour, and they talked about it, and I was really intrigued by this. Because you have this moment where you get— I mean, these are huge shows. You get everyone to be absolutely silent. And that's very riveting to me that, first of all, to have fans that will do that— I know. —is— it shows a real— there's a mutual respect. And I think for you to be in an arena that's filled with that many people and ask everyone to get absolutely quiet, and then you— create this musical moment with them not saying a word is stunning. And what I love about it is, yes, there's going to be this great technology, uh, and there's going to be all these amazing angles, but people also, I think, get to see up close what it is you do that is different. I think that's pretty amazing. Thanks, Conan.

That's so well Well said, and nice of you to say.

But that moment, when did you start to realize, "Okay, I'm gonna go for this?" 'Cause—

Well, like you said, when we had that idea in the rehearsal period of the tour, I really was like, "I do not think this is gonna work. How am I gonna get the entire room to be silent?" And it's not like, you know, somewhat quiet. It's like, it has to be, like, nothing at all because what's happening is in my mic, I am singing one part, and then it's looping, and I'm singing another part, and that's looping, and I'm singing another part, and then that's looping. So, like—

You're building it in real time. Fully building it in real time by recording.

And so— and also, like, because I sing not, like, very loud, the mic is like pretty hot, and so it really picks up a lot. And there was, there was one time, I don't know where we were, it was honestly one of like 5 times in the entire 106-show tour of Hit Me Hard and Soft that they weren't quiet. And the only thing that happened was everyone was quiet except this voice. Billy, give me a blowjob! Oh no! Oopsie. That sucks. Now, I thought it was funny. No, no, it is, it is.

But it's also just— holy shit.

But also, I'm thinking that was in the loop. And so every— I'm like, ah, you're only giving me a blowjob.

I didn't realize it got picked up by the recording.

It just was repeating over and over.

Well, it was a number one hit, and now the guy's like, where's my money?

But aside from that, I'm Blowjob Sam. Oh God.

That was literally the only time that really ever happened because their fans are so— and that was just like some guy.

But also, you know, that the people around him were like, oh, he got completely—

I mean, it, he got shamed by the entire audience. And I think like, this is something about my crowd and my fans that I love so much, which is like their their complete devotion and also, like, their willingness to fight for what they believe in and what they love. And me. And, you know, really defend me. And, like, the fact that they are all respectful enough to be completely silent for an entire minute while I'm singing and not make any noise, not sing along, not say anything, not want the attention. Like, it's really, really beautiful. And also, like, I was so sure it wasn't going to work out. I've never tried anything like that. It's scary. It's so scary. And at the first show we did, we were in Quebec. It was the first show of the entire tour, and they were completely silent. And then I was like, okay, well, that's the only time that's going to work. And then it fucking worked every single time except that one time, and a couple times where they were just rowdy and screaming. But pretty much for the most part. And also, like, the fact that I was asking them to do that is insane.

It's an insane request. And I was—

well, I think, uh, I think you have this— an apple.

Turns out he's like a neurologist. Oh no. Uh, 44, neurologist. My God. Uh, yeah, I've actually led the field in, uh, cerebral cortex therapy. He has a note out. What happened? I don't know, I had a tequila, I lost it. Oh God. Uh, but, um, I say I think that— No, not poor guy. No, no, not poor guy. Not poor guy. We're gonna find him. He's also banned. He's banned, and Phineas is banned. Those are the only two? Yeah. And Phineas. The only two, yeah. I think it's a tribute to you that your fans, you know, that guy excluded, your fans know you. They know you, and they're not knowing this idea of who you are. That's who you are. I mean, that's what I've— The two times you've been here and we're hanging out, and I'm refusing to play a game. When you're here, I can see that, "Oh, that's Billy. That's just who you are." And your fans know that. There are a lot of people in your business, or just show business in general, who— And I see it a lot in comedy. There's— People love the idea of them that they've constructed, but that's not really who they are.

And so, I— I think that's a credit to you that, yes, it can work. There's a lot of people it wouldn't work for because their fans don't have that relationship with them. So, I think it's really amazing. I think it's cool. And also, the whole concept of so much of show business, especially in comedy and in music, is, "Make noise and keep the noise going." And people are afraid of, "I gotta keep the energy up. We gotta keep it going." And that's so much of it that for someone to come out and say, "Okay, everyone be absolutely silent. I'm gonna try something." something is very unusual. [Speaker:GRETA] I know.

And they really play along, which I find so beautiful and also really surprising. And they're like that throughout the show too. Like, they're so willing and up for anything that I want them to do. And they— it's just amazing. They are so wonderful. And I do think, like, you know, what you just said about, about me being me, and that's who they know. It's like, it's true. I think, like, I kind of attribute that to starting out at 13, you know? And being the person I was already, which is, like, always very honest and bold and, like, says anything kind of. I was already like that, so I didn't think any— I didn't think to do anything else. And I was so young, I was just, like, saying anything all the time and being myself. Like, I didn't know who else to be. Yeah. And like, I, even when I kind of like sometimes wish that I maybe hadn't shared so much of who I am, I am really glad that I did. And also, and that I do, because one of my main goals, and I talk about this in the film a little bit, but like, I can't stress it enough that like one of my main goals as starting out was that I wanted to be the artist that that I would want to be a fan of.

And that's because I am a fan. I am a huge fan, and I always have been. And I've always been a super fan, not just like, oh, I like artists and I like the whatever. It was like posters and merch. And, you know, if I could have gone to a concert, I would have. And I couldn't because, you know, I couldn't afford it. But it was like merch, concerts, or merch. I'm like, I couldn't go. I couldn't.

No, but now you're banned. Yeah, I can't. I can't. You misspoke once and now that you're out. What the hell I was saying?

But I was going to say that I like, if there's one piece of advice that I can give, like younger artists or new artists and the thing that I have given to people, like if anyone starting out asks me, which has only happened a few times, like what I would say, my one piece of advice, actually two is Like, play smaller venues than you think you should, right? Or then people are telling you to, and get a serious, serious connection to your fans and be your fans' family. Like, that is the number one thing in my career that I will always keep number one in the priority list. And like, it's all that's it. That's all that started. And because it was me, I was like, saw myself in these kids and wanted to do everything that I, when I was 12, used to think, like, oh my God, why can't my favorite artists do this? And why, why can't they make it easier for us to see this? You know? And so I've really strived to be that for them and, like, be reachable and feel like they feel like we are one. And, like, they don't feel separated from me.

And, like, I don't want to be known by them or know them, you know? Like, I want them to feel like we are friends and that if I'm out in the world, you know, and like, be respectful, of course. But, but, but like, when I'm out in the world and I make eye contact with someone, like, this has happened before, and they just like smile at me and I smile at them and they run up to me and we hug. Like, that has happened before because it's just the connection is just there. We don't have to say anything. We just like And you don't have to be afraid of me, you know?

That, you know, there's a part of the movie where you're talking about— 'Cause you're very tactile. You go out, you're touching a lot of the fans, and you get scratches on your hands from your fans just because they're so excited to lay hands on you, and you're willing to do that. And I'm thinking, it's not great that you're getting scratched up, but at the same time, you're letting them know it's real. Right. It's like, "This isn't an act. I'm not a hologram image that's been projected. I really— This is who I am. This is what I care about. You guys are part of my crew, and we're in on this together." Yeah. Which is— I mean, I've always felt that's the way it has to be. Even though I work in a completely different world, I think I look for any opportunity to let people out in the world know that, like it or not, for good or ill, this is who I am. Yeah. Such a great quality. But I mean, And that's, I think, really key. I don't know, there might come a day where you're like, "Enough with the scratching of the hands." Yes.

It can be a lot. I mean, also because it's like the trajectory of things has gotten so much bigger over the years that at this point, it's not only fans in the crowd sometimes. Sometimes it's a little bit— it can be a little bit dangerous. Of course.

Yeah.

But the thing is, I don't want to be out of reach physically. And mentally. I want them to feel like I am right there with them. And so it's a hard balance because for a long time, it was pretty easy to do that. When I was first doing shows, every single show, no matter what, I would get off stage, walk straight into the audience, and meet every single person in the room and take pictures with everyone, talk to everyone, and sign anything. It would take me It would take hours and hours, and it would be like hundreds of people. And it was like not paid, it was nothing. I just, I wanted to meet everyone.

Well, it's also, it's staying true that that's a real connection. Right. It doesn't have to be recorded. Right. No one has to see it. Right. You know it's real, they know it's real, and that's responsible for so much. That's a big part of everything that's happened for you. I know. But I mean, it's hard to explain that to people that you used to get, when you first started working with me, you would get upset that I would hang out in the crowd so long afterwards, or was it safe?

Get crazy. I mean, I'm sure there's been some situations for you where it's been hairy. It's the same for you. It's— it can get scary for the people around you who love you, who care about you, who want you to be safe.

It can get— oh, nuts. And I'm acknowledging right now, whatever I've gone through, Billie has that times a million because it's a very different connection. I mean, people— it's— so what I've experienced is people get really excited, but But they really like some goofy video that I made 28 years ago, which is nice. I really love that. But you have to walk that line now where you can't walk into the arena and say, "I'm gonna hang with all of you for 15 days." Yeah. Yeah. And get—

and so— Yeah, it's been hard to figure out how to have the connection with them, but not completely—

It's fun because in the movie there's a part where you're like literally seeing your fans that are camped out and you're behind a window and you're banging on the glass. And I can relate to— you're excited to bond with them, so you're trying to, you're trying to let them— and they're so excited that you're banging on a window and they can see you and you can see them. It's just nice. I mean, people always try and pretend that this is more complicated than it is. It's really example, the reason you started doing this is you wanted— you had something that you wanted to share with people and you wanted that connection, and it's real. And now you can change the scale of it. You can have James Cameron, right? You can have futuristic cameras, you can have 15 million people coming to a concert and 8 billion downloads. It's still the same thing, right? The scale changed, but it's the same thing, right?

And it's also like, with that exact idea, it's like you can have boundaries also. It's like you don't have to— I think I used to give my— so much of myself to that, that like I kind of hit a wall where I felt like I lost part of myself a little bit because I'd given so much of it to them. And as much as I loved doing it, I was like, whoa, this is like really affecting me. And I— yeah, it's— and also like, again, when it got to a larger scale, it got a little less human somehow. Like people started started treating me less like a human, um, which I get. It's like seeing Big Bear— Bigfoot. So Bigfoot, ski trail at Big Bear. Listen, no food in my body, just one coffee and an SSRI. Don't worry about it.

Anyway, hey, but this is real, man. This is you. Ay, ay, ay. But I mean, that's— Yeah. That's one of the things too that I see it in comedy. People get obsessed with, "I played an arena," and I think, "I don't know. That doesn't look fun." Like, I like it— There's a certain magical size where— And I think it's obviously very different in music. You can— Music is quite different. And I think sometimes comedians get confused a little bit because they think, "I want to be a rock star comedian." comedian, and obviously some of them can do it brilliantly. I think Kevin Hart can do it brilliantly, and Eddie Murphy. There's different people that can go into an arena and they're fantastic. And then I always think for a lot of us, there's just the right size, you know, which can be, uh, you know, okay, 1,500 people or something like that. But once it starts to get to be more than that, I don't know, close. Yeah, it's hard to feel close. And I do think music is better on a larger scale than just saying shit, you know?

Yeah, I think so.

Yeah, I get what you mean though, 'cause I had the same kind of feeling for many years. I was like, "I don't want to play arenas 'cause then I'm going to be far away from everyone and not feel like it's intimate at all." I feel like for comedy, it's different because you're standing there talking to them. So it's really a harder thing on a larger scale.

You start to lose this— this, if it gets really big, and I'm not one of those kinds of comedians, but I think that you might at some point lose that spark of immediacy if the scale gets too big. And again, there are special people that can really do it beautifully. And I think I'm always craving, you know, sometimes when I see that the venue is really big, I'm like, "Uh, I don't know if I'm going to have that same conversational thing going. But again, it's very different in music. And I think all comics wish they were rock stars. They just do. And me included. We all wish. We all look at music, and we all kind of try and pretend that that's what we are. And we're not. And then occasionally, I'll meet these iconic musicians who are like, "Oh, I really wish I could have a talk show." And I'm like, "Wait, really? You want to wrap it up with that one?" Roker and go to a commercial. Um, no, I really do. Um, but, uh, well, I'm really excited for you. Uh, Hit Me Hard and Soft, uh, and this is co-directed with you, James Cameron.

That's insane. Um, just madness, because I have offered him a co-directing thing with me many times. Yeah, and he's— so far, no callback. So maybe he's banned too from the pod. I'm going to say that I have great admiration for you as an artist, but I feel a real connection to you as a person. I'm really proud of you. It's just a weird thing to say, but I feel like I'm like a— you're probably your dad's age or something, but I have this pride in like, "Well, Billy is doing a good job." It's like, well, who am I to take any— other than I wrote that big song for you, "Birds of a Feather." I did. Yeah, you did, right? Most half your catalog easily are things that I— Wow. I'm just saying. And we're going to settle this out of court. I love the judge asking for any proof. And I'm just like, I'm pretty sure I— she said, and then he said. You're just doing beats. No, I'm very happy for you. I'm very proud of you. You're welcome here anytime. Phineas is welcome here anytime.

Thank you, Conan.

Give my best to your folks. And I just— You're a huge deal. And so you coming in and just sharing your talent and your wit and just your spirit with us is a really cool thing.

Thank you so much. I love coming here so much. I will literally come back as many times as you want. Okay.

Well, we have a Hyundai and a bidet sponsorship now. Here's Billie Eilish for the Luxe Bidet. Hi, guys. Ajeev had a huge meal.

But I thank you for saying all of that. It's unnecessary, and it means so much to me. And you guys are all awesome. I love the vibe in here. I was just saying the other day that I just— I live to laugh, and I love when I meet people that live to laugh. You know, just amazing. I hate people that don't laugh. Just so fucking— can you imagine?

I hate when people don't laugh because it means I don't get paid. Oh my God. And that's That's it. No, that's— that is my language. Like, when people don't laugh, I'm like, oh, I guess I don't have a reason to live anymore.

But it's so wonderful in here that all these people are just— we're all just laughing at everything. It's just amazing. God, it's good. It's just what life is about. But thank you for having me. And I'm— I'm—

yeah, it was a big— we really— it was a big— it was really big of us to have you. I'm just going to say, you probably didn't see that. Yeah. No, it was.

To compliment Billie.

I was like, I don't know, I did say, is she still in business? I mean, how's it going for her? If you were like, what are you talking about? And I was like, I don't know, I pretty much know what's going on with young people.

I don't think she's doing so good.

I'm an idiot, but thank you for being here and say hey to your gang for me.

I will. We all love you so much. And I feel the same.

Conan O'Brien needs a The Friend with Conan O'Brien, Sonam Avcessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Liao. Theme song by the White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Erin Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Battista, and Brit Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. You can also get 3 free months of SiriusXM when you sign up Sign up at SiriusXM.com/Conan. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.