Transcript of The Big Bird Fluffer New

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Hey, Micah, welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Fan.

Hello, thank you.

Hi, Micah, how are you?

Good, how are you doing?

Uh, where are you right now in the world, Micah?

I am in Atlanta, Georgia at the Center for Puppetry Arts.

Oh, you work with puppets. Have you heard of it?

Yes.

I'm going to say I don't think I've heard of it, but tell me, this is a puppet museum? What is it? What are we doing here? Are we storing puppets? Are we displaying them? What's happening in your puppet world?

Both. Yeah, we're a museum, a puppet museum. We're also a performing arts center. So we have performances that involve puppets on stage, but then I work in the museum side of things. So I'm the collections manager, which essentially just means I take care of the puppets in the museum.

Okay. Are we talking famous puppets here? Would these be puppets that I know?

Yes. We have about 500 of the Jim Henson, original Jim Henson puppets.

Oh, we call those Muppets, don't we?

Yes, we do call them Muppets.

Well, I'm sorry. We in the business of puppetry call that Muppetry. So You have Muppets. You have 500 Muppets.

Yes, we do. We have 500 Muppets. Miss Piggy, Kermit, the Sesame Street characters, puppets from The Dark Crystal and Labyrinth. Wow. Among others. So, well, I— Stuff you would recognize.

I had the honor and privilege of getting to meet Jim Henson a couple of times in— this is long before I did my late night show or anything. I When I was in college, his daughter Lisa was on the CollegeHumor magazine with me, and he would come by. And he once said to me, "Conan, would you, for the CollegeHumor magazine, would you guys like to have one of the thrones from Dark Crystal to keep in your building just for fun? Because we have it in our storage facility." And I said, "Oh, God, yes, Mr. Henson." And I rented a van and drove down to New York and picked up with some friends of mine this really cool, I think it was fiberglass, Dark Crystal throne, and brought it back to the Lampoon Building in Cambridge. And I believe it's still there.

Really? You think it's still there?

I think it's still there.

Might have to make a road trip to go get it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You guys should come take it because I don't trust those idiots who are looking after it. Which, you know, probably, it's probably just holding a beer keg.

Um, but a lot of the Dark Crystal stuff and the Labyrinth stuff is really difficult to take care of just due to the materials. So, uh, some of it's not around anymore.

It's incredible. So you have a lot of Jim Henson stuff. That's amazing. Uh, any other famous puppets that I would know?

Yeah, we have, um, Lamb Chop. We just got a Lamb Chop and Friends, um, puppets, which Sona, maybe you remember from our Childhood taste.

I sure do.

Were you a Lamb Chop? I was. What was her name? Her name was—

oh God, what was the Lamb Chop?

Sherry Lewis.

Sherry Lewis. Very famous. Yeah, and Lamb Chop was her puppet.

Yeah, I remember Lamb Chop.

Uh-huh. And, um, we have the Mystery Science Theater 3000 puppets. Oh wow, which you can see behind me.

That's—

oh, look at that!

You just moved your head a little bit and Chucky is there!

Oh my God!

Oh my God, look at Chucky! You just You read the lead. You have Chucky. Is that the Chucky?

It is the Chucky, a the Chucky. Um, there are multiples. This one is from the newer TV show on that was, I think, on Syfy. Um, so it's a newer one, but yes, it is the Chucky. All of our puppets are originals, usually performed, um, before they're, they're gifted to us. So yeah.

So what about an average Joe puppeteer? Can they donate their puppet to your museum?

Yeah, we have a process, but we do take acquisitions. We do acquire things. And so, yeah, we have, you know, in that 5,000 puppets, we have puppets from all over the world, you know, different puppetry traditions from all over the world, puppets that date back, you know, 1800s. And so, yeah, people can call me, write me, and offer me their puppets.

This must happen sometimes. Someone comes to you and says, I'd like to donate my puppet, and the puppet is Oh, come on. It's like a paper plate and they cut a mouth in it. And they, you know, it's just not good. Are you in the position of saying, uh, I think we're okay, but thank you so much? Do you have to turn down puppets sometimes?

Yeah, I do. I feel kind of bad doing it, but you're right. I mean, not everything is museum-worthy, as much as people want their stuff to last forever.

Okay, Micah, let me ask you this.

You have to be selective.

Mica, would you ever, just to spare their feelings, say thank you, this is such a wonderful piece, and then when they leave, feed it into a shredder?

Oh boy.

Oh, come on.

What do you mean?

We can't be shredding puppets.

Well, yes you can.

No, you could put them in a box, but you can't, why are you shredding them?

Because you gotta, it's gonna run outta space. I'm thinking you spare the old puppeteer's feel.

No, I'm always shredding them. That was the go-to.

Okay, well, all right. Well, Mica, I mean, I think you're just repeating what Sona said, so I think you secretly agree with me, but you know you wanna keep the puppet people on your side.

Um, listen, yeah, I, uh, we dispose of them in an appropriate manner, I suppose.

Sure. Yes, yes, we call that burning.

Um, come on.

Or just bury them. You know what would be a good thing to do if you want to get rid of puppets is dip them in, uh, like a beef broth and then throw them into a pack of dogs.

Oh my God, you could never work at a puppet museum.

Just to see, to see a puppet torn limb from limb seconds after it was donated by a kindly old puppeteer.

Yeah, it's all—

and then he comes back because he left his wallet, and he's like, oh no, my little gob gob. Uh, Micah, awful.

You're awful.

Think about it, Micah. It's something you're going to want to do, and now that you've pictured it, you're going to do it. Uh, Micah, let's say it's— you're working there late, which I'm sure has happened sometimes, and it's getting dark. And you're walking around, there must be, there must be times when you think, where's this going? There's a ch— I think I saw that Chucky puppet move. Come on, I knew I saw— but I mean, it's, I mean, it's every third Twilight Zone. These puppets come to life and they menace you. Have you ever been a little paranoid being around these puppets at night? And be honest, be honest.

Yeah, okay, well, there was one time where I did run and get a coworker. I Pretty sure I heard a noise.

Of course you did.

I was in here. I'm usually in here by myself and the lights turn off automatically, um, after a while if you don't move around.

Yeah.

So, uh, yeah, which puppet do you think was moving?

Which— be honest, which puppet do you think was moving? None of your lies. None of your lies. None of your chicanery or tomfoolery. Which puppet are you quite certain was moving?

I, I think it was one of the Skeksis from The Dark Crystal.

Oh God, yeah, the Skeksis.

Because they're in a back room by themselves.

Yeah.

And the light is always off back there, and I was walking back there, but the light doesn't turn on until I'm in the room. Yeah, it catches my movement. And as I was walking back there, but before I was in the room, I definitely heard it.

Was it like, here she comes, here she comes? Oh God, she's got beef broth. Oh, look out.

I did feel a little silly when my coworker came in. Obviously there was nothing going on.

Well, the thing is, these puppets aren't dumb. They know that when you bring someone else, they got to clam up. So that's what they do. They freeze and they clam up, and then your friend leaves and they're like, yeah, we're going to get you. We're going to get you.

Yeah, that's why I have Chucky right here behind me so that, you know, I figure if he's out in the open, I don't have to worry. I always know where he is.

Yeah. Why do you have your back to him the whole time, though? That's the thing you're doing, Micah, that I would never do. You have him loca— Chucky's right behind you, and I think he's holding a weapon. Is he holding a weapon?

Yes, he is holding a knife. Yes.

What the— Micah!

But Miss Piggy is right next to him. Miss Piggy would fuck Chucky up.

She would. How do you know Miss Piggy isn't— doesn't also want to be freed from her human overlord? I mean, Miss Piggy might help. He might.

There's no chance.

What are you talking about?

Miss Piggy doesn't want to—

Miss Piggy would never do that. Miss Piggy would defend herself and everybody there because she's Miss Piggy.

She is a puppet too.

No, but that doesn't matter. She knows who's right and who's wrong.

I don't think she would want to share the spotlight with Chucky. Yes.

Okay, Micah, that's the first sensible thing I've heard today. She's a diva and she wouldn't want, you know, Chucky to get all the press for being the murderer. So if anything, it's going to be Miss Piggy who gets you and Chucky who's just, you know, watching in horror.

I don't like this blasphemy at all. Not when it comes to Miss Piggy. I wanted— do you ever brush Miss Piggy's hair?

Um, no. I do occasionally have to fix the wigs that the puppets have, but I do like weird things. Like, I have to fluff Big Bird occasionally.

When you say fluff Big Bird, what are we talking about here?

He gets flat, you know? I mean, yeah.

Oh, I know.

Oh, I know.

It gets a little limp, you know?

Yeah.

So, yeah, I have to fluff him.

You know, come on, we got a big shoot going on here, Big Bird. I'm going to fluff you up.

It's just—

time is money, Big Bird. Time is money. I'll tell you the most horrifying sight I've ever seen. So bad, Micah. Uh, which is one time I was asked to do something on Sesame Street. This is, you know, could have been like 25 years ago. And I went over to— I think they were in Brooklyn, or I went over to Sesame Street, and they have to store the puppets wherever they can because, you know, uh, space is, uh, limited. And they had lashed Snuffleupagus to the ceiling. Because it's a giant puppet, and you've gotta store it somewhere. And it was lifeless, inanimate, limp Snuffleupagus, and it was lashed to the ceiling, like parts kind of hanging, but other parts secured with ropes. And it looked like Hannibal Lecter had gone psycho on Snuffleupagus and then nailed him to the ceiling in this ghastly, performative, "Behold my..." 'Proud masterpiece, my murder.' That's what it looked like. And it was the most horrifying thing I've ever seen. And kids were walking around, so kids could see it too. And I had to tell the kids, 'Oh my God.' I mean, I had to make sense of it to them.

So I told them he wasn't careful and he was murdered. No!

I had to think of something.

That's not cool. Yeah.

Well, at least I got us off of fluffing Big Bird.

Yeah.

And took us to the mass murder.

It's not great to see the puppets not like they're supposed to look. We definitely got the puppets in somewhat poor condition. They had been used obviously for years and then in a warehouse. So we did have to do a lot of work. So part of my job is to make sure that they still look like the characters they're supposed to look like so we don't, you know, destroy children's—

So some of these puppets you get have been, you know, rode hard and put away wet. They're like, these are fucked up puppets.

Rode hard?

Don't fucking use that word. No, I'm saying they're like all worn out, they're all screwed up, you know what I mean? They've got holes in them.

What?

Holes in them?

Yeah, moth holes, stuff like that.

Dismembered sometimes. Yes, yes.

You know, and so I mean, it must be ghastly sometimes, the puppets you get, you know?

Yeah, well, it's, you know, they're just puppets, but yeah, I don't want Elmo to look like Elmo. You don't want him to be like—

No. You know, Apollo or something. I mean, God forbid, but sometimes, you know, you have to go to a wake and the person, you know, was in a bomb accident, and you just hope that they look like themselves. You know what I mean? So, sometimes you are like the mortician for these puppets. You have to make them look presentable so their loved ones see them in the correct state and not like Snuffleupagus, all bashed, beaten to death. Really did some damage there.

Mortician, plastic surgeon. Yeah. We do actually take We take needles to some of the foam latex puppets. Foam latex is a lot of the Dark Crystal Labyrinth puppets, and it sort of dries out over time.

So much like our skin as we age.

Yeah.

So the foam kind of dries up and they wither. These puppets wither and then you guys have to pump them up. Yeah. Oh my God.

Sort of like puppet Botox.

Yeah. Puppet Botox. And I just want to touch on this briefly because I know we don't have tons of time, but you're also very much into fan fiction. You love Harry Potter fan fiction, is that right? So sometimes when you're with the puppets late at night and you're trying to calm down because you're nervous, because you're pretty sure you just saw— you just saw Chucky sharpening his knife— um, when, when you're in that situation, sometimes you read, uh, Harry Potter fan fiction. And you're a fan of What is it? Dry-on-a-mini? Dry— What did I say wrong? Is it dry-a-mini? Dromaine? Dromaine? Oh, sorry for mispronouncing that. Oh yeah, you're right. Dromaine. That word we all just spit out. Yeah, I'm sorry. If I'm ever pulled over for a DUI and they ask me to say Drenamini, I'm just going to say, hey, just take me, put me away for 30 years. Let's not even do the test.

Um, yeah, I do listen to a lot of audio podcasts, audiobooks, and I got into, yeah, Jermione fan fiction.

And that goes for— obviously Hermione and who— what's the first part? Draco. Oh, Draco Malfoy. And why are— why are you or anyone else— why do you want to come— what is it about those two characters that is particularly appealing? Like, how come Harry Potter's not in this? Combo platter?

I think because, you know, who doesn't love a bad boy? And Draco's story didn't really get finished in the original, so I'll— you know, it's fun to see people's imaginations of where does that go after, you know, the end of the book. I see those characters go as they become adults.

Do you think that Draco and Hermione could have a love interest? Is that what some of this, uh, fan fiction is exploring? Mm-hmm. Is that a couple that could really exist? I mean, who did Hermione end up with? What was his name? Hubblebee? Gobble gobble?

Ron.

What's that?

Ron. Oh, Ron.

Okay. So Hubblebee?

I don't know.

Hubblebee?

It's been a while.

I know. I'm just saying, I don't know. But I get what she said, because I love fan fiction too. And there's so much stuff that comes out of it. And it's just fun to like, you know, imagine two characters together and it's sexy.

So it's Drake. And so, oh, is there fan fiction where, where Draco and Hermione, uh, get it on? Is that— would that something that could happen?

Guessing.

I mean, if they're not—

what's up? The first one that I read was, um, Menocult, which is sort of a Handmaid's Tale meets Harry Potter fan fiction. So if you've read Margaret Atwood's Handmaid's Tale or watched the TV show, wait, sort of that situation.

Okay, okay, I'm trying to picture this. Uh, you know what's crazy? Behind you, behind you, uh, Chucky just made the cuckoo in his hands. Get a load of this. Oh my God, here she goes again. Hey, does Drumble— does Drumbledore— does Dumbledore— isn't he the wizard or something? Doesn't he— does he ever—

wizards?

Oh yeah, right. Yeah, but he's like the head wizard that really dresses like a wizard. The rest of them dress like they go to like Oxford College. They're like, oh, look at me, oh, I'm a wizard. Oh really? Yeah, because I'm dressed like I go to Princeton. So do, um, it's like the guy that's committing to I'm a wizard, you know? Yeah, of course I'm right. I've not said one thing today that's wrong.

Yeah, you're not wrong.

So does Dumbledore ever walk in on Hermione and, and, uh, and, and Draco and be like, what the hell's going on here? Does that ever happen in these scenarios?

So far I've not read one where Dumbledore is in it at all.

You could write a new one. This could be a new one.

Yeah, he's not the sexiest character.

Dumbledore? Well, it depends. Some people are into that. I don't know.

Well, clearly you are.

Yeah. Oh yeah, I like him old and bearded and wearing a, a muumuu.

So people prefer to see Hermione end up with like, you know, a potentially attractive character like Draco's potential.

Is there a— I mean, this is— is there a consensus that Ron is just sort of a dud? Like, people are actively going out of the way to rewrite Harry Potter so that it's not Hermione and Ron Ron, it's Hermione and Draco. Like, that's much more exciting, don't you think?

Yeah, I think so.

I mean, no offense to Ron, but he's a wet noodle, you know?

Yeah, yeah, exactly, exactly. No, Drake, he's no fun.

He— Draco's a bad boy.

Yeah, yeah, you can keep saying that.

I'm just saying, you, you want there to be like, like love.

It can't—

they, they gotta, they gotta do it, and it has to be like—

lovers is the thing. What's that?

What'd you say?

You want the redemption arc. You want the enemies to lovers. Yeah.

Yes, that's the redemption arc. And you don't get the redemption arc with Ron. Ron, you know what I mean?

Are you upset because he's like the redhead and you kind of see yourself in him?

I don't like the way redheads are portrayed in those tales.

In those tales?

Oh, it's a bunch of brothers with red hair. What do they do? I don't know, one of them gets killed and two of them kind of go nowhere, you know? You know, they're bumbling, stumbling. They come from this goofy house. Yes, that's why I'm mad at these books.

Redheads.

Are completely ineffectual lovers. You know, talk about needing a fluffer.

I think you know more about Harry Potter than you're letting on. Have you been reading some Harry Potter fanfiction on the side?

I read those books and I burned them because of the red-haired depiction.

Well, it's the Weasleys.

Hey, what name should we give the redheads? Oh, I have it. The Weasleys. Oh my God, it's a shit show. All right, Micah, I'm really happy that you're, uh, that you've, you've got, uh, your world involves both puppets and, uh, a reality where Hermione makes the correct choice, which is the blonde-haired evil guy over the red do-gooder. Um, Micah, I salute you, and I think of myself as a human puppet And I really am. I mean, most people look at my work and they think you're just a giant— I'm kind of like a Snuffleupagus, a big goofy puppet, wouldn't you say?

I would say more— I mean, you're famous for the string dance, so I'm thinking marionette, you know?

Yeah, marionette. Yes. Yeah. Yes.

Yeah.

Well, coming from you, that's a big compliment.

Yeah. And you had Triumph, who was a puppet.

Puppet. Yeah. There's a lot of puppets on the old show.

Yeah.

Tamari the Ostrich Show.

Yeah. Yeah. Um, well, if they need a home, the Center for Puppetry Arts is here. We'll take them.

Yeah, well, can you imagine Triumph in your museum? That would be a disaster all night long. You suck! You suck, Chucky! You suck!

I love Smiley.

Hey, there's another redhead, Chucky. There's another redhead rounding out the stereotypes. Our one murder puppet's the redhead. Well, Micah, it's a delight to talk to you. It really is. Uh, you seem like a really nice person, and I love what you're doing, and I hope to meet you in in person someday. That'd be fun.

Yeah, you should come by the museum. We'd love to have—

I want to come by at night. I'll get them. Yes, bring a little beef broth with me and some Rottweilers.

Okay.

All right, Micah, I just threatened your puppets. I better get out of here.

Yeah, I think we should end on that note.

Yeah, thank you. Bye, Micah. Thank you, that was really good.

Bye, thank y'all. Nice to meet you.

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